Buffy has just divorced the only man she ever loved, he got the dog, and she is stuck in a hospital without cable TV; in other words life sucks! With nowhere to go but up and the help of her roommate she begins to tell her story. Follow Buffy on her road to self-discovery through the good the bad and funny. Along the wacky twists and turns of reliving her life she also might rekindle some old feelings for someone whom she once shared everything with; as she answers the time honored question of how did I get to this point in my life!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

It hit me as I was walking from the courthouse on the way to my car; I am divorced from my husband the… only person whom I ever found attractive, the only one I ever loved, the one who I gave my virginity to, the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with, the one whom was going to father my children, the one that took me to prom, and the person whom I grew up with. Suddenly it sank in that he wouldn’t be there any more to dry my tears, to listen to my day, to validate my existence. In that instant the numb and the fog lifted. That fog that was over me since we had decided to get this divorce, then all I felt was pain. Pain, so much pain, to the point where I collapsed on the floor and dry heaved, because I was crying so hard on the sidewalk outside of the court house. That’s where Chris the security guard found me and called 911 to take me to the Hospital. At the Hospital they treated me for malnutrition because apparently in my foggy state I wasn’t eating…

I had a shared room in the Hospital with Veronika, whom was suffering from a fall down some stairs. We were both stuck there for the next three days without cable. It was in this kind of situation where you begin to ask yourself how in the world did I get here, not just what route did the ambulance take to the hospital; but how come I am in this place at this point in my life. So when Veronika asked me my life’s story, along with the nurses that treated me Marge, and Louis after I had the hysterical fit because Passions (his favorite show) came on the stupid hospital TV. Then I decided it was time to tell my story; maybe it would help me figure a few things out at the most or just keep us entertained at the very least… (I think they were all rather curious on why I would divorce US weekly’s most sexy man alive… and probably the best musician of the 21st century. I was actually surprised that even as his ex, there were no reporters swarming around waiting to get the details on my condition.)

“It all started many years ago when I was about ten years old in Sunnydale, California. There was a young boy, whom had just moved there from Suffix, England; and he was very handsome with short dirty blond hair that was spiked straight up and very blue eyes. He instantly became taken with me, a small girl who had huge green eyes and long blonde hair that reached my waist; though I didn’t know until much later. The boy had moved into the house across the street from me and my family with his parents Rupert and Jenny Giles and older sister Dawn”

“We first met each other when, Hank and Joyce (my parents) my brother Connor and I over to greet the new neighbors and bring some Mom’s homemade brownies. I was so excited to meet the new boy across the street, I was bouncing up and down as I rang the doorbell. Jenny answered the door I handed her the brownies and I felt very grownup handling the situation by myself. My Mother then asked Jenny if her son would like to play with me why the rest of the Giles’ were unpacking. Jenny was thrilled that William would make a friend before his first day at Sunnydale Elementary, especially one in his class so she readily agreed. William came downstairs after Jenny called for him and he saw the blonde girl from across the street. He was excited to meet me too! It was instant when we first looked into each other’s eyes this connection, which to this day I never experience with another person. As Jenny and Joyce hurried us kids outside to go play in the park they began the introductions. That’s when things began go downhill.

‘What’s your name?’ William asked me.”

“’Buffy’ I replied with a smile using the nickname my Mom gave me after I was born when I gripped her finger tightly”

Present Day

“Aww how cute…” all three girls exclaimed in unison.

“Yup” I said with a wry smile.

Back the Memeory

“William whom had never liked a girl before *me * replied
‘That’s a stupid name’”

“I was easily offended stepped on his foot and retorted with ‘My mother gave me that name! You… You stupid, Spikes haired person!’ Then, I ran off towards home leaving William all alone.”

Back to the Present

“Wait Marge replied that is how he got the name Spike what a letdown, I always assumed it was related to his package.” She said while wiggling her eyebrows.

“Oh it could, he does have quite a package” I admitted my face turning red.

Back to the Memory

“On the first Day of school William managed to befriend my best friends Willow and Xander. Xander was happy to have another guy in the group and Willow had a crush on William so she wanted him be in group. I was the only one with the problem, mainly because William and I had those pesky feeling towards one another *not that either one of them would admit it*.”

“Soon though, it became apparent that William *Spikes* and I behaved… well differently when you put us within the others line of vision. You see, it was a case of *young crush*, since being the stubborn children that we were neither of us would admit it anytime soon…. Nope we just settled for yelling at each over everything their fourth grader minds could argue about. I was what you would call a liberal, even as child I was very set in my beliefs of right and wrong, while Spikes (my nickname for him over his spikey like hair) liked to bait me! The only time we agreed on something is when Angel (the oldest boy in Mrs. Freeman’s class whom also had a crush on me at the time) would say something stupid to get my attention. William hated his guts with a passion rarely seen amongst ten year olds.”

