Darla had been her guide for only a month now. Buffy had gone on two trips down memory lane at her request and she hated them with a vengeance. Watching people she loved die again, watching herself at times when she was happiest with things she could no longer have. The memories whether they were good or bad, they needed to stay in her head where they belonged, not in 3D surround sound.

It was these experiences that prompted her to be looking at Darla with such apprehension now after she had told her, “Okay, so we’re going to do something a little different now.” Buffy was about to retort when Darla silenced her before she could begin, “And before you fight me on it understand this is happening whether you like it or not. I also think it’s important to mention that you probably won’t.” Off Buffy’s look of disbelief Darla softened, only slightly, “I’m sorry Buffy but this is how it goes. I don’t fully understand this one. I’ve been told to bring you where you need to go, and I’ve been told how it works. I don’t know the point, but I think you’re supposed to figure out what it is…as far as my understanding goes anyway.”

“Alright well let’s do it then,” Buffy told her, it couldn’t be worse than having to relive everything right?

With a snap of Darla’s fingers Buffy found herself in a room very different than the one she left. It was faded pink, looking distinctly Victorian. It wasn’t until she looked down at what she was wearing that she realized this would be very different.

She was wearing a soft pink and white dress, clearly not a modern one. It pulled her in the middle making it more difficult to breath than usual. She thought it was beautiful, but she didn’t know why she was wearing it. Darla was still standing in front of her and she looked at her confused.

“Just listen to me while I explain this okay? No interruptions”

Buffy reluctantly nodded her agreement.

“Okay so you’re not just going to be watching, you’re going to be participating. Understand that you are going to change things,” Buffy opened her mouth to protest but Darla lifted a hand to silence her, “BUT, it won’t stay that way. Once you leave here it will be like you never came. It will reset and none of this will have happened anywhere but in your memory. I don’t know what will happen here and I’ll only show up when I’m needed, though no one else will be able to see me…understand?”

“Everything but where and when the hell I am?”

“The specifics of tonight you will figure out as you go, just know that you have to change something important in order for this to work.”

“You can’t be less vague?”

“I tell you what I’m instructed to tell you.” Darla explained sternly but with sympathy. “All I can tell you is that the person you’re looking out for is Spike…well William.”

“What?!” Buffy yelled at her not believing what she told her.

“First, don’t yell, you are physically standing here while I am not, anyone comes in here and they think you’re talking to yourself. Also I am sorry but this is what it is. I think you can infer that it’s him you are supposed to be interacting with.”

“So this is new torture from the powers that be? Make Buffy relive everything making the mourning process harder and also make her go back in time and have a chat with him because it will be so much more fun when she has to leave him again.” Buffy was angry and terrified, she didn’t want to see Spike again just so she’d have to leave him again.

“I wish there was something I could do. I don’t know how long you’ll be here, but you’ll come back to the same time as if nothing had happened.”

“You don’t know how long I’ll be here? Are we talking hours…or even days?” She didn’t think she’d be able to handle a minute let alone more than that.

Darla looked like this is the last question she wanted to answer, but she did reluctantly, “It could even be months…”

“What?!” Buffy yelled again.

“Sorry Buff, but it’s time to go. You’ll see him and you’ll figure out what to do.” With that Darla was gone leaving Buffy to stand there uncomfortably wondering what the hell she was going to do.

Buffy decided after a couple of minutes that Darla wasn’t coming back to tell her this was all a joke, she also wasn’t going to wake up from this dream. She decided to brave it and she slowly moved out of the room and into what seemed like a party. There were people in groups with drinks in their hand gossiping and talking about current events. Buffy thought the party looked boring…but it was Victorian.

In an effort to look like she belonged she joined in one of larger groups hoping to blend in while she waited for a glimpse of Spike. She hadn’t seen him at all yet, but knew she couldn’t rely on looking for bleach blond to find him. She’d have to wait to see his face. She was terrified. She had no idea what the people around her were talking about. All she could think about was how much she missed walking through her memories. At least those she didn’t have to interact with dead people that she couldn’t hope to see again in her actual life.

