Part 1: The Way Back

Chapter 1 - A Parting Gift

The first few weeks of summer went by smoothly for Buffy and her friends. They were all happy to be out of school, for good and they were spending time at their hangouts and sleeping in for as long as they could.

Buffy had decided to take it easy since her mom didn’t force her to get a job. Joyce had thought that Buffy should enjoy the summer while she could since she might want to get a job in the fall to have extra spending money. She would help Buffy out all she could, but she still had to take care of Dawn too. So, a few days after graduating Buffy had asked her mom if she could help out at the gallery a few times a week. Joyce agreed saying, “That would be lovely, sweetie” and it was settled. Buffy had a little extra income for the summer and her mom was pleased that she was taking the initiative to work.

Since she usually helped at the gallery in the afternoons she would stay in bed till about 9 or 9:30. Her morning ritual consisted of being awoken by the alarm clock, smacking the contraption to turn it off and laying in bed for another 10-15 minutes before finally getting out and going into the bathroom. There she brushed her hair back into a neat-er ponytail and brushed her teeth. Then she went downstairs to eat a light breakfast of toast, 2 pieces, and a glass of juice.

It was a Wednesday morning around 9:30 when Buffy made her way downstairs. She looked at the calendar in the kitchen and realized it was just over 3 weeks since graduation. She let out a sigh that went unnoticed by anyone else. The kitchen was empty except for the dishes that Dawn had left. “She’s probly at Janice’s already,” she said to the empty kitchen. Buffy walked to the fridge and took out the loaf of bread and carton of juice. She set the juice on the island and took out two pieces of bread and walked them over to put them in the toaster. She closed off the bread and put it back in the fridge before reaching into the cabinet for a glass. She went back to the island and poured a glass of o. j. She took a sip of her juice and then heard her toast pop. She ripped a paper towel loose from the roll and grabbed her toast. She sat down and quietly ate her toast and finished her juice.

When she was finished with her breakfast she turned to notice the morning paper off to the side. She picked it up and glanced through it for a few moments before stopping in the Lifestyle section. “Oh la la!” she said, looking at the new fashion trends for the fall. Getting a better look at the paper, she comfortably set her elbow on the countertop and her chin in her hand.

Just then she felt a turn in her stomach. “Ugh! Not again!” She quickly dropped the paper and practically flew upstairs to her bathroom. She ran to the toilet and threw her face over the bowl. Holding her stomach while she emptied its contents into the toilet she knew it was time. A few minutes later she pulled back and slowly stood up. She grabbed a washcloth and wet it before wiping her forehead and then her mouth. Then she rinsed out her mouth.

Buffy quietly walked to her room and picked up the phone as she sat down on the edge of her bed. She pressed the second speed dial and listened to it ring a few times.

“Hi,” she said, trying to sound cheerful, but not really succeeding.

“Hi, Buffy. Is something wrong?” Willow answered the phone.

“Uh, yeah… kinda. Can I come over? I need your help with something.”

“Sure Buff. Come right over. My mom’s out of town again and dad’s at work so we’ll be alone.”

“’K. I’ll be right there.”

As Buffy dressed she remembered the day she graduated.

“Bye honey,” her mom called as Buffy ran out the front door to meet her ride to the school for graduation.

“Hi, Will,” she smiled as she got into the black Desoto.

“Hey, Buffy,” he said with a smile back as he took the emergency brake off and pulled away from her house.

They were quiet for a few minutes before William asked her, “You excited?”

She crinkled up her nose. “Kinda.” She paused and looked over at him. “Kinda nervous too.”

“Nervous?” He chuckled lightly. “Me too, ‘though I ‘ave no idea why.”

“Really?” she asked hopefully.

“Yeah.” He looked back at the road and said, “Two peas in a pod we are, eh?”

“We really are,” she said a bit dreamily, staring out the passenger’s window as they came closer to the school.

As they pulled up into the parking lot and he parked the car he asked, “So… wanna hang out tonight? After the party and stuff, o’ course.” He looked at her as they sat in the car for another minute.

“Yeah, that would be nice.” She smiled demurely and opened her door, getting out of the car. She closed the door behind her and watched him get out too. Up ahead she spotted Willow and Xander.

Buffy walked out of her house in a tank top and shorts to walk over to Willow’s house. Each step she took brought back more of that day. She’d thought about graduation a lot in the last few weeks, but she tried to avoid thinking about that night. Now she remembered it fully.

“Will,” she whispered through the open window to his bedroom. They were quite the Joey and Dawson of Sunnydale, only they’d never acted on their hidden feelings. They both had them, but neither of them ever wanted to mess up the friendship. So, they had remained best friends ever since William Giles had moved to Sunnydale from England at the age of 11.

There was no answer. “He must not be back yet,” she whispered to herself, climbing through the window to wait for him. They had seen each other a few times at the graduation party at Cordy’s, but they mingled and danced with their friends too. When Buffy bumped into Will in the house he had pulled her aside and asked her how much she’d been drinking. She was definitely tipsy, but not drunk. She had giggled at him and tried to get closer. That’s when they had agreed to meet up back at his room after the party. The party was breaking up and she saw him leaving, but she got a ride with Willow and Oz. They dropped her at her house and she ran the few blocks over to Will’s house once they had driven away.

Her head jerked up, sitting on the edge of his bed, as she heard someone coming in the window. “Hi,” he whispered, climbing the rest of the way through the window. He walked over and sat beside her on the bed.

“Hi,” she whispered back, turning her head to be just a few inches from his. She looked into his deep blue eyes. Her hand seemed to move of its own accord as it came up to gently caress his cheek. “Will,” she said softly.

He was speechless for a moment, leaning into her touch with a soft smile gracing his lips. Finally he said, “Yes.”

Buffy was quiet, unsure of what to say next. She knew what she wanted here and now, but she wondered if he wanted the same thing. Her mind went over what she wanted for a minute. She wanted him. She wanted to be able to say goodbye before he left. She’d had sex before, so that wasn’t the issue. She remembered how Will had been there for her during their sophomore year of high school when she had been dating Angel. That’s who her first was and after that night Angel didn’t call her. Will was there to threaten to kick his ass, but Buffy stopped him saying that it would be no use. Will was the only one who knew the whole story behind Buffy and Angel. Now here she was with her best friend and she wanted to give him a part of herself that she had never fully given to anyone. She didn’t know how to put it into words, so she leaned forward to kiss him softly on the lips.

Her warm, moist lips covered his and worked slowly to bring him into the kiss. Only a few seconds passed before his surprise wore away and he began to kiss her back. One hand moved to her hip and the other to the small of her back. After a minute had passed Buffy could feel Will’s tongue tracing her lower lip, asking for entrance. She parted her lips willingly and reveled in the feel of his tongue against hers. Slowly he began to lie back on his bed, pulling her with him. When she was lying on top of him she moaned softly. The sound broke through his lust addled brain and he broke the kiss gently.

“Buffy,” he said her name desperately.

She heard the desperation in his voice and she suddenly wasn’t sure if this was what he wanted. His tone instantly brought a small frown to her face, but she remained quiet.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked gently. “I don’t want us to do anythin’ we’re gonna regret, yeah?” He seemed to be pleading with her as his hand came to her chin and his thumb tugged at the corner of her mouth. He didn’t like to see her frowning. Even if she did look cute, she always looked cute and beautiful to him, he was happier when she was smiling.

Her lips curled up a little from his thumb and she nodded. “I’ve never been more sure. I can’t put into words what you mean to mean, Will.”

“I know, pet. I feel the same way. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without you in LA. We’ve been friends for so long…”

Buffy put her fingertips to his lips. “So, let’s not ruin this with more words, yeah?”

She sat back on her heels and pulled her shirt over her head. He followed suit and took off his shirt too. Next she got off the bed, which suddenly made him think she had changed her mind until she started to unbutton her jeans. She kicked off her shoes as she unzipped her pants and then slid them off. He stood from the bed, quickly pulling back the covers, and took her face in his hands. “We’ve never seen each other like this,” he whispered slowly.

“Other than catching peeks when we went skinny dipping…” she joked, “no.” She ran her fingers through his hair. He smiled and ran his hands behind her back to undo her bra clasp. She let it fall to the floor before eyeing him as he stood there still in his jeans. “What about you?”

He smiled again. “You’ll see.”

She maneuvered her hands through his arms and set them on his waist. “Uh huh,” she nodded with a smirk. Slowly she unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, and then pushed them down. They fell to the floor and she saw him in all his beauty. “Commando, huh?” she said with a grin.

He grinned back at her and said, “Well, yeah” with a tilt of his head. He stepped out of his jeans and swept her up in his arms with a gasp of surprise from her. He laid her down in the bed.

She scooted over in the bed and he slid in beside her and pulled the covers over them, partly. Most of their upper bodies still showed in the moonlight that came into the room. He lay on his side to look at her, his hand tracing the hem of the panties she still wore. She lay on her back and turned her face to look at him better. She smiled as she felt him playing with her panties.

He leaned over her and kissed her soundly, their tongues battling for control. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered as he moved his hand inside her panties and slid a finger inside of her. Slowly he eased a second finger inside of her and began to move them in and out, never fully removing them. “You’re so warm, pet,” he whispered into her ear.

Her hand went to hold his neck and slide into his hair as she bit her lower lip cautiously before releasing it and moaning softly. She arched her hips up to meet his hand as she felt his other hand pinching her clit. “Ahhhh” was the soft sound that escaped her lips next. He smiled at her although she couldn’t see him now since she’d closed her eyes a moment before. “Will… I- I need you…” she murmured, trying to speak clearly.

He removed his fingers from inside of her and brought them to his mouth to clean them. She smiled at the gesture and he seemed pleased with himself. Then she felt his hands move back to her hips and slowly pull her panties down. He sat back on his heels and pulled them down to her knees. She raised her legs to make it easier for him to remove them, keeping her legs together so he could slide them off. He tugged them from her foot and tossed them aside.

She moved her legs back down, one on either side of where he still sat back on his heels. Her eyes met his for a moment and saw something there, a question almost. She followed his eyes to the bedside table and then looked back at him. “Protection?” she asked, and he nodded. She reached over to the table and opened the small drawer. Her fingers fumbled around for a few seconds before she had one and she pulled it out. She tore the wrapper carefully and asked, “Do you want me to do it?”

He nodded, his eyes glazing over with a combination of lust and awe. He watched as she sat up and unrolled the condom onto his hard cock. He waited for her to lie back on the bed again before he caressed her thigh as he made his way back over top of her. He looked into her eyes, waiting for confirmation and caressing her cheek.

She nodded and waited for a moment. She felt the first pinch as he moved inside of her. Then she felt him pause and she met his eyes again. “I’m fine,” she said. “Better than fine as a matter o’ fact,” she smiled at him. Her hand moved to caress his cheek and she wrapped her other hand around his neck to pull him in for a kiss. She felt him begin to move inside of her and the kiss broke as they gazed into one another’s eyes. She wanted to say ‘I love you,’ but she didn’t want to make it harder for him to leave either. So, she decided not to say it.

He began slowly moving in and out without ever fully leaving her. After a few minutes his pace quickened and his thrusts grew harder. His breathing remained steady, and he was thankful he had good stamina. The pace remained the same for several minutes more when he felt her muscles clench around him. He felt her nails scrape over his shoulder blades and he groaned at the pleasant feeling of it. He hungrily claimed her mouth again and thrusted harder into her.

She moaned into his mouth as she felt her climax take her. It felt like a roller coaster, slowly climbing up and then rushing down. No sooner had she felt herself come down then she felt herself climbing up again. ‘How does he do it?’ she wondered. She’d never felt like this before. Her second orgasm quickly tore through her body, sending her muscles shuddering around him yet again.

At the second clenching of her muscles he lost his control and his thrust became erratic. His breathing was shallower and he felt his seed spurt into the condom. He thrusted a few more times and felt her calming. He buried his face in her neck and stilled his movements. He kissed her throat a few times and said, “Bloody hell” before pulling himself out of her. He fell to the side and laid there for a moment, still trying to catch his breath. Without any trouble, or much thought, he pulled the condom off and tossed it in the trash can beside his bed.

All she could do at the moment was stare at the ceiling. Her body felt numb, in a very good, satisfied kind of way. After her breathing returned to normal she turned on her side and looked at him with a little smile. He looked back at her and saw the smile. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her and drew her to his body. Her back was to his chest and he kissed her neck, making her smile more.

“Tired?” he asked.

“A little,” she murmured, followed by an unexpected yawn. “Guess so,” she laughed.

“’s alrigh’. Sleep now, pet.”

That was the last time she was really with him, the last time they were together. It was only a few weeks ago and she’d tried not to think of him too much. Now she had to think of him, and she might very well have to think of him every day for the rest of her life. She’d left his bed the next morning with a quick and quiet goodbye. He promised he would call when he got settled in LA and did call a few days later. After that one call she hadn’t heard from him again.


She stepped up to Willow’s door and knocked. A moment later Willow answered with a flush look on her face.

“Buffy, what’s going on? You sounded so… you had me worried but you look fine.” Willow looked her friend up and down.

“Wills… can I come in?” she asked quietly.

“Yeah, Buff… let’s sit in the living room.”

“No ones here, right?” she asked a little nervously.

“No, no ones here.” Willow looked Buffy over seriously. “What is it? Out with it Buffy… you can’t—”

“I think I’m pregnant,” she whispered, but her voice was clear.

“Wha-at? How? I didn’t know you even… when did you… oh, Buffy…” Buffy had started to cry. The tears just streamed down her cheeks as she looked at Willow.

“Will-ow… it was Will… after the graduation party at Cordy’s… we met back at his place…” Buffy sniffled and continued. She wanted to get it out.

“Oh, Buffy, don’t cry. It’s gonna be alright.” Willow went closer and hugged her friend.

“But he used protection…” she said with determination. She sat up and sniffled again. “How can this happen to me now?” She looked down and sighed, “I don’t even have a way to get in touch with him. He called a couple weeks ago but I didn’t get his number and I haven’t heard from him since…” she trailed off and there was silence.

Willow didn’t know what to say or do. The one conclusion she came to was that Buffy had to take a pregnancy test. Slowly she said, “Buffy… I think you should take a test… then we’ll know for sure and we can worry about whatever comes next.”

“Okay…” she mumbled and sniffled again. She looked down and wiped away her tears with the back of her hand.

“Come on,” Willow said softly. She took Buffy’s hand and helped her get up from the couch. “I’ll take you to the store. Mom left her car here, so we can drive there and drive back here to take it.”

Buffy was quiet as she followed Willow out of the house and to the car. They drove to the store in silence and went inside to pick out a test. Buffy didn’t know which one to get exactly, but finally decided on EPT saying, “These are supposed to be accurate, right?”

Willow nodded and they purchased the test and left the store, returning to Willow’s house a few minutes later.

When they got back to the house the two girls made their way to the upstairs bathroom that was Willow’s. Willow gave Buffy a reassuring smile and Buffy went into the bathroom on her own. She looked at the box and read the instructions.

She peed on the stick and set it on a piece of toilet paper by the sink to wait the 3-5 minutes for the results. While she waited she poked her head out of the bathroom and called for Willow. “Wills… you wanna wait with me?”

Willow thought she almost sounded desperate and her heart went out to her friend. “Yeah, Buff. Let’s wait in my room for a few minutes and then go back to look at the test. That way we’re not so focused on it.”

“Is that like ‘Time flies when you’re having fun’?” Buffy asked sarcastically as she went into Willow’s room.

“Come on you. It’s gonna be alright. Whatever the results are… you’ll be fine.”

“I hope so.” She glanced at Willow’s clock nervously.

“So…” Willow began.

“Let’s not… I have no idea what to say or think right now. I just want to wait. K?”

“Ye-ah…” she said quietly.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’ve just been… stressing and sick. That’s what made me think I might be. I’ve been sick the last three mornings and I didn’t know why. I’d always feel better later but… yeah.” Buffy stopped there and looked down. They were quiet again before Buffy looked at the clock and said, “I think it’s time.”

Buffy led the way back into the bathroom and Willow stood in the doorway waiting quietly for Buffy to read the results. There was an expression on Buffy’s face, but Willow couldn’t tell what the test said from it.

“Buffy… what does it say?”

She just stared at the test. “It says pregnant,” she said dazedly.

“Oh,” was all Willow said.

To be continued…

Chapter 2 – Making the Call

-4 months later-

Buffy was just into her second trimester with the baby. She told her mom the same day she took the test at Willow’s and discovered that her mom was an unbelievable person. Her mom was surprised of course, but she didn’t pester her with questions or give her a ‘disappointed in you’ talk. Buffy guessed she could see how torn up the whole pregnancy was making her anyway.

Sure there was a part of her that was happy that the baby was Will’s, but more than anything she wished he was there with her from the beginning, that he had wanted to stay with her baby or not. She felt that he didn’t want to stay. He left because he wanted something bigger and better than Sunnydale, bigger and better than Buffy. That’s what she told herself when she wished he was there.

She’d been going to the doctor for her checkups and everything with the pregnancy was going fine. Four months in she wasn’t showing much, but she could see the little baby bump when she looked in the mirror at home. She’d started school just like she planned all along, but her long term plans and even some short term ones had changed because of the pregnancy. For one she was now planning on taking the spring semester off to have the baby and take care of him. She thought she would sign up for some classes to take from home and some in the summer to stay in the mix of things, but she didn’t want everyone knowing that she was having a baby at 18, or would she be 19.

When she went to sleep at night she wondered what would happen to her life. She wondered what her baby would be like. She wanted it to be a boy so she could name him William. He would stay with her, she thought. Then she’d think how that wasn’t fair to the baby. It wasn’t fair to make her little Will stay with her because his father wouldn’t. She knew better, even now. She wished William had stayed, but she would make the best of her situation.

The baby was a part of her. She could feel him growing inside of her and she loved him more than she’d loved anything in her life. She could see him growing up. He was a toddler and then a little boy and then a bigger boy and bigger. She could see so far as him graduating high school, but then she wondered ‘What next?’

She didn’t know what came next for her. Things had gotten so mixed up even if it appeared she was doing everything right. She was going to school and she was preparing for the baby, but she still felt so confused. Her heart cried out for William.

Whenever she got confused that’s who she would call. In the last four months she’d picked up the phone several times to call him, but she never dialed the number. She didn’t have a number after he had called her the one time a few days after graduation, but Willow had told her she could always call information for a William Giles or she could try his dad, as a last resort of course.

Well, it turned out that he was in information. She wrote the number down and looked at it frequently. She thought about calling even more often than she picked up the phone to call. Willow had told her she should tell him about the pregnancy, and Buffy knew she was right. William had a right to know.

So, after four months of waiting and thinking about it she finally picked up the phone and dialed the number. A minute later a guy answered the phone, “Hello.”

“Hi, I’m calling for William. Is he there?” Buffy asked, feeling more nervous than she sounded.

“No, he moved.”

“Oh,” she said softly, disappointment hitting her.

“I do have a number for him though if you’d like it,” the man said nicely.

“Oh, yes. Thank you,” she said, the hope filling her again.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Yes.”

Buffy took down the number and thanked the man again.

Before she lost her nerve she called the new number. It rang several times before a woman picked up the phone, “Hello,” said the woman’s voice.

“Hel-lo,” Buffy said, her nerves returning. “Is this the right number for William?” she asked.

“No, no William lives here. Sorry. Anything else?” The woman’s voice said with an irritated air.

“No, thank you. Sorry for the mistake. Bye,” Buffy said, hanging up the phone. Her heart sank. She didn’t know what had happened to William and she needed him now. “No, I don’t need him. I can do this on my own,” she said with determination.


On the other side of the last phone conversation a skimpy blonde wearing everything in pink hung up the phone and turned back to her live-in boyfriend with a little pout.

“What’s wrong princess?” he asked.

She strolled over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I see then. Another wrong number was it?” he smirked.

“Yes… why do we keep getting them, Spike?” she asked.

“It’s probably crazies looking for me, you know?” he said with a chuckle.

“Yes, and it’s usually women,” she added with a vengeance.

“Oh? Does that make you jealous?” he asked huskily.

“Yes… and horny,” she said.

The bleach blonde rocker and the skimpy blonde went upstairs.


Buffy sat in her living room quietly. She wasn’t sure what to do now. She had tried calling him and had the wrong number. There was something in her brain that told her to call information again, that in 4 months they would have gotten a new number for William Giles, but her heart was a different matter. It felt let down and she didn’t want to try again for fear of another let down. So the question was “What do I do now?”

She asked the question to the empty room around her and discovered that the best thing for her would be to move on. She had a new life shaping up for her. She had a baby to take care of and she couldn’t be pining over some guy from high school, even if it was the father.

The doctor had given her an approximate due date from the date of conception. She was due in early March. Her plans to attend UC Sunnydale for the fall semester and not the spring were already in order. She hadn’t talked to her mom about them yet, but she hoped that she would understand.

Buffy put on some shoes and walked out of the house. She’d come home for a visit today. Her mom wanted to have dinner with her and she had agreed. Normally she would be in the dorm with Willow. College life was nice, but she didn’t feel that she could fully live it at the moment. She couldn’t party and she couldn’t wear skimpy clothes and go out dancing. Her life was so different than the way she had imagined it. Of course Willow didn’t really do that ‘normal’ college stuff either. She occasionally went out with Oz, but she was the studious one who wanted to make the best grades in college just as she had in high school. Sometimes Willow managed to drag Buffy to the Bronze and once there Buffy did have fun.

Walking around Sunnydale now she was able to clear her mind a little. Every place she passed held a memory though. She’d been in Sunnydale for a long time. She had moved to Sunnydale when she was a little girl and now she didn’t even remember living in LA. Sunnydale was all she could ever want in a hometown, a place to grow up in. It was small, but not too small. It had all these nooks and crannies and now she found herself wishing she could raise her son in this town.

But that’s what it was… wishing. She didn’t want to stay in Sunnydale any more. She couldn’t. There were too many memories of William and her life. They’d had this wonderful friendship and she had lost that. She wanted to start over somewhere new and fresh. She didn’t want to go to LA. It was a big city, but she didn’t want the fear of running into him. No, she had now decided on San Francisco. She would move at the end of the semester in December. She would also go to the University there and apply for admissions next fall, but hopefully take classes in the spring and summer too. She could take classes from her apartment in the spring, the same as she had planned to do here. Now all she had left to do was pack, and break the news to her friends and mom.

Chapter 3 – As Time Passes By

-5 years later-

San Francisco, California

Buffy was a woman working hard in the fashion industry. She loved her job and she loved coming home to her son. During the day she left him with a daycare service that her office supplied. She’d pick him up just after work and head home with him. He was her world and had been for the last 5 years. Ever since his birth that March his happiness was all that mattered to her. She worked hard through school so that she could get a good job when she graduated and be able to provide for him.

She hadn’t been home in the last 5 years either. She called and she emailed and sent pictures to her mom and Willow, but she didn’t visit. They had come out to visit her a few times and it was wonderful to see old friends and family again, but she still didn’t want to go back to Sunnydale.

The way Buffy looked at it was she’d made a new home. Sunnydale wasn’t home anymore. It was a part of her past, a past that she had moved on from. Right now she was content to continue living her life in San Francisco. She was happy enough.

Her job was good and she enjoyed it. She remembered sitting in her kitchen in Sunnydale the day she found out she was pregnant with Will. She had flipped through the style pages of the paper. That day had never left her mind and in college she had pursued fashion as a career. She didn’t design clothes perse but she put outfits together for rich people attending big events. As of yet she hadn’t worked for any big name celebrities like those in Hollywood, but her name was extending through the circles. She hoped that maybe one day she would be one of those people known for putting together such and such’s outfit for a big awards gala, but she was content to wait for that day to come. She would work hard until it did.

San Francisco was a nice city. It offered a lot for her career, not as much as LA would but it was still good, and it was nice for Will. She took him out to the park near their apartment on the weekends and sometimes they went to the zoo or aquarium. He liked seeing all the animals, big and small. He was curious about everything. It made her more curious about how he saw things around him. She was more cynical now. The turn her life had taken had hardened her to a lot, but she was still Buffy. Deep down she still had a soft, good heart and she still cared. She just didn’t like to show it for fear someone would trample on it.

Her love life was a different thing now. In high school she had dated the popular guys, the jocks and even an actor once. They never turned out that well. William was always there to catch her then. Now she didn’t have anyone but herself to count on and she had someone else counting on her. The last thing she wanted right now was the complications that dating would bring. So, she didn’t give herself time to date. Part of her reasoning behind this was the fear that no guy would want to date a single mom, more than that though she was afraid.

Buffy Summers, career woman at 23, was afraid of putting her heart on the line. After that night with William she kept her heart safely guarded behind walls and gates and locked away tight. If she had let anyone get close enough to see her in a candid moment they would have seen that the only time she gave herself over completely was with her son.

Will was the light in her life. When she was with him everything else faded away. It was hard raising him by herself, but she had made it through whatever came and she wasn’t going to let anything get in her way now. Everything she did was for him.

At the age of 5 Will didn’t understand what his mother did for him. He didn’t understand a lot of things about life and how things could have been or could be. Buffy never talked about William. When Will was born she had named him for his father, but that was all. She still thought about him, but she had moved on with her life as she believed he had as well. After calling that one day she never tried to contact him again.


It was late August in San Francisco and Buffy was walking home with Will. Today was Friday and she had the whole weekend to spend with him. During the week she left him at the daycare down the street from her work and picked him up when she got off. They usually walked the few blocks back to the apartment, but some days they took a cab or Buffy drove. When it was nice she liked to walk though.

Today was one of those nice days. They wouldn’t have many more like this. In a few weeks Will would be starting school. It would be one of the many first things he did and his father wouldn’t be there. There was a nagging in the back of Buffy’s mind that told her this should be different. They should be a happy family now, but they weren’t. She hoped that when she did take him to school for his first day of kindergarten the other kids wouldn’t take notice of his absentee father.

Buffy herself knew what it was like to not have a father figure around and she could only imagine how hard it would be for Will in the future. She didn’t worry about that now though. They were together and Will was happily hopping over the cracks in the sidewalk.

He hung onto Buffy’s hand and pulled himself up a little each time they crossed a crack. He was the sweetest child and it warmed Buffy’s heart to see him smile and to know that he was happy.

As they made their way home Buffy remembered that she needed to stop off at the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner. There was a store just a block before their apartment building and they stopped their before going home. Picking through the vegetables her cell phone began ringing.

She glanced at Will sitting in the seat of the grocery cart before answering her phone.

“Hello,” she said.

“Hi,” said the young woman on the other end. “My name is Lilah Morgan and I’m an agent in Los Angeles. Is this Ms. Summers that I’m speaking to?” The woman sounded very professional and it struck a cord with Buffy.

“Yes, I am Ms. Summers. How can I help you Ms. Morgan?” Buffy replied curiously.

“I’m calling on behalf of my client Harmony Kendall. She needs an ensemble for an Emmy’s after party in a few weeks and I heard you were the one to talk to about that.”

“Oh,” was all Buffy could manage at first. She was shocked to be getting a call about something so big.

“Oh?” Lilah echoed.

“Yes… I’m sorry. I’ve just never taken on an event as big as the Emmy’s.” Then she added hurriedly, “I’d love to though.”

“Great! As I said the party isn’t for a few weeks, but we would like you to come out to LA to meet with Miss Kendall and do some preliminary measures, color talks or what have you. Will tomorrow do?”

“Tomorrow?” Buffy hesitated for a split second and looked at Will. She could find a sitter for him. They had a nice neighbor that would surely take care of him for part of the day. “Tomorrow will be fine. What’s the address?”

Buffy took down the address and thanked Ms. Morgan before saying goodbye. When she had put her phone back in her purse she leaned forward and gave Will a big kiss on his cheek.

“Mama’s moving up!” she said excitedly.


When they got back to the apartment Buffy told Will to play in his room while she put the groceries away and then went over to talk to her neighbor Winifred Burkle, who they called Fred. They were friendly to one another and had had dinner together, but it wasn’t a strong friendship. Buffy knocked on the door.

“Hi Fred,” Buffy said with a warm smile.

“Hi Buffy,” Fred replied. “How are you?”

“I’m great! That’s actually why I’m here. I just got this call about doing a job in LA and I need to go tomorrow for a meeting so… I was hoping you could watch Will for me.” Buffy got a hopeful look as she waited for Fred’s response.

“That’s great Buffy! I’m so happy for you and of course I’ll watch Will. I love watching him. He’s such a great kid.”

“Oh, thank you! Thank you so much!” Buffy leaned forward and unexpectedly hugged Fred.

Fred hugged her back easily, but was surprised by the hug too. They’d never been close, but Fred didn’t say anything about the hug.

Buffy went back to her apartment and made dinner for her and Will. Their life was relatively quiet, but it suited Buffy. In Sunnydale she had been quite popular and it had been hard to keep her pregnancy hush hush. She wasn’t ashamed of Will but she felt very alone and abandoned and she didn’t want to be the talk of the town for getting pregnant. She always had determination and when she set her sights on something she wanted she got it.

Now that she was living in San Francisco, raising her son on her own, she could look back and see where her determination had taken her over the last 5 years. It had gotten her through college while working and taking care of a baby. It had put her at the top of her class and gotten her a job in a successful fashion office. After she was hired a year ago she set her sights on something a little brighter.

She wanted to work for the stars. She wanted to be the go to girl of LA fashion. Tomorrow she was getting her start in just that.


-Saturday-

Buffy woke up at 7 to start getting ready for her day. Her meeting with Harmony Kendall wasn’t until noon, but she would need to get Will set for Fred’s and drive to LA. She took a shower and brushed her hair out. Then she got dressed in something classy but not fancy. She wanted to appear both fashionable and professional. Deciding on a flowing knee length blue dress with spaghetti straps and a tan blazer she glanced in the mirror with appreciation of the outfit. She slipped on a pair of white sandals and went to wake up Will now that it was nearly 8 o’clock.

Will was good in the mornings as long as he slept well the night before. Buffy could still remember the earaches he got as a child. They would keep him up through the night. She’d bring him into her room to sleep with her so she could rub his back. He always liked that whenever he wasn’t feeling well.

This morning he picked out a t-shirt and shorts. He got dressed and then went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Afterwards he went out to the kitchen to wait for Buffy to make him breakfast.

She applied some light make up and went out to the kitchen to get Will something to eat.

“What do you want pumpkin?” she asked him sweetly.

He smiled and sat up a little straighter as he said, “Umm… I want some toast with jam.” He looked at his mom and she looked back and he added, “Please” with a little grin.

“Not a problem.” She smiled once she had turned around and started getting his request ready. She tried her best to teach him manners. She wanted to be proud of him and she really was. Will had grown up a lot in the last 5 years. In a way Buffy was happy to see how he grew a little more each year, but it also made her sad. She wished she could always have her baby boy but she knew that couldn’t be.

Time passes by and people change. The world around you changes too. Five years ago Buffy wouldn’t have believed someone if they told her that this was what she’d be doing and where she’d be doing it. No, five years ago Buffy had a very vague idea of what she wanted to do with her life. That all changed with Will.

Buffy gave him his toast and jam on a paper towel while she grabbed a bag of his things to give to Fred. Then she walked Will over to Fred’s apartment and talked with Fred for a few minutes before hurrying on to Los Angeles.


Los Angeles, California

Spike rolled around in bed at 9. He didn’t want to get out of bed yet. He’d been lying in bed for the last half hour or so with the feeling that today was going to bring something he didn’t really want to face.

Life as he knew it was great. He was the lead guitarist in a small band that kept him busy and happy and he was branching out to behind the scenes work as well as acting. Over the last 5 years he had become successful in the thriving city of LA. He felt like he was happy too.

The successes he’d had in the last 5 years had been good and they served to boost his ego as well as his bank account. His band was getting more shows now and had signed a record deal about a month ago. Now they were working on some singles along with their first big record.

Spike hoped that everything would go well with the release of it. He knew all he could do was work hard and not let anything get in the way of what he wanted.

He rolled over one more time before reluctantly getting out of bed. ‘First things first,’ he thought, heading for the bathroom. Still wearing his silk pajama pants he wandered downstairs for a bite of food and some coffee.

He’d been living in his house for a couple of years now. Growing up in Sunnydale he had learned how to save his money. The first few years in LA he put everything in a savings account and just kept a little in a checking account to pay the bills. Over time the savings had gained interest and he had put enough in to put a payment down on a reasonable house. His recent record deal would only help with the house, for which he was grateful.

This morning he had woken up alone, which was something he was used to doing. His on again girlfriend Harmony usually woke up before him to hit the gym. They’d been together on & off almost since he came to LA. He’d dated a few other girls when they had been on break, but somehow he ended up back with Harmony. He didn’t know why and he often kicked himself for it, but he supposed it was more for the sex than anything else.

It was good to have a pretty girl to take to events too. This year they had been invited to an Emmy’s after party by a friend that Spike had met while doing a bit part in a movie. So, of course Harmony wanted to go all out and have someone help her with what she should be wearing. She was a budding actress, or so she kept saying. The problem wasn’t the exposure because she got plenty of that. No, Harmony’s only problem was that she was just like every other California blonde trying to get an acting job.

She walked into the kitchen while he was chugging some orange juice. She smiled her big smile at him and started babbling about what she was doing today. The only thing that caught his attention was the part where she said she had a meeting with a fashion woman at noon and she’d be coming to Lilah’s office.

“So… I totally thought it would be a good time for you to take me out to lunch after. The thing shouldn’t take long. It’s just a first meeting thingy.” She walked forward to rub his arm as if to convince him.

“Yeah, sounds nice luv,” he said simply. “I’ll meet you there at 1 o’clock then, yeah?”

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him on the lips. She began to deepen the kiss, but Spike gently pulled back. “I need to take care of some things first so I should get going.” He kissed her on the cheek and then turned to head upstairs. He said over his shoulder, “I’ll see you at one.”


-Hours later-

Buffy met with Harmony and Lilah. She could sense that Harmony was, well, not all there. Lilah seemed put together and successful. Buffy wondered why she had Harmony as a client. The meeting went well. They talked over color ideas and what kind of dress would look best on Harmony. Buffy told her she could bring some dresses the next time she came so that they could get a better idea of what they were looking for, and some pictures as well so they could figure out what style and little flares to use.

The meeting ran just over an hour and Buffy left Harmony and Lilah to talk amongst themselves. The three women said goodbye and Lilah said, “I’ll call you to set up another meeting Buffy.”

“Great. I’ll talk to you soon. Have a nice day,” she said warmly.

Buffy headed to the elevator of the office building. She pressed the button to go down to the first floor. She waited patiently to reach the first, glancing at her watch twice. She really wanted to get home to Will. While she didn’t particularly like Harmony Kendall she knew that this job could get her some exposure in the circles where she wanted to be working. She sighed as the elevator dinged on its arrival to the first floor. The doors opened and she took a step forward and directly into someone.

She looked up to see the face of someone she both recognized and didn’t recognize. She was face to face with William, the last person she ever expected to see again. She couldn’t think or even move. She was frozen.

Spike felt someone bump into him. He hadn’t been paying very much attention either and when he looked up he immediately began to say, “Excuse—” He stopped there though. He was floored and his hands had gone up to hers on reflex.

There they stood, Spike’s hands on Buffy’s arms. Both were speechless and immobile.

On impulse Buffy brushed her hand along his cheek. “William…” she whispered before fainting in his arms.

…to be continued…

Chapter 4 – Awake Now

…continued from Chapter 3 – As Time Passes By…

Spike carried the unconscious Buffy over to a soft couch off to the side in the main lobby. A few people were walking by to get to the elevators, but no one seemed to be paying any attention to Spike and Buffy. The couch was in a quiet, dim corner of the lobby so he didn’t expect people to be paying them much attention.

He sat down on the edge of the couch and leaned over to brush some hair out of her face. The rise and fall of her chest was apparent so he knew that she was still breathing. He watched her for a moment, careful to steady his own breathing. Seeing Buffy again was unexpected to say the least. There was so much that he was feeling right now that he couldn’t even begin to sort through it all and really know which feeling was which.

Buffy Summers, the girl that stole his heart, was now lying before him. He never thought he would see her again. He had dreamed of it, but he never let himself believe that one of those dreams would come true. Now she was here. She was really here with him. She had touched him. She had said his name.

He wanted to wake her up and talk to her, wanted to find out what she had been doing since he left Sunnydale, wanted to know why she was here, and wanted to know if she still loved him. The latter he wouldn’t ask her though. It was too soon to ask that.

A few minutes passed and Buffy began to move. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and the first thing she saw was Spike looking down on her.

“Hi,” he said softly.

She looked around her and grew puzzled. She didn’t remember the couch. “Where… am I?” she asked.

“You fainted and I moved you over here to the couch. Thought it would be a bit more comfortable for you,” he smiled lightly. Then he grew quiet. He wasn’t sure what to say.

“Oh…” she was quiet to for a moment. She sat up a little and began to scoot away from Spike. After a minute she said in a quite voice, “Thank you.” She was looking down at her hands lying in her lap instead of up at him.

He hadn’t been looking at her either when he heard the quiet thank you. When he heard it he looked up suddenly. “For what?” he said surprised.

“For moving me to the couch… it was kind of you to do that--” she stopped there for a second. Her brows furrowed the next second and she asked, “Why did you move me? Why are you here… being nice to me?” She folded her arms defensively and looked at him sternly.

Spike was even more surprised by this line of questioning than he was by the thank you. The defensive tone in Buffy’s voice threw him off and he was speechless for a minute. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before he finally managed to spit out, “I told you why I moved you.”

He stood quickly and turned away from her. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “I didn’t expect to see you here Buffy. I had no time to think about how to react. I’m being nice because that’s what comes naturally when I’m with you…from what I remember anyway.”

She watched him stand and thought he might walk away. ‘That would be just like him,’ she thought. “Oh…” was her quiet response to his words. She looked down at her lap again for a few seconds. When she looked up his back was still to her.

She stood quietly and took a few steps toward him. She was almost close enough to touch him. She could hear his steady breathing and it reminded her of the last time she had seen him. His breathing then had put her to sleep. She closed her eyes and took a step back.

He heard her footsteps behind him, but he didn’t turn around. He closed his eyes and waited for her to touch him. He could still feel her touch him the way she had on graduation. Would she ever touch him like that again? Then she spoke, and he was torn from his thoughts.

