“Don’t I get a cookie?” Spike asked in a long suffering voice.

Buffy looked at the impossibly perfect face of the man that she had been engaged to only an hour ago. The face of her mortal enemy.

“No”

“Well I have to have something; I still have Buffy taste in my mouth.” Spike looked, and sounded, disgusted, but there was a mischievous twinkle in his deep blue eyes which Buffy didn’t miss. She grabbed a cookie off the plate Willow was passing around to ease her guilt and shoved it in Spikes mouth.

The sight of him trying to glare around the protruding confection caused something in Buffy to start bubbling. The feeling spread until a throaty and unexpected laugh erupted from her. Everyone looked at her in shock, and were then shocked further by Spike joining in with the laughter, choking on his cookie as a result. This just made Buffy laugh harder, and tears began to leak down her face.
Since she had been called Buffy hadn’t had much cause for laughter, but something about Spikes expression, and the ridiculousness of the situation they had been in made it difficult to stop.
Spike managed to get his choking under control eventually and narrowed his eyes at Buffy, even as his mouth twitched with mirth.

“Shut up your laughing Slayer, or I’ll tell your pals what you wanted for our first dance”.

"You wouldn't! And anyway, that was the spell!"

"I soddin well would, and it weren't the spell" Spike did a pretty good Buffy impression "Please honey, I've been dreaming of dancing to that song since I was a little girl!"

“You’re a pig Spike!”

Spike answered this with a surprisingly realistic and incredibly entertaining pig impression, (he even managed to twitch his ears) which had Buffy laughing again.

***
From then on things changed. Buffy and Spike still bitched at each other. A lot. But the beginnings of an understanding had been formed. Each remembered how it felt to be loved by the other, infuriating sure, but oh so comforting, safe, passionate and fun. Buffy found that she needed the fun in her life, the humour, which only Spike could provide. To Spikes shock, and initial disgust, he realised that he needed her too.

They weren’t friends at first, not by a long shot, but they weren’t enemies either. Buffy kept making excuses to go round to Giles’ apartment, offering to babysit Spike when he really didn’t need a babysitter anymore. She knew he was soulless and recently evil, but he made her laugh as no one else could do.

Buffy could be herself with him. Being with him was easy, and Buffy desperately needed something to be easy in her life.


After Riley heard her, admittedly poor, reasoning behind ‘pretending to be engaged’ he continued to pursue her, but Buffy found it hard to get excited about it. It wasn’t because he wasn’t a bad boy, there was just no spark there, no underlying passion. Though she was pretty sure he’d look good with his shirt off, she had no desire to be the one ripping it off him.

Once she found out about his affiliation with the commandos Buffy’s mind was made up and she and Riley stopped before they’d ever really started. Though she didn’t voice it aloud one of her main concerns was keeping Spike safe from them. She had always thought that if Spike was going to dust she would be the one to dust him. And for some reason she'd never actually wanted him to dust. Now she really didn't. She had also learned, after the council affair, that Buffy and demon fighting organisations were un mixy things, and despite the fact he seemed patronisingly disbelieving of her strength Riley had definitely wanted her to become involved. The whole experimenting on demons thing seemed a bit suspect, and ultimately kinda unfair, to Buffy.

Riley was really disappointed, but Buffy had already learnt the hard way that a slayers life was too short to waste. She knew now that craving normality was pointless, she wasn’t made for normal. While she was still living she wanted to feel alive, and though a guy was beginning to inspire those feelings in her it certainly wasn’t Riley.

After Spike helped Giles (when he was going through an awkward demon phase) things changed even more. He got his own place, (a crypt, but a nice one, as caverns for the dead go), and once Spike learned (to his great delight) that he could hurt anything not human he started to patrol with Buffy on a regular basis.


Xander, and even Willow, were against the whole thing initially, but for once Buffy didn’t care what they thought. Patrolling with Spike was fun, she didn’t have to worry about him not being able to take care of himself, like she did with her friends, and he could match her in strength and speed. They became a formidable team, though they fought each other as much as they did demons. Buffy looked on it as extra training, and though Giles thought it was ‘just not right’, even he had to admit, whilst polishing his glasses, that Buffy was learning from Spike.

Dawn had a massive crush on Spike at first, which irritated Xander no end, but she eventually came to see him as a big brother figure. He proved to be a lot more intelligent then Buffy had ever given him credit for, and was able to tutor Dawn in French (though he did try and teach her some dirty phrases) and English lit.


Joyce was very fond of Spike. But then, she had liked him when he had been purely evil, so it wasn't much of a surprise. She and Spike talked a lot. About what exactly Buffy wasn't sure, but Spike seemed to respect her mom, and enjoy her company so she never complained about it.



If Buffy had only had Glory to deal with that year it would have been bad enough, but then her mom got sick.
It was, without doubt, the worst time of her life. She had never felt so helpless. With all the ancient, powerful strength coursing through her body she couldn't do a damn thing to help her mom. And it hurt. It hurt so much.


The Scoobies and Giles were going to town on trying to find out what the hell Glory was up to, so if it hadn’t been for Spike Buffy would have been alone to deal with it all. He came to the hospital with her, held her while she cried, looked after Dawn and tried to cheer them all up with stupid stories and surprisingly good, but incredibly weird, food creations.



Buffy’s mom got worse. Then she got better. And then she died.


The image of her, lying on the sofa so cold and still, would haunt Buffy for all time. No one knew what she was going through. She had to be strong for Dawn, she had to be the slayer and save the world, but inside she was just so hollow. Inside she was a little girl who needed her mom. And her mom was gone.


