Chapter 1


Only one more witness deposition to add to the evidence log and she would be able to escape her cell of an office for lunch. Buffy was reaching for the stack in her incoming basket when the phone beeped.

"Buffy, your sister, Dawn, is on line one for you," the receptionist said, with obvious reproach in her voice.

"Thanks," Buffy snatched up the receiver. Dawn knew never to call her at the office unless it was an emergency. Wolfram & Hart frowned on their employees having a personal life much less having it come within touching distance of the firm. "Hello?"

At first, all she could hear was sobbing on the other end of the phone, and then, "Buffy, you've got to come home."

"What's wrong?" A million problems ran through Buffy's mind. Was it Dawn herself, her marriage, the children, or something else? "Dawn?"

"It's mom," Dawn said, sniffling as she tried to pull her emotions in check. "She's in the hospital."

"Oh shit, was it an accident? Is she…all right?"

Although it was a big reach, what she really wanted to ask was if their mother was dying? The past year had taken so much from her that she was scared of losing someone or something else. Buffy closed her eyes as she waited for Dawn to tell her the details.

"She collapsed at the gallery," Dawn said, hitching over another sob. "It was yesterday, but she said not to call you until we knew."

"You should have called me anyway. I could already be there."

"I know…I know. I should have. You're coming now, right?"

Sometimes her younger sister still sounded like a child. Their mother and Xander, her husband, still protected Dawn from the ugliness in life. Buffy wondered how her sister coped with the problems of mothering her two young children, because someone else always fought her battles. So of course, she would expect Buffy to support her through this crisis, too.

"Yes, I'm coming, but Dawnie, what is it? What did they find?"

"A shadow on her brain. They have to operate." Dawn broke out in fresh sobs. "They don't even know if she'll make it through the surgery."

"When are they operating?"

"Tomorrow morning."

"I have to run by my apartment, pack a few things and get Lucky then I'm on my way. Okay?"

"Thanks Buffy."

Buffy didn't even take the time to say goodbye. Her mind was already racing with the things she needed to do before she could get on the road. She quickly finished assembling the case file, marked everything carefully, before putting it back in the file cabinet where a secretary or another paralegal could find it. Knowing approval for time off wasn't easy, Buffy chose to ignore going to Lindsey who was technically her immediate boss. She opted to go to Lilah, another partner in the firm, who she knew had a mother in a nursing home. A little sympathy couldn't hurt her request.

Lilah's door was open so Buffy only rapped on it before stepping into the office.

"Yes, Buffy," Lilah said, looking up from the file that was in front of her on the desk. "May I help you?"

"I'm sorry for interrupting you," Buffy said, wringing her hands. "I need some emergency leave."

"What's wrong?"

"My sister just called to tell me that our mother is in the hospital. They need to do brain surgery," she took a deep breath so she wouldn't break out in tears. Another weakness that wouldn't be appreciated. "The doctor said they're not sure she'll make it through the operation."

"You should've come to me," Lindsey said, startling her when he spoke from a chair in the corner.

Nervous of the well-deserved reproach in his voice, Buffy stared at the floor and said, "I know."

"You thought I wouldn't let you take the time off?"

"I'm sorry, Lindsey. It's my mother. I…I couldn't take the chance of you saying no."

This time she did look up at him. Old arguments, and never forgotten emotions danced between them for a second. Lindsey never forgave her for breaking off their affair a couple of months ago. Sometimes he could be vindictive despite his declarations of still caring about her. It gave her another good reason to avoid him. This time he surprised her with genuine concern in his expression.

"Go Buffy," Lindsey said. "That is if Lilah says it's all right."

"Do what you need to do," Lilah said, looking suspiciously from one to the other as she leaned back in her chair. "Keep us informed about the time you need."

"I will. If you need anything, you can reach me on my cell. Thank you both," she said in one breath. Before leaving, she gave Lindsey an appreciative smile, and then Buffy rushed back to her office to grab her purse. On the drive to her apartment, she prepared a mental list of what she would need to take with her. Not that it really mattered. None of it did except getting home.

