Buffy hadn’t heard from Angel for a while. Ever since she took the escaped loony bin slayer Dana from under his nose, they hadn’t been in contact with each other. She figured he was pretty pissed and frankly she was pretty pissed too. Did he not remember that she had been in L.A. first? In this lifetime anyway. Did he not understand that she had, had her own run ins with the evil law firm and she had good reason to not trust that place and not trust that he’ll be okay in it?

After that drama and painful mayhem, one could understand how surprised Buffy was to hear from him. He had called her out of the blue and told her he had fought against Wolfram & Hart and survived. He didn’t exactly win, but he didn’t die either which he thought (and Buffy for that matter) was kind of the point.

Despite all this important, big time stuff; Buffy had to admit to herself, as she punched her punching bag for the billionth time, that the real surprise, the thing currently making her crazy, was when she had heard Spike in the background.

***********************************************************

“Hello?”

“Buffy?”

“Angel?” Buffy asked quite surprised.
“Yeah it’s me.” He sounded traditionally Angel. Very dire, very cryptic.

“So…what’s up?”

“What’s up? Are you serious?” Angel was actually making fun of her a bit.

“Well I don’t know what else to say.”

“Yeah I guess I wouldn’t either.”

“So are you going to answer the question or are you going to make me think of a new one?” Buffy asked half joking half serious.

“Well I’m thinking you just did.” He joked.

“Are you making a joke Angel? I’m impressed. You sound dire, yet you’re joking about it. You finally stopped taking yourself so seriously.”

“Haha…I don’t think so. I’m stalling.” Angel sounded nervous.

“Why are you stalling?” Buffy was worried now.

“I just have to tell you a long story…there’s some death.”

Buffy’s heart sank a bit. She was afraid of what she was about to hear. Angel hit her hard and fast with the official news of Cordelia’s death and Wesley’s death. And the fact that he lost his friend Gunn too. Buffy was indescribably sad for him, yet he continued to sound worried about her.

“Why is it me you’re worrying about? You’re the one who just went through an…ordeal. Wow that definitely sounds wrong. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to belittle your ex-“.

Angel cut her off quickly, “You’re not offending me at all Buffy. There is a very important reason why I’m worried about you. First let’s start with the easy one. After this whole thing with Wolfram & Hart I’ve been using a seer on occasion to well…see what’s going on around me. To see if there are any left over Wolfram & Hart demons wanting to take me down. I want to be prepared.”

“That’s smart I guess.” Buffy told him a little confused as to the point.

“Well the last time I talked to him, two days ago, he told me that you were in danger. That something was going to be after you and that we should be there with you. We’re ‘supposed’ to be there with you is actually what he said. He didn’t know what the danger was or why we should be there, he just got a strong…vibe. Again his word choice not mine. I probably would’ve picked something cooler.” Angel was desperately trying to lighten the mood now.

“We?”

“What?”

“You keep saying ‘we’. Who is ‘we’? You and you’re brand spanking new alternate personality? Or is it that old one that we’ve come to know and love? Or…what exactly?”

“We as in…me and someone else.” Angel was very hesitant now.

That was when Spike’s impatience got the better of him. He was terrified for Buffy to hear he was back after all this time, but he couldn’t stand waiting anymore. If it had to be done then he wanted it to be done. They’d be on the phone for a half hour now and Angel kept avoiding the subject.

“Could you just tell her already? You’re the one who thought you should do it. If you’re not going to-.”

Spike was cut off by the sound of Buffy’s voice on the phone saying his name. He froze solid. He hadn’t realized she’d be able to hear him. That was the problem with vampire hearing; sometimes it made you underestimate the abilities of a human’s hearing.

“Angel was that Spike? I know it sounds crazy for me to say that but I swear it wa-.”

“Yes it’s Spike.” Angel cut her off, “You’re not crazy, you’re hearing Spike. The one I conveniently left out of all my stories. Buffy…he came back 19 days after he died…first he was non corporeal and then he wasn’t non corporeal anymore but he was still around and things were complicated and…yes it’s Spike you’re hearing.”

Buffy was silent. She had absolutely no idea what to say or do or think. She just sat there, next to catatonic having no idea what step to take first.

Buffy was interrupted by her thoughts with Angel’s slightly worried, slightly clear jealousy of “Are you okay?”

“I…” Buffy started before she heard Spike tell Angel to give him the phone. That was when she came to her senses. “No!”

“Buffy?” Came Angel’s voice. He was fending Spike off while he continued to swear. “So you guys are supposed to come and help with whatever is after me then?” Buffy asked all business.

“Uh, yeah, that’s what my seer who can’t see past his own shoes apparently said.”

“Okay, well then come. You know where I am and how to contact me if there are any problems. Do you know when you’ll be here?”

“Uh…probably in a day or two.”

“See you then.”

***********************************************************

Buffy had hung up before Angel could say another word. She didn’t know exactly what she felt; she just knew she couldn’t talk to him. Not like that…not after all this time. It had taken her so long to get used to the fact that he was gone and she still wasn’t completely over him and now she finds out that he’s alive? She just couldn’t process it. Especially since part of the time…well most of the time she had been getting used to the fact that he was dead, apparently he wasn’t. Apparently he was in L.A. Working with Angel. Spike was alive, in L.A., working with Angel.

It was the next day that she was taking her emotions out on her innocent punching bag. She had gone through the shock most of the day before, including when she had told her friends and explained to the new slayers why they couldn’t kill these particular vampires. It was Dawn’s indignation that woke her up. Dawn was angry, and clearly hurt underneath it that Spike had just let them believe he was dead.

************************************************************

“I mean I know things were weird with us before for awhile but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t care about him anymore! Of course I did he just…and it was just…whatever, I’m over it.”

And then she left the room. Buffy really wanted to go talk to her right away, but she didn’t have a clue as to what she was going to say. Though it hit her. Why hadn’t he told them? Did he not think that Buffy would want to know that sort of thing? Of course she would! She knew he hadn’t believed her when she told him she loved him, but that didn’t mean he was right. How could he think it was okay to not tell her? And did he think she was never going to find out? He must have figured she would have at some point, especially if he was choosing to work for Angel for Hell only knows what reason. And did he not think the more time not telling her the harder it would be to hear?

She had no idea what was going on in his head and she was just scratching the surface as to what was going on in hers. All she knew was that punching sounded like a great idea, hence the punching bag.

She stepped back and started stretching preparing for more violent training when she remembered the two ensouled vampire ex’s of hers could be there at any moment then or the next day.

Just as she had that thought there was a loud screeching like a smoke detector. It stopped fast right before Willow ran in.

“Sorry Buffy, they got here before I could deactivate the vampire alarm for them specifically. Apparently the spell takes more time than I thought. Anyway I’m done now and they’re…here. Are you okay?” Willow asked her best friend who hadn’t said anything non-business on the subject.

“Fine” Buffy assured her unconvincingly but determinedly. “Let’s go greet our guests.” She told Willow through slightly gritted teeth.

TO BE CONTINUED (of course, that would be a crappy whole story, lol)

(P.S. Reviews are much appreciated in either direction!)

As Buffy descended the stairs behind Willow it hit her who she was about to see. First of course there was Angel. She hadn't seen him in about 2 years and the last time they had interacted it hadn't been on great terms, what was it going to be like now? Especially now that Spike was in the mix.

And oh yes, Spike. That was a much bigger fish to fry. Speaking of fry, the last time she had seen him, he was about to and now apparently he was back, and had been for quite some time. She knew she was angry and upset already but being seconds away from setting eyes on the vampire she thought she would never see again gave her a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. What was she going to say? How was she going to say it? She couldn't even imagine she would be able to look at him without fainting let alone have a conversation with him.

They got to bottom of the stairs and walked into the foyer where she had expected the undead twins to be, but they weren't there. She looked at Willow questioningly and willow pointed into the living type room off the foyer where they were both standing not facing her looking at different nic nacs were around.

Buffy caught sight of Angel first but quickly spotted bleach blond in a long leather duster just beside him. Her breath caught in her throat almost inaudibly but enough to grab the attention of both vampires. They turned around simultaneously and looked at Buffy, both with fear in their eyes.

It seemed none of them wanted to be the first to speak so they all stood looking at each other for what felt like an eternity until Willow decided to attempt at breaking the ice.

"So..."

It didn't work as well as she thought. No one else even responded with an obligatory 'so' response.

Just then, to everyone's extreme relief the door flew open and almost hit Willow directly in the face. Dawn, who had walked through the door heard Willow's yelp and quickly turned around to apologize to her friend.

"I'm so sorry Willow! I just- it's so damn cold here and I really wanted to get inside." Dawn told her. After Willow nodded an appreciative response Dawn simply stated "I miss California"

"Well it is always nice this time of year." Came Angel's voice.

Buffy was happy to find out at least one of them could still talk. Dawn turned around to see Angel. Buffy thought she saw her look at Spike but wouldn't know from her entire lack of acknowledgement.

She did however walk toward Angel and greet him with a friendly "Hey Angel, nice to see you" and an awkward little hug.

Buffy finally lifted her eyes again to see Spike. She was feeling so many things toward him right now, many bad, but it was her instinct to worry about him since Dawn, the girl he looked at like a little sister was not only giving him the cold shoulder but the complete Dentyne ice shoulder.

Not too much to her surprise, he looked hurt and chose this time to prove he wasn't just a mirage.

"Hey Dawn,” He said sheepishly.

Her awkward smile directed at Angel was gone in a flash as she started up the stairs. "Don't even think about talking to me Spike."

"But Dawny...?" The look of guilt on his face was enormous.

"But what Spike?" Dawn asked as she whipped around on the second stair. "What did you think? You thought that you could keep this secret for this long and when everyone found out it would be fine? Forget it. I'll just lay this out for you so it's perfectly clear. The way I see it, I shouldn't have had to mourn for you 19 days after you died. However you were non-corporeal so I'll even give you the benefit of the doubt and bypass the fact that you could have had someone else call and say I definitely shouldn't have had to for the last year and half. But did you call? Write? Send and owl? No. That's fine, but you can't just decide to keep something like that a secret and have me want you around when YOU need to make your presence known. You want me to think you're dead? Fine, you're dead to me, and you're going stay that way."

With that dawn haughtily ascended the stairs without looking backing. Buffy could feel that Dawn was miserable. Of course she was angry but the waves of loss, deceit and abandonment were coming off her by the truckload and they were smacking Buffy in the face. Mainly because she knew exactly where she was coming from.

She glanced at Spike, he looked crushed but like he knew he deserved it. Buffy wanted to feel sorry for him, but a part of her couldn't help but to share her sister's sentiment.

