Drusilla Reynolds walked through the long corridor with one single thought in mind – revenge. She was the richest, most envied – and definitely the most beautiful girl in school, if not the entire town. She had always gotten everything she could possibly desire, practically handed out to her without lifting a finger. Nobody would ever go up against her; they all knew she would gladly destroy anyone who dared even think about double-crossing her. She was their queen, or better yet – their goddess. Everybody adored her.

And yet, the unthinkable had happened. Drusilla’s eyes narrowed and fury started welling up inside her as she recalled the events of last night. How she had entered her bedroom and found her Angel, her lover, her man, naked as the day he was born, with that filthy harlot – Darla Rayne – all over him. Darla hadn’t spoken a word, just watched her, calmly, a confident smile playing on her lips. Angel on the other hand...

The spineless coward had practically stumbled over himself in a pathetic attempt of getting away from the blonde woman, stuttering weak apologies and begging for her forgiveness. His obvious guilt had only made Drusilla more furious, but the evident fear on his flawless face was at least a little bit satisfying. Of course he should fear her wrath. Darla would as well. She just didn’t know it yet.


~ ~ ~

“You what?!” Buffy Summers stared at her best friend in shock, shaking her head in denial. “No. William, this is crazy. You can’t be serious.”

“I am.” William swallowed nervously, a somewhat uncertain look on his face. This was certainly not going the way he had planned. For a moment, he wished he hadn’t said anything. Then again, he had kept his true feelings to himself for years, it was time for Buffy to know how he really felt about her. He took a deep breath. “Buffy, I lo...”

“No!” She interrupted him before he could finish the sentence, a panicked look on her face. “Don’t say it.” Seeing his hurt expression, her face softened a little. “I’m sorry, but what do you want me to say? You can’t just blurt something like this out, and expect me to...” She hesitated. “William, you’re my best friend.”

“Well, yeah.” He cleared his throat, lowering his eyes to the floor. “Was kinda hoping we could be... you know, more than just friends, pet.” His voice trailed off and he closed his eyes for a moment, suddenly wishing the floor would just open up and swallow him. This was a mistake; he should have known better than declaring his undying love to his clearly oblivious friend in an empty lecture hall after class. For one thing, it was a horrible place to be rejected in.

Buffy was quiet for a moment. When she finally spoke, her voice was barely more than a whisper. “How long have you...? I mean, why are you telling me this now?”

“I just...” William let out a sigh. “Look, Buffy, I realize this must come as a total surprise to you. But I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. School’s out in a few weeks, and after that... Well, who knows what happens. I just wanted to tell you...”

“No, no, no...” Buffy interrupted him again. “This isn’t happening. William, you can’t do this to me. Not now.” When she looked at him, he noticed that she had tears in her eyes.

“Not now?” For some reason, seeing her tears made him feel defensive. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

She gave him an exasperated look. “Well, for one thing, I’m seeing someone!”

“Who, Captain Cardboard?!” William snorted. “We both know he’ll never be good enough for you.” Seeing how she opened her mouth – most likely to yell at him – he raised a hand to stop her, a pleading note in his voice as he went on; “Buffy, please. Just give me a chance. Give us a chance.”

Her bottom lip was trembling. “Riley asked me to marry him.”

William opened his mouth, then closed it again. His eyes widened as her words started to sink in, but he remained quiet. At first, he wondered if he had actually heard her correctly, thinking that it had to be just some cruel joke. But the look on Buffy’s face told him otherwise. He inhaled, shakily. “Oh.”

Buffy bit her lip, clearly trying to keep the tears from falling. “Look, this is just... I was going to tell you. But...” She swallowed. “Let’s not do this here. Please? Can’t we just go somewhere and talk about...”

“No.” It was his turn to interrupt her, his eyes suddenly cold. “There’s nothing to talk about. I’m sorry for bothering you with this. Forget I said anything.” He turned around and hurriedly left the lecture hall, not wanting her to see the tears in his eyes. At that moment, his entire world crumbled around him.

“William, wait!” Buffy took a hesitant step towards the door, then stopped. Her body ached for her to follow him, but for some reason, she suddenly found herself unable to move. She had to talk to William, she needed to explain. But right now, he probably wouldn’t let her. He had just poured his heart out to her, and she had handled things so horribly wrong. She slid down to the floor, burying her face in her hands. “I never said I accepted,” she whispered.


~ ~ ~

Drusilla smiled to herself, having been standing just outside the door and listening in on the conversation on the other side. This was perfect! As usual, things had a way of playing out to her benefit. She wasn’t exactly sure how just yet, but she would find a way to use this unfortunate situation to her advantage. She always did. Waiting until William had disappeared around a corner – not wanting him to find out that she had been eavesdropping on him and that blonde, uptight little slut – she finally started to follow, slowly.

If Angel thought that she would just let him get away with his betrayal, he was sadly mistaken. A plan was slowly starting to take form in her head, however, she couldn’t go through with it all by herself. She needed someone to help her, someone too caught up in his own misery to realize what was happening until it was already too late to back out. Someone she could fool into believing that she was the one doing him a favor instead of the other way around.

Of course, William was nothing but a pathetic loser, a nobody. But she could change that. She had the resources and the power to turn him into the most wanted man in Sunnydale. And then she would use him to get back at Angel. The best part was that William would never realize what hit him; she would make him think that she only had his best interest in mind and genuinely wanted to help him. Drusilla giggled. She was allowed to have a little fun along the way, wasn’t she?


TBC

~Six weeks later~


“Buffy, let me in! Buffy! It’s me, open up!”

Buffy closed her eyes for a moment, letting out a groan. Not again! It was the same thing every night. She checked her watch. Almost midnight.

"Buffy, I know you’re there! Come on, let me in! I just wanna talk!”

Sighing, Buffy slowly made her way over to the window and peeked outside, hiding behind the curtain so he wouldn’t spot her. She immediately saw him, standing down there on the lawn. He bent down to pick something up, and a moment later, she jumped as a small rock hit the window. Okay, enough was enough. Rolling her eyes, she jerked the window open. “Riley, what the hell are you doing?!”

His eyes lit up when he saw her. “Hey, sweetheart! I need to talk to you. Can I come up?”

“A world of ‘no’!” Buffy glared at him. “Riley, you have to stop doing this. You can’t come here every night, just standing outside my window and yell my name. There are other people living here, too, you know.”

Riley’s smile faded and he suddenly looked annoyed. “Well, if you’d just talk to me, I wouldn’t have to. Just let me in already.”

She silently counted to ten, praying that when she was done, he would have magically disappeared. Of course, she wasn’t that lucky. “There’s nothing to talk about, Riley. Seriously, what part of ‘it’s over’ didn’t you get?”

He snorted. “The part where you say it’s over. Come on, Buffy, you know you still love me!”

“No, Riley.” Buffy suddenly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. A part of her actually felt sorry for him. But the whole situation was just so ridiculous. “I don’t love you.” She paused. “In fact, I don’t think I ever did.”

Silence.

Buffy bit her lip, waiting for some kind of reaction. Half expecting an outburst, she considered letting him in after all, just to spare the neighbors from this freak-show. That was when he burst out laughing. She frowned, wondering if she had finally driven him over the edge. She had expected screaming, pleading, possibly even tears. That, she was used to by now. But not this. “Okay, mind telling me what’s so funny?”

Riley quickly sobered up. “Sorry, honey. But you obviously don’t know what you’re saying. If you’d just come down...”

She just wanted to scream in frustration. No matter what she said, he just refused to take it in. Riley was still talking to her, arms waving in the air, but she had stopped listening. There was no point, anyway. Resisting the urge to shut the window with a slam, she closed it quietly and walked back to her bed, sitting down with a sigh.

When she had first ended things with Riley, she had expected him to mope for a little while and then move on. But it soon became painfully obvious that he wasn’t about to give up that easily. The first time he showed up – drunk – outside her dorm room calling out for her, she hadn’t given it much thought, just told him to leave. But he came back again the next night, and the night after that. That was almost a month ago.

Then she had moved out of the dorm and into a small apartment, certain that he would leave her alone after that. But no. It hadn’t taken Riley more than a week to find out where she lived, and Buffy realized he must have gotten her new address from one of her friends from school. She sure as hell hadn’t given it to him. At least he had not managed to get her new phone number; she had changed it as soon as she had come to the realization that he wasn’t about to let her go just like that.

Buffy had been going out with Riley for almost a year and their relationship had been quite serious, at least as far as he was concerned. She, on the other hand, had always felt like there was something missing. In all fairness to Riley, he was not a bad guy, and there had been moments when she had almost convinced herself that she could love him. Almost. But in the end, it just wasn’t enough. Riley wasn’t enough.

Then he had proposed to her, dropped to his knees and offered her a ring and everything, and she realized that she didn’t have a choice – she had to put an end to their relationship. Because no matter how nice and sweet Riley was, she couldn’t fool herself anymore. She just didn’t feel the same way about him, and staying with him wouldn’t be fair to either of them. A part of her wished she had been strong enough to walk away a long time ago. Maybe then, things would have been different now. Maybe then, she would have been happy.

Swallowing, she tried to hear if he was still out there. If he was, he had clearly given up trying to get her attention. Hopefully, that meant he had left. Although that thought was a relief, Buffy knew he would most likely be back again tomorrow. She wished he would just accept the fact that their relationship was over; then they could at least stay friends. After all, Riley had been a big part of her life for quite some time.

Suddenly she felt an almost desperate need to get away. It didn’t really matter where she would go; she just had to get out of the house. Because right now, anything would be better than staying there, thinking about what she had lost. All because of her own stupidity. Jumping up from the bed, she grabbed her jacket and quickly slipped through the door, out into the night.


~ ~ ~

“What do you mean, ‘you’re going out’?” Drusilla blocked his way, arms over her chest and a sulky expression on her face. “We have plans for tonight.”

“Oh, do we now?” William shook his head in exasperation. “You know, I happen to have plans of my own. Intend to get pissed. Alone. So just get out of my way.” He pushed her aside and headed for the door, but she grabbed his arm to stop him.

“Don’t you dare walk away from me!” Drusilla took a deep breath and then pouted, clearly deciding to change her tactics. “Come on, Spike, don’t be like this. Are you still mad about what happened before? I said I was sorry.” She managed to force a single tear to roll down her cheek.

He rolled his eyes. “I told you; don’t call me that. And you’re off you’re rocker if you think I’m just gonna forget about it. You slept with another guy, Dru. In our bloody bed!”

Drusilla let out an exaggerated sigh. “Yes, William, I did. Do you wish to know why?” She didn’t wait for him to respond before she went on; “Because I wanted to. Because I was horny and you weren’t here. Because I could. I have done it before and I will most likely do it again. Are you satisfied with that explanation, or do you want me to go on?”

William refused to let her see how much her cruel words actually hurt. He had become quite talented when it came to keeping his true feelings to himself. “M’out of here. Don’t wait up.” He turned to leave, but she tightened her grip around his arm, her long, dark red finger nails digging into his skin. Hissing in pain, he gave her a warning look. “Just sod off!”

She let out a giggle. “Oh, did I hurt your feelings now? Are you going to leave me? Well, think again!” A cold smile was playing on her lips, a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “You can’t leave, because you have nowhere else to go. Face it, Spike, you are nothing without me.”

He swallowed, knowing that she was right. Drusilla had entered his life at the point when he was certain he had hit rock bottom, taking him under her wings and turning him into the man he was today. She had gotten him to change the way he dressed, the way he talked, hell, she had even convinced him to bleach his hair and start wearing contacts instead of his glasses. He was a different person now, at least on the outside. It was just what he needed; to put everything that reminded him of his old life behind him. And he owed it all to Drusilla.

Of course, he didn’t love her. Or maybe in some odd way he did, at least he felt something for her, but he knew he wasn’t in love with her. His heart would always belong to someone else. When he had told Drusilla about it, she had just laughed. Told him that he was naive to think that such a thing as true love could ever exist. Love is nothing but a weakness, she said. He didn’t want to believe that, but deep down, he couldn’t help but wonder if she was right.

His heart still ached whenever he thought about Buffy. He had seen her around town a couple of times, but they hadn’t really spoken since his pathetic attempt of telling her how he truly felt about her. Truth to be told, he had pretty much avoided her after that. She had tried to talk to him a couple of times, but he had done his best to ignore her, too embarrassed to face her again. Not to mention that he still hadn’t managed to pick up the pieces of his broken heart since she told him about Riley’s proposal.

The expression on Buffy’s face when she first saw his new look was indescribable. He didn’t know why, but for some reason, he almost thought he saw pain in her eyes, like she had lost something. It didn’t make any sense, though; she would never see him as anything other than just a friend. Or at least that was how it used to be, he thought bitterly. Because now, they weren’t even that. The painful truth was that right now, he was nothing to her at all.

Drusilla was still talking – William had long since come to realize that she just loved hearing her own voice – but he had stopped listening. Jerking his arm away from her, he walked out of the door without looking back. He didn’t know where he was going, he just knew that he had to get away.


TBC

Leaning against the railing, William watched all the young men and women moving around on the dance floor below him. Everybody seemed so happy, so full of life. The night club was full of people, but so far, he was the only one who had found his way up to the balcony. Being up there all by himself made him feel like an outsider, like he was in the room, yet not really there. But he didn’t mind. He was not in a mood for company tonight, anyway.

When his eyes suddenly landed on her, she had her back turned against him, facing the other direction, but it didn’t matter. He would have recognized her anywhere. There was something almost hypnotizing about the way she was swaying to the music, and he couldn’t take his eyes away from her. She was beautiful. Perfect. And she would never be his.

They used to hang out every day. He and Buffy. Best friends. Inseparable. Where one went, the other would follow, not far behind. Now, everything was different. They hadn’t even spoken in weeks. He had tried convincing himself that it was for the best, that he didn’t care. Lies. The truth was, not a day went by without him feeling like a part of himself was missing. And it was killing him.

Watching her now, from up here, knowing that she was so close and yet out of his reach was pure torture. And still, he didn’t look away. Instead he was devouring her with his eyes, wishing he could – for just one, brief moment – be down there with her, looking into her eyes and running his fingers through her soft, golden hair. Inhaling her sweet scent. Touching her.

He was still dreaming about her, almost every night. In the dreams, she was always smiling at him. A warm, loving smile that made him feel like he was flying. And she would speak to him. Telling him how much she loved him, repeating the words over and over again until he just knew it had to be true. Because no one could speak those words with so much love in their eyes, and not mean them. She loved him. Then he would wake up. And she was never there.

The way Drusilla looked at him sometimes made him wonder if she might suspect something. Like she knew that – although he was sharing her bed – he wasn’t fully there. She never said anything, though. Deep down, William had known from the start that she didn’t really care about him. She made a good show of pretending, though, especially when they were out in public. Then she would be all over him, batting her long, dark eyelashes and declare her love for him to the world.

Six weeks was not a long time, and still, sometimes he felt like he and Dru had been together for a lifetime. Like everything that had happened in his life up until they met, including his friendship with Buffy, was just a distant memory, or possibly a dream. He used to look at old pictures of himself, hardly recognizing the stranger looking back at him. Telling himself that his life was better now, he still felt a pang in his chest whenever he thought of what he had lost.

And now she was here, and he suddenly felt like they were the only two people in the room. Or possibly in the whole world. When he looked at Buffy, everybody else faded away and disappeared. William closed his eyes. He could still see her. She was smiling at him. But it was all in his mind. Because in reality, she had no idea that he was up here, watching her with a longing expression on his face. And his heart was aching.

William knew that he should just stop torturing himself and leave, but it was like he was frozen, like he couldn’t move. It was intoxicating and terrifying at the same time. He wanted to run down the stairs and take her in his arms, and at the same time, he wanted to run as far away as possible. Because he could watch her, pretend that she was dancing only for him, pretend that the feelings he had for her were mutual. But that was a lie. She would never be his girl.

He wanted to stop thinking about her, the unfairness of it all threatening to consume him. How he wished he could just let it go, let her go, once and for all. He didn’t want to be bitter, but it was so bloody hard not to. If only things could be different. It hurt to look at her, knowing that she was happy without him. He wanted to turn around, climb down the stairs and just disappear. Instead he opened his eyes. Buffy was gone.


~ ~ ~

Buffy knew he was up there, watching her. She couldn’t explain it, but she had felt his presence the moment she entered the club. There was nothing new about that, though. She could always feel him, even when he wasn’t really around. Sometimes she felt like he was haunting her, invading her mind. Sometimes she wished he would just go away, because it hurt so much, knowing he was there but not in her life anymore. She missed him. God, how she missed him.

William. Thinking about him made her heart start beating faster. At the same time, she just wanted to cry. She could not fool herself anymore; she loved him. Unfortunately, she hadn’t realized it until it was too late. The irony of it all wasn’t lost on her. He was the one who had opened her eyes with his declaration of love, and now, he didn’t love her anymore. He loved someone else. She had seen them together. And it made her feel like she was dying.