“I have to go…” she said suddenly. “I’m sorry…it’s just…he’s counting on me…goodbye William.” A tear rolled down her cheek as she turned and walked away from him. She never wanted to have to say goodbye to him again, but life never took into account what you wanted.

“Buffy…” he turned around to see her walking away. He ran after her. When he caught up with her he grabbed her arm gently. “Don’t go,” he said in a low, rough voice.

She looked at him with startled eyes when she felt his hand gripping her arm firmly. Her eyes softened at his request. “I don’t want to William… but I have to. There’s someone waiting on me, counting on me.”

He didn’t let go of her. Her words struck him though and a hurt look entered his eyes. He turned her body to his. “Who’s so important Buffy? Who is it that can’t wait for you?” He looked at her seriously and leaned in closer. “All I want is a little of your time...” he said quietly. “Please,” he added desperately.

Buffy drew back and looked into his eyes. She could see the pain there. She brought her hand up to caress his cheek. She watched as he closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. It brought a smile to her face. “He’s important to me because he’s a part of me. I don’t want to keep him waiting because he didn’t ask for anything. He’s never really asked for anything. He’s just here, and he’s a part of my life.”

She looked at his face and coaxed him to open his eyes again by rubbing the corner of his eye. When he did she looked into those baby blues and knew that she would always be in love with him. “Your eyes… he has your eyes… his father’s eyes…” she said quietly. She didn’t really think about what she’d said and it didn’t seem that Spike caught on at first either.

It took him a minute to process it. “Father’s eyes?” he asked, puzzled. He tilted his head to the side. His hand had loosened its grip minutes ago. “Buffy…what are you saying?”

The look in his eyes, the question lying there unanswered perturbed her. She didn’t know what to say to him. She never imagined them running into each other like this. She shook her head. “I… don’t know. I didn’t mean to say that…”

“That’s fine. There are a lot of things we don’t mean to say, but Buffy…what does it mean?”

Her eyes met his and she knew she couldn’t talk her way out of this one. There was determination in his eyes. “I just… he’s just a child. He doesn’t understand what happened…” she gestured between their bodies, “between us.”

There was a sudden revelation to him. He didn’t miss the point of her words this time. “Bloody hell, Buffy…” He took a step back from her and ran his hand through his hair again.

Buffy looked down. She felt a little ashamed that she had kept the truth from him for so long. Her eyes wandered up to Spike and around them. There were people around and she didn’t like the idea of everyone hearing what they were talking about. “Will…” she said as she took a step toward him. She knew she needed to say something, but she wasn’t sure just what to say. She bit her lip for a few seconds. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before now. I tried to call, but I never got a hold of you… I know I should’ve kept trying, and I’m sorry…”

He looked back at her again. He couldn’t believe this. His whole life had changed in a matter of seconds. He didn’t know what to say to her at the moment. There was so much he was feeling, so much he wanted to know, and yet he was speechless.

She saw something akin to confusion in his appearance and she felt her heart go out to him. She had felt very similar when she found out she was pregnant. Now she was here with William and she had the opportunity to let him into her life again, to let him into the life of their son. “William,” she started nervously.

“Buffy,” he said, looking at her.

“Is there somewhere we can talk?” she asked simply.

He thought for a moment and shook his head. “Yeah, there’s a place about a block from here. Are you hungry?” He wasn’t sure of what he was doing, but he knew he didn’t want to push her away.

“Uhh…” she started. She wasn’t so sure about lunch, but then her stomach growled loud enough for both of them to hear. She smiled and said, “Guess so.”

“We can take my car. When we’re done I’ll bring you back here to get your car… sound good?”

She nodded.

Buffy followed Spike out and to his car. He opened the door for her and she slid into the seat. It was a nice sports car, not too fancy, but definitely expensive. She wondered how much money he made, because from the look of the car he was fairly successful.

Her focus darted to him as he got in the driver’s seat and started the car. She looked away from him and out the passenger’s window as he mind thought over the situation at hand.

Spike kept his focus on the road with the occasional glance at the girl sitting in the car beside him. His mind went over all that was happening to his life and all that had happened to Buffy’s.

She must have been through a lot raising him on her own. Him. He had a son. He couldn’t believe it. The boy must be… about 5 now. Spike knew there was only one time when they could have conceived a child, graduation night. He felt like he was awake for the first time in years. There were so many possibilities stretching before him. He was a father. He knew he wanted children someday, and now he was a father. In a matter of minutes he found out that he had been a father for the past 5 years without ever knowing it. He had thought about Buffy often, but he never imagined that he had gotten her pregnant. He felt happier now than he could remember feeling in the last 5 years. He hadn’t felt this happy since he left Sunnydale. He’d been happy, but never like this. He didn’t know how to explain it right now, but his mind was racing with all that he had learned and all that he had yet to learn about his son.

Chapter 5 – How do we start over?


A small Los Angeles café

They’d been sitting down for a few minutes now and neither spoke. Buffy could hardly look at Spike at the moment. All Spike could do was look at her. A few minutes later the waitress came to take their order. Buffy was grateful for the distraction, even if it was temporary. It gave her a moment to calm down.

Each ordered their lunch and then turned back to one another. Spike looked at Buffy and Buffy finally looked back at Spike.

“So…” she began awkwardly.

“I’m not mad,” he said seriously.

She looked at him, trying to figure out if he was serious. “Why not?” she asked. Then she added, “I mean… I would be if I were you.”

“I could be. A part of me is, I suppose, but the bigger part of me…” he sighed before finishing, “just wants to know about my son. I’m a da’ and I find that unbelievable and… believe it or not, I’m happy about it.”

The look on her face conveyed how puzzled she was by his words. She couldn’t believe what he was saying.

“Okay,” she said. “What do you want to know? I can tell you anything about him.”

“Well… let’s start with his name, and then we can go from there.” Spike smiled.

Buffy smiled back, feeling the mood lighten just a tad. “His name is William.” She looked at Spike and felt her cheeks get hotter. Then she looked down for a moment.

Spike cocked his head to the side. “You named him after me?”

She looked up at this. “Yes.”

“Why?”

She looked at him for a moment, unsure of the question. She knew what it meant, but she didn’t understand why he wanted to know.

He elaborated. “It’s just… I haven’t been around you or…William. Why would you name him after an absentee father?”

She looked Spike in the eye as she answered him. “He’s a part of you as much as he’s a part of me. No matter if you were there or not I wanted our son to have a part of you with him, forever.” She took a moment to gulp down some of the water their waitress had brought over during their conversation. “I know that you haven’t been around, and part of that is my fault. I should have tried harder to contact you when I found out I was pregnant.”

“It’s not your fault,” he said quietly. “I shouldn’t have left in the first place… there were things I should have said before I left anyway… and I should have called more often. I moved, my number changed, but I knew how to get in touch with you.”

She was amazed at how kind he was being about everything. She never expected it to be like this… well… only in the good dreams she had about telling him. “I wish you’d been there,” she said softly. Suddenly she caught on to something he said. “What things should you have said?”

“Oh…I…uh…” he fumbled with his words. Then the food came and he didn’t have to say anything for a few minutes.

Buffy thanked the waitress for her food and turned back to Spike as soon as she left their table. “What should you have said, William?” she asked with a demanding presence to her voice.

“I love you,” he said under his breath.

She stopped. It felt like her heart stopped too. He said it. Those three little words had now been spoken between them. She had longed to hear them, but now she didn’t know what to do. Well, she knew what she wanted to do. She knew what she would’ve said 5 years ago, but could she say it now. She looked at him.

Spike gazed into her eyes, trying to figure out what her reaction was. “Do you love me too?” he asked. “Did you ever love me?”

“I loved you then,” she said. “I should have told you that before you left. I wanted to that night, but I thought it would just make things harder when you had to go in the morning.” She looked at him as she picked up a fry and bit off the end of it. She couldn’t say that she loved him now though. They were different people now. She felt something for him, but she didn’t know if it was love.

“Really?” he said with a little surprise. A part of him was saddened that she couldn’t say she loved him now, but he understood. He was happy to have heard her say it at all.

“Yeah,” she said with a smile.

He shook himself and took a bite of his lunch. After he chewed he looked at Buffy and asked, “When was he born?”

She smiled. “March 10, 2000.”

“9 months after…” he began.

“Graduation,” she finished. “Yeah, it was.”

“How big was he?”

“Oh… 7 pounds 8 ounces,” she said with a small shrug.

His eyes went a little big. He couldn’t imagine something that size coming out of such a small frame as Buffy’s.

She smiled. “He was pretty easy… well, from the horror stories I hear from other mom’s anyway. He only caused me 6 hours of hell.”

“You’re a mum,” he murmured. A small smile graced his lips.

Buffy nodded. “Yeah, and you’re a dad.”

“I can’t believe it!” he looked at her with awe. He reached across the table and placed his hand on hers. “We made something… we’re parents…” he looked at their hands. “I want to be there for you and William, okay?”

She nodded. “That’ll be nice. I’ve always wanted you to be a part of his life, always.”

He looked at her. He saw the truth in her eyes and yet he had to ask. “Then why didn’t you call?”

“I did call. I called the number you left me… I guess it was your first place in LA.” Buffy paused.

“Yeah,” Spike nodded. “I stayed there for a couple of months before moving on.”

Buffy continued, “The guy that you lived with there gave me your new number and when I finally got up the courage to call…” Buffy swallowed hard. The memory still bothered her. “The girl that answered told me that no William lived there.” She looked down and said, “After that I never tried again… I just told myself it was best to move on. I finished my fall semester at Sunnydale U. and moved to San Francisco in December.”

He ran his hand over his mouth. He knew from what Buffy had said about the girl and asking for ‘William’ what had happened, and he couldn’t believe his bad luck. “I’m so sorry Buffy…” he looked down as he continued, “You had the right number.”

“What?” She looked up at him, but he was looking down. “William, look at me… please.” She was half pleading with him despite the surprised and somewhat angry tone in her voice. “How can that be true?”

He looked up at her and sighed. “Well… when I started in the business I picked a stage name. Spike. Most people, fans and friends alike, know me by that name now.” He stopped for a few seconds before adding, “The girl I was living with… got annoyed when people asked for William when they called, so she always told them that no one by that name lived there. To her I was Spike, so William didn’t live there, but I really am sorry Buffy. I never meant to ignore your calls… my God, if I had gotten that call…”

When he started telling her what had happened Buffy felt more than a little angry, but as he went on she knew that he never meant for it to happen. How could she be angry with him for something that happened 5 years ago, and something that he didn’t even do? She was, however, angry with the girl who answered the phone all those years ago.

Buffy slid her hand across the table and toyed with Spike’s fingers. “I don’t blame you. You didn’t know what was going on, no one really knew. Well… my mom and Willow and Xander, but most people didn’t know that I was pregnant. I never told your parents. I don’t even know if Mom told my dad. By the time I moved out I was just barely showing, so no one ever said anything to me about it. It was only in San Francisco that people noticed that I was pregnant or had a baby, and then no one really said anything to me because I wasn’t feeling very social. I’ve made some friends now, but I didn’t want to at first.”

Spike looked at their hands when he felt her touch. Then he gazed into her eyes as she spoke to him. He felt his heart swell when she said she didn’t blame him. The bits she told him of people who knew about the pregnancy gave him a tinge of shame and jealousy. He was jealous that her friends and family had been there for him and he was ashamed that he had not.

“I should have been there Buffy. I never should have left you.”

She smiled a smile that only came with growing up and knowing that everything happens for a reason. “Maybe so,” she said with a shrug. “But you didn’t, and we’re okay.”

“Okay?” he said with a puzzled look. “My son has been living without a father. How is that okay?” His tone had deepened and he felt his heart clench at the thought of his son growing up without him.

It felt as if someone was gripping her heart and her throat at the same time. She could hear the pain in his voice and she could see it written all over his face. She hated to see him like this.

Buffy shook her head. “No, William. It’s not okay. It’s far from okay,” she glanced down at her clasped hands on the table. Looking back at him she continued, “But what else am I supposed to tell you? Should I tell you how hard it was when I found out and couldn’t reach you? Should I explain why I left Sunnydale? Why I left my family and friends? I can tell you why. I left because everywhere I turned, everywhere I looked… I saw you.” She paused and took a deep breath to calm herself. “I could feel you with me in every place of that town. It was my home for so long. I had so many memories there, and most of them were with you.”

It shook him to his core to hear her rant as she had, but he was glad she did. He didn’t want her pretending that everything was okay. “Buffy, I’m so sorry.”

Tears shone in her eyes as she looked back at Spike now. “Thank you,” she said softly.

He looked down at his half eaten lunch and across the table at hers. “Are you done?”

She nodded and blinked the tears away. Then she quickly added, “Can I get it boxed up though?” A small smile played on her lips as she explained, “Will would like some of this stuff.”

He smiled a genuine smile back at her before flagging down their waitress to ask for a ‘to go’ box. Once the box and check had been taken care of Spike walked out of the restaurant with Buffy.

They headed down the street to the parking lot in silence. When they reached the entrance to the lot Spike stopped and put a hand on Buffy’s arm. She turned around to look at Spike.

“Take a walk with me?” he said in the form of a question.

She nodded her consent. He held out his arm for her and waited until she took it. He led her to a small park a couple blocks from the café. After entering the park he took her by the hand to a bench where he sat down and then motioned for her to do the same.

Buffy looked into Spike’s eyes as she sat down beside him. She could feel his body heat and it made her body hum in a very good way. This was closer than they had been in a long time. “Will…” she started.

“Shh…” he quieted and put a finger to her lips. “I brought you hear because I wanted to talk more and I wanted you to see a place that’s important to me.” He took her hands in his for a moment as he gazed into her eyes. “I love you, Buffy Summers. I know that we can’t pick up where we left off. There’s so much that hasn’t been said, and we’re just starting to talk again. We’re just getting to know each other again, and I like that. So… I just have one question for you.”

She looked at him and nodded again since it seemed he was waiting for permission to ask.

“How do we start over?”

Her breath hitched. That was his question? She didn’t know how to answer that one, but she wanted to give him something. She bit her lip thoughtfully as she went through her mind. When she finally had something she looked into his eyes and said, “We don’t.”

His heart sank. That wasn’t what he wanted to hear. It wasn’t what he had expected either. Then, just as he was beginning to lose hope he felt her squeeze his hand lightly.

She took her other hand and cupped his face. “Oh, William… that’s not what I meant.” Her thumb ran over his sharp cheek bone and she smiled. “My words never come out the way I want.” She took pause before she began to speak quietly. “I loved you when you left. I don’t know if I can love you again, but what I do know is that our son deserves a chance to know his father. And you deserve to have that chance too. I never wanted to keep you from him, and now that we’re here I can’t do it any longer.” She leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss to his lips before pulling away. “So… for now that’s what it will be, a chance for father and son to get to know one another. Okay?”

Spike swallowed hard. He couldn’t utter a word so he nodded silently.

Chapter 6 – Taking a Chance


Spike’s bedroom

Spike changed his shirt for the third time in the last 20 minutes. He walked back to his closet to look for another one. Sifting through clothes he finally found a red one he liked. He pulled it from the hanger and put it on. As he began to button up the shirt he slowly turned around. When he turned around he found himself face to face with Harmony.

He hadn’t talked to her since they had an argument about him forgetting their lunch date when he came home late last night. He didn’t even apologize for missing lunch and he had decided to sleep in one of the guest rooms after he left Buffy at her car. Somehow he just couldn’t be with Harmony anymore and he was finally realizing he needed to tell her exactly that.

“Spike,” she said in an annoyed tone as she tapped her foot.

“Harmony,” Spike replied.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked.

“Out.”

“But we have things we need to talk about.”

“Well,” he began as he thought about it. “You’re right Harmony.”

“I’m right?” she asked, puzzled. “Yeah, I’m right,” she said still not sure of what was going on.

“But what I need to say won’t take long. In fact it’s really easy. We’re over.” With that said Spike grabbed his leather duster and walked out.

Harmony was left pouting and confused. She had no idea what had just happened but she felt fairly certain that Spike had just broken up with her. The breaking up was what she didn’t understand. How could he break up with her?


Buffy’s apartment, San Francisco

It was about 9 in the morning and Buffy was running around her apartment cleaning everything. She’d been awake since 6 and just lain in bed for an hour before actually getting up. Then she decided to clean the apartment from wall to wall.

In the 2 hours she had already been cleaning she had done the bathroom that she and Will shared, the living room, and the kitchen. She had cleaned each until it was spotless. There was also a good possibility that the surfaces that could shine were shining.

Now she was standing in the doorway to her bedroom and wondering what to do with it when there was a scuffling behind her and then a soft prodding in the back of her leg. Buffy turned around to see her 5 year old son staring up at her with sleepy eyes.

“Mommy, what are you doin’?” he asked.

Buffy knelt down with a soft smile. “I’m just cleaning sweetheart.” She wasn’t sure what to tell William about the fact that his father was coming to meet him today.

“Do I have ta clean my room too?” he asked.

“Not if you don’t want to sweetie,” Buffy told him. She cupped his face gently and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I love you my little William,” she said, ruffling his curly blonde locks.

Will just crinkled his nose a little at the sentiment and then he giggled at the ruffling of his hair. He had the blonde hair of his mother, but the curls of his father and Buffy loved every bit of it. She could look into the face of her son and see so much of his father there. At one time it had caused her a little pain, or clench of the heart, but today it didn’t. Today, it just made her smile.

“Are you happy Mama?” he asked perceptively.

She thought about it for a moment before realizing her own happiness. “Yes Will, I’m happy.” She smiled at her little boy as she stood up. “Come on, let’s get you some breakfast. What do you want to have today?”

Will followed his mother into the kitchen and climbed into his chair at the table. He looked up thoughtfully and said, “I want some cereal Mama.”

“Coming right up,” she said smiling back at him. She got a bowl and poured some Cheerios in it for him. Then she added the milk and got a spoon before putting it on the table in front of him.

While Will ate his breakfast Buffy thought about how to tell him that his father would be coming today. She didn’t know how to say it, but she knew that she had to tell him. She couldn’t let Spike just show up and confuse Will.

“Will, there’s someone important coming over today,” she said.

Will just took another bite of his Cheerios and smiled at his mom. A minute later he looked at her and said, “Who’s comin’ over Mama?”

“Well,” she began. “Your dad is coming to meet you,” she told him.

Will took another bite. He didn’t understand what she was saying, but he wasn’t confused. He just didn’t know what it meant.

“Will, do you understand what that means?” Buffy could tell that he didn’t know what to think.

“Nope,” he said with a cute shake of his head.

“Well, every little boy has a mom and a dad. I’ve got grandma and grandpa. You’ve got me. You’ve always had me, but today you get to meet your dad.”

“Okay Mama,” he said with his little smile.

Buffy still had the feeling that he didn’t quite understand what was going on, but he was only 5. She knew that it was ok. He had never seen moms and dads together with their kids and that had made her job as a single mom easier. Today things were going to change for them.


A few hours later

Buffy was tidying up her room when there was a knock at the door. She stood up and looked into Will’s room. He was playing with his toys, seemingly unfazed by the knock. She smiled at how oblivious he could be and she wished that she could feel like her 5 year old son again.

On the way to answer the door she looked over her appearance. She was wearing a pair of black pants and a little red tank top, and she was barefoot. She’d applied some light make up earlier and put on some simple jewelry.

“1… 2… 3…” she counted under her breath as she reached for the door. She opened it and smiled at Spike.

“Hi,” he said as he took in her appearance. “You look lovely.”

“Thanks,” she smiled back at him. “Come in,” she said as she opened the door and stepped aside to let him pass. She closed the door and turned to face Spike. “Umm… William…” she said a little hesitantly.

He was looking around the apartment for his son when he heard her speak his name. He turned back to her and saw the hesitation written on her face. “Buffy, what’s wrong?” He began to get worried.

She saw the worry begin to form and she smiled lightly. “There’s no need to worry William. I just wanted to let you know that Will doesn’t exactly understand what meeting you means. He’s only 5, you know and…”

He stopped her. “It’s ok Buffy. I’m willing to take whatever I can get here. I’m just glad that I get to know him at all now.”

She gave a little nod. Then she added quietly, “Wait here. I’ll go get him.”

Spike stood in the living room and watched as Buffy disappeared down the hallway. He looked after her for a minute before he began looking around the room. On the mantel he noticed there were pictures of Will and Buffy and some with Will as a baby with people from Sunnydale. Then his eyes fell on a group photo in the middle of the mantel. It had Willow, Xander, Joyce, and Buffy holding a newborn Will. ‘It must’ve been right after he was born,’ he thought. His eyes fell on the picture beside it just a moment later and he had to smile. It was a picture of the gang back in Sunnydale. Spike could still remember the picture being taken too.

“Right after…” he said quietly. The picture of the four friends was taken right after they graduated. Buffy’s mom had gotten the four of them together and snapped the happy picture. The next thing Spike knew there was a light tap on his shoulder and he spun around to be faced by Buffy once again. He began to say, “Do you remem…” but he stopped there when his gaze went down to the small boy standing beside Buffy.

“Will, this is your dad,” she told the little boy. Then she met Spike’s gaze and said, “This is your son.”


A little while later Buffy went into the kitchen to start making some lunch for the three of them. She could see Spike playing with Will on the living room floor. They were playing with Will’s cars and trucks. She could see that Will was happy too, and that’s all that really mattered to her. She could also see the happiness clearly written on Spike’s face. Deep down she was happy for him too. Overall she was happy and her happiness was bubbling up. She couldn’t help wishing that they could all be this happy all of the time.

After looking through the cabinets and the refrigerator Buffy decided on something simple and a favorite of Will’s, grilled cheese. It was quick and easy, so she could get back to watching them together or playing with them.

Once the sandwiches were done she put them on plates and set them on the table. Then she called the boys to come eat some lunch. “Ok boys, lunch is ready, so come eat.” She paused for a moment to watch them reluctantly put down their toys and come to the table. “Will, what do you want to drink?”

At once they both answered, “Milk.”

She had to smile at that. It was unbelievably cute to see them both answer like that. She never knew what they had in common and it was interesting to see. “Two milks coming right up,” she answered.

When she came back to the table she brought the two glasses of milk and an iced tea for herself. She sat down at the table with them and smiled over at Will and Spike. Lunch went by with some chit chat and smiling at Will. He really was an adorable kid and Buffy was very proud of him.

Spike could look across the table at Buffy and see how much she loved Will. He could see how proud she was of her son. While it was nice to see Buffy so happy at this point in her life it was bittersweet too. He felt bad because she wasn’t happy because of him. No, she had done it all on her own. She had shown the world and him that she could do it. She was strong and he admired that. And God, how he loved this woman.

He couldn’t help but look at her and realize what an idiot he had been. He let her go. He walked out of her life and now he wanted back in. He couldn’t believe she was letting him back into her life. He wanted to make it all up to her, and he was determined to do just that. No matter what it took he would show her that they were right for each other. She was the one for him and he knew that. Now all he had to do was prove to Buffy that he was the one for her.


Before long the time had slipped away. Buffy looked at the clock and realized that something needed to be done for dinner. It was 6 o’clock and she didn’t have much in the house to make. Then she got an idea.

“Hey, boys!” she said with a smile.

They both turned to her with their own smiles.

“What do you say to ordering some pizza?” she asked. They didn’t do it often, but she thought it would be a nice treat tonight.

Spike shrugged his shoulders and turned to Will to make the final decision. “What do you say, son?” He felt a tingle as he said ‘son.’ He’d never done that before, and it filled him with a sense of pride and love. He had an unimaginable love for this kid that he had only known for a day. Nothing could compare to the love he felt for his son.

Will looked at Spike and then at Buffy. He smiled his smile and said, “Pizza? I love pizza!” His smile turned into a grin and he jumped up to hug his mom.

Buffy beamed down at her son and put her arms around him. Then with one hand she ruffled his hair.

Will giggled and hugged his mom tighter for a moment before letting go. “Can we do it half ‘n half, Mama?” he asked.

“Yes, we can do it half and half Will.” She saw the unspoken question written on Spike’s face and she smiled. “Will?”

He turned to Buffy waiting for what she would say.

“Why don’t you explain to your dad how we like our pizza while I go and order it?”

He nodded. “Ok Mama,” he said brightly. Will went to sit with Spike while Buffy went into the kitchen to order the pizza. “Its half pepperoni and half cheese,” he explained matter-of-factly.

“Oh,” Spike said. “That’s just the way I like it too.”

“Really?” Will asked.

“Really.” Spike looked at his son and smiled. “Say, what’d you say we pick out a movie to watch after dinner?”

“Yeah!” Will said excitedly.

“Ok. So, where do you and your mom keep the movies?”

“Right over here.” Will showed Spike the movie cabinet right beside the TV.

“What’s your favorite?”

“Um…” Will thought about it for a minute. “I dunno if I have just 1.”

Spike smiled. “I don’t know if I have just 1 either,” he whispered to Will. “Which movie do you want to watch tonight then?”

Will looked at the DVD cases for a minute and then back at his dad. He looked back at the movies and back at his dad again before saying, “Cars!”

Spike grinned and said, “Sure buddy.” He reached in and grabbed the DVD. When he turned around again he saw Buffy watching them. He held up the movie and said, “He picked Cars.”

Buffy looked back at Spike. She opened her mouth to say something, but Will interrupted. “Can I show Dad my nice cars before the pizza comes?”

She smiled and said, “That sounds like a great idea pumpkin.” Buffy watched as Will took Spike’s hand and nearly dragged him down the hall to his bedroom.


After dinner they all sat down on the couch to watch Cars. Will was happy to sit between his parents. He seemed happier than Buffy had ever seen him before and that made her happy. Spike was content to sit on the couch with his family. He finally had a family. That was something he had been longing for a long time, but he never dreamed he would find the person to have it with. Now, with Buffy and Will, he felt like he could stay this way forever. Buffy felt calm for the first time in a long time, probably 5 years. She felt like she wasn’t doing this alone anymore. She had Spike now and that meant more than she was ready to say.

About halfway through the movie Buffy noticed that Will was getting tired. She saw him lean his head on Spike’s arm and his eyes would close every minute or so. He always did the cutest things and it never ceased to amaze her. She didn’t want to take him to bed just yet though. She knew if she did he would wake up and probably not get back to sleep for a while. The movie had about a little under a hour left and Buffy thought that would be just right.

She glanced over at Spike as the movie was coming to a close. She looked at Will who was sound asleep and her lips naturally curled into a little smile. Then her gaze shifted back to Spike and she saw him look at Will and then back at her.

“We should move him to his bed,” she said.

“I can carry him if you can just lead the way,” he told her.

“Ok.” Buffy stood.

Spike scooped up Will and followed Buffy down the hallway to Will’s bedroom. He waited as she pulled back the covers. Then he stepped forward and put Will in his bed. He started to tuck him in only to be met by Buffy doing the same.

She felt her hand graze his and she looked at him. She couldn’t help but smile again as they finished tucking Will in. She leaned forward and placed a kiss on his forehead before stepping back to exit the room. She watched as Spike kissed him goodnight too. She left a little crack in Will’s door, and then she led the way back out to the living room.

She sat back down on the couch and Spike followed suit. They sat in silence for a few minutes, passing glances at one another but not saying anything.

Buffy didn’t know where to begin. She was too stubborn, and still a little hurt, to tell him that she still loved him.

Spike wanted to tell her how much she meant to him. He wanted to tell her that he wanted to be with her, that he wanted to love her, but he didn’t want to push her away either. Their conversation in the park the day before, she had said that she didn’t know if she could love him again. He didn’t want to get hurt either.

A few more minutes passed before Spike broke the silence by saying, “Thank you.”

She had to look at him seriously for a minute when he said that. “Thank you?” she questioned.

“Yes. You’ve given me something that I’ve wanted for a long time.”

“What’s that?” she asked curiously.

“A family of my own.”

Buffy blushed and looked down.

Spike moved his hand to her chin and tilted it back up to look at him.

She met his gaze and said, “You’re welcome.” She was quiet for a few seconds before she said, “You made Will so happy today.” She paused again before adding, “You made me really happy today.”

“And I’m happy too.”

They both looked at one another for a few minutes.

“What does this mean for us?” Spike asked with a little hesitation.

“I don’t know,” she said.

“That gives me hope.”

“There is hope,” she said with a coy smile.

“I can live with that,” he said. “For now,” he added.

She smiled and leaned in to put her head on his shoulder. “Can we just stay like this for a while?” she asked.

“That sounds nice,” he said, putting his arm around her.

Chapter 7 – From Home to Home


Buffy’s apartment

Spike slowly opened his eyes as he felt a warm body beside him. He began to wonder, ‘Did I go back home last night?’ But when his gaze fell on the blonde head on his chest he suddenly felt like he’d found a whole new meaning to being home. He smiled a genuine smile at the still sleeping Buffy curled against him and he brushed a little of her hair from her face to study her sleeping face a little better.

Buffy began to wake up, but she refrained from opening her eyes. Instead she let herself wake up a little more before she really greeted the new day. It was a habit of hers in the mornings. Her hands wandered around and she felt something strange. Suddenly her position felt completely different. Her eyes shot open and she was greeted with a sight quite different from a new day. “Spike?” she said, her voice still thick from sleep.

He nodded with a silly smirk on his face, but as he took in her expression and the way her eyes had shot open he stopped smiling. “Is something wrong, Buffy?”

Quickly, she sat up and started playing with her hair. There were a million and one thoughts running through her mind, first of all being what her son, their son would think if he saw them like this. Then there was what Spike would think. She didn’t want him thinking there was more to this than there was, but she didn’t even know what was going on. She bit her lip for a second.

Spike saw her hesitation and he immediately sat up and leaned forward. There was no hesitation on his side as he brought his lips to hers for a gentle kiss.

Buffy quickly lost her resolve and began melting against Spike. Just as she started to put her hands around his neck she pushed him away. “We can’t,” she said quickly.

“And why not, Buffy?” Spike asked curiously.

“Because of Will. He won’t understand. He’s just a kid Spike.”

“Yeah, I know.” He let his head sink a little and he sighed as he brought his hand through his hair, releasing the curls from their gel. He let out a soft chuckle. “I don’t understand either Buffy, and I think it’s ok to be confused right now. You have to be feeling it too.” He looked at her hopefully. All he wanted was to soften her a little.

“Yeah…” she started, but that was all that she said before Will came running out into the living room.

He wore a big smile on his face. Looking at that smile neither of his parents could keep their resolve for their own, slightly serious, conversation. Instead they smiled at their little boy.

“Good morning Will,” Buffy said, ruffling his hair a little.

“Mom!”

“Morning buddy,” Spike said cheerfully.

“Good morning Dad,” Will said without a moment’s hesitation.

Buffy stopped in her tracks on her way to the kitchen. Spike was getting up to go to the bathroom and stopped too. They both heard what Will had said and it struck a cord, but the boy didn’t seem to notice.

A part of Buffy was scared. She didn’t want her son to get hurt the way she had, but in her heart of hearts she knew that Spike would never hurt Will, or her. He never had hurt her on purpose. When he left they both knew he was going and their friendship just drifted away.

They had both missed the other, not the sex part, but the friend. They never found that easy rapport with another. They never had someone that knew them as well. They never had as much fun with anyone else. So even now as Buffy tried not to let herself fall back into old habits with Spike, and some new ones, she knew that she had her best friend back.

Spike on the other hand had found something so much greater. He had never stopped thinking about Buffy. The only thing that stopped him from picking up the phone and calling her was their present lives. He didn’t think she would understand his lifestyle in LA and he didn’t want to mess up whatever she had going on in her life.

Buffy looked across the room at Spike and smiled softly. Then she mouthed the words, “He loves you.”

Spike smiled back at Buffy and mouthed back “I love him too.” He looked down at the kid for a moment and when he looked back up at Buffy she was still looking at him with a certain love in her eyes. He knew he just had to bring it out.

Will started playing with his toys out in the living room. Buffy went back to work on making something for breakfast and Spike, he wanted to ask where the bathroom was. Instead of asking like a normal person he quietly stepped up behind Buffy and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I love you too,” he said softly.

Buffy immediately tensed in his arms, but he didn’t let go. No, he repeated his words again and again until Buffy relaxed a little. It took a conscious effort on her part though. She couldn’t repeat those words yet. She just couldn’t say them and have him leave again. She couldn’t bare that. Then there was a little voice in her head that told her if she said those words maybe he wouldn’t leave again. She never said them that morning back in Sunnydale and he left without ever knowing how she felt.

She slowly turned around in Spike’s arms. Slowly she brought one hand up to cup his cheek as she whispered to him. “I can’t say it to you… yet.”

There was a little hope in that and she really hoped she would be able to say it to him one day, soon. “I hope you can understand that,” she continued.

“I do, and I can wait. I’ll wait as long as it takes.” He kissed her lightly on the nose before asking, “Where’s the loo?”

“Down the hall,” she directed. “Pancakes sound good for breakfast?” she inquired.

“As long as you can cook better than you did back in high school,” he joked, half-serious.

“I had to learn sometime,” she joked back.


While Buffy began making pancakes she heard the shower start in the bathroom with a small smile on her face. Buffy’s mischievous side thought of peeking into the bathroom, but she continued to make breakfast.

The pancakes didn’t take long and Buffy grabbed some fresh fruit out of the fridge to go with the pancakes. She set the table and got out the syrup and some whipped cream. Will liked his with whipped cream.

Just when everything was ready Spike came out of the bathroom wearing his black t-shirt, jeans, and no shoes. When he came out to the table he saw everything and asked, “What are we having?”

Will was the first to answer, jumping up and down with excitement as he said “Pancakes! With whip cream!”

Spike smiled at the boy. “My favorite.”

“Mine too,” Will said surprised.

Buffy looked on with a soft smile from the sidelines as she watched this interaction between father and son.

“Well… come on boys. Let’s dig in.”

They all sat down at the table and did what Buffy said, dug in. As they were finishing up eating Spike was thinking about the day ahead. He felt like there was so much he had missed out on with Will and he wanted to catch up on it all. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with him.

“What do you guys think about going to the park today?” Spike asked cheerfully.

Buffy looked up and met his gaze with a small glint of surprise.

Spike caught the look and glanced at Will before looking back to Buffy. Will looked so excited and Spike suddenly caught on. Buffy couldn’t say no now. He had already said it and Will was all excited and that was the reason for the look. Spike didn’t know all the little parenting rules and he suddenly felt at a loss.

“If it’s ok with you mum of course,” he added quickly.

Will looked at Buffy with those big puppy dog eyes. “Can we Mom? Can we please?”

Buffy looked across the table at Spike and read his mouthed ‘sorry.’ She smiled and turned back to Will and said, “Yes, we can go to the park honey. I think that would be fun for all of us.”


As they walked over to the park Buffy remained pretty quiet. She was watching the interaction between father and son. Will was so eager to get to know this man and Spike seemed equally eager, almost childlike in his eagerness. It was touching, really, and yet it scared Buffy.

She didn’t want Will to get hurt in this. He didn’t need to get hurt. He didn’t deserve it. Buffy had built up these walls after everything that had happened after graduation. More than she was scared of Will getting hurt, she was scared of getting hurt again. She had tried so hard to build a life for herself and her son. A safe life, a place that Will could be happy and carefree. It was amazing the way he was carefree. It made Buffy wish that she could be a kid again, that she could go back and do things over again.

That couldn’t happen though, and as they approached the park Will ran ahead to the swings. They were his favorite, but Buffy didn’t want him running off on his own.

“Will!” she called after him, but he didn’t look back.

“Don’t worry Buffy. I’ll catch up with him,” Spike said as he took off after Will with a smile.

Buffy was left alone, again. “Yeah…” she began, but ended up smiling as she thought about how much Spike wanted to run after Will. “He wants to be a dad. He wants this.”

Suddenly her heart warmed at the thought of it. She felt happier, lighter than she had in a long time. “And I want this too,” she told herself. “I want him.” Now she was finally letting herself be happy.

She walked slowly until she reached a bench near the swings where she could sit and watch them. Will sat himself down in one of the swings and bounced eagerly as he waited for Spike to start pushing him. There was a smile on Spike’s face. It was so genuine and it was something Buffy had never seen from him before. In all the years she’d known him she’d never seen him as happy as he was with his son. As for Will, Buffy could see that he loved his father already and she knew that love would only grow as they got to know each other better. ‘This was meant to be,’ she thought.

They played on the swings for a bit. Will even had Spike take a turn while he tried to push him. It was so comical that Buffy couldn’t help but to laugh out loud. Spike glanced at her and smiled. It was good to hear her laugh. It was good to know that she was happy with him around too.

After playing on the swings Spike whispered in Will’s ear, “How ‘bout some hide an’ seek, buddy?”

Will nodded and whispered back, “Mom’s it first.” Then he scampered off to find a hiding place.

Spike was left standing there with a grin. He walked over to Buffy and told her what was going on. “Hide an’ seek, love.”

“Oh,” she replied demurely.

“And you’re it first,” he added with a chuckle as he ran off to find his own hiding place.

“Oh, you two are so on!” she said, taking on the challenge.

Buffy looked and looked. She had every intention of finding Spike first to give him a piece of her mind, in a good way of course. She knew the kinds of places that Will would hide in. He liked hiding out in bushes and tall grass. He was good at the game. Spike on the other hand… she remembered playing with him when they were kids. He was fun to play with, but he always tried to hide behind a tree or something that didn’t hide him very well.

Before long Buffy turned a corner in the park and found the tree. She tip toed up to it and spun around in a flash. “Aha!” she said as she pinned Spike to the tree with her arms on either side of his head. “Got ya!”

He could have gotten out if he wanted, but he didn’t want to do that. Instead he was rather curious what Buffy was up to with her proximity to him. “That you do, love,” he said in a low, slightly husky voice.

“I love you, but you’re terrible at hiding.” The words came out suddenly. They just flowed. They felt right. She knew she said them. She hadn’t planned on it. They just came out.

“Buffy…” Spike started. “What did you just say?”

“Oh… nothing…” she said, playfully evading the question.

“You said…” he was nearly stuttering. “Say it again.”

“We’d better find Will before he comes looking for us first.”

“Buffy, please.” He was almost pleading with her.

“You’ll hear those words again Spike, I promise you. It just won’t be when you’re asking me for them. Okay?”

“I can wait.”

“Good. Now let’s find Will.”

They set off looking for Will. It only took a few minutes before Buffy found a bush that he could crawl into. Crouching down she poked her head inside. “Will…” she called into the bush.

He poked his head out at her. “Hi Mama,” he said sweetly.

