Through part of “No Place Like Home”

Chapter 1

“Fine. Keep going, I cut you a break,” Buffy said.

“Oh, yeah. Okay, let me guess... you won't kill me? Wooo... the whole
crowd-pleasing threats-and-swagger routine. How stunningly
original. You know, I'm just passing through. Satisfied? You know, I
really hope so because God knows you need some satisfaction in life
besides shagging Captain Cardboard and I never really liked you anyway
and...and you have stupid hair.”

Spike turned and stalked off into the night, leaving Buffy more than a
little bit perplexed. She looked down at the base of the tree and noticed a
dozen or so cigarette butts where Spike had been standing. In a hurry, she headed off to the factory. She didn’t notice Dawn watching intently from her second-floor window.

Dawn rest her chin on her hands as she leaned her elbows on the open window’s sill. “I wish Spike was related to me instead of Buffy. He’s so cool,” she sighed.

Down below, cloaked in the darkness and hidden amongst the bushes, a woman smiled as she heard those magic words. Her face shifted to looking heavily veined and grooved, and then she murmured, “Wish granted.”

~+~

Spike awoke in his bedroom and smiled as he smelled breakfast cooking. Wait, breakfast?! Was Harmony playing at some new domestic role as she hid out here? Except that here wasn’t his crypt. And why did he feel warm?!

Sunlight filtered in through the navy blue blinds. He was sitting in a full-size bed with navy blue sheets and a burgundy duvet. And his heart was beating. His breathing quickened as he started to panic.

There was a knock on the door. “Breakfast is ready, sleepy head!” Dawn’s voice. He was in the Summers’ house. Her footsteps thumped down the stairs as she left again.

Spike got out of bed. Christ, he was even wearing boxers! Taking a chance, he opened the closet, and found his clothes. Dressed in his usual black, he felt slightly more confident about facing what might be downstairs. Entered the bloody Twilight Zone.

Joyce was making eggs at the stove, while Dawn shoveled cereal in her face.

“Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?” Joyce asked.

His feet traveled on autopilot to the refrigerator, his hand reaching for the orange juice once he’d pulled the door open. “Fine, Mum. You leavin’ the yolks soft?”

“I’ve been making you eggs all your life, William, I think I know how you like them by now,” she teased.

Spike smiled, chagrined. He sat on a stool at the end and ruffled Dawn’s hair.

“Willll,” she whined, then grinned. Stuck her tongue out at her big brother. This was so cool!

“Do you have plans with your friends, today, William?” Joyce asked.

“Dunno.”

“Good, then you can take Dawn to the office supplies store for her project materials? I know it’s a Saturday, but I need to go into the gallery…”

“It’s fine, Mum. We’ll get it done.” He tilted his head, considering her as she placed the plate of eggs in front of him. “Did you sleep alright?”

She smiled reassuringly. “It was just a headache. My pill wore off in the middle of the night. I’m still getting used to the timing.” She patted his arm. “Nothing for you to worry about, honey.”

“Well, I do.” He glanced at Dawn, who was also concerned. “We do.”

“The doctors will figure it out. We just need to be patient.” She kissed Spike on the cheek, then Dawn. “Be good, kids. I should be home in time to make dinner.” Joyce grabbed her purse and jacket, and left.

~+~

40 minutes ago…

Dawn felt something was different as soon as she woke up, though she didn’t know what, yet. She stepped out into the hall as usual to go to the bathroom, and heard snoring coming from Buffy’s room. Male snoring. Curious to see if Riley had stayed the night, since he wasn’t allowed, she turned the knob very carefully and peeked through the cracked open door.

Oh, my god! It’s Spike! My wish worked! Not only was Spike sleeping in there instead of Buffy, but the room was all different, looking like a man’s room instead of her sister’s flowery girly set-up. This is so cool! Dawn closed the door and did the Snoopy dance, which reminded her she needed to pee.

The bathroom was different, too, with shaving cream and cologne in place of Buffy’s beauty products, and a dark-colored towel next to Dawn’s light blue one. Dawn brushed her hair into a ponytail and washed her face, then went back to her room to change out of her pajamas.

