Time Line:

July, 2004

History:
Joshua "JJ" Harris was born on April 21st, 2004
The twins (Danielle, "Dani" and William, "Billy") were born on February 12th, 2004
Annie turned five on February 14th (she was born in 1999)
Spike and Buffy have been married five years in February. (seems longer, doesn't it?)
Buffy turned 23 on January 19th.
All the Potentials were endowed with full Slayer power in February 2003.
Buffy and Spike learned of the other dimensions in May, 2003.

**~**

Mid July 2004:

“I spy, with my little eye, something that is blue,” Buffy sing-songed as Spike drove her, Annie, Dani, and Billy home from Disneyland.
 
Willow, Tara, Giles, and Lorne drove together and Xander and Anya had their own car. It had been a wonderful vacation, but everyone was ready to get back home and settle back into their routines.
 
“Papa’s eyes!” Annie guessed.
 
Buffy pouted. “How did you get that so fast!? No fair … you must be cheating!”
 
“At ‘I Spy’, luv? How do you cheat at ‘I Spy’?” Spike asked with a smirk.
 
“I don’t know …” Buffy rolled her eyes. “Ok, your turn,” she told Annie.
 
“I spy, with my little eye … something black!” Annie announced with a giggle.
 
“Papa’s t-shirt,” Buffy guessed.
 
“No fair!” Annie exclaimed. “You must be cheating!”
 
“Ya know, I don’t stand a bloody chance at this … ya’ need to spy somethin’ other than me!” Spike complained in mock annoyance.
 
“Let’s play twenty questions,” Spike suggested. “I’m a bloody genius at that!”
 
**~**
 
It seemed to take forever to get all the luggage in from the car, but finally they had everything in and hauled back up to the respective rooms, the babies had been fed and put down for the night and Annie had her story and was tucked in tightly, too.
 
Spike reclined back on the sofa in the great room and Buffy leaned against his chest, both of them just relishing the feeling of being back home … safe and sound with their family. Suddenly they heard someone yell “woo-hoo!” from upstairs; when they turned to see what was going on, Lorne was coming down the stairs, a huge grin on his face.
 
“I got it!! I got it!” he exclaimed as he walked quickly up to them, waving his hands in the air in celebration.
 


“What?” Buffy asked as she and Spike sat up and looked at the green demon.
 
“I got a job!! They left it on the answering machine!! I start Monday!” Lorne told them excitedly.
 
“Where?” Spike asked, wondering what kind of job Lorne could possibly qualify for.
 
“The Bronze! I’m the new manager!” Lorne explained, barely able to contain his excitement.
 
“Seriously!!??” Buffy asked, standing up and giving Lorne a hug. “That’s so great!”
 
“Yeah … you can stop those bloody disco theme nights … brilliant!” Spike concurred, standing up and shaking Lorne’s hand in congratulations.


 
“Awwwww … I like those nights – it’s so funny to watch all the John Travolta wanna-be’s!” Buffy laughed.
 
“It’s bloody torture is what it is …” Spike moaned.
 
“I have so many great ideas for the club! It’ll be like a grand opening celebration every week! You guys have to come!!” Lorne gushed. "I heard you two can cut a mean rug - I'll be counting on you to be there to tear up the dance floor... metaphorically speaking, of course. You're the Fred and Ginger of the supernatural world!"
 
“Of course we will … we’ll be there every night if you want!” Buffy offered with a grin, happy that Lorne had found something that he would enjoy doing and would be good at. Not that he didn’t love watching the babies, but after a while of nothing but that, you started talking in baby talk to everyone. She wondered how the owners that hired Lorne explained his horns and greenness to themselves and to the employees … but, since it was Sunnydale, seeing a green guy was probably not the worst thing that they’d ever seen.
 
“I’m gonna go over there now! I can’t wait! I’m so excited!” Lorne exclaimed, turning away from them and heading for the door. “First thing, I need to teach that bartender how to make a decent Seabreeze …”
 
Buffy and Spike settled back on the couch after he left. “I guess, since Willow and Tara are home, we should go patrol,” Buffy offered half-heartedly. “It’s been a while …”
 
“Suppose …” Spike agreed without enthusiasm. Neither of them made a move to get up.
 
“Of course, we did just help eradicate evil in one dimension … that should count for something …” Buffy offered.
 
“True,” Spike agreed, pulling her closer, leaning his head back against the arm of the couch, and closing his eyes.
 
“I guess we could skip it this one time … We could go upstairs and I could give you the present I bought you in L.A. …” Buffy suggested with a sly grin.
 
“Already wore the bloody mouse ears, Slayer … that ain’t happenin’ again …” Spike objected, not moving or opening his eyes.
 
“Oh, I think you’ll like this a lot more than mouse ears,” Buffy cooed, pulling out of his embrace, standing up, and pulling Spike up by the hand.
 
“Will I now?” Spike smirked as he stood up. He knew that tone of voice … and it wasn’t for mouse ears.


 
“Pretty sure …” Buffy grinned as she headed for the stairs, Spike following closely behind her.
 
**~**
 
In their room, Spike stripped quickly, getting ready for his ‘present’. When he turned to Buffy, she was rummaging through the suitcases and hadn’t gotten undressed yet.
 
“Whaddya lookin’ for?” Spike asked, lying down on the bed.

“I told you … your present,” Buffy responded as she kept looking through the cases.


 
“Seems to me, my present is rummaging through the bloody clothes …” Spike told her, settling down on his side facing her, his head propped up on one hand as he watched her.
 
“Ah-ha!” Buffy exclaimed with a smile, pulling a shopping bag out of one of the compartments in the last suitcase.
 
Buffy turned to Spike with a mischievous grin on her face. She reached in the bag and pulled out a pair of handcuffs and held them up to him.
 
Spike’s eyebrows shot up. “For you?” he asked, hopefully.


 
Buffy shook her head. “For you,” she informed him, moving to the bed and fastening one wrist in them before wrapping them around one of the uprights in the headboard, pulling his other hand up and capturing it, as well.
 
“I bloody well hope these came with keys …” Spike complained, pulling on them lightly – they didn’t give.
 
“Don’t you trust me?” Buffy asked as she held up the key, which was on a lanyard, and hung it over the edge of the headboard, far out of his reach.
 
“With my soul, my heart, yeah … Not so sure about m’ body … I’m delicate …” Spike teased.
 
“Uh-huh … I promise I’ll be gentle.” Buffy licked her lips and gave him a saucy grin before pulling out a blindfold from the dresser drawer and tying it over Spike’s eyes.
 
“This is your idea of a present, is it?” Spike continued to complain. “Remind me to get you a bloody lump of coal for Christmas this year …”
 
Buffy giggled but didn’t say anything. Spike could hear her moving around, pulling other things out of her shopping bag … he could hear wrappers opening and then, finally everything went silent.
 
He could feel her climb onto the end of the bed and his whole body tensed, unsure of what she was going to do next. Thumbscrews, perhaps?
 
Buffy crawled up his body like a panther stalking her prey and Spike held his breath … not that that was such a big deal, but still…
 
When her hips were over his, she leaned down and dropped a soft kiss on his lips then began covering his face with more sweet kisses. He could feel her body on his … she’d gotten undressed while he was blindfolded and her skin felt like silk where it touched his. When her long hair fell across his neck, it felt like a thousand downy feathers caressing him; he moaned and let his body relax under her.
 
“I love your face,” Buffy whispered to him. “Have I ever told you that?” she asked, but didn’t give him a chance to answer.
 
“Your eyes mesmerize me … so blue; your cheekbones cut to my soul … so sharp; your lips hold me under their spell … so sweet; your scarred brow reminds me of the warrior within … you’re just like me,” Buffy continued between kisses.
 
Buffy moved down across his jaw to his chin and licked a line from behind one ear to his Adam’s apple. “I love your neck, too. So bitable! If I was a vampire, I’d so bite you right now …”
 
“Would you now?” Spike smiled from behind his blindfold, tilting his head to the side to give her access to the other side of his neck.
 
“Mmmm hmmm …” Buffy murmured, circling his Adam’s apple then trailing her tongue over to the side of his neck that he’d exposed for her. She licked a small circle over the scar on his skin from their bonding ceremony, then bit down gently on it.
 
Spike’s cock had come to attention when she crawled up his body, but when she bit down on his neck, it jumped and twitched.
 
“Mmmmmm … someone likes that,” Buffy observed and bit down a little harder, making his cock jump again and a moan escape his throat.
 
Buffy trailed a line of soft kisses and licks down to his collarbone, moving across it slowly then traveling down further, across his pecs, before circling one nipple with her hot tongue, sucking it into her mouth and nibbling on it with her teeth.
 
Spike’s hips jerked up against her when she did that and his arms pulled against his restraints, wanting to touch her, but they were secure. Only she could reach the key and let him out of the handcuffs.
 
Buffy’s hair trailed across his chest then down his abs as she continued to slowly kiss and lick down along his hard torso. Everything she was doing was driving him crazy … her warm, wet lips and tongue on his body, her soft hair teasing and tickling his skin, her skin against his, her body covering his … it was almost more than he could stand.
 
“I love your body …” Buffy started again between kisses. “Have I ever told you that?”
 
“Not in … so many … words …” Spike told her, trying to maintain his composure as she licked and sucked and kissed his six pack abs, causing him to suck them in as bolts of electricity seemed to jump off her tongue and shoot through his body.
 
“So hard … so strong … so perfect,” Buffy told him between kisses as she started to trail her hands softly up and down along his sides, from his slim hips up to his strong arms and back down again.


 
Buffy continued to crawl backwards down his body as she trailed her tongue down from his abs, placing a kiss on each hipbone before outlining the “V” between them with her tongue.
 
“Fuck!” Spike exclaimed when she trailed her tongue over his balls – his hips jerking up against her involuntarily.
 
“No…not yet,” Buffy replied with a smile as she continued down his legs with her mouth.
 
“I love your legs,” Buffy said with a grin. “Have I ever told you that?”
 
“Yeah… I think I recall that…” Spike answered, hoping she’d stay away from that ticklish spot on his inside thigh.
 
“No, I don’t think so…” Buffy replied as she dropped her mouth right on that spot as if there was a big bullseye tattooed there.
 
“Arrrghhh!!” Spike screamed and jerked his leg away from her and Buffy laughed.
 
“I love that ticklish spot … such strong legs – capable of inflicting so much damage with a hard kick … but so tender, too – so perfect,” she opined as she continued down to his calves … letting the tickling wait for another time.
 
When she got to his ankle, she started slowly back up the other leg, taking care to bypass his ticklish spot this time, trailing warm kisses and her soft hair all over his silky skin and making him totally insane with desire.
 
When she got back to his raging hard-on, she licked slowly up from his balls, along the underside of his thick shaft to the mushroom head and circled it with her tongue. Spike moaned and his body tensed in anticipation of her mouth wrapped around his sensitive glans … but Buffy just teased the head with her tongue, holding the thick shaft still with her hand so she could lick the pre-cum from him, flicking her tongue lightly over his cum-slit.
 
Spike again tired to pull his hands down to touch her, to do anything to get her to go further … go harder, but he couldn’t move them.
 
“Bloody hell…” he moaned, pressing his hips up against her mouth.
 
“Ah...ah...ah,” Buffy admonished him. “Stay still or you won’t get your present … and I know you’re gonna want your present.”
 
“Fuck, Slayer … you’re killin’ me!” he begged her.
 
“Oh, I thought you knew … I’m Buffy … you know, the Vampire Slayer? That’s what I do … it’s kind of a thing,” Buffy teased him.
 
“Bloody hell, woman!” Spike yelled at her, raising his head up to look at her, but he couldn’t see anything with the blindfold on, so he dropped his head back down heavily on the pillow in frustration.
 
Buffy grinned and picked the rest of his present up off the bed and slid it down his cock. Spike couldn’t tell what it was exactly … it almost felt like that time they’d used the condoms as it slid down over his thick shaft. He was still trying to figure out how a condom could be considered a present when suddenly what she’d put on him started vibrating.
 
“FUCK!” Spike exclaimed at the new sensation, his hips jerking and his cock jumping as the vibrations engulfed him.
 
“Noooo…I told you, not yet,” Buffy teased again as she dropped her mouth down hard on his cock and began sucking and licking his shaft as the pliable cock ring vibrator continued to work its magic on him, as well.
 
“Arrrrghhhh! God, Buffffyyyy!” Spike exclaimed when her mouth came down on him, adding to the fantastic sensation of the vibrator. It overwhelmed him … he couldn’t hold back another second and his cum shot up from his balls and exploded into her mouth as he screamed her name and soared through the heavens.
 
Buffy sucked and licked and swallowed his nectar down, pumping with her hand that of his cock that wouldn’t fit in her mouth as Spike screamed her name and lost control. She loved hearing him scream her name … she loved knowing she could drive him crazy – that she could still, after three kids and over five years, make him completely lose control. She could still take him to heaven.
 
“What was that about a lump of coal?” Buffy teased as she finished licking every last drop of cum off his cock.
 
Buffy crawled up Spike’s body slowly and laid her body on top of his, her hips straddling his, her breasts pressed against his hard chest. She pulled the blindfold off him and leaned down to take his lips in a ferocious kiss, her hand slid under his head and pulled him to her as her pussy pressed down against his now semi-hard cock and the vibrator that was still there.
 
“Well, diamonds are made from coal …” Spike pointed out with a smirk when Buffy released his lips to breathe.  Spike pulled on the handcuffs again, but they held firm … he wanted to wrap his arms around her … feel her skin, her hair, her heat under his hands.
 
“Let me go and I’ll give you a present right now ….” Spike offered, looking over at the key hanging on the headboard.
 
Buffy smiled and shook her head slowly, her eyes dancing with mischief. “Nope … you have to earn your freedom. You’re my prisoner … I may not let you go for days.”
 
Spike’s eyebrows shot up. “Days? You harlot! Keepin’ a me as your sex slave!! … tsk, tsk … what would the children think?”
 
“Hmmmmm… I’d just explain that we were playing a game … and it’s waaay better than twenty questions! I’m sure they’d agree that everyone’s entitled to a toy. A life size, anatomically correct Ken doll – that’s what you are.” Buffy waggled her eyebrows at him suggestively, then she began tracing her tongue back down his throat as she’d done before.
 
By the time Buffy had traced down his body to his ankles and back up with her tongue, Spike was moaning and writhing under her again. His cock at full staff as the cock ring continued to vibrate around its base.
 
“Looks like Ken’s ready to play again …” Buffy murmured as she straddled Spike’s hips with hers and lowered herself slowly down onto his thick rod.
 
They both moaned as she pressed down on him. The feeling of him filling her, of her pussy encasing him, always gave them both a feeling of completeness that they never felt any other time.
 
The vibrator pressed against her clit as her hips came down against his and bolts of red hot lightning shot out to all parts of her body. Buffy began moving her hips in a slow circle on him, rubbing her clit against the vibrator as her inner muscles quivered and trembled around his cock.


 
Buffy laid her hands on his hard chest and began moving up and down on him and Spike’s hips moved in rhythm with her, thrusting up against her as she came down. He watched her above him … her body and face flushed, her long hair flowing softly over her shoulders she moved, her eyes closed and mouth open slightly with pleasure as she rode him.
 
Buffy’s pussy tightened around his cock as small orgasms passed over her and it was all he could do to keep from cumming again with her sugar walls clenching him and the vibrator pulsing around his shaft.
 
“God, Buffy …. So good … so fucking tight … ahhhh Christ woman! What you do to me! Fuck! Yes ... Buffy! God yes!” he breathed as he watched her move on top of him. He wanted so badly to reach up and touch her skin … cup her breasts … suck on her nipples …
 
As if reading his mind, Buffy slowed her movements and leaned forward, arching her back and pressing one breast towards his face. Spike lifted up as far as he could and sucked it into his mouth, swirling his tongue over the hard nub and nibbling on it with his teeth as Buffy moaned in pleasure and pressed her clit down hard against the vibrator.
 
“Fuck! Yes! Ahhhhhh…God, Spike! Yesssssssss!!!” she screamed when his mouth touched her as a strong orgasm rolled over her. Her body stiffened and her pussy convulsed around his cock, pulling him deeper into her until her cervix kissed the head, trying to will his cum out.
 
“Fuck ,Buffy! Bloody Christ!” Spike exclaimed, releasing her nipple, as his hips began thrusting up against her at a frantic pace.
 
“Cum for me, Buffy! Scream for me! Fuck yes! Buffy!!!” he half-begged, half-demanded as he felt his control slipping again.
 
Buffy began matching his thrusts into her – their bodies crashing together violently as they both lost control and let their need and desire take over.
 
“Yes, Spike! Fuck me! Harder! More! Fuck yes! Yes! Yesssss!” Buffy screamed as she felt herself take flight. Words lost all meaning as fireworks started exploding in her mind and filling her body with cascading sparkles of colorful lights. Each spark seemed to be filled with pure, undiluted ecstasy and they filled her entire being with their blissful treasure. A long primal scream escaped her throat as the fireworks continued like the grand finale on the Fourth of July … exploding in rapid succession within her.
 
Spike continued pumping into her hard and fast as he felt her go over the edge and her scream of utter ecstasy filled their room – he wanted to take her as high as he possibly could … to the moon, to the sun … to the end of the universe.
 
As her body convulsed and stiffened atop him and her pussy tightened around his rod again, Spike’s command over his body unraveled. He let go of the last thread of control and his cum filled her tight channel as he slammed a final time up against her – driving his cock deep within her heat. His roar of release joined her screams and bounced loudly off the walls of their room as the brilliant sparks from Buffy’s fireworks poured over him, as well.
 
As the sparkling lights that filled her mind and body began to fade, Buffy found the ability to start breathing again as she collapsed down on top of Spike.
 
“Oh God … Spike … God …” was all she could say as she gulped air and tried to regain control of her muscles. She laid her head on his shoulder, keeping his cock buried in her heat, and waited for her body to start functioning again.
 
Finally, she was able lay her hands on his chest and raise up a bit to look into his eyes. She saw pure love, unabashed lust, and unbelievable happiness there and she knew that was just what he was seeing reflected back at him from her eyes.
 
Buffy slid a hand between them and switched the vibrator off before taking the handcuff key off the headboard. She reached over Spike’s head and unlocked his hands and he immediately wrapped his arms around her and began running his hands up and down her body … he’d been wanting to feel her skin under his hands for what seemed like the days that she’d threatened … or promised.
 
“What happened to a few days, luv?” Spike smirked, slowing his hands and just wrapping his arms around her and pulling her body tightly against his.
 
Buffy shrugged and laid her head back down on his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Some toys earn their freedom better than others, I guess. I think Barbie would’ve been a lot happier with an anatomically correct Ken than that convertible and Malibu dream house …”
 
“Would she, now?” Spike laughed. “I think Ken woulda’ been a lot happier, too … in fact, I think it’s his turn for some fun …”
 
Before Buffy could say anything or react, Spike had flipped them over and was pulling Buffy’s hands from behind his neck and up towards the headboard … and the handcuffs.
 
“Oh no…” she protested, trying half-heartedly to pull her hands away.
 
“Oh yes…” Spike growled devilishly, his eyes dancing. “Turnabout’s fair play.”
 
When Spike had her cuffed to the headboard, he sat back on his heels, his hips straddling hers and pursed his lips together in thought … Where to start, hmmmm…
 
“You are sooo gonna pay for this,” Buffy protested, pulling at the handcuffs.
 
“Am I, now? Do you take credit cards? … ‘Cause I think I still have the info for the wanker’s Amex here somewhere…” Spike told her with a smirk, patting his body as if looking for his wallet in an invisible pocket while Buffy rolled her eyes.
 
Spike curled his tongue over his teeth as he removed the cock ring vibrator, slipped it over his fingers, and turned it back on.
 
“What are you gonna do with that?” Buffy asked, eyeing him suspiciously.
 
“That’s for me to know and you to find out …”
 
“I never understood that saying … that’s what I’m trying to do … so if you just tell …” Buffy started to protest and Spike leaned forward and captured her lips in a kiss, effectively shutting her up.
 
“Shhhhh …” he whispered to her as he pulled away. “Be quiet as a churchmouse …”
 
Buffy opened her mouth to say something else but Spike cocked a brow and gave her a disapproving look and she snapped her mouth shut.
 
Spike dropped his lips down to her neck and trailed his tongue up to her earlobe, swirling circles on the sensitive spot behind her ear.
 
“If I was a vampire, I’d bite you right now,” Spike told her with a smirk … mimicking what she had told him earlier.
 
“Oh wait! I am a vampire … mmmmmmm,” he moaned as he nibbled on her neck and bit down lightly with his blunt teeth on the spot where his scars adorned her skin.
 
Buffy moaned and wiggled under him as chill bumps chased down her body, emanating from the spot where his mouth touched her.


 
“Churchmouse…” Spike reminded her in a whisper as he began dropping kisses across her collarbone. He trailed is tongue down to one hard nipple and circled it before taking it in his mouth and flicking his tongue across it. He switched on the vibrator that was wrapped around his fingers and touched it lightly down on her other nipple and Buffy’s body jerked and her back arched up against him as another moan escaped her throat.
 
“Shhhhhhh….” Spike whispered again as his tongue traveled down to her stomach and the hand with the vibrator did the same with a light, barely there touch against her skin.
 
“So beautiful you are, Buffy …” Spike told her softly. “I love your body … have I ever told you that?” Spike asked her, again mimicking her words to him.
 
“Yeah …” Buffy answered just as softly, half moaning the word. “Once or twice …”
 
Spike continued to move down her abs, dropping a kiss on each hip before settling between her legs. He lifted her legs up and settled her feet on his shoulders, opening her dripping pussy to him. Spike dropped his head down and pressed his tongue against her clit and Buffy’s hips jerked up against him. He could taste both their juices on her … their cum mingled together and covered her sweet, pink pussy with a succulent ambrosia that seemed like heaven on his tongue.
 
Spike moaned as he licked down from her clit to her throbbing hole and brought the vibrator up to replace his tongue on her clit.
 
Buffy moaned louder when the vibrator hit her sensitive nub and her body tensed and trembled as Spike’s tongue dove deep into her hole. “Oh God …” she whispered as he began twirling his tongue around inside her and sucking hard against her channel.
 
When he pressed down harder on her clit with the vibrator her whole body jerked and she pulled involuntarily against the restraints on her wrists, using the leverage to lift her hips up off the bed and press harder against his face and hand.
 
“Shhhhh…” Spike admonished her again, pulling back and replacing the vibrator with his tongue again on her clit.
 
Buffy bit her lip to keep from making any more noise as she looked down her body and watched him lavish her pussy with languid licks of his tongue, up from her hole to her clit and back down again. She could feel her orgasm building as he continued his slow and relentless feast and wondered how a churchmouse sounded when it came …
 
“Oh God… Spike … aaaaaahhhhh, God…” she murmured as quietly as she could … she couldn’t stop the words and moans from coming out of her mouth. It felt so good … everything he was doing felt like heaven; like angels had given him the keys to the kingdom … and he was about to open the door for her to enter.
 
“Shhhhhh,” Spike admonished her quietly. Buffy would’ve put her hand over her mouth, but … handcuffed, so she turned her head and pressed her mouth against her arm as Spike went back to his mission … which was apparently to drive her bug-shagging crazy and make her explode from within since he didn’t want her to make any noise.
 
You’re killing me! Buffy sent to Spike silently through the bond.
 
Shhhhhhh! Church mice must be quiet!  he sent back to her as he sucked on her clit and nibbled down lightly with his teeth.
 
Spike pulled his mouth off her and slid three fingers into her aching hole, stretching her and filling her tight, slick channel. He allowed the vibrator to hit her clit as he slid them in and Buffy’s hips jerked up against him. She buried her mouth against her arm to keep from yelling out as Spike slowly turned the key in the lock to the door to heaven.
 
Spike lifted up and pressed Buffy’s legs up and out, opening her to him completely. He began pumping his fingers in and out of her faster, pressing the vibrator down hard against her clit with each stroke. Buffy’s hips moved in rhythm with his fingers as he fucked her and she bit down on her arm to keep from screaming his name as he pushed against the heavy door that led to the clouds.
 
As Spike slammed his fingers into her … allowing the vibrator around them to work its magic on her clit, Buffy could feel her orgasm start to ripple out from her core and begin to engulf her body. Suddenly, the door to heaven swung open wide and she was blinded by the brilliance of the light on the other side. It filled every cell in her body with pure bliss.  Each molecule felt like a balloon that had been filled past its capacity… on the verge of exploding at any moment, if she didn’t let some of it out.
 
Buffy tried to hold the flood back…hold the explosion that she was sure would come and burst her into little, ecstasy filled pieces of churchmouse. The light in her body was dazzling in its intensity and pureness – it burned every cell with a fire hotter and brighter than the sun.
 
Just when she thought that she was going to burst into flames, she felt Spike move over her and suddenly his fingers were replaced with his cock and he thrust into her with all his strength. “Scream for me … now, Buffy … NOW!” he demanded as he drove into her feverishly. “NOW!!”
 


Buffy pulled her face away from her arm as every cell in her body exploded like a million little H-bombs and she screamed out with the force of her orgasm. Spike continued slamming into her as her back arched and her body tensed and trembled under him. The scream seemed to come from every cell in her body and allowed the energy that filled her to escape before it ripped her apart at the seams.
 
She wanted desperately to wrap her arms around Spike’s back and cling to him so she didn’t simply evaporate into thin air from the heat that engulfed her, but her arms were secure. She was at his mercy – he would have to keep her from vanishing; he would have to hold the door to heaven open for her to come back from.
 
Spike roared and came as Buffy’s channel tightened and finally held him so tight, drew him so deep, that he couldn’t have pulled out even if he wanted to. He ground hard circles against her clit to keep her in heaven as his body stiffened, his cock pulsed, and his cum filled her again. He’d never felt anything as ultimately perfect as that moment when he was buried in her heat, her screams filled the room, her body quivered and trembled under him, and she lifted him to heaven with her.
 


Buffy’s scream faded and her body sucked in oxygen … but couldn’t quite figure out how to exhale again, as she floated in the clouds on the other side of the door that Spike had opened. All she could see, all she could feel, was pure, white bliss as she tumbled through the clouds, head over heels, soaring and plummeting … turning and rolling … and then Spike was there and he took her hand and spun her around and pulled her against him. The blue of his eyes the only other color that seemed to exist at that moment and Buffy wrapped around him and held tight as he continued to spin them in a slow circle as they danced on the clouds.
 
Spike waltzed them back towards the heavy door … spinning them both around gracefully on the other side for as long as he could before stepping back through with her in his arms.
 
“I love you, Buffy …” he whispered as the door closed behind them and they began floating back down towards earth.
 
When Buffy re-entered her body, she realized that sometime during that dance, Spike had unlocked her hands and she was wrapped around him, arms and legs clinging tightly to his hard body … his blue eyes hovering over hers – full of joy and passion and love.
 
“I love you too, Spike …” she whispered … quietly as a churchmouse.


**~**


Click here to hear ‘Good Vibrations’ by The Beach Boys on YouTube


I, I love the colorful clothes she wears
And the way the sunlight plays upon her hair
I hear the sound of a gentle word
On the wind that lifts her perfume through the air

I'm pickin' up good vibrations
She's giving me excitations
I'm pickin' up good vibrations
(Oom bop bop good vibrations)
She's giving me excitations
(Oom bop bop excitations)
Good good good good vibrations
(Oom bop bop)
She's giving me excitations
(Oom bop bop excitations)
Good, good, good, good vibrations
(Oom bop bop)
She's giving me excitations
(Oom bop bop excitations)

Close my eyes
She's somehow closer now
Softly smile, I know she must be kind
When I look in her eyes
She goes with me to a blossom world

I'm pickin' up good vibrations
She's giving me excitations
I'm pickin' up good vibrations
(Oom bop bop good vibrations)
She's giving me excitations
(Oom bop bop excitations)
Good, good, good, good vibrations
(Oom bop bop)
She's giving me excitations
(Oom bop bop excitations)
Good, good, good, good vibrations
(Oom bop bop)
She's giving me excitations
(Oom bop bop excitations)

(Ahhhhhhh)
(Ah, my, my what elation)
I don't know where but she sends me there
(Ah, my, my what a sensation)
(Ah, my, my what elations)
(Ah, my, my what)

Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations
A happenin' with her
Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations
A happenin' with her
Gotta keep those lovin' good vibrations
A happenin'

Ahhhhhhhh
Good, good, good, good vibrations
(Oom bop bop)
(I'm pickin' up good vibrations)
She's giving me excitations
(Oom bop bop)
(Excitations)
Good, good, good, good vibrations
(Oom bop bop)
She's na na . . .

Na na na na na
Na na na
Na na na na na
Na na na
Do do do do do
Do do do
Do do do do do
Do do do

Saturday, July 17th, 2004
 
“Can you believe that? I mean, really - Domestic Partnership? ... What does that even mean? It sounds like a maid service!” Willow complained to Buffy and Anya as they sat in one of the new booths at the back of the Bronze and waited for Spike and Xander to come back with their drinks.


 
“It’s not fair! You can marry a hundred year old vampire, but I can’t marry my girlfriend!” Willow continued.
 
“It’s the Pope’s fault,” Anya told Willow. “He’s very old and set in his ways … I don’t know why all the Popes have to be so old. You know, Popes used to be quite a bit more fun in the good old days – there was this one back in 1309 … oh, never mind,” Anya said with a sigh as Willow glared at her with raised brows.


 
“Honestly, though, I don’t know when they got so stodgy,” Anya continued her original point. “You’d think they’d choose a young, hot guy for once … they’d get so many more people to join the church that way – which would get them a lot more money! Plus, maybe they’d be more open to bending a few more of those rules …
 
“I mean, look at the Scientologists…now, they have the right idea! Headquarters on the beach in Florida, members like Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Lisa Marie Presley, Sonny Bono … that’s how you get people to follow you and give you money … get good looking people involved!”
 
“Sonny Bono’s dead … and he never was good looking,” Willow pointed out, rolling her eyes.
 
“I’m sorry, Wills … but we can still have a ceremony – like a Wiccan marriage and tie you guys up and stuff, right?” Buffy sympathized.




 
“Oh … like bondage? Why didn’t I think of that for our ceremony?!” Anya asked brightly.
 
“Not bondage, Anya … she’s talking about handfasting,” Willow clarified with another roll of her eyes.
 
Willow sighed. “Yeah … we can do that … exchange rings and get all tied up … and become a domestic partnership. How romantic.”
 
Buffy frowned. “I’m really sorry you can’t get married … maybe one day the laws will change … or they’ll elect Brad Pitt or Ben Affleck to Pope-age… It can still be romantic … in fact, I think you guys getting domesticated in the garden this fall under a full moon would be totally romantic.”

“I guess…” Willow said with another sigh as Spike and Xander appeared with their drinks. Tara had some make-up work to do for the classes she’d missed while they were in the other dimension, so she volunteered to stay home with the kids tonight and work on that while everyone else supported Lorne’s grand opening at the Bronze.
 
“Lorne has really made some huge changes to the old place!” Xander exclaimed as he slid in next to Anya. “I didn’t see one rat or roach the whole time we were at the bar!”

“And he added the blooming onion back to the menu!” Spike added with a grin. “Bloody brilliant!”
 
“I like the theme night idea too … this sock hop idea is grrrooovy!” Xander added.


 
“Sock hops weren’t bloody ‘groovy’ … sock hops were ‘coooool’ … ‘groovy’ didn’t come along until the sixties, mate,” Spike informed Xander.
 
“Oh, my mistake … sorry for not being alive then, Daddy-O,” Xander shot back sarcastically as he did his best Fonzie impression by running a comb through his hair and smoothing his fifties-inspired pompadour down with the other hand.
 
“Xander’s been doing really well with his dance lessons, though … we practiced all week for tonight,” Anya told the group. “Jitterbug, Lindy Hop, The Twist, The Monkey …”
 
“The Monkey!?” Spike exclaimed with a laugh. “That I wanna see!”
 
“A few more of these Jack and Cokes and you may have that privilege …” Xander smirked at Spike, downing the rest of his drink in one gulp.
 
“I don’t think the karaoke idea is going over very well, though,” Buffy pointed out tilting her head towards the empty stage.
 
Even though music was playing and people were dancing, no one had ventured up to actually sing any of the songs. Lorne had kicked off the evening himself with “Why Do Fools Fall in Love?”, but since then none of the patrons had taken the chance and sung any songs.

{{ Click here to hear ‘Why Do Fools Fall in Love by Frankie Lymon and the Teenagers on YouTube }}
 
“Sunnydale ain’t known for its singin’ talent,” Spike added.
 
“You can sing … why don’t you sing one?” Anya asked Spike.

“Me?! Here in fronta God and everybody!? Pffffttt! Not bloody likely,” Spike told her dismissively.
 
“Awwww, c’mon honey … you’re a good singer - why don’t you sing one for me?” Buffy cooed, leaning against Spike’s shoulder and batting her eyelashes up at him.
 
“What part of ‘no’ do you lot not understand?” Spike asked, rolling his eyes. “C’mon … I’ll dance with ya’, though,” he offered sliding out of the booth and offering her his hand.
 
Buffy took it and followed him to the dance floor. Since Lorne had told them his plans for ‘decade theme nights’ and that the first was going to be a sock hop, Buffy had Spike teach her how to swing dance before actually having to do it in public this time.
 
{{Click here to hear a snippet of ‘Jump, Jive 'n Wail' by Louis Prima and see what Swing Dancing looks like on YouTube }}


The song “Jump, Jive an’ Wail” started as they reached the dance floor and Spike twirled her around and leap-frogged over her head to start the dance … that move alone had everyone else on the floor backing off to just watch and see what would happen next.
 
Spike turned back around and took her hand and they began jitterbugging … they seemed to nearly float across the floor as they moved effortlessly to the beat. Spike twirled and spun her and lifted her like she was a feather, as they went through all the classic swing dance moves and lifts.
 
Spike ended the dance with Buffy in his arms, her arms around his neck, their faces just inches from each other. When the whole place exploded in applause, Spike kissed her and spun her around once before setting her back on her feet.

Buffy beamed as Spike led her off the floor and back to their booth. She’d always loved to dance, but Spike added a whole new dimension to it … he actually knew how to dance! Not just ‘free style’, which is what she and her friends had always done all their lives … but real dances with steps and everything!

It was fun to be able to show off her husband to the world … he danced like he did everything else, with passion, and Buffy loved that. Buffy was so happy that she’d had all those gymnastics and figure skating lessons when she was younger – all that knowledge really came in handy trying to learn the different dances that Spike taught her. He, of course, had lived them … had learned them over the years as each came in and out of style over the course of his unlife.

 “Your turn,” Spike told Xander as he slid into the booth behind Buffy.
 
“Yeah … I’ll get right on that,” Xander said with a roll of his eyes.
 
Anya elbowed him in the ribs. “Owwww! What was that for?”
 
“You need more lessons … and I don’t think those blooming onions are helping one bit!” she said as she watched him eat the last of the onion on the table.
 
“It takes time, Ahn! Spike – how long have you been eating blooming onions and spicy wings?” Xander asked looking at Spike and giving him a wink that Anya couldn’t see.
 
“Oh…for bloody ever,” Spike told him with a stern look and a nod. “Keep at it … it’ll kick in with time.”
 
Spike had already extracted a car wash and detailing job on the DeSoto out of Xander for his support of the ‘blooming onion and spicy wings diet’ … and he was still owed an oil change on the DeSoto and the Harley, which they had finally gotten back from Arizona when Detective Lockley got the stolen property charges dropped. Next, he figured he’d get the same for Buffy’s car … if things worked out right, he wouldn’t have to do any maintenance on any of their vehicles for the rest of Xander’s life … which could be severely shortened on that diet, but still, it would be sweet while it lasted.
 
“My God, you hepcats are the bee’s knees!” Lorne gushed as he walked up to their booth. “I knew I could count on you to rip the floor up!
 
“Now, I just need someone to kick off the karaoke part of the evening and everything will be perfect,” Lorne lamented, looking at Spike.
 
Spike looked around the table … everyone was looking at him expectantly. “What? I said no!”
 
“You mean no as in ‘eventually’?” Buffy asked him with smile.
 
“You have real problems with that word, don’t ya, Slayer?”
 
“C’mon, Spikester! You’re the talent here … why don’t you croon a love song for your best girl?” Lorne encouraged him.
 
“Yeah Spike … you can get Anya to sign me up for singing lessons, too …” Xander quipped with a smirk.
 
“C’mon Spike” … “Yeah, c’mon” … “You can do it” … “Just one song,” everyone spoke at once trying to get him to agree.


 
“Bloody hell…” Spike muttered. “What’s in it for me?”
 
“The satisfaction of helping a friend in need,” Lorne suggested hopefully.
 
“Pfffffftt,” Spike snorted. “That it?”
 
“How about a pitcher of beer, another blooming onion, and a big plate of spicy wings … extra molten lava hot, just how you like ‘em?” Lorne offered.
 
“Now, that’s more like it … I don’t mind being a whore, but I ain’t giving it away …” Spike informed him. “I’m not a bloody slut.”
 
Spike slid out of the booth and pulled Buffy with him.
 
“I’m not singing!” she protested, pulling back.
 
“You’re comin’ with me … can’t sing a song to my girl if m’ girl’s way back here in the dark …” Spike explained, pulling her out of the booth.
 
Spike picked out a song and the house lights dimmed as Lorne took the stage to introduce him.
 
“Hey all you coooool cats!” Lorne started. “Do I have a sweeeet treat-treat-treat for you! If you think he can dance, wait ‘til you hear him sing! Hang onto your girls … ‘cause this cat will melt their hearts! Let’s pop the clutch on this party and welcome Spikester, the Blond Bomb, to the stage!”
 
Spike rolled his eyes and rubbed a hand across them … that’s all he needed was a buildup like that! As all eyes in the place were glued to him as he took the stage and Lorne handed him the mic.
 
Spike took a deep breath as the music and background vocals began. “This is for Buffy …” he announced.
 
“And for beer! Woooo-hoooo!” Xander yelled from the back of the room.
 
Spike ignored Xander and turned to face Buffy, who was standing off to the side, and began to sing as the words scrolled for him on the monitor. As he sang, the dance floor filled up with couples, but Spike didn’t notice … all his attention was on Buffy – his eyes locked with hers, as he sang to his very own Earth Angel …

{{Click here to hear ‘Earth Angel’ by The Penguins on YouTube }}




"Earth angel, earth angel
Will you be mine?
My darling dear
Love you all the time
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you

"Earth angel, earth angel
The one I adore
Love you forever and ever more
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you

"I fell for you and I knew
The vision of your love-loveliness
I hoped and I pray that someday
I'll be the vision of your hap-happiness oh, oh, oh, oh!

About half way through the song, Spike walked over to where Buffy was standing and pulled her out on the stage with him. He spun her around and pulled her back against his chest. Keeping hold of her hand, he wrapped an arm across her collarbone and their hips swayed to the slow beat as he continued to hold the mic in the other hand and serenade her.

♫
"Earth angel, earth angel
Please be mine
My darling dear
Love you all the time
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you-ou-ou


"I fell for you and I knew
The vision of your loveliness
I hope and pray that someday
That I'll be the vision of your happiness

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh , oh, oh, oh


"Earth angel, earth angel
Please be mine
My darling dear
Love you all the time
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you-ou (you, you, you)"


When the song finished, Buffy turned in his arms and pressed her body against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck and dropped a soft kiss on his lips. “You know I’m yours … forevermore,” she whispered to him as the crowd applauded.
 
Lorne took the mic out of Spike’s hand, which was now wrapped around Buffy’s back, as he held her against him and kissed her again. “Let’s hear it for Spikester … and his lovely muse, Buffy!”



 
“Hopefully, if we can get these two kids pried apart, we can get another song out of him later …. But now, who’s next!!?? C’mon … it’s not that hard and look at the reward you get when it’s done!” Lorne pointed out, waving an arm at Spike and Buffy who were in their own little world, still kissing next to him on the stage. “Of course, you have to get your own girl or guy … these two are taken.”
 
A line of singers began forming off to the side of the stage and Lorne blew out a deep sigh of relief … he knew people would like the karaoke if they’d just try it … and Spike had been the perfect one to show how ‘easy’ it was to do. Since Lorne was still new, he didn’t want any of his changes to be big flops … it wouldn’t look good in the eyes of the owners.
 
Spike and Buffy finally made their way back to the booth and everyone dug into the food and beer that Lorne brought out to them.
 
“This is great! Free food, free beer! Way to go, Spike! We could do this every night … let you sing for our dinner!” Xander enthused as he took a big helping of spicy wings and onion.
 
“Like hell … your turn next, moocher! What shall we have ‘tone-deaf Xander’ sing?” Spike pondered as he dug into the food also and poured himself a beer.
 
“Hey! I’m not tone deaf! I’m … lyrically challenged! You should be nice to me! I’m disabled!” Xander defended.
 
“You’re disabled, alright!” Spike agreed. “‘Special Ed’, I believe is the proper medical term …”
 
“Hey! I resemble that remark!” Xander laughed, stuffing his face with more of the onion.
 
“Oh, I know one for Xander to sing!” Willow piped up. “On eighties night, he can do ‘Thriller!’”
 
Xander nearly spit his beer out of his mouth as he gagged. “Thriller?! My voice wouldn’t get that high if you kicked me in the ‘nads!”
 
“Brilliant!” Spike exclaimed. “I’ll do the Vincent Price part … you do the Michael Jackson part!”
 
“Again I say … not happening!” Xander told them, shaking his head firmly.
 
“C’mon, Xander!” Anya elbowed him in the ribs again. “Spike’s offering to help you with part of it … the least you can do is do a little singing for your own meal …”
 
“Ahn! Have you ever heard that song?!” Xander asked, looking at her with a furrowed brow.
 
“Sure … it’s not all high notes … just a few, and I’ve heard you hit them before … you know the screaming like a girl thing really does work! Thanks for that, Spike!” Anya said, looking at Spike and nodding appreciatively.
 
“Ahn!” Xander admonished her as Spike laughed heartily.
 
“My bloody pleasure ….” Spike told her with a smirk, pouring himself another beer.
 
“I’ll sing that song when Spike does a moonwalk!” Xander announced, confident that that would shut everyone up.
 
Spike raised his brows. “You don’t think I can do a bloody moonwalk? That’s child’s play!”



 
“On stage … with a white t-shirt, red jacket, black high-waters, black shoes and white, baggy socks … and a sparkly glove on one hand … the whole 'MJ' works,” Xander added, holding up one hand and wriggling his fingers.
 


“I’m not a bloody ponce,” Spike shot back.
 
“That’s the deal … Spike moonwalks, in costume, and I’ll sing ‘Thriller’ on eighties night … Otherwise, I sit here and eat … I’m good at eating – I think it’s my sacred calling – along with fetching donuts.”
 
When no one said anything further, Xander said, “Good – that’s settled then...I consume…Spike sings – it’s a perfect partnership.”
 
**~**
 
The friends continued talking, eating, drinking, and dancing through the night until the lights flashed in the bar announcing last call and last dance.
 
Spike stood up and took Buffy’s hand and she followed him to the dance floor for the last dance. Spike sang softly against Buffy’s ear as they joined the other couples on the floor (including Anya and Xander, who had followed them out) and danced as Lorne sang “My Girl” by the Temptations.
 
Buffy wrapped her arms around Spike’s neck, pressed her body against his, and laid her head on his shoulder as they swayed slowly to the easy beat. She again thought how much she loved dancing with him … even simple dances were so romantic as he sang softly just for her and held her in his strong arms.

{{Click here to hear ‘My Girl’ by The Temptations on YouTube }}

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside I've got the month of May.
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).

I've got so much honey the bees envy me.
I've got a sweeter song than the birds in the trees.
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).

Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Ooooh.

I don't need no money, fortune, or fame.
I've got all the riches baby one man can claim.
I guess you'd say
What can make me feel this way?
My girl (my girl, my girl)
Talkin' 'bout my girl (my girl).

I've got sunshine on a cloudy day
with my girl.
I've even got the month of May
with my girl

“I love you, Buffy,” Spike whispered to her as the song ended. “You are my sunshine – night and day.”
 
“I love you too, baby … I love bein’ your girl.” Buffy smiled back at him and stood up on her toes to drop a soft kiss on his lips as the lights came up in the club, signaling the end of the night.
 
**~**
 
Spike leaned against the doorjamb of Annie’s room after getting his shower later that night and watched her sleeping. He’d checked on the twins first. His Sweetbit, Dani, had been awake, so he picked her up and rocked her and hummed a soft lullaby for her until she went back to sleep.
 
It was amazing how fast they were growing … they had been so small when they were born, but they seemed to be making up for lost time now. The doctors said that they both were developing quickly and were now in the ‘average’ range of size and weight for their age. Dani showed no signs of damage from the Meningitis, but they continued to monitor her for possible long-term effects that may not show up until she was older.

Since moving their cribs next to each other, the all night crying had stopped and they both slept through the night most of the time now. Lorne had advised Spike and Buffy to work on separating them for short periods of time and slowly increase the time they were physically apart to get them used to being separated ... otherwise, life would be quite difficult for them as they grew. Buffy and Spike had been doing that a couple of times a day, each taking one of the babies and going off into different rooms of the mansion until the wailing became more than they could stand, then bringing them back together. So far, they were up to keeping them apart for an hour at a time ... but they continued to work on that, as did Lorne, Willow, and Tara, every chance they got.

“What ya doing, Papa?” Annie asked sleepily when she woke up and saw him standing there.
 
“Nothin’, Niblett … just checking on m’ raven beauty,” Spike told her, moving into the room and sitting down on the edge of her bed.
 
“We won our T-ball game today,” Annie told him sleepily.
 
“I know, your mum told me … Said you got a homerun, that’s brilliant!” Spike told her with a smile.

“Yep! It went right through Jimmy’s legs and then Sally kicked it and Ralphie dropped it … I got to run all the way around!” Annie told him proudly.

“The next Babe Ruth…” Spike smiled.

Annie looked at him perplexed and twisted her mouth around. “You have a Babe Ruth bar? For me?” she asked hopefully.

Spike laughed. “No, Niblett … Babe Ruth was a baseball player… the candy bar came later. One day, they’ll be an Anne Joyce candy bar named for you …”

“Oh, ok,” Annie said quietly, still trying to process the fact that 'Babe Ruth' was more than a candy bar. “Papa?”

“Yeah?”

“When will you come to one of the games?” Annie asked, looking at him with her big blue eyes. “The other fathers are there … most of them, anyway …”

Spike sighed and pursed his lips together. All the T-ball games were in the afternoon, he couldn’t attend them unless he stayed in the car and watched from the parking lot … which he’d done a time or two when she first started, but it really wasn’t the same as ‘being there’ in the stands with the other parents.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been there, Niblett … I want to, but you know I can’t go out in the sun. It isn’t because I don’t want to be there, ‘cause I do,” Spike explained.

“It’s ok …I know,” Annie told him. “Mama needs someone to keep her from yelling at the other parents, is all … she gets cranky sometimes,” Annie explained.

“Does she?” Spike asked with amusement. “And what do the other parents do to make her cranky?”

“Usually they yell stuff at their kids … you can always tell which parents go with which kids ‘cause those are the the ones yelling when they mess up.”

“Ahhhh … but your mum doesn’t like them yellin’?”

Annie shook her head. “No … she says it’s just a game and it’s supposed to be fun and we’re just learning … She says she’s gonna beat the shit out of Mr. Anderson one day …”

“What!? She said she’d beat the what out of him?” Spike asked with wide eyes.

Annie put her hands over her mouth and her eyes matched his – big as saucers.

Spike stuck his hand out. “Bad word,” he informed her. Finally! He could get some of his money back. Annie crawled out of bed and grabbed a handful of pennies out of her big ‘bad word trust fund’ jar and started counting out ten stacks of ten on the floor to make the dollar that she owed for her bad word.

Spike stuffed them down in his pocket when she finished and tucked her back into bed. “I’m sure that she won’t beat anyone up, Niblett … so don’t worry ‘bout that,” Spike told her. “Maybe one day I can find a way to come to your games … and keep your mum under control.”

“Ok, if you're sure,” Annie said, turning over and closing her eyes. “G’ nite.”

“Good night, Niblett,” Spike told her as he dropped a kiss on top of her head and stood up … the hundred pennies jingling in his pocket as he walked out and closed her door behind him.

**~**

After Buffy got her shower, she walked downstairs and out into the garden and looked around … there was nothing out of place, no one about. She walked up the stairs to the street and looked up and down, but still didn’t see anyone or anything unusual.

As they walked home from the Bronze earlier she felt like someone was watching them, but never saw anyone that seemed suspicious. Spike said he felt it, too … but even he couldn’t see or pick up on who it might be.

Buffy shook her head and headed back down the stairs and into the house. Probably nothing … it’s late, been drinking … just Slayer senses on Cuervo … she reasoned.

Buffy dropped her shorts and t-shirt on the floor, climbed into bed with Spike and snuggled up against his side. Spike wrapped an arm around her as she laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.
 
“Who’s Mr. Anderson?” Spike asked her quietly.

“Hmmm?” Buffy asked, opening her eyes. “Who?”

“Mr. Anderson … from T-Ball …” Spike elaborated.

“Oh … God, what an ass! His boy, Ralphie – that poor kid’s as klutzy as you can get – and that man just rags on him so badly … he’s horrible. I mean, Ralphie tries so hard … and that’s really all that’s important – that he does his best, but that man … urgh!

“What brought that up?” Buffy asked, picking her head up and looking at him.



Spike waved his hand at the pile of pennies on the nightstand. “Your daughter says that you’re gonna beat the shit out of him…that I need to come to her games to keep you civil. Ain’t that a bloody kick?! I should keep you civil!?”

Buffy put her hand over her mouth. “Ooops! I guess I shouldn’t rant on the way home, huh?” she asked with a laugh.

“’S alright … got me a hundred ‘bloody hells’ out of the deal!”

Buffy shook her head and laid it back on his shoulder. “He really does need the shit kicked out of him…”

**~**

Buffy was standing on the sidewalk across the street from the Espresso Pump … but it looked different somehow – it had been remodeled and some of the booths had been updated with car parts she recognized from the 1980s and ‘90s - not just the ones from the ‘50s and ‘60s like were there now.

Buffy looked around and noticed that all the cars in the street were smaller than normal and seemed to run almost silently … hybrids, she surmised. It was dark out … there weren’t a lot of people on the street – she looked around, trying to figure out what she was supposed to be seeing here.

As she stood there looking around and trying figure out what was going on, a couple of young people walked by her. She recognized the girl immediately – it was Annie … at least twenty years in the future – the long, dark wavy hair, the big blue eyes, Spike’s cheekbones … there was no mistaking her.

“JJ, you’re crazy!” Annie laughed as they walked past and headed into the coffee shop.

Buffy studied the boy closer … his thick, brown hair did remind her of Xander and he had a goofy smile that was unmistakable, too. He was built like a football player – tall and solid. Buffy smiled as she remembered the how excited Xander was on the night JJ was born, describing him as a middle linebacker; he seemed to have lived up to that prediction.

“No – I’m tellin’ ya! If Edward was a real vampire, he wouldn’t look so damn old now – he’d look just like he did when it started like twenty years ago! I mean, seriously! Who do they think they’re foolin’? And what’s with that sparkling stuff? That’s so bogus!” JJ argued. “If Uncle Spike met Edward, he’d so stake him!”

“It’s a movie, JJ!” Annie told him with an eye roll. “It’s just fantasy land ... you know, Hollywood?”

“No – I mean, yeah, I know, but it’s not even close to realistic! Look at your dad! He’s like what, around a hundred and fifty now? He still looks like he’s twenty five! Hell, he looks like your brother! Fuck, some days he looks better than your brother!” JJ laughed.

“Yeah, thanks … it’s great having parents that look like they’re your younger siblings! Really makes you feel attractive … in an old lady kinda way,” Annie told him with an eyeroll as she sat down at one of the tables and JJ joined her.

“Awww, I didn’t mean it like that …” JJ started to apologize when suddenly gunshots rang out from inside the coffee shop.

Buffy dropped to the ground instinctively when the shooting started, but then quickly jumped up and ran towards Annie and JJ, screaming her daughter’s name. When she got there, the shooting had stopped. Annie and JJ were on the ground underneath a man who had been shot several times in the back.

Blood poured out of the wounds on his back as Annie and JJ struggled to get out from under him – Annie was crying and screaming, and JJ looked white as a sheet – like he could barely breathe, as they pushed on the man and crawled backwards out from under him. All the other patrons had either fled or where cowering under their tables … the shooter had apparently also run off.

Buffy reached down and rolled the man off Annie and JJ; he moaned loudly when his back hit the floor. Buffy’s eyes went wide in surprise and confusion … “Angel!?”

**~**

Buffy woke with a jerk … her heart was racing and she felt like she could barely breathe. She sat up in the bed and tried to get her heart to calm down and her catch her breath.

“What’s the matter?” Spike asked, sitting up next to her.

“Annie … JJ … God, Spike!” Buffy said with wide eyes. “Someone tried to shoot them! Angel saved them!”

“What!? When?! Where?!” Spike asked, looking at her with alarm.

“Future … maybe … I don’t know, twenty years? – but it was Angel! Angel saved them!” Buffy told him, her eyes still wide as saucers.

Spike took a deep breath and relaxed a bit as he rubbed a strong hand on her back. “It’s the PTB fuckin’ with us, Buffy…” he said, laying back down and pulling her against him as he wrapped a strong arm around her.

“They want the wanker back on the bloody street … they’re playin’ with ya –that’s all. Who was it doing the shootin’?”

“I don’t know … I didn’t see who it was,” Buffy admitted.

“See? If they wanted to be helpful, they’d a shown you who the shooter was … not Angel bein’ gallant and conveniently there at the time. It’s not real … who would want to shoot Annie and JJ, anyway?”

“I don’t know … it felt real …” Buffy said quietly.

“Yeah, well, you know how the PTB like to fuck with us … trust me, that’s all it is,” Spike told her as he dropped a kiss on top of her head. “Them playing favorites again.”

“Yeah … I guess,” Buffy agreed quietly, but she wasn’t so sure – it felt completely real.

Time Line:

July, 2004

History:

Joshua "JJ" Harris was born on April 21st, 2004
The twins (Danielle, "Dani" and William, "Billy") were born on February 12th, 2004
Annie turned five on February 14th (she was born in 1999)
Spike and Buffy have been married five years in February. (seems longer, doesn't it?)
Buffy turned 23 on January 19th.

All the Potentials were endowed with full Slayer power in February 2003.
Buffy and Spike learned of the other dimensions in May, 2003.

**~**

Sunday, July 18th, 2004
 
“Ok, Niblett … there ya go,” Spike told his daughter as he finished taking the training wheels off her bike. She’d been bugging him to take them off for weeks it seemed … she wanted to ride like a big girl – not with training wheels anymore.
 
“Yay!!!” Annie squealed and jumped up and down next to him in the garage as he stood up and set the training wheels on a shelf to await their turn on Dani’s bike … he’d have to get another set for Billy’s … perhaps some in black rather than pink.
 
“Are ya sure you’re ready for this? It’s a big step,” Spike pointed out, looking at her seriously.
 
“Yep!” Annie assured him with a confident nod of her head and a smile.
 
“Ok, let’s get your mum and she can take you out for a trial run …” Spike told her, heading for the door that led back into the house.
 
“I wish you could take me,” Annie pouted, as she put her helmet on and picked up her now training-wheel-free bike.
 


Spike looked outside and sighed; it was mid-morning on a beautiful, sunny southern California summer’s day … he wished he could take her, too.
 
“Me too, Niblett,” he said quietly as he entered the house to get Buffy.
 