She decided to check and see what they were talking about in case they called on her to say something. It wasn’t like she could explain, “Actually I’m only here because I have to talk to my dead lover, presumably while he was alive, I’m from the future and have no idea what you all are on about.” So she paid attention instead. They were talking about killings that had happened around London. It was clear to Buffy that it was vampires but they were considering wild dogs and things people normally considered instead of vampires.

The brunette across from Buffy was speaking now, “I mean to point out that it’s something of a mystery and the police should keep an open mind.” Buffy had to agree with this statement but didn’t say anything out loud.

It was then that she noticed Spike out of the corner of her eye. He looked different, his hair was brown and a little longer than she was used to, and he also wore glasses. His face however was exactly the same and her breath caught in her throat at the sight of him. It had been hard to see him in her memories, but this was different. She knew he was right there and if she reached out, she could touch him. Others seemed to notice his presence and a man decided to bring him in the conversation.

“Ah, William! Favour us with your opinion. What do you think of this rash of disappearances sweeping through our town? Animals or thieves?” Buffy was looking at him along with everyone else; she hadn’t yet noticed that she was the only one who actually cared for his opinion.

“I prefer not to think of such dark, ugly business at all. That’s what the police are for.” Buffy noticed his accent was different and was definitely surprised at his response. She reminded herself that he was human here and had no idea what would be going on. No one said anything to that and he eventually continued. “I prefer, placing my energies into creating things of beauty.” He held up a small notebook now and she realized it would be his poetry. Still she was surprised at who he was turning out to be.

Another man piped up snatching his notebook out of his hand, “I see. Well don’t withhold William.”

“Rescue us from a dreary topic.” The brunette told him mockingly.

Buffy couldn’t believe a crowd of grown people would be such a bullies. She couldn’t believe even more that Spike seemed to be letting them. He did step forward towards the man who took the book, looking scared and embarrassed he told him, “Careful, the inks are still wet. Please it’s not finished.”

Was he begging? Buffy couldn’t believe this at all and continued looking at this incredulously.

The man who took the book stepped onto the stairs behind him, getting ready to read one of the poems aloud, “Don’t be shy.”

Spike made no more move to stop him looking defeated. Buffy could not believe this and looked at him full of disbelief and muttered, “What?” Under her breath not believing he would let this happen.

“My heart expands, tis grown a bulge in it…” the man began.

Buffy wasn’t paying attention and asked who was clearly William. “You just let him do that?”

William looked more embarrassed and quickly became angry with this woman he had never seen. Seething he told her, “This is none of your business.” He spun around seeming to be looking for someone as the man finished.

“Inspired by your beauty, effulgent.” He stopped and looked very amused before he outright made fun of William asking, “Effulgent?” as if it was the dumbest thing he had ever heard.

Buffy saw that William was now watching a different brunette girl retreat before he spun around and took back his poem, only briefly looking at Buffy before following after the girl that Buffy just discovered she recognized. Isn’t that Halfrek? She thought to herself.

She decided to follow them, as she was here to interact with him, though they clearly weren’t starting off on the right foot.

The people standing around were outright making fun of him now as Buffy began to follow after William without drawing attention to herself. “And that’s actually one of his better compositions.”

“Have you heard? They call him ‘William the Bloody’ because of his bloody awful poetry.”

Buffy’s ears perked up at this but didn’t say anything; it was when the man who had taken his book spoke that she decided to say something.

“It suits him. I would have a railroad spike through my head than listen to that awful stuff!”

Buffy smiled and looked at him after watching William continue to retreat. “You really shouldn’t have said that.”

She saw William go up to who was now clearly Halfrek but in Victorian dress. She stayed back not wanting him to notice she was following him. She was supposed to figure out what she was meant to change and so far she was drawing a blank, though it seemed kind of familiar.

“Cecily,” he addressed her.

Realization dawned on her. “That’s Cecily!” she whispered to herself. No wonder they recognized each other, she thought. She couldn’t believe he had never said anything. He had some nerve!

“Oh. Leave me alone.” She told him obviously meaning it. The look on William’s face silenced Buffy’s inner rambling.

William quickly recovered pointing at the other guests, not noticing Buffy standing close but out of his eye line. “Oh, they're vulgarians. They're not like you and I.” He sat on the couch she was sitting on.