Spike had been there to listen. He had given her time to grieve. He had looked after Dawn when she had felt unable to.
Then Spike had told her a story, a story of his own past, his human past. A couple of years ago Buffy wouldn’t have believed that the love Spike had felt for his mother would have stayed with him once he was sired. She knew him now. She knew that he was capable of love and affection, despite all Giles had said to the contrary. When Spike was William he had had to watch his mom dying, slowly and painfully, and he had tried to save her, in his own way. He had failed, and she had died by his hand and the haunting of it had stayed with him ever since.

He understood how she felt.


She could be alone while he was there, and let herself grieve for what she had lost, and it gave her the strength to carry on fighting to protect what she still had left to lose.


When Glory’s minions had taken Spike, thinking that he was the key, Buffy had been thrown into a rage the likes of which she had never known before. Though the others, except maybe Tara, all suspected that Spike would sell them out at once, Buffy never doubted him. She was worried, not about what he would tell Glory but about what Glory would do to him when he didn’t talk.


Buffy had been right to worry. Spike had been in such a state when they’d got to him that Buffy decided it would be better to take him back to her place. Giles and Xander had listed all the reasons why that was not a good idea. She listened. Then she ignored them and brought him home anyway.


That was where he ended up staying. Buffy found she liked having him round the house. She said it was because he was an extra pair of eyes and ears, an extra set of (wonderfully muscley) arms, which would help her protect Dawn. But really it was just because she liked having him there.

If it wasn’t for all the stress she was under and all the pain she was still feeling, she would have stopped for a minute and wondered why she liked having him there so much.


When it got down to it, to the end, Spike had been incredible. He had fought by her side. He had bled for her, he had tried to save Dawn. He had tried harder than anyone. It just hadn’t been quite enough.




Buffy was still a little uncertain of all that had gone on when she was dead (she still found it hard to say ‘when she was in heaven’), but she knew all the basic facts.


She had only been dead five minutes when Willow and Tara had moved into her house, and kicked Spike out. She understood why they felt they had to be there for Dawn. She did not, and would never, understand why they kicked out the one person Dawn had really needed and wanted.


Spike had carried on patrolling, he had looked after Dawn (when he had been allowed) and he had been to her grave to talk to her. He had come to her grave almost every night to talk to her about Dawn, and patrolling and how much he missed her. And how much he hurt. He had never told her any of this. Some of it she got from Dawn, some from a scornful Xander. The talking at her grave she actually remembered. She knew it sounded ridiculous, so she had never said it to him, or anyone else for that matter, but when she had been in heaven she remembered Spike talking to her, she remembered what he had said, and she remembered trying to project the thought to him somehow that even though she missed him, and everyone else, she was ok.


When she had been torn out of heaven, ripped from her comfort, her sanctuary, her reward, she knew Spike hadn’t been involved with it. She knew he would never have done that to her, or have doubted where she had ended up. It was to him she ran when she first crawled out of her grave.


Everything had been so harsh, so bright at first, but she could still see Spikes grief etched on every inch of him. The look on his face when he had seen her had been one of such profound amazement and joy that Buffy had dissolved into tears, which she hadn’t been able to stop for some time.


One of the first things she had done, when she was feeling able, was to remove Willow and Tara from her house and reinstate Spike. Willow hadn’t taken it well. Buffy didn’t much care. She didn’t hate her friends for what they had inadvertently done to her, she couldn’t, but she did resent them. She felt lost, and it wasn’t them who made her feel found.

Buffy wriggled against his chest until she could look up at the profile of Spike’s face. He seemed engrossed in the film they were watching and a mischievous gleam sprung into her hazel eyes. She brought her hand up to his ribs and began to slowly, but intensely, tickle him. He tried not to react but she could see his jaw clenching in restraint. After a minute he swatted her hand away. She just smiled and resumed. Through gritted teeth he snarled,

“Stop that you stupid bint”.

Buffy giggled but just tickled him harder.


“I said bloody stop that!”


“Make me!”


“Oh I’ll bloody well make you in a minute slayer!”


Before Buffy could blink she had been flung on her back along the sofa and Spike had instigated an all out tickling assault. She squealed as his long sure fingers found, as always, her most sensitive spots. As soon as she could draw breath she used her slayer strength to flip their positions. He growled as her attack intensified. They rolled off the sofa and around the floor, neither gaining dominance for long. Buffy’s squeals and Spike’s growls filled the room as the film and their friends were forgotten.
Spike seemed to have gained the upper hand, until Buffy sprang to her feet and sprinted for the kitchen.


“Bloody cheat!” Spike yelled from the floor.

“Looser!” Buffy yelled from the kitchen.

“Stupid bint!”

“Evil vampire!”

“Bitch!”

“Ponce!”

Spike roared at that one and leapt to his own feet, giving chase. The squeals and growls quickly resumed.
Xander scowled at the doorway and Willow gave him a small smile, whilst sneakily turning up the TV in an attempt to distract him. It didn’t work.

Eventually Buffy and Spike returned to the living room, walking, but bound together in a mass of flailing limbs. Clearly no one had won the battle yet. They didn’t break eye contact as they lowered themselves awkwardly onto the sofa. After a long minute they said, in unison, “Truce”.

They released their iron strong grip on the other instantly and snuggled back down to watch the film. Buffy flung her legs over Spike and nestled her head under her chin, whilst he snaked his arm around her waist and drew idle patterns on her hand.


Xander glared at them and muttered bitterly “You are such a couple.”


He knew he shouldn’t have said it as soon as the words were out of his mouth, but by then it was too late.
Two pairs of eyes, one green one intensely blue, flashed to him, narrowed in anger and glinting gold to different extents.

“We are NOT...” Buffy began,
“a couple” Spike finished.


Xander couldn’t stop himself shooting back “Well you sure as hell act like one!”