Spike watched from the doorway as Buffy helped Annie get started on the bike out on the sidewalk in front of the mansion. Without the training wheels, it was a little trickier for her to get started and keep her balance than it had been with them. Buffy would balance the bike while Annie got on and then gave her a running push to get her started. Once she was going, Annie did well – it was remembering to put her feet down when she stopped that was a problem, so Buffy ran along next to her to make sure she didn’t topple over.
 
After a bit more practice, Annie had pretty well gotten the hang of starting off and putting her feet down when she stopped, so Buffy took her own bike and rode with her to the park a couple of blocks down from the mansion. Spike watched as they rode out of view; he didn’t remember a time in his life that he wished more for the ability to go out in the sun than that moment when they rounded the corner and he couldn’t see them anymore.
 
Spike stepped back inside the mansion and closed the door, leaning his back on it heavily as he closed his eyes and took in a long breath. He let the air out of his lungs slowly as he thought back to those short moments over the last years when he felt the urgent need for oxygen … the two moments when he had been made alive, first by the monks, then by the PTB.
 
He wondered if that was what it felt like when the other Spike Shanshued … He hadn’t actually asked him what it felt like to be alive again, but that was probably it. He knew what it felt like to have the sun on his skin … how it warmed him, how the golden rays tingled on his flesh – but he held no illusions, the PTB weren’t going to give him the Shanshu. He hadn’t played along with their tune and let Buffy burn up in the Hellmouth … he wasn’t a Champion in their eyes.
 
Then he thought of the Gem of Amarra, buried uselessly under the ocean with Angel. Perhaps he’d been too hasty in his decision to get rid of it … maybe there would be some way to have it and not put his family in danger at the same time. What if Buffy was attacked in the middle of the day out in the sun – if he had the Gem, he’d be able to help her.
 
You’re bein’ bloody selfish and foolish again! Spike admonished himself silently as he opened his eyes, pushed off the door and headed into the great room.
 
You’ve got a family … a girl that loves ya … and all you ever want is more! These crazy dreams are for dreamers … Be happy with what you have, ya bloody git!
 
But Spike wasn’t happy with what he had … he did want more. He should be the one pushing Annie on the bike and running alongside her; he should be at her T-Ball games, cheering her on and keeping Buffy from beating up the other parents, he should be at the park right now, pushing his girls on the swings…not stuck inside like … like … like a vampire … like a monster.
 
Spike dropped down onto the couch and laid back, putting his arm across his eyes as he tried to convince himself that what he had was more than he’d ever dreamed of and wanting more than that was, at worst, selfish and, at best, unrealistic. After all, there was plenty he could do with the kids that didn’t involve sunshine … there were video games and board games, playing cards and reading books and listening to music and … well, just lots of things he could do with them!
 
“You ok?” Tara asked, walking into the room.
 
Spike jumped – so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t even hear her come in.
 
“Yeah, brilliant,” he told her dryly as he sat up.
 
“You know, to get me to believe you, you should try saying that once more, with feeling,” Tara teased him, sitting down next to him. “What’s wrong?”
 
“Nuthin’ … just thinking – which, we both know is dangerous for me … usually leads to mind-numbing things like thoughts,” Spike quipped, rolling his eyes.
 
“Yes, William … we all know you’re the scarecrow and that you have no brain,” Tara told him with an eye roll of her own. “So what are these mind-numbing thoughts about?”
 
Spike sighed and looked at Tara. He didn’t know how she could always see right through him and why he seemed unable to lie to her … something about her just made you trust her and want to tell her everything. She was gonna make a brilliant psychologist one day.
 
“I want the Gem of Amarra back,” he told her straight out. “But we need to make it so it’s a part a’ me … so I can say I Shanshued – only our family will know any different. That way, no nasties get any brilliant ideas about taking it away again.”
 
Tara nodded slowly, thinking over his idea. She could see his aura flash with streaks of indigo blue as he revealed his idea to her … a sign that he had given it a lot of thought and that he believed fully in the plan – that it wasn’t just coming from his heart, but from his spirit and his mind.
 
“Do you think you and Red could, ya know, figure some hocus-pocus to make it part of m’ body … like for keeps?” Spike asked Tara hopefully, wriggling is fingers around as if casting a magic spell.
 
Tara shrugged. “I’ll do some research and talk to Willow about it …” Tara gave him a small smile. “Don’t worry, Spike … we’ll figure out something, ok?”
 
Spike nodded and gave her a little smile of his own. “Thanks.”
 
“You know, you will actually have to get the Gem for us to try anything like that…” Tara reminded him.
 
“Yeah … I think I know someone who knows sumthin’ about that,” Spike assured her, feeling hopeful he’d soon be able to attend T-Ball games and help Buffy put the ‘Mr. Andersons’ of the world in their place.
 
**~**
 
Buffy had made herself and Annie PB&J sandwiches for lunch when they returned from the park. Annie was so excited to tell Spike every detail about riding all the way there and back without falling once and he sat in rapt attention listening to her ramble on as she ate her sandwich and gushed about how great it was to not need training wheels anymore.
 
Buffy had finished her sandwich and was working on feeding the twins some puréed apples as Annie talked. It was funny that they liked the apples and peaches, but both hated the bananas. They both loved Cheerios … but neither cared too much for Annie’s Cocoa Puffs … which Annie was happy about. They obviously hadn’t inherited the chocolate gene like Annie had.
 
Buffy noticed that it didn’t matter who she fed first, if that twin liked it, then the other would take it without hesitation, but if the first one didn’t like it, you couldn’t force the second twin to even try it. And it didn’t matter which one went first or even if they were in the same room at the time…it was like there was some kind of silent communication between them – ‘mmmm, good’ or ‘ooooo, yuck’.
 
Spike said she was probably reading too much into it … they were twins, after all – of course they’d naturally like the same foods …   
 
Buffy and Spike both jumped up when they heard someone screaming Buffy’s name from the great room. As they came out of the kitchen, they saw Cordelia standing near the bottom of the stairs.
 
“BUFFY SUMMERS! Get down here!” Cordy screamed up the stairs.
 
“No need to yell, Cordelia … I’m right here,” Buffy told her, folding her arms across her chest as Cordy whirled around and started moving back to where Buffy and Spike were standing near the kitchen. “And it’s Summers-Weckerly, by the way – has been for a long time.”




 
“Oh, of course! Please forgive me!” Cordy said sarcastically with an eye roll. “You know, just putting a hyphen in your name doesn’t automatically make you classy.”




 
Buffy rolled her own eyes and sighed heavily. “I thought we agreed you’d call ahead before visiting again.”
 
“Yeah, well, it’s a little hard when your phone’s been disconnected ‘cause we can’t pay the bills,” Cordy shot back.
 
“What the fuck is this?!” Cordy asked, waving a piece of paper in the air as she reached Buffy.
 
Buffy grabbed the paper from her hand and looked at it … it was the credit card bill for the Disneyland vacation.
 
“How should I know?” Buffy asked, handing it back to her. “Maybe Angel wanted to visit Mickey …”
 
“Ha-ha,” Cordy mocked. “You’re a barrel of laughs. Spike signed Angel’s name … I saw the receipt … that left-handed slant to the letters – it was Spike,” Cordy informed them, looking at Spike who just smirked at her.
 
“Just pay the bleedin’ bill, Vision Girl … the wanker owes us that much, at least,” Spike told her.
 
“Oh! Gee, Spike, why didn’t I think of that!?” Cordy retorted, slapping her forehead with her palm. “Maybe because we don’t have any money! It’s hard to bring home the bacon when the big guy’s MIA.”
 
“What do you mean you don’t have any money?” Buffy asked, looking at her with confusion.
 
“You know – broke, busted, teetering on bankruptcy … we’re eating bread and beans and you’re going to Disneyland!” Cordy told her, waving the credit card bill in her face again.
 
“Oh, pleease spare me!” Spike defended. “Wanker’s got money out the ass! You just ain’t lookin’ in the right places.”



 
“No, Spike … he doesn’t have any money – in his ass or anywhere else! Fred and I went over all his records when he disappeared to try and find some clue about where he went. All he has is what Angel Investigations brings in from our cheapskate clients and the hotel. That’s it. He gave all the rest to you guys over five years ago,” Cordy explained.
 
“What?!” Buffy and Spike asked in unison.
 
“He gave it all to you … all…gone – he has nothing left,” Cordy said again, holding her hands, empty except for the credit card bill, up in the air to demonstrate.
 
“I thought you said he just gave you your share… yours and Dru’s,” Buffy questioned Spike.
 
“He did … he had an accountin’ and everything,” Spike defended.
 
“Do you know what you and Dru originally brought into the clan?” Buffy asked him.
 
“Well … I know about what my mum had, more or less …” Spike stammered.
 
“And Dru?”
 
Spike shrugged. He figured, if anything, Angel would’ve held back some of what Dru had contributed to the clan since Spike never really knew how much that was to start with. It never occurred to Spike that Angel would actually give them more than their fair share.
 
Cordy rolled her eyes. “Except for what he used to buy the hotel and a few trinkets of nearly worthless jewelry, you got it all,” she assured them solemnly. “You never gave Angel a chance … he would’ve done anything to help you, Buffy … anything – but you never gave him a chance.”
 
“He did plenty to hurt us, too, Cordy …” Buffy defended.
 
Cordy shrugged. “Maybe … maybe he was just hurting and was trying to get your attention any way he could. Maybe if you’d just befriended him … worked with him, helped him, he wouldn’t have sunk to those depths.”
 
“Spike worked with him,” Buffy reminded her.
 
“He didn’t love Spike, Buffy …” Cordy said softly.
 
Tears stung Cordy’s eyes as she spoke to Buffy. “He loved you … but he had finally realized that you weren’t his anymore, that he needed to move on. We were supposed to meet the night he disappeared … out at Point Dume. There's a viewpoint just north of Kanan. Really pretty spot…he said he had to talk to you, then he wanted to talk…about us.”
 
“What us?” Buffy asked her, confused. “You and me? ‘Cause gotta tell ya, I’ve never considered us an ‘us’.”
 
Cordy let out a sigh and rolled her eyes. “No…Angel and me. I think he was finally ready to let you go and admit his feelings for me … I waited and waited, but he never showed up.”
 
Cordelia moved closer to Buffy and looked her in the eye as the tears that were threatening earlier came back in force. “I love him, Buffy … I love him so much.”
 
Cordy dropped to her knees in front of Buffy and looked up at her as tears streaked her face. “Please, please help me … help me find him. I’m begging you, Buffy … please.”
 
Buffy had never seen Cordelia like this. She could deal with snarky, bitchy, the-world-owes-me Cordelia, but a begging, pleading, crying Cordy was something Buffy had never seen before.
 
“Cordy … I,” Buffy started when she heard Spike in her head.
 
NO! Don’t do it, Buffy! Remember why you dropped him under the waves … remember what he did to us … the danger he put the Niblett in.
 
Buffy turned and looked at Spike … he could see the turmoil on her face and he shook his head adamantly. She felt so sorry for Cordy. Buffy remembered how the Angel in the other dimension had professed his love for Cordelia and had lost her. Now Cordy was professing her love for him and she had lost him … but he wasn’t really lost, Buffy had the knowledge and ability to bring him back to her.




 
Buffy looked back down at Cordy who was still on her knees, sobs were wracking her body and she’d covered her face with her hands. Buffy remembered how she felt the time she couldn’t find Spike when he was in that jail in Arizona … how hopeless she felt, how utterly defeated and alone.
 
“I’m sorry, Cordy,” Buffy said softly as she dropped to her knees in front of the broken-hearted brunette and hugged her.
 
No, Buffy … don’t do it. Spike sent to her again through their bond.
 
“I’m sorry, but I can’t help you …” Buffy whispered to her.
 
Cordy nodded, took a deep breath, and wiped the tears off her face as she tried to compose herself. She’d never begged anyone for anything in her life … if she wanted something, she just went and got it – or told someone to get it for her, but nothing they had done thus far had been successful in finding Angel.
 
The PTB had sent her some visions of him over the time he’d been missing … but they were dark and vague and she couldn’t tell where he was.  She was sure he wasn’t dusted, though; Fred and Gunn weren’t as sure …
 
They had tried their best to keep the business going, but without Angel, helping the hopeless got, well, pretty hopeless. Detective Lockley even helped their clients out at times, but there was no use fighting the inevitable … they weren’t going to be able to keep the doors open on Angel Investigations, or the hotel, much longer.
 
The expense of keeping the hotel in some semblance of working order was becoming overwhelming – they had sold, pawned, or traded anything they had of value to try and keep the bills paid … and now the credit card company would be coming after them, too.
 
Cordy stood up, smoothed and straightened her clothes, lifted her chin, and tried to reassemble her pride, before she turned and walked out the doors to the garden and up the steps to the street. The credit card bill that she’d come in with dropped from her hand on the floor just inside the door … it was over. Her last hope had turned her down … Cordy would never be able to find Angel and nothing else really mattered without him, anyway.
 
Buffy looked up at Spike, who was wearing a determined frown.
 
“Spike, maybe …” she started as she stood back up.
 




“No! No, no, no!” Spike exclaimed as he began to pace back and forth in front of her. “Think, Buffy! He tore us apart, he got the Niblett kidnapped … nearly killed, more than once he’s tried to drive a wedge between us … not just in this dimension, but every bloody dimension!”
 
“Angel didn’t kidnap Annie … he didn’t have anything to do with that,” Buffy reminded him.
 
“He might as well have … got me out of the way … maybe if I had been around, it would’ve never happened!” Spike pointed out.
 
Buffy frowned but nodded slowly and went back into the kitchen … Spike was probably right. Angel was where he should be.
 
Spike had really wanted to talk to Buffy about retrieving the Gem of Amarra from Angel’s finger … but that would have to wait a bit now. In her current state of mind, she would want to bring him up to the surface with the bloody ring.
 
Spike was sure Angel was exactly where he belonged; Buffy always had been too forgiving of him. He couldn’t completely blame her for it … he had the same problem with Dru. He wanted the Gem back, but right now wasn’t the time to bring it up to Buffy … in a day or two, she’ll realize that what he was saying was right, then he could broach the subject of getting the ring back. The witches needed more time to research a way to make it part of him, anyway.
  
**~**
 
“Spike, can I talk to you?” Tara asked later that afternoon as she came in the door to the training room where Spike sparring with the heavy body bag. He was trying to take his frustrations out on something other than the people around him.
 
“Yeah,” he answered as he danced around the bag, throwing punches and kicks at it. Spike was bare-chested, wearing loose fitting, grey workout pants which allowed him full range of movement; his punches and kicks landed solidly against the heavy bag.
 
“Spike, we need to pay this,” Tara informed him, holding up the credit card bill that Cordy had dropped.
 




Spike’s eyebrows shot up and he stopped moving. “Beg pardon?”
 
“We need to pay this,” Tara said again slowly.
 
“Feel free, pet …” Spike told her as he started punching the bag again in earnest.
 
“Spike. Spike … Spike! Stop and listen to me,” Tara said moving forward and putting herself between him and the bag. Spike stopped dancing and punching and backed up a step when she did that.
 
“What!?” Spike exclaimed, propping his hands on his hips and glaring at her.
 
“It’s not fair that Cordy, Fred, and Gunn get punished for this … it’s one thing if they had Angel’s money, but apparently you have it – you and Buffy,” Tara reminded him – Buffy had filled her and Willow in on the conversation with Cordy earlier. “You don’t have to pay for everyone … but we need to pay this. It’s only fair.”
 
“Fair!? Fair?!” Spike questioned, his voice rising as he began pacing back and forth across the room. “Since when is anything bloody fair? Was Angel breaking our bond fair? Was the other wanker holdin’ us hostage for his apocalypse fair? Oh, maybe the part where Annie got kidnapped… maybe that was fair! Or the time he tried to rape Buffy … I’m sure that musta been fair! ‘Fair’ is a fine notion for fairy tales and pipe dreams, Glinda … but real life ain’t bloody fair.”
 
Tara watched and listened as Spike ranted. When he finally stopped in front of her and quit talking she held the credit card bill out to him, raised her eyebrows, and twisted her lips to the side.
 
Spike looked from her face to the paper in her hand and back again. After several moments he muttered, “Bloody hell …” and snatched the bill from her hand.
 
Tara gave him a crooked smile and leaned forward and dropped a kiss on his cheek before starting back towards the door. “You’re the Champion, Spike … I knew you’d do what was right … what was fair.”
 




Spike rolled his eyes and pursed his lips together. “To quote a great scholar, ‘this sucks’ …” he informed her as he dropped the bill down on top of his t-shirt which was lying on the floor and turned back to start punching the body bag again.
 
Tara laughed as she closed the door behind her. She knew he was frustrated … but she also knew he’d do the right thing – he just had to complain about it a while first.
 
**~**
 
The man watched from the overgrown lot on Crawford Street. He watched them come and go … in pairs and alone … in cars, on bikes, and on foot … during the day and in the middle of the night. The occupants of the mansion seemed to always be on the move running here or there and then back again.
 
He was happy for the cover the bushes and brambles that grew here gave him … he could see without being seen … hear snatches of conversations … try to make sense of their comings and goings, which wasn’t an easy task.
 
She had come out the previous night alone … he thought perhaps his chance had come, but she only stayed a moment before disappearing back into the chaos of the mansion. He hoped he wouldn’t have to wait too long for another opportunity.

**~**
Click here to hear Crazy Dreamers by Ray Lamontagne on YouTube

Crazy Dreamers...

Here's to all you crazy dreamers
Dream your crazy dreams
Dont let them go
Deep inside your heart I'm sure you know
Deep inside your heart I'm sure you know

Here's to all you crazy lovers
Love the one's you love
And serve them well
Give yourself some time and time to tell
For he to love another got to love himself
La, la la ...


Here's to all you crazy dreamers
Dream your crazy dreams
Dont let them slip away
There's more to life than living day to day
There's more to life than living day to day


Here's to all you crazy lovers
Love the one's you love
Don't let them go
Deep inside your soul that love will grow
And deep inside your soul that love will grow

La, la, la ....

Monday, July 19th, 2004
 
“Mrs. Weckerly,” Mrs. Johnston called down the hall as Buffy headed out the door of Annie’s pre-school after dropping her off that morning. “Mrs. Weckerly!”
 
Buffy was nearly out the door … she’d almost escaped unscathed! Buffy took a deep breath and put a smile on her face as she turned back towards the teacher who was hurrying down the hallway towards her. What would it be this time … Vampires? Witches? Demons? Oh my!
 
“Mrs. Johnston … sorry, I didn’t hear you,” Buffy started, keeping the smile plastered on her face.
 
“Can I have a word with you, Mrs. Weckerly?” the teacher asked, motioning towards an empty classroom across the hall.
 
Buffy smiled even wider. “Of course …” she agreed with a false brightness as she cringed inside, already trying to come up with some new stories about why Annie is making up crazy things about her life, hoping beyond hope that Annie hadn’t related the ‘UH-UH, OH-OH’ story from the Disney castle to the class.
 
Mrs. Johnston sat down in one of the small chairs at the back of the room and Buffy joined her … she felt like a clown in the circus sitting on that little chair, but apparently that’s what everyone here did.
 
“Is everything alright?” Buffy asked, keeping the fake smile on her face.
 
“Oh yes! Fine!” Mrs. Johnston started, matching Buffy’s smile. “I just wanted to talk to you about the results of Annie’s aptitude test. I keep trying to catch you but you just scamper off so quickly … I guess that lumberjack training really keeps you in good shape!”
 
Buffy smiled and nodded. She did scamper off quickly when she picked Annie up or dropped her off … teachers, even pre-school teachers, tended to make her feel like she was a student instead of a parent. “Well, you know … those pesky trees won’t just stand there and wait forever!”
 
Mrs. Johnston looked a little confused at that, but shook it off and smiled at Buffy again. “Right… Anyway, as you know, Annie will start first grade in the fall and, based on the aptitude tests we give all the five year olds, and my own observations of your daughter over the last couple of years, I’d like to make some recommendations for you to consider.”
 
Oh boy, here it comes … Buffy thought as she waited for the teacher to tell her Annie needed some kind of remedial classes or a thorough mental health evaluation...perhaps some Ritalin …
 
“Of course,” Buffy agreed, keeping the smile on her face.
 
“Annie’s extremely bright and, despite her vivid imagination which sometimes takes her in some interesting directions, she’s quite a hard worker! She really enjoys story time and she’s got an excellent memory … she’s already reading a first grade level.”
 
“Well, her dad reads to her a lot … and her aunts work with her on the computer,” Buffy interjected, wondering when the other shoe was going to fall and if it would be a size five stiletto heel or a size thirteen steel-toed boot.
 
“Well, it shows…” the teacher gushed. “The one thing that really stands out above everything, though, is her aptitude for languages.
 
“As you probably know, at this age, children are more open to learning different languages … so we do try to introduce some limited vocabulary in several different languages to them. Annie is simply amazing at picking them up and her retention rate is, well … quite impressive,” Mrs. Johnston told Buffy.
 


Buffy’s eyebrows went up in surprise … Annie hadn’t mentioned that to her at all … she wondered if Spike knew. The conversation with the Buffy in the other dimension about Dawn and her aptitude for languages came back to Buffy … she wondered if it was a Key thing …
 
“So, what I’d like to suggest to you is that you look into this Magnet program, it’s called ‘Primary Years, International Baccalaureate’. It has a special focus on reading, writing, and speaking several different languages. They also explore international customs and geography and actually allow the students to connect, via video conferencing, with other students around the world so they can practice their skills with native speakers.” Mrs. Johnston held out a flyer detailing the program to Buffy.
 
Buffy took the pamphlet from the teacher’s hand and looked at before looking back up. “Don’t you have to apply for these like … before the kids are born?” Buffy asked her with a furrowed brow.
 
“Well, yes …normally you should have applied a couple of years ago … but, well, I took the liberty of calling in some favors … I hope you don’t mind. I really think Annie would thrive in that environment … it’ll be something to challenge her intellect.
 
“Many bright children get bored in school and end up wasting their talents … these Magnet programs really work with the students and can move them ahead at their own pace … which means she could, theoretically, be taking college courses, and earning college credits, while still in high school.”
 
Buffy looked back down at the flyer and nodded slowly … she never had that problem – being too bright for her classes. She wondered briefly if William had…before remembering the scene of the bullies telling him to keep his gob shut … he made them all look like gits. Yeah, he probably had been too smart for his classes.
 
“The world is shrinking … there will be endless opportunities in the future for bright people with language skills … Annie could be one of those people. It could open the whole world to her,” the teacher continued, trying to convince Buffy to place Annie in the program.
 
“Well, let me talk to Spi…my husband and, of course, Annie about it, but yeah – I think that would be a great opportunity for her,” Buffy told Mrs. Johnston, looking back up and meeting the teacher’s eyes. Buffy’s fake smile was replaced with one of gratitude and pride that their daughter had garnered such confidence from the teacher that she would’ve called in favors to get Annie admitted to the Magnet program.
 
“I’ll let you know tomorrow, okay?” Buffy asked, standing up.
 
“Sure … that would be fine,” Mrs. Johnston agreed, as she also stood up and both women headed out of the empty classroom.
  
**~**
  
Buffy walked out of the school with the flyer and headed to her car when she suddenly felt … something. She stopped and looked around the parking lot, but didn’t see anything unusual. Buffy started walking again slowly towards her car, trying to pinpoint the source of her unease. There was no blaming it on the Cuervo this time …
 
Buffy continued to scan the parking lot and surrounding area for something to blame her willies on … but couldn’t find anything. She was having a hard time nailing down the feeling … at times it felt kinda like a vampire was near, with a little tingle down her spine … other times it was just a feeling of general unease.
 
Just for her own peace of mind, Buffy walked completely around the school building … but still didn’t see anyone or anything out of place. By the time she got back to the parking lot, the feeling had passed.
 
One time she could blame on the drinks, twice could possibly be a coincidence … if it happened again, then that would definitely make it a pattern … an ugly pattern … perhaps like Rodney Dangerfield sports jacket pattern…
 
Buffy looked around one more time before getting in her car and leaving the school parking lot. She drove around the block slowly and came back, but still everything looked fine and the feeling didn’t return.
 
Buffy let out a long breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding and headed back to the mansion. She’d ask Spike if he had noticed anything else unusual … then tell him that their daughter was a language genius … that should make him strut like a peacock for a week, at least …
  
**~**
  
“¿Cómo estás?” Spike asked Annie as he and Buffy entered her room to tuck her in that night.
 
“Muy bien, gracias,” Annie replied with a smile.
 
“Well now, I believe you just eclipsed your mum’s knowledge of Español … and I tutored her for six bloody months…” Spike told his daughter with a smile as he sat down on the edge of her bed.
 
“Hey! That’s not true … I remember lots of Spanish … margarita, taco, quesadilla, bodega, nacho, rancho … San Jose …” Buffy defended with a laugh.
 
Spike looked at Annie and crossed his eyes and Annie laughed at his funny face.
 
“So, your teacher says that you’re bloody brilliant … a chip off the ole block, you are,” Spike told Annie with a smirk.

 
“She totally gets that from me, fang boy … I think she gets the obsession with chocolate from you,” Buffy teased.
 
Spike nodded but twirled one finger next to his temple then pointed to Buffy and Annie laughed again. “Haveta pardon your mum, Niblett, she’s been off her meds…”
 

“Papa! She doesn’t take any medicine …” Annie pointed out.
 
“The problem, precisely,” Spike joked. “See, bloody brilliant, you are.”
 
Annie smiled and rolled her eyes. “You’re silly.”


 
“Too true … but we did actually want to talk to you ‘bout sumthin, Niblett,” Spike told her, changing to a serious tone.

 “Annie, your teacher thinks you’d do really well in a Magnet program next year … one that teaches different languages. How do you feel about that?” Buffy asked her.
 
Annie shrugged. “Ok, I guess… would I have to … go away?” she asked them, looking worried.
 
“No … no, not at all, honey. It would just be at a different school – you wouldn’t have to go anywhere,” Buffy assured her. “Do you like learning other languages?”
 
“Sure … it’s fun. You can talk and no one knows what you’re saying! I told Billy Boxtner, ‘Tu sens le fromage,’ and he didn’t even know what it meant! He’s so dumb!”
 
Spike raised his brows. “He smells like cheese?”


 
“Stinky cheese … but they didn’t teach us the word for ‘stinky’ …” Annie clarified.
 
“Ahhhh … well, perhaps that’s best…” Spike said, looking at Buffy with a barely concealed grin.
 
“That wasn’t a very nice thing to say, sweetie … why did you say that?” Buffy asked, trying to not look at Spike and smile herself. Why did she always have to be the adult and point out the wrongness of stuff?
 
“’Cause he’s a big meanie,” Annie defended with a pout. “He said I have ‘stupid hair’!”
 
Buffy couldn’t contain a laugh at that remark. “I think that means he likes you, honey,” Buffy informed her daughter. “Boys have a funny way of showing it…”



“Did anyone ever say you had ‘stupid hair’?” Annie asked her mother.
 
Buffy looked at Spike and he rolled his eyes. “Oh, once or twice I guess…” Buffy assured her daughter.
 
“Ok, honey … I’m gonna tell Mrs. Johnston that we’ll go ahead and register you for that Magnet school, then … okay?” Buffy asked her daughter, changing the subject, and Annie nodded.
 
“Sure … maybe they’ll teach us the word for ‘stinky’.”
 
“Brilliant. Sweet dreams, Niblett,” Spike told her as he tucked her covers around her tightly and leaned down and dropped a kiss on her forehead. He lingered a moment and whispered, “Pepé Le Peu,” to her before pulling back and giving her a wink, his eyes dancing with amusement.


 
Annie looked a little confused for a moment, then it was like a light bulb went on over her head and she smiled and nodded conspiratorially before Buffy leaned in and also kissed her goodnight.
 
“Te quiero,” Spike called back as he and Buffy left her room.
 
“Te quiero,” Annie replied with a smile before he closed her door.
 
“What was all that about?” Buffy asked.
 
“I told her I loved her …” Spike replied.
 
“No … not that … the nudge, nudge, wink, wink stuff …”
 
“Oh, nuthin’ … just a little stinky French cheese to keep the gits away …”
  
**~**
  
Tuesday, July 20th, 2004:




{{Click here to hear Behind Blue Eyes by The Who on YouTube }}


 
“Did you know Giles could sing? I didn’t know he could sing … I mean, he’s singing … in public and it’s actually … not horrible …” Buffy rambled in a state of semi-shock as she and Spike sat at their booth in the back of the Bronze and listened as Giles sang and played guitar on stage.
 
Lorne had made Tuesdays, a typically slow night for the Bronze, ‘Open Mic Night’ and it seemed to be quite a success. There had been lots of people taking their place on the stage and exhibiting any number of talents … from magic tricks to singing to juggling.
 
At the moment, Giles was singing the classic, “Behind Blue Eyes” and playing acoustic guitar. 
 
“I mean, I’ve known him for how long and he’s never told me he could sing! That’s just wrong … he knows everything there is to know about me and I have to find out he sings and plays guitar like this … I mean, who woulda thunk it? Giles is a Limp Bizkit fan …”
 
Spike looked at her with raised brows. “The song was originally by The Who …” he informed her.
 
“Who?”
 
“The Who.”

Buffy looked at him with a furrowed brow and Spike rolled his eyes.
 
“The Who … Roger Daltry, Pete Townsend … Please tell me you’ve heard of The Who, Slayer.”
 
Buffy shrugged and turned her attention back to Giles. “Sure, they go along with The What, The When, and The Where … The Who … The first lesson in ‘Interrogation 101’, got it.”
 
“That’s it - I want a divorce,” Spike grumbled, shaking his head as he turned his attention back to Giles … making a mental note to make sure their children were schooled in the classics … The Who, The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, the Sex Pistols, The Byrds, Cream …  There was no way any children of his would think this was a Limp Bizkit song!
 
**
 
Giles joined Buffy and Spike after his song and, after assuring her that he had never heard of Limp Bizkit, ("Is that something that's served with tea in America?" he'd asked her with a disapproving look when she questioned him about it.) and Buffy scolding him for never telling her that he sang, the three watched a few more acts together. After a balding, fifty-something with a beer belly got finished singing “Do Ya’ Think I’m Sexy?”, Lorne called Spike for his turn on the stage.
 
Buffy looked at him with surprise. “I didn’t know you signed up … are ya gonna sing me a pretty song?” she asked with a sly grin, batting her lashes as she leaned towards him.
 
“Nope … not today, Slayer,” he informed her as he stood up. Spike leaned back down next to her ear and whispered, “Maybe a command performance could be had later … if you play your cards right.” Spike ran his tongue across his teeth seductively before turning and heading for the stage and Buffy grinned devilishly. A command performance, indeed…
 
Spike cleared his throat as he took the mic from Lorne and fought the butterflies in his stomach. He really didn’t think there would be so many people here tonight. He took a deep breath and tried to relax before bringing the mic up to his mouth.
 
“This is called ‘Te quiero’ … it’s for m’ girl, Annie,” he announced, a slight edge of nervousness creeping into his voice. He thought he had gotten past that fear when he recited his poems in the other dimension … but that little voice of doubt still lingered in his mind and began to grow as he looked around at the expectant faces in the club. This time there was no apocalypse to look forward to if they booed him … or worse, laughed.
 
Spike cleared his throat again and took another deep breath before locking his eyes on a folded paper he’d pulled out of his pocket and beginning.
 
“I watch as she makes her way in the world,
Running and laughing, dancing with a twirl,
Going places where I wish I could follow,
Her dearth leaves me feeling so very hollow.
 
“Is it wrong for me to wish that she would stay,
Where I can be near her every night and day?
She was born to soar … to walk on her own,
That this day would come, I should’ve known.
 
“The day that my Annie steps out of the door,
The day that she doesn’t need me anymore,
To hold her hand or wipe her tears,
Or to bring her comfort from her fears.
 
“Born, it seems like only yesterday,
When she was brought to into the pungent fray,
Of this lunatic fringe we often call life,
She is the best of us … me and my wife.
 
“Now those pieces of us have grown,
Into a lovely child, with a mind of her own.
What will happen with another blink of my eye?
She’ll test her wings … she’ll be ready to try.
 
“I’ll stand in the doorway, and I’ll kiss her goodbye,
And I’ll miss her and love her and try not to cry.
She’ll smile at me, blue eyes shining bright,
'Je t'aime, Papa …' she’ll call, as she soars out of sight.
 
“Te quiero, my beautiful girl…live your life in the light.”

Buffy and Giles, along with the rest of patrons, listened, enthralled by Spike’s deep, emotion filled voice and his heartfelt words. Buffy blinked back tears as she thought of the day that Annie would spread her wings and fly and be out of not only Spike’s reach, but hers as well. Buffy smiled sadly, recalling how much it physically hurt to give birth to Annie, Dani, and Billy … she knew that would be nothing compared to the day they had to let them go their own way. Every day gave her a new understanding of what her own mother must have gone through and how strong she was. Buffy wasn't sure what she'd do if one of her daughters was a Slayer ... she was sure she wouldn't accept it as gracefully as her own mother had.
 
As before, the end of Spike’s poem was met with nearly complete silence. He had focused on the paper in his hand, not really needing to read the words so much as just have something to look at other than the audience.
 
He was afraid to look up, so he simply put the mic back in the stand, stuffed the paper into his back pocket, and turned to walk off the stage when he heard clapping start from the back of the room. When he looked up, Buffy and Giles were on their feet, giving him a standing ovation and within seconds, the rest of the club joined them.
 
Spike pursed his lips together and smiled slightly as Lorne passed by him, patting Spike on the shoulder as he went to retrieve the mic and call the next entertainer to the stage.
 
“If you keep bringing down the house, Sweet Cheeks, they’re gonna start calling it the Platinum instead of the Bronze…” Lorne told him with a smile as he passed by.
 
“How about that guy!?” Lorne started when he retrieved the mic and the crowd erupted again with shouts and louder applause. Spike waved a hand at them as he made his way back down the stairs and off the stage.
 
Buffy was still standing up when he got back to their table and she wrapped her arms around him and gave him a sweet kiss.
 
“You’re amazing …” she whispered against his lips.
 
“That was beautiful…sad and depressing and kinda scary, but beautiful,” she told him as she pulled back to look into his eyes and give him a sweet smile.
 
“Thanks … I think,” Spike smiled back as she released her hold on him.
 
“Would you be a sweetheart and get me another ‘rita?” Buffy asked, sticking her bottom lip out in a pout and picking up her empty glass off the table.
 
“How could I resist that …” Spike teased, taking her empty glass with him to the bar.
 
“Ok …wish me luck!!” Buffy told Giles, crossing her fingers on both hands and holding them up in the air.
 
“You’ll do fine … just focus on your breathing - it’s just like slaying … only, well – not,” Giles tired to assure her as he sat back down and Buffy headed towards the stage.
 
She had gotten Lorne to help her with a song that she wanted to do for Spike … he was always doing things for her and she wanted to return the favor and surprise him with a song of her own. Butterflies fluttered around her insides as she made her way to Lorne. The act before her was just finishing and Lorne walked her up on the stage and gave her a reassuring smile as he handed her the microphone.
 
Ok, you can do this … you can do it … oh, God … I don’t think I can do it … Buffy thought as she tried to focus on breathing … which suddenly seemed quite difficult, like perhaps someone had taken all the oxygen out of the room.
 
The music started and Buffy had to decide … walk off the stage like a chicken or go through with it … since she was pretty sure she wasn’t poultry, she cleared her throat and announced, “This is for my husband, Spike …”
 
Spike was just getting ready to order her drink at the bar when he heard her and he turned around with a confused look to see what was going on. Buffy caught his eye and smiled at him and suddenly everyone else melted away and there was just them … the butterflies fluttered away … the oxygen came back into the room and the song that she’d worked on for the last week came from her lips… 

{{Click here to hear Rose McGowan sing “Fever”, from the TV series ‘Charmed’ on YouTube }}

“♫Never know how much I love you,
Never know how much I care,
When you put your arms around me,
 I get a fever that's so hard to bear

“You give me fever - when you kiss me,
fever when you hold me tight
Fever - in the morning,
fever all through the night.
 
“Now you've listened to my story,
here's the point that I have made:

"Fever - till you sizzle, what a lovely way to burn.
What a lovely way to burn.
What a lovely way to burn.♫”

“Spike! Hey man … whaddya want?” Joe, the bartender asked for the third time.
 
“Huh?” Spike asked, looking away from Buffy momentarily and at the ‘intruder’ that had broken into the ‘bubble’ that they two of them were in.
 
“What. Do. You. Want?” Joe asked again, slowly enunciating each word as if talking to someone who didn’t speak good English.
 
“Uh …” Spike cleared his throat and looked back at Buffy, who was just walking down off the stage as the audience applauded. “Uh … nothing mate…got what I want comin’ this way…”


 
Spike walked quickly up to Buffy and wrapped his arms around her, lifting her up off her feet and taking her lips in a ‘fevered’ kiss. Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss just as feverishly … their tongues dancing against each other, pressing, exploring … demanding.
 
“Need you…” Spike whispered against her lips as he started walking with her in his arms out of the club.
 
“Wait …Giles,” Buffy managed to say.
 
“No…” Spike stopped and pulled back from her, looking confused.
 
“I need to say goodnight to Giles,” Buffy clarified with a smile. “Put me down a minute…”
 
“Oh … yeah – right,” Spike stammered, putting her back on her feet.
 
Buffy nearly ran over to their booth to bid Giles goodnight.
 
“Gotta patrol … good night, Giles,” she said quickly.
 
“Patrol? Ah, yes… I’m sure that was the desired effect of that song …to get Spike ready to patrol,” Giles mocked, rolling his eyes.


 
“Oh … totally!” Buffy assured him with a serious look and a nod before turning and hurrying back towards Spike.
 
She grabbed Spike’s hand as she rushed past and they both ran out of the club and into the warm night air. Spike pulled her around by the hand and her body crashed against his. He wrapped his arms around her again and took her lips in a hungry kiss.

 
 
You give me fever - when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight, Buffy sent to him through their bond as Spike’s lips devoured hers, his tongue probing and tasting her mouth as he held her body against his.
 
So bloody hot, you are … need you … need you now, Spike sent back to her as he reached down, lifted her up by the hips and pressed his erection against her throbbing pussy through their jeans as she wrapped her legs around his slim waist.
 
When you put your arms around me, I get a fever that's so hard to bear, Buffy sent back to him as she pulled away, unhooked her legs from around his waist and dropped down to her feet.
 
She giggled and started running down the alley away from the club. Spike took off after her in a second … he knew he’d catch her soon enough, but the view of her gliding through the dark alley – her grace, her speed … her fire as she ran made his cock strain even harder against the confines of his jeans. He loved watching her move … whether it was walking across a room or fighting a demon or running like the wind … it all turned him on.
 
Buffy laughed as she ran ahead of Spike. “Catch me if you can,” she called back over her shoulder as she ran down the alley behind the Bronze, dodging around boxes and dumpsters and leaping over puddles. After a few blocks, she turned and headed towards Restfield Cemetery, looking back over her shoulder periodically to catch a glimpse of Spike. She knew he could run faster than that … she thought it was cute that he always let her outrun him, even when she wasn’t running full speed.
 
When Buffy turned the corner and entered the side entrance of the cemetery, she stopped abruptly and pulled a stake out of the waistband of her jeans as she looked around cautiously. Spike, unaware that she had stopped, ran into her when he turned the corner a couple of seconds later and they both tumbled to the ground.
 
“Bloody hell …” he muttered. “Should signal ‘fore stoppin’ like that, Slayer,” he told her, picking himself up off the ground and offering her a hand up.
 
“Vamp …” Buffy said in explanation as she took his hand and pulled back up to her feet, still looking around the cemetery. Spike looked around too as he pulled a stake out of his waistband, as well.
 
“This way …” Buffy whispered as she started moving further into the cemetery. As the pair rounded the corner of one of the large crypts, they were met by three vamps. One was a fledge, which Buffy dusted easily, but the other two were older and attacked Buffy and Spike with fists and fangs.
 
Buffy was elated! She hadn’t had a decent slay in what seemed like ages and she took on the larger of the two vampires as Spike morphed into game face and lunged with his stake at the other and the fight was on!
 
Spike wasn’t happy for the interruption of what had promised to be a feverish patrol … but he loved any chance to watch Buffy slay. He loved sparring with her, but to watch her fight, to smell her adrenaline, to hear her heart race, and her pulse quicken as she fought for real was something he’d never tire of.
 
Spike made quick work of his foe, who appeared to have been more of a bookish vamp than a fighter, and turned to watch Buffy. She was giving as good as she got with the larger vamp … he was obviously the muscle of the duo and a much more talented fighter.
 
Buffy hit him with a roundhouse kick and sent him stumbling back against a tombstone, but he recovered as she reached him and punched her in the stomach, knocking the air temporarily out of her and doubling her over.
 
Buffy let the vamp close in on her, she was still doubled over, holding her stomach with both hands and moaning loudly. Spike leaned back against the crypt and smirked… he’d seen this trick a time or two … he fell for it himself once or twice during sparring sessions.
 
As the vamp reached for her neck, Buffy suddenly straightened with more speed than should’ve been possible and plunged the stake into his heart. The vamp’s eyes went wide with surprise just before he disintegrated into dust.
 
God, that was bloody brilliant! Spike thought as he pushed off the crypt wall and started towards her.
 
“Dumb ass!” Buffy exclaimed with glee as she turned to look for Spike. “You know, you’d think they’d learn that trick after a while … it’s almost too easy,” she told him with a smile as she started walking towards him.
 
“I could watch you fight all night, Slayer …” Spike told her as they met halfway.


 
“Uh-uh … I have other plans for you tonight,” Buffy growled as she pushed him back against a tombstone and sucked his bottom lip into her mouth. Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled her body against his and Spike wrapped his arms around her … her scent, her heat, her desire was driving him crazy and he returned her kiss eagerly.


 
He’d already been crazy with lust for her when she sang that song. Buffy sang a song – for him, to him, in public! Not in the shower, not a little snippet on the training room floor or a whispered lyric while they danced … but a bloody randy song in front of everyone. That had started it, then to see her fight that vamp just added fuel to his fire – he had to have her and it needed to be now!
 
“Crypt,” Buffy murmured breathlessly against his lips and Spike picked her up by the hips and headed for the door of the crypt, kicking it open and then back closed behind them, never breaking the kiss, their lips fused together in mutual desire.
 
Spike set Buffy down on the sarcophagus in the center of the room and started undoing his belt, but Buffy’s hands on his stopped him. She jumped down off the tomb and took over the job of undressing him. Her hands moved deftly and easily as she tugged his belt loose and unbuttoned his jeans, running her hand down the outline of his denim covered cock before carefully unzipping them.
 
Buffy slid her hands down his hips … his skin was so soft, his muscles so hard beneath … she moaned involuntarily as her hands moved down past his hips to drop his jeans in a pile at his feet. Spike toed his boots off and then pulled free of the jeans as Buffy ran her hands back up his hips then around his back, tickling her fingertips lightly across the swell of his ass.
 
Spike moaned as her fingers traced lines of fire on his skin, his cock jumped and throbbed and ached for her. He had to be inside her; not being inside her was going to make him spontaneously combust at any moment, he was sure of it.
 
Buffy watched Spike’s face as she trailed her fingertips over his skin … up and down his hips, around his ass and back again. Then up under his t-shirt as she pressed it up and pulled it over his head as he held his arms up for her. She traced her fingertips back down his muscled chest and abs and Spike moaned as the fire she was kindling threatened to burn out of control.
 
Buffy took Spike by the shoulders and reversed their positions, pressing him against the sarcophagus. “Sit …” Buffy whispered to him as she pushed him back and Spike lifted his body up with his arms and sat on the hard top of the tomb.


 
Buffy ran her hands down his chest one more time before dropping her mouth down to his cock and circling the engorged head with her hot tongue.
 
“Ahhh, Christ!” Spike exclaimed as his hands tangled in her hair and his hips jerked against her. Buffy licked a slow line down the underside of his rod to his balls and back up, flicking her tongue all along the length of him and Spike moaned and clenched his eyes shut as he fought to maintain control. Everything she did made him want her more, if that was physically possible. He felt as if not having her pussy engulfing his shaft soon would surely be the death … the ultimate death … of him.
 
Buffy smiled seductively and pulled her mouth and hands away from him. She wanted him as badly as he wanted her…but she’d made a plan for tonight and she hated to toss it aside completely – no matter how much her body screamed at her to screw the plan.
 
Buffy backed up a couple of steps from him and began humming the tune to the song she’d sung earlier. Spike opened his eyes and watched her as she began slowly unbuttoning her blouse, swaying her hips to the slow rhythm…
 
“♫Never know how much I love you, Never know how much I care,” she sang softly as she continued to unbutton her blouse, moving her hands slowly down her body.
 
Spike sat and watched her – spellbound; mesmerized by her beauty, by her voice, by her movements … by the words she sang so seductively to him.
 
“♫When you put your arms around me, I get a fever that's so hard to bear,” Buffy sang as she slid her shirt off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor behind her. She ran her hands slowly over her body, across her white lace bra and down her stomach to the waistband of her jeans.
 
Spike licked his lips as he watched her. Her golden skin was covered in a thin sheen of perspiration … her hands gliding over her body made his own hands jealous, and he had to hold onto the edge of the tomb’s lid to keep them from reaching for her.
 
“♫You give me fever, when you kiss me, Fever when you hold me tight,” Buffy continued as she unhooked her jeans and slid the zipper down with a slow, deliberate motion as her hips continued to sway from side to side in a slow rhythm.
 
Spike took a deep breath and ran his tongue over his teeth hungrily as Buffy slid her hands under her jeans and down. She went slowly … excruciatingly slowly … revealing her white lace thong to Spike little by little.
 
“♫Fever in the morning, Fever all through the night,” Buffy continued as her jeans dropped to the floor and she kicked her shoes off and the jeans with them.
 
Buffy’s hands ran back up her thighs, up across her abs and stopped at the hook in the front of her bra. Spike’s eyes were riveted on her body … yes, he’d seen it thousands of times … but it didn’t matter. It always made him suck in a sharp breath … always filled him with awe and longing and always, always captivated him.
 
“♫Sun lights up the daytime, Moon lights up the night,” Buffy crooned as she turned around, putting her back to Spike, and unhooked the bra, letting it slide off her shoulders.
 
Spike followed it with his eyes until it hit the floor before looking back up as she turned around to face him again. Her arms were crossed over her chest, covering her tits, and Spike bit his lip as he waited for her to reveal more to him.
 
“My eyes light up when you call my name, 'Cause I know you're gonna treat me right,” Buffy sang in a low voice as she slowly uncrossed her arms, dragging her hands across her skin. She stopped when her fingers reached her nipples and circled them lightly, causing them to stand up even harder.
 
“Bloody hell…” Spike muttered as he sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes, trying to control his urge to simply grab her and take her right then.
 
Buffy smiled … her plan was definitely having the desired effect … Spike’s cock was at full attention and still jumping with each new thing she did. His face was awash in lust and love and adoration and his blue eyes shone brightly, even in the dim light of the crypt, as they followed her every movement.
 
She hadn’t been sure when she started this if she could finish completely without just grabbing Spike and taking what she needed from him … she wanted him so badly, especially after that excellent slayage earlier. Her pussy ached and throbbed and her juices covered her slit and her thong … but her control had been worth it … she was driving him out of his ever-loving mind, just as she had hoped.
 
“Fever,  when you kiss me, Fever when you hold me tight,” Buffy continued singing slowly as she slid her hands down her body and hooked her thumbs under the sides of her thong.


“Fever, 'til you sizzle, What a lovely way to burn,” she finished singing as she pushed down on one side, then the other of her thong, slowly inching it down her thighs.
 
Everything was threatening to overtake Spike’s control. As her thong slid down her legs, and the scent of her arousal grew stronger, he lost the battle with himself. Spike growled deeply as he jumped down off the sarcophagus, grabbed Buffy by the shoulders and pulled her to him, ravaging her mouth with his.
 
Yes! Spike … God, yes! Buffy encouraged him through the bond as she wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss with just as much abandon.
 
Spike picked her up and turned them around, dropping her roughly down onto the hard top of the tomb and yanking her panties the rest of the way off her legs.
 
“Make me burn …” Buffy demanded of him as she spread her legs for him to join her on the narrow slab.
 
Spike needed no further urging … he was already burning … burning from the inside out it seemed, and only Buffy could satisfy the flames of his desire.
 
Spike was on her in a heartbeat, pushing into her heat with barely contained lust as she lifted her hips up to meet his. Buffy gasped as he entered her – her throbbing pussy pulsed and quivered around his cock and Buffy cried out as a small orgasm flared out over her body. Her back arched and her legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him into her with unbridled desire as the flames licked up from her core and sent chills across her skin.


 
Spike began moving his hips against her harder and faster … there would be no slow tonight … no easy lovemaking, no tender touches. She had driven him past that … his thirst for her was unquenchable; his desire to be buried deep within her was uncontrollable; his need was like a tinderbox on the verge of igniting and setting them both burning out of control.
 
Their bodies crashed together like two freight trains running at full speed … it was violent and primal and exactly what they both wanted and needed at that moment. Spike’s demon came up uncalled as he drove his manhood into her with all his strength … she’d driven him past all control, past even wanting to try to maintain control.
 
Buffy clung to Spike as he thrust into her … his cock filled her as he took as much as he gave … fanning her desire and sending her dancing in the red hot flames of her own lust. She felt his demon come up and his strokes into her got more frantic and wild. His pubic bone crushed against her clit with each stroke and sent molten embers of ecstasy cascading out from her core.
 
Everywhere the embers touched down ignited her passion in bright orange flames and Buffy screamed out as her body was completely engulfed in them. Her body convulsed under Spike, her pussy trembled and tightened around his cock as she came with the power of a thousand wildfires.
 
When she screamed out, Spike dropped his mouth to her neck … as his hips continued slamming in and out of her tight channel. She hadn’t ask him to bite her … he had no invitation to do so … but he couldn’t stop it – the demon had to have a taste of her blood, just as the man had to have her body.
 
Spike’s fangs sank into her neck and Buffy’s fire was suddenly being fanned by the Santa Ana winds … they whipped and swirled and lifted the flames higher and higher – spreading their heat in all directions at a frantic pace. Like flames over drought plagued hills, there was no stopping the orgasm that consumed her.
 
Buffy’s body sucked air deeply into her lungs, but as soon as the much needed oxygen was there, the fire within her used it to fuel itself and lift higher yet as she danced among the burning embers of her orgasm for what seemed a lifetime.
 
As the first drop of Slayer blood touched Spike’s tongue he slammed deep into her tight channel one last time and he came hard and long. His nectar filled her and spilled out, covering them both with their combined juices. His body tensed and he growled savagely against her skin as his cum continued to spill into her while her body engulfed him in her flames.
 
As the flames slowly died down until all that was left were tiny, glowing embers, Spike morphed back to his human face and tenderly licked Buffy’s wounds to seal them and stop the bleeding. He suddenly worried that Buffy would be upset at him for biting her without an invite … he’d never done that before, but she’d never driven him that crazy with lust before, either.
 
Buffy moaned as Spike’s tongue licked at her hot skin, his body now resting down against hers as her arms and legs held him captive atop her. She wished whoever kept taking the oxygen out of the air would quit already as she struggled to replenish her depleted body.
 
Spike finished and raised his head up to look at Buffy’s face. Her eyes were closed but she had a look of complete bliss on her flushed face as a small smile played at the corner of her lips. Buffy opened her eyes and locked on his as her smile widened. Spike dropped a soft kiss on her lips and pulled back, searching her face for any sign that she was upset with him for the liberty he took by biting her.
 
“You ok?” he asked, figuring that could cover any number of meanings.
 
“Mmmhmmm … perfect,” she murmured back to him, pulling his head back down and kissing him again.
 
“You’re not gonna … you know, gather up your clothes and run off then?” Spike asked … remembering the last time they’d used this particular crypt over six years ago. He’d purposely avoided it since that night when she left him dazed and confused on the floor and run off to her mom’s house.
 
“No … we agreed, you got to take care of the surprise ending this time,” Buffy told him with a small smile as she traced a finger over the bite mark on her neck.
 
“Sorry ‘bout that …” Spike started and Buffy pressed her finger to his lips.
 
“I like your surprise better …” she whispered to him. “Much better... ♫What a lovely way to burn …”
 
**~**
 
The man followed the pair to the club and waited outside … perhaps he would get his chance tonight. It seemed to take forever for them to come out … but then, he’d been waiting a long time already … a few hours wasn’t much in the grand scheme of things.
 
He’d missed his chance yesterday morning at the school by hesitating … he didn’t want to make the same mistake again.
 
He ducked behind a dumpster when they came running out the side door into the alley. He could hear them moving around and then he heard their footsteps running in the opposite direction. “Catch me if you can …” she called and the man’s shoulders slumped.
 
He left his hiding place and followed behind far enough to not be seen. At the cemetery, he ducked behind a large bush across the street from the entrance and watched as the pair fought and dusted three vamps. They were both talented fighters, there was no doubt about that … although the girl did have a dirty side to her, tricking the vamp into thinking she was injured and then staking him. He’d have to remember that for the future … just in case.
 
When the pair scrambled into the crypt and slammed the door, the man ventured across the street and into the cemetery … ducking behind headstones as he came closer to see what was going on now. He heard what sounded like singing … but couldn’t quite make it out, so he snuck closer … up to the window and peeked in.
 
The man pulled away and pressed his back against the wall immediately at the sight of the girl stripping for the already nude vampire. He stood perfectly still, not 100% certain what to do…when he heard her screams he nearly jumped out of his skin. Peeking back in the window, it became obvious that they weren’t screams of pain, but of pleasure.
 
The man covered his ears and darted from tombstone to tombstone, working his way out of the cemetery and back to the street. He stopped and looked back at the crypt … now silent and dark – then up and down the deserted street.
 
Perhaps he’d just go back to the lot across the street from the mansion and wait for their return… it seemed clear that he wouldn’t get a chance tonight, either.

{{Click here to hear ‘Sugar and Spice’ by The Searchers on YouTube }}

Sugar and spice and all things nice
Kisses sweeter than wine
Sugar and spice and all things nice
You know that little girl is mine

Everybody stops and stares at my baby
When she's walkin' down the street
People passin' by just look at my baby
'cause my baby looks so sweet
You know she's..

Sugar and spice and all things nice
Kisses sweeter than wine
Sugar and spice and all things nice
You know that little girl is mine

Every time we kiss I get that feelin'
Every time we simply meet
When I see her smile I get that feelin'
'cause my baby looks so sweet
You know she's..

Sugar and spice and all things nice
Kisses sweeter than wine
Sugar and spice and all things nice
You know that little girl is mine
Never ever known a girl so lovely
Sweet enough to want to eat
Everybody's crazy 'bout my baby
'cause my baby looks so sweet
You know she's..

Sugar and spice and all things nice
Kisses sweeter than wine
Sugar and spice and all things nice
You know that little girl is mine

**~**


Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
 
“What’s all this?” Buffy asked Spike as she walked down the stairs into the basement of the mansion.
 
“Just some stuff …” Spike hedged as he turned away from what he was doing and stepped in front of her to keep her from advancing off the stairs.
 
Buffy looked over his shoulder at the video game equipment he had been setting up when she came in … complete with the special ‘gaming’ chairs and a big screen TV.
 
“Just some stuff, huh?” Buffy asked, cocking a brow at him. “Some stuff for you and Annie to play video games on, maybe?”
 
“Maaaybe …” Spike acquiesced with an eye roll as he moved out of her way.
 
Buffy looked around the corner of the basement that he’d set up. He had a thick, soft rug on the floor, along with two of those gaming chairs that the kids like, plus a sofa, a small refrigerator for drinks and snacks, and all kinds of different equipment for the games which was beyond Buffy’s grasp …
 
Buffy reached down and picked up a shopping bag from BestBuy and dumped out at least twenty different video games …
 
“They’re very educational …” Spike defended. “Look, this one can be done in five languages … you have to answer questions and riddles in the proper language to get points …” he told her, picking one of the games up.
 