Cecily turned to him now astonished, “You and I? I'm going to ask you a very personal question and I demand an honest answer. Do you understand?”

William nodded looking at her intently before she continued. “Your poetry, it's... they're... not written about me, are they?” She looked terrified of the answer and while jealousy was rising in her throat she couldn’t help but feel sorry for the man who didn’t know how much she didn’t want them to be about her.

He broached the subject safely explaining, “They’re about how I feel.”

This would not cut it for Cecily, “Yes, but are they about me?”

Mustering up more courage than Buffy knew William would have he told her “Every syllable.” And Buffy could not help but be proud even as her jealousy peaked.

“Oh God!” Cecily cried as if it was the most devastating thing she had ever heard.

“Oh, I know, it's sudden and please, if they're no good, they're only words but, the feeling behind them...I love you, Cecily.” He told her he loved her with renewed courage and Buffy flinched knowing this couldn’t end well.

“Please stop!” Cecily told him still devastated.

William pressed on, not willing to give up so easily, “I know I’m a bad poet, but I’m a good man and all I ask is that…that you try to see me-“

Cecily cut him off at this telling him, “I do see you. That’s the problem.” She now stood up and looked down at him as if he were a bug, “You’re beneath me.” She told him before walking away.

Buffy’s heart sank. Partially for the broken man with tears welling up in his eyes, but partially with guilt. Guilt and horror at the knowledge that, years later she was able to say the same thing to him. She too didn’t stick around to see what it had done to him. He had been evil of course, but is that an excuse to be cruel?

As tears began to spill William got up and ran out of the party. Buffy ripped herself from her guilt feeling that this was all too familiar. Then it dawned on her. Poetry, Cecily, didn’t love him back…Drusilla. He just ran out to get killed.

Buffy took off after hoping to God she would be able to find him.

TBC.

When Buffy hit the street she looked around frantically to see if she could see where he went. She thought she had seen him go right when he left the building so she thought that would be a good place to start. Her dress was becoming more constricting running after him but there wasn’t much she could do about it right now. She looked and saw three people she recognized immediately, or more specifically three vampires. All were wearing Victorian dress but she would recognize them anywhere. Drusilla was looking in the opposite direction Buffy was which led her to believe that was the way that Spike, or more accurately, William, went.

She ran past them only to be stopped by a hand grabbing her arm. She looked around to see who had stopped her and came face to face with Angelus. He looked the same but his hair was much longer. The sneer was as clear as it had been years before.

“Where are you running off too in the middle of the night?” He told her in an Irish accent she had never heard him use, obviously with no real concern.

She wrenched her arm free from his grasp. “I’ll let you know the minute it becomes your business.”

Angelus chuckled looking at his two women. “I like her. She’s feisty. She could be a good friend to you if you’re bored Dru.”

Drusilla looked all but pleased and growled at Buffy. “This one’s come to take away my prize.” She said taking a menacing step towards Buffy.

Buffy was frustrated. The last thing she wanted to do was deal with the trio of evil. Especially when she was trying to avoid it becoming a quartet. She began to back away and Angelus followed.

“You’re not going anywhere lass.”

“I really don’t have time for this.” She told him. She wasn’t sure if she had her powers here but hitting Angelus either way would be really nice. Deciding to make it count in case she didn’t have powers, she hit him with all of the strength she could muster right in the nose.

As it turned out she did have her powers and he flew back knocking over both Drusilla and Darla at the same time.

Relieved and elated that she had her powers and had nailed a strike knocking them all down, Buffy didn’t waste any time running in the direction she was sure William had gone.

She ran straight hoping that he had done the same thing, looking back once to see that the three vampires were still having difficulty getting up. She let out a chuckle but between laughing and running in the constricting dress she had to slow down to breath. She was walking now looking everywhere for a sign of him. They were both in danger now and she wasn’t sure that if she died here she wouldn’t stay that way everywhere.

She started to lose hope when she heard a muffled cry from around the corner. She entered what looked like a courtyard and found William crying to himself. He looked up hearing her enter and wiped his eyes. “What do you want?” He asked her embarrassed and angry.