“Hi pumpkin. It’s time to come out now.” Buffy pulled her head out and stood up.

“Ok, but can I be it next?” he asked, crawling out of the bush.

“Sure, but this’ll be the last game. We should get something for lunch soon.”

“Okies,” he said brightly.


They played another game and then headed back to Buffy’s apartment where they ate lunch together. After lunch Will wanted to go in his room and play with his toys.

“You can do that, but I think you should say bye to your dad first. He’ll be leaving soon.”

Spike nodded at Will. “I had a really great time with you these last couple days Will.”

“Me too. Can we do it again really soon?” he asked eagerly.

“You bet, buddy. Just as soon as your mom and I can find a good time. How does that sound to you?”

“Very good,” he said with a grin. “Bye Dad,” he added with a big hug.

Spike hugged Will back. “Bye buddy. I’ll see you soon. I love you.” He kissed him on the cheek.

“I love you too,” Will said. “Can I go play now?” he asked his mom.

“Yes, you can go play now.”

Will scampered off leaving Buffy and Spike alone together. They were both looking after him even after he had gone into his room.

“I love that kid,” Spike said, his words thick with emotion.

“And I love you,” Buffy said with a small smile as she watched Spike turn to look at her. “Yeah, you heard me this time. I said ‘I love you.’”

“God, you’re incredible,” Spike exclaimed.

“Go on,” Buffy said, prodding him in the stomach.

Spike laughed. “Amazing. Beautiful. Funny. Lovely. Bloody gorgeous. Cute as a button. Wonderful. Need I continue?”

“Later. Kiss me,” was all she said.

His lips met hers and everything else melted and everything else disappeared. It felt like no time had passed at all. It felt as if they were back in Spike’s bedroom after graduation, only they weren’t. Slowly, the kiss stopped. They both caught their breath and looked at the other with a content smile.

“So…” Spike said, unsure of what happened next. He wanted Buffy to set the ground rules on this one.

“Call me,” she said, reaching into her purse and pulling out a business card. “It has my home number and my cell.” She smiled and gave him another peck on the lips.

“I’ll call you,” he said, opening the door.

She waved. He waved. Then he was gone and Buffy closed the door behind him.

“No leaving through the bedroom window this time. That’s good.” She sighed. Her heart was fluttering. “I’m falling for him all over again,” she said with another sigh.


Later that night

Will was asleep and Buffy was in bed reading when the phone rang. She picked it up in an instant, hoping that it was Spike. “Hello,” she said eagerly.

“Buffy,” said the small voice with a sniffle.

“Dawn?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“What’s wrong? You’re crying. Is everything ok?” Buffy said in a hurry as she suddenly got worried.

“It’s Mom, Buffy. She’s sick.” Dawn sniffled again.

“I’ll be there tomorrow Dawnie,” Buffy said impulsively. “I’ll set everything up tonight and Will and I will be on the first flight home tomorrow.”

“Thanks Buffy. Mom will be so happy to see you. I think it’ll help her. And it’ll help me.”

“Everything’s going to be okay Dawnie,” Buffy reassured her.

“I know. I’m just scared.”

“I know. I’ll be there tomorrow though, okay?”

“Yeah. Thanks. Goodnight Buffy.”

“Goodnight Dawnie.”

Buffy hung up the phone and looked up the number to the airport. She got through to ticketing and booked 2 tickets on the 9:30 flight to Sunnydale. That would put them in Sunnydale around noon.

With that done Buffy laid her head on her pillow and tried to get some sleep. The next day was going to be a long one, and she had no idea what she would have to face in the coming weeks.

Chapter 8 – Home Sweet Home

Buffy’s apartment

It was earlier than usual for Buffy to be getting up, but she still had to pack and get Will ready before going to the airport. It was going to be a long day, and Buffy still didn’t know what was going on. All she knew was that Dawn needed her, their mom needed her.

Sunnydale was the last place Buffy wanted to go. She never thought she’d have to go back. No, if she was honest with herself, she always knew that she would make one fateful trip home to put everything behind her. The only difference now was that her past had come to find her in San Francisco, so going home wasn’t going to put that to rest. Maybe she could let all the pain and hurt go thought, she thought.

In 30 minutes Buffy surprised even herself by having everything together including the 5 year old who loathed being organized. He was her little boy alright. He wanted to run wild, all the time. But he listened to Buffy and he was a good kid, he just didn’t like to be bottled up so much. Buffy smiled at him as she let him play with his toys for a few more minutes while she took their bags out to the hall.

Before she left she wanted to let Fred know a little of what was going on. On the way to the airport she would call her boss, Lorne, and let him know that she would be out of town for a while. She would also need to call Lilah and let her know that things would be delayed a bit, but that she could reach her through email or on her cell.

A few minutes later Buffy had spoken to Fred and was gathering up Will. She held his hand in one of hers and their few bags in the other as they descended the stairs, leaving by 8 am. Two hours later they were on their plane headed to Sunnydale and Buffy had called all the people she needed to… except for Spike. In all the madness she’d completely forgotten to call Spike to let him know what was going on.


Spike’s house

It was morning again and all Spike could think about was her. She’d invaded every part of his life since they’d run into each other just a few days ago. He couldn’t believe all the parts of his life she was already creeping into. She was in his dreams. She was all he thought about. He had other dreams coming true, his dream of making it big with his own band. They had a new album set for release in January with the signing of the band and then there’d be a tour, but he wasn’t thinking of that.

No, Spike lay awake after a night filled with dreams of Buffy and thought of only her. His head was comfortably propped up, his arms folded under his head as he stared at his ceiling and thought of her. A glance at the clock told him it was still relatively early. It was too early to call, he thought. But he desperately wanted to call her. There wasn’t really a reason he wanted to call. He just wanted to hear her voice, to know that she wasn’t a dream; that she was really back in his life. And he’d be damned if he would let her scamper out of it again.

So Spike continued to lie in his bed for the next hour, until it was nearly 10. ‘She’d be up by now,’ he thought, ‘with Will running around the apartment.’ A smile curled his lips as the image of his son came to the fore of his mind. He still couldn’t believe he was a father. He wanted so much to be a good one, and yet he’d missed out on the first 5 years of Will’s life. Despite the fact that he was a great kid even without him, it hurt to know he’d missed out on so much. The first word. Learning to walk. The things he liked. He didn’t know his own son.

Spike grumbled as he thought about that for a minute. He slowly got out of bed, making his way to the phone. He picked up the phone and dialed Buffy’s number. He listened to the ringing and heard the answering machine pick up.

“Hi...” he fumbled for a second before saying, “I just wanted to call and say good morning and see what you and Will were doing today. I guess you guys are out, um, yeah, just give me a call when you get this. Bye.”

He hung up the phone, feeling like a right git the way he sounded on the phone. “She’s reduced me to a bumbling schoolboy all over again,” he grumbled with a small smirk.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “Guess I’ll hit the gym to relieve some tension…” he mumbled as he headed for his dresser to pull out some workout clothes.


Hours had passed and Spike didn't want to seem like a stalker, but he’s concerned that Buffy hasn’t called him back. ‘Did I scare her off?’ he wondered. ‘No, she was fine when I left. I didn’t scare her off. She’s just out of the house.’ He sighed. ‘Then why hasn’t she called me back yet? It’s been hours.’

He couldn’t come up with any good reason, so without reason he grabbed his keys and headed to his car. ‘I’ll just drive and see her. Then I’ll know if she’s just avoiding my calls or not.’ He thought decidedly.


Sunnydale Airport

Buffy and Will got off the plane and got their luggage. Then they made their way to the front of the airport where Buffy saw Willow. The two friends flashed big smiles at one another and met in the middle, Buffy holding tight to Will’s hand and their luggage.

“Here, let me take some of your bags,” Willow offered, taking two of the bags off Buffy’s hands.

“Thanks, Wills. I really appreciate you picking us up.”

They made their way to Willow’s car and drove to Revello Drive. Willow helped them settle in a little before taking them to the hospital to see Joyce.

“Dawn’s in school right now, but I’ll pick her up after and bring her here. K?”

“Yeah…” Buffy trailed off.

A moment of silence passed between the two.

“Thanks again Willow.”

“No problem Buffy.” She smiled at her friend. “It’s good to see you, and the little one too. It’s been too long.”

“Yeah, it has. I’m sorry I haven’t been home. I just… you know.” Buffy smiled a little and asked, “So, how’s Xander?”

“He’s good. All serious with a girl named Anya. She runs this bookstore that Giles took over after the library burned down at the high school. He likes it better, I think.”

“Nice.” Buffy was quiet again. “Anya? Is that the same girl that transferred in senior year and kinda broke Xander and Cordy up?”

“Yup.”

“Weird.”

“Totally.” They shared a look. “But weird is the definition of Sunnydale.”

“Yeah…” Buffy trailed off again.


Back in San Francisco

Spike had already been knocking on Buffy’s door for 5 minutes straight when he started knocking more vigilantly.

It sounded more like banging to Buffy’s neighbor Fred who opened up her door to see what all the ruckus was about.

“Can I help you with somethin’?” she asked in her native Texan drawl.

“No…” he said at first.

Spike just looked at her for a moment. He reeled in is temper and a little of his concern as he conceded that the woman could help him if she knew what was going on with Buffy.

“Yes… maybe…”

“You gonna make up your mind?” she asked, clearly annoyed with the noise he’d been making.

“Yes, yes you can help me.” He breathed a sigh, trying to calm his anxious nerves once more. “I’m here to see Buffy. I’ve been trying to reach her all day, and I’m getting a little,” he scratched the back of his head as he realized he sounded a bit strange, “worried about her.”

“Oh,” she said quietly. The man did appear strange to her, but he looked genuinely concerned. Fred wondered who he was to Buffy. “What’s your name?”

“Spike, but I can’t imagine she’s talked about me…”

He was cut off by Fred saying, “Talked about you? She told me your story not too long after we met about a year ago. We were sittin’ down and…” Fred fumbled with her words for a moment. “Well, let’s just say it all came pouring out.” Fred stopped there and looked at the concerned man standing before him.

Spike just looked at her. He didn’t know what to say, and as it turned out he didn’t need to say anything right now.

“She must’ve forgotten to call you when everything happened. She only told me this morning as she was leavin’. She was in a bit of a rush,” Fred rambled for a minute. When she looked back up at Spike she smiled and refocused. “She went home to Sunnydale, said somethin’ about her mama bein’ sick and she had to go see her.”

“Oh God…” Spike said suddenly. “I’ve got to go. Thanks pet.” He kissed her on the cheek before leaving a blushing Fred on her doorstep.

“You’re welcome.”


Sunnydale, California

Buffy was just outside her mother’s hospital room. Will was outside playing with Dawn. They’d all had some time to visit together earlier, but now Buffy wanted to be alone with her mother.

“Hi Mom,” she said softly as she entered.

“I’m so glad you’re back Buffy. I just wish it wasn’t like this.”

“It’s ok Mom,” she said tenderly. Tears were starting to well up in her eyes. Buffy sniffled and tried to wipe them away as she stood a few feet away from her mother’s bed.

“Oh, Buffy, come here dear.”

Buffy crawled onto the bed with her mother and lay there beside her tears down streaming down her cheeks. She couldn’t stop them and was soon wracked with sobs.

“Shh…” Joyce murmured as she rocked Buffy in her arms. “It’s going to be ok honey. I’m going to be ok.”

The sobs began to ebb and soon there were only sniffles. A moment later Buffy looked up into her mother’s eyes and wiped at her eyes. “I’m sorry I’ve been away for so long. I should have come home sooner.”

“It’s ok Buffy. I understand that you had a lot to deal with after you found out you were pregnant. I see you’ve done a wonderful job raising him. I couldn’t be more proud of you.” Joyce smiled brightly at her eldest daughter and brushed some hair out of her face.

Buffy beamed. “Thank you. He really is a great kid. He makes being a mom easy for me. I can’t imagine my life without him. And…” Buffy grew quiet.

“What is it Buffy?”

“Well, William is back in our lives… or at least he was before I came here. I didn’t even call him before I left. God, he must be so confused right now… I know I’m confused.”

“Oh, how did this happen?”

“We bumped into each other when I was in LA for a business meeting. I fainted, believe it or not. Then he took me out to lunch and I explained about Will. He was upset at first, but I can understand that. He told me he loved me…” A small sigh escaped Buffy and her mother remained quiet waiting for Buffy to get it all out. “I didn’t really know what to say to that, but I knew that he needed to meet Will so we arranged for him to come over the next day. He actually spent the whole day with us and even spent the night. I made breakfast and we went out to the park. It felt so much like it used to that I knew I was still in love with him too, and I told him that. But now…” She sighed again. “I don’t know what to do now.”

“You need to call him Buffy, and tell him what is going on in here,” she laid her hand over Buffy’s heart, “and not in here,” she pointed to her Buffy’s head.


Somewhere over California

Spike was looking out the window of the plane going over everything that had happened in the last few days. He knew that things were complicated. A child, for one, complicated matters more than most other things. Will was a great kid and Spike still didn’t understand how he could love someone so much after only just meeting them, but he did. He loved his son more than he loved anything else in the whole world. He would do anything for him. And yet, there was the mother. It was Buffy of all people. His childhood friend, his first love, and his first heartbreak, she was all of those things and he didn’t ever think she knew it.

It wasn’t hard for Spike to figure out that Buffy kept her heart guarded. When they’d bumped into each other a few days ago he could see her surprise, but the closer he got he saw how her walls pushed him out. Then when they’d had lunch and he told her he loved her, her walls were there. But when he’d gone to her home he’d seen how she wasn’t so guarded. And he knew, deep down, that it wasn’t because of him. She was open because of Will. The closer he got to Will the more Buffy opened up to him. So, he was beginning to figure it out. He wanted them to be a family, and if he was going to win Buffy’s trust and love, if he was going to tear down those walls she’d built he’d need to make her see how much he really wanted that. He’d have to show her that they could be a real family.


Sunnydale, California

Buffy settled back into her old room after putting Will to bed in the guest room. She sat on her bed holding the cordless phone as she pondered about calling Spike. One moment she had the nerve and the next she’d lost it again. There was a fear gripping her heart that he wouldn’t understand or that it just wouldn’t work out. She knew that it was all in fear of getting hurt again.

Before she lost the nerve she dialed his cell number. It clicked a few times before going to voicemail and she decided to leave a message.

“Hi… it’s me… I just wanted to let you know what was going on. I know we were supposed to talk today, but my sister called me last night and I had to fly home.” She took a deep breath. “It’s hard being back here. It’s hard for me to let you in, but I hope you can give me some time to figure it all out… to figure out what I want. I love you.” With that said she hung up the phone and set in on her bedside table before pulling the covers up around her. She tried to get some sleep.

Chapter 9 – Surprise Arrival

Sunnydale Airport

Spike debarked his flight and made his way to baggage claim. He quickly grabbed his bags and made his way to the front of the airport to find a cab. It didn’t take him long to flag down a cab and he pulled his bags in the back seat with him as he looked at the driver through his shades and said, “1630 Revello Drive.”

While the driver began on his way, Spike pulled out his cell and turned it back on. A few seconds later his phone beeped to let him know that he had a voicemail. He pressed and held down the 1 key and waited. He punched in his code and listened for the voicemail. His breath hitched when he heard her voice.

‘Hi… it’s me… I just wanted to let you know what was going on. I know we were supposed to talk today, but my sister called me last night and I had to fly home.’ There was pause. ‘It’s hard being back here. It’s hard for me to let you in, but I hope you can give me some time to figure it all out… to figure out what I want. I love you.’

For whatever reason, Spike chose to save the message before he closed his phone and began staring at the passing houses as the cab neared Revello Drive. He remembered the area well even though he hadn’t been home in the last 5 years. He’d kept in touch with his dad and Jenny, but he hadn’t bothered to come home for a holiday much less a visit.

His thoughts were still wandering over such things when the cab lurched to a stop in front of the very familiar Summers’ house. He thanked the driver and paid his fare before getting out with his bags. He walked up to the front door with no plan or back up plan for that matter. He set his bags down on the front porch before ringing the doorbell. There was no answer and he was half tempted to climb up the tree and get on the roof at Buffy’s bedroom window, but he didn’t. Lucky for him he remembers someone who might be able to tell him where Buffy was. Leaving his bags on Buffy’s porch, knowing that no one in Sunnydale would steal them off someone’s front porch, he starts jogging down the street.


Moments later Spike is knocking on someone else’s door in hopes that they will be home. The door opens and Spike is face to face with an old friend whom he hasn’t spoken to since graduation. Without giving the person a chance to have the first word Spike begins to speak, “Look, I know you must think very little of me right now, but I’m here because of Buffy. I really care about her and I came to be here for her, but she’s not at home. Is there any chance you might know where she is and be willing to tell me?”

Willow stared down her old friend as he spoke. He appeared to be speaking from the heart though, and Willow had always had a soft spot for the William/Buffy romance. When he had finished having the first word she gave a moment’s pause before saying, “I do know where she is, and I’ll do better than telling you where she is…” This time she paused for dramatic effect just to tease him. “I’ll take you to her.”

Spike released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. Here was Buffy’s best girlfriend and she was being nice to him. Did Buffy tell her something that she hadn’t told him? He didn’t give it much thought as he watched Willow grab her keys and purse and lead the way to her car.

“Thank you Willow,” he said.

“No problem Will.” She climbed into the car and started the engine. A minute later they were on the road. “When did you get into town?”

“About a half hour ago. Took a cab to Buffy’s but no one was home.”

“No, I don’t guess so. Buffy is at the hospital with Joyce. Dawn is in school. And I think Xander is at the hospital too, to help out with little Will. Hospitals aren’t much fun for kids, but I’m sure he’s having fun with Xander.”

Spike smiled at the thought of his son getting to know his high school friends. “How is Joyce?”

“She’s strong, and she’s happy to have Buffy and Will around. We don’t know much yet. There’s a biopsy scheduled for tomorrow. Then we’ll know more.” Willow looked over at William who appeared to have a very solemn expression. “Are you okay?” she asked softly.

“Yeah, just concerned. Joyce is a good woman and I know she means a lot to Buffy and the niblet. I don’t know what they’ll do if…” He trailed off, not wanting to say that thought aloud.

“I know what you mean. I think we’re all afraid of how bad it could be, but at this point we just need to think positively.”

“You’re right.” He smiled softly at her. “So, you live at your parents’ place now?”

“Yeah, but it’s my place now.” She gave him a ‘yeah, I know’ look and smiled. “During my senior year at UC Sunnydale they decided to start traveling the world. Mom’s writing books and Dad’s just taking it easy. So, I’m left with the house which I don’t hate.”

“Sounds nice.”

“It is.” She parked the car in the lot and they got out. She locked it and they headed inside.

“How is she going to take me just showing up here unannounced?” he asked, half to himself and half to Willow.

“I honestly don’t know, but I think it will be good for her to have you here. Just take it nice and easy, yeah?”

“Yeah, I can do that.”

They signed in at the desk and began walking to Joyce’s room. He remained quiet with his thoughts the rest of the way to the room, and when they reached the door he stopped. He had no idea what he was going to say to her. Just then Willow touched his shoulder and he looked up at her. That was all he needed. The simple touch gave him a quiet confidence and he knocked quietly on the door. A moment later Buffy opened it and stood before him slightly slack-jawed.


Willow looked from one to the other and knew that they were more in love with each other now than ever. She just wasn’t sure what it would take to make the two realize that they were indeed meant for one another. Will bonded them for life and that was one thing in their favor, but thought they needed a little something extra. What that something was, she didn’t know that yet. Instead of watching their interaction any further Willow moved into the room to talk to Joyce.


Buffy stood staring at Spike for a long moment. She opened her mouth to say something more than once and closed it again. She gave him a puzzled look before finally saying, “What are you doing here?”

That wasn’t what Spike expected her to say, but then again he wasn’t ever sure of what to expect from her. Even when they were friends she was unpredictable. “Yeah… about that…” He fumbled with his words for a moment, cursing himself for sounding like the blubbering poet he had been as a kid and early teen. “I called you yesterday, a few times actually and you never picked up, so I got worried and came over to your house. When I was knocking on your door your neighbor poked her head out and explained that you’d come home because of some emergency with your mum.” He paused before adding, “I thought you could use a friend.” His eyes shifted from her face down to his feet and he shoved his hands in his pockets.

Buffy listened quietly and watched his eyes shift. When she saw how he shoved his hands in his pockets it made it seem like he was laying himself at her mercy and while it was totally endearing it also made her feel uneasy. This wasn’t the sexy, strong man she used to know and it made her wonder what had happened over the last 5 years to change him. She didn’t hesitate to say, “Thank you.”

He looked up to meet her gaze and he gave her a small smile which he was overjoyed to see she returned with her own small smile. A moment later he was surprised to feel her small hand caressing his cheek. “You’re welcome.”

“It means the world to me that you came here… to be here for me.” She smiled softly and stepped closer to him. “Let’s talk later, okay?”

He nodded and followed her lead as walked into the room.

“Mom, you remember William, don’t you?”

“Of course I do,” she said cheerfully. “It’s nice to see you again. How long has it been now?”

“Five years ma’am,” he said without much hesitation.

“Yes, that sounds about right.”

Buffy glanced at her mother and hoped there wasn’t an overprotective mom grilling coming right now. She released a sigh when her mom next spoke to Willow.


“Go,” Joyce urges them all, especially the reluctant Buffy. “Spend the rest of this beautiful day doing something other than cooping yourself up in this stuffy hospital room.”

“But what about you? I don’t want to leave you all alone,” Buffy replied.

“I’ll be fine dear. I’m sure Dawn will want to come by after school and besides, I could use the rest.”

“Okay,” she gave in hesitantly. “But I’m coming back with Dawn in a few hours.”

“I would expect nothing less.” Joyce waved them goodbye with a small smile.

Buffy shut the door behind her and heaved a sigh. When she opened her eyes she had concerned looks from her friend and Spike. “I’m fine,” she lied.

“Buffy…” Willow began.

“Nope, fine. Where’s Will?”

“Still with Xander. I think I’m going to go catch up with them now and spend some time with the little man. You go have some fun.” Willow gave her the resolve face.

“Okay, something fun it is.” Buffy smiled.

“Fun?” Spike raised an eyebrow in question.

“Yes, fun. Any ideas?”

“You inviting me to come along for the ride, love?”

“Got anything better to do?” she asked.

“Never.”

“Okay then. Are you hungry? Cause I’ve barely eaten a thing all day.”

Before he could speak he heard her stomach growl. “Food it is then. Any preference?”

“Food is food,” she replied diplomatically. “But how about that old diner in town? We can grab some food and eat it outside.”

“Sounds lovely kitten.”


Once they’d ordered and sat down outside Buffy began to think about that talk she’d promised him. She just wasn’t sure she really wanted to have it right now, so she continued eating her burger and fries.

Spike on the other hand couldn’t stop staring at the gorgeous girl sitting across from him. He was so in love with her it felt like he was suffocating. But the thing on his mind was whether she felt the same because that message she’d left him made it seem like there were some unresolved issues between them. And he desperately wanted to resolve any and all of them.

Buffy noticed the staring and adoring looks and while it was nice it was also a little strange for her. To break the silence she said, “What?”

Spike cleared his throat and spoke quietly. “You… you’re so beautiful.”

She couldn’t help but blush. “Yeah, because sleepless nights look so beautiful on me,” she said sarcastically.

“No, you do,” he said seriously and when she gave him an incredulous look all he said was, “When have I ever lied to you?”

“Right.”

“Right what?” he asked.

“Nothing…” she said. “I’m just tired,” she added softly.

“Right then. I’ll take you home,” he said, standing to throw away their trash now that they were done eating. When he came back to the table he kneeled beside her and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Tell me what’s going on up there, yeah?”

There was a moment of silence as she looked into his eyes and saw the determination there. “You’re so not giving up, are you?”

“No, I’m really not,” he said with a small chuckle.

“Fine,” she said with a faux pout.

“God…” he lost himself with that pout and quickly repositioned himself so he had pulled them both up and was holding her in his arms as he kissed her senseless. He smiled against her lips as she melted against him almost instantly.

When they broke for air a moment later she playfully hit his chest. “What was that for?”

“Pouting,” he said with a nonchalant shrug.

“Oh, you don’t get away with that so easily mister.”

“What’re you gonna do about?” he asked as he pulled her against his body once more so she could feel exactly what she did to him.

“Oh…” she said again, losing her train of thought. A second later she pushed at his chest and said, “That’s so not fair. How can you make me lose my train of thought like that?”

“Just part of the charm,” he said with a smirk as he sat down at the picnic table again and pulled her down so she was sitting across his lap. “So what was it you wanted to talk to me about earlier?”

She furrowed her brows, successfully giving him a confused look while her heart was racing and thoughts were running through her mind. ‘Is now the time? Do I really want to have ‘the talk’ now?’

He saw the look and could tell she was thinking about it. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable so he backed off hoping that might help to put her at ease about whatever it was she wanted to talk to him about. “It’s ok pet. You don’t have to do this now. We can talk some other time. I’m not going anywhere.” He smiled and brought her hand to his lips to leave a feather light kiss on it.

Buffy had to smile at this. He sounded so sincere and she wanted to believe that every word. She just didn’t want to get hurt again. She couldn’t deal with him leaving again.

It took her a moment to gather her thoughts as she wiggled in his lap a little and removed her arms from where they were around his neck.

He held onto her hips to try and make her stop wiggling, but there was no way to be subtle about it.

“Sorry,” she said with a light smile that immediately faded once it had made an appearance.

‘This really is gonna be a serious talk, isn’t it?’ he thought with a little apprehension.

“Well…” she tried to begin but stopped again. She stood from sitting on his lap. She couldn’t think when he was touching her. “Going… let’s start there…”

“Going?” he asked. She wasn’t making any sense but he didn’t want to interrupt her.

“You said you weren’t going anywhere. How do you know that? How can you say something like that when you don’t know what will happen? I just… I can’t do this if…” she let out a sigh as she ran her hands through her hair.

Spike stood and put his hands on her shoulders. Just as he started to say, “Buff—”

“Don’t. Just don’t,” she said with a finger to his lips. “I need to get all of this out.” She looked him in the eyes and began to get lost in those baby blues before she realized it and turned around so she wasn’t looking at him. She took a deep breath as she began to get her feelings out. “There’s so much to say and I don’t really know where to begin.”

After a pause she continued with her back still to him. “I love you. I’ve loved you since high school. I wanted to tell you that night after the party, but I didn’t want to make it harder for you to leave. God, even then I was afraid. I was afraid you’d leave me even if I said it but I hoped you’d stay. I wanted you to stay so badly but I was too afraid to ask you to.

“And I’m scared now too Wil—Spike… I’m scared of how much I love you. It came back in a rush… as soon as I saw you in LA. I didn’t want to admit. You hurt me so much when you left the first time. I was pregnant with you baby and you weren’t there. You don’t know how scared I was, how much I wanted you there with me and you weren’t. I tried to get in touch with you, but first you’d moved and then some wrong number. You called once… one time after you left… that’s it.

She took another breath as she turned around to face him. “How could you do that? Did you just forget about all that we shared? And I’m not talking about the sex. I’m talking about our friendship. Did it mean so little to you that you… would never even call or write… or anything?

Buffy looked him in the eyes and the pain she was feeling was mirrored in his eyes. “I left Sunnydale because everywhere I went you were there. I couldn’t deal with that anymore, so I left. I started over and made a life for myself and my son… our son. I love you now, more than I loved you 5 years ago but…

There was a question in her eyes. “How do I know you won’t leave us again? I can’t deal with the pain of losing you all over again.”


To be continued…

Chapter 10 – Fear

Outside the diner

This wasn’t exactly the conversation that Spike was so afraid of but it was close. At least Buffy wasn’t telling him there was no chance of a ‘them’ or an ‘us’. He could at least be grateful for that, but he was still afraid. He was afraid he was going to say the wrong thing, afraid of upsetting her, of her pushing him away, and more than anything he was afraid of losing Buffy.

The last thing he wanted was to lose her. She was the love of his life and he knew that now. Hell, he thought he knew it 5 years ago but he had been too stupid and young to think they had a real chance at it. Now he was standing before her utterly amazed. He was amazed at the words she was saying. It all came kind of suddenly even though he’d half expected it, and he didn’t really know what to say to her right away.

Spike took a moment to think about what it was he wanted to say. In those few seconds he thought about what Buffy had just said to him.

While Spike was thinking Buffy was looking at him. She wanted something from him, anything would do. She just needed a response. It didn’t have to be a reassurance of his love or how he would stay with her, although that would be nice. No, she just wanted a reaction from him, but all he was doing was standing there. She crossed her arms over her chest and was about to say something when he began.

“I—I’m rather flabbergasted really. I don’t know what to say to you,” he began, but when he saw the crestfallen look on her face he quickly added, “not because I don’t have anything to say because there’s so much I want to say…” he paused for a moment as her words came back to him. “Did you say you’ve loved me since high school?”

She looked incredulous for a moment. “Is that what you have to say to me? Did I—” she was cut off by Spike’s lips enveloping hers.

“I thought that might help,” he said with a smile after he broke the kiss. “And yeah, I asked you if you said you loved me back in high school because I thought I heard you say that. What I want to say is, I loved you then too, maybe not as much as I love you now, but I did love you. I just…

He paused for a moment. “I didn’t know how to tell you back then. I was so afraid of myself and us and, you.”

“Afraid of me?” she asked with sudden disbelief.

“Yes, of you. I was afraid that you wouldn’t love me back. I was afraid that I would scare you off if I said those 3 little words. I was afraid I’d get hurt. God, how stupid I was. I should have told you and I’m so sorry that I didn’t.”

Buffy really wasn’t sure what to say to that. She knew what it was like to be afraid of those things. She wanted to tell him just that, but she wasn’t sure yet. She wanted to forgive him and let herself fall even more madly in love with him, but she herself was afraid. She was so scared that it wouldn’t work. What she needed now was time to let things develop. She needed to trust him again and that was something that would have to grow in time.

“I know what that’s like. I was afraid of those things too. I guess we never realized how much fear dictated our lives, huh?” she said softly as she stepped closer to him and ran her fingers through his hair over his ear.

He closed his eyes for a second as he reveled in the feel of her fingertips. When he opened them he was staring into mesmerizing green orbs that had his very soul entrapped. “Let’s promise not to let fear run our lives anymore, yeah?” he said to her, wrapping his arms around her little waist and lifting her into the air.

“Wi—I mean, Spike…” she said a little hesitantly.

Something was off and he immediately eased her down so that she was standing on her feet again. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing…” she started.

“Don’t give me that. I can tell somethin’ isn’ right. Talk to me Buffy. Let us work this out, whatever it is we can work it out.” He was almost pleading with her as he moved to take her hands into his.

She looked at her hands clasped in his. She wanted this more than anything, but the fear was always there. She’d always been afraid. “I just don’t know,” she said with a sigh.

“What is it that you don’t know about? If it’s me… we can talk this out…” he looked at her. She was running hot and cold here and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. It felt like there was something else at work here.

“I don’t know how we can just let go of all our fears… how I can just let go. I’ve been afraid for so long Wi—Spike, I don’t know if I can live without it.”

“We’ll just have to work on it. You can live without it Buffy, just give it a try. Give us a try. We never tried before. Don’t we deserve our chance?” He smiled at her and stepped a little closer, running his fingertips over her knuckles. “Why do you always start to say William, but change it to Spike?”

His lips were curling as he asked and there was definitely laughter in his eyes. She looked at him and had to try not to smile too, and she failed miserably at it. “I don’t know,” she said with a little pout.

“Ah,” was all he said.

“Well, isn’t that what you go by now? Spike?”

“Yeah,” he replied.

“And…” she pushed at the subject.

“And what?”

“Why did you change it?”

“It fit more with the rocker image and Har—” he stopped there, midway through the name.

“Oh,” was all she said as she slipped her hands out of his.

“It’s not what you think,” he protested.

“And what is it I’m thinking right now Spike?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest in a defensive manner.

He sighed. “I don’t know. I used to know, didn’t I?” he looked up at her with the question in his eyes. “What happened to us?”

“You left,” she said with a hardness entering her voice.

“I’m sorry.” He looked at her with sensitivity written all over him. It was in his eyes, on his face, and in the way he held himself. “I never meant for things to turn out this way.”

“No, I don’t think either of us meant for it to turn out like this.” She made a motion with her hands.

“This?” he asked pointedly.

“Don’t even go there…” she stopped suddenly. She quickly sat down on the bench and started to cry. What was going on? They’d been so happy just moments ago, and the time they’d spent back in San Francisco was wonderful. Now he was here in Sunnydale. He’d come all this way to be here for her while her mom was in the hospital and all she could do was argue with him.

“God, I’m such a pratt.” He kneeled down in front of her and tried to raise her face to look at him, but she was resisting. “Buffy,” he said softly. “Please look at me, pet.”

She looked up at him with tears still streaming down her face and little pink splotches around her eyes. She tried to stop, but all she could do was sniffle as more tears came. “I’m…” sniffle “so…” sniffle “sor…” sniffle “ry.”

“Oh, pet. I’m the one who should be sorry.” He pulled her close so her head was resting on his shoulder and they were both sitting on the hard ground. “Shhh pet. There’s no need to cry. Shhh…” he murmured to her.

After a few minutes she began to quiet down. He was thankful for that. He hated to see her cry. “I hate seeing you cry, pet, especially because of me.”

She sniffled again and felt him tense a little. She smiled then and said, “Its ok. I’m not about to start blubbering again.” She didn’t let go of him though. Her arms remained wrapped around his neck. They were both quiet again for several minutes.

Then he spoke again. “Why did you start crying, pet?” he asked gently.

“We were fighting,” she said. She felt him pull back a little and was relieved that it was only to look her in the face. There was a question written there and she responded with. “We were so happy earlier and a few days ago. Everything was perfect and now…”

“I know. It got to me too. I don’t want us to be like this…” he stopped there when he saw her expression change. It was happier and it made him smile, but he wasn’t sure what had happened.

“Me either, Spike. I hate it when we fight and we’ve got Will to think about now… or… well, we both have to work together with this now and I know it’s going to take some getting used to, but… I want to do it. I want to try. I don’t know if I can do us yet, but I can work on us being parents together.” She smiled lightly. “I don’t know if that makes any sense or not…”

“It does.” His voice was quiet. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear, but he knew she was right when it came to Will.

“I hope you can understand. I’m not saying that I don’t want there to ever be an us. I’m just saying that I need some time to think about it and come to terms with my own fears. Can you give me that?” she asked as she looked him in the eye.

He took a deep breath and said, “Yes, I can give you that.” He looked at her and smiled. He wasn’t giving up on her. He was going to stick through it until he won her back.


They walked back to Buffy’s mostly in silence. There was the occasional talk about some memory in Sunnydale or plans for tomorrow. When they reached her front porch there was a quiet moment where they didn’t know what to say exactly.

Buffy finally broke the silence with, “Well, I guess we’ll see you tomorrow. Come by around lunch time and we can spend some time with Will.”

“Yeah, about that…” he began.

“What?” she asked slowly.

“Oh, I was just thinking that I’d like to spend some father/son time with him… if that’d be ok with you I mean.”

“I think that would be nice. Will would really like it and it would be good for you both,” she said with a sincere smile.

“Thanks, so I’ll be by tomorrow around noon and we can have lunch together and see what I can do with Will?” he asked.

“Sounds perfect,” she said with a smile. “See you tomorrow, Spike.” Then she turned to walk in the house, but he caught her hand.

“You can always call me William.”

The instant he’d said that she felt something inside of her burning, and the next thing she knew his lips were on hers in a searing kiss. She didn’t know what else to do other than grab on to him for support. The kiss seemed to go on for… she didn’t know how long, but it went on. His tongue was seeking hers out and her brain didn’t seem to be attached to her body. Her brain was telling her to stop but her body was grasping at him like she needed him to survive. Then the kiss stopped and she was left panting for air even after he had said a nonchalant “Goodnight” and walked away.

Slowly she managed to make her way upstairs. Even more slowly she got undressed and ready for bed. As she crawled into her old bed in her old bedroom and laid her head on her pillow the last thing on her mind was her mother’s surgery the following day.

Chapter 11 – Cut Me Open

Summers’ house

Buffy awoke the next morning with a small smile on her face. She ran her fingertips over her lips as she remembered last night. She was happy. That seemed to be happening a lot lately. As she got out of bed and went for a shower she thought about it. The realization wasn’t sudden or surprising really. She was happy because of Spike, or rather William. She knew this was the case and she knew in her heart of hearts that she couldn’t make him wait too long for the us that he wanted. In truth she wanted it too, but she wasn’t lying when she said she was afraid or that she needed to think about it. There was a lot she had to think about and consider, but in the end she knew, or at least believed, that she would choose William and us.

As she stood in the bathroom and started to run the water she decided she didn’t want to shower right now. No, instead she wanted, or rather needed, to go out for a run. Maybe that would help her clear her head.

So, she went back into her bedroom and grabbed some running clothes. Then she put on her trainers and tied them up. She picked up her watch and looked at the time. Seeing that it was still early she went through the rooms to see if Dawn and Will were still asleep before she headed downstairs. As she was going out the door she remembered to grab her ipod out of her purse.

Buffy started down the road and tried to sort through her thoughts. She and William had certainly had an argument, one of, if not, their worst. Things from here would not be easy for them no matter how they proceeded, but she couldn’t imagine her life without him again and that scared her a little. He’d only been back in her life for a few days and she felt that she couldn’t live without him. That was scary.

She had never felt that way about anyone, but then, William wasn’t just anyone. He was her best friend, her confidant, her world. Well, he was all those things when they were in high school. Now things were different. Things had been quite different since that night after graduation.

Somehow she didn’t even realize where she was running to. Her mind had got the best of her as she just ran and ran while she thought and thought. Then she stopped. She put her arms behind her head to help open up her lungs and control her breathing. She wasn’t out of shape by any means, but it did seem that she had run harder than she’d intended to. For a moment she closed her eyes and went back over her thoughts. They seemed a little bit clearer now, but she was still avoiding something. She knew it, but she wasn’t ready to face that thing just yet. Later. She would face it later. She would have to face it later.

As she opened her eyes and looked around her she realized where she had come to… she had run to William’s house. Well, more accurately it was his parents’ house, but still. She took a deep breath and didn’t even really have to ask herself how she ended up here of all places in Sunnydale.