She had left her apartment without really knowing where she was going, but somehow she had ended up here, at The Bronze. The best night club in Sunnydale. Or, to be more accurate; the only night club in Sunnydale. It was a small town. Sometimes, she really hated it. She used to play with the idea of just packing her bags and leave, jump on the bus and get as far away as possible and never look back. Telling herself that she could do it, that she wouldn’t leave anything – or anyone – behind. Of course, she was just lying to herself. As long as he was still here, she could never leave.

The idea of going out, dancing all by herself, had never appealed to her before. She would have felt like an idiot. But for some reason, tonight, she didn’t care. In a way, she supposed, she wasn’t really dancing alone. It was all for him. She could feel his eyes on her, his beautiful, deep blue eyes. Not that she could be certain, but she didn’t think he had brought his girlfriend. Surely that bitch wouldn’t allow him to stand up there, watching another woman for so long.

Buffy knew all about Drusilla. They used to have some classes together, luckily just a few, but still. She had always hated her, even before she started going out with William. People seemed to both adore her and be afraid of her at the same time. Drusilla was rich, beautiful and popular. But that didn’t make her a nice person. Quite the opposite, in fact. So, what William could possibly see in her was a mystery.

The truth was, had William ended up with someone warm, loving and caring, Buffy might eventually be able to be happy for him. Because he was such a wonderful person; he deserved nothing but the best. But Drusilla? He was too good for her. She didn’t even appreciate him for who he really was. Buffy wasn’t stupid – she knew Drusilla was behind the major changes of William’s new appearance.

Not that he wasn’t absolutely gorgeous, dressed all in black, bleached blonde hair and leather. But Buffy had liked him just fine the way he was before. He didn’t need to change. But obviously, Drusilla had felt differently, having turned him into her own, obedient Ken doll, dressing him up to her liking. It was disgusting.

A part of her just wanted to go to him, force him to listen to what she had to say. But she had tried talking to him before, and he had made it clear that he wasn’t interested in hearing her explanations. So she had given up, even though her heart was screaming at her to keep trying. But she just couldn’t take the idea of him telling her that she had lost her chance. Now she knew how William had felt when she had reminded him of Riley, all those weeks ago.

If only she had the ability of going back in time, then she would handle things differently. For one thing, she would never let William leave the lecture hall. But there was no point in thinking like that, because she had let him go. There was no turning back. She had been stupid, a coward, and this was her punishment. Being miserable for the rest of her life. A life without William. Still, something made her glance up towards the balcony.


~ ~ ~

William’s eyes searched through the crowd, but she was nowhere to be seen. Maybe she had just gone to the bathroom. Or maybe she had decided to go home. Home to Riley. He swallowed. What could Buffy possibly see in that wanker? He was way beneath her. The thought of his Buffy in the arms of another man made him feel sick. Of course, he had no right to think like that. Because she wasn’t really his.

He let out a sigh, considering making his way down to the bar and drown his sorrows in a bottle of Jack Daniels. But the idea of being surrounded by all these happy people – when he was so utterly miserable – felt like the ultimate torture. Suddenly he just wanted to leave. But where would he go? He had given up his small apartment and moved into Drusilla’s house, less than two weeks ago.

And he wasn’t about to crawl back to her, at least not tonight. Although he didn’t really love her, it still hurt to hear that he wasn’t more to her than a decent shag. Then again, he probably would go back after all. Because he was Love’s Bitch. Drusilla would say ‘jump’, and all he did was ask how high. A part of him felt like he owed it to her. She had given him so much. Yet, she had taken even more.

Rolling his eyes, he made up his mind. He should just leave; there was nothing left for him here. His eyes darted across the room one last time before he let out an annoyed snort and turned around. And he froze in his tracks. Buffy was standing in front of him, a frown on her beautiful face. “Are you leaving?”


TBC

”I…” William stared at the blonde girl, suddenly at a loss for words. Having been certain that she had already left the club, he sure wasn’t prepared for a confrontation, especially since they hadn’t even spoken in weeks. And now she was standing here, right in front of him, beautiful as ever. She was a vision. And all he could do was staring at her, like a bleedin’ idiot.

Noticing his surprise and discomfort, Buffy lowered her eyes. “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have come up here. It’s just that I saw you, and...” She stopped, looking up at him again, a stubborn look on her face. “You were watching me,” she then stated, calmly.

“What?” William gave her a startled look. “No! That’s bollocks, I...!” Realizing that trying to deny it only made him look like even more of a ponce, he stopped with a sigh. Hell, he had been watching her. They both knew it. “What if I was? Kept my distance, didn’t I? Wasn’t bothering you. You’re the one who’s up here...” His voice trailed off as he heard how defensive it came out. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind. I...” Buffy hesitated, and he noticed for the first time how nervous she seemed to be. He just couldn’t figure out why. Then he saw how her face fell as his words started to sink in. “Oh. I’m bothering you, is that what you’re saying? Right. I’ll just leave, then.” She spun around, but he had already seen the crushed look on her face.

Suddenly unable to just let her get away like that, William grabbed her arm to stop her from leaving. “Wait. Didn’t mean it like that.” He could feel her relax a little as she turned around again, meeting his eyes. Swallowing, he awkwardly let go of her arm.

“Are you here by yourself?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them, and she silently berated herself for not being able to keep the curiosity out of her voice.

“Yeah.” He could have lied to her, told her that his girlfriend was around here somewhere. Suddenly, he felt more pathetic than ever. He cleared his throat. “What about you? Surprised Captain Cardboard managed to let you out of his sight for more than two minutes.” Seeing the look on Buffy’s face, he felt a pang in his chest, knowing he had been out of line. Seeing how they were no longer friends, he had no right to insult her boyfriend.

Still, he refused to apologize. He hated the bloke with a passion. Riley Finn was a stupid git who didn’t deserve Buffy’s love. She was too good for him. The idea of her actually marrying that tall idiot made William feel like he was choking. Of course, a part of him felt like a real ass for not being able to be happy for her. But how could he be? How could he ever be happy for her when she had ripped his heart right out of his chest?

If only he could hate her. Then everything would be so much easier. Then maybe he would be able to let her go, once and for all. But he didn’t hate her. Not even a little bit. He loved her too much. And it was killing him. Closing his eyes for a moment, he struggled to get his emotions under control. Being away from Buffy for so long had been like torture. But being back in her presence now, after all this time, was almost worse.

“William...” Buffy sighed. The cold note in his voice had hurt her more than she wanted to admit. She had to remind herself that he didn’t mean to be cruel, knowing that he had never liked Riley. “It’s over between Riley and me.” There, the words were out. Not that it really made much of a difference anymore, she thought, bitterly. It was too late for that.

“What?” William’s eyes widened, and he stared at her in disbelief. Suddenly he didn’t know what to think. Surely he hadn’t heard her correctly. But the serious look on her face told him differently. He swallowed. “What happened?”

Buffy shrugged, not sure how to explain. Not sure she even wanted to. “Realized he was more into our relationship than I was. Couldn’t go through with it then, could I?”

“When?” he whispered, not daring to breathe. It doesn’t mean anything, he told himself, firmly. Still, his heart was racing.

She looked him straight in the eyes, and he found himself unable to look away, feeling like hypnotized. “About a month ago, or so. At least, that was when I finally made it official. But I think, in my heart, it’s been over since...” She stopped, for some reason unable to continue.

But William wasn’t about to let her get away that easily. Not now. “When?” he demanded.

Buffy bit her lip, suddenly afraid to look at him. “Since you told me you loved me.”

Silence.

She started to wonder if she had made a mistake. “William? Say something?”

“What do you want me to say?” He was surprised that he managed to keep his voice steady. This wasn’t happening. It was just his mind playing games with him. He would snap out of it any time now. Buffy didn’t care about him. Not the way he wanted her to, anyway.

Inhaling shakily, she gave him a pleading look. “I don’t know. Anything.”

He shook his head, slowly. “What are you saying, exactly?”

Buffy found herself staring at his lips, wishing she had the courage to kiss him. Or even better; that he would kiss her. But he wouldn’t. William may have loved her once, but he belonged to someone else now. This was just her torturing herself, dreaming of what she could never have. What she could have had, if only she hadn’t been so incredibly stupid. This was hell, and she deserved every moment of it for letting him go.

“Do you hate me?” Her voice was barely more than a whisper. Not trusting his voice, he could only shake his head. Buffy was quiet for a moment. “Well, you should,” she finally mumbled.

“On what grounds?” William rolled his eyes. “You not returning my feelings? Doesn’t seem very fair, does it? Hardly your fault.” He didn’t tell her how many nights he had been lying awake, just wishing he was able to hate her, or even dislike her. How he had been telling himself that she didn’t mean anything to him anymore. Or better yet; that he had never really loved her in the first place, that he just wanted her because she was unattainable.

It was all a bunch of lies, of course. He loved Buffy; always had, and probably always would. In fact, he loved her so much that it hurt. And that was the problem. He was so tired of hurting. That was why it was so much easier to be with Drusilla. He didn’t love her, so she couldn’t really hurt him. Even though she sometimes seemed to make a good show of trying. It was almost like she got off on seeing how far he would let her push him.

To Dru, it was all just a game. William realized that, and still, he stayed with her. Sometimes, he didn’t know why he kept torturing himself. All he really wanted was being loved. But not by Dru. Maybe that’s why he stayed. Because it felt safe. When he was fucking her, it was never about love, or passion. It was all about raw, physical sex. When he kept slamming his cock into her until he would finally come, he could forget, at least for a little while. Afterwords, he always felt numb. And it was a relief.

“Why wouldn’t you just talk to me?” Buffy sounded almost accusing now. “You tell me you love me, and then just take off. Did it ever occur to you that I might have needed some time to take it all in? But no!” Now she sounded angry. “Instead of giving me a chance to explain, you decided to just walk out of my life. Maybe that was easier for you, but...”

“You’re off your bleedin’ rocker if you think any of this has been easy!” William interrupted her, glaring at her. “You don’t get it, do you? You wanted to explain? Explain what, exactly? How I was in your heart, but you could never love me back? Didn’t need to hear that.”

“You’re the one who don’t get it!” Buffy stomped her foot, furiously. “What if I had told you...?” She stopped herself, feeling her anger fade away. Suddenly, all there was left in her was doubt. Was she really about to tell William how she felt about him? What good would that do now?

For a moment, William was confused. “Told me what?” He realized how tired he sounded. Why did she have to be so painfully beautiful?

“What if I had actually told you that I...?” Buffy looked him right in the eyes, and he felt like his legs were about to give in. Suddenly, her words made sense to him. Suddenly, he wondered why he hadn’t seen it before. Because the way she was looking at him now...

Barely aware of taking a step towards her, William couldn’t tear his eyes away from her. His whole body ached to touch her, but he didn’t dare. Not yet. “Tell me,” he breathed, huskily.

Her eyes never leaving his, Buffy closed the gap between them and put her hands on his shoulders. She opened her mouth, as if to say something, then closed it again. Then she crashed her lips against his, and the rest of the world ceased to exist.


TBC

”William, wait!” Reluctantly pulling her head back a little, Buffy ignored his grunt of protest and put her hands on his shoulders. “This is... We can’t do this.”

He immediately let go of her, staring at her in disbelief as her words started to sink in. “What do you mean, ‘we can’t do this’? You’re the one who jumped me, remember?”

“Okay, that is so not...” Buffy stopped with a frown. “I did, didn’t I? Oh God, I’m a slut!” She quickly took a step back and wrapped her arms protectively around herself, her cheeks turning bright red.

Watching her move away from him, William felt like she had just punched him in the stomach. He quickly covered up, though, refusing to let his real emotions show, and gave her an accusing look. “Right. Mind telling me what bloody game you’re playing at here, pet?”

“Game? I’m not...” Her voice trailed off as realization hit her, and she took a hesitant step towards him. “William, it’s not that I don’t want to. But this is wrong. Don’t you see? You have a girlfriend.” To tell the truth, selfish as it may be, Buffy couldn’t care less about Drusilla’s feelings. But the mere thought of sharing him with anyone, let alone that cold hearted bitch, suddenly made her feel sick.

“Oh.” William was quiet for a moment, feeling like a right git. Truth to be told, he had almost forgotten about Dru. “Right.”

“Do you love her?” Buffy lowered her eyes, not wanting to look at his face when he answered.

He let out a sigh. “Look, it’s kinda complicated...”

“How is it complicated?” She looked up then. “Either you love someone, or you don’t.”

“I love you.” It was his turn to look away, thereby missing the look of complete awe on her face. “Told you once. Won’t just go away.”

Her heart was beating almost painfully hard in her chest. “And what about Dru? How do you feel about her?”

“I...” William hesitated, having no idea how to explain his relationship with Drusilla. But he realized that Buffy wasn’t about to let it go. And in all honesty, he couldn’t blame her. Suddenly he was terrified of saying the wrong thing and scare her away, this time for good. “What Dru and I have...” He swallowed. “...s’got nothing to do with love.”

Eyes widening in surprise, Buffy waited for him to go on. But he remained silent, keeping his eyes on the floor. She took yet another step closer. “Then why are you...?”

“S’a bloody joke, all right? My so called relationship.” William rolled his eyes, turning away from her and walking over to the railing. He was tired of pretending, tired of lying to himself. “Was never about love,” he muttered. A part of him couldn’t believe he was actually telling her this.

“I don’t get it.” Buffy’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “If you never loved her...”

“It’s safe, all right?” He sighed, looking down at the people below him. “I know Dru doesn’t care about me, so I don’t have to worry ‘bout hurting her. I go and pass the time... with someone. But that’s all it is, is time, ‘cause – God, help me, Buffy – it’s still all about you.”

Swallowing hard, Buffy walked up behind him, then stopped, a few feet away. She opened her mouth, then closed it again, wishing he would turn around and look at her. He didn’t. She took a deep breath. “Tell me you want me?”

“Does it matter what I want?” He sounded bitter.

Buffy bit her lip, finally moving to stand beside him. “It matters,” she mumbled.

William finally turned towards her, his face softening. “I’ll always want you, luv.” A pause. “Even if you’ll never feel the same way.”

She nodded, her bottom lip trembling. “What if I do?” He didn’t trust his voice enough to speak, so he just looked at her as he waited for her to go on, praying that it wasn’t just some sort of cruel joke. She managed a small smile. “I’ve missed you.”

Inhaling shakily, William nodded. “Missed you too, pet. You have no idea how much.” He cupped her cheek and looked her deep into the eyes. “No other girl could mean anything to me.”

“William, I...” Buffy brought her hand up to cover his. “I love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to see it.”

He could feel tears welling up in his eyes at her declaration, and – not wanting to come out as a complete nancy-boy – he did the only thing he could think of to distract her. He kissed her. If Buffy was taken by surprise, she didn’t let it show. Instead she just wrapped her arms around him, clinging to him almost desperately as she eagerly returned the kiss.

For a couple of minutes, it was just the two of them. Nothing else existed. Then, the world came crashing down again. Sighing, Buffy buried her face against his chest. “Hate to bring it up, but there’s still that little thing about...”

“Dru,” William finished with a grimace, tightening his grip around her as if he was afraid she would run away. “I know. I...” He sighed. “I’ll deal with it. I promise.”

Buffy pulled back a little, giving him a hopeful look. “When? Tonight?”

Hesitating for a moment, William cast a look at his watch. It was almost one in the morning. Judging by how Drusilla had reacted when he left her a few hours ago, he wasn’t sure it would be such a good idea to go back to her house tonight. Especially not since he intended on telling her that it was over. He didn’t doubt for a moment that she would be furious. Not because she loved him. No, she just couldn’t stand the idea of anyone standing up to her.

Then again, he really just wanted to get it over with. To tell the truth, he wasn’t very proud of himself. As a matter of fact, the more he thought about it, the more pathetic he felt. What kind of person would be with someone they didn’t really love, just to pass the time? Obviously, Dru wasn’t the only one who was selfish here. Thinking about it that way, he deserved her rage. He should just go back there and face her. It was the right thing to do, after all.

“Yeah.” He hugged her close, not wanting to let her go when he had finally gotten her back. “I’ll just go talk to her and be done with it.”

Buffy smiled in relief, hugging him back. “And then what?”

“Then I’ll...” William stopped, hesitating a little as he realized that – after breaking things off with Dru – he would most likely be out of a place to stay. “Mind if I crash at your place? Probably be hard to get a room at this hour.”

“No, I don’t mind.” Buffy leaned in to give him a soft peck on the lips. “Just as long as we both agree to take things slow, if you know what I mean?” She glanced at him, suddenly feeling nervous. “I mean, we obviously have a lot to talk about, before we... I don’t think I’m ready to...”

“Buffy...” William interrupted her. “Know what you mean, pet. Feel the same way. Don’t wanna screw things up by moving too fast, anymore than you do, so don’t worry about it. I’ll just sleep on the couch, if that’s okay with you.”

