Chapter 1: In My Prime Part I

Buffy sat in her therapist’s office with her feet tucked under her, where she sat in the big comfy chair.

“So it’s final. The divorce…I signed the papers.” Buffy ran a shaky hand through her golden locks.

“That’s good. You can finally move on. Angel is now a man of your past, and now you can live your life.” Joyce stated, toeing off her shoes and mimicking Buffy’s position.

“I know but-I’m 36! My clock is ticking…I want to have a baby but I don’t have a lot of time, you know? Like I thought for sure that Angel was the one, that we would have children together.” Buffy sighed and rested her elbow on the arm of the chair, and placing her cheek in her palm.

“Yes, but look at it this way, Buffy. Wouldn’t you have rather the two of you ended it now, instead of later, hurting your kids in the process?” Joyce returned.

“That’s true…but this means I’m gunna have to start all over. From scratch. And who’s gunna want a 36 year old divorced woman who wants kids?” Buffy asked.

“You are an attractive woman, with a lot to give. There are tons of men out there that would be lucky to have you.” Joyce stated placing a comforting hand on her patient’s knee.

“Thanks, Joyce.” Buffy smiled gratefully.

“Forget about Angel. Go out! Have fun…live your life!” Joyce exclaimed with an enthusiastic tone.

“Plan to.” The timer rang, signaling that their 1-hour session was over. “Time’s up. I’ll see you next week.” Buffy got up and slipped on her flip-flops. She gave her older friend a hug.

“Yes, dear. Take care.” Joyce walked the blonde to the door and watched as she walked into the elevator.

Joyce closed the door behind her and walked next door, which held her home. Her office was an extended part of her house, to give her and her patients privacy.

After calling out a ‘hello’ to her husband, she walked into the kitchen, picked up the phone and pressed speed-dial 1.

“Hello, sweetie. I’m done with my patients for the day, so if you want…oh! Okay…well you can stop by whenever you can to pick up your equipment, alright? Okay…well you two have fun…bye.” Joyce hung up the phone and sat herself on the couch next to her husband, Rupert.

“Hello, dear…how was work?” Rupert asked, placing a kiss on his wife’s temple.

“Good. Buffy is feeling a little better about the break up. She’s worried about having kids, though. She doesn’t think she has enough time.” Joyce explained to Rupert.

“Bollocks! She has plenty of time. Buffy has a wonderful personality; she has ever since high school.” Rupert was Buffy’s history teacher while she was in school. When she got married in her 4th year of college, and seemed to be having troubles, Rupert gave her his wife’s number, and she had been seeing her ever since.

“Yeah, that’s true. Well, she’s getting back on her feet now.” Joyce yawned loudly, resting her head on her husband’s shoulder.

“So, have you spoken to our son about all of his equipment he left here?” Rupert grumbled in an annoyed tone. His son much reminded him of himself when he was younger. FYI-not good. Their son had left home a few months ago and he still neglected to pick up his guitar and amp.

“Yes. He was suppose to come by and pick it up tonight, but apparently he has a date with that floozy Melody or whatever.” Joyce said bitterly with a flick of her wrist, as if to brush off the name.

“I don’t think that’s her name, love.” Rupert returned with a playful smile.

“Well whatever…her name has something to do with music.” She concluded hatefully. Joyce never really liked the girls her son chose to date. To her they were all the same. Blonde, big boobs, and ditzy.

* * * * *

Buffy sat down at the pub with her friend Cordy. The two went to college together and was Buffy’s maid of honor at her and Angel’s wedding two years ago.

“Wow…”Cordy looked around the pub. “It’s places like this that make me feel really old. Look at all these pups. No older than 25.” The brunette pointed out. “At least I still look 20.” She finished vainly.

“I know. I mean this was us ten years ago. Partying, not caring about anything else other than if we had enough money to buy another drink.” Buffy ordered herself a Cosmo.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I barely have to worry about paying for my own drinks.” Cordy stood up and smoothed out her blood red dress that hung just after the curve of her ass. “I’m gunna go talk to that guy over there…” Cordelia nodded her head in the direction of a hot brunette guy, smiling her way. “He’s been eyeing me since I walked in here.” She stated with her eyes still on him, and a dazzling smile. “Have fun, cause I know I will.” Cordy walked off leaving Buffy behind.

Buffy took a long sip of her drink, before scanning the crowd. She got up and made her way to the dance floor.

* * * * *

“I can’t do this anymore, Harm. There are just some things that I can’t tolerate.” The man stated with an annoyed tone.

“But Spikey!” Harmony whined, with an unattractive pout.

“Like that!” Spike pointed out. “It’s Spike…and your whining makes me wanna gouge my eyes out.” Spike buried his head in his hands.

“You can’t do this to me Spike. I thought we had something special.” The blonde crossed her arms over her chest, making her fake breasts pop out unnaturally.

“We’ve been dating for one week! That’s not enough time to figure out it something is special or not.” He told her in frustration, causing a vain to pop out on his neck.

“Whatever, Spike. If you wanna end things, then fine. But you don’t know what you’ll be missing.” Harmony got up and walked towards the exit.

“I’ll be missing whining, clinging, and sex that I could definitely live without.” Spike mumbled to himself after she left the table.

Spike sighed in relief, and stood up. He turned around to head towards the bar and noticed the most gorgeous woman he’d ever seen. She was looking around the pub, and he noticed the way her golden tresses fell over her small, bare shoulders.

She was wearing a tan lace camisole, and a short black leather skirt that stopped mid-thigh. Her delicate feet were adorned with black strappy heels that raised her off the ground a few inches.

He watched her stand up, and made it his first priority to meet this blonde goddess. He walked in the direction she was headed, his intention to ‘accidentally’ bump into her.

Chapter 2: In My Prime Part II

Buffy felt her self bump into a hard chest, and would have fallen over, if the arms of the strong chest didn’t steady her by her shoulders.

“Oh God. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” the concerned voice asked.

Buffy looked up at the man’s face, and had to stop her jaw from dropping. The chiseled features of this man reminded her of a Greek god. He was dressed all in black: Black Doc Martins, tight black jeans, and a black beater that showed off his toned, muscular arms-which were still holding her by the way. He had bleach blonde hair that was slicked back perfectly.

“Oh yeah. I’m just being a klutz…wasn’t exactly watching where I was going. You okay?” Buffy tried hard to refrain from smacking herself in the head for her stupidity.

“I’m fine.” He responded with a chuckle. “It’s not everyday I have a beautiful woman bump into me.” Spike noticed the slight blush that crept up her cheeks, and smiled as she ducked her head. Finally letting go of her, Spike extended a hand. “My name’s Spike.”

“Buffy.” She shook his hand and a smirk grew on her face. “That must be in the family cause I, personally, have never seen it in the big book of baby names.” Buffy concluded with a laugh.

“It’s a nickname.” He told her with a smile. “When I was in high school, I was kind of a bad ass.” Spike admitted. “The name just went with the image.”

“So Spike…are you gunna tell me your real name?” Buffy asked flirtatiously.

“In time, pet. Don’t know if I can trust you with that information yet.” Spike replied back, his trademark smirk in place. “So, do you wanna get outta here? Get some food or something?”

At Buffy’s hesitance he continued. “Please don’t tell me you’re here with some big brawly football star, that’s gunna beat me up as soon as he sees me talking to you.” Spike asked coolly, but hoping to God that she was here alone.

Buffy chuckled, as a stunning smile lit up her face.

“No but a sexy brunette cheerleader will, if she doesn’t get any answers soon.” Cordelia claimed, materializing beside Buffy.

“Spike, this is my friend Cordelia. Cordy this is Spike.” Buffy introduced the two, as she shook hands.

“Anyways I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just wanted to tell you that I’m leaving with that guy…I’ll call you later okay? Have fun.” She winked at Buffy then turned to Spike. “Oh and let’s just get one thing straight: You hurt my friend in any way…I’ll castrate you, okay? Bye guys!” The brunette said with a sweet innocent voice that contradicted her words.

“Wow. That’s…very scary actually.” Spike commented thoughtfully.

“Sorry about that. She’s kinda protective over me. I just got out of a messy break-up.” Buffy admitted shyly.

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” He said with a slight smile.

“No you’re not.” Buffy said noticing the smile, and the twinkle in his piercing blue eyes.

“You’re right, I’m not. Because if you hadn’t broken up with this guy, chances are you wouldn’t be here tonight, and I wouldn’t have met you.” Spike concluded with a wolfish grin that made Buffy feel like a schoolgirl again.

When the two got to the small diner, they started talking about their past high school experiences.

“…and it was absolutely horrible. I mean I didn’t mean to burn down the school gym, it just kinda happened.” Buffy finished with a nervous laugh.

Spike laughed along with her. Thinking about high school brought up another issue. “How old are you, anyway?” Buffy asked, playing with her napkin.

“I’m 23.” He answered.

Buffy’s eyes widened, and her jaw dropped. “Oh God…oh God, I shouldn’t be here. I’m really sorry I have to go.” Buffy got up and left before Spike could even get a word in.

She had already made it to the street by the time Spike had snapped out of his shocked state and went after her.

“Wait, Buffy!” Spike grabbed her hand before she could cross the street, and pulled her back onto the sidewalk. “Can you stop for a moment and explain things for me…please?” Spike pleaded with hurt eyes.

Buffy sighed and turned to him. “I’m 36.” At his disbelieving look, she continued. “Yeah…and that messy ‘break-up’ was a messy divorce. Look, you’re a great guy, really, but you’re too young for me.” Buffy insisted reluctantly. She really liked this one, and she was hoping that maybe something really good could turn up of it. He would’ve made great babies look at those cheekbones. She thought to herself sadly.

Spike looked hesitant at first, taking everything in, he then shook it off and looked at her determinately. “What ever happened to that phrase ‘Age is just a number’? And anyway it’s not like we’re that many years apart.”

“Please…you’re a child.” Buffy said playful and light tone, even though she was serious.

“And you’re being very childish!” Spike claimed determined to prove to her that their age difference was okay.

“Excuse me?”

“Well you are…‘Eww…younger boys are icky.’” Spike demonstrated in a high pitch voice mocking her.