Buffy pursed her lips together and nodded slowly as she surveyed the area. He must have spent a fortune on this stuff …
 
Finally, she looked back at him and smiled softly. “Spike, Annie loves you – you’re her father. You’re not going to lose her love ‘cause you can’t go to her T-ball games and beat the shit out of Mr. Anderson …”
 
Spike rolled his head back and sighed before meeting her eyes again. “I know that, Buffy … I just … it’s just that … well …” Spike stopped and took a deep breath before starting again. “You get to do everythin’ with her outside, I just wanted something for us to do together that she likes, too. And I can do this … I’m bloody good at it, and so is she.”
 
“Why don’t you teach her how to spar? Do something active with her instead of this couch potato stuff,” Buffy questioned, waving her arm at the video game equipment. She had serious doubts about the validity of any educational premise of these games … or the hand-eye coordination thing that Spike kept on about.
 
“She don’t like that stuff … you know that! She likes dancin’ and tumbling and playing dress up with her dolls. This is the only thing we both like to do inside,” Spike defended, his hands going to his hips.
 
Buffy sighed and looked around the area Spike had made. Spike was right. Annie really had no interest in learning how to fight … even watching ‘The Karate Kid’ or ‘Dragon Ball’ didn’t peak her interest in learning karate, or even prompt her into kicking some furniture, as it seemed to with other kids.
 
Annie loved gymnastics and ballet class, stories, books, and computer games, and playing dress-up…mostly girly stuff, and Spike could only take having his fingernails painted “Bubblegum Pink” or “Apple Passion Red” so many times without some serious fights at Willy’s.
 
Buffy shook her head and looked back at Spike. “I know you won’t let her play any of those really violent games, right?”
 
“Oh, like the ones ‘bout vampires, witches, demons, or werewolves? Nothin’ realistic, then,” Spike quipped.
 
Buffy looked at him and rolled her eyes again…how in the world would their kids ever be able to fit into polite society and live a normal life? It’ll be a wonder if they aren’t all hauled off to the asylum for doing nothing more than talking about their home life.
 
“Right … nothing too realistic … and no bunnies! If Anya saw any bunny games, she’d never let JJ in the house again …” Buffy informed him as she leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.
 
“You’re a good father, Spike … Annie loves you, we all love you. You don’t have to buy out the whole store …”
 
“Unless it’s Jimmy Choo’s … or Ghirardelli’s?” Spike asked with a smirk.
 
“Of course … shoes and chocolate are in a totally different category …” Buffy agreed as she headed back towards the stairs. “Feel free to buy out either of those stores if the urge strikes you …”
 
**~**
 
“Mama! Mama!” Annie squealed as she ran into the kitchen later that night lugging a gallon of milk with both hands. “Guess what! Guess what! You’ll never guess what!”
 
“What!?” Buffy asked her, grabbing the milk from her hands before it hit the floor. She’d sent Spike and Annie to the store before dinner to pick up a few things, like the milk, that they were out of.
 
“Papa let me drive!” Annie exclaimed, jumping up and down with a huge grin on her face.
 
“WHAT!? Drive … the shopping buggy?” Buffy asked Annie, her eyes going wide in fear that her daughter wouldn’t be that excited about driving the shopping buggy.
 
“NO! The car!” Annie squealed, twirling in circles in front of Buffy. “I drove the car!”
 
“The CAR!? SPIKE! Where the fu… SPIKE! Where are you!?” Buffy called, walking out of the kitchen to find him.
 
“SPIKE! What the fu… what … drive the car?! You let her drive the car!? She can’t touch the pedals!” Buffy exclaimed, her hands on her hips, when she saw him sauntering in from the garage loaded down with the rest of the groceries she’d sent them for.
 
“Relax, Slayer …” Spike answered her with a smirk. “I worked the pedals … she sat on my lap and worked the wheel. It was only two blocks right ‘ere by the house, not in bloody traffic.”
 
Annie ran back out of the kitchen and grabbed one of the bags from Spike’s hands. “Can we do it again!?? It was fun!” she gushed as she ran the bag into the kitchen.
 
“You let a five year old drive the DeSoto … do you know how many laws that breaks? Not to mention the fact that you don’t even let me drive the DeSoto!” The last part was what really hurt Buffy’s feelings the most.
 
“I’m an excellent driver!” Annie exclaimed as she came back to where they were in the great room and grabbed another bag from Spike.
 
Buffy cocked a brow at Spike but Spike just shrugged. “’S true …” he told her sheepishly. "She obviously got 'er drivin' skills from her old man."
 
Buffy rolled her eyes and shook her head. Spike wrapped his free arm around her waist and pulled her against him. “I’ll let you sit in m’ lap and drive anytime, Slayer …” he whispered against her ear and Buffy had to fight to keep the smile off her face.
 
“You’re such a goof,” Buffy told him before dropping a kiss on his lips. “I’m gonna hold you to that, ya’ know.”
 
“I’m lookin’ forward to it …” Spike waggled his eyebrows suggestively before giving her a hard squeeze and releasing her so he could take the last bag of the ‘few things’ that Buffy had sent them to the store for into the kitchen. There may have been some additional things added to the list once they were there …
 
“Ok, Rainman … go wash up for dinner,” Buffy called to Annie as she followed Spike into the kitchen to put everything away.
 
**~**
 
As Spike and Buffy were putting the last of the groceries away, they heard shrieking coming from upstairs – it was Annie. They both raced out of the kitchen and up the stairs following Annie’s screams of distress to her room.
 
They got there at the same time Willow and Tara did, who had heard her from down the hall, and the four of them nearly collided at Annie’s door, but Spike won the battle for the doorway and reached Annie first, grabbing her up and looking around the room for an attacker.
 
“WHAT! What is it?!” Buffy asked her daughter as she, Tara, and Willow finally made it into the room and began looking around, as well.
 
Annie pointed a shaky finger towards the corner of the room where Hallie-rat’s cage was. “Minnie! Minnie’s gone!” Annie screamed through tears as she clung to her father. The adults had let Annie name Hallie-rat and she’d named her “Minnie Mouse”.
 
Buffy walked over to the cage where ‘Minnie’ had been, the door was open … it looked like Annie had forgotten to latch it securely after feeding her that morning. Buffy hated rats and the thought of one running around the house made her skin crawl, even one that used to be a human. She took a deep breath and got down on her hands and knees and looked under the bed, but there were no beady eyes staring back at her from there.
 
“Check the closet …” Buffy said to no one in particular and Tara and Willow both opened the closet door slowly and starting poking around with a baton into the corners and behind things, but Minnie wasn’t there, either.
 
Buffy looked at Miss Kitty Fantastico, who was curled up snuggly at the foot of Annie’s bed, seemingly oblivious to the hoopla going on around her. “You don’t think …” Buffy started, looking from the cat up to Spike and back down again.
 
“No … no, no! Miss Kitty loves Minnie!” Annie screamed as she buried her face against Spike’s neck and shoulder. Spike ran his hand down from her head, smoothing her hair, all the way down her back then started patting her softly like she was a baby.
 
“It’s ok, Niblett … I’m sure Minnie’s just out for a bit of a walk and she’ll be back soon,” Spike assured her. “Calm down now … you’re gonna have yourself sick. It’s ok … shhhhh,” he murmured against her ear as he continued to pat her back and held her to him.
 
Buffy looked at Willow and Tara. “Maybe you could do a locator spell?” she asked them, hopefully.
 
Willow and Tara both made faces that didn’t look encouraging, but agreed to try … they’d never tried to locate an animal before, even one that had formerly been a person.
 
After half an hour of trying, the witches finally gave up – Hallie-rat, aka: Minnie Mouse, was either not here anymore, or their locator spell wouldn’t work for non-humans.
 
Annie sagged against Spike’s chest as the witches apologized, gathered their supplies, and put them back up. Buffy put a hand on Annie’s back and looked into Spike’s eyes; he shook his head slightly and Buffy dropped a kiss on Annie’s head then headed back to the kitchen to get dinner for them, leaving Spike and Annie alone at the research table.
 
It had been such a wonderful day up to that point. All new video game equipment and games right here at home, then getting to drive the car ‘all by herself’ and then this. Minnie Mouse was gone …
 
“Ok, Niblett … that don’t mean nuthin’,” Spike assured her as he smoothed her hair back from her tear streaked face. “You know that twaddle don’ always work.
 
“Minnie mighta’ run off to Disneyland … you know, Mickey’s there waitin’ for her, yeah? And they’ll live in the castle and make lots of baby mouses and have lots a’ fun riding the rides and scaring the tourists …” Spike tried to assure her.
 
Annie frowned and picked her head up to look in his eyes. “She wasn’t the real Minnie … I don’t think she knows about Disneyland or how to get there,” Annie informed him sadly.
 
Spike mentally rolled his eyes … of course Annie wouldn’t buy that cock-n-bull story. Spike pulled Annie back against his shoulder and kissed the top of her head.
 
“Sometimes things happen, Niblett … we don’t mean them to, we don’t want them to, but they just do anyway. I’m sorry about Minnie … I’m sorry you’re sad. I’d do anything in the world to keep you from ever bein’ sad, but that’s not how this bloody world works …” he told her. “It’s not all sugar and spice … sometimes things don’t go our way and we lose things that we love.”
 
Annie nodded against his shoulder as she drew in a ragged breath and wrapped her arms tighter around his neck.
 
“Did you ever lose anything you loved?” Annie asked him, her face still against his shoulder.
 
“Sure, baby girl, we all do…” Spike assured her. “Like your grandmums when they passed …”
 
“What do you do to make the sad go away?” she asked him, lifting her face up to look into his eyes.
 
“Ahhhh, well, you just keep goin’, pet, you put one foot in front of the other and day by day the hurtin’ is less. Then a day will come that it only hurts when you really think about it … then one day you finally stop thinkin’ ‘bout it all the time,” Spike advised her. “And, after a while, you can think about the fun things and, you’ll still feel a little sad, but you can be happy for the good times that you shared, too.
 
“C’mon, sweet girl, let’s go get the littlebits and see what your mum’s cooked up for dinner … whaddya say?” Spike asked her. When she didn’t respond he added, “And then we can have some of those Oreo cookies and milk that we got earlier.”
 
Annie brightened slightly at the mention of the Oreos and nodded, released her hold around his neck, and then crawled down off his lap.
 
It broke Spike’s heart to see her sad like this, but wasn’t that part of growing up? He really would do anything to keep her from hurting, but it was something every child went through – usually more than once. He vowed to protect her, but learning these hard life lessons was something he couldn’t protect her from no matter how hard he tried …
 
**~**

“Once upon a time,” Spike started as he and Buffy tucked Annie into bed later.
 
“There was a beautiful girl with long, dark hair that fell in curls around her angelic face,” Buffy picked up.
 
“And she lived in a castle with strange creatures, like kitties and mice and crabs, and she loved the strange creatures very much,” Spike continued.
 
“Until one day, one of the creatures went away, and the beautiful girl was …” Buffy added before looking to Annie for her to add to the story.
 
“Very sad because she missed Minnie Mouse very much … and she looked everywhere but couldn’t find her,” Annie contributed to the story.
 
“But the beautiful girl knew that it was possible that Minnie just wanted to go on holiday and that she might just now be hopping on a boat to India …” Spike filled in. “And when she arrived in the faraway land, she’d go to the Karni Mata Temple and be treated like royalty.”
 
“She’d be well fed and worshiped by all the people and live happily for the rest of her days,” Buffy added. “And the beautiful girl will …”
 
Annie twisted her mouth around and scrunched her nose up as she thought before finally saying, “… miss her bunches. But will put one foot in front of the other and try to not be sad that she left – but it won’t be easy.”
 
“And soon the beautiful girl won’t be sad anymore and she’ll live happily ever after … ‘cause her family loves her very much,” Spike finished.
 
“I love you, too,” Annie told them.
 
Spike dropped a kiss on her forehead and stood up and Buffy did the same.
 
“Good night, sweet girl,” Buffy whispered to her as they left her room and closed the door behind them.
 
“Where do you really think Minnie …err, Hallie is?” Buffy asked Spike as they headed down the hallway.
 
Spike shrugged. “Could be ‘round here anywhere … beady little eyes watchin’ us …” Spike told her, looking up and down the hallway.
 
“Do you think Miss Kitty might’ve, you know … eaten her?” Buffy asked him, scrunching up her nose.
 
“Pfffttt,” Spike snorted. “The poor cat would’ve been sick for a week if it ate that bloody bitch.”
 
Buffy laughed and rolled her eyes. “Well, if she runs across my foot in the middle of the night, I can’t guarantee her safety … I can handle lots of things, but rats aren’t one of them.”
 
**~**

Buffy and Spike entered the front door of the Magic Box just after closing time. They had made plans to meet Giles there and do some training with him before heading out on patrol.
 
“Ahhhh … there you are,” Giles started as Buffy and Spike suddenly took off running through the shop, through the back room and towards the back door. Spike flung the back door open and they both ran back out of the shop into the alley.
 
“Hello, Giles … How are you today?” Giles mocked in the empty store as he walked to the back and closed the door behind them. “Fine … and you? Oh, good – good to hear. So glad we could have this visit … next time don’t stay so long … you’re wearing out your bloody welcome…”
 
Before Giles could get back into the front room of the shop, the bell on the front door clattered loudly and he heard Spike yelling at someone. “You bloody well better start talkin’, Percy!”
 
Giles came up to the front room to find Spike holding a very frightened looking man by the back of his collar. The man wasn’t very big … about as tall as Spike, but not nearly as well muscled, perhaps thirty years old with sandy brown hair and wire rimmed glasses. He wore a gray tweed suit over a white shirt and a gray tie. No doubt about it … he was from the Council of Watchers.
 
About the time Giles got close to Spike and the Watcher, Buffy entered the shop out of breath. “Oh, good – you got him,” she panted, trying to catch her breath.
 
“What is the meaning of this?” Giles asked looking at the trio.
 
“This git’s been following us for days,” Spike asserted. Spike started to shake the Watcher when suddenly he was thrown back away from him. Spike hit the wall behind him, knocking countless magical do-dads down off the shelves as he hit.
 
“Bloody hell,” he murmured as he picked himself back up. “Must be a soddin’ witch too …”
 
“No, Spike … it’s the demon anti-violence spell on the shop,” Giles informed him.
 
Buffy grabbed the man’s arm as he tried to make his way back towards the door of the shop. “No need to leave so soon … we haven’t been properly introduced,” she told him.
 
“I’m Buffy and this is Spike … and this is Giles,” she continued, waving her free hand at Spike and Giles as she spoke. “And your name is?”
 
When the man just looked at her with frightened eyes, Buffy started to twist his arm up behind him, but she was also tossed back away from him and against the same wall that Spike had hit, knocking even more inventory off the shelves.
 
“Fuck! This spell sucks, Giles!” Buffy exclaimed as she started to get back up.
 
Spike started for the man again but Giles stopped him. “If you two keep on, there will be no inventory left for me to sell,” he informed them as he grabbed the man’s arm and finished what Buffy had started, twisting his arm up behind him.
 
“Now then, shall we start over?” Giles began. “Who are you?”
 
When the man didn’t answer, Giles twisted harder and nearly lifted the man up by his arm behind his back. The man screamed out in pain and tried to pull free, but Giles’ hold was solid.
 
“Not mute, anyway …” Spike observed. “We know you’re a Watcher … can smell the bloody bangers ‘n mash and musty old books on ya from here!”
 
“What’s your name and what are you doing here?” Giles asked again.


 
“Horatio …” the man started through grit teeth. “Horatio Faraday.”
 
Giles eased up on his arm slightly. “Very good … now, what are you doing here?”
 
“Nothing! On holiday. Let me go!” Horatio demanded, pulling against Giles.
 
“Don’t think you’re in any position to be makin’ demands, Hornblower,” Spike informed him, moving closer to the Watcher.
 
“Let me take him out back … betchya I can get some answers right quick,” Spike offered as he brought his demon face up and leaned in close to the Watcher’s neck. “Haven’t had any decent bangers ‘n mash in a bloody decade …” Spike told him, sniffing lightly at the man’s skin.
 
“N-noo,” Horatio stammered, pushing back against Giles to try and get away from Spike, but Giles stood firm and wouldn’t let him move away from Spike’s threat.
 
“What are you doing here?” Giles repeated his question as Spike’s fangs got within millimeters of the Watcher’s skin. Spike was careful to not actually touch him, lest he be knocked on his ass again by the anti-violence spell.
 
When the Watcher still didn’t answer, Giles jerked his arm up again hard. “Do you know what happens when a vampire and a Slayer join forces?” Giles asked him and the Watcher jerked his head quickly from side to side.
 
“Well, I believe you’re about to find out …” Giles informed him as he yanked the man backwards towards the back room of the shop with Buffy and Spike following at their heels.
 
“No! Fine! Don’t!” Horatio yelled, pulling against Giles and trying to grab onto anything … furniture, walls, countertops – anything to keep from being dragged out of the shop and away from the protection of the spell.
 
Giles had made it halfway through the back room with the Watcher when he took him and tossed him against the padded wall on the training side of the room.
 
“Start talking …” Giles demanded as he stood with Buffy and Spike on either side of him and stared down the frightened man.
 
Horatio stood back up and held his hands up in surrender. “I am from the Council of Watchers …” he started.
 
“Tell us sumthin’ we don’t know,” Spike interjected.
 
“I am not on holiday …”
 
“Well, duh!” Buffy said, rolling her eyes. “No one comes to Sunnydale for a vacation … except vampires and mentally deficient Watchers …”
 
“I was … well, as it turns out, I would like to have a word with the Slayer,” Horatio told them as he smoothed his clothes out and straightened his collar.
 
Buffy folded her arms across her chest and tilted her head. “You came all this way to have a ‘word’ with me? I hate to tell you, but there’s a new fangled invention called the telephone … you should look into it.”
 
“Been following us for a bloody week, you have,” Spike informed him. “Coulda ‘had a word’ anytime …”
 
“Alone … need to have a word with the Slayer, alone,” Horatio told them, looking at Buffy. “Some things simply can’t be discussed properly on the telephone.”
 
“If you want to talk, I suggest you start soon, ‘cause you’re really starting to annoy me,” Buffy informed him, her arms still folded across her chest.
 
“Please … if we could just, ummm ….” the Watcher started, looking at the back door, then thinking better of that and looking at the door that led into the shop. “Perhaps we could have a private word in the shop …” he suggested, sweeping his arm towards the door.
 
Buffy looked at Giles. “Where do they get these dumbasses from? Do they have a special test they have to fail in order to become Watchers these days?”
 
“I say I just eat ‘im and be done with it …” Spike intoned, taking a step closer to Horatio.
 
Giles looked at the Watcher, who was starting to look nervous again. “I suggest you speak your peace now, Faraday … Slayers have notoriously short attention spans … you do not want her to get bored with you.”
 
Horatio gulped and nodded nervously, running a finger under his suddenly too tight collar. “Yes, well … ummm, you see, the thing is, I was sent by the Council to observe your children … particularly the eldest girl … the Council holds a special interest in her, you see.”
 
Spike started to growl involuntarily at the mention of their children, his hands balled into fists at his side as the Watcher talked. He'd just been playing with the ponce until then ... but his anger was building higher and higher the longer the Watcher talked.
 
“It is quite probable that the girl called Anne Joyce will be a Slayer herself, one day … and with the magical coupling of a vampire and a Slayer … it’s well … ummm,” the Watcher gulped slightly, he could see that his message wasn’t being taken well by any of the others in the room.
 
“Well, it’s likely that she’d be the most powerful Slayer ever known … and with the added benefit of her ability to open portals with her blood …”
 
The Watcher didn’t get another word out before Spike sprung on him. He knew what was coming next … ‘we need to study her’ or ‘we would like to take her back to England for testing’ or ‘we’d like to make her into a bloody lab rat’. Spike got in one good punch before the anti-violence spell flung him off the Watcher, but he was back up in a second and advancing again.
 
Giles beat Spike to the Watcher and shoved him against the wall at his back. “Please do go on …” Giles told him as he wrapped the man’s tie around his hand until it tightened like a noose around the Watcher’s neck.
 
The Watcher struggled to breathe and scratched at Giles’ arm to try and get free. When his face began turning purple, Giles loosened his grip slightly and the Watcher gulped in a deep breath of air.
 
When the Watcher could finally speak again he said, “This is why I was told to talk to you alone, Ms. Summers…”
 
Giles tightened his grip again and twisted the tie tighter around the Watcher’s throat. “Her name is Weckerly … perhaps someone at the Council should make a note of that … W-E-C-K-E-R-L-Y … it’s an old English name … it shouldn’t be too hard to remember.”
 
The Watcher started turning purple again and began pulling on Giles’ arm to get loose, but Giles’ grip was firm. “Have I made myself clear?” Giles asked him. When the Watcher nodded vigorously, Giles loosened his hold again slightly.
 
“You think that I would, what? Let you take my daughter with you? Let you make a super-Slayer out of her or something?” Buffy asked him indignantly.
 
“You’re a Slayer … you understand the calling – the importance of the mission … you understand the need to serve the greater good,” the Watcher intoned. “Your daughter could make a real difference … and if she were to have a daughter …”
 
Buffy laughed humorlessly. “You’re out of your fucking mind!” she exclaimed, dropping her arms to her sides and coming closer to him so her face was within inches of his. Giles continued to hold him by his necktie, not allowing Horatio to move away from her.
 
“You go back and tell Quentin that if he so much as sneezes on any of my children, he’ll regret it for the rest of his life … which will be dreadfully short and will meet a very violent end.
 
“Don’t fuck with us … I swear on everything I hold dear that I will not let you turn my children into lab rats and I most certainly will not allow any of them to serve your greater good!”
 
“But, Ms. S..,” the Watcher started before trying to cover and correct himself, “..isus Weckerly, if she becomes a Slayer…”
 
“FUCK THAT!” Buffy exclaimed, pointing a finger at his chest. “That will NOT happen! I refuse to let that happen! We’ve given all we can give to the greater good; I’ve died for it more than once! We will not give our daughter, too!”
 
“You can’t stop it if it’s meant to be …” Horatio pointed out.
 
“You’re a Watcher … you can just watch me,” Buffy told him, her voice low and threatening.
 
“Get him out of my sight before I forget my manners and kill the messenger …” Buffy told Giles as she backed up away from them and pushed Spike back, too.
 
Giles pulled the Watcher by his necktie towards the back door. Spike started to follow, but Buffy held him firm.
 
“You’re just gonna let ‘im go?” Spike questioned, waving his free arm at the pair making their way towards the door.
 
“He needs to be alive to deliver the message …” Buffy told him.
 
“Sod that! I can deliver the bloody message to the wankers in person and tie it up with a bow …” Spike told her, pulling against her hold.
 
“Let him go, Spike … we don’t need to start a war with the Council … they have hundreds of Slayers now … more than we can fight,” Buffy pointed out. “Let him deliver the message …”
 
After a few minutes Giles came back in the back door, wiping blood off his knuckles with a handkerchief.
 
“What happened?” Buffy asked, moving towards him and taking his hand in hers to survey the damage.
 
“He attempted to attack my fist with his face,” Giles told Buffy, pulling his hand back. “Don’t worry…I’m fine.”
 
Buffy rolled her eyes and shook her head but Spike smirked and nodded. “Bloody wanker…”
 
“Buffy,” Giles started in a serious tone as he stuffed his handkerchief back into his pocket. “What he said about Annie … it may be true – she may be a Potential.”
 
“I know that, Giles,” Buffy said, dropping her hands down to her sides. “Don’t you think I’ve thought of that, myself?”
 
“And?” Giles prompted.
 
“And … and there has to be a way to stop it, to block it. I figured I had time to find a way – she’s only five!”
 
“Do you think that’s wise?” Giles asked her.
 
“I think it’s wiser than letting her become a Slayer. I have to be a mother first … and as a mother, I would never want my daughter to be a Slayer. It’s … it’s dangerous and stressful and full of secrets. Your nights are spent in cemeteries instead of out on dates, your days are spent training instead of cheerleading or goofing off and hanging out with your friends.
 
“It’s impossible to have a normal life when you’re a Slayer. The one thing I wish for my children is they have happy, healthy, normal lives …”
 
“That may not be possible,” Giles advised her.
 
“Maybe, maybe not … we’ll just have to see, won’t we?” Buffy told him with a shrug.
 
Giles frowned but nodded his agreement, although he couldn’t see any way to stop Annie from becoming a Slayer if it was her destiny. Perhaps if things were as they had always been … with just one Slayer at any given time, even if it was in Annie’s blood, it’s possible that she would’ve never been called. But as it stood now, all Potentials became full-fledged Slayers in their teens.
 
**~**
 
Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
 
The next night, Buffy walked with Spike to Willy’s for his weekly poker game with Clem and the boys. Buffy liked Clem … despite Spike’s accusations that he cheated at cards, he’d always been nice to her, so she stopped in to say ‘hi’ before she headed off for a short patrol before she headed back home.
 
The patrons of the bar had gotten used to seeing Buffy in there and, for the most part, paid her no heed. The kind of demons that hung out in Willy’s were generally non-violent, except maybe with each other after having a few … but they posed no threat to the general populace, so Buffy (and Spike) left them alone.
 
“Oh hey, Spike! Buffy!” Clem called when they entered the back room of the bar where the card games were held.
 
“Hi, Clem!” Buffy replied with a smile. “How’s it been goin’?”
 


“Can’t complain! Well, I could, but no one ever listens, so why bother?” Clem told her. “Bugle?” he asked, offering her a bowl of Bugle snacks.
 
“Uh, no … I’m trying to cut down on my intake of musical instruments,” Buffy smiled.
 
“Yeah … I should, too … it seems to go right to my skin,” Clem agreed, setting the bowl down on the table.
 
“Sorry to hear about Annie’s rat runnin’ off …” Clem offered. “You know – there’s lots of them nasty critters down by the docks … I could get you one – you could put it in the cage and say hers came back.”
 
“I appreciate that, Clem, but, you know that one was kinda special – I’m not sure a wild wharf rat would really work out …” Buffy told him.




 
Buffy leaned in and whispered, “To tell you the truth, I’m kinda glad it’s gone … rats give me the wiggins.”
 
Clem scrunched up his face, nodded, and whispered back, “Me too … I much prefer kittens … rats taste … ratty.”
 
Buffy laughed and pulled back. “Don’t you hate it when that happens? Like fish tasting all fishy?”
 
“Oh, don’t get me started!” Clem agreed, rolling his eyes and laying a hand on her arm.
 
“Ok, it was great to see you, Clem … please don’t take all of Spike’s money … he’s saving up to buy out the Ghirardelli store for me,” Buffy told him with a smile as she started back towards the door.
 
“Oh … ok, well, I’ll be sure to leave him a tabby or two.”
 
“It’s you that’ll be fundin’ that chocolate store takeover, mate. You and the rest of you unlucky losers …” Spike informed Clem and the rest of the demons gathered for the game.


 
“See you later, baby,” Buffy said to Spike as she passed and started out the door.
 
Spike grabbed her arm and pulled her back against him. “What? No good luck kiss?”
 
“Didn’t think you needed luck … ‘it’s a game of skill’ I believe is what you said before,” Buffy told him with a smile.
 
“Well, a little luck never hurt,” Spike informed her as he took her lips in a soft kiss, which she deepened by pulling his head down, pressing her body against his and devouring his lips with hers.


 
When she pulled away to breathe, Spike whispered, “With that kinda luck, I won’t need any bloody skill.”
 
Buffy laughed and dropped another quick peck on his lips before turning and leaving the room.
 
“I still don’t know how you do that, Spike … I mean, she’s nice enough, but her skin’s so tight and those lips…they’re so pink and all…ugh!” Clem declared, shaking his head in disgust, as Spike sat down at the table.
 
Spike smirked. “Well, we all have to make sacrifices in life; it's my cross to bear, I reckon.”
 
**~**
 
It had been a slow night on patrol for Buffy. She’d already done a sweep of Lakeside Cemetery and Restfield and hadn’t met one vampire. She was taking a quick run through Shady Hill when that same feeling of being watched came over her. It tingled up her spine and for a moment she thought it was a vampire near, but then decided it felt just like earlier when Faraday was watching them.
 
“Fucking Watcher …” Buffy muttered under her breath as she continued to walk slowly through the cemetery and tried to pinpoint where the idiot was. Apparently, their little talk with him … and his attempt to pummel Giles’ fist with his face, hadn’t made the impression that they’d hoped.
 
After Buffy circled the perimeter of the cemetery twice, she concluded that he was circling one of the larger crypts in the center … mirroring her movements and staying just out of sight.
 
Buffy took off running, heading towards the front of the crypt, then suddenly changed direction at the last moment and went around the other way. Sure enough, she ran right into her stalker who had started moving around the crypt away from her original path.
 
When Buffy ran into him, they both tumbled to the ground, but Buffy was back up in an instant and moving towards him, her hands balled into fists as she prepared to make a deeper impression on him and send him back to the Council with an even stronger message – one written in black and blue.

 
“God damn it, Faraday! What do I have to do to get you to leave us alone?!” she demanded as she rounded the edge of a tombstone that he had crawled behind.
 
When Buffy got to the back of the tombstone, she stopped short … her lungs suddenly stopped working and her eyes went wide with shock …

“Oh my God!! Angel?!”

{{Click here to hear ‘The Long and Winding Road by The Beatles on YouTube }}

The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I've seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to you door

The wild and windy night
That the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
Crying for the day
Why leave me standing here?
Let me know the way

Many times I've been alone
And many times I've cried
Anyway you'll never know
The many ways I've tried

And still they lead me back
To the long winding road
You left me standing here
A long long time ago
Don't leave me waiting here
Lead me to your door

But still they lead me back
To the long winding road
You left me standing here
A long long time ago
Don't keep me waiting here
Lead me to your door
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

**~**


Two Weeks Ago:
 
“What the hell?!” Joe exclaimed as the trawl net opened above the deck of the large ship, spilling its contents onto the heavy conveyors used for sorting of the various fish and prawns that were usually snared.
 
This time, in addition to the fish, a large, metal shark diving cage dropped out of the net and broke apart at the welds when it hit the conveyor and bounced off onto the hard deck below. That wasn’t all that unusual, over his thirty years as a trawl boat fisherman, he’d seen many unusual things drop out of the net – what he’d never seen before was a man.
 
Joe hit the emergency shutoff and everything stopped immediately – all the conveyors stopped moving and the nets stopped lifting the catch from the sea up onto the deck. Usually, when the emergency shutoff was engaged, that meant someone had been caught in the conveyor belt … or some part of someone, usually an arm or a hand – so everyone else on board converged on the area to see what had happened.
 
“What’s going on?” the captain asked as he hurried down from the bridge of the ship to assess the damage – every second the nets weren’t hauling up fish was costing him money.
 
As everyone gathered around, Joe indicated the broken shark cage and the man that had apparently been in it.
 
“Is he … dead?” the captain asked, moving forward toward the man. He didn’t know how he couldn’t be dead … the water where they were trawling was over three hundred meters deep and cold as a witch’s tit – or so his father used to say.
 
Suddenly, the dead man moaned and rolled over – his hair was long and straggly as was his beard, what was left of his clothes, a white shirt and black trousers, were torn and tattered – he had no shoes on at all.
 
“HOLY SHIT!” Joe and the captain both exclaimed as they jumped back from the man.
 
Angel blinked against the bright sun and coughed the salt water from his lungs as he tried to get his brain to focus on what was happening. Was this another hallucination? He’d had so many, he couldn’t be sure. Then he heard the men start yelling ... he covered his ears against the suddenly too loud noise and closed his eyes again, blocking out the bright sun that was blinding him.
 
When something touched him, Angel jumped back and scurried on hands and knees across the deck, slipping on the wet, fish-covered wood to get away. He scrambled behind a large, wooden crate and sat with his back against it and drew his knees up to his chest, covering his head with his hands and arms. Surely, this new dream would pass soon and he could go back to the quiet serenity and black abyss of the deep water that he called ‘home’ of late.
 
“Hey man … are you – okay?” Joe asked Angel as he approached him slowly and reached a hand out to touch him.
 
Angel growled and his game face came up when Joe touched him. Suddenly, Angel could smell something other than salt water and fish … he could smell humans – the demon could smell food. Joe flinched back from Angel when he growled, but Angel used every ounce of energy he had and pounced on the unsuspecting man, burying his fangs deep in Joe’s throat as he pinned him to the deck.
 
All the other men started yelling and came running to Joe’s aid, kicking and hitting and pulling at Angel until they ripped him off their friend and threw the vampire back against one of the safety rails on the edge of the deck. Angel growled as he stood back up and faced his attackers. Blood ran down his chin into his beard and he swiped at it with his fingers, bringing every drop he could up to his mouth as he stood in a low crouch, ready to spring at the next human that got within reach.
 
The demon had nearly forgotten what food was …how it smelled, how it tasted and that small amount he’d gotten from Joe only whet his appetite for more.
 
“What the hell is that thing?” one of the men asked as they surrounded him and watched Angel suck the blood from his beard and fingers into his mouth.
 
“Whatever it is … it needs to go,” another man said as a group of six men walked slowly towards Angel. Each man had picked up a weapon of some sort as they advanced on Angel – clubs, harpoons, spear guns.
 
Angel growled again and sprang at the closest man, but the others began beating him and stabbing him with their weapons. Angel screamed in surprise and pain, despite the wounds healing almost as quickly as they were inflicted, the harpoons tearing his flesh and clubs breaking his bones were still painful.
 
He released the man he had attacked and retreated quickly away from the group as their assault on him escalated. Angel ran full speed into the safety railing at the edge of the deck and flipped over it – falling several stories to the near freezing water below.
 
The men gathered at the railing and looked down. “Whatever it was – it’s definitely dead now …”
 
**~**
 
“Daddy’s gone on holiday to the seaside without inviting us, my Spike,” Dru pouted as she sat next to Angel on the white sand beach.
 
“Bloody wanker, reckon he never did have any manners,” Spike empathized as he sat cross-legged on the other side of Angel in the sand.
 
Angel shook his head and tried to sit up – his face and body were caked in sand and he spit to get the grit out of his mouth to no avail. He heard water lapping against the shore behind him and crawled slowly back towards it … immersing his body in the water and rinsing the sand out of his mouth and eyes …
 
Angel opened his eyes and looked back at Spike and Dru, who were both in old-fashioned Victorian bathing suits sitting on the white sand beach.
 
“W-what’s going on?” he asked them as he blinked his eyes, trying to focus.
 
Spike rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I told ya’ – he’s gone sack a’ hammers, Dru … let’s just dust him and get on with our lives …”



 
“Now, Spike … that’s not polite. It’s still Daddy – You are still Daddy … aren’t you?”
 
“Are you real?” Angel asked her as he struggled to stand up.
 
“Poor Daddy,” Dru pouted as she stood up and extended a hand to Spike. “C’mon, my Spike … Daddy’s gone swimmin’ with the shiny fishes and they’ve nibbled off bits of his mushy, pink brain …”
 
Spike stood up and lunged at Angel with a stake. Angel leaned away from it and fell backwards into the water and the stake in Spike’s hand stabbed nothing but air.
 
“Bugger!” Spike exclaimed as Dru tugged on his arm.
 
“Bad doggie! There will be no strawberries n’ cream for you!” Dru scolded Spike as she pulled him away from Angel.
 
“Wait!” Angel called after them as he got up and started stumbling weakly after them. “Wait! Who are you?”
 
Suddenly, Spike and Dru were gone and Angel was standing alone on the beach. He dropped to his knees and covered his face with his hands … he couldn’t figure out what was real and what wasn’t.
 
“What’s the matter, sweet boy?” Darla asked, kneeling down next to Angel in the sand.



 

Angel sighed and met her eyes with his. “I’m … I’m lost – I don’t know where I am. I should get home, sister will be worried. Can you show me?”
 
Darla shook her head sadly. “You must find your own way,” Darla told him softly before she too vanished.
 
Angel dropped the rest of the way down into the sand and laid on his side as he hugged his knees to his chest and closed his eyes, wishing for this latest nightmare to end. The water lapped against his back as the sun beat down on him and, before long, his skin began turning red in the California sun.
 
If he could just figure out how to get home … then everything would be alright.
 
**~**
 
“Hey, dude! What’s the 411?”
 
Angel opened his eyes to see a young blond man standing over him with a surfboard under one arm. Angel scrambled to stand up and move away from the man – despite the wonderful aroma of ‘food’ he was putting off, Angel’s less than successful encounter with the ‘food’ on the ship was still fresh in his mind.
 
“Dude … are you like shipwrecked?” the surfer asked him. “That would be totally awesome! Did you have any, like bales? That would be bitchin’ – I could soooo use some primo ganja!”
 
Angel looked at the surfer with confusion then started walking quickly away from the ocean, away from the confusing man, and up towards the road. He looked back every few feet to make sure the man wasn’t following him as he hurried away as quickly as he could in the deep sand, stumbling often as he made his way across the wide expanse of beach.
 
“You must find your own way …” the blonde woman had told him … Okay, he could do this – he’d just find something that was familiar – a landmark or something, then he’d know how to get home.
 
When Angel reached the road he stopped and looked up and down, but didn’t see anything that seemed familiar. Then he saw them – the pair from the beach earlier – he could just see them on the horizon as they walked down the road to the right. Since nothing else looked familiar, he turned to the right and began walking in that direction, as well, but kept his distance; he didn’t like that man at all and the woman, although nice enough, seemed peculiar.
 
After walking for nearly an hour he stopped and studied a large green sign that stood next to the road.
 
Oceanside … 1 mile
Sunnydale … 20 miles
San Diego … 50 miles
 
Angel read the sign over and over again … Sunnydale, Sunnydale … he needed to go to Sunnydale. He didn’t know why, but something inside him told him that he needed to go to Sunnydale. It was the first time since starting this … whatever it was … journey? dream? … that he felt the least bit certain of what he should do.
 
“Hey Dude!” came from a station wagon with a surfboard on top of it that pulled up next to Angel on the road. “You like, need a ride, man?”
 
Angel looked in the car – it was the same blond guy that thought he was shipwrecked.
 
“Uh … Sunnydale?” Angel answered him cautiously.
 
“Dude! You don’t wanna go there! That’s one zombie-fest on crank! That is one seriously fucked up E-ticket ride!” the surfer informed him.
 
Angel tried to figure out what the guy was talking about … but gave up quickly.
 
“Sunnydale,” he said again.
 
The surfer just shook his head before speeding away, leaving Angel standing alone on the side of the road. Angel looked at the sign one more time before he started walking again … Sunnydale was definitely where he needed to go.
 
**~**
 
Angel trudged along the side of the road, stopping to rest frequently in the underbrush off to the side or in culverts that ran under the road. He met a few other people as he walked, and even though they mostly smelled like food, he avoided them, unsure of what might happen if he dared another taste. He assured himself that he could get food when he got home … when he got to Sunnydale.
 
Dru and Darla walked with him from time to time during his journey … he still didn’t know their names, but was happy for the company and happy that the blond man that had tried to stab him never came with the peculiar brunette again.


 
Angel wasn’t sure how long he’d walked – days? weeks? – when he finally made it to the colorful sign that said, “Welcome to Sunnydale”. It was after dark as Angel walked through the quiet neighborhood streets towards downtown. Anyone else that was out on the sidewalk crossed to the other side of the street away from him. Angel was glad for that … it meant he didn’t have to spend the extra energy to avoid the people – they were avoiding him. He kept his eyes averted from them – only hazarding quick glances around just to make sure no one was approaching.
 
Before he got downtown, he came to Restfield Cemetery and stopped at the entrance – this was starting to look familiar. Surely he wasn’t too far from home, now. When he saw the sign for Revello Drive he turned and continued walking past houses, parks, and cemeteries – it all looked familiar now, but nothing looked exactly like home.
 
He stopped short as he came to 1630 Revello Drive … this was it! This must be what he was looking for! Angel approached the house slowly … there were lights on inside and he could hear voices. He slipped around to the side of the house and climbed up the tree there to the roof – he wasn’t sure why he did that, it just seemed like the thing to do. He tried to lift the window, but it wouldn’t budge. He pushed on it harder, but couldn’t get the window to open.



 
As he stood there trying to figure out what to do next, a light came on in the room and Angel moved to the side of the window, out of the light.
 
“Here we go, big boy,” Xander said as he laid JJ down in his crib and covered him with his blanket.
 
“Once upon a time, there was a boy named JJ that lived in Sunnydale. The boy grew up to be strong and smart and a great middle linebacker,” Xander spoke softly as he stroked his son’s dark hair and looked down at him with love and a certain amount of wonder. They had created this beautiful child … he and Anya; it was still a mystery to Xander how he got so lucky to have both a gorgeous and loving wife and such a handsome son.
 
“He got a scholarship to college, where he got all “A’s” in Rocket Science, and he broke all the records at the school for most tackles, most sacks, and most interceptions run back for touchdowns,” Xander continued with a smile.
 
“Then, after graduating early and with honors, he was drafted number one overall by the worst team in the NFL. In his rookie year, he broke all NFL records, just like he had in college, and his team won the Superbowl after he recovered a fumble and ran it back for a touchdown in the last seconds of the game,” Xander continued.
 
“He got all kinds of endorsement deals, his picture was on every billboard and magazine imaginable – he was even on the Wheaties box. He was on the Today Show and ESPN and even Oprah … He got his old man an invitation to the Playboy mansion … but he couldn’t go, ‘cause, well – bunnies,” Xander laughed lightly and rolled his eyes.
 
“He bought his mom a new car for every day of the week and a beach house up on a hill overlooking the ocean in Malibu – far away from the Hellmouth. The star football player met a beautiful girl and fell madly in love and she adored him and his family, who were now retired and living full time at the beach house.
 
“The football player and his girl got married in a beautiful ceremony at a castle in Monaco, which her parents loved, ‘cause they didn’t have to pay for it, and his parents loved because – duh! they got to go to Monaco … and they all lived happily ever after,” Xander concluded as JJ’s eyes closed.
 
“Sleep tight … sweet dreams,” Xander whispered, dropping a kiss on his son’s head.
 
As Xander turned to leave JJ’s room, he thought he heard something move outside the window. Xander walked over and looked out. “HEY!” Xander yelled in surprise as he saw a shadowy figure on the roof outside.
 
Xander quickly grabbed JJ up and headed out of the room. Anya had come out of their room when she heard Xander yell and he handed JJ to her as he barreled down the stairs, grabbed his trusty wooden baseball bat, which had the handle end sharpened into a stake (it was his multipurpose bat – it worked equally well for humans or vampires), from behind the front door, and headed outside.
 
When the light came on, Angel pressed against the side of the house and stood as still as he could while he listened to the man talk. His voice seemed familiar, but something was wrong – he just couldn’t figure out what it was. As Xander finished, Angel started to move back off the roof, but his foot slipped and he nearly fell. When he heard Xander yell, he jumped down off the roof, but in his weakened state, he didn’t land on his feet, instead he bounced and rolled onto his back.
 
Angel was trying to get up as Xander rounded the side of the house with the bat. “HEY!!” Xander yelled again. “The cops are on the way!” Xander told him, which may or may not have been true – the Sunnydale cops were notoriously and purposely late to any call.
 
Angel scrambled back to his feet and climbed up and over the neighbor’s fence before Xander could get to him with the bat. On the other side of the fence, two feist dogs growled and barked and latched onto his ankles. Angel kicked and swatted at them as he made his way across the yard, finally kicking the dogs off as he clambered up the fence on the other side and away from them.
 
He could hear Xander coming from the front and Angel turned and began running away from him, through backyards, over fences, trampling flowerbeds, and crashing through shrubbery until he finally came to another road and ran with all his strength until he was sure he was no longer being pursued.
 
Angel collapsed behind a dumpster; pulling cardboard boxes over himself in case anyone happened by. That hadn’t worked out as he thought it would … he was sure that was the right house – but that wasn’t his family in it. Exhaustion finally overcame him and Angel fell into a fitful sleep as he tried to piece together all the confusing bits and bobs of the last days.
 
Angel stayed hidden behind the dumpster the whole next day, waiting until it was dark before venturing out again. He wasn’t sure which way to go … other than not back the way he came, so he walked down back roads and alleys, avoiding as many people as possible – he wasn’t too keen on meeting more people, they all wanted to hurt him, it seemed.
 
He was able to catch an unsuspecting rat in one of the alleys as it fed on some Chinese food in a dumpster. The taste of the rat’s blood wasn’t as good as that of the man’s on the ship, but it was food and it made him hungry for more. He spent most of that night hunting rats in the alleys … his quest for home temporarily forgotten.
 
After sleeping behind another dumpster the next day, Angel began walking again the following night, trying to find anything familiar. He came to a sign that read, “Crawford Street” and turned on it heading away from the center of town.
 
After walking for some ways, he suddenly felt a tingling down his spine. It was like nothing he could remember feeling before – at once frightening and exhilarating. When he heard voices coming from the house he was standing in front of, he moved across the street and ducked behind some bushes of the empty lot.
 
A pair of blondes ascended from the garden of the house to the street and began walking in the direction that Angel had just come from. Angel recognized the man from the beach – it was the same man that had tried to stab him. But he knew as surely as he knew his name was ‘Liam’ that the tingling on his spine was coming from the woman with him … that must mean something important.
 
Angel decided he would wait for the blonde woman to be alone before approaching her … he wasn’t sure how many more attacks he could endure. Surely she would be able to tell him how to get home.
  
Back to current, Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
 
“Angel!?” Buffy exclaimed again as Angel huddled behind the tombstone. He wanted to see her … this was what he’d been waiting for the last few days, but now that he was face to face with her, he wasn’t so sure this was a good idea, after all.
 
Buffy moved towards him slowly … her senses told her it was Angel … but her eyes weren’t so sure. Why hadn’t she recognized that feeling earlier? Perhaps because he was supposed to be twenty thousand leagues under the sea … not in Sunnydale stalking her … again.
 
Buffy studied him, his normally well kept hair was long and ratty, hanging past his shoulders, and his features were hidden by a thick, unkempt, dark beard, his brown eyes were sunken and his once well-muscled body was barely more than skin and bone. He looked like a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps that she’d seen in history books; barely more than a walking skeleton.
 
Angel pulled his knees to his chest and covered his head with his arms and hands as he cowered against the tombstone. When her hand touched his arm he flinched and started to scramble away on all fours, but Buffy grabbed his arm and held him firm.
 
“Angel! Stop!” Buffy commanded as he struggled against her grasp. “Stop!”
 
Angel finally stopped pulling against her and he lifted his confused and weary eyes up to hers. “Liam …” he said softly.
 
“What?” Buffy asked as she released her hold on him.

 



“My name is … Liam,” Angel told her, his voice still barely above a whisper.
 
“Liam … right,” Buffy agreed, looking at him with confusion. “What’s my name?”
 
Angel looked at her, searching her face with his eyes, before shaking his head. He didn’t know.
 
“How did you find me?” Buffy asked him as she went down to her knees next to him.
 
“Walked … a long way … not sure now,” Angel told her. “Can you help me get home? I’m sure my sister is worried – I’ve been gone a long while …”
 
“Your sister …” Buffy repeated, her brow creased in confusion. Angel killed his sister – along with the rest of his family, long ago.
 
“Yeah … ummm, well, maybe in a little while …” Buffy started to say when a vamp came up behind her. Buffy felt him at the last moment and swung her stake around, catching him in the chest and raining dust down on her head as he disintegrated.
 
When she turned back around, Angel was scrambling away … just getting to his feet to take off running again.
 
“Ang … Liam! Wait!” Buffy called as she jumped up and rushed after him. She grabbed his wrist and pulled him to a stop, but he kept pulling against her and started swinging his free arm at her face. “Liam! Stop!” Buffy yelled at him as she ducked his punch.
 
“No … bad – bad men everywhere!” Angel informed her, still trying to get free and swinging his other fist at her.
 
“Angel … Liam, please stop and listen!” Buffy grabbed his other wrist as he swung at her and pulled him back to face her.
 
“No … bad men,” Angel repeated, looking at her with frightened eyes and trying to pull away.
 
“Ok … it’s ok. Bad man go ‘poof’,” Buffy told him, releasing one of his wrists to make a motion with one hand as if tossing sand in the air.
 
“Poof …” Angel repeated slowly as he stopped struggling, looking from her hand back to where the vamp had been.
 
“Yeah, ‘poof’ … as in exactly what Spike is gonna do to you when he sees you …” Buffy muttered to herself as she tried to think what to do now. She could call Cordy … but if Angel decided to bolt from them or fight them, they’d never be able to hold him. Even in his weakened state, he was still a vampire and still had vampire strength – although certainly not as much as he’d had before.
 
“Yes! Yes … this is the girl!” Angel suddenly turned to the side and started talking to an invisible person.
 
“Yes, I’m sure. No … no, you’re wrong,” Angel told his unseen friend, shaking his head adamantly.
 
“Liam, who are you talking to?” Buffy asked, waving her arm in the air in the direction he was facing, just to make sure there wasn’t an actual invisible person there.
 
“My friend … she walked with me …” Angel told Buffy.
 
“Ahhhh…good – imaginary friends are good …” Buffy said, rolling her eyes and sighing deeply. She had to get him somewhere safe until she could figure out what to do next. Maybe if he had some blood, he’d get a little more lucid.
 
“Okay, we’re gonna go to the school … you remember the high school, don’t you, Liam? We had big fun there before … fighting The First and all with that pretty necklace you gave me,” Buffy told him as she took him by the elbow and began guiding him towards the high school. “No one will bother you down in the basement … no one ever goes down there anymore.”
 
“I need to get home,” Angel protested lightly as he let her guide him out of the cemetery and down the sidewalk towards the school.
 
“I know … I’ll work on that. But right now, you need to get some of your strength back, ok?” Buffy told him and Angel nodded his agreement.
 
What the fuck am I going to do now?! Buffy thought as she guided him down the sidewalk towards the high school. Spike will kill him and probably me too if he finds out I helped him …
 
The Slayer dream with Angel saving Annie and JJ from the unseen shooter flooded Buffy’s mind … then morphed into Cordy on her knees begging Buffy to help her find Angel. After all these years living in Sunnydale, Buffy knew there were no coincidences on the Hellmouth … she had to help Angel now so he could help Annie and JJ later – of that one thing, she was now sure. How she would convince Spike of that remained a mystery to her, however.
 
She thought about calling Cordy again … maybe … maybe if Buffy helped them get him up to L.A., they could lock him in that cage in the basement at the Hyperion until he got better.
 
Suddenly, Angel pulled away from her and ducked in behind a large bush next to the sidewalk. Buffy rounded the back side of the shrub to find him cowering behind it, curled up into as small a ball as he could get.
 
“Ang … Liam, what’s wrong?” Buffy asked as she knelt beside him.
 
“People ... bad.”
 
“People?” Buffy questioned, looking back towards the sidewalk. There was a young woman walking down the sidewalk towards them – that was the only ‘people’ Buffy could see.
 
“You’re afraid of people?” Buffy asked him, her brow furrowed in confusion again.
 
“People hurt … don’t let them see me, that’s best,” Angel answered quietly, his eyes full of fear as they met hers.
 
“But you’re not afraid of me …” Buffy pointed out.
 
“You’ll help me get home … I can feel it here,” Angel told her running his hand to the back of his neck.
 
Buffy sighed. “Ok … the people, uh, person, is gone. C’mon, it’s not far – I won’t let anyone hurt you, ok?” she asked him as she stood up and offered him her hand.
 
Angel looked at her, unsure. “Are you sure?” he asked her, still hiding behind the bush.
 
“Yes … I’m very sure. Trust me …” Buffy told him.
 
She felt like a hypocrite saying that to him … she was the one that dumped him to the bottom of the ocean, she was the one that made him this way in the first place … now she wanted him to trust her.
 
She tried to remind herself of all the stuff he did that drove her to do that – suddenly Spike’s voice rang in her head listing all of Angel’s offenses … removing his soul, breaking their bond, driving a wedge between them with that videotape which made it easier for Marcus to kidnap Annie and Lorne … It wasn’t like she hadn’t warned Angel before...
 
Then she heard Cordy telling her that if she’d have given Angel a little friendship instead of just turning away from him – if she had worked with him, helped him out, then he wouldn’t have been driven to do those things just to get her attention … He didn’t love Spike, he loved you … he gave you all the money …
 
Buffy closed her eyes as she felt tears threaten, but all she could see when she closed her eyes was Angel’s gaunt face; his confused and frightened eyes staring back at her.
 
How could she drop this on Cordelia? It wasn’t Cordy that did this to him, it was her. He didn’t even remember her … he most certainly wouldn’t remember Cordelia. Buffy remembered how she felt when Spike was under Dru’s thrall and didn’t remember her … it might break Cordelia’s heart if Angel not only didn’t remember her, but was actually frightened of her.
 
Buffy wondered what would happen when Angel remembered it was her he had to thank for his current situation; that little revelation could send everything spiraling from bad to worse. Until then that happened, she felt it was her duty to keep him safe and help him recover – it was up to her.
 
Angel pulled Buffy out of her thoughts as he took her hand. She opened her eyes and pulled to help him stand up, giving him a small smile as he got back to his feet.
 
She led Angel to the high school, down the sewer entrance and into the basement. They passed a few more people along the way, but Buffy put herself between them and Angel, and Angel didn’t try to bolt on her again. Buffy led Angel into one of the small storage rooms in the basement of the high school and rummaged around until she found some old cushions and blankets for him to make a bed out of.
 
“Ok – I’m gonna go get you some blood, ok? Sit down and stay here until I get back,” Buffy instructed him.
 
“Do you understand? STAY!” Buffy said, holding her hand out flat like she was training a dog.
 
“Sit. Stay,” Angel repeated and nodded as he sat down on the makeshift bed on the floor.
 
“Good,” Buffy told him, as she resisted the urge to add “boy” to it. She turned and left the room, closing the door behind her. “This is sooo not good…” she muttered as she took off for the butcher shop to get some blood.
 
Buffy stopped in the school library on her way back and grabbed some books … hopefully Liam liked to read as much as Angel used to. At least it would give him something to do until she could get back here again and hopefully keep him from roaming.
 
Angel morphed into game face involuntarily when Buffy entered with the blood – the smell of fresh food overwhelming him. He jumped up from the makeshift bed and grabbed the bag from her hand, spilling some of the blood on the floor, as he raised the first container to his mouth and drank ravenously. Blood ran out the sides of his mouth, down his chin and beard and stained his chest and what was left of his shirt.
 
“Okay then …” Buffy started as she sat the books down on a table. “I guess that hit the spot …” she said as he opened the second container and drained it, as well. Buffy brought three quarts … she thought that would hold him until she could get back again, but apparently Angel had other plans, as he opened the third and quickly gulped it down, as well.
 
When Angel finished, Buffy gathered up the empty containers and put them back in the bag. Buffy took Angel’s left hand in hers and looked at the ring on his finger – the one that held the Gem of Amarra. She thought about taking it off him – taking it back home with her. The ring twirled loosely on his bony finger, and Angel began to pull it off.
 
“You’re gonna help me get back home, you can have it,” Angel told her.
 
Buffy stopped him from sliding the ring off. What if that was the only thing keeping him the least bit lucid … or even the only thing keeping him un-dusty?
 
“No, you keep it. Don’t take it off, ok? It’s important that you keep it on,” Buffy told him as she dropped his hand.
 
“Is it like ruby slippers?” Angel asked her, looking at the ring with awe.
 
“Ruby slippers …” Buffy pondered that a moment … The Wizard of Oz. “Yeah, something like that – you need it to get home,” she agreed, hoping that would convince him to keep it on.
 
Angel nodded slowly and closed his fist to make sure the ring didn’t move off his finger.
  
“Ok – now you stay here. I’ll be a while, but I’ll be back, ok?” she asked Angel and he nodded slowly.
 