She opened her mouth to object, wanting to tell him that it wasn’t necessary, but then decided against it. Because she didn’t know about him, but she for one wasn’t sure she would be able to sleep in the same bed as him and keep her hands to herself. Sleeping in separate rooms sure would be safer, although she didn’t doubt for a second that it would be pure torture. Forcing a smile, she nodded. “Probably a good idea.”

His face was a mixture of relief and disappointment, but he quickly covered up. “Right.” He was silent for a moment. “Should probably get going, then.” The last thing he wanted to do at the moment was leaving her. But the sooner he would sort things out with Dru, the sooner he could get back to Buffy. And then, he would never leave her again.

“It’s for the best.” Buffy nodded in agreement. “You have to end things with her before we’ll go any further.” She paused, looking down at her feet. “No matter how much I love you, I will not be ‘the other woman’.” She rolled her eyes.

“Hey...” William put his hand on her cheek, forcing her to look at him. “You would never be ‘the other woman’. Don’t you get it by now? It was always about you. No one could ever compete with you, not even close. Not Dru, not anyone. You’re the one, Buffy.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. “We’ve wasted so much time...”

“Yeah, well, not anymore.” He smiled, gently brushing away the tear from her face. “It’s gonna be okay, luv. We’ll be okay. You’ll see.” He silently prayed that he was right.

“Yeah.” Buffy nodded, eagerly. She closed her eyes as he kept stroking her face, happily leaning into his touch. Things suddenly seemed a little too good to be true, but if this was a dream, she never wanted to wake up. They had both been miserable for so long, but now, finally, everything seemed to be just right. Finally they were together, and if she would have anything to say about it, nothing would ever come between them again.


TBC

William closed the door quietly behind him, wondering if Dru would still be awake. A part of him almost hoped that she wouldn’t be home, that she had decided to spend the night somewhere else. Or, to be more accurate - with someone else. It was the coward in him speaking, of course. He would still have to face Dru eventually, and the sooner the better, for all of them. But that didn’t mean he was looking forward to it.

Meeting Buffy tonight had brought all his feelings for her back out in the open, but even more so, it had made him realize what a sad, pathetic life he had been living. Here he was – in love with one woman and living with another. And now it turned out that Buffy felt the same way about him. If only he hadn’t been so bloody proud and stubborn, then he would have given her a chance to explain a long time ago.

And in that case, a lot of things would have been different now. He couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that it was all his fault. But it was time to do something about it. He and Buffy belonged together. All he had to do now was telling Dru that their so called relationship was over. Now, if he had thought that she actually felt something for him, then he would probably feel a lot more guilty.

She would be upset, no question about it. But not because she loved him. Drusilla just really hated to lose, whether or not it was something she actually cared about.

“Spike? Is that you, darling?”

As he heard her voice calling out to him from the bedroom, he held back a sigh. Here we go... he thought as he entered the dark room. “Yeah, it’s me.”

Drusilla sat up when she saw him, giving him a soft smile. “You came back.”

“Right.” He stopped in the doorway, his eyes widening at the sight of her naked form on the bed. “You, um, expecting someone?”

“Yes. You.” Her smile widened and she patted the bed next to her. “Why don’t you come over here? I’ve been waiting for you.”

“Why?” He stared at her in disbelief. “What are you playing at?”

She pouted. “Come on, Spike. Don’t be like that. I know you want me.”

“First of all – name’s William,” he stated automatically, rolling his eyes. “Dru, we need to talk.”

“Yes, we do.” She batted her long eyelashes at him, running her tongue over her red lips. “I’ll tell you all the nasty little things I want you to do to me, whispering it in your ear. I want you to make me scream. And then, I want you to take me...”

“All right, hold it right there.” William shook his head, more than a little annoyed. “Look at my face, Dru. Do I look horny to you? Listen to my voice. Does it sound like I’m in a mood for shagging you?”

Her eyes narrowed. “You’re still upset. I can change that. I can make you see stars. If you’ll just...”

“You’re unbelievable.” He tilted his head to the side. “You really love hearing your own voice, don’t you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She was starting to look upset, clearly realizing that it wouldn’t be as easy as she had expected to win him over this time. “Why are you acting this way?”

William let out a sigh. “Just cut the crap, Dru. You’ve made it perfectly clear that I don’t mean a bloody thing to you. Why don’t we just drop this little charade and go our separate ways?”

For a moment, she just looked at him, her eyes suddenly cold as ice. Then she grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her before slowly getting up from the bed, her eyes never leaving his. “Are you saying you don’t want me anymore? That you want to leave me?” Her voice was way too calm for his liking.

He forced himself to look her straight in the eyes, refusing to be intimidated by her creepy behavior. Suddenly he couldn’t help but wonder what he had ever seen in this woman. Was he really that starved for love and attention? Or had he just been too blind to see that it had never been real? Anyway, enough was enough. He nodded. “That’s right. It’s over, Dru. I’ll come back for my stuff tomorrow.”

As he turned to leave, she seemed to snap out of the shock and rushed over to him, grabbing his arm to stop him. “And where would you go? You are nothing, William. I’ve made you into who you are today. If you think you can just...” Her voice trailed off as realization hit her. Then, much to his surprise, she burst out laughing. “Oh, I see! My sweet prince has gotten tired of walking in the darkness. Now he wants to play in the sun.”

Frowning, William gave her a confused look. “What the bloody hell are you on about?”

Drusilla just ignored him and went on; “Sunshine will make you burn. The flames will consume you, until there’s nothing left. Then you will come crawling back. But then it might be too late.” She reached out her hand towards his face, letting her fingers run down his cheek. “The stars won’t wait forever, my sweet William, and neither will I.”

He raised a brow. “That suppose to make any sense? Look, Dru, m’not in a mood for this.” Taking a deep breath, he decided to try reasoning with her. “Listen, I appreciate what you’ve done for me. I do. We’ve had our fun, but let’s face it. I don’t love you, and you sure as hell don’t love me. We both know it. So why waste our time? We can both do better than this.”

“I told you – there is no such thing as love! You are a fool to believe otherwise.” She glared at him. “This is about her, isn’t it? Your golden goddess. But you will never be good enough for her. She will always look down at you, thinking you’re beneath her. Laughing at you for thinking you could ever be worthy of walking beside her, like you belong.”

“You’re wrong.” William gave her a cold look. “You don’t know her. Hell, you don’t even know me.”

“But I do.” Drusilla smiled a little, however, her eyes remained cold. “In fact, I know you better than you know yourself. You think you’ve changed, that you are a different man. But it’s all a lie. Inside, you’re still the same insecure little boy who’s secretly begging for acceptance. Praying that someday you’ll find someone who will see you. Dreaming about being loved. It’s disgusting!”

It was hard, not to let her words get to him. Deep down, William couldn’t help but feel sorry for Drusilla, for having such a twisted way of seeing things. Maybe she really did believe her own words about love, or maybe it was just her way of trying to protect herself from getting hurt. Either way, it couldn’t be a healthy way of living.

Still, he hated her for trying to put him down like this. Even more so, he hated himself for allowing her to treat him that way. “I’m leaving.” He kept his voice calm, but his tone clearly said that it was the end of the discussion. The question was, would she accept it?

To tell the truth, he didn’t care. A part of him almost wanted her to object, giving him a reason to lash out at her. Finally he was able to see things clearly, and he didn’t like it one bit. He was ashamed of himself for letting Dru make him into a pawn in her sick little game, for allowing himself to be used and not even care.

Not even two months, and he had let her take control of his life completely. The worst part was that he had been okay with it. He had enjoyed the attention, not to mention the sex. That was, until it was over. Then he always felt empty. But he had convinced himself that it was supposed to be like that. He wanted to blame Dru. But the truth was – depressing as it may be – that he had willingly allowed her to turn him into her personal sex toy, nothing more than an object. And it made him feel sick.

He had tried telling himself that this was the life he wanted, that he and Dru belonged together. That love and true feelings weren’t really necessary; it was so much better when your heart wasn’t really in the relationship. But he could only fool himself for so long. Dru had made it clear that he wasn’t enough for her, and it hurt, even though he didn’t love her.

It made him feel worthless. And it made him realize that he wanted more in life. He had to deserve more. Right? And now, everything had changed. Buffy loved him. She wanted to be with him. And he’d be damned if he would screw things up again. It was time to finally stand up for himself and move on.

Shrugging out of the expensive leather coat she had bought him, while they still hadn’t been going out for a week, he held it out to her. “Here.” Suddenly he felt dirty for having accepted it in the first place. He really wasn’t anything more than her whore.

Drusilla’s eyes darkened. “You don’t wanna do this.” She crossed her arms over her chest, clearly indicating that she wouldn’t accept his attempt of a peace offering. “You can’t just walk away from me.”

“You know what?” William let out a sigh as he let the coat drop to the floor. “Just watch me. Goodbye, Dru.” Before she got the chance to protest, he turned around and walked out the door.


TBC

Pacing the room back and forth, Buffy was becoming more agitated by the minute. Checking her watch for what seemed like the fiftieth time, she realized that it had been almost two hours since William had left her at The Bronze to go back to Drusilla and end things with her. What the hell was taking him so long? A part of her was terrified that he had somehow changed his mind and decided to stay with Dru after all.

The more rational part of her told herself to just be patient and give him some time, but unfortunately, love and rationality didn’t always mix. Maybe he and Dru had gotten into a huge fight. Buffy didn’t know the dark-haired woman that well, only by rumors, but surely she wouldn’t react very well. Of course, nobody would like being dumped, but Buffy had a sinking feeling that Drusilla would take something like that a lot worse than most people.

The more she thought about it, the more nervous she got. When the door bell finally rang, she let out a startled cry and nearly jumped through the roof. For a moment, she just stared at the closed door, unable to move. Then she snapped out of it and rushed to open. She swallowed as she found herself looking right into the bluest pair of eyes she had ever seen.

It was strange how she and William had been friends for so long without her ever noticing just how beautiful his eyes were. She tried to greet him with a smile, but her heart was beating so fast, she almost feared she would pass out. Instead she just took a step back, allowing him to enter. For a moment, she was afraid he would give her an apologetic look and explain that he wasn’t going to stay. He didn’t. Instead he stepped inside, closing the door quietly behind him.


~ ~ ~

Drusilla was standing in the middle of the living room, surrounded by what could only be described as total destruction. Her hands were bleeding from where she had cut herself on a piece of broken glass, but she didn’t feel any pain. She had started by taking her fury out on the black leather coat, having carelessly thrown the once expensive piece of clothing to the side after tearing it to shreds with a pair of scissors.

Then she had moved on to the CD’s, starting with the Sex Pistols, followed by the Ramones. After breaking all of them in halves, she had thrown the pieces in a heap on the floor. The rest of William’s clothes, which mostly consisted of black jeans and t-shirts, had received the same humiliating treatment as the coat. And when she couldn’t find any more of his belongings to break or tear apart, she had gotten loose on the furniture.

After everything she had done for him, this was how he would repay her? Well, he was going to regret it deeply, she would make sure of that. Nobody treated her this way and got away with it. When Angel had betrayed her with that filthy whore - Darla, she had become obsessed with the idea of making him see what he was missing. But this time, just moving on to a more attractive man wouldn’t be enough.

No, William hadn’t just betrayed her. He had taken everything she had done for him, everything she had given him, and simply thrown it back in her face. That ungrateful bastard! Drusilla was fuming. Did he actually believe that it was up to him to decide that he no longer needed her? That he could just walk away from her and she was going to accept it? In that case, he was sadly mistaken. Letting out a furious shriek, her eyes darted around the room in search for more things to smash.


~ ~ ~

“Did you...?” Buffy hesitated, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. She wanted nothing more than to just throw herself in William’s arms, but for some reason, she was afraid of approaching him. So she remained where she was, keeping a safe distance between them, even though her mind was screaming for her to touch him.

William nodded. “It’s over.” He gave her an uncertain look, and she noticed that he seemed to be just as lost as she was. “Didn’t change your mind, did you? ‘Bout me staying here, I mean.”

“No. Of course not.” Buffy bit her lip. This was not how she had pictured their reunion. She glanced at him, wishing he would just take her in his arms and hold her forever. When he did no motion of doing so, she let out a sigh and walked over to the couch. She was almost afraid of asking, but found herself doing it anyway; “So, how did she take it?”

Letting out a bitter laugh, he slowly made his way over to the couch as well, sitting down next to her after a brief moment’s hesitation. “How do you think?”

“That bad, huh?” She gave him a sympathetic smile, pausing for a moment. “Wanna talk about it?”

He didn’t answer at first. Instead he just slumped back against the cushion of the couch. Then he turned towards her, and she noticed how tired he looked. “How did we end up here, Buffy? When did things start to get so bloody wrong?” She opened her mouth, but he went on; “Second thought, don’t have to answer. Already know.”

“It doesn’t matter, anymore. Right?” Buffy ached to take his hand. Still, she didn’t dare. Not yet. She gave him a pleading look, silently begging him to agree. But he remained silent, and she wondered what on earth had happened at Drusilla’s house to make him act this way. Before he left The Bronze, he had seemed hopeful, telling her how everything would be okay. ’We’ll be okay,’ he’d said, and she had believed him.

But now, he seemed like a completely different person. In fact, his entire body screamed of dejection, and it was starting to scare the hell out of her. Although a part of her couldn’t help but wonder if he was having second thoughts about leaving Dru, she knew deep down that wasn’t the case. No, William loved her, of that much she was certain. So, what was the problem?

“William?” She lowered her eyes, suddenly afraid of looking at him. “Please, talk to me.” For a moment, she feared that she would start crying.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was barely more than a whisper, and she raised her head, her eyes meeting his. “Just hit me, is all.”

“What?” She did reach out for him this time, and nearly wept with relief when he immediately took her hand, bringing it up to his lips to place a soft kiss on her knuckles. For a brief moment, she almost thought she saw tears in his eyes, but he looked away before she could tell for certain.

William hesitated for a moment, not knowing how to begin. It seemed like he – finally – had everything he had ever wanted within his reach, and suddenly he was terrified of accepting it. He feared that if Buffy would find out how twisted his relationship with Drusilla had really been, it would change the way she saw him. Although he had stubbornly pushed it all to the back of his mind at the time, it didn’t change the fact that he felt disgusted by himself for letting Dru use him like that.

It was quite possible that Buffy would feel the same way. He didn’t like to think that would be the case, but a part of him couldn’t help but doubt. Thinking back at how he had allowed Drusilla to seduce him with sex, money and power made him feel sick. Sure, he may have felt something for her, but it had never been about love. He had known it all along, and still, he had greedily accepted everything she offered him.

He had told himself it was a good thing that he didn’t really love Dru, because then she wouldn’t be able to hurt him. But it turned out that he had been wrong. Finding out that she had been shagging another bloke behind his back had been more painful than he liked to admit. It meant that he hadn’t been good enough for her, and the realization hurt, because loving her or not, he had been trying.

Realizing that Buffy was waiting for him to say something, anything, he tried to push the dark thoughts to the back of his mind, along with Drusilla. That part of his life was over now. Of course, knowing it in his head, and in his heart, was two different matters. He sighed, knowing that he would have to be honest with Buffy, should they ever have a chance of working things out between them. “Sure you wanna hear this, pet?”

She watched him for a moment, and he knew she wanted to say no. Hell, he wanted her to say no. But she nodded. “I do.”

“Right, then...” William nodded, slowly, trying to figure out how to explain to her. The truth was, he didn’t really understand it himself.

“Wait...” Buffy raised a hand to prevent him from continuing. “Before you start, just tell me one thing.” He gave her a questioning look, and she swallowed. “You still love me?”

His eyes widened in surprise. “Yes. God, yes.”

She was terrified of asking the next question. “Still wanna be with me?”

This time, he did no attempt of hiding his tears from her. “More than anything.”

Letting out the breath she had been holding – and silently thanking any powers that may be listening – she climbed onto his lap and slid her arms around his neck. “Then nothing else matters.”

For a moment, he just looked at her, his eyes desperately searching hers for some sign that she didn’t really mean it. Then, obviously finding nothing, he finally wrapped his own arms around her, and she could feel the exact moment when he finally gave in and allowed himself to relax. To hope.

His eyes never leaving hers, William leaned in and kissed her, his whole body suddenly shaking with a desperate need to be inside her, to make her his for real. To assure her how much he wanted her, but even more so to assure himself that this was real.

The last thing he wanted was to screw things up by moving too fast, but it was like he was no longer in control of his own actions. Gently pushing her back against the couch, he shifted a little so he would be on top of her. To his great relief, Buffy did no motion of stopping him. In fact, it was like she had just been waiting for him to make the first move.

Unable to keep a pleading whimper from escaping her throat, Buffy started tugging on his clothes, almost desperately. Not caring the slightest how needy she would appear, she grabbed William’s hand and placed it over the button of her jeans, her eyes screaming at him to take them off. His hands were trembling, but he managed to obey after a brief moment’s struggling.

