Ok, that thing was ugly. It was beyond ugly. It was plain gross. Eight foot tall and disturbingly slimy looking, with two bulbous heads with pulsating eyes and oozing tentacles sprouting out at erratic intervals.
It was beyond gross. For once Buffy was glad Spike had insisted on coming on patrol with her, there was no way she wanted to touch that thing herself. Vampire dust was one thing, there was no way slime like that would wash out of suede. She patted her jacket protectively.


Spike stood, as always, at her side. His mouth, like hers, was hanging open at the sight of this thing, which, if Buffy wasn’t mistaken, had begun to hum. At least it sounded a bit like humming, only more high pitched and a lot more evil.


“Uh, Spike, do you know what that thing is?” Buffy stepped back as it began to slowly advance.


Spike matched her step. “Not a clue pet, but it sure don’t look like a fluffy puppy.”


Buffy pushed Spike a little in the direction of the thing. “Go on then, kick its ass.”


Spike laughed, “Not bloody likely! You’re the slayer, fancy new jacket or no. Sides, don’t reckon that things got an ass to kick.” Spike tried to peer around it to check, but Buffy pulled him back. The thing apparently couldn't see, despite all the eyes, but obviously had some kind of ears, as it started moving with more purpose, though not much more speed, towards them.


Buffy put on her very best ‘getting round Spike’ voice. “Please Spikey”


“No”.


“Pretty please?”


“No”.


“If you really love me you’ll help protect the thing I love most, my beautiful jacket.”


Spike glared at her “Below the belt Slayer”. The next second he had launched himself at the thing, and was attacking it with gusto.


“Thank you!” Buffy sing songed. She knew it was wrong of her to use his feelings to get what she wanted, but it worked so well, and she knew he wouldn’t really mind, and at the moment the thing she wanted most was to remain slime free.


She perched herself on the edge of a grave to watch the show.



Another reason why she was so keen for Spike to grapple with the monster was because she just loved to watch him fight. He could be so graceful, and then so clumsy, so calculating, and so rash. He was power and passion personified, and there was nothing like it.


Since ‘the incident with the hell bitch and the tower’ (as
Spike had named it) Spike had been coming on patrol with her almost every night. He insisted on it, and she couldn’t deny him. He’d earned it. He’d saved Dawn’s life, breaking pretty much all of his bones in the process. But more than that, he’d saved the world.


He had jumped off the tower before he could be pushed, grabbing some of the scaffold and using it to swing himself back up, to Dawns side. He’d cut her loose, fighting tooth and nail all the while, then jumped again. Taking Dawn with him this time. Buffy had watched it all with horror from below, watched as Spike tucked himself around Dawn and turned the fall, so that it would be him that hit the ground first. Apart from a concussion and a broken wrist Dawn was unhurt, and despite the fact that he couldn’t move without extreme pain Spike had gone on to do what had to be done.
He had taken Ben’s life, so that they could be free of the threat of Glory for good, and so that none of them would have to deal with the emotional effects of killing a human.

The pain from his chip, coupled with the pain from everything else, had made him pass out, just as the sun was rising. They had only just managed to get him inside in time.
Buffy wasn’t good at being grateful sometimes, she worried that being the Slayer, dealing with life and death every day, had made her cold. She had begun to feel that Spike might have been right when he’d said that every Slayer had a death wish. She had gone through so much, lost so much, and life seemed so hard, she had found herself longing sometimes for it all to be over, for her to be at peace. The first slayer had said that death was her gift. She hadn’t understood that at first, but she was beginning to think she did. If Spike hadn’t done what he did she would have given her life, willingly, to save Dawn and the world, but she was so glad it hadn’t come to that.


That night had changed her. Confronted with how much she still had in her life, how much she still had to lose, had made her realise she wasn’t ready yet. The end could wait, she wasn’t done yet. She didn’t want to give up, and Spike had made sure that she had the opportunity to appreciate that.

Since then their relationship had changed. They still wound each other up all the time (because it was so fun) but the respect she felt for Spike, which had been growing steadily, had been cemented. He was the strongest warrior she had on her side, he was her match, physically and mentally. He was her friend.


The others hadn’t been so accepting of the changes in her relationship with the blonde vamp. Whilst they admitted he had proved his usefulness and they didn’t object (much) to his going on patrol with Buffy, they resented the fact that he came round to Buffy’s house sometimes, just to hang out, and she didn’t seem to mind.