Willow inwardly groaned, she had been hoping to avoid yet another scene.

To her surprise, a scene never came. Buffy and Spike looked at each other for a long, silent moment, and then seemed to forget completely that Xander had said anything at all.


In the past, if Xander said anything about them being a couple they would both react badly, Spike would flare his nostrils and growl softly while Buffy would stare him down or stomp her feet. Both would claim that just because they weren’t trying to kill each other anymore didn’t mean they were anything more than mortal enemies, turned allied friends.
Now they seemed to have finally realised that the time when they were enemies, and even the time they were just friends, was long, long passed.

The front door suddenly flew open and Dawn bound brightly into the living room, her school bag hanging off her shoulder. Everyone turned to her with a smile and Buffy and Spike moved away from each other enough to leave a Dawn sized space between them. Without invitation she flopped onto the sofa.

“Hey guys”.


Spike reached up to ruffle her hair and she looked at him with pretend annoyance. “Hey nibblet”. Buffy took Dawns hand absently as Spike tucked her other arm beneath his own.


“Good day?” Willow asked as she paused the film.


Dawn scrunched up her nose prettily. “Uh, kinda, got given a big assignment I so don’t want to do, and we’ve got a new French teacher who’s a big ho bag...”


“Dawn!” Buffy said reproachfully, “That’s your influence” she continued with a mock glare at Spike. He just looked at Dawn with a proud smile and replied

“Great innit?”


Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Oh but yeah!” Dawn burst out excitedly, “I got an A on my English essay!”

Now both of them looked at her with pride and Buffy gave her a big, genuine smile. “That’s great Dawnie, you are so the brains of this family!”


“No argument here pet” Spike chimed in.

Buffy reached around Dawn and pinched Spikes arm. Hard. Dawn giggled as Spike glared. He looked at Dawn and his gaze softened, “This calls for cornbread and chilli I reckon”. If it was possible Dawn brightened even more at the mention of her favourite ever dinner.


“With chocolate pie for afters?”


Spike gave her a crooked smile “Course Bit, might even stretch to ice cream to go with it.”


Dawn sighed contentedly. “I’m gonna have to be smart more often.”

Spike chuckled.


Willow looked at the family before her. Despite what Spike and Buffy might claim, the three of them were a family, and as much as Buffy loved her friends and they loved her, they were not a part of the intimate family unit.


After a while they flicked the film back on and they all enjoyed the peace that had settled over the house.


When it had finished Spike drifted off to the kitchen to start cooking. Willow couldn’t help but notice that while he was out of the room Buffy’s eyes were continually drawn to the doorway, as though waiting his return. Once she called out “Spikeeee...” and though Willow wouldn’t have had a clue what this meant Spike obviously did as the next second a pack of Oreos flew through the air, to be deftly caught by Buffy as she called out “Thanks!”

He then came in with a jug of milk, enough glasses for all of them, (apart from Xander, some things would never change) and a jar of peanut butter, which he handed straight to Buffy. The domesticity of it all and the sweetness of his actions shocked Willow, even though things had been heading this way for a long time now.


Buffy pulled out a couple of Oreos and passed the pack around before dipping one in the peanut butter and standing up to feed it to Spike. He ate half and she popped the rest in her own mouth. He reached over and brushed away the little bit of peanut butter which had clung to her lip before bringing the finger to his own mouth and sucking it clean. Their eyes met with a look of such smouldering intensity Willow could have sworn she saw sparks flying, and even Xander, who was never normally attentive, noticed and coughed pointedly. Spike looked away with a little difficulty and said
“Thanks luv” in a huskier then normal voice as he padded back into the kitchen.


Xander was still in a sulk, and though the biscuits had cheered him up a bit as soon as he saw Buffy follow Spike into the kitchen and heard the following murmur of soft, intimate voices he went straight back into super sulky mode. Willow felt like hitting him out of his idiotic attitude.


She really didn’t know why he had such a problem with this. Buffy and Spike said they weren’t a couple and even if the facts staring her in the face screamed that it wasn't the truth she was certainly not going to be the one to bring them out of their denial. Particularly as this whole bizarre situation could be considered to be her fault. If she hadn’t done that spell all those years ago things might have been very different.



Spike stared out of the window pensively, his jaw tense and his arms crossed. Buffy stood at the doorway and watched. Spike had been out of sorts for days now, quiet and thoughtful, hardly an oath had crossed his lips. Very not like himself. Buffy knew from experience the only way to get him to say what was on his mind was to wait until he came to her. He always did, in the end.

Sensing she was behind him Spike put his arm out and Buffy moved to it without thought, snuggling into his side. She felt his shoulders drop, his tension temporarily lifted, and he sighed deeply. It was coming, he was going to tell her what was wrong, and for some reason Buffy was scared.


“Buffy...” Spike said hesitantly.

She was instantly more afraid, Spike only ever called her by name when something was seriously wrong, otherwise she was pet, or luv, or goldilocks, or when he was particularly annoyed, slayer.


He let a long pause hang in the air then sighed again.
Buffy felt a stab of cold hard terror in her gut. She couldn’t be patient anymore. “What is it?” she spoke more softly then she’d intended, her words came out more like a whimper. Spike took her hand and squeezed it lightly and when he looked at her his bright blue eyes were aflame, but with what she just couldn’t tell. Her breath caught in her throat, and her heart started to pound, trying to jump from her chest. She couldn’t break her eyes from his.

“What?”

Years seemed to pass before he answered, and when he did his voice was unusually flat. “Pet, I’m, I’m goin away for a bit.”


He waited to see what effect his words would have. He didn’t have long to wait. Her violent reply spoke volumes despite its brevity. “NO”.


Spike couldn’t contain the smirk. “I wasn’t askin your permission pet.”