The reason was simple: it was where she always headed. William’s house was like a second home to her when she was in high school. It was where she went to have fun with her best friend… where she went to get away from it all… where she went when she needed to think about it all. So now that she was back in Sunnydale and William was on her mind once again it made perfect sense to her to come back here. But she didn’t go in. She didn’t go near the front door. She just stood there for a few minutes.

When her few minutes were up she started running again and she ran until she was back at her own house. She ran in the house and straight up the stairs to her bedroom. Nothing but the distress of it all was on her mind. She didn’t even remember feeling like this back in high school. How had things gotten so screwed up for them? Maybe if they hadn’t slept together… maybe then things wouldn’t be so complicated.

If they hadn’t… would she have gone after him? Would she have left Sunnydale to find him in LA and tell him that she was in love with him? Or would they have ended up right here with her mother in the hospital and still very much in love with each other despite whatever complications there were? She would never know the answers to those questions though. And despite the ‘what if’ of them never having sex that night she wouldn’t give little Will up for anything in the world.


Buffy took her time in the shower. Water ran over her. Right now all she wanted was for the water to wash it all away. Wash away the fear of getting hurt. Wash away the fear of being left. Wash away the fear of her mother dying today. There it was… the thing she had been trying to avoid thinking about all day.

Now it was at the forefront of her mind and she could feel the fear gripping her heart. It felt like a hand, a very cold hand snaking it’s way around her inner self… like it was trying to make her give in. With everything running through her mind she didn’t have the strength of mind right then to push it away. For one moment Buffy gave up on being strong. She gave up on holding herself together and she let the tears come. Several minutes passed in which her body was wracked with sobs.

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

Finally Buffy stepped out of the shower and dried herself off. She tucked the corner of the towel in and made sure it stuck before walking out of the bathroom and into her room. She quickly found something to wear, deciding on a simple blue t-shirt and pair of blue jeans. After she was dressed she tied her hair back in a ponytail and walked out of her room to find Dawn and Will.

She wasn’t surprised to see that they were awake. She found them playing games downstairs with the TV set on the Cartoon Network. She stood in the doorway to the living room and just watched them for a moment. When she heard the doorbell ring her eyes immediately went to the clock on the wall. It was only 11 in the morning. William wouldn’t be here this early, would he?

Buffy smiled at Dawn and Will and went to answer the door. When she opened the door she was surprised to see Willow and Xander standing before her. She couldn’t help the way her smile grew at the sight of two of her oldest friends. She was so happy that they were here with her through the situation with her mother.

“Hey guys, what’s up? I didn’t expect you two to be coming by the house.”

“Yeah, well, we thought we could hang out some today…” Xander supplied.

“And keep your mind off of all the stuff going on,” Willow added.

“Thanks guys. I’m really glad you came over.” Buffy flashed a genuine smile to make sure they knew she was truly happy they came over. Then she motioned them inside. “Dawn and Will are just playing some games in the living room while cartoons are on.”

“Really? What are they watching?” Xander asked eagerly as he headed into the living room leaving Willow and Buffy at the door.

“Ever the kid at heart,” Buffy said with a half sigh, half laugh that Willow joined in on.

“That’s our Xan man,” Willow added.

“Yes, it is,” Buffy said quietly. “Would you like some coffee or tea or… anything?” she asked.

“Tea would be great.”

“Let’s just go into the kitchen and leave them to the TV.”

Buffy led the way into the kitchen and started a pot of water for the tea. There was so much she wanted to talk to Willow about that she just didn’t know where to begin. Well, that wasn’t necessarily true. She wanted to start with Spike… or William, but even that subject had a lot to be said for it.

Willow started off, saving Buffy the trouble. “So, how’s William these days? I was surprised to see him in Sunnydale yesterday.”

“Me too,” she said as she thought back to William arriving at the hospital yesterday. As her mind began wandering to the rest of their evening she had to mentally shake herself back to reality. “I guess he’s doing well. He seems successful which is good. He’s coming by in a little while to take Will out for some father/son time.”

“That should be good for Will,” the red-head interjected.

“It should,” the blonde said with a smile. “They need to spend more time together. I want Will to know his dad. I never really got to know mine and it bothered me… still does I suppose.”

“That’s normal Buff. Every child wants to know their father. It’s good that Will has the chance now.”

“You’re right.”

“Well, yeah,” Willow said with a chuckle.

Buffy got out to tea mugs and readied them for tea. She gave one to Willow and then took the other to her seat at the island.

“I just can’t help but to think…”

“Think what, Buffy? What are you worried about?” Willow could tell that something was on Buffy’s mind.

Buffy shook herself. She didn’t need to get into this with Willow too. “Oh, it’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. Spill.” Willow gave her her resolve face and pointed to it.

“Okay, okay. Just put away the resolve face, will ya?” she said in a joking manner.

“Done.”

“Well… I’m just worried that William won’t be around so much. I’m worried that he’ll leave again. Will won’t understand that and I’m afraid that he’ll get hurt.”

“And what about you?”

“It’s not about me,” Buffy lied.

“You know what I meant missy. How do you feel about it?” Willow clarified. “Your feelings matter too.”

“When did you get so insightful?” Buffy asked sarcastically.

Willow shrugged and prodded her friend to answer the question.

“Alright…” Buffy rubbed her arm where Willow had literally prodded her. “My feelings are involved in this too.” She was quiet for a moment. “I lost him once Willow and I loved him then. I think I’m falling… well, I’ve fallen for him… all over again and I don’t know if I can lose him again.” Buffy sighed and looked at her hands wrapped around her tea mug.

“Buffy, I can see that he loves you, and I don’t think he’s planning on leaving you anytime soon… if ever. It seems to me that you’re standing in your own way here, and if you don’t get out of your way you might just lose him for good. He won’t wait around forever and you can’t expect him to.”

Buffy looked up at her friend. “Again with the insight.” They shared a smile then.

“Yeah, I’ve been told.”

They continued to chat about all sorts of things having gotten the bigger subject out of the way. When they were finished with their tea they went back into the other room to see what the others were up to. Just as Buffy sat down on the couch with Willow there was another knock at the door.

“That would be William,” Buffy said, taking a deep breath as she stood from the couch.

She answered the door with a cheery smile on her face. For a moment she thought about talking to him outside, but decided against it. Better to let things rest for a while. Instead she said, “Hi.”

“Hello.”

A moment of silence passed between them. Then they both tried to speak at the same time. Buffy saying, “Will—” and Spike saying, “How’s—”

They smiled at one another and tried again this time Spike allowed Buffy to go first. “Will’s just inside playing with Dawn and Xander. Do you want to come in or should I just bring him to you?”

“I can come in.”

He came in and everyone said their hello’s. Little Will jumped up at the sight of Spike and ran to give him a hug. Spike lifted him into his arms and gave him a big grin. “Hey buddy. Are you ready to go out with your dad and have some fun?”

“What are we gonna do?” Will asked curiously.

“Whatever you want,” was his honest reply.

Everyone else in the room watched the interaction as Will was now quietly thoughtful with his dad’s reply. Buffy gave Spike a look hoping that he wasn’t going to do anything extravagant with Will. Spike just smiled back at her, trying to put her at ease.

Buffy had a thought just then and gave Spike a nod. Spike saw the nod and set Will down telling him, “Mom and I need to talk for a minute. How about you think about what you want to do and I’ll be back. Ok?”

“Ok Dad,” Will said cheerfully.

Buffy took Spike into the kitchen where they could talk privately for a moment. “I just had a thought… maybe you can keep Will until after Mom’s surgery today. I can call you when it’s done… is that ok with you?” She was a little hesitant with the idea, but wanted to be upfront.

“I can do that. Are you sure you don’t want me there with you?” he asked, concern lacing his voice.

“It’ll be better if you’re keeping Will happy. He loves you and knowing that he’s ok through it all is what makes it easier for me.”

“Okay. Any ideas as to what we can do around town? It’s been so long since I’ve been back.”

“I know,” she said in agreement. “I think there’s a go-cart and mini-golf place on the other side of town and there are a few good places to go for lunch.”

They talked it over a little more and went back out to the living room where Spike picked up Will and they said goodbye to everyone. Then they were gone. Buffy plopped down on the couch with a sigh as she laid her head back.

“You okay Buffster?” Xander asked. There was a little concern in his voice, but mostly just silly Xander.

“Yep,” she said, emphasizing the ‘p’ sound.

Everyone went back to what they were doing. Xander and Dawn playing go fish and saying the occasional ‘oh’ or ‘ah’ to whatever show was on the TV. Willow just gave Buffy a look and then resumed watching Xander and Dawn. They were a funny pair.

They were all like that for a while. Buffy wasn’t sure how long but it was long enough that she totally zoned out. She just stared out the window and off in the distance to no point in particular.

Finally Willow spoke, drawing Buffy out of herself. “What time do we need to be at the hospital?” It wasn’t a question she wanted to ask, but it needed to be asked.

“3,” was all Buffy said.

“Maybe a little earlier,” Dawn added hopefully.

“I can take you earlier if you want Dawnie,” Willow told the girl.

Dawn gave her a nod and looked at her sister. “Buffy…” she said hesitantly.

Buffy didn’t say anything for a minute. Then she turned to Dawn and said, “That’s ok with me.” Then she turned back to the window.

Willow looked at her watch. It was 2:15 now. “It’s already 2:15,” she said to the room. “Dawn, how long until you can be ready?”

“5 minutes,” the teen said hurriedly as she raced upstairs to change.

Willow and Xander shared a look and then looked at their old friend. This didn’t seem of the good.

“Buffy, are you alright?” Willow asked the hard question again. It was safe to say that Buffy wasn’t alright. She was out of it and it seemed she was avoiding the present state of things.

“I hope they’re having fun,” she said dreamily.

“I’m sure they are,” Willow responded.

Xander nodded as he said, “Yeah Buffy. William and Will… they’re two fun people. Of course they’re having fun.”

“I’m just worried,” Buffy said, her voice still kind of distant.

“About Will?” Xander asked confusedly.

“Mom,” she said simply.

“Oh,” Xander replied.

Dawn came back in time to here the last part that Buffy and Xander had said.

“She’s going to be ok Buffy. Mom’s strong and she’s going to make it through this.” Dawn was serious and kind when she knelt before Buffy and took her hand. She laid her head on Buffy’s lap.

Willow gave Xander a look and they both left the room to sit on the front porch.

“They need some alone sister time,” Willow clarified.

“Yeah,” was all Xander could say.

“How’s Anya? Is she gonna be at the hospital later?” Willow asked, changing the subject a little.

“Anya’s good. She’s Anya, ya know?” He smiled. “I don’t know if she’s coming by or not. She might. She likes Joyce a good deal, but none of us have been as close with her in the last 5 years. It could’ve been so different if Buffy had stayed.”

“I know, but she… I know,” was all Willow said.

They were quiet for a moment. A few minutes later Dawn came out of the house with surprisingly dry eyes.

“Ready?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Willow said.

“What about Buffy?” Xander asked.

“She’s coming in a few minutes. She’ll be there a little after us.” Dawn said and then walked out to the car.


Sunnydale General Hospital – a couple hours later

They were all waiting just outside Joyce’s room. The surgeon had just gone in to talk to Joyce and then he would be taking her to the Operation Room.

Everyone was quiet and it just made Buffy more nervous. She’d spoken to Spike a little earlier, only to tell him that it would be hours yet and if Will was getting tired he could take him back to Buffy’s and watch over him there. Now she was just nervous. Suddenly she felt a hand creep into hers and when she turned to look at who it was she saw Dawn. A small smile came over Buffy’s features.

Dawn saw it and smiled back. It was a small but reassuring moment that passed between the girls. They held onto one another as they waited patiently. A few minutes later the surgeon’s assistant came to them and asked everyone to follow her to the waiting room at the end of the hall.

Everyone else got situated in the comfy chairs waiting for something, anything. Buffy walked slowly back up the hall as she saw the doctors taking her mom out of her room. Dawn came up and stood beside her. They held onto each other and watched as their mother was rolled away to the OR.

Then they walked back to the comfy chairs to await word of their mother. No matter how long or what position Buffy sat in the chair it was not all that comfortable. She couldn’t let herself rest until she knew.

Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes turned hours. The surgery had started at 4 and it was now 10. Buffy hadn’t slept a wink. Everyone else seemed to be sleeping. Even Dawn had fallen asleep with her head on Buffy’s shoulder. Buffy tried to stay still so as not to wake Dawn up and she managed it until she saw the surgeon coming down the hall.

It was now 10:30. Buffy had been at the hospital since just after 2 that afternoon. It took everything in her not to run down the hall to that surgeon and badger him to tell her what had happened. It took all of her strength to only stand and walk a few steps to wait for the surgeon to come to her. It wore her nerves even more to look at his expression and try not to think about what he was about to tell her.

‘She has to be ok… she has to be… she can’t be… I can’t do this without her… William…’

Thoughts ran through her mind until the surgeon reached her. By that time a groggy Dawn was standing next to her waiting for the news too. Buffy was silent, but Dawn prodded the surgeon with a “Well…”

The surgeon looked from Dawn to Buffy and took a deep breath. “We got the tumor out. Your mother has been moved to recovery now. There was a small bleed but we were able to stop it. We think we got it all out but we’ll have to wait a few days to do a scan and be sure, but we expect her to make a full recovery.”

By the end of his little explanation of what had been done Buffy released a breath she didn’t realize she was holding in. She had been so scared and now it was over, wasn’t it? She smiled and impulsively reached over and gave the surgeon a big hug. “Thank you… I don’t know what to say… or how to… thank you,” she said simply.

“You are quite welcome Miss Summers. Now there is nothing else you can do here tonight. Your mother won’t be awake until sometime tomorrow and she’s in good hands here. I suggest you and your sister go home and get some rest.” He gave Dawn a pat on the shoulder and added, “The same goes for your friends.”

With that said Buffy turned around with a big, but tired smile on her face and walked over to her friends. “She’s ok,” Dawn said with excitement.


Summers’ house

Buffy was getting ready for bed. When she got home Spike was there watching the TV and they had talked for a few minutes. He had put Will to bed earlier. She saw the relief on his face when Dawn told him about their mother. It made her smile to know that he cared that much, but then again she’d known that he had cared. Now she was thinking back to that moment, where she’d seen the relief plainly on his face, as she put on her tank top and boxers for bed.

She was exhausted and she felt like she could sleep for a whole day. Slowly and quietly she crawled in between her covers and turned off her lamp. A few minutes later she was trying to go to sleep, trying being the operative word. For whatever reason she couldn’t fall asleep despite the fact that she really, really wanted to. Then she heard something outside. Something hit her window. And she was sure she heard someone whisper her name. There… something hit her window again.

Slowly she walked over to the window and looked out from it. She couldn’t see anything but then she heard her name whispered again, this time a little more loudly. So, she opened the window and stuck her head out. When she did she was surprised to see Spike standing there.

“Will… what on earth on you doing?” she asked, her heart beating wildly.

“Trying to get your attention,” he said with a sly grin.

“OK, you’ve got my attention. Now what do you want? I thought you’d gone home,” she said in a loud whisper.

“I did, but then I came back. I just wanted to… hold on,” he said as he started to climb up the tree.

She gasped as he climbed up the tree, and he did it so quickly. Altogether it caught her a little off guard. “What—”

He was at her window in a moment and cut her off with a kiss. When he stopped he couldn’t help but smile at the way her eyes were glazed over and she stumbled backward a step or two.

“Come in,” she said slowly.

He hopped through the window and waited for her to make a move.

It took her a minute to regain her senses. And when she did she still sounded quite silly saying, “That was nice.” She wore a silly smile to match.

He took a step closer to her and she didn’t say anything. So, he took another and still she said nothing. Another step and their bodies were nearly touching. He could feel his pulse pounding at the nearness of her. Other parts of him were throbbing.

Then he caught her gaze and it nearly burned a hole through him. His lips were on hers in an instant. He slowly eased them to the bed, his body over hers. He heard her whimper and it only spurned him on as he ground his jean clad erection against the thin fabric covering her nether region.

He caught her moan in his mouth as he kissed her again. It was slow and sensual while also being desperate and harsh. She didn’t understand that, but she definitely understood how good it felt. This was the closest they’d come to… since… ‘Oh God!’ suddenly went through her mind.

She pushed at him lightly and managed to whisper, “Will… William… Stop.”

It penetrated through his lust addled brain somehow and he stopped suddenly, not moving a muscle. He looked into her eyes and knew that something was wrong. ‘Oh bloody hell! What am I doing?’ he thought to himself. “Buffy…” he started but she put a finger to his mouth. She sat up and he did the same, ready for an unleashing of unpleasantness from her.

“It’s not you Will. It’s me… and all this baggage… and after the day I’ve had… I don’t want to use you and that’s exactly what I’d be doing here.” She looked him in the eye when she said it but when she had finished she looked down, unsure of what she would see when he understood all of what she was saying or if he’d be able to read what else was going on in her mind. He’d always had a way of doing that, reading her when no one else could.

“Pet,” he lifted her chin up with a finger. “It’s alright. I understand that I hurt you. I get that you’re not ready for this yet, and believe me I know you’ve had a rough day. Because believe it or not I had one too.”

She looked at him with a question in her eyes at the last part. “But… didn’t you and Will have fun today?” There was a deep fear that he would say they hadn’t.

“Oh, we did. It’s not that.” He paused for a second before saying, “I just couldn’t stop thinking about you and what you must have be going through at the hospital.”

This man was incredible and she couldn’t believe she was… well, being all unsure about him. Suddenly she leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips, slowing pulling him back down to the bed with her.

To be continued…

Chapter 12 – Window Treatment

Buffy’s bedroom

This man was incredible and she couldn’t believe she was… well, being all unsure about him. Suddenly she leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips, slowing pulling him back down to the bed with her.

Spike was surprised to say the least when he felt Buffy’s lips on his and then the pulling back down to the bed. He didn’t know what to do, but that didn’t seem to matter right now. He knew he wanted Buffy more than he’d ever wanted anyone else and right now all that mattered was that she wanted him to.

They went on kissing for several minutes before they both needed to break for air. Even then they gazed adoringly into one another’s eyes as they caught their breath. When their breathing had returned to normal they each smiled in turn, a little self-consciously.

There was something on the edge, right there, ready to be said, but neither said it. Before another minute of silence passed between them though Buffy spoke:

“Stay with me,” was her plea. “Please stay with me tonight, William.”

Spike could never tell her no, but he wouldn’t dream of saying it now. He nodded and said, “Happy to, pet.”

He shifted his wait for a moment and sat up on the bed. Somehow he knew Buffy was watching him and it only made him smile more. He quickly rid himself of his boots and lay back down with Buffy. He wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest. Then he planted a light kiss on her shoulder and said, “Goodnight, Buffy.”

She whispered back a soft, “Night, William.” And before she drifted off she could have sworn he whispered back to her ‘I love you.’


Spike woke before Buffy and just watched her. She was so cute when she slept. She was also easier to handle when she was asleep. He loved her completely, but the tug of war they’d been doing lately was not easy for him. The fear of losing her was always at the back of his mind, and losing her was something he was determined not to do.

As he watched over her he couldn’t help but think if he was what she really wanted. She deserved to be happy. Would he make her happy? He was certain he could and he knew he wanted no less, but still he couldn’t help wondering if she would be happy with him.

It wasn’t long before Buffy opened her eyes and turned them on Spike. Still neither spoke for several minutes, just basking in the other, happy to wake beside the other.


Look around your world pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it’d be
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me

Look into your heart pretty baby,
Is it aching with some nameless need.
Is there something wrong and you can’t put your finger on it
Right then, roll to me

and I don’t think I have ever seen a soul so in despair
so if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there?

So don’t try to deny it pretty baby,
You’ve been down so long you can hardly see
When the engines stalled and it won’t stop raining
Its the right time to roll to me

Look around your world pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it'd be
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me


“I love you, Buffy,” were the first words out of Spike’s mouth.

Buffy worried her bottom lip for a minute. She looked into Spike’s eyes. There was nothing but love there, well, love and what she thought was a little fear. Slowly she caressed his cheek and spoke softly, “Oh, William,” she began. She ran her thumb over his lower lips and saw his eyes close for a second. She smiled at his reaction before adding. “I love you too, I really do.” Then, before he could say a word she put her finger over his lips and said, “Shhh, let’s not ruin this with more words.”

He nodded his agreement with a knowing smile. The subject would have to be spoken of sooner or later. They couldn’t continue on this merry-go-round for much longer.

After a few minutes longer of basking in the other and passing smiles, they both rose from bed. Just then Buffy heard noises in the hall. She turned to look at her door and then looked back at Spike.

“I’d best be going anyway,” he reassured her.

“I think that’s a good idea.”

“Yeah…” There was a pause before Spike asked, “Can I see you later?”

She smiled and replied, “That would be nice.”

They kissed briefly and said goodbye before Spike left through the window once more.

Buffy turned back to her room after watching him go. She just stood there for a few minutes, dazed as she was. Her mind was racing with the course of things and she felt as if she was floating on cloud 9. It wasn’t until Dawn knocked on her bedroom door that Buffy snapped out of her daze.

“When are you going to see Mom today?” Dawn asked.

She looked up at Dawn and thought about it for a minute. “Umm…”

“Are you okay, Buffy?”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah, fine… sorry, I just hadn’t thought about it really.”

“Oh.”

“I’m going so there’s no need for that look or that tone,” she said with some of her trademark wit.

Dawn gave a little pout at that but with a smile from Buffy the pout quickly turned into a smile of her own.

“I guess Will and I can go over a little after lunch that way you can meet us over there after school. I can call to see if Willow or Xander can pick you up…” Buffy trailed off as she thought about it.

“Or…” Dawn got Buffy’s attention and added “Spike could pick me up. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind and Mom would be happy to see him.”

Buffy looked at Dawn seriously. She had to admit it sounded wonderful. “Yeah… that sounds good. I’ll give Spike a call later. I’ve got to do some grocery shopping today anyway so I know we won’t be going to the hospital until later, okay?”

“Yeah, I got that part already. You’re just trying to change the subject when I already know he was here last night.” With that said Dawn walked downstairs to get some breakfast before school. Buffy was making her go the day after the surgery and she wasn’t exactly happy about it. She wanted to go see her Mom and avoid all the people at school who would inevitably pester her with questions about the ordeal.

Buffy was left standing slack jawed in her own room. How did her little sister know that Spike had spent the night? It was something that blew her mind and made her think that Dawn was becoming quite the ‘mom’ in training. “Let’s just hope she doesn’t have a kid at 18 like me,” Buffy muttered to herself when Dawn was long gone.


Later

Buffy made sure that Dawn got off to school and then she let Will watch some TV while she got ready to go to the store. She took a quick shower and then quickly found some comfortable clothes to wear. Today comfortable for Buffy was a tank top with thin straps and a pair of blue jeans. She tied her hair back into a ponytail and called down to Will so she could get him dressed.

Once he was dressed they were out the door and in her mom’s Jeep heading for the grocery store. She had made sure she had her purse and her cell phone and even remembered to bring the list of groceries they needed. Everyone was hoping that Joyce would be home in only a few days time and Buffy wanted to have a family dinner when she did.

In Buffy’s mind it would be a nice ‘welcome home’ gesture for her mom and somewhere inside of her she just wanted to have the family together. It had been so long since they’d all been together, and she wasn’t even sure if they’d really been together since Will was born. She knew they hadn’t been together in Sunnydale with Will. A part of Buffy was sorry she hadn’t been home, but in the last 5 years she never found the time when she wanted to face her fears. Now she was forced to not only because of her mom’s illness but because of Spike. With him back in her life she would have to face the fears Sunnydale held for her sooner or later, and sooner was better than later.

The sooner she faced her fears the better it would be for everyone. Sooner meant she could move on with her life. Sooner meant that she could find some peace and decide what to do about Spike. As much as she loved him she was still afraid. While she knew where some of her fears stemmed from (i.e. her own father leaving and Spike leaving) she didn’t understand why she was afraid of letting herself love him. That’s what this was about. She was holding herself back from being happy.

Buffy knew all this and yet she continued the vicious cycle of ‘I’m hurt’ and ‘I’m afraid’ and kept giving Spike the ‘I can’t do this right now’ run-around. She knew she had to stop eventually, but as long as she kept it up she wouldn’t have to really face what she was afraid of. And what she was really afraid of wasn’t love and it wasn’t Spike leaving her again. Deep down she knew that he wouldn’t hurt her and he wouldn’t leave her ever again. No, if Buffy was really honest with herself she would come to terms with the fact that all of this was because she was afraid that her mom was going to die.

The question she was left with as she walked with Will into the grocery store a few blocks from the house was when she would come to terms with her fear. It was fairly reasonable to be afraid of Spike leaving again, but it wasn’t fair to drag everything out the way she was doing.

Today Will didn’t want to sit in the basket. Instead he wanted to walk beside Buffy around the store. Buffy wandered around a bit trying to find everything she needed. In the last 5 years the grocery store had certainly changed. It was a little bigger and shinier. There was no doubt that it was nice but Buffy found it confusing too. Back in San Francisco she always shopped in little natural food stores. They were small and eclectic and familiar.

She was strolling around trying to find a particular spice that her mom did not have at home when she heard someone call out her name.

“Buffy! Is that you?” came the man’s voice.

Buffy spun around and saw someone she really didn’t expect to be happy to see. “Angel?” she said incredulously with a genuine smile.


To be continued…

Chapter 13 – Going for Groceries

“Buffy! Is that you?” came the man’s voice.

“Angel?” she said incredulously with a genuine smile.

“Yeah, it’s me.” He gave her a grin. “I can’t believe I’m running into you like this. I haven’t seen you in what…”

“Five years,” she supplied with a light smile.

Will chose this time to tug on her hand and say, “Mama.”

Buffy looked down and smiled at Will. “Will, what does Mama say about interrupting grownups?” she said seriously.

“Not to do it,” he said quietly.

“So what do you say?” she asked.

“Excuse me,” he said sweetly.

“Ok, what is it pumpkin?”

“Who’s that man?”

Buffy smiled at that and looked back at Angel. She could plainly see the surprise written all over his face.


Spike had just parked his dad’s car in the parking lot of the grocery store. He had been sent to get a few things for dinner later and he wasn’t complaining. Actually he was happy to get out of the house. Well, that was until he saw Buffy talking to Angel.

He looked at the two of them smiling and chatting away. Then he saw her talk to Will. It looked like she was introducing Angel to his son. Spike was furious.

And being that he was furious and not seeing straight he did not go up to Buffy to see what was really going on. No, he preferred to remain angry and walk right back out of the store. Walking back to the car he saw Buffy’s jeep and decided to wait for her to come out instead.


“Angel, I’d like you to meet my son, Will.” Buffy picked up Will for a moment so that he and Angel would be eye level. “Will, this is an old friend of Mama’s.”

“What’s his name?” Will asked.

“Angel,” Buffy told him.

Will was quiet for a moment before saying, “That’s a funny name.”

“Yeah, it kinda is,” Angel admitted.

Buffy smiled on as Will took to Angel a little.

“Well, how have you been?” Buffy asked Angel.

“Good, really good. You?”

“Busy,” she admitted. “I’m back to see my mom.”

“Yeah, I heard. I’m very sorry. Give her my best wishes for a full recovery.”

“I will. Thank you.”

“And I’ve been with someone for a while now,” Angel added quietly.

“Oh?” Buffy said. “Who may I ask?” she inquired.

“Cordy,” he said, blushing a little.

“Oh,” was all that escaped Buffy for a moment.

“Yeah, it’s been really great. We’re really happy. And Buffy?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“I’m sorry… for the way I treated you back in high school. I’ve grown up a lot in the last few years and I realize what I did to people. I just wanted you to know that.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to me.” Will was starting to wiggle in her arms and she set him down.

“Looks like you need to be going,” Angel said.

“Yeah, I’ve got some things to do today.”

“Me too.”

There was a moment’s pause.

“Well, I hope we run into each other again while I’m in town,” Buffy said.

“I hope so too,” Angel added. “Bye Buffy.”

“Bye,” she said as she headed off to look for the rest of her groceries.


Finally after about an hour of wandering through the store Buffy was done with her shopping. She thought she’d found everything she needed to make a nice dinner soon. At least if she did forget something she would have at least another day to come back to get it.

Buffy fumbled for her keys as she neared the jeep. Then, just as she pressed the button on the keys to unlock the car she heard Will cry out, “Dad!”

Buffy looked up to see Spike leaning against the jeep. She wore a puzzled look which he seemed to be ignoring. All he was paying attention to was Will. She watched as he reached out his arms and picked up his son saying, “Hey buddy. Did you have fun in the grocery store?”

“Nuh-uh,” Will said shaking his head.

“Why not?” Spike asked.

Will just shrugged, not giving up anything. Spike got a little irritated by that, but didn’t show it.

Buffy suddenly caught on, but she didn’t want to say anything in front of Will right now.

“Will why don’t you sit in the car and I’ll start the AC and you can play your game-boy. How does that sound?”

“I like that!” Will said happily.

Buffy smiled and got him set up in the back seat of the jeep with the AC cooling down the car quickly. Then Buffy headed for the back of the jeep to put away the groceries. Now it was her turn to ignore Spike as she quietly got all the groceries out of the cart and into the jeep. The whole time she was picking and choosing her words.

She closed the back of the jeep and looked at Spike. She didn’t say a word as she turned and walked to put the cart away. When she came back to the jeep Spike was still there, leaning against the side again.

Buffy crossed her arms and waited for him to say something. She watched as his mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. “Spike?” she said evenly.

“Yeah, Buffy.”

“What’s going on?” she asked as if she didn’t know.

“You tell me,” he began to get defensive.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I saw you… talking to him,” he wouldn’t say his name.

“Him?” she asked.

Spike grit his teeth. “Angel.”

“Oh,” Buffy said demurely as she took a step closer to Spike.

“Oh?” he said angrily.

“Is that what this is about?” she asked quietly as she stood so close her body was almost touching his.

Spike cocked his head to the side. Something was a little off with this picture.

“You’re so cute when you’re jealous,” Buffy said as she ran a couple fingers through the hair just above his ear.

“I’m not…” He tried not to smile but he was fighting a losing battle.

“There’s nothing going on with me and Angel,” she said seriously.

“Really?” he asked quietly.

“Really,” she said sweetly as she leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips.

Then she moved toward the driver’s door only to turn back and glance at Spike once more. “Are you coming over tonight?” she asked.

He looked up quickly, surprised by her question a little. “Sure,” he said, feeling anything but.

“Good, I’ll see you tonight then,” she said kissing him on the cheek before climbing into the jeep. She waved out the window and looked back at Will. “Wave to Daddy,” she said as she began backing up. Will waved to Spike and then went back to his game-boy. “How ya doing back there?” Buffy asked when they were almost home.

“Good,” Will said a little distantly. He was zoned into his game and Buffy left him alone.


Back at the store Spike went in and got the things he’d originally come for. Then he went home to his dad’s. He put the groceries in the kitchen and went up to his room. There he lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling as he thought about his situation.

Chapter 14 – Yesteryear

Buffy and Will visited with Joyce after grocery shopping. Xander gave Dawn a ride to the hospital after school and picked up Will. Buffy didn’t want Will spending too much time at the hospital and she was sure he would get bored there too, so she had arranged for Xander to hang out with him back at the house for a few hours.

When Buffy and Dawn got back later that evening they were exhausted and hungry. First they got something quick from the kitchen where they were soon joined by Xander telling them how things went with Will.

“How did he do?” Buffy asked.

“Fine. Little guy got tired about half an hour ago and I read him a story and put him to bed.”

“Aww,” was the next thing heard from where Dawn was sitting at the counter.

Then Buffy said, “He had a long day. Maybe tomorrow I can take him out and do something. We didn’t really do a whole lot today, but it was still a long day.”

“Yeah, and maybe you can call Spike too,” Dawn suggested obviously.

Buffy smiled, “You know, I could do that.” The two sisters shared a look which Xander caught on to and commented on too.

“Well then, I think that’s my cue to leave.”

“Oh, no Xand…” Dawn began.

“We didn’t mean that,” Buffy finished.

“Really? Cause I think things just got a little awkward in here.”

“No, no…” Dawn began again.

“Dawn just thinks I should be spending more time with Spike,” Buffy finished again.

“Oh?” Xander questioned. “How much time are you two spending together anyway?”

“Some,” Buffy said.

“Not enough,” Dawn interjected.

“Plenty,” Buffy added.

“Yeah, it’s late… I’m gonna go,” Xander said.

“Oh,” Buffy grumped.

“Do you hafta?” Dawn whined.

“I think Anya will want me back before it gets too late,” Xander said.

“Ok, that’s a good excuse,” Dawn conceded. “Will you give me a ride to see Mom again after school tomorrow?”

“Sure thing Dawnster,” Xander said with a grin. “Night girls.”

“Night Xand,” they said at the same time.

“Well, I think I’m going to turn in too…” Dawn said a moment later. “And maybe take a shower first and get a little studying done,” she added to appease her sister.

“Alright,” Buffy said exasperatedly.

“Night Buff,” Dawn gave her a hug and a kiss before heading upstairs.

“Goodnight Dawnie.”

Buffy watched Dawn go upstairs before she went into the living room and turned on the TV. She then looked at her phone and saw she had a text message. It was from Spike.

She read: When do u want me 2 come over?

She replied: Give me 30 minutes… & come 2 my window again.

She read: See u soon.


30 minutes later

Dawn had taken a shower and fallen asleep on one of her school books all within 30 minutes. Buffy couldn’t believe it, but she smiled and tucked Dawn into bed.

Now she was back in her room, thinking about Spike. She looked around her room and stared out her window. Only when she stood to look at her reflection in her long mirror did she hear something outside. She’d left her window open so he could climb in without much trouble.

Suddenly she felt the urge to close her eyes and she did. She took a deep breath in and she knew he was close. She could sense him. It was like he was right next to her, but… Then she felt his arms snake around her waist. She smiled and leaned her back against his chest.

She felt his hot breath on her neck and it tickled. It also made her all warm and gooey inside. She could barely think straight from just being held by him right now, so when he whispered, “I love you” she was gone. There was nothing left of her self control.

“Spike,” she gasped, desperately wriggling in his arms.

He ran his hands up and down her sides soothingly and was happy to see she calmed. Then he rested them on her hips where he could still rub small circles on the soft skin just beneath the hem of her shirt. “What are we doin’ here, love?”

She took a deep breath before speaking. She knew he wasn’t talking about where they were as in her room. “Finding our way,” she murmured.

“To where?” he asked softly.

“I…” she started. She wasn’t sure where they were headed, but she didn’t want to give him another ‘I don’t know’.

“Buffy, what is this to you?” he asked instead. He had to know. He knew she loved him. She’d said that much, but he’d been afraid to ask what this was to her. Afraid because she had the power to throw it all away right now, in this very moment.

She slowly turned in his arms and looked deep into his eyes. He was searching for something here and she didn’t want to disappoint him. “Love.”

That was it. He let go of the breath he was holding in and smiled a little nervously.

“What did you think I was going to say?” she asked seriously.

“I had no clue,” he whispered as he moved to sit on her bed.

Buffy watched him for a second. He looked like some weight had been lifted from his shoulders. She then knelt between his legs at the edge of the bed. “William, my dear William,” she said adoringly, caressing his cheek with her palm and running her thumb along his defined cheekbone.

His eyes met hers but he remained silent, waiting for her to say something, anything.

“I love you with everything that I am,” she spoke candidly. “I will never stop loving you. I know I haven’t been so easy to…” she paused, “well, to be with lately, but I’ve been fighting with myself. I’m not doing that anymore. I know that I want you. I want you in my life and I’m not letting you leave again.” She smiled at him, having conquered that fear for now. “There is an ‘us’. I want to work on us… whatever that means.”

That did him in. He got a silly grin and pulled her from the floor to him. “God Buffy,” he murmured as he kissed her.

She giggled. Her happiness was evident in that giggle and he was happy too. It was plain to see how happy he was with her little speech. “Well…” she prodded, still giggling.

“Well what?” he said a little puzzled.

“What do you have to say?”

He leered at her and tucked his tongue behind his teeth in that sexy way that always made her swat him in high school. “Can’t I just show you?” he murmured against the soft skin in the crook of her neck.

She wriggled against him but was still giggling until he asked her that. Then she pushed at him seriously. She waited until she could look him in the eyes. “Spike…” she said apprehensively. “Are you suggesting that we…”

“What do you think?” he waggled his brows suggestively.

“Well,” she began slowly and saw him retreat which only tugged on her heart strings. She grabbed his hand. “Wait!” she said a little louder.

He stopped in his retreat and looked back at her with apprehension.

“It’s not that I don’t want to…” she said softly. “Because I do, I really do,” she said with a look that told him just that. “I’m just not prepared to do this right now, are you?”

“Oh,” was all he said. He looked down. He hadn’t thought of that. After all they’d been through he couldn’t believe he’d come unprepared for this. He shook his head regrettably.

“Baby,” she said as she tugged on his hand to get him to look at her. “It’s ok. It’s not like we’ll never do it again. Just not tonight, okay?” she said reassuringly.

He looked up but was still disappointed with himself.

She got up from the bed and tugged his hand again. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

He eyed her carefully and could tell she wasn’t giving up, even on this idea of a walk. He smiled at her and went through the window first. He watched as she climbed out and down the tree with no problems.

“Seems I still have a knack for that.”

“So it would appear,” he said with a light chuckle.

“Come on,” she said moving ahead of him a few steps.

“Alright, alright,” he said trying to appease her.

She turned around and gave him a look that meant he was asking for it and she was going to dish it. He put his hands up in defense even though his face was saying that this was funny and his eyes were telling her how much he loved this.

“Catch me if you can,” Buffy challenged as she took off down the street.

He ran after her but not at full speed. He was right behind her the whole time until she suddenly stopped and he ran into her. She laughed as they both fell to the ground. Then she stopped as she looked into his eyes.

“Like what ya see?” Spike asked with a smirk.

“Mmmm.”

Spike chuckled at that. “Anyone home?”

“Oh.” A blush crept onto her cheeks.

“You amaze me Buffy Summers.”

His words only made her blush more. She crinkled her brows and asked, “How’s that?”

“A single parent, pretty fearless…” He waited for the look and added, “despite the talking about it. You’ve made something of yourself and I just wish that I was more like you, hardworking, determined, successful…”

Buffy looked at him as he spoke and only grew more puzzled. “What about your band and all the hype about ‘Spike’?” she asked.

