Chapter One

Buffy was dreaming. She was floating just below the ceiling in the school basement, looking down on the seal. Angel and Andrew were standing together, also looking down on all that stood between the world and the mouth of hell.

It was a strange, unnatural scene, made more so by Andrew’s state of undress - his shirt was off and he glanced up at Angel with a look of sexual hunger.

Abruptly, Angel grabbed Andrew, spun him so he hung over the seal and swiftly drew a knife up his abdomen from below his waist all the way up to his breast bone, gutting him.

Andrew opened his mouth, clearly screaming but Buffy could hear nothing. Angel propelled Andrew forward onto the seal, face down in the steaming, bloody pile of his own viscera. He lay still. The points of the seal flipped up, giving a horrid semblance of life to Andrew’s body, as it shifted with the seal’s movements. The opening descended, taking the body with it.

Angel strode down the revealed steps, ignoring the bloody mess beneath his feet. When he reached the bottom, he pulled a necklace from his pocket and slipped the chain over his head. Buffy looked down on him, feeling the hair stand up on the back of her neck at the look on Angel’s face. She had never seen such a look of pure, ice cold hatred; not even when he was Angelus. The large, gaudy crystal around his neck, began to glow. Dazzling light spun out in all directions from the faceted stone and somehow, Buffy knew, all the Turok-Han were dusted.

She watched in fascination as Angel went up in a column of flames; not a normal dusting but a slow stripping of layers until he was no more. His voice reverberated inside her head.

"I know what Spike did to you, Buffy."

* * * * *

Buffy opened her eyes to find a beautiful pair of blue ones gazing into hers.

"Dreaming pet?"

"Yeah."

"Angel and Andrew?"

"Yeah, you too?"

"Yeah." Spike tightened his hold on her. "Little ponce had it coming."

"I guess. It’s already happened? Usually I dream stuff before…"

"Angel’s my grand-sire, pet; I felt him dust."

"It’s weird, Angel killing like that without losing his soul, first."

"How do you know he hadn’t?"

"Angelus would never sacrifice himself to dust a load of potential allies."

"True. You OK?"

"About what?"

"Angel."

"What, him dying? Yeah."

"You don’t have to pretend, for me, kitten."

"I’m really not. It’s all so distant….it’s like if I heard my dad had died. Sure I’d be sad but I’ve not seen him for so long, he’s not a part of my life and, to be honest, he’s an arsehole….Angel? Same thing. The last few years, we’ve hardly seen each other and when we did, it’s been disastrous. He leaves me ‘for my own good’ then comes back to interfere with my life, harbour my enemies, beat up my boyfriend… The last time I saw him, was just after Willow brought me back. He was glad I wasn’t dead anymore but I could tell that he’d moved on. The whole time I was with him, I was wishing I was with you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Angel never understood me, not like you."

He kissed her, gently at first but then harder as he felt her hands all over him; stroking, caressing, teasing. They made love slowly and tenderly, sinking fangs into each other as they climaxed. After, Buffy clung tightly to him and fell back into an uneasy sleep.

Spike could still not believe that so much had happened, in so short a time. It had not even been twenty-four hours since they had left Sunnydale. It was day and they were parked. The back of the van was dark and safe. At sunset, they would drive again. Spike knew that there was a city but he wasn’t certain how far. The last time he’d been here, he’d been a bit out of it.

The blood was running out. Buffy, newly turned, was hungry most of the time and Spike was feeding her. He was drinking the bagged stuff and letting her feed off his neck, as part of their lovemaking.

He knew he shouldn’t.

As her sire and a master vampire, he should be dominant and dominant vampires didn’t open their veins on demand but what could he do? It was Buffy. He drifted off to sleep.

At last, the city lights were on the horizon and Spike knew that they’d be alright. He would connect with the local demons and get everything sorted.

The hotel was big and expensive but Spike knew that big meant impersonal and that was what was needed.

Buffy watched, confusion turning to admiration as Spike spoke to the reception clerk, in whatever was the local language. How had she ever thought he was stupid? There was a long verbal exchange and then Spike took off the flashy diamond ring that he’d taken out of the bag and put on, not ten minutes earlier. He handed it to the man and waited solemnly for a signed receipt. Then, it was smiles all round as he signed the two of them in.

“What was that all about?” Buffy asked, after they’d found their room.

“They wanted our passports, as security. I said we’d lost most of our luggage and would they accept the ring, until we get sorted.”

“There was more to it than that.”

“Yeah.” Spike looked slightly guilty.

“You thralled him.”

“Yeah. I don’t like to, it’s like cheating, you know? But sometimes it’s less hassle.”

“You can’t do thrall.”

“Who says?”

“Angel. He told me, way back, when you first came to Sunnydale. He specifically said to watch out for Drusilla’s thrall but that you couldn’t do it.”

“Despite what you may think, I’m not completely stupid. Angelus hated to be at a disadvantage - especially with me - massive inferiority complex. He couldn’t do thrall and if he’d found out that I could, he’d have gouged my eyes out. Literally.”