She would go up and check on Dawn later but first they had business to attend to, like trying to figure out why the hell Angel's seers sent them there in the first place. She glanced at Spike again and could see he was expecting Buffy to say something similar to what Dawn said but she couldn't. The truth was she had no words. She was looking at Spike for the first time in two years after thinking he was dead. No words.

"So..." it was Angel's turn to try and cut the tension. "I guess we should get down to business if that's alright with you Buffy?"

"That's fine," She told him, going back to looking anywhere but at Spike. "We should go over what you know and what I've encountered."

"And maybe catch up in the process." Angel offered.

"It would be nice to get the details,” Buffy told him thinking about Cordelia and Wesley, and of course Spike. "But first things first, my biggest wonder, and maybe I should be looking to Willow for the answer to this but, is there any way to figure out something more specific that the 'You're in grave danger' bit?"

Both Willow and Angel were cut off from their responses by the sudden presence of a woman in the room as if she had teleported. Angel looked completely stunned as she smiled and told the room "I have an idea."

"Darla?" was all that came out of Angel's mouth.

Spike also looked at the appearance of Darla with a good deal of surprise, though the surprise for both vampires grew when they were the only ones who responded at all.

“What’s going on here Buffy?” Angel asked clearly wondering why Buffy hadn’t attacked her on sight.

“Oh right,” Buffy said disinterested, and furthermore annoyed, “Darla sort of works with me.”

“I guide her” Darla jumped in to clarify.

“You guide her?” Angel was incredulous.

It was Spike’s turn to speak again, but this time there was pride in his voice. “Buffy? You have a guide? I can’t believe this.”

Buffy couldn’t think of a way to respond. She couldn’t formulate words in his direction, good or bad, no matter how hard she tried. Thankfully Angel still didn’t know what the hell was going on, asking, “What’s a guide?”

Buffy could still respond to Angel, even if he did have his own explaining to do. “Yeah, it’s sort of like a watcher, but mystical, and it’s a little complicated.”

Spike with his continued pride, clarified further. “When a slayer gets to a certain point, she is appointed a guide. It takes the form of a vampire who has died, but that the slayer would be familiar with. The guide goes beyond what a watcher would teach. It’s more than just fighting strategy and tactics. It’s more…spiritual if you will. They help with what’s going on with the slayer at the time. Both the threats and how to deal with them.”

Darla jumped in with “Often emotionally.”

“I see…” Angel was starting to get it.

“Only two slayers have reached the point of obtaining a guide.” Spike told them.

“That’s the rumour.” Buffy said to the room, still unable to direct anything at Spike, though she was thankful that this time she didn’t have to go through the explanation. “What I don’t understand Darla,” She continued on a new tangent “is how you expect to use your job to help us find out what this ominous issue is.”

“You know exactly how Buffy, we take a little trip.”

“What are you talking about? That doesn’t tell us the future or even the present, how is that going to help us? Also no.” Working with Darla was hard at first but they had been able to figure a couple things out. One thing they always fought about however was these little ‘trips’ as it were.

“No it doesn’t, but what we see is dictated by what is going on in the present which means that a few things may come up that point in the right direction.”

“That is crazy,” Buffy was annoyed and sick of standing in the foyer. Instead of walking into the room that Angel and Spike were in she turned around and walked into the large dining hall and took a seat at the table. “It would never work.” She finished simply.

All of them followed. Buffy had seated herself at the chair beside the head. Willow sat beside her at the head of the table, Angel then sat next to her and Spike next to him. Darla didn’t sit. She leaned against the frame of the door sighing.

“What?” Buffy asked her, extremely irritated.

“Oh you know, it’s just like you to do this little dance. You keep forgetting that this is my job. I know how to do my job, you eventually see my point anyway so why can’t you just listen to me from the get go?”

“Those little ‘trips’ aren’t meant to be used to find out the present, not to mention you know how I hate non-solo trips”

“I know, but this is how it has to be. Not to mention finding out the present is exactly what they’re for. Granted not usually for finding out cryptic messages but I think it could work.”

“Okay stop.” Angel interrupted their little spat with confused face. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around the whole ‘Darla is your guide’ thing, but now you guys keep talking about a trip? What trip? How is a trip going to help us anyway? I really need to be filled in here.”

“That would be nice.” Spike added agreeing with Angel about the ‘trip’ part.

Buffy couldn’t help it this time. Instead of an inability to say something, she had an inability not to. “Would it now? I guess a small piece of information goes a long way doesn’t it?” she spat this at him with one hell of a fierce look in her eyes.

“I…uh…” Spike couldn’t think of anything else to say.

An awkward silence settled in the room and once again Willow tried to break it. “It can all be explained. We need to go over everything first before we decide anyway right Buffy? Darla? Can you agree?”

“Of course.” Darla chimed, gloat in her voice.

“Whatever.” Buffy agreed.

So they all explained. Angel went over the specifics of how Cordelia died, casually leaving out the part with Conner. He explained the details of the past year since he’d last seen her. Spike piped in on a couple of tidbits but on the whole he was quiet since Buffy’s little outburst.

Buffy explained to them that there were different squads of slayers in different places, working together. They were in Scotland with Buffy running a squad with Faith who was currently out with some of the slayers. Xander was currently in New York, but he was on his way back as he had gotten his squad under control and were now running themselves under the watch of a slayer named Heather. Buffy explained that Dawn had taken a semester off from Berkley because she had been turned into a giant and missed too much school to make it through the semester. Spike perked his head up at this, which despite everything else did make Buffy a little happy to hear. She also explained how Darla had shown up about 10 months ago after Buffy had averted yet another apocalypse. She was corporeal, not a vampire, but not human either. Her existence was vague, but it was even to her.

“Okay,” Angel said sombrely after going over all the details of their individual fights for the past couple of years. “So what were you guys talking about with a ‘trip’?”

“It’s a little play on words there champ.” Darla told him launching herself away from leaning on the wall to walk around the table. “We’re talking about taking a trip down memory lane.”

“Its crap,” Buffy cut her off, “She takes us into memories of our past. We just sort of watch our memories in 3-D, and even though we were there apparently we learn something new from it.”

“You know it’s not crap Buffy. You see things you didn’t see before, and not all memories that you see were you there for. Look,” she continued now directed at the two lost vampires, “it’s normally used to figure the psychology of what’s going on, as I am supposed to be for spiritual guiding, but because of this, what memories are shown having something to do with what’s going on at the time. Albeit mainly psychologically but if someone has come along, especially someone that’s already been encountered, they’ll probably come up.”

“And, if it’s a new someone, we’ll have found out nothing but extremely pissed me off in the process.”

“If nothing else I’m guessing you need some spiritual guidance at this point.” Darla pointed out staring in direction of the two vampires.

“Whatever, if we’re going to do it, let’s do it.” Buffy knew that Darla had a point and she was sick of fighting. She figured she had put up enough of a fight for today.

Buffy stood and looked expectantly at Darla. “So? Let’s do it.”

“Still a little fuzzy on how this works actually.” Angel piped up. “So we just walk around in our memories?”

“We’re also not the full party.” Darla explained to Buffy ignoring her glare. “And Angel, yes, you are basically right. You can’t affect anything, no one will be able to see or feel you but you can watch which is kind of the point.

“Who else are we waiting for?” Willow was wondering.

“Dawn and Faith and –“

The front door opened again and appeared Faith followed by many slayers. “Hey guys.” She told the table, turning her direction to the slayers she explained. “Okay, so these are the vampires you don’t kill. Now we have some business to attend to so go about your business.”

Faith walked over and said a quick hello to Spike and gave a quick hug to Angel before settling standing behind Buffy’s chair in full support mode. “You tell them we don’t try to kill each other anymore?”

“It was mentioned. Um, where’s…”

“Hey Mom, hey Dad,” Came a voice from the door.

“Oh hey Conner” Angel said nonchalantly before his eyes seemed to pop out of his head in surprise. “Wait a minute, what are you doing here?”

“Oh, I work with Buffy now.”

Angel stood. “How? When? Why?”

“How is pretty easy to figure out. About 2 months ago. And the why is because you didn’t want me working with you.”

“When did I say that?” Angel asked incredulous.

“After the battle in LA. You said ‘I don’t want you working with me Conner, it’s too dangerous’” Conner explained doing his best Angel impression.

“Okay, so what part of the dangerous did you not understand?”

“The part where that’s supposed to stop me.”

Angel looked defeated before realizing, “And Buffy,” she piped up from examining her nails, “you let this happen?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not the boss of him.” Angel seemed a little taken aback by Buffy’s outright disagreement. He began to wonder if she meant it a little more personally.

“I’m his father.”

“Okay one, that doesn’t mean you’re the boss of him, and two, I don’t know where you get off thinking you can be the boss of anybody.”

“Aren’t you being a bit of a hypocrite, you’re a leader just like me.”

“Yes I am, and your son is a good fighter.”

“So you’re using him for your benefit?!”

“Well yes Angel, but also because he’s a good kid and he asked me to. Look I was doing you a favor.”

“How is that?”

Now it was Buffy’s turn to stand.

“He came here because he wanted to fight. He would have liked to fight with you but you wouldn’t let him. First why don’t you take a minute to imagine my surprise when he told me who he was?” Through all this Angel had forgotten that Buffy shouldn’t know who Conner is at all. He slowly sat as she continued to symbolize that he may have been a little hasty with the anger. “Second, he wants to help. I figured he would be a great help, and good person to have around, and it would mean that he would have people watching his back instead of off fighting alone somewhere because no one would take him in.”

Buffy sat down again once she saw in Angel’s face and his almost inaudible “I get it” that she had gotten her point across.

“Conner is coming too.” Darla simply stated.

“Can I just ask?” Spike started, curiosity getting the better of him. “Are you too all, mother and son now?”

“It’s complicated,” Darla started

“I acknowledge who she is and her I but we’re still getting to know each other.” Conner finished. “And Buffy’s been a big help Dad, you have no reason to be mad at her.”

“I get it.” Angel confirmed.

“So…” Willow wondered if she would find something else to start with ever. “We just need Dawn right.”

“I’m here.” She told them descending the stairs. “Were tripping then?”

“No, that would be more fun.” Buffy quipped annoyed.

"Buffy, I know you hate this," Dawn told her sympathetically walking toward her. "But if this is how it has to be done then this is how it has to be done. Plus, it's not like everyone here doesn't know you. Reliving past everything is hard but like you say, you were there so is it so hard to be there again?"

"I guess not. It's just a pain in the ass you know? There are just," Buffy paused glancing at the room, once again strategically avoiding Spike. "Some things I don't like being forced to relive."

"Last time she had to watch herself find her mother..." Willow explained looking at the tablecloth. "And I..."