“Look, I know I bug you or whatever but we have to go. Like now.” She was impatient knowing that they could be attacked at any minute and Spike definitely had left the building. William would not hold up well in a fight.

“I’m not going anywhere with you. I've heard tales of London pickpockets. You'll not be getting my purse, I tell you.” He seemed even a little afraid of her now standing up.

Buffy was getting more annoyed by the second. He thinks I’m a thief? He’s afraid I’m going to steal his purse? “When did you become a woman?” She asked him.

“Sod off! I wish to be alone.”

“Oh so you let all of your little friends make fun of you, but me you’re willing to yell at. Look this is stupid, we don’t have time.” Buffy pulled him up by the arm only to have him wrench it away and back off.

“What are you doing? Leave me alone!” He yelled at her.

She didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t like she could tell him that if he stayed he would more than likely die. She was staring at him with concern and annoyance on her face when she heard Angelus’ voice behind her.

“There you are little girl. You may have broken my nose. What are we going to do about that?”

Buffy was backing away now as the other two followed after him. She was wondering how she would be able to take them all, especially if she would have to protect William. As she backed up William stayed behind her suddenly allowing her to call the shots.

It was Drusilla’s turn to talk. “What did I tell you? Stole my prize she did. His purse is mine.” Buffy had no idea how Drusilla would know he had said anything about that. William however decided she had been lying all along.

“You are thieves!” He pushed Buffy away and tried to run by them but Darla knocked him back down.

“Neither of you leaves. Now let’s play nice.”

“Somehow I don’t think that’s in the plan.” Buffy told her. She inched slowly towards a rising William to stand beside him.

The three vampires were circling them now and Buffy decided their best bet would be to book it.

In the middle of one of Angelus’ snide comments she hit him in the face again and knocked him over. Both Darla and Drusilla attacked her from behind but she lifted her fists without turning around and hit them both in the face. She quickly grabbed William’s wrist yelling for him to run which he adhered to quickly.

They were running into the street and Buffy was getting out of breath because of her dress. She looked at William earnestly, “Please tell me your house is around here somewhere.”

He pointed up ahead. “Just down the way.” He looked behind him and noticed they were being followed. “Bloody hell they’re still coming.”

“It’s…okay…” She told him between staggered breaths. “Once were…inside…it will be…fine.”

They ran through the open gate of his house before closing them. They ran up the entranceway and straight into the house as they were caught. Buffy turned to look at them before closing the door. “I guess this just isn’t your night.” She slammed the door in their faces and fell to the ground. Unable to breath, she immediately passed out leaving a terrified, bemused and now worried William in her wake.

William looked at the woman who was now passed out in his foyer. What was he going to do now? He decided it would be prudent to at least get her out of his foyer so he began to pick her up when his mother entered the foyer from the stairs.

“William? What’s going on?” She asked concern written on her face.

“We were attacked by some thieves Mother and we ran away but she seems to have fainted. I’m not sure what to do.” He was now holding her honeymoon style more worried than ever.

“Bring her to the couch, it must be her corset. Lie her on her on her stomach dear and I’ll deal with it.”

William did as he was told putting her face down on the couch in the living room tilting her head to the side so she could breath. His mother went over and undid a small portion of the dress to loosen her corset. The moment she did Buffy woke up with a huge intake of breath and sat up.

She looked around for a moment forgetting where she was until she saw William standing and watching her with concern.

“Oh God, I’m so sorry I must have…” She trailed off not entirely sure what happened.

“You fainted dear. You were out of breath because of your corset.” Anne told her kindly.

Buffy didn’t know who the woman was but quickly inferred that she must be Spike’s mother. “I’m so sorry, I’m really embarrassed.”

“Oh don’t be,” Anne told her with a wave of her hand, “You’re not the first this has happened to. I once fainted in the middle of a ball with hundreds of people around.”

Buffy smiled at the kind woman, feeling a little better about the situation. “Thank you, you’re very sweet.”

Anne smiled at her and introduced herself.

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Pratt-“

“Call me Anne.”

“Anne. My name is Buffy. Anne is actually my middle name.” Buffy told her, oddly comforted by this.