“Please...” William didn’t know whether it was him or her who had spoken the word, or maybe it was both of them. Maybe their minds had become one, united along with their bodies. All he knew was that he finally had the woman he loved in his arms, begging him to take her. And he never wanted to let her go.


TBC

Buffy had been dreaming about this moment countless times over the last couple of weeks, the moment when she and William would finally make love together for the first time. In all honesty, she had never really dared to hope that the dream would actually come true. Deep down, she had been certain it was too late, that she had lost her one chance of love and happiness when she had turned him down. Still, in her mind, the picture of what it would be like was very clear.

William would take her out for dinner, and then they would walk together – hand in hand – for a while before ending up somewhere on the beach where they would make sweet love under the stars. So what if the whole idea was overly romantic and almost too cute for words, it was her fantasy, dammit! He would tell her how much he loved her, over and over again, and she would allow herself to just drown in the depth of his eyes.

Realizing that while she had been torturing herself with hot fantasies for about a month and a half, William had been going through the same ordeal for years. It made her want to weep for him, but even more so, it made her want to kick herself for being so stupid in the first place. But what was done was done, and there was really no point in dwelling on how much time they had lost. They had both made mistakes, but now, they had finally found each other again.

In her dreams, they were always making love for hours, slowly, tenderly, just the two of them lost in a bubble, where time had simply ceased to exist. But in reality, they were both just too horny, too starved to be able to take things slow. Only half aware of clothes being ripped off, her underwear being torn apart, she almost whimpered in relief when William easily slid inside her, neither of them even thinking about foreplay.

“Oh God, oh God...!” Buffy was clinging to him, her nails clawing at his back in a desperate attempt of getting him even closer.

“So bloody wet,” he gasped, slamming into her over and over again, knowing that he would most likely come within a moment, should he not slow down, but too far gone to care. The way she was thrusting her hips eagerly up and down, mimicking his movements, told him that she was way past the state of caring as well.

“William, please, don’t stop, don’t... God, I can’t... I need…” Buffy realized she was babbling, but she just couldn’t help herself. Suddenly, the only thing that mattered in the world was that he wouldn’t stop. Because at that moment, she was fully convinced that if he would, if he would so much as slow down, even for a second, she would die.

There were so many things he wanted to do to her, for her. He wanted to touch her, taste her, take her in any ways possible until they were both too exhausted to move, or even breathe. But right now, the only thing he could do, the only thing his mind and body were capable of, was pounding his painfully hard cock into her, faster and faster, all the while repeating her name, chanting it like a mantra.

“Buffy... Buffy, holy fuck, so tight, feels so bloody good... not gonna last, m’gonna...!” William’s eyes rolled back in his head and he gasped as he came, his entire body shaking as he finally collapsed on top of her.

Squeezing him even harder, Buffy kept moaning in pleasure as she felt him jerking inside her a couple of times, unable to hold back a scream as she came as well. William buried his face in the crook of her neck and she could feel him breathing hard against her skin. Her heart was beating fast and she was panting, trying to get her own breathing under control. He pulled back a little and their eyes met. Then they smiled.


~ ~ ~

Leaving the mess she had made behind her in the living room, Drusilla walked into the bathroom, turning the light on and stopping in front of the large mirror. She was still furious, but her anger was slowly starting to turn into panic. This was not going according to her plans, not at all. She pulled her shirt up a little, her fingers running over her still flat stomach.

She wasn’t sure how these things would normally work, but she figured she still had about a month or so before she would start to show. Which meant that her current situation had become most unfortunate. Of course, she had no way of knowing who the actual father was, but up until last night, it hadn’t really been a problem.

Deep down, she realized that she had made a mistake by bringing that other man home – what was his name again? – and even more so when William had confronted her about it. She shouldn’t have acted so casual; she should have been groveling, begging for his forgiveness, insisting that it would never happen again. It would all be an act, of course, it wasn’t like she actually felt bad, or even cared. But he wouldn’t know that.

The way things had turned out, it wouldn’t be easy to convince William that she was carrying his child. Of course, she still considered him to be beneath her, and a few days ago, he would probably not have been her first choice. No, in fact, she had planned to keep him around for a another couple of weeks before moving on to someone better. She had built him up to suit her own needs, having done quite a decent job as far as she was concerned, but it didn’t change the fact that she was starting to get bored.

But now, her priorities had suddenly changed. Yesterday, when she had taken the home pregnancy test, her first thought after seeing the positive result had been to get rid of this unwanted thing, already growing inside her, as soon as possible. She had never really liked children, and she sure as hell didn’t want one of her own. But after giving it some thought, the idea was actually starting to grow on her.

After all, it wasn’t like she had to raise the child by herself; she had enough money to hire a full time nanny. But it definitely wouldn’t look very good, her being a single mother. Not that anyone would dare to question her about it, but they might start talking behind her back. The idea of people looking down at her, even if they only did it behind closed doors, made her see red. No, she wasn’t about to let that happen.

So, hence the dilemma. She needed a father. And not just anyone, for that matter. It suddenly occurred to her that this would be the perfect way to punish William for daring to defy her. So, he thought he could just dump her and run straight to that little slut of his? Thinking they would live happily ever after? Well, in that case, he would be deeply disappointed. Because once she was done with him, he would have no choice but to come crawling back to her. And his little wanna-be girlfriend? She would never even know what hit her.


~ ~ ~

Having shifted their positions on the couch so Buffy was now the one on top of him, she put her head down to rest on William’s chest, listening quietly as his breathing started to slow down. His arm immediately slipped around her, and her expression changed into one of pure bliss as he started stroking her hair. Finally she raised her head a little so she could look at him. “You okay?”

He gave her a incredulous look. “You’re joking, right? Or you actually saying you can’t tell?”

Buffy smiled. “Well, you look happy enough.”

William chuckled, running his fingers softly down her cheek. “Course I’m happy, pet. Never been this happy before in my life.”

She was unable to keep the relief from showing. “So, no regrets, then.”

“Never.” He hesitated for a moment, his smile faltering a little. “Same goes for you, yeah? I mean, I know we said...” His voice trailed off.”

“No regrets.” Buffy brushed her lips against his, eager to assure him. Then she pulled back, looking almost shy. “Wow. That was... I mean, I never thought...” She lowered her eyes, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed. “Didn’t think it was possible to... to have...” Unable to finish, she blushed.

Eyes widening as realization hit him, William somehow managed to stay calm, when he really wanted to just jump up and down in joy. “You saying you’ve never had an orgasm before, luv?”

“No! No, that’s not what I’m saying at all, I...” Buffy face had now taken a shade of deep red. “I’ve had... I mean, I just never...” She swallowed. “It’s just never happened without some, um, help, if you know what I mean. Oh God!” She buried her face in his chest, too embarrassed to keep looking at him.

William was finding her embarrassment absolutely adorable, but was smart enough not to let his amusement show, knowing she would most definitely not appreciate it. Instead he just kept rubbing circles on her back. “Nothing to be ashamed of, pet.” A pause. “In fact, better get used to it.” He smirked.

Buffy giggled. “Really? Planning to do this a lot, then?”

“Hell, yeah.” He raised a brow and gave her a big grin. “Every chance I get.”

“Oh, I see.” She let out a happy sigh. “Guess I can live with that.”

For a moment, neither of them spoke. Finally, Buffy reluctantly pulled back a little, glancing at him somewhat apologetically. “We still need to talk, you know.”

“Yeah.” To tell the truth, William had been hoping it could wait for just a little while longer, but decided they might as well get it over with. He frowned as Buffy sat up, but was relieved when she did no motion of moving away from him. Hesitating only for a brief moment, he sat up as well. “So, um, you wanna go first, or...?” He gave her a questioning look.

“I just...” Buffy bit her lip, nervously. “Just tell me what happened with Drusilla.”


TBC

”William, I…” Buffy slumped back against the pillows with a sigh, not knowing whether to rant or cry, or possibly both. “I just don’t get it. How could this happen?”

William cast a brief glance in her direction before looking away. “What you really mean to ask is, how could I let this happen. How could I sink so bloody low. Right?”

“No, that’s not what I...” Buffy stopped, wanting to assure him, but also knowing he was partly right. A part of her had been thinking it, although she didn’t want to admit it. Biting her lip, she tried to choose her next words carefully. “Look, William, I’m not trying to judge you or anything; I’m only trying to understand. It’s just that I know you. Or, at least I thought I did.”

She continued before he could interrupt; “I guess I just don’t see how you could end up with Drusilla of all people.” He opened his mouth, but she went on; “I mean, if you really did love her, that would be one thing, I guess, but...” Her voice trailed off as she gave him a questioning look, silently begging him to explain.

“Told you; it was safe.” William got a defensive note in his voice. “Made it all easier. I could just...” He hesitated, not sure how to go on.

“Pretend?” Buffy finished, an unreadable expression on her face.

He sat up, facing away from her. “If you think I’m proud of myself, you’re wrong. Don’t have to tell me how pathetic I’ve been. Already know.”

Buffy sat up as well. “Don’t do this. Please, William, just look at me.” When he reluctantly obeyed, she ran her fingers gently through his bleached blond hair. “Why did you let her do this to you? Don’t get me wrong – it looks good on you, but you didn’t have to change.” She swallowed. “It’s like she took away everything that’s you, and just turned you into someone else.”

William tried not to lean into her touch, but it was hard. “Maybe I wanted to be someone else for a while. Ever think of that? Maybe I didn’t like myself very much before. Not like she ever put a gun to my head or anything. Went along with it ‘cause I wanted to.” He was quiet for a moment. “So, yeah, maybe she did turn me into someone else. But I’d lie if I’d say I didn’t enjoy it.” A pause. “Besides, didn’t work now, did it?”

“What do you mean?” Buffy tilted her head to the side and watched him, trying to remember how his hair had looked like before. For one thing, it had been longer. Curly. And, of course, darker. She suddenly found herself missing those curls. Still, she hadn’t been lying. It really did look good on him. For some reason, she was starting to feel sad.

“I’m still me.” William looked her deep in the eyes, wishing he knew what she was thinking. “Let her do her little dress-up act, thinking things would be different. That I would be different.” He rolled his eyes. “Sure as hell changed the way other people looked at me, but that’s all. Still the same person on the inside, Buffy. Can’t you see that?” He gave her a pleading look.

“I’m sorry.” Her bottom lip was trembling now. “If I hadn’t...”

“Don’t.” He interrupted her. “Not your fault; s’mine. Can’t blame you for not feeling the same way.”

“But that’s the thing; I did.” Buffy quickly wiped away a tear. “I just didn’t realize it at the time, and then...”

“Then I went and made things even worse by hooking up with Dru,” William finished, sarcastically. “Seriously, Buffy, I’m the one to blame here.”

Buffy put her hand on top of his. “Seriously, we could go on for hours; arguing about who’s really to blame for all of this. Does it even matter anymore? I mean, we’ve both made mistakes in the past, no point in denying that. But maybe it’s time to move on.”

William looked at her, a hopeful look on his face. More than anything, he wanted it to be true. He was just so tired of walking around feeling like a part of himself was missing. Tired of feeling sorry for himself. And most of all, he was tired of blaming himself for losing the love of his life even before he really had her. Buffy was here now. She loved him. She wanted them to have a future together. Nothing else mattered.

“You’re right.” He managed a small smile, feeling his heart melt when she gave him a weak smile in return. “Know I’m being a git about this, but I just need you to understand. Was never about Dru. I just needed...” Letting out a frustrated sigh, he tried to find the right words. “Just needed to get away. Guess she just made it easy.”

The thing was, a part of her really could understand. She wanted to tell him it was okay, but suddenly feared that she would burst out crying should she so much as open her mouth. For some reason, she felt both miserable and extremely happy at the same time. And it was just so confusing. Not knowing what else to do, she simply reached out for him, sighing in relief when he immediately pulled her into his arms.


~ ~ ~

“You want me to wait out here? Or should I...?” Buffy nodded towards the large wooden door, leading into Drusilla’s house. She had insisted for William to come here and get his belongings first thing in the morning, just to get it over with, once and for all. He had agreed, although it was obvious that he wasn’t looking forward to facing Dru again. Not that Buffy could really blame him. So, she had offered to go with him.

Of course, he had told her it wasn’t really necessary, but she had been persistent. And she had a feeling that deep down – despite his words – William was grateful for her support. And that’s all it is, she firmly told herself. It wasn’t like she was here to gloat or anything. Surely she would be able to resist the urge to jump up and down with glee the moment Drusilla would open the door. Take that, you bitch!

“Might be best if you’d just wait here.” William gave her an apologetic look, pulling out a key from his pocket. “Kinda hoping she’s still asleep, but I’m probably not that lucky.” He grimaced. “Just wanna get my stuff and be done with it. Not in a mood for another fight.” As the key easily turned in the lock with a clicking sound, he raised a brow. “Huh. Still works. Half expected her to change the soddin’ locks as soon as I left last night.” He opened the door and stepped inside, leaving Buffy on the front porch with a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Dru?” William called out, looking around the room. No answer. Maybe he was in luck after all and she wouldn’t even be home. Then again, she was probably in bed, sleeping. Taking a deep breath, he quickly walked over to the bedroom door, knocking softly. “You in there?” Once again, he was met by silence. He waited a moment, then quietly pushed the door open and stepped inside.

The large bed was empty and made, but Drusilla was nowhere to be seen. Letting out the breath he had been holding, William hurried over to the huge wardrobe at the far end of the room. Opening the door and looking inside, his eyes widened in surprise at the sight that met him. Okay, what the bloody hell was going on here? Where were all his clothes?

“No point in looking. I burned them.”

William spun around at the sound of Drusilla’s cold voice, coming from behind him. His eyes narrowed. “You what?”

“The rest is gone as well.” She let out a giggle. “I already told you, Spike – you’re nothing without me. And now, you have nothing. Just the way it should be, don’t you think?” She batted her long eyelashes at him.

“You really are off your rocker, aren’t you?” William shook his head in disgust. “Fine. Know what? I don’t give a bloody damn. Just means I can get the hell out of here even faster. Here.” He tossed the key at her, holding back a smirk at the surprised look on her face as she caught it.

“Not so fast!” He ignored her and simply walked past her, eager to get out of the room, away from Drusilla and back to Buffy. She hurried after, grabbing his arm to stop him. “I said, not so fast. There’s something you should know.”

“Yeah?” William forced back a sigh, determined not to let anything she said affect him. “Really not interested.”

“Oh, I think this will in fact interest you very much.” Drusilla smiled, although her eyes remained cold as ice, and she ran her hand over her stomach, looking him straight in the eyes as she continued; “Because I still have one thing that belongs to you.”


TBC

Having been standing out on the porch for what seemed like hours – when in reality, it couldn’t have been more than fifteen minutes at the most – Buffy nearly jumped when the front door finally opened and William appeared in the doorway. Feeling like she had been holding her breath ever since he went inside, she was beyond relieved to see him.

That was, until she saw the look on his face. Refusing to meet her eyes, William walked past her without a word, leaving her to stare after him in confusion. “William?” She grabbed his arm to stop him, her heart beating painfully hard inside her chest. He stopped, not pulling away from her, but still not looking at her, either. Now she was becoming afraid. “What happened?”

“Let’s go.” William avoided her question, and she could suddenly feel the tension rolling off him in waves. Looking at him with big eyes, Buffy then glanced at the door, for some reason almost expecting Drusilla to stand there, laughing and saying something like ’you didn’t think I’d let him go that easily, did you?’ But the door remained closed, and Drusilla was nowhere to be seen.

“But...” Buffy swallowed, a million thoughts rushing through her mind at the same time, making her feel like her head was spinning. What was going on?

“Later.” William did look up then and their eyes met. He gave her an almost pleading look, silently begging her not to object, and she realized that while he was clearly upset, it was at least not directed at her. Inhaling shakily, Buffy nodded without a word. She couldn’t exactly blame him for wanting to get out of here.


~ ~ ~

Once they had finally made it back to Buffy’s place, she didn’t know whether to scream, cry, or simply throw things in frustration. William hadn’t said a word on the way back, and she had not dared to question him again. Closing the door behind her, she couldn’t take the silence anymore and crossed her arms over her chest. “Well? You better start talking, because I’m freaking out here.”

William opened his mouth, then closed it again. As he slowly made his way over to the couch and sat down, Buffy remained standing by the door, for some reason afraid to move any closer. Wrapping her arms protectively around herself, she gave him an expectant look. However, nothing in the world could have prepared her for his next words.

“Drusilla’s pregnant.” He kept his eyes on the floor. “Says it’s mine, but she can’t know that for sure, right?” When he was met by nothing but silence, he finally raised his head, giving her a fearful look. “Buffy?”

“Oh my God...” Staring at him in shock, Buffy could feel it all slipping away from her without being able to do a thing to stop it. “Please, tell me you’re kidding?”

Swallowing hard, William shook his head. “You gonna leave me now,” he whispered, the fear and desperation so evident in his voice that it nearly broke her heart. It made her snap out of it, though, and she was at his side before her mind had even registered that she was moving.