“Mainly Spike (as he insisted everyone call him, not Spikes as I did) hated that I liked Angel better than him in fact; Spike also disliked Xander for the same reason.”
************************************************************************

“So the world was very perplexing, for us fourth graders in Mrs. Freeman’s advanced class; with all these crushes and nemesis’ it was only a matter of time before something happened…. Like on the annual field trip to Riley’s Farm.”
************************************************************************

“My Mom was the Head of Sunnydale Elementary P.T.A. and she always went on the fieldtrips. This year her group consisted of William, Xander, Andrew, Willow, Harmony, and me. The field trip this time to Riley’s farm was were the kids learned the ways of the old west from gold panning to candle making. Mom had her work cut out for her with her daughter and Spike’s never ending banter, to Willow and Xander who would follow their crushes around and, the prima donna’s that were Harmony and Andrew! At least Angel wasn’t in Mom’s group, because that would most likely result in a fight over me.”
************************************************************************

“When they boarded the bus I was ecstatic and Spike was talking with me, not arguing over what the life of a pioneer would be like. This made Mom smile she loved it when the two of us got along we were so alike, though we both denied it. It was nice for Mom, Dad and Jenny, Giles too, because the two neighboring couples had quickly become friends and spent a lot of time in each other’s company. The bus ride was filled with the constant chatter of Spike and I. We enjoyed getting along and were so involved in one another that we didn’t notice the pouts on Willow and Xander’s faces for being ignored.”
************************************************************************

“When we got off the bus Mom paired her groups in to buddies; Spike with me, Willow with Xander, and Harmony with Andrew. Surprisingly Spike and I were still getting along and happy to hold each other’s hands while walking through the rough terrain. We chatted and explored together making candles and panning for gold as a team and we actually panned the most gold. This caused quite a stir amongst everyone so used to us the *blonde duo* bickering. The teachers watched how we interacted and pulled Mom over, telling her that she better watch out, because that would be her future son-in-law. Mom laughed and agreed. Between all the quarrelling and the hand holding it was glaringly obvious that the two of us liked each other.”

Present

“They were right though” said Veronika.

“Yep I even invited them to the wedding, you should have seen his face when we got the RSVP’s it was something that I will never forget pure comical horror!”

Past memories
************************************************************************

“When Spike and I were finishing panning Angel came up to us as a pair, and Spike became defensive ‘what are you doing here ponce’ he asked frustrated that Angel ruined the moment that we sharing about our mutual love for dogs.”

“’Nothin’, just wanted to say hi to Buffy’ Angel responded”

“’Hi Angel, how is it going?’ I replied in what Spike thought to be a slightly flirty tone”

“’Great, Buff you want to be my buddy for the rest of the trip and ditch the foreign kid?’ Angel asked in a smug manner shooting Spike a glare”

“Before I could even answer for myself, Spike shoved Angel whilst telling him that ‘Buffy is my buddy, go back to Cordelia, you bloody berk’. Angel then chose to shove Spike back, towards the rather deep creek. This got Spike angry, he then chose to punch Angel is his poofter nose. After Angel feel to the ground holding his nose, he used a few choice words that would have earned him a detention if Mrs. Freeman would have heard. I watched in shock from behind Spike, not wanting to get involved because my Mom was there and would have my hide if I got in a fight. Angel then, proceeded to push Spike again, this time though Spike bumped in to me causing me to fall into the creek and hit my head. Neither boy saw this as they began to wrestle for dominance over each other; although my Mother heard the screams as the other children witnessed my subsequent fall into the water.”

Present

“Were you okay” asked Louis.

“I was fine. I just have a very reasonable fear of water now.”

Past

“Mom rushed to me pulling her out of the water while Mrs. Freeman pulled the boys apart. Spike rushed to Mom’s side helping her prop my head up as, Mom performed CPR to help me start breathing again. As I began to cough and sputter I regained consciousness. Mom sighed with relief and she hugged me close. Spike hugged them too he was so worried about me. Mom thanked him for his help; all she cared about was that her baby was okay. Angel cried to Mrs. Freeman that it wasn’t his fault and she needs to punish Spike, he wasn’t to blame for the fight (Angel wasn’t at all worried for my wellbeing).”

“That trip to Riley’s left me with ever growing feelings for Spike, a healthy fear of water and a new reason to dislike Angel. It left Spike confused over his developing feelings for me, and gave him a personal vendetta against Angel. It left Angel upset that he was punished, mad that I wouldn’t talk to him anymore, and hating the embarrassment he received from getting his butt kicked by Spike.

Present

“Woo Hoo go Spike” Marge supplied.