Buffy walked over to Willow and kissed the top of her head. "You can get out of this you know. It's only me that can be forced here."

"No, it's cool, it'll be fine."

"Okay then."

“Let’s get this show on the road.” Darla said. “Everyone get up or you’ll fall over after the chairs disappear and we’re in our first memory”

Everyone stood and looked awkwardly at one another. Faith leaned in and whispered to Buffy with sympathy in her voice surprising both vampires, "You ready for this?"

"Yeah I'm fine, " Buffy whispered back, "Just a pain in the ass you know." She joked.

"I never heard that about you..." Faith rolled her eyes.

With that Darla snapped her fingers and they all felt a little queasy while the world seemed to fall around them. Before they could figure out what was happening they had entered the world again only to find themselves not where they started.

They all looked around.

“It’s my crypt.” Spike told Angel, Faith and Conner who all looked confused. They were on the main floor and it appeared to be empty though the T.V. was turned on to some movie in black and white. It seemed to be night out and everyone looked around and strained their ears to see if there was something they were missing about the whole scenario. Everyone looked a little confused at the lack of action before Darla announced.

“And enter…”

Buffy burst through the doors, the memory Buffy that is. “Spike!” Memory Buffy yelled looking fuming mad. “Where the hell are you!?”

“Right here.” The group turned to see memory Spike climbing up the ladder from the lower level. “No need to lose your temper.” He told her tilting his head and leering at her slightly. “Is there something you would like?”

Buffy broke her defensive battle stance and marched a few paces toward Spike. “It’s Dawn.” She told him before quickly winding back and clocking him right in the nose.

“And away we go.” Current Buffy grumbled crossing her arms. "Of course."

Buffy broke her defensive battle stance and marched a few paces toward Spike. “It’s Dawn.” She told him before quickly winding back and clocking him right in the nose.

“And away we go.” Current Buffy grumbled crossing her arms. "Of course."

The memory Buffy waited for Spike to recover as they all watched the spectacle.

Memory Spike turned back to Buffy and wiped a little blood from the side of his face. "I understand that she gets into trouble sometimes but is this really the way to deal with it?"

"Now is not a time to joke Spike." She responded clearly seething with anger. "She spent the night here? I asked you to keep her safe before I..." She paused overcome with sadness, but pressed on, "before I died and you thought she would be safe in a cemetery, in a vampire's crypt?"

Spike stared back at her with a look of hurt on his face. She must have known he was trying to right? He began quietly, "I already told you I remembered what you said and I...I tried. About a week after you...she showed up. The scoobies decided to put the bloody robot in your place so that Dawn could stay with them and so that Sunnydale wouldn't be overrun now that the slayer was gone. She couldn't stand it. None of us could but it was the only way...She came to get away." His voice became sterner as he explained deciding what he hadn't been wrong. "I yelled at her for a good hour the first time and promptly walked her home because you would hate it. But she came back the next night. After that I told her to let me know if she wanted to come by. We had a code word. I would come to pick her up and she would sleep here. I figured as much as you would hate it, you would want her to be happy and for a reason I can't fathom as well as you can't, she said she was happiest here."

Buffy just stood there looking a little crestfallen. She sat down in a chair close by; he sat opposite her as he did. The memory onlookers all looked a little uncomfortable after the explanation. No one, however, more than the three people directly involved with this encounter. Spike had sunken even more into guilt at the memory of how she had trusted him. Dawn seemed to be getting more numb by the second but Buffy could feel her sister’s grief for all the trauma involved. While Buffy...still was trying to figure out exactly how she felt.

The memory continued with Buffy admitting, "That was the most worked up I've gotten since I got back. Worse than the stupid bank...I'm still a little angry at the bank...that's something." Buffy just looked down at her shoes, as depressed as ever.

"Sorry..." Spike began; he continued trying to lighten the mood, "well the truth is I made her walk here by herself and invited evil non-chipped vampires in to attack her."

Buffy let out a small chuckle. "Thanks, but the first story is more believable."

"Who would have thought you'd say that one day?" Spike asked genuinely amazed for a moment.

Buffy even laughed a little this time, "Definitely not me." Buffy seemed to be thinking seriously about something. She wanted to ask something but was afraid of the answer. "Do you think...do you think she would have been okay?"

Spike regarded Buffy seriously now. "With time maybe...but now we'll never have to know."

Buffy's uncertain look at this spawned an uncertain look from him.

Suddenly the onlookers were bombarded with the queasy feeling again and before they knew it there were at the bronze. Conner was updated on the location and everyone was a little uncomfortable. Buffy said to know one in particular that it gets easier as you go. As she said this she looked over and saw Willow staring at the stage. "What is it Will?"

"It's Oz." She told her friend with a nostalgic look on her face. Sure enough Dingoes Ate My Baby were playing on stage. Buffy realized she did in fact recognize the song.

Everyone seemed to feel the nostalgia here, except of course for Conner, though he did seem to like the atmosphere.

Everyone's eyes were on the stage now clearly expecting something to happen since someone they knew had been spotted when Buffy walked by Buffy.

"When is this Buffy?" Conner asked curious.

"Judging by my hair...I'd say around when your Dad was evil."

"Oh. Cool." He replied nonchalant.

Darla indicated for the group to follow Buffy so they did. In front of the bar Buffy ran into Cordelia. It was Angel and Conner's turn to be uncomfortable. They seemed to want to look away but couldn't and knew they shouldn't as it would draw attention to their uncomfort. The rest of the group ranged from mournful to politely mournful.

"Buffy." Cordelia simply stated.

"Cordelia." Buffy replied in the same tone.

"Are we supposed to make idle chit-chat here?" Cordelia asked ever the tact-smith.

"Oh!" Buffy watching the memory exclaimed.

"What?" Dawn and Willow asked simultaneously.

"Oh, sorry. Just remembering, well I guess we'll see."

The Buffy in the memory had just explained they don't have to but it is polite and was now asking if she was there with Xander.

"No, just trying to remember I had a real social life before him." Cordelia told her only slightly bitter.

At that point a bouncy Harmony came walking up with a hideously garish pink dress and an evil smile on. "It's nice to see that not only do you date losers but your friends with a wide variety of them, but don't worry you fit right in. I guess it's where you belong." With that Harmony bounced off with a contented smile on her face to laugh with her flock. Not of course before both Spike and Buffy on looking could mutter "bitch" under their breath before looking at each other and quickly staring back at the scene.

"Umm” Buffy started.

"Don't worry about it." Cordelia told her clearly embarrassed and angry about it.

"Okay well I'm just going to get a drink and then I can sit with you. You know if you want."

"Yeah sure." Cordelia went back to her table still embarrassed while Buffy quickly ordered her drink. All onlookers but Buffy were surprised when she didn't immediately return to Cordelia but instead marched in the direction of Harmony and her followers.

"Would you like something?" Harmony spat looking disgusted at her presence.

"I was just wondering something. I'm just a little confused." She began.

"As to how you thought that outfit matched?"

"Well I'll just bypass that as your dress seems to clash with itself. Actually I was just wondering. Before Xander, Cordelia outranked you..." Harmony tried to retort but Buffy cut her off with, "It wasn't a question, it was fact, and no matter what your friends here will tell you they all know it's true. Anyway, it's just she gave it up. She gave it up for Xander and well us and like you said we're clearly losers."

"Uh yeah" Harmony said sounding miraculously like a valley girl, and clearly very pleased with her 'clever' response.

"I'm just wondering what's wrong with you then?" Buffy asked looking mock-curious with a hint of mock-concern.

"Excuse me?"

"Well she gave it up for a pack of losers that can't even touch you. I'm wondering what could be so wrong with you that she would give up outranking you for the likes of us." Harmony spluttered some noncoherant syllables as Buffy walked towards Cordelia only turning back to add, "just something to think about."

Buffy went back to a confused Cordelia at the table while Faith gave the on looking Buffy and friendly nudge on the shoulder. "That was badass."

Buffy simply smiled while the others smiled or said something similar. Angel even told her it was nice. The only quiet one was Spike but Buffy thought she saw some pride on his face before the queasiness took hold of the group again.

*****More to come!*****

The queasy feeling was gone but they were all standing in the same place at the Bronze. They all looked around a little confused and disoriented until Willow spoke. “No band, must be a different time.”

They all looked around again realizing that Buffy and Cordelia weren’t there anymore. There were more people there and the dance floor had a strobe light on it.

“Where’s Darla?” Spike asked noticing she wasn’t there anymore.

This time Buffy addressed Spike directly but without emotion. “It kind of works on autopilot. She comes in and out if something needs to be explained. It’s ‘cause she doesn’t control it, she’s just the catalyst.”

“Who does control it?” Angel asked her.

“Powers that be I guess.” Buffy answered not concerned, but continually annoyed the situation.

“Oh them.” It was then looking around that Angel saw them, “Oh it’s this.”

Faith was the one to ask, “It’s what?”

“You and Buffy,” was his answer as he pointed at the dance floor. Sure enough Buffy and Faith were on the dance floor writhing together while every man around tried to join them. They acknowledged some while they continued to dance with one another, clearly loving the attention.

“Oh god,” Faith said with a stricken look on her face. This was the night before she killed a man for the first time. This was when she spiralled out of control and tried to bring Buffy down with her.

Buffy walked over to Faith and simply put a hand on her shoulder indicating her trust that it was all in the past.

“Faith? What’s going on?” Conner asked looking concerned.

“This is the night before I first…I mean I accidentally…I mean this is the first time I killed.” She finished sternly but couldn’t help looking down in shame but allowing Buffy to gently rub her shoulder in comfort.

“This is when I came" Angel said looking a still a little peaved at the scene as he had the first time around.

“No,” Buffy filled in. Faith was just staring at her reckless alter ego dancing. “It was later. I think this is the run in with Harmony actually.”

As she said this Harmony came up beside them to the bar and ordered a cappuccino. This time she was wearing a sky blue tank top with a big pink heart on it and sparkly jeans.

The Buffy and Faith that had been dancing walked up to the bar now laughing with each other. Buffy was telling Faith between bursts of laughter. “I know! He looked like he was trying to land a plane! The robot is bad enough when done right.” Faith just laughed and the Buffy and Faith watching giggled a little at the memory.

Neither had noticed Harmony yet, but she quickly made her presence known to them. “Well Buffy I see you don’t like your class as loser and would like to move on to skank. Who’s your teacher?” Harmony was now looking at Faith like she was disgusting.

Buffy didn’t miss a beat. “Oh Harmony no, it’s not what you think!” She told her with mock concern. “I would never do that to you.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Harmony spat.

