Chapter One



Buffy glanced at the clock as she rolled the small, squishy ball back to her nephew Nate. Okay, Faith had said she was just running to the store to grab something for dinner and she’d be right back. That was over an hour ago. The grocery store was only fifteen minutes away; surely it hadn’t taken her this long. Then again, one never knew with Faith. The girl probably ran into someone she knew. She seemed to know everyone. Especially if they were male.

“Come on Nate, Auntie Buffy is going to call Mama,” Buffy said gently as she picked up Nate.

He pointed at the ball rolling across the floor. “Ball,” he said in his tiny one-year-old voice.

Buffy smiled broadly, “yes, that’s right, ball. Let’s call Mama. Can you say Mama?”

“Mama.”

Buffy giggled, “good boy!” She pressed a kiss to her nephew’s forehead. Loving Nate was probably the only thing she and her sister had in common. How to take care of him…well, that was a different matter entirely.

Faith still wanted to live her life, and believed there was no reason why she couldn’t. Which, Buffy was all on board for Faith having her own life. She was not, however, on board for the revolving door of boyfriends her sister had going on. Nate did not need to grow up like that. He needed stability, not the instability of waking up every morning seeing a different man with his mama. And so, Buffy often took it upon herself to take Nate as much as she could in between her waitressing job and night classes.

However, Buffy had learned early on not to lecture her sister on the matter. It only angered Faith and the woman tended to use Nate as her pawn to keep Buffy quiet. If Buffy spoke up, she would threaten to keep Nate from her. Buffy couldn’t have that. Not at all. Nate and Faith were the only family she had. They needed each other. Faith claimed not to need anyone, but Buffy figured that was just an act.

Quickly dialing Faith’s cell, Buffy rolled her eyes when the answering machine picked up. Figures. If it had been one of her boyfriends, Faith was sure to have answered.

“Faith, it’s your sister. Where are you? It’s been over an hour now and I’m wondering what’s taking so long. I have a class in an hour and I need to go home to grab my books. Hurry up.”

Buffy hung up on a sigh and looked at Nate who was pointing back at the ball across the room. Buffy grinned and set him down and Nate toddled to it. He picked it up and threw it at Buffy, hard as he could. Buffy winced as it made contact with her calf.

“You’re going to be a major leaguer with that arm, buddy,” Buffy told him as she lightly tossed the ball back. Her cell ringing caught her attention and she picked it up as she ducked from Nate’s throw.

“Hello?”

“Buffy, where the hell are you?”

“Hi, Spike, how are you? I’m good thanks,” Buffy smiled into the phone and watched Nate become preoccupied with another toy.

“You’re supposed to be here right now. You know, doing your job.”

“Negative. Cordelia asked if she could work instead. She needs the extra money this month for her headshots or something. I told her she could have my hours for today. Is she there?”

“Yes.”

“For crying out loud, Spike. Then what’s the issue? You have your waitressing staff all in line, what’s the big?”

“I hate working with her. She whines too much.”

“You’ll deal. You hired her, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Only because I took pity on her. She seemed so innocent then. Not sure what happened since then.”

“She got the job, that’s what happened. Is it busy?”

Spike sighed, “no.”

“Maybe I’ll stop by after class.”
“Do that. Where are you?”

“Faith’s.”
“Oh? And how is the man-eater?”

Buffy sighed, “not here. She said she was going to get something for dinner and isn’t back yet.”

“Watching Nate then, aren’t you?”

“You make it sound bad,” Buffy said indignantly.

“Not bad, Buffy,” Spike sighed. “Don’t like how she takes advantage of you. You’re too nice.”
“What am I supposed to do? Say no? He’s my nephew and I love him.”

“I know you do. You’re a sight better for him than she is.”

“Spike, that is his mother you’re talking about and my sister,” Buffy admonished him sternly.

“I’m sorry Buffy, I just don’t like seeing your kindness being abused. She knows how much you dote on that kid—“

“’Kid’ has a name.”

“Just a figure of speech, Buffy.”

“Well, listen, I have to go. Nate just wandered into the next room.”

“Okay, pet. Come see me later, all right?”

“I’ll try, bye.”

“Nate…come back here,” Buffy ran into the kitchen and picked Nate up from behind, tossing him lightly in the air and making him giggle just as a two police cars pulled into the driveway. “Uh-oh,” Buffy murmured, clutching Nate close to her. “What has your mother done now?”

Buffy opened the door to see a male and female police officer looking very grim, coming up the walkway. She opened the door, balancing Nate on her hip. “Hi, can I help you?”
The two looked at each other and then back to Buffy and Nate. “Are you Buffy?”

“Yes, I am. What is this in reference to?”

“There’s been an accident, Miss Summers. Your sister is dead.”

“Excuse me? What? My sister is not dead. She went to the store. She’s going to be right back. She’s just late is all—“
“Miss Summers, your sister was in a car accident. She wasn’t…she wasn’t at the store. Do you know Warren Meers?”

Buffy was in a daze. Car accident? Faith was dead? What were they asking her now? “What? Who?”

“I think you need to sit, Miss Summers, you’re wobbling a bit,” the policeman told her and held out his arm to steady her.

“Take the child,” the woman told him quietly.

When he started to reach for Nate, Buffy screamed “don’t fucking touch my nephew!”

Both officers stopped and stared at the shocked, grief-stricken woman before them. She was turning deadly pale and she had a wild look in her eye as she clutched her now crying nephew to her.

“Miss Summers—“
“What happened? Where is she? What did she do?” Buffy demanded.

“She was with who we believe was her boyfriend, Warren Meers. They were seen leaving his apartment together. No one knew where they were headed, but she was driving. They blew through a stop sign and were hit by a mack truck. She’s gone Miss Summers.”

Buffy was shaking her head, “no, no, no. She’s not gone. She’s at the store. At the store. Getting food for Nate. For Nate. Her son. She’s not…she’s…” Buffy stopped and pushed Nate, who was screaming into the officer’s arms and bounded into the house, heading straight for the bathroom. Standing over the toilet, Buffy heaved. The tears started to drop them, buckets of them blinding her sight, causing everything to blur. She was dreaming. She had to be dreaming. Once the tears stopped, once they cleared, she’d be able to see again. She’d awaken and see that it was all a dream. Wake up, Buffy. She sank to the floor and wrapped her arms around herself, shutting her eyes tightly, digging her nails into her skin. She started to rock slightly back and forth. Wake up, wake up, wake up. She drew in an unsteady breath and cracked her eyes open. She could see. So, she had to be awake now, right? She’d go back out and see Faith outside playing with Nate, she’d tell her to watch him so she could put the groceries away. Yes, that’s what she’d see. On now confident legs, Buffy stood and flushed the toilet. She smoothed her clothes and went to the sink. She splashed some cold water on her face, ran a brush through her hair and put some toothpaste on her finger, brushing her teeth with it. Once she was done, she walked back outside. She froze.

She wasn’t awake yet.

Chapter Two


William “Spike” Giles sat at his desk in his office with his head on the desk. God, Cordelia’s constant prattling about how she hated working afternoons with the dirty old men, how she was above waitressing, and how she was going to make it one day was enough to make his head explode. She’s given him a headache of the migraine kind. Buffy was going to pay for this. The phone ringing made him wince and he reached for it quickly.

“’Ello?”

“William Giles?”

“Yeah?”

“This is Officer Finn. Do you know Buffy Summers?”

Spike snapped to attention, sitting ramrod straight. “Yeah, is she all right? Is there something wrong? Where is she?”

“She’s here at her sister’s home, Mr. Giles.”
“Get to the point, Officer. Is she all right?” Spike was nearly shouting into the phone. The thought of something happening to Buffy made his heart clench. “Is the little boy all right?”

“He’s fine, sir. Miss Summers is…she’s very upset right now, Mr. Giles. She has requested to see you.”

“Fucking tell me what’s happened for fuck’s sake!”

“Her sister, Mr. Giles. Her sister is dead and she’s just found out.”

“I’m on my way,” Spike put the phone down, in a daze and rushed out of the room. Stepping into the dark, smoky bar room, Spike searched around for Cordelia. When he spotted her, he pulled her by her arm and led her behind the bar.

“Get your hands off me, you’re going to give every dirty—“

“Shut up Cordelia,” he snapped.

Her eyes widened. “You can’t talk to me like that, I don’t care if you are my boss!”

“Listen to me or you’re out of a job. I have to go see Buffy, you have to hold down the fort. If there’s a problem, call Gunn.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes. “Buffy again? I swear Spike, you run after her more than you do your own girlfriend.”
“Buffy’s sister just died you twit. She needs me.”

Cordelia’s eyes widened and she took a step back, gathering herself. “Tell her…tell her I’m sorry.”

Spike nodded curtly and marched out the bar.







Spike and Buffy had been best friends since high school. Spike had been what most of his peers considered a nerd and Buffy had been the most popular girl at school. But, not the kind of popular like Cordelia had been—the queen bee of high school that only socialized with jocks and stuck up rich bitches. No, Buffy had been friends with everyone. She mingled with everyone from the chess club to the pep squad. She was part of the welcoming committee at Sunnydale High School and she was the first friendly face that Spike, then just William, had laid eyes on. She took him under her wing; introducing him to everyone they came in contact with—even the Cordelia Chases. The fact that she deemed him worthy enough to be friends with the likes of Cordelia and the jocks, and didn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to be friends with him, had secured a spot for Buffy in his heart. She’d even helped him change his look from the mousy brown, long-locked William with glasses that were constantly falling down his nose to short-haired, bleached blond, leather duster wearing bad ass Spike. She’d given him the name when they’d gone shopping for the proper accessories and he’d chosen a bracelet with spikes on it. She’d approved until he’d painfully sat down on said bracelet. She’d dubbed him Spike from then on, despite how the bracelet had ended up in the trash.

They had lost touch for a while when Spike had caught the eye of Drusilla, the rumored to be crazy, goth girl who carried dolls to her classes and spoke to them as if they were real people. Drusilla had consumed Spike, and even though he still considered Buffy his best friend, Dru had a way of taking over a person’s life. Spike had soon learned that it wasn’t just a rumor that Dru was crazy: She really was. She had gotten herself locked up in the middle of senior year for, having had a mental breakdown that caused her to cut herself—the stars had told her to do it. Buffy had been there the whole time for him. Then, when Buffy’s mother died shortly thereafter due to an aneurysm, Spike had been there for her.

Since then, they’d pretty much been inseparable. Spike had taken over his father’s restaurant/bar, The Watering Hole, and hired Buffy when she found herself unable to pay for college without the aid of her mother. Buffy took classes in between working at The Watering Hole. She had yet to declare a major, having been there for almost two years now. And, when she had the free time, she took care of Nate and Faith.

Faith. Crazy in her own right. She had gone off the deep end when their mother had died. While Buffy had been even more persistent at being responsible, Faith had gone to the wild side. During that time, she’d started hanging out with Spike’s crowd—or rather, Drusilla’s wild crowd. Spike hadn’t wanted anything to do with her and told her time and again not to do Buffy wrong. Faith had repeatedly told him to ‘fuck off’. He wasn’t at all surprised to learn that she’d gotten pregnant and didn’t know who the father was. Of course Buffy had been there to help her wayward sister out, despite how Faith used and abused her. Buffy always tried to see the good in people though, that’s what made her so special.

Now she needed him and he wasn’t going to let her down.

Pulling into the driveway, Spike noted that the cops were still there. He strolled up to the door and was about to knock when he heard Nate crying. He pushed the door open and found Buffy sitting on the couch with Nate in her lap, hugging him to her as he cried and sucked on his binky. Buffy was stroking his back and saying ‘ssshhh” over and over with a far-gone look in her eyes. Spike knew that look. She was retreating inside herself to a place where no one could reach her. That wouldn’t do for Nate and Spike knew Buffy wouldn’t want that for him. The police officers were trying to talk to her about what, he didn’t know.

“Leave her alone,” Spike growled at them. They looked up, wide-eyed at him.

“You must be Mr. Giles,” The man, who must have been Officer Finn stated as he stood and held out his hand.

“Listen, do you need to badger her about whatever you’re badgering her about right now? Do you see her? She’s not there right now. Leave a message and she’ll get back to you.”

“We’ll need her to identify the body—“

“And she’ll do that, White bread. But not. Right. Now.”

The woman cop tugged on Finn’s arm and started to lead him toward the door. “I’m sorry, Mr. Giles. You’re right; this can wait. Thank you for coming on such short notice. If you or Miss Summers have any questions, feel free to call me. Just ask for Fred.”

Spike nodded, “thanks, Fred.”

Turning to Buffy, Spike noticed that Nate was exhausted. He had dark circles under his hazel eyes and he kept rubbing at them.

“Buffy, it’s Spike. I’m going to put Nate down for a nap, all right luv?”

Buffy nodded absently and Spike tried to lift Nate out of her arms. She held on.

“Buffy, baby, it’s Spike. Let the tot go, I’ve got him.”

Buffy slowly turned her head toward Spike, a blank expression on her face. “Spike?”

“I’m here, luv.”

“I asked for you,” she said blankly.

“I know, pet.” Spike was having a hard time keeping himself together. Seeing Buffy like this was enough to drive him over the edge. He felt the sting of his tears prick behind his eyes and he willed them away.

“Can you put Nate down please? He’s tired. He lost his mother today.”

Spike’s eyes were leaking. He wiped at them furiously and he took Nate in his arms, the little boy looking up at him. Spike smiled at the boy, and Nate cuddled into him, resting his little head on his shoulder and yawning through sucks on his bink. Spike carried him to his room and laid him down in his crib, covering him up with a blanket and turning on his monitor. Nate immediately closed his eyes and fell asleep. Poor kid, Spike thought as he made his way back to the living room where Buffy was. She sat there, head tilted to the side, staring off, expressionless.

Spike sat down next to her. “Buffy? You here with me, luv?”

She looked at him and he noticed how tired she looked as well. She turned away again and Spike closed his eyes. Why did this have to happen to her and Nate? Why? All the girl had left to call family was Faith and Nate. Now, just Nate.

“We’re gonna go to bed all right, pet?” He grabbed the monitor on the coffee stand and tucked it in his back pocket.

She didn’t respond, but merely allowed herself to be lifted in Spike’s arms and carried to Faith’s queen-sized bed. He lay her down and she rolled to her side, staring at the wall. Setting down the monitor on the nightstand in order to hear Nate if he awoke, Spike spooned up behind her and lay an arm across her stomach, pulling her against him.

“I’m here, pet. Spike’s here and he’s going to take care of you. You and Nate, okay?” He combed her hair away from her face and neck and rested his chin on her shoulder. “Close your eyes, Buffy. Get some sleep.”

She closed her eyes and Spike watched her for a long time before falling asleep himself.

Chapter Three


Spike awoke with a start and immediately reached for Buffy. He reached out for dead air. He bolted up in the bed and then he heard her. He looked toward the monitor and heard her talking to Nate.

“It’s okay, baby. I’m going to take care of you. I love you, you know. More than anything in this world. I’ll never, ever let anything happen to you. You’re the most precious boy…”

Spike swung his legs over the side of the bed and glanced at the clock. They must have slept for at least two hours. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Spike padded down to Nate’s room and stood in the doorway watching Buffy rock Nate in her lap.

She looked up to see him. “He just woke up.”

Spike entered the room and ran a soothing hand on the back of Nate’s soft, curly light brown hair. He watched as Buffy buried her nose into the boy’s neck and close her eyes. He saw the tears a second later.

“Buffy—“

“Just let me hold him,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

Spike nodded and knelt down next to her on one knee. “Do you remember anything I said earlier?”

“Refresh me.”

“I’m going to help, Buffy. I’m going to help take care of you and Nate.”

She lifted her head and shook her head. “No, you don’t have to—“

“I know I don’t have to, but I’m going to.”

She shook her head again. “I don’t need you to.”

“Dammit Buffy, yes you do. You need someone…”

“Why? Because I’m all alone now?” She let out a bitter laugh. “Tell you what kind of help I need. I need someone to watch Nate while I’m working. I’m going to have quit school—“

“Why? No, Buffy, don’t quit school.”

“How the hell am I going to work AND go to school AND do homework? Not possible. Maybe you’ve never been around toddlers before, but I have and they are a lot of work. I just need someone to watch him so I can work.”

“I’m not going to let you quit school Buffy,” Spike told her sternly.

She shot him a glare and stood up with Nate in her arms, his legs wrapped around her middle. “You’re not going to tell me what to do, Spike.”

Spike sighed and ran a hand through his mussed hair. This was not the time to talk to Buffy about all this. They had to get through the moment right now. They had to work through the shock and the first part of grief.

He watched her helplessly as she changed Nate’s diaper and then followed as she carried him to the kitchen and plopped him carefully in his high chair. She moved silently about the kitchen, opening cupboards and the fridge. He could see her getting more and more tense.

“Dammit!” She yelled, her back to Spike and Nate. “She was supposed to be getting food. There’s no food to feed him, she was,” she fell apart then, sobbing. “She was supposed to be getting food.”

Spike rushed to her as she fell to her knees. He knelt down on the floor with her and pulled her into his arms tightly. She held on to him, balling his shirt in her fists as she sobbed.

“Buffy…Buffy…luv….I’m going to help. Will you please let me help? Please, let me help you, Buffy…” He repeated the mantra over and over while Nate watched in fascination.

Finally, Buffy’s sobs subsided and she nodded her consent. “Can you just watch him for a while so I can get some food?”

“I’ll get it—“

“No!” Buffy burst out. “If you go…you might not come back.”

Spike nodded, understanding. She moved away from him, and started to stand. Spike helped her up and grabbed paper towels that were nearby and handed them to her. She wiped her eyes, walked over to Nate and promised him she’d be back.

Spike took Nate out of his highchair and walked with him outside to see Buffy off. She paused for a moment on the steps. Spike knew all the things going on in her head. Would she return as Faith had failed to? And would Faith suddenly appear as if all this was a dream? The moment passed and Buffy trudged ahead, taking a deep breath. Nate was babbling to Spike who smiled gently at the boy. Nate laughed and hid his face for a moment before looking back at him and laughing again. Spike laughed at the boys antics and looked back to see Buffy pulling out of the driveway. She didn’t wave, just smiled weakly. If she waved, it would be like she was saying good-bye to them forever.





The shrill sound of Spike’s cell phone made both Spike and Buffy jump as they ate in silence. Buffy had done enough shopping to last her and Nate for a week, and Spike had taken over making him and Buffy dinner. He had set to work making her spaghetti while she fed Nate jarred green beans and some of the hamburger Spike had cooked up. Nate, slurping on his sippy cup had been the only noise when the phone rang.

“’Ello?”

“Spike Giles, something happens like that and you don’t call me?” Anya. Oh shit.