“Isn’t that lovely!” Anne told her. “And of course you know my William?”

“We haven’t been formerly introduced.” He explained, reaching out his hand.

Buffy reached out her hand, feeling awkward being introduced to someone she had known for so long. Though it was clearer and clearer that he was very different from the Spike she knew. She couldn’t help but think he was oddly the same though.

William took her hand as he would if he were to kiss it, but simply squeezed and let go. “Nice to meet you.” He told her almost too politely.

“So it seems you had quite the night Buffy.” Anne began. “You two were robbed?” Worry was on her face.

“No, but it was close.” Buffy reassured her.

“How did you know they would come?” William asked.

“They were coming after me and I thought they might run into you when I saw you.” Buffy was surprised at how quickly she made up an excuse.

“Oh my!” Anne said looking happy, “I guess that means you saved my William.”

“I’m sure I would have been alright Mother.” William told her through slightly gritted teeth. He didn’t know if he was keen on this Buffy and was annoyed that his Mother took such a quick liking to her.

“Nonsense William, Buffy here did you a favor.” Anne now looked at Buffy inquisitively. “And where were you going running from them. Are you staying with family?”

Buffy hadn’t been told about a place to stay by Darla. Anne seemed to take Buffy’s worry and uncertainty to mean that she didn’t have anywhere.

“Are you here alone dear? You sound American.”

“I am.”

“And you have nowhere you’re staying?”

Buffy shook her head, she couldn’t lie to such a sweet lady though she was getting more worried by the second. The more questions she asked that Buffy couldn’t answer the more suspicious she was sure to get.

“I see. Do you have any luggage?”

It occurred to Buffy that she didn’t. The only clothes she had here were the ones on her back. They were obviously, even to her, eveningwear, and they definitely didn’t allow her to breath.

At the increased worry on Buffy’s face Anne inferred more.

“Were you robbed earlier tonight dear?”

Buffy couldn’t think of a better excuse than that, and if she didn’t say anything, Anne would just assume. It wasn’t really lying if she just assumed right?

Buffy was right that Anne would assume and she promptly stood up looking resolved. “Alright well first things first. You can stay with us as long as you like. We have plenty of room and food and you’re welcome to it.” Buffy opened her mouth to protest but Anne raised her hand to silence her, having none of it. “I will not take no for an answer. I will give you some of my old clothes for now until we can make a trip into town on Monday to buy you some new ones. You will stay in the guest room next to William’s and he can show you there now. He can give you the grand tour tomorrow, but for tonight you should both get some rest after your ordeal.”

“I really don’t want to impose…” Buffy insisted though she wasn’t sure what else she would be able to do. All she knew is that she didn’t want to do anything to inconvenience this wonderful woman.

“It is no imposition at all darling, we have plenty to go around.” She assured her, she then turned to William. “Show Buffy to her room and bring her some of my clothes from the closet that she can use for now.”

William looked at his Mother with slight indignation but wasn’t willing to fight with her. He wasn’t sure why the rude woman had to stay in his house but of course his Mother would never allow otherwise for someone who had nothing.

Buffy could see that William didn’t like the idea as much as his Mom did and it hurt. It had been a long time since she looked into those eyes and didn’t see love there. It was often mixed with annoyance of course, but now, that was all she saw. Nonetheless William reached out his hand to help Buffy up. Upon standing she realized just how much her dress was undone and quickly moved to keep it up.

“Oh my!” Anne said surprised. “So sorry dear, turn around I’ll fix it.” Buffy turned obediently and Anne quickly did up the dress without fixing the corset. “All set.” Anne told her and Buffy turned back to an increasingly impatient William.

He didn’t reach his hand out again and simply walked toward the stairs expecting Buffy to follow. She quickly did turning back to Anne quickly to give her a heartfelt thank you. “No trouble at all.” Was her sincere reply.

Buffy followed William up the stairs and down a long corridor to her new room. He opened the door for her and waited for her to go in. When she walked in she was amazed at the size and the beauty of the room. She was looking around awestruck, currently admiring the washbasin on the night table and hadn’t noticed William leave. When she turned around he was gone. “Spi- William?” She called.