“Well going to school with you of course. Don’t think for a second that I would need to take outside lessons. You’re the best teacher I’ve ever had in that department.”

Faith burst out laughing and they both went back to the dance floor with a victorious bounce in their step.

All on lookers burst into laughter now, but before they could recover they were on the move again.

They were now in a small shabby looking living room. No one seemed to recognize the place looking confused as their laughter subsided. There was a middle-aged woman lying face down on a dingy orange couch. She had a bottle in her hand that was hanging off the couch. Faith saw the woman and her face paled immediately. “Oh my…this is my house. Where I lived before moving in with my watcher…where I lived with my mother.”

“Oh” Buffy looked at her friend concerned.

“Can you tell when it is?” Angel asked with the same concern, moving toward Faith.

“Mom’s passed out on the couch, this is my whole life.” Now Faith was angry, looking at her mother with revulsion.

At this point a younger Faith stumbled in the door off the room, seeming to lead outside. She couldn’t have been more than 14 years old. Her hair was messy and her dark clothes hanging off her as if she’d worn them for days. Her mother stirred on the couch and looked at her through partially closed eyes. She was clearly still sloshed.

“Where’ve you beeeen?” She looked angry at first but was giggling by the end. She took a swig from her bottle of liquor.

“Out.” The young Faith was obviously drunk as well, but not to the point of her mother.

She walked toward the kitchen that was right off the room they were in with nothing separating the two rooms. She was looking in fridge for something as her mom attempted sitting up before falling back onto the couch. Faith looked up at the noise and slammed the refrigerator door shut. She walked back into the room and considered her mother for a moment. The look in her eyes mixed loathing with longing. She crossed her arms and decided on anger. “You know I lost my virginity tonight.”

Her mom slowly opened her eyes at this and took another swig. “Use a condom?”

“No.” Faith regarded her, seemingly trying to get a rise.

“Moron,” her mother told her before rolling over, “that’s how I got stuck with you.” At this she passed out again.

Both Faith’s looked grief stricken, but only the 14 year old let a single tear run down her face before grabbing her mothers bottle and walking out again.

“Faith…” both Angel and Buffy started at the same time.

“It’s okay,” she told them standing up straight, “it’s over now.” She gave them both a small smile.

Everyone else was rooted in the spot watching everything. No one could believe it. Even those who knew about her history, they simply didn’t understand…until now.

Again they were off. By now they were used to the queasy feeling and had all begun a routine of looking around the second they could control it.

They were in Buffy and Dawn’s living room now facing the dining area.

“Where are we now?” Conner asked.

“Our house.” Buffy and Dawn both answered.

“Oh, right, I remember now.”

“What? How could you remember?” Angel asked him.

“I’ve done this with them once before.”

“Oh.”

While they spoke the others were looking around for what they’re supposed to see. Buffy was staring at the two people sitting in her living room. Buffy was sitting on her couch and Spike was sitting in front of her on the coffee table. They were clearly in mid conversation.

“How long was I gone?” She asked miserably and afraid of the answer.

“Hundred forty-seven days yesterday. Uh...hundred forty-eight today, except today doesn't count, does it?” There is a pause and Buffy doesn’t respond, she just looks down a little. Spike continues with, “How long was it for you...where you were?”

She looks at him and after a couple of seconds tells him, “Longer.”

Buffy has been careful not to look at Spike, or anyone for that matter. However now Spike isn’t even hiding the fact that he’s staring at her, trying to see if she’s okay. Dawn is walking toward them on the couch as the onlookers leave the memory.

When they arrived in the next memory, they were following Buffy walking down a street in Sunnydale. It was close to the main street. She didn’t seem nervous but anyone who knew her could tell she felt something was up. They followed for a bit until she suddenly turned into an alley and leaned against the wall.

Of all the confused onlookers Spike was the first to speak, trying to read the Buffy in the memory, “You look like you’re waiting for something…”

“I am,” was her reply knowing what was about to happen.

They waited another minute before Faith asked, “Seriously, what the hell is this? Nothing is going on.”

“You just can’t see what’s going on,” it was Angel’s turn to cut in. He could tell by her hair before that it was around when he was evil, but he remembered this now. He cringed at the thought.

Just then Angelus casually jumped off the roof of the building Buffy was leaning on. Not fazed she took two steps forward and turned around as she did so.

“You know following you is no fun if you don’t go anywhere,” Angelus told her as he took a lazy step toward her.

Buffy stood her ground by not moving and simply stating, “funny how being followed is no fun if it’s by someone who wants to kill you.”

“Oh now Buffy come on,” Angelus looked at her with mock sincerity, “I was going to have a little fun with you first.”

Buffy looked back at him with resolve, forcing the fear away, “You and I, we don’t have fun.” She pushed past him now and went into her battle stance.

“Oh you and I have plenty of fun Buffy! You get all…helpless…I get all…of you.” He was leering at her now, “Come on, tell me you haven’t thought about our little night together every night since. Lying awake at night, wishing you could go there again. I’ve heard you, panting…screaming my name –“

“Enough!” Buffy yelled pushing tears back. “You disgust me and YOU went nowhere with me.”

“Must kill you that I remember every pathetic moment of it, doesn’t it?”

“Actually I think it kills you more than it does her mate.” Spike was in his wheelchair coming up around the corner.

Angelus looked more than annoyed. “When did this become your business roller skate?”

“It’s not I suppose, but I always did like the theatre.”

Buffy was able to recompose herself during their little spat and was now chuckling at Angelus. “How is it you expect to kill me when you have to worry about your fangless friend over there?”

Angelus shoved her against the wall without warning, “Don’t really worry about him.”

“Oi!” Spike interrupted outraged, “Not fangless here, just injured! It’s very different.”

Buffy shoved Angelus back, he hadn’t been expecting it and he fell to the ground. Turning to Spike she whipped out a stake and asked, “Would you like to be permanently injured?”

Angel shot up from the ground seething. “Get the fuck out of here Spike, you’re getting in the way.”
“Well mate, not only do I love getting in your way, but you’re useless anyway,” He continued with his best Angel impression, “Oh, I’m going to kill Buffy, I’m going to rip out her entrails, I’m going to put her head on a platter” he stopped for a moment and glared at him, “let me know the day you actually do something, I’ll stay out of the way.”

“I’m doing something now Spike.” Angel seethed walking up to his wheelchair. “So get the fuck out of my way.”

“Actually, you’re not doing anything,” Spike smiled up at him with great amusement.

“I’m warming her up first, you never did know a delicious kill when you saw it.”

“Yeah? Well. I don’t see one.” He pointed back to where Buffy had been, and she was gone. Everyone had been so engrossed in the display they hadn’t even noticed her split. Except of course for those who had already been there.

The Angel in the memory began kicking things and yelling while Spike laughed. The Angel watching however had a question.

“Did you do that on purpose?” he asked looking at Spike

“Do what?”

“Let her go.”

“Umm, would that be a problem?” Buffy asked a little hurt, “You have sore loser problems even now?”

“Oh Buffy no, it’s just,” he paused trying to figure out exactly how to word it.

When he seemed to decide he was between a rock and a hard place, Conner moved in for him. “He just seemed like he was buying her time, keeping Angel’s attention on him and not on Buffy. I mean he looked Buffy right in the eye when she jumped away. He was either trying to help her get away or really liked seeing Angel lose.”

“Can’t it be both?” Spike asked.

“I suppose if your motive was to hurt Angel it makes sense.” Faith supplied.

“It was…” Spike’s statement didn’t sound as much like a statement as he’d planned.

“Did you know he was letting you go?” It was Dawn’s turn to ask Buffy.

“Not entirely, but I got the impression that he wasn’t going to say anything if I split. He wanted to piss Angel off, and on top of it, I figured he didn’t want Angel to succeed where he failed.”

“Where he failed?” Willow asked.

“You know in killing me.”

“Hey, anybody notice we’re still here watching Spike sit in the alley alone having a cigarette.” Conner asked looking around to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. “Were we supposed to follow Angelus?”

“No.” Both Buffy and Spike stated together.

“Why?” Angel asked honestly confused.

“It’s about to get interesting.” They spoke in unison again. This time they looked at each other when they finished. Buffy didn’t know what she was feeling, she was confused and hurt and occasionally angry, but looking right in his eyes, she found it hard to stop. Spike wasn’t as conflicted. He loved Buffy and he was sorry, the conflict he needed resolved was how to make her believe that.

Their eyes tore apart when Spike in the wheelchair started talking, “Unless you plan on being here ‘till sunrise you may as well come out. I thought you weren’t afraid of me anyway?”

At that they heard a movement from behind a dumpster and Buffy walked out. “You knew I was there?” Buffy asked masking her fear. She hadn’t been sure if it was a game between the two and if Spike would really let her get away with it.

“Of course I knew you were there. I’m not quite as stupid as your ex, pet.”

“So what?” Buffy started, standing up straight and dusting herself off, realizing she was dealing with a handicapped demon, “You wanna fight then?” Buffy shot at him amused.

“Yeah, because I could do a lot of good right now?”

“So what do you want? Why don’t you get the hell out of here? With Angel gone there no stopping me from killing you.”

“Just wondering what you plan on doing about him luv. If you hadn’t noticed, he had quite the upper hand before I showed up.”

“What does it matter to you? I’d have thought you would like that.”

“What? You actually being afraid of the magnificent poof? It’s wonderfully pathetic, but other than that –“

Buffy cut him off by slamming his wheelchair back against the alley wall. Keeping her hands on both armrests she told him anger laced in every word, “I am not pathetic, and I gotta say, you’re really one to talk.”

She didn’t budge, even when he responded, “Who saved who here?”

At this Buffy stood up, but didn’t move back, “You stopped him on purpose?”

“Well no, it wasn’t the plan, but I let you hide.”

“Why?”

“Because there is nothing better than that look on his face.” Spike told her with a smile.

Buffy let out the smallest of smiles before composing herself and beginning to walk out of the alley.

“Aren’t you going to even pretend you plan on kill me?” Spike asked looked at her a little confused.

“Well yeah, it was originally the plan, but I’ll let you go this time.” Buffy told him not looking back.

“Why?” At this Buffy paused but didn’t turn around.

“Because you let me go,” she told him frankly, now turning around, “And because maybe next time when we fight, you can tell me about how miserable his face was when you come home still alive.” She gave him a small smile and continued out of the alley.

Everyone watching looked a little surprised at the exchange, except for those involved. However most seemed to understand why they both acted the way they did. Only they had begun questioning if there were any more reasons why they had spared each other so willingly.

Before they had too much time to ponder, they found themselves on the move again.

This time no one recognized where they were at first. They were in a small room, clearly Victorian. It was pale pink with a couple of pieces of Victorian furniture in it.