“That trip to Riley’s left me with ever growing feelings for Spike, a healthy fear of water and a new reason to dislike Angel. It left Spike confused over his developing feelings for me, and gave him a personal vendetta against Angel. It left Angel upset that he was punished, mad that I wouldn’t talk to him anymore, and hating the embarrassment he received from getting his butt kicked by Spike.
Present

“Woo Hoo go Spike” Marge supplied.
************************************************************************

“Over the next two years personalities developed and expectations were set for all that attended Sunnydale Elementary. The relationship between Spike and I became sketchy at best. He was very touch and go with me; one day we would have private meaningful conversations, the next he would tease me, and the day after that ignore me completely. It was obvious that he liked me to anyone but Willow, Xander, and I. In fact he caused me to become more withdrawn and defensive about my feelings because he would often flirt with other girls in front of me. This helped, Willow get over her crush on him and move on to the new transfer student Daniel Osborne *Oz*. Xander still had a crush on me but never did anything about it because I had told him I thought of him like a brother. As for Angel he became the class dud and was placed into regular classes; he still liked to taunt Spike and me as often as he could, it was one of the only times where Spike would stand up for me instead of picking on me.”
************************************************************************

“Through it all Spike and I became a rising stars at the school, because of our talents in the Arts. I, for my amazing writing skills; I won all of the writing competitions I entered. While, Spike won all of the art competitions; because of his startling drawing skills. By the time that we graduated sixth grade I was valedictorian (Willow had come in second), and Spike was the guy that everyone had a crush on. While everyone thought I would become the first female president, Spike was going to be the rock star that everyone wanted to be. The two of us were so different Spike became this class clown while, I was the know-it-all that did peoples home work during lunch.”

Present

“Wow you guys turned out almost exactly like you were in elementary school.” said Veronika.

“Yeah, everyone did. Sometimes I wish I could go back and do it all again.”

“Well, you just have to make the best of it!” Louis replied.

“We all wish that trust me you aren’t alone.” Said Marge.
Past
************************************************************************

“The summer before my first year of junior high I decided to make some changes, instead of dressing like a little girl I stared to wear short shorts and shave my legs. I started wearing bras although they were training bras, and I started wearing makeup. My goal was to attract Spike; little did I know that he was already very attracted to me. Willow whom had started dating Oz (nothing serious just hanging out after all they were almost junior highers); became my confidante on my immense crush and helped me in my small transformation.”
“While we girls were working on dossing each other up for the new school year; across the street the boys were forming their very own band. Spike was the vocals and guitar, Oz was the base, Xander was on drums and Jessie (the guy’s friend from school) was on the key board. Spike wanted to impress me and couldn’t wait to have me see his band The Ghost of the Robot preform.”

Present

“Like ghost of the Robot was ever unimpressive” said Marge.

“You’d be surprised they get nerves before every show.”

Past
************************************************************************

“So that’s how everyone started junior high newly reformed and ready to take on the world… little did they know we were grossly unprepared.”
************************************************************************

“Whichever way you want to look at it I was either very lucky or very unlucky to have Spike in every one of my classes. At the time it was very unlucky… because not only did we have every class together but we had to sit next to each other in every class due to some weird fluke in the seating arrangements. Spike however, considered himself very lucky that he got to sit next to and torment the object of his affections every day.”

“Oh how he tormented me; I had always been a perfectionist, Spike was my antithesis always creating a mess and getting me in trouble. Yet, I still could see his kindness and how he cared for people no matter how hard he tried to hide it. It was his soft side that made me this glutton for punishment so every day I would take his torments just to be near him.”

“Spike couldn’t stop on his part though he was mad that I made him feel something for me with my long blonde hair and pretty green eyes. Spike wanted to make me leave him alone because I scared him. He didn’t like the power my pout had over him or the jealousy that coursed through his body whenever her saw another guy speak or even look at me.”
************************************************************************

“So the cycle continued Spike would try to torment, and date other girls, going ballistic if a guy so much as flirted with me. While, I would put up a wall against all this hurt that Spike would inflict on me, hurling myself into my studies to keep occupied.”

Present

“Every guy is like that, it makes you wonder if the truly are from Mars!” Said Louis.

************************************************************************

“So the cycle continued Spike would try to torment, and date other girls, going ballistic if a guy so much as flirted with me. While, I would put up a wall against all this hurt that Spike would inflict on me, hurling myself into my studies to keep occupied.”
Present

“Every guy is like that, it makes you wonder if the truly are from Mars!” Said Louis.
Past
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“It was Friday night the girl’s day to have a sleepover. Every week they would alternate houses, this week it was at my house and we girls were gossiping over the weekly happenings while painting each other’s nails. Mine were pink with sparkles and Willows were blue with sparkles.”

“’Boys are buttheads Wills, I am telling you they just like to toy with you and toss you aside for someone else!’ I ranted, about how Spike passed me a note in history class asking me out. Only when I said yes, to hear him laugh and say ‘oh did I forget to tell you that note is for Drusilla and I wanted you to pass it to her. Like I would ever go out with someone as ugly as you!’”

“’Buffy not every boy is like that, Oz is nice to me’”

“’Yeah… well all boy’s without brains; obviously Spike falls into that category’”

“’Yep he is a total meanie isn’t he! Hey… why don’t we do something about it!’ said Willow with a murderous gleam in her eye!”