“I brought you some books … you remember how to read, right?” Angel looked at the books on the table and nodded slowly again.
 
“Ok, good. You stay here and rest and read, but whatever you do, do not leave this room,” Buffy told him sternly and Angel nodded firmly.
 
“When I come back, I’ll bring some clothes and we’ll see if we can’t get some of that fishiness off you … Ok?” Buffy asked again, crinkling up her nose.
 
Angel looked down at his tattered and now blood-stained clothes and nodded again. Despite what the brunette woman told him about this girl being trouble, he was right to trust her – she was going to help him get home.

{{Click here to hear ‘’Honesty’ by Billy Joel on YouTube }}


If you search for tenderness
It isn't hard to find
You can have the love you need to live

But if you look for truthfulness
You might just as well be blind
It always seems to be so hard to give

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

I can always find someone
To say they sympathize
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve

But I don't want some pretty face
To tell me pretty lies
All I want is someone to believe

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

I can find a lover
I can find a friend
I can have security
Until the bitter end

Anyone can comfort me
With promises again
I know, I know

When I'm deep inside of me
Don't be too concerned
I won't ask for nothin' while I'm gone

But when I want sincerity
Tell me where else can I turn
'Cause you're the one that I depend upon

Honesty is such a lonely word
Everyone is so untrue
Honesty is hardly ever heard
And mostly what I need from you

**~**

Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
  
Buffy left Angel in the storeroom in the basement of the high school and rushed home. She dropped her clothes in a garbage bag and tied it up tightly then jumped in the shower and scrubbed head to toe with every type of scented soap she had in the bathroom. She hoped it would be enough to keep Spike from smelling Angel on her … she had to find a way to tell him, but Spike smelling him wasn’t the way.
 
After her shower, she took the garbage bag that held her clothes outside and put them in the neighbor’s garbage can in the alley. She was sitting in the kitchen eating a bowl of ice cream when Spike came in from his poker game.
 
“Hey,” Buffy called lightly as he walked into the kitchen. “Didya win?”
 
“’Course … them gits think they can cheat a cheater … bloody pathetic it is,” Spike told her with a grin as he reached down and took a spoonful of ice cream for himself.
 
“Hey! Mine!” Buffy exclaimed in mock anger, pulling the bowl closer to her.
 
Spike lifted her up out of her seat and held her against him as he dropped his mouth against her neck and covered his bite marks with his lips. “Mine,” he murmured against her neck as he outlined the scar with his tongue.
 
Buffy held her breath momentarily, but when he didn’t seem to notice anything unusual, she moaned and dropped her head to the side to give him access to her whole neck.
 
“Mine,” she mimicked as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
 
“Mama …” Annie called sleepily from the doorway and Buffy and Spike both nearly jumped out of their skin.
 


“Annie, honey – what are you doing up at this hour?” Buffy asked as soon as her heart dropped out of her throat.
 
“Thirsty …” Annie mumbled, holding her empty glass up as she staggered sleepily into the kitchen.
 
Buffy got her a drink of water and sent her back to bed, assuring her that one of them would be up in a minute to tuck her back in.
 
“Did you get a whiff of the neighbor’s trash bin?” Spike asked as he got himself a beer out of the fridge and sat down at the table with Buffy. “Smells like week old rotten fish …”
 
Shit! Buffy thought as she concentrated intently on her ice cream bowl and tried to keep her heart rate steady. “Uhh…no, I generally don’t go around smelling the neighbor’s garbage …” she told him before taking another bite of her ice cream.
 
Spike rolled his eyes. “Neither do I, pet … but sometimes …” Spike dropped it, that’s not really what he wanted to talk to Buffy about, anyway. It had been long enough since that silly dream … it was time to ask her about getting the Gem of Amarra off the poof’s finger. With everyone else in the house (hopefully) asleep, now would be a good time to discuss it with her … rationally and without interruption.
 
“Buffy … ya know you said you wished I do less ‘couch potato’ things with the Niblett, yeah?” Spike started.
 
“Yeah …” Buffy said slowly, wondering where this was headed. She hoped he wasn’t going to suggest giving their daughter more driving lessons.
 
“Well, I got an idea on that …” Spike started, taking a sip of his beer. “Well, the thing is … if we were to get the Gem of Amarra back from the poof … Glinda and Red think they can embed it in m’ body, permanent like. Then, we could just let Clem spread it around that I Shanshued and no one will know any different.”
 
“Just where in your body are you gonna embed it?” Buffy asked with raised brows, glancing down at his crotch then back up again.
 



“Not there! Bloody hell! It ain’t a family jewel! That hurts just thinkin’ ‘bout it!” Spike exclaimed pressing his legs together to protect his dangly bits from that idea.
 
Buffy laughed and took another bite of ice cream while she thought. More coincidences …
 
“You do know where Peaches is, don’t ya?” Spike asked her.
 
“Ummm … yeah, pretty sure I can find him,” Buffy hedged.
 
“So, we get a boat … strap some weights on me … drop me down and I get the bloody thing off him,” Spike suggested.
 
“And what, just leave Angel at the bottom?” Buffy asked him, knowing the answer already.
 
“’Course … what else would you have done?” Spike asked, afraid he knew what her answer would be. He hadn’t waited long enough, apparently.
 
“Well … don’t you think he’s been down there long enough? I mean, he’s probably learned his lesson by now … maybe we could, you know, bring him up,” Buffy said with a shrug, trying to sound nonchalant.
 
“That dream wasn’t real,” Spike assured her, taking another sip of his beer.
 
Buffy looked across the table into his eyes. “I think it was,” she said softly. She didn’t want to argue about this …
 
Spike pursed his lips together. “How many times are you gonna let the PTB jerk us around?”
 
“Spike, it was Annie!”



 
“It was bollocks!” he exclaimed, as he stood up and began pacing across the floor. He really didn’t want to argue about this …
 
“What if it isn’t ‘bollocks’?” Buffy questioned, following his movements with her eyes. “Are you willing to bet her life on that?”
 
“Yeah – ‘cause it’s them playing favorites again … wanting their favored son back in the mix – that’s all it is,” Spike tried to convince her. “It’s a bluff …
 
“Listen … you said it was at the Espresso Pump, yeah?” Spike asked, changing tactics.
 
“Yeah …”
 
“Then it’s simple, we just make sure they never go in that place … their coffee ain’t that good, anyhow …” Spike suggested.
 
Buffy sighed. “Spike, you know it doesn’t work that way. The warning is real … trying to change things by avoiding that particular place will just change where it happens, it won’t stop it.
 
“Whether it’s a fire escape in L.A. or a rickety tower built by crazy people in Sunnydale … the place didn’t change the outcome …” Buffy reminded him and he rolled his eyes.
 
Buffy blew out a long breath and shook her head. She’d never get Spike to understand how she knew that it was real … she didn’t understand fully, herself – it was a feeling in her gut, in her heart, at her core, and she couldn’t ignore it.
 
She wished she could bring Spike into the dream with her, but the only Slayer dream he’d ever joined her in was the one about him saving Annie while Buffy went over the edge of the abyss – or the fire escape, as it turned out. Buffy assumed he was in that one because he was actually part of the dream … not an outsider looking in.
 
“This isn’t tabby cats you’re gambling with Spike, it’s Annie and JJ. It’s our daughter’s life. Do you hate Angel that much?”
 
“You don’t know Angel like I do … Angelus like I do,” Spike assured her. “You think I never stop, never give up? Where do you think I learned that? Not from Dru … not from Darla … from Angelus. He’ll never give you up, luv … never stop fucking with us until he has what he wants, which will always be you, regardless of what Vision Girl says.
 
“Buffy, please … let’s not quarrel over this … I don’t want to fight, pet,” Spike told her as he stopped pacing and knelt down beside her.
 
“I don’t want to fight, either,” Buffy said quietly as she stirred her ice cream absentmindedly. She raised her eyes from her bowl and met his. “Please believe me when I tell you that the dream was real – Annie and JJ will be in danger – mortal danger, Angel will save them.”
 
“Fine …” Spike started and Buffy’s hopes expanded. “It was twenty years in the future, yeah? We’ll let his sorry ass out in, oh, say, nineteen years from now … then drop him back under when the deed is done.”
 


“Spiiike,” Buffy whined, rolling her eyes. She should’ve known that was too easy.
 
Spike sat back down in his seat and took another sip of his beer as he watched her stir her ice cream intently. She seemed to have more on her mind than just this … first of all, she was playing with rocky road ice cream instead of eating it.
 
“What?” he asked her.
 
“What what?” Buffy responded, looking up at him.
 
“There’s something else on your mind, pet … I can see the little wheels turnin’ in there,” Spike said, making circles on his forehead with an index finger.
 
Buffy smiled and rolled her eyes. God, it sucked having him as her husband sometimes … he could read her like a book so often. Of course, that talent was oftentimes beneficial, too.
 
Buffy looked back down at her rapidly melting bowl of ice cream and said, “What if Angel showed up one day … on our doorstep, asking for help.” She looked up from her bowl to meet Spike’s eyes before asking, “What would you do?”
 
Spike raised his brows, then narrowed his eyes and considered her. “What ‘ave you done?”
 
“Me? Done? I haven’t done anything – it’s just a hypothetical question …” Buffy felt her heart start to race … this was not going well.
 
“Well, then, hypothetically … I’d take m’ ring off his bloody finger and dust his hypothetical ass,” Spike told her with a smirk. “’Cause that dream is bollocks.”
 
Buffy nodded slowly. “Yeah, that’s what I figured … hypothetically,” she muttered more to herself than him as she looked back down at her bowl. She was suddenly not hungry anymore. Rock, meet hard place.
 
“What if he was … I don’t know – different? Maybe he didn’t remember doing that stuff to us … didn’t remember us at all,” Buffy ventured. “Maybe he didn’t even remember that he was a vampire.”


 
“Where is this comin’ from? Another dream, is it?” Spike asked suspiciously, cocking a brow at her.
 
“Something like that …” Buffy hedged again. She hated lying to Spike, but until she could find a way to convince him that Angel needed to stay un-dusty, she didn’t feel like she had any choice.
 
Spike sighed heavily and shook his head. These dreams from the PTB were pure bollocks; nothing more than them manipulating Buffy to make her help the big poof. All Spike wanted was the ring back – isn’t that what this conversation had started out as? How did it get so turned around and off topic?
 
“Well, that’s different, innit? If Angel didn’t remember bein’ a vampire …” Spike started, his voice sounding almost sympathetic, “… then it would make it that much easier to get my ring back and dust him,” he finished with a smirk.
 
Buffy rolled her eyes and stabbed her spoon at her ice cream. This wasn’t working at all.
 
“So,” Buffy started, changing the subject, “did you win enough to buy out Ghirardelli’s? Is a trip to San Fran in order?”
 
Spike sighed at her obvious change of subject. He’d just have to bring it up again later … maybe in another few days when that Angel dream crap faded more …
 
“Not quite yet, Slayer … give me time. You know, once I start somethin’ I don’t stop ‘til it’s finished.”
 
“Seems to me you’d started something earlier and didn’t finish,” Buffy pointed out, as she brushed her hair back and tilted her head to the side, reveling her neck to him.
 
“Did I now?” Spike smirked as he stood up and moved behind her.
 
“Well, I’ll just have to fix that, I reckon,” he told her as he dropped his lips against her neck and picked up where he left off earlier.


 
**~**
 
Buffy was standing on the sidewalk across the street from the Espresso Pump – it was dark out and the small, silent cars drove slowly past. She looked down the street towards the movie theatre … she could just see Annie and JJ coming out and starting down the sidewalk towards the café.
 
Buffy crossed the street and started looking around at the patrons in the small place. No one seemed particularly suspicious or nervous looking to her – she didn’t recognize anyone, either. Where’s Angel? she wondered silently as she walked towards the back door that led to the alley.
 
As she approached the door, she saw Angel holding it open just a few inches and looking inside. He touched his ear and then started talking – seemingly to no one.
 
“They aren’t here! Are you sure this is the place?” he said, his eyes wandering over the café through the crack in the door.
 
Who the fuck is he talking to? Buffy wondered as she moved closer to him, but stayed off to one side where she could watch without being in the way.
 
“Ok, Cordy … you don’t need to scream! Vampire, remember?” Angel said. “These ear bud things aren’t really made for vampire hearing … I think they were designed by bored, evil warlocks as torture devices …”
 
“Yes … yes, I’m looking,” Angel continued with a sigh as he scanned the patrons.
 
“No, I’m not calling them … It’ll just get Spike all riled up again. I can handle it myself,” Angel told Cordy, as he continued to look over the customers as they sipped their coffee and snacked on sweets.
 
“Wait! There they are. Ok, gotta go – yeah, I’ll be careful – as long as they don’t have wooden bullets, I should be fine,” Angel said before touching his ear again, opening the back door fully, and stepping inside.
 


He looked like the old Angel – strong and healthy, not a hair out of place, lucid, and un-smelly. It was a sharp contrast to the Angel Buffy had stashed in the basement of the high school a few hours ago.
 
Buffy watched Angel move slowly between the tables, he was looking at each patron as he passed – looking for the gun or the shooter, she surmised.
 
Suddenly, shots rang out from behind Buffy. She ducked and covered her ears, but kept her eyes open. Before she even heard the first shot, Angel leapt across a table towards the table where Annie and JJ had just sat down. He spread his arms and grabbed them both, pulling them against his chest so that his body was between them and the bullets.
 
Buffy saw blood spatter in all directions as the shots hit Angel’s back. His momentum took him crashing down atop JJ and Annie as the table they were sitting at toppled over and they all hit the floor.
 
Buffy turned to see who was shooting, but only caught a glimpse as he ran out the back door that Angel had just come in a few seconds before. The shooting itself seemed to have been in slow motion, but suddenly everything sped up – people were screaming and running, trying to get out. She could hear Annie crying and screaming and JJ cussing as they tried to get out from under Angel.
 
Buffy rushed over and pulled Angel off them, rolling him onto his back as she’d done before in the previous dream. Angel moaned when his back hit the floor.
 
“Angel!” Buffy called, trying to get him to focus.
 
“Buffy …” Angel moaned, trying to focus his eyes through the pain that was shooting through his body from the bullets.
 
“Angel – who was shooting? Who’s the shooter?” Buffy asked him.
 
Angel rolled his head from side to side. “Don’t know … just a vision of Annie getting shot … here … now …” he told her, his body writhing in pain.
 
Buffy looked down at his hand … the Gem of Amarra wasn’t on his finger any longer. “God, Angel …”
 
**~**
 
Buffy woke with a jerk in Spike’s arms.
 
“Wha-what is it?” Spike asked sleepily when he felt her move.
 
“Nothing … just … just one of those falling dreams,” she lied as she cuddled up closer to him and pulled his arm across her body. “Go back to sleep.”
 


Spike pulled her closer to him, spooning against her back with a strong arm around her and moaned his agreement to that suggestion.
 
Buffy laid awake for a long time, running the dream over and over in her mind. She still didn’t know who the shooter was, but she did know that it was Cordy having a vision that brought Angel there. It didn’t sound like much had changed between Angel and Spike in the next twenty years … Angel calling would still rile Spike up, apparently.
 
She wished the PTB would send her a dream to tell her how to convince Spike that helping Angel now would save their daughter’s … and JJ’s, life, in the future.
 
**~**
 
Friday, July 23rd, 2004
  
After dropping Annie off at pre-school the next morning, Buffy stopped at the butcher again for more blood.  She shook her head at the now familiar sign on the door as she entered the shop, “You can beat our prices, but you can’t beat our meat,” it read. She wondered silently who came up with their marketing slogans … Larry Flynt?
 
She parked about a block away from the high school and went down into the sewers, following them to the basement of the school. She didn’t want to get stopped walking through the school with containers of pig’s blood – although she was sure that the students probably carried worse things with them, she didn’t feel like trying to explain it to Principal Snyder. She had enough trouble explaining things to Annie’s teacher …
 
“Angel … umm, Liam?” Buffy called softly as she knocked on the door of the storeroom where she’d left him. When she got no response, she opened the door to find an empty room.
 
“Fuck,” she muttered half under her breath as she set the blood down and went back into the hallway.
 
“Liam?” she called turning one way then the other, looking around the dark area. If he was hiding down here, it would take forever to find him. Spike would start to wonder what happened to her – and she needed to remember to not actually touch Angel if she could avoid it this morning.
 
“Liam?” she repeated as she started moving slowly around the area. Buffy sighed deeply when she got no response. She couldn’t have him out wandering the halls of the high school, summer school was in session … and she preferred he not roam the streets of the town, either.
 
She closed her eyes and tried to feel him – she’d honestly nearly forgotten what Angel felt like to her Slayer senses – but hopefully, any vampire tinglies that she got would be him, not some other random vampire taking up residence in the school.
 
Buffy started moving when she got a faint tingle down her spine. It grew stronger as she neared one of the stairways that led to an exterior door. Christ, he’s outside.
 
She nearly knocked him down with the door when she opened it and stepped out into the light.
 
“Ang …Liam, what are you doing? I told you to stay in your room,” Buffy scolded him, using her best ‘Mom’ voice.
 
Angel caught his balance against the door facing and turned back towards the sun.
 
“Sun warm,” he said simply, closing his eyes and lifting his face to it.
 
Buffy sighed. “Ang … damn it,” she muttered. “Liam,” she started over, “I brought you more blood – you need to come back inside and eat.”
 
When he didn’t move, she added. “People will see you out here – you know, those bad people …”
 
Angel’s eyes went wide and he started looking around the area. There was no one around on the east side of the school just then, but if the girl said there were bad people here, he needed to trust her. She hadn’t led him astray so far.
 
“C’mon, let’s go back in,” Buffy suggested, holding the door open for him, being careful to not actually touch him.
 
Buffy left Angel back in his room with a stern warning about coming out where the bad people could see him. She hated doing that to him, scaring him, but she had to keep him hidden until … until what? Until he was lucid and had his memory back? Until she could convince Spike that her dream was real and they needed to help Angel? Who knew how long either of those tasks would take…
 
**~**
 
Buffy!! Buffy, come down here! Buffy heard Spike calling her through their bond later that afternoon. She was upstairs getting dressed to go shopping and Spike was in the basement with all the kids. He and Annie played video games for a while almost every afternoon when she got home from preschool and he set up the babies’ playpen down there, too, so they could all be couch potatoes together.
 
“What is it?” Buffy asked as she descended the stairs into the “Potato Cave” as she had started to call it.
 
“Listen! Junior said, ‘Papa’!” Spike told her enthusiastically as he picked Billy up out of the playpen.


 
“C’mon now … ‘Papa’s Big Bad’,” Spike urged his son.
 
Buffy raised her brows and folded her arms across her chest. “Spike, he’s five months old … he didn’t say ‘Papa’,” she informed him.
 
“Bloody hell he didn’t! Tell ‘er, Niblett!” Spike turned to Annie who was sitting in front of the video game still playing.
 
“Uh-huh,” she confirmed, not taking her attention off the game.
 
“C’mon, Junior … ‘Papa’s Big Bad’,” Spike repeated and Billy laughed and started making random sounds … including “pa-pa”.
 
“THERE! Didya hear it? ‘Papa’, clear as day!” Spike smiled and tickled his son’s tummy causing his son to laugh and reach for Spike’s nose with his small hand.
 
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and I heard ‘ga-ga’ and ‘do-do’ in there too …”
 
“Your mum’s a party pooper,” Spike told Billy as he sat him back down in the playpen with Dani. “Killjoy’s what she is.”
 
Buffy rolled her eyes again and sighed, dropping her arms down to her sides. She walked over to Spike and put her arms around his neck. “You’re right – I’m sorry. I did hear it clear as day … he said, ‘Papa’s Big Bad’,” she told him with a smile.
 
“Too bad he had his fingers crossed when he said it …” Buffy giggled and dropped a quick kiss on Spike’s lips before releasing him and heading back for the stairs.
 
“I’m going to Kohl’s … they’ve got a BOGO sale on boots,” she told him.
 
Spike raised his brows. “A sale on go-go boots? Why, Slayer … you’d look right fetchin’ in …”
 
“NOT go-go boots … a BOGO sale on boots,” Buffy interrupted him, shaking her head. “What happened to that vampire hearing?
 
“I’ll be back after a while … you guys are ok, right?”
 
“We’re brilliant,” Spike told her. “I still say you’d be fetching in a miniskirt … maybe with some fringe, and go-go boots … sixties night is comin’ up, ya know.”
 
Buffy laughed and continued up the stairs. “I’ll keep that in mind …”
 
**~**
 
Buffy pulled her car into Wally World’s parking lot. She figured she had a good two and a half hours – she could get Angel some blood, get him cleaned up, and get back home in that time without too much of a problem. But she needed some clothes for Angel to change into – and Wal-Mart was the closest store.
 
She headed to the men’s department and began pulling out black jeans in Spike’s size before remembering she wasn’t shopping for Spike. She put the jeans back and went over to the display of slacks – the smallest size they had was a twenty-eight waist … she hoped that was small enough for Angel. She grabbed a couple of pairs of slacks, a couple of button down, black, long sleeved shirts, a pack of undershirts and underwear and some socks before heading to the shoe department.
 
What size shoe does Angel wear? she wondered silently as she looked at the selection. She blew out a long breath and picked up an eleven and a twelve – surely one of those would fit. On her way out of the men’s department, she grabbed a belt, just in case the pants were too big.
 
Then she ran to the toiletries department and gathered up soap, shaving cream, razors, shampoo, toothbrush and toothpaste … This was getting more complicated than she’d originally thought, she looked at her watch – she’d already used forty-five minutes of her two and a half hours and hadn’t even started on the hard part yet.
 
Oh God … hair gel … and scissors, she thought as she hurried around the store trying to get everything she’d need.
 
After Wal-Mart, she headed to Willy’s Bar. She parked her car around back and came in the back door.
 
“Slayer!” Willy called, shoving something under the counter quickly. “Spike’s not here.”
 
“I know,” Buffy told him with a roll of her eyes. “I need some of your good stuff.”
 
“Patrón?” Willy asked her, reaching for a bottle of tequila.
 
“Nooo … the really good stuff,” Buffy said, looking up at refrigerated top shelf behind him.
 
“Otter?”
 


“Are you always this dense?” Buffy asked with an exasperated sigh. “I know you have human blood up there – I need four quarts.”
 
Buffy knew that Angel could survive on pig’s blood … but she needed to do anything she could … or nearly anything, to get him better as fast as possible, and human blood was the second best thing she could give him.
 
Her own blood would’ve been the best, but she wasn’t willing to go that far. It was bad enough having to lie to Spike about Angel being here and her helping him – giving him her blood would be tantamount to sleeping with him – perhaps worse in Spike’s eyes. She wouldn’t go there – at least not before trying every other option first.
 
Buffy was sure what Spike had done to Angel before when he thought she had slept with his grand-sire would be nothing compared to what he’d do now. It was bad enough that she was helping Angel at all (and lying to Spike), she didn’t need to give Spike anything further to fuel his temper by giving Angel her blood.
 
“Human?” Willy asked, shaking his head. “No … no Slayer, don’t got no human …”
 
Buffy grabbed Willy by the throat and stopped him. “I don’t have time for games. Four quarts. Human. Now.”
 
“Oh…human! Why didn’t you say so?” Willy asked her when she released him. He rubbed his throat and stepped up on a stool to reach the top shelf. “A Neg do ya? I’m fresh out of O.”
 
“Fine,” Buffy agreed.
 
“Spike’s tab is $98.72 … plus the ‘good stuff’ here … that’ll be $200,” Willy told her hopefully.
 
Buffy raised her brows. “How much?!”
 
“Uhhh … I mean, um, $150?” Willy balked.
 
When Buffy just looked at him he shrugged and blew out a breath. “Fine … $98.72 … and the good stuff’s on me …”
 
“That’s what I thought you said … since that liquor license doesn’t cover human plasma.” Buffy laid a $100 bill on the bar to cover Spike’s tab. Not that Spike couldn’t pay it himself, but it was just a habit of his to not pay it very frequently.
 
Buffy held up another twenty dollar bill. “And don’t mention this to Spike … it’s kind of a surprise,” she told Willy as she laid the $20 on the bar with the rest.
 
“Got it!” Willy said before pulling his fingers across his lips as if zipping them up.
 
**~**
 
Buffy looked at her watch as she hurried through the sewers with her purchases … she only had a little over an hour left to get everything done and get back … this wasn’t going well at all.
 
Buffy was glad to find Angel in his room where she’d left him.
 
“C’mon Ang … I mean, Liam,” Buffy said as she sat the blood down in his room. “Let’s go.”
 
“You came back!” Angel said with a tinge of relief as he got up and followed her out of the room. “I read all the books you left … I was afraid you weren’t coming back.”
 
“I told you I would … I’ll get you more books later,” Buffy told him as she led the way out of the basement and to the boys locker room still carrying her Wal-Mart shopping bags.
 
“I know, but that other girl told me things, too, and she was wrong …” Angel told her as he hurried after her.
 
“What girl?” Buffy asked as she stopped and turned to face him.
 
Angel nearly bumped into her when she stopped. “My friend … I keep forgetting to ask her name … she’s peculiar,” Angel told her with a nod.
 
“Oh … you mean the same one from the other night?” Buffy asked him, relieved that he hadn’t made a new friend.
 
“Yeah … she’s nice enough, but she says you’re trouble and I keep telling her you’re very nice … the bad men don’t mess with you,” Angel told her with a small smile.
 
“Right … bad men go poof,” Buffy agreed before turning and starting back down the hallway.
 
Buffy turned on one of the showers and got the water warm. “Ok – here you go. Here’s soap and shampoo … don’t skimp, use it!” she told Angel as she handed him the toiletries and stepped out of the shower area and back towards the lockers.
 
Angel nodded and stepped under the warm spray.
 
“Take your clothes off first, Liam …” Buffy called, keeping her back to him.
 
“Right …” Angel agreed.
 
Buffy suddenly realized she didn’t have any towels for him, so she went in search of some while he showered. She finally found some in a dirty laundry hamper … they were damp, but would have to do. While she was rummaging through the hamper looking for the driest ones, Angel walked up behind her.
 
“All done,” he announced, startling her.
 
“Shit!” Buffy exclaimed as she turned around quickly to see him dripping water all over the floor, completely naked.
 
“Here!” she said, averting her eyes, wrapping one of the towels around his waist and tucking one corner in so it would stay on.
 
“Ok, sit down here,” she told Angel, indicating one of the benches between the lockers and Angel did as she asked.
 
Buffy used another towel to dry off his head before retrieving the scissors she bought and starting to cut the long tangle of hair off his head.
 
She was no barber and she didn’t have any clippers to do it really short, but she thought it came out pretty good by the time she was done. She rubbed some hair gel between her palms and styled the top up into points like he used to. Then she moved to his beard and cut the longest of if off with the scissors, then shaved the rest with the shaving cream and a razor.
 
Buffy stepped back and looked at him. He looked more like the old Angel … but not. Shaving the beard made his face look even more drawn and hollow, his bare chest reminded her of one of those old cartoons that showed a bully kicking sand on the skinny guy at the beach … and Angel was now the skinny guy, not the big bully.
 
But what touched her most were his eyes. He looked at her with an innocence of a child – he trusted her, he was depending on her to help him, to get him strong again, to get his mind back – to get him ‘home’. How much he remembered of his past, she wasn’t sure – certainly he knew his name was Liam and that he had a sister, but the innocence in his eyes made him look like he was six years old … a lost little boy who wasn’t sure who to trust.
 
Buffy sighed and picked up one of the other shopping bags. She pulled out an undershirt.
 
“Arms up,” she said to him and Angel complied without question as she slipped the tank top on him.
 
She held one of the over shirts up for him to slip his arms into and watched as he lined the buttons up with the holes and carefully buttoned it up.
 
“Ok – you get to do this part all on your own,” she told him, holding up a pair of boxers for him.
 
Angel nodded and stood up, dropping the towel from his waist in one motion before Buffy could turn around. “Geez, Angel!” she exclaimed, turning around quickly. “Give a girl some warning …”
 
“Liam …” he corrected her as he pulled the boxers on.
 
“Right … sorry,” Buffy muttered softly, keeping her back to him.
 
When he was dressed, they went back to his storeroom, stopping first at the library for him to pick out some more books.
 
“Here … you may want to take a look at this one,” Buffy offered, pulling a book from a back shelf called, “Vampyres, Demons, and Zombies”. Angel looked at the old tome and shrugged, taking it from her hand to add to the stack he already had.
 
Back in his room, Buffy realized that getting him clean wouldn’t do much good if he slept on those fishy smelling blankets, so she went off in search of new bedding for him. This was taking way too long … she looked at her watch – she needed to be home in ten minutes to keep with her original plan and match her normal 'shopping at Kohl’s' timetable.
 
The last thing she did after getting him new bedding was show him the blood she’d brought and tell him to try and space it out over the next few hours and please don’t spill any of it on himself this time.
 
Angel nodded solemnly, but when Buffy twisted the lid off the first bottle and the sweet perfume of human blood hit him, his demon came up with a growl and he jerked the bottle from her hand.
 
Buffy jumped back to keep the blood from hitting her … she didn’t know where Willy got that blood and didn’t really want to know. She suspected it was one of those quid pro quo things … you give me a pint of blood; I give you a shot of whiskey. She was pretty sure there were no tests done on it to make sure it was healthy – which didn’t matter for vampires, but she wasn’t a vampire.
 
Angel did manage to drink it down without spilling any on himself, for that Buffy was grateful. When he started for the next bottle, Buffy stopped him.
 
“You need to save some for later,” she reasoned with him, but Angel simply growled louder and shoved her away before draining the remaining three quarts of blood that she brought within a couple of minutes.
 
Buffy didn’t have time to fight with him over it – he’d just do what he wanted when she left, anyway, so she didn’t retaliate when he shoved her. When he was done, she gathered the bottles up and headed for the door.
 
“Stay here until I come back,” she told him when his human features appeared again. “I may be a while … just stay in here.”
 
Angel nodded sadly as he watched her leave, plopping down with a book onto the clean pallet she’d made for him to await her return.
 
Buffy dumped the empty bottles in a garbage can as she ran through the basement and sewers back to her car. She prayed that Spike had lost track of time and was still coaching their son on saying ‘Papa’s Big Bad’ and playing games with Annie down in the basement.
 
Hey – sorry I took so long, be home soon, Buffy sent to him through the bond.
 
No worries … Niblett’s kickin’ my ass in Chinese, Spike sent back and Buffy let out a sigh of relief as she raced her car through town back to Crawford Street.
 
Back at the house, she raced up the stairs, stuffed her clothes in another garbage bag and jumped in the shower, scrubbing every inch of her skin raw, then washing her hair with three different shampoos and finally finishing by pouring a handful of Annie’s Tutti-Fruitti bubble bath over her head and letting it run down her body before rinsing off.
 
Buffy wrapped a towel around herself and headed back to their room to get some new clothes. She was gonna have to figure out a different system if this went on much longer … it was playing hell with her wardrobe.
 
Buffy jumped and let out a small squeal when she opened their bedroom door and found Spike relaxing on the bed waiting for her.
 
“Spike! You scared the shit out of me …” Buffy exclaimed, dropping the garbage bag with her clothes in it down outside their door in the hallway before stepping into the room.
 
“Sorry, pet. What’s with the wash up?” Spike asked her, sitting up.
 
“Oh … Uhhh … slime demon,” Buffy told him, avoiding his eyes and moving to the dresser to retrieve some clothes.
 
“Green or purple?” Spike got up and walked over to her, looking closely at her skin. “Them purple ones leave nasty burns …”
 
“Green … just a green one,” Buffy assured him as she started pulling on fresh clothes. “Slimed my clothes, my hair … totally gross.”
 
“Where was it?” Spike asked, concerned.
 
“Uhh … by the high school – I saw it go in the sewer there so I went after it,” Buffy told him.
 
“You killed it then?”
 
“Yeah – you know, they aren’t that hard to kill … just nasty,” Buffy nodded, still not meeting his eyes. “Had to track it through the sewer a while – that’s what took so long.”
 
“Good … wouldn’t want it slimin’ no kiddies …”
 
“So … what’s up?” Buffy asked, changing the subject. “Annie kick your ass so much you gave up?”
 
“Not bloody likely … you know I never give up, luv,” he told her with a smirk.
 
“Nǐ hǎo …” he said to her with a low bow, his hands together as if in prayer just below his chin. “I may learn Chinese, yet,” he said with a grin as he stood back up.
 
“Actually, I thought maybe you’d have time to model your purchases before dinner … you know, the go-go boots and miniskirt?” Spike hinted, wagging his brows suggestively.
 
“Oh … uh, well, see that’s what took so long – I couldn’t find a thing to buy! Everything was just so … last season,” Buffy said with as much disappointment as she could. She suddenly wished she’d taken that drama class at the college that Willow had tried to talk her into.
 
Spike raised his brows and looked at her with astonishment, placing his hand on her forehead. “You sure you’re feelin’ alright, Slayer?”
 
“Sure, why?”
 
“You went shoe shoppin’ and didn’t buy one shoe …”
 
Buffy rolled her eyes. “It’s been known to happen …”
 
“Oh yeah … I remember now … the last time was when the little green Martians landed in the mall parkin’ lot and lured you in with their shiny baubles before making off with you for several hours…” Spike mocked, wriggling his fingers in the air.
 
Buffy rolled her eyes and forced a smile as her throat tightened. She hadn’t thought this plan through well enough, obviously.
 
Buffy wrapped her arms around Spike’s neck and pressed her body against his. “I could model some old boots for ya,” she offered seductively as she trailed her tongue slowly down his neck.




There was one sure way to distract Spike from a conversation…
 

Wednesday, July 28th, 2004:


  

“Atomic batteries to full power?” Spike asked in a deep, serious voice.
 
“Check!” Annie confirmed.
 
 “Turbines to speed?”
 
“Check!”
 
 “Retro-rockets fully charged?”
 
“Check!”
 
“To the Batcave!” Spike exclaimed, picking Annie up over his head as she spread her arms out like she was flying. The cape (made out of one of Buffy’s good guest towels) around her neck flapped behind her as Spike ran around the great room with her above his head and headed towards the door to the basement…err, the Batcave.
 
Buffy came down the stairs about halfway through their checklist and watched Spike fly their daughter through the air.
 
“Batman didn’t fly,” she pointed out as she got to the bottom of the stairs.
 
“I do!” Annie exclaimed as Spike stopped in front of Buffy. “C’mon Robin … evil awaits!” Annie urged him.
 
“Robin?” Buffy asked with a smirk. “Where are your cute, green short-shorts and tights?”
 
“Don’t give ‘er any ideas,” Spike said, rolling his eyes and starting for the stairs to the basement, Annie still ‘flying’ above his head.
 
“Glad you’re teaching her the classics, at least …” Buffy called after them. “Hey! Is that one of my good towels?”
 
**~**
 
Buffy rushed into the kitchen later that evening to find Spike and Annie snacking on Cocoa Puffs.
 
“You’re going to ruin your dinner!” she scolded as she started pulling out fixings from the cabinets and refrigerator to make tacos with. God, I’ve turned into my mother! she thought as she remembered the numerous times her own mother said those very words to her.
 
“Thought you went to the store to get taco shells,” Spike pointed out, as she pulled a box of taco shells out of the cupboard.
 
“Uhh… yeah, I did – then I remembered that we already had some,” Buffy lied. She’d taken blood to Angel – she hadn’t been gone long, just long enough to go by Willy’s and drop the blood off to Angel … then go with him to the library to get more books. It took longer than she thought – it always seemed to.
 
“Soooo … when did you come to this epiphany?” Spike asked her.
 
“What epiphany?” Buffy asked as she put the hamburger on to cook.
 
“That we didn’t need the bloody taco shells.”
 
“Oh … uhhh … after I already bought them – then I had to take them back and get a refund and the refund line was really long,” Buffy told him – cringing internally at the stupidity of what she just said.
 
Spike raised his brows and looked at her. “You stood in line for a bloody hour to return a two dollar pack of taco shells? Why didn’t you just bring them home?”



 
“Well … we already had some … they’d go stale,” Buffy explained, facing the stove and rolling her eyes at her own lie.
 
“Niblett, would you go check on the little bits? I think I hear Junior cryin’,” Spike said to Annie.
 
Annie started to argue that she didn’t hear anything, but Spike’s look told her to just do as she was told, so she took a handful of Cocoa Puffs and headed upstairs.
 
Buffy had been acting strangely for a few days now – going shopping then coming home with no purchases, taking much longer than normal to take Annie to pre-school, or simply disappearing in the middle of the day with no real explanation.
 
Spike hadn’t really said anything about it because he didn't want her to think he didn't trust her – because he did. He knew that everyone needed their own space, plus he didn't know if she was planning some kind of surprise (a party or romantic getaway – his birthday was coming up next month) for the two of them – but this behavior had gone on too long … he needed some answers.
 
“What the bloody hell is going on with you, Slayer?” Spike asked when Annie had left, moving forward and physically turning Buffy around to face him.


 
“Nothing … What’s your problem?” Buffy defended, pulling out of his grasp and turning back to face the stove.
 
“My problem is, you’re acting like a bloody space cadet on quaaludes,” Spike informed her, turning her back to face him again. “Now, what the bloody hell is going on?”
 
“I already told you! Nothing’s going on! Let go of my arm … the meat’s gonna burn.”
 
Spike released her arm and stepped back away from her, his hands going to his hips as he watched her stir the hamburger in the pan. He wasn’t normally a suspicious or jealous man … not when it came to Buffy – he knew she loved him as much as he loved her – but something was going on with her and he couldn’t suss out what it was. It was apparent she was lying about something … what it was she was hiding from him was unclear.
 
“I’m goin’ out,” he said tersely as he turned and started out of the kitchen.
 
“Where are you going? Dinner’s almost done!” Buffy called after him.
 
“Goin’ to get some bloody taco shells …” he called back over his shoulder as he stomped through the great room towards the door.
 
“Fuck …” Buffy said under her breath as she drained the grease out of the meat and began stirring in the seasoning packet. Tears stung her eyes as she tried to concentrate on what she was doing. She hated lying to Spike … and now he was pissed with her and she couldn’t blame him for it – she’d be pissed, too, if he told her a cockamamie story like she’d just done.
 
Angel was getting stronger, but he still didn’t have his memory back. He only trusted her and refused to leave his little room if she wasn’t with him, which was what she wanted when she’d warned him about the ‘bad people’ seeing him, but left him even more scared of seeing other people and that much more dependent on Buffy.
 
The stress of trying to take care of Angel, keep him fed, safe, and out of trouble, coupled with having to lie to the one person in the world that she would normally turn to for help and support, the one person she’d never want to hurt, was taking its toll on her.
 
Had it only been six days since Angel showed up at the cemetery? It seemed like six months. She checked on Angel two, sometimes three times a day and brought him blood at least once a day – human blood from Willy’s. She could tell he was gaining weight and getting stronger from it, but didn’t know how long it would take for his mind to heal – or if it ever would.
 
She was just going to have to tell Spike the truth tonight and convince him that they needed to help Angel – there was no choice. She couldn’t keep doing this, she couldn’t keep lying to her husband; it was just too much. Maybe if she begged and pleaded and crawled on her hands and knees Spike would give in … she’d tried everything else.
 
**~**
 
Spike plopped down heavily on a bar stool at Willy’s – his mind still racing as he tried to figure out what Buffy was hiding from him and why she was acting so squirrelly. He tried to think of anything that would explain her strange behavior, but his mind kept coming back to the same unimaginable conclusion – she was having an affair.
 
“What’ll ya have?” Willy asked Spike as he walked up to where Spike sat at the end of the bar.
 
“Gimme some a’ the good stuff …” Spike told him absentmindedly as he continued racking his brain for another explanation. Maybe his buddy Jack Daniels could help him suss it out …
 
“Comin’ right up,” Willy replied, turning away from Spike to get his drink.
 
Spike picked up the glass that Willy sat in front of him and took a sip. He’d been so preoccupied with his thoughts that he never even looked at it or noticed that it wasn’t Jack … in fact, it wasn’t whiskey, at all.
 
When the human blood hit Spike’s tongue, it surprised him so much that he spit blood all over the bar – except for Buffy’s, Spike hadn’t had any human blood in years.
 
“What the bloody hell is this?!” Spike demanded, pulling the glass away from his mouth and up to his nose to smell it. “Human!?”
 
“Geez, Spike! Did ya’ have to spit that all over the bar?!” Willy scolded him as he grabbed a rag and started wiping it up.
 
Spike set the glass down and grabbed Willy by the front of his shirt. “What the bloody hell kinda trick are you pullin’ giving me that?”
 
Willy held his hands out in surrender. “Sorry Spike … when you said ‘the good stuff’ – I just assumed you meant human … that’s what the Slayer always calls it.”
 
“The Slayer?” Spike asked, shaking Willy slightly in his grasp. “What does she have to do with anythin’?”
 
“You don’t know!? God, don’t tell her I told you! She’ll kill me!” Willy whined.
 
“Not if I bloody well kill ya’ first! Now what’s the Slayer got to do with it!?”
 
“She’s been getting it all week ... said it was a secret … or a surprise – that’s it! I shouldn’t tell you ‘cause it was some kind of a surprise.”
 
Spike let Willy go with a shove. That’s it! She’s gonna tell me what the bloody hell is going on tonight – come hell or high water! Spike thought as he stormed out of the bar and headed back for Crawford Street.
 
**~**
 
“Where’s Buffy!?” Spike demanded as he stormed through the garden doors of the mansion a little while later.
 
Tara and Willow looked up from watching the TV. “She went out after she put Annie to bed,” Willow told him. “On patrol, I guess.”
 
“If she’s on bloody patrol, my name’s Rumpelstiltskin,” Spike said sarcastically as he turned on his heel and headed back outside.
 
Slayer! Where are you? Spike sent out to her across their bond when he got to the street, but he got no response from Buffy. Spike closed his eyes and concentrated on her scent … it wasn’t easy, she’d been in and out this way so many times, but he tried to pick up the most recent one and headed in that direction.
 
**~**
 
“Liam?” Buffy called softly as she knocked on his door before opening it.
 
Angel was just standing up from his makeshift bed when she entered. “You’re early … I haven’t finished all the books,” he told her, looking guilty.
 
“That’s ok – we’re gonna do something different tonight. I want you to meet Spike … you’re coming home with me,” Buffy told him as she started gathering up his few belongings.
 
“Spike?” Angel asked anxiously.
 
“My husband,” Buffy clarified for him, looking up from what she was doing. “I can’t do this anymore …”
 
“You can’t help me?” Angel asked moving towards her, worry creasing his brow.
 
“I can help you; I just can’t lie about it anymore – it’s too much and it’s … it’s wrong. Spike deserves to know what's going on.”
 
Angel nodded slowly … he didn’t understand what that really meant, but she said she could still help him, so that was good.
 
“Will I be going home soon?” he asked her. “Can Spike help get me home?”
 
“I’m sure he’d like to send you somewhere …” Buffy muttered under her breath before giving Angel a small smile and saying, “Soon … yes – we’re gonna try to get you home soon. But first, you have to learn how to be around other people – I’m not the only person you can trust.”
 
Angel nodded again. He wasn’t really sure he liked the sound of that, but he did trust her … she’d show him who to trust and who not to. That would be okay.
 
Buffy looked at him … he was looking pretty disheveled again, he’d spilt blood on himself more than once since his one and only shower and was starting to smell a bit rank. She sighed. “Let’s go get you cleaned up and get your clothes changed – get you looking presentable … then we’ll go – ok?”
 
Angel followed her out of the basement and back to the boy’s locker room. Buffy handed him the soap and shampoo and went to locate some towels, as before. This time she didn’t need to tell him to remove his clothes before showering … at least he was capable of learning and remembering things, which was a good sign.
 
After his shower, Angel sat with a towel around his waist on the bench and Buffy combed his hair, nipping off any long pieces that she’d missed before. When she was done she put a dab of hair gel in it and styled it.
 
“There you go … spic and span and looking more like your old self,” Buffy told him when she was done.
 
He was looking a lot more like his old self … his face had filled out and he didn’t have that death-bed look any longer. He’d gained some weight; the twenty-eight waist pants she’d bought were getting a little snug on him now; she’d have to pick up some thirties the next time she was at the store.
 
“Do you think Spike will like me?” Angel asked, looking up at her – he still had that innocence in his eyes that he’d had that first night.
 
Buffy laughed lightly. “Oh … I’m sure you’ll be an unexpected surprise.”
 
“Well, isn’t this cozy?” Spike asked as he sauntered through the door, his thumbs tucked over his belt buckle.
 



“Spike!” Buffy exclaimed, whirling around to face him, a look of surprise and horror on her face.
 
“Spike – I was going to tell you – honestly. I’m sorry … you have to believe me! Spike, the dream is real – we have to help him,” Buffy rambled – her words coming out quickly as she moved away from Angel and towards her husband.
 
Spike smirked at her. He knew she was hiding something … but this was more than he’d imagined. Not only was she having an affair, she was having it with Angel of all people.
 
“Oh, I’m sure those bloody wet dreams of yours are very real, Slayer!” Spike agreed, moving further into the room towards them.
 
“Did she fuck you good an’ proper, Angelus? Do that little thing with her tongue for ya? Tell ya she loved you when she was done?” Spike asked, looking at Angel.
 
Angel looked between Spike and Buffy … even he could feel the tension in the room rising – the anger was rolling off Spike in waves and Buffy’s heart was racing. He didn’t like this at all … that was the same man that tried to stab him before and he was looking even madder now than he had then.
 
“Spike! No! N-n-n-n-o,” Buffy stammered, still moving towards him. “It’s not like that … I just, I just helped him!”
 
“Oh, I can imagine you did, Slayer. A good blow job and a fuck can be a big help to a bloke.”
 
“Spike, no – don’t do this. You know that’s not true.”
 
“Do I, now? You’ve been lying to me for a bloody week. You’ve gone shoppin’ and not come home with anythin’, you disappear without a word, and you’ve been gettin’ blood at Willy’s … human blood!” Spike pointed out as he began to pace back and forth, his arms flailing out away from his sides as he spoke.
 
Spike’s anger turned to hurt as he spoke and he fought back his emotions … he needed the anger to help him deal with this – the hurt would only make him look like the git that he was. His heart was breaking – he could almost feel pieces of it calf off and sink to the bottom of his soul. Like pieces off a glacier, they slipped through his grasp and out of sight, down into a cold, dark abyss. He had to hold onto the anger … it was the only thing he could cling to to keep from drowning.
 
“You’ve been in my bed … laying with me, screwing me – telling me you loved me – and the whole time thinking ‘bout him!” he accused, waving his arm at Angel.
 
“Spike’s such a bloody fool – he’ll never know the difference! He’ll never suss it out! A little puppy dog, he is – lead him around by the collar, give him a fuck now and then and he’ll follow ya anywhere …” Spike mocked.
 
Buffy shook her head as tears stung her eyes. “That’s not true …” she said softly, laying her hand on his arm.
 
Spike knocked her hand off. “Don’t touch me with your filth, Slayer. You want him? Fine! Have him!
 
“I’ll just take my bloody ring and be on m’ way … I’m sure the Powers will bless you with a new family,” Spike told her as he brushed past her and headed towards Angel.
 
Buffy grabbed his arm, spun him around, and pulled him back. “No! Please, Spike, try to understand! I don’t want Angel! I don’t love him! I did it for us … for our family – for Annie!”
 
“I’m tired of all your excuses, Slayer! Whatever suits your fancy – have a bloody dream ‘bout it and that makes everythin’ fine! Lie to your husband – that’s fine, I did it ‘cause of the dream. Screw around on the one person who’d do anything for you … that’s fine, I did it ‘cause of the dream!
 
“I suppose if one of your bloody dreams told you to kill our children – that they’re devil’s spawn, that’d make that fine, too, wouldn’t it?!” Spike accused angrily as he stood toe to toe with her.
 
Buffy shook her head slowly as tears ran down her face. “You know that’s not true …” she repeated again.
 
Buffy felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest. Yes, Spike was right, she’d lied to him – but not for the reasons he thought. She did it for their family – for Annie and JJ and because she knew in her gut that helping Angel was what she had to do and he'd made it clear that he felt strongly otherwise.
 
Maybe the PTB were manipulating her … maybe Spike was right about that, but what if she didn’t play their game? Whistler kept talking about “freewill” and that the Powers didn’t interfere with their choices … but hadn’t they given them Billy and Dani? So, the PTB could and would step in and actually take over if they wanted to. They could make sure Annie and JJ were put in that danger with just a few nudges of someone’s “freewill”. They could make sure that they died that day by not sending the vision to Cordy … they could really do anything they wanted – freewill be damned.
 
Spike pulled a stake out of the pocket of his duster and yanked his arm away from Buffy as he turned and headed towards Angel. He was going to end this once and for all; he was going to do what he told Buffy he would do if he ever saw Angel again – send him blowing in the wind.
 
“NO!!” Buffy screamed when she saw the stake. She ran past Spike and put herself between him and Angel.
 
“This ends now, Slayer! That bastard’s fucked me for the last time,” Spike told her, shoving her out of his way.
 
Angel’s eyes went wide when he saw Spike coming towards him; he jumped up and moved behind a bank of lockers while Spike was distracted with Buffy. He knew he didn’t like that man …
 
Buffy’s body slammed against the lockers when Spike shoved her, but she recovered quickly and grabbed his arm and slung him backwards, away from Angel.
 
“I don’t want to fight you, Spike,” she told him, her mind clicking into Slayer mode as she stood between him and where Angel had gone behind the lockers.
 
“Then don’t …” Spike told her, as he recovered his balance and started moving again.
 
“I can’t let you hurt him,” Buffy informed Spike, blocking his path.
 
Spike stopped and looked at her. “You love him that much?”




 
Buffy shook her head. “I love our family that much.”
 
“Oh, back to this, are we?” Spike said, exasperated. “You’re about to lose your family, Slayer – it’s your choice – him or us.”
 
Buffy bit her lip to fight back her tears. “You don’t understand … it’s not that simple.”
 
“It bloody well is! HIM or US!”
 
“Spike, please try to understand!”
 
“I understand perfectly, Slayer!” Spike exclaimed nodding his head, his eyes narrow as hurt and anger collided and exploded within him like two jet airplanes in a mid-air crash. “Did you ever love me? Ever? Or was I just a convenient substitute for him?”
 
“How can you ask that?”



 
“How can I not?” Spike asked, his jaw clenched as he fought to maintain control of the hurt that was trying to overtake the anger.
 
Spike shoved the stake at Buffy and brushed past her heading back towards Angel. Buffy hurried after him, unsure of what he was going to do now. Spike pulled Angel out from behind the lockers by the arm and reached down to his hand to remove the Gem of Amarra.
 
“NO!” Buffy exclaimed, stepping between the two vampires and pulling Angel’s hand away from Spike.
 
“No? NO!?” Spike repeated, looking at her incredulously. “That’s my bloody gem – not his – not yours – MINE!”
 
“No … you can’t have it,” Buffy told him with a firm shake of her head. “I don’t know what will happen if you take it off him …” she tried to explain.
 
“Oh, afraid he’ll lose the rest of his marbles, eh? I’m sure his dick will still get hard for ya’, Slayer – no worries,” Spike told her, his words as sharp as a knife to her heart.
 
“You son of a bitch! I haven’t slept with him! I don’t love him – but our family needs him alive to survive! Why can’t you just fucking believe me!?” Buffy screamed at him.
 



“Maybe it has to do with all the fucking lies you’ve told me, Slayer! It’s hard to know what’s real with you! Your choice to lie or tell the truth seems to change with the direction of the bloody wind!”
 
“I wouldn’t have had to lie if you would’ve just believed me in the first place! Trusted me!” Buffy screamed back at him.
 
“I trust you about as far as I can throw you!” Spike asserted. “Oh, wait – no I don’t,” he smirked and morphed into the demon as he picked her up and tossed her over the bank of lockers and out of his way.
 
Buffy scrambled back around the lockers and barreled at Spike, tackling him around the waist just as he was about to catch Angel again, who had started moving away from the pair when the screaming started.
 
Spike kicked her up over his head and leapt back to his feet facing her, his knees bent and fists at the ready. Before she could get back up, he spun around and kicked her in the face with a roundhouse kick and knocked her back down. Blood sprayed out of her mouth when he kicked her as her teeth cut a deep gash in her cheek.
 
Buffy wiped her mouth as she scrambled back to her feet. Spike was moving away from her, back towards Angel, and Buffy ran at him again, knocking him down onto his stomach and pinning him down on the cold, hard floor of the locker room.
 
“STOP THIS NOW!” she screamed at him. “I don’t want to hurt you!”
 
“Too bloody late for that, Slayer!” Spike turned under her and brought his elbow back, hitting her in the face with it as he struggled to get away from her and blood started pouring out of her nose.
 


As he turned the rest of the way around to face her, Buffy slammed down on his face with her fist. Blood began to pour out of his mouth and nose – matching hers, as she continued to pummel him with her fists.


 
Finally, Spike stopped struggling under her and his face morphed back to his human features. Buffy stopped hitting him and began to cry uncontrollably. “Spike … God, Spike … I’m sorry – I’m so sorry!” she cried when she realized how badly she’d beaten him.


 
Spike used the last of his energy to push her off him. He pulled himself up on the bench, then used the lockers to pull himself to his feet and started to slowly stagger towards the door of the locker room.
 
“Spike … please,” Buffy begged as she moved to try and help him.
 
“Don’t touch me …” his voice was low and threatening.
 
“You made your bed … you sleep in it. Don’t come back to mine,” he told her as he reached the doorway.
 
Buffy watched him turn the corner, leaving a bloody handprint on the doorjamb as he disappeared from view and she fell down to her knees as sobs wracked her body. She collapsed all the way down onto the cold floor and curled into a ball as tears mixed with her blood and covered her face. She’d lost him … she’d handled everything all wrong and now she’d lost Spike. Her heart ached as tears flowed from her eyes and her body shook – what was she going to do without him?
 
Oh God … Spike, please … please. I love you so much, she sent through their bond, but she got no response.
 
Buffy felt a hand on her back and jerked her head up. “Spike!” she exclaimed as she turned, but it wasn’t Spike – it was Angel.
 
“Buffy … you’re hurt,” Angel said, touching his fingertips gently to her bruised and bleeding face.  
 
Buffy took a deep breath and tried to compose herself … then she realized – he called her by her name.
 
“Angel?” she asked, searching his eyes for a hint of recognition.
 
“Liam… my name’s Liam. Are you alright?” he asked gently.
 
“Oh …” Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head. That was a loaded question.
 
“C’mon … I’ll help you,” Angel told her as he helped her up off the floor and guided her to one of the sinks on the wall.
 
“Thanks …”
 
**~**
 
Spike stormed into the mansion and headed straight for Willow and Tara who were still sitting on the couch watching TV.
 
“Spike! What happened?” Tara exclaimed when she saw him as both witches stood up and looked behind him for Buffy.
 
Spike didn’t answer. Instead, he grabbed Willow by the shoulders and shoved her up against the nearest wall. “Who knew!?” he demanded of her, shaking her violently.
 
“SPIKE!” Tara exclaimed, grabbing one of his arms and trying to pull him off her girlfriend.
 
 Spike shoved Tara away and turned his attention back to Willow. “Who bloody well knew 'bout Angel?” he demanded again.
 
“WHAT?!” Tara and Willow asked in unison as Tara moved back to where he was holding Willow.
 
“What are you talking about!? What happened!?” Tara asked as Willow struggled to get free of his hold.
 
“Let me go!” Willow demanded of him, but Spike just gripped her shoulders tighter.
 
“You’re hurting me!” Willow exclaimed as his fingers dug into her flesh.
 
“WHO THE FUCK KNEW!?” Spike demanded again, shaking Willow like a rag doll.
 
“Singulus!” Tara commanded, holding her palm up towards Spike and Spike flew back away from Willow and landed on the floor several feet away.
 