The pictures were all different, showing Dawn and Spike at various ages instead of her and Buffy. Dawn hummed happily as she went downstairs, and wished her mother good morning.

“What do you want for breakfast today, honey?”

“I’ll just get some cereal, Mom.”

“That’s fine. One less thing I have to cook. I have to go into work today, so make sure you wash your bowl when you’re done, hmm?”

“Okay. You should get some help at the gallery, if you have to work on Saturdays. Can’t you make someone else do it?”

Joyce smiled at her daughter. “Not this time, Dawn. I’ve got office work to go over. Could you let your brother know his eggs are almost ready?”

Dawn sighed, though she wasn’t too put out. “Okay…” She ran up, pounded on the door, then came back to her cereal. They heard him moving around up there a minute later.

Dawn saw the instant the spell took over, on his face, as Spike suddenly looked like he belonged here. Part of the family. He had more color to his skin than usual, and she wondered if he might be the Slayer now? It was even weirder to see him in sunlight and not burning up. But very cool!

William didn’t look at her with the disdain Buffy usually did. He even included her in being worried about Mom’s health. Buffy was usually so wrapped up in her own special crap, she didn’t even notice Mom looked tired until she has to go to the hospital. But with Spike here now, Dawn felt…just knew…that Mom was going to be looked after and alright. He always seemed like he could handle anything.

Joyce left for the gallery, and Dawn and William finished breakfast. He teased her about taking more ladylike bites, and she wrinkled her nose at the gross sight of him swirling ketchup in his runny yolks. He made an extra show of enjoying and swallowing the gooey mess just to gross her out further. Then, they had a suds fight while cleaning their dishes.

Buffy never took the time to have fun with her.

~+~

Buffy awoke in her crypt, hungry. She sighed, wishing for the thousandth time she didn’t have this chip in her head, and got breakfast out of her refrigerator. Pig’s blood just didn’t come close to the warm spicy goodness of fresh human blood. Her tummy full, she went through her beauty routine, thankful for video cameras, and picked out a cute outfit.

Maybe tonight, she’d catch the eye of that handsome Slayer. If only they didn’t get into a verbal sparring match every time they crossed paths.

No, Buffy! It’s just a crush. You’re going to move your crush onto someone else…someone your type…someone who can kick that peroxided moron’s ass. Hmmm, his hot, tight, buns of steel tight jeans wearing ass… STOP IT!

“You want his blood. Not his body. You only want his blood, not his body.”

Her mantra firmly established in her mind again, she set out into the night to look for violence or entertainment, whichever came first.

Chapter 2

Spike was the coolest big brother ever. Under the guise of asking how his week had been, Dawn learned that he was the Slayer, was getting A’s in his classes so far, had a part-time job at Barnes and Nobles in the mall, and was casually dating a girl named Rebecca, who everybody else seemed to like, too.

Okay, it was weird that he looked the same and was a college student, but oh, well…

They picked up her project supplies in his mostly-restored Desoto, then stopped at The Magic Box to see the Scoobies.

Anya was manning the register, while Willow and Tara were eating lunch at the research table and casually flipping through a book.

“My lucky day – three of my favorite ladies all in one spot,” Spike greeted them. He always flirted with girls, though it was harmless.

“Hi, Spike!” they chorused. “Hi, Dawnie,” Willow and Tara added. Anya was busy counting money or something.

Spike took off his sunglasses and hung them off the neck of his t-shirt. “Any evil brewing today?”

Willow shook her head. “Not so far. Giles hasn’t mentioned anything.”

The Watcher took that moment to enter out of the back. “Ah, William, good. I wanted to remind you about the training we have scheduled to hone your powers. Hello, Dawn. How is your mother today?”

“At work, unfortunately. Saturday work is just plain evil.”

He smiled the way grown-ups do when children say something naïve. “A necessary evil, more often than not, as you’ll probably find out one day. Report back after patrol, would you, William?” With that, Giles went back to the office with the ledger.

Dawn shook her head. “He really needs a life.”