“Could you have done it on me, when we were…?”

“Sleeping together? Yeah. But I never did, it would have been like…” He looked away, too ashamed to say the word.

“I know. If you’d been responsible for my…behaviour, you’d have had me treat you better. But you could have.” She hugged him, burying her face in his chest. He could feel her tears soaking through the fabric of his shirt. “When I was beating you, in that alley, why didn’t you just make me stop?“ He stroked her hair.

“Buffy, love…you needed to do it. If I’d messed with your head, it would’ve been like the Buffybot…it wouldn’t have been you…”

“But she made you happy.” Buffy said, between sobs.

“For a little while. I couldn’t bear to look at it after you died, though. The others had it patrolling, looking after Dawn, doing PTA stuff…and it kept saying things to me…Red couldn’t get rid of its core program and it was programmed to…”

“We’re such screw ups.” Buffy said, laughing through her tears. “If someone wrote all this stuff down, no one would believe it.”

“We love each other and we’re together, that’s all that matters.” He pulled the hem of his shirt out and dried her eyes with it.

“Not all that matters.”

He looked at her, questioningly.

“We’re gonna need cash.”

“Leave that to me. We’ll hit the shower and then you stay here, I’ll go find somewhere to unload some of these rocks.”

“I can’t come with you?”

“I could feel your bloodlust rising, downstairs, just now. Why d’you think I didn’t want us shown to the room? You can’t be trusted around humans, not yet.”

Buffy sighed. She knew he was right. She could smell the blood pulsing around inside the humans and she knew that she was dangerous, soul or no soul. Deep inside, she could feel the demon, surging like the tide; a dark, primal need. No wonder fledglings were so keen to attack. The hunger was like an animal, gnawing her insides. ‘Ok,’ she thought, ‘major cliché.’ Then again, things became clichés because they were a good description of the way things were.

The hot water jetting over her body felt wonderful and Spike’s hands, lovingly soaping her, felt even better. Her enhanced senses, allowed her to smell his arousal, as she caressed him with slippery, soapy hands. They kissed, as they got thoroughly dirty and clean, at the same time.

Buffy lounged on the king sized bed, wearing only a fluffy towelling robe, while Spike shook his jeans and T shirt, vigorously, out of the window. Once he was satisfied that all the sand from the demon’s cave was gone, he dressed.

“I’ll get you a change of clothes, pet.” He said, taking a handful of diamonds and pocketing them. “I’ve put the ‘do not disturb’ sign out, don’t let anyone in.” He said, kissing her. “I’ll be back as quickly as I can.”

Alone, Buffy switched on the TV, muting the sound when it became obvious that no one was speaking English.

“Stupid foreign countries.” She muttered.

She washed out her clothes in the bathroom and hung them up in the shower, to dry. Then she saw something that shocked her to the core. Thankfully, in the bedroom, there was a solution…

* * * * *

Spike bounded happily into the hotel room a couple of hours before daybreak.

“Open the bubbly, love, we’re solvent agai…” His voice trailed off as he saw Buffy. She was draped across the bed, the towelling robe barely covering her, her eyes blinking up at his, with a complete lack of comprehension. The empty bottles scattered around the room told Spike all he needed to know.

“Started without me, huh?” He opened the fridge and looked inside. All that was left was the bottle of champagne. He took it out and refilled the fridge with the blood packs he had brought back with him.

“Spike?” Buffy raised her head and looked at him, “Getting drunk is more fun that it used to be. Takes longer, though,” she added, after a bit of thought.

“Yeah. What happened?” Spike said, sitting on the bed and putting his arm around her.

“Stuff.”

“Tell me.”

“I was in the bathroom.”

“Yeah?”

“The steam had cleared from earlier.”

“The mirror?”

“Nothing there. Just an empty room, like I don’t exist.”

“Buffy, love, I’m so sorry.” He didn’t know what he could say to make her feel better. He well remembered the shock of looking into a mirror and seeing…an empty room. In the years that followed, he had learned to live with it but Buffy…

“I’m never going to know how I look…”

“Beautiful. Always.”

“Yeah.” She said, laughing. “And you said ‘Carrie’ looked sexy, in that movie, when she got the pig’s blood dumped on her."

“What? Lots of people use food in foreplay.”

“Gross, Spike.” She said, wrinkling her nose, then realizing that licking a blood drenched Spike, all over, might be fun. “Anyway, you said we had something to celebrate.”

“Yeah,” He said, grinning, “I’ve been playing poker.”

“I’m not eating kittens. I don’t care if I am an evil vampire, I have to draw the line somewhere.”

“Not for kittens. For cash.” Laughing, he pulled a thick wad of notes from his pocket. Then, with a flourish, he pulled out the handful of diamonds that he’d taken when he’d gone out.

“You didn’t lose any?”

“Nope.”

“Did you cheat?”

“Didn’t have to, pet. That night with Clem and the others, we were friends, we were all cheating.”

“I’ll never understand demons.”

“Not so much a demon thing, more a male thing. One of my new contacts will be over, after sunset tonight, they’re sorting us passports.”