Willow bent over and started rubbing her bruised shoulders as Tara helped her back to the couch.
 
Spike jumped back up and started towards the witches again. “Don’t use that shit on me again – I’m warnin’ ya – I ain’t in the mood for your bloody hocus-pocus!”
 
“SPIKE! What the hell is going on?” Tara demanded, stepping between him and Willow.
 
“Buffy’s fucking Angel – I want to know who knew about it! You might as well tell me now, I’ll find out sooner or later – and I won’t be as nice about it later,” Spike informed her, stopping a few inches from Tara and putting his hands on his hips.
 
“We don’t know what you’re talking about, Spike. Are you sure you’re ok? Who did this to you?” Tara asked, reaching a hand out to touch his swollen, bruised, and bloodied face.
 
“Buffy – protecting her filthy lover, Angel. Back from the sea, he is – and pickin’ up right where he left off …”
 
Tara shook her head, a look of confusion on her face. “Buffy would never choose Angel over you … are you sure? Maybe a spell …”
 
“Bollocks! There was no spell – no thrall – just Buffy being the PTB’s whore – just like always. Well, I’m done, I tell ya’! DONE! A man can only take so much and my limit has come and gone!”
 
“Spike … surely there’s some reasonable explanation,” Willow interjected, finally standing back up.
 
“Yeah – she loves the wanker – he’s their golden child, ain’t he? I’m just their dirty mistake … wasn’t ever supposed to have this soddin' soul, was I? Well, she can bloody well ‘ave him!” Spike ranted, turning his back on the witches – he needed to hit something … now!
 
Spike roared and began pulling books off the shelves in the research area and pushing bookcases over with reckless abandon and unbridled fury. He kicked and hit and slung anything he could get his hands on across the room, ripping the delicate books and scattering their pages across the floor as Willow and Tara screamed at him to stop.
 
When he got to the small bookcase that held Bert and Ernie’s aquarium, he picked it up and held it over his head … preparing to smash it on the floor.
 
“NO!!” Willow and Tara both screamed and ran towards him.
 
“Cesso!” Willow commanded and Spike froze in place, holding Annie’s pet hermit crabs above his head.
 
Tara took the aquarium from his hands and put it down on the floor a few feet away before Willow released Spike from her magic freeze. Spike’s empty hands came down towards the floor and he growled in anger when he realized that they’d used magic on him again. He started towards Willow, game face on, when Tara stepped in front of him.
 
“You need to STOP!” Tara told him, pushing him back by the shoulders with her hands.
 
“Get bent! It’s my soddin’ house – I’ll do as I bloody well please! Get your witchy asses out if you don’t like it!”
 
“Spike! Think about what you’re doing! Stop and think!” Tara admonished him.
 
“Tired of thinkin’, Glinda … God, so tired,” Spike said, his voice cracking as he dropped to his knees in front of her and covered his face with his hands. His anger was suddenly gone and in its place was nothing but pain – unbelievable hurt from being lied to and tossed away like so much garbage by the person he loved and trusted most in the world.
 
“Oh, Spike …” Tara said softly, going down on her knees in front of him and pulling him into a hug.
 
Tara looked up at Willow with a questioning look, but Willow just shook her head – she didn’t know what was going on, either.
 
**~**
 
Buffy washed most of the blood off her face and out of her hair, but she couldn’t stop the pain in her chest … it felt like her heart had been ripped out and stomped on by a herd of wild horses, then put back inside her. The worst part was she knew that she probably deserved that … at least partly. Why couldn’t Spike believe her when she told him that Angel needed help – that their daughter’s and nephew’s lives would depend on it one day?
 
Angel got dressed while Buffy cleaned up. They walked in silence through the empty school to the library, where he picked out some more books, then back to his little room.
 
“Just stay here … I’ll be back tomorrow,” she told him solemnly as she turned to leave.
 
“Are you okay?” Angel asked her, a look of concern on his face.
 
Buffy snorted softly. “Not hardly …”
 
**~**
 
Buffy walked in the garden door of the mansion not sure what to expect … she hoped that Spike had calmed down enough to talk rationally – to hear her out – to forgive her for lying to him. The scene she came into looked like one from those news reports showing homes that had been devastated by tornadoes in the Midwest. There were papers and books … knickknacks and furniture strewn everywhere in the room.
 
Willow jumped up from the only piece of furniture that seemed to still be upright, the research table, when she saw Buffy – she’d just been getting ready to do a locator spell to find her.
 
“Buffy! Thank God! What’s going on? Spike said you were with Angel – Tara and I told him that was wrong … you must be under a spell or something…right? Are you under a spell? Do I need to de-spell you?” Willow rambled as she rushed over to her friend.
 
Buffy smiled weakly at the witch. “No … there’s no spell. I’m not with Angel.”
 
“I knew it! I knew he was totally wrong!” Willow smiled, pleased with herself for knowing that Buffy would never do what Spike had suggested.
 
“I am helping Angel … well, technically, I’m helping Liam … but, whatever – po-taa-toe, pa-tah-toe,” Buffy told Willow with a sigh and Willow’s smile faded.
 
“What?” Willow asked, her brows knit in confusion. “Why? How?”
 
“It’s a truly long and cheerless story … Where’s Spike?” Buffy asked Willow.
 
“Upstairs … Tara’s bandaging his cuts. Buffy – what’s going on?” Willow asked. “Maybe we can help …”
 
Buffy smiled at Willow again and shook her head. “Thanks, Wills, but I think I just need to talk to Spike.”
 
Willow frowned, but then nodded and went upstairs to get him as Buffy wandered through the debris field that used to be their great room and rehearsed what to say.
 
“Spike, I’m sorry …” she started, talking to the air. “Duh … of course you’re sorry. How lame is that?”
 
“Spike, believe me when I say that …” she began again. “Yeah, right – please believe me now – I was lying before, but I’m not lying now …” Buffy sighed and shook her head.
 
“Spike – think of Annie – I’m not choosing Angel’s side over yours – I’m choosing Annie’s life,” she started again.
 
“Yeah – I’d go with that one, Slayer,” Spike told her as he descended the stairs. Three butterfly bandages held a long cut on his cheekbone closed, both eyes were beginning to swell and turn purple from the beating she’d inflicted on him.
 
“Spike! God, I’m so sorry!” she cried as she moved towards him.
 
“Save it – I’ve taken worse … I’ve given worse, I’ll heal,” he told her coldly as he reached the bottom of the stairs, sidestepped her and headed towards the door. When he got to it, he held it open and looked at her.
 
“My house now, Slayer – come again when you can’t stay so long.”
 
“Spike, please listen to me,” Buffy begged as walked towards him. “I didn’t sleep with Angel. I don’t love Angel, I don’t want Angel – I love you – I need you. Please, you’ve got to understand.”
 
“I understand perfectly. You love me – you show me your love by sneaking around behind my back, lying to me, and beating the shit out of me defending someone you claim to not love. Does that about cover it?” he asked her, pursing his lips together and raising his brows to await her answer.
 
“Spike … I know I was wrong to lie to you – I should’ve told you right away. Angel just showed up one night when I was on patrol. I-I-I tried to tell you, honest I did, but you wouldn’t believe me when I said that him being here is what will keep our daughter alive. All you wanted to do is dust him… 


“Please don’t make me choose between you and Annie … I can’t do it, Spike, please, I’m begging you,” Buffy pleaded, dropping down to her knees in front of him.


 
“You’ve already made your choice, Slayer – you lose me and Annie. You lose us all. Get the fuck out,” Spike demanded, his voice low and even. His heart had been crushed, but he refused to give her the satisfaction of seeing him implode ... anger was his friend - he just had to hold onto the anger.
 
“Spike, please …”
 
“Get out or I’ll toss you out. I’m in no mood for any more of your bloody games … I told you before – lie in the bed you’ve made, don’t come crawling back here. You aren’t welcome – if I could disinvite you, I would. Hmmm … Maybe Red could do some kind of ‘disinvite the lying whore’ spell …” Spike mused, tapping a finger on his lips and looking at the ceiling as if in deep thought.
 
“I’m not a whore …” Buffy said softly, tears running down her face as she looked up at him.
 
“Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck … fucks like a duck,” Spike countered.
 
Buffy closed her eyes and tried to hold back her tears. This was it; he really wasn’t going to forgive her. He was kicking her out of their house – he was taking her family away.


 
“I don’t have anywhere to go … I don’t have anything,” Buffy said softly.
 
“Oh … I should’ve known. The Slayer needs some money, does she? What’s the matter, your boyfriend’s not a good provider?” he asked her sarcastically, reaching in his pocket and pulling out his wallet.
 
“There ya go then,” Spike said, tossing all the cash he had down at her. “You know, I never felt worthy of your love – always felt like I was never good enough to be your man … but I was wrong. It’s you that’s not worthy of me … you’re beneath me, Slayer.”
 
Buffy gathered up the money off the floor and stood up slowly. Spike pursed his lips and looked at her as if he hated every fiber of her being, and at that moment he did.
 
“I’m sorry,” Buffy told him softly through her tears. “I am so, so very sorry … I love you, Spike.”
 
“Blah, blah, blah …” Spike retorted, using one hand to mimic a hand puppet talking and motioning his head towards the open door.
 
Buffy nodded slowly and walked out of the mansion, out of her home … leaving the people that meant the most to her – her family, behind her.
 
When she was out of the door, Spike slammed it behind her, cracking several panes of glass in the process. Spike watched as she walked slowly up the stairs to the street. When she was out of sight, he crumpled down to the floor, leaning his back against the door she had just gone through and pulled his knees to his chest. He buried his face against his knees and sobbed … her betrayal was more than he could stand. His heart was shattered and it felt like the sharp shards were stabbing him from the inside out.
 
Spike had never loved anyone as deeply and truly as he loved Buffy – and he’d never been so hurt by anyone in his entire existence. Not by Dru and her many affairs … not even by Cecily and her cold rejection of William’s love. Buffy’s lies cut him to his core – how can you love someone you can’t trust and how could he ever trust her again?
 
He didn’t know how he would make it without her … without her love and her smile – her strength and her silliness, but he’d been alone before … and her love for him was obviously, painfully gone. Without it, the rest really had little meaning. He had their family … Annie, Dani, and Billy. That would have to be enough – his wife, his best friend, his lover, his Slayer … the other half of his soul, was gone.
 
Spike curled up on the floor by the door and tears flowed from his eyes as he mourned what was lost. Shattered dreams joined the pieces of his heart in the cold darkness – they were beyond his reach now …
 
**~**
 
Buffy wandered aimlessly through the dark streets of Sunnydale … Spike’s cruel words cut her – stabbing at her heart and stomach like a thousand knifes. She wanted to be mad at him for saying those things to her, but she couldn’t feel anything past the desolation and overwhelming loneliness. In an attempt to save her child, she’d lost her family; she’d lost them all.
 
When Buffy looked up, she was in front of the Magic Box … she sat down against the front door and closed her eyes. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so tired before in her entire life and she couldn’t recall ever feeling so very alone.
 
“She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer … always alone,” Buffy whispered to herself as sobs overtook her. She slumped down onto the dirty sidewalk, wrapping her arms around her body and pulling her knees to her chest to try and stop the unbelievable pain that seemed to radiate out from her heart and fill her whole being with the weight of the world.  
 
Alone again … naturally.

**~**
{{Click here to hear ‘Alone Again, Naturally’ by Gilbert O’Sullivan on YouTube }}


In a little while from now
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top will throw myself off
In an effort to make it clear to whoever
What it's like when you're shattered
Left standing in the lurch at a church
Where people saying: "My God, that's tough"
"She stood him up"
"No point in us remaining"
"We may as well go home"
As I did on my own
Alone again, naturally

To think that only yesterday
I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to who wouldn't do
The role I was about to play?
But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about God in His mercy
Who if He really does exist
Why did He desert me?
In my hour of need
I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally

It seems to me that there are more hearts
Broken in the world that can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do? What do we do?


Alone again, naturally

Looking back over the years
And whatever else that appears
I remember I cried when my father died
Never wishing to hide the tears
And at sixty-five years old
My mother, God rest her soul
Couldn't understand why the only man
She had ever loved had been taken
Leaving her to start with a heart so badly broken
Despite encouragement from me
No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
Alone again, naturally

Early morning hours, Thursday, July 29th, 2004:





Buffy stood on the sand looking out over the Pacific Ocean as the waves crashed against the shore. The spray from the breakers mixed with her tears as she hugged her arms tightly around her body and tried to stop the pain of being here alone, without Spike, but no matter how hard she tried, the pain wouldn’t go away.

She turned her face away from the mist and looked down the shoreline. Someone was walking down the beach towards her– Spike! Buffy took off running towards him and threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around her husband and burying her face against his neck.

“Spike! God, Spike … you came! I’m so sorry …” she cried against his skin as she clung to him.

Spike stiffened when she wrapped her arms around his neck, standing perfectly still - his arms clamped down against his sides, his eyes straight ahead, still looking down the beach.

Buffy slowly released him when she realized he wasn’t going to return her embrace and backed up a step away from him.

“Spike, you have to know that I didn’t sleep with Angel,” she said solemnly. “I’d never do that – I swear on our children’s lives.”

Spike took his eyes off the horizon and looked at her. Their dream-selves didn’t have the cuts and bruises from their fight earlier … her face was clear except for her tears.

“Doesn’t matter,” he said at last and Buffy’s hopes rose that he was going to forgive her, after all.

“Doesn’t change anythin’,” he continued. “Lied to me, you did – for a sodding week, time and time again … day after day you stood there and looked me in the eye and lied to me.”

“I had no choice …” Buffy started.

“Bollocks!” Spike exclaimed as he brushed past her and started walking further down the beach.

“Spike, I tried to tell you …” Buffy defended as she turned and started following behind him.

“Cat got your tongue, I suppose … all week …”



“Spike, please – listen to me!”

“Oh … NOW you want to talk, do ya? Didn’t want to talk ‘bout Charlie the Tuna being back on dry land – but now you want to talk … want me to listen. Bloody brilliant!”

Spike stopped and turned back around to face her. “You made a huge mistake, Slayer.”

“I know that! How many times can I say I’m sorry?”

“Not that … that was just your latest mistake – you made your big mistake on that balcony in Cinderella’s bloody castle. You told me I was your equal partner … you convinced me of it – made me say it - vow to it! Told me I was your hero, I was your equal – and I believed you.”

“You are…”

“News flash, Slayer … ‘equal partner’ means you discuss things ‘fore running off on your own and making life-altering decisions. When I married you I swore to be your partner … I was your willin’ slave – but you … you,” Spike clenched his jaw and closed his eyes. He refused to cry in front of her … he absolutely refused.

Buffy stood silent and still in front of him, waiting for him to finish – praying that he could find it in himself to forgive her for the lies.

After a few moments Spike opened his eyes again and continued, his voice soft and full of sorrow, “You made me feel like we were a team … like I really mattered, like what I thought, what I did, counted for something in this world – that my feelings, my opinions, were important to you. You made me feel like I could live in the light with you … not in the shadows.”

“They are… you are …you can…” Buffy started.

Spike shook his head slowly. “No … not really. Not when it comes right down to it. In the end, you did what you wanted to do … what I felt or thought didn’t matter. You not only did what you bloody well wanted, but you lied to me about it … that’s not a partnership, Buffy, that’s a superhero and her sidekick – the superhero makes the decisions … the sidekick adds bloody comic relief.”

“Spike, I didn’t mean to …”

“Save it, Slayer – because you did mean to – you meant to lie to me, you meant to help Angelus – you didn’t do anything that you didn’t mean to do. Every move you made, every lie you told, was thought out and planned … it’s not like you just made a wrong bloody turn on the highway.

“A year ago … hell, a month ago, I might’ve never opened my mouth – but it’s different now, innit? I’m different now – and that was your biggest mistake. You convinced me that I mattered and there’s no turning back from that now… I have my pride, Buffy – I’m done playing Robin to your Batman. I can’t be your slave anymore.”

Buffy shook her head slowly. She did value Spike’s opinion – she meant every word she said to him about being a hero – he was her hero, he was their family’s hero and he was every bit her equal. He just didn’t understand how certain she was of the need to help Angel now in order to protect their daughter and “nephew” later. His hatred of Angel was overshadowing his ability to even consider the possibility that helping Angel now would eventually help them.

“I tried to talk to you about it, Spike … but you didn’t believe me. Angel will save the kids – we need to help Angel now to save Annie’s life later. I am more sure of this than I am my own name – but you wouldn’t even consider it,” Buffy pointed out.

“And just how is it that your beloved Angel happens to be in the right place at the right time, Slayer?” Spike asked her, his hands going to his hips.

“Cordy has a vision …”

“Ahhhh – the PTB at work again, are they? Why don’t we just tell Vision Girl to call us if she has any urgent telegrams regarding Sunnydale and toss Charlie back?”

Buffy sighed, then mimicked holding a phone to her ear. “Hi Cordy, would you please call us if you get any visions about our daughter getting shot? No – I’m never going to help you find Angel…CLICK!”

Buffy dropped her arm and rolled her eyes. “Trust me, Cordy is a vindictive bitch … she knows I know something about Angel … she’d laugh in my face …”

“I still say a million things can happen in that time. Even if the shooting is real, we could find a way to stop it between now and then – without bloody Angel!” Spike asserted.

Buffy shook her head and closed her eyes. Spike was never going to understand – he would never agree with her decision to help Angel, which is what got her painted into this horrible corner in the first place.

“What do you do when equal partners don’t agree?” Buffy asked him, opening her eyes and searching his face for some kind of solution.

Spike shrugged. “I reckon that’s what they call ‘irreconcilable differences’, Slayer,” Spike told her as he turned and started walking again.

“Irreconcilable differences?” Buffy asked softly. She’d heard that term before – it was the boilerplate reason for divorce all the celebrities used when they got tired of their current partner.

“You don’t mean you want a …” Buffy asked, unable to say the word … it stuck in her throat as tears streaked her face and she watched Spike walk down the beach alone. Buffy dropped to her knees in the sand and watched him move further and further away from her as her entire world crashed and burned all around her.



**~**

Spike woke up from the dream still lying on the floor against the garden doors. He groaned in pain as he sat up … every inch of his body hurt from the beating he’d taken earlier.

“Well, you are still with us,” Lorne said, getting up from the couch and moving towards him. “You look like death warmed over, Sweet Cheeks.”

“Yeah … reckon I feel like death … un-warmed,” Spike told him as he stood up slowly.

“Willow told me what’s going on … what is going on?” Lorne asked as he gave Spike a hand up.

Spike looked at Lorne and shook his head. “The end of the bloody world,” he told him as he started walking through the debris that still littered the great room towards the stairs.

“What can I do?” Lorne called after him as Spike started up the stairs.

“Nuthin’ … it’s too late now – the four horsemen ‘ave arrived,” Spike informed him tiredly as he trudged up the stairs to the bedroom.

Spike lay down in their bed on his side and pulled Buffy’s pillow to his chest, buried his face against it, and curled into a ball as tears fell from his eyes. His world was spinning out of control and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Buffy had taken him to the top of the world – given him a glimpse of what it could be like to be a man, to be her man, her equal – then she snatched it away with her lies.

He felt like he was free falling from the highest mountain down into the pits of hell. How one woman could have the ability to take him that high and send him plummeting that low was beyond his comprehension, but he couldn’t do it anymore. He would’ve rather never been given that glimpse of heaven than to have seen it then had it jerked away.

It wasn’t so much her helping Angel that cut him so badly, but her betrayal of his trust. That was one thing Dru never did to him – she never tried to hide anything from him … she’d hurt him plenty - more than once by sleeping with Angel, but she did it out in the open – he’d almost come to expect it from her. But Buffy … Buffy made him trust her, she made him believe in her … she made him believe in himself and that he was worthy of being more than a monster. Then she treated him like he was nothing … like he didn’t matter, like he was still the monster, after all.

Spike cried into Buffy's pillow trying to understand why she did it – why go to all the trouble of bringing him into the light only to shove him so harshly back into the dark? Why make him think he mattered only to treat him like … like something you scrape off the bottom of your shoe?

“God, Buffy … why? Why? Why?” he muttered against her pillow as sobs wracked his body.

His body, mind, heart, and soul all ached. If it was possible to die of a broken heart, Spike would have. He couldn’t let this happen again … he’d been too free with his love, with his trust, and look where it got him. Dreams were for dreamers … and he couldn’t afford to dream again – it hurt too much when the dream was snatched away.

**~**

“I dare say! You can’t be sleeping there. Move along!” Giles exclaimed as he came to open the Magic Box in the morning, poking the homeless person sleeping in his doorway with the tip of his umbrella.

Buffy moaned when the tip of the umbrella hit her sore ribs … her whole body seemed to ache – she wasn’t sure how much was physical from the fight with Spike and how much was from the ache in her soul. The second time the umbrella hit her ribs she jerked her arm back and grabbed it, yanking it out of Giles’ hand.

Buffy turned towards her ‘attacker’ and thrust the ‘weapon’ back at him. Giles jumped back away from her before recognition hit him.

“Buffy! Dear Lord! What happened?” he asked as he parried her thrust and moved back towards her. Buffy’s eyes were swollen from crying and from the shot to the nose she’d taken from Spike. She had blood caked on her face and neck and covering her clothes and the state of her clothes and hair honestly made her look like a homeless person …

“Giles …” Buffy moaned when she realized where she was and who was 'attacking' her. She used the umbrella to push herself up to her feet, groaning as pain shot through her body. She wondered if she had some broken ribs to go along with everything else from where Spike had tossed her over the lockers.

“Buffy! What happened?” Giles asked again as he helped her stand.

Tears welled in Buffy’s eyes again as she leaned on her Watcher. “I fucked up, Giles … I fucked up so bad.”

Giles took her into the back room of the shop and got her some tea as he cleaned the blood off her face and checked her ribs for breaks.

“What happened?” he asked again as he worked. “Where’s Spike?”


Buffy shook her head slowly. “Spike’s gone … I lost him.”



“Gone!? As in …” Giles drew in a sharp breath – afraid that Spike had been dusted.

“I lost him … I handled everything all wrong and he won’t forgive me – he wants a divorce…he doesn’t love me anymore,” Buffy told him, her voice growing softer until it was barely a whisper at the end.

“Thank God …” Giles said with relief and Buffy looked at him and frowned. “What I mean is – thank God he’s not dusted … Buffy, what on earth happened?”

Buffy sighed deeply and took a sip of the tea that Giles had made for her before answering. “Angel’s back. I don’t know how he got back. He’s lost his memory … he’s scared and he asked me for help and …” Buffy’s voice cracked on the end as she dropped her head to her hands.

“And you helped him,” Giles supplied.





“Yeah,” Buffy agreed. “I helped him, but I didn’t tell Spike … I didn’t tell anyone, and now Spike says he can’t love someone he can’t trust …”

Buffy looked up and met Giles’ eyes, her own brimming with tears again. “How do I fix it? Please tell me how to fix it,” she begged him.

Giles removed his glasses and cleaned them with his handkerchief as he thought. “Trust is one of those things that takes years to build, but only seconds to destroy, Buffy. Once it’s been breached, you can’t stick your finger in the levee and fix it. It has to be rebuilt, from scratch.”

Buffy nodded slowly, folded her hands on the table and laid her head down on them. “He won’t give me the chance … ‘Go straight to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200’.”

“Indeed,” Giles said with a sigh. “Perhaps … perhaps I can speak with him.”

Buffy brightened slightly and looked up. “Would you? Could you?” she asked hopefully. “Giles, I know I was wrong – beyond wrong, wrong to the power of a million … I swear I didn’t mean to hurt him – I never wanted to hurt him … never.”

Giles frowned but nodded. He didn’t hold much hope out for his talk having any influence on Spike. From his experience, once Spike made up his mind about something, Buffy was the only one that could ever get him to change it…if he wasn’t willing to accept Buffy’s apology … well, that didn’t sound very hopeful.

“Giles! You left the front door wide open!” Anya called from the front of the store. “Anyone could just stroll in here and take our profits! You know those pimply-faced teenagers with the skateboards and baggy pants are just dying for a chance to get even with me for making them stop riding them in the store.”

Giles rolled his eyes. “Sorry, Anya … I was a bit preoccupied.”

Anya walked to the backroom where they were carrying JJ. “My God, Buffy – did you at least win? You look like hell!”

Buffy snorted softly and shook her head. Yeah, she won the fight, but she lost so much more. Anya set JJ down in the playpen there and Buffy got up and walked over to him. Kneeling down to his level, she smoothed his thick, dark hair back and smiled softly as tears stung her eyes. He giggled at her and grabbed at her hand with his.

She was still sure helping Angel was the right thing to do, she’d just gone about it wrong … “You’ll be ok, big guy …” Buffy whispered to him. “Wish I could say the same for me …”

“Anya, perhaps Buffy could go to your house and wash up …” Giles suggested.

“What’s wrong with her house? Did the plumbing finally go out? You know, I warned you about those old pipes in that house – they’re a disaster waiting to happen! I had Xander do a total copper re-pipe of our house this spring …” Anya started.





“Anya!” Giles interrupted her. “Perhaps we can have the ‘This Old House’ lesson later. Can Buffy go to your house and clean up – get some rest?”

Anya shrugged. “Sure …” she agreed, handing Buffy the keys. “I have to get the store open, anyway. Someone around here needs to bring in some money …”

**~**

Buffy entered her mom’s old house and leaned heavily on the door when she closed it behind her. The house was still and quiet … she could still see her mom everywhere she looked, it seemed. Even though Anya had changed most of the furniture and repainted, memories of good times and bad spent here with her mom, her friends, and even Angel, seemed to surround her like ghosts.

“Mom … I fucked up so bad,” Buffy whispered as she slid down the door and sat on the floor. She was so tired … so very, very tired.

Buffy thought about all the things she and Spike had been through over the years. So many threats to their lives, to their family, to their love – but they’d always been able to come through together. Even when he thought Angel had put some kind of spell on her and made that X-rated videotape, he hadn’t turned his back on her, not like this.

“I’m so stupid … God, what was I thinking?” she asked herself, laying her head down on her knees. “If I could only turn back time – I’d change it … if only I could.

“Mom … I miss you so much … I wish you were here to tell me what do to. How do I fix this?” Buffy cried as she talked to the empty house. The night of her mother’s funeral flashed through her mind – Spike had held her all night, assured her, calmed her fears, and told her how proud her mom was of her and their family.

She wouldn’t be too proud of me now, Buffy thought as she began to sob again. Spike was right – she’d acted selfishly, not like his wife or partner – she’d acted like the Slayer. Making her own decisions and following her own instincts without any real regard for anyone else. She knew it was wrong to lie to him, but that didn’t stop her from doing it.

Most Slayers never lived long enough to get married, let alone have a family … perhaps there was a reason for that – perhaps the very thing that makes a good Slayer keeps them from being good wives … or mothers.

Buffy was suddenly overwhelmed by despair deeper than anything she’d ever known before. Spike’s right … I am beneath him. I’ll always be a Slayer first, no matter how hard I try to be a wife and a mother; he’s a man first – a husband, a friend, a father and the vampire is second.

“I’m so sorry …” Buffy whispered to no one as she slid the rest of the way down to the floor and curled into a ball. “I never meant to hurt you …”

**~**

Giles walked into the mansion and let out an audible gasp when he saw all the research books ripped and strewn about.

“Dear Lord,” he muttered as he started picking up the oldest and rarest of the texts and began trying to find the pages that went with them.

Willow and Tara came down the stairs and saw him. “We were gonna work on that today, Giles,” Willow told him as the witches reached the bottom of the stairs.

“What on earth happened here!?” Giles asked them waving his arms at the debris that once were their research books.

“Spike happened,” Tara told him flatly as she picked up a couple of pages from the book he had in his hand and gave them to him.

Giles blew out a long breath. “Where is Spike? I’d like to have a word with him.”

Tara shrugged. “Upstairs I guess – we haven’t seen him this morning.”

Giles handed her the book and started for the stairs, he was teetering between shock, misery, and outrage over the state of the research library and banged on Spike’s door loudly.

“Go the bloody hell away!” Giles heard from the other side of the door.

“Spike – I need to have a word with you,” Giles called through the door.

“Used up your word with all that talkin’ – go away,” Spike moaned from the other side of the door.

Giles tried the doorknob and the door opened – Spike hadn’t locked it the night before when he'd stumbled to bed.

“Spike – what is the meaning of that chaos in the great room?” Giles started, forgetting his original plan to talk to him about Buffy.

“Bloody hell! You in the habit of comin’ into other people’s bedrooms uninvited, Watcher?” Spike asked him as he pulled himself up slowly to sit with his back against the headboard.

Spike was still in the clothes he’d had on yesterday … all caked with blood and dirt. His face was one big bruise, his eyes were swollen nearly shut, and he had a long gash on his cheekbone. Giles thought that Buffy looked bad, but it was apparent that Spike had gotten the worse end of that fight.

“What’s the meaning of the state of the research library?” Giles asked him again.

“Just felt the need to vent is all,” Spike told him as he patted his pockets down looking for a smoke. He hadn’t had a cigarette in ages … and not in the house around the kids in even longer, but he suddenly felt the need for one. Giles wasn’t here to discuss the bloody books … he was sure of that.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done!? Some of those tomes are irreplaceable! Priceless!” Giles informed him.

Spike stood up and started rummaging through the dresser drawers until he found some cigarettes and a lighter and lit one, taking a deep drag on it before sitting back down on the bed.

“What do you want? You ain’t here to talk about the bloody books,” Spike asserted as he leaned back against the headboard and took another drag on the cigarette.

“Indeed …” Giles tried to remember what it was he was going to say to Spike … he’d thought it out on the way over, but it escaped him when he saw the books.

“Buffy …” Giles started and Spike snorted.

“’ere we go! Poor Buffy! I’ve mistreated her, ‘ave I? Now she’s running to all her little friends tellin’ ya what a monster I am. Well you can all sod off! Tell her she needs to look in the bloody mirror!” Spike ranted, standing up and starting to pace back and forth from the head of the bed to the foot and back again.

“That’s not what I was going to say …” Giles started again. “She’s quite upset – says you want a divorce. She’s aware that she made an error in judgment and she’s quite sorry about it.”

“Oh, an error in judgment, is it? Well, I reckon that’s true enough – she thought she was married to William – forgot she married Spike, and Spike’s done with ‘er.”

“Surely you don’t mean that,” Giles told him. “You’ve been through so much,” Giles pointed out. “She’s very repentant.”

“Well, she should join a convent then … they’re big on the repentin’ and forgivin’ … I’m not,” Spike informed him. “I’m sure Angelus would be particularly pleased … he always was partial to nuns.”

Spike crushed out his cigarette and lay back down on the bed, turning his back to Giles. “Close the door on your way out, Watcher.”

Giles sighed and backed out of the room, pulling the door closed behind him. That went about as well as he thought it would – in other words, not well at all.

**~**

Buffy fell into a fitful sleep on the floor just inside the front door of Xander and Anya’s house. She had the same nightmare over and over: Spike staked Angel, then suddenly Angel was replaced with the Annie from the future – she was sitting in a rocking chair holding a baby.

“Mom! Isn’t she beautiful?” Annie asked her, beaming with pride as she looked up from the baby to Buffy. Then both she and the baby disintegrated into dust as Buffy watched helplessly.

Buffy woke with a jerk when she heard and felt a loud banging sound. When she got her bearings and remembered where she was, she realized that someone was knocking on the door at her back. Buffy stood up stiffly and opened the door to find Tara on the other side doing the knocking.

“God Buffy! You look terrible!” Tara started as she came in the door.

“Thanks, that’s what I was going for,” Buffy quipped as she sat down heavily on the stairs.

“Giles told us where you were … I brought you some clothes and stuff – he said you might need them,” Tara told her, holding up a bag.

“Thanks…” Buffy said softly. “How’s Spike?”

Tara shrugged. “We haven’t seen him yet today. Willow took Annie to preschool – she wanted to know where you were …”



“Annie…” Buffy moaned, covering her face with her hands. She’d lost all track of time – she should’ve known that it was late but time seemed to be dragging so slowly, every minute felt like an hour.

“It’s ok … Willow told her you’d see her later and she was fine,” Tara assured her. “Why don’t we get you cleaned up … you’ll feel better. Have you eaten? You should eat something … you need your strength.

“C’mon – you go get a shower and I’ll get you something to eat,” Tara suggested, handing her the bag of clothes that she’d brought.

Buffy nodded slowly and stood up, taking the bag from Tara’s hands she started up the stairs to the bathroom. There was no use telling Tara that she didn’t think a shower and a sandwich would cure what was ailing her.

When Buffy came back down, Tara had some tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich fixed and waiting for her on a tray in the living room. Buffy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She wasn’t sure she could eat anything just then, or keep it down … but Tara had gone to the trouble, so she’d try.

Buffy sat down on the sofa and began to eat … surprisingly, she was able to eat and after the first bite, she realized that she was hungry, after all.

When she was done, Tara asked, “What happened, Buffy?”

Buffy sighed heavily and looked at Tara. Tara always had a way about her – a soft way of talking to you that held no judgment, a way to make you feel like you should tell her everything … and now was no exception.

Tears stung Buffy eyes again as she started to tell Tara about the Slayer dream and Angel saving Annie and JJ and how Spike didn’t believe it. Then she told her everything that had happened with Angel and lying to Spike and how much she’d hurt him without meaning to and how she was beneath him and didn’t deserve his love … and now he’d realized it, too. He wanted a divorce.

Tara listened intently as Buffy poured out her heart - Buffy's words coming out quickly - as if she was trying to rip a Band-Aid off quickly to keep it from hurting too much. It was clear that Buffy would do nearly anything to take back what she’d done – if she could go back in time and do it differently, Tara was sure that she would.

When Buffy finished talking, Tara asked, “Spike said he wanted a divorce?”

“He said we had ‘irreconcilable differences’ …” Buffy told her, nodding her head in the affirmative.

“Buffy … I can’t believe he meant he wanted a divorce. You’ve been through so much – surely you can get through this,” Tara assured her.

Buffy shook her head as tears continued to flow from her eyes. “I don’t think so … he was pretty … adamant. I treated him so badly … he’s right to hate me.”

Tara sighed. She knew Spike could be pretty obstinate … but him wanting a divorce seemed a little extreme, even for Spike. Of course, she’d never seen him in such a rage as he had been in the previous night, either – shredding the research books and turning over every piece of furniture he got his hands on.

Tara hated seeing Spike and Buffy in such pain and the thought of them getting divorced was just … beyond comprehension. If they couldn’t make it, what chance did the rest of us have?

“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you,” Tara tried to reassure Buffy. “Everyone makes mistakes.”

“No,” Buffy started softly, shaking her head slowly. “What I did wasn’t just a mistake … it was … it was a betrayal of his trust, of his love. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t stop myself … I’m a horrible person. I truly don’t deserve him … there’s something wrong with me.”

“Buffy, that’s not true …” Tara started.

“It is … it is true,” Buffy insisted, dropping to her knees on the floor in front of Tara. “I’m so sorry … so sorry for hurting him,” Buffy’s words barely audible as sobs overtook her.

Buffy dropped her head on Tara’s knees as she cried and Tara gave her as much comfort as she could – trying to reassure her that she wasn’t a horrible person and that Spike didn’t hate her.



**~**

When Tara got back to the mansion, Spike was sitting in the kitchen – a half gone bottle of Jack on the table in front of him.

“We need to talk,” Tara said firmly as she stood across the table from him and folded her arms over her chest.

“So talk …” Spike told her as he took another swig of the amber liquid directly from the bottle.

“Buffy says …” Tara started.

“’bout anything but the Slayer,” Spike interrupted her, sitting back in his chair and hooking his thumbs in the front pockets of his jeans as he met her eyes with his.

Tara looked at him and sighed, dropping her hands down to her sides. He still looked terrible, his face was swollen and bruised, his eyes swollen, the gash on his cheek still quite evident, but he had taken a shower and changed clothes, at least.

“Fine,” Tara agreed, moving forward and picking up the bottle of Jack off the table and turning it upside down in the sink.

“HEY! That’s mine!” Spike objected, starting to stand up and retrieve it, but Tara blocked his path to the sink.

“Let’s talk about Annie … She’ll need to be picked up in an hour,” Tara informed him, looking up at the clock. “You have to go in and sign her out.”

Spike smirked at her. He knew there was no covered walk from the parking lot at the pre-school to the building – Tara was trying to make him see that he needed help, that he needed Buffy.

“Fine … I’ll handle it,” he told her, sitting back down.

“Where are the twins?” Tara asked him. “Not still in their cribs, I hope.”

“Noooo … they’re with Green in the Bat…basement,” Spike informed her.

“The bat basement? We have bats in the basement? And the babies are down there?” Tara asked him with raised brows.

“Nooo, there’re no bats in the bloody basement. It’s perfectly fine – we just … Niblett just calls it the Batcave,” Spike explained, suddenly feeling childish for calling it that himself.

Tara cocked a brow at him, but didn’t comment further on that. “Have they had lunch?”

“’Course! You think I don’t know how to take care of my own bloody children?!” Spike asked her, standing up and starting to pace back and forth as he patted his pockets down for another cigarette.

“No, I just think you aren’t looking too well or thinking too straight and you’ve been drinking. It may take a village to raise children, but ultimately you’re responsible – you and Buffy. And if Buffy’s not here, then it’s you, Spike. You have to be the adult – you can’t crawl into a bottle and hide this time – I won’t let you.”

“I ain’t crawling anywhere, Glinda. I’m fine – I’ll handle it,” he told her, pulling the pack of cigarettes and lighter out of his pocket.

“Fine. I’m glad you can handle it,” Tara said before taking the pack from his hand and tossing them in the sink with the whiskey and turning on the water.

“Bloody hell – that was my last pack!” Spike exclaimed.

“No smoking around people with functioning lungs,” she informed him before turning and leaving him alone in the kitchen.

Spike slumped back down in the chair at the table and dropped his head into his palms. He’d totally forgotten that Annie needed breakfast and to be taken to preschool this morning and the babies needed changing and to be fed. Buffy always did that in the mornings.

Willow told him (rather tersely) that she and Tara had taken care of it when he stumbled out of bed around noon, which is when he started on his first bottle of Jack … the one Tara had poured out was his second.

How was he going to do this without Buffy? At the moment, he wasn’t sure he could take care of himself without her … his whole body ached, and not from the fight – it was from his battered and broken heart.

The realization that she never meant any of those things that she said about him being her equal, about him being her hero still cut him to the quick. He wondered if that stabbing feeling in his gut would ever go away. His words of advice to his daughter when ‘Minnie Mouse’ ran away echoed in his mind … “One foot in front of the other,” he’d told her … and so now he would just do that – put one foot in front of the other and take care of this family himself. There was nothing left to do.

**~**

Spike pulled his duster over his head and darted from the parking lot to the pre-school building. It was a rare day in California, the sky was overcast, which matched Spike’s mood perfectly. He was glad for it though – at least he wouldn’t be billowing smoke uncontrollably the very first day he picked his daughter up from her pre-school, but he’d need to figure out a different system for the future.

Spike patted out the couple of spots that had started to smoke as he entered the building. The other parents, mostly mothers, glared at him with looks ranging from mild concern to outright disgust. His face was still bruised and swollen – he looked like he’d gone ten rounds with Muhammad Ali … he was smoking and had a slight odor of alcohol about him, despite the mouthwash he used before he came.

“Can I help you?” one of the teachers asked him as she tried to block him from moving further into the building.

“Here to pick up the Nib … Annie – Annie Weckerly,” he told her.

“And you are?”

“Her father – Spi … William,” he informed the teacher. He didn’t like this woman’s attitude at all.

The teacher looked at him dubiously. “I don’t remember seeing you here before.”

“Haven’t been … Is she ready?” Spike asked her, getting impatient with all her questions and looking down the hall for his daughter.

“Can I see some ID?” the teacher asked as she scanned the sign-out sheet for names of people who were approved to pick up Annie to see if his was on it. She knew from talking to Mrs. Johnston that Annie’s family was … extended and somewhat odd, but this guy didn’t look trustworthy at all.

Spike sighed heavily. “Bloody hell…” he muttered under his breath as he fished his wallet out and handed the woman his license.

The teacher looked at his license and compared the name to the list of approved names – William Weckerly was allowed to pick up Annie; then she looked from the photo on the license to Spike’s cut, bruised, and swollen face.

“Can I have my bloody daughter now?” he asked her, his frustration coming through in his voice.



“Just a moment. Please wait here,” the teacher said as she took his license and headed down the hall towards Mrs. Johnston’s class.

Spike watched as the teacher went in the room, then she and another teacher, who he assumed was the famous Mrs. Johnston that Buffy always talked about, stuck their heads out and looked down the hall at him – looking from the license to him and back again. Mrs. Johnston shrugged and shook her head.

“I’ve never met him … he’s supposed to have some kind of skin condition and bad teeth …” he heard Annie’s teacher say and Spike rolled his eyes.

“Bloody idiots …” Spike muttered as he strode down the hall towards the classroom.

“Niblett! Let’s go!” he called as he got close to the door and he heard Annie exclaim, “Papa!” from the other side of the teachers, who were blocking his entry into the room.

Spike smirked at them and snatched his license back out of the first one’s hand and stuffed it down into his pocket.

Annie pushed through the teachers into the hallway. “Papa!” she exclaimed again – surprised and excited to see him here – he’d never picked her up before. Then suddenly it dawned on her that him being here must mean that something had happened – something bad.

“Where’s Mama?” she asked as Spike picked her up and rested her weight against his hip with one strong arm. “What happened to your face?”

“We’ll talk about it at home,” he told her as he turned to leave with her.

“Excuse me … Mr. Weckerly – you do need to sign her out,” the first teacher called after them.

Spike spun back around, grabbed the pen from her hand and signed next to Annie’s name on the log. “Tomorrow, when I pull up to the curb, you need to bring her out to m’ car,” he informed her.

“That’s not the way we normally …” the teacher started but stopped when she looked up at Spike’s expression.

“You don’t want me to report your school for discrimination against people with sun allergies, do ya? Ya' know, the BASVA doesn't take discrimination against it's members lightly ...” he informed her, his voice deadly serious.

“Uhh … no, of course – I’m sure we can do that,” the teacher stammered.

“Smart choice,” Spike told her as he turned and headed down the hallway.

When he got to the door, he set Annie down. “Ok – you go get in the car and I’ll be along right behind ya.”

“Can I drive?” Annie asked hopefully.

“Not today, Niblett … Go on now.

“Look both ways!” he reminded her as she started to step off the curb in the parking lot. Annie hesitated and looked both ways, then walked across the parking lot to the DeSoto and climbed in the back seat.

When she was in, Spike pulled his duster up over his head and ran across the lot and jumped in the car as he patted out the smoldering spots again.

“Where’s Mama?” Annie asked as she buckled herself into the seat. “Is something wrong? Did something happen? What happened to your face?”

Spike sighed. He hadn’t thought far enough ahead to be able to answer all those questions with sugar coating, so he just told her the hard truth.

“Your mum and me had a fight, Niblett … she’s not gonna be around much now,” Spike told her as he started the car and began driving back to Crawford Street.

“What does that mean?” Annie asked with concern in her voice.

“It means just what I bloody said! You’re mum’s gone – it’s just us now, you and me and the little bits,” Spike told her harshly – his patience had been worn down to nothing.

Annie stuck her bottom lip out in a pout as tears welled in her eyes. Her father never spoke to her like that.





Spike looked at her in the rearview mirror, rolled his eyes and sighed. “I’m sorry … I didn’t mean to be cross with you,” he told her softly. “Sometimes things happen in life – we lose people we love, yeah? We don’t mean it to happen, but it just does. Like you lost Minnie Mouse.”

“Mama ran away?”

“She made a choice … and the choice wasn’t us, Niblett, so yeah, I guess you could say she ran away.”

Annie bottom lip began to quiver as her tears spilled from her eyes. “She doesn’t love us anymore?” she asked her father softly.

Tears stung Spike’s eyes as he watched his daughter. He hadn’t handled this well at all …

“She loves you, Sweet Girl … she just, she apparently doesn’t love me anymore,” Spike tried to assure her as he pulled into the garage at the mansion.

Annie unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed over the front seat. “I don’t understand …” she told Spike as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Neither do I, Niblett … neither do I,” Spike muttered. He hugged her to his chest and buried his face in her soft hair as the tears he’d been fighting fell from his eyes.

**~**


Click here to hear ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ by Cher on YouTube


If I could turn back time
If I could find the way
I'd take back those words that hurt you
And you'd stay

I don't know why I did the things I did
I don't know why I said the things I said
Pride's like a knife it can cut deep inside
Words are like weapons they wound sometimes

I didn't really mean to hurt you
I didn't want to see you go
I know I made you cry
But baby

If I could turn back time
If I could find the way
I'd take back those words that hurt you
And you'd stay

If I could reach the stars
I'd give 'em all to you
Then you'd love me,
love me, like you used to do

If I could turn back time
My world was shattered
I was torn apart

Like someone took a knife
And drove it deep in my heart
When you walked out that door
I swore that I didn't care
But I lost everything, darling, then and there

Too strong to tell you I was sorry
Too proud to tell you I was wrong
I know that I was blind
And darling

If I could turn back time...
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that hurt you
and you'd stay

If I could reach the stars
I'd give 'em all to you
Then you'd love me,
love me, like you used to do

If I could turn back time...
If I could turn back time...
If I could turn back time...

I didn't really mean to hurt you
I didn't want to see you go
I know I made you cry

But oh, if I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words that hurt you
and you'd stay

If I could reach the stars
I'd give 'em all to you
Then you'd love me,
love me, like you used to do

Mid-Afternoon, Thursday, July 29th, 2004:
 
Buffy dragged herself out of Xander and Anya’s house after Tara left. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die – or at least hide for a long, long while, but she needed to check on Angel and bring him some blood. She’d already come this far and lost everything else, she needed to see this through now – get Angel well enough to go back to L.A. and his friends there.
 
Buffy knocked on his door in the basement of the school and it opened almost immediately.
 
“Buffy! I was so worried about you! You’ve been gone so long. I finished all the books and you still weren’t here,” Angel rambled nervously as he opened the door wider and let her enter. “God! Your face! Are you ok?”
 
“Yeah – I’m ok. Sorry … I got … tied up,” Buffy told him as she handed him the human blood from Willy’s.
 
Angel took it from her, shifted involuntarily into game face, and drank hungrily, but wasn’t wild with it like he had been at first. Buffy sat down wearily on his makeshift bed on the floor and watched him as he opened each of the three containers in turn and downed them all. When Angel finished, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and picked up the book on demons, vampires, and zombies and sat down next to her.
 
“I’ve been reading this … well, a few times,” Angel started, still in game face, opening the book to the section on vampires. “Am I a … vampire?” he asked tentatively, looking up from the book to meet her eyes as he ran a finger across his fangs.
 
Buffy sighed. “Yeah, you’re a vampire with a soul,” Buffy confirmed for him. “You were turned in 1753 by Darla. Do you remember Darla?”
 
Angel frowned slightly as his human face slid back into place and crinkled his brow in thought. “Brunette, kind of peculiar?” he asked finally.
 
“No … that’s Dru – you turned her, you were her sire. Darla’s blonde.”
 
“Oh, yeah – she walked with me a while. She said I had to find my own way home…” Angel confirmed.
 
“But you don’t remember her from … before? Before just recently?”
 
Angel shook his head. “Am I … bad?” he asked, looking back at the book. “It says vampires are evil. That they kill people and drink their blood, don’t have a reflection or a heartbeat, and … can’t go in the sun. I looked in the mirror and I can’t see myself … but I was in the sun, so maybe I’m not a vampire, after all,” he said hopefully.
 
“You are a vampire… you were bad for a while, but you were cursed with a soul and, well – you reformed … mostly,” Buffy explained to him. “You can go in the sun because of the ring,” Buffy continued, touching his hand where the Gem of Amarra was. “It protects you.”
 
“You say I was turned in 1753 … what year is it now?”
 
“2004”
 
“2004? That means I’m … I’m,” Angel closed his eyes and did the math in his head … he was born in 1727, that he remembered, and now it’s 2004. Angel opened his eyes wide with surprise. “I’m 277 years old!? That would make my sister … 270!”
 
Angel stopped and considered this a moment. “My sister’s not … she’s not waiting for me, is she?”
 
Buffy gave him a sad look and shook her head slowly.
 
“Is anyone waiting for me?” he asked softly, looking back down at the book.
 
“You have friends that care for you in Los Angeles … they’re waiting for you,” Buffy told him. “I was hoping you’d remember them before I took you back there …”
 
“Are you my friend, too?” Angel asked her, looking back up from the book with that innocent, childlike look that stabbed at Buffy’s already battered and bruised heart.
 
Buffy shrugged. “We … we were friends for a while – we haven’t been close lately, though …”
 
“Are you a vampire, too?”
 
“No … I’m a Vampire Slayer,” Buffy told him, taking the book from his hands and flipping a few pages to the part on Slayers.
 
“Oh…” Angel muttered, re-reading the passage about Slayers for the fifth time.
 
“But you didn’t slay me … ‘cause we were friends?” he asked as he read.
 
“Your soul … makes you different than most other vampires. You helped me and we became … friends and … I didn’t slay you,” Buffy explained. No, I just dropped you to the bottom of the ocean and turned you into a walking skeleton that’s lost his memory…
 
“Oh … were we … good friends?” Angel asked, looking back up at her.
 
Buffy closed her eyes, sighed, and nodded as the memory of just how close of 'friends' they had been at one time flashed through her mind. It seemed like another lifetime ago from where she was now.
 


“Oh … I’m sorry I don’t remember.”
 
“It’s ok, Liam … One good thing about being a vampire is you can heal quickly – your memory will come back,” Buffy assured him – how long it would take for that to happen she had no idea - she really wasn't 100% sure it would at all.
 
Buffy looked at her watch – it was nearly time to pick Annie up from pre-school. Buffy stood up and Angel followed suit.
 
“Stay here – I’ll come back later and we’ll go to the library and get more books. We can’t now because school’s still in – there are too many people around, ok?” Buffy told him as she moved towards the door.
 
Angel nodded slowly, sat back down and started reading the book on vampires again.
 
**~**
 
When Buffy got to Annie’s school, she saw Spike dashing from his car across the parking lot to the building. She wanted so badly to go to him … to talk to him, to help him. An overwhelming feeling of guilt for not only lying to him, but not letting him have the Gem of Amarra started in Buffy’s gut and seemed to spread like a cancer across her whole body as she watched from one end of the parking lot for him to come back out with Annie.
 
After several minutes, Annie came out and Buffy watched her look both ways then cross the lot to the car before Spike sprinted, his duster over his head shielding him from the sun, from the building and jumped into the car behind her.
 
Buffy closed her eyes and swallowed back her tears and her guilt. When she opened them, they were pulling out of the parking lot. Buffy started walking in the same direction – back towards the mansion.
 
Buffy entered the garden doors of the mansion and found the great room to be in the same state of disarray as it had been the previous night. She suddenly felt the need to fix it … this was something she could fix. She began setting the bookcases back up and putting them back in their places, moving the torn and tattered books out of the way for the time being.
 
“Leave it,” Spike’s voice came from above her as he started down the stairs, but Buffy kept working at her task.
 
When Spike reached the bottom of the stairs, he walked over to where she was and grabbed her wrist, stopping her. “I said, ‘leave it’, Slayer.”
 
“Spike … let me help – I can help …” Buffy said, her voice bordering on begging.
 
“Leave. It,” Spike repeated slowly through clenched teeth.
 
Buffy closed her eyes and nodded slowly, pulling her arm out of his grasp. “Can I see Annie?”
 
Before Spike could answer, Annie started down the stairs and saw Buffy. “MAMA!” she cried as she started running down the stairs. “I knew it wasn’t true!” she exclaimed as she threw herself at Buffy.
 
Buffy grabbed her in midair and swung her around before pulling her daughter against her chest in a strong hug. Spike backed up a few steps away from them and waited to see what lies Buffy was going to tell their daughter.
 
“I knew it wasn’t true!” Annie exclaimed again. “I knew you’d come back –I knew you would! Papa said you ran away 'cause you didn’t love him anymore, but I knew that was wrong!”
 
Tears stung Buffy’s eyes as she carried her daughter over to the couch and sat down with her.
 
“Annie, honey … I messed up really bad,” Buffy started and Annie sat back on Buffy’s lap and looked at her.
 
“What do you mean?” Annie asked her with concern.
 
“I told a lie … well, lots of lies, because lies are like potato chips – you can never stop with one. Once you tell one, more always follow …” Buffy told her daughter sadly. “It was wrong of me to lie – I did it for all the right reasons, I thought – but it was still wrong.”
 
“But you’re sorry, right?” Annie asked her.
 
“Yes, Sweet Girl, I’m very sorry.”
 
“Then say, ‘I apologize’ and Papa will say, ‘I accept your apology’ and you shake hands and it will be ok. That’s what we do in Mrs. Johnston’s class when someone messes up,” Annie advised her.
 
Buffy smiled sadly at her daughter. “That’s a very smart thing to do … and I did do that, but … well, sometimes an apology just isn’t enough.”
 
“Why not?” Annie asked, her brow furrowed in confusion.
 
Buffy shrugged. “Sometimes the thing you did cuts too deep for the apology to heal it …”
 
“Papa said you didn’t love him anymore …” Annie said sadly.
 
“That’s not true … I love him very much – I love you very much, I just …” Buffy took a deep breath and blinked back her tears. “I hurt him by lying and I’m sorry, but it’s too deep.”
 
Tears started running down Annie’s face as Buffy blinked her own back. “Where will you go?” Annie asked her softly.
 
Buffy shrugged. “I…I don’t know – but I won’t be far and if you need me, I’ll be right here. I’ll be here for you always – I’d do anything for you, Annie … anything.”
 
“Then don’t go …”
 
Buffy smiled sadly as she lost the battle with her own tears and they spilled from her eyes. “I wish I didn’t have to … but I made my bed, so now I have to lie in it.”
 
“Why?” Annie asked, her voice quivering with her tears.
 
Buffy pulled her back into a hug. “Because that’s just how life is, sweetie. You have to live with the decisions you make. There are no ‘do overs’ in real life.”
 
“But you still love us …” Annie pointed out.
 
“Yes … but sometimes love isn’t enough,” Buffy advised her sadly.
 
“I don’t understand …” Annie cried against Buffy’s shoulder.
 
Buffy didn’t know what to say to that – she didn’t completely understand herself. Wasn’t love supposed to overcome anything? Isn’t that what all the songs said … ‘Love will keep us together’? Apparently, the Captain and Tennille were wrong.
 
Buffy swallowed her tears and gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead as she released her from the hug. “Now … you mind Papa and Willow and Tara, ok? And you have my cell phone number – you call me anytime – if you need anything, ok?”
 
Annie nodded slowly. “Will you take me to school?”
 
Buffy looked back at Spike and he shook his head ‘no’.
 
Buffy sighed. “No … but I’ll see you lots, ok? I promise.”
 
“Mama, please don’t go,” Annie pled with her as tears flowed like rivers down her face and she wrapped her arms around Buffy’s neck, holding onto her mother fiercely.
 
Buffy wrapped her arms back around her and rocked her back and forth on her lap. She remembered how hurt and guilt-ridden she felt when her own parents separated and eventually divorced – and she wasn’t five years old. Buffy swore when that happened that she’d never put her children through that – but apparently that was a lie, too … because here she was putting her daughter through it.
 
Spike walked up and pulled Annie off Buffy and Annie wrapped herself around him as she continued to cry uncontrollably. Spike soothed her with soft words and touches as he fought his own emotions back. Buffy could say all the right things to their daughter, but her actions, her lies, had cut him deeper than her words could reach now.
 
When Annie was out of her arms, Buffy’s chest collapsed down against her legs as she hugged her empty arms around her own torso, trying to stop the pain that radiated out from her chest and stabbed at every nerve ending in her body.
 