“Hey babe, sorry.” Spike looked apologetically at Buffy who just nodded and went back to her dinner. Spike stood up, patting Nate’s head affectionately and padded into the living room.

“How is she?” Anya asked.

“She’s…it’s not good, Ahn.”

“How’s Nate?”

“He’s all right. Doesn’t really know what’s going on.”

“I’m coming over—“

“No, Ahn. Don’t do that.”

“Why not?” She sounded highly insulted. Spike rolled his eyes.

“She’s not up to seeing anyone right now.”
“She’s seeing you, isn’t she?”

“I’m different. I’m practically family.”

“I’m dating you. That means I’m practically family too.”

“No, Ahn. I mean it,” Spike said firmly. He caught the sound of Buffy crying and peered into the kitchen. “Oh shit. I gotta go. I’ll call you later and STAY HOME.” He clicked his phone shut and strode into the kitchen. Buffy was hunched over, her hair hanging like a curtain around her as she shook with tears. He looked to Nate who was pointing at the door and saying “Mama.”







“Spike, you don’t have to stay.”

“Shut up, Buffy. I’m staying.”

“Have you always been this bossy?”

“Depends. Have you always been this stubborn?”

She stuck her tongue out at him and then quickly looked over at Nate who was playing with his trucks. “I have to be more careful now,” she explained at Spike’s raised eyebrows. “Have to set an example.”

Spike chuckled and sat down on the floor with the little boy. Nate looked up at him, smiled and then went back to playing.

Buffy sat down next to him and pushed a car to Nate who took it greedily. They sat in silence for a long time, just watching him play.

“I think I’m more mad at her for dying than anything else she’s ever done,” Buffy broke the silence. “I remember how mad at her I was when she got pregnant with Nate and didn’t even know who the dad was. And then I remember instantly forgiving her when I saw Nate for the first time and held him.”

“He is quite the charmer isn’t he? He takes after me.”

Buffy let out a short chuckle, and then sobered. “There’s so much to do.”

“I know, pet, but I’ll be right here to help you.”

“Was Anya mad?”

“Mad about what?”

“That you were here.”

Spike shook his head, “if she can’t understand why I’m here, then I have no business being with her, do I?”

Buffy shrugged, “I guess.”

“What do you mean, you guess?”

“Don’t ask me about what I think about anything right now Spike. I couldn’t even tell you if it were night or day, if I was here right now in this room or if I was living some kind of horrible nightmare. Nothing feels real.”

Spike wrapped an around Buffy’s shoulder and drew her closer. “Well, I can tell you that’s it’s night, you are here right now in this room and I bloody wish it were all a nightmare. I can tell you that you are my best friend Buffy Anne Summers and if anyone objects to it, then they have no business being in my life.”

She looked at him and smiled weakly. “Thanks. Can you just do me one favor though?”

“Sure.”

“Tell me it is a nightmare. Tell me that I’m going to wake up tomorrow and Faith will be here and she’ll be yelling at me for something. Tell me so that I can sleep tonight knowing I have something to look forward to tomorrow.” The tears were rolling freely down Buffy’s cheeks now and Spike felt his own well up. If not because Buffy was crying, then because he couldn’t make her wish come true. He could tell her what she wanted to hear, for now, and he did.

Buffy and Spike gave Nate a bath together and Buffy put him down, telling him a fairy tale with fairies that granted your wishes, lands where nothing ever went wrong, and where the hero and heroine always triumphed. Buffy told Spike that just because she didn’t believe in those things anymore, there was no reason to ruin it for Nate.

“I think you’ll believe in fairy tales again, Buffy Summers,” he promised her as he followed her to the bedroom.

“I don’t think I will William Giles, but thanks anyway.”

Spike laid himself out on the bed, feeling his body sink into the bed. He was wiped.

“What are you doing?” Buffy asked, confusion written all over her face as she stared down at Spike.

He moved his arm off his eyes. “Goin’ to bed. What are you doin’”

“Why are you in the bed?”

“Isn’t this where you plan to sleep?”

Buffy’s eyebrows flew off her head. “You’re not staying in here with me. It was one thing this afternoon when I was comatose. Quite another when I’m…not comatose enough not to know what’s going on. Anya would have my head, Spike. And then yours.”

“Buffy, I don’t want to leave you alone. What if you wake up in the middle of the night crying?”
“Then you can come and see me. I realize I’m vulnerable right now Spike and you of all people know how much I hate that. Not in my nature to lean on others. I appreciate everything you have done for me today because without you here today, I never would have made it. But if I allow myself to lean on you completely, I’ll never stand on my own two feet and do it myself and I have to do it myself.”
Spike angrily climbed out of bed and spun to her. “Bloody Hell Buffy. You talk as if you’re not allowed to fall apart, ever, and if you do then you have to fix that mistake right away before it happens again. You are capable of standing on your own two feet, I’ve seen you do it many, many times when the chips were down. Lean on me tonight if you need to. Use me if you want to. I don’t care Buffy. You just lost Faith today, you are allowed to be a mess, you are allowed to be vulnerable and you are allowed for me to hold you if you need it.”

“Why are you so angry with me?”

“Because you don’t let anyone help you! You have this misguided notion that you can do it all. You can’t Buffy; it’s impossible. I need you, does that make me weak? I needed you when my father remarried and moved back to England. I needed you when Drusilla was sent to the fifth floor of the hospital. Hell, I needed you on my first day at Sunnyhell High. You are always there for everyone else in the world Buffy. You never allow anyone to ever be there for you. Well, you’ve got me Summers whether you want me or not.”

“I’m not asking you to sleep somewhere else just for me, you moron. I’m asking you to do it for Anya as well.”

Spike pursed his lips together and clenched his jaw as they stared each other down. “Fine. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Thank you.” She moved to the linen closet and handed him a couple blankets and a pillow. Spike started for the door. “Spike,” she called out, all anger having left her voice.

He stopped and turned, facing the most stubborn woman he’d ever met. “Yeah?”

“Tell me again.”

Spike’s face softened and he nodded, “it’s just a nightmare Buffy. When you wake up tomorrow, Faith will be here.”

She gave him a small, hopeful smile. “And we’ll all live happily ever after?”

Spike nodded sadly, “and we’ll all live happily ever after.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Night Buffy.”

“Night Spike.”

Thanks guys for the reviews! Please keep em coming:)

Chapter Four

Spike had been wrong. It hadn’t been in the middle of the night that she woke up and cried, it had been in the morning. When the sun was filtering through the windows and she just knew that the sky was blue and puffy white clouds were scattered across it. It was the kind of day that made her smile.
It only took an instant for the tears to come. As soon as her eyes opened it seemed. She cried as softly as she could into the comforter, and she knew in that instant that there were probably going to be many mornings just like this one for quite a while. She heard Spike moving around down the hall and she quickly wiped away her tears and got up. Nate was still asleep, so she used that moment to quickly shower and dress. She had things to take care of today.
Entering the kitchen she was greeted to the heart-warming sight of Nate in his high chair, apparently having just woken up by the way he was rubbing his eyes, and Spike talking to him about women as he moved about the kitchen in his black boxers getting Nate breakfast.
Buffy smiled when Nate looked her way, pointed at her and started to babble. Buffy walked in and gave him a kiss. “Good morning, pumpkin pie. I hope Uncle Spike isn’t teaching you bad things.”
Spike was smiling when she turned to him. “Just giving him some advice, man to man.”
“Oh? And what would that be?” She asked, folding her arms across her chest.
“It’s man to man,” he winked.
“Anya giving you a hard time? Maybe you should go—“
“Buffy, stop. She just called while you were in the shower. She was just wondering how you were is all. She wants to bake you a pie, make you dinner for a week, start a fundraiser, open a daycare for Nate…she’s just overwhelming.”
“I think it’s sweet,” Buffy cooed at Nate and gave him another kiss.
“Yesterday you were telling me you didn’t want or need my help,” Spike pointed out.
Buffy straightened and walked over to Spike, patting the top of his head and cooed at him. “I still think you’re very sweet.” She giggled when he rolled his eyes.
“What are you making?”
“Pancakes. Want some?”
“Uh, sure. Did I remember to get orange juice?”
“Yep, poured you a glass already, it’s on the table.”
“Mmm… thanks,” she took a long sip and sat down next to Nate’s high chair and watched him as she alternated between playing with the cheerios and cut up grapes on his tray and eating them.
“Sleep okay?” She asked Spike as she stood and set about getting the syrup, butter and silverware for the pancakes.
“Not bad. You?”
“Yeah,” she said absently.
“I heard you this morning,” he told her softly. “By the time I got down to you, you were already in the shower.”
“I should probably visit the pediatrician today while I’m there. Let them know about…so they can put me down as his guardian.”
“Anya is going to come over later so I can go with you.”
Buffy nodded and stood in the middle of the kitchen, concentrating on not losing it. The idea of going to the hospital filled her with dread. Seeing Faith’s body…She closed her eyes and bit down on her bottom lip.
“Buffy,” Spike said softly and moved to her.
“No, don’t,” she said forcefully and walked away from him. If he touched her, she’d crumble and she was trying hard not to do that. Instead, she walked outside to gather herself. She stared down the driveway, sat down on the steps and watched the cars drive by, watched the people walking, biking and roller blading down the street. She heard children laugh in the distance felt the breeze caress her shoulders.
Life was going on around her no matter how much she felt as if her own had come to a standstill since yesterday afternoon. “I miss you Faithy,” Buffy whispered.

Walking down the white hall with the smell of bleach and something she couldn’t define, probably death, Buffy wrapped her arms around herself as Spike wrapped his arms around her. Between the two of them, she thought her protective shied should be firmly in place. Time was going so incredibly slow, she thought she could almost hear the clock on the wall move ever so slowly to the next minute. It seemed to take hours to just put one foot in front of the other and as Officer Finn droned on about something or other, all she heard was the garbled sound of slow motion. The door to the morgue seemed a million miles away. The door that separated death and life.
Officer Finn, along with a few other faces that were all a blur to her except for Spike, walked in with her. And then, there she was, an almost brilliant white sheet covering her small body. She could see her dark tresses spilling over the side. Buffy’s eyes were wide with a mixture of fear and hope. A small glimmer of hope resided in her that this wouldn’t be Faith under that sheet. That it would be someone else, someone who looked like Faith, someone, anyone, anyone, anyone but Faith. Please.
The sheet was drawn down and suddenly everything was in fast forward. She didn’t even hear herself say ‘yes, that’s her’, before the sheet was drawn back up, and Buffy was shuttled out of the room. Buffy looked over her shoulder and murmured a tearful “Faithy,” before she was pulled tight against Spike’s chest as sobs that she didn’t even realize were there, were pouring out of her.
After that, Buffy didn’t remember much.

Spike watched Buffy as she sat with her fast food lunch in her lap, the wrappers all undone with the intent on eating, but not a single thing was touched. Instead Buffy was staring at it. He opened his mouth to say something when—
“Faith will never eat again. She loved Wendy’s. The Frosty’s. When she was a kid, she used to suck so hard on the straw to get it out that her tongue would be sore the next day. I always told her they gave you a spoon for a reason, but she always countered that with a ‘they give you a straw for a reason too’. Which, why do they give you both? I mean, it’s much too thick to suck through a straw unless you wait for it to melt, then it’s all soupy and that’s not any good either. It’s like you need special instructions for a friggen Wendy’s Frosty.”
Spike stared at her, not sure what to say. She’d been quiet since they left the hospital and then since they’d left the police station to gather what little Faith had on her at the time. They had agreed to get something to eat before going to make funeral arrangements and now they sat in an almost empty parking lot.
Suddenly, Buffy, moved with lightening speed, dumping her food back in the back and reaching in back for the brown plastic bag carrying Faith’s contents. Lipstick, wallet, some crumpled cash. Buffy opened the lipstick.
“Fire engine red. God, do guys really like this crap?” She asked him, but Spike wasn’t sure if she really expected an answer. “Do they?” Okay, she did then. Her tone was demanding and angry.
“Well, it looks good to some guys, yes,” he answered slowly and carefully.
“Because it screams tramp right?” She grabbed the wallet and opened it. “Look at this.” She extracted a picture of Nate with force. “Look at that. A picture of her son. Imagine that. Angelic Nate in Faith’s wallet. Which was in her pocket right next to her fire-engine- red, trampy lipstick. I didn’t think she’d even bother to carry a picture of him in here. I mean, wouldn’t that have lessened her chances of scoring—oh, and look at that! Right where her cash should be is a condom. How fucking PERFECT is that?!” Buffy screamed and shot out of the car.
Spike scrambled out of the car. “Let it out, Buffy,” he told her, not going near her. She was going to blow, it was what she needed and he was going to let her do it.
“She has a condom in the same goddamn wallet as her son! If she had thought to use the fucking thing in the first place—“ Buffy covered her eyes with her hands for a moment and then started again. “God, I always hated her. She could just breeze through life and do whatever the hell she wanted and I had to work at everything. Mom would give her money whenever the hell she wanted, but me, I had to work. Because I was the oldest and I had to learn responsibility. Faith was an athlete; Buffy was the lowly cheerleader. Didn’t matter that I was president of student council since freshman year.
I am so angry with her for leaving me! How could she be so goddamn irresponsible? She was supposed to be getting dinner! Instead she, what? Just had to go and see her loser boyfriend for some sex? Where the fucking hell were they even going? She fucking knew I was at the house waiting for her—I CALLED the stupid bitch and told her I had a class, but it didn’t fucking matter to her did it? She was getting what she wanted, her freedom. All those times I tried to tell her she needed to spend more time with Nate, she would hold him over my head like some kind of pawn and tell me that if I lectured ONE MORE TIME on how to raise HER SON, then I would NEVER see him again. Again, she got everything she wanted, all the fucking time! I hate her, I hate her, I hate her! I hate her so much for not being right now. I hate her for being dead, I hate her for leaving me and leaving Nate without a mother. At least he would have had ONE parent in his life. Now, again, I get to clean up the mess that she left. I am ALWAYS picking up her mess and I HATE her for it. I’ll never forgive her for this!” She looked up at the sky and waved her fist, “do you hear me? I hate you. You know what? I hope you’re burning in hell because that’s where you belong. You never deserved someone as wonderful as Nate in your life!”
She fell to her knees, then, crying and rocking back and forth. Spike flew to her side and held her.
“I didn’t mean it, Faithy. You don’t deserve to be in hell. You don’t. I’m sorry Faithy, I love you so much. Why did you have to leave me? Why did you leave Nate? I’m not going to let him forget you, Faithy, I promise. I promise to tell him about you everyday…”
Spike’s own tears fell as he held onto Buffy. For the thousandth time in the past two days, he lamented to himself on how unfair all this was. Buffy was always everyone’s rock, the person everyone went to in a jam, the person that would kiss it and make it better. Spike wanted to kiss it and make it better for her, but he felt helpless. He knew he couldn’t. He didn’t have that much power. He could be there for her, help her, listen to her, hold her while she yelled and cried, help with Nate and support her all he could, but the grief…the grief was something that only time could help. No one ever could take that from a person no matter how much you wanted to.
“Buffy, luv, look at me.”
She looked up at him, her eyes red and swollen.
“If you need to do that everyday, do it. Call me and I’ll be right here to hold you, okay? I won’t leave you, you know that right?”
She nodded and buried her face back in his shoulder, letting out a shuddering cry.
"That’s it baby, let it out. Let it all out.”
Spike didn’t know how long they stayed there, but he didn’t care. When Buffy was finally ready, she moved off of him, thanked him and requested he take her to the funeral home. He nodded silently and as they drove to the funeral home, he held her hand tightly in his. Everyone’s rock had found her rock in Spike.

Thank you guys for the great reviews! I love that you are enjoying it, means I'm doing my job! :)



Chapter Five


“Buffy, you look like shit. Are you okay?” Cordelia asked as Buffy poured her drinks. Spike had told her to be bartender today and to use the spare time to sit, relax and study. She didn’t have it in her to tell him that she had dropped out the other day. She knew the lecture she would get and really, she was just too tired to hear it. Between the funeral, lawyers, moving and adjusting to being the guardian of a one-year-old, everything had passed by so quickly and in such a blur, that Buffy felt she hadn’t even had a chance to catch her breath. It was weird considering how everything had moved so slow the first few days after Faith’s death. Now she couldn’t seem to get a grip on anything that was happening around her, and it felt as if everything was happening AROUND her. She felt outside herself, as if she were watching herself walk and talk, but couldn’t FEEL anything.

“Don’t hold back Cordy, tell me how you really feel,” Buffy said dryly and promptly yawned.

Cordy just shrugged, took her drinks and walked away. Buffy shook her head and sat down on the stool, rubbing her eyes.

“Don’t give up, B,” her sister told her as she began to knead her shoulders.

Buffy jumped a mile and spun around. Faith? No, Spike. He was looking at her in surprise, his hands up in the air in surrender. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

Buffy slid off the stool. “You didn’t…thought I heard Faith.”

“Oh? What’d she say?”

Buffy shook her head, “it’s dumb. Just forget it. What’s up, boss?”

Spike cocked his head to the side, doing that thing he did when he was worried about her. Studying her. In her exhausted state, it irritated her. “Stop it,” she told him.

“Stop what?”

“Coddling me, watching me like that. I’m not made of porcelain, I won’t break.”

Spike’s gaze hardened. “I never said you would. Cordy is right though, you do look like shit. Have you been sleeping?”
“Gee, thanks. I feel SO much better now. Why don’t you just tell me I’m stupid and kick me while you’re at it? I feel very bad for Anya all of a sudden. Do you tell her that too?”

“I’m not going to lie to you or sugar coat the truth, Buffy. I wo—“

“Worry about me? I’m aware, thank you. You don’t even have to tell me you worry about me, I can see it every time I look at you. Anya looks at me as if I’m going to fall apart at any minute and even Cordy in her own unique lets me know she’s concerned.”

Spike sighed, “we ca—“

“’Care about you, Buffy. We want to help you’. You want to help me? You can bring Faith back to me, and while you’re at it, you can bring my mother back too. That way I’ll have a family again and Nate will have more than just me.”

“He doesn’t just have you, Buffy. And you don’t just have him. You have me too, you know. You’re not alone and you never will be.”

“Really? That’s funny. Because I feel alone.” Wiping away at the tears that formed AGAIN, she excused herself to the bathroom. Hadn’t she cried enough? When was it ever going to stop? She felt like Niagra Falls with all the crying she’d done. Was it possible to ever dry out your tear ducts, because if it were, then she was sure she’d have run clear out soon.

Splashing some cold water on her face, she stared at herself in the mirror. She didn’t even recognize the person staring back at her. How was it possible that in three short weeks, she had lost total and complete sight of herself? She was angry and bitter, numb and heartbroken. How was it possible to be all those things at once? And why did she keep pushing away the one person who cared the most?