“We’ll be able to leave the country?”

“Where would you like to go?”

“Somewhere where they speak English. Oh and how come you speak all those languages, anyway? Is it a vampire thing?”

“No, it’s an education thing. I spoke most European languages, before I was turned. After… well it’s always an advantage to understand what people are saying, so, everywhere I travelled, I made a point of learning; never got my head round oriental languages, though.” For an instant, Buffy thought she saw sadness in his eyes, then he was himself again. “Where would you like to go, love, back to the states?”

“I was thinking you might like to show me England.” Buffy said, softly.

“I would love to.” He replied, kissing her.

He knew the exact moment that he lost her attention and he broke the kiss.

“What’s up, pet?”

Buffy was staring over his shoulder at the silent television. Spike turned to look. He swore and hit the mute button.

“What are they saying?” Buffy asked, franticly.

“Shush, let me listen.”

They sat in silence, watching the images of Sunnydale, play out on the screen.

First there was some obviously stock footage of the old Sunnydale, normal town - outwardly, anyway. This was cut to footage of an enormous crater, apparently all that was left.

“They’re saying it was a massive earthquake. The whole town, swallowed.” Spike translated, absently, as he listened. “They say it’s a miracle, nearly the entire population had already left. Very few known fatalities.”

A photograph of Amanda filled the screen.

“Her parents are saying that she refused to leave and she’s presumed dead.”

At that moment, the screen was filled with footage of a dusty school bus and a crowd of reporters pointing microphones at a group of people. Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. Dawn and the others were alive.

“Survivors, pet. They drove that school bus out of town at the last minute.”

“Just them? What about all the other potentials?”

“Just them. I don’t see Faith. I guess there’s a new slayer.”

CHAPTER 2

Contents of an email sent from Dawn to Buffy, in the hopes that she will, one day, read it:

Dear Buffy,

Everyone is sure that you’re dead, otherwise you’d have come back. Why would you, though? We threw you out. I threw you out, of your own home. I look back now and wonder if maybe The First was somehow influencing us. Or am I just looking for an excuse? I realize that I didn’t even have the right to ask you to leave. It was your house and Mom’s, not mine. I didn’t even exist when you moved there from L.A.

Faith took all the best fighting Potentials on a mission and none of them came back. I was so scared when a new slayer happened but Giles said that it was because Faith was dead, not because you were. He said that your line stopped when you died the first time and Kendra came. Well obviously, you’ve died more than once but there’s still only two slayers. I’m such a retard.

Angel turned up, after you left. He was furious, especially when Andrew told him that Spike was probably with you. He insisted on going to the house where Willow’s location spell had led her, earlier, even though Willow said that you weren’t there. When he came back, he was even crosser, if that’s possible. He told us to leave Sunnydale and he would take care of the hell mouth.

Andrew had this really sickening gay fest around him and insisted on staying to ‘help’. I really don’t think he’s Angel’s type. Principal Wood went to the high school and got a school bus and we all drove away in that.

I don’t know what Angel and Andrew did under the school but the whole of Sunnydale fell into a crater. I really hope that you weren’t still there, Buffy. But then I think that you wouldn’t have just left, even if I was horrible to you. Maybe you went back to the vineyard on your own and Caleb killed you. But Spike would have come and told us. Maybe Caleb killed him too.

All I know is, I watched Sunnydale collapse, from the back of the bus, hoping that you would be following us and you weren’t. Even Mom’s grave is gone.

Giles says he’ll take care of me and with my ‘talent’ for languages, he says I’ll make a fine watcher, one day. Of course most of the watchers council are dead, so Giles has been recruiting. Xander, Anya and Principal Wood are already training to be watchers. Willow is still mourning Kennedy but I think she’ll be one, too. Losing Kennedy can’t be as bad as losing Tara was, at least Willow didn’t go evil, this time.

Oh Buffy please get in touch. You can’t be dead, you just can’t. I so need to tell you how sorry I am. I love and miss you so much.

Dawn

XXX

* * * * *

“Spike?” Buffy asked.

“Hmm?”

“In the cave… before I got my soul back…What was I like?”

“What’s brought this on, pet?”

“I’ve been thinking, was I really horrible? …You know, when I was soulless?”

“The worst.” Spike said, with a smirk; playing with a strand of her hair that lay across his chest.

“I’m serious.” Buffy said, pouting.

“Look, pet, you woke up, without your soul and a few minutes later, the demon put it back.”

“It was a bit longer than a few minutes. You put the stake in your own heart and then you…”

“I what?”

“You dusted.”

“I what?”

“You dusted and the dust swirled around with the stake and I could hear you screaming.” She was staring into space with a far away look in her eyes, as though she was watching the past. “And I didn’t feel anything.”

“Huh?”

“I didn’t care. I love you and you were dying and I didn’t care. All I cared about was blood and whether or not your death would harm me.”

“It’s like that, when you first rise.”

“I didn’t want my soul back.”

“Why would you?”

“You did. You came all the way across the world, went to that cave and endured god knows what…”

“To be worthy of you.”

