Alexander Harris sat in the crowded club in a small town called Sunnydale. He had been looking for a fresh group for months now, and was failing miserably. His producers and higher ups were pushing him to find the right group, but he just hadn’t had any luck. This little hole in the wall night club was his last resort. He ordered another scotch from a passing waitress and handed her over a 20.



“No change sweetheart, tell me something though. Is it usually this crowded in here on Tuesday evenings?”



“Never, we get most of business on the weekends, unless The Vamps are playing that is.” The tall, pretty blonde waitress informed him.



“The Vamps? They must be pretty good to get a crowd like this?” Wondering if he had finally found a winner. Xander smiled hopefully.



“Oh, their good alright. They’re going to be starting soon, kick back, relax and I’ll go grab that drink.”



“Thank you.” He made a silent prayer and hoped this was his big break.



***********************************



Buffy, Willow, Anya, Spike, and Oz all were finishing putting their equipment together, with 15 minutes to spare.



“Did you guys see how many people are out there tonight?” Anya asked, with wonder in her eyes.



“Yeah, were gonna rock.” Spike chuckled, tuning his guitar.



“It’s just crazy to see how many people want to watch us play.” Willow chimed in, adjusting her microphone over her piano.



“Pretty crazy.” Oz said, in his monotone, short, usual tone.



“No matter how many times we do this, I still get belly rumblings.” Buffy said rubbing her jittery stomach in slow circles.



“No need to be nervous love. You do great every time we go out there.” Spike said strolling to her and cupping her face. “You are a star summers, never forget it.”



She blushed deeply and savored the feeling of his hands on her. “Thanks Spike, you always know just what to say.”



“Best friend Duty, pet.”



“Alrighty the buzzing crowd is starting to chant for you guys, we have everything ready and in place, all the microphones are on. Were about to pull the curtains. So take your places.” Willy the club owner told them.



They all took their places. Buffy and Spike in the front with their guitars and head mics in place. Willow sat at her piano, ready to rock and roll. While Oz got his sticks and started tapping on his drums. Anya was the base guitarist and was in the middle of Oz and Willow with her microphone stand in place.



The curtains were pulled and Spike was the one to Speak.



“Nice to see so many faces out tonight. Are you guys ready to party?” The crowd went crazy and Xander was satisfied with the charisma of the audience.



“Well, we decided to try something a little different tonight. As most of you know, we have been working on some new material. So tonight we decided to start off with a few new ones.” There was a loud erupt of applaud and Spike waited until it died down to continue. “Without further delay I give you… “



The piano and bass started playing in the back ground in a soft smooth tone.

Then Spike Voice rang out over the speaker as he started strumming on his guitar.



“Honey why you calling me so late?

It's kinda hard to talk right now.

and honey why you crying?

Is everything ok?

I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud.”



The whole crowd was in awe and so was Buffy, we almost missed her que to join in with the others. She started strumming and began to sang with them, as Oz smashed on his drums.



“Well, my girl's in the next room sometimes I wish she was you

I guess we never really moved on. It's really good to hear your voice

Saying my name it sounds so sweet coming from the lips of an Angel

Hearing those words it makes me weak and I never wanna say goodbye

But girl you make it hard to be faithful with the lips of an angel.”



Buffy inhaled, peeked over at Spike, who was steady strumming away and she began her solo part.



“It's funny that you're calling me tonight

And yes I've dreamt of you too

Does she know you're talking to me will it start a fight?

No I don't think he has a clue.”



Xander was in full blown amazement. He hadn’t heard so much talent from one group before. Not only could they all play instruments, but where all vocally talented. He picked up his phone and dialed his producer quickly. “Hey listen.” He shouted holding up his phone.



“Well, my guys in the next room sometimes I wish he was you

I guess we never really moved on. It's really good to hear your voice

Saying my name it sounds so sweet coming from the lips of an Angel

Hearing those words it makes me weak and I never wanna say goodbye

But boy you make it hard to be faithful with the

lips of an Angel.”



“Well, what did you think…. Yeah I completely agree.” He nodded vigorously into the phone. “Just let them finish up and I will go back stage and see what they say… I’ll call you after.” He clicked his phone shut and turned started drumming his fingers on the table lost in the beat of the song.



“Make it hard to be faithful with the lips of an Angel.

Well honey why you calling me… So late?”



Spike finished, and the band came to a silence, earning howls from the audience.



“I take it from the cheering, you lot liked it?” He chuckled as the clapping increased and turned to wink at Buffy, causing her cheeks to heat up. “Alright mates, the next song is going to be starting with Buffy, she wrote this one herself.”



Buffy smiled brightly as his introduction and started strumming away at her guitar.



The whole night when in a similar pattern, tons of songs, lots of introductions and shout outs.



None of them knowing that their lives were about to change.

After the set the band grabbed their instruments and started moving their equipment back to Oz’s van. Spike walked back inside Willy’s once everything was stored away to tell him thanks, and bye. When a tall, dark haired, man covered head to toe in stylish name brand clothing approached him.



“You’re the lead singer of The Vamps? Hi my name is Alexander Harris, Xander mostly.” He reached his hand out and Spike eyeballed it for a moment then returned the shake.



“Spike Giles, forgive me for being rude, but are you lost mate. I don’t take it your from round here, since I’ve never seen you.” Spike questioned and Xander chuckled.



“You would be correct.” He reached into his wallet and pulled out his flashy business card. “I’m a record manager. I’m currently looking for young, fresh, talent. And tonight I think I found it.”



Spike glanced down at the card in his hand and back up at him. “What’s the catch?”



“I’m sorry?” Xander asked confused.



“You know the catch? I mean don’t get me wrong mate. I would be thrilled to become famous and all that rot, but for some reason this just seems too easy?” He said with a suspicious gaze.