Buffy knew he was soulless, an evil thing at heart, and if it wasn’t for the chip in his head he’d be killing and maiming like nobodies business. But he made her laugh, he could get Dawn to do her homework with just a look (or a growl), and he’d proved to be a surprisingly good cook. Plus, he was pretty to look at. All in all he was good to have around.



The slimy thing proved to be more tricky to kill then Buffy had thought it would. The tentacles actually had small razor blade like things jutting out at intervals and Spike was getting a bit bloodied up.
Buffy felt a little bad.

“Uh, pet, little help?”

She didn’t feel that bad.

“You’re doing great! Go Spike!”

Spike grunted. A tentacle swung out of nowhere, and this time it was Spikes beloved duster that bore the brunt.

“BLOODY SODDING HELLING WANKER!!!!!!!” Spike roared.

When Buffy saw the nasty looking shoulder tear she sighed, removed her own jacket, left it folded neatly on a grave and went to help. Spike getting cut was one thing, he wouldn’t care about that, but messing with his duster... well the slimy thing had crossed the line.


Buffy jumped straight in, falling into the synchronised fighting style she and Spike seemed to adopt without realising.


He grinned at her “Nice of you to join me luv, thought you weren’t goin to show”.


She saw his blood and slime streaked face and cracked a grin of her own, “When have I ever let you have all the fun?”


“You never let me have any fun” He pouted at her whilst highkicking the slimy thing in the head (Buffy was impressed, whoever said men couldn’t multitask had never met Spike).



“Aw come on, I let you have the last cookie yesterday!” Punch. Kick. Hurl back at Spike.


Spike rolled his eyes. “Um no pet, you threw the half you couldn’t be bothered to eat at my head, not the same thing.” Headbutt in stomach. Attempt to tackle. Give up. Push back in Buffy’s direction.


The thing cut Buffy on the arm. She yelled in annoyance. The goo got in the cut and it really really stung. “If you kill this thing I’ll give you a whole pack of cookies, deal?”


Spikes eyes brightened. “With a nice warm mug of slayer blood on the side for dunking?”


Buffy glared. “Don’t push it”.


Spike adopted a poor me expression and said sulkily “We need to get it in the eyes”.


“Oh what a great idea! How about you grow three feet and then we might be able to manage it!”


“Hey!” Spike cried in indignation “Two foot three inches! I might not be a hulking great waste of space like captain forehead but at least I don’t have to wear four inch heels to not be a midget!”


Buffy ‘accidently’ hit Spike instead of the thing. “Woops”.


Spike chuckled. “Fancy a piggy back pet?”


Luckily Buffy was on the same wave length as Spike so his request didn’t seem an odd one. She didn’t reply but jumped just as Spike bent down. She landed on his back and in one swift, fluid motion thrust her trusty Mr Pointy straight into the biggest of the bulbous eyes of the thing. It let out a truely horrible noise and sprayed Buffy in a final spurt of yuck before it collapsed.


Buffy jumped off Spikes back “EW EW EW! Did I mention EWWWWW!!!”


“Man up slayer, what doesn’t kill you makes you gross looking.”


This time Buffy definitely didn’t hit Spike by accident.


The thing twitched a couple of times before going completely still.


“Think it’s dead.” Spike gave it a hefty kick for good measure. “Yep. Dead.”


Buffy gave the thing a very annoyed stare. “Good. Look at the state of us! Stupid monster thing.”


Buffy and Spike were covered in a collection of small cuts and copious amounts of goo.


“You coming back to mine to get cleaned up?” They had got into a routine of Spike coming back to Buffy’s after patrol to either get cleaned up or just to chat about the nights events. Sometimes Spike even stayed. It was a situation that had grown organically, but not one that Buffy resented (despite all of Giles and Xander’s protests about it).


“You betcha sweet slayer. I want my cookies.”


“Hey! I killed it, so no cookies for you.”


Spikes mouth dropped open in mock indignation. “But it was my idea!”


“Deals are deals Spikey. The cookies are all mine.” Buffy smiled happily.


“Fine. I wouldn’t have said you needed any high fat foods, but whatever.”


Buffy’s eyes widened almost comically. “Are you calling me fat??!”


Spike’s own eyes twinkled. “No, just sayin my back took a hell of a hit is all. Never realised you were so heavy.”
Before Buffy could punch Spike in the nose he ran away.