He sighed. “We had a successful album about 5 years ago. That’s how I was able to move into my own place, and I’ve saved the money pretty well… investments and the like but we haven’t done much since then. Something hasn’t been clicking since then.” Spike sat up and ran his hands through his hair, scratching his head thoughtfully.

“I had no idea. I heard about the band’s success with the first album, but I just assumed that it had continued since then. I guess not paying attention to all the gossip really does keep you out of the loop,” she smiled. She was happy when he smiled back and she looked around them. “Do you realize where we are?” she asked.

It took him a moment but he suddenly recognized the place. “The old park. Man… I haven’t been back here since…”

“Since you left,” she finished.

“Yeah.” He bumped into her playfully. “Let’s talk about the last 5 years. I want to know everything that’s happened to you and Will.”

“Ok, where do you want to start?” she asked with a smile.

“How about the beginning… what happened after I left?”

“Alright, but let’s walk and talk,” she said, standing up from their place on the ground. She waited for him to stand too before she started walking back to the street.

It took her a few minutes to find her words, but Spike remained silent patiently.

“Well, it was only about 3 weeks after graduation that I found out I was pregnant. I’d been feeling sick and I thought about the possibilities. I called Willow and she took me to the store to get a test. When I told Mom that night she was amazing, no yelling, no ‘I’m disappointed in you’ speech. Nothing like that.” Buffy remembered that day so clearly now.

Spike had to smile at how she spoke of her mom. She was a strong Summers’ woman.

“I’d been working at the gallery a few days a week to save up some spending money for school. The rest of the summer flew by with doctor’s appointments, plans for school, taking all my vitamins, stuff like that. Then I was in school in the fall. Willow and I ended up rooming together which kept too many people from knowing about the pregnancy. Like I told you before my friends and family knew. I’d taken some courses on pop culture and design and decided that I wanted to go into fashion. Sunnydale didn’t have a lot to offer in that realm though so I found a school that did. That’s when I decided to move to San Francisco. Mom, Willow, and Xander helped me move over winter break and I took online classes during the spring. I had Will in March. Mom and Willow came right before the due date and stayed in my teensy apartment with me. Mom stayed for a few weeks after he was born but Willow had to go back to school.” Buffy took a deep breath before continuing. “It wasn’t easy, being a single mom and going to school full time, but I managed somehow. It’s kind of a blur now. There were lots of sleepless nights and I tried to take a lot of online courses. My school actually had a really cheap daycare available just off-campus. Mom helped me out with money for a while, and then I found a job that I could have flexible hours with. It’s actually the same place I work now. Lorne, that’s my boss, he was my saving grace. He saw me with Will heading out of the daycare one day and offered me a job. Neither of us had a clue that it would work out so well. He owns a design firm and hired me on to help with secretarial stuff to start. School went on. I actually managed to graduate a semester early and got a full time job in Lorne’s firm. Now I’ve been taking Will to the daycare that the firm pays for just down the street from the office, and I got the new apartment about a year ago. And Will starts school… well, he would be starting about now. I’ll have to do something about that.” She looked up at Spike as she finished.

“Hmm, have you thought about enrolling him here? Just to start that is. You don’t know how long you’ll be in town and you don’t want him to fall behind, even if it is kindergarten.”

“That’s an idea,” she said eagerly. “Actually that’s a really good idea.”

Spike smiled. “Or you could home school him. I’m sure you could do that for his first year.”

“When did you get so smart?” she asked as a joke.

“Eh,” he said with a shrug. “I just hide it really well.”

She smiled and tugged on his hand. “Your turn.”

“Right then…” he began. “After I left I moved in with the son of a friend of Jenny’s in LA. It wasn’t great, but it was a roof over my head. I managed to crank out some good songs and performed them in bars for a couple of months. Then I found Oz and Gunn, my band mates.” He smiled. “Oz had a friend with a recording studio and Gunn had a place we could practice. We recorded a demo and made money by performing in bars and some other small venues for unsigned talents. It continued that way for another month or so. Then this guy Johnny Walter found us. He wasn’t an agent perse, but he helped us find our way to recording and releasing a single and our first album. We got a good deal of success from that and made some money. I invested most of mine. Kept enough to buy a place for myself. The rest is still earning money for the future. That’s me until now.”

“All but the girl you’ve been with since… when did you two get together?” Buffy asked quietly. It was a sensitive subject but she wanted to know, felt like she needed to know a little more about this part of his life.

Spike cleared his throat. “You sure you want me to talk about this?” A small nod from her and he said, “Ok.” He took a moment to think about what to say about Harmony. “She was nice to me when I didn’t really have anyone, guess she liked something about me. Even managed to convince me to bleach my hair for more of a rocker look.” He paused for a moment to exhale loudly. This was more than a little stressful. “She… moved in with me… lived with me until recently… and I’m sure she’s right pissed and confused that I was the one who broke up with her.” He glanced over at Buffy to see how she took it and was surprised to see that she looked very calm and collected. “Buffy?”

“Yeah,” she said calmly.

“You gonna say anything about all that?”

“Nope.”

“Right then. Anything else we should talk about?” he asked.

“Not that I can think of…”

“Guess we’d better head back then.”

“Yeah, it’s getting pretty late.”

There was silence for a few minutes as they walked back to Buffy’s. They were only a few blocks away when he realized something. “What about you?”

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, a little puzzled by his sudden question.

“The men in your life… who have you dated in the last 5 years?” he asked quietly. After sharing about Harmony he thought it only fair, but even he was a little dubious about wanting to hear about anyone she’d been with over the years.

“No one,” she said quietly but clearly.

Spike was quiet then. Neither said a word until they were standing under the tree back at Buffy’s house. “Well, guess this is your stop…” Spike began hesitantly.

“Yep.” She grew quiet for a minute.

“Goodnight Buffy,” Spike said, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. As soon as he backed away again and was ready to leave he felt Buffy’s hand on his arm. “What?” he asked, looking at her.

“Aren’t you going to stay?” she asked, nearly pleading with him.

“I didn’t know you wanted me to.”

“Well, yeah.”

“Then I’ll stay.” The smile he saw on her face lit up his whole world. She was his world.

They climbed up to Buffy’s room and Spike waited for Buffy to change, sneaking a peak or two at her half naked body in the mirror. When she said he could turn around again he did and asked, “Do you have a pair of shorts I can borrow? I don’t really fancy sleeping in my jeans again.”

“Yeah, I think I’ve got something.” She found a pair of old gym shorts in her closet and handed them to Spike. She then turned around without even being asked to.

He smiled as she turned around and a moment later he said, “Done.”

They both climbed into bed and Buffy snuggled up to Spike. He wrapped his arms around her and they both found sleep before too long.

I think I’ve walked too close to love
And now I’m falling in
There’s so many things this weary soul can't take
Maybe you just caught me by surprise
The first time that I looked into your eyes

There's a life inside of me
That I can feel again
It's the only thing that takes me
Where I’ve never been
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight
Your arms feel like home
Feel like home

This life ain’t the fairy tale we both thought it would be
But I can see your smiling face as it's staring back at me
I know we both see these changes now
I know we both understand somehow

There's a life inside of me
That I can feel again
It's the only thing that takes me
Where I’ve never been
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight
Your arms feel like home
They feel like home
(hold on, you're home to me)

There's a life inside of me
That I can feel again
It's the only thing that takes me
Where I’ve never been
I don't care if I lost everything that I have known
It don't matter where I lay my head tonight
Your arms feel like home
They feel like home

Chapter 15 – Released

Sunnydale General

Buffy looked at her mother’s doctor and then back to her mother. They were arguing about Joyce’s release. Buffy knew that her mother arguing was a good sign. Dawn knew it too because she was sitting in the corner smiling and trying not to laugh. Both girls knew that their mother’s arguing meant she was feeling a lot better.

“I want to go home,” Joyce insisted.

“But it would be better if you stayed a few more days,” the doctor insisted right back.

“I’m not staying in this hell hole any longer,” she said angrily.

“Okay, okay,” Buffy stepped in. “My mom wants to come home. What do we need to do in order to make that happen?”

“Miss Summers…” the doctor began.

“I know it would be better if she stayed, but frankly it’ll be better for you and your staff if you don’t have to deal with her bad moods any longer. I can take care of her at home. You just need to tell me how I can do that.” Buffy’s voice was calm and even. She was very serious and the doctor could tell there was no changing these women’s minds once they were made up.

He smiled and sighed. “Alright. If I can just speak to you for a few minutes out in the hallway I can have your mother released by 5 o’clock tonight.”

“Okay,” Buffy said. “Mom, Dawn, I’ll be right back.”

Buffy followed the doctor out into the hall and listened to him talk about her mother’s medications and the side effects and such. Then they walked over to a desk where he had Buffy sign some waivers and release forms.

“She’s all set. You can take her home now,” he told Buffy.

“Thank you doctor. This means a lot to my family.”


Summers’ house

Buffy parked the jeep and helped her mom out. “Dawn, get the door,” she said as she slowly walked with her mom to the front door.

Dawn ran to the door but just as she was about to open it she found herself face to face with Spike. “Hey…” she began.

“Hi,” he said, looking past Dawn for Buffy. As soon as he saw Joyce he was at her side. “Here, let me give you a hand Joyce,” he said, offering her his arm.

“Thank you, William,” she said sweetly.

Buffy smiled at him and he smiled back, all did not go unnoticed by Mrs. Summers.

When they were finally inside Spike helped Joyce to a seat on the couch where little Will was already sitting. Buffy went over to her son and asked, “How was it with you Dad today?”

“Fun,” he said with a little bounce on the couch.

Buffy smiled and kissed Will on the forehead. “Glad to hear it, pumpkin.” Then she turned to Spike, “Has he had dinner?”

“No, I was waiting to hear from you.”

“Thanks,” she said softly, and added, “Sorry I didn’t call earlier to let you know what was going on.” She was just about to say something else when her mom looked at Spike and Buffy knew she had one of her ‘ideas.’

“William, dear,” Joyce began.

“Yes, Mrs. Summers.”

“Won’t you stay for dinner with the family?”

“Of course,” he said with a smile and a glance in Buffy’s direction.

“I’ll go start dinner,” Buffy said as she began heading for the kitchen.

“I think I’ll go help her,” Spike said, leaving the living room a few seconds after Buffy.

Joyce smiled and shared a look with Dawn.

“Nice work, Mom,” Dawn said, taking a seat on the other side of Will on the couch, who was entranced with the program on the History channel.

The two Summers women looked at the littlest Summers and then at the TV and shared another look that said, ‘How does a son of Buffy’s get into the History channel?’


Meanwhile in the kitchen…

“Buffy…” Spike said as he walked in quietly.

“Hmm?” Buffy said without looking up from the vegetables she was chopping up.

“I don’t have to stay… if you don’t—”

“Don’t be silly.”

“But you seemed…”

“My mom just thinks she’s playing matchmaker.”

Her voice betrayed no emotion so he wasn’t quite sure what was going on here. “So, you want me to stay then?”

“You’re part of the family Spike, you should stay for the family dinner. But you don’t have to.”

He walked up behind her and placed his hands on top of hers, effectively stopping her work. “What do you want, Buffy?”

“You.”

She said it so quietly he almost missed it, but he didn’t miss her turning around in his arms and grabbing his jacket lapel. Her eyes nearly burned through him with emotion, but then her lips were on his. Her hands, such strong hands, were pulling him closer. He pushed her firmly against the island, rubbing himself against her core.

Her hands moved into his hair. His moved to her hips and then her buttocks, pulling her even closer to him. She wrapped her legs around him as the kiss broke for only a moment, leaving her panting. She pulled his face to her neck where he continued to lavish her skin with soft kisses.

“Bloody… delicious…” he murmured against her skin.

“Spike…” she murmured back.

As his mouth wandered over her neck leaving a trail of scorching heat her hands went to the counter for support. Suddenly the cutting board moved and made a little noise, jostling Buffy out of her lust induced daze.

“Oh…” she began. She pulled at Spike’s head and whispered, “William… we have to stop.”

His head jerked up to meet her eyes. “Bloody hell, Buffy,” he said heatedly, immediately dropping her back down on her feet.

“We just…” she started.

But he interrupted her, “We just what?” He pinned her against the counter again and said, “You can’t just keep toying with me like this Buffy.”

“Toying with you?” she said, her tone slightly injured. She pushed him away from her so she was no longer pinned. “I’m not.”

“No?” He began raising his voice as he took a few steps away from her.

“Keep your voice down.” She tried to quiet him. “Our son is in the next room with my mother and sister.” She looked at him and could tell that he wasn’t calming. She quickly threw the vegetables in with the chicken she’d gotten and rubbed down earlier and threw them in the already preheated oven. She glanced at her watch and took note of the time before she walked over to him and grabbed his hand. “Come on. We need to settle this.”

Now he was in for it. She was not happy that he was taking low blows because he was getting frustrated. The chicken would be about 2 hours in the oven so dinner would be around 7. They had plenty of time to fight this out and settle it. Buffy was determined to put this behind them and get on the right foot once and for all. This was the time to get it all out and move on. She was feeling a lot better now that her mom was home and she thought it would help things along with Spike, but that incident in the kitchen was… unexpected.

Spike hung his head as he trailed behind Buffy up to her room. He felt like a giant pratt right about now. He was frustrated. That was understandable, but he shouldn’t have said what he said under any circumstances. He knew that Buffy wasn’t toying with him. He knew that she was right. Now he’d have to grovel, long and hard.

Buffy pushed open the door to her room and waited for Spike to follow before she turned around and locked the door behind him. She looked at him coldly, staring him down with her arms crossed over her chest. “What the HELL was that?” she asked, barely keeping her voice calm.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“What?” came her harsh reply. “You’re sorry? You’d better be a lot more than that. You had no right…” Her breath hitched.

“I know. God, I’m such an idiot. I didn’t mean to bollocks things up.” He fell to his knees at her feet. “Please forgive me Buffy,” came his desperate plea.

“You’re forgiven,” she whispered.

He looked up suddenly but she wasn’t looking at him. There were tears in her eyes and he looked down, ashamed of what he’d done. He’d made her cry again when things were going so well.

Buffy finally looked down at Spike and saw his dejected form. She fell to her knees with him. It was her turn to console him and raise his chin to look at her. “William,” she said softly. “I forgive you with all of my heart.”

He slowly looked up as he heard her say his name. He listened to her and again said, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“I know baby, I know you didn’t. You’re just frustrated, and so am I. I just… I don’t want to rush through this. I want to take some time here, take things slow. I want every moment to count.”

Her words were soft and soothing. He nodded.

“I love you with all that I am. You have my heart.” She smiled. “It’s always belonged to you, and it always will. You have nothing to worry about, okay?”

He nodded again. She pulled him into her arms and held him tight for several minutes. Slowly his arms came around her and she smiled to herself as her head rested on his shoulder.

“Come on, let’s lie down for a bit,” she whispered.

“Tired?” he asked softly.

“A little. It’s been a long day… but mostly I just want you to hold me.”

He smiled and replied, “Alright pet.”

They moved to the bed and lied down, wrapping their arms around the other. They lay like that for a few minutes before Spike heard Buffy yawn and whispered to her, “Don’t fall asleep on me now, pet.”

“Mmm,” she grumbled.

But it was of no use. A few minutes later and Spike was watching her sleep peacefully. He stayed like that for a long while. He liked just watching her. She was peaceful and calm and it put him at ease.

Sometime later Spike looked at the clock and realized that Buffy had been asleep for an hour already. He lightly shook her, deciding that there were probably a few more things she wanted to get done for dinner.

“Nuh uh,” she mumbled and shook her head lightly.

“Come on pet,” he whispered. He ran his fingers over her firm stomach, successfully tickling her a little.

“Mmm… Spike,” she mumbled happily.

He smiled and whispered again, “Time to get up, Buffy.”

“No,” she pouted.

“Yes, Buffy. Family dinner, remember?”

She opened one eye and turned her head to look at him. “Do we have to get up?” she asked as she turned to face him and snuggle closer to his body.

“Unless you really want to be in bed with me all night,” he said with a wink.

“I could handle that,” she teased.

“Bloody tease,” he kidded.

She shrugged. “Maybe… just a little.” Her leg snaked between his and she rubbed him gently.

“Buffy,” he ground out as he grabbed a hold of her leg. “You’re aiming to…” he stopped as her hand moved to unbuckle his belt.

“Spike,” she said. “I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you?” he asked. “And are you going to finish…” he was stopped again as her hand unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, successfully releasing his engorged cock.

“I plan to,” she said, wrapping her small hand around him firmly.

He hissed pleasantly and mashed his lips against hers, forcing her mouth open with his tongue. Nothing else existed for him as he felt her warm hand stroking him. It was better than he could have ever imagined and he was surprised at his own capability to hold off the impending explosion, as it were.

The next thing he knew he was throwing his head back and trying to concentrate so as not to let go too soon. Buffy just watched with pleasure. This was enough for her right now. Giving him this gave her plenty of pleasure for now. Her gaze flicked back and forth between the job at hand and his face. The expressions there were something she wanted to remember. The way he looked when he was in this state of mind enthralled her.

“Buffy,” he said, his voice strangled.

She smiled and moved her hand a little faster, squeezing him a little more. She kept rubbing the pre-cum over the head of his cock, letting it lubricate her motions. “Come for me baby,” she whispered. “Let go.”

“Fuck pet,” he panted. His hips thrust a few times and he grunted before his junk began spilling out. Buffy quickly grabbed an old t-shirt by the bed so that his jeans didn’t get dirty. When she was done she looked up at him and smiled. He was looking back at her with a look she hadn’t seen before.

“What?” she asked.

“You’re bloody amazing,” he replied in a husky tone.

She blushed and looked down for a minute. She wasn’t used to compliments after something like this. While she was looking down she realized that some of his juice had gotten on her hand. It didn’t bother her a bit but what she did next did surprise her a little. She looked up at Spike from under her lashes and she had this little smirk as she brought her hand to her mouth and sucked it off. “Mmm,” she hummed.

Without warning Spike had pushed her on her back, pinned her to the bed and was kissing her with bruising force. There was such passion in that kiss that Buffy was moaning and arching her back off the bed. When he broke the kiss all he could say was, “Bloody hell woman” before kissing her again.

A few minutes later they were both panting for air and the next thing Buffy said was, “I think we might be out of time now.” She said it with a disappointed tone that let Spike know she didn’t want this to end, but it had to be tabled.

“Yeah, I think you might be right, love.”

They both stood from the bed and began readjusting their clothes. “How do I look?” she asked.

“Gorgeous,” he said in that low, husky voice that started to melt her.

“Nuh uh, we can’t start this all over again. We have family dinner, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah. But we are so finishing this later,” he said with determination.

Buffy smiled a vixen’s smile and opened the door. “We’ll see,” she said over her shoulder as she started for the kitchen.

“That woman is going to be the death of me,” he sighed.


After dinner

Dinner had gone by without much event and they were now all sitting in the living room chatting about small stuff and ‘do you remembers.’

“That was really good, Buffy,” Joyce said from her spot on the couch.

“Thanks Mom.” Buffy looked down for a moment. She busied herself with bouncing Will on her lap.

Spike, sitting in a chair across from Buffy, took note of the way she looked down again after a compliment. He filed it away for later telling himself he would compliment her more often.

There was an awkward silence for a moment before Joyce slowly stood and said, “Well, I think I’m going to go to bed now. It’s getting late and it’s been a long day.” She smiled and said, “Goodnight William.”

“Goodnight Mrs. Summers.”

“And you can stop calling me Mrs. Summers. Call me Joyce,” she insisted.

“Yes, Joyce,” he said with a light smile.

Before she left she looked at Dawn and said, “Don’t you have school tomorrow Dawn?”

“Yeah,” Dawn began.

“Then I think you’d better get to bed too, and take Will with you. He looks tired,” she said with motherly concern.

“Ok, Mom,” Dawn said with a sigh.

Buffy kissed Will and hugged him tight for a minute. “Goodnight pumpkin,” she whispered.

“Night Mama,” he giggled and turned around and kissed her.

“Don’t forget to say goodnight to your dad,” Buffy whispered in his ear.

Will immediately hopped down from Buffy’s lap and went over to Spike. He climbed in his lap and gave him a big hug and a kiss saying, “Night Dad.”

“Goodnight Will,” Spike said, hugging him back and kissing him on the forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Then he hopped back to his mom and gave her another hug and kiss as he told her “I love you Mama.”

“I love you more,” she teased.

“Nuh uh,” he shook his head adamantly.

“Yes uh,” she nodded. “Now off to bed.” She kissed him again. “I’ll come check on you in a little bit, okay?”

He nodded and followed his Auntie Dawn upstairs.

Now they were left alone again. Buffy looked at Spike and smiled and he looked back at her. After a few minutes passed Buffy said, “I think she did that on purpose.”

Spike nodded, but said nothing. He just watched as Buffy put her face in her hands and sighed. She was letting it all go. Her mom was home and she was going to be ok. Finally she let herself breathe. Spike got up from the chair and moved to sit beside Buffy on the couch. He took her in his arms and just held her for a few minutes.

When it was over she looked up at him with those big green eyes and said, “Thank you.”

“For what, pet?”

“For being here. For putting up with me.”

“You’re welcome, but as I recall the putting up with you has gotten a lot easier,” he waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Buffy swatted him playfully. “Hey!”

“Mmm,” he murmured and leaned in close to steal her lips for a moment. It was slow and soft.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Buffy asked after they had finished kissing.

“Sure.”

“What do you want to watch?”

“You pick.”

“Alright.” A moment later the movie was starting and she looked at him with a smile.

“You picked ‘Die Hard’?” he asked incredulously.

“Yep.”

“You are constantly surprising me.”

“That’s a good thing, right?” she asked with a cute smile.

“Yeah, that’s a good thing,” he assured her.

They snuggled into the couch, wrapped in each other’s arms as they watched the movie. Surprisingly they watched the movie and managed to stay awake. When it was over Buffy turned in Spike’s arms and looked at him.

“What do you see, pet?”

“Something special,” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

She nodded. “Ready to go to bed?”

He nodded and followed her upstairs. Buffy shut and locked her door behind them. She quietly changed into a tank top and a pair of bikini underwear to sleep in. Spike changed into the pair of shorts she had let him borrow the night before and climbed into bed with her.

Everything was going so well that he was afraid he’d screw it up. They’d finally gotten on some level ground where they’d made some crazy sense of their relationship. They were actually in a relationship which was a big step in and of itself. Now he was afraid that what he had to say was going to tear all of their progress to shreds. But he had to tell her. She deserved that much. He owed her that much. And she was the reason for all of the good in his life. She was the reason he had a family. She was the reason he had a sense of purpose again. She was the reason he had something to write about again, something to sing about again. And he needed to go back to LA to work on that with the band.

Buffy curled up beside Spike, laying her head on his chest. The steady rhythm of his breathing was lulling her to sleep when she felt him stroke her back softly and whisper, “Buffy…”

“Hmm?” she said.

“There’s something I have to tell you.”

“Okay,” she said a little hesitantly.

“I need to go back to LA.”

“Oh.”

Several minutes passed in silence before Spike spoke again. “Buffy… say something.”

Her reply was quiet and he had to listen carefully. “I didn’t expect you to say that. The thought of you going back hadn’t crossed my mind.” She took a deep breath and added, “But I understand.”

“You do?” he asked. “But I haven’t even told you why I’m going back yet.”

She was quiet. A tear fell from her eye and she moved her hand to wipe it away, but it was too late. He had felt the pool of moisture on his chest.

“Buffy,” he spoke gently as he put his hand under her chin and looked into her eyes. “I’m not leaving because of you. I love you and going back to LA isn’t going to change that. Your mom is getting better and you’re happier…” He sighed.

“Because of you,” she mumbled.

He kissed her nose. “Kitten,” he kissed her softly on the lips. “Let me explain.”

She was quiet and he took that as her way of allowing him to continue. “All this time here with you has given me back something that I’d thought I had lost years ago… my reason to sing… my passion… my muse.” He smiled at her. “You, my love, have given me a reason to sing again, something to sing about.”

There was another silence that fell after that. He was waiting for her to say something and she was just looking up into those icy blue eyes. She closed her eyes for a moment and thought really hard about what he’d just said. Spike just watched her display with curious eyes and waited for her to speak. He could see that she needed a moment to come to terms with it.

“Now, how can I be mad at you after you say something like that?” she asked with a pout.

He smiled and kissed her nose again. “You can’t,” he suggested with a shrug.

“No, I can’t,” she said with a sigh. Then she laid her head back on his strong chest. She ran her fingers over his muscles while he ran his hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her.

“When do you leave?” she asked suddenly.

He took a deep breath and said, “Day after tomorrow.”

She was quiet for a few minutes before she spoke again with a sudden change of topic. “I decided to home-school Will this year.”

He nodded. “Alright. What made you decide on home-schooling him?”

“Well, after your suggestion,” she said as she drew an invisible circle on Spike’s skin. “I thought it made more sense if I was going to be moving him around between Sunnydale and San Francisco. I don’t want him feeling like he’s losing friends or anything. He and I get along great and I’m sure Lorne will make some allowances for me at work.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me.”

“Thanks, I wanted to include you in it.”

“And I appreciate that, pet.”

Silence fell on them again, but neither fell asleep just yet. They were both going over things in their mind.

Spike didn’t want his going back to LA to drive a wedge between him and Buffy again. They’d finally managed to find their way back to one another after bumping into each other about a week ago or had it been 2 weeks now? Spike couldn’t remember. The time had flown by so quickly. He just didn’t want to lose Buffy because of this.

Buffy felt the same or nearly so. They were getting on the right track and now they’d come to a bend in the road. The part that scared Buffy was that she couldn’t see around that bend. It amazed her that they’d come so far in such a short time, but that fact just made it feel more right. Buffy felt she was right where she was supposed to be, with Spike. She hadn’t felt this way since high school and it scared her to think that things were going too well.

“Spike…” she began softly.

“Yeah,” he said.

“Can you make me a promise?”

“Anything pet.”

“Promise me this won’t change things between us. Promise me you’ll come back to me.”

She looked up with those big green orbs that he could swear saw right into his soul. He couldn’t say no to her even if he wanted to, and he didn’t want to. “I promise. Now can you make me a promise?” he asked.

She nodded, “Yeah.”

“Promise me that you’ll call me and tell me how things are going.”

“I promise,” she said softly. “I’ll call you every night,” she added.

He smiled. “Don’t think you can go to sleep without me?” he asked playfully.

“Honestly, I don’t know, but I don’t want to…” she said candidly, and then added, “sometimes it scares me how much I love you.”

“I know just how you feel, pet.”

“You do?”

“Oh, yeah. I love you so much it hurts, and I don’t know what I’m going to do without you in LA.”

“How about when I get back to San Francisco Will & I come to LA for a weekend?” she asked, nearly holding her breath for the answer. This was a big step despite the fact they’d been spending every night together since he’d come to Sunnydale.

His eyes went wide with delight. “Seriously?”

“No, I’m just teasing you,” she said sarcastically. “Of course I’m serious.”

“I’d love that,” he said softly. “There’s so much I could show you guys in LA. I could take you to the studio where we record. You can meet Oz and Gunn. And there’s an amazing park that I love to go to. And I could take you guys to Disney Land,” he went on and on in his excitement until Buffy silenced him with a kiss.

She kissed him softly for a moment before pulling back. “You’re so cute when you’re excited, but I had to shut you up,” she teased.

“You just wanted to kiss me,” he said as he squeezed her bottom.

She squealed a little and said, “Did not.”

He kissed her and said, “Did too.”

“Okay, okay, I give in. I like kissing you,” she said with a twinkle in her eye.

“And I like kissing you. I’m glad we’ve covered that now,” he teased.

“Mmm, but maybe we should do some more research on the subject matter.”

“Maybe,” he replied.

Chapter 16 – Stronger

Buffy woke up alone for the second day in a row since she’d been in Sunnydale. After Spike had come to town she hadn’t woken up alone at all. Even though it had only been 2 days since he’d left Buffy missed him terribly.

She shook herself and answered her ringing cell phone. “Hi,” she said sweetly.

“Good morning, love.”

She grumbled audibly as she laid back down while she talked to him. “I hate waking up alone.”

“I know, pet. But it won’t be for long.” ‘I just hope she’ll move in with me when I find the right time to ask her,’ he thought.

Buffy grumbled again.

“Did you sleep well at least?”

“Yeah, I slept okay,” she conceded.

“Don’t be so grumpy,” he teased.

“Humph…”

“I miss you.”

That softened her a little. “I miss you too.”

“What are you wearing?” he asked huskily.

“Oh, a lacy tank top and black panties,” she whispered.

“Touch yourself for me, Buffy.”

“Tell me what you want me to do,” was her sultry reply.

“Slide your hand inside your panties.”

“Mmm,” she hummed into the phone.

“Slide your finger along your slit.”

“Then what?”

“Tell me how warm and wet you are.”

“So warm baby… so wet for you… only you can do this to me…”

“Buffy,” his strangled voice came through the phone line. He cleared his throat and said, “Slide your finger inside, nice and slow.”

“Spike… I need you. Tell me you need me. Tell me what I do to you.”

“God, pet… you make me crazy. You drive me wild. You make my blood run hot. One touch, one little word, one look from you could send me over the edge.”

“Keep going. Talk to me. Your voice. I need to hear your voice while I’m touching myself. With my eyes closed I can imagine it’s you. Tell me anything.”

“I’m so hard right now Buffy. I’m aching for you. I can’t wait to see you. I need to be inside you. I need to feel you around me, surrounding me. I need you. I need to feel your touch. I have to relieve myself. Tell me you want me to.”

“Yes, yes William. I want you to. I want you to bring yourself off while I’m doing the same. Keep talking. I need you so much. Tell me what you’re doing. Tell me what you’re feeling.”

“So hard, Buffy. Hard for you. It feels like you’re touching me. Tell me how you’d do it.”

“Slow at first. Slow and steady for a while to keep you right at the brink. Then just when you’re almost there… I squeeze you a little tighter and I stroke you a little faster. I keep going until you’re there baby.”

“God Buffy…” he gasped. “Keep going. Talk to me. I need to hear your voice.”

“Spike, I want you so badly. I need you…”

“Call me William.”

“William… William…” Then her voice got a little sharper as she neared her own climax. “William!”

“Buffy. I want you too. I need you.”

When she heard him panting she knew that he had reached his orgasm too. “Well, now… my morning is off to a good start,” she said with a smile he could almost see.

“Mine too, pet. Mine too.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you for nearly another week.”

“Is that how long you’re going to be there?” he asked, trying to keep his voice from betraying how hard this would be on him.

“Yeah, Mom’s getting a lot better, but I don’t want to leave too soon, you know?”

“I understand Buffy. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I love you.”

“I love you too, William. Have a good day.”

“You too, pet. I’ll talk to you tonight, okay.”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye.”


After taking a shower and cleaning herself off, Buffy headed downstairs to find Will eating breakfast with her mom. Buffy smiled at her mom and kissed Will on the cheek. “Morning pumpkin, how’d you sleep?”

“Good,” he said taking another bite of cereal.

“And how about you Mom?”

“Good, except for the night sweats.”

“It’s one of the side effects of the meds. I’ll call the doctor to see if there’s anything we can do to help with them though, okay?”

“Thanks sweetie. You’re taking such good care of me, and I love having Will here. He’s such a happy camper.”

“That he is,” Buffy said with a smile as she drank her cup of coffee.

“Is Dawn already at school?” Buffy asked a few minutes later.

“Yeah, Janice picked her up early. Apparently her mom just bought her a car, so Dawn’s asking me for one now.”

“You should just tell her you never got me a car.”

“I did, but she insists that she’s a better driver than you.”

“Oh?” Buffy poised it in the formed of a question. “Maybe I should take her out and give her a driving lesson.” Buffy suggested.

“If you want to you are more than welcome to, dear.”

“I’ll think about it,” she said diplomatically. “Today though, I need to take a look at that home-schooling stuff I got in the mail yesterday. See if Will and I can get started on it.”

“Don’t push him too hard, honey.”

“I won’t Mom.”


A few hours later Buffy had called the doctor and they said they had a new medication for her mom that she could pick up in the afternoon. The new medicine should help with the queasiness and the night sweats.

While she waited until the medication would be ready she got some sandwiches ready for Will, her mom, and herself for lunch later. Then she read through some of Will’s home-schooling information and decided she would try to cover some of it with him tomorrow morning. He was always more energetic in the morning.

She still had a couple of hours before she’d be going to the hospital so she found her mom in the house and asked, “Will and I are going to go for a walk. Do you want to join us?” She looked at her mom and added, “It might help you feel better.”

“You’re right. And I think getting out of the house for a bit would do me some good.”

A few minutes later they were outside surrounded by fresh air and enjoying a little walk through the neighborhood. It seemed to be doing Joyce a world of good too.

Will was hopping along just in front of them and they talked about all sorts of things along the walk. Then the conversation turned to Spike.

“How are you and William?”

“Better, but it’s hard being separated at the moment,” Buffy said honestly.

“You two grew quite close again while he was here,” Joyce inquired.

“Yeah, we really did. He helped me a lot, and we took a step forward in our relationship.”

“What will happen when you go back to San Francisco?”

“I’m not sure. We’ve talked about Will and me spending a weekend with him in LA. He wants to take us to Disney Land.”

“I’m sure Will would love that.” Joyce said. “That distance won’t be easy either though,” came the motherly voice of reason.

“I know. I’ve thought about that too, but right now we’re still working things out, and he’s just started getting back on his feet with the band. In the last 2 days they recorded 3 or 4 songs.” Buffy was excited for him and it showed.

“That’s great dear. I’m very happy for you both. I just want you to think about the future. I want you to be happy, and I want you to make your own future. Do you understand?”

“I do, Mom. I am thinking about the future. I just don’t want to get too far ahead of myself. I don’t know how far he’s willing to take us.”

“All your dreams will come true; just give it some time, Buffy.”

Buffy smiled. “You always know what to say.” She slid her hand into her mom’s as they continued walking for a while yet.

Chapter 17 – Normalcy

A couple days later

Buffy woke up to the ringing of her cell phone for the 4th day in a row. This morning she was a little happier when she answered the phone though. “Hi there,” she sing-songed.

“Hi yourself.”

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Making coffee. You?”

“Waking up. Gonna get a shower. And…”

“And?”

“Thinking about that weekend coming up soon.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” She smiled to herself and then said a little more seriously, “Mom’s getting a lot better. Things are almost back to normal around here.”

“That’s good. I’m glad to hear it.”

“It is good, it’s really nice to see my mom happy again and feeling healthier. I think it’s been really good for her to have us here. She really enjoyed seeing you too.”

“I’m glad because I really enjoyed seeing her as well, love.”

“What are you doing today?”

“Working with the band. You?”

“Working with Will on some school stuff, calling the airline to buy tickets… not much.”

“Hmm…”

“Did we just run out of things to say?” she asked with a pout.

“I think we might have, pet.”

“Phooey,” she pouted.

“You’re pouting aren’t you?”

“Yeah… a little.”

“I love that pouty lip of yours.”

“I know. I miss you.”

“Miss you too kitten.”

“I’ll talk to you later, ok?”

“Ok. Love you.”

“I love you too.”


A little while later

Buffy hung up the phone after talking to the airline representative. She had 2 tickets booked for San Francisco. They’d be going back in 2 days and Buffy was grateful that they could. Her mom was out of the woods and things were getting back to normal even though at one time she would have considered the turn her life had now taken to be anything but normal.

In the last 5 years being with Spike was a dream she had given up ever coming true and now it was. They were getting along and talking about their future. It wasn’t anything far off, but they were making plans which was something else Buffy hadn’t done in a long time. During the last 5 years she had felt that anytime she made plans everything went wrong. She didn’t want that now but Spike had a way of making her feel safe. He put her right and did it in a way that made her feel silly and perfectly normal at the same time.

He had a way of getting to her that drove her crazy and put her at ease in the same moment. It was unbelievable and she felt happier than she’d been in a long time. She felt like her dreams were just beginning and there was no end to them. There was this little nagging fear that the rug would be pulled out at any moment, but she pushed it away, not wanting anything to spoil her happiness. Spike did a good job of pushing it to the back of her mind too. He distracted her in ways that were both good and bad. He made her think of only the good which was of the good, but he made her neglect other things that were important to her which was not of the good. She wasn’t neglecting anything like their son though. No, she was just neglecting any work she should be doing or could be doing for that matter. And she was neglecting a few household chores that she was supposed to be doing while her mom was recuperating, but her mom wasn’t complaining.

Joyce didn’t say a word other than to ask about William. She thought it was absolutely perfect that her daughter was getting her happy ending. Her girls deserved the best and she only hoped that Dawn would go to a good college next year and find someone that made her happy. Dawn was a good girl and Joyce knew she would do well too.

Joyce listened as Buffy traipsed down the stairs humming a tune happily ignorant of anything else around her. She was living in the moment and that was a good thing. Joyce believed that Buffy needed some release. The girl worked too hard and never let herself have any time to herself. Buffy put everything she had into her son and while that was a good thing it was also a bad thing in Joyce’s eyes. She was afraid that Buffy would burn out eventually and she didn’t want that for her daughter. Now things were looking up. Buffy was happier now that her mom was feeling better and she had Spike in her life now too. It looked like things were going just right for the Summers’ family.

Buffy danced through the kitchen and continued humming her tune as she absent mindedly washed the dishes in the sink. When she had finished a few minutes later she went into the living room to see her mother and Will. They were working on some of Will’s home-school work. Buffy smiled at the two of them and mouthed a silent ‘thank you’ to her mother before asking aloud, “What else needs to be done right now?”

It took her mother a moment to pry herself away from her grandson but she did. She said, “Hmmm” first as she thought about what needed to be done. Then she replied more directly, “There’s some laundry that could be done. I’m sure Dawn needs some of her things washed.”

“Ok, Mom, but you know she just wants some of her things washed, right? It’s not like she really needs them. The girl has more clothes than I did at her age.” Buffy shook her head in disbelief while her mom did the same but for a slightly different reason.

“At least they get along,” Joyce said to Will after Buffy had disappeared.


Buffy continued humming a tune while she did the laundry. Once the wash was started she went outside to see what the weather was like. It was too warm to go for a run right now, but maybe later when it was cooler she would be able to go. For now she decided to give Willow a call and see if they could go to the Bronze tonight. She wouldn’t be able to go another night before she left to go back to San Francisco.