“I’m not worthy of you.”

“Because you didn’t want your soul back? That’s silly, most vampires don’t want their souls back.”

“You did and that makes you better than me.”

“No, it just means I was inspired by a better person.” He said, kissing the top of her head.

“Didn’t work for Angel. Oh my god, the Shanshu!!”

“Bless you.”

“No,” she laughed, “I’m not sneezing, the Shanshu prophesy.”

“What’s that, when it’s at home?”

“Angel told me about it. It says that the vampire with a soul will help loads of people and be rewarded by becoming human again.”

“Does it specifically say ‘Angel’?”

“Well, no but he took it to mean that he’d be human one day and he and I could be together.”

“Arrogant sod.”

“Yeah, he forgot; I’d already tried human, it didn’t work.”

“So you wouldn’t have…?”

“No, I told you, he never understood me the way you did. He wanted me on a pedestal and then was disappointed every time I didn’t live up to it. You never expect me to be perfect.”

“So, this prophesy is about one of us, then?”

“Unless, when he dusted in the hell mouth, he got reborn as a human. Otherwise, I guess it’s down to you and me. You, probably, you asked for your soul.”

“I hope not, I’d hate to be human again. You deserve it more, you’ve helped way more people than me.”

“I’ve not been a vampire long enough to know which I prefer…”

“Exactly, you wouldn’t have to adjust.”

“Yeah but what if it made me human, no slayer strength? I couldn’t live with that.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t turn out that way, then.” Spike said, kissing the top of her head. “You’ll be alright here, for a bit? I’ve got to pop out.”

“For blood, I hope.”

“Well, yeah; among other things.”

“And I still can’t go with you?”

“Best not but I promise you, I’ll be back in less than an hour.”

“Can we hunt, later?” Buffy said, pouting.

“Ooh, look at that lip…” Spike said, kissing her, sucking the aforementioned lip into his mouth and nipping it.

“If you’re trying to distract me,” Buffy murmured into his mouth, “It’s working…”

* * * * *

They’d been travelling for a few weeks now and the new passports had given them no trouble at the various borders they had crossed. The van, on the other hand, had been problematic. It had died its final death and Spike had replaced it with a small campervan. Now, they had a fridge and a microwave, for their blood and, they didn’t have to worry about Buffy getting all blood lusty around hotel staff.

There had been an ‘incident’. Spike had left Buffy in a hotel, when he had gone to pick up the campervan. Buffy had been hungry.

Spike had come back to their room, sensing that something was wrong. He’d burst through the door, ready to fight and found Buffy, sitting on the floor, in a corner, her knees up under her chin and her arms wrapped tightly around her legs. She was crying, quietly.

Sitting on the bed, was the pretty, young maid, who had come in to make up the beds and clean the room. She was motionless and staring, blankly, into space. She was in a deep thrall.

“Bollocks!” Spike swore, passing his hand in front of the girl’s eyes and getting no response.

“I haven’t…. bitten her,” Buffy said, between sobs. “But I can’t bring her back.”

“How did it happen?” Spike asked, gently.

“I don’t know. I forgot to put the sign out and she came in. I was so hungry and she was so… I could hear her blood. I looked at her, she looked in my eyes and just… stopped.”

“You sat her on the bed?”

“Yeah, she looked uncomfortable just… standing there. It was awful, she held her wrist out to me. What I wanted to do… her skin‘s got this lovely, velvety sheen; the way her veins show up… so soft and warm… and I wanted…” She buried her face in her hands, disgusted with herself.

Spike nodded his understanding.

“You need to feed.” He told her.

She held her hand out for a blood pack. He shook his head.

“Come here, kitten, you need something a bit stronger.”

He held her, tenderly, as she fed from his neck. How had she managed to thrall the maid, so easily? Dru had been good at it but, as far as Spike knew, she had had plenty of time to practice. Buffy hadn’t even thought about developing vampire skills - she was revolted by the notion of feeding off humans - why would she have thralled one?

There was only one explanation. It was a natural ability that she didn’t even have to think about, to use. That scared him. If she couldn’t control it, she could end up thralling people at random, whenever she got hungry.

He would have to teach her. Pretty quickly, before someone noticed that the maid had gone missing. Only Buffy could release the girl, either by cancelling her thrall or by dusting. There was no way Buffy was dusting, so Spike had to help her sort this.

“Feeling better, pet?” He asked, when Buffy had stopped feeding.

“Yeah. What do I do now?”

“You should be able to free her, now that you’ve fed. It was your hunger, that was stopping you.”

“How do I…?”

“Go over to her, look at her and picture, in your mind, her going back to normal. Really visualize the way she was before and imagine releasing her.”

“What if she tells someone?” Buffy was starting to worry.

“She won’t; as soon as you let her go, I’ll thrall her and make her think she’s been running an errand for us. I’ll give her a big tip, tell the manager how helpful she’s been. It’ll be fine. Go ahead, try to release her.”

Buffy stood in front of the girl, trying to visualize her the way she had been. The way her eyes had sparkled with vitality, instead of dazed and dead looking, the way they were now.