“I can assure you there is no catch. Like I told you before, I have been looking for months for, well might I be so frank, your band.” Xander stated matter of factly and Spikes jaw practically hit the floor; he just knew he entered the bloody twilight zone.



“Spike what’s taking you so long, I thought you were just… Oh hi.” She gave a shy wave to the stranger, then turned to Spike. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were in the middle of something.”



“No worries, I was actually going to have Spike introduce me to all of you. I’m Xander Harris.” Buffy smiled brightly and shook his hand.



“Very nice to meet you Mr. Harris, Buffy summers.” She pointed at herself.



“The pleasure is mine. I was just telling Spike-“



“I think we should grab the whole band, you probably aren’t gonna want to be repeating this 5 more times. Follow me.” Buffy looked between the two men with a curious glance, but quickly followed behind them outside.



Willow, Anya, and Oz were all standing in front of the van talking when they saw the door fly open and their friends coming out.



“Spike are you okay? You don’t look so good.” Willow wondered as she walked over to him, noticing the stranger.



“Yeah I’m good, fantastic actually. Guys I want you all to meet Alexander Harris, he goes by Xander. Xander this is Willow Rosenberg, Daniel Osborne, we call him OZ, and Anya Jenkins.” Xander shook all their hands and they all mumbled their welcomes.



“Okay, well he just told me some interesting stuff inside and I figured you guys would want to know.” He turned to the other man. “You can tell them whenever your ready.” Spike then turned and sat down on the nearby stairs. Buffy looked at Spike with a worried look, he seemed so distant as of the last 15 minutes and she was worried about what this man had said to him.



“Okay, well as I was telling Spike… I am a record manager. I have been searching for months now to find some fresh talent and I think I found it tonight. I would really like you guys to come down to a recording studio is LA so I could send your album over to my producers and see what they think. I already had my higher up listen to you guys playing tonight, and like me he thought you were brilliant. I know this seems pretty surreal but it’s true. I will have a limo pick you guys up Thursday Afternoon drive you to LA and then bring you back. If you decide to go that is?” Xander looked back and forth between all of their shocked faces. Waiting for one of them to say something.



“Well… I think we should discuss this.” Willow said gazing at Spike who was dazing into space.



“Yeah, give us a minute Xander.” Anya said with a flirtatious smiling before walking over to Spike.



They all were standing there mumbling while Xander waited for the verdict. He couldn’t really hear them, but there was some squealing. After a 5 minute run down, Spike hoped up off the steps and walked over to Xander.



“Alright mate, were in.” Xander smiled brightly shook his out stretched hand and they all made plans for the arrival to LA.



*********



Thursday Afternoon in LA.



The limo pulled up to the recording studio and the band came spitting out of it. They met Xander inside the lobby where he told them that the van had already dropped off their instruments and they were already set up. With great excitement they all barreled down the hall way with Xander getting introduced to several people along the way and finally entering the studio.



“Alright this is how this works, ill be in that box behind this glass, ill talk to you through a microphone that will loud speaker over to this room, and let you all know when to start, and what not. Did you guys make up a list of songs to play today?”



“We did.” Spike handed him over the list of the five songs they picked out.



“Excellent. Ill let you all know when to begin.” He slipped through the door, and everyone got into position with their instruments and adjusted their microphones.



“Alright well you can begin when you’re ready. Announce the first song and then begin.” Spike nodded to all of them who just smiled back with equal enthusiasm.



“Give me a sign… on 1… 2… 3…”





Anya’s bass started, following by Buffy and Spike. Spikes angelic voice rang out in the sound room.



“Dead star shine

Light up the sky

I'm all out of breath

My walls are closing in

Days go by

Give me a sign

Come back to the end

The shepherd of the damned.”



Xander was even more inspired by this song. He figured it must have been older, or newer because he didn’t hear them play this one the other night.



Oz cracked down on his drums forcefully, earning a piano encore from willow, and they all followed with the chorus.



“I can feel you falling away

No longer the lost

No longer the same

And I can see you starting to break

I'll keep you alive

If you show me the way

Forever - and ever

The scars will remain

I'm falling apart

Leave me here forever in the dark.”



Buffy felt broken on the inside, she hadn’t wanted to play this song. She wrote it 2 years ago, when she finally realized no matter what she was never going to get the one man she wanted more than anything. Him being clueless however was the only one out of the 5 of them who didn’t know Buffy’s true feelings. Inhaling deeply though she pushed on into her solo part.



“Daylight dies

Blackout the sky

Does anyone care?

Is anybody there?

Take this life

Empty inside

I'm already dead

I'll rise to fall again.”



A single unnoticed tear rolled down her cheek as they finished up this song.

Xander loved the track. He fell in love with not only the music but the overall band its self. They seemed like great young adults with a wonderful bond, which is just what he needed. After they finished for the day and had left, Xander ran the songs together. With a long sigh and a prayer he sent the email with the music attachment to his head of office and waited to see if they wanted to sign his new band. After all who could really refuse a manager like him?



*****************



SUNNYDALE 2 WEEKS LATER.



The band hadn’t heard anything from Xander; they were starting to think they hadn’t liked their music.



“When are they supposed to call? I mean I thought Xander said he would call even if they decided not to go with us.” Buffy huffed and sat down at the table strumming a few cords on her guitar.



“He said stuff like this takes time, and to be patient. We should have an answer soon enough.” Spike said trying to convince not only them, but himself.



Just then the phone rang and Spike answered it with over enthusiasm.



“Lo’.”



“Hey Spike its Xander Harris.” Spike smashed the speaker phone button so they could all hear.



“Hey mate, what can I do for you? Got some good news for us?” They all started looking from one to the other with hopeful expressions on their faces.