“Are you...?” Carefully sitting down next to him, she put a trembling hand on his knee. “Could there be even a slightest chance she’s lying?” Please, God, tell me it’s possible, her mind was screaming.

“Dunno.” His voice was trembling now. “Showed me the soddin’ test, looked pretty real to me.” He let out a bitter laugh. “Fuck!”

“Okay. Safe to assume she not lying, then.” Buffy was quiet for a moment, desperately trying to force back her emotions but not quite succeeding.

“Told me she was on the pill,” he muttered, almost too low for her to hear. Suddenly he felt like he was going to be sick.

Giving him a look of bewilderment, she was unable to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. “And you what? Just took her word for it? God, William, how could you be so irresponsible?!” He looked at her for a moment, then merely shrugged, the shame written all over his face.

Closing her eyes and silently counting to five, Buffy struggled to stay rational. “All right. What’s done is done. Now I guess the question is; what are you gonna do about it?”

William got a startled expression on his face. “I – I don’t know.”

Buffy couldn’t help but take pity on him; he seemed to be so lost. As far as she was concerned, this was a complete nightmare. And she could only imagine how William must be feeling. She took a deep breath. “Well, you said so yourself – she can’t know for sure it’s really yours. Until we know...” Hesitating briefly, she then went on; “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Oh, you have got to be joking!” He stared at her in utter disbelief. “How can you say that? How can you just sit there and take this so bloody lightly?!”

“Are you kidding?!” Buffy glared at him, rational thoughts forgotten. “If you think for one second that I’m taking any of this lightly...” She had to bite her tongue to prevent the tears from welling up in her eyes. “If you must know, I’m about this close to losing it.” Jumping up from the couch, she started pacing angrily back and forth.

Eyes widening, William got up as well, although he made no motion of approaching her. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I’ll leave if you want me to.”

Buffy stopped abruptly, knowing that was the last thing she wanted. In fact, the mere thought of him leaving now made her absolutely terrified. A part of her was still in shock, confused beyond words, but she also knew that this had to be just as frightening for William. Who was she kidding? It had to be even worse for him. For a moment, she felt like the most selfish person ever. She hadn’t even asked him how he felt about all of this.

“Please, don’t go.” Taking a hesitant step towards him, she then stopped, a few feet away. Suddenly, all she wanted was for him to take her in his arms and promise that everything would be okay. Their eyes met, and she realized that he probably needed the same thing from her. Shaking her head, Buffy tried to clear her thoughts. “William, I’m sorry. I’m not being fair. I’m just...” She hesitated. “...scared.”

William watched her in silence for a moment, then rolled his eyes and walked over to her. “Makes two of us, then.” He tilted his head to the side. “Buffy, you don’t owe me anything. But I need to know one thing. If I have to do this without you, please, just tell me now.” For a moment, she was almost certain she saw tears in his eyes.

“I love you.” The words were out of her mouth before she realized she had spoken them, and more importantly, she knew it was the truth. Finally closing the gap between them, Buffy stepped right into his arms. “I’m right here,” she told him firmly. “Not going anywhere. Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it.” She could feel at least some of the tension leave his body as she slipped her arms around him.

“Oh, thank God!” William chuckled, although it came out more like a sob. For a moment, they just stood there, clinging to each other. Then he pulled back a little, his eyes searching hers. “Don’t know what’s gonna happen,” he admitted. “Don’t want it to be mine, hell, I don’t want anything to do with her. But if it is...” He swallowed, lowering his eyes.

“You need to do what’s right,” Buffy finished with a nod. “Just as long as you remember that you have no responsibility towards Drusilla. Just towards the baby, should it turn out to be yours. And who knows? It might not be.”

“Yeah.” William looked down at his hands, realizing how badly they were shaking. The whole situation seemed unreal to him, and he couldn’t help but wish it was all just a bad dream. But if it was, he didn’t wake up. He should have known it was all too good to be true when Buffy told him that she wanted to be with him. Maybe there would always be something that prevented him from being truly happy.

Buffy could see that he was still pretty shaken, and while she couldn’t really blame him, it only made her more determined than ever to make sure Drusilla would never be able to come between her and William again, whether or not she was actually carrying his child. Although hooking up with Dru hadn’t been one of his smartest moves, he sure as hell didn’t deserve this.

She managed a small smile. “We’ll be okay, William. You’ll see.” Strangely, she realized that while she was trying to assure William, she was actually starting to believe her own words. There was just no way in hell Buffy would give up on them now. So, Drusilla wanted to play? Well, she didn’t know who she was up against. Maybe it was time for her to find out.


TBC

The following two days went by quietly, with Buffy and William spending most of the time together at her place. Like an unspoken rule, neither of them mentioned Drusilla or her pregnancy, and they were finally starting to allow themselves to relax and just enjoy each others company. Then, on the third day, the calling began.

The first time Drusilla called him, William was alone in the kitchen while Buffy was taking a shower. His eyes widened when he realized who it was, but he refused to show any sign that he had been taken off guard. To tell the truth, he had been hoping she had simply taken the hint and given up, but he supposed he should have known better.

“What do you want, Dru?” He forced back a sigh, resisting the urge to just throw the phone away from him in disgust.

”We need you, Spike.” Drusilla sounded eerily calm, and he could feel an outburst coming up. ”Baby needs its daddy. You can deny it all you like, but you can’t keep your eyes closed forever.”

William could feel an upcoming headache, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was not in a mood for this. “If it turns out the kid’s mine, I’ll do what I have to do. But we’re not getting back together, Dru. No matter what happens, you and I are through.” He listened to her rambling at the other end, then, when he realized she wasn’t about to stop, simply hung up.

He kept his eyes at his cell phone for almost a minute, letting out the breath he had been holding when it remained silent. Having almost expected her to call right back, he was relieved when it didn’t happen. Buffy was right, of course; he didn’t owe Drusilla anything. Still, there was the slightest possibility that she was in fact carrying his child.

Not that he wanted it to be true. Hell, he couldn’t think of a fate worse than that; having a baby with a woman he had come to despise. Especially since he was deeply in love with someone else. But the fact remained; he was partly responsible and there was no point in telling himself otherwise. Sure, Drusilla may have lied about being on the pill, but he hadn’t exactly cared about protection at the time. He had just wanted to get laid.

But, as it had turned out, Drusilla hadn’t exactly been faithful during their short but intense relationship. Now he could do little more than hope he wasn’t the unlucky bastard who had managed to knock her up. The idea of countless sexually transmitted diseases kept nagging at the back of his mind, and he made a mental note to make a doctor’s appointment as soon as possible. At least he and Buffy had used protection. The mere thought of possibly passing anything on to her made him feel sick.

William wondered – and not for the first time – how he could have been so bloody stupid. Thinking back at his foolish actions now made him feel like the most irresponsible and pathetic person ever. But honestly, before he and Buffy got back together, he had simply not cared. And that made him feel like whatever he got now, it was no more than he deserved. Only problem was, Buffy didn’t deserve any of this.

“Hey.” The girl in question chose that moment to enter the kitchen and William nearly jumped at the sound of her voice behind him. She smiled a little. “What do you wanna do today?”

“Dunno.” He swallowed, unable to take his eyes away from her. She really was beautiful. Beautiful, sweet, kind, and all his. He just couldn’t help but wonder for how long.

“Wanna go out for breakfast? Or we could...” Buffy got cut off by his cell phone ringing, causing him to freeze in his tracks. She gave him a questioning look. “Aren’t you gonna get that?”

Casting a brief look at the display, William quickly pushed a button and the ringing stopped. He let the phone slip down in his pocket. “So, breakfast, eh? Sounds good. Feeling a bit peckish.”

Buffy frowned. “Who was that?”

Grabbing the jacket he had casually thrown over a chair, William avoided her eyes as he started to put it on. “Wrong number.”

“It was her, wasn’t it?” Buffy sighed when he still wouldn’t look at her. “William?”

“So what if it was? Not like I’m gonna talk to her.” William could hear the defensive note in his voice and took a deep breath. “Sorry, luv. Shouldn’t take it out on you. Forgive me?”

“Sure.” She hesitated for a moment. “You okay?”

“Course,” he responded, automatically, ignoring the doubtful look on Buffy’s face. “Let’s get out of here.” She nodded in agreement, giving him a somewhat uncertain smile as he took her hand and squeezed it, softly. They made it as far as through the door before the ringing started again.


~ ~ ~

“This is nice.” Buffy smiled, playing with the little umbrella in her drink. “Though I have to admit, when you said you were taking me out on a date tonight, I didn’t think this was the place you had in mind.” She and William was sitting at a small table at The Bronze, watching the people passing by on their way to the bar or the dance floor.

“Oh.” He glanced at her, suddenly feeling a little stupid. “Take you some place fancier next time, pet. Just thought it’d be nice to get out for a while.”

“Didn’t say I mind.” She gave him an assuring smile. “I like it here. After all, this is where we met.” A pause. “Again. You know what I mean.”

William chuckled. “Yeah.” Their eyes met. Suddenly the rest of the world seemed so distant. It felt good.

“It’s been quiet.” Seeing his confusion, Buffy hurried to clarify; “The phone. Hasn’t been ringing for hours.”

“Yeah, well...” He got a sheepish look on his face. “Turned it off a while ago.”

Her smile faded a little. “Oh.” She was quiet for a moment. “Can I see?”

He just shrugged, reached into his pocket and handed her the phone. She turned it on, and her eyes widened. “William...”

“What?” She held it up so he could see. The display showed twenty-seven missed phone calls. All of them coming from the same number. A number he knew all too well. “Oh bloody hell!” They both jumped as the phone immediately started ringing. William reached for it automatically, but Buffy had already flicked it open.

“What the hell’s your problem, you stupid bitch?! Just stop calling and leave him alone!” The fury in Buffy’s voice was impossible to miss, and William found himself being glad that he was not the one who had pissed her off. A moment later, she handed him the phone back with a triumphant look on her face. “She hung up.”

“No kidding...” William rolled his eyes and put the phone back down in his pocket. “I know, I know,” he mumbled as he saw her expression. “It’s getting ridiculous.”

“I think we’re way past ridiculous.” Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. “William, she’s obsessed. You need to...”

“What am I supposed to do? Huh?” William struggled not to lose his temper. He was not angry at Buffy, but he was becoming seriously fed up with the situation. “I already tried to talk to her, Buffy. Told her to get off my back. But she won’t bloody listen!”

“I know.” Buffy put her hand on top of his. “I’m not blaming you.”

“Maybe you should.” He let out a sigh. “I mean it, Buffy; I’m at loss of what to do here. Not sure what the bloody hell she wants from me, but she’s not getting it.”

Buffy squeezed his hand, a sympathetic look on her face. “William, you can’t just keep your phone off forever.”

“Fine.” He picked up his beer and took a large swig. “I’ll change the number, then.”

“That won’t solve anything.” Buffy was starting to get frustrated. “She obviously won’t give up that easily.”

“Think I don’t know that?!” William slammed the empty beer bottle down, hard, on the table. “Know I screwed up, all right? Never should’ve gotten involved with her. I realize that now. But...” He took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down. “Point is, I did. I’m in deep shit here, Buffy. Just don’t know how to fix it.”

Buffy was silent for a moment. Then she nodded. “Okay. We’ll think of something. Just promise me one thing.” He gave her a questioning look, and she went on; “We have something here, William. Something good. Don’t let her ruin it.”

His eyes widened and he swallowed, hard. “Buffy, I...”

“I mean it.” She gave him a firm look. “I love you, William. I’m not gonna let Drusilla come between us. Are you?”

He shook his head, desperately fighting back the tears that threatened to well up at her words. “Never.”

“Good.” Buffy leaned in to give him a soft kiss on the lips before getting up. “Need to go to the bathroom. Be right back.”

“Right.” William gave her a weak smile, getting up as well. “I’ll be at the bar. Want anything?” She shook her head. He pulled her into his arms, hugged her hard before reluctantly letting go of her and headed towards the bar.

Ordering himself another beer, William waited patiently for the bartender to return with his drink. At first, he didn’t react when he felt a presence next to him. After all, the bar was crowded. Then someone grabbed him by the arm, jerking him away from the bar, and he spun around. “What the bloody...?!” He didn’t get to finish until the fist hit him straight in the face.


TBC

Stumbling back in surprise, William stared at the large man in front of him in disbelief. Just his luck, he thought, grimly. Could this day possibly get any worse? As the dark-haired man pulled back his fist, ready to strike again, William instantly reacted and blocked the second punch. “What the bleedin’ hell’s your problem?!” Not waiting for an answer, he jumped his attacker, who was clearly taken by surprise.

Already having a bad day, with Dru and her revelation about the pregnancy, a fight was in fact something he welcomed, although it still pissed him off that this wanker had managed to take him off guard. William had no idea what his reasons were, nor did he care. Instead he kept pounding on the seemingly stronger man until his face was no more than a bloody mess. He wouldn’t have stopped there, but someone stepped between them.

“Hey, that’s enough! Leave, or I’ll call the police.” A heavy-looking bouncer grabbed him hard and pushed him towards the exit. William raised his hands in surrender and stomped off, only to run into Buffy who had just returned from the bathroom.

Her eyes widened when she saw his swollen nose and the blood on his face. “Oh my God, what happened?!”

“M’fine. Come on, pet, we’re leaving.” Taking hold of her hand, William pushed his way through the crowd, leading her out of the club. He stopped just outside, turning to Buffy who was watching him with a wary expression on her face. “Look, I...” he started, but was interrupted by a somewhat slurry voice, coming from behind them.

“Not so fast, you bastard! I’m not done with you.”

He spun around, finding himself standing face to face with the man he had all but beaten into a bloody pulp. William recognized him all too well from school, as one of the guys Drusilla had dated before him. His name was Liam O’Connor, but Dru always referred to him as Angel. He couldn’t help but wonder what it was with her and those ridiculous nicknames. Now he raised a brow. “Be happy to finish our little... talk, mate. If you think you can handle it, that is. Don’t look so good.” He paused. “Second thought, I’d say it’s a soddin’ improvement.”

“William!” Buffy stared at him in shock, having not seen this side of him before. “What the hell’s going on?! You did this?” She gestured to Liam’s face.

“Yeah, well, he bloody started it!” William got a hurt expression on his face, upset that she automatically seemed to assume it was his fault. He sure didn’t need this crap right now. Taking a deep breath, he turned back to Liam, who was angrily wiping some of the blood off his face. “You’re off your bleedin’ rocker! What the fucking hell did I ever do to you?”

“Not about me, you pathetic piece of shit!” Liam glared at him, then gestured towards Buffy. “That little slut your new girlfriend? She’s cute. Have you told her how you knocked up your ex?”

Before William even got the chance to react, Buffy took a step forward and slapped Liam across the face. “That’s for calling me a slut, you jerk! And just who the hell do you think you are? This is so none of your business!” She slid her arm around William’s waist, her act making it perfectly clear as to where her loyalties were. It was hard to say who was more surprised by her outburst; William or Liam.

Liam’s shoulders slumped a bit and he seemed to calm down a little. “Look, Dru told me what happened, and...”

“And you, what?” William interrupted him, giving him an incredulous look. “Decided to stand up and defend her honor? Got some news for you, hair boy – there’s nothing honorable about that bitch!”

Liam’s eyes narrowed, and for a moment, William was certain that he would punch him again. Then he let out a sigh. “You don’t know her.”

“Oh, and I suppose you do?” William let out a snort as realization hit him. “You’re in love with her.”

Liam scoffed at him, then looked away. “She doesn’t really care about you, you know. She only started dating you in the first place to get back at me.”

William clenched his fists. “Never bloody asked for this! Just want her to leave. Me. Alone!”

Looking a little taken aback for a moment, Liam glanced at Buffy, her arm still protectively around William. She gave her boyfriend a questioning look and when he nodded, she rolled her eyes. “Fine. I need to go back and get my jacket, anyway. But you two better not kill each other while I’m gone.” And she was off.

“You don’t mess with her,” Liam finally said, quietly. “Drusilla, I mean. She’ll find a way to get back at you.” A pause. “Believe me, I know.”

Noticing that Liam didn’t really seem to be interested in fighting anymore, seeing how he was now clearly brooding, William felt strangely disappointed. His fingers were still itching to beat the living crap out of someone, preferably Liam. It was a feeling he was not very familiar with, but this bloke seemed to bring out the worst in him. He and Drusilla, obviously.

“One little mistake,” Liam went on, throwing his arms up in agitation. “That’s all. It wasn’t even my fault. I mean, sure, I slept with Darla, but...”

“Why are you telling me this?” William crossed his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling a headache coming up. “You want her back, is that it? Fine. Good luck with that. Really couldn’t care less.”

Liam looked surprised for a moment, like he had almost forgotten that he wasn’t alone. Then he shook his head. “You don’t get it, Willie. She got to you, and now you’re her new obsession. You don’t walk away from Drusilla. She’s the one who decides when it’s over.” He let out a sigh. “She’s... special, that way.”