“This looks like where I grew up, except this isn’t a room in my house.” Spike said looking around confused and trying to recognize the place.

“Oh!” Buffy said suddenly aware and beginning to look scared.

“What?” Spike looked at her worried. It then became clear that the person she was most afraid of seeing this was Spike. She looked at him with more fear in her eyes than he’d seen in a long time, possibly ever.

It was then that Darla reappeared and addressed Buffy directly. “You’re missing it, we’ve already talked, you left the room already.”

“You?” Angel asked her.

“Is this just a Victorian house?” Spike asked, “’cause the furniture…and the light fixtures…it all looks very authentic.”

“No, it’s not just a house from then, we are then.” She told him looking at Darla almost pleadingly.

Darla looked as though she felt bad for the first time, “it won’t be for long, and you’re missing it, now go.” She pointed toward the door and people made their way out to what seemed like a party. A party in the 19th century, but still a party.

There were a group of people talking and they quickly saw Buffy in a beautiful Victorian dress standing with them looking awkward. They were talking about recent murders in the area and she watched them not participating and fidgeting with her dress evidently uncomfortable in it.

“This was an exercise for Buffy,” Darla began to explain to the mostly confused crowd. Faith and Dawn both seemed to suddenly understand the situation, though they weren’t letting anyone know. Spike and Angel noticed this from the two, but didn’t say anything, both deciding they were probably doing this for a reason. Darla was continuing with, “This wasn’t something that she had to watch, she had to participate. Spike I assume you recognize this now? Sans Buffy of course?” She turned to Spike.

“More or less, I remember these people.” He told them all with contempt.

“I was instructed, more or less, to bring Buffy here and she was to stay here until they, the powers that be that is, saw fit to bring her out of it.”

“This is my life yes?” Spike asked her.

“Yes.” She answered.

“And if I remember correctly this is the night I died.”

“Yes.”

“Why wouldn’t I remember her? Buffy I mean.”

“Because this never happened.” Darla stated simply.

“What?” Angel asked confused.

“Buffy was to go back, change things, she will go on to save you from dying tonight. Though at the end when she’s brought out it goes back as if she was never a part of it. She remembers it and it affects her, but it officially never happened.”

Buffy was staying quiet watching herself be uncomfortable and also looking scared.

“Why do you look scared Buffy?” Conner asked pointing at the Buffy in the memory.

“Because I know where I am. I know that Spike, or William I guess, is about to show up and I’m not scared I’m anxious.” She had gone back to not even glancing at Spike, no matter how badly she wanted to.

“I guess I’m not needed right now.” With that Darla disappeared again and they all quieted to watch the scene play out.

A brunette woman was speaking slightly animatedly, “I mean to point out that it’s something of a mystery and the police should keep an open mind.”

At that the onlookers as well as the party group noticed Spike, or William walk by. Buffy spotted him and a breath was caught in her throat as she stared at him. William hadn’t noticed her while another man in the group asked, “Ah, William! Favour us with your opinion. What do you think of this rash of disappearances sweeping through our town? Animals or thieves?”

William looked back at him and slightly earnestly stated, “I prefer not to think of such dark, ugly business at all. That’s what the police are for.” After a brief pause to look at another brunette he continued, “I prefer, placing my energies into creating things of beauty.” He finished and held up a small journal-like book.

Buffy was looking at him calmer now, though slightly incredulous at his appearance and behaviour. She had known he was a poet, but she wondering why he was such a ninny.

At this another man snatched the book out of William’s hand mocking him with, “I see. Well don’t withhold William.”

The woman who had first spoken piped in just as mockingly with, “Rescue us from a dreary topic.”

William looking worried and embarrassed stepped forward trying to take his book back, almost begging, “Careful, the inks are still wet. Please it’s not finished.”

The man pulled the book back and stood on the stairs looking back at him clearly getting ready to read one of his poems, “Don’t be shy.”

With this Buffy looked at William incredulously. This time he noticed her and simply asked “What?” angrily under his breath while the man started reading his poem.

“My heart expands, tis grown a bulge in it…” he began.

Buffy wasn’t paying attention and asked William. “You just let him do that?”

William looked more embarrassed and quickly became angry at Buffy. Seething he told her, “This is none of your business.” He spun around seeming to be looking for someone as the man finished.

“Inspired by your beauty, effulgent.” He stopped and looked very amused before he outright made fun of William asking, “Effulgent?” as if it was the dumbest thing he had ever heard.

William was now watching the brunette girl retreat before he spun around and took back his poem, only briefly looking at Buffy before following after the girl that Buffy seemed to just discover she recognized.

The people standing around were outright making fun of him now as Buffy began to follow after William without drawing attention to herself. “And that’s actually one of his better compositions.”

“Have you heard? They call him ‘William the Bloody’ because of his bloody awful poetry.”

At this Spike looked at the ceiling annoyed, “I could have gone forever without people knowing that.”

Most of the rest of the onlookers laughed slightly just before the man who had stolen his poem told the crowd, “It suits him. I would have a railroad spike through my head than listen to that awful stuff!”

Buffy who was leaving simply looked at him amused and told him, “You really shouldn’t have said that,” before continuing on.

Spike laughed at that though Buffy still wouldn’t look at him. He however could tell that she was masking her continued amusement at the man’s statement. They all followed after Buffy at Willow’s suggestion. Buffy began to look afraid again, before they suddenly got the queasy feeling again and were thrust into the next memory.

They were all standing in a graveyard. It only took a second to see that Angel and Buffy were sitting in front of them on a blanket leaning against a tombstone.

Buffy was explaining, “It's gonna be fun. Will and I are going to go on Saturday to check out the campus. I'm hoping Mom will let me live there. It's too far to come home every night. Plus the whole lack of cool factor. Either way, I'll be close to your place. I don't know what the Mayor was talking about. How could he know anything about us?”

Angel answer was a simple, “Well, he’s evil.”

“Big time. He doesn't even know what a lasting relationship is.”

Everyone was beginning to see that they were protesting just a little too much.

“No.” Angel responded, agreeing with her was overcompensating enough for the broody vampire.

“Probably the only lasting relationship he's ever had is with…evil.”

“Yeah.”

“Big stupid evil guy. We’ll be okay.” Buffy tried to reassure both of them.

“We will.” At this Buffy leaned on Angel and everyone could see that both of them were not thinking they were going to be okay.

With that once again they were on the move.

This time when they stopped they saw Willow and Buffy sitting in Buffy’s bedroom. It was the larger bedroom so they discerned that this had to be around when the First came at them.

Buffy and Willow were just lying on the bed beside each other staring up at the ceiling.

“This is nice.” Buffy told her friend softly.

“Yeah.” Willow replied, “This is nice.”

With that they were on the move again. Buffy and Willow looked at each other slightly confused. Both also wondered when the last time was that they had done something like that together. They walked to each other and gave each other a quick hug before looking around to see where they were.

They were in the dining hall in Scotland. Buffy gave a sigh of relief until Dawn pointed through the foyer to the living area that they had all been in not long ago where she herself was standing.

“Oh balls.”

They all walked forward. Buffy was looking at a picture of her and Dawn in a frame when Conner entered the room.

“So did everything check out?” Conner asked calmly.

Buffy put down the frame and turned to Conner. “Yup, you’re Angel’s son alright.”

“You didn’t call him or anything did you?” He asked Buffy with worry etched on his face.

“No I didn’t call him, Willow did a spell to confirm it. Sorry that we had to, but someone shows up claiming to be Angel’s love child but won’t let me tell him, it kinda makes you wonder.”

“I get that.” He laughed slightly at the craziness of the situation.

“I think you should call him though.” Buffy told him rather seriously.

“I’ll look into it.” After a slight pause he asked, “So where does this put us on the me working with you guys issue?”

“Give a girl a minute to adjust,” Buffy joked slightly, “Yesterday I found out that Angel had a son and now that son is asking to work with me unbeknownst to Angel.”

Conner’s face was crestfallen. “It’s okay,” he began looking at the floor then looking back up at Buffy, “I should have known…”

Buffy looked confused and then realization hit her face. “Oh hey kid, no…I’m adjusting to this but I have no problem with you.”

“I find that hard to believe…”

“Hey,” Buffy said sternly taking a step forward making sure he was looking at her, “Believe it. Angel didn’t tell me this, and to say I’m disappointed would be an understatement since apparently in your memory Angel got both Willow and Faith to lie to me as well.” Buffy took a brief pause and continued, “But none of that has anything to do with you. You can stay here and work with us. I think you should tell him, sooner rather than later, but I’m not going to interfere, I promise. Now, tell me you believe me.”

“Are you sure? I mean…you wouldn’t be the first to prefer I don’t exist.”

“Hey! You listen to me. From what I can tell, you’re quite the awesome kid, but even if you weren’t, you’re existence still wouldn’t be what’s screwing me up right now. Got it?”

“Got it.” Conner told her with a smile.

Angel now looked at Buffy watching. “I’m sorry you know…also thank you.” He told her guilt mixed with gratitude.

“For what?”

“This.” He told her pointing at the scene where now Buffy was giving Conner their first hug and Conner began to tear up silently.

“No problem whatsoever.” She told him staring back at the scene with a smile on her face.

Buffy didn’t notice Conner come up behind her to give her a grateful bear hug from behind. “Umph!” She exclaimed her surprise then relaxed. “You’re welcome too.”

Conner ended the hug and looked at Buffy, then Faith, Willow, Dawn…continued to everyone and landed on Angel. “Thank you.” He told them all with sincerity, keeping the same happy tears at bay.

At this Dawn gave Conner a playful punch on the arm and called him a wimp.

Conner looked at her with mock hurt in his eyes and playfully punched her back calling her a bitch.

They laughed as they were on the move again.

They were back at the Summer’s house in the living room and Spike was sitting on the couch looking tired and miserable. Then Dawn’s voice came from the hall leading to the kitchen.

“So my homeroom teacher, Ms. Lefcort, was like, ‘Your sister's an example to us all.’ Hmm! She wanted to make it National Buffy Day.”

Dawn was holding a mug in her hand that she put on the coffee table as she sat next to Spike on the couch.

“Makes sense.” He told her.

“It does?” She asked looking at him.

“Yeah, she responded to BuffyBot because a robot is predictable. Boring. Perfect teacher's pet. That's all schools are, you know. Just factories, spewing out mindless little automatons.” Off Dawn’s raised eyebrow he continued back-pedalling over what he had said. “Who go on to be...very...valuable and productive members of society, and you should go.” He continued quieter with sadness in his voice, “Because Buffy would want you to.”

They both sat on the couch for a second looking mournful until Dawn decided to respond. “Check, one mindless automaton coming up.”