This time, she felt it. A strange feeling in her head, a flexing, like a muscle but not. The girl blinked.

“How you feeling, pet?” Spike asked her.

She automatically turned to him and he captured her eyes, with his.

“That was a very kind thing you did,” He said, softly, “Fetching my wife some pills for her hay fever.” He gestured at Buffy’s red face and swollen eyes. “We’ll be telling the management what a very helpful girl you are.” His voice slowly increased in volume until he was speaking normally. “This is for you,” He said, pressing some bills into her hand.

“Th..thank you, sir,” She stammered, back to her normal self, as though nothing had happened. She looked down at the money, “This far too much…” She continued, in broken English.

“Nonsense. My wife needed help and you were here for her. She would never have been able to find a pharmacy, without you.” Spike escorted her to the door, “Thank you again.”

The maid left, pocketing the money and figuring that the couple were wealthy tourists…

Once the maid was gone, Buffy sat heavily down on the bed.

“God, Spike, I have to learn how not to do that.” She said, vehemently.

“Yeah. I’m still trying to figure out how you learned to do it, in the first place.” He said, putting a comforting arm around her.

“Could it be a slayer thing?”

“Yeah, I s’pose it could. I’ve not heard about it, before but then I’ve not heard about a slayer being turned, before either. Aurelians are renowned for their thrall abilities, though.”

“The Master thralled me, before he killed me,” Buffy said, distantly, “But when I came back and he tried to do it again, it didn’t work.”

“You came back, feeling strong enough to kill him, even though he’d drained you?”

“Yeah, he didn’t drain me, though. He just drank until I passed out and then dumped me face down in a puddle, to drown.”

“Arsehole. I wonder if his saliva got into your bloodstream?”

“Oh, gross, Spike. God, I really hope not.”

“Thing is, pet; he was really old, so old he couldn’t remember what his human face looked like.”

“Hence the bat look.”

“Yeah, he’d lived for millennia, you should never have been able to kill him, especially after he’d fed off you. You must have had some kind of edge.”

“If we live that long, will we end up like that? All bat-like?”

“Dunno, pet. Bloody hope not.”

* * * * *

They’d checked out of the hotel, that night and Spike remembered to compliment the maid, when he was settling the bill.

Since then, he’d been doing his best to teach Buffy how to control her powers, while trying his hardest to keep her away from humans.

At night, he would park the campervan as far away from populated areas, as he could and take Buffy out into the countryside. There, they would search for small animals that she could practise her thrall techniques on.

Buffy loved these night time excursions. The night was so much more beautiful, now that she was a vampire. The colours were so different, to how they appeared in daylight, that it was almost like a different spectrum.

She was a deadly and efficient predator, even if she refused to kill the creatures that she thralled. Her hearing was so enhanced that she could hear tiny creatures, as they disturbed blades of grass; hear the rapid heartbeats of the warm blooded…

* * * * *

Sitting in a moonlit clearing, she let her hunger spread out and Spike watched, in awe, as every warm blooded creature in a half mile radius made its way to her.

“You’re a goddess,” he said, as she calmly released the animals and they drifted away.

“Blood now?” She asked.

“You are allowed to kill animals, you know.” He said, playfully. “After all, you weren’t a vegetarian, when you were human.”

“Yeah, I know but I didn’t kill my own meat and, in fact, if I could have afforded it, I would have turned veggie. The Doublemeat Palace put me off.” She explained. “I worry that I won’t kill cleanly, I don’t want to hurt anything, even animals. Does that sound silly?”

“Not at all, kitten. When I first woke up and clawed my way out of the ground…” He broke off as he felt Buffy shudder. “Yeah, there’s no need to be buried but Dru was a stickler for tradition. Anyway, I clawed my way out and Dru was waiting. She had my first victim, ready for me. A young girl, already unconscious from blood loss…” His voice changed, abruptly. “Oh, Buffy,” He said, hoarsely. “I’d never harmed anyone, in my whole life…”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Buffy said, cuddling him. “I forget, sometimes, what you were.”

“What I am, luv.”

“No.” She said, firmly. “What you were. You changed, long before you got your soul back. I watched it happen, remember? You know, when you first came to Sunnydale, Angel made out you were so bad, way worse than him.”

“Ha!”

“Yeah, as if. Compared to Angelus, you were a pussy cat.”

“Oi!”

“Oh, you know you were. You never seriously tried to kill me or you’d never have called off the order of Taraka.”

“They were just meant to distract you, I always wanted to kill you myself. You know that.” He said, kissing her, tenderly, on her neck. “I used to dream of this,” He murmured, into her skin. “Kissing you, here. You, helpless to resist, letting me fondle your smooth skin…” He ran his hand, gently, down to her breast; slipping his fingers between the buttons of her top. “Feeling you press your body, close to mine. Squirming with sexual need, your stake, forgotten and useless on the ground…”

Buffy sighed, happily and unfastened Spike’s jeans, sliding them urgently off.