“You always hurt the ones you love the most,” she murmured to herself. She sighed; she had to apologize to Spike. Making her way out of the bathroom, she didn’t catch sight of him and so made her way to his office.

Knocking softly on the door, she heard a grumpy “come in.”

She pushed the door open and said, without hesitation, “I’m sorry, Spike.”

He looked at her, startled. “Buffy?”

She looked at him in confusion, “yeah?”

“Buffy Summers?”

“Stop it, you’re freaking me out.”
“I’m sorry, but the Buffy Summers I know never apologizes.”

She glared at him and stuck out her tongue. “Fine, I take it back.”

“No, please don’t. I think I’m going to mark this on my calendar to remember this day—“ And he moved to grab a pen and started toward the calendar on the wall.

“William Giles!” She admonished him and dove for the pen. He held it over his head, smiling down at her.

“Say it again. Tell me how sorry you are. Make me believe it.”

“Give me the pen!”

“Say it!”

Smiling, she tickled him on the side and he folded like a deck of cards, laughing. She tickled more until he loosened his grip.

“Am I interrupting something?”

Both heads shot to see Anya standing in the doorway, eyebrow raised.

“Oh, hey Ahn. I’m just trying to stop Spike from being such a dork,” Buffy moved away from Spike, still giggling a bit. It felt good to giggle. It felt almost like a foreign concept. She was surprised to learn her body still remembered how to do it.

Spike was smiling, pointing down at her, “you’re smiling.”

Buffy nodded, feeling very much on display all of a sudden. “I am, aren’t I? Look at that, my face didn’t crack.” She turned away from Spike and started for the door. “Back to work for me. See you later, Ahn.”

Making her way back to the bar, with a grin still on her face, Cordy pointed at her. “You look better Buffy.”

“Thanks, Cordy.”



Anya wrapped her arms around Spike and he grinned.

“How is she?”

“I think today was the first time she smiled without the aid of Nate.”

Anya nodded. “I miss you.”

“What do you mean, you miss me? You just saw me this morning.”

“You’ve been gone all the time lately.”

Spike pushed Anya back a bit. “You know I can’t just abandon her.”

“I didn’t say that, Spike.”

“She needs someone to be there right now. You don’t know Buffy like I do. Despite the brave front she puts on, she’s just a little girl inside, desperate for some love and attention.” Spike walked away from his girlfriend, shuffled some papers on his desk as he spoke.

Anya narrowed her eyes, “are you the one to give that to her?”

“Well, yeah,” he paused. “Wait. Not the way you’re thinking. You know how I feel about you, Ahn. But, Buffy’s been my best friend since…since forever it seems like. She’s been there for me numerous times and now she needs me to be there for her.”

“So the fact that you’ve been over there every night and don’t spend any time with me anymore is payback for all the times she was there for you?”

“No. Yes. No. Ahn…it’s more than just ‘payback’. Buffy’s my best friend.”

“I know, I know, I know. I hear about it all the time, Spike. ‘Buffy’s my best friend. Buffy is the greatest. Buffy’s so smart and strong. Buffy will probably win the Nobel Peace Prize, stop world hunger and invent the cure for AIDS and cancer. All while leaping tall buildings in a single bound.’”

Spike pointed at her. “You’re being catty.”

“And you’re being pathetic. Do you really think she needs you over all the time? Do you really thinks she needs you this much Spike or is it you that needs her?”
“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the fact that you can’t walk two feet without Buffy by your side. I think you like the fact that she’s in turmoil right now because in that way, you can live out your fantasy of being her knight in shining armor because since the day you arrived at Sunnydale High, she’s been yours.”

“Her sister just fucking died, Anya. Do you have any idea what it feels like to lose your family? I lost my mother when I was twelve. I got to see my father practically lose his mind. I practically lost mine. It hurts like hell. Faith and Nate were all Buffy had left. Now, she just has Nate. How the fucking hell do you think that makes her feel? You have family all over the place, you don’t know what it’s like to be alone.”

“And I know you do. Yet another thing to have in common with her.”

“You’re the one that’s been wanting to help her out for the past three weeks!”

“Help, Spike, not devote my life to!”

“I’m not devoting my life to her!”

“Yes you are! You always have. Everything revolves around Buffy!”
The two glared at each other. Anya felt the beginnings of a heartbreak happening. She had always known the gorgeous man in front of her would break her heart, she had just desperately hoped to change that.

“You’re not alone, Spike, and you don’t just have Buffy. You have me too. You’ve always had me. Call me when you’re done rescuing Buffy.” Anya grabbed her purse and slammed the door shut behind her. She wanted him to come after her. Wanted him to tell her that he was sorry and that she was right.

“Ahn? Is everything okay?” Buffy was standing in front of her, but Anya could barely see her, the tears blinding her.

She shook her head. She wanted to yell at the petite blond woman in front of her that had so much power over Spike. She wanted to tell her that she was a bitch, a tramp and a home-wrecker. But no matter how angry she was, it wasn’t at Buffy. The girl had no clue, she was just Buffy, doing her Buffy thing. Anya licked her lips, a thought forming. She could actually use Buffy’s kindness and willing to help to her advantage.

“Did you and Spike have a fight?”

Anya nodded.

“About what?”

“How much did you hear?”

Buffy reddened. “I didn’t hear…I heard yelling, but I didn’t hear anything. I wouldn’t—“

“Why not? I would.”

“It’s not my business.”

“It’s not a big deal, Buffy. Just a lover’s quarrel. I’m sure he’ll be back and groveling very soon.” She looked towards his closed door. “Yes, soon indeed.”

“Can I do anything?”

“You could tell him that he can see more than once or twice a week. You could tell him that I need him too and that you don’t need him as much as he thinks you do.”

Buffy bit her bottom lip and nodded slowly. “I understand,” she said softly.

“Take care, Buffy,” Anya gave her an awkward hug and walked out, hoping this wouldn’t bite her in the ass later. No, she hoped it bought her some time to convince Spike that she could be just as wonderful as his precious Buffy was. Even more so. Besides, wasn’t she doing Buffy a tremendous favor by allowing the girl to see that she could stand on her own two feet without Spike?





“Spike?” Buffy asked cautiously as she pushed his door open.

Spike sat at his desk, staring at the pile of papers in front of him in a daze. He looked up at her and gave her a weak smile.

“What just happened?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, I heard some yelling and then saw a sad Anya walk out the door. What did you do?”

Spike’s eyes bugged out of his head. “Me? Why is it my fault?”

“It’s usually the guy’s fault,” Buffy shrugged. She sat down on the chair in front of the desk. “What happened?”

Spike shook his head, running a hand through his gelled hair, messing it up and causing his curls to spring forth. “Nothing. She’s just being selfish.”

“How?”

“She wants me by her side all the time…”

Buffy sighed heavily, “Spike, you haven’t been spending a whole lot of time with her lately. She is your girlfriend and she needs you—“

“You need me more,” Spike told her, pinning her with his gaze.

“Spike, I’m fine. I’m grieving. It’s what people do when they lose someone they love. But, I’m getting through it slowly, but surely.”

“What about Nate? You need someone to help out with him.”

“Some days I do, yes.”

“Plus, you’ve got to get back to your classes soon and you’re going to need someone to watch him more---“

“And you have a job that you need to be at and…I dropped out,” she looked down at her hands, waiting for the explosion.

“You what? Why did you do that?” He yelled.

“Because I had to! Spike, believe it or not, I can make decisions without you. I did what was realistic for me at the time. Now is not the time for me to be at school. Now is the time for me to get my head on straight and take care of Nate. I need to work more to afford living at that house and I need to find daycare for Nate because I can’t keep leaving him with the next door neighbor, no matter how much I trust her. You have a business to run here, so you can’t do it all the time and you have a life, Spike. You have Anya who loves you very much and who needs you too. You can’t take away my pain no matter how hard you try. You’ve helped a lot, you’ve helped me out so much, but you don’t need to take it all on. I don’t want you to. More importantly, I don’t NEED you to.”

Spike’s jaw was clenching, never a good sign.

“You don’t have to be there with me every night. I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me, Spike. You’ve been my rock, but I do not want to be the reason why you lose Anya.”

“You aren’t—“

“Yes, I am. Time felt like it stopped for me since Faithy…it’s not the greatest feeling in the world. Don’t let time stop for you too, Spike. Life goes on. Yours, mine, Nate’s, Anya’s. Do you really want Anya’s life to go on without you?”

Spike didn’t answer and Buffy took that to mean that he didn’t want that.

“I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll call you in the event that I need your help. Until then, go see Anya, spend some time with her, show her you love her.”

“Buffy—“

“Nope, not a discussion. Do it,” she stood and handed him the phone. “Call her cell. She’s probably on her way home. Make a date for tonight. Nate and I will be fine.”

Spike took the receiver and watched her leave. She never saw him set the receiver back down.

Chapter Six



Buffy felt guilty. The reason why she felt so guilty was because she felt resentful. Resentful of the fact that Spike, Cordelia, Anya and anyone else in the world she came in contact with had a life. Or seemed to anyway. She used to have a life. She considered school, work, Faith and Nate, and hanging out with Spike having a life. Now, she had…Nate and work. Now she understood how it felt to have your life revolve around a child. In a word, it was exhausting. From the time Nate woke up in the morning to the time he went to bed, all her actions revolved around him. She understood now why Faith had to get away at times. Though, ‘at times’ to Faith meant a couple nights every week. Buffy could get behind a parent (or both) needing some time away from their kids, but not as much as Faith seemed to need it. Buffy found she missed Nate during the day. She also worried about him endlessly and probably stressed the poor neighbor with her constant phone calls. She couldn’t help it though. Nate was all she had and she loved that little boy as if he was her own, and well, he pretty much was hers now.

So, Buffy felt guilty for being resentful of the fact that she couldn’t go out on a whim like Spike could. She didn’t have the time to do her hair in the morning like Cordelia did and…she no longer had Spike around as much like Anya did. She also felt something toward the blond girl that she didn’t start to feel until after she’d encouraged Spike to talk to her: Anger. She was angry with the girl. It didn’t dawn on Buffy until later that Anya had made her feel like some kind of home wrecker. As if she were stealing Spike from under her nose. If anyone stole Spike, it was Anya. He had more time for her when he was single than when he started seeing Anya. Where the hell did she get off? And, in a moment of self-pity, Buffy felt angry that Anya made it seem as if she’d lost her pet, not her sister. She had been the one who had wanted to do all these things for her and Nate and now it all made sense to Buffy: She was willing to help so that a) she could score points with Spike, b) she could spend more time with Spike—especially if they watched Nate together and c) she could free up more of Spike’s time so that he could ‘give her many orgasms.’ Was it wrong to be angry with Anya as she was? She really hated it when people thought she was just a naïve little girl. She knew what the what was, she just didn’t always let on to it.

Of course, Buffy did know that Spike couldn’t very well devote his entire life to helping her, and she didn’t want him to. He could be positively exhausting himself. She didn’t so much mind the company as much as she minded the worried glances if she expressed her grief or recalled a memory and shared it with him. He acted as if she were going to fall to pieces and that he was the only one that could put her back together. Buffy didn’t want anyone to put her back together. She knew it was something that had to be done on her own. So, yes, this was good that Anya had manipulated her. And yet, Buffy was pissed as hell at Spike too. Didn’t he get what Anya was up to? Didn’t he get that Anya really didn’t care two shits how she was, only caring that Anya got what Anya wanted: Spike all to herself. It bothered her on a really basic level too. Anya’s whole behavior made Buffy feel even more alone than she already was. It just went to show her that there were people out there that didn’t really give a damn about you and what you were going through. They were only looking to get theirs. It hurt Buffy to know that she had falsely considered Anya a friend of hers as well, when in actuality, she was only a friend to her when it suited her. Buffy wouldn’t have cared if Spike had wanted to bring Anya along when he would come over to visit her and Nate. She would have welcomed the company and the ensured laughter. She didn’t hog Spike on purpose; he made his own choices.

So, in essence, she felt guilty for missing her old life pre-child, she was angry at the world for taking Faith and she was angry at the world for being so apathetic and selfish, and in turn felt guilty for wanting some attention that seemed to be lacking since she told Spike to make amends with Anya. It wasn’t as if he had to come over every night, but she had barely seen him in two weeks! She felt lonely and depressed and she had no one to blame but herself. And Faith. Oh, that was another thing. She was still angry at Faith for leaving to go ‘grocery shopping’ when she really needed a fix with her loser boyfriend. If she had just gone to the grocery store and came home, she never would have gotten in that accident. And, if Buffy had never agreed to watch Nate, then Faith would never have left. She just knew that she was asking for it by agreeing to it. She knew that five minutes in Faith’s world meant more like an hour and a half. Buffy had almost told her no, that she could get whatever she needed for dinner. Then, Faith never would have gone out, Buffy would have made her class and Faith would still be here.

Buffy shut her eyes tightly as she leaned back against the couch. She felt so many things inside her, she didn’t know how to let it out. Instinct told her to call Spike, but she was angry with him. Buffy glanced over at the clock. He was working now. She could just pretend to call to check on something. No. She asked for this. So, by God she was going to punish herself more than she already was for doing it. Made perfect sense. She was masochistic when she was depressed and angry.

Besides, she had things to do once Nate woke up from his nap. She had to find a daycare today for him. She had a list of centers to check out and even had a few appointments for later that afternoon. Yes, she had things to do. For Nate. Which, in turn, helped her out. Then, she could make a set schedule at work and be home for Nate in the evenings and weekends. Maybe she could even meet some nice mothers to make friends with. Maybe they could help each other out, maybe she could just go OUT, even if it was a play date.

The sound of Nate over the monitor tore her out of her thoughts and she made her way to his bedroom. He was sitting up in his crib, binky in his mouth and staring up at her groggily. He just looked so adorable that Buffy welled up in tears for even missing her old life for one minute. How could she be so selfish? She picked him up, cradling and cooing at him when she noticed how incredibly hot he felt. And sweaty. The back of his neck was damp and so was his back. The room wasn’t too hot, it was just right. She had a window open letting in a breeze. She flicked on the light and studied him. His eyes were glazed over a bit and he was just resting against her. Nate wasn’t much of a cuddler. He was a one toddler wrecking machine. He had the energy of ten men in one little body. Buffy went directly to the bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet until she found the thermometer. Oh good, it was one of those electronic ones that took but a second to the side of the head. She could count on Faith not to have a complicated, up-your-butt thermometer.

Sitting down with him on the toilet seat, Buffy clicked it on and pressed it to the side of his forehead. Her mouth went dry. 102. Okay, so it wasn’t THAT bad… but still bad for a one year old. Buffy grabbed a washcloth and wet it with cold water and wiped his forehead. He didn’t like that much, but she didn’t care. Then, she took him to the kitchen and set him down in his high chair and broke up a Popsicle and gave him a cup of cold juice as she went searching for Children’s Tylenol. She found it, read the directions and gave it to him. Surprisingly, he sucked it down. Next, doctor. She had the name and number of his doctor on speed dial. She hadn’t officially met him, but she was about to.

“Hello, this is Buffy Summers. I’m Nate Summers guardian. He’s running a high fever of 102. I don’t know what’s wrong with him,” Buffy relayed into the phone.

“Has he been acting funny?” The nurse asked.

“No, he went down for a nap and woke up hot. He’s been a little groggy, but other than that, fine.”

“Who is his pediatrician?”

“Uh…Dr. O’ Connor.”

“Why don’t you bring him in Miss Summers and Dr. O’ Connor can take a look at him.”

“Okay, thank you. What time?”

“Just come on over.”

‘Thank you.”

After cleaning Nate up and changing his diaper, both Buffy and Nate were en route to Buffy’s first doctor appointment with him. He was sick and she was alone. Before she knew it, she was crying right along with Nate who started to cry in his car seat.

“I’m sorry, baby. I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but we’ll figure it out. I’m sorry….” She wept to him.

Once in the parking lot of the pediatrician’s office, Buffy took a handful of tissues from the glove compartment and wiped at her eyes. She wasn’t wearing any makeup that day, so she really didn’t have to worry about smudging her mascara or some crap like that. Pulling her hair back away from her face, she got out of the car and got Nate. She held him tightly to her as she entered the office, the stench of sickness, medicine and bleach hitting her nostrils. She watched as children ran around as their parents tried to corral them, or cried as their parents held them and some of them even slept. Nate just sighed against her and rested his head on her chest, letting her know he would be content to just rest on her for now.

“Buffy Summers, I just called for my nephew Nate.”

The older nurse smiled up at her and pulled his file from in front of her with ease. She opened it and her smile faded a bit. “Yes, Miss Summers. Dr. O’ Connor will be with you in a minute. I’m sorry about to hear about your sister.”

Buffy nodded, fighting back tears. “Thank you.” Finding a place away from the other sick children, Buffy sat with Nate in her lap and whispered words of love to him as they waited. She was so engrossed in thinking about how Faith had done this before and how worried she was about Nate that she didn’t hear the doctor call her until he was practically on top of her.

“Miss Summers?” A deep voice startled her and the hand to her arm made her jump.

She turned to greet the voice and found a man, maybe a few years older than her, with short, dark hair, warm brown eyes and a sincere smile looking at her.

“Y-yes?”

“I can see Nate now.”

“Oh,” she said, confusion clearing. “Okay, thanks. Come on Nate the Great.” She stood on shaky legs and berated herself for not eating again today. She would be of no help to him if she didn’t keep herself herself healthy.

“How are you doing, Miss Summers?” The nice doctor asked. Geez, he was tall. He towered over her.

“I’m not going to lie to you, I’m really worried.”

Dr. O’ Connor nodded, “completely normal. Kids get fevers and get sick all the time, Miss Summers. He’ll be fine. Is this the first time you’ve had to bring him in?”

“Yeah, usually, my uh, sister did it.”

“Come on in,” he stepped aside and held the door to a room open. Buffy stepped inside, taking in the finger paintings and pictures of children that adorned the bright white walls. She sat on the examination table with Nate on her lap. Dr. O’ Connor sat down across from her in a black chair and smiled gently up at her. “You can call me Angel, Miss Summers. Dr. O’ Connor sounds too stuffy.”

She smiled warily, “okay, Dr…Angel. You can call me Buffy instead of Miss Summers.”

“Will do. How’s he been doing with everything?”

Buffy bit her lip and looked down for a minute, willing herself not to lose it. “He’s been all right. Asks for ‘mama’ now and then. I’m surprised he hasn’t since he woke up with his fever.”

Angel nodded, “and you?”

“Fine,” she said automatically. She was so used to saying it, that she didn’t even think about it anymore.

He stared at her, “that was quick.”