Lucky was waiting at the front door when she arrived. He gave her a surprised look when she rushed past him without even so much as a pat on the head. Despite her indifference to him, he followed her into the bedroom. He sat out of the way, and watched while she grabbed the things that she could remember and threw them into a pile on the bed.

"Don't let me forget the stuff you need," Buffy said, rushing into the bathroom to get her toiletries. "We are both going to end up with too much of one stuff and not enough of another. Guess it doesn't really matter since we can buy or borrow what we need. Or I can borrow, you I'll have to buy for, but you're worth it."

She reached into the closet, heart pounding, and mind racing, to grab her suitcase. Within ten minutes of walking into the door, she was packed and her suitcase sat by the door. Lucky was still following her, stupefied at both her ignoring him and her frantic behavior. Usually when she came home, she lavished him with love. He came before her even changing clothes or checking the answering machine. He was the one who kept her heart and head together in the long months after her divorce from Riley. Even more importantly, Lucky was the non-judgmental friend while she learned to be single again after almost twelve years of marriage.

After packing a bag for him with food and favorite toys, she finally slowed down. Dropping to her knees, she wrapped her arms around her best friend. "I can't lose my mom. I can't," she whispered burying her face in the thick fur around his neck. Lucky whimpered, rubbing his snout against her shoulder. It was his way of telling her that he was there for her just like always. She kissed his head and stood.

"I guess all we need is the leash for you and we can get on the road."

For once, the trademark insane traffic of Los Angeles didn't bog down the highway, and Buffy was able to pull off the exit leading to Sunnydale in less than two hours. Although, she'd just gotten off the phone with her sister a few minutes prior, Buffy reached for her cell to let Dawn she was home. Dawn answered on the second ring.

"Does Mom still have a key hidden outside the house?" Buffy asked after a brief hello. "I can't leave Lucky in the car."

"Hold on," Dawn said. There was muttered talk before Dawn returned to the line. "It's quicker if you come straight to the hospital. Call when you're getting ready to pull into the parking lot. Mattie will meet you downstairs. He'll take the car back to Spike's, and watch Lucky while you're here. Okay?"

"Is Mattie old enough to drive?"

"Yes," Dawn said, with an impatient sigh. "I just thought you would want to see Mom as soon as possible."

"I do. I'm sorry. My mind is all jumbled." If Mattie was there then so was Spike, which didn't surprise her. From the day, she'd brought Spike home for a visit in high school, her mother and he had gotten along very well. Almost like a son, her mother treated him like a member of the family, long after she left for Los Angeles. "I'll be there in ten, Dawn. Tell Mattie I'll pull up in the front."

"Okay."

It was a bit jarring when she pulled up to see Spike's son standing there. He was almost a man, and even more handsome than the last time she'd seen him. Mattie looked nothing like his father. Instead, he was the spitting image of his mother, Drusilla, with black hair and dark eyes. The boy was waiting by the front doors of the hospital with a familiar teenage slouch to his shoulders.

Pulling to a stop, she put the car into park and got out.

"Hello," Buffy said.

"Hello, Mrs. Finn," Mattie said. "Don’t worry. I'll take good care of the car and of Lucky," Mattie leaned in the passenger window to pet the dog. "Hey there."

Lucky, always ready to make a new friend, accepted Mattie's affection with good humor.

"Well, I'm glad I didn't need any protection," Buffy said, relieved that Mattie seemed to like her best friend.

"Ah, Lucky knows that I wouldn't ever hurt you." He rubbed the dog's head. "Don't you?"

"I wouldn't ask you to leave, but…"

"Hey, it's no problem," Mattie said with a smile. "I told Dad that I'd go home and make dinner for Anne."

"How is your sister?"

"She's cool." He laughed. "Actually a pain in my ass."

"Ooh, watch your language," Buffy said, falling into the familiar teasing they always did when they saw each other. "Or I'll tell your Dad."

"Scare me, why don't you?"

"Nah, I wouldn't tell," Buffy said. "Look, I really need to get upstairs."

"Yeah, Aunt Joyce has been asking for you. Don't worry. Things will be fine."