“I never said you were icky. You are definitely not icky.” She corrected causing Spike to smile. “It’s just-I don’t want to-” Buffy stopped herself, took a deep breath and then let it out. “It makes me feel old. There is a thirteen-year gap between our ages. That means that when I was 23 your were 10!” Buffy exclaimed reluctantly. It sucked…all the guys around her age were either assholes, married, or she didn’t find them attractive. Now finally she meets someone who is a complete honey with a side order of bad-boy, very single, and absolutely gorgeous-and yet he’s the one that happens to be too young for her. Damn the Powers That Be for punishing her so cruelly.

“I never said you were icky. You are definitely not icky.” She corrected causing Spike to smile. “It’s just-I don’t want to-” Buffy stopped herself, took a deep breath and then let it out. “It makes me feel old. There is a thirteen-year gap between our ages. That means that when I was 23 your were 10!” Buffy exclaimed reluctantly. It sucked…all the guys around her age were either assholes, married, or she didn’t find them attractive. Now finally she meets someone who is a complete honey with a side order of bad-boy, very single, and absolutely gorgeous-and yet he’s the one that happens to be too young for her. Damn the Powers That Be for punishing her so cruelly.


Chapter 3: Windows To The Soul


“So?” Spike didn’t see the problem on the other hand. Age wasn’t something that really mattered to him if you find yourself attracted to their personality as well as their looks. And she was beautiful. He found it hard to believe that she was 36 when she told him but he could she the maturity in her eyes…something that he rarely found in the women he went out with which disappointed him. He needed someone like himself.

Being put in a bad situation in his childhood, Spike learned how to grow up fast, therefore he saw the world through mature eyes.

“‘So?’! That doesn’t bother you? Plus I’m sure you’ve got plenty of girls out there just waiting to snatch you up.” Buffy stated bitterly. Guy probably just wants to bag an older woman for the experience, and then run to tell his little friends about it. Damn kids these days…got not respect. As that thought ran through her head, Buffy suddenly felt like a cynical old women. She visibly cringed.

“No, it doesn’t and I’m not the kind of guy that goes around looking for someone to shag. I like relationships…and being with that one person. When they’re right for you. I’m just waiting for the right one and I know that’s what you’re doing too.” Spike claimed looking at her with this sincerity that floored her.

For a second Buffy felt her heart beat faster, and she nearly let it show on her face that that statement had been true. Then she thought better of it, and shut it down completely, and fixed him with a bored look with her arms crossed over her chest. “So all of a sudden you think you know me? After dinner and a coffee?” she asked in a flat and disbelieving tone.

“Noo…it’s in your eyes. They’re the windows to your soul, and you can practically see every emotion and feeling played out in them if you look hard enough. You get this look in them that just screams for that one person.” Spike took a bit of a pause, letting Buffy absorb all that was just said. “Which is sad because you may never find that person.” Spike assumed in a matter-of-fact way, causing Buffy to bow her head in an attempt to hide the tears building up. “If you keep pushing people away.” He finished firmly, after seeing her head turn down.

Buffy’s head shot up to look at him, tears lining the rims of her eyes. Was he trying to say that he could be the one if she just gave him a chance? Or was he letting her know for the next guy that comes along?

Spike knew he’d get that reaction out of her. He wanted her to see that it was okay to let other people in and to take chances. He could tell that she was the type of person that shut people out when she had a problem, and thought with her head instead of her heart.

He was the opposite. He never hid his feelings…they were what made him human. Thinking with his heart was always number one, even if it ended up hurting him in the end. At least he was truthful to himself.

Maybe her letting tears fall in front of him was the first step at letting those emotion shine through her eyes, rather than be a dull light behind them.

“Stop shutting people out, Buffy.” He continued softly. “Stop closing out your emotions.”

“I don’t shut-” She stopped herself when she realized that she just did it when he told her that he was looking for the same thing she was. “Okay maybe I do…but I have my reasons.” She argued with a slight waver in her voice. For the first time that night Buffy felt like she should have brought a coat as a chill ran through her spine.

“What? Have you been hurt in the past by men…your ex-husband? Trust issues…maybe it was the fact that you shut him out too much that he left.” Spike continued thought after thought.

Flashback

“This relationship won’t work, Buffy if you leave me out of everything! Let me in…let me help you!”

“Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong? We’re suppose to be sharing are lives, and to me it feels like you’re living in one that doesn’t have me in it.”

End flashback

“-or maybe it’s just-” Buffy came back to Spike’s voice, and out of her memories.

“Okay, can you just stop it!? God!” Buffy cried out, turning to him with tears streaming down her cheeks. She hugged herself, in a way of comfort. His words cut her deeper than she thought they would, and it scared her how much he could shake her up like this. It was almost like he knew her better than she knew herself. And that scared her even more.

“See…sadness isn’t exactly the best emotion to feel but it’s still an emotion.” Spike concluded, with an apologetic smile. He didn’t want to see her cry but if it helped…

“So…” Buffy started, sniffling and wiping away tears. “You said all that…just to get a reaction out of me?” She asked quietly. At his nod she asked him another question. “Has anyone ever told you that you should be a psychiatrist?”

Spike smiled knowingly. “My mum, and all the time. But it’s not what I want to do with my life.” Spike continued, starting to walk down the sidewalk.

Buffy starting walking as well as they continued down the quiet road. “And what do you want to do with your life?”

“Write. I love writing.” He told her looking towards the girl on his left. Buffy knew what he was talking about now when he said you could see the feelings of others if you look into their eyes hard enough. All she could see in his was passion. He was passionate about writing as she was about painting.

“What kind of writing?”

“Everything. Lyrics, stories, screenplays…hell even poetry.” He said it all with a grin that let her know it was his life.

“You write poetry?” she said with a gleeful smile.

“Yeah…a lot of people find it wimpy and silly but I find it-”

“Freeing?” Buffy finished, cutting him off.

An even bigger smile grew on his face if it was even possible. “Yes! Exactly…do you write poetry?” he asked hopefully.

“Um, no but I do read it a lot. And I base a majority of my paintings on my favorite stanzas.” Buffy admitted in a happy tone.

“Um…” Spike started, looking up at the sky in a thoughtful manner. “I do not see why I should e'er turn back/ or those should not set forth upon my track,” He recited looking over at Buffy.

Buffy broke out into a huge smile. “To overtake me, who should miss me here
and long to know if still I held them dear.” Buffy finished off the end of the poem with shining eyes. “Robert Frost. Impressive.” She said with raised brows and an awed smile.

“That was the first poem I read of his…I was eight. I didn’t really understand it then, but I memorized it anyway.” Spike reminisced.

Deciding to pick up their cars from the Pub the next morning, the two of them continued walking down the road until they stopped in front of Buffy’s house. Her now very empty house since Angel had moved out. Spike walked her up to the porch, and the two stood there neither wanting to end the night.

“Thanks for tonight Spike…you made me think about a lot of things.” Buffy stated softly.

Spike grinned at her. “Does that mean you’ll think about going out with me again?” he tucked a lock of her golden hair behind her ear, lightly grazing the shell.

“A definite yes.” She replied, the smile never leaving her face. She pulled her card out of her purse and handed it to him. Leaning up slightly, Buffy gave him a tender kiss on the cheek. “Give me a call.” She flashed him one more smile, then unlocked the door and stepped inside shutting the door behind her.

Spike stood there in shock. She was unbelievably gorgeous and she was interested in him. This night just couldn’t get any better. He smiled happily to himself while looking down at the card in his hand and did a cute little skip down the stairs and make his trek home.

Chapter 4: Feeling More Alive


“You what?!” Cordy exclaimed. “You’re going to see him again? He’s a baby!” Buffy pulled the phone away from her ear when the brunette shrieked.

“I know that’s what I said. I mean sure he’s young, but he’s more mature than he seems.” Buffy glanced down at her watch. “Oh…I got to go I’m heading up to Joyce’s office. We’ll talk later.” Without giving her friend the chance to say anything, the blonde hung up and took the elevator up to her Psychologist’s office.

With a knock, Buffy stepped in noticing Joyce was on the phone. The older woman waved her in and gestured her to have a seat in her usual spot.

“Well, I don’t want your stuff staying there forever.” There was a pause and Joyce smiled at the woman in front of her. ‘My son.’ She mouthed. “Well I’m happy that you met someone but what about that Harmonica person? Really! I mean…I’m very sorry to hear that, sweetie. Okay, well I have to get back to work alright, stop by the house tonight and pick up your stuff, please. I’m tired of seeing it strewn about my place. Alright…Bye.” Joyce hung up the phone, and took a deep breath. “Sorry about that, it was my son. Thinks he can leave all of his junk at my house, and expects me to be okay with it.” She chucked. Joyce walked around her desk and sat in the comfy chair across from Buffy. Both women slipped off their shoes and made themselves comfortable. “So anything new and exciting you want to tell me about?”

After a moment, Buffy’s mind led her to thoughts of Spike. Her face lit up. “Yes actually. One of the next steps in getting over Liam. I met this guy the other night at the pub, a real honey, totally smitten by me…” Buffy trailed off.

Joyce smiled, happy to see her friend and patient finally finding some bliss in her life. “And…is he fitting the description of the ‘Boyfriend of Buffy’ role?” Joyce tucked her feet under herself on the couch chair.

“Well…that’s the thing, Joyce. He’s younger than me.” Buffy stated glumly.

Joyce laughed loudly, a full out belly laugh. “So what’s the problem? Maybe that’s exactly what you need; someone that will make you feel younger…more alive. Plus a few years isn’t much of a difference, more women today are going after the younger man. It’s perfectly normal.”

“But that’s the thing…it’s not just a few years between us. Try over ten.” Buffy cringed worried what the woman that quickly became an almost mother figure in her life would think of her choices. “And it’s not a problem with him at all!” Buffy continued to ramble. “He thinks it’s great and he can read me like no one has, and he’s into writing and poetry which is so cool, and despite the fact that I’m in my thirty’s he makes me feel like a giddy teenage girl again, and that’s scary and I know I’m rambling so please stop me before I pass out-” Buffy rushed out all in one breath.