She blinked, “yeah, I…guess I really don’t think about it anymore. I’m so used to everyone asking me that, so now it’s just a knee-jerk response. No one really wants to hear how crappy you’re doing because then it just makes them feel bad, or maybe they don’t really care how you’re doing, so by telling them you’re doing crappy, you’re just making them feel as if they are responsible for helping you out of it. And who wants someone to help you out of it when they don’t really care how you’re doing. It’s just some stupid question that people feel they have to ask to pretend they care when they really don’t.” Buffy paused and noted Angel’s startled expression. “Can you look at Nate now?”

It took a moment, but Angel jumped up, “of course. Can you just um, face him toward me?”

“Sure.”

Angel checked out a squirming Nate who tried many times to move away from Angel or who grunted disapprovingly at him as Angel poked and prodded. When Nate started to cry, Buffy glared at Angel.

Angel smiled apologetically at her. “Sorry, Buffy. I haven’t seen the little guy since his one year check up and just wanted to cover all bases.”

She nodded curtly. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Looks to me like he has an ear infection,” Angel told her scribbling something on a note pad. “I’m prescribing some antibiotics for him. Amoxicillan. I can have my nurse call it in so it’ll be ready for pick up if you’d like.”

Now she felt guilty for being short with him. “That’d be great, thanks.”

“Can I have five?” Angel asked, sticking out his hand, palm side up for Nate. Buffy laughed as Nate slapped it and Angel pretended it hurt, making Nate giggle.

Angel laughed and ruffled his hair. “He’s going to be just fine. Keep giving him the Tylenol every four to six hours and the amoxicillan should kick in by tomorrow night.”

“Thank you, Dr.—“

“Angel.”

She smiled, “thank you, Angel.”

“If you need anything, just give me a call, okay?”

Buffy nodded, “will do.”

“Here’s my home number if you have any questions.” Angel handed her a slip of paper. Buffy looked down at it, dumbfounded. Sure enough it said, ‘Angel @ home: 555-3247.’

She looked up at him as he watched her. “Do pediatricians do house calls again?”

Angel chuckled. “No, that was my lame attempt to give you my number, hoping you’d call me for something other than my doctorly advice.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Are you asking me out?”

If it were possible, Angel blushed. Which just made Buffy smile at how cute that was. Here was this big, strong man blushing over her.

“Yes, I am Buffy.”

She didn’t know why she felt compelled to agree to it, but she did. Maybe because she was lonely, and her knee-jerk reaction of staying alone just wasn’t cutting it at the moment. Not after today. Angel had helped her, helped Nate. How could she say no to that? She felt all sorts of warm fuzzies for him right now. Besides, he was hot.

“Okay, I’ll call you.” Which was totally NOT Buffy. She didn’t do the calling, she rather hated the phone. Instead, she waited for the guy to do the calling. But hey, it was a crazy day and she felt like being a little crazy. Even if it was just a stupid phone call.

Angel smiled broadly. “I’ll be waiting.” He reached out and ruffled Nate’s curls. Angel walked her to her car and Nate took great pleasure in playing hide and seek with him, using Buffy’s shoulder as the place in which to hide behind. His bursts of laughter were contagious

I'm going to give you guys a heads up now, so that you're warned in advance: There will be more Angel and you're probably going to hate Buffy for a LITTLE while, but I PROMISE, this is all about the Spuffy!! Have faith and please review :)


Chapter Seven



The euphoria of meeting Angel didn’t even last a full day. By the morning of the next day, she had completely changed her mind. Oh, she thought that Angel was nice enough, but she absolutely refused to do what Faith had subjected Nate to. She was not about to start dating someone and involve them in Nate’s life at this stage. The revolving door was not for her. Course, one discreet date didn’t mean that would happen, but somehow in Buffy’s overactive imagination, it would. Besides, Angel was Nate’s pediatrician. That would be a bit of an awkward.

What she felt toward Angel was gratitude. He doctored Nate, he was there for her first sickness with him. It was perfectly normal that she would find him desirable to date. But it wasn’t real. She couldn’t see herself dating anyone at this point. She was too much of a mess. So, in case she had a moment of weakness when she was feeling sorry for herself and her lack of a life, Buffy flushed Angels phone number down the drain. He was Nate’s pediatrician and that was the end of that. Period.



Spike sat back in his chair, staring at the dart board across the room.

“Boss, can I get out early?” Cordelia asked as she bustled into the room. She looked at the wall that Spike was staring at. She pointed at him, “okay, are you drinking?”

“Yeah. Water.”

Cordelia shook her head. “What’s the matter with you anyway? Are you brooding?”

He glared at her, “I don’t brood. I’m…thinking.”

“About Anya? Or Buffy?”
Spike looked up at Cordelia finally. “Buffy? Why, did she—what’s that look for?”

“The ‘look’ is saying that you’re a doofus.”

“Doofus? I’m a doofus? You do realize that I am your boss, right? I’m thinking you calling your boss a doofus, makes YOU a doofus.”

“You’re a doofus because you just don’t get it. I mean, you really don’t GET it, do you?”

“Do you talk to hear yourself talk or do you actually have a point, Cordelia?”

“I’m not getting involved. Not completely anyway. Let’s just put it this way: Nothing is going to be solved and figured out until you get off your brooding ass and call her. Or see her.”

“Anya or Buffy?”

“Buffy! Are you listening to me at all?”

“Cordelia—“

“Everytime she’s here, she stares at the door like she’s some lost little puppy dog and I swear at any moment she’s going to start whining like one and scratching at the door until you let her in. And you, you sit in here doing the one thing you hate the most: Brooding. So, I ask you: What does it mean when the two most stubborn people in the world are reduced to doing what they hate most?”

“They need to talk?”

“Well, that’s a step in the right direction.”

“So, that’s not the answer to your question?”

“It’s part of it.”

“You’re daft.”

“You’re weird. So?”

“Go home.”

“Thanks!”

Shaking his head, Spike stood and stretched his tired limbs. Then, he walked directly to the front where Buffy was chatting with one of the other waitresses.

“Buffy?” He asked, almost cautiously.

She looked to him, “yes?”

He straightened and met her gaze. “Could I, uh, talk to you for a minute?”

She nodded, “sure thing, boss.”

He winced. He didn’t like her calling him that. He was her Spike, not just her boss. That thought gave him pause. HER Spike? He shrugged. Well, yeah, he was her Spike. And she was his Buffy.

She followed him silently into his office and had her hands demurely clasped behind her back as she walked past him into the room. She stared at the floor and Spike stood there, feeling helpless. He didn’t know how to start.

“I miss you,” he blurted out.

Her head popped up, her eyes wide. “You do?”

He nodded, then sheepishly, “do you miss me at all?”

Buffy answered by flinging herself in his arms, “I do!”

Just when Spike had started to wrap her arms around her to return her hug, she backed off and pointed a finger at him. “I’m so mad at you!”

Spike stared at her, confused and unsure of what to do. “Huh?”

“You haven’t called in over a week!”

“You told me to give you space, that you didn’t need me, remember?”

“Yeah, and somehow that translated into blow me off completely?”
He pointed his finger at her this time, “you could have called too, you know. I was just trying to give you your space and I THOUGHT you’d give ME a call when you wanted to talk to me.”

“It’s not like we had a fight Spike. I gave you some advice on Anya…how is that anyway?”

Spike looked down and frowned. “I never called her.”

“Oh? Why not?”

“I’m not in love with her Buffy. Seems pointless to work something out that I knew wasn’t going anywhere.”

“Good, I’m glad. I don’t think Anya’s good enough for you.”
Spike looked up at her in shock. “I thought you liked Anya.”

“I did until she pissed me off!”

“Buffy, you’re confusing as hell you know that?”

She shrugged, “I try. It’s my job to keep you on your toes. Why am I confusing?”

“You just are,” he shook his head. “How did Anya piss you off, kitten?”

“She made me feel like a homewrecker. Like I broke you guys up. Then I had to go and feel guilty about it, ergo pushing you to call her and make amends.”
“She made you feel guilty? How? What did she say to you?”

Buffy looked at him guiltily. “I’ve said too much already. I don’t want to be catty—“

“Buffy, tell me.”

“No, it’s not important. It’s done now.”

“Elizabeth Anne Summers, would you just tell me?”

Her eyes widened and Spike fought back a grin. He was pulling out the big guns when he used her full first name like that.

“She told me to tell you that I didn’t need you all the time and that she did. Which, at the time sounded good to me, I mean it made sense, but then I got really mad because it wasn’t as if I ASKED you to come around so much, I mean you could have brought Anya over with you at any time. And I didn’t want you to completely stop coming around, Spike, just didn’t want you to feel as if you had to my savior.

I feel like she used me to make herself look good to you the whole time. Like she didn’t ever really care that I lost Faithy, just wanted to ACT like she cared to get to you and that really hurt my feelings. And I thought that you were just sucking it all up and didn’t see what she was really doing and that made me mad at you too.” Buffy stopped and bit her lip. Then, “I guess I had a lot to say even though I didn’t want to say it. Can you stop looking as if you’re going to hunt her down and shoot her like a dog?”

Spike’s jaw was clenching. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before?”

“I don’t…I didn’t want to cause any problems at first and then I was just angry in general and didn’t want to talk to you…even though I really did. . . I am confusing, aren’t I?”

“Lil’ bit.”

“Well, there you go. Just don’t say anything okay? I mean…are you planning on talking to her at all?”

“Hadn’t really planned on it. I don’t want Anya to be the reason why you and I don’t talk. We’ve been through too much to have Anya break up our friendship, Buffy.”

Buffy sighed, “I know.”
“You should have told me what she said to you.”

“Well, it didn’t really dawn on me until later that she was being a poop head. I thought I was doing the right thing by getting you and Anya to iron out your differences when the whole time she was just manipulating me. Am I that easy to manipulate?”
“Sometimes. You have to be the sweetest person I know, Buffy. You don’t like to think the worst of anyone. Until they cross you, that is.”

“I can’t help it. I live by that whole ‘do unto others’ creedo. Maybe I should stop that. Or modify it. I’ll do unto others before they can do unto me.”

Spike chuckled, “no, don’t change any aspect of yourself, Buffy. That’s what makes you such a great person to know.”

“Awww, thanks Spikey,” and she gave him a great big hug. “I really did miss you.”
“I missed you too. How’s Nate?”

Buffy pulled away and sat down in his armchair. “I had a grand adventure a couple days ago with him. He woke up with a fever of 102 and I had to take him to his pediatrician.”

“Is he all right?”

“He has an ear infection. He’s on meds now. He’s all right. It was scary though. I never had to do that before.”

Spike sat down on his desk facing her. “I wish I could have been there with you,” he told her softly.

“I know, but…it was good that I did that on my own. Now I know I can. I handled it very well if I may say so myself. I had a focus. Get Nate better and I just kept on that.”

Spike smiled, “I’m proud of you. When can I see him? I miss the little tyke.”
Buffy smiled, “anytime you want.”

“I have an idea. You have tomorrow off, right?”

“You’re my boss and you don’t even know when I have off?”
“Buffy--” he began tiredly.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, I have tomorrow off.”

“And I put Lorne in charge of things tomorrow. Why don’t we go to the park? Make a day of it?”
“Really? You want to go to the park with Nate and I?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I want to? I suggested it didn’t I?”
“I don’t know, I just figured you’d want to spend the day doing your single guy thing.”

“What’s my single guy thing?”
“Crap, I don’t know.”





Spike laughed, “well, I don’t want to do my ‘single guy thing’, I want to spend the day with you and Nate. He hasn’t seen his Uncle Spike in a while, he might forget me.”
“Never. He loves you.”

“Just like his Auntie Buffy?”

“Yep, just like his Auntie Buffy.”





Buffy was laughing as she watched Nate and Spike slide down the big slide together. It had to be the cutest thing she’d ever seen. Spike just sat with Nate in his lap and down they went, Nate laughing the whole time. Spike had the biggest smile that she hadn’t seen in a long time. She was kicking herself for not bringing her camera. Moments like these definitely needed to be captured on film. And when they got to the end, Nate ran over to Buffy with his arms up, laughing. She picked him up and tossed him lightly in the air, laughing as well.

She set him down and he went directly to Spike, wanting to be picked up. Spike smiled, almost sappily. As her boys—boys? As in plural? She shrugged. Well, yeah. Spike was her boy too. So, as her boys played and ran around the playground, Buffy set out their picnic. When it was ready she called them over to join her. As Nate drank down his juice from his sippy cup on Uncle Spike’s lap, Buffy felt her eyes well up a bit. She tried to discreetly turn away and wipe them away, but Spike caught her. Of course.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, reaching out and grabbing her hand.

She pulled back and shook her head, reaching for a napkin. “Nothing. I was just thinking about Faith…something like this would have been nice for her to do with him.”

Spike nodded as he watched Nate devour his lunch. “He’s a bloody riot,” Spike said fondly and looked over at Buffy. She felt her heart swell. A myriad of emotions were swirling inside her: Peace. Comfort. Contentment. Friendship. Love. It had to be the first time since Faith died that she had felt like that. Hell, it had to be the first time since her mom died that she felt like that.

Locking eyes with Spike, she told him, heartfelt and true: “Thank you.”

Spike stared at her for a long time, a look passing across his features that Buffy couldn’t define. He gave her a quick nod and went back to tending to Nate.

Chapter Eight



Spike was feeling things. Things that he’d felt before, but never took the time to analyze. Things he’d shoved down for one reason or another. It wasn’t as if it was any easier now than it would have been before. It was downright confusing and Anya’s words kept coming back to haunt him. He was finding it even hard to look at Buffy right now, even if looking at her was all he wanted to do. How the hell could he define what he was feeling for Buffy right now? And it wasn’t as if it were just RIGHT NOW. It was something that had been dormant and was just waiting for the right time to show itself. If anytime was actually the right time. Love didn’t wait for the right time, it just came and you had to deal with it.

Spike watched her as she chatted up customers and smiled graciously. He was immediately transported back to high school. Anya had been right, even though he hadn’t wanted to say it. Buffy had been his knight in shining armor. She had saved him from what could have possibly been a hell situation and made him feel welcome and accepted. That tiny, loving, pain in the ass girl had made him feel at home in a place he was so adamantly against EVER calling home. She’d always been there for him, and he found that for some time, he had taken her for granted. She always seemed so put together and everyone loved her. Why would Buffy ever need anyone or anything? She was Supergirl, Wonder Woman, she was the epitome of independence and grace. Well, sort of. The girl could barely walk and chew gum at the same time, but that was a different story.

Come to think of it, Buffy could have been the poster child for a suicide victim. As morbid as that sounded, but, wasn’t it always the ones that seemed to have everything going for them the ones that fell apart when the doors were shut? Not that Buffy didn’t have her share of problems. She had a non-existent father whom she would glibly excuse by saying ‘he had better things to do than be a father.’ Anyone who knew Buffy would know the hurt that lay just beneath the surface of that comment. He supposed that was why Buffy had been so angry at Faith for not knowing who Nate’s father was.

It wasn’t until after Buffy’s mother died that Spike saw all of Buffy. The Buffy that could cry, that didn’t always smile, that got scared, that took the superpower bit to a whole new frustrating level and made him want to shake her. Much like she had made him want to do over the past month since Faith had died. Spike had forced himself through though. Made himself accessible to her and supported her. He was bound and determined to get to the core of Buffy Summers. And he did. What he saw, he loved and adored. She was a breath of fresh air in the demented little world that Drusilla had created. Dru had been his dark, Buffy was his light. Scratch that, she was more than just that, she was both, his light AND his dark. When she was being stubborn and distant, she was his dark, when she was smiling at him, laughing with him (and at him) and being the sweet, caring woman she was, she was his light.

His everything.

He had no idea what he was thinking when he’d taken up with Anya. Their friendship hadn’t suffered too much, but he was reminded of what Cordy had said once—that he went running after Buffy more than he did Anya. God, how could he have been so blind? When Buffy needed him, he dropped everything to be there for her. When Anya needed him…well, in all fairness Anya’s definition of needing him was entirely different than Buffy’s. Buffy’s needs were legit, Anya’s needs were at first sexy and cute and then just plain annoying. Exactly how many times a day did the girl need to have sex? Spike considered himself a pretty sexual guy with a healthy appetite for it, but Anya…she had to be a nympho.

The day before when they’d spent the day at the park with Nate, Spike had this feeling wash over him. It was as if he could see the future and in it, as always, he saw Buffy. But, when he saw her, he also saw Nate and other little tykes running around. He saw them together. It was a moment of clarity, a moment that told him that everything was going to be all right and that what he was thinking WAS right and was meant to be.

“Hey Spike, you’re staring off into space again. Trying to contact the mother ship?” Buffy quipped as she strolled past him. She laughed lightly to herself at her own joke and Spike smiled.

“Brat!” He called after her.

“Loser!”

“Wench!”

“Dork!”

Spike and Buffy dissolved into giggles. The sound of the door opening and Cordy squealing with delight caught Spike’s attention. Cordy was currently hugging some tall, broad- shouldered, dark-haired man. Spike cocked his head to the side. Boyfriend for Cordy?

He looked over to Buffy, about to say something about that when he noticed the look on her face. She had turned ghostly pale and she appeared frozen in the spot she was standing in.

“Buffy?” Spike asked and stood up from the table, about to make his way over to her.

“Buffy, I was hoping to find you here.”

Spike’s head whirled to the big man. What did he just say? He knew Buffy? How did he know Buffy?
“How’s Nate doing?” He asked her.

“He’s fine, thanks. He’s good. Much better.”

“You didn’t call.”

Spike raised his eyebrows, Buffy was supposed to call this man? Who the hell was he?
“Sorry, I…I got busy.”

“So you weren’t giving me the brush off?” The man smirked.

“I’m sorry, but who are you?” Spike asked graciously, stepping in between the guy and Buffy.

Angel looked thrown for a minute, “I’m uh, Angel. Nate’s pediatrician.”

“Oh, is that right?” Spike said dryly and crossed his arms across his chest.

Angel nodded, “do I know you?”

“I’m Spike. I’m Buffy’s best friend. Nate’s uncle.”

“Oh, well, nice to meet you, Spike,” Angel stuck out his hand. Spike took it, trying to stop himself from squeezing it hard. Their eyes met and while he didn’t see malicious intent on Angel’s side, he still didn’t like him.

“Excuse me,” Buffy said, pushing Spike out of the way. Spike glared at her. “I’m sorry, Angel. I just got a little wigged about calling you. I mean, you’re Nate’s pediatrician.”

“And pediatrician’s can’t date?”
“Oh, no, that’s not what I’m saying. But, they can’t date patients.”
“I’m not asking Nate on a date, Buffy. I’m asking you.”

“I know, I just…I don’t know.”

“For crying out loud Buffy it’s a date, he’s not asking for your hand in marriage. Build a bridge and get over it already,” Cordy rolled her eyes. Now Spike was glaring at her.

Buffy looked trapped and just when Spike was about to intervene and tell the nice doctor man that Buffy wasn’t interested when Buffy beat him to the chase.