“You should go …” Spike told her, his voice deep with emotion as he continued to try and calm Annie down.
 
“Can I … can I see the babies?” Buffy asked through her tears as she raised her eyes up to meet his. His eyes glistened with unshed tears … they were still the most beautiful blue she’d ever seen. So expressive; Spike’s eyes were the window to his soul – you could read all his emotions in his eyes. But now Buffy only saw hurt and pain and anger in them and she knew that she was the cause of it, and that only made her heart ache more.
 
“They’re nappin’,” he informed her.
 
“I won’t wake them,” Buffy assured him, her eyes locked on his, waiting for him to give her some glimmer of hope that his love was still there.
 
Spike rolled his eyes to the ceiling before closing them and nodding. The love that Buffy had hoped to see in them never surfaced; just the pain that she’d caused and then resignation.
 
“Thank you …” Buffy muttered as she stood up and headed for the stairs and Spike headed towards the basement door with Annie.
 
Buffy fought hard to stop sobbing before she got to the nursery, but it was a losing battle. She stroked her babies’ soft, golden hair as the tears flowed. How was she going to keep going without being here with them every day? What kind of life will it be – living somewhere else, being all alone, seeing your babies only at agreed to times … missing all the special moments – their first words, their first step, their first Christmas … first tooth … first everything …
 
“Spike should’ve just let me go …” Buffy muttered to herself as she thought of the times when she was in the coma after having the twins when she wanted to give up, but Spike wouldn’t let her. He was there always urging her forward … bringing her back to the light and out of the darkness. “He should’ve left me in the darkness…”



 
**~**
 
Down in the ‘Bat Cave’ Spike sat down on the couch with Annie. Her tears had slowed down, but her body still shuddered with each breath as she started to hyperventilate.
 
“It’s ok, Niblett … you’re gonna make yourself sick. Shhhhh….” Spike murmured to her as he patted her back and tried to get her to calm down.
 
“Papa …” Annie started, talking between deep, shuddering breaths. “Can’t you … forgive … Mama? She said … she’s…sorry.”
 
Spike sighed heavily. “Some things just can’t be forgiven that easily, Niblett. Your mum’s right – they cut too deep for the apology to reach …”
 
“But … but … she still … loves us,” Annie pointed out, still trying to catch her breath.
 
“I heard ‘er … but love is more than sayin’ the words, pet. Your actions have to back up the words … hers didn’t. Talk is cheap …”
 
“Please…please let her come home …” Annie begged him, her glistening, blue eyes locked on his.
 
Spike shook his head sadly. “Sorry, Niblett … I can’t do it this time.”
 
“You promised you’d never leave us … you promised,” Annie reminded him.
 
“And I ain’t the one leavin’ … I ain’t the one telling lies or breaking m’ promises. Life lesson number two, Niblett … Life ain’t fair,” Spike informed her in a tone that told her the conversation was over.
 
**~**
 
Buffy pulled herself away from the babies and went into what used to be her and Spike’s room. She pulled an overnight bag out of the bottom of the closet and began tossing some clothes into it. She smiled sadly as she packed the bag with some bare necessities – it was the same bag she’d used when she left her mom’s house and came here for the first time. It seemed like a lifetime ago … had it only been a little over six years?
 
She remembered how everyone had warned her about Spike – warned her about getting involved with another vamp. She remembered how angry Xander was when the Scoobies burst in on them after she’d sent Angel to hell and how Giles had warned Spike that if he hurt her, he’d be wishing for the end of the world. Turns out, they should’ve been warning Spike to steer clear of her, not the other way around.


 
Buffy looked around the room one last time before she left and saw Spike’s journal on his night stand. She sat her bag down and went over to it, picked it up and flipped it open to a blank page several pages after his last entry, careful to not read any of his entries in the process. She picked up a pen and wrote:
 
My Dearest Spike,
 
I know my words now have no meaning for you … but I just have to tell you one last time how sorry I am that I lied to you. I still feel in my heart that helping Angel will save Annie’s and JJ’s lives one day, so I won’t apologize for doing that, but I know I was wrong to not tell you. I felt cornered and I acted like the Slayer, not like a wife, not like a partner, and for that I am truly, deeply sorry.
 
I wish with all my heart you could find it within yourself to forgive me – but I understand if you can’t. I won’t interfere with your life, but I’ll miss you every minute of every day for the rest of mine.
 
My soul feels empty without you – my heart has been plunged into a cold, dark chasm – void of light and sound, and I doubt that it will ever find its way out. You were the sunshine that warmed my heart – you were the sweet wine that filled my soul with joy.
 
I love you – I always will. I hope you can find someone to share your life that deserves you … someone to be your equal and give you everything that you desire.
 
Be well, be happy, be loved,

Forever yours,
~Buffy
 
Buffy laid the journal back down where she got it, picked up her bag and took a deep breath before leaving the room she had shared with him for the last six years. Buffy looked back one last time as she stepped into the hallway and slowly closed the door behind her.
 
When the door closed, the feeling of being completely alone washed over her again as it had done the previous night when she slumped exhausted against the door of the Magic Box. It was as if that one gesture of closing the door to their room was more than that – it was like closing the door on their life – on their love, on hope.
 
Buffy held onto the handle of the door as if it were a lifeline - the only thing keeping her from floating off into deep space, never to be heard from or seen again.
  
**~**
 
Spike had finally gotten Annie calmed down and convinced her to play one of her video games while he went to check on the babies and see what Buffy was doing. When he started up the stairs, he saw her standing against their bedroom door, the overnight bag that she’d come here with in her hand. It seemed poetic that she chose to use the same bag on her way out of his life that she’d used when she entered it.


 
He remembered that first day like it was yesterday … when she came back and wanted “lessons” from Big Bad on how to be “slutty.” “Slutty the Vampire Layer” she’d called herself. His life had been a never ending E-ticket rollercoaster ride ever since; curving first one way, then the other; dipping and climbing and spinning, soaring to heaven and free falling into hell – and he wouldn’t have missed one minute of it for anything in the world. But the ride was over … the park was closed, her love was gone; no matter what her words said or how much he wished it wasn’t; her actions spoke louder than her words.
 
Her lies about helping Angel were more than his heart and pride could stand. He’d always been love’s bitch, but he honestly thought that with Buffy he’d finally found someone who wouldn’t take advantage of that, who loved him as much as he loved her, and cared enough to treat him with respect. Unlike Dru, who used that character flaw to her full advantage, Buffy had made him believe that he had value … that he was worthy of being the king to her queen, not just a court jester – but obviously, he was mistaken.
 
He had no choice now but to pick up the broken pieces of his pride and his heart and keep moving, lest the quicksand at his feet suck him under. Spike swallowed the lump in his throat and continued up the stairs to where she was standing – seeing her standing there, so close and yet so far away, made the pain in his chest deepen. It hurt too much to see her, to be this near to her without being able to touch her.  Love hurts – and losing Buffy’s love hurt him more than anything he’d ever felt before.
 
Buffy jumped when Spike spoke. “You probably should stay away a while, Slayer,” he told her – his voice even, as if he’d just told her it was raining outside. “You got the Niblett all upset … she needs some time to adjust.”
 
Buffy looked at him – he’d stopped about five feet away from her, like a stranger not wanting to intrude on her personal space. Buffy nodded slowly, not trusting her voice, and forced herself to release her hold on the doorknob at her back. She waited a moment to see if she would actually float away and be sucked into the atmosphere, but nothing happened, so she started walking towards the stairs – past Spike.
 
Spike backed up to the side of the hallway to give her a wide berth and tears stung her eyes again as she made her way down the stairs and out of the house. When she got up to the street, she had no idea where to go from there. She looked up and down Crawford Street, as if she’d never seen it before, then just dropped her bag and sat down on the curb as the sobs that she’d been holding back overcame her. She bent forward and covered her head with her hands and just cried.


 
Spike wasn’t going to forgive her … he was treating her like a stranger. She remembered reading once that hatred is not the opposite of love … in fact, the opposite of love is apathy … and that’s exactly what Spike showed for her now – complete indifference.
 
**~**
 
“What story do ya want t’night, Niblett?” Spike asked Annie as he tucked her in that night.
 
“Tell me about the first time you saw Mama …”
 
Spike pursed his lips together and stared at his daughter a long moment before saying, “That story’s been taken off the shelf … I know, how ‘bout ‘The Boy Who Cried Wolf’?”
 
Before Annie could protest, Spike started in on the old Aesop’s fable …
 
“There once was a shepherd boy who was bored as he sat on the hillside watching the village sheep. To amuse himself he took a great breath and sang out, ‘Wolf! Wolf! The Wolf is chasing the sheep!’
 
“The villagers came running up the hill to help the boy drive the wolf away. But when they arrived at the top of the hill, they found no wolf. The boy laughed at the sight of their angry faces.
 
“‘Don't cry wolf, shepherd boy,’ said the villagers, ‘when there's no bloody wolf!’
 
“Later, the boy sang out again, ‘Wolf! Wolf! The wolf is chasing the sheep!’ To his naughty delight, he watched the villagers run up the hill to help him drive the wolf away.
 
“When the villagers saw no wolf they sternly said, ‘Save your frightened song for when there is really something wrong! Don't cry wolf when there is NO wolf!’
 
“But the git just grinned and watched them go grumbling down the hill once more.
 
“Later, he saw a REAL wolf prowling about the flock. Alarmed, he leaped to his feet and sang out as loudly as he could, ‘Wolf! Wolf!’
 
“But the villagers thought he was trying to fool them again, and so they didn't come.
 
“At sunset, everyone wondered why the shepherd boy hadn't returned to the village with their sheep. When they went up the hill to find the boy, they found him weeping.
 
“‘There really was a wolf here! The flock has scattered! I cried out, ‘Wolf!’ Why didn't you come?’
 
“An old man told the boy, ‘Nobody believes a liar...even when he’s tellin’ the truth!’” Spike finished up.
 
“So … the moral of the story is…?” Spike asked Annie.
 
“Don’t tell lies … or take your sheep up the hill near the wolf,” Annie provided.
 
“Bright girl, you are,” Spike told her as he started to drop a kiss on her forehead.
 
“Have you ever told a lie, Papa?” Annie asked him before he reached her forehead and he sat back up.
 
“Well, I suppose everyone tells a lie now and then … but not about important things and not to people you love,” he told her.
 
Willow and Tara happened to be walking by Annie’s room and heard the end of the conversation. Willow couldn’t resist chiming in.
 
From what Tara told her, Buffy felt terrible about what she’d done – and as far as Willow was concerned, Spike was partly to blame. He’d backed her into a corner and forced her hand. Willow knew Buffy was no saint … but neither was Spike.
 
Willow cleared her throat and stepped inside the door of Annie’s room. “What about Hallie?” she asked, looking at Spike.
 
Spike turned his head to look at her. Willow was standing with her arms crossed and Tara was standing behind her, just outside the door in the hall, both were looking at him expectantly.


 
“What about Hallie?” Spike asked her.
 
“Well – you knew her from before, but somehow forgot to mention that for about a month there …” Willow offered.
 
“That’s not a lie …” Spike defended.
 
“A lie of omission is still a lie,” Willow argued. “You might’ve saved everyone a lot of pain and trouble if you’d just told Buffy that you didn’t want her here and why. But you chose to remain surprisingly un-Spike-like and keep quiet.”
 
Spike narrowed his eyes and glared at Willow, but she remained undeterred.
 
“And then there was that time you told Buffy you were going to kil…uhhh … kiss her on Saturday – but you showed up at Parent-Teacher night on Thursday, instead …”
 
“That don’t count! I didn’t have a soul then!” Spike contended, standing up to face Willow, his hands going to his hips.
 
“Oh, that keeps you from knowing what a lie is? I don’t think so…” Willow asserted with a shake of her head.
 
“Still wasn’t a lie,” Spike protested. “I just got bored – showed up fashionably early.”
 
“And didn’t you go behind her back and extort money and this house from Angel before you got married?” Tara asked from behind Willow.
 
“I did that for her! For her and the Niblett …” Spike argued, waving his arm towards Annie, who was watching and listening intently to the conversation. “And it wasn’t bloody extortion …”
 
“Oh, so good intentions do count for something, then … the end justifies the means,” Tara interrupted him, a small, triumphant smile playing on her lips.
 
“Bloody hell…” Spike moaned and rolled his eyes. He flung his arms out to the side in surrender. “Fine! Fine! Yes, I’ve told lies … but …”
 
Willow held up her hand. “No buts… If there’s a zero tolerance on telling lies, then I think you just flunked,” she informed him as she turned around and she and Tara headed down the hall to their room.
 
Spike stood next to Annie’s bed, fuming with anger. How dare they compare what he’d done … those small indiscretions – nothing more than little white lies, to what Buffy had done to him!
 
“Papa?” Annie asked, pulling Spike from his thoughts of kicking two interfering witches out into the street.
 
Spike took a deep breath to try and calm down and looked down at his daughter. “Yeah?”
 
“Can you tell me the story of the first time you saw Mama now?”
 
Spike sighed deeply, closed his eyes, and nodded in resignation … this was going to be harder than he’d ever imagined.
 
**~**
 
Buffy didn’t know how long she’d sat on the curb on Crawford Street … time seem to speed up and slow down at will lately. When she looked up, the sun was setting ... it was getting dark out. She stood up stiffly and picked her bag up from the sidewalk as her eyes turned back and looked at the mansion – what had been her home for the last six years. The light was on in Annie’s room – she knew that Spike was in there telling her a story, tucking her in, giving her a kiss goodnight, and tears stung her eyes again.
 
“Get over it, Slayer…” she admonished herself quietly as she turned away and started walking towards the high school. She could feel her heart tell her feet to turn around – to run back, to fall on her knees and beg Spike to forgive her, but her mind knew it would do no good and forced her feet to keep walking away.


 
Those shared moments with their children … the bedtime stories and butterfly kisses were in the past. All she could do now was her mission – and that was to get Angel better and back to L.A. – her daughter’s and JJ’s lives would depend on it one day.

**~**

{{Click here to hear ‘Love Hurts’ by Nazareth on YouTube }}

Love Hurts - Nazareth

Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and marks
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud holds a lot of rain.
Love hurts. Oooh, love hurts

I'm young I know, but even so
I know a thing or two. I've learned from you.
I've really learned a lot, really learned a lot.
Love is like a flame, it burns you when it's hot.
Love hurts. Oooh-oooh, love hurts

Some fools think of happiness,
Blissfulness, togetherness
Some fools fool themselves, I guess,
But they're not fooling me.

I know it isn't true, I know it isn't true.
Love is just a lie, made to make you blue.
Love hurts. Oooh, love hurts.
Oooh, love hurts.
Oooh, love hurts.
I know it isn't true, I know it isn't true.
Love is just a lie, made to make you blue.
Love hurts. Oooh, love hurts.
Oooh, love hurts.
Oooh, love hurts.

Oooh-ooooh

Saturday, July 31st, 2004:

 





“Love what you’ve done with the place!” Faith called from the doorway as she dropped her suitcase on the floor and surveyed the still chaotic great room of the mansion. “What do you call it, ‘Tornado Chic’?”

 

Willow and Tara were knee-deep in the mess, trying to piece Humpty Dumpty back together again, one book, one page at a time.

 

“Faith!” Willow exclaimed as she set the book she was working on down and hurried over to the Slayer and gave her a welcoming hug.

 

Tara followed Willow and Faith grabbed her into a fast, tight hug, as well, before releasing her. “Where’s B and that hot vamp of hers?” Faith asked the witches. “Gotta talk to them…”

 

At the look on their faces, Faith asked, “What’s the what?”

 

“Well, things aren’t exactly ‘five by five’,” Willow told her with a sigh, before filling Faith in on the situation.

 

“That sucks dog dick …” Faith told them with a sigh when they had finished telling her about Spike and Buffy’s fight.

 

“What are you doing here?” Willow asked Faith.

 

“I’m undercover!” Faith exclaimed, holding her arms up in the air as if to say “ta-da” and showing her new bellybutton ring in the process.





 

“As what, a bloody pin cushion?” Spike asked as he sauntered down the stairs, hearing the last of the conversation. “’Cause, must say, you’ve got that one down pat …” he told her, his eyes raking down her body and back up to her eyes, where she had added an eyebrow piercing, as well.

 

“Spike!” Faith exclaimed and moved across the room to greet him with hug. “Sorry to hear about … B – that sucks.”

 

Spike shrugged and backed up a step when she released him. “So, what’s your secret, undercover mission? You ain’t gonna fit in at the convent…”

 

“We’re here to spy on your children … and report back to the Council,” Faith informed him matter of factly.

 

Spike’s eyebrows shot up. “Come again?”

 

“Didn’t cum the first time, big guy … B said you were good, but you aren’t that good,” Faith teased, wiggling her brows at him before saying, “Wes and I are here to spy on Annie, Danielle, and William … and report what we observe back to the Council. We’ve been permanently reassigned to SunnyD. Apparently, you put quite the scare into poor Horty …”

 

“Who the bloody hell is Horty?” Spike asked before recognition hit him. “Oh…you mean Hornblower …” Spike chuckled slightly. “Yeah, he mighta wet himself…”

 

“I think you scared him shitless…” Faith laughed. “Anyway, they decided that since we have ‘history’, that you’d let me in without question …”

 

“I hate to break this to ya, but to be any good at ‘undercover’ work, you ain’t supposed to tell the enemy your mission,” Spike informed her, folding his arms across his chest.





 

Faith shrugged. “I’m not – far as I’m concerned, it’s us against the Council. I’ll tell them whatever you and B want me to. I’m just fucking happy to be back in warm, sunny California – Cleveland is too cold for my bones!”

 

“And what about your Watcher?” Spike asked suspiciously.

 

Faith shrugged. “He hated Cleveland, too …” she told him before asking, “Can we crash here a few days until we can get our own places?”

 

Spike studied Faith a few moments … she’d never done anything to hurt them before and had helped them over the years, including bringing those Slayers to the other dimension to fight The Black Thorn … Spike shrugged and waved his hand at the stairs. “If you can find an empty room – it’s all yours.”

 

“Cool!” Faith exclaimed and hugged his neck again before retrieving her bag and heading upstairs.

 

“Where’s Percy?” Spike called after her.

 

“He’ll be along … I wanted first dibs on the rooms so I sent him to the store for a few things,” Faith laughed as she took the stairs two at a time.

 

When Faith came back downstairs she found Spike in the kitchen making Annie, who was down in the Bat Cave, a sandwich for lunch.

 

“So,” Faith started, “where’s Buffy?”

 

“Don’t know, don’t care…” Spike replied flatly, not turning away from his task.

 

“Riiiight …” Faith said with a touch of sarcasm. “Why don’t you use that cute little bond thing and find out – I’d like to talk to her.”

 

“Why don’t you use the bloody phone, then …” Spike suggested with a touch of annoyance as he turned around to face her.

 

“’Cause I didn’t fight my ass off against the armies of hell and bury six teenage girls for the phone …” Faith told him, folding her arms across her chest.

 

Spike glared at her for a moment, then rolled his eyes and let out a long sigh.

 

Slayer … he sent across the bond and waited but got no response.

 

“She’s not home …” he told Faith as he started to turn back around and finish making the sandwich.

 

“Try harder …” Faith insisted, grabbing his arm.

 

Spike glared at her hand, but resisted grabbing it and twisting it up behind her and ripping it off, which was what he really wanted to do.

 

Sensing that she’d pushed him to the limit, Faith released his arm. “Try again…” she told him, her voice even, but unyielding.

 

Spike let out another long sigh and tried again.

 

Slayer … he sent out again, but got no response, then he tried, Buffy …

 

Spike! What’s wrong? The kids? he got back almost immediately.

 

Your evil twin is here … wants to talk to ya’, he told her.

 

Huh? Who? Buffy asked him.

 

Faith.

 

Faith? Ummm… yeah, ok –tell her to meet me at the Magic Box in an hour. Is everything else ok? Annie? The twins?

 

Right as rain … I’ll tell ‘er, Spike sent back before closing the bond.

 

“Magic Box in an hour …” he told Faith as he turned around and finished making Annie’s sandwich.

 

“See … that wasn’t that hard, was it?” Faith asked rhetorically as she turned and left the kitchen.

 

**~**

 

Buffy had done as Spike asked and stayed away from the mansion. Annie called her every afternoon when she got home from pre-school and it broke Buffy’s heart to not go to her, but she honored Spike’s request to stay away. Buffy listened as Annie would tell her about her day, what she learned that day and what she did.

 

Annie would always end the same way, by asking when Buffy was coming home and telling her that they all missed her, making a special effort to tell her that Papa missed her, too. Buffy would hedge and say that she’d see her as soon as she could, which was true – she’d see her as soon as Spike said it was ok.

 

She knew she had the right to see the children, even get custody or joint custody … if she pushed it, she could get the cops and child services involved – but she was already putting Annie through so much, to get the authorities involved would just make it worse. Plus, her guilt over lying to Spike and hurting him kept her from pushing it – she’d put him through enough, too.

 

Buffy set up a room near Angel’s in the basement of the high school and stayed there. She spent most of her time trying to fill in blanks for him, she got Watcher’s diaries from Giles that talked about Angelus and Darla, as well as Spike and Dru, for him to read in hopes that it would open the door in his mind that had been closed. Every day she was hopeful that his memories would return, and when she walked into his room, he’d be waiting on the other side to kill her for what she’d done to him, but so far, that day hadn’t come.

 

It was early afternoon when Buffy met Faith in the backroom at the Magic Box. Faith filled her in on the Council’s plan to have her and Wes observe and report on the kids and Buffy filled Faith in on the Slayer dream she’d had and helping Angel and lying to Spike.





 

“I know you’re with Spike in the ‘Stake Angel’ club,” Buffy told Faith. “Believe me when I say, I wouldn’t be doing this if I wasn’t 100% sure.”

 

Faith understood – she’d had Slayer dreams before and the feeling she got from them was totally different than anything else she’d ever experienced. There was urgency to them and a feeling of certainty that what you were seeing was real. The possibility that the PTB were manipulating Buffy to get Angel back in the game really was nothing more than a footnote. Like a side effect of a drug; in this case, the side effect of saving Annie and JJ was Angel getting his life back. It was a price Buffy was willing to pay and Faith couldn’t disagree.

 

“If you need help – just holler … I’m there,” Faith told Buffy at the end of their talk.

 

“Thanks … maybe you could do patrols … I doubt Spike’s been going and I know I haven’t much felt like it,” Buffy requested and Faith agreed.

 

**~**

 

Wednesday, August 4th, 2004:

 

“So,” Faith started when she caught Spike alone in the training room a few days later. “I’ve gotten B’s side and the witches take on it – let’s hear your story …”

 

“Got no story – it’s simple, don’t like to be lied to …” Spike asserted.

 

Faith rolled her eyes … she knew it wasn’t that simple. “I understand you’re the president of the “Stake Angel” club … I’m the treasurer…” she told him, holding her right hand out to shake his.

 

Spike looked down at her hand, then back up to her face before turning away from her and beginning to punch on the heavy bag in the center of the room.





 

“Did I ever tell you how Angelus put me in that coma?” Faith asked, undeterred.

 

“Nope …” Spike answered curtly as he danced around the bag, jabbing and kicking it.

 

Faith moved with him around the opposite side of the bag so when he looked up he would see her.

 

“Well, when we realized that we’d released Angelus instead of Angel …” Faith started.

 

“Same person, luv,” Spike interjected.

 

“Yeah, well, not entirely …” Faith asserted, before continuing.

 

“Anyway, when we realized he didn’t have his soul back, Wes, Gunn, and I went after him. There was this one building he and I used to go to … it had the most amazing view from the roof, you could see forever on a clear night – anyway, I figured that was where he went, and I was right.”

 

Spike continued dancing around the bag, taking jabs and kicks at it as Faith talked and moved around it with him.

 

“Angel always was a creature of habit…” Spike offered.

 

“Yeah … so, I get to the roof first and I locked the door behind me … You see, I really cared for Angel. I never wanted to care about anyone but, it just happened – I was a ‘Wham, Bam, thank ya’ Sam’ kinda girl …”

 

“Sam?” Spike asked with a smirk.

 

Faith shrugged. “Their name didn’t matter … want, take, have. Hit ‘em hard, take what you want, and send them on their way. Anyway, I didn’t want Gunn or Wes staking him – I knew I could bring him in without hurting him … I could get him back.”

 

“You were wrong …” Spike interjected.

 

“I was wrong because I was thinking like a lover … not like a Slayer. I let my heart overrule my instincts … and I lost. For the first time, I lost.”

 

“And yet, here you are …” Spike pointed out.

 

“Only because Wes shot the lock off the door and then shot Angel in the back with buckshot to get him off me …” Faith explained.

 

“I’m sure there’s a bloody moral to this story in there somewhere…” Spike said dryly as he continued punching the bag. “Like, use wooden bullets when shooting a vampire …”

 

“Buffy did the right thing,” Faith told him flatly.

 

“PFFFTTTT!! That’s the moral of your soddin’ story?! ‘Buffy did the right thing?’ This I gotta hear! Please tell me how lying to me is the right bloody thing!” Spike exclaimed as he stopped dancing and hitting the bag and stood with his hands on his hips glaring at Faith.

 

“One,” Faith started, holding up her thumb. “She is 100% sure that helping Angel will save Annie and JJ in the future.”

 

When Spike started to interrupt and object, Faith just talked over him and Spike stopped talking but continued to glare at her.

 

“Two,” she said, holding up her index finger with her thumb. “She knew you were a card carrying, lifetime member of the ‘Stake Angel’ club.

 

“Three,” her middle finger joined the other two. “She had to keep you from staking Angel and she didn’t want to have to fight you to do it. She was afraid she’d lose and she was afraid she’d win…she loves you too much to fight you.”

 

“Four,” Faith started. “She’s the Slayer … you’re not. She had the dream, you didn’t. You can’t know how sure she is about this unless you’ve been there.”

 

“Five”, Faith continued, holding up the last finger on her hand. “Actually, there is no five – that’s it,” Faith admitted, holding up her had with just the four fingers up.

 

“Done, are you?” Spike asked her with no attempt to hide his annoyance.

 

“Done…” Faith confirmed.

 

“Unlike you, apparently Buffy has no problem fightin’ someone she so-called 'loves', ‘cause she beat the shit outta me… again,” Spike asserted.

 

“If she had told me ‘bout the wanker being back right off – she may have still have had to fight me … but I can take gettin’ beat out in the open, fair and square – I just can’t take being lied to, being betrayed,” Spike told Faith, as he started to walk out of the room. “I’m not a bloody lap dog. You can’t piss on my head and tell me it’s rainin’.”

 

“What happened in that pool at the Hyperion?” Faith asked him, moving in front of him to block his exit.

 

“That was … I was under a thrall …” Spike defended.

 

“But you won – if Big Blue Fred hadn’t stopped you, you would’ve killed Buffy. You beat B because she was fighting with a handicap, she loved you,” Faith pointed out. “Don’t think she’s forgotten that – don’t think she doesn’t know that on any given day, you could beat her.”

 

“So, what’re you sayin’? She lied because … she’s frightened of me? That’s bollocks,” Spike insisted, shaking his head adamantly.





 

“No, she’s not afraid of you, but she was afraid of losing. For her, losing meant killing your daughter. You know B, she makes other people’s guilt trips look like vacations at the beach … if she’d lost, she might as well be firing those bullets at Annie and JJ herself,” Faith told him, her voice getting softer at the end.

 

“If you believe that dream bollocks…” Spike asserted.

 

“Back to points one and four. She believes it, completely. That’s all that matters. She did the right thing,” Faith told him solemnly before turning and heading out the door.

 

When she reached the doorway, Faith stopped and turned back to him and said, “And, for the record, the reason she was able to fight you and win is because she wasn’t fighting for herself, she was fighting for your daughter… you were just fighting for your wounded pride,” before turning again and leaving him alone.

 

When Faith closed the door, Spike roared in anger and frustration and launched himself at the heavy body bag with both feet. He hit it with such force that it broke free from its moorings in the ceiling and tumbled to the floor and he fell on top of it with a hard thud.

 

Spike rolled off the bag and down onto the mat on the floor and pressed his palms against his eyes to stem the tears that threatened again. Faith’s words rang in his head, “She did the right thing,” but Spike still felt betrayed by Buffy and her lies.

 

He was glad that Faith hadn’t thrown his promise to be Buffy’s ‘willing slave’ back in his face or his vow that he had no problem being second to the Slayer that he’d made in the minutes before they were married. He had meant every word of that when he said it, but things had changed … he had changed and it was Buffy that had changed him.

 

Spike’s mind whirled with contradictions and confusion – why had Buffy pulled him into the light only to betray him with lies and shove him back into the dark? She’s the Slayer, you’re not… Faith’s words bounced off his skull and ricocheted through his brain. Faith was right – but Buffy had made him feel like he was her equal, then she treated him like her minion.

 

She was afraid of losing … she was afraid of winning … she didn’t want to fight you, Faith’s words kept squirming in and out of his brain, trying to find a foothold – but every time Spike thought that perhaps his mind understood why she did what she did, his heart kept coming back to feeling betrayed. Was it the lies that hurt him so much or the fact that she was spending time with and helping Angel? Would he feel this betrayed if it had been anyone else?

 

His wounded pride and battered heart were at war with the words and ideas that Faith had implanted in his mind. There was a tug-of-war going on inside him and it felt like he might be ripped in half at any moment – he seemed to have no control over the feelings and thoughts that kept zinging around within him. He couldn’t stop them and he couldn’t get them to settle on one idea or one conclusion and stick with it.

 

“ARRRGGHHHHH!!” Spike screamed in frustration as he pounded the palms of his hands against his forehead and banged the back of his head against the mat beneath him, trying to get the warring factions within him to stop – to silence the arguing voices, but it didn’t help.

 

Spike began to cry – the pain in his heart over losing her winning out over everything else. He turned over on his stomach and buried his face against his arms as sobs wracked his body and the tears flowed like rivers from his eyes. He had been so sure that he had done the right thing – so sure until Faith started her bloody story … now he wasn’t sure of anything anymore, and that seemed to be the most frightening thing of all.

 

**~**

 

That night, as she had done for the last week since Buffy had been gone, Annie asked for the story of the first time that Spike saw Buffy and fell in love with her. Spike really wasn’t in the mood for that story on this night, though. Faith’s assertion that Buffy had done the right thing by lying to him was still bouncing around in his brain like a pinball and his heart kept trying to tilt the machine by insisting that Buffy’s lies were a betrayal of his love.

 

“Let’s have something else, t’nite, Niblett,” Spike said tiredly.

 

Annie shook her head from side to side adamantly and folded her arms over her chest as her bottom lip stuck out in a pout. Spike closed his eyes and sighed heavily…he didn’t need another voice in his head just now … there were already too many screaming at him, wanting to be heard.

 

“Jus’ don’t feel like it, t’nite, pet … how about I just read ya’ a book,” Spike suggested, leaning over to choose a book from her bookcase. “Cat in the Hat?” he suggested, holding the colorful book up.

 

“No…I know that by heart…”

 

“You know the bloody story you want me to tell ya by heart, too …” Spike pointed out. “Horton Hears a Who?” he suggested.

 

Annie shook her head again. “I’ll start …” she suggested. “Once upon a time,” Annie began the story. “A handsome vampire came to Sunnydale to meet a Slayer. He’d heard that she was …” Annie stopped and looked at her father to fill in the next part.

 

Spike sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. “…a balmy bird with stupid hair …” Spike added.

 

“No! Do it right!” Annie admonished him.

 

Spike sighed again. “…a helluva a Slayer … resourceful and strong…” he revised, his voice sounding as tired as his mind and body felt.

 

“And she was pretty, too – and didn’t have stupid hair,” Annie added. “The handsome vampire went to the Bronze and saw her dancing with her friends. Then she smiled at something Uncle Xander said and …” Annie stopped again and waited for Spike to fill in the next part.

 

How did I get dragged into this, again? Spike thought as he looked at the ceiling. Annie poked him in the ribs to get him to say his part.

 

“Ow!” Spike exclaimed, rubbing his ribs in mock pain.

 

“Your turn…”Annie clarified. “… she smiled and …” Annie reminded him where they were in the story.

 

“…and her teeth fell out … she had bloody false teeth ‘cause she’d been kicked in the mouth one too many times … so, the handsome vampire laughed heartily …”

 

Annie gave him a look that he’d seen before … on Buffy. It was the look that would turn a vampire into dust if there was any way possible for that to happen from just a look.

 

Spike rolled his eyes and revised his part again. “…and the whole bloody room lit up from her smile …”

 

“And then the handsome vampire saw her fighting … she moved like …” Annie added.

 

“…a bloody fish outta water … clumsy and …” Spike stopped and smirked at Annie’s angry expression before changing his part again. “…like the bloody wind … graceful and strong … fast and fluid …”

 

“She got knocked down, but got right back up again,” Annie continued. “Then she dusted the bad vampire and the handsome vampire fell in love with her – ‘cause she was …” Annie stopped again and looked at Spike.

 

This wasn’t part of his original story that he told her … Annie was going off canon. “...she was …” Spike stopped and thought a moment. “…she was…” Spike let out a long breath before continuing, “everything I ever dreamed of.”

 

Annie smiled in triumph. “And she fell in love with the handsome vampire, because he was everything she ever wanted, too, and they got married and had babies and they all loved each other very much. And sometimes they would argue or do dumb things, but when they did, one of them would say ‘I’m sorry’ and the other one would say ‘I forgive you’ and they all lived happily ever after …”

 

Spike pursed his lips and looked at his daughter. He wanted to tell her that life wasn’t like that – that there was no ‘happily ever after’ in real life and that apologies can’t fix everything and that falling in love was for fools – but how do you tell a five-year-old that?

 

Spike sighed heavily and just told his daughter ‘good night’ as he dropped a kiss on her forehead. As he left her room, another voice was added to the argument in his brain – Annie’s.

 

**~**

 

Later that night, Spike lay alone in their bed listening to all the voices that filled his mind – they would give him no peace. So, Spike sat up and turned the light on and picked up his journal. Sometimes writing could help sort out his thoughts … the mere exercise of writing stuff out could sometimes un-jumble everything.

 

He flipped through the journal … going to the blank pages towards the back, and he found the note that Buffy had written to him there…

 

My Dearest Spike,

 

I know my words now have no meaning for you … but I just have to tell you one last time how sorry I am that I lied to you. I still feel in my heart that helping Angel will save Annie’s and JJ’s lives one day, so I won’t apologize for doing that, but I know I was wrong to not tell you. I felt cornered and I acted like the Slayer, not like a wife, not like a partner, and for that I am truly, deeply sorry.

 

I wish with all my heart you could find it within yourself to forgive me – but I understand if you can’t. I won’t interfere with your life, but I’ll miss you every minute of every day for the rest of mine.

 

My soul feels empty without you – my heart has been plunged into a cold, dark chasm – void of light and sound, and I doubt that it will ever find its way out. You were the sunshine that warmed my heart – you were the sweet wine that filled my soul with joy.

 

I love you – I always will. I hope you can find someone to share your life that deserves you … someone to be your equal and give you everything that you desire.

 

Be well, be happy, be loved.



Yours Forever,

~Buffy

 

Spike read the note over and over again as tears stung his eyes and more words and voices and arguments filled his head until there were so many that he thought for sure everyone in the house could hear them. Spike closed the journal and curled up around it in the bed – his soul ached for her, but his heart was afraid – it couldn’t stand to be broken again … and his mind vacillated between anger and hurt at being lied to and understanding of why she did it.

 

Finally, he gave in to his soul and reached out to her through their bond … but he got no response from her. She’d closed the bond – he couldn’t reach her. He’d tossed her out and she’d done the only thing she could do – forget him, let him go. He would have to do the same thing … but the voices inside him vowed to make that the most difficult thing he’d ever do.

 

**~**

 

Over the next three weeks, Buffy stayed in the high school basement near Angel. She showered in the girl’s locker room and got Angel in the habit of showering daily, as well. Willow and Tara would bring her food and make sure she ate and they brought her money to buy Angel’s blood and other necessities with. Xander and Anya offered her their spare room, but she declined – wanting to concentrate on getting Angel back to full strength and hopefully getting his memory back so she could take him back to L.A. with a clear-ish conscience.

 

Annie called her every day, sometimes more than once. Buffy could tell that she always waited for a time when she was alone to call, not when Spike was near. Buffy wondered if Spike knew how often Annie was calling her or if Annie was disobeying him by calling, but she didn’t ask – she was so happy to have at least that little amount of contact with her. Annie would report on how the babies were doing, if they’d done anything special or amazing, as well as how her day was. She’d always end every call the same … telling Buffy that they all missed her and loved her, putting special emphasis on the ‘all’ part.

 

Angel was getting stronger every day and Buffy worked out with him at night in the school gym, running sprints on the basketball court, doing calisthenics, sparring, or practicing T’ai Chi. Buffy could see a real improvement in his body and his muscle tone … but his memories remained locked away in the depths of his mind. She was beginning to think that he would never recover them … that she would have to take him back to L.A. physically well, but without any memory of the last 250+ years.





 

Buffy tried not to think about Spike, but that battle was usually lost around 2pm every afternoon as she lay alone in the small storeroom that she’d commandeered for herself and waited for school to let out. During a few particularly weak moments, she tried to contact him through their bond, but she got no response from him – he’d closed the bond. He really had written her off – he really just didn’t care anymore.

 

Obviously, she’d hurt Spike too badly for him to forgive her, so he did the only thing he could do – forget her. She tried to do that, too – but it never worked. Her heart ached for him, her soul screamed for him … but all she could do now was complete her mission – make the mission the most important thing.

 

**~**

 

Sunday, August 15th, 2004:





 

“Buffy … Buffy, are you alright?” Angel asked, stepping into her room in the early afternoon.

 

“I’m fine, Liam,” Buffy told him as she sat up and wiped the nearly ever-present tears from her eyes.

 

Liam? Angel thought … No one’s called me Liam since … forever.

 

“What’s wrong? What’s going on?” he asked, moving across the small room and sitting down next to her on the cushions on the floor that she had made her bed out of.

 

“Nothing … you’re up early today,” she commented, sliding away from him.

 

“Buffy, what’s going on? What are we doing here? Where’s Spike?” Angel asked her, looking confused and concerned.

 

“Spike?” Buffy looked at him with a furrowed brow. Liam had never asked about Spike – he was still afraid of Spike. “You remember Spike?”

 

Angel rolled his eyes. “Spike … yeah, about yay high,” Angel started, holding his hand out flat about chin high, “peroxide blond, cockney accent – very annoying … you know, the vamp you married? Spike.”

 

“You remember Spike!” Buffy exclaimed as excitement overcame her and she hugged Angel’s neck before jumping up and pacing back and forth across the small room. “What else do you remember? Annie? Cordelia? Gunn?”

 

“Sure …” Angel began, standing up with her. “Annie’s your daughter – Cordy and Gunn work for me at Angel Investigations, along with Fred and Lorne. Buffy – what’s going on?”

 

“Oh, thank God!” Buffy exclaimed, wrapping her arms around his neck again and giving him another hug. “What’s the last thing you remember?” she asked as she released him and stepped back.

 

Angel shook his head and thought a few moments. “I was coming to meet you at the marina … then I was supposed to meet Cordy later …” Angel said, his brow furrowed in confusion. “How did we get here and where is ‘here’?”

 

Buffy sighed. Did she tell him the truth? Lying had cost her Spike … she wasn’t going to lie anymore. The truth may hurt, Angel may be mad at her or even attack her, but at least it would be out in the open.

 

Buffy paced nervously back and forth as she relayed the story of her and Faith meeting him at the marina that night and dropping him to the ocean floor and everything that had happened since his return to Sunnydale, including her fight with Spike and how he kicked her out of the house. She didn’t know how Angel got out of the cage, out of the ocean and to Sunnydale.

 

Angel listened intently but didn’t interrupt her. When she was done, she stopped in front of him and waited for his reaction. She was prepared for him to be angry – to be livid and perhaps even attack her for what she’d done; she wasn’t prepared for what he actually did – apologize.

 

“I’m sorry, Buffy …” Angel started, meeting her eyes with his. “I know I put Annie in danger with that videotape, and now I’ve come between you and Spike again. I know I did stupid and selfish things in the past. It’s just … seeing you with Spike made me so crazy with jealousy. I never understood what you saw in him … he’s so unbelievably annoying.

 

“At first, I thought that you were just using him because we couldn’t be together … but then you told me about the ‘perfect happiness’ curse on my soul being lifted and I just … I didn’t understand. I was hurt, I was angry and it clouded my judgment.

 

“After the kidnapping, I realized something. I had to let you go. Spike obviously wasn’t just a passing fancy … you really did love him. And I realized something else … what I had been looking for was right under my nose …”

 

“Cordelia,” Buffy filled in softly.

 

“Yeah …” Angel agreed. “Is she … I mean …”

 

“She’s waiting for you,” Buffy assured him. “She’s been looking for you the whole time.”

 

Angel closed his eyes and nodded.





 

“How ‘bout we get you back to her? Whaddya say?” Buffy asked with a small smile and Angel nodded again.

 

**~**

 

Buffy purchased two bus tickets to L.A. for them, they both gathered up their meager belongings and left for L.A. later that night, arriving in the early morning hours.

 

When they got within a block of the Hyperion, Buffy had the cab driver stop and she and Angel got out of the cab and retrieved his bag from the trunk.

 

“You’ve got to be tired … why don’t you come in and get some rest before going back?” Angel offered, waving his hand towards the hotel.

 

Buffy shook her head and gave him a small smile. “I don’t think I’d be very welcome. This is your homecoming; I’d only muck things up. Anyway, I’ve got some stuff to do here before I go back …”

 

“If you’re sure…” Angel started.

 

“Beyond sure – thanks, though,” Buffy told him before hugging his neck. “Take care of yourself.”

 

“You too…” Angel replied as Buffy got back in the cab and she gave him a little wave as the cab pulled away from the curb.

 

Buffy handed the driver a little piece of paper with an address on it and leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes as the cab sped through the nearly empty pre-rush-hour streets. She’d arrive before the office was open, but she could just wait outside until someone arrived.

 

**~**

 

“Mrs. Weckerly,” the man stuck out his hand and Buffy shook it. She’d been waiting four hours to get in to see him. “I’m Owen Fitzgerald, how can I help you today?”

 

“I need to file for an uncontested divorce …”

 

**~**

 

Friday, August 20th, 2004:

 

Spike walked into the kitchen after putting Annie to bed to find a large manila envelope addressed to him in Buffy’s writing sitting on the table. It hadn’t been there at dinner – he picked it up and turned it over in his hands before bringing it to his nose, closing his eyes, and inhaling deeply – it smelled of Buffy. She must have dropped it off when he was upstairs.

 

He’d tried to contact her a couple of times through their bond after that night of Annie’s fairy tale, but never got a response from her – she always seemed to have the bond closed, so he gave up. He couldn’t imagine what she could possibly have to say to him now – it had been over a month since he’d seen her or talked to her. It had been one of the longest, saddest months in his life … only the time when she had been dead had been worse and some days, he wasn’t sure if this wasn’t actually worse – knowing that she was near but not being able to be with her, talk to her, see her smile.

 

He tried to put her out of his mind, but that didn’t work, so he tried to stay angry with her for lying … but even his broken and frightened heart started to miss her and joined in the chorus with his soul, and his daughter, and Faith, and Willow, and Tara, and all the other voices in his head wanting her back.

 

Spike blew out a long breath before grabbing a bottle of Jack and a glass from the cupboard and sitting down at the table. He opened the envelope and Buffy’s wedding band and engagement ring, along with the ruby and diamond heart pendant he’d given her, slid out onto the table. Spike fought back his emotions as he pulled a stack of papers out of the envelope.

 





On top was a note from Buffy:

 

My darling Spike,

 

I’ve tried to forget you as I know you’ve done me, but my heart aches for you every day and my soul has grown weary of pretending this pain will ever go away.

 

I can never make up for hurting you – you were right, I am beneath you because I know you would’ve never done that to me.

 

I hope this will help you live the life that you deserve …

 

May you find happiness and love.

 

Live long and prosper. (I stole that from Andrew … I hope he doesn’t mind.)

 

Take care of our family – I trust you with their lives.

 

With all my heart,

 

Buffy

 

Taped to the bottom of the note and wrapped in tissue paper was the Gem of Amarra.

 

Spike pulled the ring off the note, held it up and looked at it sadly. This is what he had wanted … but without her to share it with, it suddenly seemed empty and worthless. He slowly slid the ring on his right index finger and flipped her note up to reveal what was under it.

 

“Petition for Uncontested Divorce,” the document stated boldly at the top of the next sheet and Spike’s vision blurred with tears as he tried to focus on what he was reading. His eyes scanned the page, but kept coming back to two words … Irreconcilable Differences.

 

They were his words … he’d used them in anger – her lies and defense of Angel had stung him like a thousand hornets and he’d said those words to her … Irreconcilable Differences… Irreconcilable Differences.

 

Spike bit his lip and swallowed his emotions as he set the papers down and poured himself a double shot of whiskey. He downed the first glass in one gulp and poured himself another.

 

“Happy bloody birthday …” Spike muttered before downing the next shot and pouring another …

 

Spike laughed humorlessly and slid his wedding band off his finger … laying it down on the table next to Buffy’s.

 

“Footloose and fancy free…” Spike said aloud as he raised his glass in a toast and downed the next shot.

 

“What’s that?” Faith asked as she walked into the kitchen.

 

Spike poured another glass and slid the papers across the table to her. Faith scanned them and set them back down, noting that Spike hadn’t signed them.

 

“And everyone said you’d never get out of that marriage alive … or undead,” Faith teased as she slid the papers back across the table. “You gonna sign it?”

 

“Just need a bloody pen … or do they need to be signed in blood?” Spike mused as he flipped to the last page. “Nope…just ballpoint.”

 

Faith retrieved a pen off the grocery list and handed it to him. Spike took the pen and pursed his lips as he stared at the blank line that had his name typed neatly below it. Spike studied the paper for a long time, holding the pen motionless above it. Buffy had already signed on the opposite line…

 

Suddenly, Spike brought the pen down on the paper and scrawled his signature quickly on the blank line before tossing the pen back on the counter near the grocery list and shoving the papers away.

 

“So, that’s it, I guess…” Faith said, moving around the table to where he was sitting. “You’re all available again …”

 

“Reckon so … free as a bird,” Spike agreed, downing another double and pouring more. “Happy birthday to me!”





 

Faith raised her brows. “Didn’t know it was your birthday. How about I help you celebrate?” she asked as she swung her leg over his and sat on his lap, facing him.

 

Faith wrapped her arms around his neck and took Spike’s lips in a hungry, horny kiss as she ground her hips down against his. Spike tried to pull back away from her, but she had him pinned to the chair – short of pushing the chair over with them in it, he couldn’t get away.

 

When Faith pulled back for air, Spike pushed her shoulders back. “What the bloody hell are ya’ doin’?” he asked her as he continued to try and hold her at arm’s-length.

 

“Helping you celebrate, big guy. Trust me, I can rock your world! It’ll be a birthday you won’t soon forget,” Faith assured him as she leaned back in for another kiss.

 

“Bloody hell!” Spike exclaimed as he pushed with his feet and tumbled the chair over backwards, dislodging her from his neck. Spike scrambled to his feet and put his palm up to signal ‘stop’.

 

“Listen … it’s not like I’m not tempted … you’re a right catch … and I’m sure you can rock m’ world and all …but – uhhh, well, the thing is, I’ve got this rash …” Spike stammered as he backed away from Faith.





 

Faith laughed and reached out and touched his face. “Vampires don’t get rashes …” she pointed out as Spike backed away further.

 

“Well, not usually, no … but, uhhh – it just came up all the suddenly like…”

 

“I can help with that up problem …” Faith told him with a smirk, reaching for his crotch. Spike batted her hand away and continued backing up until he’d put the table between them.

 

“Honestly … uhhh – I’ve got a bit of a problem with that ya’ see. A bit embarrassing, it is … the plumbin’s not working properly of late …” Spike continued to stammer as he moved to his right, keeping the table between himself and Faith as she moved to her left.

 

Faith stopped moving when she got to the place Spike had been sitting a few moments before and she picked up his wedding band.

 

“I think your plumbing would work fine if you just had the right Slayer working on it …” Faith informed him as she slid his ring across the table to him. “Why don’t you swallow some of that pride and go find her?”

 

Spike caught the ring and picked it up before looking up at Faith and nodding slightly. Who was he kidding? He’d never be free – he was still love’s bitch and Buffy was the only one he’d ever love. She was the only one that made him feel alive, that made him feel worthy of this life he had, of their family and friends – she was the only one that could lift him out of the shadows and into the light.

 

Spike slid his ring back on his finger before reaching over and gathering up Buffy’s jewelry and dropping it down in his front pocket, then he picked up the divorce papers and folded them and stuffed them in the back pocket of his jeans.

 

“Thanks…” Spike said to Faith as he started out of the kitchen.





 

“I don’t usually get thanked until I’ve actually rocked someone’s world …” Faith smiled as she downed the shot of Jack that Spike had left on the table.

 

As Spike was starting out the garden doors he was stopped by shouts coming from upstairs. “Spike! Spike!” he heard Willow and Tara screaming and he turned and started back into the house and up the stairs thinking something was wrong with Annie or the little bits.

 

“What!? What is it?” he demanded as he reached them in the upstairs hall.

 

Willow was waving a paper in the air. “Buffy! It’s Buffy! She’s gonna do something bad!”

 

“What are you on about?” Spike asked, grabbing the paper from her hand.

 

“We all got one – me, Tara, and Lorne, and she left one for Annie, Dani, and Billy, too! Buffy’s gonna do something bad, Spike! Seriously bad!”

 

Spike scanned the note – it was a goodbye note, but it was more than just that, she told Willow to find a way to block the magic from the scythe and keep Annie and Dani from becoming Slayers – it looked like a final goodbye – like a suicide note.

 

“Bloody hell…” Spike muttered as he turned back towards the stairs.

 

“Find ‘er and call me!” he instructed the witches as he jumped down from the top stair to the bottom in one leap, hitting the ground running. “And call Rupert and Harris – get ‘em out lookin’ for her, too!”

 

He was out the door before Willow and Tara could even get downstairs to start a locator spell. Willow hoped that Buffy hadn’t gotten an amulet to block the spell this time…

 

**~**

 

Spike stopped when he reached the street and screamed at her through their bond, SLAYER! …. BUFFY! ANSWER ME!

 

Spike … Buffy replied and Spike let out a sigh of relief.

 

Where are you? Spike asked her.

 

Nowhere … Buffy told him sadly.

 

Bloody hell, woman! You gotta be somewhere! Look, I’m s…

 

I really am nowhere … I hope you find someone who knows how to be what you deserve, that loves you as much as I do. I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person, Buffy interrupted him before closing the bond.

 

Buffy! You are! BUFFY! Don’t leave me now! I'm sorry, I was a fool ... God Buffy! Spike screamed at her, but he got no further response.







“FUCK!” he yelled out loud as he looked up and down Crawford Street. Where could she be? The only place he knew to look was the high school so he took off running in that direction as fast as he could.

 

Spike followed her scent into the basement of the school and to the room she’d been staying in, but she wasn’t there. Her overnight bag was packed and sitting in the middle of the floor, as if she was preparing to go on a trip. Spike concentrated on sensing either her or Angel, but didn’t feel either of them. He looked around and found where Angel had been staying in a separate room, but again – no one was there.

 

Spike screamed in frustration and went back to her room. He dumped her bag out on the floor and began rummaging through it, looking for anything that would tell him where she was. He found the used round trip bus ticket to L.A. He pulled the divorce papers out of his pocket and looked at them – the return address of the lawyer was in L.A. Had she gone back there? Maybe she was staying at Angel’s hotel … but why was her bag here?

 

Spike kept looking and he found a receipt from just this afternoon from the florist in Sunnydale … a large bouquet of wildflowers – Joyce’s favorite.

 

Suddenly, Spike’s phone rang, “She’s at the cemetery,” Spike and Willow both announced when he pressed ‘talk’. Spike was already heading out of the basement. “Get everyone over there … I don’t know what she’s doin’,” Spike told Willow before ending the call as he ran through the halls of the school towards the exit.

 

**~**

 

Buffy returned to the high school after dropping off the papers and the jewelry, including the Gem of Amarra, for Spike. She’d been able to get in and out of the house without meeting anyone … which had been her plan. She’d left the notes she’d written on the bus for Willow and the others in Willow and Tara’s room, sure that they wouldn’t be found until late that night when they went to bed – when it would be too late for anyone to do anything about them.





 

Buffy cried as she touched her left ring finger – it felt just as empty as her soul did without her rings on. She had tried her best to get over Spike as he had done her – to forget her love, to bury her feelings, but the hurt and emptiness in her heart and soul wouldn’t go away. She’d completed her mission … she got Angel well and back where he belonged – she’d saved Annie and JJ from getting killed as the PTB had wanted her to. Now she was a Slayer without a mission and a wife and mother without a family. She was no one with nowhere to go.

 

Buffy picked up the bouquet of flowers that she’d bought and headed out of the high school, leaving her bag on the floor in the room she’d lived in for the last few weeks. She wouldn’t be needing anything from it where she was going.

 

Buffy walked slowly through town to the cemetery where she and her mother had been buried. That sounded funny to her … in a really dark and morbid way. She wondered what would happen when she was gone, again. Would they dig her grave up, change the date on the headstone, and bury her in the same spot again or get a new plot? What would they find if they dug her grave up … an empty casket? Spike could save money by re-using it …

 

Buffy sank to her knees next to her mother’s grave and put the flowers in the vase that was attached to the headstone, arranging them just so.

 

“I’m sorry, Mom,” Buffy started as tears filled her eyes. She didn’t try to stop them this time and they spilled out and dropped to the ground. “I really, really tried – I just couldn’t do it right. I couldn’t be what he needed and I lost them all. Please don’t hate me … I can’t go on like this, it hurts too much.”

 

SLAYER! … BUFFY! ANSWER ME! Buffy heard Spike’s voice in her mind as she sat next to her mom’s grave.

 

Spike … Buffy replied sadly – he’d found the papers, obviously. She moved away from her mother’s grave and lay down atop her own, folding her arms across her chest and closing her eyes.

 

Where are you? Spike asked her.

 

Nowhere … Buffy told him despondently.

 

Bloody hell, woman! You gotta be somewhere! Look, I’m s…

 

I really am nowhere … I hope you find someone who knows how to be what you deserve, that loves you as much as I do. I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person, Buffy interrupted him before closing the bond. It wouldn’t be long now …

 

A poem that they’d learned in school weaved through Buffy’s mind as she laid still and quiet on the cool grass of her own grave. She couldn’t remember it all, but it began… I have slipped the surly bonds of earth and danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings…

 

She would soon slip the surly bonds of earth and all this pain would be over. This emptiness and heartbreak would be left behind as she danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings…

 

She wondered how the rest of the poem went as she closed her eyes and waited … Spike would probably know…



**~**



{Click here to hear ‘If You Leave Me Now’ by Chicago on YouTube }}



If You Leave Me Now, Chicago



If you leave me now

You'll take away the biggest part of me

Ooo oh, no, baby please don't go



And if you leave me now

You'll take away the very heart of me

Ooo oh, no, baby please don't go.

Ooo, oh, girl, I just want you to stay



A love like ours is love that's hard to find

How could we let it slip away?

We've come too far to leave it all behind

How could we end it all this way?

When tomorrow comes and we both regret

The things we said today



A love like ours is love that's hard to find

How could we let it slip away?

We've come too far to leave it all behind

How could we end it all this way?