“Well, I wanted to come down and tell you all in person, but my schedule has been really crazy these last couple of days. So I figured I would just go ahead and call you and tell you the news….. The producing company has decided to sign you guys.” Everyone started jumping up and down hugging each other. Spike wrapped his arms around Buffy and spun her around before dropping her. Her breath caught and she flushed.



“I take it from the squealing you guys are excited.” Xander laughed into the phone. “Well I will have a car pick you all up and bring you down here to Burbank; do you know where that is at all?”



“Heard of it.” Spike said and they were all still giggling with excitement.



“Alright, well my car will be there at 12 noon tomorrow to get you all.”



“Sounds great.”



“BYE XANDER.” They all yelled.



“See you tomorrow.” With that they hung up… The early twenty year olds were so excited about their futures.



****************



The following night they were all exhausted after their meeting with so many people. They had been completely over whelmed with discussing money, percentages, and the recordings. By the end the band signed with the company and Xander was their manager. They were so excited about their future and what it may bring.



“Alright, I’ll get you guys over to your hotel.” Xander told them waving them over to the limo.



“Hotel?” Willow asked as they piled in.



“Yeah? I’m not going to send you guys all home, so you can be back here early again in the morning.”



“We didn’t bring any clothes with us?” Buffy muttered.



“All part of the package. We are paying for your stay at Four Seasons tonight and tomorrow. As for your wardrobe, you will have a line sent to you tomorrow morning. They provide sleep ware here.” Xander told them smiling at their opened mouths and shocked faces. “You’re famous now. You will get used to the luxury of it.” Xander said, leading them out of the limo and into the grand hotel.



Once they were checked in, Xander escorted them up to their suites, handing them all their key cards on the elevator.



They entered their room, and gasped. None of them had ever seen such elegance before.



“I see you all approve.” Xander said smiling at their in awe faces. “Okay so this is the living area. Nice and cozy as you guys see, with a balcony.” He flung open the curtain showing them the view of Beverly Hills. “The kitchen is obviously over there. And if you go to the left, there is a bed room with a queen size bed and a bathroom. Two your right there is another room, twice the size of the other one with two double beds, and a bigger bathroom.”



“Woahhh, bigger than this?” Willow yelled from the bedroom to the left.



“Way bigger, you guys go look around, check it out. I’m going to get going, long day and all. I will be here at 10 AM tomorrow to pick you guys up.” With goodbyes and a few waves Xander left.



“Can you guys believe this? Did you check out the bathroom, there are freakin TV’s in there.” Anya said in amazement.



“Wow, the things rich people have.” Spike said laughing.



“So sleeping arrangements?” Buffy asked looking at all of them. “I’m thinking Willow and Oz should have that room considering it has the one bed, and they are a couple.” Wishing it was someone saying that about her and Spike.



“Agreed, and me and you can share one of those beds, and spike can sleep by himself.” Anya said still in awe looking around the suite.



“Right.” Spike said checking out the view from the balcony.



“Well that settles that.” Buffy turned to go admire her room for the night. Xander had been right. The rooms were gigantic. With Golden trimmings, and big windows, sparkling wall paper. It was just gorgeous.



Buffy made her way into the bathroom, checking out the shower stall and was amazed. It had 3 different settings, and indeed had a TV set up behind the class with a water proof remote. She started going through cabinets and was amazed to see it completely stoked, with towels, tooth brushes, brushes, shampoos, soaps, hair spray… anything you could ever need was inside this bathroom.



“Did you guys check out the merchandise in the bathroom?” Buffy yelled to the others, hoping they could hear her.



“Yeah love, was surprised when I saw that.” Buffy jumped and Spike raised a curious eyebrow.



“Way to go sneaking up on people. Bell… Neck… Look into it.” She said playfully smacking him on the arm. She dodged past him and entered the room once more admiring the bedding. ‘I just want to throw him down on and have my wicked way with him.’ She thought and blushed knowing Spike was in the same room with her.



She made her way back into the main living room. “Didn’t Xander say something about sleepwear? I haven’t seen any have you guys?”



“Did you check the closet? That’s where I found robes and some sleep stuff.” Willow said smiling.



“I guess that wouldn’t have been smart huh? To check a closet for clothes. I’ll just go look then.” She smiled.



2 hours later



Buffy had showered and put on an over sized T-shirt. She exited the bathroom to find Anya and Spike already in their separate beds asleep. She tiptoed over to her spot and crawled in. After a good 45 minutes of tossing around, she finally stop trying, she couldn’t sleep. Not when the object of her desires was sleeping in the bed next to her. She was staring at his sleeping form and groaned. Buffy flung the comforter off of her and grabbed a robe hanging on a rack near the door.



She grabbed a bottle of water from the stocked fridge, her notebook, and headed out to the balcony. Watching him sleep had struck some inspiration for writing in her head and she had to get it out. Once settled in a chair admiring the city, she started scribbling away lyrics. Wishing she had her guitar here.



“I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise

Like the taste of your smile

I miss the way we breathe.”



She started humming away the lyrics in her head making a beat, and began to sing out loud.



“But I never told you

What I should have said

No I never told you

I just held it in.”



She nodded and started scribbling. Spike was standing in the door frame admiring her.



“You never stop writing. I love that about you.”



Buffy whirled around in her chair and stopped breathing. There stood the love of her life in a pair of gym shorts that hung low of his v cut hips and no shirt. She almost groaned.



“What are you doing up. I thought you were asleep.”



“I was for about 5 minutes. Just so much goin on, it’s hard to sleep. You know, or else you would be tucked away in sleep land yourself.” She just nodded and Spike sat next to her.



“Working on a new song?”



“Something like that. Just being here is giving me some inspiration I guess.” She lied. Knowing Spike was always her muse.



“Sounded good, from what I heard.” She glanced up at him and he just smiled.