“Have we got to the part where I beg you to bite me?” She asked, slipping her skirt off.

“Shh, don’t spoil the ending.” He said, moving his hand lower, still kissing and gently nipping her neck. “Where was I? Oh, yes. The beautiful, helpless slayer, overcome with uncontrollable lust, is writhing beneath me, begging me to give her what she needs…” He slid smoothly into her and she gasped, pressing herself hard against him.

“Spike,” She whimpered.

“What is it you need, little slayer? Is it something that the Big Bad can help you with?” He asked, teasing her neck with his tongue as he thrust slowly into her.

“More Spike, I need more.”

“More? Are you sure you can take it?”

“Please…”

“I might be tempted to bite and slayer blood is sooo good, I might not be able to stop…”

“Please, Big Bad, anything…”

“Anything, is it?” He whispered as his demon emerged and he roughly sank his fangs into her.

She bucked wildly against him and her fangs found his throat. Then she was drawing gulps of blood from him and her head was bursting from the pleasure…

CHAPTER THREE

Contents of an email from Dawn to Buffy, in the hope that she will read it.

Dearest Buffy,

OMG you won’t believe what happened!!! Xander and Anya got married!!! They did it right, this time, they snuck off and did it without telling anyone, no friends, no family, no reason not to go through with it! They just turned up, one evening and announced that they’d got married AND that they’re having a baby. That’s why they got married, I guess.

At the moment, we are all living in that hotel of Angel’s. God, it’s creepy. It’s all old and bits of it are falling down and the bits that aren’t look like something out of ‘The Shining’. I expect to see ghosts round every corner!

Angel’s not around any more, obviously but, according to his friends, before he came to see us, he accepted an offer to head up Wolfram and Hart! You know, that evil law firm he’s been fighting since he came to L.A. Anyway, he and his friends killed off a bogus god or something and Wolfram and Hart rewarded them by offering them the L.A. branch, to run. Weird, huh?

Anyway, his friends agreed too and, even though Angel‘s gone, they‘re sticking with it. They’re gonna ‘change the system from within’, so while they’re busy with that, we get the creepy hotel.

So much has changed. Cordelia’s in a coma, after giving birth to this bogus god person and Wesley’s got really buff!! He was such a dweeb, before, now it’s like he’s a different person. He fights - well and is even sort of cool. Unbelievable, huh?

I know you haven’t got back to me yet but I’m sure you will. I’ll keep writing to you and I’m sure that one day, you’ll remember to check your emails and let me know that you’re OK.

All my love,

Dawn

XXX

* * * * *

“Well, here we are, pet, England.” Spike said.

“Where they drive the wrong side of the road.” Buffy said.

“Well, bits of Africa did too.”

“Yeah and most of Africa don’t and all of Europe don’t and England does. I’m gonna miss the van.”

“No worries, kitten, we’ll be at the house, before dawn.”

The hire car had been waiting for them when they got off the ship, thoughtfully arranged by the Brachen couple who looked after Spike’s house for him; Buffy had embarrassed herself by getting in the wrong side.

“Yeah and how come you have a house? You were always broke, in Sunnydale.”

“Not really but making you all think I was, gave me a reason to help you. Wouldn’t do to have the ‘Big Bad’ helping the good guys, just for the fun of it; besides, I‘m used to making do, couldn‘t always get to a bank, when me and Dru were on the road. I bought the house, before I was turned.”

“We’ll be able to go in…?”

“Yeah, Pet; I own it and I’m dead, I’ve never lived there, dead or alive, so, no problem.”

“Why’d you buy it?”

“I was planning on getting engaged…”

“No way! What was she like?”

“You met her… that vengeance demon, Halfrek; only she wasn’t a demon when I knew her, just a spoilt bitch.”

“Yeah… I remember… it was like you two knew each other…”

“She rejected me, at a party, back when I was still human; I walked off outside to… er… gather my thoughts…” He dissembled, remembering how the tears had burned. “Met Dru in an alley… the rest is history.”

“So, how’d this girl get to be a vengeance demon? They have to do their first curse while they‘re still human, right?”

“Yeah. I got the story from Anya; answered a lot of questions…”

“Such as?”

“Why Cecily - that was her name - was such a bitch to me, when I told her how I felt… she said I was beneath her…” He felt Buffy tense, remembering how she’d said the same thing. “Turns out, her dad brought her up to believe that she was too good for most men; only the best was good enough for his little girl…”

“The best being…?” Buffy asked, feeling she knew where this was going.

“The richest bloke who’d have her and bail Daddy out of his debts.”

“I’m guessing he wasn’t what she was expecting.” Buffy said, almost feeling sorry for the girl.

“He was old, hideously ugly and, according to Anya, so sexually perverted, that it would make a demon blush. Cecily had to endure his… er… tastes, for two years, until he died; having first shared several nasty sexually transmitted diseases with her and leaving all his money to her father, as previously agreed. Needless to say, Daddy wasn’t her favourite person.”

“What did she do?”