Her eyes were wide and angry but her voice shook. “You’re not leaving me”.


He shook his head gently and reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered on the side of her face, barely tracing the outline of her cheek, but leaving a trail of icey fire behind.


“’m not leavin you luv, I promise, but I there’s somethin I need to do. I won’t be gone long.”


Buffy was still suppressing the pleasurable shudders which coursed through her body at his slightest touch as she replied, “What do you need to do?”


His eyes twinkled slightly as his head tilted to the side in the gesture she knew so well. “Can’t tell ya pet, not yet. You’ll just have to trust me” the last was said slightly hesitatingly, as though he still wasn’t sure how much she trusted him.


She took his other hand and closed the space between them, so they were standing nose to nose, his cool breath tickling her cheek.
She was swimming in his scent, drowning in it. She would never get enough of his scent. It had been a long time since she’d slept in anything but his shirts, needing the heady aroma of smoke and whiskey and him to make closing her eyes worthwhile. As exposed to his scent as she was it still made her dizzy, and she subconsciously breathed in deeply. Through half lidded eyes she looked into his own and when she spoke her voice was breathy but certain, “I trust you Spike. More than anyone.”


He couldn’t hide his shock, or his obvious delight at her words. He rested his forehead against hers and chuckled. The rumble spread from him to her, and it suffused her body with heat, causing tingles to shoot in her womb. “You don’t know how much that means pet. You really don’t.”


Buffy smiled. “You might be my mortal enemy but your also kinda my very best friend. When your nor trying to kill me that is.” Her heartfelt tone belied the flippant nature of her words. Despite their rocky history he was her best friend. Her very best friend. The best friend she had ever had. And yet he was so much more than that.


Spike let out another rumbling laugh and wound his fingers more tightly within hers. She knew the feel of them would linger for a long time after he let them go. Thinking of him leaving made her tighten her grip. “How long would you be gone?”


Spike sighed, his forehead still pressed on hers. He was still replaying her last words to him, over and over again. When he had control of the emotions he just couldn’t explain he answered, “A month, at most”.


She pulled away from him with a start and her eyes flew to capture his, both were shocked and mourned the loss of contact, but Buffy was too angry to listen to her body and go back to him. “A MONTH? You want to go away for a month? A MONTH??”


Spike shook his head again, “I don’t want to go Buffy, I need to”.


He looked at her imploringly, willing her to understand that he would never leave unless he had to. This was something he had to do.


Buffy ran a hand through her hair in a gesture so reminiscent of Spike that he had to smile.


“I know you don’t want to tell me why you’re going, but I have to know, is it... it’s not, it’s not about... Drusilla, is it?” Buffy hated asking and she hated saying the name, but she had to know, she’d feel sick unless she did. Drusilla had popped up a couple of times over the years, usually to cause trouble or try to tempt Spike away. Spike had never failed in his loyalty to Buffy, but she hated Drusilla all the same.



Spike took a cautious step forward. “It’s not Dru, I promise.”


Buffy nodded. The feeling of unease in her heart lifted a little, but not much. He was still going away, for a month. In four years Buffy had never gone a day without seeing Spike. At first his constant presence was irritating beyond belief, but it soon became necessary, then welcome, and then essential to her. He had lived with her and Dawn for almost two years, since her mother had died, and she took for granted that he would be the first person she talked to in the morning and the last person she spoke to at night. She didn’t know how she would cope without him. He could never take the burden of being the slayer away, but he shared the weight of it with her, she wasn’t alone when he was there. She didn’t want him to go. But she couldn’t make him stay.


Spike had been edging towards her slowly and was now close enough to put a hand on her arm. She fizzed from the contact, and managed to give him a small smile. “When do you go?”


“Tomorrow. Tomorrow night.”


She heard the hiss at her own sharp intake of breath.

“Tomorrow...” she murmured. She looked at him with another small smile “I don’t envy you telling Dawn”.


“Can’t you tell her?” Spike pouted.

“No!” Buffy laughed a little at the hurt look on his face.


“Oh bugger it” he swore softly. I suppose I’ll have to make another chocolate pie, soften the blow like”.


Buffy squeezed his hand again. “I don’t think it will soften the blow much.”



Without saying another word Buffy turned to leave the room, keeping a firm grip on Spikes hand to make sure he was following. After Joyce had died Buffy had moved into her room, wanting to feel close to her mother, and wanting to be surrounded by things which were wholly her. Spike had Buffy’s old room, he had seriously redecorated it, it was very much his room, but some of Buffy’s things lay scattered about, just as some of his things lay scattered in her room. It was to her room they went now, and, as they had done on so many nights in the past they curled up under the covers of the bed. Spike was in sweats and an old tee shirt. Buffy was in her standard pj’s, which were one of Spikes tee shirts and an old pair of his sweats.

She curled into his side, loving the way she fit there so perfectly, the cut of their bodies seemed to be made for each other. She had often thought that they were like one piece of paper which had been torn in half, they needed to be put together to be whole. She had never told Spike she thought this, she knew he’d just call her a soppy bint and smoke more than usual, but it’s how she felt. They talked for hours, about nothing, everything, and all the things in between. Time seemed so inconsequential when she was with him, he was with her, and they were together. They bickered and they bitched and they laughed and they held each other. It was the way they were, and Buffy would not change it for anything.