“Are you over whelmed with all this? I feel like it’s still not real.” She said changing the subject.



“I am. Figure I am gonna wake up at any minute now.” He laughed.



“I just hope we don’t get crazy, you know with the fame.” She stared off into the night.



“I don’t think we will. We all have been friends for years. We love, care for each other. I think we will be just fine.” He said grabbing her hand and giving it a tight squeeze. She looked down and flushed but held on to his hand tightly.



“Will you just promise me something?” Glancing up into beautiful blue eyes.



“Anything love.” He said in a whisper.



“No matter what happens, we will always be here for each other. We won’t let anything get in the way of our friendship.” He gave her an award winning smile and brought her hand up to his lips for a chaste kiss.



“We will always have each other Buffy. Always.” He smiled at her brightly.



She hung on to that hope that even though she’d never have him for herself, he would always be an important part of her life.

***1 YEAR LATER***



Buffy sat on the tour bus, looking blankly out the window. She had no idea where there next stop was, or what show was next. She felt like a living zombie. She glanced down at her yoga pants and over sized hoodie and confirmed she looked like a bum. She brought her knees up and rested her chin on them.



So much had happened in the past year, and she was starting to feel like her world didn’t even make sense anymore. She was so tired of seeing Spike go from woman to woman. Constantly drinking, she felt like he wasn’t even him. Not really anyway. She looked down at the photo in her hand frowning as tears spilled down her cheeks. She wanted that Spike back, but knew that wasn’t going to happen. She felt like she had lost him forever.



******THE NIGHT BEFORE********



Buffy had just entered her hotel room after a concert in Ohio; she was exhausted and ready to turn in for the night. Everyone else was out partying and she wasn’t for it. After all she had never been in the party scene. She quickly changed and prepared to take a nap before the others came back, drunk and in need of babysitting.



She was just getting comfortable on the couch when the door to the room flung open and Spike came stumbling in with a girl attached to his lips. He had her pinned up against the door and was steadily ripping her clothes off. Spike throw his shirt over his head and was pulling down the zipper of his jeans, when Buffy finally snapped out of her shock and realized what was about to happen.



“What the fuck are you doing?” She screamed, causing Spike to rip away from the girl and turned to a very pissed off Buffy. He slid the zipper of his pants back into place and grabbed his shirt off the ground in lightning speed.



“You need to go.” He told the girl who just whined.



“But Spikey, you told me you’d show me what great things you could do with you big-“



“You better shut her up right now, or I will.” Buffy said glaring at the blonde with huge boobs.



“Sorry love, gonna need you to leave.” He opened up the door and practically pushed the squealing girl out of the room. Then turned to Buffy, who was fuming.



“What the hell Spike? You didn’t even have enough consideration to make sure no one else was in the room before you started going at it like animals. I mean if I wouldn’t have said anything you would be fucking that skank right now.” Buffy leered.



“You’re completely right I’m sorry love. I wasn-“



“Don’t you dare call me pet names when I just witnessed the most disgusting thing of life.”



“Oh so now I’m disgusting.” He said glaring at her.



“No, fucking some bimbo up against the wall in your hotel room is disgusting.” She fired back.



“Well god forbid we not all be virgins waiting for marriage, like you Buffy.” He regretted it the instant it came out of her mouth and she pushed him out of the way stalking to the door to get out of the room.



Spike grabbed her by her arm and pulled her back to him. “Don’t leave Buffy I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Don’t know why I said that.”



She snatched her arm from him and glared at him. “There’s nothing wrong with my virtue. I’m just saving myself for the right person. You know something at one point in time you were doing too.” She spat.



“Well, I was also 18 had glasses and never been kissed.” He retorted.



“You know what? God it doesn’t even matter anymore.”



“What Buffy, what doesn’t matter anymore?” He went to brush some hair off of her cheek, but she smacked his hand away.



“This.” She said pointing from him to her. “US, we don’t fucking matter.”



“What is that supposed to mean. Were best friends, of course it matters?”



“Maybe I’m sick of being just your friend.” She screamed and his eyes were the size of saucers.



“Buffy-“



“No, you know what. I can’t take it anymore. You are too blind to see it and I’m sick of keeping my feelings inside. I’m going to combust because of all the secrets.”



Spike just gazed at her impassively not really sure what to do or say.



“I love you.” Buffy said to him. He inhaled harshly.



“Buffy you don’t love me.” Spike said staring at her in disbelief.



“Who are you to tell me what I do and don’t feel?” She said with hatred.



“Buffy, it’s me your best friend since we were 10, for the last 12 years we’ve grown up together… I think I would have noticed by now that you felt something more than just a friendship.”



“Funny, because you’re the only person who doesn’t know that I love you.”



“What?” He couldn’t believe this was happening.



“Yeah Spike everyone knows. The whole fucking world probably knows by now. I mean did you ever wonder who my muse was? Where all these songs came from? Hello, in one of them I even mention your blue eyes. Every song I have written has in some way, shape, or form had to do with you. The one I’m writing now. It’s about us! Our damn story Spike.” She was breathing heavily.



“Buffy, I had no idea you felt like this. Why didn’t you tell me? I mean I love you Buffy, I just don’t… I dunno, you’ve always been my best friend, nothing else.” He mumbled not wanting to hurt her.



“I have never wanted anyone in my whole life, the way that I want you. I want you more and more with each passing day, and its killing me. I’ve tried to be strong about this. Watching you with other girls. Admiring them. I can’t take it anymore.” She says shaking her head vigorously as tears started streaming down her face.



“Buffy, I was never with other girls to hurt you; I never checked them out to make you feel insignificant. It was just looking for a good time. That doesn’t really mean much.” He said trying to understand where all of this was coming from.



“No, it just means you’d rather be with someone you don’t even know…than be with me.” Reality finally hitting home. She ran out of the door leaving behind a very stunned Spike.