After she got off the phone with Willow she sat in the back yard with the new copy of Vogue, a sketch book, and her ipod. She began flipping through the pages of Vogue. There were lots of nice new fashion statements in there and she got the inspiration she needed to start sketching some ideas of her own. After about 20 minutes of sketching she went back inside to check the laundry. She took the wash out and threw a few things in the dryer. The rest of the clothes she hung out on the line in the backyard.

It was still early so she decided she would go into town to do some people watching from the Espresso Pump. She told her mom where she was going and agreed to pick Dawn up from school if she was still out and about at 3.


Espresso Pump

Buffy was sitting happily with a newspaper in one hand and her cup of coffee in the other was she was surprised to hear the familiar voice of a man behind her. She turned to see none other than Angel and Cordelia Chase was with him. Unsure of whether she really wanted to visit with them she turned back around and glanced at her paper again. They were both nice and she and Angel had made up for what had happened back in high school. As for Cordelia, well, they’d never gotten along, but Buffy wasn’t exactly happy being alone. She missed Spike and some interaction with old friends would be nice.

She turned around again just in time to catch their line of sight and wave to them with a smile. They joined her with their coffees a moment later.

“Hey Buffy,” Angel said.

“Hi,” Buffy said with a soft smile.

Cordelia was a bit quiet at first as the other two passed their pleasantries.

“What are you guys up to today?” Buffy asked.

“I’m on my lunch break and wanted to spend some time with Cordy. What about you?”

“I was bored at home. Did all the house work. So, I came out here to people watch and wait for Dawn to get out of school.”

“I like people watching too,” Cordy said somewhat quietly.

Buffy looked at her and smiled. “It can be interesting sometimes, and since it’s been so long since I’ve been back… it might be a little more interesting to see how some people have changed.”

“Yeah, if you can even tell it’s them,” Cordy said. “Some people have changed so much…”

“I know! I’ve seen some people around town and can’t believe it’s the same people I grew up with and went to school with. It’s only been 5 years.” She sighed.

“But a lot can change in 5 years. You should know that.” The last part was said softly without a hint of disdain.

Buffy smiled. “Yes, a lot has changed in my life in the last 5 years. And yet it feels like it’s changed even more in the last few weeks.” There was a twinkle in her eye as she said that and a blush crept onto her cheeks.

“Ah…” Cordy said delightedly. “It’s true then; you and Spike are back together?”

“Yeah,” she said looking down for a moment. “We are.” Her words were soft if not completely firm.

Angel glanced at Cordy, a look that told her to leave it alone. Then he asked, “How is little Will?”

Buffy smiled. The love and joy that she had because of her son was evident when she spoke about him. “He’s doing fine, doesn’t quite understand what’s going on with grandma, but he likes it here.”

“He seems like a sweet kid.”

“Thank you.”

“How much longer are you in town?” Angel asked.

“Just a few days,” Buffy said resignedly.

“I’m sure it’ll be nice to go back though,” Cordy said with a smile.

“Yeah, it’s good to know Mom’s getting better, and it will be nice to be back in my own place again. But it’s been really… good to come back home too.”

Angel smiled. “It’s been really good to see you too Buffy.”

“Thanks. It’s been great to catch up with you two as well. Anything else going on in Sunnydale that I haven’t heard about?” Buffy asked curiously.

They continued to chat until Angel had to go back to work, but Cordy stayed and caught up with Buffy for a while longer. By the time they looked at their watches again Buffy had to go pick up Dawn and they were asking themselves where the time had gone. Cordy and Buffy said goodbye and expressed hopes of seeing each other again one day not too far in the future. Then Buffy was off to pick up Dawn and take her home.

She waited for Dawn in the parking lot. They chatted about this and that as Buffy drove her home. Dawn’s day at school wasn’t anything eventful and Buffy didn’t have much to say about her day either, other than the fact that she’d run into Angel and Cordy whom Dawn remembered a little from when Buffy was in high school. The only other topic they really ventured was Buffy’s return to San Francisco. Dawn was glad that Buffy was going to be spending more time with Spike, but she wished Buffy could stay longer. It had been nice having her home again especially with everything going on with Mom. So, Buffy made a suggestion.

“Why don’t you come visit me one weekend? Or you and Mom could even come up for Thanksgiving or Christmas or something. I’d really like that.”

Dawn smiled a genuinely happy smile. “That sounds really nice Buffy.” A few seconds later as Buffy parked the jeep in the driveway; Dawn added “I’d love to come up by myself for a weekend too… if Mom will let me that is.”

“I’m sure I can talk to her about it,” Buffy said with a wink.

Chapter 18 – Leaving

Summers' house

This was the day Buffy was leaving to go back to San Francisco. She’d talked to Spike this morning already, keeping their habit of calling each other every morning since he’d left Sunnydale. He was going to meet her at the airport in San Francisco and they’d spend some time together and talk about where they went next. She’d been thinking about them a lot lately and she didn’t want to put off talking to him even if she would be tired from the flight.

Over the last few days Buffy had packed up her and Will’s things and was all set to go except for saying goodbye to Willow and Xander. She’d said goodbye to Dawn before she left for school both promising to keep in touch and work on Dawn visiting Buffy and Will in San Francisco. Dawn had even teased, “Make sure you keep Spike around too, I want to see him when I visit too.”

Buffy had just smiled and given Dawn a big hug before playfully pushing her out the front door saying, “Go now! Or you’ll be late for school.”

She hadn’t said goodbye to her mom yet either, but that would be taken care of later. Joyce was driving Buffy and Will to the airport later that afternoon. So, Buffy knew she’d get to say goodbye to her then. That goodbye she was saving for last because it very well could be the hardest. Her mom had helped her sort through a lot during her visit and face a lot of things she hadn’t exactly wanted to face, things she had been avoiding for the last 5 years. Now that was in the past though and she was incredibly grateful to her mother.

There were a few things Buffy hurried to get together around the house, a few last touches to packing and the like. Then she took Will with her to meet Willow and Xander to say goodbye to them. They were meeting for brunch at a small café. A part of Buffy didn’t want to leave Sunnydale. That part of her had finally gained some closure to what had happened all those years ago to push her out of her hometown, but there was a bigger part of Buffy that knew that Sunnydale was her past and her future lay elsewhere.

She kissed her mother goodbye and said “I love you” as she left the house to meet her friends. A few minutes later she was pulling into a parking space at the café and looking around for Willow and Xander. Only when Will pulled his hand out of hers and ran to Xander with an excited “Uncle Xander!” did she immediately look at her 5 year old son to see why he had pulled his hand out of hers. Then she realized he had spotted her friends and she walked over to the table they had gotten for the four of them. She smiled and took a seat.

“Will, sit down sweetie,” she said in a motherly tone. He listened without hesitation and climbed into his chair, still wearing a big grin on his face.

They all shared a glance for a moment and didn’t know just what to say. Then they were saved by the waiter coming to get Buffy and Will’s drink order and possibly the food order. Buffy looked up at her friends and said, “If you guys go first I can order now.”

“Alrighty then,” Xander said with a smile. “You first Willow.”

“Ok…” Willow began. “I’ll have the grilled chicken salad and a bowl of French onion soup.” She paused for only a second before adding, “Oh! And can we get an order of breadsticks too?”

“Yes, ma’am,” the waiter said. Then he looked at Xander, waiting on his order.

“Ummm… I’ll have a bacon cheeseburger, medium.”

“Ok,” he said quietly before turning to Buffy.

“Oh… one order of the kids’ cheeseburger with a side of green beans and macaroni and cheese…” She paused after Will’s order then said, “And I’ll have the Chicken Marsala.”

The waiter wrote it all down and said he’d be right back with their drinks. When he left Buffy looked at Will and then across the table at her two best friends, friends she had known since she was a kid. She didn’t know where to begin. Her time in Sunnydale had been wonderful despite the circumstances and she was sad she was leaving later today.

Just as the waiter dropped their drinks off she bit her lip and decided to just begin. “I’m so glad we got to spend time together while I was here… and I’m really glad you guys got to know Will some.” She smiled as she ran her hand through Will’s hair.

Will smiled at Buffy for a second, but still pushed her hand away.

Xander smiled at the exchange and Willow said, “Oh, Buffy, you know we’re so happy that you came back… sorry about why, but you know we’re always glad to see you… and we wish we saw more of you and Will. We love him a lot.” Willow smiled at Will after she said the last part.

“Thanks Willow. You guys mean a lot to me and I know Will really enjoyed hanging out with you guys, didn’t you honey?” Buffy asked Will.

“Mmhmm,” he hummed with a grin.

Buffy thought the world of her little boy, but he was only 5 so she understood that he might be a little bored at this lunch. She looked across the table at Willow and smiled. Xander saw the passing glance and smile between the two girls and turned his attention to a little chat with Will about what he was going to do when he got back home.

“I’m really glad I came back,” Buffy said to Willow.

“Me too,” Willow said with a slight curl to her lips.

“It’s been really good to… put some stuff behind me. And now…”

“You’re looking forward to things again,” Willow suggested nonchalantly.

“Yeah,” Buffy smiled knowingly and blushed a little. “You could say that.”


Thus lunch passed with small chit chat, good food, and in good company. When they were done Willow and Xander walked Buffy and Will back to the Jeep and said goodbye.

“I’m really glad we got to do this today,” Buffy said with a sad smile. She hated saying goodbye and tears started welling in her eyes. She wiped at them furiously, hating herself for getting weepy.

“Oh, Buffy…” Willow began, choking up herself as they hugged one another tightly.

“Promise me you’ll come visit… soon,” Buffy said.

“I promise,” Willow said, breaking away to put Will in the back of the Jeep and hug and kiss him. “Be good,” she whispered to him.

“Bye Auntie Willow,” Will said sweetly.

Xander leaned in and hugged Buffy goodbye, kissing her on the cheek as he pulled away. “Take care of yourself,” he said, trying to stay tough.

“I love you, Xander,” she said, knowing he was a big softie underneath it all.

He coughed and replied, “I love you too, Buff.”

“Promise me you’ll come too,” she said seriously. He was quiet for a moment and she added, “I know you and Spike have had your differences… mostly with the way he wasn’t here for me and Will, but he’s trying now and he wants to be a good dad.”

“I promise,” he said softly. Then he moved over to give Will a hug next.

Buffy hugged them each again and made sure Will was buckled in before getting behind the wheel and waving goodbye to two of her best friends. The drive back to the house was quiet. When she parked she looked at Will in the rearview mirror and smiled at him.

“Do you want to play in the yard while Mama gets our bags together?” she asked him, putting some cheerfulness back in her voice.

He looked at her and grinned excitedly, his blue eyes twinkling. She got out of the car and opened up the back door for him to get out. He took off in a hurry towards the tree in the front yard. He loved to jump at its lower branches. He wasn’t quite big enough to get a hold but it would occupy him for a few minutes.

“Will,” she called to him as she stood on the front steps. “Just play in the backyard when you’re done out here,” she told him.

He just kept jumping up, trying to get a branch. After a minute of watching him Buffy just went ahead inside. He always went out back anyway. He loved it here and she wished they could stay longer, but it was time to go back to their lives. Her mom was getting better and things had returned to normal. She knew it was time to get back to her not so normal life where Spike was waiting. They had a lot to figure out and she was almost buzzing with excitement from it. She wanted to know what he wanted.

Stepping inside the front door she set her purse on the table with the keys to the Jeep and called out for her mom as she headed for the kitchen.

“Mom…” There was no answer and the kitchen was empty. “Mom…” she called again walking back toward the den. Then something caught her eye. She froze for just a moment before rushing to her mother, who was lying on the couch.

“Mom. Mom.” She shook her lightly but there was no response. She didn’t know what to do. ‘Phone. I need to call 911.’ She ran to get the phone and quickly dialed the numbers while kneeling beside the couch. It rang once and a woman answered. Buffy was trying to stay calm, but her breath was hitching in her throat.

The woman talked her through got her address to send an ambulance and starting CPR. Buffy wasn’t getting any response despite trying to revive her mother. The woman told her to stay calm and the EMTs would be there in a few minutes. Buffy took a deep breath and said “Ok. Thank you. I need to call someone.” Then she hung up the phone and called Giles. In a disconnected voice she told him that her mom was unconscious. He said he’d be right over.

Suddenly Buffy thought about Will. ‘He can’t come in. He can’t see her like this.’ She looked out in the front yard but he wasn’t there. As she was heading for the back door at the kitchen she felt like she was going to be sick and she ran for the bathroom, barely making it. Standing up from her bent over position she looked at herself in the mirror and turned on the water. Listening to it run for a moment she just dazed off. Shaking her head she refocused and splashed some water in her face and rinsed out her mouth quickly. She dried her face on a towel and proceeded to go out back to check on Will. She smiled at the sight of him. He was so happy and oblivious. Just then she heard a knock on the front door and she asked him “Are you ok playing out here for a little bit longer?”

He nodded happily and Buffy went back inside to answer the door. It was the EMTs and she slowly opened the door and showed them to where her mother was lying. They quickly moved her to the floor and tried for several minutes to bring her back, but to no avail. Buffy just watched dumbly. She felt useless. After several minutes they called the time of death and wrote it down on a sheet of paper on a clipboard. Then they put her on a stretcher to take her out and covered her with a blanket. She followed them out the front door and saw Giles parking his car. She felt as if she wasn’t really there. Could this really be happening? Was it all a dream?

He hurried inside and she heard him exclaim, “Oh dear lord” when he saw her mother’s body covered with a blanket on the floor.

She couldn’t even smile at that common Giles phrase. No, this was a dream. Watching as Giles went over to her mother’s body and was about to try to revive her again she cried out “No!” Then she stopped and choked on a sob. “They said to leave her.” Somehow her voice was calm when she added, “Someone will come get her.”

He just stared at her and slowly pulled her into his arms, the arms of a surrogate father. She’d practically grown up in the Giles house. She had spent just as much time there as in her mother’s house. She choked on another sob as he held her to him, but she didn’t cry. She couldn’t cry yet. She had to stay strong for Will. And she still had to tell Dawn. “Oh God… Dawn,” she whispered.

Giles pulled away slightly and looked at her grief stricken face. “Is she still at school?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah… I should go get her… tell her…” she stumbled through her words. “But Will…”

“Does he know yet?”

“No.” Her voice was even. “He’s playing out back. I don’t want to tell him yet. Just wait until I get back. Keep him out there until the body’s gone. Can you watch him while I go tell Dawn?”

She looked up at him with pleading eyes and he couldn’t say no even if he wanted to. “Of course,” he said. “Have you… called William?” he asked slowly.

“Oh… no… I didn’t even think about it in all the craziness. Would you?” she asked.

“Of course dear. You go along and tell Dawn. I’ll watch Will here and call William.”

“And if they come for… the body… can you sign?” she asked, looking down for a second.

“Yes, I can do that too.”

“Thank you,” she whispered. Then she moved to grab her purse and the keys to the Jeep. She slowly pulled out of the driveway and drove to Dawn’s school.


Buffy parked in the school parking lot and sat in the car trying to collect her thoughts for a few minutes. She had to go in and tell her 14 year old sister that their mother was dead. She knew this was not going to be easy by any means. She could hardly believe it herself. Things seemed so normal this morning. Slowly she got out of the Jeep and headed for the school. This morning she was getting ready to go back to San Francisco, to work things out with Spike… Spike. She still hadn’t talked to him and somehow he was the one person she wanted to talk to and didn’t want to talk to at the same time. In her heart of hearts she knew that she needed him here and she knew that once Giles told him what had happened he would be on his way, but she was afraid that he would see right through her tough exterior and she would break down. She didn’t want to break down. She couldn’t break down. She had to stay strong, for Dawn, for Will, to get everything that would need to be taken care done.

Chapter 19 – The News

Sunnydale High

She walked through the front doors of the school and managed to find the office despite the fact that she hadn’t been inside the school for years. As she walked into the office she was quiet, but when she reached the desk she asked the woman sitting behind it, “What class is Dawn Summers in? I need to see her.”

“May I ask for your name?” the woman asked.

“I’m her sister, Buffy Summers.”

“And what is this regarding?”

Buffy gulped nervously. She hadn’t said it yet. “My mother… our mother…” Buffy looked down and finished, “she passed away this afternoon.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry dear. Let me look up where she is and I’ll have someone show you there.”

“Thank you,” Buffy said quietly, pulling her gaze back up to the woman behind the desk.

A few minutes later Buffy was walking down the hall to Dawn’s classroom. The woman who had showed her to the classroom went inside and told the teacher what was going on. The teacher said, “Dawn, your sister is here for you.”

Dawn looked around nervously. Something was wrong. Buffy wasn’t supposed to be here. She was supposed to be on a plane back to San Francisco. Slowly Dawn picked up her things and walked out of the classroom and stopped in front of Buffy. She looked her sister in the eye and said, “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Dawn, let’s just go home,” Buffy said gently.

“No. Tell me what’s going on,” she demanded.

Buffy glanced at the floor and then met Dawn’s eyes. She had to look at her when she said this. Dawn had to know that this was really happening. “Dawnie… fits Mom. She… she’s…”

Dawn started to break down, her legs gave out and the next thing she knew she was on the floor with her sister’s arms around her. “No… no…” The tears were streaming down her cheeks. This couldn’t be happening.

“She’s gone Dawnie. She’s gone,” Buffy said as her breath hitched. She just held Dawn for a few minutes. When Dawn had begun to calm down Buffy helped her stand and they went back to the front office and signed Dawn out. They made their way out to the parking lot, getting in the car and driving home. The drive was made in silence.


Summers' house

Back at the house Giles stood at the back door and watched little Will as he dialed his son’s number in LA. When Spike answered the phone Giles took a step back into the kitchen and said, “William” in a serious tone.

“Dad? What’s going on? Is everything alright?” He could hear the tone his dad had taken and he knew that something wasn’t right. “Is it Buffy? Are she and Will ok?” he asked, suddenly getting worried that something had happened to them.

“No, son. It’s Joyce. She… she passed away… I just found out and wanted to call you for Buffy.”

“Oh…God…” he said slowly, trying to come to terms with the news. “Is she alright?” he asked. “Where is she? Can I talk to her?”

“She’s stunned, but staying fairly calm. She went to the school to tell Dawn. I’m here at the house watching Will and waiting for the coroner to come get the body.”

“Oh… Dad…” his voice was cracking. He was unsure of what to do or say at the moment. “What do I do?”

“I don’t know William. This won’t be easy for Buffy. She’ll need someone to lean on. Don’t you want that to be you?” Giles said calmly.

“Yes, I do… I want to be there for her. I shouldn’t have left…”

“You did what you thought was best. There’s no sense in beating yourself up about it now.”

“You’re right,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I’ll be on the next flight home. Tell Buffy I’ll be there as soon as I can.” There was a pause. “And Dad…”

“Yes, William.”

“Thanks for calling me. I’m sure she’s right distracted at the moment.”

“A bit, yes. I’ll see you soon.”

“See you soon.” The line went dead and Spike quickly packed a bag and included a black suit. He knew he’d need it for this trip. He called ahead to the airport on his way out his building and had a driver from the complex he lived in drive him to the airport. From the car he booked a flight that was leaving in an hour. Feeling somewhat relieved that he would be leaving LA soon to be with Buffy he closed his phone and laid his head back and closed his eyes for a few minutes. Before he knew it they’d pulled up to the airport and he was thanking the driver and tipping him before hurrying inside to check in for his flight.


Buffy called the house and talked to Giles while she was driving with Dawn.

“Giles?” she said when he answered the phone. “Is Will ok?”

“Yes, he’s still playing in the yard. He hasn’t noticed a thing.”

“Good. And… did they come?” she asked.

“Yes. I signed for her. They said for you to go to the hospital morgue to fill out some paperwork though.”

“Ok… um…” she began slowly. “Can you stay at the house and watch Will?”

“Of course. I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“Thank you Giles. I’ll call when I’m on my way home.”

“Very well. Do you need me to call anyone else?”

“No, I’ll call my friends on the way to the hospital. Did you call him?” she asked, referring to Spike.

“Yes. He said he’d be on the first flight available.”

“Oh, ok.” She wasn’t quite sure what to say about that. “Thank you for everything Giles,” she said a minute later. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright. Bye Buffy.”

“Bye,” she said, hanging up the phone. She then dialed Willow’s number to tell her what was going on. “Hi, Willow,” she said quietly.

“Buffy? I thought you were gone already.”

“Something happened Wil.”

“Oh… what’s wrong Buffy?” She could tell that something was off.

“It’s Mom… I found her when I got home… she…” It was still hard for her to say it. “She’s dead, Willow.”

“Oh,” Willow said quietly. “I’m so sorry Buffy. What can I do?” she asked, trying to be helpful.

“I’m headed to the hospital now to take care of some paperwork. Dawn’s with me… would you mind terribly… meeting us there?”

“No, of course not,” Willow assured her. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

“Thanks Wil. I gotta call Xander next. See you in a few.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.” Buffy hung up and dialed Xander.

He answered on the second ring with a “Hey Buff… what’s going on? I thought for sure you’d be headed to San Francisco by now.”

“Yeah, not so much.”

“What happened?”

“Mom… she… um… she died Xand.”

“Buff, I’m so sorry. What do you need?” he asked.

It was reassuring that her friends were really here for her when she needed them. “Well, Willow is meeting Dawnie and me at the hospital in a few. Can you be there too?” she asked.

“Of course I can. I’ll be right over.”

“Thanks.” They hung up and she took a deep breath. Then she looked over at Dawn. “Dawn, are you ok?”

Dawn was quiet for a moment longer before she looked over at Buffy and said, “I don’t know. I still can’t believe…”

“I know,” Buffy said, reaching out and tucking some of Dawn’s long brown hair behind her ear. “I can’t believe it either, but we’re here for each other. That’s what counts now. I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

Dawn nodded and turned to stare out the window once more.

A few minutes later Buffy parked the Jeep in the parking lot of the hospital. She and Dawn got out and made their way inside, asking where the morgue was. They went downstairs and waited in the waiting room. A few minutes after they had sat down they were joined by Willow and Xander.

They waited for nearly an hour, agonizing minutes ticking by and Buffy getting more and more anxious to get out of the hospital before the medical examiner came out to talk to Buffy. He pulled her aside and talked to her saying that it was an aneurism, likely a side effect of the surgery they did to remove the tumor. Then he went over the paperwork he needed her to sign.

Once she signed everything she went back to the group and said, “All done.”

Dawn looked up. “Can I see her?”

Buffy looked at Dawn and said, “Do you really want to?” She glanced at her friends for help, not feeling too sure that this is a good idea, but neither Willow nor Xander seemed to object.

Dawn nodded and Buffy turned back to the medical examiner to ask if they could go in and see their mother. He showed them to the body and pulled back the sheet for them. Dawn covered her mouth and buried her face in Buffy’s shoulder. With a glance and a nod to the doctor Buffy signaled for him to cover her again before walking out with Dawn. She waved for her friends to follow her out.

She got Dawn in the car and then turned to Willow and Xander. They each gave her a hug and assured her they’d be around to help with anything she needed from them. “Thanks guys,” she said with a small smile.

Buffy started the Jeep and drove home with Dawn. She sat in the driveway and noticed that Giles’ car was gone. Once inside she saw Spike lying on the couch. He startled her at first but she said, “I’ll be right back” as she lead Dawn upstairs. She got Dawn to bed with a goodnight kiss and tucking her in. Then she checked on Will, sleeping on the mattress on Dawn’s floor. She kissed him and brushed his hair off his forehead in a motherly gesture.

She quietly tiptoed downstairs to meet Spike in the den. He stood to meet her as she walked in. They just stood their looking at one another for a moment before she took a step closer and then another step and she was in his arms, holding onto him for dear life.

They went upstairs together and changed out of their daily clothes, climbing under the covers without a word. She leaned into his body, laying her head on his chest and resting her hand over his heart. He wrapped his arms around her small form and watched her as she slowly fell asleep. All night he watched her, not wanting to miss anything, not wanting her to wake and be afraid. He just watched her as she slept the whole night through.

Chapter 20 – Arrangements

A few days later

Everything was set. This was the day they were going to bury her mother. Buffy had woken up early, before Spike and the others and taken a shower, made coffee and made sure that all their clothes were set out and ready. Everything had to be perfect. Somehow she’d managed to sleep the last few nights. She wasn’t sure how, but she knew it was thanks to Spike. He’d held her and given her quiet comfort by just being there. That’s all she really needed.

They hadn’t talked about her mom. He’d helped her make the arrangements for the funeral, but she hadn’t wanted to talk about what had happened. For Buffy that was in the past. She didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe one day she’d feel comfortable with talking to Spike about it. Maybe one day.

Spike was being patient with Buffy. He knew she needed time to deal with it all. He could see she was just going through the motions right now and he understood. Jenny was his step mother. He’d only been a kid in England when his mother, Anne had died from tuberculosis. That’s when Giles had decided to move to the states. Granted Spike was only 5 years old when his mother had died, but he still knew what it felt like and he knew he just had to let Buffy do her thing.

He rolled over in bed and realized he’d actually fallen asleep last night. He quickly sat up when he realized that Buffy wasn’t in bed with him right now. Then he heard someone moving around out in the hall and he slowly got out of bed and slipped on his jeans before going out in the hall to make sure it was her. He flashed a small smile as he leaned against the doorframe and said, “Morning, pet.”

She looked up and tried to smile at him, but failed miserably. She was just too… her mind was everywhere this morning and she could hardly think straight. Tonight would be better. When everything was done and over with it would be better. She just continued to pick up the things in the hallway before putting them back in Dawn’s room and waking up Dawn and Will. The funeral was only a few hours away and she wanted them to get breakfast before going.

After she had woken them up she went downstairs, glancing at Spike as he still stood in the doorway to her bedroom. In the kitchen she began to get some things together for Dawn and Will to eat for breakfast. She wasn’t sure what they would want but she set a few things out and was ready to cook eggs if they wanted those. She looked down at what she was wearing and realized that she still needed to get dressed but she was putting off putting on her black dress until the last moment possible. It would make it all too real. Instead she had put on her slip and then her robe after she had gotten out of the shower. Her head jerked up as she heard the water to the upstairs shower running.

She ascended the stairs quietly and poked her head in her bedroom. Spike had gotten in the shower she realized. His suit was now laid out on her bed that was now made. He’d made the bed and that made her lips curl a little. He really was very sweet, sweeter than she thought a rocker should be. Then she turned to leave the room but her dress caught her eye. It was hanging on the door to her closet and she stepped closer to finger the hem of it. Spike walked into her room while she was standing there. She didn’t turn around to look at him as she heard him walk in and close the door behind him. He didn’t say anything to her though. She just stood there and listened as he toweled off his body and slipped on his black suit. When she heard him having trouble with his tie she turned around and walked over to him. Still they did not speak as she tied his tie for him. When she was done she leaned her head against his chest and she felt his arms wrap around her. For a moment she closed her eyes while he held her. It was the only thing that made her feel like everything would be ok again. She felt his lips press a kiss to her forehead and she heard the shower start again. ‘That would be Dawn,’ she thought.

Reluctantly, she pulled away from Spike and went to get Will and fix him something for breakfast. “Buffy,” she heard Spike say as her hand was on the door.

She turned back to look at him. “I’ll be ok,” she said, trying to sound assuring. “I’ve got to fix breakfast for Will. There’s some coffee downstairs if you want some.” She saw Spike nod and she walked through the doorway to get Will.

Spike followed her downstairs and fixed himself a cup of coffee while Buffy fixed Will’s breakfast. Dawn joined them about 20 minutes later and got herself some breakfast. Once everyone seemed to be settled she looked around for a minute and then went upstairs to get herself ready. ‘Time to change,’ she said internally.

She left the others downstairs while she went upstairs and quietly dressed for the funeral. She slipped on the little black dress and the little blazer that went with it. Then she slipped her feet into the black pumps she had set out. She looked at her reflection in her long mirror before going into the bathroom and applying some light makeup. While she was in the bathroom she heard Spike’s voice out in the hall talking to someone else. A minute later she glanced out and saw him taking Will into her room. She finished with her makeup and walked to her room, quietly standing in the doorway as she watched Spike dress their son for the funeral. Somehow she managed to smile at the sight before her eyes. She wished she could see this more often, just not for a funeral, of course.

Buffy waited for them to finish and walked downstairs with them. Dawn was sitting on the couch in the living room. Buffy glanced in the kitchen and saw the dishes were done already. Well, that was something. She picked up her purse and the keys to the Jeep and looked at Dawn. “It’s time,” she said softly.

Dawn looked up at her and stood, running her hands over her black dress and walked over to the door. She slipped her hand into Buffy’s for a moment and squeezed it lightly before slipping it out again. Buffy then opened the front door and led the way out to the Jeep. Spike got Will in the backseat and made sure he was buckled up while Buffy got in the driver’s seat. When everyone was in Buffy started the car and drove toward the cemetery where they were having the funeral.

A few people were already there when Buffy, Dawn, Will, and Spike walked up to the grave sight. The preacher was there and Buffy’s friends had already arrived. A few minutes later there was another group including Spike’s parents. It wasn’t long before the time came to start the service and with Dawn on one side and Spike on the other Buffy had one person to lean on and one person leaning on her. Will stood in front of Buffy, leaning against her too. He just stood there and remained quiet through the whole service, which surprised Buffy a little. She supposed it was just because he didn’t quite understand what was going on. She had tried to explain it to him, but he was only 5 and there was only so much of it that he could grasp. He knew that grandma was gone, but at 5 he didn’t really understand why.

The winter here’s cold, and bitter
Its chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
Too long too far from home
I feel just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love
So its better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and did
Hurts us all the more
Its just that we stayed, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength
And all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love

The funeral was over, had been for at least an hour now, and yet Buffy was still there. She couldn’t leave just yet. She could tell it was getting late because the sun was nearing the line of trees that it would eventually set behind. In truth Buffy just didn’t want to leave her mom alone. She knew that Spike was still there too. He’d stepped back to let her have some time alone after the others had left. Willow and Xander had taken Dawn and Will back to Willow’s house to try to have some fun for the night. Buffy had agreed to it and said it sounded like a good idea. She didn’t feel like a very good mother herself at the moment anyway. All she could think about was the fact that her mom was gone.

Standing by her mother’s grave for a while longer she finally kneeled down and said her goodbye.

“Mom… I don’t know exactly what to say here,” she began quietly. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without you. You were always the strong one that held the family together. You… always knew what to say and…” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I stayed away for so long… And I promise I’ll take care of Dawnie. We’re both going to miss you so much.” She suddenly choked on a sob and then said, “Goodbye.”

Slowly she stood up and wiped her tears away before turning around to face Spike. She saw the look in his eyes and for the first time she knew that everything was somehow going to be ok. She gave him a weak smile and walked over to him, slipping her hand into his as they walked to the Jeep. She handed him the keys and let him drive her back to the house. The drive was made in silence, but it was a comfortable one. Buffy wasn’t sure how that was but she attributed it to the presence of Spike. She was completely comfortable around him whether they were talking or sitting in silence like they were now.


Summers’ house

When they reached the house Spike got out of the car but Buffy sat still for a moment. She just stared at the house for several minutes. It was different now. There was finally that closure. Her mom was never coming back. Buffy took a deep breath and got out of the Jeep, meeting Spike on the front walk. She slipped her hand into his once more and walked up to the front door with him.

Spike had gotten out of the Jeep and stopped a few steps away when he realized that Buffy had not yet gotten out. He waited there patiently, watching her curiously until she met him. He was worried that she was taking her mother’s death harder than she was letting on. He could see that she was hurt, but he wasn’t sure what he could do other than let her know he was there for her. Spike was only human, but he would do anything for Buffy. He loved her more than life itself and he really couldn’t imagine living life without her anymore. He couldn’t believe he’d left Sunnydale 5 years ago, much less for the last week. He didn’t know how he’d survived without her for so long.

They reached the front door and Spike took the keys that were still in his hand an unlocked it. Buffy followed him inside and let her hand slip from his while she took off her coat. She watched as he turned on a few lights. It had gotten dark faster than Buffy had realized. When her coat was hung on the rack by the door she stood still again, feeling the daze that she was in once more. Then she heard him call her name, “Buffy.”

She looked up and met his gaze. He was standing in the living room, but as soon as her eyes looked into his he was moving towards her. He took her hand and led her upstairs. The house was all too quiet for Buffy but she followed Spike willingly. She would have followed him anywhere.

When they were upstairs he took off his suit jacket and dress shoes and set them on the chair at Buffy’s old desk. Then he took her hand again and brought her to the bed with him. He lay down and pulled her down beside him. There he just held her in his arms. For several minutes the silence remains, almost deafening. He kissed Buffy’s forehead and whispered, “Let it out Buffy. It’s ok. I’m the only one here” as he rubbed her back. A moment later he heard a few quiet sobs and began to feel the moisture seeping through his thin dress shirt.

He continued to rub her back soothingly as he whispered reassuring words to her, of which he really wasn’t sure because he couldn’t think straight when he felt as if his heart was wrenching beside hers. After a minute he felt her begin to shake and heard the more uncontrolled sobbing of her release. This was what she needed. She needed to let it all go; to get out all that she had been holding in since she’d found her mother dead just a few days earlier. He could hardly believe it was all really happening himself, and he couldn’t very well imagine what she was going through. When he had lost his mother he had just been a lad. Now he barely remembered her. Jenny had been in their lives so long that she was his mother. Besides that Spike didn’t really remember anything in his life pre-Buffy which included his time in England when his mother had died.

Finally he heard the sobs begin to quiet and turn to soft sniffles. Slowly he felt Buffy begin to move to wipe her eyes. As he briefly met her gaze he leaned over and grabbed a few tissues and then handed them to her.

She took them quickly and wiped her eyes and then her nose with a slight blush coming to her cheeks. “Sorry,” she said in a quiet voice without looking up at him.

“For what?” he asked not seeing that she had anything to apologize for.

“Turning into a cry baby,” she said with a small glance at his face before dropping her gaze to his tear soaked shoulder. “And soaking your shirt with my tears and snot,” she added as she looked up at him from under her lashes.

“No need to apologize, love. I’d gladly have your tears and snot on me any day.” He smiled back at her and kissed her forehead as he wrapped his arms around her and held her to him once more.

They stayed like that for a couple of minutes before Buffy began playing with the buttons on Spike’s shirt. He noticed but wasn’t sure what it was she was thinking. He knew something was on her mind though. He could sense it and the way she was fixating on his buttons only furthered that point in his mind. “Buffy?” he whispered.

She looked up at him and didn’t know what to say. She just looked at him for a moment before saying, “I love you.” Her voice was sincere and heartfelt. He hadn’t doubted the fact that she loved him in the last week, but hearing her say it still made his blood sing. She brought her hand to his cheek and slowly leaned up to kiss him.

The kiss quickly deepened into something more. There was passion and need bubbling just beneath the surface and before either could say or do anything else their hands were making fast work with their clothes. When they were finally unclothed Spike wrapped an arm around Buffy’s waist and turned them over so he was leaning over top of her. He didn’t question this. He wanted it too much and he could plainly see in her eyes how much she wanted him.

When he turned them over their lips had broken apart, but now that he was above her he quickly descended to attach his lips to hers once more. The kisses were hungry, almost desperate but no complaint was sounded. Spike continued to kiss Buffy like this for several minutes, occasionally stopping for them both to breathe but even then his lips soon found her neck and moved downward until she would pull his face back to hers to start all over again.

After a few rounds of this Buffy ran her foot up Spike’s leg, rubbing his calf softly. Then she brought both of her legs up to wrap around Spike’s waist. He stopped to gaze into her eyes. There was such longing there that Buffy couldn’t deny he wanted her too. She knew this was right. It was right all along. This was meant to be.

His eyes stayed on hers as he placed his hands on the bed on either side of her body and readied himself. “I love you,” he whispered as he drew his body closer to his.

She watched his face as she kept her legs wrapped around his waist and pulled him closer little by little. When he began his descent she looked into his eyes intently, waiting for some change but all she could see was the love he held for her. It burned in his eyes for all to see. “I love you too,” she whispered back just as she felt him begin to slide inside her. He was going too slowly for her though. Using her legs she pulled him all the way in and sighed involuntarily. Her back arched a little so that her breasts were right in his face.

Spike groaned in pleasure at the feel of her exerting her strength to pull him inside completely. There was no playing around tonight. She wanted him, all of him. With her breasts so perfectly placed he quickly latched his mouth onto the right one and began to suckle it. One hand moved around to the small of her back to hold her arching body to his. After lavishing attention to the right breast he moved to the left and gave it equal attention, loving the sound of her soft moans as he did so.

Buffy wrapped her arms around Spike’s neck and brought his face closer to hers. She placed soft kisses all around his lips before planting the softest kiss of all directly on his lips. Those lips could convince her of anything, of that she was sure, but she didn’t think he knew how much power he had over her. She felt him began to move inside of her and she reluctantly stopped the kiss. Instead of letting his face go though she pulled it to her neck where he began leaving a hot trail of wet kisses. Her skin felt as if it was on fire. She met him thrust for thrust, bringing her hips up to meet his each time he brought his to meet hers.

She ran her fingers through his hair as he continued to suck at her pulse point on her neck. Her soft moans grew louder as she felt her insides clenching. She could feel herself climbing higher and higher, but she didn’t want this to end. It barely felt like they’d started. Slowly she pulled Spike’s head back just a little so she could nibble at his earlobe before whispering, “Flip.”

He pulled back and looked Buffy in the eyes for a moment before coming out of the slight haze he was in to fully understand her meaning. He saw the twinkle in her eye and quickly flipped them over so that she was on top of him. Her legs had untwined from around him before his back had hit the mattress. She was leaning over him in the most intoxicating way that he was sure he was about to lose all the control he was mustering.

His hands easily moved to her hips as he felt her pick up a slow pace. It was torture, but the good kind of torture. He felt her hands slide along his arms to pin his hands above his head and he could only smile at the devilish glint in her eyes. God only knew what his girl was thinking. She kept her hands pinning his above his head for several minutes as she continued the slow, torturous pace of riding him.

She knew just how to lift up and come back down without bringing him higher. She was keeping him right on the edge of which he was glad, but he also wanted to reach the peak. When she released his hands he moved one back to her hip, but the other went in search of its own mischief. He found her clit and began rubbing gentle circles on it with his thumb. As soon as he started this he could feel her muscles begin to tighten around his cock and he moaned her name.