She picked up her jacket, making sure to touch as little of it as possible, before taking off after him.


They got back to the house out of breath and laughing. Spike followed Buffy up to the bathroom without needing to be invited and promptly took his shirt off.


The first time he had done this Buffy had been shocked, outraged and, annoyingly, very turned on. She had quickly realised that it made sense for him to be shirtless when his wounds needed cleaning, but, despite his playful insistence and pouting, she never removed hers.


They cleaned each other up with practised ease and almost no awkwardness.
Sure, Buffy found being this close to a half naked Spike a bit flustering, but damn it she was a professional. And without doubt Spike would say something stupid or funny to lighten the tension.


They were almost done. Buffy went to bathe the last, and most ragged looking of Spikes wounds before he finished off hers.

She didn’t notice some of her own blood mingling with his and the last traces of the slimy things goo.



Spike slept on the couch that night. Neither he nor Buffy could get to sleep at first. The feeling that something wasn’t quite right, and a strange itching which didn’t seem to come from anywhere in particular kept them up. When the sky was beginning to lighten outside they both fell into a sudden and simultaneous sleep.

The minute Buffy opened her eyes the next morning she knew something was wrong. Very very wrong. She was on the sofa in her living room for one thing, and she knew with absolute certainty she had not snuggled up there with Spike last night.


For another thing she had never ever felt this hungry before. It wasn’t the usual kind of tummy rumblings that a nice bowl of lucky charms would cure. It was a deep primal hunger clawing at her insides, filling her completely and trying to drown out any other urges. She could barely see the hunger was so great. She struggled to push the desperate want to eat, to feed, away.


It took a huge amount of effort but Buffy was finally able to re focus her mind. The hunger was still very much there but she could think.


The next thing she noticed was that her body didn’t feel right. It felt longer. Bigger. What the hell was going on?


Buffy threw back the covers and screamed. In a very masculine way.


As someone who had experienced a body swap before the fact that it had happened again was quickly apparent to Buffy. What was not quickly apparent was why she was now a very nicely sculpted male.

She knew this body. She had seen this body. She had secretly studied this body several times. She was Spike. She jumped up to look in the nearest mirror and then realised how stupid that was when nothing was reflected back. It was the weirdest feeling, looking at yourself but seeing nothing. It made Buffy feel strangely empty, and through her panic she wondered if that was how Spike felt too.


The stupid hunger thing made it difficult to focus, something was eluding Buffy about this bizarre situation. She was in Spikes body... she was in Spikes body...

“Spike what’s with all the yelling? I’m the stroppy teenager in this house, I’m supposed to make all the noise.”

Dawn had appeared as though from nowhere and was leaning against the doorjamb with her special ‘Spike’s the greatest’ smile on her face.

Buffy was suddenly consumed with the overwhelming urge to drag Dawn to her, and not for a hug. She wanted to pull back that sheet of oh so shiny hair and bite her creamy white neck...

She almost gagged she was so repulsed by the strength of the feeling. Her head swam with blood lust. Was this how Spike felt all the time? How the hell did he cope with this?


“God you’re even more of a grumpy guts this morning than usual.” Buffy was only dimly aware of Dawn speaking. She felt dizzy and sick and oh so hungry. “D’you know whats up with Buffy? She’s been in the shower for like, hours. I’ve pounded on the door loads of times but she’s singing, really loudly and really badly. The water must be cold by now, whats up with that?”


Dawns words started to get through to Buffy and something clicked into place. If she was in Spikes body then he was in...


“OH MY GOD!!! SPIKE!!!” Buffy barrelled past a very confused looking Dawn and charged up the stairs, using her new longer legs to take them two at a time. “GET THE HELL OUT OF THAT SHOWER AND OUT HERE NOW!!!!!!!”


“Almost done!” Buffy heard her own voice sing song over the sound of running water.


Buffy kicked the door. Hard. It flew off its hinges. She hadn’t realised Spike was so much stronger then she was. Right now though she had more important things on her mind. Like the fact that she could see herself standing there in a teeny tiny towel, with a grin the size of Sunnydale stretched across her face.


“If you needed to use the bathroom that badly pet you
should have said”.


Buffy was so raged she acted before she had time to register what she was doing. She punched herself squarely in the nose.