*********



Buffy wiped the tears off of her face with the back of her hand and blew her nose in her shirt sleeve. She was miserable. She hadn’t talked to him at all since then and was wondering if she even wanted too.



She knew his feelings for her probably weren’t the same, but for him to admit it broke her heart into a million tiny pieces. She felt worse now than she ever had before and was wondering if her broken heart would ever heal….



Glancing up she saw Spike staring at her from his bunker with sad eyes. She quickly looked away and sucked back the sob that wanted to escape. Leaning over putting her head on her knee, she grabbed her aching heart wishing she could rip it out of her chest.



Knowing that he was just staring at her was starting to piss her off so she hopped up off of the chair, soft ball throw the picture at him and padded to the bathroom to get some much needed crying out.

Spike was lying in his bunk staring at the picture of him and Buffy from their senior prom hating how their relationship was at the moment. Buffy had thrown him into a whirl last night and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do about it.

He kept going back to her confession… I love you. He huffed and tossed the picture at his feet, not wanting those memories to keep flooding back. He felt so sick to his stomach knowing he may never have their friendship back. Glancing at the clock he realized Buffy had now been in the bathroom for 30 minutes.

‘Should I go talk to her?’ He asked himself. With a decision made he jumped off the bed and walked to the bathroom, but Willow grabbed his arm pulling him toward her.

“What are you doing?” She asked.

“Going to talk to Buffy.” He answered not meeting her heated gaze.

“I’m thinking you should leave her alone for a little bit.”

“I can’t just leave her alone. She’s my best friend, and knowing I hurt her like I have is killing me.” His eyes watered and he blinked several times trying to keep them from surfacing.

“What would you say to her Spike? I mean you obviously don’t share her feelings, why make it worse?”

“Because I don’t know what I’m feeling.” He snarled.

“Well, from what she told me, you made it pretty clear last night.” Willow accused.

“Listen, last night I was takin off guard. She wasn’t supposed to be at the hotel, she was supposed to be out with you all. Even if she was there I wasn’t expecting her to confess feelings for me.” He told her honestly.

“It’s all out in the open now Spike. You say you don’t know what you’re feeling, but you actions speak louder than words.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” He raised an eyebrow and his mouth was in a hard line.

“Just that if you really had any remote feelings for her, don’t you think you would have been spending nights with her instead of women who just want to say they fucked a famous singer?”

Spike was furious. “You don’t know anything.”

“I know that since I met Buffy freshmen year she has done nothing but put you on a freaking pedestal, and try to make you feel for her the way she feels for you. She always made excuses for you too, like oh he just doesn’t want to admit it to himself, or maybe he’s just as scared as I am. Do you know how hard is it to sit here and watch someone you care about never date, never go out, never experience things because she’s waiting for you to wake up and smell the coffee?” Shaking her head she stood up and walked back to her bunk. “I love you Spike, we’ve become really close over the years, but I really just don’t understand who you are anymore. You say you don’t know how you feel… Well I think you need to figure out really quick or else, you’re going to lose her in every way you can.”

Spike leaned forward and rested his head on his hands. He didn’t know what he was feeling or what he was supposed to do. He just knew losing Buffy wasn’t an option.

***********

Buffy was sitting on the bathroom stool looking at her reflection in the mirror. She was trying to look past it though, trying to look deeper within her soul. She was pretty, she had a killer body, and yet Spike didn’t want her. She threw the toilet paper roll at the mirror in frustration, and let her head fall.

It had only been one night and she was already sick of crying. Sighing loudly she angrily dashed the tears off of her face, stood up and walked out of the bathroom and to the back of the bus to her guitar.

She was just playfully strumming away for several minutes trying to compose herself. She grabbed her notebook and words just started pouring out of her mind and onto the paper.

*****THE NEXT AFTERNOON****

Buffy woke up around noon; she didn’t get to sleep until around 4 and needed the sleep. With a sigh she climbed out of her bunk and saw everyone sitting at the table, eating lunch? Breakfast maybe?

“Good morning sleepy head. Was wondering when you were going to grace us with your presence.” Willow smiled brightly at her.

“Yeah, was just exhausted. Needed the sleep.” She plastered on a smile. “What are we eating?” She said squeezing in between Willow and Anya.

“We stopped at some taco place, grabbed you something. Knew you would be hungry when you woke up.” Spike said handing her the bag. The others looked at Spike then to Buffy, waiting to see what she would do.

“T-thank you.” She said taking the bag from him, but never making eye contact.

Spike just nodded and continued to eat his food.

Buffy just set the bag down, suddenly not feeling so hungry. ‘Why did this have to be so awkward?’ She wondered.

The rest of the trip to Michigan was quiet; she hadn’t felt like talking to anyone, so she just continued working on her song. Once they were off the bus to check into the hotel, there were tons of groupies sitting outsides with posters. They squealed when they saw them, pulling out their cameras and snapping millions of photos. Buffy lowered her sunglasses and faked a bright smile. They all started signing autographs.

A little girl probably around the age of 6 clinging to her, most likely, older sister’s leg caught Buffy’s attention and she squatted down. “Hi, what’s your name?”

“Kelsey.” The little girl muttered with big green eyes.

“Well Kelsey, it’s very nice to meet you.” Buffy smiled as the little girl hugged her tightly.

“It’s nice to meet you. Can I have your autograph?”

“I’ll give you something better.” Buffy brought her hands up to around her neck and pulled off her green emerald necklace, she bought it at a store in Arizona. “This matches your eyes very well.” She said putting the necklace around the little girl’s neck.

“You are so nice; I can’t believe how nice you are. I’m Kathy by the way, her older sister.” The teenager girl said with so much energy.