"I won't." She handed the keys to the car over before petting Lucky one more time. "Do you know the room number?"

"Fourth floor. Room 424."

Needing something, anything, Buffy impulsively hugged Mattie. "Thank you."

"Go on. They're waiting for you," Mattie said, after he hugged her back. "Don't worry. I've got it under control."

Something told her that he did. Without looking back, she rushed into the hospital. The elevators were in front of her, but with the numerous people in front of them, she opted for the stairs. By the time, she reached the fourth floor she was gasping for air, but the only thing on her mind was her mother. She raced through the doors leading to the hallway. Xander was pacing only a little ways away. He stopped when he spotted her.

"Buffy, you made it."

The sound of his voice propelled Dawn into the doorway.

"I’m here," Buffy said, rushing forward to give her sister a hug. "How is Mom?"

"She's awake," Dawn said, pulling Buffy into the room. "Mom, look who's here. Buffy made it."

Buffy only had eyes for her mother. Her stomach dropped at the sight of her mother hooked up to so many machines, face pale against the pillows. Tears welled up in her eyes as the adrenaline left her and the reality of the situation finally sank in. Hands squeezed her shoulders, supporting her so she wouldn't fall to the floor.

"Be strong, Buffy," Spike whispered in her ear. "She needs you."

to be continued…

Chapter 2


Spike was right.

This wasn't the time to fall apart. Not with her mother lying in a hospital bed, and not surrounded by her family watching every move she made. Buffy took a slow, deep breath to steady herself before stepping forward.

"Hi Mommy," she said, taking a seat in the chair by the bed. Leaning forward, she slipped her mother's hand between her own. She swallowed back another ripple of distress at seeing her mother so pale that she almost faded into the crisp white sheets. Despite everything, she smiled hoping that her mother wouldn't notice anything wrong.

"Hello," her mother said, squeezing Buffy's hand. "I was worried about you driving home."

"You shouldn't have been," Buffy chuckled. "It's more dangerous to drive on the freeways in LA than the highway home. I was okay except for worrying about you."

"Mom's going to be fine," Dawn said from where she was standing on the other side of the bed.

"Of course she is," Buffy said, continuing to smile although her face hurt from the fakeness of her expression. "She's Super Mom."

"Now you're being overly dramatic," Joyce said. She looked around at the others. "Buffy's here, so why don't all of you go get a bite to eat or something? You haven't left the room in hours."

"Good idea," Spike said. "We've been hogging the beautiful lady's time. It's time someone else got to bask in her glow."

"That's the lights on the machines," Xander quipped. "It's turning everything such a lovely shade of green."

Buffy didn't pay much attention to everyone's absurd chatter. All she wanted to do was focus on her mother. It had been too long since she'd been home. Too long with only short conversations that never really went into anything deeper than trivial events of everyday life. There were so many things she wanted to say, and even as guilty as she felt about it, she wanted her mom to reassure her that everything was going to be all right.

"Okay," Dawn said, kissing their mother on the cheek. "We'll just be down in the cafeteria."

"We'll be fine," Joyce said. "Go on."

"Call us if you need anything," Spike said, before following Dawn and Xander into the hallway. He winked as he let the door swing shut behind him.

Overcome with relief at being alone with her mother, Buffy's eyes filled with tears. She blinked, trying to keep them from overflowing. It didn't help. They ran in silent rivers down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Buffy said, with a forced giggle. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too. It's a shame that it took me being in the hospital for you to finally come home."

It didn't matter how old she was, somehow her mother managed to make her feel like she was seven. There was no way she could explain her absence that would make sense, at least not to anyone except herself. It was embarrassing to come home a failure with her tail tucked between her legs. Although it had been years since she had left for Los Angeles, she'd never forgotten all the reasons why she'd left home. A successful marriage, a family and becoming more than her parents had been, wasn't that what children where supposed to do? She hadn't. All her dreams had been destroyed and some mornings it took all she had to get out of bed.

"I've been busy," Buffy lied.

"No, you feel that we'll think less of you because you're divorced. I was never overly fond of Riley anyway. He was never satisfied with you and always tried to make you prove your love. You're better off without him."