“Sure.” William nodded. “If by ‘special’, you mean a complete nutcase.”

“May be so.” Liam was silent for a moment. Then he looked away. “Like I said; you don’t really know her. You only know the side of her she wants you to know. I, on the other hand...” He swallowed.

“What?” William rolled his eyes, still annoyed. “What are you on about?”

“You didn’t hear this from me, all right?” Liam gave him a warning look before he went on; “When Dru was about ten years old, she accidentally walked in on her parents arguing. Turned out her father had been having an affair with another woman. He took off the same night. One week later...” He looked up, his eyes meeting William’s. “...her mother committed suicide. Drowned herself in the bathtub while Drusilla was at school. She was the one who found her.”

“Bloody hell!” William’s eyes widened in shock. “That’s...” He realized that he had no idea what to say. “Oh, fuck!”

“Yeah.” Liam let out a bitter laugh. “Dru told me her mother left her a note. She even showed it to me. This was years ago, by the way, and we were both drunk at the time. She never brought it up again.”

William nodded in understanding, suddenly feeling like his head was spinning. He didn’t want to know about this. He wanted to be able to keep hating Dru for what she had done to him. But he couldn’t help himself; he had to ask. “The note. What did it say?”

Liam watched him for a moment, then shook his head. “I’m not gonna tell you. It’s too personal. Just trust me when I say this. It explains quite a lot about why she’s acting the way she does.”

“Right.” William felt his anger fade. It was all starting to make sense to him now; Drusilla’s strange attitude towards love, her cold behavior, her obvious lack of empathy. She was unable to believe in love, because she had witnessed one of the cruelest betrayals of them all – a father’s betrayal of his family. He inhaled, shakily. “I... I didn’t know.”

“That’s right,” Liam agreed, calmly. “Of course you didn’t. Because she doesn’t want you to know. So don’t even think about running back to her and tell her you’re sorry. She’s not gonna want your pity. I’m only telling you this because she was clearly upset when I ran into her.” William opened his mouth, but Liam wasn’t finished; “She says the kid’s yours, but you guys have been together for what? A month?”

William swallowed. “Six weeks. And she can’t possibly know for sure. I mean, there’s been others.” He lowered his eyes, suddenly feeling ashamed.

“Look...” Liam got an almost sympathetic expression on his face. “Far as I can tell, she might as well already been pregnant when the two of you started dating. But that’s not the point.” He sighed. “You asked if I was in love with her. In a way, I am. But, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, she’s not an easy person to love.”

“Tell me about it.” William was quiet for a moment. “Look, mate, don’t know what you want me to say. I’m sorry ‘bout what Dru’s been through and all, but I’m in love with Buffy. You want her back, I’m not gonna stand in your way. But honestly, she’s the one who can’t seem to let go. Not really sure what to do about it.”

“I hear you.” Liam nodded, a serious look on his face. “But you better figure something out, Willie, before things get even more out of hand. Don’t you agree?”


TBC

”Wow…” Buffy was quiet for a moment, not quite sure how to respond to the news about Drusilla. As she poured hot chocolate into two large cups, she cast a glance at William who was standing next to her, eating mini marshmallows directly out of the bag. “Do you feel guilty?”

He raised a brow in question. “Think I should?”

“No.” She responded immediately, without even thinking. “You’ve done nothing wrong. You know that, right?”

“Right.” Snatching the bag of marshmallows from the kitchen counter, he followed Buffy into the living room. “Feel a bit bad for her, though. Must’ve been a bloody nightmare.”

“Probably.” Buffy nodded in agreement. “No one should have to go through something like that. But...” She hesitated, unsure of how to continue.

William tilted his head to the side. “What?”

Taking a small sip of the steaming hot beverage in her cup, Buffy let out a sigh. “I wanna feel sorry for her, and I guess in some way, I do. But it’s kinda hard.” She paused. “Honestly, William, Drusilla’s not a nice person. The way I see it, a traumatic experience from your childhood is no excuse for using people and acting like a bitch.”

“Yeah.” William picked up his own cup, but did no motion of drinking. “Just feel like I should, I don’t know, talk to her or something.”

“And tell her what?” Buffy gave him a look of confusion. “Besides, I thought Liam said not to...”

William interrupted her with a snort. “Right. Give me one good reason why I should listen to that bleedin’ ponce.”

She bit her lip. “Thought you didn’t want anything to do with Drusilla anymore.”

“Oh, bloody hell! I don’t.” He rolled his eyes. “But in case you haven’t noticed, she’s not making it very easy for me. Figured if I’d go talk to her instead of just trying to avoid her, she might actually listen to me.”

It was her turn to let out a snort. “Yeah, ‘cause that turned out really well the last time.” He gave her a somewhat annoyed look, but didn’t say anything. “Fine. But if you’re gonna go see her, I’m coming with you.”

“Um...” William got a skeptic expression on his face. “Not sure if that’s such a good idea, luv.”

“Maybe not. But I don’t care.” The stubborn note in Buffy’s voice made it clear to him that the matter was not up for discussion. “You go – I go. Simple as that.”

He looked at her for a moment, then nodded in acceptance. “All right.”

She frowned, having not expected him to give in so easily. Then she realized that he didn’t look forward to another confrontation with Drusilla, anymore than she did. He just didn’t see any other option. Buffy’s heart went out to him, and she reached out and put her hand on his knee. “It’s gonna be okay.”

William gave her a small smile before slipping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. “Hope you’re right, pet.”

“Of course I’m right.” She sounded a lot more certain than she really was, even managing to return his smile. “Now, let’s just forget all about Drusilla for tonight. It’s late. How about we finish our chocolate and go to bed?”

“Depends.” His brow went up, suggestively. “Planning to go to sleep right away, or...?” Seeing how she blushed, he couldn’t help but smirk.

“Well...” Her eyes met his. “Not necessarily.”

He jumped up from the couch, grabbed her hand and pulled her up on her feet as well. “In that case, what are we bloody waiting for?” Buffy giggled and let him lead her into the bedroom.


~ ~ ~

The next day, William and Buffy jumped into the car and headed for Drusilla’s house. There had been no more phone calls since last night, but that was probably only because William had kept his cell phone off. When he rang the door bell, he was determined to get Dru to listen to him, once and for all, and then leave.

Buffy glanced at him, not wanting him to know how nervous she really was. “I’m thinking brief stay.”

William nodded in agreement. “Yeah, you’re not wrong.” The door swung open, and he found himself standing face to face with Liam. He frowned. “Well, look at that. Not wasting any time, are you?”

Liam looked a little uncomfortable, casting a look over his shoulder. “What are you doing here?” Then he noticed Buffy for the first time. “And why did you bring her?”

William opened his mouth, but Buffy beat him to it; “First of all; no one brought me here. This may come as a surprise to you, but I’m not an object. I’m fully capable of making my own decisions, thank you very much.” She turned to her boyfriend. “I don’t like him.”

“Know the feeling, pet.” William ignored the somewhat hurt look on Liam’s face. “So, where is she?”

Liam looked from William to Buffy, then let out a sigh and took a step back. “Fine. You guys might as well come in. I’ll get her.”


~ ~ ~

Drusilla watched the newly arrived visitors with a blank expression on her face, making sure not to let her fury show. She had not expected William to show up again so soon, and even more upsetting was the fact that he hadn’t even had the decency to come alone. No, he had to bring that cheap little slut, as if he hadn’t humiliated her enough already.

At least she had company as well. When Liam had showed up at her doorstep last night, she had almost slammed the door in his face. The nerve of him! At first, he had practically begged her to let him in, insisting he had to talk to her. But when he seemed to realize that she only found his behavior pathetic, he had lost his temper. Calling her all sorts of names, accusing her of being a selfish bitch.

For some reason, his anger had turned her on. And she had let him in. Of course, she was not interested in hearing any of his lame excuses. However, after what he had put her through – with Darla – he owed her a lot, and he was clearly willing to try and make it up to her. She had made it perfectly clear to him that she was the one in charge, and he had been wise enough not to object.

She had let him fuck her for hours, in any ways possible, until they were both too exhausted to go on. But when he had finally fallen asleep on top of her, his arms tightly around her and his cock still inside her, she had firmly pushed him off her and down on the floor. If he thought she would allow him to sleep in her bed, he was sadly mistaken. And yet, when she had woken up this morning, he was still here.

Drusilla suddenly got the feeling that Liam genuinely regretted what he had done, and really wanted her back. She just wasn’t sure how she felt about it. In a way, she suspected that he would be more willing to play the father of her unborn child than William ever would. In fact, Liam might even accept the baby, even if it would turn out not to be his.

But she refused to let William off the hook that easily. She wanted revenge; wanted him to look at her and realize that he had lost the most precious thing he’d ever had in his pathetic life. Wanted him to beg her to take him back while she just laughed right in his face. She wanted the baby to be his, just so she could take it away from him without giving him a chance to even look at it.

Still, the idea of actually having the baby seemed to get less and less appealing. Deep down, she doubted that she would be able to go through with it, knowing that she wasn’t exactly fit for being a mother. But she would never admit it out loud. The thought of having an abortion had crossed her mind more than once over the last couple of days, but something was holding her back.

Her pregnancy could very well be her last link to William; the one thing she still had to use against him. Then again, there might be a way she could kill two birds with one stone. An idea was slowly starting to take form in her head. It might be a bit risky, but she didn’t doubt that she would be able to pull it off. She had always been a good actor. A smile spread on her face.

Some might say it was a cruel plan, or even pure evil. As far as she was concerned, it was absolutely perfect. William deserved to suffer. Of course, he would never realize what hit him. Drusilla cocked her head to the side. “Hello, Spike. I’m so glad you came.”


TBC

William didn’t know just what kind of game Drusilla was playing at the moment, but was determined to make his point and be out of there as soon as possible. For some reason, her acting all civilized made him feel uncomfortable, not to mention convinced that she was up to something. “We need to talk, Dru. This has to stop.”

She made her way over to them, coming to stand next to Liam and slipping her arm around his waist. “Whatever do you mean?”

He noticed the look of surprise on the other man’s face, but didn’t comment. Instead, he rolled his eyes. “You know bloody well what I’m talking about.” William pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and held it up in front of her. “Forty-six soddin’ missed phone calls over the last twenty-four hours, all of ‘em coming from you. Got something to say, here’s your chance. Then I want you to leave me alone.”

“Oh.” Drusilla smiled a little. “I was very eager to speak with you. Perhaps I got a little carried away.”

“A little?!” Buffy let out a snort, staring at the dark-haired woman in disbelief.

Drusilla ignored her and went on; “A true miracle is growing inside me, and it is a part of you, whether you like it or not. All I want is for you to accept it. Then I won’t bother you anymore.”

William gave her a doubtful look. “No offense, Dru, but I find that a bit hard to believe. Tell you what. Give me a ring when the kid’s born, and I’ll be happy to take a paternity test. Until then, just stay the hell away from me.” A part of him almost cringed at the hard words coming from his mouth, but he forced himself to stay strong.

After all, he didn’t owe Drusilla anything. He realized that now. She had only been using him for her own selfish reasons, and he had a sinking feeling she wasn’t finished with him yet. Too bad for her. He sure as hell was finished with her. Still, he was starting to suspect that Drusilla’s life wasn’t nearly as perfect as she wanted people to think.

Well, that wasn’t his fault, now, was it? She clearly hadn’t trusted him enough to confide in him. If she had, he would have been supportive. He didn’t want to admit it, but the fact that she had told Liam about her past and not him actually hurt a little. Whether he had been in love with her or not, he had always been there for her during their short relationship.

Drusilla’s eyes narrowed and she clenched her fists in fury. Although she struggled not to let her anger show. She needed William to believe she had truly changed. So, she managed to squeeze out a single tear. “You hurt my feelings. My heart is telling me you are the father, and if taking a paternity test is the only way for you to believe what I already know, then so be it. You will get the proof you so desperately want.”

She was pleased with how confident she sounded, like she didn’t doubt her words for a second. Of course, she knew perfectly well that William wasn’t more likely to be the father than Liam, or any of the other men she had been with over the past months. Still, she wasn’t worried. William would never get a chance to take a paternity test. But she had to make him think she was all for it.

Now she could feel Liam’s eyes on her, and she knew she had some explaining to do as soon as William and his little girlfriend had left. But she wasn’t worried about that, either. Liam was so eager for her to forgive him, that he would gladly swallow any white lie she could come up with. Actually, he would be the least of her problems.

Drusilla was fully convinced that her plan would work. She would make William believe that she genuinely wanted the baby. If she knew him half as well as she thought she did, he would – despite his words – be there for her all the way, as long as there was even the slightest chance that the baby belonged to him. He was that noble, after all.

If she could convince William that she wanted to get back with Liam, and wouldn’t try to get between him and his precious Buffy, then he would most likely be a lot less hostile towards her. And given some time, she didn’t doubt that she could get him to find the idea of being a father quite appealing. He would come to look forward to it, just as much as he would think she did.

Then came the tricky part. She would have to secretly get an appointment for having an abortion, preferably out of town, and make sure she could do it without anyone ever finding out. Hopefully, that wouldn’t be too hard. Then she would simply claim to have miscarried. She knew a male doctor in LA who owed her a favor for not telling his wife about his secret affairs; it would be quite easy to blackmail him into backing up her story.

Everybody would think she was truly crushed about losing the baby, and William would feel so sorry for her that he would do just about anything to make her smile again. She would play the part as a grieving mother perfectly, and it was just a matter of time before she would have him wrapped around her little finger. It was perfect.

Only, somewhere inside her head, a persistent little voice kept telling her that maybe she was taking things too far; that she should forget about this plan of hers before it would seriously blow up in her face. But she stubbornly pushed the voice to the farthest back of her mind. She wasn’t about to back down now.


~ ~ ~

“You’re being awfully quiet, pet. Care to let me know what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” William hoped he didn’t sound as worried as he actually felt. He couldn’t quite explain it, but he suddenly feared that his new-found happiness was about to slip away from him, and he wouldn’t be able to do a thing to stop it.

Maybe he was just being paranoid. God, how he hoped that was the case. Drusilla had insisted that she wasn’t interested in them getting back together, that she and Liam were going to start over. She just wanted him to promise to be there for the baby if – or as she had put it; when – it would turn out to be his and he couldn’t deny the truth any longer.

William didn’t like to admit it, but Drusilla had seemed so convinced in her belief that he was the father of her unborn child that he was starting to wonder if she could be right after all. Of course, deep down, he realized that she couldn’t know for sure. It was more likely that – like Liam had said – she had already been pregnant when they had first started going out.

But if he was wrong, and the child would turn out to be his, then what? William had always wanted children, so it wasn’t the idea of becoming a father that scared him. But he also wanted a family. He wanted to get married some day. And more importantly; he wanted to have all of that with Buffy, not with Drusilla. Never with Drusilla.

He also felt a little guilty for hoping he wouldn’t be the father, for not wanting this baby. After all, the child was innocent and deserved two loving parents. And he honestly couldn’t see Drusilla putting someone else’s needs before her own. He swallowed, knowing that this kid deserved much better parents than he and Dru could ever be.

“I don’t know, I just...” Buffy hesitated, not sure how to explain. When Drusilla had told them she wanted to get back together with Liam, she had been relieved, but still, a part of her couldn’t help but think that it just seemed a bit too good to be true. Liam’s face had been a mixture of happiness, surprise and confusion, and Buffy got the feeling Drusilla hadn’t even bothered to discuss it with him before bringing it up.

And there was something else that didn’t quite add up. When William had broken up with Drusilla, she had been furious. And now, it was like she didn’t even care anymore. All of the sudden, she had come to the realization that it was in fact Liam she wanted. And yet she kept insisting that this baby of hers belonged to William. No, Buffy had a bad feeling about all of this.

“Having second thoughts? ‘Bout us, I mean?” William clearly tried to keep his tone light, but didn’t quite succeed.

“What? No! God, no.” The relieved expression on his face made her heart ache and she walked right into his arms, buried her face against his chest and tried to keep the tears from falling. It was just not fair. She and William deserved some happiness at last, didn’t they? So why did the entire world suddenly seem to be against them?

She was taken by surprise when William crashed his lips against hers, but didn’t complain. Instead she returned the kiss almost desperately, clinging to him like she was afraid he would suddenly disappear into thin air. And when he pulled her shirt over her head and gently pushed her up against the wall, she immediately started tugging on his jeans.

“Please,” she gasped as he started pressing feather light kisses down her neck, before letting his tongue softly trace her collarbone. “William, I need you. Now!”

She didn’t have to tell him twice.


TBC

The weeks went by quietly – not to mention quickly – for Buffy and William, and it seemed like Drusilla had actually decided to leave them alone. Although William was partly relieved, he still wasn’t able to completely let it go and relax. He found it a bit hard to believe that she had suddenly changed her mind, just like that, but since he didn’t want Buffy to worry, he kept his suspicions to himself.