Buffy stood up meeting her gaze and smiled. “I love all of my fans, no matter their age.” She reached down and rubbed her hand on Kelsey’s head. “Keep that necklace safe.”

“I will.” Kelsey said holding on to the gem tightly. Buffy just smiled and turned to see Spike looking at her in awe.

She inhaled and bolted inside the hotel and away from him. Once they were all in the lobby Buffy walked up to the check in desk. “Hi I’m-“

“Buffy Summers?” The older lady said with a knowing smirk.

“Yes.”

“Your room is ready; I take it you want to check in.” Spike was standing right behind her with Willow waiting to get the keys.

“Actually, I know this is last minute, but you wouldn’t by chance have an extra room besides that one would you?” Buffy hoped, not even daring to look at the people behind her.

“Of course. We have several rooms, they aren’t all as nice as that one but-“

“A simple, plain room with one bed will do, and I’ll be paying for it myself.” She said grabbing her debit card out of her wallet. She figured it was only fair to pay for it herself and not tack it on to their expenses.

“Very well Miss Summers.” Buffy muttered a quick thank you and waited for the processing.

“Alright here is the room to the suite, and here is your room key.”

“Thank you. I appreciate you doing that.” Buffy turned to a very angry Spike, and confused Willow.

“Buffy, why did you get your own room?” Willow asked.

“Just wanted some alone time for me. You know with all the traveling, I just wanted some space.” She managed to say trying to avoid Spikes glare.

“Oh okay Buffy; well you can come to our room anytime you want.” Willow hugged her and turned to hand out the keys to everyone else.

Spike just stood there looking at her. “You’re that upset with me.” He asked in a hurt voice.

“It has nothing to do with you. I just wanted some time for me. Okay?” She told him. Hoping he wouldn’t see through her act.

“Buffy-“

“Spike are you coming?” Anya yelled and Spike turned to them waving for them to go.

“Buffy look, I know your upset, but I don’t want our friendship to be messed up. I really do care about you. Your one of the only people I do care about, and knowing I hurt you breaks my heart.” His eyes welled up with tears.

She glanced down at the room key in her hand. “Not as much as it breaks mine.” Physically seeing him flinch.

“Low blow Buff.” Spike said and then stormed away from her.

She sighed and decided to take the stairs. Maybe some exercise would help.

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months…. MONTHS?

It had been three longs months since her fight with Spike and things had proceeded to get worse. She hadn’t been able to write any new songs, and when she did it was either too depressing or to personal for her to show anyone.

Spike and Buffy’s fights lately had either been stupid kindergarten; he stole the remote fights, or him throwing her virtue in her face. The worse was when he called her a bitching soulless ice queen.

Needless to say things had yet to be resolved. They were at each other’s throats on a regular basis. They barely talked to each other and when they did it was always short or world war III, and she was sick it.

**********

Buffy was sitting at the table in their hotel suite playing cards with Willow when Spike’s door opened and a brunette about her height, with a tattoo on her arm, and a hoochie skirt came stumbling out. Swaying her hips so hardly, Buffy thought this girl was going to break.

“Are you okay?” Willow asked this girl who looked like she was in another world.

“5 by 5.” She muttered with an enormous grin on her to skinny face, before exiting their room.

Buffy stomach quenched and she felt like she was about to throw up. ‘How could he do this to me? He knows how I feel and he still is going to bring some nasty trash back to our room for him to get his rocks off.’ She said to herself.

Willow turned to Buffy and squeezed her hand. “Are you okay?”

“Super.” Buffy faked a smile, even though tears were threatening to spill. Her and Spike had been far from fine for months now and she hated it.

Just then the door was slung open again only this time Spike came out. His eyes widened when he saw Buffy and Willow at the table, knowing there was no way in hell they didn’t just see the girl come out of his room.

“Hello all.” Deciding to just play it off, he walked over to the table and took a seat beside Willow.

“Having a good night Spike?” She didn’t really want to know or talk to him even, but she just couldn’t help the word vomit that passed her lips.

“So far, wanna make it better for me goldilocks?” Spike raised an eyebrow and licked his lips in a sexual manor.

“No, I don’t. I honestly want someone who… Hasn’t sleep with half of the United States population.” Shrugging nonchalantly. “I mean I’m sure your good and all, but I would rather not have sloppy seconds.”

Spike leaned over laughed. “You do realize the odds of you finding a guy, your age who is a virgin right? No matter what little miss prim and proper, you will have someone’s so called sloppy seconds.”

“Well at least I won’t be someone’s hundredth? Do you even remember half their names?” She challenged.

“Doesn’t really matter at long as you’re getting what you want.” Buffy looked at him in amazement. This was not the guy she had been friends with for 12 years, and it certainly wasn’t the guy she fell in love with all those years ago.

“I cannot believe you just said that… Has all this fame gotten to your head? I mean sure the last few months have been really rough for us, but right now I’m starting to wonder if I even know who you are.” Her world had officially been flipped on its axis and she realized now, there was no going back.

Deciding she had heard enough she got up to leave the room. She quickly dashed down the hall, smashing the stair door and began running down them with speed she never realized she had.

She got to the lobby and barely made it outside to a bench before her panic attack hit hard. Throwing her head between her knees, she started slowly counting backwards from 10 and, breathing in and out deeply, slowly. How had they gotten here? How had a world she’d known for so long, be so quickly ripped apart. She felt like she was fighting a demon, a demon that would win because she was powerless to stop it.

After several minutes she finally got her breathing under control and sat up to stare at the dark empty street.

She gathered all of her courage and did what she needed to do, for her.

Pulling out her cell phone she made a call, not caring about the consequences....

She was done.

Everything was set, tonight would be Buffy’s last performance with the band. She had already made arrangements for her replacement and everyone knew except Spike and she made them all promise not to tell him.