"Mom," Buffy said, with a sigh. She had to look away in order to continue. "There were a lot of good things about him. It's not his fault that I couldn't have babies." Her inability to conceive was the hardest failure to admit. It broke up her marriage, left her so lacking in self-esteem that she stopped fighting for promotions at work, and was more than willing to hide away in a life that didn't make her happy. Just like every other time the subject came up, Buffy pushed it back into a corner somewhere deep inside herself. "No more talk about me. I'm here and will be as long as you need me. Now, tell me what's going on?"

"Those headaches I told you about kept getting worse and coming almost every day," Joyce explained. "So, I went to the doctor and they did an MRI. There's a shadow, whatever that means, and they want to do exploratory surgery and take a biopsy."
"Is your doctor named Columbus?" Buffy quipped, when there were a thousand other questions on the tip of her tongue. Most importantly, what her mother's chances of survival were, but Buffy bit them back. She could tell her mother was trying very hard to be practical. Any more inquiry would probably help her mother give in to her fears, and that wasn't something Buffy wanted. Later when her mother was sleeping, she could get Dawn to tell her everything she wanted to know.

"Very funny." Her mother smiled which was what Buffy wanted to happen. "I'm glad you’re here," Joyce continued. "I love Dawn, but this is really hard on her, and I need to tell you some things."

"Mom, we'll have time…"

"No, Buffy, listen to me. Please."

Everything exploded inside of her at her mother's insistence to talk. Working for a law firm, Buffy knew the disastrous results when a family didn't know everything they should when a loved one passed away. Despite the need to be practical, this was her mother, and losing her was too unimaginable to consider. She wanted to scream at God for making her mother ill. Screaming at the wall would do just as well. She'd already tried too many times in the past to pray, to ask why, to scream until she got some kind of answer, but God ignored her. She was on her own, so somehow she gathered her courage, squeezed her mother's hand and nodded.

The relief on her mother's face was evident. "The original of my insurance policies and other papers are in my safe deposit box, but there are copies in my desk." She stopped, putting her hand over her mouth, as she tried to fight back tears. "And, god, Buffy please, if something happens, please don't keep me alive with machines. Let me go."

Years before, Buffy had signed the necessary paperwork giving her medical power-of-attorney over her mother in case of an emergency. At the time, they both laughed about it because they seemed invincible. Now it was a horrific reality, and she might be called upon to act in that capacity in the next few days.

"Is everything on file with the hospital?" Buffy asked, trying to be the responsible adult her mother needed.

"Yes," Joyce said. "Everything is ready." She squeezed Buffy's hand. "They'll come to you if any decisions…need to be made."

It was too much. She couldn't try to be strong anymore. She laid her head on the bed to let herself cry. The familiar comfort of her mother holding onto her hand only made her feel worse. She was supposed to be strong, but she only felt weak.

"I'm sorry, baby," Joyce said.

Sniffling, Buffy raised her head so she could look at her mother. "Don't be. I'm the one who should be sorry. I said I wouldn't get upset but what did I do? Start blubbering all over the place."

"I've been doing it a lot since this happened. You're entitled especially since you just found out. But, sweetie, you have mascara all over your face," Joyce said, grinning. "You better fix it before you scare someone. My doctor is kind of cute."

"Damn it," Buffy reached over to the steel table next to the bed to grab some tissues. "I hate when that happens."

Joyce waited until after Buffy repaired her face before she fired some more bullets into Buffy's already broken heart. "Be patient with Dawn." Joyce lifted her hand. "I know she can be a brat at times, but she really doesn’t know how to handle so many things. If I haven't taken care of her, then it was Xander. In a lot of ways she's still a child."

"I will," Buffy promised, wishing that she could be the baby. Then maybe someone would take of her during all of this. It would be so much easier then having to be the adult.

"And most of all please be happy again."

"I am. Please don't worry about me. You need to concentrate on you."