“Okay, I’ll go out with you.” Wait, that wasn’t a rejection!

“What?” Spike sputtered.

Buffy shot him an odd look and then directed Angel away from the audience of Spike and Cordy.

“What the bloody hell is she doing?” Spike hissed.

“Getting a life.”

“She has a life.”
“Not much of one. She deserves to have some fun, Spike. Besides, Angel’s a nice guy, he likes kids, he’s successful and smart…what’s not to like?”

“He’s too tall for her. He probably wears lifts. And look at that hair gel.”
Cordy looked at him, arms crossed, eyebrows raised.

“What?”

“Someone—“ Cordy began.

“Cordy, I didn’t know you knew Angel,” Buffy interrupted.

Cordy shrugged, “small world. So, you got a date?”

Buffy smiled sheepishly, “I do. He’s going to stop by on my lunch hour tomorrow to take me out for ice cream.”

“Ice Cream?” Spike balked. “Ice cream on a lunch break?”
“What’s wrong with that?” Buffy and Cordy asked at the same time, then shot each other funny looks.

“Ice cream is not a healthy lunch. He’s a pediatrician for Christ’s sake, shouldn’t he be pushing broccoli and salad and things of that sort down your throat?”

Both women looked at him as if he’d lost it, but Spike continued on.

“What kind of pediatrician is he? Next thing you know he’ll be telling you that Nate doesn’t need his vegetables and you can cram cupcakes in his face all day. Then he’ll tell you to forget about brushing his teeth—“
“He’s a pediatrician, not a dentist,” Cordy pointed out.

“Oh, see? You’re already making excuses for him!”

Cordy turned to Buffy, “Lunch hour huh? I think Spike could find it in the kindness of his heart to give you at least an extra half hour to spend on your ‘date.’ Couldn’t you, Spike?”

Spike wanted to throttle Cordelia right about now, especially since Buffy now had a hopeful look on her face. “Fine,” he muttered.

“How about a whole hour?” Cordy pressed.

“Don’t push your luck,” Spike pointed at her. “Doesn’t he have patients to see? Isn’t he busy at all? What kind of doctor can just take off for an hour like that?”

“The kind that doesn’t work on Sundays,” Cordy told him.

“I need to get my order,” Buffy said and rushed off.

Spike glared at Cordelia. “Office. Now.” And he practically dragged her to his office.

“You do realize you’re not supposed to be man handling the help?” Cordy told him dryly as Spike just about slammed the door shut.

“What the hell are you trying to do?” Spike demanded.

“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Buffy and that Angel guy…setting them up.”
“I’m not doing anything! He asked her out.”
“You’re not helping! You’re pushing them together.”

Cordy’s eyes widened, “I’m PUSHING them together? Okay, you know what Mr. I’ve-been-in-denial-since-high-school-about-how-I-really-feel-about-Buffy? DON’T YELL AT ME because YOU’RE too chicken shit to do anything about it! Do you think that just because you’re completely clueless that the rest of us are too? You do realize that even Anya knew how you really felt about Buffy, don’t you? The poor girl jumped through hoops to get your attention and all Buffy has ever had to do is walk in the room.

I’m not pushing them together, I’m pushing YOU to finally get off your ass and do something about it! I’m also pushing Buffy to think about something else aside from the fact that she’s basically now a single mom with no life AND her sister just died. She deserves to have a little fun and be reminded that she is still young and found attractive. Besides, why should she have to wait for you to get off your ass and tell her how you feel? She could very well be an old lady before that day happens and do you know how hard it is to date when you’re eighty?”

Spike stared at her, open mouthed and in shock. “Y-you know how I feel?”

“Does the word ‘duh’ mean anything to you?”

“Does she know?”

Cordy sighed with exasperation. “No, she doesn’t.”

“Do you think she feels anything for me?”

Cordy tilted her head thoughtfully and chewed on her bottom lip. “That, I’m not sure of. I mean, sometimes I think yes, and other times. . . well, the girl isn’t exactly an open book.”

“Tell me about it,” Spike agreed dryly, raking a hand through his hair. He narrowed his eyes. “What about your friend? Why are you willing to help ME out and hurt him in the process?”

“Angel and I aren’t exactly ‘friends’. We grew up together and all that, and I had a major crush on him. I asked him out and he rejected me for some bimbo named Darla. NOONE rejects Cordelia Chase and gets away with it.”

Spike grinned, “so this is payback?”

“In a manner of speaking. I like to think of it in three ways: One, all is fair in love and war, two, I’m helping you and Buffy out because in some weird way I do care what happens to you two freaks, and three. . . you and Buffy are meant to be. It’s fate, kismet, all that deep stuff. Anyone either of you get involved with is eventually going to get hurt because of your intense devotion to each other—for example, Anya. Maybe this will wake Buffy up to her feelings for you.”

“You surprise me, Cordy. Here you are, flitting about only thinking of yourself and really, you do care about others and notice what’s going on around you.”
“Don’t give me too much credit there Spike. When you and Buffy get married one day—if you EVER, you know, TELL her—then I’ll get all the glory and not only be the maid of honor BUT have your first born girl named after me!”

“So in the end, it’s still all about you.”

“Spike, it’s ALWAYS about me.”

He started to laugh and Cordy did too.

“Any advice?” Spike asked after a minute.

“Well, if you want to make Buffy compare and contrast, you’re going to have to show Buffy what it means to be loved by you. You’re going to have to ease your way in though. Going in all heart shaped boxes full of chocolates, roses and dramatic declarations of love is NOT the way to Buffy Summers’ heart. That will send her running for the hills. What you need to do is have more days like you did yesterday. Nate is the way to her heart now—“

Spike winced, “not going to use him to get to her. She would never go for that and I really do love him. I couldn’t use him that way.”

“I’m not saying that, dummy. I’m SAYING that you do love him and he loves you, right?”

“Right.”
“And Buffy’s priority is Nate right now. The only way you’re going to be able to let her know how great it can be is if you show her that you can be the long haul, family guy.”

“What about Angel? He’s Nate’s pediatrician. How can he not be the long haul, family guy.”

“Because Buffy is meant to be with William, that’s why. Buffy’s stubborn—“

“Don’t I know it!”

“So, it’s up to you to be persistent without going over the top and making her run the other way. She trusts you and believes in you Spike. Reinforce it.”

“When I did that before, it blew up in my face.”

“Because of Anya whom is now out of the picture.”

“Good point.”

“I think another family day with Nate is in the cards, don’t you?”

Spike grinned, “I rather think there is.”

Chapter Nine



“Listen mister, don’t think I’m easy just because you give me that look,” Buffy told Nate as she thrust one last cookie at him. When she had begun to put it away, Nate had looked so despondent that Buffy couldn’t resist the pouty lip. Probably because it was so much like her own. “Gonna have to sit down, buddy.”

Nate sat down on the floor with a plop as he gobbled his cookie. She smiled and sat down across from him. She watched him as he every so often would offer her a bite of his cookie and then giggle when she took what he offered. His giggle caused Buffy to giggle too, his merriment was contagious.

“Can I come in? Or is this a private party?”

Buffy looked up to see Spike standing in the door, smiling down at them. She started to get up.

“No, don’t get up pet. I’ll join you.” He strolled across the room and sat down, on Buffy’s right and ruffled Nate’s hair who promptly offered him a bit of cookie.

Spike took it and laughed at Nate’s giggle as well. Then, Nate stood and toddled over to him, turning around and carefully plopping himself down on Spike’s lap. The simple act warmed Buffy’s heart and she found herself staring fondly at them. “You know, you’d make a really good dad.”

He looked at her in surprise. “What makes you say that?”

“Because you’re so good with him. He loves you. Nate doesn’t just cuddle with anyone you know.”
“Does he cuddle with Angel?”

Buffy gave him a funny look as she stood and dusted herself off from cookie crumbs. “Jealous?”

Spike shrugged and looked down, she could have sworn he was pouting. “Maybe.”

Buffy chuckled, “nothing to be jealous about.”

Spike’s head popped up, “really?”

“Really. Nate loves his Uncle Spike and no one could ever replace you. Especially not his pediatrician, whose main function is to poke and prod him. Or, you know, prescribe him medicine when he’s ill to make him feel better.”

Spike leaned back against the fridge and watched as Buffy finished cleaning up from dinner. “So you guys really hit it off, huh?”

Buffy shrugged, “I think so. I’m not really sure. It was a short visit and I left definitely feeling something for him.”

Spike straightened, “oh? What’s that?”

“Gratitude. Nate was sick, he had it in his power to tell me what was wrong with him and then make him better.”

“Well, the amoxicillian made him feel better, not Angel himself.”

“You know what I mean. I don’t know, Spike. It’s been so long since I’ve had even the remote desire to date. So long since I’ve ever been attracted to anyone.”

“Buffy, you don’t date at all. You hate to date.”

“I know, that’s what I’m saying. Marvel at the concept that Dr. O’Connor made me want to date.”

“Or is it just gratitude like you said?”

Buffy frowned thoughtfully and sat back down on the floor, wiping her hands on a dishtowel. She looked at him, “you tell me.”

“Well, if it’s not gratitude then it could be that Cordy was right there shoving him down your throat. Not to mention that he was right there putting you on the spot, which I know you hate, so it could have been peer pressure.”

Buffy raised her eyebrow, “since when do I EVER give into peer pressure?”

Spike pretended to think about it, “um, never.”

“Exactly. So, what do you think I should do? I mean, should I go out with him and see if my prognosis is mere thanks that he was there to save the day when I felt helpless, or do I not go out with him because it could be just that?”

Spike stared at her for a long time, so long that Buffy poked him on the leg, wondering what he could possibly be thinking about for so long.

“I think you think too much Buffy Summers and should allow yourself some time out with him and see what you feel by the end of your date. If you don’t, you’ll always wonder what it was.”

Buffy nodded, “I think you’re right. I do think too much. He’s really cute, isn’t he?”

“I’m your best friend, and I’m a guy. I’m not gay though, Buffy. I’m not going to be bloody checking out guys with you.”

Buffy giggled, “you know who I think has a crush on you?”

Spike raised his eyebrows, intrigued. “That quiet bird that comes in every now and then with the notebook?”

“No, she’s gay.”

“How do you know?”

“I talked to her. She told me her girlfriend owned a daycare—hey there’s an idea!—and was still somewhat in the closet due to it. Doesn’t want it to ruin her business if people find out and whatnot.”

Spike looked at her incredulously as Nate leaned over and started to play with his shoelaces. “You always know what’s going on with people.”

Buffy smiled, “that’s because I take the time to talk to people. Especially if they’re a regular like she is.”

“Name?”

“Tara. Don’t go talking to her now,” Buffy poked him in the arm, “I don’t want her thinking I’m talking to everyone and their mother. She’s really kind of shy and soft spoken.”

“What are you trying to say? I’m shy and soft spoken,” Spike told her in mock offense, putting his hand over his heart.

“Please. You’re about as shy and soft spoken as a mack truck. Right Nate?”

Nate stopped inadvertently untying Spike’s shoe laces long enough to look up and say “yeah.”

Buffy gasped and held her hand over her mouth. “Did you hear that?”

Spike grinned, “Nate, do you want another cookie?”

“Yeah.”
Buffy jumped up immediately and grabbed another cookie and handed it to him.

“How could I resist that?” Nate forgot all about the shoelaces and attacked his cookie with vigor.

Spike whispered in his ear loud enough for Buffy to hear, “do you know how happy you just made your Aunt Buffy? I think your next word should be ‘car’. That way you’ll be sure to have one by the time you’re—Buffy, why are you crying?”

She shook her head, and reached for some paper towels. Spike stood and sat Nate down on the floor to eat. He went over to Buffy and took her in his arms. “What is it, pet?”

“I mean, it’s only one word. It’s only ‘yeah’. . . I just wish. . . I just wish Faith was here to hear it.” She hugged him as she cried into his shoulder. She missed Faith, missed her every day and it was times like this, when Nate would do something new, that Buffy felt her loss even more acutely. “It’s just so sad that she’ll never get to see him say it. She’ll never see him get all his teeth, go to kindergarten, lose all his teeth. . . she’ll never get to see all those things. It’s not fair.”

Spike stroked her hair, “I know Buffy, I know. You don’t think she’s watching over him at all? I do. I think she sees it all. With all the things Faith did wrong, I know she did love him very much. I’ll bet she heard him, and I’ll wager she’ll see it all.”

“Do you think so?”

“I do.”

She pushed herself away and wiped at her eyes with the towel. “It does get easier every day you know, I don’t always fall apart like this.”

“Buffy, it’s normal. She was your sister and that is her son. It’s normal to feel this way, it’s all part of the grieving process. No one expects you to be a hundred percent after a month.”

“I know, I just hate to feel weak.”

“You’re not weak, woman!”

“I can tell you’re frustrated with me when you call me ‘woman.’” She gave him a small smile.

“If you weren’t so bloody thick-headed—“

“Me? You’re one to talk!”

“Hey now—“

“Did you want to know who had a crush on you or not?”

Classic Buffy. Change the subject when she didn’t want to hear it anymore. She smiled as Spike shifted gears in his head.

“Okay, who?”

“Andrew.”

Spike’s eyes flew off his head, “Andrew?” He sputtered. “No way.”

Buffy nodded, “he talks about you as if you’re a god and he’s here to worship you.”
“I didn’t think he was gay.”

“I don’t know if he is or not, actually. He’s kind of. . . ambiguous. You guys could be the ambiguously gay duo!” Buffy burst out laughing at the look of horror on Spike’s face.





Spike was sulking. Today was the day. D-day. Date day. He had enjoyed their time the night before when it had just been them, the three of them just hanging out having a good talk, laughing, hearing Nate say a new word. There were tears, but Spike was glad he had been there for it. He wanted to be there every time Buffy cried. Every time she mentioned that day she had to take Nate to the pediatrician’s was another knife to his heart. He wanted to have been there for her. He knew she had to have been scared and feeling alone and he hated that she felt like that. Hated it because she wasn’t alone. She had him and if he could only find a way to tell her—

“What’s your problem?” Cordy asked, standing in front of his desk.

He peered up at her from where his head was resting on the desk like an insolent child. “Nothin’.”

“Liar. Oh, I know. Today is Buffy’s date with Angel. Relax, it’s not like she can have sex with him in only an hour. Well, she could—“

“Cordelia!” Spike shouted, sitting upright. “Do you mind? Don’t you have work to do?”

“Well, yeah. I just thought you’d like to know that Andrew is going to be a little late and Lorne needs to leave, like now. So, unless you want your bar unattended for God knows how long, I suggest you get your tight butt out there.”

Spike grinned, “tight butt huh?”

“Did I interrupt something?” Buffy asked, coming into the room. “Did I hear something about tight butts?”
Spike grinned devilishly, “Cordy was just saying I had a tight butt.”

Buffy raised her eyebrows, “okay then. I’m going to get ready for Angel. He’s going to be here in a bit, so you might want to get out there Cordy.”

“On my way. Make sure you wear that green shirt, it brings out your eyes!” Cordy called after her as she made her way out the door.

Spike pinched Cordy’s arm as they made their way to the front. “Don’t help her on her date for fuck’s sake!”

Cordy rolled her eyes, “whatever. I’m not going to tell her to go out in a brown sack like you probably would.”
“I thought you were on my side here?”

Cordy smiled cheekily, “I’m on the side I’m always on.”

“Which is?”

“Mine.”

“Cordy,” Spike growled at her.

“Besides, I enjoy watching you squirm. Makes me wonder just what you’ll do and how long it’ll take you to make a move. Oh, look. There’s Angel now. Excuse me while I go greet him.”

Spike glared at her and then at Angel as he came in having the audacity to smile.

Lorne came over and patted Spike on his back, “don’t worry crème brulee, it’ll all work out for the best.”

Before Spike could ask if he knew too, Lorne was gone. Spike sighed and then gasped when Buffy retreated from the bathroom. God, Cordy was right. Green was the perfect color on her. She had changed into a tight, soft green turtleneck and black skirt that came just above her knees. Her hair had been brushed out from her braid and it fell in waves around her shoulders. Her makeup had been touched up and made a tad darker. To sum up, she was glowing and beautiful and Spike wanted nothing more than to stop her. His feet seemed to have a mind of their own as he moved towards her.

“Buffy,” he told her, almost breathlessly.

She looked to him, halfway to Angel who was beaming at her. “Yeah?”

She was flushed and she looked nervous as well as excited.

Spike stopped. What was he going to say? Tell her that she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen and to not go out with Angel? How could he do that to her? Cordy had been right, she deserved to have a bit of fun. Wasn’t that the whole reason why he had told her to go out when she asked if she should or not? He didn’t want to advise her to not go out with the man and then have her wonder if there possibly could have been anything. He just had to make sure to give Angel a bit of competition, that’s all. Then Buffy would see that they were meant to be, always had been, and she’d come to him of her own accord. Wouldn’t she?

“Spike? What is it? I’d really like to go now.”

Spike swallowed and took a deep breath, forcing a smile. “Have fun. You look beautiful.”

Buffy smiled, a look of surprise passing over her features. Note to Self: Tell Buffy she’s beautiful more often.

“Thanks, Spike.”

Buffy made her way over to Angel who took her hand gallantly and kissed it. She smiled shyly at him and he held out his arm for her to take. Spike swore he heard Cordy tell her that if she wanted to take longer than an hour, it would be no problem.





Buffy was having a good time, she felt relaxed and not at all sick as she had first felt when she had started getting ready for her date with Angel. He was easy to talk to, kind, gentle and easy-going. He was soft-spoken, which she wasn’t used to because Spike was the complete antithesis of soft-spoken. Not to mention that Spike could at times be wound tighter than a drum when he wasn’t getting his way and Angel—why the hell was Spike making an entrance in her thoughts on her date with Angel?
As soon as she and Angel came back to the restaurant, she felt as if she were on display from the eyes that swerved in her direction. Cordelia gave her a huge smile, Andrew looked wistfully at her and smiled approvingly at Angel and Spike looked. . . well, he appeared to have a dark cloud looming over his head.

“I had a nice time, Buffy,” Angel told her gently and leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek. “I’d like to do it again sometime. Maybe when you have some more time?”

“Oh, I can help. I can watch Nate, Buffy,” Cordy came up and threw her arm around Buffy’s shoulders.

“Uh, okay—“ Buffy replied, her head on a tailspin all of a sudden.

“Great, I’ll call you.” He strolled out, waving to Spike who nodded and gave him a fake smile.

Cordy ushered Buffy into the back to change, chatting on and on about how she used to know Angel in high school and how he was considered the greatest catch and the most likely to succeed. Buffy was only half-listening, letting the events of her date sink in, and wondering why Spike was so gloom and doom.

“What’s wrong with Spike?” Buffy blurted out.