Xander and the others of course didn’t want her to go, but understood why she had to take a break.

It was time for her to go home, go back to the little bit of normalcy she had in her life and she was more than ready for it.

***************

The band rocked tonight and Buffy was pleased with her final one stage performance. The last song scheduled to play she had Anya and Willow cover her singing part so she sneak off to her changing room. Her smokey eye makeup was still sexy and intact, as was her long blonde locks.

Now in a long sleeve, one shouldered, extremely short black dress that clung to all of her curves deliciously, and some Jimmy Choo Kershaw Crystal-embellished Mesh black pumps she was ready. With one last look in the mirror she headed back to the stage.

It was time.

They were finishing up their last set and Spike was saying the final goodbyes to the fans amongst the crowd. After tons of cheering and a final wave Spike turned to exit the stage.

He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard Buffy chime in over the speakers. He turned and gulped hard, there stood Buffy all clad in black, looking like golden goddess. He admired her from head to toe while a smirk spread across his lips.

“Actually there is one more thing that I want to do before we leave all of you tonight” Glancing around nervously, inhaling deeply, Buffy let the words that would change the rest of her life pass her lips. “I wanted all of you wonderful people to be the first to know… As hard as this is going to be for me, and as much as I don’t want to… This will be my last performance with The Vamps.” She heard several gasps and pleading cries from the audience.

And just like that…. That smirk was knocked off Spikes smug face.

“I just wanted you guys to know, I love you all for the support you’ve brought to me and my band mates for the past year, for coming out to our shows, buying our CD’s, and for making us apart of your life’s, because you all have certainly changed mine.” She turned finally and glanced at Spike who looked completely lost. His mouth was hung open; he had both of his hands in his hair, as he shifted from foot to foot.

She tore her eyes away from him and turned back to her fans. Looking at him and seeing how upset he seemed would break her plan, and right now she just couldn’t let it happen.

“I have one more thing for you… I wrote this song, and tonight you guys will be the first to hear it.” The fans roared with excitement over the never before heard song. “I wrote this song about a guy, a guy that at one point in time was the center of my universe. He has completely changed however and I hate who has become.” With that being said she grabbed a stool from the side, set it in the middle of stage, grabbed a microphone off the stand and sat down slowly, carefully crossing her legs in front of her, showing off her long legs and tanned skin.

She glanced down nervously before turning to willow and Anya, nodding at them to begin playing.

“You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted.”

Spike was on the brink of being sick. He knew Buffy and him were no were near fine, but he never thought in a million years she would give up the band, her career, and on him….

The crack of a drum brought him back to reality.

“Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you.”

That did he, he started crying. He knew he had lost her… and for good this time.

Buffy got up off the stool and started walking the length of the stage, holding the microphone tightly in her hand. Singing in earnest, this was going to be her last performance and damn if it wasn’t a good one.

“You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
With a mess of a best friend who has no right to adore you.”

She felt her voice crack slightly by the last line. She was putting her heart and soul out there for the entire world to see, and right now she didn’t even care.

“Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you.”

She strolled over and was now standing in front of Spike looking him dead in his eyes and bearing her soul to him. Singing to him and crying as the words poured from her mouth.

“You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you
Died for you.”

“Buffy.” He chocked.

She just shook her head and let the tears fall freely down her face.

“Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you.”

She turned away from him and plastered on a fake smile for her fans. “You guys have been brilliant… Thank you again… & I promise it’s not goodbye… It’s see you later.” With a small wave a few blown kisses, she turned on her heel and gracefully walked off the stage.

Spike had been pacing back in forth in the hallway, outside of Buffy’s room for what felt like hours. He desperately wanted, needed to talk to her. He was still stunned by her performance tonight, and couldn’t believe she was actually going to leave the band.

Mustering all the courage he could he reached his hand up and placed a small knock on the door.

Buffy was lying in her bed. All of her things were packed, she just had to wait until 6AM to leave for the airport to catch her flight to California, and she couldn’t be more ready.

She nuzzled under the blankets deciding it was time to get some sleep, when a sharp knock on her door startled her.

Hopping out of bed, Buffy glanced down at her short silk PJ shorts and matching pink tank. ‘Should I grab a jacket to throw on or something?’ She thought and the knocking continued. Deciding it was probably just Willow or Xander, she made her way over to the door and pulled it open, only to be met with intense blue eyes.

“Spike?” She asked dazed, almost as if this wasn’t real.

“Buffy can I talk to you for a minute please?” He gave her a pleading look.

Everything in her body told her just to shut the door in his face, but her heart wouldn’t allow it. She nodded and stepped aside letting him walk inside her room.

She shut the door and turned to him. “What do you want Spike?” Buffy asked, having no more fight left in her.

“I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am. I know that it isn’t enough, and you probably will never forgive me. But I can’t just let you leave without telling you…”

“Don’t do this Spike. I’m glad you want to apologize and I appreciate it, it’s just too much. Right now I just need… some space, some time. I need to heal and that means leaving you behind.” She turned to the door to let him out, but stopped when she felt him pushed against her back.

“No Buffy, you can’t leave me behind. You say you love me. You don’t just give up on love.” Turning around as quickly as possible she shoved him back.

“Don’t give up on love? Why would I stay here and continue to watch the man I love… you know what it doesn’t even matter, I mean nothing to you. You made that pretty fucking clear.” She looked down at the ground fuming. ‘How fucking dare he tell me not to give up on him, when he never even tried to care about me.’ She told herself.

“Buffy of course you mean something. You’re my best friend, I love you.” Spike cupped her face and set his forehead against her.

Buffy was lost in oceans of blue, looking deep into the eyes of her love, made her forget everything, for a moment.

“Were not friends, not anymore.” She managed as she tried to pull away from him. Spike wasn’t having that and kept a hold on her.