“God Buffy!”

“Mmmm,” she murmured.

“Buffy,” he moaned again.

“More… more…”

“Say my name,” he said clearly as he quickly met her gaze.

She looked at him for a second before saying, “I love you, William.”

That did it for him. He flipped them over once more and began pounding into her at an unrelenting pace. Her cries of passion only spurned him on and he found her clit once more to bring her as high as he could. “Cum for me Buffy. That’s it, cum for me, baby.”

Not even a minute later her muscles were shuddering around him and he was soon following her in crying out his release. He thrust into her hard a few more times before he grunted and his seed spilled inside of her. He slumped against her murmuring her name over and over again. “Buffy, Buffy, Buffy.”

She caressed his cheek softly and whispered “shhh” for a couple of minutes. When he pulled out of her she hated the loss of intimacy, but she didn’t hesitate in curling against his body. He pulled the covers up around them and kissed the top of her head. “Love you,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her. A few minutes later and they were both drifting off to sleep.

Chapter 21 – The Morning After

Buffy’s bedroom

Cold. There’s that feeling of cold when you first wake up. Buffy knew she was waking up but she didn’t want to. She snuggled into her bed a little further and suddenly remembered what had happened. For the first time since waking up that morning Buffy opened her eyes and saw Spike. He looked like a porcelain god lying in her bed with the sun shining in. The sunlight was almost reaching for him. She had to smile at the sight that was the man she loved.

Staring at him as she was she wanted to reach out and touch him, but she didn’t want to wake him just yet. He wouldn’t be asleep for much longer with her awake right beside him, but watching him sleep was a rare occasion and she was reveling in its glory. Taking in the sight of him, his muscular chest, broad shoulders, lean neck, and yes, that god-like face. Images of last night flashed before her eyes and she could feel her face begin to get hot.

Buffy loved Spike more than anything, except their son, but even then that love was different and not more or less. Slowly, she raised her hand to caress along one of his sharp, defined cheekbones and another smile crept onto her face as she watched his eyes open. “Good morning,” she said with a happy lilt in her voice.

Without saying a word he sprung himself on top of her reminding her of a move a lion, not a man, would make. She squealed and he only chuckled in reply as he gazed into her eyes and said, “Mornin’ pet.” Then he claimed her lips for a good morning kiss, immediately melting her resolve for anything else.

When he broke the kiss a moment later she was putty in his hands and quite speechless putty too. He gazed intently into her eyes waiting for her to say something because his mind was racing through last night and all the possibilities of what it had meant to her. Finally he removed himself from her and rolled back to his side of the bed where he ran a hand through his hair and let out a distressed sigh.

She quickly rolled on her side so she could look at him better and a small frown made its way onto her lips. “Spike…” she began, but she wasn’t sure what to say. She had no idea what was going through his head right now, and she really couldn’t come up with a good explanation for why he would be upset after everything that had happened between them. For a minute she just stared at him, distressed and all, waiting for something from him. Then it hit her. Did he think that last night was something less? Could he possibly think that I was just using him?

Buffy moved closer to Spike, this time she was leaning over him so she could look directly into his eyes. With one hand she held herself up and with the other she moved his hand from his face. Gently, she touched his cheek and chin and moved his face to look at her. “William,” she said his name softly and she used his given name to show how serious she was. For a split second she saw several emotions flicker through his expression. She tenderly caressed his cheek for one more second and then said, “I love you.”

He took a deep breath. “I love you too, Buffy, but—”

She put a finger to his lips to silence him. “No buts. I love you and you love me and… last night was perfect. I was grieving and you were here. You were here when I needed you like never before. You comforted me and we made love. Love, okay? Last night was not about sex to me. It was you and me, just like it should have always been. You might think that I was using you to feel better, but you’d be wrong. Last night was about us. I felt how much you love me and I could feel my love for you burning inside of me. If I hadn’t been grieving for my mom maybe it wouldn’t have happened, but I know that eventually it would have. And I wouldn’t change a thing about last night even if I could.” Buffy held his cheek and ran her thumb slowly over his smooth skin. “Now, what were you going to say?” she teased.

“You know… I really don’t remember,” he said, sounding a little puzzled.

“Anything I can help with?” she asked, leaning in a little closer.

“Maybe.”

She closed the gap and pressed her lips to his once more.


A few hours later they were finally out of bed, showered, clothed and downstairs thinking about food and the rest of their day. They chit chatted about this and that for plans later. Dawn and little Will were included in their afternoon plans, of course. Their ideas went here and there before they settled on lunch at the diner and ice cream.

Buffy had just finished making their scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast and sat down with her plate when the phone rang. Spike smiled, kissed her on the cheek, and answered the phone for her. “Summers’ residence.”

“Hi Spike. Is Buffy there?”

“Oh, hey Willow.” He looked over at Buffy and smile. “Yeah, she’s right beside me eating breakfast.”

“I just wanted to let her know that Dawn and Will are awake and Will wants to see her.”

“Is he ok?” Spike asked, his tone taking on a little worry.

“Yes, he’s fine. He just wants his mom,” Willow said in her calming voice.

“Oh, right, of course he does.” He glanced at Buffy and saw that she was a little concerned too, but he mouthed the words ‘He’s fine’ to ease her tension. He was glad to see it worked and relaxed a little himself. “We’ll be over to pick them up in an hour or less. Does that work?”

“Of course it works. Take your time if you need to. There’s no rush,” she said honestly.

“Alright. See you soon Willow.”

“See ya later,” she with a little cheer.

Spike hung up the phone and set it aside before looking at Buffy. Half of her plate was already gone. At least she had an appetite. He looked back up at her face and had to smile. “He’s fine Buffy,” he assured her.

She nodded with a little twinkle in her eye. She knew he had been the one to over analyze Willow’s words this time. He was like a first time parent that worried over every little thing.

“He just wants to see you.”

“I want to see him too,” she replied. “How’s Dawn?”

“She didn’t say.”

“I suspect she’s taking it worst of all,” Buffy said with a sigh. Then she was quiet and finished her breakfast.

Spike followed suit and when they were finished he washed the dishes. While he was quickly washing them he could hear Buffy’s quiet breathing as she sat at the island behind him. He wondered if she would say yes when he asked her to move in with him. He knew that things had changed since he’d first thought about asking her. Now it wasn’t just about her and Will. Dawn would be with them too, and he was fine with that, more than fine really.

When he and Buffy had been in school together Dawn had been like a kid sister to him as well. She wasn’t really that annoying to him though. He supposed she reserved that for Buffy. He smiled to himself as he finished washing the dishes. For now though he’d just wait for the right moment to ask her.

Buffy stared at her hands as she sat on her stool at the island waiting for Spike to finish with the dishes. He’d insisted on doing them himself since she had cooked breakfast. Instead of concentrating on the happy thoughts of last night or making plans for their little family for the day she was focused on trying to get through to Dawn. Buffy knew her sister well, and she knew that Dawn had a tendency to sort of shut down when something bad happened. She didn’t want to let Dawn do that this time. This time Buffy was here and she wasn’t going anywhere. She was the one in charge of taking care of Dawn now and she wanted Dawn to find a way to really deal with the death of their mom.

She realized Spike was done with the dishes when the water had stopped running. Her eyes moved up to meet his and she said, “I hope you haven’t been done long.”

“Not long at all,” he replied, staring at the sad smile that graced her lips. He slowly walked around the island to her and took her face in his hands to kiss her. His lips met hers and he felt like they’d been doing this forever and he could keep doing this forever. The kiss was soft and brief, but full of emotion too. When he broke it he couldn’t help but smile a little gloating smile as he realized he’d accomplished his goal in making her forget her troubles if only for a moment.

She smiled back at him and felt his hand around hers. “Ready to get the kids?” she said without thinking. It just came naturally.

Spike felt his heart skip a beat at the question. ‘Kids.’ They were going to pick up the kids. Plural. He’d always wanted a family and now it seemed he’d fallen right into one. He just wished he hadn’t missed so much of his son’s life. The first 5 years with all they held and he’d never really know what it had been like. It hit him a little suddenly that he now had more than one kid to help take care of. He knew that Buffy was responsible for taking care of Dawn now, but somehow he hadn’t fully realized that he would be helping with that responsibility.

If Buffy agreed to move in with him, sure Dawn would too and he’d be putting a roof over her head, but he still hadn’t quite gone so far as to think of himself as a father figure to the girl. He shook himself from his reverie and said, “Yeah… ready as I’ll ever be.”

He seemed a slightly distant at first, but Buffy shrugged it off as she grabbed the keys and her purse. “Do you want to drive, or shall I?” she asked.

“I will.”

They got in the car and started off toward Willow’s place. The drive was silent, but not in an awkward way. They were each off in their own thoughts. Buffy thinking about Dawn and what they were going to do next while Spike thought about them moving to LA with him and starting their future.

That future was a lot more detailed in Spike’s mind than he let on. He dreamed of the day he would marry Buffy and the day when they’d decide to have more kids. Those were things that he wanted almost as much as he wanted her, but he didn’t want to scare her off by moving too fast. So, he was working really hard to keep things going at a steady pace.

Buffy on the other hand was worried that the responsibility of caring for a teenager would throw a wrench in her and Spike’s relationship. Her biggest fear was still that something would come between them. She knew that she loved Spike with all of her heart and she knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She wanted it all and sometimes she wondered just how far he wanted to take their relationship. With everything that had happened in the last couple of weeks they hadn’t really had a chance to talk about their future.

The jeep came to a halt in Willow’s driveway right behind Xander’s car. Willow’s was the first car in the line and Buffy glanced at her friends’ cars as she and Spike walked up to the front door. Buffy knocked twice and then let herself in just in time to see Willow walking toward the door.

“Hey Wills,” Buffy said quietly.

“Hey honey,” Willow replied, coming over to give her a hug.

“Where are Will and Dawn?” Buffy asked next.

“Will is in the living room with Xander and Dawn is upstairs getting her things together.”

“How were they last night?” she asked a little hesitantly. Buffy was aware that Spike stood silently beside her seemingly just as interested in Willow’s answer as she was. Her whole body tensed in anticipation of the answer.

Willow smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes and it made Buffy instinctively reach for Spike. He wrapped an arm around her waist and waited. “Well…” she began slowly, “Will did fine. I don’t think he quite understands what it all means. He just missed you for the most part, but Dawn…” Her voice went a little lower so no one else could hear. “She’s just closing down Buffy. She doesn’t want to believe that your mom is gone. She wants to think there’s some way out of this and it’s not healthy. I’m worried about her.”

Buffy sighed softly. “Thanks for watching them last night Wills.” She leaned into Spike a little more as she said, “Will doesn’t spend many nights away from me so I knew he’d miss me, but he loves spending time with you guys so much I thought he’d be ok and I think he was. As for Dawn…” She paused for a moment. “I expected as much. It’s what she does when something happens that she doesn’t want to deal with. She did it when our dad left and Mom said she even did it a little when I moved away. This time will be different though. It’s our mom that’s gone and she’s the one that always pulled Dawn through. Now I have to do that and I’m really not sure how to right now.”

“You’ll find a way Buffy. I know you will.” She smiled and patted her shoulder before adding, “Besides, you’ve got Spike to help you now.”

Buffy looked up at Spike and smiled. “Yes, that I do.”

Just then Dawn began descending the stairs. A small smile graced her lips for a split second when she saw Spike and Buffy together, but it was gone almost as soon as it was there. As Buffy took in the sight of her sister she knew this was much worse. Dawn wasn’t just pretending that nothing bad happened like all the times before. She was really curling inside herself this time as if no one and nothing could help her. Buffy squeezed Spike’s hand a little tighter and smiled at Dawn. “Ready to go?” she asked.

Dawn just nodded and walked out the door to put her things in the Jeep. Buffy felt as if her heart were breaking all over again at the sight of Dawn in such pain. She could feel her knees weaken and was grateful that Spike was holding onto her.

“You okay Buffy?” he asked quietly, not wanting to alarm Will in the other room. Somehow he was distracted enough with Xander that he still hadn’t realized they were there. Buffy looked up at him with such a pained expression that he knew he had asked a stupid question. He kissed her forehead softly and whispered. “We’ll work it out Buffy. I promise you we’ll help her, together.” He hugged her to him and felt her nod her head against his chest. Willow gestured that she was going into the next room. He smiled weakly at the redhead and focused his attention on Buffy again. “Still up for the diner and ice cream?” he asked a moment later. “Or would you rather order in and pig out on Ben & Jerry’s?”

She giggled a little at the last part. “I don’t know,” she answered forlornly after thinking about it for a moment.

“It’s ok love. You don’t have to decide now. Let’s just get Will and head back to the house for a bit. Sound good?”

“Yeah.” Reluctantly she detached herself from Spike’s arms and made her way into the living room where the others were. Spike was right behind her and as soon as Will saw them he jumped up from the couch and ran into Buffy’s arms. She picked him up and kissed him on the cheek. “How was your night pumpkin?”

“Really nice but…”

“But what?” she asked patiently.

“I missed you Mama.”

“I missed you too baby.” She kissed his cheek again and hugged him close.

Spike quietly placed his hand on the small of Buffy’s back in a silent question of whether she was ready to go. She turned and met his eyes and nodded. “Say bye to Uncle Xander and Aunt Willow,” she told Will.

“Bye,” he said, waving his little hand at them. Then he brought his hand to his mouth and back out toward them, blowing them kisses. They blew kisses back at Will.

As they were walking out Buffy looked at Will and asked him, “What do you think about going out for hamburgers and ice cream later?”

Will tried to hop in her arms and a big grin took over his face. Buffy heard Spike chuckle but she just looked at Will and smiled back at him. “You like that?”

“Uh huh,” he said nodding emphatically.

“We’ll just have to make sure Auntie Dawn comes with us, okay?” Buffy whispered.

“Okay,” Will said quietly. His expression changed to one that was thoughtful and Buffy took notice.

“Will, what is it?”

“Mama…” he started. Buffy waited patiently for him to get his words right. “I think Auntie Dawn is sad,” he said matter-of-factly.

“I think so too. That’s why we should make sure she comes out with us and has a little fun,” Buffy explained.

Will seemed to think about this for a second and then nodded in agreement just as they arrived at the car. Dawn was already in the backseat, waiting quietly for them. Buffy kissed Will one more time and put him in his booster seat in the back while Spike got into the driver’s seat. Then Buffy hopped into the front seat and waited for Spike to drive them back to the house.

Chapter 22 – “Move to LA?”

A few days later

Buffy reluctantly opened her eyes to the bright sunshine streaming in her room. She groaned and buried her face against Spike’s side. His body was rumbling though and she moved her face just enough so that her eyes were above his body. There she could plainly see that he was laughing… at her! She playfully swatted his chest and gave him a good pouting face.

The “Ow!” was small and seemed to immediately fade when he saw that pout. He groaned and in a flash he was on top of her, pinning her softly to the bed, his lips melding with hers. A minute later they were both gasping for air, but he was still above her. He gazed into her eyes for a long moment before saying, “I love you.” He kissed her lips one more time, soft and brief, and then rolled off of her.

She curled into his side and laid an arm on his chest, her fingertips dancing across his muscles. The smile on her face showed how truly happy she was. Only when they were alone in what she thought of as their room now was she truly happy. As soon as she walked out of their room it was as if a shroud was laid over her entire being. Outside of her room she wasn’t the same. She went through the motions of everyday chores and tried to deal with Dawn who seemed to be getting worse little by little, day by day.

They’d talked briefly about it after Dawn and Will had gone to bed at night, but they still hadn’t had ‘the talk’ about their future. Spike still hadn’t found the right moment to ask her to move in with him and he was getting to the end of his rope. He didn’t know how much longer he could wait to ask her. He hoped that she would be excited and happy and say yes, but the longer they stayed here the more he saw her slip away from him. He hated it and it was wrenching his heart to see her so unhappy. The time they shared in their room was all that he had to get him through each day.

He smiled as he watched her fingers dance across his skin now. Somehow he managed to stay very still while he watched her, just letting the moment be. Slowly she started kissing his chest, moving downward until she reached his already erect member. She smiled up at him with that devilish glint in her eye that he loved to see so much and he groaned as he felt her moist lips take in his tip.

“Buf—” He stopped there, unable to form any coherent words. All she heard from him for the duration were low groans and moans. She could tell he was trying to be quiet and it just made her work harder to bring him off.

Buffy started by taking in the tip, licking around it and then taking it into her mouth. She did this a few times and then began taking in a little more at a time before backing off again. Each time she backed off she swiped her tongue over the tip and took him back in, working to take him in a little more. When she’d fit all she could of him in her mouth there were only a few inches left and she wished she could take them, but she had already reached her gag reflex and knew she couldn’t right now. Instead she held him in her mouth and cupped his balls while humming around his hard cock. She heard his muffled groan of pleasure and felt his hands grabbing at the sheets. So, she squeezed his balls a little more and backed off a few inches while continuously humming and then taking him back in. She did this a few times before she felt his muscles tighten and she knew what was coming. She slowly backed off so that only the last few inches were in her mouth, but she continued to massage his balls. The next thing she knew he was spilling into her mouth and she was drinking him down.

When he was done she cleaned up the few spots of overspill and smiled up at him. Her face was hot and flushed, her eyes were sparkling. “Yum!” she said, her smile widening.

“God how I love you,” he said, pulling her up his body so that he could kiss her soundly.

After a decent make out session with some light groping Spike asked, “Want me to return the favor, love?”

“I’d love you to, but I think we’d better get dressed and make breakfast for the kids.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” he said, a little disappointed. He’d almost thought they’d have a chance to talk too and he might have gotten his chance to ask his big question, but so much for that.

Buffy put a finger under his chin and lifted his downcast face so she could look him in the eye. “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked, getting a little serious.

“Nothing,” he sighed.

“Not nothing,” she insisted. “Tell me, please.” He was quiet still and she added, “We need to be honest with each other.”

He met her eyes and nodded. “You’re right. We do need to be honest with each other. So, how about you and I set aside some time together tonight to talk?” He looked at her hopefully.

Buffy couldn’t ignore the seriousness of what he was saying, but the hope in his eyes told her she couldn’t deny him either. “Of course,” she said with a smile.

Spike leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips one more time before slowly getting out of bed and hurrying into the bathroom to take a shower. He turned on the cold water and hopped right in. He seriously needed to calm down and clear his head. Buffy on the other hand lay in bed for a few more minutes trying to sort out her own thoughts.

“Serious talk… tonight…” she whispered and then groaned. “I don’t like the sound of serious.”


Downstairs a little while later Buffy was feeding the family as if she’d done it for years when in reality she was more used to cooking just for Will and herself. Now she was cooking for four like it was no big adjustment. In most ways the new family unit wasn’t a big adjustment, but in some it was. For one, Dawn understood a lot more of what was going on between her and Spike. And for another, Dawn was a teenager which was a whole new area for Buffy to deal with when raising a child. She thought for sure that she would have had another 8 years until she had to deal with a teen and even then it would be Will who seemed to be the perfect child most days.

Buffy knew that life would take some getting used to with the changes coming. Without her mom it was also going to be quite strange, but she knew that they’d all get through it. Over the last few days she’d started to think about what came next in all of their lives. It was a big responsibility to take on raising Dawn, but Buffy wouldn’t have it any other way. The thought had crossed her mind as to what Spike wanted to do though.

Since they hadn’t talked about what was next for them as a couple they also hadn’t discussed raising Dawn together. With Spike in her life she knew that they would be raising Will together and she was very happy about that. She didn’t know what else would be happening though. Raising Will was one thing. Spending their lives together was quite another.

She hadn’t thought about the rest of their lives a lot, but she had thought about it. Buffy knew that she loved Spike, more than she’d loved anyone. She also knew that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, raising their son and possibly more children. However she didn’t know if that was what Spike wanted too. She thought he did, but she really needed to talk to him about it, and soon.

After breakfast Dawn went to watch Will play in the backyard. Buffy did the dishes in the kitchen and listened to Will’s laughter through the door. Whenever she glanced out of the door she could also see Dawn sitting in a chair. It was obvious that Dawn was detaching herself from life and Buffy didn’t like it one bit.

Spike was helping with the dishes, but Buffy had barely noticed. They were both so quiet that she didn’t really think about him being there with her. A few minutes later he cleared his throat to get her attention and she jumped a little before turning to look at him with a sheepish smile.

“Sorry,” she said quietly.

“It’s ok. I understand that you’re worried about her. So am I,” he admitted.

“I really am. I don’t know what I’m going to do about her either. I don’t want her to go on like this, but I’ve never dealt with a situation like this and I don’t know what to do here...” Her voice faded as she dried her hands and went to stand in the doorway.

“I’m here to help Buffy. You’re not alone in this,” he said, coming to stand behind her and wrap his arms around her waist.

Slowly she loosened in his arms and turned to look at him. “I’m really not,” she whispered, finally grasping that they were in this together.

They were both quiet for a minute before Buffy spoke again. “What does this mean?” she asked quietly.

“I think this means that we are both serious about helping Dawn however we can,” he answered.

“Yeah, I got that part. But what are we going to do?”

He looked at her for a second. “What about a grief counselor?” he suggested.

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Do you think that would help her?”

“I think it might.”

“Ok.”

“I know of some good ones back in LA too.”

“LA?” Buffy asked, furrowing her brow.

“Yes, LA.”

“But I live in San Francisco.”

“I know this,” he said, waiting for her to catch on a little more.

“And it’s a long drive to LA to bring Dawn to a grief counselor…” she began, but stopped in her confusion as she began to grasp something.

“That’s why I’d like you and the kids to move in with me.”

Buffy was surprised and speechless for nearly a minute. “Move in with you?” she asked. “Is that really what you want?”

“Yes, but is that what you want?”

“I don’t know… I hadn’t really thought about it… but…” she was a little thrown by this turn of events.

He waited patiently for her to get her thoughts in order. A couple of minutes later Buffy continued by saying, “It’s not that I don’t want to because I do, but I just hadn’t thought about it before.” She took a deep breath. “I’d like to talk to Dawn about it first and see what Will thinks. Can we talk about this again later?”

“Yes, of course.” He kissed her forehead and gave her a smile.

“Thank you, William. Thank you.” She then kissed him on the cheek and went out the door to the backyard. ‘Move to LA?’ she thought.

As she walked out the door a small smile came over her. He’d asked her to move in with him. She could hardly believe it. She’d just been thinking about where they were going in their relationship and then voila. This was what she wanted and she really did want to move in with Spike. Now she just had to talk about it with Dawn and Will.

She really wasn’t sure what either of them would say to the idea. Will was just a kid, but he loved Spike. That much was obvious. So even if she wasn’t sure what Will would say she was fairly sure that he would want to live with his father.

Dawn was another matter completely. As far as Buffy knew Dawn liked Spike. They’d always gotten along. When Buffy and Spike were in high school Dawn had even had a little crush on him, but Spike had always seen her as a little sister. The crush had eventually developed into camaraderie. When Spike had left after graduation Dawn had been more upset than Buffy, at least to the naked eye.

Now Buffy was left to wonder if Dawn would be open to the idea of moving in with Spike.

Chapter 23 – Yes or No?

Backyard

Buffy sat down in the backyard by Dawn and watched Will run around. He was fun to watch as he flitted from flower to flower. It was nice that he could play by himself, but Buffy still hoped that one day he would have a little brother or sister. She’d been so much happier as a child after Dawn had come. Of course they’d had their differences and they’d certainly had their fights, but they’d always been sisters, connected by the Summers’ blood. Nothing could change that. Now, as Buffy had Spike’s proposal to think about, she knew that their relationship was moving forward and she knew that something had to be done about Dawn. They were both feeling the loss of their mother. Buffy understood what Dawn was feeling better than anyone else because she was feeling it too. All she wanted to do right now was somehow help Dawn to cope. That’s what Spike was helping Buffy to do and Buffy’s natural instinct was to help her little sister with the same grief she was feeling.


After finally having ‘the’ talk with Buffy, Spike watched as she walked out to the backyard to talk to Dawn. He waited a few minutes before following her out and joining Will in his game of chasing a butterfly around the yard. It was easier for Spike to smile and play now that he had gotten his question out in the open. Asking Buffy to movie in with him was a big step, especially considering she was responsible for both Dawn and Will now. None of that deterred him though. If anything Dawn and Will solidified his desire to live with Buffy. The time they’d spent together rover the last several weeks had brought them so much closer, closer than he had expected in such a short time. In truth though, he’d been waiting for Buffy ever since graduation. He’d never forgotten her, but he’d been stupid enough to think that she had moved on with her life. He’d been stupid to think that making love with her that first time was nothing more than the sweetest goodbye. It had meant more to him and he should have known it had meant more to her too.

Now, as he watched Buffy and Dawn out of the corner of his eye, he felt as if a weight had been lifted. The next thing he knew his attention was quickly drawn back to Will as he squirted him with a small water pistol. Will laughed and Spike heard the girls stifled laughter follow suit. He couldn’t help but laugh along with them even as he scrunched up his face when the colder water hit him. He dodged Will’s next shot though and grabbed him from behind so he couldn’t hit him any more.

“Gotcha!” he said, quickly turning them both so that the next stream of water would hit the girls. “Now who’s gonna get it?” he called.

Buffy and Dawn squealed as they were squirted with the cold water. “Spike! Stop!” Buffy shrieked amidst giggles.

He immediately stopped and said, “Alright, love. You two birds go dry off while I take Will out for some ice cream, yeah?”

There was silence as Buffy stood and kissed him softly on the lips before taking Dawn’s hand and leading her inside. They went to find towels and dry off just like Spike had suggested. Buffy was still chuckling at the situation and when she looked at Dawn she saw a smile on her face too. That made Buffy pause momentarily. Dawn hadn’t smiled since their mother had died. It hadn’t been long, but Dawn used to be such a happy kid that Buffy knew she was taking it hard.

As well she should too. It wasn’t easy to lose your mother. Buffy had lost her too, and it was shaking the very foundation of her world to lose someone you never imagined wouldn’t be around. Having Spike around helped immensely and Buffy was incredibly grateful to him. They still had a lot to work through. Buffy knew there were things she hadn’t yet told him, hadn’t told anyone. Right now it looked like they had all the time in the world.

She wanted to move in with him but the terror was just as great as the want. She’d told him she would talk to Dawn about it and make sure that she was ok with it. The way Dawn had been acting lately though Buffy didn’t see her really reacting to this news. Buffy sighed and brought Dawn into her room, sitting down on the bed.

“Dawnie,” she began softly. “I know this is hard. I miss her too.” She watched as Dawn just looked at her. There was some recognition but it appeared that Dawn was becoming adept at turning off her emotions on the subject. Buffy reached out and caressed Dawn’s cheek. “Honey, she’s gone and we have to lean on each other. I need you and I know you need me, but I need you to talk to me. I want to know what’s going on up there in that head of yours. I want to help you with this.” She brushed a strand of Dawn’s hair behind her ear and gave her a small smile.

“I know you’re here Buffy,” Dawn said quietly. Her eyes shifted down briefly before coming back to Buffy’s. “I just need some time to sort through my own feelings before I can talk about them. Ok?”

Buffy nodded. “Ok Dawnie. Just promise me that you’ll talk to me when you’re ready.”

“I will,” Dawn said with a small smile of hers in return.

“Well, now that we have that settled,” Buffy braved a brighter smile. “I have something else I want to ask you.”

“Shoot,” Dawn said, adding a bit of cheer into her voice.

“Well…” Buffy said hesitantly. “This morning Spike and I were talking and…” Buffy was slightly nervous about this for some reason.

“Spit it out Buffy,” Dawn told her with a smirk.

“Alright, alright,” Buffy said, swatting at Dawn’s leg playfully. “He asked me, or us, to move in with him. In LA.” Buffy looked at Dawn, watching for her reaction.

Dawn was quiet for a minute. She looked at Buffy seriously and replied, “Well, it’s your decision whether you want to move in with him or not, and he is Will’s dad.”

“Yes, but I’m asking you whether or not you want to move to LA, because you’re a part of this family too. You get a say in this too.” Buffy brushed a piece of hair behind Dawn’s ear as she waited for Dawn to speak again.

For a moment Dawn averted Buffy’s gaze. She knew that she was having a harder time dealing with the recent death of their mother than anyone else. She wasn’t letting them in to help her with the loss. She wasn’t talking about it, and she was hurting. “I know,” Dawn whispered.

“So, is this something you’d be ok with?” Buffy asked slowly.

“Yeah, I’d be ok with moving to LA,” Dawn answered softly, meeting Buffy’s gaze again.

“Are you sure? Because we don’t have to move, well, it’s either LA or San Francisco, but we don’t have to move to LA if you don’t want to Dawnie.”

“No, really, it’s ok. I’d love to move to LA and live with you and Spike. Hey…” Dawn said slowly, catching on to something. “Is this why Spike took Will out for ice cream or whatever?”

Buffy smiled sheepishly. “Yeah,” she said slowly. “I wanted them to have a father-son outing to talk about the move. Think it was a good idea?”

“After the squirt guns?” Dawn said, smiling. “Yeah, I think it was a good idea. Spike’s missed out on so much. The move should be good for all of us.” Dawn nudged Buffy lightly with the ‘all of us’ remark.

“Haha, very subtle,” Buffy nudged back.

They walked downstairs and decided to make some snacks for when the guys got back. It was more domestic than Buffy had felt in a while, making food for Spike. It made her feel like a housewife. For the last 5 years she’d felt like a mom, she’d been a mom, doing all the mom stuff. Doing things for Spike was going to be a little bit of a new feeling for her to experience.

“Are you sure about it?” Dawn asked a moment later.

Buffy looked at Dawn for a moment. “Getting insightful?”

Dawn blushed, but pressed on. “I’m serious. This is a big step for you guys. I want you to be sure about it too.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said quietly. Her thoughts were already going over that very question. Was she ready to move in with Spike? They’d only been back together for a month and she was seriously thinking about moving in with him. It seemed kind of crazy, but then again, they’d always been a little crazy about each other. She smiled at the thought. This was definitely something she wanted to do.

“I’m sure,” Buffy said with a wistful smile just as she heard the front door open. “Shhh. I’ll tell him later, okay?”

Dawn just nodded in response and smiled as Spike and Will entered the kitchen.

“How was the ice cream?” Buffy asked. With a glance at Will she got her answer. “Ah, I see it was so good it ended up on someone’s face.” Dawn giggled behind her and Spike sighed while Buffy wet a paper towel and proceeded to wipe down Will’s face.


Later that night Buffy and Spike were alone in her room. They’d just finished tucking Will into bed and saying goodnight to Dawn. Spike didn’t want to push her for an answer but he was insanely curious about how her talk had gone with Dawn. Instead of asking her outright he just watched her flit around the room as she got ready for bed.

Buffy knew he was watching her too. She didn’t say anything. She liked the quiet. It let things settle in her mind for a moment longer, and she needed that. There was so much going on in her head that she didn’t feel she could talk to Spike about yet. They’d been friends for so long, but there were still things that he didn’t know about her.

“How was the father-son outing?” she asked as she changed into her tank top and panties ensemble.

His eyes were still on her, her body, her face, the way she moved. She was captivating. “Hmm?” he said before her words registered in his brain. “Oh, it was nice. Will is a good kid Buffy. I see that you’ve done a great job with him.”

“Uh huh.” She moved to straddle him where he sat on the bed. “Did you talk to him about the move?” she asked, pulling his hands from her hips and holding them above his head as she pushed him so that he was flat on his back.

“Oh, yeah…” he said distractedly. “He seemed to take it well. He likes the idea of us all living together. He’s still young Buffy. He’ll adjust.”

“Mhmm,” she mumbled, ghosting her lips along his neck, moving upward along his jaw line.

“God, Buffy!” The words whooshed out of his mouth. He was trying to focus on what he wanted to know, but he couldn’t concentrate with her on top of him like she was.

She smiled and pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth. “Want to know how my talk with Dawn went?”

He was quiet, waiting for her to continue. When she did he was grateful that he didn’t have to speak at the moment.

“She took it quite well too, perhaps a little indifferent, but she’s ok with it as long as it’s what I really want.”

“And is this what you really want, Buffy?” Spike asked seriously.

“Yes.”

Chapter 24 – Moving Day

The next few weeks followed with trips back and forth to LA to move things. Mostly Buffy was left in Sunnydale packing up everything from the house. She and Dawn decided to give away the things of their mother’s that they weren’t going to use, such as her clothes. The hardest part about packing was having to go through all of their mother’s things, but even Dawn wanted to be there to help with that. She was handling the move quite well, and she’d started to talk to Buffy some about the way she was feeling about losing their mom. The more they spoke about it the more that Buffy thought that Spike’s idea might be a good one, but she would wait until they were settled in LA to talk to Dawn about going to see a grief counselor.

It was mid October when everything in the house was packed up. While moving things earlier in the month Buffy had spent a few nights without Spike, and they were moving their beds last. Tonight he was spending her last night in her room with her. It was a bittersweet feeling for Buffy to be moving tomorrow. She was incredibly happy to be moving in with Spike, but it was sad to be saying goodbye to her old home. This was the place she had grown up. Her room held so many memories, dear memories.

Tomorrow they were leaving this house and moving to LA. They’d already had Dawn’s paperwork sent to the school she would be attending in LA and Buffy had spoken to Spike about putting Will in a school there too. With both of them going back to work Buffy didn’t see them having time to home school Will anymore. Buffy had even managed to talk to Lorne about the move. He was excited for her, having known from the way she talked about her friend back in Sunnydale that he was the one. Lorne just said, “I’m intuitive like that, sweetie.” She’d had to smile at that. She had grown to love her boss in a friendly way and had confided in him about what had happened with Spike so long ago. It had been good to get it off her chest, especially when she’d been going through so much with Will as a toddler at the time.

Being that Lorne was excited for her, he agreed to let her work with his partner Wesley at the LA branch of the design business. Buffy had met Wesley a few times over the last few years. He had come to San Francisco to meet with Lorne about different accounts and occasions that they were handling. Lorne told Buffy that he would call Wesley and let him know that she would be transferring to LA and for her to call him when she was settled in and able to start work. Everything seemed to be falling into place beautifully and it made it that much easier for Buffy to make the big move.

Morning came and Buffy greeted the new day with a smile. She turned over and ran her fingers through Spike’s hair, effectively waking the still sleeping man. Slowly she leaned in and kissed him softly. “Good morning,” she murmured.

He smiled and pulled her closer. “Mornin’ pet.” Then he kissed her again, careful not to get carried away when they had so much to do today.

She smiled against his lips and pushed him away before things got too far gone. “We’d better get out of bed.”

“Before we spend all day in bed,” he finished, kissing her once more.

“Yeah…something like that,” she said a little breathlessly.

Another smile lit up his face. He liked knowing he had this effect on her. “Let’s get a move on then.”

Buffy hopped out of bed before he did. She wanted this day to be over. It wasn’t that she wasn’t looking forward to moving. She just wanted to be in Spike’s place. She wanted to be spending her first night in her new home instead of taking all day moving the last of her things from this home.

“I’m grabbing a shower,” Spike said, getting out of bed and going into the bathroom.

“Mhmm,” Buffy mumbled distractedly.

It was easy to get dressed. She only had one set of clothes left unpacked for this reason exactly. She didn’t need to waste time deciding on what to wear. Today she needed to wear something comfortable and easy to move around in. Somehow she couldn’t bring herself to get dressed yet though. She’d been standing there in front of her neatly folded clothes laying on top of a few boxes for several minutes when Spike came out of the shower. She didn’t even turn to look at him as she heard him walk over to her.
“Buffy?” he said, his attention focused on her. He noticed she hadn’t moved since he left the room. “Are you alright?” he asked, standing right behind her.

She didn’t say anything. She just stared at her clothes. Cold feet. Maybe that’s what this was. This was the last time she was going to get dressed in this house, the place where she’d spent so many years.

“Buffy,” he whispered softly, kissing her shoulder. “Love, say something. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I’m just thinking about everything that’s happened in this house and that this is the last time I’ll get dressed here, the last time I’ll do anything here.”

Her voice was quiet, and Spike tried not to get worried. That wasn’t the easiest of tasks when it came to Buffy. With her it was so easy to get worried. He loved her so much and yet he was afraid of losing her again, of watching her slip through his fingers. “I’m right here, pet,” he whispered again.

“I know,” she said, leaning back so her back was pressed to his chest. “I’m not changing my mind. I still want to move in with you. It’s just weird to be saying goodbye to this house after… everything that’s happened here.”

He wrapped his arms around her waist. He just held her silently for a few minutes before he felt her pat his hands. Then he watched her step forward and begin to get dressed. He knew that she was still dealing with the loss of her mother. It was going to be a long road before she was ok again. She had a lot to deal with and he was going to be there every step of the way. There wasn’t thing that would make him run away again. He loved her more than anything and he wasn’t about to let her go this time.


They both got dressed and went downstairs. All of the kitchen supplies had already been packed up, so Spike went out to buy some quick breakfast while Buffy got Dawn and Will up. By the time he was back with donuts, coffee, and juice the kids were dressed and waiting in the kitchen. The U-Haul was already parked in the driveway. Spike would be driving that to LA while Buffy would be driving her mom’s jeep.

Breakfast passed quickly and everyone got to work loading the last of the boxes into the U-Haul and the jeep. Xander came over to help Spike move the last of the furniture into the moving truck. When noon rolled around they were all set to go and Willow had arrived to say goodbye as well. There were hugs and kisses and a few tears along with promises to visit before too long. With all the goodbyes said, Buffy got Dawn and Will in the jeep and Spike climbed in the U-Haul and they were off.


A few hours and a couple snack and bathroom stops later they were driving into LA. Once they’d maneuvered their way through LA traffic Will had fallen asleep in the car and Dawn was watching the city buildings pass by as they drove down the street. Spike was driving ahead of them and when Dawn noticed they were finally getting into a residential area she perked up.

“Are we close?” she asked, excitement entering her voice.

“Very,” Buffy replied, glancing in the rearview mirror at her sleeping son. A smile ghosted her lips. He looked so peaceful. She wished she could be that peaceful sometimes, but adults don’t get that often.

A few minutes later Spike was pulling to a stop on the side of the road and Buffy was parking behind him. Buffy got out of the jeep and met Spike on the sidewalk while Dawn stayed in the car with Will for a moment longer.

“We can move the stuff from the truck in tomorrow if you’d like or I can call over some of the guys from the band and they can help us move stuff in tonight. It’s up to you and there’s already furniture here for everyone to sleep on and clothes to wear tomorrow.”