Cordy stopped mid-sentence. “Oh-kay,” she said slowly. “I guess you didn’t want to hear about how Angel was Quarterback for his high school.”

“Sorry Cordy, I was listening. I just noticed that Spike seemed—“

“Cranky? Moody? Yeah, he’s been that way for a while now.”

“That’s not true. Spike’s not always like that. Sometimes it seems as if he’s cranky but really he’s just deep in thought—“

“You know him very well, huh?”

Buffy pulled her work shirt over her head and shrugged, “well, yeah.”

“And I’m sure he knows you just as well,” Cordy observed.

“Yeah,” Buffy said slowly. “Comes with the territory, I guess. So, what’s wrong with him?”

“Who knows. I don’t think he’s ‘deep in thought’. I think he’s just cranky. Well, I have to get back to work! We’ll chat later.”

Buffy watched her go and shook her head slowly. The girl was a whirlwind. Trekking out to front, Spike was talking to Andrew about something and Andrew was staring up at him adoringly. Buffy sauntered up behind Andrew and made kissy faces at Spike over the boys shoulder. Spike’s eyes widened and he stepped back considerably from Andrew.

Andrew spun around and smiled weakly. “Buffy, hi. How was your date? Angel looked. . . like an Angel. Very handsome. What kind of ice cream did you get?”

Buffy smiled. Some people found Andrew annoying, but she liked him. She found his offbeat sense of humor and personality refreshing. He saw things in a whole new light. “I had chocolate cookie dough. Very yummy. How goes things around here? I miss anything?”

“Oh nothing. It’s been kind of slow. I was trying engage Spike into a game of I Spy but he decided to lecture me instead.”

“Andrew,” Spike told him sternly.

“I’ll play with you, Andrew,” Buffy smiled. So that’s what got Spike all sour puss.

“Buffy,” Spike said on a slight whine.

Buffy blew Spike a kiss and headed for her table that suddenly had customers.



Spike pulled Cordy aside, discreetly, the first chance he got. “So, how’d her date go?”

Cordy rolled her eyes. “Are you kidding me with this? Why don’t you ask her yourself?”

“I’m afraid of the answer,” he grumbled. “She looked so bloody happy when she came in. . .” he trailed off, remembering her happy smile, flushed cheeks and wind blown hair. She had looked happy all right, happy and beautiful.

Cordy snapped her fingers in front of his face. “Hello, where’d you go?”

Spike shook his head, “sorry.”

“I really think you should ask her. I think you also might be interested to know that while I was telling her all about Angel’s virtues, she was concerned why you looked like such a sour puss when she came in.”

Hope dawned on Spike’s face, “she was worried about me?”

“Yes,” Cordy said as if he should have known this all along.

Spike paused and pointed at her, “you going to tell me how her date went or not?”

“Nope. If I tell you everything, then you’ll never talk to her. That’s the whole point, Spike. TO TALK TO HER. How else are you going to convince her that it’s you she belongs with?”

Spike nodded and looked down, “yeah, you’re right.”
“Duh.”

Spike shot her a glare. “Don’t you have work to do?”

“You brought me in here, remember? Keep it up and Buffy’s going to think there’s something going on between us.”
A light bulb went off in Spike’s head.

“Don’t even think it,” Cordy was quick to shoot it out. “That would be only playing a trick on her and do you really think Buffy would take too kindly to that if she found out?”

Spike sighed, “yeah, you’re right.”

“And this surprises you? So, why don’t you make sure you talk to her before she leaves tonight?”

“Yes, Cordy.”

“Just keep saying that.”



Buffy watched as Spike sauntered up to the bar where Buffy was helping Andrew wash glasses. He looked almost sheepish and she wondered what was up.

“Hey Buffy,” he said as he approached.

“Hey Spike, what’s up?”

“How was your date?”

Oh yeah, her date. It felt like hours and hours since she’d had that. She glanced at the clock. It’d only been four hours, but it felt more like eight. She nodded, “good.”

“That it? Just good?”

“It was an hour. What do you expect?”

“I don’t know. You usually know after an hour if you click with someone.”

“I think we clicked.”

“You think you did? You don’t know?”

“I’m out of practice with the clicking. If clicking means that I enjoyed his company and there weren’t any awkward silences, then yes, we clicked. If clicking means I was ready to have hot sex with him on park bench, then no, we didn’t click.”

His eyes glazed over for a minute and she wondered where he’d gone before he snapped his attention back to her. “Uh, yeah. So, did he ask about Nate?”

“Yeah, he asked how he was doing. Why?”

“Because if he didn’t ask how Nate was then it would appear that he doesn’t care how the little tyke is doing after being sick. That would just be wrong.”

She nodded slowly, “I see your logic there.”

“Did you ask him what his favorite movie was?”

She frowned, “no.”

“Buffy, you’re slacking.”

“You said it was a superficial question!”

“I changed my mind. I think you were right, it can tell you how deep a person is. I mean, if his favorite movie is, say, Starsky and Hutch, then he’s not very deep. However, if his favorite movie is say, American Beauty, then he’s a thinker.”

Buffy gave him a ‘are you kidding me?’ look. “Spike, MY favorite movie is Starsky and Hutch. Doesn’t mean I’m shallow, does it? No. Besides, it is a superficial question that ultimately doesn’t mean anything. So I’m not ‘slacking’. I’m just changing my tactics.”

“To?”

“I don’t know. It’s been one date!”

“I think you should have a way to guage whether or not he’s a good guy, Buffy.”

“And the fact that’s he’s my nephew’s pediatrician which means he loves children is not good enough?”

“Nope. Doesn’t mean he’s a good guy. That could just be a cover.”

“A cover for what?”

“He could be a serial killer. Luring young, good-looking SINGLE woman, just as yourself back to his apartment and then going Dahmer on them.”
“You know what I think?”

“What’s that?”

“I think you have WAY too much time on your hands.”

“I’m serious Buffy.”
“I know, that’s what frightening. Spike, I went out on ONE date in which he was a perfect gentleman and I had a good time. I can’t make big decisions about him after one date. If you like, you could babysit Nate for me and that could aid me in deciding.”
“I’ll do it. If it’ll help you—wait, how is my babysitting Nate helping you decide if Angel’s a good guy?”
Buffy grinned as she made her way to her locker, “that way I can have a real date with him, not just an hour. Thank you, Uncle Spike!”

Spike let his head drop with a thud on the bar. He felt someone suddenly rubbing the back of his head. He looked up to see Andrew. “It’s okay tiny dancer,” the young man assured him.

Chapter Ten



Spike watched Buffy run around the house and give him instructions about what to feed Nate and how.

“Buffy, I know how to give him a banana.”

She stood in front of him with her arms crossed, “okay. How?”

“Unpeel it, cut it up, and hand it to him,” he said in part like a question, because now he felt that his answer was wrong.

“No,” she told him slowly, “you can only unpeel it. If you touch it otherwise, he won’t eat it.”

Spike grinned, “really?”

Buffy nodded, “yeah, I don’t get it.”

“Seems the little tyke doesn’t want his food touched. Reminds me of someone I know.”
“Yeah, his mother,” Buffy muttered under her breath as she sat down to slip on her leather, heeled boots.

Spike eyed her, “you’re wearing those boots?”

Buffy stopped zippering them, looked at Spike and then back down at the boots. “Yeah, why? Do they not go?”

“Well, they go. . . they’re just not really second date material.”

“I didn’t know that there were dating rules for shoes.”

“Oh but there is. See, those shoes? They scream loose.”

“Oh. I get what you’re saying. These are what Faith would call ‘fuck me boots.’”

Spike nearly choked on his water, “yeah, exactly.”

“Well, no need to worry, because Angel’s not going to be getting any tonight. Now where is my purse…” Buffy trailed off, in search of her purse.

Spike followed her, “not tonight? You sound as if there is a chance that he could get some another night, like you’re not sure, like you don’t know—“
“A-ha! There it is. Nate likes to hide it. I swear that boy just takes things and hoards them,” Buffy said absently as she reached behind the couch and grabbed her purse. She smiled at Spike who stood there, looking frazzled.

“Are you all right? I haven’t even left yet and you look overwhelmed.”

Spike stared at her wondering how one woman could be so frustrating. “No, Buffy. I’m not worried about taking care of Nate on my own. I’ve done it before you know,” he couldn’t help the slight defensive tone creeping into his voice.

“Sorry. I’m just used to it being me that I feel guilty if I have to ask someone to watch him.”

Spike’s stern face came back, “don’t feel guilty, Buffy. You deserve to have a night out.” ‘Even if it is with Angel,’ Spike thought bitterly.

Buffy smiled warmly, “thank you.” She sauntered into the play room where Nate was happily playing with some cars on the floor and swept him up in her arms. “I love you, have fun with Uncle Spike, okay? Be good.” She gave him a kiss on the forehead and put him back down to play. She pointed at Spike, “and you be a good boy too, okay?” The doorbell rang. “That’s Angel. Stay here.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Have fun. I love you!” She told him brightly and practically sprinted to get the door.

Spike quietly crept to the door of the playroom and craned his neck to see into the kitchen. All he could see was Buffy smiling at someone and nodding. He turned to Nate, “stay here she says. How come I’m not allowed to go out there? You’d think she want us to give her a big send off, but nooo, I’m ordered to stay here.” Spike stopped. “Well, I was, but you weren’t.” Spike picked Nate up and carried him quietly out of the room and set him down. “Go get Auntie Buffy,” Spike whispered and Nate laughed, running into the kitchen with his arms up for Auntie Buffy.

“There’s the little guy. I was just asking about you,” Spike heard Angel say warmly.

Spike rolled his eyes, “of course you were,” he muttered. He strolled into the kitchen and Buffy looked up at him, a death ray glare shooting out behind the happy smile.

“Spike, right?” Angel asked as Spike came into view.

Spike nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Uncle Spike to the rescue,” Buffy said cheerfully. “Well, we should get going.”

“Yes, I made reservations at eight,” Angel told her.

“All right,” she leaned down and gave Nate one last kiss before Spike picked him up again. “Don’t forget to give him a bath, and don’t let him stay up too late, he missed a nap today—“

“Good night, Buffy,” Spike told her, rolling his eyes.

She sighed, “okay. Good night. I have my cell if you need it!” She called out just before Spike shut the door on her face. He chuckled to himself and when he heard Angel do the same, Spike scowled. Nate looked up at him curiously. “We can see them from the window in the living room.” Spike carried him into the living room and dimmed the lights, discreetly he watched through the window as Angel opened the door for her. He sighed, “at least he’s a gentleman. What do you think?” He asked and looked down at Nate.

Nate shook his head and held out his hand, “eh.”

“I agree.”



“You’re a mystery, Buffy Summers,” Angel told her as he walked her to her door.

She smiled at him, “really? I’ve never been told that before. I kind of like it.”

Angel chuckled, “glad I could be of service.”

They stopped in front of her door and she turned to him. “Thank you for dinner and the movie. Oh, and thank you SO much for your friends business card. I had no idea where to start to look for daycare’s for Nate.”

“Willow is a good person and an excellent teacher. I have a feeling you guys would hit it off.”

“It’d be nice to maybe make some female friends.”

“You’re not friends with Cordy?”

“In a weird way,” Buffy laughed.

“So, when can I take you out again?”

Buffy was shocked. He’d spent a whole evening with her and he wanted more? “I uh, I don’t know, I. . . don’t know. Can I call you?”
Angel leaned in and kissed her softly, just a whisper of a kiss that left Buffy standing there with her eyes closed and her lips still puckered. She wanted more.

“You better,” Angel whispered and kissed her again, this time, deeper.

Dazed, Buffy barely remembered watching Angel walk back to his car and drive away. With a dreamy smile on her face, she waltzed into the house, humming a happy tune. When she entered the living room, she stopped abruptly and a sappy smile tugged at the corner of her lips. Sprawled out on the couch was Spike and Nate. Spike was on his back, his mouth slightly open and Nate lay curled up on his side, his head resting on Spike’s chest. It had to be the cutest thing she’d ever seen. Creeping across the room, on top of the entertainment center, Buffy grabbed her camera and snapped a picture of them. She had decided after Faith died that she wanted to capture every moment she could with Nate. Looking through pictures she had and Faith had lying around of their small family hadn’t amounted to much, and what they did have, Buffy combined in a photo album. She wanted to be able to pass it along to Nate one day, so she was set on filling it. This was a moment she could not pass up.

Spike stirred and Buffy stood still, not sure if she should wake him completely up, or let him sleep. His eyes slowly opened and he shifted carefully, seemingly aware that he held Nate on top of him. He peered over at Buffy.

“Hey, how long you been standing there?”
“Just got home,” she whispered. She held up her camera. “I had to capture the moment. You guys are too cute.”

Spike smiled sleepily and looked down at Nate. “I think we tuckered each other out. Didn’t tell me he loves taking a bath. Felt like a bad man when I had to get him out because he was pruning.”

Buffy smiled, “did he throw the Kermit sponge against the shower wall and laugh as it slid to the tub?”
Spike chuckled softly, “he did. Then he kept taking the cup I used to wash his hair and dumping it over his head. He sputtered each and every time, but he kept doing it.”

“He’s something, ain’t he?”

Spike met her eyes, “just like his Auntie Buffy.”

Buffy felt a warmth spread over her at his words and she suddenly felt uncomfortable. She moved to them, “I should get him in bed.”

“I’ll do it,” Spike told her and sat up easily, sliding Nate to his lap. Picking him up easily, Spike cradled him close and Nate curled right into him, resting his head on his shoulder. Spike started for the hall to bring him to his room when Buffy called softly for him to stop.

Spike turned and Buffy snapped another picture. Spike smiled at her and the two of them walked to Nate’s room together. Lying the boy down in his crib, Buffy covered him up as Spike turned on the monitor. Buffy pressed a kiss to her fingers and then laid said fingers to Nate’s head. “Night baby boy,” she whispered. Then, she looked up at Spike and did the same. “Thank you baby boy.”

“You know there isn’t a lot I wouldn’t do for you, Buffy,” Spike told her quietly, gazing at her.

There was that warmness again, spreading all over her, enveloping her. She let out a tiny sigh as the silence became thick and Spike’s gaze remained intently on her face. She looked up at him, “so, then you’d watch him again so I could go out with Angel?”

Chapter Eleven



Buffy lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Nate hadn’t woken up yet and Buffy decided to take advantage of these few moments of peace to relax in bed and think. Something she didn’t get to do much of these days.

So, Angel.

She sighed heavily. Yes, she liked that kiss. Yes, she had wanted more kissage. But did she want more kissing because of Angel himself or because she hadn’t had that in so long? He was attractive, there was no getting around that. She just could not shake the feeling that something was missing. Something vital. And, if she really was into Angel, shouldn’t she still be on a high from last night? Shouldn’t she not be questioning this?

Okay, so, what’s the checklist? Intelligent-check. Likes kids-check. Double check, actually. Kind-check. Honest-well, yeah as a doctor, but as a guy? Who knows? The only guy she’d ever been able to trust was Spike. Spike. Her bottom lip jutted out into a sappy pout. How cute was he with Nate? There was something so sexy about a guy with a child—whoa! Hold the phone. Sexy? Spike? No, she wasn’t saying that. She was just thinking about how sweet it was, how NICE it was to see them together like that. Wasn’t she? She bit her lip. What about that warm feeling she got when she was watching them? It hadn’t been so much about THEM per se, more about Spike. He was most definitely her rock, someone she loved, adored and trusted with her life and god he just looked so cute as a Mr. Mom type. Definitely someone she wanted part of Nate’s life. He could teach Nate all sorts of things. Nate could definitely go to Spike for man- to- man chats—although, he would NOT be allowed to teach him anything naughty. She could see them going on picnics together, and oh, Spike could teach him how to shave when he got older and he could maybe even do Dad type things with him at school events. She remembered what it was like not to have a dad to do those things with, how she felt like such a loser because her dad couldn’t be bothered to do those things with her and Faith. He was just nonexistent. Much like Nate’s. Would Spike be willing to do those things for Nate though? She thinks he would, but it wasn’t very fair of her to make these plans without him. He was her best friend, yes, but that didn’t mean he wanted the responsibility of being the man in Nate’s life. That wasn’t fair to Spike. He still had a life in front of him. He would one day have a family of his own. Buffy frowned sadly at the thought. What would she do without Spike? She sat up. This was exactly what she was afraid of. If she allowed herself to lean on Spike too much, she’d come to depend on him to the point where he had no other life than tending to her and Nate and that was not fair to him. He deserved to have a life. He deserved to find. . . love. Love with a nice girl. A nice, single girl that adored him as much as she did.

This all came back to Angel. Angel was there and he was interested. He also knew she had a child to care for and that hadn’t bothered him in the least. Just because he was good with kids though did not mean he was good with her. And Buffy needed someone good with her too. Someone who didn’t put up with her bullshit, who knocked her down off her high horse once in a while and showed her the gray areas instead of always seeing thing in black and white. Could Angel do that? He just seemed so. . . agreeable. She needed someone she could fight with as well as laugh with. The only person she knew that was like that with her was—

Spike.

She had a headache now. This apparently is what happens when she’s left with her thoughts for too long. They just run rampant. Taking a deep breath, Buffy decided it was time to get ready for the day and enough with the thinking and laying about. She had things to do today. She had a woman to see about daycare. And, there would be no more thinking about Spike and Angel. None. No more. It was impossible to compare the two because Spike was her friend and Angel was her. . . was her. . . all right, enough thinking Buffy.



Buffy was beaming from ear to ear as she entered work. She absolutely LOVED Willow and what was more; Nate loved her too. He took to her right away. She met the other teachers at the school and found herself adding a point in Angel’s favor. He’d done good by giving her Willow’s card. She had daycare for Nate and now she was going to tell Spike she could only do days. He knew it was eventually coming, he was just biding his time until she had found it so he could find someone to do nights.

She came in with Nate babbling in her ear and she was giggling at him. As soon as she entered she saw Spike talking with Lorne, his back turned. She set Nate down and pointed at Spike. “Go get Uncle Spike,” she told him and he bounded off after him, running up to him and hugging his legs.

Spike jumped and turned a bit in order to see Nate hugging his legs and babbling loudly at him. His face broke into a wide smile and he bent down and scooped Nate up in his arms.

“Where’s Auntie Buffy?”

Nate pointed to Buffy.

Buffy and Spike locked gazes and she found herself blushing. She was BLUSHING IN FRONT OF SPIKE! Why? When the freaking hell did THAT happen? Shaking herself out of it, she started for him.

“To what do I owe this honor?” He asked.

“We’ve come to talk to you.”

“Oh?”

“Can we go to the office?”

“Sure, Lorne I’ll be out back.”

“Sure thing Boss. Hey Buffy, I’ll watch the little guy if you want. It’s not very busy right now and I’m sure he could probably get some business going on account of his adorable face,” Lorne reached over and lightly pinched Nate’s cheek, causing the boy to squeal and laugh in delight.