“’Like what grab our cartons of chunky monkey and watch chick flicks? There is nothing we can do…’”

“’You my friend have that wrong, the boys are across the street practicing for the gig tomorrow and they are going to stay the night. So we rope Xander, Oz, and Jessie into play a practical joke on him! Okay here’s what we a going to do…’”

Present

“I can’t believe he did that what did you do?” questioned Marge.

Past
******************************************************************************

“With both the girls and guys ready to strike, and Spike unsuspecting of anything; Willow’s ingenious plan was set into action.”

“Xander *tripped* over a stair and accidentally dumped his chocolate milkshake on Spikes head. Why that was happening, Oz and Jessie had switched the contents of Spike’s shampoo with a mixture of bleach and sweet n’ low. Then us girls rang the doorbell as Xander and Spike were cleaning up the mess on the stairs. When Spike went to answer the door we girls started giggling and making fun of his appearance and the state of his normally dirty blonde hair. This caused Spike to slam the door in their faces but not before telling me that his hair always looked better than my stupid hair!”

“After the fiasco that happened downstairs Spike went upstairs to wash off… and when he came back down everyone pretended to be shocked about the state of his newly bleached blonde hair.”

Present

“You’re the reason he bleaches his hair!” said Veronika.

“Yep”

“Oh I just love this background.” Said Louis

Past

******************************************************************************

“Spike wasn’t stupid though and he knew this was doing that he now looked the girls like a Billy Idol impersonator. He just considered himself luck that his parents weren’t upset. Now he would have to think of a way to get me back…”
******************************************************************************

“It was Saturday, the night of the boy’s first gig at the Coffee Bean owned by Ethan Rayne (a Giles family friend) and everyone was excited to see them preform”

“Spike had set up his revenge for tonight too, in front of everyone he would make me pay.”

“As the Ghost of the Robot started playing everyone was entranced in Spike and his ability to sing, especially me. I was amazed at him and was the second only to Giles at cheering him on!”

“’I don't think you know my real name
And I think you'd leave me standin in the rain
You're a pretty little girl got a thing for me
But you'd cut me open and let me bleed

But I'll been looking at you with your long blonde hair
Pretty little feet, sparkling everywhere
You look so good when you come my way
But I have to look down when you talk to me

'Cause your dangerous,
Your Dangerous
Your Dangerous
And you don't even know it

One Baby, two, maybe three more years
You'll be a full grown baby, have all your curves
Here's a little taste of irony
You'll be a ten hot lady, too good for me

But I'll be looking at you with your long blonde hair
Pretty little feet, sparkling everywhere
You look so good when you come my way
But I have to look down when you talk to me

'Cause your dangerous
Your Dangerous
Your Dangerous
And you don't even know it

So little girl, you better stay set
You playin with fire when you get too wet
So set me down and leave me be
You'll find the devil when you unchain me

But I'll be looking at you with your long blonde hair
Pretty little feet, sparkling everywhere
You look so good when you come my way
But I have to look down when you talk to me

'Cause your dangerous
Your Dangerous
Your Dangerous
And you don't even know it’”

“Spike whom was secretly soaking up the attention from me (especially from the song he told me was written for me later on) and almost didn’t go through with the plan, but he wanted to hurt me for making him feel something for me so he hardened his resolve and begun what would be something that would change my self-esteem forever.”

“I watched as the band took a break; my eyes still riveted to Spike.”

“Spike huddled the band together and told them that he wanted to do a new song that he wrote last night to the tempo of a previous song. Everyone was objecting because they hadn’t practiced, but Spike pleaded and they relented. That was to be one thing that the boys would regret the most.”

“As the second set began Spike introduced the next song as one ‘for the very special girl that bleached my hair Buffy’, and then he asked me to come up on the stage.”

“And so it began…
‘I'm a bland homley girl
All alone in the world
I'm as flat as a board
Thin and lanky
I'm an ugly girl, my face makes you hurl
Sad I have it, I should bag it
Acne everywhere, unwanted facial hair
I'm a relation to Frankenstein's creation’

Present

Everyone in the room was in uproar about how spike treated me! As soon as I calmed them down I told them there was more to the story and we began again. This was getting hard to tell….

Past

“At this point the damage was done even though the band member stopped playing after the first line.”

“I ran out of the coffee shop tear streaming down her face, Willow hot on her heels.”

“The rest of the band began to yell at Spike especially Xander it took both Oz and Jessie to hold him back…”

“After my total humiliation the crowd disembarked disgusted with Spike.”

“Giles then proceeded to take his son by the ear and drag into the car while Jenny apologized to Ethan.”