“She went through her late husband’s collection of forbidden texts and then she put the mother of all curses on her father. Every time he handled, made or even thought about money… well, you remember the pain I was getting in my head, before the chip came out?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, Daddy Dearest got that… only not in his head… lower down, in a much more sensitive part of his anatomy.”

Buffy laughed.

“Anya reckoned Halfrek spent a lot of time reminiscing about all the blokes she could have had, if she hadn’t been such a cow…”

“Including you…”

“Yeah. I was so wet, I’d have probably paid off her father, without a murmur.”

“So when you told me you could get money…”

“I have a sort of trust fund - a monthly income based on an untouchable lump sum - my father set it up when I was born but you needed more than I could get from that, what with inflation and all, so I borrowed against my house, got enough to pay off your debts and keep you and Dawn in luxury. Had the money waiting in my crypt, for when you finally agreed to accept it.”

“Only I never did.”

“Worse, you and Captain Cardboard blew it up, along with those damned demon eggs.”

“Oh God, Spike, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me? No,” She said, looking away, her shame almost too much for her to bear. “I know why. I treated you worse than that Cecily did. Why didn’t you stop loving me?”

“I did try.” Spike said, a hint of amusement in his voice, “In fact, I tried before I even told you how I felt but, it’s like I told you, that last night in Sunnyhell, you’re the one.”

“I’m glad I’m the one and I’m glad I let myself love you.” She said this with such heartfelt emotion that Spike glanced away from the road, to see tears glistening in her eyes.

“Pet?”

“We never did get to the bottom of that ‘Doctor’ thing. Was it you?” Buffy asked brightly, scrubbing her tears away and pretending they hadn’t happened.

“No.” Spike replied, his eyes back on the road. “Looking back, I think it might have been Andrew, what with his obsession with classic British sci-fi. As for the eggs… well, friends of mine were always leaving stuff at my place, I just thought one of them… Turns out, it was Cardboard himself.”

“What, Riley planted…?”

“Yeah, seems soldier boy had been checking up on you, saw us together and decided to split us up.”

“Oh, God and I fell for it.”

“He knew there was someone in Sunnyhell calling himself ‘The Doctor’, he didn’t know who, so he just blamed yours truly. Those eggs were harmless; hatchlings were just scavengers. After all, if anyone had been munched on, it might have got out that he was responsible.”

“He really did wait ‘til his life was perfect…”

“How’s that?”

“He came back to rub my nose in the fact that he was happy. New wife, new life and I was stuck working at the Palace.”

“Don’t forget shagging a vampire, pet.”

“Yeah, that was the worst part.”

“Oi!”

“No,” Buffy said, laughing at her constant ability to put her foot in her mouth, “I mean from his point of view. After we’d broken up over what he’d done, seeing me with you… his ultimate revenge, I guess.”

“Yeah, made him feel better about hanging around suck-houses.”

“I didn’t show it, at the time but I’m glad you told me about that. If he’d been turned, he could have done so much damage. Y’know, getting invited in by people who thought he was still alive?”

“Not why I told you, though, pet.”

“I know. It’s part of what I love about you; you do the right thing, for all the wrong reasons.”

“What can I say, it’s a knack.”

Buffy loved that they could talk; she’d never really had that with any of the others. Talking with Angel had been like trying to get blood from a stone, Parker - used talking as a way to get what he wanted and Riley? Boring!

Spike? Loved to talk and never dull. He had the whole vampire photographic memory thing and he’d led an exciting life. Buffy would never be bored. She only wished she could talk to him.

Buffy was scared. She hadn’t told Spike but she was terrified of what she was. The whole thing with the thralled maid, had started it off - the bloodlust. She’d sat in that hotel room, with that poor thralled girl and listened to the blood; calling her. She’d wanted to sink her fangs in, deep in. She’d wanted to feed - yes - but more, she’d wanted to take. She’d wanted to strip her and touch her; stroke that velvety skin and feel the girl’s heart beat faster. She’d wanted to pleasure the girl - knowing, in some dark, instinctive part of her vampire self, that the blood would taste better. That if she took it while the girl was in the throes of orgasm, the blood would be hotter, sweeter, more satisfying…

God, she was sick.

Not for wanting sex with a girl but for the knowledge that, if she did what she wanted, the girl would end up dead. A part of Buffy felt that that was OK.

God, Spike must be some sort of vampire saint. To have wanted this, to have felt this way and to have resisted… Buffy thought back to all the times they’d screwed - there was no gentler word for what they’d done - back before he’d got his soul and when hers was still so damaged. Had he wanted her in the same way that she had wanted the girl? He was a vampire, of course he had. He bit her all the time, now that she was a vampire too. Nothing she’d experienced before, came close; the sharp pain balancing the intense pleasure, making her orgasms seem to stretch on forever… Lovemaking just wasn’t the same without it.

All those times that she’d tormented him over his lack of a soul… if only she’d known. Now, here she was, a vampire with a soul, having dark sexual fantasies involving lesbian rape, bloodletting and death.