“Uh, sure. Just be careful. Make sure he doesn’t get into anything.”

Lorne raised his eyebrows, “Buffy, I’m not going to let him hurt himself. Geez, I’m just going to have him help me set the tables. You know, give him some knives and forks to run with.”

“Very funny, Lorne.”

“I do my best, buttercup. Come see Uncle Lorne, yes that’s right.” Lorne took a laughing Nate away and Spike offered his arm to Buffy.

“Mi’lady?”

She giggled and took the offered arm.

“What’s this all about? You’re not leaving me are you?” He asked and Buffy could hear worry in his voice.

“Nope, not leaving you. I found daycare for Nate.”

“Ah, I see,” Spike shut the door behind him as they entered his office. “So, Willow was good, yeah?”

She nodded, “LOVED her. And, so did Nate. Everyone was so nice. I know he’ll be good there.”
Spike smiled, “good. I’m glad. Seems Angel came through. Again.”

“Again?”

“Well, with him being sick.”

“Oh yeah, right.” She nodded, not wanting to talk about Angel right now.

“You all right? You look a little funny. Tense, anxious.”

She shook her head, “I’m fine. I think I’m just hungry.”

“Well, say no more. Has Nate eaten yet?”

“No.”

Spike picked up the phone, “hey, it’s me. Yeah, can you make two big plates of Hamburgers and French Fries? Oh, and a couple cokes and a cranberry juice. Very funny, the juice is for my nephew smart ass.”

“Thanks, Spike.”

“Welcome.”
“Spike, if Nate had a dad day at school, would you go for him?” Buffy blurted out.

“Come again?”

“Say Nate has like a special fathers thingie, you know, like a concert for dads or a fathers day lunch or something like that, would you go for him?”

He stares at her for a long moment and she swears his chest puffs with pride and he even seems a bit, well, sentimental. “Is there something going on for him?”

“No, not yet, but if there was—“

“I’d be honored Buffy,” and Buffy can see that he meant it.

Smiling she nods and a second later, Lorne comes in with Nate. “Sorry to do this poodle, but it’s starting to get busy now and I don’t want anything to happen to the little tyke.”

“Thanks, Lorne.”

As soon as Nate is free, he runs directly to Spike and tries to crawl in his lap. Spike’s smile stretches from ear to ear as he picks him up. Buffy watches the two interact and wonders if Angel would be as good with Nate as Spike was. If he’d garner the same affection that Nate had for Spike and vice versa. Wasn’t she supposed to NOT be comparing the two?

“Buffy, luv, you all right? You look upset.”
“I’m fine,” she chirped, “just hungry.”

“Should be on its way soon luv. Why don’t you tell me what brought on this line of questioning?”

“I don’t. . . I just. . . I was thinking.”

“Care to elaborate?”

Not really. “Well, Faith and I might as well have grown up without a father and Nate most definitely does not have an active father figure. I know how lonely and depressing it is not to have a dad, and I can only imagine that for a boy it has to be even harder. I mean, girls need their moms for stuff like periods and boys—“

“I get the picture there, Buffy.”

“Right. So, I was thinking that one day Nate is going to need someone to talk to about girls and. . . other stuff. I just thought that if you were still around in his life—“

“What do you mean ‘still around’ Buffy? Do you think I’m going somewhere?”

“Well, no, not in the sense that you’re moving away. Although, conceivably one day you could.”

Spike furrowed his brow, “where?”

“Wherever your wife wants you to move.”

He was clearly confused, “and whom am I marrying?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then how is it that you have me married and moved already?”

“I don’t. I’m just saying that it could happen one day.”
“And you don’t think I’d be here for you and Nate?”

She looked down, suddenly feeling very foolish. “I think you’d always be there for us, but things change. People move on. They even die,” she spoke very quietly, “so it’s conceivable that one day you could leave.”

“Buffy look at me,” he half-demanded as he moved to sit in front of her on the desk, Nate resting against him.

She looked up at him.

“I’m never leaving you, Buffy. Never. When are you going to stop thinking that I will? When are you going to realize that I’m here to stay, that you are NEVER going to get rid of me?” He sounded so earnest, even almost angry at the thought of ever leaving that Buffy felt guilty.

“I’m sorry. I just, I’m just used to people leaving that it just seems that it’s inevitable. Ever since Faith died I’ve almost felt like I have to gear myself up for it and that I can’t really count on anything—“

He stopped her, taking her hand in his. “Buffy. Luv, you can ALWAYS count on me.”

Her eyes welled up with tears, not having been prepared for her abandonment issues to rear its ugly head. As tears tracked down her cheeks, she said a silent “thank you.”

“I hate it when you cry,” he moaned and tugged on her hand, forcing her to stand up. She did so and he cradled her against his side as he held Nate against his chest. The boy was now asleep against him.

“Well, we’re even because I hate to cry,” she admitted, wiping at her tears and attempting a light laugh.

She stepped back so that she could put Nate on down on Spike’s leather couch he had in the office. They set chairs in front so that he wouldn’t roll off and fall to the ground and once done, Spike gathered Buffy up in his arms.

She held onto him as if he were her lifeline and really, at that point, she felt that he was. God only knew where she’d be without him.

“Thank you for being so stubborn,” she told him.

He pulled back and wiped her tears away with the pads of his fingers. “I don’t think it was a trait I had well honed until you came along Summers.”
She giggled at that.

“Now that’s a good sound,” Spike told her softly, “music to my ears.” He pushed some hair away from her face and she found herself being taken in by him. His eyes. . . my god they were blue. Like sparkling blue gems. So intense and beautiful.

“Knock, knock. Food’s here,” Lorne pushed the door open.

Moving away quickly from Spike and trying to stop the blush that seemed to start from her toes, she went to Lorne to help him carry the food in. Her stomach growled at the smell and sight of the food.

“Someone’s tummy’s rumbling!” Lorne chirped.

She laughed, “I just want to stick my head in a vat full of fries,” she picked up a fry and munched on it. She closed her eyes in utter bliss, “well slap my ass and call me Sally this is good.”
Spike and Lorne laughed and Spike, of course, took it upon himself to slap her ass playfully. “Dig in Sally.”

Buffy’s eyes widened that he had actually did that and then lost herself in the heaven that was food.

Chapter Twelve



Buffy watched as Spike chatted up an older married couple a couple weeks later. She chewed her bottom lip as he grinned and laughed, patting the older man on his back before promising the best service and sauntered away. He was still grinning when he caught sight of Buffy staring at him. She jumped into action, pretending to be arranging the menu’s in a neater order.

“Buffy?” He asked, his voice deep and quiet. He sounded almost husky.

She looked up, a picture of innocence, “hmmm?”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, why?”

“You had pensive face.”

“I did?”
He nodded.

She shrugged and shook her head, still feigning that innocence.

“All right. Well, if you need me. . .”
She stared at him as he walked away and found herself blushing furiously when her gaze started to drop to his well-defined ass in the dress pants he wore. He was going back to his office for a while and Buffy didn’t want him to. She missed him. While it was true she saw him nearly every day, it was always at work. She wanted some Buffy, Spike and Nate time.

“Something on your mind, sweet cheeks?” Lorne interrupted her thoughts as he stood in her line of vision.

“Nothing at all.”

Lorne raised his eyebrows. Buffy scrunched her eyebrows together.

“Okay, fine. Lorne do you think I could bend your ear later?”

Lorne nodded, “of course, honey. You can tell Papa Lorne anything.”

She smiled, “I know. And I think you’re the best person to talk to. Nothing gets by you.”

“You’re right,” he winked, “especially when I see certain ladies checking out her boss’s ass.”

Buffy’s eyes widened and she gulped. “Don’t say anything?”

“About what?” He grinned. “Come get me when you go on break. I’m sure Spikey cakes won’t mind if we leave for a bit together.”

She nodded in agreement and turned to greet the customers that had just walked through the door.



Walking out of the restaurant together, Buffy looked over her shoulder to see Spike standing in the doorway, still frowning. She’d requested that Lorne join her on her break and when Spike had asked why, she told him she just needed some Lorne time. He’d pouted about not having any ‘Spike time’, but she had remained firm despite her desire to give in and stay with him. There was something nagging her though, something she needed to talk about. She couldn’t think of anyone more intuitive and best with the advice than Lorne. He had a way of putting her difficult thoughts in perspective and making her see things that her tired mind didn’t pick up on because it was so tired of overanalyzing.

So, they sat, with burgers, fries and Coke’s outside a nearby café. Lorne was waiting for her to start and Buffy was trying to find a way to start.

“Lorne—“ she started.

“You having feelings for Spike, honey?”

Her jaw dropped, and when her shock wore off, she plowed ahead, “I don’t know.”
“What do you know?”
“That I keep thinking about him and Angel and comparing them.”

“What have you come up with?”

“While Angel is good with kids, I don’t know if he’d be good with me. And Spike is already great with me—“

“But you don’t know if he’d be great with kids?”

“Right.”
“You know the answer to that already, Buffy. He adores Nate and you know it.”

“I feel like I’m interviewing them for a position.”
“That’s what dating is all about, Buffy.”
“I’m only dating Angel.”
“You’ve been dating Spike for years. You just didn’t know it.”

“Lorne, you’ve only known us for two years.”
“You pick up a lot in two years.”

“Such as?”

“What I just said. And, oh yes, he’s over the moon for you.”

“Get out.”

“Nope, sorry kitten. He is.”

“Did he say anything to you?”

“He doesn’t have to.”

She sat back and frowned, crossing her arms.
“Now what?”

“Say I believe you and he is ‘over the moon’ for me. That doesn’t mean he wants the responsibility of stepping into a more, uh, detailed role than just Uncle Spike.”

“You mean Father Spike?”

They both giggled at the image that produced. “Can you imagine that one?” Buffy said, wiping away some tears of laughter.

“Well, he’s got the all black down.”

Buffy laughed even more. “That’s just wrong.”

Lorne turned serious then. “Buffy, Spike’s feelings for Nate have nothing to do with you. Wait, let me rephrase that: Spike loves that Nate is a part of you. Spike considers himself your family, nothing you do will rid yourself of that boy. To him, you and Nate come as a package deal and he wouldn’t want it any other way. He loves that kid. Did you know he had a framed picture of him on his desk?”

Buffy got sappy, “no. He does?”

Lorne nodded. “The million dollar question here is how do YOU feel Buffy?”

Buffy sighed, “I don’t know, Lorne. That’s the thing, I just don’t know. I like Angel, I really do. I just don’t know if I feel that. . . thing for him. And. . .I don’t know if I even really feel that for Spike or if I’m just wanting to feel something so bad that I’m just putting that on Spike.

I’ve found myself comparing Spike and Angel constantly. And I try to stop. I mean, how fair is it to Angel that when I speak to him, I’m thinking about what Spike would say or how Spike would react to me. See, Spike has been such an important part of my life for so long and he’s put up with so much crap from me that I wonder if a lot of what I feel for him is gratitude. Which is kind of funny because that’s what I think first made me go for Angel in the first place.

You know when Faith died Spike wouldn’t let me not ask for help. He got so mad at me when I tried to take everything on, on my own. And boy did I give him a fight. Then there was the problem with Anya trying to come between us, and that spell where we didn’t talk. Thing is, ever since then, I’ve felt closer to him and let him in even more than I did before. I really do consider him part of my family. I can’t imagine Spike not being there. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s love. I mean, I love Spike, but am I IN love with Spike? I don’t think I am.

Then there’s Angel. He’s interested, he’s attentive, he’s smart and he’s so, well, hot. He treats me well, he’s good with Nate and I know he isn’t weirded out by the idea that I have a kid. I mean, he wouldn’t have pursued me if he was.”

“But something’ missing?”

“Yes.”

“Spike?”

“Passion.”

“You don’t have passion with Angel? Well, no kidding. Honey, have you heard yourself? You talk about Spike as if he were the sun, moon and stars. When you talk about Angel, you sound as if you SHOULD feel something for him because he’s attentive, smart, hot and good with kids. Not to mention that you compare Spike and Angel all the time. Let me tell you something Buffy, it’s not fair to them. Spike is waiting for a bone here, and Angel, well, he deserves to be with the person who does feel passion for him.”

“How do I know that I feel passion for Spike? What if all I’m feeling is gratitude?”

“Are you kidding me with this?”

Buffy groaned and leaned forward, banging her head on the wire table in front of her. “No, unfortunately I’m not.”

“Buffy, I can only skirt my way around it so much. Do you have any idea what I’m trying to say to you?”

She looked up at him and stared at him for a long time. “Yes. You’re saying that I have that passion with Spike.”

“Finally! Give the girl a prize!”

“That’s all well and good, Lorne, but just because you say it doesn’t mean it’s getting through in here,” she pointed to her heart, “or here,” she pointed to her head.

Now Lorne stared at her. “You’re scared,” he pointed at her and sat back, pleased with himself.

“Give the boy a prize!”

“So what are you going to do, Buffy?”

“I don’t know. Just because you say Spike has feelings for me, doesn’t mean you’re right.”

Lorne rolled his eyes, “you are STILL second guessing my powers of intuition after all we’ve shared here?”

“Doesn’t mean anything until I hear it from the horse’s mouth.”

“Except that it’ll send you running for the door.”

“You’re absolutely right.”

“You’re a complicated woman, you know that?”

“I’ve been told.”

“Let me guess. By Spike?”

“Shut up. Eat your burger.”

Chapter Thirteen

"She gets around huh?" Cordy said distastefully as Buffy and Lorne left the restaurant together on break.

Spike shot her a deadly glare, "just what are you trying to say?"

"I think her actions speak for itself. First Angel and now Lorne? And you. What the hell are you still waiting for? Christmas?"

"How'd you guess?" Spike muttered and hunched his shoulders, heading for the bar. Cordelia followed. "She was checking out your ass earlier."

His head shot up, his whole gait straightened, "what?"

She nodded, "saw it with my own two eyes."

"Where were you when she did this?"

"Across the room."

"You may have been mistaken."

"Why don't we go with I'm right? Make this easier for me."

Spike crossed his arms, "okay, so what do I do about it?"

"Let me ask you a question Spike. How long has Buffy been dating Angel?"

Spike frowned, "for about three weeks now."

"So, are you waiting until he moves in completely and takes Buffy AND Nate away from you?"

Spike's jaw clenched, "Nate and Buffy are MINE."

"If you don't do something about it soon, Spike, it's going to be their wedding I'm going to, not yours. Then you're going to be a bitter old man with a penchant for black leather and chaps. You'll turn this place into a strip club and hire only blondes with green eyes trying forever to find your 'Buffy', only Buffy will have moved on to Angel and whiteket ket fences with more kids. She'll keep Nate and her kids away from you because she's not going to want them hanging out with the bad influence you will then be. Nate will point you out to his friends on his way to school as you hang outside this joint, smoking clove cigarettes because they're heavier and last longer and for some reason, you t the they taste better. Only they'll leave you in a cloud of smoke where no one will want to come near you aside from the floozy of the month with the fake boobs looking to get a job and fast cash. Nate will point at you and say 'see that guy? He used to be my Uncle Spike.' Is that what you want?"

Spike's jaw dropped during her tirade. "Put much thought into that have you? The detail you put into that is mind-boggling and frightening."

"I call em' as I see em'," she shrugged.

"Chaps?"

"That one just came to me. Who knows, might work. With the way Buffy was staring at your ass earlier, she might like it."

"I don't think so.""You"You going to tell her?"

"Yes. Soon."

Cordy shook her head.

"What?"

She started to hum the wedding march and then stood straight, pretending to hold a bouquet of fls ins in front of her, "I Buffy Summers, take you, Angel O'Connor to be my-"

"Okay, I get it Cordy, knock it off." He started for his office. "Send Buffy in when she gets back would ya?"

"Sure thing boss!"



Buffy bounced into the room, "you wanted to see me?"

"Yeah, uh, Buffy I-" He choked. Okay, he HAD thought just coming out with it was the way to go, but now that he was faced with her, he found he couldn't do it. "I miss you."

Her whole expression softened and she smiled. "That's funny because I was thinking today that I missed you too."

"You do?" He asked hopefully.

She nodded vigorously and sat down, "everytime I see you lately it's just at work. I miss just hanging out with you. Nate's been asking about you too."

"He has?" More hope.

"Yep. Well, he points at that picture of you and him and holds up his hand as if to say 'what?' So I know he misses you."

"I miss him too. It's just been so hectic lately-"

"With business picking up-"

"And you dating Angel."

She looked down. "Yeah. I have Thursday off. Do you want to go with Nate and I to the aquarium? I think he'd get a kick out of it."

Spike smiled widely, "I'd love to."

She wove her way around his desk and snuck a peak at the pictures on his desk. He had two: one of her and one of Nate. She smiled.

"I told you that you guys are part of my family," he whispered seeing the question on her face. Would this freak her out? God, please don't let it. If it does, then this won't bode well for me.

"You ARE my family Spike," she told him softly.

"Buffy-" He stood, facing her. Close.

"Yeah?" She asked quickly, expectantly.

"I wanted to. . . That is, I wanted to. . . how are things with Angel?" Coward.

"Fine."

He nodded curtly. "Bells and whistles and all that rot?"

She took a step back, and shook her head. "Not exactly."

"Oh?" Hope.

"Spike, can I ask you a question?"

"You should know by now that you can ask me anything," he smiled at her silliness and sat on the edge of his desk, facing her.

"How long before you slept with Anya?"

He didn't want to answer that. He knew she hadn't slept with Angel yet. Buffy wouldn't just have sex if she weren't sure. She made sure she was the complete antithesis of her sister on that. Now that Nate was in the picture, Spike knew she was even more cautious of such activities. She had hated the revolving door Faith had with Nate around and because of that; Buffy was not about to let Nate have the chance to see them in any compromising position. Even if it was just sleeping in bed.

So now he didn't really know what to do with her question. He opted for honesty. That was the only way to win points with Buffy.

"On the first date."

Buffy let a look of disgust cross her face and she seemed to catch herself because her face became unreadable immediately.

"Never mind then," she waved her hand, dismissing the whole thing. "I think I'm going to have a chat with Lorne. Or Andrew. Excuse me." Okay, now she sounded angry. Why was she angry? Was she disgusted by his inability to control himself? Anya had been there too and for crying out loud, he was just a guy! He was about to tell her that when the door opened.

"Spike, sweet cheeks, there's an issue in the kitchen. Can you come?"

Buffy, he noted, was already on her way out the door. Spike sighed and followed Lorne to the kitchen.



What the hell had possessed her to ask such a stupid question? She had meant to ask him his thoughts on passion, but instead she asked the one question she really didn't want to know, nor need to know. Well, maybe that wasn't entirely true. The thing was though, if Spike was so freaking in love with her as Lorne had said then why the freaking hell was he waiting so goddamn long to tell her? And why had he gone and dated that tramp?