When tomorrow comes and we both regret

The things we said today



If you leave me now

You'll take away the biggest part of me

Ooo oh, no, baby please don't go



Oooo oh, girl, just got to have you by my side



Oooo oh, baby, please don't go



ooooo, Mama, just got to have your lovin', yeah





**~**



Here's another "If You Leave me Now" suggested by carrot ... lovely song!! Thanks carrot!!





{{Click here to hear Sofia Nikol Candiani - If You Leave Me Now on YouTube }}





A sentimental mood, a kind of off

Sometimes I'm blue, but that’s because I'm in love with you

Your words can be my comfort or my crazy place that haunts me

You're the one who controls my truth



You have the power to keep me safe

Or to bring me to my disgrace

If you leave me now

It’d be more than I can take, more than I can take



At night you leave me breathless

But by day I fell so helpless

‘cause I know I depend on you

Don't make my heaven turn into hell

I want to stay under your spell



If you leave me now

It’d be more than I can take, more than I can take

If you leave me now

It’d be more than I can take, more than I can take ….



You have the power to keep me safe

Or to bring me to my disgrace

If you leave me now

It’d be more than I can take, more than I can take ….









High Flight

by John Gillespie Magee, Jr.



Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,

And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;

Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth

Of sun-split clouds...and done a hundred things

You have not dreamed of...wheeled and soared and swung

High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,

I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung

My eager craft through footless halls of air.

Up, up, the long, delirious burning blue

I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace

Where never lark, nor even eagle flew.

And while with silent, lifting mind I've trod

The high untrespassed sanctity of space...

...put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

Pop Culture / Old English References:
“Beyond the pale”: An action that is regarded as outside the limits of acceptable behaviour, which is unacceptable or improper. The earliest example known is from ‘A Compleat History of Rogues’ of 1720.

A pale is an old name for a pointed stake driven into the ground and — by an obvious-enough extension — to a barrier made of such stakes, a fence (our modern word pole is from the same source, as are impale and paling). This meaning has been around in English since the fourteenth century. By 1400 it had taken on various figurative senses — a defense, a safeguard, a barrier, an enclosure, or a limit beyond which it was not permissible to go.
**~**
Bloody Mary: Turn the lights out, spark a candle, stand in front of the mirror and say her name three times. This Western folklore declares that the image of Bloody Mary – said to be a mad widow, a bereaved mother or just a mad old hag – will appear in the reflection and in some variations, kill you violently or scratch your eyes out. A mainstream variation of this legend featured in the 1995 film ‘Candyman’.
**~**

Friday, August 20th, 2004:

Xander pulled into the cemetery where Joyce and Buffy had been buried. He’d been driving around looking for Buffy since Tara had called him earlier saying that she sounded suicidal. Willow had called back to let him know they had found her with the locator spell, and that Spike was on his way, but everyone needed to get there as soon as possible.



Xander jogged the familiar path to the back of the cemetery where the Summers’ graves were. He saw Buffy lying atop her own grave, as if wishing to be sucked back into it via osmosis. She didn’t move or open her eyes when he walked up next to her. Xander squatted down and touched her arm.

“Go away…” Buffy said without opening her eyes. Her arms were still folded over her chest like an Egyptian mummy.

“Ok,” Xander said, standing up. “So, what’s your plan?” he asked her, looking around the area. “Wait for a vamp to come along looking for a meal … or were you just gonna lay there and die of old age?”

“Whichever comes first…” Buffy responded, keeping her eyes closed. “Please go away.”

“Right,” Xander said dryly as he backed up a step. “You know, you and Spike are a lot alike…”

Buffy snorted and let out a humorless laugh. “Please just go away.”

“Gee, Xander … how are Spike and I alike?” Xander mocked, raising his voice several octaves to mimic her.

“Well, I’ll tell ya, Buff. Spike laid right there in that very spot the day after your funeral … waiting for the sun to come up – and here you are, taking the easy way out, just like him,” Xander informed her. “For being all superhero-y and excessive with the muscle power, you are two of the weakest, most lovelorn people I’ve ever known.”

Buffy jumped up off the ground and pushed Xander in the chest, sending him stumbling back several feet. “FUCK YOU!” she screamed at him as she moved forward and pushed him again just as he got his balance. “You don’t know anything!

“GET OUT! GO AWAY!” she yelled at him as she moved forward and shoved him again.

“I don’t know anything? Really? ‘Cause ya know, I think I might’ve struck a nerve there,” Xander opined as he caught his balance again. “I see a lot – I don’t have any superhero genes or witchy powers or vampire eyeballs … I’m just regular Joe. I go to work and I come home and I provide for my family and I watch you guys save the world. I bring the donuts and roast marshmallows over the fires of hell that you walk through, and I try to help … but mostly I watch.

“I know you and Spike are having a rough time, but that’s not the end of the world, Buffy …” Xander assured her.

“Yes it is …” Buffy told him, her voice barely a whisper as she turned around and walked back to her grave. “Please go away …”

“He loves you, Buffy …” Xander called back to her, but she just laid back down atop her grave, folded her arms across her chest and closed her eyes again.

“No…he doesn’t,” she replied so softly Xander could barely hear her.

Xander blew out a long breath and backed up a ways to sit atop one of the larger headstones in the area. He’d make sure she was ok until the calvary arrived…

Xander was the first to admit he’d been wrong about Spike at first – Spike and Buffy were like two pieces to one whole … but even the closest of couples had problems now and then, and with all the Slayage and world saving, apocalypse averting stuff they did, it’s a wonder they didn’t have more problems. Plus there was that wide stubborn streak that they both had running through them.

He hated seeing his friends in pain … but he knew Buffy was wrong – no matter how pig-headed Spike acted sometimes, he would always love Buffy; and she would always love him.

“Where is she?” he heard Spike ask from behind him as he ran up to where Xander was sitting.

Xander stood up and waved his arm towards the Summers’ graves and Spike followed it with his eyes.

“What the bloody hell is she doin’?” Spike asked, looking at her with confusion.

“Waiting for a vamp to come along and ‘GEEETTCH’", Xander told him, grabbing Spike by the neck and squeezing with his fingers to mimic biting.



“Bloody hell…” Spike intoned, shaking his head.

“Why did you tell her you didn’t love her?” Xander asked, as he sat back down on the tombstone and looked up at Spike.

“I never said that …” Spike defended.

Xander raised his brows. “She was pretty sure about it …”

“Well…I mighta said some things that she mighta misconstrued …” Spike admitted.

“Yeah, well you better start re-construing them …” Xander advised him. “I’ll stay here… she already hit me three times … that’s all this old body can take in one night.”

“She hit you?” Spike asked, checking Xander’s face for bruises.

“Well … shoved may be more accurate…I probably misconstrued them, they may have been love taps. She might’ve been coming on to me,” Xander amended. “You go see and let me know if I blew my one chance with her ‘cause I couldn’t tell a ‘love tap’ from a ‘get the fuck away’ tap…”

Spike rolled his eyes and turned to start walking towards Buffy when what she’d been waiting for emerged from the bushes to the side of the grave and dove on her – a vamp.

“Fuck!” Spike exclaimed as he started running, pulling a stake out of the pocket of his duster as he ran. Spike was on them in an instant and plunged the stake into the vamp’s back, right through the heart, just as he started to bite Buffy.

“God damn you, Xander!” Buffy screamed as she shook vampire dust off her face and out of her hair, her eyes still closed.

“Too late for that, Slayer … got damned by Dru long ago …” Spike informed her as he dropped the stake back in his pocket.

“Spike! What are you doing here?” Buffy demanded as she stood up and faced him.

“I could ask you the same thing, Slayer …”

“Just trying to get some peace …” Buffy told Spike, “…but apparently I picked the Grand Central Station of cemetery plots.”



“Funny, looked to me like you were checkin’ out … more lies, is it?” Spike accused.

“What do you care!? What are you even doing here?!” Buffy demanded, glaring at Spike.

“I care ‘cause you made a promise to your daughter to be there for her forever …and here you are breakin’ your word … again!” Spike told her, his hands going to his hips.

“Just what is it you put in that bloody note to her that would explain this?” Spike asked Buffy, waving his arm at her grave.

“I … I told her I was sorry … I couldn’t stay…” Buffy stammered.

“Sorry, is it? Sorry!?” Spike exclaimed, flinging his arms out to the side as he started pacing back and forth on top of Buffy’s grave.

“Your family is sick and bloody tired of your apologies, Slayer! Why don’t you just stop doing stuff that you know beforehand is gonna require an apology later? Is that so bloody hard for you to figure out?! Are you that fucking thick or just that selfish?!”



“What the fuck do you care, Spike!? I gave you what you wanted! I gave you the divorce, I gave you the kids … I gave you the ring! WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?” Buffy screamed at him.

“I want you to start thinkin’ about your family before going off half-cocked and doing stupid shit like turning yourself into demon hors d'oeuvres!” Spike screamed back at her.

“Think about my family?! I don’t have a fucking family, remember!? You kicked me out! You kicked me out for doing the only thing I could do to protect my family because you wouldn’t help me! You’re so hung up on hating Angel that you couldn’t see the forest for the trees!” Buffy screamed at him as she started pacing back and forth herself.

“Think about my family! You’re a piece of work, Spike! You take everything away from me – take your love away, take my home away – my family away and then you want me to, what? Put a smile on my face and bake cookies for the divorced Slayer’s support group? Fuck that! You took my life … what I was doing here was just a technicality … I’m already dead!”

Buffy’s anger and frustration boiled over as she screamed at Spike and she shoved him in the chest and pushed him away from her grave. “This is my family now,” Buffy informed him, waving her arm at her mother’s grave. “This is the only family I have left…”

“You’re the most frustrating woman I’ve ever known!” Spike told her as he moved back towards her, stopping just inches from her and putting his hands on his hips.



“Yeah, well you’re no picnic either – you’re pig-headed and stubborn and … and exasperating!” Buffy shot back.

“Oh, that’s rich! You callin’ me stubborn. Look up stubborn in the dictionary, they’ve got your bloody picture!” Spike enlightened her.

“Ha-ha!” Buffy mocked. “You wrote the book on stubborn! I’m just a small footnote in history … you invented stubborn! I’ll bet you hold the fucking patent on it!”

“Oh, that’s cute … ya know – I’d almost forgotten how infuriating you are! You’re enough to drive a sane man over the bloody edge of madness!” Spike retorted.



“Well, it’s a good thing no one’s ever accused you of being the least bit sane!”

"Your mum shoulda tossed you away and kept the bloody stork! Of course, the scrawny legs would be the same!”

“You know, I felt so miserable without you; it was almost like having you there – thanks for reminding me what an ass you are!"

“My bloody pleasure! Thanks for reminding me what a bloody selfish bitch you are!” Spike retorted.

**~**

Giles, Wesley, and Faith had arrived while Spike and Buffy were arguing and stood near Xander as he sat on the headstone he’d been sitting on since Buffy shoved him away.

“What are they doing?” Wesley asked, looking at the others.

“Making up!” Xander and Faith both enthused.

Wesley looked at Giles with raised brows but Giles just shrugged and removed his glasses and began polishing them.

“Isn’t it romantic?” Xander asked, folding his hands under his chin, tilting his head, and batting his eyelashes like a schoolgirl watching the end of “An Officer and a Gentleman” where Richard Gere carries Debra Winger out of the factory.

“Indeed …” Giles agreed sarcastically. “It’s practically …. Shakespearian…it reminds one of Hamlet.”

“Was that the really romantic one?” Xander asked not taking his eyes off Spike and Buffy. “’Cause this really tugs at your heartstrings…”

**~**

“You’re so bloody selfish, you can’t even see when you’re cuttin’ m’ heart out!” Spike asserted.

“Oh, did I hurt your feelings!? I was saving our daughter’s life! Get the fuck over it! Talk about selfish! Poor Spike got his feelings hurt! You don’t want to hear ‘I’m sorry’ anymore? Well you win! I’m not sorry! I did what I had to do!”



“You did what you wanted to do! You’re the Powers’ willin’ whore, Slayer!” Spike accused.

“I understand the rules! You have to give sometimes in order to get something in return! You should learn that ‘life lesson’ one day, Spike!” Buffy advised him.

“Yeah, you’re mighty free with the givin’ when it comes to Angel!” Spike pointed out.

“And here we are, right back where we started! It’s all about you and Angel! You and Angel both need to grow up! Five hundred years of living between you and you both act like you’re five years old! Annie has more sense than the two of you put together!” Buffy retorted.

“Oh, I suppose we should just kiss and make up – I should just forget all the shit he did and feel the love!” Spike said sarcastically, waving his arms in the air as if to sweep all of Angel’s indiscretions away.



An image of Spike kissing Angel flashed in Buffy’s mind and she shook it off with a frown. “You could just shake hands …” she suggested. “That’s what Annie would do…”

“Bloody brilliant, you’re takin’ advice from our five-year-old now!”

“Well, since you’re acting like a five-year-old, I thought you’d be able to relate!”

“You’re insufferable!” Spike yelled at her, his hands on his hips as the two blonds stood toe to toe.

“Get off my grave!” Buffy yelled at Spike, stepping closer to him.

“Why don’t you put your hands on my hot, tight little body and make me!” Spike challenged.

Buffy shoved Spike and he stumbled back off her grave, but caught his balance quickly and moved back towards her and shoved her just as hard.

Buffy came back and swung her right arm at his face, but Spike ducked it as he went down into a crouch and swept one leg out, knocking her feet out from under her. Spike sprang back up and began to twirl into a roundhouse kick, but Buffy grabbed his leg in midair and yanked him down to the ground with her.

Buffy scrambled on top of him and grabbed him by the lapels of his duster and started banging his head and shoulders up and down against the ground at his back. Spike wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her down to against him and captured her lips in an animalistic kiss.

Buffy opened her mouth and devoured his tongue, sucking it into her heat as her own tongue took up the fight and began sparring with his for control of the kiss.

**~**

“Damn! I knew she was comin’ on to me! I blew it! Those were just love taps!” Xander moaned as the group, which now included Willow, (Tara stayed home with the kids and Lorne had been unable to get away from the Bronze) watched Buffy and Spike shove, hit, and then kiss each other with wild abandon.

“I think we better go…” Willow suggested to the group.

“Naaaa …this is just gettin’ good!” Faith enthused as she sat down on the headstone next to Xander. “Anyone got popcorn? Jujubes?”



Willow looked back at Buffy and Spike … there was more and more kissing and less shoving and punching going on … “Seriously – let’s go,” Willow said again, turning back to the group. Giles had already started walking away and Wesley was following him, but Faith and Xander weren’t moving.

“If you don’t leave now, I’ll turn you both in to rats… and don’t think I can’t do it!” Willow threatened.

“Can she do that?” Faith asked Xander, taking her eyes momentarily off Buffy and Spike.

“Totally …” Xander sighed as he stood up slowly.

“Wicked!” Faith said with an evil grin as she gave Willow an ‘atta girl’ punch in the arm and stood up herself.

Willow winced as she rubbed her arm where Faith hit her … that would leave a bruise. “Thanks…I think.”

“You sure I shouldn’t stay to just, you know – make sure…” Faith suggested, looking back over her shoulder at the blonds.

“Cheese and endless exercise wheels…” Willow threatened. Faith rolled her eyes and turned her head away from Spike and Buffy as they all walked towards the exit of the cemetery.

“I bet I’d have a great ass when you turned me back, though…” Faith commented, patting her butt with one hand.

Xander followed her hand with his eyes as they continued walking out of the cemetery. “Yeah … you could use a Stair Master, for sure…” he commented, keeping his eyes on Faith’s rear end.

Willow shoved him. “You’re married…I’ll turn you into a bunny if you don’t behave!”

“Just looking! Geez … a guy can’t look?”

“Looking’s fine … you should wipe the drool off your chin before you get home, though…” Willow advised him as they reached the parking lot … leaving the cemetery to the demons and lovers.

**~**

Buffy pressed her hips and chest down hard against Spike’s body. She could feel his erection through their clothes and her body ached for him. Her heart raced in her chest as adrenaline from their fight coursed through her veins and she was forced to release the kiss to take a breath as her lungs began to protest painfully.

“So bloody stubborn, you are, Slayer,” Spike told her when she broke the kiss. “Always gotta be in control, dontchya?”

“Not always … only when I’m right,” Buffy defended breathlessly as she leaned back down against him and seized his mouth violently, passionately with hers.

Spike flipped them over, putting himself on top, never breaking the kiss, as her tongue delved into his mouth and coiled around his like a boa trying to capture its next meal.

Spike growled into her mouth as he pressed his body against hers and took the control away from her as he ravished her mouth with his. Her body pressing against him felt like heaven … her mouth against his was like sweet ambrosia.



He could feel and smell her desire and it only added fuel to his own fire. Spike reached one hand down and began pulling her skirt up, raking his strong hand up her thigh and sending bolts of lightning through Buffy’s body as his fingers slid over the bare skin of her thigh.

Buffy turned her head away momentarily to gulp in deep breaths of air as she began tugging at her shirt, trying to get it out from between them and off her body.

“You’re not always right …” Spike pointed out as he ran his tongue down the side of her neck, sending electrical charges out to all parts of her body.

Buffy screamed in frustration and stopped pulling at her shirt. “You can’t admit it, can you?! You can’t admit that I was right to help Angel!” Buffy accused, shoving him off her and standing up as he did the same.

“Me!? You’re the one who was gonna off yourself here t’nite with nothing more than a note to your daughter saying ‘ta-ta’! That ain’t right, in fact, that’s beyond the bloody pale!”

Buffy looked at him with confusion. “Huh? What pail?” she asked looking around then shaking her head and deciding to just forget it. “That has nothing to do with my question!” she contended.

“It has everything to do with your question! If you think you’re so bloody right, then why are you out here baiting up vamps?” Spike demanded, his hands going to his hips.

“You know what, I have no idea now! I guess I just needed to go somewhere that was all mine … and this is the only place left! My little piece of ground,” Buffy asserted.

“It’s half mine,” Spike pointed out with a smirk.



“I gave you everything else and now you want half of my grave, too!?” Buffy asked him, incredulous.

“Oh, this? This what you’re talkin’ about?” Spike asked, pulling the divorce papers out of his pocket and holding them up in front of her face. He held the papers in both hands and dramatically ripped them down the middle, flinging the two halves in different directions and scattering them like giant confetti in the breeze.

“Oh, that’s very mature…” Buffy said with a roll of her eyes as she folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.

“Well, you said I was five … might as well act my bloody age,” Spike retorted.

“And you said I was insufferable and stubborn …” Buffy argued.

“You are!” Spike pointed out.

“You’re obstinate!” Buffy retorted, stepping closer to him.

“You’re petulant!” Spike countered, leaning in until his face was just inches from hers.

“Pig-headed!” Buffy accused, shoving him with both hands.

“Recalcitrant!” Spike retorted as he shoved her back.

“Obnoxious!” Buffy shot back, shoving him harder.

“Shirty!” Spike replied angrily, as he caught his balance and grabbed her arm and spun her around, pulling her back against his chest and pressing his other arm across her throat.

“Boorish!” Buffy replied through grit teeth as she bent over quickly and flipped him over her head and off; sending him down to the ground onto his back with a dull thud.

“Pig-headed!” Spike threw back as he jumped back up.

“I already used that,” Buffy informed him with a smirk as her hands went to her hips.

“Oh … uhhh … querulous!” Spike amended, moving towards her.

“Irritating!” Buffy continued, standing her ground.

“Annoying!” Spike leaned forward, his face just inches from hers, his hands on his hips matching hers.

“Exasperating!”

“Infuriating!” Spike shot back as they continued to stand toe to toe, screaming at the top of their lungs back and forth.

“Aggravating!” Buffy added to the list, leaning in close enough that Spike could feel her breath on his lips.

“Vex…” Spike started to reply and Buffy silenced him by shoving him back against her headstone and covering his mouth with hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she pressed her body against his, deepening the kiss. She held him a willing captive, caught between her and the hard stone at his back.



Spike pulled her to him with strong arms as they both fought for control of the other … their tongues now battling silently as their lips fused together violently and their bodies pressed together, demanding more.

“God, Buffy …” Spike moaned against her mouth as she pulled herself up and wrapped her legs around his waist.

“Spike…” Buffy moaned back as Spike grabbed her hips in his hands, spun them around, and pressed her ass against the headstone as he pushed his aching cock against her throbbing pussy.

Spike heard a cracking noise and felt the headstone begin to give, so he stepped back with Buffy, keeping his lips locked fiercely onto hers and moved over, pressing her against Joyce’s tombstone.

“No … not here,” Buffy breathed when the flowers she’d brought her Mom touched her back and she realized they were about to have sex on top of her mother’s grave.

Spike looked confused, then the reason for her objection dawned on him. “Right…” he agreed, stepping back away from the headstone with Buffy still wrapped around him like a cheeky monkey as he looked around for a better spot.

There were no crypts in this part of the cemetery … but there were bushes and trees that would provide some level of privacy. Spike looked around quickly … Xander seemed to be gone, the woods would work.

As Spike was trying to get his brain to function enough to decide where to go, Buffy pulled away and dropped down off him. She grabbed his hand and began pulling him in the opposite direction of the bushes and trees…out into the open area of the main cemetery.

“No … this way,” Spike objected, pulling her to a stop and starting back the other direction, towards the woods.

“No – this way,” Buffy insisted, pulling on his arm and back in the direction she’d started. “The ‘Bloody Mary’ house …” Buffy elaborated, pulling him harder away from the woods and towards the street.

Spike smirked and began running with her towards what all the kids called the ‘Bloody Mary house’. It was an old, abandoned house just across from the cemetery entrance … said to be haunted. The kids liked to ‘conjure’ Bloody Mary in there on dark nights and scare themselves silly (as if they needed more of that living in Sunnydale!) … Buffy had a different idea for it on this night.

Buffy and Spike ran hand in hand through the cemetery, dodging headstones, open graves, bushes, and trees. They ran across the street and up the steps to the front porch of the old house. Before Buffy could open the front door, Spike just crashed through it, kicking it loose from its hinges and pulling her inside with him.

Buffy pushed Spike hard against the nearest wall, cracking the old plaster, and captured his lips with hers as he returned her kiss just as vehemently. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body against his, both of their bodies seemed to vibrate with uncontrolled desire as their mouths devoured the other.

“Need you…” Buffy moaned into Spike’s mouth as she lifted up and wrapped her legs around him again. When Spike caught her hips in his hands, Buffy reached down and unzipped Spike’s jeans, freeing his erection from its confines.

Buffy ran her hand roughly up and down his rock hard cock and Spike growled against her mouth with unbridled need and desire. He’d missed her touch so badly … more than he even wanted to admit to himself.

But it wasn’t just her body he missed, it was her – it was her smile, and her laughter, and her craziness, and her love. She was the only one that had ever brought him out of the shadows … she was the only one that could – she was the sun that shone on his face and gave him hope for the future and joy each day. As hard as he tried to put her out of his mind … she was entrenched in his heart and part of the mosaic that was his soul. Without her, he felt like a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing.



Spike lowered her hips down and Buffy held her thong to the side as she guided his cock into her dripping, throbbing hole. They both gasped as he entered her and pulled back to look into the other’s eyes. When Spike’s cock was buried in her to the root, they both stopped moving, the world stopped turning … there was no sound, no sun, no moon, no stars … there was nothing else in the universe except the deep pools of desire reflected in the other’s eyes.

Buffy had missed him so much … she cried for him, longed for him almost constantly over the last weeks. And it wasn’t just this – the feeling of completeness when he was inside her – it was the feeling of completeness she got just being with him – laying with him, talking with him, laughing and joking and sharing her hopes and fears and dreams and their children with him.

She felt like it was him that she’d always run to when life got hard, when it all started coming undone, she could always depend on him being there. Without him to share her life, it suddenly became dark and meaningless. The pain of losing him felt like what she always thought purgatory would feel like – a burning, stabbing ache consuming her whole body twenty-four hours a day – there was no escape from it and no reprieve.

Buffy lowered her mouth to his and sucked his bottom lip in, before taking his mouth in a hungry, carnal kiss. “God Spike …” she moaned against his mouth as he began to move his hips, pressing into her heat and grinding his pubic bone hard against her clit.

Spike turned them around, pressing her back against the wall as he increased the tempo of his movements. His body needed her as much as his heart and soul did – he needed to be enveloped in her heat, he needed to be held prisoner by her orgasms and he needed to spill his cum deep in her as her sugar walls quivered and trembled around him in ecstasy.

“Fuck, yes!” Buffy exclaimed as Spike began slamming into her. Buffy used her legs around his waist to raise herself up and down in rhythm with his thrusts – taking his cock in deep and hard with each stroke. She held to him with one hand and the wall at her back with the other as Spike buried his face against her shoulder and his hips crashed against her with licentious force and yearning.

“God, Spike! Yessss! Fuck! Arrrgghhh! Yessss!” Buffy screamed as she came, her pussy trembling as it tightened around him like a vise. Spike roared as he lost control and thrust into her hard and deep, his own cum joined hers, spilling out of her pussy, covering them both with their combined juices.

Suddenly, the floor under Spike’s feet began to shudder as the old house relented to the demands and forces that Buffy and Spike had put on it. Spike stepped back with one foot to catch his balance, but the strain was too much for Bloody Mary’s living room … the floor gave way under him and Spike fell backwards, taking Buffy with him.

Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy to shield her from the fall, which took them crashing down from the first floor living room into the basement of the haunted house. Spike’s back hit the floor of the basement with a hard thud as Buffy landed on top of him.

“You all right?” Spike asked her when the dust settled and he eased the hold he’d had on her.

“I think I just felt the earth move …” Buffy told him with a glint of mischief in her eye.

Spike smirked as he started to move his hips under her again, thrusting up into her with unfulfilled lust. “Dare we move it again, Slayer?”

“Mmmmm…” Buffy moaned, her eyes fluttering closed as his hard cock pushed in and out of her. “Let’s knock it out of orbit …” she murmured as she leaned forward over him and began to match Spike’s movements with her own hard thrusts, taking his cock deep into her core.

Spike slid his hands under her shirt and lifted it up over her head and Buffy pulled it the rest of the way off, tossing it to the side before unhooking her bra and releasing her breasts. Spike lifted his head up and sucked one hard nipple into his mouth as his hand cupped her other tit and his thumb rubbed lightly around the nipple, teasing it with a velvet touch.

Buffy moaned and arched into him … God she had missed his touch – his passion, his lust … and his love. But did she have his love? He’d said a lot of things tonight … most of them not very pleasant, but he’d never said that he loved her. Was she just fooling herself to think that she had his love and trust back? Or did she just have his lust? Was this just sex for him or was it more?

Buffy stopped moving and sat back, pulling her breast away from his mouth as she stilled his hand, removed it from her other breast, and held his hand firmly in hers. Spike stopped moving and looked up at her, silently questioning her sudden change.

“What is this to you?” Buffy asked as she held his eyes captive with hers. She stopped breathing as she awaited his answer … she could feel tears already welling behind her eyes – if this was nothing more than a fuck to him, she was sure that her heart would simply shatter in her chest … it was already so beaten and battered, so lonely and frightened from losing him. What if this meant nothing to him?

Spike looked at her with confusion … had he gone too far, too fast? Had she buried her love so thoroughly that she couldn’t accept his and return it now? Spike felt a lump form in his throat … did he tell her that she was everything to him – that this was just one of the things that he loved about her and needed with her or would that scare her away … send her running out into the night?

“What do you want it to be?” Spike asked her softly.

Buffy bit her bottom lip as she tried to hold in her emotions and shook her head. “No…you tell me what it is to you …” she insisted as her grip on his hand became painfully tight and she blinked the tears back from her eyes, trying to keep them from falling.

Spike took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. If he put his heart out on the line and she crushed it again by rejecting his love, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to recover.

Spike opened his eyes and locked them onto hers. He always felt like he could dive into the green depths of her eyes and live forever if given the chance …

“I love you, Buffy …” Spike said simply. “Without you, my world goes dark, my heart aches, my soul screams.”



Spike pulled her hand to his lips, trailing kisses up from her fingertips to her forearm before looking back up to her eyes. “This … to me this is one part of my love – my body wants you, but my heart and soul, they need you. They can’t go on without you.”

The tears that were built up in her eyes fell in rivers as she collapsed down on his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck. Her body shook as sobs overtook her and Spike wrapped his arms around her bare back and held her gently to him. He wasn’t entirely sure if they were tears of joy or sorrow that she was shedding … but at least she hadn’t run out into the night.

“I love you, too,” Buffy told him, her voice full of tears and emotion. “I missed you so much … I’m so sorry – you don’t know. I never meant to hurt you … I just… I had to do it – I had to save Annie and JJ. I know you don’t believe …”


“I believe …” Spike interrupted her and Buffy sat back up to look into his eyes.

“You do?”

Spike nodded, looking ashamed. “You’re the Slayer … that means something in this world we’re in, in fact, it means a lot – I’d forgotten how much.

“You were Chosen for a reason, Buffy – because you can make the hard decisions, you can put the mission first, regardless of personal cost. I’m selfish … I don’t want to share you with anyone – not Angel, not the Powers, and not the bloody mission, but to have you, to be with you, then I have to let you be who you are. You aren’t just my wife, you aren’t just a mother or a lover or a friend, you’re the Slayer and … well, I’m not.

“You made me think I was your equal…but I’m just a vampire with a soul. I’m Robin … you’re Batman,” Spike told her with a small smile.

Buffy laughed through her tears then got serious again. “You are my equal …” Buffy started and Spike put his fingers to her lips and stopped her as he shook his head slowly from side to side.

Buffy pulled his fingers away. “You’re my husband … you’re my partner, my best friend – the other half of me. I shouldn’t have lied to you; I know how wrong that was… I just, I was scared.”

“Of me?” Spike asked softly.

“Yes … no … I don’t know – it’s so hard to explain …” Buffy stammered.

“You didn’t want to have to fight me … you were afraid you’d win and you were afraid you’d lose …” Spike offered the explanation that Faith had given him.

Buffy looked at him in amazement. “Yes … If I lost and you dusted Angel, that would seal Annie and JJ’s fate; if I won, I was afraid I’d lose you – either way, I lose.”



Spike nodded slowly, pushed himself up to sitting under her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest and tucking her head under his chin. “I’m sorry, Buffy. I’m sorry for doubting you and making you walk alone … you’ll never have to walk alone again, I promise you that. Never be afraid to tell me anything. I love you … you’ll always be the one, Buffy.”

“I love you, too, Spike. I missed you so much,” Buffy said against his chest as she closed her eyes and let the feeling of his strong arms holding her and making her feel loved and safe wash over her.

“Besides, Robin always stands behind Batman…” Spike added.

“Do you think Batman ever sat on Robin’s lap and did this?” Buffy asked mischievously, pulling back to look in his eyes as she gave his cock a hard squeeze with her pussy.

“Well…there were rumors…” Spike smiled as he took her lips in a tender kiss. “So beautiful, you are, pet … so bloody beautiful … missed you so much,” he murmured against her lips as she began squeezing and moving slowly up and down on his cock causing it to re-stiffen inside her.

Buffy slid her hands under Spike’s duster and slid it off his shoulders and he shrugged out of it, then Buffy tugged his t-shirt up over his head and tossed it in the general vicinity of her shirt. Buffy ran her hands slowly down Spike’s hard chest, touching him so lightly it felt like a soft rain on his alabaster skin.

Spike closed his eyes with a soft moan and let all the emotions, all the sensations of her touch, wash over him as Buffy moved her hips in a slow circle, grinding down on him and keeping his rod buried inside her. She traced the hard muscles of his chest and abdomen with the tips of her fingers and leaned forward to drop butterfly kisses on his neck.

“I love you, Spike,” she murmured against his skin and Spike opened his eyes to drink in her beauty … adding one more sensation to the intoxicating cocktail that he was drowning in.

“I love you, Buffy,” he told her, his voice a deep rumble – full of emotion, as he wrapped his arms around her and rolled them both over.

Their eyes locked onto each other – green on blue, as Spike pressed into her from above. Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck and matched his easy rhythm; her hips rising to meet his in a slow, sensuous dance. On each downstroke, Spike ground his pubic bone slow and hard against her clit, sending tingling, electrical shocks out to all parts of Buffy’s body and driving her insane with desire.

“More …” Buffy moaned as she raised her head up and took Spike’s lips in a passionate kiss.



Spike increased the pace and strength of his strokes until their bodies were slamming together eagerly, hungrily, frantically.

“Spike! Yesss…God yes! Harder! Harder! Fuck, yes! Yessssss!” Buffy screamed as all the electrical shocks that had been shooting through her body suddenly merged into one brilliant bolt of lightning and exploded within her, sending her soaring … dancing in the skies on those laughter-silvered wings.

Buffy’s eyes fluttered closed as her orgasm exploded within her and her words changed to the soul piercing scream that Spike loved so much. Spike continued to slam against her, taking her as high as he could before her quivering and trembling pussy tightened so fiercely around him that he could no longer hold back. He slipped the surly bonds of earth and joined her in the heavens as his cum filled her tight channel and he roared with tempestuous rapture.

As they both floated back down to earth, Spike laid his body gently down against hers. Buffy’s skirt was bunched up at her waist and Spike’s jeans were still mostly on, as well. Spike wished for their clothes to magically disappear – he wanted to feel her skin against his – all of her skin against all of his, but didn’t want to pull away from her in order to shed interfering clothes.

Spike dropped soft kisses from Buffy’s shoulder up her neck and back down again as she struggled to find enough air to fill her oxygen depleted lungs and held him to her with strong arms and legs.

“I’m sorry I hurt you by lying …” Buffy whispered against his ear.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t see the forest for the trees …” Spike whispered back to her as they held each other on the floor in the basement of the old house and fell into the first peaceful sleep either of them had had in weeks…


**~**


Saturday, August 21st, 2004:

Buffy woke when the sun shone in through the huge hole in the basement ceiling that they’d created the previous night. She rolled over and reached her hand out for Spike, but found nothing but broken plaster and floorboards.

“Spike?” she called, opening her eyes, sitting up, and looking around. Spike had found an old quilt and had covered her with it – pinned to it was a piece of folded paper.

Buffy pulled the paper off the quilt and opened it and her rings and necklace fell out into her hand. The note appeared to be written in red crayon, possibly the only thing he could find...

My Love,

Sorry I couldn’t be here to see your beautiful face when you awoke, but you looked so much like an angel, I couldn’t bring myself to disturb you. Left all the bits with the witches all night … have to get Annie to school and she’ll be worried if I’m not there.

Come home – I’ll be waiting.

With all my love,

Spike

At the bottom of the note, he drew a rectangle and wrote, “Admit One / E-Ticket Ride”.



Buffy laughed – with all the twists and turns, their life was definitely an E-ticket ride. She quickly slid her rings back on and fastened her necklace back around her neck. She gathered her shirt and bra and put them back on and adjusted her skirt before climbing the stairs out of the old basement and emerging into the sunlight of a new day. A new day that held the promise of endless possibilities – a new beginning.

**~**

Buffy opened the garden door and slid the curtains back, letting a stream of sunlight into the great room. The room had been put back in order over the last month … although Giles did remove all of the really old and irreplaceable books and took them to the Magic Box, ‘just in case’.

Spike was lying on the couch waiting for her – he opened his eyes and smiled when the sunlight hit him. Buffy dropped her bag, which she’d retrieved from the school, just inside the door and started walking over to him.

Spike was hit by a strong feeling of déjà vu … just like that first day when she’d come back to the mansion after sending Angel to hell, sliding the curtains aside and covering him with sunlight before dropping her bag on the floor. This time the sun felt tingly and warm on his skin … the Gem of Amarra on his hand protecting him from its deadly rays, and this time he already knew the answer to the question of whether Buffy was staying – it would be ‘yes’.

Just as he was sitting up, Buffy reached him and pushed him back down. She climbed atop him, straddling his hips with hers and Spike relaxed under her, folding his arms behind his head and meeting her eyes with his.

“Teach me how to be a good wife … teach me how to be what you deserve,” Buffy said solemnly as she sat back against his legs.

Spike began stroking up and down on her arms with his hands. “Buffy … you’re more than I deserve – I didn’t mean …”

“Yes – yes you did,” Buffy interrupted him. “And you were right – I acted like I was alone, like I was the Slayer and not your wife or your partner and I was wrong. I need you to show me, help me be better.”

“And what makes you think I can?” Spike asked with a cocked brow.

“Well, you did ok with the teaching me to be slutty…” Buffy smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

“Well, you were a natural …” Spike smirked as he pushed his upper body up to sitting and looked into her eyes.

“Buffy, there are times that we disappoint the people we love – there are times we disappoint ourselves – but we just have to do better next time. You made a mistake by lying to me, but I made a mistake by not remembering that you’re the Slayer and there’s a price to pay for what the Powers have given us … and apparently that price is livin’ with the wanker,” Spike told her quietly as his hands continued stroking up and down her arms.

“I took him back to L.A. – we don’t have to live with him!” Buffy clarified quickly.

Spike laughed. “I didn’t mean literally, luv. Just we have to live with the fact that they want him in the mix. I just bloody hope he doesn’t start another apocalypse here – not sure how many of those we can stand!”

“Oh … right,” Buffy said slowly as she laid her head against Spike’s shoulder.

“I promise to never lie to you again,” Buffy said quietly, her head still on his shoulder.

“I hate to break this to you, but you promised to get away from that last apocalypse … and you promised Annie you'd never leave.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Spike wished he hadn’t said them – things were going so well, why did he have to bollix it up?



Buffy sat back and met his eyes again. She held her right arm up at a right angle with three fingers up, as if taking the Boy Scout oath. “I make a ‘Spike promise’ to never lie to you again … cross my heart and hope to live in a land without chocolate,” she said solemnly, bringing her hand down and making an ‘X’ over her heart. “Unless it’s a little white lie, like at Christmas…” she added quickly.

Spike smiled at her and held his arm up as she had. “I promise not to dust the wanker if he shows up here, cross my heart and hope to live in a land without whiskey,” Spike said seriously, making an ‘X’ over his heart. “But I still hate him and will beat the shit out of him if he fucks with us again …”

Buffy and Spike both stuck their right hands out for a handshake.

“I apologize,” they both said in unison.

“I accept your apology,” they laughed as they followed their daughter’s advice, before releasing the handshake and pulling each other into a tight hug. They knew it wasn't that easy ... the hurt and distrust of the last weeks wouldn't just go away, but it was a place to start to rebuild their love and trust - a new foundation for their family.

After a few moments, Buffy asked. “Where are the kids?”

“The Niblett’s beating Percy’s ass at Chinese, I reckon … the little bits are cheering ‘er on ...”

“I thought you had to take Annie to school?” Buffy asked, sitting back and looking at him.

“It’s Saturday … I somehow forgot what day it was … she reminded me when I woke ‘er up,” Spike said, rolling his eyes.

“Well, it’s a beautiful, sunny California day – and I think we need to get out of the house and go do something less ‘couch potatoey’, don’t you?” Buffy asked, taking his hand that had the Gem of Amarra on it in hers.

Spike smiled. “Absolutely.”

“Do you know how to ride a bike?” Buffy asked as she climbed off him and stood up.

“’Course!” Spike exclaimed, standing up next to her.

“How long has it been since you rode a bike?” Buffy asked as they started walking towards the Bat Cave entrance to get the kids.

“Well… a year or two, give or take a decade…”

Buffy raised her brows and looked at him. “This should be interesting…”

“Just like makin’ love – no matter how long it’s been, it comes right back to ya. No worries,” Spike smirked as he opened the door for her to go in front of him.

Spike stopped at the top of the stairs and watched Annie hurl herself at Buffy and Buffy go to her knees and take their daughter in a strong hug and tears stung his eyes.

He’d acted like a wounded porcupine, tossing quills in all directions when he found her with Angel and it nearly cost him his soul-mate and his children their mother. He’d never meant for that to happen, he was just hurt and wanted to hurt her as much as she’d hurt him.

Spike vowed to never let that happen again – no matter how much she insisted that he was her equal, he wasn’t. She was the Slayer, he wasn’t – he would always be her willing slave.



**~**
{{Click here to hear ‘’I Feel the Earth Move’ by Carole King on YouTube }}

NOTE: I have a Spike/Buffy version of this video, which Fox has completely censored/blocked from YouTube (not really sure why, it doesn't have anything that other videos on YouTube have, but whatever...)

Anyway, I've uploaded it onto my website and you *may* be able to view it at this link:

Click here for page with alternate video

When the page comes up, scroll down about halfway to get to the video. Some computers can view it, others can't. You will need to allow it to run an Active-X add-on in order to play the video from my website.



I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumblin' down
I feel my heart start to tremblin'
Whenever you're around

Ooh, baby, when I see your face
Mellow as the month of May
Oh, darlin', I can't stand it
When you look at me that way

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumblin' down
I feel my heart start to tremblin'
Whenever you're around

Ooh darlin', when you're near me
And you tenderly call my name
I know that my emotions
Are something I just can't tame
I've just got to have you, baby

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumblin' down, a tumblin' down
I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumblin' down, a tumblin' down
I just a lose control
Down to my very soul
I get a hot and cold
All over, all over, all over, all over

I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumblin' down, a tumblin' down
I feel the earth move under my feet
I feel the sky tumblin' down, a tumblin' down
A tumblin' down, a tumblin' down, a tumblin' down
Tumblin' down

Saturday, August 21st, 2004:

“Once upon a time,” Annie started as Buffy and Spike sat on each side of bed and tucked her in that night, “a handsome vampire came to Sunnydale to meet a Slayer. He’d heard that she was …” Annie looked expectantly at her father for his part of the story.

“…a helluva Slayer … resourceful and strong…” Spike filled in, looking at Buffy with a soft smile. “A pretty bird, but a bit shirty…”

Buffy rolled her eyes, but Annie continued, undeterred. “The handsome vampire went to the Bronze and saw her dancing with her friends. Then she smiled at something Uncle Xander said and …” Annie stopped again and waited for Spike to fill in the next part.

“…and the whole bloody room lit up from her smile,” Spike added his part, his eyes locked on Buffy’s as he spoke.

“And then the handsome vampire saw her fighting … she moved like …” Annie added.

“…like the bloody wind … graceful and strong … fast and fluid …”

“She got knocked down, but got right back up again,” Annie continued. “Then she dusted the bad vampire and the handsome vampire fell in love with her – ‘cause she was …” Annie stopped again and looked at Spike.

“…she was … she is, everything I ever dreamed of,” Spike added softly, never taking his eyes off Buffy. “She is my heart and soul.”

Tears stung Buffy’s eyes. She’d missed this so much. This time every night with Spike and their children – just being a family – a halfway normal family, despite the ‘handsome vampire and Slayer’ bedtime stories…

She’d missed watching Spike with Annie and the babies, he’d turned out to be a wonderful father – loving and kind, understanding and playful. There really wasn’t anything that she didn’t miss about Spike – the passion with which he did nearly everything, his humor and his (often hidden) intelligence – even his stubborn streak was something she could identify with– she had the same one.

Annie smiled and turned to Buffy. “And the beautiful Slayer saw the handsome vampire and thought ….”

Buffy looked at Spike and then down at Annie with wide eyes … she wasn’t prepared to add to their story. “Uhhhh…” Oh shit!



Buffy sighed and looked back at Spike, her expression soft. “The Slayer thought ‘where’d this hot…umm, I mean, handsome vampire come from … I haven’t seen him before – I better find out who he is before he gets away.’ So, I asked him who he was … and he said I’d find out on Saturday, but, of course, he showed up on Thursday just so he could crash the Parent-Teacher party and have some of my wonderful lemonade…”

“You made lemonade?” Annie asked – this was new information!

“I sure did – it was a big hit, as long as you didn’t drink it!” Buffy laughed. “And the handsome vampire met my mother … your grandmother, Joyce, that night, too. And what did the handsome vampire think of her?” Buffy asked, looking at Spike with a mischievous grin.

“The handsome vampire thought the whole lot a’ you Summers women were shirty birds – all swing axes like bloody lumberjacks, they do … which only made him love you more,” Spike supplied with a smirk.

“When did you fall in love with Pa…the handsome vampire?” Annie asked, looking at Buffy.

Buffy looked at Spike and bit her bottom lip. “The Slayer fell in love with the handsome vampire …” Buffy started, before pausing a long moment. “…when he held her in his strong arms and let her cry – he let her be just a girl with a broken heart. He sang a soft lullaby and rocked her and he understood her like no one else did, like he could see into her soul … he still does.”

Buffy leaned across Annie and dropped a soft kiss on Spike’s lips before resting her forehead against his. “I love you … you handsome vampire,” Buffy said softly as she brought one hand up to touch his cheek.

“I love you, too – you shirty Slayer…” Spike smiled as he took her lips back into a gentle kiss.

“And they all lived happily ever after …” Annie finished with a contented smile.

**~**

“God, Spike … I missed you so much,” Buffy murmured against his neck as they made slow, sweet love later that night.



Spike pressed into her and stopped moving as he leaned down and rested his forehead on hers. “I love you so much, Buffy … I know I acted like a pillock … but I really never stopped loving you or missing you.”

Buffy took his lips in a soft kiss, then said, “I really want to be a better wife – a better friend, because you deserve better than me … I can be selfish and ‘shirty’ and all those other things and you deserve better …”

Spike pressed his lips back against hers and whispered, “Shhhhh,” against her mouth. Spike went down to his elbows over her and pulled back to look into her eyes. “We both messed up, yeah? Everyone messes up, Buffy … please don’t give up on me again – you promised you wouldn’t do that ever again, remember? I’m sorry for taking your family away and making you feel alone – I won’t ever do that again, if you’ll make a ‘Spike promise’ to never give up on me again…”

Buffy closed her eyes and nodded her head as tears spilled down her face. Spike gently kissed her eyelids and the tears from her face as he waited for her promise.

“I promise…” she whispered through her tears, her voice shaky as she opened her eyes and looked into his. She saw the love that she’d so desperately wanted to see that day when he’d told her to go and stay away. It was as if his love came straight from his heart, out his beautiful, blue eyes and straight into hers, filling her with warmth and happiness – making her heart feel light as a feather.

Buffy held up three fingers in a Boy Scout pledge like she’d done earlier, “I ‘Spike-promise’,” she whispered and Spike smiled sweetly above her.

“I love you, Buffy. I promise you’ll never walk alone ever again,” Spike whispered back before taking her lips in a slow, sensuous kiss as his hips started moving against her again.

“I love you, Spike …” Buffy murmured back as she wrapped her arms around his neck and began moving with him, matching his slow rhythm and savoring his body on hers and the feeling of rapture that his words and his eyes and his body were eliciting in her.

Spike watched her face as he pushed slowly in and out of her heat … she’d never felt so good to him, her soft, supple body under his was something he thought he’d never feel again – something he thought he’d lost forever, and he nearly had. But it was her words and the sorrow and love that he saw in her eyes – her assertion that he deserved better and that she wanted to be better, that fueled his love and made his heart soar.

The warrior lovers talked and cried and made love all night – flying through the clouds of heaven and soaring in each other’s arms as the hurt and anger and distrust of the last month got washed away on laughter-silvered wings …

**~**

Sunday, August 22nd, 2004:

“ARRRGGHHHH!” Spike screamed as Buffy and Faith tried to hold him still. “FUCK, RED! Get on with it already – you’re bloody killing me here!”




“Spike, you have to hold still – plus, you’re already dead…or undead, anyway! I can’t do this if you’re moving around! And I can’t go fast – You don’t want me to miss and drop it in your lung and have to get it back out and start all over, do you?” Willow yelled back, as she tried to stay calm.




They had removed the actual Gem of Amarra from the ring it was mounted in and Willow was trying to make Spike’s plan to embed it in his body a reality. Unfortunately, since they didn’t know what kind of magicks had been used to create the Gem in the first place, Willow and Tara had been hesitant to use a translocation spell to simply transport it from outside to inside Spike’s body. They couldn’t guarantee that it would retain its protective properties if their own powerful magic was used on it, so Spike opted for Willow to use her telekinetic power to push it through his flesh, through his breastbone, and lodge it next to his heart.

He didn’t want to take any chances with the Gem – not just for himself or Buffy, but for the children; he wanted to be in the stands at the T-ball games, he wanted to teach Billy and Dani how to ride their bikes, he wanted to do all those little things that ‘normal’ fathers did – and the Gem was the key that opened those doors. The few minutes of pain was nothing compared to what he, and his family, would gain.

“I don’t know why it matters… he doesn’t use his lungs any more than he uses his heart…” Wesley pointed out from one side of the room.

“Spike does …” Willow countered with a sigh as she continued slowly pushing the stone into Spike’s body as he writhed in pain but tried to stay still and not pull against the Slayers who were holding his arms and legs.

“This would be a lot easier if you’d just let me freeze you for a few minutes…” Willow pointed out.

“NO! What happens when ya can’t defrost me? No bloody way … I won’t be a popsicle for the rest of bloody eternity! Just get on with it, then!” Spike demanded through clenched teeth.

“I’m getting …” Willow sighed as she continued pushing the gem deeper into Spike’s body. When she finally felt it break through the breastbone, she stopped.

“How does that feel? Can you feel it?” she asked as she used a clean towel to press over Spike’s wound and stem the flow of blood.

“Still hurts like bloody hell …” Spike told her as he closed his eyes and tried to feel where the gem was in his body.

“Go a bit deeper … it ain’t against the heart yet. Don’t hit my bloody spine with it, though! Just a little … an inch – no more. This much …” Spike told Willow, pulling one hand away from Buffy and holding his thumb and forefinger up to show her an inch.

Willow rolled her eyes. “I know what an inch is, Spike … You forget, I haven’t been lied to by guys all my life …”

“I dare say … why would men lie about how long an inch is?” Giles asked as he stood next to Wesley off to one side.

Buffy and Faith both looked at him with raised brows as they continued to hold Spike’s arms and legs.

“Oh dear, never mind …” Giles said quickly, looking away before removing his glasses and cleaning them furiously with his handkerchief.

“Ok, there … how’s that?” Willow asked when she’d moved the gem a little deeper.

Spike let out a long breath, closed his eyes, and nodded his head. Buffy and Faith released him and Buffy took the towel from Willow and held against Spike’s chest to stop the bleeding.

“I need a bloody drink…”

**~**

Tuesday, August 24th, 2004:

Spike came into the mansion and dropped down heavily onto the couch in the great room, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. The hole in his chest from having the Gem of Amarra embedded into him had nearly healed, it was just a red spot now – and it worked perfectly. He could go out into the sun without a single wisp of smoke to be seen. He’d already gotten Clem started spreading the rumor that he’d Shanshued so no one would come looking for the Gem…


“Hard day at the office, honey?” Buffy asked with a smile, walking into the room from the kitchen, drying her hands on a towel as she walked.

Spike opened his eyes and rolled them. “Remind me to tell Harris that the bloody gem’s on the fritz next time he wants help in the soddin’ yard. Do I look like a bloody yard man?” Spike asked, flinging is arms out to the sides.



“Well, not a typical yard man…” Buffy agreed as she sat down on the couch and leaned against him. “Maybe an English yard man,” she suggested with a smile.

“Not a yard man at all. He wanted to trim that bloody tree away from the house so the whelp couldn’t climb down it. Of course I had to be the one up the bloody tree doing the cuttin’ while he’s safe and sound doing the directin’ down on the bloody ground,” Spike ranted.

“Why couldn’t he get some of that bloody equipment he’s got sittin’ around those construction sites to go up the tree with – why do I have to climb the bloody tree, with a bloody chainsaw and cut the bloody thing away from the bloody house!?” Spike continued as he wrapped an arm around Buffy.

“You do realize you used the word ‘bloody’ eight times in the last ten seconds …” Buffy said with a smirk.

“Yeah, well that’s ten bloody times less than I wanted to use it…” Spike continued his rant. “The whelp’s littler than the little bits! If JJ can climb down that bloody tree, Harris has more to worry about than yard work…”

“Well, he’s trying to plan ahead, honey. I think it was really nice of you to help him – I would hate to see Xander up that tree with a chainsaw …”

“Oh, so it’s ok for me to be up a bloody tree with a chainsaw…”

“I have confidence in you … you’re an excellent arborist… does that sound better than ‘yard man’?” Buffy smiled and put one hand on the back of Spike’s neck and pulled his lips down to hers, taking them in a soft kiss.

“Besides, I have a big rewardy-surprise for your efforts…”

“Do you, now?” Spike murmured as he pulled her closer to his side and took her lips back into another gentle kiss.

“Mmm-hmm …” Buffy murmured against his mouth before pulling away, standing up and pulling him up to his feet. “But first, you need to shower … you’re covered in … tree crumbs…”

“There was a time when ‘tree crumbs’ wouldn’t ‘ave bothered you, Slayer…” Spike murmured as he grabbed her into a hug and kissed her again.

When Spike broke the kiss, Buffy smiled and stepped back. “How would you know, you’ve never been covered in tree crumbs before…” Buffy informed him as she turned and headed back into the kitchen.

“Your surprise will be waiting for you in the kitchen when you’re de-crumbed …” she sing-songed as she disappeared into the other room.

Spike watched her ass sway from side to side as she walked away. Lyrics from one of Tara’s country songs rang in his head – hate to see her leave, but oh to watch her go …

When she disappeared into the kitchen, Spike turned and sprinted up the stairs and to the shower – he couldn’t wait to see what surprise she had in store for him in there. He briefly wondered where the rest of the commune was – maybe she had sent them all away for the night, he hadn’t even heard Annie or the little bits in the house. They’d have the whole house to themselves all night long … the thought had him buzzing with anticipation …

**~**

Spike briefly thought of wearing just a towel wrapped around his waist down to the kitchen to get his ‘surprise’, but caution won out over convenience and he pulled on a pair of jeans – just in case.

As he rounded the corner and stepped into the kitchen his senses were assaulted by a thunderous chorus of, “SURPRISE!”

“BLOODY HELL!” Spike exclaimed as he jumped back and nearly stumbled over his own feet trying to get away from the unexpected throng of people in the kitchen. He’d been too engrossed in imagining what Buffy’s surprise for him was going to be to even notice all the heartbeats and smells coming from the room.

Buffy made her way over to where he now stood, shell-shocked, half in and half out of the doorway to the kitchen.

“I told you I had a surprise for you in the kitchen …” she said with a smirk. “Happy Birthday … a little late.”

“I made the cake!” Annie exclaimed, running over to him. “All by myself!”

Spike had finally recovered enough for things to begin registering again and he picked Annie up when she reached him. “Did ya now? All by yourself?” he asked her, looking at Buffy.

“Well, I might have helped a little …” Buffy clarified.

“This oughta be interesting…” Spike murmured as he walked into the room and the rest of the group, which was made up of all their friends, Giles, Lorne, Faith and Wesley, Willow and Tara (who each held one of the babies), and Xander, Anya and JJ, all wished him a happy birthday, as well. Harris must’ve set a world speed record getting cleaned up, dressed, and over here that fast…

“Soooo…the tree choppin' was…” Spike started, looking at Xander.



“Buffy’s idea to get you out of the house,” Xander filled in with a smile. “But, I do appreciate the help – we’ll probably have to do it again in about fifteen years, so you have time to practice more with the chainsaw, Jason.”

“Jason used a machete, you nit … Leatherface used a bloody chainsaw! Don’t you people know anythin’?” Spike chastised Xander.

“I preferred Freddy Krueger,” Anya interjected. “‘A Nightmare on Elm Street,’ was much scarier than ‘Friday the 13th’ or ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’. In fact, it was one of the more popular vengeance wishes during the mid-eighties. Lots of women wished their lying, cheating, no-good husbands could live in the nightmare on Elm Street with Freddy for the rest of eternity …”

“Thank you, Anya, for that bit of trivia… I’m sure we’ll all get that question right when it comes up on ‘Jeopardy!’,” Giles cut in, rolling his eyes.

Anya smiled at Giles. “Glad I could help.”