“We can wait until tomorrow,” she said with a soft smile. “How about you lead Dawn in and I’ll follow with Will?” Buffy suggested.

He nodded and watched as Buffy motioned for Dawn to get out and follow him. Then she opened the back door to get Will out. Spike made sure that the U-Haul was safely locked and he led the way into his house.

It was one of those small houses that sat in a row of houses on a city street. The neighborhood was nice, so it was a slight surprise that a rocker like him was living in such a place and not a swanky bachelor pad. Spike had already gone through that phase though. He’d had this house for a little more than a year now and it suited him just fine.

Buffy carried Will upstairs and followed Spike to the room he had set up for him. It was a nice setup with a child’s bed and ‘Cars’ bedding. She smiled at all that Spike had done already. She didn’t know that he had done this for Will. It surprised her a little, that he was so thoughtful about everything, but then she’d known that he could be.

After they tucked Will into his bed they went back downstairs to the kitchen. It was still early evening, so Spike and Buffy decided to start making something for dinner. Dawn was in the living room looking around curiously. Buffy smiled at Spike as they both saw her.

“She’ll be fine,” Spike whispered as he came to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist just like he had that morning.

“I know.” Her hands moved over top of his for a moment. “So, what should we do for dinner?”

“Can we do chicken parmesan?” Dawn suggested from the other room.

Buffy looked at Spike and he in turn looked through the fridge, checking for ingredients. “Yeah, I think we can pull that off,” he said cheerfully.


Dinner passed without much event. Will woke up from his nap when the food was almost ready, and with the groceries Spike had gotten a few days earlier they were able to pull off the chicken parmesan that Dawn had requested. After dinner Buffy and Spike let Dawn and Will watch a little TV while they started unpacking a few things. They didn’t really get far. It had been a long day and Buffy was pretty tired of the moving process. At the moment she just wanted to go to bed and deal with all the unpacking in the morning.

Once the kids were in bed and Buffy had taken a shower she joined Spike in the master bedroom. In their brief bout of unpacking after dinner Buffy had found some of her clothes including a sexy little teddy that she was now sporting. When she caught Spike’s eye she smiled as she danced around the room for a minute, watching his eyes follow her.

Finally stopping at her side of the bed, she ran her hand over the sheets. Black satin. Very sexy. Very bachelor-esque. “I like the sheets,” she said, climbing onto the bed. She slowly crawled over to him, holding his gaze the entire time. Stopping at his side, she kneeled there for a moment. She gazed into his eyes for a few seconds before leaning in to capture his lips in a slow, passionate kiss.

The next thing she knew Spike’s arm was snaking around her and he had repositioned her so she was lying on her side, pressed against him. Then she was suddenly on her back with him over top of her, his hand moving up her thigh, resting on her hip, caressing her breast. She moaned into his mouth, simultaneously hooking a leg around his hip.

He pulled back and whispered in her ear, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispered back once she was looking into his steel blue eyes again. “So much.” The back of her hand brushed along his cheek and she smiled.

A smile appeared on his face, mirroring her happiness. “Welcome home, baby.”

Her smile grew brighter before she brought his face to hers, kissing him again. She felt his hands slide up her body, caressing her abdomen and the underside of her breasts. The kiss broke and she rubbed herself against him. His hands were making her feel very hot. “William,” she whispered huskily.

His eyes met hers when he heard the way she said his given name. He loved the way she said it. Only she could make him feel this way. Slowly sliding his hands down again he grabbed the hem of her teddy in his hands and lifted it higher, over her head, and tossed it aside. Then he kissed his way down her body until his face was right between her legs. Planting light kisses on the inside of her thigh, he felt her relaxing under his touch. Her eyes were closed; her breathing was already growing quicker. He could tell she was growing expectant. “I need to taste you,” he said roughly.

“Mhmm,” she murmured in acquiescence.

She immediately felt his cool tongue at her entrance. First it was slow in its long motions along her slit. Then it was plunging inside of her making her groan in pleasure. “That feels…” she began breathlessly. “Sooo good. God, don’t stop!” He starting humming against her sensitive flesh and she moaned throatily. What really sent her over the edge though was when he pulled his tongue out and started sucking on her clit.

Her muscles tightened in all the right places. Her back arched slightly and she opened her eyes to watch him which made her even hotter. His eyes met hers and there was a devilish glint in them that made her smile. Then he was thrusting 2 fingers into her, going deeper and deeper. “God yes!” she said hoarsely, squirming beneath his touch.

He kept sucking at her nubbin, swirling his tongue around it at intervals. He knew she was getting close. Her muscles were clenching around his fingers. Slowly he switched so that his thumb was giving attention to her clit and he could taste her juices as they flowed out of her. His tongue plunged into her again and again while his thumb pressed on her clit, intermittently flicking it to send shivers down her spine. When he got the first taste of her nectar as he muscles clenched a little tighter and she began thrashing he grinned at his success. He continued pressing on her clit as she rose higher and higher. Only when she had come down did he release it, but he finished enjoying her juices before he looked her in the eyes again.

“Come ‘ere,” she said, motioning him with a finger. With her thumb she wiped away the excess liquid on his chin. Before she could wipe her thumb off he’d sucked it into his mouth to clean it himself. She smiled up at him and brought him in for another kiss, letting her tongue explore his mouth and all the tastes that lingered there. Just as the kiss was slowing down so that they could both breathe again, Buffy expertly flipped Spike over on his back.

“Baby wants to play,” he said with a grin.

“Uh huh,” she said with a grin of her own as she pinned his hands above his head and leaned in close as if she was going to kiss him again. Instead she brought her mouth to his ear and sucked on his lobe for a second, receiving a gasp from him. Then she whispered, “Are you ready to play?”

He was speechless. He’d never seen her like this before and he was in awe. Somehow he managed to nod and Buffy reached down and picked up her teddy. Then she proceeded to tie his hands to the steel frame of his bed. She grinned at him as she kissed her way down his body, only stopping when she was greeted with his hard cock.

She slowly took him into her mouth; doing all the things she knew he loved. She made it a slow affair, just trying to make him harder without giving him his release. When his groans signaled that he wouldn’t be able to take much more of her teasing she grabbed a condom from the bedside table and slipped it over his engorged penis. Then she positioned her entrance over it and met his eyes. There was still an expression of awe in his eyes which gave her a sense of pride in the fact that she could still amaze him like this.

Then he was inside of her and she felt complete. For a moment she was still, adjusting to him again. Slowly opening her eyes to meet his once more she started to move up and down. From the look in his eyes she knew he wanted to touch her, but she liked being the one in control this time, not that she never had control in the bedroom. They’d just never tried bondage before. She smiled seductively at him as she continued to ride him, tightening her muscles and then relaxing them to milk him for all he was worth.

Her hands pressed on his chest; she felt her body heating up. Their moans mixed together as her orgasm carried them through the next few minutes, her muscles tightening even more. He was trying to hold off. He didn’t want this to end yet. His beautiful goddess was riding him and he didn’t want her to stop. “God Buffy,” he gasped.

She just smiled demurely and rode out her orgasm. When she came back down she leaned in close and kissed him, soft and lingering, she left him wanting more. As she reached up over his head her breasts fell in his face. She gasped as she felt him take one nipple into his mouth, but she continued untying his hands. “Now you get to touch,” she whispered huskily. She wanted to feel his hands on her again. His hands could do wonders and they felt so good running over every part of her.

Reveling in the feeling of his hands exploring her body she started moving again. This time she was moving a little faster, trying to bring them both to their climax a little more quickly. Spike’s hands grazed over her hips, her flat stomach, and the underside of her breasts. He was lost in her and watching the way her perfect breasts bounced as she rode him into oblivion was quickly bringing him to his crescendo. Bringing one hand to rub her clit, he knew it would send her over the edge and he would follow. Rubbing expert circles around her nub he heard her gasp and moan as her body tensed. “That’s it, Buffy. Come for me, kitten.”

He pressed a little harder and she was gone. Her muscles were clenching around him again and he held her hips as he thrust into her several times before feeling his release. She slumped against his chest and he rubbed lazy circles on her back as they both regained their normal breathing patterns. “God, you’re amazing,” he murmured.

“You’re not so bad yourself mister.” She grinned and met his eyes, kissing him softly. He pulled her further into the kiss again.

A minute later they reluctantly separated and Spike discarded the condom. Buffy curled herself against his chest and fell asleep with his arms around her, hearing him whisper “I love you” one more time before she drifted into unconsciousness.

Chapter 25 – Settling In

The following weeks passed pretty quickly. They unpacked the moving truck and used it to get Buffy’s things from her apartment in San Francisco. She said goodbye to Fred and gave her the new number at Spike’s so that they could keep in touch. The quiet woman was so good to Buffy and Will over the years and Buffy had grown close enough to her to call her a friend. Buffy talked to her landlord and managed to get out of her lease without much trouble. She just lost her deposit and right now that wasn’t a big deal to her.

Dawn agreed to see a grief counselor and Buffy even went with her to one session. It was good for both of them to be able to communicate with each other again about their grief. Even Buffy didn’t realize that she was holding back. The experience brought Buffy and Dawn closer together which was a very good thing with all that was going on. Buffy got Will and Dawn settled in their respective schools and talked to Wesley after she’d been living with Spike for a week.

She started back at work her second week in LA and was happy to be back in her own little world of fashion. While working on the account that Wesley had put her on she found some time to make a few designs of her own. They were still works in progress but she was feeling happier every day and part of that was because of Spike. He was her rock and she loved him more than she could really put into words.

Every night they sat down to a family dinner and talked about their day. Spike was busy recording a new album with the band. Will was making friends in his new school and Dawn was improving each day too. Her moods were better and she seemed like she was really enjoying LA. The few weekends they’d been there so far they’d taken trips to museums and the park. They even went to the movies one Saturday. Sometimes they just stayed in to watch a movie or play games.

It was about 3 weeks after the move when Dawn first asked to stay at a friend’s house. Buffy agreed but said she’d need to talk to the other mom to settle details. It was amazing that there really hadn’t been any friction in the new living arrangements yet, but for now everyone was still settling in.

Friday night came and Dawn spent the night at her new friend Janice’s house. Buffy had confirmed all the details with Janice’s mom and both moms seemed to feel that the girls would be good influences on one another. Janice’s mom dropped Dawn off before noon on Saturday. Since Spike was practicing with the band for a small gig he had that night in a club, Buffy took Dawn and Will out for lunch.

To Dawn and Will’s surprise Willow and Xander showed up at the restaurant and ate with them. It was a little surprise Buffy had planned for them, knowing how much they all missed each other even just a few weeks after the move. Lunch was great and Willow and Xander even agreed to stay for Spike’s show that night.

The music at Spike’s show was good even if it was a bit loud. Will seemed to enjoy himself too and Spike was thrilled that they were all there. When he had a break he came to find them, taking Will in his arms and kissing the boy. “What do you think of the music?” Spike asked his son.

“I like it!” he said excitedly, hopping in Spike’s arms.

Everyone smiled at how cute Will was. He really was such a good kid. Buffy couldn’t complain about a thing in her life at the moment. Everything was going so perfectly. She was incredibly happy. How could she not be? She was in love with Spike. They had a beautiful little boy. Dawn was living with them and happy about it. They were a family in a way that Buffy had never dreamed of.


On Monday Buffy took her extended lunch break and went to see the doctor. She’d already told Wes she had an appointment and he had said it would be fine. So she hurried to the doctor to make her appointment on time. When she got to the doctor’s office she waited patiently in the waiting room until her name was called.

The appointment had been made about a week ago. Buffy had called her previous doctor in San Francisco to get a recommendation for one in LA and then made the appointment. It was simple enough, but she felt a little nervous. She’d never had to go on birth control before. That was kind of strange to think about. She was 23 years old and she’d never been on the pill. She’d never been having sex regularly enough to need to go on it though. Now that she was living with Spike though she knew she needed to see the doctor. Everything was perfect as it was and she didn’t want to have a slip.

Will was the best thing that had ever happened to her, but he still wasn’t planned. If she and Spike were going to have more kids, she wanted them to be ready. So here she was, sitting in the exam room in one of those ridiculous smocks, waiting for the doctor to come back in to examine her.

The exam went smoothly. There were no surprises and Buffy got the pill without a fuss. She was an adult, so why would there be a fuss? Slipping the pills into her purse and paying her bill, she quickly hurried out of the doctor’s and back to work. The rest of the day ran smoothly and she was looking forward to going home to Spike. That was the best part of her day, the moment she walked in the door and he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. Then he’d whisper, “Welcome home.”

Sometimes he was out a little later than her, but one of them was always home when Will got home. Dawn got home a little later than Will did, but she was usually their babysitter if they needed to go back out to work or if they wanted to go out on a date. Dawn didn’t mind if it was a school night, but on the weekends she often liked to go out and hang with her friends. Most weekends Buffy and Spike were happy to hang out with their little guy.

When Buffy got home that Monday after work she realized that Spike wasn’t back yet. Will was just getting off the school bus and Buffy walked inside with him. “Do you want a snack?” she asked.

“Uh huh,” he said with a grin.

“How about peaches?”

“Yes, please,” he replied politely with a grin.

Buffy smiled as she drained a little of the excess juice in the sink so Will wouldn’t make a mess. Then she gave him his cup of peaches and went back to the fridge to pull out a juice box for him. “Here you go sweetie,” she said, giving him a spoon as well.

“Thanks Mama.”

While Will was eating his snack Buffy went upstairs to change out of her work clothes and put her things away. She changed into a simple white tank top and a pair of her favorite jeans before coming back downstairs to find Will washing his hands in the bathroom. He’d already thrown his trash away and even put his spoon in the sink. She pulled him to her in a big bear hug and said, “You’re such a good boy.”

Will just smiled and hugged her back, wrapping his arms around Buffy’s neck lovingly. Then Buffy started tickling him and he was giggling. They were still wrapped up in their tickle party when Spike walked in. Buffy didn’t even hear him when he came in. He just stopped and watched them with a smile. This was his family.

Buffy finally noticed him after he’d been standing there for about 2 or 3 minutes. The moment her eyes met his she smiled at him. There was always a look of complete devotion in her eyes. It quite often took her off guard and scared her. How could someone be so devoted to her? She wasn’t anything special; at least she didn’t think so.

Spike smiled back at her. He watched as she set Will on the ground and whispered something to him that he didn’t catch. Then Will ran into his arms. Spike scooped him up in an instant and held him close. “Welcome home Dad,” Will said as he kissed his father on the cheek.

It was Buffy’s turn to look on and smile. As Spike put Will down and went to sit down with him in the living room to talk about his day Buffy picked up Will’s backpack. She opened it up to see if there was anything his teacher’s had given him. She was pretty sure that she’d already signed all the papers she’d need to sign for his school, but she also knew that teachers put papers in the kids’ bags for the parents to get. A kid Will’s age wasn’t likely to remember to tell Buffy there was something for her in his bag.

She pulled out a few papers. One caught her eye. It had big letters printed up. It was a flier advertising show and tell. Next Friday was the day Will’s class was bringing in their fathers. Suddenly her chest tightened. Was this something that Spike was going to be willing to do? She really didn’t see why not, but nothing like this had come up yet.

For a moment Buffy stood quietly in the kitchen, looking at the paper in her hand as she heard Will and Spike’s voices in the other room. For a moment she flashed back to her own ‘show and tell your dad’ day. She had been 7 at the time. She’d been so excited to have her class meet her dad. He was going to meet her there after lunch just like all the other dad’s. Lunch came and went and she watched and waited for her dad to show up. Everyone else’s dad was there except for hers. He never showed up.

When she got home from school that day she went straight to her room and cried. Her mom found her there later and asked what was wrong. Buffy said, “Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing sweetie,” Joyce replied softly. “Tell me what’s wrong Buffy.” She came to sit on Buffy’s bed with her and rubbed her back soothingly. Buffy just sniffled and Joyce paused for a moment before it sank in. “He didn’t come, did he?”

Buffy shook her head and Joyce held her close for a moment. “Where’s Dawn?” Buffy asked, wiping at her cheeks as her tears stopped.

“She’s down for a nap.”Joyce smiled at Buffy and said, “I’m so sorry he wasn’t there Buffy. You know how busy he gets with work. Something probably came up.” It was no excuse, but what else was Joyce going to tell her daughter.

Buffy never spoke about that event with her dad. Joyce always knew, but that was the first day that Buffy started not to trust her dad. It wasn’t until 6 years later that Buffy learned that her dad had been having an affair with his secretary and that her parents were going to get a divorce. She’d been 13 when they divorced and the one person she leaned on the most was William. He’d been her rock, always. She knew that he wasn’t her father, but she was still worried. Things happened. Things changed, and he was getting so busy with the band these days.

Before anything was decided she needed to talk to him about Will’s show and tell. She didn’t want Will going through what she had. Buffy didn’t trust her father. She didn’t even know where he was now, but over the years he’d taken away her childhood by destroying the trust she put in him. He was never there for her or Dawn, much less their mother and Buffy had had to grow up a little faster to help take care of them. Somehow she’d managed to stay somewhat carefree, or so it appeared to most, but on the inside she was a bit hardened.

After graduation she had hardened a little bit more. It wasn’t intentional, but it had happened. She loved Spike. She loved him so much and she wanted their relationship to work, but she had trust issues, especially with the men in her life. Well, not all the men, because she obviously trusted Lorne and Wesley, but the men that were in her life in a romantic sense or as a part of the family. She’d been through so much with Spike lately and they’d come so far. She knew that she needed to talk to him about this.

“Will, honey, why don’t you watch a show on the TV while your dad and I talk for a few minutes? How does that sounds?”

“Ok Mama.”

Spike met her eyes briefly and felt the familiar constriction in his chest. Something wasn’t right and he was starting to worry before Buffy had even told him what it was. He quietly turned on Noggin and kissed Will on the forehead before coming into the kitchen. Instead of going to Buffy and holding her hand he sat on a stool and met her eyes, waiting for her to speak. Just then Dawn walked in and smiled at them both as she walked to the fridge to get a drink and a snack.

“Can you watch Will for a minute while Spike and I talk?” Buffy asked Dawn.

“Of course, but then I have my counseling meeting in an hour. K?”

“Yep, I’ll take you.” Buffy smiled at Dawn and met Spike’s eyes as she started for their bedroom with the flier from Will’s bag in her hand.

When she was in their bedroom she sat on the edge of the bed with the flier in her hands still.

“What do ya have there?” Spike asked.

“Oh…” She looked up and handed it to Spike. She watched a smile come across his features. “Can you do it?” she asked.

“O’ course I can.”

She stood and eyed him carefully. “Promise me you’ll be there,” she said firmly. “If you say you’re going to be there for him, you have to be there. He’s just a kid Spike, and he won’t understand if you break a promise, but it will hurt him. I don’t want to see that happen to my little boy.”

“Buffy, what’s going on?” His voice was taking on the concern he felt. When she didn’t reply he cupped her cheek, setting the flier aside. “Look, I said I’ll be there. I want to go to this. This is one of those father things that I haven’t missed yet. I want to be there.”

“Ok,” she said quietly.

“No, this isn’t ok. Something’s going through that head of yours and I want to know what it is.”

His tone was serious and she knew he wasn’t going to budge on this. “Ok.” She took his hand in hers and sat down with him on the bed. “Do you remember when my parents got divorced?”

“Yeah,” he said hesitantly. He didn’t see where this was going yet.

“Well, you know how I’ve distrusted my dad for a long time because he cheated on my mom and left us, but I started distrusting him before that.” She saw the look in his eyes telling her that he still didn’t understand and she continued. “I was 7 when I had a day just like this at school. My dad didn’t show up for whatever reason and when I came home I went straight to my room and cried. My mom consoled me, but she was just making excuses for him. From that day on I saw the things my dad did, all the times he wasn’t there for us, and I hated him for it. That was the first day that I started distrusting my own father. I don’t want that to happen to Will.” She held up her hand for a moment. “Look, I know that you love him and that you want to do right by him, but Spike… you love your job and I know it keeps you busy. I don’t want you to make promises to our son that you can’t keep. So, if you think that something is going to come up it’s better to just tell Will that you can’t do it.”

“Buffy…” He cupped her cheek and looked into her eyes. “First of all, call me William. You know that I don’t like it when you of all people call me Spike. Second, I’m going to be there. Family comes first, and I’m not letting anything, even the band, get in the way of my family. So, I’m promising you and I will promise our son that I will be there for the ‘dad’s day.’ Ok?”

“Ok,” she said quietly. Then he leaned in and kissed her. When he pulled away she bit her lip nervously.

“Is there something else?” he asked, quirking his brow.

“Well… I had a doctor’s appointment today.”

“Is everything ok?” he asked, the concern lacing his voice again.

She smiled. “Everything is fine. I’m healthy, and I got the pill.”

“Ah,” he said with a smirk.

“I just want us to be ready, you know, when, and if, we decide to have more kids.”

“I agree,” he said. “And it’s definitely when.” He smirked again and kissed her soundly as he pushed her onto the bed, feeling her squirm beneath him.

“Hey, hey, hey,” she said, pushing at his chest playfully.

“What?” he said in an injured tone.

“It’ll take 3 to 4 weeks for it to take effect. So, until then we still have to use the condoms.”

“Good by me,” he said, leaning in to kiss her again.

She moaned against him for a minute, especially when he started rubbing his erection against her core. She always wanted him. The passion was so easily ignited that she wondered if it would ever fade or die out. ‘Never,’ she thought.

They made out for a few minutes longer before Buffy pushed at him again, this time a little bit more firmly. “I have to take Dawn to the counselor,” she reminded him.

“Oh, right. Well, hurry back,” he said, smacking her on the ass as she got up and walked out of the room, quickly following her. As she and Dawn headed out the door he sat down with Will to talk to him about the upcoming show-and-tell at school.

Chapter 26 – Birthday Boy

One week later Spike came into Will’s classroom for the show and tell. He was surprisingly nervous about it. Of course his nerves had been running on high all day. Things had been going well with Buffy since she moved in, but today of all days was his birthday and it seemed that she had forgotten. That bugged him more than a little. He didn’t want it to ruin his day, but it was constantly at the back of his mind.

When he’d woken up that morning she wasn’t even in bed. She was already downstairs and nearly out the door when he first saw her. She had kissed him on the cheek, almost methodically, and asked him to make sure that Dawn and Will got off to school. Then she hurried out the door. He thought maybe she was just preoccupied. She had reminded him that today was show and tell at Will’s school though and that threw out the preoccupied excuse. If she was able to remember that he didn’t think she could be too preoccupied to remember his birthday.

Spike was a tough enough guy. He didn’t let much get to him, but when it came to Buffy all bets were off. He couldn’t control himself when it came to her. Anything and everything she did had a sway over his emotions. When she was happy, he was happy. When she was sad or worried, he was sad or worried. Today he was nervous that maybe she was hiding something from him. As he stood at the side of the classroom and waited for Will’s turn to come around it never occurred to him that she could be planning a surprise for him.

Will was nearly the last one to go. He stepped up to the front of the classroom and smiled as he spoke to the class. “Well, I haven’t known my dad very long, but my mom talked about him a lot before I met him, and he’s a very good dad. Sometimes we stay in and watch TV or play games, and some days we go out to the park or the aquarium. The aquarium is my favorite. And my dad has the same name as me except that he has a different last name and he has another name too. To my mom my dad is just William, but to a lot of other people my dad is Spike, but that’s just his stage name because he’s a rock star.”

As Will started to speak Spike came forward and stood beside him. He couldn’t believe that a 5 year old was as adept at seeing things and speaking them in front of the entire class. Spike had the decency to be a little embarrassed by Will’s admission to the class, but he was also happy. Will was obviously happy too. He was grinning and looking at Spike in a way that melted his heart. Spike grinned back at his son and then looked at the class. “Hi,” he said with a small wave.

“Very nice Will,” the teacher said.

“Thanks Miss Lockley,” Will said as he went back to his seat.

Spike went back to his place along the wall and waited for the class to end. It was Will’s last class of the day and Spike had told Buffy that he would take Will home. The class finished up and Spike took Will’s hand as they walked out, Will hopping and skipping the whole way to the car. All Spike could do was smile at him as his son wore his happiness like a second skin. Kids were so easily pleased, such simple creatures.

“Do you wanna go out for some ice cream?” Spike asked as he buckled Will in the back seat.

“Yeah!” Will answered, practically bouncing in his seat.

“Alright kiddo, we’ll go do that.” Spike got in his seat and started up the car. He drove them to their favorite ice cream spot and parked along the street. Then he got out and went around to the passenger’s side to help Will get out of the car too.

While they waited in line a few minutes Spike picked Will up so that he could read the ice creams, or at least look at the pictures, and decide what he wanted.

“Do you want a cup or a cone?” Spike asked him.

“Cup,” he said, thoughtfully.

“Ok. Do you know what kind of ice cream you want yet?”

“That one,” he said, pointing at a picture of cherry vanilla with fudge sauce drizzled over it.

“Good choice,” Spike replied. “I might have to get that one too.”

“Really?” he said, the question written all over his face.

“If that’s ok with you.”

He seemed to think about it for a second before answering. “Ok.”

“What can I get you?” the attendant asked, looking at Spike and smiling at them both.

“We’ll have two cherry vanilla sundaes,” Spike told her.

“With fudge sauce!” Will added.

“I’ll make sure they do that,” the girl said, smiling at Will.

Will just grinned.

“That’ll be $6.28,” she said.

Spike pulled out his wallet and handed her the money, and then scooted down along the counter to wait for their sundaes at the window at the end. He set Will down to pick up the sundaes and then led him over to a table by the window.

“How is it?” Spike asked, a few seconds later. Will already had ice cream and fudge sauce around his lips. Spike knew that he’d have to clean him up before Buffy got home even if he was cute when he looked like that.

“Yummy!”

Spike just smiled at his son and they both finished their sundaes, laughing and giggling about this and that. Spike was happy as long as his family was happy and he had found it very easy to make Will happy since he’d known him. In Will’s eyes his father could do no wrong. Spike wasn’t so sure though. He was constantly terrified that he would screw up and lose it all. Buffy’s worries sometimes intensified that fear, but when she spoke of them he just did his best to ease her fears.

He knew that she could worry endlessly about things that would never happen and it would do no good. For now everything was going well and he just hoped that it would last. It felt like it could last and he wanted it to last forever. His mind occasionally ventured back to the fact that Buffy had seemingly forgotten his birthday today though. Spike was happy to have spent some time with Will on his birthday though. There wasn’t much more Spike could want at this moment, but he always wanted Buffy. He wanted to hold her, to love her, and to make her happy.

They finished up and Spike took Will to the bathroom to clean off his face. He wet a paper towel and wiped the ice cream residue off of Will’s cheeks, hands, and chin. “There we go.” He smiled and Will smiled back, kissing him on the cheek unexpectedly. “Ready to go home?” Spike asked.

“Yep.”

Pulling into his parking space at home shortly afterwards Spike noticed that Buffy’s car was already there. “Looks like Mama’s home,” Spike said to Will as he helped him out of the backseat again.

As soon as he walked in he saw a few wrapped presents on the counter and Dawn in the kitchen. “Where’s your sister?” Spike asked.

“Getting ready,” Dawn said.

“For what?” Spike asked, confused. It was apparent that Buffy hadn’t forgotten his birthday after all. He should have known that though. He felt silly for ever doubting her.

“It’s a surprise,” Dawn said with a smile, taking Will’s hand and leading him into the kitchen.

“Oh, ok. That really helps,” Spike said smartly.

“She wanted me to tell you to get ready too. She’s taking you out somewhere for your birthday and she wants you to dress nice.”

“Nice how?” Spike asked, trying to get clues as to what Buffy was planning.

“Go!” Dawn said, coming over to push him out of the kitchen area.

“Alright, alright,” he said, giving up.

“And she’s in the guest room with the door locked so don’t even think about peeking,” Dawn said as he walked away.

Spike groaned and took the stairs two at a time. When he got into his room he noticed that Buffy wasn’t there, but there was a note on his bed lying beside a pre-chosen outfit. He smiled as he picked up the piece of paper and sat down to read her note.

William,

Happy birthday! You didn’t think I’d forgotten, did you? Well, you probably did, but I won’t hold it against you. Now go ahead and put on the clothes that I picked out for you because I’m taking the birthday boy out, and no, I’m not telling you where until we get there. That’s the whole point of a surprise.

I love you,

Buffy

He smiled through the note, hearing her voice say the words to him in his head. Slowly scratching the back of his head, he put the note back down and went into the bathroom. His reflection in the mirror didn’t look that different to him, but today he was 25. Nothing looked different, but he felt different and so much had changed in the last few months. The music was back on track. He had a family, and best of all, he had Buffy. Everything was perfect, so he wondered if other people saw that when they looked at him.

Exhaling a deep breath, Spike looked away from the mirror. No sense in staring into it any longer when he needed to get ready. He stripped down and stepped in the shower. It hadn’t been a busy day, but he wanted to freshen up before going out with Buffy. Before going to Will’s school he had spent a few hours practicing with the band. They had another show in a few weeks.

His curiosity was nearly driving him insane though. He washed his hair and ran his fingers through it, rinsing it thoroughly. Then he slowly ran the bar of soap over his entire body methodically washing the dirt and sweat from this morning’s band practice from his body. Stepping out of the shower, he grabbed a towel and dried off as he walked back into the bedroom. As he rubbed a towel over his hair he looked around his room.

It had only been a few months since Buffy had moved in with him, but already he could see a change in the house. There were pictures of them together, of them with Will and Dawn. This wasn’t just a house anymore. It was a home and he could feel the difference when he wanted to come home every night. He missed not being there when he was working and when he was home there was nowhere else he wanted to be.

Spike quickly slipped on the black pinstripe shirt and the black slacks that Buffy had laid out for him. She had even picked out socks and shoes for him. She’d really gone out and it just made Spike wonder what she had planned for the evening. There had obviously been some thought put into it all and he was surprised with himself that he was beginning to feel nervous about it. They were good nerves though. He was excited to see what Buffy had done.

A moment later there was a knock on his door. He practically ran to the door and opened it only to see Dawn. He wanted to see Buffy standing there, but Dawn just smiled. “She’s waiting downstairs for you,” Dawn said with a smile.

He grabbed the jacket laying on the bed and hurried downstairs, slowing down for the last few steps so as not to appear too eager. She knew him though. She knew he would be antsy. She was dragging this out to prolong his anticipation and he knew it. He took the last few steps and saw her. Her back was to him at first, but when she heard him step onto the hardwood floor she slowly turned around, her eyes dancing with her own anticipation. It was then that his jaw dropped a little.

She looked so elegant in a form fitting little black dress, her hair in an up do with little tendrils framing her face, and teardrop pearl earrings. Her neck was bare, but he liked it that way. He could admire her soft skin and he wanted to reach out and run his hand along her collarbone now, but he kept his hands to himself, feeling unsure if he’d be able to control himself if he did touch her now. He could already see himself slipping the thin spaghetti straps from her shoulders and kissing her bare skin.

Instead of doing anything rash with Dawn and Will standing by, he stepped closer and said, “You look gorgeous, love.”

“Thank you,” she said, blushing a little. “So do you,” she added with a wink.

He offered her his arm and turned toward Dawn and Will. Buffy leaned over and kissed Will on the cheek and then smiled at Dawn. Then she looked up at Spike and said, “Ok, I’m ready.”

She let Spike lead the way out of the house and down to their cars parked along the street in front of the house. “Who’s driving?” he asked.

“You can drive,” she said. “I’ll just give you directions.” She winked at him and he chuckled lightly and kissed her on the cheek.

“I love you.”

“And I love you.”

Spike opened the door of his Desoto for Buffy and closed it once she was in before going around to the driver’s side. “So, are you going to tell me what you’ve got up your sleeve or just let my curiosity kill me?” he asked.

“I’ll torture you a bit longer,” she said demurely. “But I’m not going to kill you because then I wouldn’t get my fun.”

“What kind of fun is that?” he asked, trying to get something out of her.

“Hmm?” she teased.

“Ok, so where am I driving, love?”

Buffy gave him directions, telling him when to turn until they reached a fancy French restaurant. “Here?” he said, slightly bewildered.

“Just wait and see,” she said, her eyes alight. She led him inside this time and gave the hostess her name. She then led them to a private courtyard where there was a candlelit dinner set up.

Buffy smiled as Spike held out her seat for her and then went to the other side of the table to take his seat. Looking across the table at him she couldn’t help but smiling. Before Buffy had run into Spike a few months ago she didn’t have as much reason to smile as she did now. Will always made her smile when he did something cute, but being with Spike made her unbelievably happy. She still didn’t quite believe her luck. She had a beautiful son and a man who loved her very much. Could she ask for anything more?

Tonight was about that man. She wanted to show him just what he gave her and just how much he meant to her. He didn’t often let her do things for him, but his birthday was the perfect opportunity for her to surprise him and do something nice for him. A pretty waitress came up and asked them what they wanted to drink. Buffy nodded to Spike for him to order if he’d like, but he gave her the reins. It seemed that she was taking care of everything tonight and he liked it.

“We’ll have a bottle of your finest champagne,” Buffy said. The waitress left and Buffy turned her attention back to Spike. “So, did you really think I’d forgotten your birthday?”

“Well…” he began hesitantly. When she looked at him he knew that she already knew he had. “Yeah, kinda,” he admitted.

She smiled reassuringly at him. “It’s ok. I probably would have thought you’d forgotten mine too if you didn’t mention it all day.”

“I’ll keep that in mind when yours rolls around.”

“You better,” she said, half teasingly.

“What else do you have planned for tonight, love?” he asked as the waitress brought their champagne and poured them each a glass.

Buffy just smiled at him and proceeded to order her dinner and waited for Spike to do the same. Once the waitress was gone Buffy took a sip of the champagne. “Very nice.”

“You still didn’t answer my question, pet.”

“I know. It’s a surprise,” she said alluringly.

He could feel himself harden a little just at the prospects of her surprise. She would surely drive him mad, but dinner passed by with light conversation, good food, and happy smiles. Buffy even made sure to order dessert making Spike wonder if she was intentionally dragging out the dinner portion of the evening. He didn’t say anything though.

When dessert was over, Buffy made sure that Spike never saw the bill. She paid with a credit card and left the waitress a generous tip for taking good care of them and leaving them mostly to themselves for the duration of the evening. That was what Buffy had wanted. She let Spike lead her out to the car and she quietly waited for the car ride to be over. Not a word was uttered the whole ride back to the house.

Spike was the first to speak when they walked in the house and it was dark and quiet. It was still fairly early and he had expected to see Dawn up at the very least. “Where are Dawn and Will?” he asked, turning to look at Buffy. He had a feeling there was something more to it than them just being upstairs sound asleep.

Buffy smiled coyly. “They have sleepovers tonight.”

“We have the place to ourselves?”

She nodded. “First surprise.” Taking his hand, she led him upstairs to their bedroom. There was no sense in wasting time downstairs when all they both wanted was to be in their bed, but Buffy had one more thing to give him for his birthday and she was really hoping that he liked it. Standing in their room she turned to look at him and smiled as she took off his jacket. Then she undid his tie and unbuttoned the first few buttons on his shirt. “Better?” she asked softly, reaching up to kiss the corner of his mouth.

“Much,” he replied, meeting her gaze. “Is there another surprise?”

“Uh huh.”

“Do I get it now?” he asked playfully.

“You do,” she said. “Get on the bed and close your eyes. I’ll be back in a minute.”

She left the room and he did as she told him. He stretched out on the bed for a few seconds before deciding to take off more of his clothes. First he took off his shoes and socks. Then he unbuttoned his shirt and slid that off too, leaving everything on a chair by the walk in closet they shared. He heard her footsteps outside their bedroom door. It was then that he realized she had slipped back into the guestroom. He grew more curious by the second, but he quickly got back on the bed and stretched out once more closing his eyes.

Buffy smiled at the sight of him lying out on the bed with his eyes closed. His bare chest looked so delicious and she couldn’t wait to touch him. She carefully climbed on the bed with him. He kept his eyes closed though and she was able to crawl over him and kiss him softly before he knew what she was doing. When his hands went to her shoulders and pulled her to him she gasped delightedly.

The kiss broke a second later so they both could breathe again and Spike finally got a look at her. She was dressed in a red corset, red thong, red garters, and red pumps. She was a vision in red, his favorite color on her. It was so sexy and invoked even more passion in him than he thought he could possibly feel her. He already felt so much for her. How was it possible that his feelings could grow just at the sight of her?

“I’m falling more in love with you every day,” he admitted quietly, pulling back slightly to get a better look at her.

“I know just how you feel.”

He kissed her again, his hands roaming over her body and eliciting soft moans of pleasure. She tried to press her body closer to his. She couldn’t get enough of him. She loved him too much for that. She’d always want him. When he stopped she whispered breathlessly, “Happy birthday, William.”

He smiled and kissed her again. Their night was just beginning as were the rest of their lives. Buffy trusted William right now, but could she really trust him if she never faced her own father issues? Could she allow herself to believe that William would stick around where her father never did?

Father of mine
Tell me where have you been
You know I just closed my eyes
My whole world disappeared
Father of mine
Take me back to the day
When I was still your golden boy
Back before you went away

I remember blue skies
Walking the block
I loved it when you held me high
I loved to hear you talk
You would take me to the movie
You would take me to the beach
You would take me to a place inside
That is so hard to reach

Father of mine
Tell me where did you go
You had the world inside your hand
But you did not seem to know
Father of mine
Tell me what do you see
When you look back at your wasted life
And you don’t see me

I was ten years old
Doing all that I could
It wasn’t easy for me
To be a scared white boy
In a black neighborhood
Sometimes you would send me a birthday card
With a five dollar bill
I never understood you then
And I guess I never will

Daddy gave me a name
My dad he gave me a name
Then he walked away
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My daddy gave me a name

Daddy gave me a name
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My daddy gave me a name

Father of mine
Tell me where have you been
I just closed my eyes
And the world disappeared
Father of mine
Tell me how do you sleep
With the children you abandoned
And the wife I saw you beat

I will never be safe
I will never be sane
I will always be weird inside
I will always be lame
Now I’m a grown man
With a child of my own
And I swear I’m not going to let her know
All the pain I have known

Then he walked away
Daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My dad gave me a name
Then he walked away
My daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
My daddy gave me a name
Then he walked away
Then he walked away
Then he walked away


THE END