As usual Buffy fell asleep in his arms. Usually when she woke it was to find that Spike had moved to his own room during the night, and she would delight in sneaking in and waking him up as loudly and dramatically as she could. But today, before she even opened her eyes, before she was even fully conscious, she knew he hadn’t left her bed. She could sense him. Her sleep had been the most restful she could remember having. She felt safe, loved. And warm. How strange that a vampire, with his cold skin, could make her feel so warm. She didn’t want to open her eyes and break this spell. Spikes arms were wrapped tightly around her and her leg had threaded through his during the night. She couldn’t help letting out a contented sigh. He stirred against her and his long, hard erection was suddenly pressing against her thigh, and it was as though the layers of clothing between them had melted away. A rush of pure naked desire shot straight to her groin and she gasped before she could help herself. Spikes deep throaty chuckle alerted Buffy to his now wakeful state.


“Sorry pet, musta dozed off before I could move to my room. Didn’t mean to startle ya.”


Buffy mumbled some incoherent nothings; it was all she could do to get her raging hormones under control. Spike must have been able to smell her desire, hell, she could smell it. But he didn’t say anything, just peeled himself from her embrace and chucked her a cocky grin as he walked to the door. His hair was all mused from sleep, soft blonde curls springing out at all angles, and his bright blue eyes were still heavy. He stretched his arms above his head and his tee shirt rose up to show off an expanse of alabaster brilliance and a light brown trail leading to an area of Spikes body that Buffy was not as familiar with as she wanted to be. The muscles in his arms bunched as he flexed and Buffy held her breath. She’d never seen anything so beautiful.


He caught her eye and she blushed red to the roots of her hair. He winked at her, and smirked but didn’t say anything as he headed to the door. “I’d better go make the nibblet somethin good for breakie before I try an break the news. “


Buffy shelved her embarrassment and jumped out of bed. “I’m coming too. Don’t want to miss this, Dawn is gonna go NUTS.”


Buffy was right.


Dawn ranted. Dawn raved. Dawn cried. Dawn tried to hit Spike. Dawn begged Spike to stay, claiming she would starve in his absence as Buffy was such an appalling cook. Dawn wouldn’t stop hugging him. Then Dawn had to go to school, so she accepted the situation as long as they had a special dinner together that night before he left, and as long as he rung her everyday.


Spike readily agreed but as soon as she left the house he let out a long held breath. “That was no bloody picnic”.
Buffy rolled her eyes at him over the top of her coffee cup. “Your stupider then you look if you thought it was gonna be”.


Spike stuck his tongue out at her and snatched a piece of toast off her plate before she could react.


She swatted his hand but said seriously, “Spike, your like Dawns dad, her big brother and her best friend all in one, she’ll hate you not being here.”


He swallowed down the toast and ran his ringers through his hair, messing it up even more. “I know. She’ll hate it even more when she finds out I won’t be able to ring her.”


Buffy slammed her coffee cup on the table, slopping it all down the sides. “What the hell do you mean you won’t be able to ring?” she demanded.


Spike didn’t look shocked by her outburst, just resigned. He was already cleaning up the mess she’d made as he replied, “Where I’m going, I won’t be contactable. At all.”


If possible Buffy became even angrier. “Then how are we supposed to know your ok?!”


Spike took Buffy’s chin gently in his hands and made her look up at his face. She wished he wouldn’t do that, it was so hard to stay angry with him when she was lost in his eyes. “I’ll be ok Buffy.”

“But how will we know?” Buffy pleaded.

Spike tilted his head to the side and let a slow, sexy grin spread across his face. “Baby I’m the Big Bad, if my slayer can’t kill me nothing can.”


Buffy glowed inwardly at the possessive sound of my slayer but she was still worried enough to be annoyed at him.
She was about to say more when he cut her off by brushing a finger of the hand which held her chin slowly, sensually across her bottom lip. Buffy felt herself go wet instantly, and became a human shaped pile of goo. “Lets’ not fight eh pet? Not when this is the last day I’ll have with you in a while.”


She nodded dumbly. She couldn’t have done anything else. In unspoken agreement they ended up on the sofa in the lounge. Before either of them were aware of it Buffy had her legs around Spikes waist and her head against his neck. Their arms were around each other, holding as closely together as was humanly possible. It wasn’t enough for Buffy, she needed to be closer. She needed to be inside him, part of him and never have to let him go.

She felt his arousal pressing into her and felt her own arousal steadily soaking her panties and the sweats she wore. She had desired him physically for such a long time, but she never allowed herself to consider it a possibility. She knew he desired her too, but he never said anything either.

If there was one thing Buffy had learned in her life is that lovers left. They came, they took what they wanted and they left, leaving you just a bit smaller, a bit more broken, then you were before. But Spike had fixed her. He had made her whole again. Made her feel more content and made her laugh more then she had even before she was called. He wasn’t just in her heart, he was her heart, and she couldn’t risk it. Couldn’t risk him. Lovers came, lovers left. What she and Spike shared was forever, for always. For eternity. She was his and he was hers. Mine.


Thinking of those words drew her back to the constantly reoccurring thoughts she had been having about the Vampiric claim. She had been reading up on it, a lot, but she hadn’t mentioned to anyone her desire to claim Spike as her mate. People would think it was a sexual thing, when it wasn’t. It was spiritual. Giles might not think Spike had a soul but Buffy knew different, through his eyes she saw deep within him, and she saw light. And anyway, how could he be her soul mate if he didn’t have a soul? While these thoughts were racing through her head she had been unknowingly brushing her lips along Spikes neck, just where his pulse would be. She only became aware of it when she heard a soft moan escape him, and his hands tighten around her back. She didn’t stop, but carried on exploring his neck with her lips, barely touching, just feeling the electricity crackle. God he smelt so good and he tasted better. She wanted to taste more, wanted to taste everything, wanted to taste what he was. She swore she could feel a pulse pounding against her lips, as though at that moment Spike had become alive again just for her. Conscious thought disappeared to be replaced with want and need and something stronger, something primal and instinctive that she could not fight against.
She didn’t think, she just felt. Her mouth opened widely and she brought her teeth against his neck. And she bit him.
The first taste of his blood was overwhelming. She heard him gasp, but didn’t worry, somewhere inside she knew it was a good gasp. His blood swirled on her tongue, and stars appeared before her eyes. It was as though she was seeing in colour for the first time, touching things with her skin rather than through cloth, feeling things with all pretences and falsities stripped away.