They continue to mourn until Spike decides he doesn’t want to and gets up searching for something. “So, uh, what do you fancy, bit, uh, game of rummy?”

“Well, uh, Willow and Tara said they'd be back early. You don't really have to hang. I mean, if you're bored.”

Spike replied a little stern. “I’m not, and yeah I do.” He took a pack of cards out of a side table and pulled a chair up on the other side of the coffee table.

“But I'm fine alone. It's not like anyone's coming after me. I'm not the key. Or if I am, I don't open anything any more. It's over. Remember?”

Spike now sat down in the chair and quietly told her, “I'm not leaving you here by yourself, so forget it.”

Dawn continued to protest with “Well, I'm just saying-“ But Spike quickly interrupted her by slamming the cards down violently on the table. All of the on looks jumped slightly at this except for Dawn and Spike. Spike was now looking at Dawn who was looking angrier by the minute.

Spike in the memory explained, “No. I’m not leaving you…to get hurt.” He continued more softly, “Not again.”

They look at each other for a second before Spike points at the cards and instructs her to deal.

Once again when they left the memory they found themselves standing in the dining room. No one said anything until Darla appeared again and told them, “You can breath again, it’s over.”

With that Buffy actually let out an audible sigh before looking at her sister with concern. Spike was doing the same thing and took a step towards her. “Dawn-“

“Stay the hell away from me.” She told him not looking at him as she swiftly walked out of the room and up the stairs.

Spike’s guilt only grew on his face, though he couldn’t help but notice Buffy look at him with pity, but only for a second before she snapped out of it and turned to Willow and Faith.

“Should I go talk to her?”

“I think she needs a little bit, B”

“I agree with Faith, give her time.”

Spike wanted to ask if he could go talk to her when the time came, but he didn’t think it would go over well.

Everyone was feeling a little raw after the compilation of moments they had all shared. They stood around the table again all not sure what to say.

“Umm…so any ideas as to who the danger is coming from? No?” It was Conner asking the group as if nothing had just happened, evidently trying to lighten the mood. “Anybody?”

TBC

“Umm…so any ideas as to who the danger is coming from? No?” It was Conner asking the group as if nothing had just happened, evidently trying to lighten the mood. “Anybody?”

After a moment Buffy looked up at Darla with anger in her eyes. “See? It didn’t work. We didn’t come across evil, unless you count Angel and Spike.” At this she looked at them, “Are you guys evil?”

Spike shook his head and Angel told her, “Not last time I checked.”

Buffy turned back to Darla, “See? This was useless.”

Darla let out an exasperated sigh, she was getting a little tired of Buffy not trusting her. “Well actually they’re meant to guide you spiritually which if you were paying attention you’d see that they were…as for finding the evil, we knew it wasn’t definite, it was just an idea.”

Buffy looked at Darla for a minute not wanting to back down. She was frustrated and didn’t like having to go through that. All of those memories, whether bad or good didn’t sit well. Not to mention if they had seen more of what happened when she went back in time…only Dawn and Faith knew about that, and Faith only found out because she and Buffy had gotten drunk a week after it happened and she cried and told her everything. Going through all of this in her mind made her feel defeated and fighting with Darla wouldn’t change what happened. She sighed a frustrated sight and sat in the chair in front of her.

“I was thinking,” Willow interrupted their thoughts, “Spike and Angel weren’t the only ones that could be doing this.”

“I promise Willow I’m reformed now!” Faith yelled, though she was clearly joking.

“Not you dumbass,” Buffy let out a snort of laughter and waited for Willow to continue. “I know it’s a little unlikely, but we could look into Harmony.”

Buffy snorted louder this time. “Willow, are you kidding? It’s Harmony, I mean I know she’s evil but come on!”

“She does have the motivation.” Angel told her while glaring slightly at Spike.

Spike let out an uncomfortable cough before speaking as if he had nothing to do with any motivation Harmony would have, “Motivation is one thing, but ability to have a good enough plan that your seer would be worried? Buffy has a point, it’s just Harmony.”

While Buffy liked that Spike was agreeing with her she couldn’t help but wonder if he was doing it because it was Harmony they were talking about. She decided to change her view. “I guess it wouldn’t make a difference if we looked into it right?”

Faith got up at this, “I’m going to go with B, what I’ve seen and heard about this broad she’s not very dangerous, but better safe than surprised by the underdog. Willow you want to do a locator and we’ll send out some slayers to look into it?”

“I think that’s a good idea.” Willow got up with Faith and they both left the room to go about their task.

It didn’t go unnoticed to Spike that when he agreed with Buffy she decided to agree with the rest of them. It also didn’t go unnoticed that as more people left she became more uncomfortable. While this made him feel guilty for putting her in that position, he couldn’t help but wish they would all bugger off so he could try to talk to Buffy.

With Dawn, Faith and Willow gone Buffy was getting worried. They were the people she turned to and relied on most. She was now left with Angel, Conner and of course Spike. She had spoken to him directly only one or two times since he showed up and she still didn’t know what to say. She was about to make an excuse to leave when Conner piped up.

“Hey Angel…Dad…umm whatever I should call you?”

“Whatever you want.” Angel of course would prefer Dad but he wasn’t going to push it.

“Okay, I’m going to stick with Angel right now…I was wondering though if you wanted a tour, you could see where I sleep and stuff…” Conner was clearly nervous wanting to connect with Angel but still unsure of the whole thing. Buffy could see this and while the prospect of them leaving her alone with Spike terrified her she couldn’t just sit there and let him be uncomfortable.

“He has a killer CD collection, I think you’d be impressed.”

Conner gave her a look that thanked her for saving him from his awkward babbling.

“Let’s see it then.” Angel smiled and got up to leave with Conner before realizing he would be leaving Buffy and Spike alone. He turned to Buffy, “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah,” Buffy yawned deciding to use tired as an exit strategy, “I’m think I’m going to go have a nap and then check on Dawn.”

Angel nodded at her and left with Conner as she got up to exit the other way ignoring Spike hoping he wouldn’t say anything.

Mixed with Spike guilt he could now feel annoyance rising in him. Were they all just going to leave him there to sit and stare at his shoes?

“Buffy?”

She stopped, but didn’t turn around wincing slightly that her great escape didn’t work. “Yeah?”

Spike wanted to say so much. He wanted to tell her he was a wanker and a moron and he was sorry. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her and how much that hadn’t changed at all. He wanted to ask her if she’d loved him, if that was real. He wanted so much just to touch her. Just a hand on her shoulder. It had been so long since he’d seen her, he felt he needed to touch to make sure she was really there and not just a mirage to his love parched mind.

He couldn’t find how to say all this, and he didn’t know if it was right, so he thought of the next best thing. “Umm…do you know where I sleep?”

Buffy turned around now. The angrier she got the easier it was to deal with him, then she wouldn’t have to show how much she was hurting. She was definitely angry now. After all of this, everything they’ve been through, then and before, all he wanted to know is where he would sleep?

She fixed him an icy stare and answered the question as evenly as she could. “There are a couple of spare rooms, I’ll show you to one on my way to mine.” She might have been angry but she didn’t want to get into it right now. If they fought feelings would inevitably come out and she just wasn’t ready to deal with it right now.

Spike got up and followed her out. They went through a kitchen that led to a second set of stairs. She quickly went in the fridge and got herself a bottle of water and headed up the stairs. He followed after her. Knowing he was that close was giving her goose bumps but she ignored it and continued her ascent.

Following Buffy Spike could smell her scent wafting right in his face. It was the best thing he had smelled in a long time. Since he died in the hellmouth to be exact. It hadn’t changed at all and he would have been happy just to breath her in forever.

When they got to the top of the stairs they walked by a couple of doors before Buffy stopped in front of one and turned around. She explained everything looking everywhere but at Spike, his presence was messing her up and she didn’t want him to know. “This will be yours I guess.” She pointed at the door in front of her and then to the one across the hall, “And that’s one of the bathrooms in case you need anything.” She then turned and pointed down the hall “And that’s me at the end there if, you know, danger happens.”

She turned around to look at him again and he was just staring at her.

“Okay…so your all set and I’m going to go nap. I’ll see you later.”

As she turned Spike knew he had to do something, “Buffy…” he began and put his hand on her shoulder to stop her. She turned around and looked at him with slight shock on her face and tears threatening to spill. She lifted up her hand and placed it on the one he had on her shoulder.

“So you are real…” She told him. She of course had known he was real but she hadn’t had proof, not concrete tactile proof. She too had been afraid he was a mirage.

Spike knew seeing grief mixed in her eyes he shouldn’t be happy, but for a moment he was. Not only was he touching her, solidifying that she was…solid, but she had felt the same way. If she had felt the same way, then she probably didn’t hate him. This was good news.

Buffy suddenly realized that her hand was still on his and pulled away from him slowly. He reluctantly lowered his and put it at his side wishing it was still on her.

Buffy was a mix of emotions again. For a moment it was clear, Spike was alive and she was happy, but all the pain of not knowing and what that meant came flooding back when she realized that he was indeed there and he still hadn’t let her know until now.

“I have to go sleep now.” With that she turned around and quickly walked down the hallway in the direction of her room ignoring Spike’s whispered plea of her name as she left him there.

Buffy was lying on her bed fully clothed and awake staring at her ceiling. She had paced her room for about a half hour trying to work out everything that was going on. It started to make her dizzy and she figured she could think just as well if she wasn’t mobile.

Faith had told her once that since she’s been in the swing of things with being not evil, when things start to go crazy and she’s confused she just goes over what she knows in her head. Buffy thought that was as good an idea as any so she went over everything she knew.

She knew she was angry for not knowing that he was alive. She knew she was upset for the same reason. She knew when he touched her all of her feelings of his loss had disappeared for a moment.

Okay so it was now time to pinpoint why. After thinking about it for a while it finally dawned on her. She felt hurt and angry because it was only now that her loss of him was removed. It somehow made her feel like she lost him in a different way. She felt robbed of her ability to just be elated that he was alive. If he had told her when he came back, or even when he was corporeal then she could have been happy. She could have run to him, given him a hug and a kiss and told him how happy she was that he didn’t have to die, or at least stay dead.

Now all of those feelings were still there but they were tainted. Tainted with the fact that he hadn’t given her that. Tainted with longing that she had felt every day since he was gone. Most importantly tainted because if he had told her, she wouldn’t have had to long for him for so long. She could have curled up in his arms and felt the comfort and warmth she had in their last nights together.

Realizing where her feelings came from was making her feel better. Less confused at least, but she didn’t know how to address the issue. She had been racking her brain for all the reasons she could imagine that he didn’t tell her he was back. Every scenario she had come up with didn’t make her feel any better. All of them in fact made her feel like he couldn’t have really known her…or thought much of her.