She didn’t hear the curses of pain coming out of her body as her head had just exploded with pain. It felt like dying. It felt like dying incredibly painfully. Even after the initial lightning flash of searing agony the throbbing that remained was almost unbearable. Was this what Spike went through every time the chip fired? How did he stay sane? Why hadn’t he tried to claw the chip out of his head? Suddenly the desperate things he had done to try and get it removed didn’t seem quite so evil.


“What the hell is going on? Spike, did you HIT Buffy??” Dawn had appeared on the scene and was looking with shock and disgust at what she thought was Buffy, who was licking the blood that was dripping from her nose.

At Dawns question ‘Buffy’ turned to a glaring, and still in pain, ‘Spike’. “D’you wanna tell her pet or should I?


Buffy put the phone down.
“Giles and the gang are on their way over. Hopefully they’ll be here soon and sort this out.” She rubbed her head. The bloodlust, though not as all consuming as it had been first thing that morning, was still there and was making her feel a bit lightheaded. The whole weird horribleness of the situation, coupled from the chip fire, had given her a god awful headache too.


In complete contrast Spike seemed incredibly happy with the situation. Buffy had finally managed to get some clothes on her body. She’d made Spike close his, well her, eyes while she put the clothes on. He had definitely seen enough of her body already. She was still super mad with him, but she wasn’t going to lash out again, her poor nose looked sore and swollen now. Besides, she could almost, almost understand. The temptation to see what Spike looked like under his tight jeans was growing stronger by the minute. Especially since she’d made the interesting discovery that he didn’t wear underwear.




“Will you stop doing that!?”


“What?” On Buffy’s face was Spikes signature expression of feigned innocence.


“You keep stroking my hair! Stop it! It’s majorly weird.”


“It’s not weird. It’s all bouncy and fluffy and soft”


Buffy glared at Spike. “You’re enjoying this way too much.”


“Am not”


Dawn was looking between the two of them with confused interest, as she had been for the past half hour.


“You know, it’s confusing to call you guys Buffy and Spike when you’re all... when you’re...” she gestured wildly, “like that. Until this is sorted I think we should call Buffy’s mind in Spikes body ‘Bike’ and Spikes mind in Buffy’s body ‘Spuffy’. It’d be easier.”


“You are not calling me Bike!” Buffy said in indignation.


“Why not?” Spike chimed in, “Anything’s got to be better then Buffy”


Buffy glared. “I will hit you again. Headache be damned.”


Spike grinned. “You do what you got to do Bikey, it’s your pretty little face you’ll be pounding.”


Buffy refused to reply.


Spike, very deliberately, spilt a can of coke on himself. “Oh darn. I guess I’d better shower again.”


Buffy shot him a deadly stare. “You even think about it.”



Spike sighed. “You know you wouldn’t be in such a foul temper if you ate. You’ve been even less charming than usual this morning.”



“I have eaten.”


“I didn’t mean those flavourless pieces of sugar coated cardboard, I meant blood.”


Buffy shuddered. The thought of blood was so appealing right now it scared her. “Pop tarts will do me fine thanks.” She now knew what Spike meant when he said that Slayer blood had a special kind of pull. The scent of her own bodies blood was driving her slowly mad. The fact that Spike was in her body and taking advantage of it made it even more tempting to bite herself.



She needed something to take her mind off it while she waited for the others to come and fix everything. She smiled suddenly. “You know, I think I’ll go take a shower actually. Wake myself up a bit”


Dawn wrinkled her nose. “Ew, you can’t do that! You’d have to get naked.”


Buffy gave a wry grin “That is the general concept, yeah.”


“But, but you're bike!”


“Dawn, sweetie, I love you, but if you call me that again I will hurt you”.


“But you’ll be seeing Spike naked! You can’t see Spike naked! That’s wrong!”


“And what do you think Spike was doing in the bathroom for an hour? Playing monopoly?”


“EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”


“Exactly. Anyway, I won’t look, I just don’t feel very clean in this body for some reason.”


Spike was grinning Buffy’s head off. “Hey, slayer, look all you want. I’ve got nothing to hide.”


Buffy rolled Spikes eyes. “On that note, I’ll be back in a bit.”



Buffy wasn’t going to look. She really and truly wasn’t. She wasn’t.

OH DEAR GOD. Well. That was certainly as good a reason as any to call him Spike. Oh my.