The others giggled, and Anya muttered something about getting Giles laid. Spike made plans to meet the group at the Bronze later, and took Dawn for ice cream sundaes. They spent the rest of the afternoon watching a movie. Joyce came home with a pizza, looking tired. Spike made her promise to turn in early tonight, then rumpled Dawn’s hair again and left.

***

Despite wanting to feed on humans, because, hello, nature, Buffy wasn’t all that interested in the Big E. Not paying for clothes or make-up, bedding anyone she liked, causing a little mischief…all things she was down with, but otherwise, she had no patience for planning something really diabolical. Plenty of other demons out there to try and take over the world. But this chip in her head had still changed more than her eating habits. To survive, she’d actually had to be nice to people. Humans.

Not easy for a girl turned in the prime of her popularity. Thank god self-tanner still worked on vampire skin!

Anyway, now that she was on a leash, it was in her best interest not to piss off the resident Slayer enough to stake her. She knew it was only his sense of fairness that had kept him from dusting her in the first place when she came to him for help last year. Well, a little pouting hadn’t hurt, either.

Buffy did have an innocent face.

His little band of friends wasn’t so bad, for humans. She vaguely remembered that Willow girl from high school. The Watcher was easily flustered, the boy could so easily be hers if she said the word, and Anya was cool. Good taste and an ex-demon! If it wasn’t for Anya, Buffy might be a little lonelier than she was. The ex-Vengeance Demon had even helped her set up a way to save the money she, uh, obtained. A couple more months, and that cute little apartment on the demon side of town would be hers.

Speaking of the Scoobies, they were all at The Bronze tonight, too. Buffy frowned, bummed that she’d have to be on her best behavior now in case the Slayer saw her. And what did he see in that girl he was dating, anyway?! She was so boring, with the glasses and plain clothes. Buffy bet Rebecca was even one of those girls who just lay there in bed while the guy got his rocks off.

His eyes weren’t on his girlfriend right now, though. Buffy could feel his attention on her barely-clothed body as she danced. Oh, yeah, she made this look good. Knowing he was watching, she put a little extra grind into her hips, glanced back over her shoulder, and winked. His jaw tensed and he immediately looked away. Caught you… she sang in her head. Oh, well…he wasn’t the only admirer she had tonight.

Buffy zoned in on a college boy that couldn’t stop staring at her cleavage.

***

“She’s such a tramp!” Willow exclaimed, watching the blonde vampire pull a boy in to dance. Tara smiled and shook her head. Willow made the same comment every time she saw Buffy at The Bronze.

Anya shrugged. “I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not like she can get pregnant or an STD, like a human. I’m sure sexual gratification keeps her demon happy.”

“Uh-huh,” Xander absently agreed, staring at Buffy’s ass.

“Xander, you’re drooling again,” Anya complained.

“Just the thought is gross,” Rebecca contributed. “I mean, she’s dead. Ew.”

Spike stayed silent, remembering kissing Buffy under a spell and finding it not so gross, at all.

“She’s kinda n-nice, though, for a v-vampire,” Tara added.

Spike stood up. “I better make sure she doesn’t lift the poor sod’s wallet.”

He wove through the gyrating dancers until he stood behind Buffy, and tapped her on the shoulder. She glanced behind her without stopping her moves.

“If you can wait for the song to end, Spike, I’ll give you a turn,” she said.

“I don’t want to dance. Just be on your best behavior tonight, got it?”

“Anything you say, Slayer.”

Spike rolled his eyes and returned to the table. Rebecca frowned and got up with Willow to go to the bar. He sighed. Anya and Xander had gotten up to dance.

“Something on your mind, Spike?” Tara asked.

“Just wonderin’ if I’m crazy to let ‘er live.”

“Mercy is a noble trait. And Buffy isn’t so b-bad, especially for a vampire.”

“True. Petty theft ranks pretty low on the list of evil. I just don’t get why she stays in Sunnydale, I guess.”

“Willow says she went to school here. M-maybe it’s all she knows.”

His eyes narrowed on the scantily-clad blonde. “Maybe…”

***