She’d actually taunted him, back when she‘d been alive. She’d made out that she was better than him because she had a soul and he didn’t. God, she was lucky he hadn’t just waited ‘til she was helplessly climaxing in his arms and drained her dry. It would have been easy for him, she wouldn‘t even have struggled. He could have left Sunnydale, after and her friends would probably never have caught up with him. Only his love for her and Dawn had kept her safe.

“You alright, pet? You’re very quiet.”

“Thinking about… stuff.”

“You still worried about thralling people? You shouldn’t, you’ve got much more control, now.”

“Yeah but this isn’t like Africa, there we could go for days and not see any people, here…”

“You’re scared you’ll thrall someone by accident?”

“No. I’m afraid I’ll do it on purpose.” There, she had said it.

“Pet?” He stared at her, driving on instinct and an occasional flicker of his eyes to the road.

“I want to kill.” She whispered, a tear running down her cheek. “I want to sink my fangs into someone warm - human - and feel their blood filling my mouth.”

“That’s perfectly natural.” Spike said, gently. “You’re a vampire, it’s instinctive.”

“But you… all that time before… before your soul…” Buffy started to cry again, not trying to stop it this time.

“I had a chip. It hurt too much, I couldn’t…”

“I mean me… with me you could have…”

“No.” He said quietly, “I couldn’t have. Oh we could fight,” He added, seeing her look of disbelief. “I could fight you for hours on end but I could never have bitten you.”

“Why not? Don’t you like it?” Buffy said, her tears forgotten, as a feeling of rejection crept over her.

“That’s my Buffy.” Spike said, smiling and looking back to the road. “Of course I like it, I love it and holding back when we were first lovers, was hell.”

“Then why…?”

“Because, if I’d ever so much as touched a fang to any part of your perfect body, at the very least, you’d have never let me touch you again…”

“And at worst I’d have staked you…?”

“Yeah. And I’d have deserved it. Breaking your trust, like that.”

“No.”

“No, what?”

“No, I would never have staked you. You went passed staking, a long time ago.”

“Huh?”

“I think…” Buffy said, slowly, “That it was after our truce, when you helped me with Angelus. I just couldn’t stake you after that; you’d become too real.”

“You staked me when I had the Gem of Amara.”

“Only because you let me. Deep down, I knew, that if you made it that easy, it wasn’t going to hurt you. Besides, you really pissed me off, taunting me about that jerk, Parker.”

“Sorry about that, it just made me so mad. I mean, I hadn’t realized, myself, how I felt… y’know… about you but the thought of you wasting it with a thoughtless jerk… I know his kind, wants quantity not quality and when he looks back at all the women he’s had, he won’t remember any of them. Might as well have been wanking…”

“He’ll probably remember me.” Buffy said, smiling.

“Oh? Why’s that then?”

“When I was ‘cave slayer’, I hit him over the head with a tree branch. Twice.”

“What’s a ‘cave slayer‘ some roll play thing?” Spike asked, genuinely puzzled but also happy to get her off the subject of her feelings of darkness.

“I don’t think you were around for that… After, well… Parker… let’s just say my confidence was a bit low… anyway, I started drinking…” She broke off, giggling at his look of horror, “Yes, I know, the booze and the Buff don’t go well together… but this was only beer, or so I thought and besides, it was in a bar where Xander was working, so I felt safe; I mean, he wouldn’t let anyone take advantage of me…” She looked across at Spike, trying to work out what he was thinking.

“Go on, Luv, I’m hanging on every word.” He said, smirking.

“Well, I was getting drunk, a lot, with some boys I’d met; only the beer was enchanted. The owner of the bar was sick to death of college kids coming in acting like they were God’s gift… y’know… ‘we’re so brainy, we’re gonna run the country some day and you’re wasting your pathetic life serving the drinks because you’re so stupid..’ So, he puts the whammy on the beer and we all regress into cave men. And slayers.”

“I’m sorry I missed it.”

“It’s weird, I didn’t used to remember it that well but now I’m a vampire…”

“Perfect recall. I know, it’s a vampire survival skill, you live a long time, you remember all of it because information is power.”

“It must have been a nightmare for my friends, I did cave painting on the walls, in the room I was sharing with Willow, I threatened Giles, sniffed Xander… Don’t ask.” She said, at his quizzical glance, “Then I ran off, found the other cave men, discovering fire, inside a building; helped to get them out, rescued Willow, who was unconscious and then, rescued Parker.”

“So, at what stage did you hit him?” Spike asked, clearly amused.

“Well, he was much easier to carry from the building, unconscious and then, when he woke up, he started thanking me for saving him and asked if I could possibly forgive him for the way he’d treated me…”

“So you belted him again. Don’t blame you.” Spike said, chuckling.

“He didn’t try to talk to me after that, which was a relief but someone said that Riley hit him and rumour had it, that it was because of me…”

“So I’m the only one who didn’t get a go… damn, I always miss out…”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that… hey, we could always track him down and I could bite him…” Buffy said, with a laugh.

Spike smiled, he knew she didn’t mean it and he was pleased that she was shaking off her black mood but he knew that sometime soon they would have to face her bloodlust…