“No amount of grounding though could ever redo the damage that Spike had caused me…”

“No amount of grounding though could ever redo the damage that Spike had caused me…”
**************************************************************************

“When the Giles clan arrived at home along with the band so they could collect their possessions from the sleepover and wait for their parents to pick them up no one was talking to Spike. Across the street Willow with the help of my parents had finally been able to track me down crying behind the Sun Cinema and take me home. Mom was furious at Spike who she normally liked, for hurting her baby girl and Dad was ready to go over and yell at the boy that dared to cause his daughter so much pain. Willow however, felt horrible for not knowing how the boy would react to the prank that they pulled on him.”

“I felt raw inside, they boy who I had a crush on for three years had just publically called her ugly, flat and homely. I had never felt so unattractive before. My stupid crooked nose and my bug like eyes, how had I never noticed no wonder he didn’t like me and found me appalling.”

Present

“You are not appalling” they exclaimed!

Past
****************************************************************************

“Spike was trying hard to justify his actions to himself because after the fact it was hard to explain how hurting me was right. He just wanted to pull another prank but this time he went too far doing it in front of his and my parents and in a public space. He just couldn’t deal with my beautiful green eyes looking up in admiration so he went through with his plan singing that song that he wrote when everyone went to sleep Friday night. He didn’t even think I was ugly and now he ruined his band. Spike sighed he had a lot of apologizing to do. ”
******************************************************************************

“Mom woke me early the next morning to take me out, we went shopping and got me a new fashionable wardrobe, my hair cut and highlighted to make it a softer blonde, my eyebrows done so they weren’t quite so bushy and some more grown up make up that I could wear. Even though I had already made a lot of changes to myself, Mom took me out to help my increase self-confidence and show her daughter how pretty she was on the outside because I didn’t feel that way.”

“It worked for the most part I returned to Revello Drive feeling pampered and pretty. That is, until Spike decide to come over.”

Present

“He better apologize” replied Marge.

“Oh he will...”

Past
******************************************************************************

“Spike had spent the whole day and all of last night dreading facing me, he knew that he had taken it too far and was worried that I would never talk to him again. Spike wished more than anything that he could take it back that he had never sung that stupid song in the first place.”

“So now the time had come for him to apologize. This was a very defining moment for him; it was not at all under his control only mine.”

“Spike had called every one of his friends and apologized profusely, telling them that he wanted to get back for the hair thing and her was so sorry for doing that to them and to me. They all agreed to grudgingly forgive him for his transgressions even Willow. Spike however, was nervous that the most important one wouldn’t go well. He had also apologized to Dad who accepted and patted the boy on the back. Remembering fondly the days when he would chase Mom around pulling her hair, he all too well knew the aggravation of young love.”
******************************************************************************

“Spike and I spotted each other at the same time Spike offered and grim smile and I ducked my head feeling self-conscious around him. As Spike made his way over towards me, his breath hitched. I looked beautiful… When I looked up I felt a pang Spike was staring at me almost reverently… ‘So’…he began.”

“’Yup’ I replied nervously”

“’Buffy, I am so sorry for everything for all the notes that I passed and all of the tricks that I played and if there was anything that I could take back it would be last night you never deserved that. I love you as a friend (he was too afraid to admit his feelings as of yet) and even though I am so stupid sometimes I can still see how beautiful you are compared to anyone you shine your also smart and passionate. It was meant to be a stupid prank for the hair because I in no way meant to hurt you I took it to far. Please accept my apology, you were the first person I met here and you’re my favorite person to argue with… please Buffy I am so sorry I will do anything!’”

“’Well’ I thought about how sincere and desperate Spike sounded and how much I liked him…”

“’Okay, but you can never do anything like that again and you have to be nice to me because I won’t forgive you next time. Also write me a nice song!’”

“Spike leaped forward ad pulled me into a bear hug whilst murmuring apologies into my sweet blonde hair (his word not mine).”

“Right then in there is when Spike fell deeply in love with Buffy Anne Summers; right then is when he promised himself that someday she would become Buffy Anne Giles.”

Present

“He mentioned that in our vows” I said wistfully. Then I felt the searing pain that we were no longer married.

“Oh sweetie” they all said, and the nurses got up to give me a hug. Veronika sat there offering silent support.

Right then in there is when Spike fell deeply in love with Buffy Anne Summers; right then is when he promised himself that someday she would become Buffy Anne Giles.”
Present
“He mentioned that in our vows” I said wistfully. Then I felt the searing pain that we were no longer married.
“Oh sweetie” they all said, and the nurses got up to give me a hug. Veronika sat there offering silent support.

“As the eventful first year of Junior High began winding down, I couldn’t help but stop and ponder the changes in myself and my friends. Spike was acting very different ever since the day that he apologized, he was nice and always stood up for me, but he always seemed to be holding back… It seemed like he was having trouble saying something important to me. Otherwise everyone in our slowly expanding group [which consisted of Willow and Oz *the couple* Xander, Tara *the shy girl that I took under my wing when Cordelia decided to be particularly nasty one day* Jessie, Anya *the new girl from L.A. who really seemed to hit it off with Xander* Spike, and me] got along.”