Buffy really wasn’t going to look, but it was very very hard to avoid looking at a certain part of Spike when taking off jeans. She actually squealed, and was then super glad her own body didn’t have vampire hearing. She would never let Spike know she was impressed with him in any way. Even if she was impressed. Very very impressed.

And more than a little hot and bothered.


After a pretty cold shower Buffy returned downstairs and studiously ignored the knowing and smug expression Spike was adopting.


She had always had secret lusty feelings for Spike. He was a major hottie after all. And when they fought, whether it was verbally or physically, things did get a bit steamy sometimes. After seeing exactly what Spike had been hiding under all those black clothes her lusty feelings were threatening to boil over. Big time.



Before any more awkwardness could ensue Giles, Willow and Xander turned up.

Xander was not happy with the state of affairs, as he made clear to anyone who would listen. Giles seemed concerned and Willow secretly amused.


Spike didn't say much, just felt himself up when ever Xander happened to be looking. And he laughed. A lot.

Giles was taking the whole thing very seriously.

“Well obviously the excretions of the granoral demon caused this to happen. We just need to find a spell that will reverse the effects. It shouldn’t be too hard...”

He quickly gave them all jobs to do. To Buffys absolute disgust, and Spikes absolute delight Dawn’s stupid nicknames had caught on.

“Spuffy, you can read this book.” Giles indicated a very hefty and very boring looking book.

“Don’t wanna”.


“You’re going to help, whether you want to or not.”


Spike said, in a very accurate impression of what he called Buffy’s ‘holier than thou’ voice “I’m the slayer, I won’t do anything I don’t want to. So there.”


“Spike, please.” At Buffy’s defeated tone Spikes smile disappeared for the first time all day.


When, some time and no progress later, she went off into to kitchen Spike followed.


“Slayer? you ok?”

When she replied she sounded near tears. “No Spike, I’m not ok.”


Spike tilted Buffy’s head to one side. “What’s wrong?”


Buffy let out a harsh, humourless laugh. “Other than being stuck in the body of a soulless evil vampire? Nothing.”


Buffy called Spike soulless and evil at least once a week, and usually he didn’t react in anything other than a snarky way. This time, for a reason beyond Buffy, he seemed hurt.


“Thanks slayer”.


Buffy smiled, “Come on Spike, you know what you are.”


Spike looked at her intently. It was strange to see that look through her own hazel eyes. “Yeah Buffy, I know what I am. I wonder though whether you ever will.”


He walked off leaving behind a very confused Buffy.




After what felt like hours Willow got very animated. “Giles, Giles! I think this is a spell we could use!”


Giles eagerly, and not very politely, snatched the book off Willow and poured over it. After a minute he started nodding his head in a borderline manic way. “Yes! Yes this will do it.”


Buffy sat up straight in her chair and leaned forward excitedly. Spike, who had been subdued all afternoon, didn’t react beyond a lift of the eyebrows.


Giles face fell. “Ah, oh. Dear. Um there might be a problem.”


“Why?” Buffy demanded.


Giles took his glasses off and for at least the fiftieth time that day gave them an unneeded polish.
“Well this spell would restore you to your correct bodies, but it requires the swapping of... um... souls and...”


“I don’t have one.”


To everyone else Spikes tone seemed bored, disinterested. Only Buffy, who knew him a lot better then she’d ever realised, understood that he was upset.


“Hang on Giles” Willow was using her most excited breathless voice. “The spell calls for an ‘exchanging of what’s within’, it doesn’t say souls specifically. We can still use it, I’m sure we can!”


Giles and Willow then began debating back and forth the spells potential, then its difficultly and then the ingredients they needed.

Xanders’ constant jokes, that all that was within Spike was a) An idiot b) A lot of absorbed bleach c) Dust, etc etc fell on deaf ears.


Buffy wasnt listening at all. Though she wasn’t aware of it her eyes never left Spike. She had never ever wondered before whether Spike wanted a soul. He’d always seemed to love being soulless and care free. She had wondered once or twice why he helped her so much and so often. He might not be able to hurt humans but he was far from powerless. He had a huge reputation in the demon world, and that meant a lot. But instead of heading up his own evil army, or getting as far away from the slayer he couldn’t fight against as he could he’d stayed in Sunnydale. He’d stayed and he’d fought on her side. By her side.