Joyce cut her off. “Okay, listen Buffy. Give it a shot…see how things go, and if things don’t work out then so be it and if it does, great! But I don’t think you should give up on something unless you’ve really given a shot at it.” Buffy nodded her head, and the two continued to talk until her time was up.

As Buffy was leaving the building she whipped out her cell phone and gave Spike a ring.

“’Ello?” he answered.

“Hey, Spike its Buffy.”

“Hey Buffy, I was just thinking about you.” Spike smiled brightly when he heard her voice. His bad day just got extremely good.

Buffy blushed at his words, and forced herself to reply. “Yeah I was thinking about you too…I was wondering if maybe you wanted to meet up tonight? For a drink or something?” she asked. Why did she get a collection of butterflies in her stomach as soon as she heard his voice? Because you like the guy…too much for your own good. her voice of reason told her.

“I would love to, but I have to go to my parent’s house tonight. Can we maybe meet up afterwards?” Spike asked her hoping she would say that was fine.

Buffy’s shoulders and heart dropped when Spike said he was gonna be with his parent’s tonight. But a smile grew on her face as he asked his question nervously. “Yeah, sure!” she said a little too enthusiastically. “That would be great, just give me a call when you’re done and we can meet at Kelly’s Pub.”

“Perfect. I’ll give you a call later, pet.” Both hung up the phone with great big smiles on their faces, and continued on with their day, happier than before.

* * * * *
“So, William…tell me all about this girl!” the woman took away the last plate of food on the table that was in front of her son.

“Well, she’s absolutely gorgeous. She’s smart, and funny. And mum, she loves poetry. But she’s-”

The phone rang.

Spike’s mother jumped up from her seat. “Hold that thought, it’s my work phone.” He watched as she traveled into the den. “Hello?”

“Oh hi dear…yes you want to reschedule…” her voice faded, and Spike turned to his father.

“Well, you should invite the girl over here for dinner…tomorrow maybe?” his father suggested. “What is her name by the way?”

Spike smiled brightly and perked up. “Her name is-”

“Sorry about that, sweetie. Just a client.” Spike’s mother strolled back into the living room.

“That’s alright, mum. But uh…I should get outta here. I’m suppose to be meeting up with her at Kelly’s tonight.” Spike explained as he got out of his seat. “Dinner was great, mum thanks.” He briskly brought her into a hug and kissed her on the cheek. “Bye da.” He gave him a manly hug and was out the door shouting. “I’ll bright her by tomorrow for dinner.”

Joyce turned to Rupert. “Well he seems happy. We don’t even know her name.”

Rupert nodded along, then glanced back to the garage. “He didn’t grab any of his equipment, Joyce.” Her husband claimed deadpanned.

“Damn it! Well he’ll be here tomorrow…and then we can meet the mystery girl that has him like a giddy school boy again.” Joyce giggled to herself.

Chapter 5: Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner?

“You don’t have to worry about a thing, Buffy. My parents are great and they’re gonna love you.” Just like I’m starting to. Spike said to himself. They had just pulled up into the driveway of his parents’ house. His mother had suggested to bring her to the beach house for the view was much better than one of the city. Spike agreed, knowing that the beach scene would put Buffy more at ease, and then after dinner was through they could go for a little walk just the two of them.

Buffy wrung her hands in her lap. “I’m just worried they’re not gonna like that fact that her son is dating a woman thirteen years older than him.” Buffy voiced, glancing at him with anxiety in her eyes.

Spike placed a hand on her cheek and rubbed her thigh in a comforting way that made her feel like he was the older one. “Don’t worry, pet. We’ll just go in there, and if they aren’t okay with it, so what? You’re dating me not them.” Spike smiled and placed a kiss on her lips before hopping out of the car, and opening her door for her.

When he picked her up today, he was rendered speechless. This golden goddess was wearing a white flowing knee-length skirt, with a black tank top and pink cashmere shall wrapped around her shoulders. He told her to dress comfortably, because it was a casual dinner, but she still looked gorgeous. Her hair was down in wavy locks and the bangs on the left side of her head were pinned up with a flower clip.

She stepped out of the car, grabbing his hand as he offered it to her. She was glad she decided to wear her flats instead heels…it would have been hell in this sand.

Spike walked right on in the door, pulling Buffy along with him. “Mom, Dad…we’re here!” Buffy decided to stay slightly behind Spike, glancing around the home.

Joyce came around the corner with a smile on her face. “Oh hi, honey! Let’s finally meet-Buffy?” Joyce questioned the blonde with a frown.

Buffy whipped her head up to look into the eyes of her therapist. “Oh my God, Joyce.” Buffy exclaimed with a look of shock on her face.

Spike was way too confused. “Wait…you two know each other?” he asked glancing at his girlfriend then his mother.

“She’s my client.” Joyce sighed out.

Spike looked at Buffy. “My mum’s your shrink?!”

Buffy looked sheepish. “Yes…but I met her through-” the blonde was cut off.

“Buffy?” Rupert questioned approaching the others.

“Your father.” She continued.

“Wait, you know my father too!?” Spike exclaimed.

Buffy played with the hem of her shirt. “Guilty. He was the librarian at my high school…he was pretty much the one that got me through my junior and senior year.”

Joyce snapped herself out of her shock, and spoke up. “Buffy, can I speak to you for a second, please.” It wasn’t a question, so Buffy didn’t argue.

Joyce let her to the kitchen and Spike threw himself on the couch to think over the facts.

“So you’re the one that has my son as giddy as a little boy on Christmas.” Joyce showed no expression so Buffy had no idea what to think. “And William’s the one you’ve been talking so fondly of. I should have pieced this together.” Joyce told herself as she sat down at the island.

“I’m so sorry Joyce, I had no idea. But Spike means a lot to me, and he’s making me feel things I haven’t felt before.” Buffy stated with a big smile.

Joyce sighed. “I don’t know about this Buffy. You’ve got such an elaborate experience with relationships, and William’s relationships don’t last much longer than a couple weeks. I mean he’s so much younger than you.” Joyce protested with a firm tone.

Buffy frowned. “But you weren’t saying that at our last session. You actually said that being with someone younger than me could be good for me…you encouraged it!” Buffy argued.

Joyce forcefully hit her had to the counter top. “That was before I found out that, that man was my son!” the older woman saw the tears well up in Buffy’s eyes, and sighed. “Look, honey I’m sorry, you are an amazing woman but I just don’t think you’re right for my son.” She admitted. She continued before the other woman could get a word in. “Will has never been in a serious relationship. It’s just not him…I don’t want you to fall for him and end up in the same situation as last time: hurt and alone. It won’t last.”

Buffy wiped away her tears. “That’s where you’re wrong.” She said firmly. She pulled her purse over her shoulder and walked towards the front door. “I have to go, Spike I can’t stay here.” She told him as she walked past the living room.

Spike frowned and quickly went after her. “Buffy…wait!” he caught up to her just outside the door. “Are you going to tell me what that was about? I feel like I’m not getting all the info here.”

Buffy sighed and pulled Spike over to the swinging bench to sit down next to her. “After I met you, I told Joyce I’d met someone…someone younger, someone that brought me out of my shell a little bit. And she encouraged to relationship, said that I needed a man like that in my life. But when she found out that, that man was you…she changed her mind. I don’t think your mom likes the idea of us being together.” Buffy told him sadly.

Spike frowned. “I don’t care what she thinks. I like you…I like you a lot. Being with you is the only thing that feels right.” He claimed grabbing her hand in his.

“But your mom’s right, Spike it won’t last. We’re both not ready for this.” Buffy hated having to be the mature adult in the situation; it was so much easier being young and impressionable.

“She said that?! I can’t believe she would say I’m not ready to have a relationship! Why would she tell you that?” Spike rambled as he shot up off the bench.

Buffy stood up as well and hugged him from behind in a way of comfort. “Please don’t be mad at her…she’s just trying to do what she thinks is best.”

Spike voice was angry, she could tell, but in contrast he placed his large hands over hers where they rested on his stomach. “But it’s not her place, I didn’t ask for her to psychoanalyze my relationship…she needs to just keep her nose out of things that don’t concern her! I’m a big boy I can take care of myself!”

Buffy smiled sadly again. “She’s your mother Spike that’s not going to change. You could be forty years old and she’ll still look at you like you’re her little boy.” She rested her cheek against his shoulder blade and placed a soft kiss there. “Just let her get use to us. She might come around.” Buffy really hoped so because she didn’t want to give up Spike…not now, not ever.

* * * * *

Buffy sat in the chair directly across from Joyce, looking anywhere but at each other. Already twenty minutes of the session went by and not a word was spoken. Buffy sighed loudly and Joyce finally glanced at the young blonde.

“I’m not mad.” the older woman declared calmly. “I can see why you’ve fallen for him, I’ve raised him well…but William is nowhere near to being ready for a relation-”

Buffy cut her off. “Will is ready Joyce. He tells me enough that he is. You haven’t seen the way he looks at me…like I’m the only one in the room.” Buffy observed as Joyce looked down at her hands and twisted her mouth. “But he’s told you right?” she stated with a wry smile.

Joyce sighed, and glanced up at Buffy again. “William speaks the world of you, of course look at you! You’re a beautiful woman…like no one he’s ever been with in the past, of course he’s going to be infatuated by you. But the fire will die, and you’re going to burn right along with it.” Joyce argued strongly.

Buffy was starting to get angry now. “You were the one that told me to take a chance! ‘I don’t think you should give up on something unless you’ve really given a shot at it’, that’s what you said…and now that all changes because he’s your son, that’s bullshit!” Buffy had jumped up from her chair, and started for the door.

“Buffy, come back our session’s not over yet.” Joyce stated calmly. “Please…I want to say something.” the older woman pleaded and that’s what made Buffy turn around slowly and walk back to her chair. Joyce sighed. “I’m sorry sweetie…but I want what’s best for you like I want what’s best for him. All I ask is that you take things slow…take you’re time, neither of you are in any rush for something too serious.” She caved finally, and Buffy felt a huge weight lifted off her shoulders.

A small smile reached the blonde’s face. “Thank you Joyce…for understanding. I have to go though…I need-”

Joyce lifted up her head. “Go.”
Buffy rushed out the door, and rapidly pushed to button to the elevator. When it opened, Buffy broke into a grin at the sight of Spike standing there as if waiting for her. She threw her arms around him and he picked her up, pulling her into the lift with him, kissing her senseless.