“Although a lot had changed, things mostly stayed the same; Spike still argued with me no matter how nice he was, he was still popular and Ghost of the Robot was still together and going strong. Of course I still had my ever expanding crush on him and he loved me little did I know at the time. I was the geek and he was Mr. Popular. It seems as like no matter what I did to enhance my appearance it still wasn’t enough *my insecurities were still in full force then*.”
*&*

“And so with the conclusion of our seventh grade year we were still an utter mess and it was only a matter of time before the shite hit the preverbal fan.”
*&*

“The summer was spectacular uneventful though like the calm before a storm… I went on Cruz’s to Alaska and Mexico and got to spend time camping with my Dad. The Summers and Giles clans actually had many cookouts and BBQ’s. Spike and I had a blast playing with water balloons, riding our bikes for hours only to get ice creams that would melt down our arms in the heat leaving us as sticky messes. Our favorite hangout was actually about a mile away from our houses near the outskirts of town an old abandoned tree house that was several stories high and wound around and old oak tree with swopping branches and a gnarled trunk that seemed to touch the sky. It was located near was the old creek and on days when it was hot we would sit on the bank drinking luke warm soda and eating our pb&j’s while dipping or toes in the water.”

“The only thing our spot was missing was a swing so we built one, that was made of course blue rope from Lawson’s Hardware store. We had tied the rope around the huge branch that stood out, just below the base of the tree house. We would spend hours swinging back and forth and laughing.”

Present

“You seem to have some good times” Veronika said.

“Yes” I replied “we had some really great times.”
Beep Beep beep went Marge’s beeper. “Oh, Mr. Stevenson needs his meds, make sure to catch me up later!”

“Now back to the story.”

Past
*&*

“The best part about our place is that it was in fact our place, no one knew about it. We seemed to really get along that summer and it was a start. Especially, when I fell for Spike.”

“It had to be the hottest day of the year and I hated the heat so I was on the balcony of the second story on out tree house huddling in the shade trying to read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin. It was sweltering and too hot for me to be in the creek, Spike was across from me his hair was still bleached blonde on the ends from the time we dyed it, he was drawing the landscape and we were chatting about inconsequential things. When suddenly I leaned back too far from laughing at his joke and found myself hurtling over the edge on the platform I was on. I managed to twist in time and hold on with my hand for dear life. Meanwhile Spike had jumped up and ran towards me he grabbed my arm and stared pulling me up when my dress caught on a branch that suddenly snapped back flinging us both over the side. As we began the 18 foot plummet downwards, he reached his right arm out and caught our swing rope but his arm turned awkwardly with our combined weights his arm was broken. He still continued to hold onto me and the rope, even as we swung into the tree and he smacked his head on the side hitting yet another stray branch that cut his eye brow open.”

“He somehow managed to lower us both down on the ground and when we reached the bottom, even though I didn’t receive a scratch he asked me if I was okay. That is when I fell deeply in love with William Giles; he risked his life for me and then asked if I was okay.”
*&*

Present

“Oh my, was he okay” asked Louis.

“Yes, but that is how he got that scar on his eyebrow.”

Past

“From there we walked home hand and hand. As soon as we got there Jenny took us both to the hospital, I was in shock from the whole thing and Spike was in a whole lot of pain and covered in blood. We ended up telling Jenny that I climbed a tree and he hurt himself falling down, that way we could go back to our secret spot. We both felt bad for lying to her. He ended up getting 13 stiches; he thought it was the coolest thing ever though. I remember him telling me he liked them, they made him feel manly.”

“Needless to say we were both much more careful in our tree house after that incident.”
*&*

Present Day

“So” said Marge “What did I miss, when I was giving Mr. Stevenson his meds?”

“Not much” Louis the other nurse replied, “Just how Spike got that scar over his eyebrow and how she fell in love with him.”

“What…” Marge exclaimed!

“Well” I replied, “We had a great transitional summer in which we got along and found a secret tree house when one day I almost fell he caught and saved me in the process of breaking his arm and receiving a rather nasty gash across his eyebrow, and that is how I fell in love with him. I actually was the first person to sign his cast. I signed it Love Buffy.” This was all said with a rather nostalgic smile on my face.

“Wow, that must have hurt,” Marge

“Well it hurt but not as much as Drusilla did,” I replied because even after all this time, it still hurt me to this day.
Marge sat up that,

“I thought Drusilla was out after that prank with the note.”

“Well not exactly, let me tell you another story.”

FLASHBACK 8TH GRADE YEAR

“The days after the accident were filled with excitement and anticipation about going back to school as eighth graders. Both Spike and I were getting ready. I was organizing my backpack and proof reading my summer homework. Spike was getting his band ready; the school had booked them to play every Friday at lunch as part of a stay in school program.”