"No, I need to say this," Joyce said, cupping Buffy's cheek. "You haven't been happy in a long time. Not since you found out that you couldn't conceive. As much as I love my girls, I learned that I couldn’t let you be the source of all my happiness. Find something to be passionate about…and someone who can love you the way you are and not divorce you to marry the first fertile female who comes along."

"You've always been my champion," Buffy said, leaning into her mother's palm. "I wish I'd come home to let you take care of me. Maybe I wouldn't be such a mess."

"My sweet, brave, Buffy, you're here now and that's all that counts."

---

Spike leaned against the wall, watching the Summers women. The three of them were amazing. All three of them were lit up as they gossiped, joked, and tried to make each other feel better. He was relieved that Buffy finally brought her ass home. Unable to give her eldest daughter the love and support she wanted through Buffy's divorce had brought a lot of heartache to Joyce. His suggestions of going to Los Angeles to force Buffy to deal with her problems had fallen on deaf ears. He was pissed that it took this to bring mother and daughter back together. Never before had he met such stubborn women.

"Excuse me," the night nurse interrupted as she stepped into the room. "It's late and Joyce needs to get some rest." The syringe of medicine she inserted into Joyce's IV emphasized this. "Say your goodnights."

"Bossy bint," Dawn muttered as the nurse left them alone again.

Xander stretched as he forced himself awake. "Don't be so harsh, Dawn. She's just looking out for your mom."

"Yeah, Joyce will probably be glad to be left alone," Spike said, coming over to the bed.

"You'll be here in the morning," Joyce said, looking around at them with an obvious need to be reassured. "Before I go into surgery."

"We'll be here," Buffy promised, leaning over to kiss her mother's cheek. "Behave yourself."

Spike waited while the others said their goodnights. It was so hard to watch the fear on Joyce's face. Ever since Buffy first brought him home twenty years ago, Joyce was like a second mother to him. He had a hell of a lot of respect for her and the strength she had in making it alone. Joyce was a tough cookie. He wondered if Buffy took after her father in her emotional weakness because in the last year she hadn't shown having any of her mother's strength.

When everyone else stepped into the hallway, Spike took his turn at kissing Joyce. "Sleep tight, precious lady, I'll make sure Buffy is here in the morning."

"Don't be so hard on her," Joyce said, hugging him close. "Promise me you'll take care of her. She'll be all alone if something happens to me."

"Don't make me promise that," Spike said, sitting on the edge of the bed. He ran his fingers through his hair. "I used to think the world of Buffy…still do in a lot of ways. You know that, but in the last couple of years," he shook his head. "She's just not the same."

"When Drusilla died, you had your children to take care of. Buffy's dreams have been taken away from her one at a time. She doesn't have anything to get up for in the morning except for her dog. Please, I need to know that someone is watching out for her."

"You will be," Spike said. "Because everything is going to be fine."

After giving her one more kiss, Spike hurried to the door. He managed to get it open before Joyce's frightened voice came to him.

"And if it's not…then what?"

Joyce wasn't going to let it go. He knew more than the others did what Joyce was facing. Unlike them, unable to accept the brief explanations from the doctors, he hounded the doctors and nurses for answers and for the truth. Rolling his head, he knew he didn't have a choice. He couldn’t lay one more bit of worry on Joyce's head.

"I promise I'll take care of her," Spike said, crossing his heart with his finger. "'Til the end of the world."

"Thank you."

After giving her a nod, he rushed out of the room to find the others. Out in the hallway, he took a deep breath to clear his head. He was trying to be the clearheaded one in the group. Dawn and Buffy were going to be emotional while Xander would be concerned only with Dawn. Someone needed to be thinking, to make sure Joyce was getting what she needed and that everyone was moving in the same direction. Maybe it wasn't his place since he wasn't technically a family member, but they always made him feel as if was. So until they told him to butt out, he wasn’t going anywhere.

Xander was pacing the hallway while Dawn and Buffy waited by the elevators.

"There you are," Xander said. "I thought something had happened to you."

"Just talking to Joyce for a minute," Spike said, reaching around Buffy to push the button for the elevator.