“No your right, were not friends.” Buffy’s eyes teared up as her lip quivered crazily. “We’re so much more than that sweets. “ Spike placed a light kiss on Buffy’s forehead.

“Love isn’t brains Buffy, its blood… blood screaming inside you to works its will.” He sighed deeply. “Great love is wild and passionate and dangerous. It burns and consumes.” Tears were streaming down Buffy’s face, and she tried to compose herself.

“Until there’s nothing left. Love like that doesn’t last Spike.” He wasn’t hearing her. He leaned down at laid a feather light kiss on her lips.

“Why are you doing this?” Buffy pleaded with him, begging him with her eyes to stop. Her heart couldn’t take this. She loved him way too much for all these games.

“Because I can’t let you leave like this, you have to know how I feel.” He said running his finger across her arms, making goose bumps rise to the surface.

“And how do you feel?” She questioned.

“I love you Buffy. I’ve always loved you. It just took me a little while to figure it out. I’m so sorry I put you through all this.” They were looking in each other’s eyes, and Buffy saw so much sincerity in his.

Without thinking anymore, and just letting herself feel. She reached up grabbed Spike by the nape of his neck and brought his lips down to hers.

Heat spread throughout her entire body. They kissed with so much passion and fire. Neither knew where they began and the other ended. Buffy lost herself in the feel of him and let him heal all the hurt she’d been feeling for months.

Spike was holding Buffy by her waist and drawing circles on her exposed flesh. He fingered the hem of her tank, and gave her the opportunity to stop him. When she didn’t he slowly slid the shirt up and pulled it over head. Spike kissed down her neck and on her collar bone.

“God Buffy, I love you so much.” He moaned and she started rubbing her hands of the small of his back.

She needed this, needed him to take the pain away, even if it was just for right now.

Buffy pulled his shirt over his head and moaned at the intimate contact of their bodies mushed together. They kissed everywhere their lips landed and soon enough were naked and on the bed.

Spike was kissing all over Buffy’s body, slowly making his way down to her sensitive spot.

“Oh Spike.” She moaned as he kissed over her thighs and rubbed his finger over her bare, glistening flesh.

“Baby, I’m going to make this so good for you.” Spike promised before diving in, and lapping on her clit.

Spike was in heaven. He’d never been with anyone so sweet, so responsive, and he loved it.

“Oh god, so good.” She moaned, grinding against his needy mouth.

Spike wrapped his arms around her hips, and continued to take her body to heights. “God baby you taste so good.” His eyes practically rolled back in his head.

The sight before him about made him blow his load on the bed. Buffy was naked, her head thrown back, eyes closed, and body quivering. He had to grind against the mattress to relieve some tension.

“I think I- Oh fuck, I’m about to-“ Buffy screamed as a powerful orgasm washed over her body, squeezing her legs against Spikes head.

Spike lapped at her greedily, until her body stopped quivering. He crawled up her and smashed his mouth to hers.

“Oh baby, I need you so much.” He groaned into her mouth.

“Yes, Spike please.” He positioned himself at her entrance and slowly eased into her scorching heat. Both groaning at the feel of each other.

Spike felt her barrier and wrapped his body tightly around hers before ripping through her virginity.

A painful cry stopped Spike and he was met with tearful eyes. “I’m sorry sweets, only hurts for a minute.”

“Oh-okay.” She nodded and Spike kissed away the fallen tears before slowly moving in and out of her welcoming body.

“You okay baby?” Spike asked as more tears started falling. He was concerned and prayed her wasn’t hurting her too much.

Buffy felt full, for the first time in months. She never thought she would ever be this close to Spike and it was an incredible experience.

“Yes, I just love you.” She muttered, face heating up with embarrassment.

“I love you too baby.” He leaned in and fused his lips to hers.

The kissing heated quickly and soon they were matching trust for thrust, grinding into each other for release.

“Right there. It’s so good.” Buffy chanted as her body hit heights she never knew existed.

She shattered around him, barley realizing he flipped them over, putting her on top… in control.

“That was incredible.” Spike told her, looking up in dazing, nervous, green eyes. “I want you to experience it all with me Buffy. Just hold on to me baby, move up and down, I’ll help you.”

“O-Okay.” Placing her hand on his chest, Buffy experimentally moved up and down, groaning at the new sensation racking through her body.

Spike grabbed onto her hips, to help her move on top of him. She was heaven, straddled above him, slowly riding him, moaning for him. He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid. This girl was everything to him… always had been. He was never going to let her go now.

Her mouth formed a little o and he knew she was close again. He held onto her hips tightly, steering her, grinding Buffy’s precious button on his pelvis.

Buffy through her head back in ecstasy, she’d never experienced anything like this. Her orgasms had been good, well as good as your hand can make them. But that never prepared her for the earth shattering feelings Spike was producing through her hungry body.

She relaxed and looked down at the beautiful man beneath her with wonder, and amazement.

Spike sat up, now face to face with his lover, wrapped his arms around her middle and started placing open mouthed kisses all over her.

He worshiped her body, while they slowly moved together. Making love, in every way possible. They stared into each other’s eyes and Buffy felt at home.

The current was coming, and fast. They were both about to drown. Spike reached in between them, found Buffy’s sensitive spot and squeezed, sending her flying through the sky and away from the atmosphere.

He couldn’t take it anymore. Spike ground into her one last time, before emptying his seed in her needy body.

****5AM*****

The alarm went off and Buffy dismissed it quickly, not wanting to wake Spike. She staggered out of bed, made her way into the bathroom to change, so she could get to her flight.

Last night had changed a lot of things, but she couldn’t stay. Even for him. She had to do this, had to leave him. She loved him yes, but it was time to move on.

She gathered all her things together, glancing one last time at Spike, who was still asleep, before making her way out of the door, and out of his life.