“I was thrilled to get back to school it was my comfort zone where I was able to excel, and where I got to hang out with my friends 24/7. Spike and I had all of our classes together again, but this time we choose to sit next to each other, instead of being forced to do it. As our friendships began to grow, so did our love for each other. We were terrified to let the other know though. I was a geek and not good enough for him. Little did I know my brains made him feel that he was not good enough for me.”

“That first Friday I was sitting in the cafeteria when Spike stood on that stage looking extremely hot and announced Ghost of the Robot. He seemed to have nerves of steel and the whole school respected him for it. When he started to sing though it was magical, it was the first time that a hush fell over Sunnydale Junior High. There was no babbling pre-teens, no obnoxious noises just the sound of the instruments, and Spike’s melodic voice.”

“’O you didn't even care
What they said about you
And you ran away from there
Made a home
And you filled it with
A candle on a cinder block
And a matress on the floor
This town baby,this town baby
Is gonna be ours
This town baby,this town baby
is gonna be ours,
oOoours

You find a man
And he swears to protect you
From the dark
And you love him
And you try even harder
And it feels good
And you don't give a damn

This town baby this town baby
Is gonna be ours
This town baby this town baby
Is gonna be ours
oOoours

I got a job at the hotel
And my car runs good
And builders move in now
I got my place
And i got me a plan
And i make a little money
And ill take you home
If you just look at me


This town baby this town baby
Is gonna be ours
This town baby this town baby
Is gonna be ours
oOoours’”


“So as the year continued with our friendship intact, Drusilla came storming back in. Deciding that Spike was now popular because of his band, she proceeded to pursue him by coming to his practices. She eventually wheedled her way into our group, which no one except Spike who enjoyed the attention she poured over him, was too happy about. She seemed to give off this bad vibe everyone (but Spike) could pick up on. I hated her, and Willow in girl code solidarity offer to put prune juice in her chocolate milk.”
Present day

“So did she,” Lois asked, after about a minute of me kind of drifting off lost in my memories>

“Did who do what,” I asked back forgetting the last bit story.

After a rather loud sigh, “Did Willow put prune juice in her milk”

“No but I wish she did, knowing what I do know,” giving a small smile.

“Go on.”

Back to 8th grade

“Well, after about six months of Drusilla’s relentless pursuit spike gave in and asked her out. He had almost given up on me wanting anything more that friendship from him. He was hoping his feelings would go away because he still taught he did not deserve me. Also the fact I began to distance myself the moment Drusilla came into the picture helped him make his decision”

I finished giving a rather loud sigh myself. This is more difficult than I thought it would be.

Present

“What happen next, “Lois asked eager for more of the drama that is my life.

Back to 8th grade

One of the most vivid days was the day I walked into the cafeteria and Spike was sitting at our table while Drusilla was on his lap kissing his cheek while they were holding hands. I never felt such disappointment before as it settled in my gut and began to freeze. I dropped my tray and ran to the nurse’s office. I ended up going home that day.

While I cried in my pillow, I hardened my resolve. I wouldn’t let him get to me. I would go out and get a boyfriend and then I would rub it into their snotty faces. I, geeky Buffy Anne Summers, was going to get a boyfriend.

The next day I dressed like a girl on a mission. My shortest black skirt, the one I never wore to school, my white blouse with the small straps that were decorated in pale pink flowers, and strappy pink sandals with the four-inch heal. My hair was curled and my makeup done to perfection.

The second I walked into school I could feel people’s eyes on me; I ignored them searching the quad for him. Spotting him by his ignorant jock friends, I walked over. When he finally looked up I gave him a dazzling smile, and continued to move closer. He told his friends something and then they all scampered off. As I reached him, he had a big smile on his goonish looking face; I mentally cringed when I saw it.

Well here goes nothing; I reached my hand up to stroke his rather small bicep. Playing dumb I asked Angel how he was, while sticking out my cleavage as far as I could without giving myself a hernia.

“Great Buff, you look hot,” came his rather asinine reply.
Giggling, I replied, “well to tell you the truth I dressed liked this to impress you Angel. Would you like to be my boyfriend?”

I gave him a wink to go along with it, laying it on real thick.

“Sure Buff. Give me a kiss,” he replied, with his eyebrows going high onto to forehead

I obliged his demand, while trying not to vomit. After all I got what I wanted didn’t I?

Unbeknownst to me at the time someone across the quad watched the whole exchange. With his face contorted in anger and pain, he turned quickly and stalked off.

Chapter 7; Misdirections and miscommunications

Unbeknownst to me at the time someone across the quad watched the whole exchange. With his face contorted in anger and pain, he turned quickly and stalked off.


Present

“You mean that he???”

“Saw you???”

“Kissing Angel???” all three girls interjected.

“Yes, he told me later on, but there is more to the story first.”


Past

I pulled away quickly, disguising my disgust before my new ‘boyfriend’ could see…

“That was great Buff” he said with that sloppy neanderthal grin that I hate.