"Since my car is at your house, can you give me a ride there?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, I can do that," Spike said, looking down into troubled green eyes. He tried not to care, but he could feel himself wanting to hug her despite himself. "And you may as well stay at my house tonight," Spike said. "You'll get more sleep if you don't have to go anywhere else."

Buffy looked surprised, but it didn't take long for her to respond. A brief nod was the only answer she gave. It was enough. He just hoped that Buffy got herself together very soon. He wasn't sure if he could handle taking care of her too long without telling her how he really felt about how she was dealing with everything in her life.

to be continued…

~~~Chapter 3~~~


The stopping of the car jerked Buffy awake. She glanced around. They were parked in front of Spike's house, an older two-story brick colonial located on a quiet side street in the older section of Sunnydale. She'd always loved it. Although she never thought the former bad boy of high school would ever settle down to such suburban life. Yet somehow she couldn't think of the man he'd become living anywhere else.

"You awake?"

"Yeah," Buffy said, with a small stretch. She grabbed her purse. "Sorry for falling asleep. It's been a long day."

"I understand."

From his curt monosyllabic conversation since leaving the hospital, Buffy sensed Spike was angry with her, but she didn't have a clue as to why. If she was honest, she wasn't too concerned about it at the moment. There were too many other things for her to stress over, then to worry about what Spike was feeling. Besides knowing him the way she did, she knew eventually he would blow his stack and tell her what was wrong.

Spike waited while she got her bag out of her car and then led the way to the entrance. After unlocking the door, he pushed it open for her to precede him into the foyer.

"I'm home," Spike called out bringing a flurry of activity.

Anne clattered down the stairs while Lucky, soon followed by Matt, came barreling down the hallway dividing the house. If it weren't for her pet, Buffy would have felt left out of the boisterous reunions. While she watched Anne hugging her father, and Matt telling him that he'd kept some dinner for Spike, it made her aloneness more obvious. She would probably never get to experience such a moment in her own life. Ready to sink into a vast pool of envious wistfulness, Buffy sighed when it all came to a screeching halt.

"What's she doing here?" Anne asked, while staring at Buffy's overnight bag with repulsion. "She's not staying the night, is she?"

"Yes, she is. I invited her to stay the night," Spike said. "She's already had a full day and I thought it would be easier on her if she didn't have to leave again. Besides, if she stays then Lucky won't have to be left locked up all day at Joyce's house."

"Who's going to be here to watch him?" Anne asked. "I'm going with you tomorrow, right?"

Spike sighed. "Yes. In the morning you can go to the hospital with us, but there won't be any need for you to stay all day. Mattie either. So when you leave, you can take care of Lucky, right?"

"I guess," Anne said. "I like the dog."

"Anne, you're being rude," Spike said, flashing Buffy an apologetic glance. "Buffy is a guest in our home and you need to behave. Now apologize."

With a dramatic rolling of her eyes and a tone that left no doubt she didn't mean it, Anne said, "I'm sorry."

"Accepted," Buffy said, while trying not to laugh at the territorial stance Spike's daughter was taking, but she understood it. After her parent's divorce, she'd done the same thing with any female near her father. So, she tried to appear unaffected, continuing to pet Lucky while Spike handled his daughter. She wouldn't be hanging around enough for her to try to change Anne's mind about her, but she didn't want to cause any problems for Spike.

"Is your homework done?" Spike asked, glancing at his watch. "And it's late. Why aren't you ready for bed?"

"Dad," Anne whined. "I'm not going to school tomorrow so my homework doesn’t need to be done, and if no school, why do I have to go to bed?"

"Because we have an early day tomorrow," Spike said, kissing Anne's forehead. "Now upstairs."

Anne didn't say anything. She sighed before racing back up the stairs. Mattie laughed, as soon his sister was gone.

"Geesh, could she get any more dramatic?"

"I'm afraid so," Spike answered. He shook his head. "I don't even want to know how much more." He clapped Mattie on the back. "What's for dinner?"

"Chili mac and salad."

"Sounds good," Spike gestured for Buffy to follow him down the hallway to the kitchen.