Joyce peeked through her cracked door, and a hesitant smile. They really do look great together. she thought to herself, before the elevator door closed and dinged, sending them to the lobby.

Joyce walked out of her office, locked up and sauntered down the hall to her house door, and let herself in. She looked around and noticed Spike’s junk was still here, and her shoulders drooped. “Damn it!”

Chapter 6: Hanging With The Younger Crowd


It had been a little over two weeks since Joyce had given into Buffy and Spike’s relationship, and things had been going great. Buffy would still go see Joyce for her appointments, but kept all the sex talk to herself. Buffy was noticing that Joyce was starting to see a change in her son for the better. He definitely cared about her more than any other woman he had ever been with, and Joyce was silently thankful to the thirty-six year old blonde that had entered his life.

Buffy was hesitant about meeting Spike’s friends because they were so much younger than herself. Of course her boyfriend told her she had nothing to worry about and held her hand supportively as they walked into the Pub.

Spike pointed out his friends, and led her to a table with two guys and four girls. “Hey guys…” he shook hands with the guys and gave friendly hugs to the girls. “Everyone I want you to meet Buffy, my girlfriend.” he beamed.

Buffy happened to look over at him as Spike introduced her. She saw the face-splitting grin he gave and felt her heart swell. “Hey…it’s great to meet you all.” Buffy stated giving a small wave. She felt a little awkward at first, meeting a bunch of new people…younger new people.

Spike started pointing everyone out. “Uh, this is Xander and his girlfriend Anya, Fred and her boyfriend Gunn…it’s his last name don’t let him make you think anything else. And of course my best friend Willow and her girl Tara.” He winked at Willow as he introduced her. “Me and Wills grew up together.”

Willow nodded her head. “Yup, so if you ever want to know any of William’s dirty secrets than I’m the gal you want to talk to.” the red head said proudly as she held Tara’s hand over the table.

Buffy turned Spike and smiled slyly. “Dirty secrets huh? Anything I should know about?” she asked poking him in the side.

“In time, luv.” Spike said glaring at Willow as he pulled out a chair for Buffy to sit in. He took the seat next to her and placed a hand on her bare thigh. “So who do I talk to, to get a drink around here?” Spike said loudly as a flash of long dark hair passed by him.

The woman turned around and stormed back to the table, slugging Spike playfully on the shoulder. “Hey buddy, was wondering if you were gonna stop by tonight.” Her deep red lips turned to a smirk. “Who’s the sexy blonde?” her eyes ran up Buffy’s legs; from her red pumps to her short red dress with black lace trimming.

Spike pulled Buffy closer. “Her name is Buffy and she’s mine…keep your eyes in your head Faith.” he smiled at her, showing that he was just playing.

Faith shook her head. “So what can I get you guys? The usual?” After everyone nodded, she turned to the blonde couple. “What can I get for you, honey?”

Buffy wasn’t used to getting that kind of attention. Guys had hit on her, but not women…especially not such a hot one. She decided that she liked it. Buffy leaned forward a bit flirtingly, giving Faith a good glance at her cleavage. “I’ll get Tequila Sunrise…and can you make it a double?”

Faith grinned, then bit her lip. “Sure B…Spike you better watch out, she seems like a wild one.” With that said she sauntered her way back to the bar.

Spike looked at her with a sexy smirk. “That was hot…although,” Spike leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Watch out for Faith…she might call your bluff.”

Buffy looked back at her boyfriend with an innocent glance. “Who says I’m bluffing?” She knew she was teasing Spike mercilessly, but it was too fun watching the reactions he gave her. “Don’t forget, sweetie…I went to college, I’ve done the experimenting thing.” she leaned to whisper in his ear now. “I might even show her a few things.” she gave the shell of his ear a little lick, and didn’t miss the shiver that trickled through Spike’s body when she did. She pulled away and looked at the menu acting as if she didn’t just turn the heat on, on the Spike-o-meter. “Hmm…that onion thing sounds good!”

Willow and Tara exchanged a glance with knowing smirks. Willow turned back to Spike and smiled. “It looks like you finally met your match Spikey!”

He playfully glared at his best friend, and looked down at his menu.

* * * * *

After a nice night of dancing, drinking, and a lot of teasing towards Spike from the girls at the table, Spike ushered his girlfriend into his car and took off the her place. The two of them had decided to wait a while before they consummated their relationship…well actually he decided to wait, Buffy was itching to get him into her bed.

He would always take her home, when Buffy would invite him and attempt to seduce him to her bedroom. It wasn’t that Spike didn’t want to sleep with Buffy…because God, did he! It was that she was different from all the other girls he’d dated, she was a woman and he wanted it to be perfect. Also…there was something about her that made him nervous. He was worried that maybe he wasn’t experienced enough for her, and that she would need more than what he had in his arsenal, so to speak.

And tonight was no different. “You want to come in?” she asked coyly.

Spike smiled knowingly. “Are you trying to bed me again?” It had become a cute little routine they had, and he thought it was adorable that she still tried to be subtle…somewhat.

Buffy gave up an stomped her foot like a little girl. “Yes! Baby it’s been so long, I’m a deprived woman in my prime!” She paused. “I have needs too!” she claimed wrapping her arms around Spike’s waist and locking them behind his back.

Spike looked down at her and frowned. “Isn’t that my line?” he joked.

Buffy glared up at him. “Yeah, that would be if I was holding out on you. Which I’m not. Why, don’t you want to sleep with me?” Buffy was truly concerned. What guy held off on sex with their hot girlfriend?

Spike pulled away from her, and sighed. He went to sit down on her porch swing. He had to tell her or she’d think the worst. He rested his elbows on his knees, and played with his hands, as he looked down at them. “You make me nervous.” he said it so quietly she barely heard him.

Buffy smiled softly, and sat down next to him. “Why do I make you nervous?”

He never lifted his head. “Because you’ve got so much more experience than me, and you’re beautiful, and older…I’m just worried that I won’t be enough for you.” the last part was whispered, and Buffy frowned then grabbed his hand in comfort.

“Baby….don’t ever think that okay. You’re enough, you’re more than enough. You make me so happy I can’t even tell you. So I’ve got a few years on you, so what! I’ve been with one man majority of my life that had little to no idea what he was doing in that department.” she assured him. “Plus you’re not the only one who’s nervous.”

Spike’s head shot up to look at her finally. “Yeah?”

“Well yeah! Spike look at you…everything about you screams sexual animal! I get weak in the knees every time you give me that look where you raise one brow…” Spike demonstrated, raising his brow and smirking at her. “Yup! That’s the one. Every time you touch me, I melt…whenever you kiss me I get butterflies, like mass amounts.” she laughed, and so did he. “Plus, think of the upside…once you get over this nervousness, you can sleep with me whenever you want! I don’t think I could refuse you.”

Spike seemed to feel better about the sex situation, so she leaned in and kissed him. He returned it with fervor. When they finally pulled away, Buffy stood up and took him with her. She let them in and started to lead him upstairs, taking their time as they kissed, and licked, and teased each other…pulling off their jackets on the way.

Just as they reached the top stair, the doorbell rang. Buffy reluctantly pulled away and fixed her clothes. “Who the hell is that?” she asked to no one in particular. She rushed down the steps with Spike behind her, also fixing himself up.

She pulled the door open to find a wretched, and broken Angel in front of her. He looked unshaven, his clothes falling off his body haphazardly and tear tracks down his cheeks and his eyes puffy and red. She couldn’t believe it…it was rare to see Angel cry at all let alone completely lost like he was now.

“Buffy…” he croaked out. “She’s gone…I don’t know what to do, please, please tell me what to do.” Angel was so far gone that he didn’t even notice the man standing beside his ex wife. He entered the house, and collapsed to his knees, hugging her legs as he cried. “Buffy? I didn’t know where else to go.” he sobbed.

Buffy tried to stop herself from crying at the sad display of the broken man in front of her. She looked at Spike with a silent apology, and he nodded with understanding, pressing a kiss to her forehead before leaving through the back door, since Angel was still blocking the doorway.

Buffy let him cry and she rubbed his head in comfort. She thought of who could be ‘gone’…and her heart broke as well at the thought that it could be non other than her ex husband’s lovely mother.

A/N: wow! Thank you guys so much for reviewing especially CallMeKitten! Also for those who were wondering, Angel and Buffy broke up because one she shut him out a lot, to they started to lose the love in the relationship and Angel didn’t want kids. More will be explained later. They did end on okay terms but there was a lot of pain there for both of them…anyways I hope that helps now on with the fic!



Chapter 7: I Could Never Sleep When You’re Gone…


Gone, it's hard for me to say when I'm wrong
It's hard for me to weep when I'm strong
But I can never sleep when you're gone
Oh, but still, if you are gonna crucify me
I wouldn't want nobody to see
'Cause you could kick me hard when I'm down
Down, down, down


After letting her ex husband drain his pain out through his tears, Buffy led him to the couch where he sat staring at the floor. Buffy sat silently, knowing that when Angel was ready to talk he would.

“Who was that guy?” his voice was hoarse from sobbing.

Buffy wasn’t expecting that to come up so soon. She frowned. Might as well tell him the truth. “He’s my boyfriend.” she hoped he wouldn’t delve into it.

He nodded as if he already knew. “I didn’t even see it coming, Buffy.” he changed the subject. “She’d been going to the hospital for the past week to run some tests…the doctors thought she might be anemic. She would faint from time to time…and when she was doing laundry this morning…she fainted again. She was standing at the top of the stairs…and she fell down.” his last words got caught in his throat.

Buffy didn’t realize the tears flowing from her eyes until one dropped on her hand. “Oh my God, Angel…” he didn’t have to continue for her to know what happened. “I’m so sorry.”

“She was all alone, so no one was there to find her until I went to the house a few hours ago for dinner. And that’s how I found her…she had broken her neck on the way down.” Now Liam looked closed off…his eyes were empty and his voice was cold. Liam loved his mother more than anything, and now that she was gone he was dead inside. Buffy pulled him into her embrace, and didn’t feel hurt when he did nothing to reciprocate. He rested his head on her breast, and sighed. “You were the only person I could talk to. You’re the only one that would understand.”