All of these thoughts combined finally made the feelings real to her. She felt her heart break. Finally she cried. She hadn’t cried once since she found out, out of happiness or despair, but she was ready now to let it out. She curled up on side and let out all of her pain and anger as silently as possible hoping she would finally be able to rest.

Meanwhile Spike was in his room miserable. He could feel the hurt and anger from both Summer’s women in the house calling out to him. He wanted to talk to them, to try to explain himself but he didn’t know if he could. He also didn’t know if he should. Seeing them again, whether they were happy or not, was the best he had felt in a long time. A part of him wished they would feel the same way, but he remembered that they didn’t know they could all this time. He had, he just kept himself away.

He lied down on his bed staring at the ceiling trying to work it all out and decide what he should do. He was drawn to talking to them but he couldn’t decide if that was what was best or if that’s simply what he wanted to do for his sake.

He stayed put deciding he wouldn’t do anything rash until he knew it was the best option. He resolved himself to going over everything again, hoping against hope that this time it would give him insight.


Buffy had only stopped crying for a couple of minutes when she heard a light tapping on the door. At first she thought it might be Spike and she wasn’t sure if she was happy he had come to talk to her or if she thought it wasn’t time. It then dawned on her that if it were Spike she would be able to feel it was him. Feeling safe it wasn’t, she told whomever it was to come in as she sat up on her bed and wiped dried tears from her face.

Her door opened slowly to reveal a sheepish Conner. “Can I come in?” He asked her quietly.

“Of course, come, sit.” She told him kindly gesturing for him to sit on the chair by her desk while she moved to sit on the end of her bed. “How are you doing?” She asked him sympathetically, “How was hangin’ with the father type.”

Conner looked surprised at the question but answered, “Oh it was fine, a little awkward, but that’s how it is with the fam’ right? He’s in the spare room that Spike isn’t in probably sleeping, he seemed tired.” Conner’s nonchalance in answer mixed with the surprise at her question made Buffy wonder if that was what he was there to talk about.

“What’s going on Conner?”

“I just wanted to…tell you something. Can I do that?”

“Of course Conner, you can tell me anything.” Buffy reassured him.

“It’s about Spike.”

“Oh…” Buffy wanted to ask him not to but what she just told him mixed with an admittedly peaked curiosity, she decided to let him. “I guess that’s fine.”

“You know that I spent some time with him when I was helping Angel with the whole, fighting Wolfram and Hart end of the world thing right?” He asked hoping she knew.

“I figured it out once I realized that he had been working with Angel.” Buffy couldn’t help but let a little bitterness out in her voice. It bugged her that Conner hadn’t told her but she had to remind herself that his loyalties weren’t just with her.

“Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you but he asked me not to, and since there hasn’t been a lot of talk of him since I got here, I really didn’t realize how much you’d want to know.” He was very earnest in his confession.

“It’s okay Conner, all’s forgiven. What did you want to tell me?”

“Okay. Well I wanted to tell you that he never talked about you.”

Buffy’s heart fell instantly. “Is there a reason you wanted to tell me that?”

“I’m going with the story here, let me finish before you respond.” Buffy nodded her approval hoping this would get a lot better. Conner then continued, “Like I said, he never talked about you. Angel did sometimes. He told me about you, he gave a brief overview of your relationship and he always looked so pained talking about it. The only time I heard of Spike having anything to do with you is when Angel mentioned it and when your name was thrown around if they got into a fight. Suffice to say that I started to wonder if Spike really loved you or if he said he did just to piss Angel off.”

Buffy was looking more pained by the minute and Conner quickly continued. “That was of course until the night he did mention you. He and I had decided to have a drink after a fight. One turned into a few and I started talking about this girl that I had been dating. We broke up because we were going to different schools and we thought it would be too hard. He listened and was reassuring for a time. I missed her a lot. The drunker I got the more I complained and the quieter Spike got. It was when I said something like ‘I wish we could be together but we just can’t’ that he got angry and hit the table. He yelled that I was a ‘bloody moron’ and to ‘shut the fuck up’.” Buffy was now listening intently and Conner was glad he had gotten her attention.

“I asked him what his problem was. I’ll never forget what he said to me. He said, ‘you have no idea what you’re talking about. The only thing separating you two is distance, and distance for only so long. You can visit her, you can see her, you can be with her in between and when it’s all over. You can love her without anyone saying you shouldn’t and she can love you back. You can love each other without anything stopping you and you can grow old together. You have everything so please shut the hell up.’ I knew right then and there how wrong I was. A part of me wondered and still does if he even loved you more than Angel. That part doesn’t really matter just that he loved you and missed you. When I asked if he meant you and him just to be certain he said yes and to never bring it up again. Then he told me to go out and get my girl because I could.”

Buffy had no idea what to do with this information, all she knew was that it made her feel a thousand times better to have it. A happy tear escaped her eyes as Conner got up to leave.

“I just thought you should know.”

As his hand was on the door Buffy told him, “Thank you…for telling me. I’m glad you did.”

Conner looked at her now, “You’re welcome.”

“What happened with the girl?” Buffy wanted to know.

“She had fallen in love with someone else. It was kind of a harsh blow but at the same time, I knew when Spike said that…I never loved anyone that much before. I think I will though.” Conner thought to himself out loud.

“I’m sure you will.” Buffy reassured him as he left.

Conner had been gone for about fifteen minutes and Buffy hadn’t moved an inch. She felt a lot better knowing that Spike had missed her but she was even more confused as to why he hadn’t come to her. She understood everything that had been in their way and always would be but she thought he would have at least wanted to see her before he resigned himself to the doomed nature of their relationship.

She began to hope that Spike would come to her. That he would come talk to her they way he would have before. She sat for ten more minutes before she decided to just do it herself. First she thought she would go talk to Dawn. She hadn’t been sure what to say to her before, but feeling marginally better about the situation now she decided she could talk to her now and not fail miserably.

Dawn’s room was across the hall from Buffy’s so she left her room and knocked lightly on the door. “Dawn, are you in there?”

“Buffy? Yeah, come in.” She heard her sister say. She slowly entered her room. Dawn was looking through some pictures on her bed. She looked like she had been crying before but had stopped a little while ago.

“What are you looking at?” Buffy asked.

“Pictures from our last days in Sunnydale. They’re the only ones we have.”

“Yeah.” Buffy said the memories flashing back to her. Buffy went over and sat beside Dawn on her bed and saw the picture she was currently looking at. It was of herself, Dawn and Spike. Buffy had her arm around Spike’s waist and he had his around her shoulder. They were both laughing. Dawn however was laughing the most. She was doubled over and Spike was holding her up by her middle.

Buffy didn’t say anything waiting for Dawn to comment. After a minute a single tear was running down Dawn’s cheek as she told Buffy, “We were like…like a family. It felt nice.”

“It really did.” Buffy told her staring into space.

The next picture was of the three of them again but they were on the bus going to the school for the final battle. Buffy and Spike were sitting in a seat together and Dawn was sprawled across them looking grumpy and tired. Buffy and Spike looked amused.

Dawn was silently crying now. She looked at Buffy and asked, “Was it all just a lie?”

Buffy couldn’t remember the last time she had seen Dawn look so broken. She couldn’t remember her looking so much like a child in years. The only thing that came to mind was when their father had left. This of course made sense to her. Spike had been like a brother to Dawn and Buffy had known it. They had a strained relationship in that last year but worked it all out in the end. Both had been so happy and Buffy felt the family that Dawn did. She knew it couldn’t have been a lie.

“No sweetie,” She told her running her hand through her long brown hair, “It wasn’t a lie. It was just…”

“Not good enough.” Dawn filled in, completely devastated.

Buffy was sterner now. “No, Dawn, no. It wasn’t that at all. It’s just complicated.”

“You’re telling me you’re not thinking the same thing?”

“I was I think. But some things have…made me wonder. I think you should talk to Spike.”

Dawn got angry again. “No. You talk to him if it’s so important but I don’t have a thing to say to him.”

“I am going to talk to him. I really think you should too.” With this Buffy got up to leave. Dawn didn’t protest though she looked angry.

“Look Dawn –“ Buffy started turning around.

“No.” She told her older sister, “And don’t come crawling to me when he breaks your heart.”

“It’s already broken. The only way to go is up. Or the same. Dawn…please just think about it. You love him, you deserve an explanation. We both know you want one.”

“I’m good where I am thanks.” Dawn’s resolve was breaking but Buffy knew that it wouldn’t break completely now so she left it that way to go talk to Spike herself.

Buffy noticed her stomach doing flip-flops as she walked toward the guest room that was Spikes. She stood outside the door for some time with her hand poised to knock. Finally she tapped lightly on door.

Spike had been pacing for some time now. He finally decided to go talk to Buffy. He had to tell her how he felt and what had happened. He wasn’t entirely certain as to what had happened, why he didn’t at least tell her but he thought he could figure it out if he just talked to her. If she would just let him.

He was reaching for the doorknob when he heard a very light tapping on the door. He froze for a second and then went to open the door. He was rather surprised to see a nervous Buffy standing in the hallway. He figured something was up because she had definitely not wanted to talk to him before.

“Buffy? What’s going on? Is something wrong?” He looked at her concerned wondering what could have happened. Had the evil finally showed up?

“No.” She told him timidly, “Nothing’s wrong.” She paused and realized that wasn’t true. She walked into his room past him and turned around when she created a safe distance. “Actually that was a lie. Something is very wrong.”

Spike was still holding the door open and decided to close it. He wasn’t sure what to say so he asked, “What’s very wrong.”

“You!” Buffy yelled exasperated.

“Me?” Spike was confused.

“Yes you! You, Mr. I’m not going to tell Buffy I’m alive. Mr. I think it would be so awesome just to have her and Dawn miss me for as long as possible before I have to tell them I’m alive because ANGEL told me to.”

Spike took a step toward her trying to calm her down but she just stepped back so he stopped.

“How could you do that? How could you think we wouldn’t want to know? How could you disregard our feelings so much? And here I am thinking you don’t care and Conner’s all, ‘I think he might care more than Angel’ but Dawn is all heartbroken and everything’s a mess. And it’s YOUR FAULT!”

Buffy stopped out of breath, desperately trying to keep her tears at bay. Spike wasn’t sure about everything she had said but he knew he had to say something.

“You’re right. It’s my fault, pet. I just…don’t know what to say.” He ran his hand through his hair nervously. He was sure he could explain himself a minute ago but now that she was standing here he had no idea what he was thinking. How could he explain something he didn’t fully understand?