Her orgasm was upon her before she’d known it was building, and the wave crashed against her, again and again and again as she pulled his sweet blood into her mouth. There was no world, there was no family or friends, there was nothing beyond this, the two of them and the pull of his blood. She was almost carried away on the tide of her emotions but her grip on Spike kept her grounded.

When at last she pulled her teeth from his neck she couldn’t see anything but stars, could barely breath from the amazement of it all. She heard herself say the word in a growl she had never spoken in before, “Mine”. As she spoke she swirled her tongue over the bite wound to help it to heal, and she knew in every inch of her that it was true. He was hers, he had to be hers. In a gaspingly hoarse and emotion filled voice she heard Spikes reply “Yours”. And the world tilted again.


He was her

She was him

They were one, and they were everything all at once.

They went through all time and eternity and she knew him better then herself

He was Spike, the demon.

He was William, the man.

And he was a thousand shades of gray and contradictions in between.

It was as though they had left their earthly bodies and come together as one entity, one being on another more fantastic plane of existence. She felt it was all too much and yet just enough at the same time. They shared thoughts and memories and hopes and dreams and it was impossible to distinguish whose were whose, and in the end it didn’t matter anyway, because they were one now.

Buffy had absolutely no idea how long they sat there. The apocalypse could have come and gone and she would have had no idea. Every once in a while she would nuzzle her bite mark and whisper “mine” and he would reply fervently “Yours”. And that was enough. It would have been enough forever, but eventually reality had to intrude.


Dawn came home and barged into the living room just as Spike and Buffy had managed to untangle themselves from each other, with difficulty. Buffy went to stand but her head swam and she would have fallen were it not for Spikes strong arm being flung about her waist. She found she liked it being there more than ever. She looked up at him, he looked down at her, a wealth of words flowed between them without a sound needing to be uttered.

Spike was still in a little shock about the whole thing hours later. All through dinner and Spikes favourite ‘telly time’ he and Buffy were shooting each other furtive looks, and smiling in an almost insanely happy way. Dawn was not stupid. She knew something had gone on. The bite marks on Spikes neck, which he had made no attempt to cover, were a pretty big clue.


They both seemed ridiculously pleased with themselves so she just enjoyed the warm feeling of the house, trusting that when Spike had gone Buffy would fill her in. Not if the details were too sordid though, cos, eww.



All too soon it was time for Spike to go. He had stayed long past sunset in his reluctance to leave them, but his legs had been twitching and his girls could tell he was restless.


Dawn gave him an emotional, and entirely too dramatic, goodbye. Spike had gotten a lot less awkward at giving hugs over the years, but after Dawn had been hugging him for over five minutes he had to give an uncomfortable cough and pat her on the head until she let go.



Buffy walked Spike out to his car (which completely dominated her driveway and had not been, as she’d cockily assumed, ‘easy for her to drive’).



She held his hand for a moment, her eyes were downcast and she wasn’t sure how to voice the particular worry that had surfaced in her mind.


He saved her the trouble, and did his usual mind reading trick. “Buffy, luv, I will claim you in return if you want me to. I’ll claim you right here and bloody now if you want me too, but I’d rather wait til I get back, make it as special for you as my claiming was for me.”



Buffy felt unwelcome tears building and she threw her arms around his neck. She nuzzled her marks and kissed them fervently. In her mind she was chanting ‘mine mine mine’, out loud she said “I’m yours Spike, always yours. Whenever you want to claim me I’m yours.”



Spike pulled her into him and wrapped his duster around them both. “Bloody hell pet, you’ve got no idea what your doin to me. You bloody Summer’s women have tamed the Big Bad and he’s not even complainin. You’re some hell of a slayer. You’re one hell of a woman too.”


Buffy was actually crying a little, though she tried not to show it. “Then come back to me yeah? If you don’t I’ll hunt you down and dust your ass.”



Spike grinned and wiped her tears away with the pad of his thumb. “As I’d much rather be here, looking at your ass, then away protecting my own, I’ll come back. Promise. And through the claim you’d know if anythin happened to me, and me you, so you’re not alone alright? I’m like a blood stain on a nice shirt...really hard to get rid of.”


Buffy giggled and ewwed at the same time. She gave her claiming marks one last kiss and then she reluctantly let him go.



Of course, she didn’t realise then that Spikes un-life was nearly at an end.





For Buffy, and to a lesser extent Dawn, that month was the longest passage of time she could ever remember. She missed him every day. All day every day. She wished she didn’t. She wished she could be the strong, powerful woman she tried to pretend she was, but she missed him, and she needed him and it sucked.


It was nice to hang out with her friends a bit more, to really notice what was going on in their lives for a change though.



Willow and Tara had gotten over a pretty rough patch, after Willow had started relying on magic more then was healthy. They seemed to be in a really good place now, for which Buffy was incredibly glad. After her resurrection things between Buffy and Willow had been strained to say the least. Lately, thanks mainly to Tara, things had been almost the same as they’d been before. Buffy wasn’t sorry for the changes that had stuck, they had both grown up a lot, and their friendship was a more mature and less reliant one.




Being married didn’t seem to have changed Xander and Ayna one bit, apart from Anya’s insistence that people still call her Mrs Harris a whole year after the event. According to Xander Anya had started having even more emotional out bursts then he was used to. Buffy suspected she knew the reason for this hormonal change, and wished Spike had been there, he would have been able to tell for sure.