She knew he claimed to love her, and he probably did in his own twisted way. It wasn’t real love, it couldn’t be, no matter how much he claimed otherwise. She thought it more likely that his love of violence had made him join their fight. She knew it wasn’t an adequate explanation but it was the only one she could think of that made sense.


It was impossible for someone without a soul to want one. Angel had a soul, and he spent half his time resenting it and half the time trying to prove himself worthy of it. There was no way Spike, with his carefree, bite-first-ask-questions-later attitude to unlife would want the burden of a soul. No way.



“Buffy? Are you ready to try it?”


“Hmm?”


Giles sighed. Quite often he wondered whether Buffy listened to more than half of what he said. “We’ve assembled what we need for the spell, are you willing to try it?”


“Is Spike?”


Her question seemed to take Giles by surprise. “Does it matter if Spikes willing?” He was even more surprised by Buffy’s determined reply.


“Yes”


Spike widened the eyes he was currently in control of. “You know me, up for anything slayer”


Buffy smiled at his lame attempt at innuendo.


“What will happen?”


It was Willow who answered. “Well, if we do this right, and we will! We totally will! Well your essences, what makes you you, will leave your bodies. They’ll touch-“


“They’ll what?”


“They’ll touch, they’ll recognise the imprint of where their supposed to be and they’ll trade places.”


“If its that bloody simple then lets get to it eh?”


Giles and Willow exchanged a glance which was lost on Buffy and Spike. Non magic people never appreciated how complicated magic was.


“Right, well uh, you have to sit here, and here. And I’ll draw a circle around you, like this. And then I burn this... and then I chant.”


Willow began to chant a string of unintelligible words. Buffy gave Spike a reassuring smile. He gave her a small one in return. It seemed for ages that nothing was going to happen and then-


“Oh my god.”


Dawns exclamation seemed to voice the feelings of the group.


Buffy and Spike had gone rigid, their heads thrust back, their eyes wide and unseeing. Through their open mouths shimmering streaks of light had begun to sneak. Buffy’s light was a pure, luminous white. Spikes was a richer more metallic bronze. Once the light streams were free of the bodies they began to move towards each other, until they eventually touched.

The minute they did they began to move more violently,
swirling together until it was impossible to distinguish one from the other. For those watching that was all there was to see. For Buffy and Spike it was not.



Buffy and Spike saw each other.

They really saw each other.

They saw what was within, what had been and what was. Thoughts, feelings, memories, everything each owned was exposed to the other. It was frightening and exhilarating and so much more besides.



Buffy couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Spike. Human Spike. Or William to be more exact. He wasn’t a big bad. He wasn’t a swaggering vampire oozing with power. He was just a man. A man who felt more than most, and loved stronger than any.

She saw his love for a woman. Saw how she spurned and rejected and broke him. She hated the woman.

She saw Drusilla, coming out of the darkness to take him away from the life which had rejected him. She made him strong, made him powerful, made him feel like anything was possible. She saw how, for the first time in his life, William felt as though he was somebody. She saw why he had loved Drusilla so. She had chosen him. It made her heart ache.


Buffy saw him as a new vampire. He was still so much the man he had been, he felt so much. The love he felt for his mother, even after his demon should have driven away all trace of his humanity, mirrored so strongly what she had felt for her own mother that she felt his pain as her own. She saw him turn his mother, to spare her pain and death, and she saw how he was rewarded, with humiliation and rejection once again.


She saw his path into darkness, saw how Angel had helped him on his way. She saw how Angel had treated him. She now knew why Spike hated him so much, and was even surprised that he didn’t hate him more.


Buffy saw Drusilla pick Angel over Spike time and time again. Each time she did a bit of the humanity he kept without realising was consumed by the darkness.


Buffy saw all the bad he had done, all the acts of evil he had committed, but in amongst it there were flashes of good, of actions and feelings too human to belong to a vampire.


Buffy saw herself through Spikes eyes.
He saw her power first. He saw her as an enemy, a worthy enemy. He respected her even as he was planning to kill her. But then he saw beyond her power.

She saw herself through Spikes eyes and she was stunned. She seemed so beautiful, so passionate so graceful and so sure. He saw her faults but made them virtues. He admitted to himself that she was not perfect, but he loved her imperfections too.


She found, in the darkest recesses of his being, that he had a plan forming. He wanted to be what he thought she deserved. He wanted to make himself worthy of her.
He wanted to get a soul for her.