Buffy had lost her mother also. Shortly after Buffy and Angel got married over two years ago, Buffy’s mother Jenny died of complications of a simple surgery. To say Buffy was shocked would be an understatement. She went in thinking that she was getting the ligament in her thigh repaired, but the doctor made a cut that would change her life. Jenny started bleeding excessively, which turned into blood clotting. She died only a few hours after. The hospital was greatly apologetic and because it was their fault, they paid away all of Jenny’s medical bills and insurance.

But that wasn’t enough. All the money in the world wouldn’t shut her up about the accidental death of her mother. And Angel was there…through everything. From talking to the police, and speaking for her when she was too angry to bring the words out. He took care of everything while she mourned, and now it was time for her to do the same.

“I’m here, Angel okay. Whatever you need, I’ll be here. Why don’t you stay here tonight? I don’t want you walking or driving around like this.” Angel didn’t say anything as she led him upstairs and into their old room. “You can sleep in here, I’ll just be in the guest bedroom.” She moved about the room, turning down the sheets and grabbing some of his old sweat pants from the back of the closet. “Here.” she handed them to him and he just turned them in his hands as if he didn’t know what to do with them. “You left them behind…I thought you might come back for them.”

She watched Liam sit on the bed and hang his head. “When did everything get so fucked up? I thought we were happy?” When he first spoke Buffy thought that he was talking about the most recent events, but with his next words she froze…he was talking about them.

Buffy came and sat down beside him. “We were. We just wanted different things…I wanted kids and you didn’t. And I had troubles let you in after my mother died. I get that now…and I’m trying to change that about myself, with Joyce’s help.” she concluded, rubbing Angels back in comfort.

“I can give you children, if you want them.” Angel said quietly. Before she could say anything, he continued. “Buffy I miss you…no one got me like you did.” he gently grabbed her hand and held it between his two larger ones. “I feel so lost right now…seeing you again made me feel like I had one thing right in my life.”

Buffy closed her eyes. It hurt to see him like this. She wanted so much to help him…but she couldn’t help him in that way. “Liam, we got divorced for a reason. We would just end up back in that same position. And I’m seeing someone now. I’m sorry, but you’re only saying this because of your mom. You wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t-” she cut herself off. “You want this because it familiar…because you know what to do here. But it’s not going to solve your problems. I’ll be here for you…as a friend. You can call me, come over whenever you want, and we can talk but we can’t be more than that. It’s not fair to you, me or William if we do otherwise.” Buffy didn’t have to elaborate on who William was; Angel got it.

He took a deep breath and let it out. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Buffy.” he wiped his hands over his face, and started taking off his shoes and socks. “Is this guy good to you?”

Buffy smiled. “Yes…treats me like a Queen.”

Angel nodded. “Good. You don’t deserve any less than that.” he stood and started unbuckling his belt. He was feeling comfortable. She wasn’t exactly okay with him changing in front of her…but she didn’t want him to feel more awkward, so she let him. “Seems a little young though.”

Buffy laughed. “Yeah, but he’s wise beyond his years.” she tried not to look at him while he shucked off his jeans and pulled the sweat pants on over his boxers.

Angel walked back over to the bed, and sat down again. “Just as long as he makes you happy. I’d like to meet him sometime…you know when I’m not sobbing my heart out at your feet.” he joked. He didn’t smile but she knew he was trying to make himself feel better.

Buffy smiled. “Yeah…that would be nice. Just don’t scare him away.” she joked back.

“I won’t.” Angel got himself under the covers and pulled them over his stomach. “Thanks again, Buffy.” she smiled and placed a kiss on his forehead before grabbing her pajamas and heading to the guest bedroom for the night.

When she got changed and into bed, she gave spike a ring, who had sent her a couple of text messages asking her to call him later and that he hoped everything was okay.

She told him that, that was Angel; her ex husband, and he had just lost his mother. She said that she was just heading to bed now, and she would call him in the morning. When she hung up the phone, Buffy found it hard to get some sleep. Angel’s mother Fiona was much like a mother to her as well. Fiona took her under her wing after Jenny died, and hearing about her death broken a piece of her heart. The blonde held it in for the sake of Angel…but now she couldn’t let the tears.

Chapter 8: This Is Kinda Awkward

This next morning, Angel crawled out of bed at noon to find Buffy downstairs making him breakfast. He grimaced.

She turned around when she heard him come in. “Hey! I made breakfast…you hungry?”

He looked over her shoulder at the burnt, hard pancakes in the pan. “Not anymore.” He didn’t mean to be mean…but Buffy’s cooking sucked. He always did the cooking when they were together.

Buffy pouted. “Hey…I tried okay! I thought you’d want to wake up to a nice yummy breakfast.” She plopped herself down on the stool and let Angel take over. He dumped to old pancakes and started working on a new batch. Buffy noticed how he kind of fell into the routine and hated that she would eventually have to ask him about what his plans were with his mother.

Angel frowned. “How the hell have you been surviving, Buff? You know just as well as I do that you’re food isn’t edible.” He chuckled.

Buffy smiled. “Take out…or Spike cooks.”

“Spike?” He questioned.

“It’s his nickname.”

Angel turned to her. “Why don’t you invite him over today? I’d like to apologize to him; I kind of stole you from him late night.” Angel went about flipping the pancakes and placing a couple on her plate.

She got up to grab the syrup and butter from the fridge. “You don’t think that would be a little, I don’t know, awkward?” Buffy asked looking at her ex husband as she sat back down.

Angel turned around to face her, and leaned against the counter. “I might be…but I have to meet this guy eventually, right? I have to approve first.” He said pointing to himself. He was taking this awfully well, and Buffy couldn’t help but think that he was using Spike as a distraction.

Buffy poured her syrup on her pancakes, and didn’t look up at him as she spoke softly. “What are you going to do about your mother, Liam?”

Angel right away stiffened and straightened up, turning around to the pancakes again. “I’ll deal with it.” His voice was cold and void of any emotion.

Buffy sighed, and put down her fork. “Liam you can ignore what’s happening. I know that seems like the easiest thing to do right now, but it’s not the best choice. If you need help with arranging the funeral-”

Angel slammed the spatula down on the counter, making Buffy jump in her seat. He turned his head to the side, looking at her from the counter of his eye. “I said I’d deal with it.” He said tersely. Buffy nodded and took a deep breath. It was silent for a long time. After a solid ten minutes, Buffy was still playing with her food and Angel turned around to face her, his shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry…this is just a bit much right now. I know what I have to do, but right now I just need to not think about it okay? Can you help me do that?”

“Of course.” Buffy came around the island, and gave him a hug.

* * * * *

Five hours later, Buffy found herself having dinner with Angel and Spike. Spike was trying not to show that he was really uncomfortable sitting across from his current girlfriend’s ex husband. At first it was quiet and full of tension until Buffy finally broke the ice.

“Well this isn’t awkward in anyway…” she said sarcastically.

Angel sighed. “She’s right…You know I’m not here to grill you. I actually wanted to apologize, for barging in on you guys like I did. I kinda stole her away from you.” He chuckled out nervously.

Spike finally spoke up. “No, it was totally understandable. You needed her more than I did.” He paused. “I’m really sorry to hear about you’re mother.”

Angel smiled warmly to the other man. “Thank you…I was a pretty big mess last night. Buffy calmed me down though.” He looked at her, right beside Spike, with kind eyes.

Spike looked at her and grinned, the tips of his fingers playing with the ends of golden locks. “Yeah…she’s good at that.” They shared a moment, looking sweetly at each other. And instead of Angel turning his head away, not being able to witness her loving gaze on another man…he watched with a smile of his own. She was happy. And he was happy that she was happy. It had been a long time since she looked at him like that, and he was thankful that she moved on, as he had. Last night was a moment of weakness; seeking comfort in someone he was comfortable, and familiar with.


After the plates were cleared off the table and everything was cleaned up, the three of them went into the living room to have some drinks. The conversation carried on comfortably, and Spike and Angel seemed to be getting along okay. Angel did make a statement saying that if he did hurt Buffy then Angel would have something to say or do about it. They both laughed it off, and Buffy was happy to see that the two most important men in her life were making progress.

Once it was about nine o’clock, Angel decided it was time to go. He grabbed his sweatpants from upstairs; leaving nothing behind this time, grabbed his coat and headed towards the door. Spike and Angel said goodbye, shaking hands, and Buffy walked him out.

The two of them stood out on the porch, silent for a moment. They enjoyed the cool air and the night sky. Angel turned to her. “I like him, Buffy. He seems like a really great guy. He’s definitely smitten with you.” He gave his blessing.

Buffy grinned. “Yeah I’m pretty smitten too. He has me acting like a teenager again, having fun, enjoying the things life has to offer instead of going through the motions. It feels good, Angel.” She paused, and then punched him lightly. “Hey, maybe you should go find yourself a twenty-something…then we could compare notes.” She said with an excited tone, and the two laughed together.

“What would a twenty-something want with me? Cause we know it’s not my dashing good looks.” He joked.

Buffy played along. “Oh, well just make sure that you wallet has a bulge and you should be just fine.” She turned serious again. “It was really good to see you Angel…I wish it had been on better circumstances, but you should show your face around here more often.”

Angel nodded. “I will.” He took her in his arms and gave her a tight hug. “I-I….I’ll call you to let you know about the funeral. You’ll come right?” his voice was tight with emotion.

Buffy rubbed his back. “It’s not even a question. You know I’ll be there.” They pulled away from each other.

“Spike is more than welcome to come as well. He’s good people.” He held her face in his hands. “Don’t be afraid to fall in love again, Precious.” He said sweetly, using his old nickname for her. He kissed her on the forehead, smiled and then turned to leave.

After he walked down the stairs he turned back to her. “Oh, and Buff…” when she turned back from the door to look at him he smirked. “Don’t make him wait as long as I did to say you love him…you’ll give the poor boy a broken ego.”