Buffy had even had a couple of phone conversations with Giles. Since he had moved to England contact between them had been sporadic. He hadn’t really gotten over her relationship with an un souled vampire, and she hadn’t really gotten over him leaving after she was brought back.



Things between Spike and Giles had changed in the past few months however. Buffy had been having some money problems, and, determined that she shouldn’t have to work at some dead end job on top of all her other commitments, Spike had been supporting her. He’d surprised her, as he seemed to do constantly, by being a shrewd investor, and had more money than Buffy had thought possible for someone of Spikes impulsive nature. She took money from him, because she had no other choice, but she hated doing it. And Spike knew that.


So, after they’d averted yet another apocalypse, Spike had (unbeknown to Buffy) rung Giles and demanded that he sort out with the council some sort of wage for her. He pointed out that Buffy had done as much for Giles in the past, and it was time to return the favour.


Giles was shocked and more than a little outraged at first, but then he talked to Willow and found out that without the money Spike had been giving her Buffy’s situation would have been desperate indeed. Giles must have gone a little ‘ripper’ on the council, though Buffy never knew for sure, because she started getting a regular, if not massive, wage.


Giles still didn’t like Spike, or his closeness with Buffy, but he respected him more, which was a start, and it led to Buffy and Giles tentatively renewing their friendship. Buffy hadn’t actually realised that she’d missed him so much until she started to get him back. It was nice.



Despite this, despite all that she had going on in her life, Buffy wished Spike was back more than anything. She could feel the connection to him through the claim, could feel the constant pull towards him and the comfort of his presence, but she wanted him back.





Buffy knew it was foolish of her to think Spike would be back exactly a month to the day that he’d been gone, she knew it was silly to hope that she’d come home from patrol and he’d be there. She’d made Dawn stay at Janice’s for the night though, just encase.



After all, he had said he’d be gone a month ‘at most’. And a week ago the feeling of the claim had changed, though not in a bad way. If anything it seemed to become more intense, more brilliant, which surely meant he was on his way home.



She didn’t want to get her hopes up. She’d decided to go out on patrol to stop herself going completely insane at home.

She gave one graveyard a half hearted glance and then ran all the back.



She knew he was there as soon as she got onto her street. She ran even faster, practically jumping up the steps to the front door and got in as quickly as she could.



He was there, standing in the hallway waiting for her.



It was him, but it was not him.
He was different somehow.



He was covered in a host of healing cuts and bruises, but, though Buffy’s heart burned in anger against whatever had got to him, that wasn’t what had changed.



Physically he looked the same. He had his crooked smile on his face, and was looking at her shyly, as though desperate to touch her, but unsure of the welcome he’d get. She decided to let him know it was a good one. She threw herself at him, and clung on fiercely. He returned her embrace with equal intensity, and Buffy laughed when she heard the unison sound of deep inhalations as they each absorbed the others scent.



Suddenly Buffy became aware of something. A deep thrumming. A very familiar and yet entirely new sound. A heartbeat. Spikes heartbeat. Buffy felt faint and drew back from him in shock. His smile faltered a little.


“Spike?” Buffy’s voice was incredulous, “What- How? I don’t understand. Are you human now?”



Spike gave a wry chuckle “Not quite”. He went into game face. It was not the same game face he had worn before, it was a softer version, more human, but the fangs were very much still there.



Buffy shook her head, “What happened?”



“Kinda a long story pet, du think we could maybe sit down an talk about it?”



Buffy nodded eagerly and pulled him towards the sofa. To his obvious delight she sat on his lap and put her head on his chest, listening to his heart. “It’s amazing” She murmured. “But I don’t understand?”



Spike started playing with a lock of her hair. “Well, I’ve been thinkin for a while now that Rupes was, for once, right-when he said I wasn’t what you deserved”.
Buffy shook her head violently. “He wasn’t right, he wasn’t at all. And he said that ages ago. His opinion of you has totally-kinda-changed. A bit.”



Spike snorted. “Yeah, well, it still got me thinkin. I’d heard of these things a while back, called demon trials. Run by some nut job shaman in Africa. If you do the trials and survive them then you get a reward, anythin you wish for.”


Buffy quelled a little at the use of the word ‘survived’ and noticed yet more fading cuts and bruises on his body. She was going to tell him off for doing something so reckless and dangerous, but she wanted to hear the rest of the story, so she settled for glaring and pinching his hand. He understood and carried on. “Well, it took me a while to track the ponce down, and when I did there were a lot more trials, and they were a lot more trial-y then I’d expected, but I did them, and I got my wish.”

Buffy quelled a little at the use of the word ‘survived’ and noticed yet more fading cuts and bruises on his body. She was going to tell him off for doing something so reckless and dangerous, but she wanted to hear the rest of the story, so she settled for glaring and pinching his hand. He understood and carried on. “Well, it took me a while to track the ponce down, and when I did there were a lot more trials, and they were a lot more trial-y then I’d expected, but I did them, and I got my wish.”



Buffy’s breath had caught, “What did you wish for?”



Spike actually blushed and it was the sexiest thing Buffy had ever seen. “I wished I could be what you deserve.”



Buffy cupped his face, “You already were. Not that I don’t appreciate the incredibly brave but completely stupid thing you did.”



Spike smiled but shook his head. “No, I wanted to get my soul back, so you wouldn’t ever have to worry about me goin off the rails... an so I could shove it in Rupert’s face of course.”



Buffy smiled. “You already had a soul. I know you did. It had just gotten a bit buried.”