Spike smiled, still holding Annie against his hip, as nearly everyone began talking at once – arguing over whether Jason, Freddy, Michael Myers, or Leatherface was the scariest mass murdering movie icon of all time. He looked at Buffy, who just smiled and rolled her eyes as everyone continued talking and arguing their points.

This is what it’s all about, Spike thought as he held his daughter and watched his friends talk passionately and animatedly about such an inconsequential subject. This was why Buffy had to help Angel, for these moments with friends and family that the PTB had given him – had given them. This is what she meant when she said you had to give in order to receive – apparently, what he had to ‘give’ was Angel a second (or third, or forth) chance – but what he got in return couldn’t be measured.

“Are you sad, Papa?” Annie asked, looking at Spike closely as tears glistened in his eyes.

Spike smiled at his daughter. “No, Niblett – happy. Happier than a man has a right to be.”

Buffy got Faith’s attention and had Faith let out an ear piercing whistle, effectively stopping the conversations in their tracks.

“Whatdya say we sing and let Spike blow germs all over the cake so we can eat it?” she asked the group as she lit a single candle atop the cake and everyone began to sing.

“♫Happy Birthday, to you,
Happy Birthday, to you,
Happy Birthday, dear Spiiiike …
Happy Birthday, to you …♫”

Spike set Annie down. “Help me blow out the candle, Niblett?” he asked her as he leaned forward towards the cake.

Annie nodded eagerly and leaned in with him. “Make a wish!” she instructed him and Spike nodded seriously before puckering his lips and pretending to blow the candle out … letting Annie do the actually blowing out of the flame.

Everyone cheered and clapped as Buffy removed the candle from the cake and gave it to Annie so she could suck the chocolate icing off the bottom of it.

“Ummm…before we eat, can you decipher your creation for me, Niblett?” Spike asked, as Buffy handed him a knife to cut the cake.




"It’s simple!” Annie beamed. “That’s you in the middle – and you’re holding Mama’s hand,” Annie explained, pointing to the yellow sprinkles just under the large smiling yellow circle in the center. “And that’s Dani and Billy and me!” she continued, pointing to the other three groups of yellow sprinkles.

“Ahhhh… of course, I see it now,” Spike said, nodding his head. “So, these other ones must be …” Spike started, unsure what the other clusters of sprinkles were.

“This is Aunt Anya and Uncle Xander and Uncle Giles,” Annie explained, pointing to the two circles with multicolored sprinkles and the one red one next to it. “And this is Aunt Willow and Aunt Tara and Lorne in between!” Annie finished, pointing to the two red clusters of sprinkles for Willow and Tara and the large mound of multicolored sprinkles for Lorne.

“Brilliant … you got the whole family on there, didn’t ya, Niblett?” Spike asked as he began to cut the double chocolate cake.

“Where’s JJ?” Anya asked, looking at the cake with concern.

“Oh – he’s here …” Annie said, pointing to a few sprinkles that were just barely hanging onto the edge of the cake, up near Xander and Anya’s effigies.

“Why is he so small?” Anya asked, looking at Annie with a furrowed brow.

“’Cause he’s ‘littler than the little bits’ … and I ran out of room – I told Mama we needed a bigger cake,” Annie explained with a serious nod of her head before looking back at Spike. “Can we eat now?” she asked him, her eyes wide with anticipation of the chocolate heaven that awaited them.

“’Course … I suppose you want a very tiny piece, yeah?” Spike asked her with a smirk as he sliced through the cake.

“Noooooo…” Annie whined, rolling her eyes, folding her arms across her chest, and sticking her bottom lip out in a pout.

Spike laughed … yes, this was what it was all about. He silently thanked the PTB for not letting him wear just the towel around his waist downstairs as he served his daughter the first piece of cake. It was a happy birthday, after all.

**~**

As night fell and the birthday party was still going on, all the adults decided to move it to the Bronze. Since Tara had stayed home the last time to babysit, Anya volunteered to stay home and watch all the kids this time, but Giles insisted that she go; he’d stay. He really couldn’t take hearing the middle-aged, balding, overweight, insurance salesman sing “Do ya’ Think I’m Sexy?” one more time…

It was Tuesday, so that meant open mic night at the Bronze, so there wasn’t continuous music playing, but the friends took advantage of any singer that came up, good, bad, or indifferent, and missed no opportunity to dance, either as a group or with their partners – depending on the song.

“C’mon, Slayer,” Spike said to Buffy, extending his hand towards her as he saw Lorne take the stage. Buffy looked confused – there wasn’t any music playing…

“There’s no music,” she pointed out.

“There will be,” Spike assured her as he extended his hand further towards her and she took it and stood up from the table to follow him to the dance floor.

As they reached the floor, music started playing and Lorne took the mic. “This is a special dedication from Spike to his lovely wife, Buffy,” Lorne said with a smile and a wink at Spike before he began singing.

Spike took Buffy in his arms and held her close. They danced to the slow beat he sang softly along with Lorne, his lips next to Buffy’s ear so he was singing only to her as other couples joined them on the dance floor for the slow, romantic dance.

{{Click here to hear ‘’I Knew I Loved You’ by Savage Garden on YouTube }}



♫ “Maybe it's intuition
Some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant
And there it goes, I think I've found my best friend

“I know that it might sound
More than a little crazy
But I believe

“I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

“There's just no rhyme or reason
Only a sense of completion
And in your eyes, I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for, I think I've found my way home

“I know that it might sound
More than a little crazy
But I believe

“I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life

“Ooh hoo ooo, hoo hoo ooo ohh
A thousand angels dance around you
Ooh hoo, hoo ooo hoo ooo hoo hoo hoo
I am complete now that I have found you

“I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life….”


As the song ended, Spike lifted Buffy’s face and brushed his lips lightly across hers in a silky kiss. “I really do think I loved you before I met you,” Spike told her softly, his blue eyes holding hers captive with the adoration she saw in them.

“You’re the other half of me, Spike. Without you I was … like a black hole – completely empty; no light, no sound, no hope. I love you – I need you,” Buffy replied quietly as she rose up to her toes and kissed him gently.

Spike wrapped his arms around her and pulled her body against his as he deepened the kiss, pressing his tongue between her lips to taste her, to feel her heat surrounding him.

“Well, I’d say that was a big hit…” Lorne commented from the stage, bringing the lovers out of their bubble and back to the dance floor.

Buffy smiled at Spike and he led her back to the table they were sharing with the rest of the group as the next act came on the stage … a lady in a pink tutu had a poodle, also in a pink tutu, jumping through hoops.

The evening went quickly, as the friends danced and laughed and drank and ate and talked about everything under the sun and stars. At about midnight, just a few minutes after Buffy had excused herself to go to the ladies’ room, Spike heard his name being called to come to the stage. He hadn’t signed up for the open mic, so he was confused about why Lorne was calling him up there, but he got up and headed that way.

“It’s a very special day today,” Lorne was announcing from the stage. “Today’s the day we’re celebrating the bringing of one blond bombshell named Spike into the world…”

Spike furrowed his brow as he climbed the stairs to the stage… What the bloody hell is he doing now? he thought as he walked slowly towards Lorne.

“And to commemorate this day, we have a very special singer and a very special song. Everyone give a nice hand to Buffy, the lady this guy was lucky enough to fall in love with…” Lorne said as he clapped and started backing off to one side of the stage. He handed the mic to Buffy as she came on the stage from the side opposite Spike.

Buffy and Spike met in the center of the stage. Spike looked at her with confusion, but Buffy just smiled, laid one hand on his chest, brought the mic up, and, as the applause died down, she began to sing slowly and breathily … in Marilyn Monroe/JFK style…

{{Click here to hear ‘’Happy Birthday" by Marilyn Monroe, sung to JFK on YouTube }}



“♫Happy…Birth…day…to…you,
Happy…Birth…day…to…you,
Happy…Birth…day…you sexy thiiing,
Happy…Birth…day…to…you.♫”


Spike watched her as she sang, her eyes never leaving his, as her hand slid slowly down his chest, across his abs, then back up again when she reached his belt. Her eyes gleamed with mischief and laughter and love as she sang the innocent song in a very un-innocent way. That was just one of the things he missed about her during the month they’d been apart – her unpredictability, the way she could still surprise him and that glint in her eye when she knew she’d gotten him, like now.




Buffy could barely contain her amusement at the look on Spike’s face when she began to sing – there was surprise and wonder and perhaps a touch of embarrassment – which was hard to do to Spike. She loved that she could still find things to surprise him with – it seemed like he had always been the one to surprise her with romantic gifts and getaways, poems and songs. She was glad to have the chance to return the gesture for him, to show him that he meant the world to her.

As Buffy finished, Lorne rolled out a huge platter of spicy wings, with thirty-three candles (his official age, according to the Queen and the great state of California) forming a circle around the perimeter of the overflowing platter.

Buffy took Spike’s hand and turned him towards the birthday wings. “Make a wish,” she instructed him with a smile.

“All my wishes have come true,” Spike told her, as he tilted his head and looked at her like she was his greatest wish come true. “Got nothing else to wish for.”

Buffy laid a hand on his cheek and smiled at him. “Then blow out your candles so we can eat, silly! I’m starving!”

Spike laughed and turned back to the tray of wings and blew out all the candles with one long breath and everyone in the club clapped and cheered. The cheering got even louder when more trays of wings were brought out and served ‘on the house’ to everyone in the club that night.



Spike turned away from the food, took Buffy into his arms, and kissed her passionately, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and returned his kiss.

“You’re a helluva woman, Summers …” Spike murmured against her lips as the kiss broke.

“A helluva hungry woman … let’s eat,” she replied with a smile, grabbing the tray of wings and heading back to their table with it.

**~**

“See, I told you Spike used his lungs!” Willow asserted, looking at Wesley as they watched him blow out his candles.

Wesley just shrugged as he helped himself to some of the spicy wings that had been served to their table by the wait staff a few moments earlier.

“Yeah, you know, I don’t get that… Spike has no trouble inhaling, exhaling, and blowing out candles,” Xander started, looking at Willow, “but you remember when Buffy died? Angel said he couldn’t give mouth to mouth to her because he had no breath. Does that really make sense?”

Willow shrugged. “Maybe he just didn’t know how …”

“And he figured I did?” Xander asked skeptically as he helped himself to some of the wings.

“Maybe he thought Buffy would rather you saved her …” Tara suggested.

“I don’t know,” Xander said with a shake of his head. “Angel’s creepy … I never liked him and my opinion hasn’t changed much – even if he is supposed to save Annie and JJ one day.”

“You didn’t like Spike, either,” Willow pointed out. “In fact, I think you called him…what was it? … ‘next best undead th…’”

“OK!” “OK!” Xander interrupted her. “Yeah – fine, I didn’t like Spike at first either – but I think if Buffy needed mouth to mouth, Spike would be at the front of the line.”

“I think you’re right…” Willow smirked as she looked at the stage and watched Spike take Buffy in his arms and ravage her mouth with his.

**~**

Thursday, August 26th, 2004:

As Buffy, Spike, and Annie entered the Amelia Earhart Elementary School of International Studies for orientation, they were greeted by a short, thin, red-head in her fifties, “Hello, I’m Mrs. Sprague, the principal here.” Annie would start first grade at the magnet school in a little over a week, today was an open house and orientation so the parents and new students could meet the teachers and get familiar with the school before the big day.

Spike shook her hand. “We’re the Weckerlys. I’m William, this is my wife Buffy and our daughter, Annie,” Spike introduced them.

Mrs. Sprague shook all their hands. “You’re British?” she asked, looking from Spike to Buffy to Annie.

“Just me,” Spike clarified.

“Eastender, I take it,” Mrs. Sprague commented on Spike’s accent, a slight edge of superiority in her tone.

“That a problem?” Spike asked with raised brows.

“No, of course not!” the principal assured him. “It’s wonderful to have diversity among the students. After all, ‘All that glisters is not gold,’” the principal quoted from Shakespeare with a fake smile as she started looking down her list for Annie’s name to let them know what classroom to go to so they could meet her teacher.

Spike narrowed his eyes at the woman, who suddenly took on hag-like appearance to him – her meaning clear. She assumed he was a working class, uneducated berk just because of the accent he used. He didn’t care about what she thought of him – in fact, that was one of the reasons he started using the cockney accent in the first place, to appear tougher than he actually was at the time, but he didn’t like anyone making false judgments about Annie.

“I reckon not,” Spike started before he quoted more of the same line the principal had used from a scene in Shakespeare’s play, A Merchant in Venice:

“Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
Had you been as wise as bold,
Young in limbs, in judgment old,
Your answer had not been inscroll'd
Fare you well, your suit is cold.”

Mrs. Sprague stared at Spike, her jaw slightly agape. Spike plucked the paper she’d written Annie’s room number on out of the principal’s hand and looked at it before starting down the hall towards the room. “Bloody idiot,” he muttered as he led the way down the hall, Annie and Buffy following behind him.

“What was that?” Buffy asked as they caught up to him.

“Just teachin’ the bint to not judge a book by its bloody cover,” Spike told her with a smirk as he reached Annie’s classroom and opened the door for Buffy and Annie to go in ahead of him.

“Hello,” a young, attractive, brunette woman greeted them with a slight French accent. “I’m Mademoiselle Deschanel,” she said as she shook Buffy’s hand, then Spike’s and then turned her attention to Annie.

“What’s your name?” she asked with a smile, bending down to Annie's level. Her accent made her sound exotic, but her demeanor was friendly and down to earth.

“Annie Weckerly,” Annie answered as the teacher shook her hand.

“And who are your escorts today, Miss Annie?”

“My Mama and Papa,” Annie said with a smile, looking up at Buffy and Spike.

“I assume you have other names you prefer?” the teacher asked, looking from Buffy to Spike. “I’m Amélie,” she introduced herself again using her first name.

“Buffy and William,” Buffy said, returning the young teacher’s smile.

“It’s wonderful to meet you all … I want to go over our curriculum and supply list with you and if you have any questions, just stop me. I want you and Annie to be comfortable with everything – it’s the best way to learn,” Mlle. Deschanel told them as she led them to a table in one corner of the room and began going over their goals, areas of studies, and the list of supplies that Annie would need for class.

After about half an hour, Buffy, Spike, and Annie left the classroom feeling good about having placed Annie in this school. Despite the bad start with the principal, the actual teacher seemed quite knowledgeable and genuinely cared about teaching and about her students.

Buffy was happy to see computers at every desk and a large TV monitor in the front of the room that the teacher explained was for live interaction with similar classrooms in other countries so the students could have a chance to speak with children from around the world – live and almost in person. The whole school seemed well-funded, well-supplied, and well-staffed … well, except, perhaps for the principal.

“Au revoire!” Annie called to Mlle. Deschanel with a wave as they left the room.

“A bientôt!” the teacher called back with a smile. “See you soon!”

**~**

Later that day …




“Cordy…Cordy…Cordelia!” Buffy exclaimed, holding the earpiece of the phone away from her ear as Cordelia ranted on the other end of the line.

When Cordelia took a breath, Buffy said, “Just let me talk to Angel!”

After a couple more minutes of Cordy ranting and raving to Buffy about what a lying bitch she was for doing what she did to Angel and lying about it, Angel came on the line.

“Buffy?”

“Angel – how are you feeling?” Buffy asked, trying to put Cordy’s accusations and rantings out of her mind and calm her nerves.

“Fine – I’m fine. Sorry about Cordy … she’s a little ... worked up,” Angel started and Buffy could hear Cordy start again in the background.



“It’s ok, she didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. Good ole Cordy, you can always count on her to point out every character flaw - well, except her own, of course…” Buffy replied, trying to make light of it.

“Yeah, she’s very … forthright,” Angel agreed.

“Angel, the reason I called is I want to make sure you aren’t thinking about going to work for Wolfram & Hart or doing anything crazy like trying to join any fun, evil cults…” Buffy started.

“What are you talking about? Unless my memory’s faded again, I’m pretty sure that Wolfram & Hart would dust me if they ever caught me anywhere near their precious building.”

“Yeah – you’re probably right, I just … listen, trust me when I say that if you ever get offered a job there, just say no, okay?” Buffy asked.

“Sure, Buffy – but believe me, I’m the last person they’d ever offer a job to…”

“And don’t join any evil cults …” Buffy added.

“No evil cults, got it…” Angel agreed, confused as to why Buffy thought he would ever join an evil cult or go to work for Evil, Inc.

“Okay, good. So….you’re ok, then?” Buffy asked as she twirled and un-twirled a strand of hair around her finger.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Buffy?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks – thanks for getting me back here,” Angel told her solemnly.

“You’re welcome … take care of yourself, ok?” Buffy instructed him before they both said goodbye and hung up.

“So, the wanker joining any new clubs?” Spike asked as he stepped into the great room from the kitchen after she hung up.

“He says not…hopefully that’s true…” Buffy said with a sigh as she walked over to Spike, wrapped her arms around his neck, and laid her head against his shoulder. Spike wrapped his arms around her and sighed as he reminded himself that they needed to keep tabs on Angel, and that meant Buffy would need to talk to him from time to time. Quid pro quo – that would have to be his concession for the PTB giving him the life he had. It really was a small price to pay.

**~**

Buffy approached Faith in the training room later that day. Xander had re-hung the heavy body bag in the center of the room; adding even more reinforcement in the ceiling this time, and Faith danced around it, punching and kicking as Buffy walked up to her.

“Hey B! Did ya want a go?” Faith asked, as she stopped her training and stepped back for Buffy to have access to the bag.

“No…I wanted to talk to you a minute,” Buffy said.

“Sure – talk away,” Faith replied, as she started punching and kicking again.

“I understand you made a move on Spike,” Buffy started and Faith snorted.

“Well, he was technically divorced at the time,” Faith defended with a laugh. “You always know all the cool vampires.”

“I know why you did it … I just have one question,” Buffy told her as she held the body bag still for Faith.

“Yeah?”

“What would you have done if he’d been into it? What if he didn’t ‘run away like a ponce’?” Buffy asked Faith, using Spike’s description of what happened.

Faith stopped and looked at Buffy. “I knew he would. He totally loves you – he promised to be your willing slave, he just needed to be reminded that he still was,” Faith told her with a shrug.

“But what if he … I don’t know, just decided to go for it? What would you have done?” Buffy pressed.

Faith shrugged and hit sluggishly at the bag as a wide, mischievous grin spread across her face. “I’da kicked his lily white ass.”




Buffy laughed and nodded. “Thanks.”

“Hey, what are friends for?” Faith called after Buffy as she headed out of the room.


**~**

That night, after dinner …

Spike was down in the Batcave with a beer and that damn language video game … he was determined to be able to get good enough at Chinese to beat Annie at least once at it…

Annie padded down the stairs after her bath and plopped down on the sofa beside him and watched as the game ended … his character fell in the Yangtze River because it didn’t know how to say “What time is the next train?” in Chinese…

Spike grumbled and dropped the controller as he picked up his beer and took a large swallow.

“Can I have an orgasm for my birthday?” Annie asked him, looking up at him with expectant eyes.

Spike choked and spit his beer out, covering the video equipment and TV with suds. He continued to cough and choke, trying to clear his lungs of the amber liquid that he’d inhaled.

Annie jumped up and grabbed some rags out of a box in one corner of the basement and began wiping off the equipment. “That’s why Mama said we’re not supposed to have food down here next to the games… remember?” she asked him as she mopped up the liquid.

Spike finally caught his breath and sat his beer down on the floor, away from the equipment.

“What’d you say?”




“I said, ‘That’s why Mama said we’re not supposed…’ ”

“No… ‘fore that – what do you want for your birthday?” Spike clarified, looking at her with wide eyes…surely, he’d misunderstood her.

“An orgasm…Aunt Anya told Aunt Willow that was the best birthday present she’d gotten… She got TEN of them on her last birthday!” Annie enthused as she finished wiping off the beer and looked up at Spike expectantly.

“Anya…I’ll bloody kill ‘er,” Spike muttered under his breath as he ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes.

“Can I have some?” Annie asked, climbing back on the sofa next to Spike.

“Uhhh … wouldn’t you rather have a Barbie or another game?” Spike suggested, waving his hand at the video games.

“No. Aunt Anya said it was the best present, EVER!” Annie insisted with a shake of her head. “Maybe I could just have one?”

“No … it’s not … uhhh, that’s not a child’s present, pet. It’s for grown-ups…” Spike stammered as he tried to get her off the idea.

“Why?”

“It just is …”

“Why?”

“Some things just aren’t for little bits … and you shouldn’t say that word anymore, either…” Spike tried to explain.




“Orgasm?”

“Stop sayin’ that!” Spike admonished her with an exasperated sigh, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the sofa.

I’m gonna tear Anya’s tongue out…or maybe Xander’s … wonder how many orgasms she’d have if he didn’t have a tongue… Barmy demon bird … Whelp’s gonna be a serial killer ‘fore he’s ten bloody years old with her as a mother …

“Why?” Annie asked again, pulling Spike out of his thoughts of revenge and JJ’s future occupation.

Spike rubbed his eyes and tried to think of something intelligent to say to explain why orgasms were adult presents … and why she should stop saying that word…

“Because I said so,” was the best he could come up with.

“Now … how do you say ‘What time is the next train?’ in bloody Chinese? Xiànzài shì shénme shíhou tiándiǎn ma??”

Annie rolled her eyes. “No … you asked, ‘What time is dessert?’,” she informed him, dropping the previous subject for the moment.

“‘Shénme shíhou shì xià huǒchē ma?’ is ‘What time is the next train?’,” she corrected.

“Well...’course, I figured they served dessert on the bloody train – shouldn’t got dunked in the soddin’ river for that!” Spike defended, picking up one of the game controllers and handing to her as he grabbed the other one for himself.

He really was gonna have to have a talk with Anya about her big mouth later …

**~**

“Your daughter wants an orgasm for her birthday,” Spike informed Buffy later when he came to bed.




Buffy sat up in bed and laughed. “And did you promise her one?”

“Oh, ha-ha … very bloody funny! Anya’s big mouth is gonna get her in trouble one a’ these days …” Spike told Buffy as he pulled his t-shirt off, dropped his jeans, and climbed into bed with her.

“Well, it sounds like a wonderful present to me…” Buffy pointed out.

“Yeah, you’re not five!”

“So, what did you tell your daughter?” Buffy asked with a smirk.

“I told your daughter that she couldn’t have one, of course!” Spike ranted, still not seeing any humor in it at all.

“Did you tell her why?”

“Yeah – ‘cause I said so,” Spike repeated the reason he’d given Annie.

Buffy laughed out loud. She’d heard that reason more than once in her life – now she understood it. “Well, that’s a perfectly good reason,” Buffy told him with a smile. “It’s been used for generations…”

Spike rolled his eyes and sighed at the lameness of his argument with Annie as he lay back on the bed and Buffy cuddled up against his side.

“You think maybe I could have one…it’s not my birthday or anything, but…” Buffy suggested coyly, running her hand lightly up and down his chest and abs.

Spike smirked. “Might be able to spare one for ya …” he told her as he rolled on top of her and captured her lips with his.




“Just one?” Buffy asked with a sly grin when he broke the kiss and began running his tongue slowly down her neck.

“We’ll see what I can do. Apparently, Demon Bird had ten … I’m sure we can beat that,” Spike smirked. “The day ‘Minute Man Harris’ can out-orgasm me, is the day I stake myself.”

Spike found the spot behind Buffy’s ear that drove her crazy and twirled his tongue over it in slow circles. “Mmmmm,” Buffy moaned, arching her back and pressing up against his body as she wrapped her arms around his chiseled back. “Well, we wouldn’t want that…”

Saturday, September 4th, 2004 (Labor Day Weekend):
  
The gang (Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, JJ, as well as Buffy, Spike and the kids) were spending Labor Day weekend at the beach. They’d rented a large beach house for the weekend and were celebrating Spike’s ‘Shanshu’ as well as Annie’s last weekend before beginning the next phase of her life – one that will last for the next twelve or more years … official student. She was due to start first grade on Tuesday.
 


The house they’d rented was off the beaten path and had a long stretch of private, white sand beach that they had all to themselves. The house itself, a huge Victorian-inspired home with wide porches, three stories and six bedrooms, was up on a cliff, with a long staircase that led down to the beach, giving both the house and the beach a feeling of complete privacy.


 
At the end of their first day at the house, the gang decided to try out the seafood restaurant down the road, so they’d all gone back to the house to get ready to go out to dinner. Buffy had just taken the little-bits back to the house to get ready, as well, but Annie had wanted to stay longer – she loved the water and splashed and swam happily in the waves – so Spike stayed with her.  
 
Annie had on a pink, two-piece, “Little Mermaid”, bikini bathing suit, her skin tanned from her life growing up in the California sun. Spike had on the swimming trunks that Buffy had bought him the last time he’d had the Gem of Amarra, the alabaster skin of his arms, chest, and lower legs in sharp contrast to the golden tan of Annie’s.
 
Now Annie sat quietly on the sand between Spike’s outstretched legs as they watched the sun dip in the western sky. It amazed him how fast the sun moved, how quickly the sunset seemed to pull the glowing orb down.
 
“Listen close now …” Spike told Annie as he leaned forward near her ear and pointed to the sun as it came closer and closer to the horizon. “When it hits the water, you’ll hear it … the water will boil and you can hear the steam risin’ from the waves…”
 
“Really?” Annie asked, her wide eyes glued to the horizon where the sun was getting dangerously close to the water.
 
“Just listen …” Spike advised her as the sun touched the horizon.


 
“Can ya hear it?” he asked her and she shook her head, concentrating hard to try and hear the sizzling sun as it hit the water and made the water boil.
 
“Sssssssssssss,” Spike hissed softly, turning his head to the side a bit to make it sound like it was coming from further away.
 
“I hear it! I hear it!” Annie exclaimed excitedly, pointing to the sun and looking back at Spike.

“See, I told ya! Time to go back to the house … the water’ll be boilin’ shortly … won’t cool down again ‘til tomorrow.”
 
“Really?” Annie asked again as they watched the sun disappear into the ocean. The sky turned every shade of red and orange until, finally, no part of the sun could be seen above the dark waves, and the color of the sky began to fade back to light blue.
 
“Would I lie to you? Let’s go, Niblett …” Spike said, as he stood up and lifted her above his head to ride piggy-back on his shoulders.
 
Spike had to tell her something to get her out of the water and ready to go, she’d swim and play all night, if it were up to her – and he had other plans for the beach tonight, not involving any little-bits.
 
**~**
 
About an hour later, when everyone was cleaned up, dressed and ready to go, Tara and Willow each took one of the twins and headed out to the cars with them – followed closely by Xander, Anya and JJ and Annie. Spike deliberately delayed Buffy until the others were out of the house and gone.
 
“Hey, where’d everybody go?” Buffy asked as she and Spike walked down the stairs and into the large living room.
 
“They went to dinner…” Spike explained.
 
“But … I thought we were all going to dinner,” Buffy said, looking at him with confusion.


 
“Your reservations are confirmed … in the kitchen,” Spike informed her, waving an arm towards the large gourmet kitchen of the house.
 
Buffy sighed heavily … she really didn’t feel like cooking. She cooked all the time, it seemed. She was really looking forward to someone waiting on her for a change in an actual sit-down, carpet on the floor, tablecloths on the tables restaurant with silverware made of, well, if not silver, at least something resembling silver, and cloth napkins, and glasses made of glass.
 
“If you didn’t feel like seafood, you should’ve just said so – I’m sure we could’ve found something else,” she told Spike as she started towards the kitchen to see what she could whip up for them.
 
Spike smirked and followed behind her. When she entered the kitchen, Buffy found two glasses of white wine on the white tablecloth covered table, with more chilling nearby. There were two tall, white tapered candles burning on the table and two place settings … actual china plate settings with actual silverware and cloth napkins.
 
Buffy looked at Spike with confusion as he walked past her and pulled one of the chairs out for her. “Dinner will be just a few minutes. I think you’ll like the wine, luv – it’s a sweet German Riesling. 1998 was a very good year.”
 
Buffy scanned the kitchen as she sat down and saw fixings for dinner laid out on the counter near the stove; it looked like shrimp scampi. She could see the angel hair pasta already cooked and draining – a pan with olive oil sat on the stove just waiting for the shrimp.
 
“Who’s cooking?” she asked looking at Spike with a furrowed brow.
 
“I am,” Spike told her with a soft smile as he turned away from her and headed over to the stove.
 
Buffy’s eyebrows shot up. “You are?”
 
“Don’t sound so surprised. Ya can’t live for bloody ever and not pick up some things along the way…”
 
Buffy sipped her wine and watched as Spike seared and cooked the shrimp in olive oil then added the garlic, butter, and wine. He finished off with some salt and pepper, then tossed it all in with the drained pasta, making sure it was well mixed.
 
“I thought vampires were, you know, allergic to garlic…” Buffy mused from the table.


 
“Rumors and innuendo started by the Garlic Producers of Transylvania to promote sales…” Spike explained with a smirk, not taking his eyes off his task.
 
Buffy suppressed a giggle when the thought came to her mind that she should get Spike a ‘Kiss the Cook’ apron for Christmas … then have him wear it, and nothing else, as he cooked her a nice, romantic meal for New Years or her birthday or both. Spike can cook something other than PB&J … another hidden talent just waiting to be fully explored.
 
Buffy still had a goofy grin on her face when Spike turned around and headed back to the table with the large platter of shrimp scampi.  He turned off the overhead light as he passed, leaving the kitchen and their table illuminated by only the candles.
 
“What’s so funny?” he asked as he sat the platter down and took his seat opposite her.
 
Buffy shook her head and stuck her fork in his creation, bringing one shrimp and some pasta to her mouth to taste it. Spike tilted his head and smiled as he watched her devour the food.


 
It was good – more than good, it was excellent! “You can actually cook!” she exclaimed as he began filling her plate with more of the scampi.
 
“Well, I ate a chef once, something mighta stuck…” Spike smiled as he placed her now full plate back on the table in front of her.
 
“You’re in big trouble now, mister.”
 
“Am I, then?” Spike asked with a smirk as he served himself.
 
“Oh yeah … you’re hired – cook, yardman … uh, arborist, babysitter, and chauffer by day and undercover lover by night. I’ll just sit back and relax, watch ‘Passions’, paint my nails, and wait for nightfall every day – the life of Riley,” Buffy enthused as she took another bite of the pasta. Buffy “mmmmmm’d” as she closed her eyes and savored all the flavors that exploded in her mouth as she chewed.
 
“And just what would my job title be, then, pet?” Spike asked as he took a bite of his own food.
 
“Hmmmm….” Buffy thought, rolling her eyes to the ceiling as if looking for help from above. She dropped her gaze back down to meet his and her expression softened. “Love of my life,” she said softly as she picked up her wine glass and raised it towards him.


 
Spike picked his glass up. “To finding the perfect occupation,” he toasted and clinked his glass against hers. “It doesn’t pay much, but the fringe benefits are brilliant.”
 
Buffy laughed as she drank to his toast. Spike never ceased to amaze and surprise her with something. Just when she thought she knew all there was to know about him, he’d do something new and blow her mind again. That he’d go to all the trouble of getting the others out of the house so they could have this time alone made her heart soar – that’d he’d cook a romantic dinner for her made her heart feel like it had left the atmosphere and was floating happily among the stars.
 
Spike watched Buffy’s face in the candlelight as she ate his creation and drank her wine. He loved being able to do things to surprise and please her. The look of wonder and delight on her face when she realized he was cooking and that it was actually good was something he wouldn’t have taken a million dollars for. He loved seeing her happy, smiling, laughing – it made his heart expand and filled his soul with a peacefulness that he wasn’t sure he was worthy of, but he cherished it, all the same.
 
The lovers ate and drank and talked and laughed in the kitchen as if it was their first date; taking pleasure in the company of the other and the wonderful food and wine. The three things complemented each other perfectly, making the meal the best either of them could ever remember having.
 
After dinner, they walked down the long staircase to the beach behind the house. The night air was cool and Spike took his duster off and wrapped it around Buffy’s shoulders. She slid her arms through the sleeves and wrapped it around herself. The soft, worn leather felt good against her skin … it was almost like being surrounded and held by Spike.
 
They walked slowly along the beach, Buffy tucked under Spike’s arm, her arm around his waist. The sky was clear and the moon and stars were bright above them and their light reflected off the water like a million diamonds as they walked. The surf was calm – the water almost like glass, with just small waves lapping at the sandy shore.
 
They both kicked off their shoes and walked through the shallow water where the vastness of the Pacific Ocean met the equally vast continent of North America. It was one thin line that divided the world of the land from the world of the sea; like so many lines that they walked in everyday life, it was a balancing act. If one strayed too far into the surf, the other would pull them back towards the land; if the other strayed too far onto the sand, the other would pull them back to the surf. Alone, it would be easy to go astray, but together they were stronger – they each needed the other to walk the tightrope that was their life.
 
After walking a good ways down the deserted beach in comfortable silence, Spike led them up into the dunes a few feet away from the water and sat down. Buffy sat down between his legs and leaned back against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder.
 
Buffy closed her eyes and let her other senses take over … the sound of the soft waves lapping against the shore, the smell of Spike’s leather duster and the fresh salt air, the feel of his strong arms wrapped around her and his hard chest at her back, all combined to make her feel safe and loved and on top of the world.
 
The loneliness of the past month without him; the hopelessness she felt when she thought he didn’t care about her any longer; the guilt of hurting him by lying to the one person that she trusted more than anyone else, suddenly came back to her. It was such a sharp contrast to the feelings that had filled her tonight, that it brought tears to her eyes just thinking about it.
 
Spike turned her face to his and kissed her eyelids where the tears were threatening to fall. He knew just how she felt – he’d been feeling the same things. Having her here, her warm body pressed against his, the smell of her hair and her skin mingling with the ocean breeze, the sound of her heart beating, all made him realize just how lonely and forlorn he’d been when she was gone.
 
He was hopeful now, though, that they’d both learned some things from that month – the most important being, no matter what, they needed each other. When the world started spinning out of control, they needed to run to the other’s arms. When they were hit with a disaster, as they often were, knowing that they could count on the other to be there to catch them if they fell was heartening and gave them both hope that everything would always be okay as long as they stuck together.
 
Buffy turned her face back towards the ocean and opened her eyes as she leaned her head against Spike’s and hugged his arms around her tighter. “The stars are amazing tonight … so glittery and bright,” she commented softly.
 
“Hadn’t noticed,” Spike started, looking at her. “You outshine them all, pet.”
 
Buffy smiled softly and turned her face to his; laying one hand on his cheek she kissed him softly. “You’ve been waiting a long time to use that line, haven’t you?” she asked with an amused smile.
 
Spike shrugged. “A decade or two…” he admitted. “But that doesn’t make it any less true.
 
“You are the most beautiful thing in heaven or earth. I could look at you forever and never get tired of the view. Like a fine painting, you are, luv. I can look and look and still, when I look again, I see something new – something different and brilliant that I had missed before.”
 
Buffy sighed and leaned back against Spike’s chest. How did he always come up with the sweetest things to say to make her heart soar? And he actually meant them … that was perhaps the most amazing thing of all.
 
“Rembrandt, Renoir, or Van Gogh?” Buffy asked, unable to wipe the smile off her face as she stared out at the calm water.
 
“Ya’ lost me round that bend, pet …” Spike told her, his brow furrowed in confusion.
 
“If I’m a painting, who’s the artist? Rembrandt, Renoir, or Van Gogh?” Buffy clarified.
 
“Ahhh ….” Spike said with a nod, understanding. He tightened his hold on her and leaned close to her ear. “da Vinci,” he told her softly. “Enigmatic, mysterious, alluring … the Mona Lisa come to life, you are.”



 
“Mmmmmm,” Buffy moaned happily, as if just tasting something wonderful. “Well, that’s convenient, since I think you’re Vitruvian Man come to life …”

 

“Do you, now?”
 
“Mmmmhmmm,” Buffy confirmed. “What do you think would’ve happened if Vitruvian Man met Mona Lisa?”
 
“I reckon something like this …” Spike started as he turned her face towards his again and took her lips in a gentle kiss.
 
Buffy turned in his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck before picking up the kiss again as she sat on his lap in the sand. Spike wrapped his arms around her back and held her close – all the sensations he’d been savoring earlier suddenly seemed to expand within him … like one of those time-lapse videos of a flower opening – but this was deep in him, beginning at his heart and unfurling through his whole body.
 
“I love you, Spike,” Buffy murmured against his lips as she ran her hands through his soft hair – it was still all curly from their day at the beach, and her fingers running through it added another sensation to the ever expanding collection that were filling her mind and body with joy and happiness and overflowing her heart with love.
 
“I love you, Buffy,” Spike replied, his voice deep with emotion as she kissed a line of fire down his neck. Buffy tugged his t-shirt up and lifted it over his head, before continuing her exploration of his body with her lips and tongue.
 
Spike put his hands in the sand behind him and leaned back slightly, letting his head loll back as her mouth moved down from his neck, lingered at his collarbone, dropping a line of velvet kisses along it, before continuing down to his nipples.
 
Buffy circled one, then the other, with her tongue, flicking softly across each of them before nibbling lightly with her teeth. Spike moaned as his nipples hardened and his cock throbbed against his jeans below her. Buffy slid a hand down between them and pressed hard against his erection and Spike gasped.
 
Buffy smiled as she listened to his reactions to her touch – his moans and gasps added another level to the sensory overload going on in her now. She loved his body, but knowing that the things she did not only made her feel good, but made him feel good, too, aroused her even more – made her want him even more.
 
“God, Buffy…” Spike moaned in anticipation of her hands on his aching cock as she slid her body back down his legs and began unfastening his belt and unzipping his jeans. Spike lifted his head and watched her as she concentrated on her task … her face was flushed, her body trembling slightly with excitement and need and her heart was racing in her chest.
 
When Spike’s cock was free from its denim constraints, Buffy ran her hand gently and slowly up and down the hard length of it and met his eyes with hers. The rapture in his blue eyes made her own desire rise even more, made her body ache for him – made her need for him something that seemed like air; it was as if not having him inside her soon would literally kill her; suffocate her, drown her in yearning.
 
Buffy stood up slowly and unfastened her own jeans, dropping them down her legs and Spike helped her tug them off, then she did the same with his as he lifted his ass up off the sand. Still with her t-shirt and his duster on, Buffy straddled Spike as he sat below her and lowered her throbbing pussy down on his thick rod.
 
She wanted him buried deep in her so badly, but wanted to savor every tantalizing inch of him, so she went slowly, allowing the feeling of him pressing into her, then filling her, to flood her whole body with bliss as chill bumps raced across her skin, a moan escaped her throat, and her eyes closed involuntarily as she sank down on him.
 
Spike watched her lower herself over him, his cock hard and throbbing as he guided his shaft into her dripping pussy. Spike moaned loudly as the engorged head entered her heat – her pussy pulsing and warm around him. He watched her face as she slid down his rod ever so slowly, he could hear her heart racing, smell her arousal, feel her sugar walls squeeze and vibrate around his cock. It was all he could do to keep his hips from slamming up into her – her slow descent onto him was like heavenly torture – it was one form of torture he could endure for eternity.
 
Spike tried to keep his eyes open and watch her face – the rapture on it reflecting his own feelings perfectly, but all the sensations he was feeling overwhelmed him and his eyes closed as she continued to take him in ever so slowly. He thought that he’d perhaps never needed her more than at that moment – needed to be in her arms, needed to be one with her; but he thought that often. Every time he was inside her, every time her hands touched him, her lips kissed him, her body pressed against his, he felt the same way – as if he’d surely explode into a pile of dust from his own desire and love for her.
 
She really was like a work of art – her body, her mind, her soul, her spirit all combining to make a fine mosaic that he could look at every day for a hundred years and still never see it all; still be surprised and delighted by it every time. Like one of those paintings which were made up of many smaller images … you look closely and see a million wondrous things, but back up a few feet and see the whole person, the whole painting, and it’s something else entirely.
 
Not every small painting within the picture was perfect and some were unfinished, works in progress, but when he backed up to see the whole, it took his breath away – metaphorically. It was a magnum opus; she was a stunning masterpiece, a one of a kind, and he couldn’t’ve stopped his heart from overflowing with love for her even if he wanted to.
 
When Buffy’s hips met Spike’s, his cock buried to the hilt in her heat, she stopped moving and forced her eyes open at the same time he did. Spike wrapped his arms around her and began dropping tender kisses all over her face.
 
“What you do to me, pet,” Spike murmured between kisses. “Make me crazy, you do.”
 
Buffy smiled and pushed him back slightly so she could see his eyes. The light from the moon and stars illuminated his face and made his eyes sparkle as he gazed into hers. She saw her two favorite things in the world reflected in them – Spike's love and desire.
 
“I love you so much – you have no idea,” Buffy told him as she captured his lips with hers, wrapped her arms around his neck, and began moving her hips in a slow circle, sliding his cock in and out of her tight channel as she started to lift them both up towards the heavens.
 
Spike returned her kiss, deepening it as she started moving, using his tongue to delve deep into her mouth, just as his cock was pressing deep into her pussy. He circled her tongue with his slowly, matching the rhythm she was using with her hips as his hands roamed down her body and slid up and under her shirt to feel her firm breasts through her bra. He slid his hands behind her back and undid her bra so he could run his thumbs lightly across her nipples and cup her breasts in his hands – flesh on flesh. There was nothing that felt better to him than her soft, warm flesh against his.
 
Buffy gasped when Spike began caressing her nipples – his hands on her was something she could never get enough of, and she increased her intensity as she began moving up and down on him faster and harder.
 
“Cum for me, Buffy,” Spike murmured as he broke the kiss and trailed his tongue to her neck then to the spot behind her ear that never failed to send electrical shocks out through her body when he touched it.
 
“God, Spike … Yes, baby, Oh, God that feels so good – you feel so good,” Buffy murmured back as her head fell back and her strokes down on him took on more urgency – a need for more.


 
Spike slid one hand down between them and found her clit with his index finger and Buffy screamed out when she hit it, she came down hard again and again against his hand, devouring his cock with her need. She felt the explosion beginning and came down hard on him one last time as her back arched, her body trembled, and her pussy tightened around him.  Spike fingered her clit, taking her over the edge of ecstasy – sending her soaring up with the moon and stars above them as a primal scream escaped her throat – it was something he never tired of hearing, it was another part of the masterpiece that was Buffy.
 
Buffy clung to him as the orgasm ripped through her body and sent her flying through the heavens above them. Spike’s hands on her, his cock filling her, his mouth against her skin, his deep voice begging her to cum for him all combined to create a crescendo within her that she couldn’t control, even if she’d wanted to.
 
She never tired of him, she never tired of the feelings and emotions he could bring out in her with a touch, a word, a kiss. It was like he could touch her soul and fill her heart with joy – lifting her up above the clouds to dance amongst the stars. If she was a masterpiece, then he was the artist … her body, her soul, her heart belonged to him.
 
As Buffy came back down from the clouds, she leaned her forehead against his as she gasped for breath. Spike held her and stroked her back as he whispered sweet nothings softly against her ear… “So passionate, so beautiful you are. I love you so much, Buffy. You are the other half of me…more than I deserve; all that I ever want.”
 
Buffy pulled back and took his face in her hands and just looked at him for a long moment, their eyes holding the other captive. Finally, Buffy leaned in and kissed his mouth gently, nibbling at his bottom lip.
 
“I’m the luckiest girl in the world…” she whispered against his mouth. “You complete me.”
 
Buffy raised up off him and went to her knees between his legs as she trailed her mouth down his neck, past his collarbone and chest, pausing momentarily to circle his bellybutton with her tongue before following the thin line of hair down to his rock hard cock – now covered with her cum. Buffy circled the tip with her tongue, tasting herself on him as her juices mingled with his pre-cum, and Spike moaned as he tangled a hand in her hair, his other hand behind him, supporting him, as he leaned back and savored the feeling of her mouth on his cock.
 
Buffy nibbled lightly at the head with her teeth before sliding her mouth down his length, her lips barely touching him as her tongue swirled first this way, then the other, against the sensitive skin of his erection.
 
“God, Buffy…” Spike moaned as she began the trip back up his shaft, still barely touching him with her lips as the tip of her tongue trailed fire across his skin and filled him with need.
 
Buffy’s lips tightened around him as Spike’s hips moved involuntarily with her strokes. She wrapped a hand around the part of his thick shaft that wouldn’t fit into her mouth and stroked up with her hand as she came down with her mouth, her cum covering him making her hand glide easily over his length.
 
“Ahhh… fuck, Buffy! Bloody Christ!” Spike exclaimed as her movements got faster and harder, her cheeks hollowed as she sucked and licked and relished his cock and the emotions and reactions her actions elicited in him. She absolutely loved to hear him scream her name in passion; she loved to make him crazy with need and desire – his ardor fueled her own desires and made her want him even more.
 
Buffy slid one hand up his thigh and cupped his balls, lifting them up off the sand and lightly squeezing and fondling them as she continued fucking him with her mouth. The new sensation nearly sent Spike over the edge – he could feel his orgasm building and he wanted to be inside her, joined with her, taking her with him as he came.
 
Spike pushed up from his reclining position and grabbed Buffy by the shoulders, pushing her backwards off him. She fell onto her back, his duster under her, and Spike growled like a lion as he disentangled their legs and crawled up her body until his chest was over hers, his hips pressed against her heat. Her mouth was wet from her saliva and her own cum and he captured her lips with his in a feverish kiss. She tasted like heaven.
 
Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and returned the kiss just as passionately, their tongues dancing a silent Samba as Spike ran one hand up over the curve of her hip to her waist and to the swell of her breast as he held himself up over her with the other. Buffy raised her hips up against his, lifting her legs and hooking her feet around his ass.
 
“Fuck me … Fuck me, Spike… Make me cum,” Buffy whispered to him, her breathing labored as her heart raced and her pussy throbbed in anticipation of him slamming into her.
 
Spike lifted his hips off hers momentarily and lined his cock up with her dripping hole before burying his cock in her heat with one hard stroke.
 
“Yes!” Buffy screamed out as he slammed into her. “More! Fuck me, Spike!” she exclaimed as her back arched, her heels dug into his ass, and her hips lifted up to meet his with every thrust.
 
“God, Buffy … so wet you are – so fucking tight. I could fuck you forever …” Spike whispered, his voice deep with lust as he did as she demanded, switching between long, hard strokes and short, fast ones.
 


His pubic bone crashed down on her clit and sent electrical shocks down her legs and up her body on the short strokes; on the long strokes, he ground down against her and the electrical shocks turned to white-hot lightning bolts that made her legs quiver and her body convulse in pleasure. “Cum for me, Buffy – scream for me,” Spike demanded as he felt his own release building.
 
His cum seemed to boil in his balls as he slammed against her and he knew he couldn’t hold it much longer. “Cum for me!” he demanded again as he slammed into her.
 
Buffy felt the air thinning, as it always seemed to just before her dive off the cliff and into heaven, and Spike’s words fed her own climax … lifting her ever higher into the clouds. “Bite me!” she demanded of him, lifting her head and neck off the sand up and tilting her head to the side. “Bite me, now!” she screamed and Spike’s demon came up to do her bidding.
 
As Spike’s fangs pierced her skin, Buffy screamed in absolute bliss as her body exploded with brilliant fireworks and fiery lightning bolts and sharp electrical shocks. She rocketed towards the sun – out of the earth’s atmosphere and into space where she floated among the stars and waited for Spike to join her.
 
When Slayer blood touched Spike’s tongue and her animalistic scream sliced through his body, Spike's mind lost control and let his body take over. His cum exploded deep into her pussy, filling her tight channel and spilling out as her body bucked under him and her pussy tightened and trembled and held him deep within her. He roared against her skin as her sweet blood flowed into his mouth and his cum flowed into her core. His spirit seemed to leave his body as he floated in the heavens above where he found Buffy waiting for him.
 
She took his hand and they twirled and danced and soared through the black vastness of space – soaring where eagles never flew.  As they reached the edge of the universe, they reached a hand out and seemed to touch the face of God before they began the slow drift back to earth, back to their bodies, which had sent them soaring so high.
 
Spike dropped his body down atop Buffy as he morphed back to his human face and began licking gently at her wound to stop the bleeding. Buffy wrapped her arms around his back and held him against her – she could stay here forever if given the choice, his body on hers, his cock buried deep in her, his mouth on her skin – at times like this, she felt like she didn’t need anything else – no food, no water, no air – just Spike.
 
When Spike was satisfied that the bleeding had stopped, he rose up and looked at her, his expression soft and full of love and adoration. “I need you, Buffy – I need you when the world starts coming undone – you’re the only one I can run to, you’re the only one that can save me. Please never give up again, remember your promise – I’ll remember mine.”
 
Tears stung Buffy’s eyes and she nodded slowly. “I’ll remember – I need you too. If you were lost, I’d look for you until the end of time, search the world over for you – I’ll never give up again,” she promised him.
 
Spike nodded. He was sure she meant it – he could feel it in his soul. He knew she’d keep her promise this time and never give up on their love again, just as he would never make her walk alone again. It had been a hard lesson, but he knew, no matter how high she lifted him with her into the light, he would always be in her shadow, and that’s how it was meant to be – she was the Slayer; he wasn’t. She was born to walk in the light; his destiny was just a step behind – but it was still higher and brighter than anything he thought he’d ever have and he owed it to her love and her belief in him. Without that, without her, he was nothing.
 
Spike slid a hand down and found the pocket of his duster as they lay atop it – Buffy still had it on, well, mostly. He pulled out a familiar blue box – Tiffany & Co. it said on the top and Buffy’s eyes lit up. Buffy took the box from him as her eyes danced with excitement.
 
“What’s this for? It’s not Christmas …” she told him as she started to open the simple, but elegant box.
 
“Just ‘cause I love you,” Spike told her as he watched her, taking pleasure in the joy he say on her face.
 
Spike rolled off her and sat up next to her as she opened the box. Buffy sat up and pulled a diamond and ruby ring from the box. The gems sparkled in the moonlight – she could see four rubies inside four golden hearts which were encircled with ribbons of diamonds.


 
“My God, Spike! It’s beautiful!” she exclaimed as she hugged his neck tightly.
 
When she pulled back, Spike took the ring from her hand. “This is to remind you of your promise – to me, to Annie, and William and Danielle – four hearts, four people that will love you and need you always.
 
“The inscription says, ‘Love Always’,” he continued, as he slid the ring on her right ring finger. “And that’s what it means – I’ll love you always, forever, until the end of time and beyond. If the Powers take pity on me, then one day I’ll find you in heaven and my love will still be just as strong as it is this minute. ‘Forever’ is something people say, but then forget – I don’t forget, I will truly love you forever.” 
 
“Oh God, Spike,” Buffy whispered as tears stung her eyes again. She touched the ring, turning it slowly on her finger as she looked at the four hearts representing the four people in the world that meant the most to her. Buffy raised her eyes to his. “I’ll love you forever, too. I won’t forget my promise … I’ll never forget,” she pledged as she wrapped her arms around him again and hugged him close.
 
Spike encircled her with his arms and buried his face in her hair. “I believe you, Buffy,” he whispered as he held her tight against his chest.
 
When Buffy pulled back, she dropped a soft kiss on Spike’s lips. “You are the most amazing man … you’ve done nothing but surprise me tonight. I almost feel guilty keeping you all to myself.”
 
“Do you, now?” Spike asked, cocking one brow. “Well, maybe you could talk to yer Evil Twin … ya’ know, I’ve heard that sharing is good for the soul…” Spike told her with a smirk.
 
Buffy laughed her eyes dancing with amusement. “I said almost, fang-boy.”
 
“Ahh, well – can’t blame a bloke fer tryin’,” Spike smiled at her as she stood up and extended her hand to him to help him up off the sand.
 
“You just keep dreaming … and running away like a 'ponce', and you’ll be ok,” Buffy informed him as she slid his duster off and pulled her t-shirt and bra off after it, dropping them all on the beach. For some reason, she wasn’t cold anymore …
 
“Catch me if you can,” she called as she took off running towards calm water a few feet away. Spike laughed as he watched her streak across the sand and then dive into the water, sending ripples out in all directions. It was just another of those small pictures within the varied and elaborate mosaic that was Buffy that he loved so much.
 
**~**
 
When they came in much later, Spike checked on the twins then stopped in Annie’s room to check on her as Buffy headed to get a shower and rinse the salt and sand off. He stood in the doorway and watched Annie sleeping – Tara had put her to bed hours ago after the rest of the gang had gotten back from the restaurant.
 
Annie opened her eyes and yawned, blinking against the light coming from the hallway.
 
“Sorry, Niblett, didn’t mean to wake ya’,” Spike said softly, stepping into the room.
 
“It’s ok,” she murmured sleepily as she focused her eyes on him.
 
“You have a good dinner?” he asked as he sat down on the edge of her bed.
 
“Mmmhmm,” Annie answered, her voice rough from sleep.
 
“Except Aunt Anya tried to give Dani some banana pudding, and I told her not to, that they didn’t like bananas, but she wouldn’t listen – she said everyone liked bananas. Dani threw it all over Aunt Anya … the whole bowl went all down her dress.”
 
Spike laughed. Served the barmy bird right for that orgasm comment in front of the Niblett…
 
“Well, the important thing is you tried, pet,” Spike told her with a smile and dropped a kiss on her forehead as he started to stand up.
 
“You’re wet,” Annie observed, as Spike’s damp curls touched her head.
 
“I am,” Spike agreed.
 
“Does that mean the ocean’s not boiling anymore?” Annie asked with innocent eyes.
 
“It does … it’ll be waitin’ for ya in the morning, Niblett,” Spike assured her. “We’ll go out first thing.”
 
“Good,” Annie sighed as she turned over and closed her eyes again as sleep overtook her.
 
Spike smiled as he left her room and touched the small scar on his chest where the Gem of Amarra had been imbedded. Despite the late hour and him just promising to get up early in the morning, the fact that he could take her out to the beach at the crack of dawn and stay there all day long if she wanted to, filled him with joy.

He pulled the door closed behind him, leaned back on it, and closed his eyes. He’d never been a fan of the PTB, he still thought they were using Buffy and playing favorites with Angel and that Angel would always be their pet project. Despite all that, he sent a silent prayer of gratitude to them for the life he had, for Buffy and the bits, and their friends – a life he could’ve just as easily missed but for a small, unexpected twist of fate.
 
Maybe Angel wasn’t so favored, after all.

**~**
{{Click here to hear ‘Masterpiece’ by Atlantic Starr on YouTube }}


Atlantic Star, “Masterpiece” 


A simple touch of your hand,
And everything is right.
The gentle way you look at me,
When we kiss goodnight.
You've given me the freedom, no other love has known
And now I thank you girl, thank you girl

The countless ways you've touched my heart,
Is more than I can say,
The beauty that you've shown to me,
Takes my breath away,
A picture perfect painting, that's what our love is,
And yes I need you so, and now I know

ooooh, oooo …
I've found a masterpiece in you,
A work of art it's true,
And I treasure you, my love.
ooooh, oooo
I've found a masterpiece in you,
A work of art it's true,
And I treasure you.

Sometimes I wonder what I'd be,
Had I not found you,
A lost and lonely soul this world,
Could show me nothing new.
But now my life's a canvas,
Painted with your love,
And it will always be,
And now I see …

The gentle walks together,
Through time will never pass,
This fairy tale we’re sharing,
is real inside our hearts,
Let it be forever,
Never let it end,
This promise I can make,
Heaven is ours today,

ooooh, oooo …
I've found a masterpiece in you,
A work of art it's true,
And I treasure you, my love,
ooooh, oooo
I've found a masterpiece in you,
A work of art it's true,
And I treasure you.

When I'm lost and insecure,
you build me up and make me sure,
that everything will be alright,
My love

ooooh, oooo …
I've found a masterpiece in you,
A work of art it's true,
And I treasure you, my love,
ooooh, oooo
I've found a masterpiece in you,
A work of art it's true,
And I treasure you.

This fairy tale we're sharing
is real inside our hearts
This is true,
Yeah, you girl

Let it be forever,
never let it end,
Never … please never let it end…