“I won’t.” Buffy smiled and waved him off before going back inside. She saw Spike sitting on the couch drinking another rum and coke. She went and cuddled up with him, and let him put wrap him arms around her. “So you passed.” She looked up at her boyfriend. “Angel likes you, thinks you’re a keeper.”

Spike ran his fingers through her hair. “Hm…I didn’t even have to take the written.” He joked. “Good, I’m glad…I like him too.”

Buffy smirked. “Maybe you should have married him.” They laughed. “He invited you to come to the funeral, too.” She drew little patterns on his chest with her finger.

Spike sighed. “I don’t need to be there for that, pet. I’d feel weird going to the funeral of a woman I never knew…plus you’re going to need to be there for him. I don’t want to be in the way.” Spike concluded.

Buffy frowned. “Well you wouldn’t be getting in the way, but if you don’t want to go that’s fine. I’m sure he’ll understand…it’s a pretty weird place for a first date.” She shrieked when Spike started tickling her. “Okay, okay…I give!”

When he stopped he weaved his fingers through her hair at the back of her head, and pulled her in for a deep passionate kiss. After what felt like hours past, Spike pulled away with their lips still touching. “Bedroom?”

Buffy was still in a daze. “Uh…yeah.” He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he continued to kiss her making his way up the stairs and into Buffy’s bedroom.

He walked through the doorway, and slammed it closed with his foot.

Chapter 9: Wake Up

The next morning Buffy was greeting by the sun filtering in through the blinds of her window, and Spike’s arm lazily slung over his midsection. He was lying on his stomach, his cheek pressed against the pillow and the cutest pout on his lips. She smiled. She looked down and noticed that the white sheet lay low on her hips, and well as his, and leaving her breasts exposed. She arched her back, and stretched her arms over her head. Last night left her achy in spots that she didn’t even know existed.

Buffy trailed her index finger down the bridge of his nose, and watched with giggle as he twitched. She continued to tickle him, as he subconsciously evaded her touches, until his bright blues popped open to greet her. “Morning, baby.” She said with a sexy smile.

Spike adjusted his eyes to the morning light, and once he was focused on his girlfriend he couldn’t help but chuckle. Her hair was in a sexy mess, and her breasts were bare to his gaze. “Morning, luv. How long have you been up?”

Buffy lightly ran her fingers through his hair. “Just a few minutes…you’re cute when you sleep.” She let her hand fall to his cheek.

Spike grabbed her hand and placed a kiss on her palm. “And you look like you just got out of a tornado.” He chuckled. When she frowned at him, all he did was point at her hair.

Buffy immediately brought both hands to her hair and groaned with a pout. “Ohhh…that’s embarrassing.”

Spike leaned in to kiss her softly. “Not at all. You still look beautiful…bed head and all.” He refrained from telling her that he loved her, bed head and all. He didn’t know if she was ready to here that yet…he didn’t even know if he was ready to tell her that yet. But he was close to saying it. “What do you want to do today? We got the whole day to ourselves…what?” Spike stopped his sentence when he saw Buffy wince.

“We don’t have the whole day to ourselves. I totally forgot that I had plans today with Cordelia…I’m sorry baby.” She watched as Spike nodded sadly. “But it’s only for the day so we can have the night together, okay.” She reasoned. Buffy gave him another kiss before getting out of the bed to head to the shower.

Once she was out of the shower she walked back into her bedroom to find Spike sitting on the edge of her bed dressed and fingering an unlit cigarette. Buffy continued around her room getting dressed, and fixing her hair and makeup. William just watched her. He found it fascinating the routine that women go through. When she was done she sat down beside him and held his hand.

“I’ll call you when I’m done, okay.” Buffy spoke. “We’re just doing the catch up thing. I haven’t seen her for a while…then at 2:00 I have an appointment with…” she paused with a frown.

Spike smirked. “My mother?” They both laughed at that. “Okay, I can pick you up there, no wait! If I go home I’m gonna have to pick up all my equipment.” he back-peddled. “That’s the best storage I can find…zero cost.”

Buffy smirked. “I thought you carried you equipment with you everywhere.” She joked as she subtly grabbed the bulge in his jeans. When she saw the look of pleasure come across his face she pulled away.

“Tease.” He chided her. “What I meant was my amps, cords and my guitar. I’ve been keeping it at my ‘Rents place and they’ve been begging me to pick it all up for months.”

Buffy smiled. “Well, I just figured out what we’re doing tonight!” she said excitedly.

Spike raised a brow. “What?”

Buffy’s smile grew bigger. “You’re going to play for me…and we’re going to pick up all your stuff and bring it here. I won’t charge you much, just some sex here and there.” She said nonchalantly. “See we kill two birds with one stone.”

Spike shook his head. “I’m sorry I stopped listening after ‘sex’.” He continued. “You don’t have to do that for me, it is fine where it is.”

Buffy frowned. “But why not just keep it here? You’ll get more use out of it, and I want to here you play.”

Spike stood up, taking her hand off his lap. “I don’t play anymore Buffy.”

Buffy stood also, tilting her head to the side. “Why not? Joyce would always tell me how good you were, the few times she would tell me about her personal life. Why would you not want to do something that you love and are good at?”

William turned around to glare at her. “Because I just don’t, okay! Don’t push me, pet.” The way he said ‘pet’ did not have it’s sweet, endearing tone it usually carried.

Whatever it was was making him deeply upset, and although he told her not to push that’s all she wanted to do. Buffy thought they were past the point of keeping things from each other. For the most part Spike was the one that told her not to shut people out and to open up because it would make you feel better. So she decided to bring that up. “You know William; you were the one that told me I should open up to people. You are clearly not telling me something, and it’s a big something because it wouldn’t get you this upset at me if it wasn’t.” she paused to gauge his reaction. He didn’t say anything. “Will…”

Spike cut her off. “Buffy, please.” His eyes were tearing up. “I’ll tell you just not right now.”

Buffy nodded. “Okay, okay.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his shoulder. “Do you want me to stay here with you? I can cancel on Cordy.”

William shook his head and kissed the top of her head. “No. Be with your friend. I’ll pick you up at my Mom’s place after your session. What time will you be done?” he asked, still holding his girlfriend snuggly in his embrace.

“I’ll only be an hour.” She murmured back, wondering what was going on in that head of his.

*****

Lunch with Cordy went well. They caught up about work, and life, and what new guy Cordy was seeing. She was surprised to find out that Buffy and the ‘young guy’ as she called him, were still going strong. Her jaw nearly hit the table when she told her that Joyce was Spike’s mom and Rupert was his dad. She laughed about the ‘meeting the parents’ incident, and couldn’t believe about Angel’s mother. Buffy told her that Angel had of course, invited her to the funeral and wrote down the place the ceremony was to be held.

At around 1:30, the friends parted their ways, promising to see each other soon, and then Buffy headed to her appointment with Joyce. Buffy waited for the elevator doors to open to the office, and she walked right on in as she always did.

“Hello, Dear!” Joyce greeted her son’s girlfriend, and client. “Just have a seat, I’m just going over something here.” She said as she rustled through some papers. When she was done, the older lady walked over to their seating area and kicked off her heals to curl up on the comfy chair, as Buffy did the same. “Okay…so why don’t we start with you’re morning. How’s it been so far?” she asked holding a notepad and a pen.

“Well…I guess my morning was okay. William and I kinda got in a little fight I think.” She frowned. “Is it okay to talk about him with you?” she asked. She wasn’t sure if she could talk about William now, the way she used to when she didn’t know that Joyce was his mother.

Joyce smiled tightly. “Of course! He’s my son I love to talk about him. Let’s just keep the sex aspect of you’re relationship PG, okay.” She chuckled out.

Buffy laughed and agreed. “Well this morning, we were talking about his guitar, and how I wanted him to play for me and he told me he didn’t play anymore.” She watched for Joyce’s reaction and was surprised when she closed her eyes and let her head drop. “Why doesn’t he play anymore, Joyce?”

Joyce shook her head. “I can’t tell you that, sweetie. That’s his story. Just be patient with him.”

Buffy sighed. “That’s what he said…in a roundabout way. He pretty much snapped at me. Told me that he just didn’t and not to push him. He scared me a little, you know. I mean I know he would never hurt me; it’s just that I’ve never seen him like that before…so vulnerable, and close to breaking down.” Buffy pulled her legs closer to her chest.

Joyce smiled. “Just give him time, sweetheart. He’ll come around.” The two women continued to talk about the things going on in Buffy’s life. Discussing problems that started bubbling up about her mother, now that Fiona was gone, and more about William. When the hour was up, both women slipped on their shoes, and Joyce walked Buffy to the door.

When Buffy opened the door, she saw William leaning against the opposite wall. The blonde smile and kissed her boyfriend in PG format, for his mother was still standing there. “Hi, mom.” Spike walked over and gave his mother a hug and kiss. “Where’s my guitar?” he whispered in her ear.

Joyce pulled away in shock. “I-it’s in you’re old room.” She watched as her son grabbed Buffy’s hand and led her into the house. A few minutes later they walked out; Spike holding his amp and cords and Buffy holding the guitar case.

Buffy thanked Joyce. “Same time next week?” At Joyce’s nod, the couple said goodbye, and went down in the elevator.

Spike watched as the light on the elevator buttons went down with every floor. “I have a lot to tell you, pet.” The endearing tone was back, and Buffy had to smile at that.

She looked up at him. “I’ll listen.” They continued the ride in silence.

Chapter 10: Time to Tell You

Buffy walked Spike into her house and up to her room in silence. She didn’t bother asking him what it was about because she knew he would tell her once in the comfort of her home…which was really close to feeling like their home. Spike had been spending more and more time there, and less and less time at his own place. Buffy didn’t mind though, she enjoyed having someone else in the house.

Buffy didn’t push or ask anything, she waited until Spike was ready to start talking. They moved about her place grabbing some wine, and getting comfortable in the living room. Once seated, Spike finally said something. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had to talk about this so bear with me, please.” Buffy could tell that he was already getting choked up.

She placed her hand I his and squeezed gently. “It’s okay, William.” She didn’t call him by his real name often, but whenever she did a sense of calm would wash over him.