Spike looked at her in amazement, and couldn’t speak for several moments. When he did his voice had broken a little. “Yeah, that’s pretty much what the shaman guy said when I asked him about gettin one. He said you’d brought the soul out of me, helped it to defeat the demon. So I asked him to make me what you deserve, and this is what he came up with.”



Buffy held her hand over his heart. “What is ‘this’ exactly? I lov-liked you just the way you were, so if he’s broken you somehow he’s dust. Or dead. Or whatever you do to a shaman.”



Spikes eyebrows had shot way, way up when he’d heard Buffy’s little word slip. They had never said the L-word to each other before, though Spike knew that’s what they had between them. “Well... as you can tell he gave me a heartbeat, so technically I’m ‘alive’, but he didn’t change my kick ass super human strength, speed, senses or fangs, so I’d still be useful to you in a fight I’d wager.”


Despite the well of emotions which were threatening to overflow within her Buffy still quipped, “Those things never made you useful before.”


Spike growled playfully. “Well then kitten, how does this grab you, I can go out in sunlight, I can make a coat out of crosses if I want to, and I could have holy water on my cornflakes if I felt so inclined.”



Buffy actually squealed, “You can go out in sunlight?”



Spike was grinning like a mad thing, “Damn straight. I can’t wait to find out what the great poof has to say about it. He’s got no excuse now for stickin his massive forehead into our business...”



Buffy paid no attention, there was no room for Angel in her head at that moment. She had long ago given up reserving him any space in her heart. Her attention was focused solely on Spike and what he had done for her.



“So... so we’re the same now? Human, but something more than that at the same time?”


Spike nodded and grazed his lips across her forehead. “That’s about the size of it, yeah.”


Buffy twinned her fingers with his and took several deep breaths. Spike was warm now. And his warmth was setting her on fire.



A sudden thought came to her, “If, If you have a heart beat now, and that causes the whole blood flowing thingy, then do you need to drink blood anymore?”


Spike looked a little confused, as if this was something he had been wondering too. “I don’t have the thirst for it anymore, I don’t feel like I need it, or want it... but after the last trial the shaman gave me blood to drink, and it made my wounds heal up better... to be honest pet I don’t really know. I dont reckon I’ll be drinkin blood anymore through choice, but if i’ve got my teeth into some nasty, or if some nasties had their teeth in me, then maybe I will. Would that bother you?”



Buffy could say with complete honesty that it didn’t bother her a bit. Something which was more urgent had occurred to her. There was a slight note of panic in her voice when she said “If you’re kinda human now, then you’re not immortal are you? You can die can’t you??”



Spike didn’t answer, but cupped Buffy’s face with both of his hands and lowered his head until his lips could capture hers.


When Buffy had claimed Spike it had been the most intense, the most intimate, moment of her life.
Until this one.
It was the kiss to end all kisses. A kiss of more than life, a kiss of more than love. It was a kiss of longing. Of want and need. A kiss of joining. Of forever. Of eternity.


And it was only the beginning.



Their clothes were torn from their bodies, literally. Every inch was touched, kissed, explored, tasted.


Neither had known pleasure like it before, and neither wanted it to ever end.



The first time Spike plunged into Buffy she knew heaven again.


Euphoric tears made their way down Buffy’s cheeks and Spike kissed them all away. He kissed down her jaw, along her throat, around her thumping pulse point.
Buffy dug her fingers into Spikes shoulder and jerked wildly between hoarse cries, “Yours, Spike. I’m yours.”


Spike needed no more encouragement then that. He let his game face come forth and in the same instant plunged his fangs deep into her neck.


At his first pull of blood Buffy screamed, the uncontrollable scream of someone who has found perfection.
Her orgasm spun and throbbed, triggering Spikes own. Neither heard the words Spike said above the ringing that seemed to dominate their ears, but they felt them, deep inside their souls.



“Mine. My Buffy, my slayer. Mine.”




It wasn’t until some hours later, when they lay drenched in the essence of each other, that Buffy was able to speak again. She was amazed to realise she hadn’t forgotten her question from so long before.


The sound of his heart beat was like music to her, she loved it’s variations in speed and strength, but the same heartbeat terrified her. “Spike... are you still Immortal?”



Spike didn’t answer with his voice, but spoke to her mind. Something which Buffy found incredibly strange but also weirdly natural.

“I’m still immortal luv, so don’t fret. Apparently you deserve to have a partner that won’t go dyin on you willy nilly. An you definitely deserve to live as long a life as he does.”


Buffy furrowed her brows in confusion. Like her legs, her brain didn’t seem to be able to function.


Spike smiled and ran the tip of his finger down the length of her arm and back again, in a way that made her shiver with desire. “You’re life’s connected to my life now pet, through the claim. As long as I live, you live. And with a slayer like you at my side and a hundred plus years of survival techniques under my belt, I don’t plan on dyin for a long, long time. Or ever actually, If I get my bloody way.”


Buffy’s answering smile was radiant. “So does that mean I’m stuck with your irritating self forever then?”


Spike nipped his claim marks and Buffy squealed. “Fraid so pet, Du reckon you can handle it? Not planin on lettin you go you know.”


Buffy started to kiss her way up his chest. “It’s a good thing I love you then, or this forever deal wouldn’t seem so attractive right now.”


Spike tangled his hand in her hair and pulled her closer, so he could stare in her hazel eyes with his own fathomless blues. Buffy’s heart tried to escape from her chest. She could hardly believe the effect he could have on her from a look. Then he spoke, and she practically orgasmed because of his words, and nothing would surprise her again.


“Well it’s a good thing you love me Buffy, cos I’m gonna love you, and be lovin you, for all of that forever deal.”


Buffy began to move on top of him and gave him a lingering kiss. “Lets make forever start now then.”


Spike was more than happy to comply.