As if she had read his mind she told him, “Explain yourself. That’s what you’re supposed to say.”

“I don’t know!” It came out more frustrated than he wanted and Buffy looked at him surprised and hurt. He quickly explained taking a desperate step toward her. “No Buffy, no. I’m sorry; it’s not you I’m upset with. It’s me. I don’t know…”

Buffy calmed slightly and didn’t back away so he decided to continue. She waited figuring it was best to just wait for him to get it out. “I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. I wanted to like everyday. I almost went to find you almost everyday. The first chance I got…like you say the first excuse, I hopped on a plane, with Angel of all people, to go see you. I’ve learned now that it wasn’t even you…”

Buffy smiled slightly, “Yeah Angel had his Wolfram and Hart spies following the wrong Buffy. She was just a decoy. Dating a guy named ‘The Immortal’? That’s not even a name.” Buffy scrunched up her face at the thought.

Spike smiled fully relieved since he found out it hadn’t been her. Buffy stopped smiling now realizing he still hadn’t explained himself. She looked at him expectantly.

He continued, realizing the moment was gone, “Anyway. I just thought…well at first I was going to see you, had my ticket and everything but I stopped. I thought it was because it wouldn’t be the same if I just showed up after going out that way. That it wouldn’t mean the same thing.”

Buffy looked at him incredulously. How could he think so little of her? “Are you kidding me?! I went out the same way once. When I came back did you think it didn’t mean anything anymore?”

“No Buffy, I –“

“Then why would think I would think that? Do you really think that little of me?” Buffy’s anger mixed with hurt cut him.

“No, not at all. That’s why I said ‘that’s why I thought I didn’t go’. The real reason…well the real reason was a lot of things. Most of them not noble at all.” He told her honestly.

“What were they then?” She asked him crossing her arms.

“Fear. Fear that you wouldn’t want me. Fear that you…didn’t mean, you know, what you said.” He looked into her eyes. She had many reactions to this but she wasn’t going to give anything away until he finished. At the blank look on her face he pressed on. “I was also afraid that maybe you were trying at a normal life and I would get in the way of that. I also…damn Angel because I never wanted to be like him but…I also knew that even if my dreams had come true and you would welcome me back with a hug and a kiss and a date and all of what I wanted, it could never…” He trailed off knowing that she got it.

Buffy understood all of this but still didn’t let him off the hook, “That still isn’t a reason to not tell me. Tell us.” She said referring to Dawn and pointing in the direction of her room. “We deserved to know that you were at least alive. We wouldn’t have had to…miss you. At least in that way.”

Spike was surprised by her honesty and took two quick steps to stand in front of her before she knew enough to move away. He took each of her hands in his hands and looked her in the eyes. “I really missed you too, Buffy. Every day, every second of everyday. Sometimes I wondered how I even still got up in the morning…or the evening.” He finished with a laugh, and she laughed lightly with him.

She stopped laughing after a few seconds and looked at his face again. “You should have said it back.” She told him, heartbreak evident in her voice. It took him a second to realize she meant when she had told him she loved him in the hellmouth.

He decided to ask her what he wanted to know, his voice lined with both fear and hope, “Does that mean you meant it?”

TBC

He decided to ask her what he wanted to know, his voice lined with both fear and hope, “Does that mean you meant it?”

Buffy looked at him completely shocked that he would need to ask. Unfortunately before she could say anything the vampire alarm went off and they heard Faith and Willow shout for Buffy. Without thinking she darted for the door.

Spike couldn’t believe that when he was finally talking to her something like this had to happen. He had to know for sure what she felt and now some stupid vampire was going to ruin it.

Everyone was gathered in the large kitchen while Faith and Buffy were ordering slayers where to go to find who the vampire or vampires were that had come on the property. Before anyone got far however one of the newer slayers came back pulling a disgruntled Harmony with her under her arm. “I think this is what you’re looking for. Says she’s here help you.”

“You have got to be kidding me!” Buffy exclaimed to the heavens, more annoyed than ever. “Okay guys,” she addressed the slayers, “Crisis averted, actually crisis never started. You guys can go back to training.”

All the slayers trickled out of the room leaving the rest to look at Harmony sceptically.

“Sorry Buffy, we were doing a locator spell but she wasn’t showing up. We were working on a spell to see if she had died when all of this happened.” Willow explained to Buffy.

“Oh it’s okay Wills, it’s not like I was all that worried anyway.”

“Well you should have been. I’m your arch nemesis for crying out loud!” Harmony yelled at Buffy incredulously.

“My arch what now?”

“Neme-“

“No, I heard you, I’m just wondering where in the hell you came up with that?”

“Look Buffy, you’re just jealous.” Harmony told her taking a step forward.

Buffy just laughed, “Jealous of what your bad outfit or your inability to count to ten?”

“Oh you think you’re so smart don’t you?”

“No actually, I just think you’re so dumb.” Buffy stood her ground. Buffy couldn’t remember a single time when Harmony hadn’t driven her crazy.

Everyone was watching the scene not sure if they should butt in or not. Spike was getting a little nervous however knowing exactly what Harmony thought Buffy should be jealous of. He knew Buffy had nothing to worry about of course but this exchange was making him uneasy.

“Oh, I’m dumb? Who knew about Spikey being back before holier than thou Buffy? Who was the one having sex with him right after he was all corporeal again? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t you.” Harmony crossed her arms and gave Buffy a look telling her that she knew that was all the ammo she needed.

Buffy’s face didn’t change not wanting to give Harmony the satisfaction of getting to her. Not to mention she didn’t believe for a second that Spike would do that. She was about to tell Harmony that when one glance at Spike said how wrong she was. She did a double take with her mouth still open to give Harmony a retort. Spike looked how he felt. Horribly guilty. Looking at Angel and he even looked like he felt bad for Buffy. She knew it was true. She felt every bit of her heart that she had put back together in the last few hours shatter into littler pieces. Not only had he not told her, but also he had slept with Harmony instead.

Everyone else was looking from the two women fighting, to Spike, and back again. They all knew it was true, and they knew Buffy knew it. Dawn simply looked angrier while Willow, Faith and Conner looked genuinely surprised at this development.

In spite of all of this Buffy still didn’t want to give Harmony of all people the upper hand. Though now instead of disbelief, she decided to go with nonchalance. “And that should make me jealous why?” Buffy put on her best I don’t care and I don’t know why you think I would face.

No one believed that Buffy meant what she was saying but they knew why she was saying it so they decided to go with her. That is everyone except Spike who felt like she had just given him his answer.

“We both know you wish it were you Buffy.”

“If that’s what we both know, then neither of us knows anything.” Harmony looked at her confused so she simply pressed on. “And after everything arch nemeses and nonexistent jealousy isn’t really what matters to me. What I’m wondering is what the hell you’re doing here.”

“Oh I’m here to help you.”

“Yes I remember. By the way, if you’re trying to help someone you normally don’t go for pathetic attempts at getting under their skin.”

Spike’s face was falling now along with his heart.

“Well, help or no help you bug me. No you have this ominous evil coming after you right?”

“And how would you know that Harmony?” Angel asked from behind Spike.

“Oh hey boss! Didn’t see you there. Thanks for the recommendation, it’s helped me get a lot of work.” Buffy looked at Angel now questioningly.

“She was my assistant at Wolfram and Hart.” If Buffy had any lingering question as to whether or not Spike had slept with Harmony, it was completely gone. “It was Wesley’s idea.”

Not blaming Angel for the ordeal but still confused she asked, “But Harmony? I mean come on, she’s useless.”

“She’s eager to please, makes for a good secretary.”

“Oh I’ll bet she is.” Buffy said through gritted teeth turning back to Harmony. Spike perked up. Was Buffy jealous?

“Harmony?” Angel asked.

“Yeah boss?” She smiled at him.

“The question Harmony.”

“Oh right! Sorry, my bad. I know because they tried to recruit me. Figured I want to kill Buffy for stealing my booboo from me.”

“Your what?” Buffy looked disgusted at the nickname. “Also, don’t you? I mean not for that but I mean in general. You tried before, no matter how sad the attempt, also you seemed to have convinced yourself that you’re my arch nemesis.”

“Well yeah and I’m not going to join forces with Dorkus it’s pathetic.”

“You mean Dru?” Spike perked up.

“Yes,” Harmony rolled her eyes, “Your precious Dru is back and wants to kill Buffy here, but the way I see it, it’s not going to happen.”

Buffy looked at her questioningly but it was Faith who asked, “What do you mean by that?”

“Hey! I remember you, you’re the one giving Buffy skank lessons!”

“Please don’t make me go all cheerleader bitch on you again because I’d much rather kill you and that’s where I’m leaning now that I can without the moral ambiguity.” Buffy told her faux bored.

Harmony glared but continued without commenting on Faith again, “Look a lot of people have tried to kill Buffy. More than just me, standing in this very room. You know who else is unfortunately standing in this room? Buffy. Do I think Dorkus can pull it off where she couldn’t before? Where Spikey couldn’t before? Maybe, but I’m not fighting on her side to find out she can’t and die. The way I see it, I can team up with you, one of my Blondie Bear’s exes still gets toasted, and I don’t have to die.”

Buffy was impressed. “That has to be the smartest thing that I’ve ever heard you say.” After a beat, “Except for the whole you don’t die part.”

“But I came to you with information!” Harmony was angry now, but also scared realizing she hadn’t thought this part through.

“If you have good information, I might give you a head start…maybe.” Buffy waited for her reply.

Harmony was scared but not quite stupid enough to try to run. “Fine.”

“Okay, why don’t we start from the beginning?”

Buffy began to lead them into the living area when Dawn piped up. “Do I have to be here for this?” She had been angry that Buffy was considering forgiving Spike but she had started coming around to the idea. Now she found out that Spike had done that and once again wondered if it was all a lie. If he hadn’t cared enough about Buffy he couldn’t possibly have cared enough about her too.

“No that’s cool, I’ll fill you in.” Buffy assured her.

“Cool.” She turned to leave not noticing Conner watching her. His heart went out to her knowing what it felt like to feel abandoned by those you love. He felt it was time to talk to her as well and began to follow her giving Buffy a can I go look. She smiled at him letting him know he could. She quietly wondered if even he knew how he felt yet.

Everyone had walked past her into the living area following Willow who had picked up lead for Buffy. When she turned back around to follow Spike was standing there watching the scene obviously noticing the same thing. Forgetting about the situation he gave Buffy a knowing smile, which quickly dropped when he noticed her icy expression.

“Apparently it didn’t matter anyway.” Sure he knew what she was talking about Buffy walked past Spike without another look.

Spike reluctantly followed. Fuck, what have I done?