Spike took a deep breath before continuing. “When I was in high school, I was in a band. Lindsey was vocals, Oz was the bassist, Devon was on drums and I was the electric guitarist. We called ourselves ‘Living Proof’, because we were proof that four people from different social statuses could come all together and overcome high school hierarchy.” Spike rolled his eyes at their silly seventeen year old logic. “Every weekend we would play a set at ‘Nikki’s lounge and earn a couple of bucks.” He paused to swallow the lump in his throat. “One night…We loaded up the van to go, but one of the amps was left at Oz’s house.” His voice was shaky. “Oz offered to go, but I insisted…I grabbed my guitar and told them I’d meet them at the club.” Spike squeezed her hand a little tighter but she didn’t mind. “I was pissed because I was going to miss out on warming up and setting the stage.” William looked at Buffy and sent her a wry smile. “That’s what always got me pumped before a show.” He looked away again. “So I tried to hurry up, I grabbed the amp and headed towards the club, but when I got there I didn’t see the van. They weren’t inside and the manager said he hadn’t seen them. So I waited…and I waited. Half an hour goes by and they’re still not there.” Buffy watched the tears pool in his eyes, and she watched as he forced them back. But she didn’t say anything; she just let him continue to tell the story that she knew was going to end badly. “So I called Oz, then Lindsey, and Devon…I left numerous angry messages, but I never got a call back.” Spike clenched his jaw. “I was pissed because I thought they flaked out. So I went home to find two cop cars parked outside. My mom was talking to them on the front porch, and I could tell she’d been crying. That’s when I knew something went horribly wrong.”

Spike didn’t stop the tears from falling this time.

Six Years Ago

Spike jumped out of his car and raced towards his mother. “What the hell’s going on?” he demanded.

“Is this your son?’ One cop asked pointing at him. Joyce just nodded. “Hi, William, I’m Constable Bedouin, I’d like to talk to you for a moment.” He started. “Do you know Daniel Ozbourne, Lindsey McDonald and Devon Kinsley?”

“Yes…they’re my band mates…what happened to them?” He asked eagerly.

The cop sighed, he never liked doing this. “I’m afraid there was an accident. Earlier this evening your three friends stopped for gas at a station a couple blocks away from Nikki’s, which I’m told is where they were headed tonight.”

Spike’s eyes were wide with horror at what couple have possibly happened. “Yes, I was suppose to meet them there.” He divulged.

“There seemed to be some kind of gas leak and when Mr. Kinsley went to light a smoke…” the officer left the statement on the air, not really knowing how to break to the young man that he may never see his three friends again because of a leak the gas station should have fixed to protocol.

Spike shook his head. “No…no I just saw them not nearly an hour ago! Is every- are they okay? Did they-” he couldn’t finish his sentence.

“Mr. Ozbourne is in critical condition at the moment. He has third degree burns and no use of his right leg, and sight gone in both eyes. I’m sorry to say things aren’t looking very good for him right now.” The cop continued.

“And, Lindsey…and Dev-Devon?” he stuttered.

“Devon was pronounced dead at the scene and Lindsey on the way to the hospital. I’m so sorry for you losses.” Constable Bedouin watched with sad eyes as the young man broke down in sobs, his mother and father holding him as he cried. “I’m sorry to ask this at this time. But we’ll need to ask you a few questions…while their still fresh in your mind.”

Joyce glanced at the cop. “Maybe tomorrow would be better…something tells me this is a night he won’t forget.” Joyce wiped away her son’s tears before wiping her own. Those boys had become like family to her, with them always over to practice.

“Very well, Mrs. Giles. I’ll be sure to call then.” He noticed that William didn’t seem to be paying any attention to the conversation he was having with his mother, so he continued on. “I suggest you take him to see Mr. Ozbourne…the boy doesn’t have much time.” With a single nod, he and his partner left the house where a man a woman and their son cried.

Spike was wiping away the tears again. “I don’t remember how long it took for me to get up and get to the hospital, but I got to see Oz one last time.” He sniffled. “He was a mess. He didn’t even look like my friend anymore. His face was all burned up, and he was covered in bandages. He was on a respirator because he couldn’t breath on his own.”

Buffy had to wipe away her own tears. She couldn’t believe what the man in front of her had to go through. How strong he was to live on, and live a content life after such an ordeal.

Spike ran a hand through his hair. “I remember he said something to me before I left. I could barely make it out, I didn’t even I believe he said it until I figured out what he meant. ‘Don’t let the anger be you’. It made no sense. I thought about it over and over and over again, until I realized…he wasn’t saying ‘don’t let the anger be you’. He was saying ‘don’t let the anger BE you’. He didn’t want me to beat myself up about it…their death wasn’t at my hands. I shouldn’t blame myself for not being there because if I was I’d be dead too.” He shook his head at his own stupidity. “But it took me years to come to that conclusion…actually I figured it out on my way to get you today.” He said sheepishly. “I wrote a song after their funerals…but I never had the courage to perform it, or to even let anybody else hear it. I couldn’t even play without feeling guilty…like I should be playing with them. So I took my guitar and Oz’s amp and locked it away at my parent’s house.” Spike picked up his case, and took out his guitar. “I’m gonna play you that song, Buffy. It’s gonna be the first time I’ve played it in over five years, and I’m kinda nervous about it.” He admitted. He took a deep breath as he plucked the strings to make sure they were in tune.

“Don’t be nervous, baby…I’ll love it no matter what, because you wrote it.” Buffy assured. She was surprised she could say anything without her voice cracking completely. She was so heart broken listening to everything Spike had to say, but she was glad that he could finally open up to her about it.

Spike plugged a cord into the amp and into his guitar, and adjusting the volume so it wasn’t too loud.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing thats beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til' then I'll walk alone

Spike had his eyes closed as he sang and strumed his strings. A passion in him came out as he came to terms with the emotions and pain of his younger self.

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone

Read between the lines what's
Fucked up and every things all right
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I'll walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til' then I'll walk alone

When the song was over...William didn’t say anything…Buffy didn’t say anything…she just took the guitar out of his hands, gave him a sweet lasting kiss, and curled up next to him. Nothing needed to be said right now. Now was a time for comfort.

Okay the last chapter of the story sorry it took me so long to bang it out, but I finally realized that there wasn’t much else I could do with it without going overboard! Lol so here it is…hope you like it!


Chapter 11: The Not so Traditional Couple

Buffy stood a few feet away from Spike as he sat cross legged in the grass. He was mumbling quietly, as he pull on little pieces of grass. He needed to do this, and after a month and a half of convincing he let up. At first she let Spike know that he could see them by himself, but he was adament that she accompany him.

By the wish of the families, Oz, Lindsey and Devon were all buried side by side. They died together, and that was how they should rest. There was one large tomb with all of their names, date of birth and death carved across the stone. A statement was written below in slightly larger more elegant print. ‘Here lay the proof of true brotherhood’.

Buffy was so caught up in her own thoughts she almost didn’t hear the words Spike said to her. His back was still to her, and his eyes were on the larger stone before him, but his words were directed at her. “I should be laying here with them.” He whispered. “My name is supposed to be on that tombstone.”

Buffy came to sit beside him and wrapped both of her hands around one of his. “But it isn’t. You didn’t die that night, and there is a reason for that. It wasn’t your time…you have so much more to with your life.”

William finally looked at her, and the glare in his eyes only intensified the tears shining in the blue orbs. “And they didn’t? Are you saying that, this was it for them…that death was in the cards for them so early in their lives?” Spike swallowed against the knot in his throat.

Buffy shook her head. “That’s not what I meant.”

Spike pulled his hand out of hers and stood up. “Then say what you do mean.”

Buffy hopped up and looked him in the eyes. “I’m sorry that this happened to your friends…they did nothing to deserve this. But sometimes horrible things like this,” she pointed to the tomb, “are unavoidable. There was a reason why you were the one that went back to the house.” Buffy grabbed his hands again. “It wasn’t your fault, or Devon’s or Lindsey’s or Oz’s….no one but the damn owner of that gas station. That leak should have been fixed and it wasn’t….but it happened. And there’s nothing you or I can do to change that. All you can do is honor their memory, and make the most of your life.” Both Buffy and Spike had tears running down their cheeks.

“I can’t…” he cried. “Not knowing that they should still be here making the most out of their lives.” Spike stepped away from Buffy again. “Do you know how long I pushed this to the back of my head? How hard it was for me to force myself into believing that I was moving on?” he was yelling at her now. Buffy knew he had a lot of anger to get out, and she reluctantly let him take it out on her. “I forced my mind to twist those memories into nothing but dreams! I made myself think that it never happened…that Devon and Lindsey and Oz weren’t even real! Then you came along and you poked and prodded and nagged, and because I love you so God damn much I opened up and made myself feel it, and I think I hate you a little for that!” his words were harsh, and Buffy couldn’t believe that he was the one saying them. She wasn’t nagging him as he said…she just wanted to know him better. And the way he threw the word love at her in the middle of his rant shocked her, almost as much as the antonym he threw at her shortly after.

Buffy never got a chance to say anything before he stormed off, not that she could anyway with the uncontrollable sobs racking her body. She fell to the grass, she felt like her heart was positively breaking. She had no idea what just happened. They were having such a calming and quiet day…then all of a sudden her world was shattered. She had no idea what to think or what to do.

Spike had walked to wherever he was going, thus leaving Buffy the car. Unfortunately he had the keys. She trudged her way around town, aimlessly walking trying to put the pieces together. Spike said he loved her….but he hated her now too. Spike was hurting, and because of her undeniable care for him, she was hurting too. Was this the end or was this just a fight? She could almost feel the thoughts bouncing from side to side like a ping pong ball. She found herself standing in front of the diner her and Spike went to the night they met. It was nearly empty except for the one person sitting in the back of the diner. A coffee cup sat on the table and so did a plate of food.

Buffy decided to go in and hopefully start up a conversation. She slowly made her way to the table and smiled awkwardly at its occupant. “Hey…do you mind if I sit with you?”

The red head smiled brightly. “Hey Buffy…of course. Not a fan of eating alone anyway.” She chuckled. “How are you? I haven’t seen you guys in a while?” Willow popped a fry in her mouth.

‘You guys’…are we still ‘you guys’? “Um, I don’t know to be honest…it’s been a weird day.” Buffy looked down at her hands that rested on the linen-covered table.