A part of him still wondered how it would affect his relationship with Buffy, should he turn out to be the father of Drusilla’s child. But he preferred not thinking so far ahead. Deep down, he knew he was being selfish; sooner or later, he would have to stop living in denial and face the facts. But to tell the truth, the whole situation felt somewhat unreal to him.

He figured that on some level, he still hoped it would all turn out to be some kind of misunderstanding; that Drusilla wasn’t really pregnant after all. But then came the day when she called him to let him know she had an appointment for her first ultrasound, asking him to come along, and he realized he couldn’t keep lying to himself any longer. It was really happening. And from that day, things started to change.

Buffy – as always – was being supportive, offering to come as well. William almost accepted her offer, but realized it wouldn’t be fair to her. Not that he didn’t want her to be there, but it didn’t seem right to put her in such an awkward position. Hell, he was uncomfortable with the whole thing; he could only imagine how Buffy would feel.

From the moment he arrived at the hospital, Liam kept glaring at him, clearly annoyed by his presence, but William ignored him. Drusilla was lying on her back as the doctor moved the probe over her slightly rounded belly. Watching the monitor screen in fascination, William’s eyes widened as the doctor pointed out the fetus.

Seeing his reaction, Liam quickly took a step closer to Drusilla. William suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at the other man’s possessive behavior. Gently wiping away the conducting gel from Drusilla’s abdomen, the female doctor watched the two men with a sympathetic look on her face as she spoke up; “I realize this must be a strange situation for all three of you.”

“Just don’t see why he has to be here,” Liam muttered with a nod in William’s direction as Drusilla pulled her shirt back down and sat up.

The doctor opened her mouth to say something, but Drusilla cut her off, her expression unreadable; “I don’t feel very good, Angel. I want to go home.”

Liam immediately forgot all about William and nodded in agreement. “Whatever you want, baby.” He reached out his hand towards her, but she stepped past him, ignoring the hurt look on his face.

The doctor was talking again, but William had stopped listening. There really was a tiny little person growing inside Drusilla, possibly a part of him. It didn’t change the way he felt about her, but he was suddenly able to see things from a different perspective. The baby had not asked to be brought into this world. Yet, here it was, completely helpless and innocent.

All of the sudden, he couldn’t wait to get back home to Buffy and tell her. For some reason, he felt like a huge weight had lifted from his shoulders. The birth of this child – whether or not it would turn out to be his – would not change anything between him and Buffy. They would be okay. As long as he believed that, as long as he and Buffy truly loved each other, they had nothing to worry about.

It was time to stop dreading the day when the truth about the fatherhood would be known, time to stop looking at Drusilla’s pregnancy as a burden. After all, the birth of a child was nothing less than a miracle. One day, he and Buffy would hopefully have children of their own. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t love this kid as well. As long as he had helped bringing it here.


~ ~ ~

“What’s wrong, Dru? You haven’t said a word since we left the hospital.” Liam didn’t want to admit that he was brooding. Over the last couple of weeks, he and Drusilla had found their way back together, and lately, things had seemed to be better than ever between them. At least, as far as he was concerned.

She had finally seemed to forgiven him for his little mistake with Darla, all those months ago, and more importantly, she had also appeared to be over her disturbing obsession with William. For some reason, she had seemed a little uncomfortable discussing her pregnancy, but then again, given the circumstances, he couldn’t really blame her.

However, Liam had brought up the subject, wanting to make it clear to her that – no matter what happened – he wanted to be the one to raise the child with her. And she hadn’t objected. Deep down, he had fully believed himself to be the father; that – like he had told William – she had already been pregnant before they got together.

Unfortunately, he had turned out to be wrong. The doctor had been able to determine a likely date for the fertilization, and Liam was forced to admit that he couldn’t possibly be the father after all. He wasn’t sure of just how many other guys Drusilla had been with beside William, and to tell the truth, he didn’t really wanna know. He also realized that he was in no position to play judge.

Drusilla avoided his eyes, struggling to keep the panic from welling up inside her. She needed to get an appointment for having the abortion as soon as possible, before it would be too late and she would have to give birth to the child after all. But listening to the heartbeats on the monitor had made the situation so much more real; something she hadn’t counted on.

She had a life growing inside of her, and she got to decide whether or not that life should be allowed to keep existing. For some reason, it didn’t seem right. Who gave her the right to play God? Suddenly, her longing for revenge seemed so petty. But at the same time, she didn’t want this pregnancy to carry on. She didn’t like the way her body was changing, and she felt sick all the time.

It was safe to say that she hated being pregnant. And just thinking about how it would go on for months, only to end with a pain so bad it was probably indescribable, both infuriated and terrified her. She wasn’t ready for this. In fact, she didn’t think she would ever be. So, there really was no other option. She would have to get rid of it.

She found herself wondering if Liam would understand, should she decide to tell him. Since they got back together, he had acted differently around her; treated her with more respect, like he had been given a second chance. He kept declaring his love for her all the time, and she knew he thought she had forgiven him, although she hadn’t spoken the words out loud.

But what Liam didn’t know was the fact that she still didn’t believe him. He was the only one who knew the truth about her past, and yet, he had betrayed her. Going back to him had been convenient, but the truth was, although she let him take her every night, she had come to despise him. Yet she allowed him to stay in her house, in her bed.

Sometimes, she wondered if there was something seriously wrong with her, considering the way she was acting. Of course, she quickly dismissed the thought, every time. There couldn’t be anything wrong with her. It was everything else in the world that was wrong. She had told William that he wasn’t good enough for her. But Drusilla Reynolds fully believed that the rest of the world was simply beneath her.

She quickly made up her mind. “I need to make a phone call.”

“A phone call?” Liam frowned. “To who?”

“That’s not important.” Drusilla gave him a cold look. “At least not to you.”

He crossed his arms over his chest, his face a mixture of confusion and irritation. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Tell me something.” She tilted her head, slightly. “Would you take pride in raising the child of another man as your own?”

Liam was quiet for a moment, then lowered his eyes. “Can’t say the idea makes me jump for joy.”

Drusilla nodded, like it was the response she had been expecting. “Don’t worry, my Angel. It will not come to that.”

He opened his mouth, then closed it again as her words started to sink in. “Dru? What are you saying?”


~ ~ ~

“Must be hard, not knowing.” Buffy got a thoughtful expression on her face as she snuggled closer to William on the bed, her finger drawing patterns on his bare chest. “I mean, I know she says the baby’s yours, but...”

“...we both know she’s probably been shagging the whole bloody town,” William finished. There was no sarcasm in his voice; it was just a simple matter of fact.

“This will probably sound weird...” Buffy hesitated for a moment before she went on; “But in a way, for the sake of the baby, I hope it is yours.”

He raised a brow in surprise, turning his head so he could look at her. “Why’s that?”

“Think about it.” She bit her lip. “Despite the fact that she claims to find her pregnancy to be somewhat of a blessing, do you actually believe Drusilla is capable of suddenly becoming a loving mother?”

“And care for someone other than herself?” William snorted. “Not bloody likely.”

“My point exactly.” Buffy let out a sigh. “And honestly, do you think any of the other guys she’s been with would be prepared to start acting like a devoted father?”

He looked at her for a moment, then rolled his eyes. “Hear what you’re saying, luv. But what makes you so sure I’d do any better?”

“Are you kidding?” She gave him a soft smile. “William, you’d be a wonderful father. I’d never doubt that for a second.”

“Think so?” Buffy nodded, almost shyly. William felt strangely touched by her words. It also made him hope that she seriously considered the idea of the two of them starting a family of their own some day.

Not to mention the fact that it meant the world to him that Buffy seemed to genuinely accept the thought of another woman possibly carrying his child. Because he was slowly getting used to the idea of becoming a father. And it was starting to feel kinda good.


TBC

”Let me see if I got this straight.” Liam paused. “You don’t want this kid?”

Drusilla crossed her arms over her chest. “No, I don’t.”

He was silent for a moment, then nodded in acceptance. “Okay.” The way her face darkened made him realize it had been the wrong thing to say. He just wasn’t sure he understood why. “What?”

“Is that all you have to say?” Her voice was cold.

“I...” Liam let out a frustrated sigh. “What do you want me to say? It’s your body. I really have no say in this. Maybe you should be having this discussion with the father. Except that you don’t know who it is.” He shook his head in irritation.

“You really don’t care.” It was a state of fact, not a question. Drusilla watched him, closely. She felt like her head was spinning. Liam kept going on about how much he wanted her, that he would be there for her no matter what. And still, he obviously couldn’t care less about whether or not she chose to have this child.

“I care about you,” Liam insisted. “And if you decide to keep it, that’s fine. I’ll help you out, I already told you. But the thing is, you clearly don’t want to keep it. So I really don’t see why we’re even having this conversation.”

“Very well.” She sounded calm, but inside, she was fuming. “I’m getting rid of it.”

He nodded, somewhat carefully this time. “Maybe it’s for the best. If you wanna have a kid some day, we’ll get one. I promise.”

“I see.” Drusilla’s eyes narrowed. “Tell me something, Angel. If this baby might have been yours, would you still feel the same way?”

He looked at her in confusion. “Does it really matter? It’s not.”

Drusilla didn’t want the child. She just wanted it all to be over. Still, for some reason, his words made her feel cold inside. Liam had listened to the heartbeats on the monitor, just like she had. He knew there was a living thing growing inside her. And yet, he took it so lightly. It just felt wrong, somehow, how this child, this human being, was so clearly wanted by no one.

It suddenly occurred to her that by having an abortion, she was in fact doing her unborn child a favor. Because the world was a cold, hard place, where nobody gave a damn about anyone but themselves. She knew that all too well. People kept talking about love, but the truth was, that was just their pathetic, wishful thinking. In reality, no one really cared.


~ ~ ~

“Wanna go see a movie tonight?” Buffy started to sit up, giggling as William playfully grabbed her arm and pulled her back down. “What are you doing?”

“What’s it look like I’m doing?” He rolled on top of her and started nibbling on her neck. “M’about to shag you silly.”

Buffy let out a goodhearted laugh. “Again? Think I’m all shagged out for the moment.” Despite her words, she didn’t object as his hand slowly wandered over her thigh.

“Can’t get enough of you, sweetheart.” William’s voice was husky as he started rubbing her clit, causing her to moan. “Dunno how I survived for so long without you. You’re in my blood, like a drug.” His hand became still, pulling back slightly, and he hid a smile as she whimpered in protest. “Let me taste you,” he whispered.

“God, yes!” He placed a soft kiss on her lips and slipped under the covers. Buffy shivered with pleasure as he started licking her, slowly, sensationally, and she closed her eyes as she ran her fingers through his hair. “More,” she gasped. “Please, William...”

“Want more, do you?” He teased her with his tongue again, before raising his head a little. “Want me to make you come?” She could only nod, and he couldn’t help but smirk. “Can’t hear you, luv. What do you want me to do? Say it.”

Her eyes snapped open and she looked at him, as if to see if he was serious. Then she gave him a sweet smile. “I want you to fuck me.”

His lips curled into a sexy grin as he slowly crawled on top of her again, his eyes locked on hers, reminding her of a black panther, hungrily watching its pray. Then he easily slid inside her, thrusting his hips up and down as he started pumping his painfully hard cock into her.

Buffy threw her head back, her body mimicking his movements, and she grabbed his shoulders to pull him even closer. “Oh, God!”

“Tell me you love me,” he demanded.

She captured his lips with hers, then buried her face in the crook of his neck. “I love you.”

He started thrusting even faster. “Tell me you want me.”

“I’ll always... Oh!” Buffy let out a muffled scream as she came without warning, her arms tightening around him.

William kept going, never slowing down, even for a moment, and came with a silent gasp mere seconds after her. For a couple of minutes, they just lay there, panting. Finally he pulled back a little, a soft look on his face. “You were amazing.”

Buffy managed to give him a smile, although her entire body felt like jelly. “Got the job done yourself.” She paused. “Think my legs are broken.”

He chuckled. “Telling me you’re all shagged out again?” She nodded with a small pout. “Let’s take a break, then. Need to use the loo.” Starting to get up, he then stopped and kissed her softly on the forehead. “Be back in a minute, luv.” Then he gave her a teasing grin. “If I were you, I’d use the time wisely. Expect you to be ready for another go when I get back.”

She swatted him playfully on the chest. “What are you, the energizer bunny?”

Curling his tongue behind his teeth, William opened his mouth to say something, but got interrupted by a knock on the door. He frowned. “Expecting someone?”

“Don’t think so.” There was a teasing gleam in her eyes. “Mind getting that? Could be my secret lover.” She giggled.

“Bloody hilarious, pet.” He found his jeans on the floor and started pulling them on. When he glanced at her, she batted her eyelashes at him and blew him a kiss. He rolled his eyes, but leaned down to give her one last kiss on the lips before heading for the door.

“This better be good,” he joked as he jerked the door open. Then his eyes widened in surprise, and he suddenly wished he had taken the time to put on his shirt. “Dru?”

“Hello, Spike.” Her eyes ran over his upper body for a moment, then she seemed to snap out of it. “I need to speak with you.”

“William?” Buffy appeared in the doorway to the bedroom, giving him a questioning look.

“S’all right, pet.” Forcing back a sigh, William turned to Drusilla. “What do you want?”

Drusilla cast a brief look at Buffy. “Can we speak in private?”

His eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Why?” She just looked at him, and he rolled his eyes. “Oh, bloody hell! You got five minutes.” With that he headed for the kitchen, not bothering to see if she was coming.

Drusilla stepped inside, starting to follow him, but Buffy hurried to get in her way. “What kinda game are you playing now?”

The dark-haired woman smiled a little. “No games. But I can see why you would feel threatened by me.” She put her hand on top of her belly.

“Oh, please!” Buffy snorted. “You’re pathetic, Dru. Face it; you’re no threat to anyone. William loves me. Whether you’re carrying his child or not, nothing will ever change that.”

Drusilla’s smile faded. “Get out of my way.” She pushed Buffy aside and entered the kitchen. Buffy glared at the closed door, but decided against following. William could handle Drusilla by himself, she had no doubts about that. And the sooner that rich bitch would get to speak her mind, the sooner she would be out of there.


~ ~ ~

“Well?” William gave Drusilla an expectant look. “Have something to say? Go ahead.” She opened her mouth, but he raised a hand to stop her. “Wait. Captain Forehead know you’re here?” He was met by a blank look. “Liam! Or Angel, or whatever the hell you like to call him.”

“He’s no angel.” She let out a cold laugh. “Had me fooled, though. For a moment, I actually thought...” Her voice trailed off, and she shook her head, as if to clear her thoughts. “But that’s not important. What I’m here to tell you is.” She took a step closer. “I changed my mind about fulfilling the pregnancy.”

William raised a brow, not sure he had heard her correctly. “Come again?”

She glared at him. “Look me in the eyes, William, and tell me you want me to have this child.”

“You have got to be fucking kidding me!” He stared at her in disbelief. “You’ve been on and on about what a soddin’ miracle this is. And now you’re telling me you’ve changed your mind? Just like that? Sorry, Dru, not buying it. What’s this about?”

“It’s about power.” Drusilla walked over to the kitchen sink, turning her back against him as she looked out the window. It was starting to get dark outside. “About having it. Or not. I always thought I did. But it turns out I was wrong.” She lowered her eyes. “I couldn’t stop this from happening.”

“Not sure I’m following.” William took a hesitant step towards her, then stopped. “This is real, Dru. You were there at the ultrasound. It’s too late to change your bleedin’ mind. Kid’s there, inside you. You can’t just...”

“Don’t!” Her fists clenched around the edge of the sink, so hard it turned her knuckles white. “It’s not a baby. It’s barely a fetus. It has no mind, no soul, nothing! And I don’t want it. No one does.”

“How can you say that?!” William walked over to her, grabbed her arm and forced her to turn around and face him. “Are you really that bloody cold hearted? You keep telling me I’m the father of your child, and now you’re saying you want rid of it? Well, I won’t let you do it.”

Drusilla laughed, bitterly. “What makes you think you have anything to say about it? I am not here to ask for your permission. I was going to have an abortion without telling anyone. Then I decided I wanted to see your face when I told you. And since my decision clearly upsets you, I’m glad I did.”

He shook his head in disgust. “You’re crazy, you know that? Off your bleedin’ rocker. This all a big joke to you, isn’t it? Did you...?” He stopped as realization started to hit him. “Sod this! You never wanted it in the first place, did you?”

She sighed in defeat. “For a moment, I did. Or at least, so I thought. But I was wrong. I have nothing to offer this child, William.”

“Then why did you let things go so bloody far?!” William glared at her. “What if it is mine? I’ll raise the kid, you don’t have to...”

Drusilla laughed again. “What, you and Buffy? I don’t think so.” She turned her back on him again, her eyes landing on a sharp, kitchen knife in the sink. For a moment, she just stared at the object, like hypnotized. Then she slowly reached out her hand towards it.