He loved her. He really loved her. Not in the twisted way she had thought was all he was capable of. He didn’t love her as a Vampire loves a Slayer. He loved her. As a man loves a woman. As William loves Elizabeth.

She saw his love and the depth and intensity of it didn’t scare her. It electrified her.


Buffy had never felt so sure of herself as then, seeing herself through the eyes of one who truly knew her. One who truly loved her. Spike was not the vampire she had thought him. He was not the soulless creature she had treated him as. His human lived as strongly within him as his demon. He controlled his bloodlust, his thirst for violence, not because he had to, but because he wanted to. He was her equal, physically, mentally, he was her perfect match.

He was a hell of a man.

He was the one.




Spike had always wondered what Buffy had been like, before she was the slayer.

Now he knew. The way she had been made him laugh, made him pained for the innocence she had lost, made him proud of the way she had progressed, of all she had become.


He felt her confusion, her rage, her resentment when she found out about her calling. He felt her reluctance, the reluctance she still carried with her, to be the chosen one, to give up a normal life.

He watched her grow, from the insecure but outwardly cocky girl he had first met, to the radiant, resourceful woman she had become.

He felt her pain, understood the rejection she felt, when the men she let into her life, the men she loved, let her down. He saw now why she guarded her heart so carefully. She had repaired it so often she wasn’t sure it could withstand being broken again.

He saw the great poofter, pretending he was leaving for her own good, never mind the fact that any ninny could see it was killing her to say goodbye.

He saw the farm boy, too puffed up with his own importance to go the distance when things got tough.


He saw the weight she carried with her everywhere. The pressure she felt to exceed the stupidly high expectations her friends and her damn watcher had of her.

He saw her struggling to cope with finding out about Dawns true origins. She had barely faltered. Finding out her love for her sister was false did not take it away, but seemed to make it stronger. He knew Buffy would die for her sister, and he loved her even more for it.

He relived Joyce’s death through her. He felt her pain and knew it well. He saw what was behind the mask she wore for others. She still grieved, far more than anyone knew, but she couldn’t disappoint anyone, let anyone down, so she had to do her crying alone. She cried a lot.


Spike saw himself through Buffy’s eyes. The physical desire for him had been there from the start. The connection she always denied they had, she did feel it too. She hated him. She couldn’t kill him. He was the enemy she wanted to keep, the one constant in her life she wouldn’t be without, but wasn’t quite sure why that was so.

She didn’t hate him anymore. She loved to pretend she did though.

She respected him. She was so grateful to him. She trusted him.

He made her laugh. She could be herself with him; the pressures of the world didn’t feel so great when he was by her side to help her carry them.

He was in her heart, but she didn’t know quite what he was doing there yet.

He was her Spike. He was unique, one of a kind. A complex mystery of a vamp.

Spike saw Buffy.

She was a hell of a woman.

She was the one.

When they came back to themselves they didn't even notice that they were now back in the right bodies.

They sat there stunned, ignoring the questions that were being fired at them from all directions.

They felt the loss of no longer being one entity keenly. All they could think about was what they had seen, what they had learnt, and what the other must have seen and learnt in return.


Their eyes met, drawn to each other almost against their will. A flash of something passed between them then, something which made Buffy’s heart race and Spike sure that his own heart could beat once more.


“BUFFY?! Are you all right?” Giles’ exclamation punctured the bubble of their own world and brought them firmly back to reality.


Spike jumped to his feet. “Right... well this has been right fun and all but I think I’ll be off”


Before Buffy could get to her own feet he had grabbed his jacket and was heading for the door.

“Thanks scoobs, see you around. Laters nibblet. Slayer.” He was avoiding looking at any of them, particularly Buffy. Night had fallen so he threw the front door open and strode out determinedly into it.
Buffy scrambled upwards on unsteady feet.


“Buffy for the love of god will you tell us what’s going on?” Giles sounded as confused as everybody else looked.


“Uh, the spell worked, thanks guys, good job everyone. I have to go now.”


Willow looked at Buffy with concern. “Go where Buffy? It’s like twelve o'clock at night. You’re probably feeling really drained from the spell, you should sleep.”

Buffy was walking around in a daze, finding her own jacket and putting on the shoes Spike had refused to wear when he was her because he said they made his feet hurt.

“I’ve uh got to go after Spike.”