Willow frowned. “Is everything okay? Where’s Spike?” she looked around as if she expected him to be not far from the blonde. It was unusual to see them apart nowadays.

Buffy merely shrugged helplessly. “We got into a fight. We went to go see the band today.”

Willow looked shocked. Spike had refused to go for so long; she never thought that he would. Hearing that he did in fact go to see his band mates after all this time pulled on a heartstring. He’s making progress. she thought to herself. “That’s good! He must be getting better then.”

Buffy shook her head. “No I don’t think so…that’s what our fight was about.” Buffy continued on at the red head’s prompt, and told her the events of the day. “Now I just don’t know what to do. He said all these things and I know he’s angry but I just wanted to help, you know?” a tear slipped down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. “I’m glad you’re here…I just needed someone to talk to.”

Willow patted her hand across the table. “I’m glad I was here for you too. I could only imagine. But William has his way of dealing with things…it may not always be the right way, but he tries. Give him some time and he’ll come around.” She smiled encouragingly. Willow knew that Spike could be in a funk for a while, but she wanted Buffy to know that eventually he would move on from it.

“I know…I just want to help him with this. I didn’t mean to bring up all these ugly memories and all this pain back. I shouldn’t have pushed so hard…I shouldn’t have forced-” Willow cut off Buffy’s words.

“You didn’t force him to do anything. I know William, Buff. He wouldn’t let anyone force him to do anything. He did it because he wanted to. He loves you Buffy…you know that right?” Wills cocked her head to the side in question.

Buffy sighed. “I don’t know anymore. He told me that he opened up to me because he loved me so much…” Buffy saw Willow smile and her eyes light up. “He followed that with ‘and I think I hate you a little for that’.” Buffy dug her fingers through her hair. “I don’t know what to do. Should I just let him deal with this his own way…do I go and find him; try to work things out?” Buffy asked her eyes wild and full of question.

Willow smiled sadly. “Buffy I wish I knew what to say. Spike has a lot of baggage to carry. He lost three of his friends in one night…this may be something that’s gonna pop up from time to time. He’ll need you to support him, to let him know that you’ll be there no matter what.” Willow put her hand over Buffy’s on the table. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to him…I’ve been his friend for years and I’ve never seen him this happy. Don’t let him push you away, okay?”

The blonde sighed and smiled. “Okay…I’m gonna go find him.” She stood up and Willow stood up with her. After sharing a hug Buffy rushed out the door, and in the direction of home.

Buffy ran the whole way home hoping he’d be there, holding flowing skirt up as to not trip…and thanking God that she was wearing her flats. When she got to the front of the driveway, she saw him sitting on the porch swing with his head down, and elbows resting on his knees. Panting, Buffy made her way up to the porch, and went down on her knees in front of him. She reached for his cheek only for him to pull away. He wouldn’t even look at her. The blonde couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

“I’m so sorry, William. Please don’t be mad at me.” She pleaded. He didn’t say anything. “I shouldn’t have pushed you the way I did…I just wanted to be there for you.” Her voice cracked with emotion. “Please don’t do this…don’t shut me out, baby.” She put her hand on his cheek again, but this time he didn’t pull away. “I know this is hard for you,” he chuckled bitterly. “But I’m here to support you. I get that its painful and-and sometime you just want to forget that it ever happened, but it did, and you can’t change that…you can’t change the past, and you can’t blame yourself for something you had no control over.” She saw Spike’s eyes soften.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured.

Buffy shook her head. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Spike nodded his head. “Yes I do Buffy…” he shook his head at himself. “The first time I tell you I love you and I say it in spite. I didn’t mean it to hurt you, pet. I do mean it…but I never wanted to say it like that.” He locked eyes with hers and reached down to place his hand on her soft neck, his thumb rubbing away the moist tears that fell there. “That’s why I took off, because I was so mad at myself for blurting it out like that, for putting that broken look on your face.” He pulled her off the ground and sat her in his lap. He guided her forehead to rest on his and kissed her softly. “I love you, Buffy. So much that it scares me. I’ve never felt love like this before, pet. It rocks my soul.” He told her through tears, and he held her closer as she sobbed.

“I love you too, William.” She whispered into his neck. “And I’m scared too…scared that I’m gonna lose you somehow.”

“No.” Spike said with conviction. “You won’t lose me, I promise.” He kissed her temple. “This isn’t going to be easy…but I wouldn’t be able to do it without you by my side.” His hands framed her face as he wiped away her tears. “Let’s go inside okay.” He cradled her in his arms like a child and crossed the threshold to her house. He silently brought her upstairs and laid her in bed, taking off her shoes before doing the same for himself. He crawled up beside her, and let her burrow her head in his chest.

He frowned as Buffy swiftly fell asleep in his arms. He hurt her today. He made her cry, made her worry. He never, ever wanted to do that again. Spike mentally kicked himself for throwing his love for her in her face, and putting that shocked and broken look there as well. Spike brushed a lock of hair way from her face with the back of his hand. He closed his eyes, and held her closer promising himself that he would never hurt her again.


Six Months Later:

Buffy sat there looking at Spike with hard eyes. There was no smile on her face and she kept her breathing even and slow. This was getting too hard. She could never win with him…he would always do something that would make her falter. But she couldn’t falter this time…she wouldn’t. This had been going on for far too long now and it needed to stop.

Buffy’s nostrils flared and the next thing she knew Spike closed his eyes and started chuckling. “Yes! Ha…I win, I win, I win!” she sing-songed. She jumped up and did a little dance. “Finally I beat you at this silly game.” She looked at her watch and raised a brow. “Hm, eight minutes and twenty-seven seconds, my best time yet.” She kissed him softly and collapsed next to him on the couch.

“I’ll get you again next time.” He poked her side and kissed her neck as she giggled.

Buffy laughed and glanced at the blank TV. “It’s not until you lose power that you realize just how much we rely on the TV.” She pouted.

Spike smirked and turned his head to her. “I can think of a few other ways to bide our time.” He raised his brows as she looked at him in mock shock.

She leaned in, her lips barely touching his. “You’re gonna have to catch me first.” She took off up the stairs and felt Spike grab her from behind once she reached the top of the stairs. He lifted her off the ground and carried her as she squealed throwing her on the bed and jumping on with her.

“Caught ya…now what?” Spike hovered over her, smiling at the way her hair fanned out on the pillow.

“Now you get to have me.” She replied softly.

He squinted at her. “I thought I already had you.” She smiled prettily. “I love you, you know.”

“Oh I know…you show me all the time.” She laughed. He was always telling her and showing her his affections.

Spike’s swung to the pillow beside her and quirked his mouth. “Yeah, but not nearly enough.” She furrowed her brow as if to say ‘you’re joking right?’ He continued. “I say it with little things like making you breakfast or getting you the things you want.” He trailed off.

Buffy looked at him like he was crazy. She grabbed him face in her delicate hands. “You show me in so many more ways than that. I see it in the way you say my name, or the way you look at me. You show me you love me in everything you do…”

He fell to her side and looked up at the ceiling. “I should make a grand gesture.” He continued as if she never said anything. “Something big…something you’ll never forget.”

Buffy sighed and turned towards him, resting her hand on his chest. “I don’t need you to make any grand gestures. I don’t need anything big…” Spike smirked. “Well except for that.” She giggled.

Spike sighed as he reached into his pocket. “You might want to rethink that statement.”

Buffy frowned in confusion. “Huh?”

Spike held the silver band hugging the big sapphire stone and two diamonds between his fingers. “Is that too big for ya?” he teased.

She gasped and darted up, her eyes as big as a child’s. “Oh my God, Spike!” she smack his chest. “I can’t believe you! It’s beautiful.” She stared down at him lovingly placing a soft and long kiss on his lips.

He smiled against her lips. She was so cute when she was clueless. She thought it was a gift. “So is that a yes then?” he teased.

“Yes to what?” she inquired.

“Grand gesture…something you’ll never forget?” he prodded.

All she did was smirk back. Then it dawned on him. Oh she new what this was…she was just gonna make him say it first.

“Buffy…” He drawled. “This is a proposal. This is me proposing…asking you to marry me, you know…to be my wife.” He stated with a smile.

They weren’t a very traditionally couple, and they liked to do things differently. Most women would appreciate a traditional proposal with the bended knee and the long ‘this is how much and how long I’ve loved you for’ speech. Buffy found it clichéd and gag-worthy and Spike was romantic but not cheesy. So when Spike showed her the ring she knew it was more than a gift.

Buffy cocked her head to the side and looked up as if she were thinking about it. Then she jumped on top of him, peppering kisses all over his face neck and chest saying ‘yes’ the whole time.

He laughed at her enthusiasm. “Good…cause I wasn’t going to take no for an answer anyway.” He slipped it on her ring finger on her left hand as she straddled his waist. She dropped it onto his chest as if it were too heavy then smiled and kissed him again.

“I love you.” She mouthed.

“I love you too.” He whispered back.

Then all the lights started to flicker back on, the TV downstairs on way too loud. Buffy reached for the phone instantly from the nightstand still on top of Spike.

“I’m sorry…I’ve just gotta call everyone I know, right now!” she dialed Cordy first. “Hey! So you’ll never believe what happened to me today…besides that. I’m engaged!” she paused and frowned. “No to some hillbilly named Earl, yes Spike!” she kissed him again and hopped off to do that wandering/pacing thing she did when she was on the phone.

He locked his arms behind his head and watched his fiancée talk animatedly to her friend. He loved everything about her.

Buffy scrunched her nose. “Ew, I wouldn’t let any of my bridesmaids be caught dead in that color.” He loved that nose. She laughed and her mouth parts and her eyes turned into moonlit crescents. He loved those eyes. “Sorry Cordy, I can’t talk long…I got a fiancée to get back to.” She squealed and Spike could hear Cordy squeal on the line. “That sounds so cool, kay I gotta go…we’ll do lunch tomorrow.” She hung up and threw herself back on the bed.

They spent the rest of the evening celebrating.


Author’s Note: Okay so there’s the end I’m glad I finally finished it, I’ve been so busy that I neglected this story and my others. I hope you like it and please review and tell me what you thought.