The fragrant aroma of chili tickled Buffy's nose making her realize she hadn't eaten since that morning. Feeling more at ease with just the two males, Buffy asked, "Please tell me there's enough for me to have some."

"Yeah, of course," Matt said. "Unlike Anne, I figured you would be staying so I made extra."

"Thank you," Buffy smiled. She looked around the kitchen. "Anything I can do?"

"Are you starving?" Matt asked, reaching into the refrigerator to pull out a salad.

"Yeah," Buffy said. "I didn't realize it until I smelled the chili, but now my stomach is doing somersaults."

She hoped they weren't going to make her wait too long. She didn't know how much longer she could hold it together. Exhaustion was pulsating through her body. She felt in need of a shower, but her stomach was winning in the demand for attention. A hot shower was second on her lists of needs. Putting on her soft flannel pajamas and crawling into a bed would be a perfect ending to a bad day.

Matt handed Buffy a bowl of salad. After she took it from him, he disappeared back into the refrigerator to look for something else. Buffy put the bowl on the kitchen table before returning to see if there was anything else she could grab. Spike was dishing out chili into big soup mugs, making her mouth water.

"Go sit, Buffy," Spike said, gesturing to the table with his head. "We'll bring the rest over."

It didn't take long for Spike and his son to have everything laid out. She grabbed her spoon as soon as she saw Spike tear a roll in half and stuff it into his mouth. The chili mac was delicious and obviously homemade with its rich spicy flavor.

"Did you make this?" Buffy asked, after a couple of bites. "I haven't tasted anything so good in a long time."

"Thanks," Matt said, from his seat across from her. "Well, Dad made the chili. I defrosted it and cooked the macaroni."

"An unstoppable team," Buffy smiled. "I usually have a frozen dinner or salad when I get home from work so this is heaven. Thank you."


For some absurd reason, Buffy's praise of the simple meal gave Spike pleasure. It wasn't like he'd invited her to stay because he wanted her in his house. Or to get her approval. She was only there because he'd promised Joyce. If he'd known that it would make Anne so unhappy, he might have let her go back to her mother's house. Sighing, he realized that wasn't true. Even if he was angry with her, he couldn’t be cruel and to leave Buffy alone would be just that.

"Matt, what about your homework?"

"Done Dad," Matt said. "And my chores are done. Yes, I realize we have an early morning so I'll head upstairs to take a shower. I can take a hint," he added with a grin. "Sleep well, Mrs. Finn."

"Why don't you call me, Buffy? Since I'm not married anymore it sounds funny to be called that."

"Well, goodnight Buffy," Mattie said, grinning. "Night Dad."

Spike stared after his son as he left the kitchen. Matt's grin was a little too much and he could swear his son's cheeks were pink. He looked back at Buffy who was eating. She didn't seem to give a second thought to Matt's pleasure at being given permission to call Buffy by her first name. It wasn't uncommon anymore for teenagers or even children to address adults with such familiarity, and not much different from him calling Buffy's mother by her given name. For some reason, though, it irked him.

"I wished you asked me before you did that."

"Did what?" Buffy looked up confused. "Oh, you mean Matt calling me Buffy." She shrugged. "I didn't think it was a big deal. He's an adult."

"He's seventeen," Spike said. "Not an adult yet."

"You didn't think you were a child at seventeen," Buffy's tone implied she was teasing. "But looking back, I know I was definitely more a child than an adult at that age. Didn't have a clue how difficult being a grownup was going to be."

"That's for damn sure," Spike said, giving up trying to make a point about Mattie. Buffy hadn't taken the hint and it would probably take a sledgehammer to get his point across to her. Other than his own irritation, it wasn't really a big deal, and if his son did end up with a crush on Buffy, it most likely would be a passing thing.

Besides, he could see why Mattie would be thrilled by it. Buffy was a beautiful woman even if she did look exhausted at the moment and she was thinner than the last time he saw her almost a year before. It amazed him that two hours traveling time was too much for any of them to take to see each other. They may as well have lived a state away for all the effort they made. Once the two of them were close enough to share secrets, and one summer a few kisses, but they had let time get away. They were more acquaintances than buddies anymore.