“What?! Why? Did he do something to you? I’ll come with you”. Xander was already striding to the weapons chest.


“Spike didn’t do anything to me Xander, I just have to talk to him.”


Everyone asked why, almost in unison.


Buffy was pale and her eyes were wide with the shock of what she was feeling. She was surprised but she was sure.


“Because he’s the one.”




Buffy ran all the way to Spikes crypt. He was standing in the open doorway when she got there, a large drink in his hand.


He didn’t say anything but was looking at her with the weary expression of a small child whose not sure whether a dog will bite.


Buffy’s heart was pounding through her chest, and all she could think to say was “You were right, these shoes do hurt my feet.”


The corner of Spikes mouth twitched. “I am usually right pet”.


Buffy took her shoes off and chucked them away to be eaten by shadows.
“You are aren’t you?”


With that she flung herself at Spike. His glass tumbled to the ground. She chucked herself at him, mind body and soul, and he caught her, as she knew he would.
Her face was so close to his that she could have counted his eyelashes if she’d wanted to.


“Are you sure about this slayer?” Spikes voice was husky , filled with his desperate want of her. “Once I have you I’m bloody well never letting you go.”


Buffy stretched out her hand and softly, slowly, tantalisingly, traced the contours of his face. Her finger tips skimmed over the scar she now knew the origins of, the eyes that showed the human within, the nose which was slightly crooked from all the times she had punched it, and, at last, the full lips she was desperate to claim.
“That Spike is exactly what I’m hoping.”


He brushed his lips across the skin of her cheek and she whimpered.
Both moved as one until their lips met. It was all the joy of heaven with all the heat of hell. She clawed at him, franticly trying to remove his clothes without losing contact. After what they had shared close couldn’t be close enough. She wanted to be part of him again, one with him.

Her voice was a heady, breathless whisper, “I need you inside me”.


It was his turn to whimper.

Somehow he got them inside, and to his bed, though their clothes didn’t survive the journey.

They didn’t mess around. There would be plenty of time later, time to get to know each others bodies, to experiment and enjoy each other. At that moment they just had to have each other, in every conceivable way.


Buffy wrapped her bare legs around his slim waist and gripped his muscular forearms so tightly he groaned.


He plunged into her with one quick thrust.

Buffy felt a stab of pain, quickly replaced with the most exquisite pleasure she had ever known.

She felt whole. Complete. Finished.

He felt like he was home.

She looked at him.

He looked at her.

They saw each other.


It was fast and it was furious and it was fuelled by everything they had ever felt for each other.
Every time he plunged into her, every time she rose and clenched around him in return, the strength of the passion, the desire, the burning hatred which had turned into consuming love, overwhelmed them both.


When they cried out their releases together they were loud enough to wake even the truly dead.



They lay in each others arms for a long time after that. Each too spent to talk.


Eventually Spike sighed, and it was a sound of such sweet contentment that Buffy couldn’t resist the urge to kiss every inch of him she could find.

This led to a round of much more tender and time consuming love making.



Spike looked at her afterwards, his eyes too full to hold all of what he was feeling.


“I hope you’ve got vampire stamina pet, cos we are doing that again and again.”

Buffy smiled lazily and drew patterns on his chest. “For once you’ll get no argument from me.”


Spike started purring. Buffy had never heard him do it before and she quickly decided it was the best sound she had ever heard, and it would be her mission to make him do it as often as possible.


“Spike?”


“Yeah luv?”


“You know... you know you were thinking about, um, about getting a...”

“A soul?”

“Yeah, one of those. Well I want you to know that if you want one, for yourself, I’ll go with you wherever you need to go, help you do whatever you need to do. But you don’t need to get one for me. I think you might have yours still anyway... and even if you don’t you can share mine. It’s a slayers so it’s bound to be super big.”

Buffy had buried herself into his side during her little speech but he gently turned her towards him. The look on his face was one which would stay with her forever.
He kissed her until it felt as though their inner selves were twined again.


She said later, idly, “You know I love you right?”


Spike laughed, “Now I do.” He paused. “Buffy I love you too, and I will, for always.”

Buffy pressed herself even closer to him.
“Well that’s lucky, seeing as how that’s how long you’ll have me."


Spike got a mischievous look on his face. “You know we’re never leaving this bed don’t you?”


Buffy’s smile was broad. “I’m counting on it love”.