“Sure” I said plastering a fake smile on my face to the point that it hurt. Well I got what I wanted, didn’t I? I am now dating the great poof. Yippee! I believe that he didn’t brush his teeth that mourning. And with that thought, I repressed the urge to vomit, yet again.

“Come on, Buffy I have to walk my girl to class,” said Angel throwing his huge arm across my shoulders as the mourning bell rang. I stumbled in my shoes finding it hard to mantain balance under his arm. Great I thought, just great! Well at least this way Spike will be able to see that I am not some dork that can’t look pretty or get a boyfriend.

“Bye Angel,” I said when we reached Mrs. Masons English class.

“Bye Buff,” he said before lifting me off the ground to kiss me. When I began to struggle he broke it off, setting me clumsily back on my feet.

Smoothng my hair down as I walked into class, I looked into Spike's eyes. Big mistake they were smoldering with white anger the crisp blue darkened to a stormy dark blue, his hands were clenched at his sides, and his jaw was clenched. I felt a rush go down my spine before he broke eye contact taking his seat. I stood there speechless that one look did more to me than Ange'ls kiss ever did or ever would.

When I took my seat he deliberately looked away his jaw still ticking, his entire form was tightened. I slowly placed my hand on his arm which was much firmer than Angel's. He slowly turned to look at me, his eyes softented just a little bit before the hardened again fitting the harsh sound of his voice before his spat out “What do you want Summers?”

“I was wondering why you are so upset with me Spike, I thought we were friends,” it sounded like a question instead of a statement.

He closed his eyes taking a deep breath before letting it out. He seemed to be having an internal debate. I watched with fear imbedded deep in my gut as he opened his mouth. “We were. That is before you started dating Peaches,” he said as he sounded tired and defeated.

I could feel my heart break, sure he noticed that I had got a date, but now it all seemed too trivial. Now Angel was my first kiss. I swallowed before replying, my voice sounding cold, even to me.

“I feel the same way about Drucilla and you. Maybe I was tired of always being the odd one out. I wanted a boyfriend, I mean Willow has Oz, Xander has Anya, Tara has Jessie, and now you have Dru. What was I supposed to do stay single and be the ninth wheel all the time? Grow up Spike!”

He sat there dumbstruck as I got up asking Mrs. Mason if I could use the restroom. Once I had the pass in hand I ran and hid in the restroom crying my eyes out because just for a second I hoped that maybe he liked me instead of hating Angel. I was wrong.


Present

“Oh honey,” Veronika said, “that is just horrible.”

“How horrible,” came Louis's reply as she hugged me.

“I am going to kick him if I ever see him now,” exclaimed Marge

I laughed at how supportive they all were despite just meeting me and how different they are. I took this time to examine my companion closers than just their names and why they were there.

Veronika was a pale brunette with beautiful features and large violet eyes. She was the voice of reason with a wry sense of humor past her twenty some years.

Louis was a middle aged mom with chestnut hair pulled back into a smooth ponytail and large spectacles perched on her very tan nose making eye eyes seem even greener. She seemed to be a voice of compassion looking after everyone.

Marge was a slightly plump nurse with long black hair, tawny skin, and chocolate eyes. She had an attitude that could stop traffic and was very opinionated.

I think that they all worked wonders together, each helping me in their own unique way.

Present

It was now ten o’clock, the time for the nurses to go home, so the four of us agreed that I would continue my story tomorrow. So concluded my first night at the hospital, the room was mostly quiet now. Veronika snoring softly and light streaming eerily through the window as I contemplated my day, and what I had told my new friends. I never thought that any of this would happen when I begrudgingly got up out of bed this morning.

I am so lucky to have this happen without the press all over me, and without him knowing. Since I was just divorced I begged and pleaded for the hospital not to call my ex even though he is my first emergency contact. Instead they called my mom, which I am so grateful for because the last thing I need right now is for him to know I'm here.

As my thoughts winded down, I felt a deep loneliness settle in my gut. I am all alone, that he is no longer here is still hard for me to grasp. I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. Spike has always been there in some shape or form, from the thorn in my side to my friend. to my love, and then my husband; but now he’s gone. And so the loneliness grew, I can feel it pushing on my chest, and I can’t breathe.

It hurts and I can’t breathe and for the first time I break, and the damn of emotions come flooding through. My water gates open as harsh sobs rack my body. I can feel the hot sticky tears make the way down my face onto the horrible hospital gown, making it cling to my skin. I can feel the snot dripping from my nose as I wail almost inhumanly at the loss I feel.

I scratch and claw at my skin as it tightens making it too hot, to painful to feel real. I can feel my heart pumping to fast, and I can’t take a deep breath. My face is all screwed up, and I feel as though someone has carved out my organs and sewed me back together wrong, everything is uncomfortable Yet I can’t stop wailing into the night, it just won’t stop. I just can’t stop.

WHY? WHY? WHY?WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY ?WHY??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I scream OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

The pain doesn’t cease though it only grow until I am
positive I can’t bear it, and then it grows some more.