"How is work going?" Buffy asked. "Mom told me that you got a promotion."

Spike relaxed at the introduction of neutral territory. It would keep him looking beyond the anger he was trying to hold onto when it came to Buffy. He pushed his plate away before answering.

"Yeah, you're looking at the new VP of Marketing."

"Congratulations," Buffy said, raising her water bottle to toast him. He touched his bottle to hers. "How does it feel being a big shot?"

"The big shot is my boss," Spike said. "The VP is the guy who does all the grunt work and takes all the blame when something gets screwed up." He leaned back in his chair, rubbing his hands over his face. "I like it. The pay is better, although the hours suck, and I'm never bored."

"Not being bored is a priority as a job description."

"And you? How is work? Life?"

"Up until today, it's been peachy keen," Buffy said, leaning her chin on her hand. "Work is busy. We've gotten a couple of new high profile cases that are making everyone's life hell. Lindsey, my boss, is lapping it up. He wants to win so that he can be equal with Lilah in the senior partner's eyes."

"Your mom has mentioned Lindsey," Spike said, just to let Buffy know that he also knew of her personal relationship with him. He didn't approve, but it was really none of his business. Rebound relationships were normal, although it took him almost a year after Drusilla's suicide to be with someone else. The way Joyce explained things, it sounded like Buffy had waited merely days after her split with Riley to jump into bed with Lindsey.

"My mother doesn't have any idea of privacy."

"She worries about you." Spike shrugged.

"She didn't approve of my relationship with Lindsey." Buffy stood, graceful but exacting in her movements. It was obvious that she didn't want Spike's opinion of Lindsey, but he had a couple nonetheless. Such as he didn't like Buffy doing something that could jeopardize her job, or her getting involved with a man who was into power more than he was into having morals. Her involvement with Lindsey only emphasized her poor judgment in the last year.

He watched Buffy take their dirty dishes to the sink. The current subject was closed. Standing, he put the food away while she washed the dishes. It didn’t take them long to get the kitchen clean. When they were done, Buffy whistled for Lucky who they could hear bounding down the stairs.

"Hey boy," Buffy said, petting her friend. "Were you with Anne? She likes you, I know."

"Drusilla never wanted the responsibility of pets," Spike said, trying not to stare at the cleavage Buffy was revealing by bending over. "Anne's always wanted a dog."

"Maybe you should get her one," Buffy said. "I don't know where I'd be without Lucky."

Spike could think of a hundred more fitting scenarios, but bit his tongue. It was Buffy's life. "I've never really thought about it. Are you taking him out?" After Buffy nodded, Spike opened the back door, ushering the other two out before he followed. It would have been easy for him to excuse himself, but he didn't. Buffy stopped on his deck while Lucky raced into the fenced backyard to do his business.

"I'll clean up after him in the morning," Buffy said. "It's dark and I don't want to take the chance of breaking a heel."

"Typical female excuse," Spike teased, looking down at the 2-inch spiked heels that Buffy wore. They did wonders for her legs. He followed the turn of her calf upwards to where the view was cut off by her skirt that stopped a couple of inches above her knees. The woman still had great legs.

"Stop Spike," Buffy said, with a laugh. "If you don't, I'm going to have to wear a nun's habit around you."

"Hey, you brought up the shoes. I’m a man, and was just following my basic instinct."

"Typical male excuse."

They both laughed. It took some of the pressure off from the earlier conversation. A reminder of the days when they were able to joke around without having to tiptoe around certain subjects. He leaned against the railing next to Buffy.

"Thanks for earlier," Buffy said. "At the hospital. If you hadn't grabbed me, I think I would have collapsed into a big pile of goo." She took a deep breath. "Seeing my mother like that, it was just a huge shock."

"I know," Spike said, and before he could stop himself, he squeezed her shoulder. Then hoping to hold onto some of the teasing, he added, "I could tell that under the professional attitude and power suit beat a marshmallow heart."

"Very funny." She covered his hand still resting on her shoulder, and gave him a weak smile. "I really appreciate everything you've done for my mother. You're a good guy."

And with that, Spike felt a bit like a marshmallow himself.

…to be continued