“Look, Dru...” Unaware of what she was doing, William ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. “We’ve had our differences. We both know there was never any true love between us. But if our so called relationship actually resulted in a child, then...” He hesitated. “I don’t want you to have the abortion.”

“If you say so. Then I won’t.” He was surprised by her words, until she turned around. His eyes widened as he realized what she was holding. “I will cut it out myself.” Before William’s mind had even registered what was happening, she raised the knife and let the sharp blade sink into her stomach.


TBC

Time appeared to be standing still, and William didn’t even realize he had moved until he heard the clatter of the knife, falling to the floor. Then he snapped out of it, managing to catch Drusilla just before her legs gave in and she collapsed in his arms, her hands pressed against the open wound in her stomach.

There suddenly seemed to be blood everywhere, and William looked around the room in panic. “Buffy!” he then hollered, silently praying she would be close by. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Seeing how Drusilla’s eyes started to become glassy, he grabbed hold of her chin in a desperate attempt to force her to look at him. “No, Dru, keep your eyes open! Gotta stay awake, you hear? Don’t fucking do this!”

She tried to focus on his lips moving, but found it harder and harder and she couldn’t understand why her eyelids suddenly felt so heavy. “William?” she whispered, slowly raising her arm and watching her hand in confusion. Then she turned her eyes back to him, blinking as her vision became more and more blurry. “There’s so much blood. Is it mine?”

“Shh, don’t talk, just...” William got interrupted as Buffy came rushing into the kitchen, only to stop dead in her tracks at the sight in front of her. The relief of seeing her almost made him weep. “Buffy, call 911! Now!”

“Oh my God!” Buffy stared at the two of them in shock for a moment, then spun around and ran out of the room in search for a phone.

Assured that help would come, William turned his attention back the the barely conscious woman in his arms. “Don’t bloody dare dying on me, you selfish bitch!” he sputtered, slapping her face to keep her from drifting off. “Why did you do it? Listen to me, you stupid cow! Why?!”

Drusilla blinked again, then started coughing. She inhaled, shakily, and let out a soft whimper. “It hurts...”

“No bloody kidding?!” He glared at her, his face a mixture of horror and fury. “How the bleedin’ hell could you do this? What the fuck were you thinking?!” Tears of anger and shock were spilling down his cheeks, but he didn’t even notice.

“I...” A weak moan escaped her throat as the realization of her actions started to sink in. “I just wanted...” Her eyes started welling up as well. “I’m afraid, William. Please, don’t leave me...” She reached out a trembling hand toward his face, but he flinched away from her touch.

Yet, he remained where he was. “M’here,” he muttered. “Ambulance is on its way. Just stop talking.”

“I think...” Drusilla’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “...there’s something wrong with me. Think I need help. Will you...?” As her voice trailed off, Drusilla’s eyes rolled back in her head. Her face became slack. And all there was left was silence.


~ ~ ~

“Mr Pratt? I’m Dr. Rupert Giles, but you can just call me Giles. Terribly sorry for keeping you waiting.“ The man looked to be in his early forties, and he made a sympathetic appearance as he came to stand in front of them.

William jumped up from the chair, Buffy following. They had been sitting in the small waiting room for what seemed like hours, although none of them had said much since they arrived at the hospital. Now he took a deep breath. “Is she...?”

The doctor held up a hand in a calming gesture. “I assure you, Ms. Reynolds will be all right. Naturally, she has lost a lot of blood, and will most likely feel very tired when she wakes up. We will keep her here a couple of days for observation.”

He was afraid to ask, but did so anyway. “And the baby?”

After a brief moment of silence, Giles shook his head. “There was nothing to be done. I’m sorry.” A pause. “Were you the father?”

William was quiet for a moment, then shrugged. “Guess I’ll never find out.” Giles looked a little confused, but clearly decided not to question. After explaining that Drusilla would probably be out of it for the rest of the night, and that they were most welcome to come back and visit her in the morning, he excused himself and left.

Buffy watched her boyfriend in silence for a moment, then stepped over to him and took his hand. “You okay, baby?”

“Yeah,” he responded automatically, then let out a bitter laugh. “Second thought, ask me again tomorrow. Maybe then, some of this will make any sense.”

She gave him a sad smile, giving his hand a squeeze. “It’s okay to be sad, you know. You were together for a while, even though it ended kinda badly. I understand if you’re feeling...”

“Wanna know how I feel?” William interrupted her. “I’m bloody pissed off, s’what I am. How could she do something like that, Buffy? I mean, yesterday she wanted me to come to the ultrasound, and now...” He swallowed. “Could’ve been my kid, but she didn’t even care. Hell, she had no fucking right to...!” Unable to continue, he slammed his fist furiously into the wall.

Buffy glanced around, relieved to find that they were the only two people in the waiting room, and put her hand on his arm. “Sweetie, it’s okay. You’re allowed to be angry at her. What she did...” She hesitated a little. “William, I’m so sorry. About the baby, I mean. Maybe it wasn’t yours, but it...”

“Might’ve been,” he finished, squeezing his eyes shut to prevent the tears from falling. She wrapped her arms around him then, and he buried his face in her shoulder. They just stood like that for a moment, clinging to each other, then he pulled back a little. “Wanna know the fucked up part? Was actually starting to get used to the idea of becoming a dad.”

“I know.” Buffy gently cupped his cheek. “And some day, you will be. It will just be with a different mommy.” She tried to smile.

He felt his heart melt at her words, once again thanking whatever powers may be listening for letting him and Buffy find their way back together. Swallowing hard, he covered her hand with his, then leaned in to brush his lips softly against hers. “Am I a bad person for not feeling sorry for her?”

Buffy frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Drusilla.” William sighed. “Not sure what’s been going on in that twisted head of hers, but no one in their right mind would shove a soddin’ knife through their own body.” He paused. “Even said so herself, right before she passed out, that she thought something might be wrong with her. If that’s so...” He hesitated, not sure how to explain. “That mean I shouldn’t blame her?”

Seeing the genuine confusion in his eyes, Buffy felt her heart ache for him. She shook her head, firmly. “You’re not a bad person, honey. You have every right to blame her. She did a horrible thing, and...” She bit her lip. “You know, in a way, I do feel sorry for her. She can’t feel very good about herself, and maybe she should get some help to deal with... well, whatever it is she needs to be dealing with.”

William opened his mouth, but Buffy raised her hand to stop him. “Just hear me out. To me, it doesn’t really matter. She’s still responsible for her actions. And more importantly...” She looked him deep in the eyes. “She hurt you. And I can’t forgive her for that. Ever.”

His bottom lip was trembling and he managed a weak smile. “Not sure I’m worth the trouble, luv.”

She gave him a somewhat annoyed look. “Don’t ever say that again. You’re a good man, William. And I love you. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I’m sorry you’ll never know whether or not the baby Drusilla was carrying was really yours. And most of all, I’m sorry you had to get involved with her in the first place. Otherwise, none of this would’ve happened. If I...”

He cut her off before she could finish. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for this, you hear? Getting involved with Dru was my decision. I’m the one who screwed up, not you.” A pause. “And I love you, too. Don’t ever forget it.”

Before she got the chance to respond, Liam came rushing up behind them, looking wildly around the room. “Where is she? Is she all right?!”

William forced back a groan at the interruption, turning around to face the other man. “Doc says she’ll be fine. She’s asleep for now. You can see her tomorrow.”

Liam let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God!” He hesitated. “Thanks for calling me.”

Shrugging, William waved his hand in dismissal. “Forget it. Just thought you should know.”

The dark-haired man nodded. “Well, I appreciate it.” He hesitated for a moment. “If you guys wanna leave, I don’t mind hanging around here until morning.”

William frowned, glancing at Buffy before turning back to Liam. “You really do love her, don’t you?”

At first, he didn’t answer. Then he lowered his eyes, his face taking a dejected expression. “Love can be as painful as hate.” He raised his head. “I may love her, but I’m just a self-absorbed jerk. And Drusilla is...” He searched for the right word.

Buffy spoke up before William got the chance. “A crazy, self-centered bitch?” she suggested, helpfully.

Liam turned to look at her. At first, she expected him to yell at her for insulting Drusilla. But his face remained unreadable. Instead he just shrugged. “Quite a couple we make, huh?” For a moment, none of them spoke. Then Liam went on; “Doesn’t mean I’m giving up, though. That gotta mean something, right?” He got a hopeful look on his face, although it was obvious that he didn’t really expect an answer.

Buffy glanced at William, suddenly realizing how tired he looked. She couldn’t really blame him. It had been one long, not to mention crazy day. Forgetting all about Liam and Drusilla, she slipped her arm around his waist. “Wanna go home?”

He nodded gratefully, pulling her into his arms. Hugging her close for a moment, he then placed a soft kiss at the top of his head. “More than anything.”


TBC

~two months later~


”Hey, pet, never gonna believe what…” William burst through the door, only to stop dead in his tracks on the other side. His eyes widened when they landed on the unexpected visitor, sitting quietly on the couch with her hands folded in her lap.

Buffy – who had been standing at the other side of the room – hurriedly stepped over to him, her face a mixture of relief and uncertainty. Glancing over her shoulder, she then lowered her voice. “She showed up about ten minutes ago, insisting she had to see you.”

Shaking his head in exasperation, William walked over to the couch, glaring at his ex girl friend, who he hadn’t seen or heard from in two months. “What do you want, Dru?”

Drusilla got up from the couch, taking a step towards him, but stopped when she saw the hostile look on his face. She let out a sigh. “I need to speak with you, William. It will only take a couple of minutes, then I’ll leave you alone.”

He opened his mouth to object, but Buffy gently put her hand on his arm. “Sweetie, maybe you should just listen to what she has to say.”

William stared at her in disbelief. “You serious? After everything she’s...” He stopped himself, rolling his eyes. “Oh, bloody hell! Fine.” Then he turned to Drusilla. “You got two minutes. And she stays.” He gestured towards Buffy. Having expected her to protest, William was surprised when she just nodded in agreement. Quickly recovering, he sighed in defeat and slumped down on the couch.

“I don’t blame you for hating me.” Drusilla gave him a sad smile. “I have done a lot of thinking, and...” She hesitated for a moment. “Actually, I’ve started seeing a therapist. He has helped me a lot.”

“Good for you.” William crossed his arms over his chest, not quite able to keep the anger out of his voice. He didn’t want to be bitter, but then again, it was really hard no to be. Two months had passed, and he had happily pushed all thoughts of Drusilla – and the baby he would never know – to the back of his mind. The last thing he needed now was her showing up as a reminder.

“I didn’t come here to ask you to forgive me.” Drusilla cast a brief look at Buffy before turning back to William. “I just came to say goodbye.”

He raised a brow in surprise. “Going somewhere?”

She nodded. “I’ve decided to leave Sunnydale.”

“That so?” He had to admit that he had not see that coming. “You and Liam?”

“No.” A bitter laugh escaped her. “It didn’t work out.”

“Sorry to hear that.” He did his best to sound sincere, although they both knew he didn’t really care. A part of him couldn’t help but feel a little bad for her, though. He wanted to forgive her, he really did. Maybe some day, he would be able to. But not yet.

Drusilla was quiet for a moment, not exactly sure how to respond. She wanted to explain that she wasn’t the same person anymore, that her therapist had made her realize how much damage she had done, both to herself and to the people around her. But for some reason, she didn’t think he would believe her.

In all honesty, there were days when she couldn’t find it in her heart to care. Days when she would gladly blame the world for mistreating her, days when she just wanted to scream in frustration when the people she came across wouldn’t stop and bow down at her feet. Days when she still considered them all to be beneath her.

But something had changed the day she grabbed the knife and shoved it into her belly, desperate to get rid of what was growing inside her. It had hit her, when she was lying in William’s arms with the blood trickling down on the floor, that something in her behavior wasn’t healthy. Something was seriously wrong. And it had to stop. She was lucky to have survived.

Liam had tried, in all fairness, she knew he had. But she just couldn’t allow herself to open up to him again. And eventually, he had gotten tired and given up. She couldn’t really blame him for that, although God knew she wanted to. She needed someone to blame for the unfairness of it all. But during her therapy sessions, she slowly came to learn to look inside herself. And what she saw wasn’t pretty.

So, she didn’t see any other options than leaving. To tell the truth, the idea of starting over some place else felt rather good. There was nothing left for her here in Sunnydale. Her bags were all packed, waiting in the fancy car outside. This was her last stop before she would leave this sleepy little town for good.

“I’m sorry, William.” The words didn’t come easily, but once they were out, she realized that she meant them. “I know I’ve hurt you, and I can’t take it back. In fact, I’ve hurt a lot of people over the years. I guess I never really stopped to think about it.”

The sudden sincerity in her voice made at least some of the bitterness he felt towards her disappear. William let out a sigh. “Not sure what you expect me to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Drusilla was quiet for a moment. “I suppose I’ve better leave. I have a long ride ahead of me.” She paused. “Goodbye, William.”

He nodded, after a brief moment’s hesitation. “Bye, Dru.” When he didn’t say anything more, Drusilla raised her hand in a somewhat awkward wave and headed for the door. Then she walked out without another word, out of their apartment, out of their lives. William and Buffy never saw her again.


~ ~ ~

~epilogue~


A couple of nights later, William and Buffy decided to go out. It had been his idea, and she had happily accepted. For some reason, they ended up at The Bronze, suddenly finding themselves up on the balcony, at the very same spot they had both been standing all those months ago. Back then, neither of them had dared to hope they would ever find happiness together. But now, everything was different.

William had moved into Buffy’s apartment for real, about a month ago. However, they had decided to look for a new place together, a place where they would be able to create new, happy memories. A place that wouldn’t be a constant reminder of their exes.

Speaking of exes, they had ran into Riley Finn – who William still referred to as ‘Captain Cardboard’ – a few weeks ago. He had been out with a pretty blonde – who had introduced herself as Sam – and he had appeared to be quite embarrassed. With a sheepish smile, he had apologized to Buffy for his behavior, insisting he had moved on and was now able to see things a lot more clearly.

Buffy had accepted his apology, but when Riley had eagerly suggested they would start double dating, she had firmly declined, much to William’s relief. Riley had seemed a little hurt, but quickly covered up. After making some polite small talk, they had gone their separate ways.

And now, here they were. They had really come a long way. Buffy glanced at her boyfriend, only to realize that he was watching her as well. She smiled a little. “Wanna dance?”

William hesitated for a moment, then shook his head. “Maybe later.” She pouted a little, and he smirked. “Look at that lip... Gonna get it!” Buffy let out a squeal as he pulled her into his arms and started nibbling playfully on her bottom lip.

Finally, he pulled back. “I’ll dance with you, pet. Anything you want. Consider me your willing slave for the night. But first...” His voice took a serious note. “Kinda have something I wanna talk to you about.”

“Um, okay?” Buffy let out a little giggle. “Just spit it out, already! You’re making me nervous.”

“Right. I, uh...” William swallowed, and she suddenly realized that she wasn’t the only one who was nervous. For some reason, he seemed almost afraid. She just didn’t understand why. He went on; “Buffy, I know we haven’t really been together that long, but I feel like I’ve been in love with you forever.”

Buffy felt her heart melt at his words, although she remained silent, waiting for him to continue.

He cleared his throat. “There are a lot of things I wish I’d done differently. Can’t change the past, though.” She opened her mouth, but he raised a hand to stop her. “Just hear me out, luv. Lot of time’s gone to waste, and I never wanna be apart from you again. You make me happy, Buffy. You’re my entire world. I love you.”

A tear rolled down her cheek, and she swallowed hard. “Love you too, baby. So much. I feel exactly the same way.” She noticed that he had tears in his eyes as well.

“Good.” William let out a nervous chuckle. “So, here we go...” He took a deep breath – and went down on one knee. Pulling out a small box from his pocket, he opened it and took out the most beautiful ring Buffy had ever seen. “Will you marry me?”

Buffy stared at him, her face a mixture of shock and wonder. She thought she had been prepared for everything, but she had been wrong. Her heart was beating so fast, she thought it would burst right out of her chest. Maybe she was dreaming. If that was the case, she never wanted to wake up.

Realizing that he was waiting for some kind of reaction from her, she managed to snap out of the shock, and dropped to her knees as well. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and all she could do was nod, reaching out a shaky hand towards him. In a daze, she watched William put the ring on her finger with trembling hands before placing a soft kiss on her knuckles.

Finally she found her voice, smiling through the tears. “I can’t believe this is happening. Are you sure this is for real?”

He nodded, gently wiping away her tears. “It’s real, luv. Dunno what I’ve done to deserve it, but it’s real.” He smiled, softly, slipping his arms around her and pulling her close. “Gonna marry you.”

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Buffy happily melted into his embrace. “Gonna be a good wife. The best.”

“Don’t doubt it for a second.” He felt her smile against his neck, and felt like the happiest man in the world. A part of him still couldn’t believe his luck. Buffy was his girl. And soon, she would also be his wife. Some day, they would have a family. Nothing would ever come between them. And he would never walk out of her life again.


The End