He came back in holding a few garments, which he put on her bed. “Just getting your things, luv.” His tone did nothing to make her feel better but hearing him call her ‘luv’ for the first time in over a year, even with a different accent, made her smile.

“Thank you.” She thanked him timidly, looking at the ground.

“If you’re all set, I’ll be off now. Good night.” He was curt and she couldn’t figure out why. She knew he had his heart broken tonight but for the first time since she could remember, it wasn’t her doing it. She still felt a wave of guilt however at the thought of what Cecily had said to him.

All of this on her mind she still wanted to know one thing. “Why did you let them treat you like that?”

William stopped and turned around in the doorway. “Who?”

“The people at the party. Why did you let them bully you?” In the whole time she had known Spike he never would have let anyone do that to him. Even when he was evil she was sure he wouldn’t let anyone do that to anyone else. He would have considered it ‘poncy’ and killed them out of principle.

William looked angry now and Buffy finally realized why he didn’t like her. “I told you before, it’s none of your business and you would do well to stay out of it.” With that he walked out of the room closing the door harder than he needed to, leaving a hurt Buffy in his wake.

When Buffy turned away from the door trying to keep her tears from spilling when she saw Darla sitting on her bed. “So the powers that be aren’t just trying to hurt me?” She asked Darla incredulously.

“Not that I’m aware of, either way I’m just doing my job.” Darla explained.

“This is ridiculous. I get sent here to save Spike from dying, meet his mother and find out that he would have hated me?” Buffy couldn’t stand this. She couldn’t stand that he didn’t like her and that his mother was amazing and that she had to be there in the first place to find out all of this first hand.

“Buffy, I know this is hard. I know this feels like more than you can bare but the powers think you can handle this, so you’re just going to have to trust them.”

“How can I trust someone or thing that I’ve never met. Everything they’ve forced on me has been like a knife and now their just twisting it around.”

“You just have to stick this out. Please try not to make this harder.” Buffy could tell by Darla’s tone that putting her through this was hard for Darla too. They of course were never close being as how what Buffy knew of Darla was that she had wanted her dead and that she had been with Angel for countless years. Though in the short time that she had been her guide they had tolerated each other and it seemed like Darla was starting to care more than Buffy realized.

Buffy decided that Darla was only doing what she was ordered to do so she calmed down a bit and walked to sit beside her on the bed.

“It’s just…really hard.” Darla nodded understanding. “I could really be here for months?” Buffy asked dejectedly.

“To you it will be, but when you go back it will be like you never left.”

“Somehow that’s even harder. I’ll have changed and everything will just…be the same.” Buffy knew somehow that she would come out different on the other side. Possibly because she was already different just from the nights events.

“Well that is the point. You’re supposed to learn something from this.”

Buffy remembered all too well. “Yeah, that I’m a total bitch and if things had been different…” Buffy was overwhelmed with guilt once more. Spike had been evil when she had treated him so badly, but it must have hurt more than she knew. Apparently women were treating him like he was nothing before they had an excuse.

“Somehow I don’t think they would send you here for that.” Darla was trying to reassure Buffy, but it wasn’t working.

“So is there a reason why you’ve shown up now? I mean clearly you’re not taking me back.”

“I am just here to tell you that what needed to be done is done. Though I’m sure you know that, and to tell you to just go with the flow.”

“Go with the flow?”

“Yes. As in, everything that his Mom is doing for you and staying here, that is where you were supposed to end up and you did. So keep doing it.”

“Oh, well okay. Where else was I going to go anyway?”

“Good point. Now sleep, they’ll probably be up early.” Buffy looked at Darla questioningly. They don’t even have alarm clocks, how could they get up early? “That’s just how things are done here Buffy. In this time I mean.”

“Oh.” With that Darla was gone leaving Buffy alone again in her new beautiful room. She decided to change and she washed her face with the basin on the night table. She got into the bed and found that no matter how comfortable sleep wouldn’t come.

The events of the night were going over in her head. Why had Spike let those people treat him that way? Why was he so mad at her for not liking it? Why did she feel so guilty about how she had treated him? When he had a soul she didn’t treat him poorly. Most of the time anyway. Was Angelus going to show up again? He seemed to show an interest. How long was she really going to have to stay there? Could she handle Spike hating her for months without going insane? How could she go back to her time with her last memory of him being that he hated her?

All of these questions were running through her mind over and over again until she finally fell into a restless sleep.

Buffy found herself back outside her house in Sunnydale. She was so happy to see her home again and ran up to it and in the front door. She looked around and found no one.

She walked into the kitchen where she found her mother standing doing the dishes.

“Mom?” Buffy asked not believing her eyes.

Joyce turned around and smiled brightly at her daughter. “Hi dear, it’s so good to see you.” Buffy was a little thrown off by the fact that her mother now had a British accent, but was too happy to see her to think much of it. She ran up to her mother and hugged her from behind.

“Oh mom I thought I’d never see you again.”

Joyce turned around and gave her daughter a proper hug before stepping back and looking at her with an unreadable expression. “Maybe if you’d have treated me better things would have turned out differently.” She said this as sweet as could be still in the British accent. She smiled at Buffy and turned back to the dishes.

Buffy couldn’t believe her Mom had said that to her. “Mom? Is everything alright?”

“Yes honey. You don’t have to feel guilty now, what’s done is done. I was just thinking that maybe if you had thought more about others you would have been home in time to save me.”

“What?” Buffy whispered. She couldn’t believe what her Mom was saying.

“Not to worry dear.” She told her turning back to look at her. “You should go talk to Spike, he’s in the basement where you left him. Do you think maybe you should have given him a better place to stay?” Joyce asked her this very pleasantly but it still cut Buffy to hear it. She couldn’t stand hearing her mother say these things so she did as she said and went downstairs to see Spike.

When she got to the bottom of the stairs she found Spike playing Jacks with a twelve-year-old Dawn on the floor. “She’s too young.” Buffy told Spike, almost as if she was asking him why.

“Well this is the age you last spent time with her properly.” Spike told her looking up but still picking up every Jack.

“Do you wanna play Buffy?” the young Dawn asked.

“You know she doesn’t niblet, go upstairs for now, I’ll let you know when she’s gone.” Spike told Dawn and Buffy watched her trot up the stairs after giving him a hug.

“I would have played.” Buffy told him.

“Because you felt obligated?” Spike asked.

Buffy didn’t know what to say. This was all too horrible, and what scared her was how true it might be.

“Spike what’s going on?”

“It’s your dream, you tell me.” He was standing now looking at her expectantly. She noticed then that he was looking at her the same way William did. Like he didn’t love her.

“I think I feel guilty.” Buffy heard footsteps on the stairs behind her and turned around hoping it was Dawn. She found William standing at the bottom of the stairs looking at her with disdain.

“Have you considered the possibility that you are guilty?” He asked.

“I-“

“Of course she hasn’t mate. She’s Buffy.” Spike chuckled replying to his former self.

“I-“ Buffy tried to interject again but was cut off by William.

“You’d think after everything you went through you would have picked someone different.”

“What can I say, I guess I like being made to feel horrible.”

“You know you don’t deserve it right?”

“I tried to tell you that!” Buffy yelled at William trying to make them see she wasn’t all bad.

“Of course you did.” Spike replied laughing at Buffy. “But as always it’s too little too late for you. Wait ‘til I’m dead and he’s a figment to realize we may be worth the time of day.”

They were both laughing now and Buffy was looking back and forth at them helpless. She started to cry. She cried so hard she fell on the floor. When she looked up at them they were standing together now looking down at her. They weren’t laughing anymore. They were just looking – judging.”

“You know what I think?” William asked Spike.

“She’s beneath us.” Spike answered.

“That’s exactly what I think.”

Buffy was willing herself to wake up when Anne materialized between Spike and William. “How could you use my poor boy so?” She sang at Buffy changing the words. Buffy began to cry again before she opened her eyes and was looking at the ceiling of the bed she had fallen asleep in.

She still had a tear in her eye which she quickly wiped away as she sat up. The whole dream – nightmare – flashed before her eyes and she had to push back more tears. She looked over at the window and found that the sun was just coming up. How was she going to handle this?