Okay, that wasn't fair. Was it? She had always thought that when you loved someone you couldn't sleep with anyone else. On the other hand, men had the uncanny ability to have sex without attachment. Then why had he dated her for so damn long then? If he possessed the ability to have sex without feeling, then he wouldn't have dated her for so long. He had said himself that he wasn't in love with her. She felt that she loved her boyfriend in high school and so she'd given him her virginity. It was the kind of teenage love that wasn't built to last or endure anything remotely difficult. They'd broken up soon after her mom died; he claimed he felt neglected. After that, it was Parker. He wooed her with big, flowery speeches on how special she was and how he really felt they had something. Needing, just like anyone, to feel loved, she slept with him, thinking he was her knight in shining armor. He took off shortly thereafter, giving her the great big blow off. From then on, Buffy had sworn she would NEVER do what Faith did and never have sex with someone unless she was a hundred percent sure she loved them and could trust them.

She was beginning to wonder though if bedroom activities could INDUCE those feelings of passion she felt she was missing with An So So far all they had done, all she had allowed, was some kissing. She knew he wanted more, but she just wasn't SURE.

Obviously Spike was not the person to ask. She wasn't about to ask him if she should have sex with Angel. Not that at all. She had meant to ask if he'd ever met someone that chemistry and passion was something that wasn't there right away, that it was something that came over time. But he had looked so cute and sexy sitting there with that boyish grin os fas face and she found all she could think about WAS sex. Then somehow that vile question had come out her mouth before she could stop it.

Then, the idea of Spike having sex with Anya had angered her. That gave birth to the thought that maybe there was something wrong with her. Faith and Anya, girls she knew at school, had sex without a second thought. Love was not in the equation. Chemistry wasn't necessarily in the equation either. Just as long as the guy was cute, that seemed to be enough. So maybe it wasn't that something was wrong with THEM, maybe it was HER. Maybe she should have sex with Angel. Maybe just doing it already would help her figure it out. She snatched the phone behind the bar.

"Hello?"

"Angel? It's me."

"Hey, Buffy. What's up?"

"Can you come over tonight?"

"Sure! Everything okay?"

"Perfect. Come over at nine, okay?"

"Shall I bring something?"

"Wine."

He coughed, "okay."

"Bye."

"See you tonight."

"Big plans tonight?" Cordy asked, suddenly right next to her.

She tucked some hair behind her ears, "uh, just Angel coming over."

"Oh? I thought you had a strict rule about male company at night. Unless of course it's Spike."

"Mind your own business Cordy," Buffy told her. "I'm going home now. If you'll excuse me."

"Have fun!" Cordy called after her. When Buffy was out the door, Cordy rushed to see Spike. Bursting through the door, she found him with his head on the desk.

"Feeling sorry for yourself?" She asked.

"Shut up Cordy."

"Well get used to it! And the chaps!"

Spike looked up then, "what the hell are you blathering on about?"

"Buffy is planning on having sex with AngeNIGHNIGHT! You didn't tell her did you?"

Spike paled, "she's WHAT? How do you know?"

"She called him. Asked him to come over tonight at NINE and to bring WINE."

"She has a rule about that. Well, unless it's me."

"Thank you from the department of the obvious!"

Spike jumped up, "I need to talk to her. Send her in?"

"She left Einstein. Her shift is over."

"Can you just--?"

"GO already!"

"Yes, drill sergeant, sir!" And he ran out the door.

Chapter Fourteen

She wasn't home. For fuck's sake, where was she? His mind was running through the possible scenarios as he paced on the deck, waiting for her. Maybe she was still getting Nate. She seemed to really like that Willow girl a lot, she had even babysat for her while she went out with Angel once or twice. He tried hard not to keep track of how many dates the two went on. That only led to his mind playing tricks on him that would lead to drinking and drunk, late night confessions of love. Buffy would kick his arse for that. She hated it when he drank, told him he only became pathetic, incoherent and annoying.

Okay, so maybe she was still chatting with Willow. He stopped pacing and paled. What if she went to get some sexy lingerie before picking up Nate? Oh god, no. His fists clenched at his sides as he imagined Angel being the one to unwrap such a precious gift as Buffy in sexy lingerie. Did he know that her neck was a pleasure point for her? He did. He knew because one day they'd had a discussion on what made their knees wobble. For Buffy it was her neck and stomach. And Buffy knew that on Spike it was his ears being nibbled and his nipples. He just didn't want them to have the knowledge of pleasure points on each others bodies, he wanted to be able to APPLY that knowledge. He sure as hell did not want Angel to experience it!

He heard the car before he saw it and he turned to stare her down. She looked confused. He then saw Nate pointing at him and babbling, a big smile on his adorable face. Spike grinned. Did Nate get that excited when Angel came around? The thought filled him with more jealousy. Did Angel know that Nate loved taking baths and would throw the Sponge Bob sponge against the tile wall and laugh hysterically every time he did it? Did Angel know that Nate had one favorite stuffed animal that Spike gave him when he was just a baby? Would Angel try to replace it and shove Spike completely out of the picture?

"Spike, what are you doing here? Is everything all right?" Buffy asked as she climbed out of the car.

He nodded and started forward, intent on doing something to stop his trembling hands. He shooed Buffy out of the way so he take his nephew out of his car seat.

He picked the tot up and Nate hugged him, wrapping his long, slender arms around his neck. "Missed you, Nate the Great."

Nate smiled and pointed at Buffy.

"Missed your Auntie too."

Buffy looked over her shoulder as she took some bags out of the passenger side. "Just couldn't wait for the aquarium huh?"

"Not really. What do you have there?" He asked, pointing at the bags.

"Oh, uh, just some food and stuff."

"What stuff?" He asked as he followed her to the door.

She gave him a funny look, once again looking over her shoulder.

"Do you want to see my grocery list?"

"Are you having company tonight Buffy?" He asked as she slid the key into the door. She froze for a second, then turned the key and pushed the door open. She held the door open, letting him and Nate inside as she gave him an icy glare.

Setting Nate down, he tore into the playroom and left Spike alone to deal with the wrath of Buffy. He looked at her, almost sheepishly.

"What are you doing here, Spike? Don't tell me you're here because you heard from the Rumor Queen that I was having Angel over tonight?"

"That's it exactly."

She rolled her eyes as she started to unload the groceries. She turned to him, juice in hand. "I have had sex before, Spike. Not like I'm a virgin."

"I know that, but you don't just HAVE sex Buffy."

Buffy peered into the living room to see Nate carrying some trucks. She turned back to Spike. "Are you telling me you're here to defend my honor?"

"Yes."

"Give me a break," she said on a sigh, shaking her head. She opened the fridge and set the juice inside.

"Buffy, you barely know the guy-"

"I'm taking heat from the guy who had sex with Anya on their first date. I wonder if anyone came over before you two went out to defend her honor?" She raised her eyebrows, "somehow I'm thinking not."

"This isn't about me and Anya."

"Well, leave it to me to MAKE it about you and Anya."

"It's different."

"Oh, trust me, I know. Anya will sleep with anything and pretty much so will you."

Spike glared at her, clenching his jaw and balling his fists at his side. "That's not fair," he said evenly, trying to keep his rising anger in check. "And it's not true and you know it." He cocked his head to the side, "that really kind of hurt Buffy."

Her shoulders sagged, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Yes, you did."

"Well, to your credit you were with Anya for a long time
"
"And I broke up with her because I knew I wasn't in love with her and never would be."

"Well, you didn't know you never would be. I don't think you really gave her much of a chance."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know. . . you're difficult? After Dru you put walls up."

"Not always. Not with everyone."

"No, I pretty much always reserved the right to scale that wall."

"Doesn't that tell you anything?"

"I'm special?" Was it him or was her face paling?

He moved closer to her, slowly, deliberately, "you are special," he whispered softly and moved a tendril of hair away from her face. He stared at her, taking in her soft skin, her beautiful green eyes, her lush lips. And the fact that she was trembling.

She took a large step back, "so, uh, what is it that you wanted?"

"Why are you breaking your rule about male guests tonight?"

He watched as she swallowed loudly, "because I. . . I really feel that Angel and I should explore the next phase of our relationship. I believe it will be conducive to finding out if we are compatible."

"Well, Dr. Summers, that's quite an interesting theory you have there. Shouldn't you already know if you are 'compatible'?"

"Dr. Summers?"

"You make it sound as if you're conducting a science experiment Buffy."

She looked at a loss for words.

"Let's play a game. The game you always do with me when I'm confused."

She groaned, "oh on, on, Spike. You make it sound as if I'm marrying him. I'm just having sex."

"Buffy, you don't JUST have sex."

"Well, maybe I should start JUST having sex."

"You bloody well will not!"

"Why not?" She asked, her hands on her hips. "Why does this matter so much to you? I thought you wanted me to be happy!"

"I DO want you to be happy!"

"Let me guess: With someone YOU choose for me, right?"

"No."

She threw up her hands, "then who Spike?"

"Me. I want you to be happy with me. I want you to MAKE LOVE-to me-not have sex. I want you to love me because I . . . I love you. I don't want Nate to call Angel dad one day. I don't want Angel to do dad things with him. I want to do those things with him. I don't want you to be with him, Buffy because I want you to be with me."

Her jaw dropped as she stared at him.

He took that opportunity to move closer to her and wrap his arms around her waist. Leaning in, he pressed his lips to hers, tentatively at first. He wasn't sure if she'd knee him in the groin or just push him away. Encouraged by neither happening, he deepened the kiss, running his tongue along the bottom of her lip and then nibg ong on it. Her lips were softer than he'd imagined. She tasted like strawberries and candy. So sweet. When she opened her mouth to him, he moaned as his tongue came in contact with hers, sending jolts of electricity running rampant through him. He gripped her hips tighter, pulling her body flush against his. They molded together perfectly. When he felt her fingers in the curls at the nape of his neck, he groaned with desire and ground his erection into her. Mistake.

She jumped back as if burned and put her hand over her mouth. She stared down at his jean clad erection and pointed at him. "I did that?"

"Yes, baby, you did."

"Don't call me baby, I hate that."

"Buffy-"

"Did you talk to Lorne?"

He looked at her, confused, "about what?"

"Forget it."

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"I'm thinking it's too quiet in the other room and I need to check on Nate."

Strolling into the living room with Spike at her heels, they found Nate engrossed with his toys, moving a car back and forth as he lay on the floor.

Taking her hand, Spike led her back into the kitchen. "Buffy, I told you I loved you."

"I don't know how to respond to that William!" She burst out. Spike was taken aback. She rarely called him that. Usually only in times of distress or when she was exasperated with him. He decided it had to be a bit of both at this juncture.

"Could you say that you love me too?"

"I do love you Spike. I just don't think it's in the way you want me to."

"Bollocks!"

"You haven't given me any time. . . I don't have time to figure it out. . . " She sounded lost now.

He put his hand under her chin and forced her to look at him. "Do you feel that way when you kiss Angel?"

She looked down.

"That's a no if I ever heard one."

"I didn't say anything."

"Didn't have to."

"Why are you planning on sleeping with Angel, pet?"

She looked up at him, staring at him hard. "Because I. . . " she pushed at him. "It's not fair to spring this on me. I don't even know if I believe you! I mean. . . you're just figuring this out NOW? How convenient. Buffy's got a boyfriend and Spike's alone for once in his life. We can't have that now can we? Buffy's meant to be all alone, isn't she?"

"That's not true and you know it. You're just reaching for straws now," he grabbed her arms and made her look at him. "Buffy, look at me. Anya knew, okay? She knew how I felt long before I did. She told me that you always came first, that I was always running after you, that I never ran after her like that. I knew then, well, I started to put it together then anyway. After Faith died, seeing you so hurt. . . it tore me up inside. I wanted to be there for you just like the times you were there for me-"

"You wanted to be my Knight In Shining Armor," she pushed at him. "You wanted to rescue the damsel in distress. I'm not a charity case, Spike."

"I'm not saying that Buffy! God, why do you have to twist everything say around?"

She stared at him, her bottom lip trembling. "I-I want you to go."

His eyes were pleading, "Buffy, no."

"Please just go. I can't think and you're not helping matters-"

"That should tell you something right there."

"Just go, Spike, please!" She sounded desperate.

"Don't sleep with him, Buffy. You don't love him."

"You don't know how I feel about anything."

He answered her by crushing his lips against hers, hungrily. He broke the kiss, and she looked at him wide-eyed, her eyes glazed over and her mouth slightly open. He whispered to her, "don't sleep with him. I love you," before giving Nate a quick hug and kiss good bye.

Once outside, he bit his lip as he stared at her closed door. He was terrified. God, what was he going to do if she had sex with Angel? What would he do if she ended up really loving the ponce?

It was time to get pissed.

TBC...didn't think I'd make it that easy, did you? LOL
Review please!!!!

Chapter Fifteen



All Buffy could do was stand there as Spike left. She stood there for at least a good five minutes before checking on Nate.



Did Spike just—?



No.



He just said–?



No.



Buffy touched her lips. He did. He kissed her and told her he was in love with her. She just didn’t know WHAT to make of it. She knew that her and Spike had always shared a special bond. A bond that no one, not even Anya could penetrate. Spike knew everything about her. The bad parts, the good parts and all the parts in between. And conversely, she knew all of that about Spike. She smiled as she remembered meeting the shy, quiet boy who was new and felt wildly out of place. Her heart had ached for him and she had made it her goal to make sure he felt as if he belonged.



Sure they’d gone their separate ways, but they had still remained best friends. They didn’t need to have lengthy conversations everyday to stay that way. Oftentimes all it took was a single look to check and see if the other was doing all right.



Spike had been there for her when others had failed. She was the Queen of Arms Length and pushed people away at the moments she needed them the most. She supposed she was partly masochistic in that way. If she was going to feel awful, then might as well make sure she did a bang up job of it.



Spike never let her do that though. No, he was steadfast and stubborn in making sure he was going to stay by her side and weather any and all storms with her. She supposed that was why she could be so hard on him and, she hated to admit, so difficult and mean. She knew he’d never leave her, that he’d always be there no matter what, so with him she felt she could let it all hang out. Spike always took it in stride. He never took her crap for long. No, he gave back what she dished out.



Did that mean she loved him?



Well, now, what about Angel?



She sat down on the couch as Nate played in front of her and would now and then stop and watch the TV that she kept on Nickelodean, and she thought. Hard.



On the one hand, Angel was a great doctor, had a wonderful and pleasant personality, he was good with Nate. . . but was he GOOD with Nate? Sure he could make him laugh and keep him healthy, but was he the long haul guy that Nate needed in his life?

Then there was her. Okay, so he was pleasant, but could he fight with her like Spike could? Could he hold his own with her sometimes demanding attitude? Could he put her in her place and in the next instant make her laugh? More importantly, could he argue AT ALL? For Christ’s sake, pleasant could be downright boring as hell.



Had any of Angel’s kisses made her feel even close to what Spike’s kisses had made her feel?



God no.



Her whole body had pulsed with Spike’s kisses. Electric currents had shot up and down her body. Angel’s kisses felt nice, but within minutes she had forgotten all about them. They never left her trembling and wanting more.



“Spike, Spike,” Nate was saying and pointing at a picture on the coffee table.



Buffy looked to see it was a picture of Spike. “What Nate the Great?”



“Spike,” he repeated.



Nate laughed, throwing his head back.



“You love your Uncle Spike don’t you?”



“Spike,” Nate said and lost himself in his trucks.



Buffy looked up at the clock. It was time to start getting ready for Angel.



'''''''''''



“What the hell are you doing?” Cordelia asked as Spike took his fifth shot of whiskey.



“Getting pissed.”



“That’s British for drunk, right?”



“How very,” burp, “cultural of you.”



“I take it, it didn’t go well?”



“She got mad at me.”



Cordy rolled her eyes. “She’s afraid, she’s confused. You spring this on her as she’s planning on having se–“

“Can you stop now please?” Spike slurred angrily. “I don’t want to hear anymore about that oversized...oversized....guy.”



“Pathetic.”



“Shut up.”



“So this is your answer. Getting ‘pissed’. Maybe if you had, oh, I don’t know, DONE something about this a long time ago like I TOLD you to, you wouldn’t be sitting here alone, grumpy and PISSED, you’d be the one she was ready to have sex with.”



Spike stared at her, his eyes welling up. He shook his head, trying to clear it, trying to clear images of Buffy and Angel doing the deed.

"I'll be in my office."



Cordy shook her head as she watched him stumble to his office. What in the world were the two bumbling idiots going to do now? Why did Buffy have to be so difficult when it was so blantantly obvious she loved Spike back? God, they were a stubborn pair. "Never a dull moment,' Cordy muttered.



"Is Spike okay?" Andrew asked, coming up to her.



"No, not really," Cordy sighed.



"What did you do to him? Did you break his poor, fragile heart?" Andrew sounded exasperated with her and near tears at the thought of Spike in pain.



Cordy blinked, "what? Break his heart?"



"I see you guys talking all the time, bickering back and forth. I'll be very upset with you Cordelia Chase if you shattered his heart!"



"I didn't--I'm not--we're not--" she stopped. Andrew thought they were together? Well, no wonder with all the freaking counseling sessions she gave him about Buffy. She looked towards his office, and bit her lip. A plan forming.



"Andrew, what time is Buffy in tomorrow?"



Andrew's eyes widened. "She'll scratch your eyes out for hurting Spike."



"Andrew, focus! What time?"



"Nine."



"My shift is over in about. . . thirty minutes. I'm going to take Spike home--to my house okay? Mend his broken heart."



"As well you should, you ungrateful woman!"



Cordy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Are you in tomorrow?"



"I am!"



"Okay, just call my house if you need him okay? I'm sure he'll be nursing a hang over tomorrow."



"Will do," he spun around, then spun back. "Boxers or briefs?"



"Huh?"



"Spike. Boxers or briefs?"



"Oh! Uh. . . " She grinned, "nothing."



Andrew looked wistfully at her, "you're so lucky." And he walked away.



"Oh, I'm lucky all right. I'm the lucky one helping the next Dumb and Dumber get together. I swear to God if this doesn't work in waking up one Miss Buffy Summers, I don't know what will." She shook her head and then chuckled, "scratch my eyes out." Cordy shrugged and then nodded, "yeah, she probably would. But I scratch back."





********************



Dinner was ready. Nate was asleep. All she needed was Angel. Grabbing a beer from the fridge, she chugged it down. Letting out a mighty burp, she set it down and the doorbell rang.



With liquid courage, she swung the door open and put on the brightest smile she could muster. "Hi."



He smiled, almost shyly, "hi." He thrust the bottle of wine in his hand forward and extracted red roses from behind his back.



"You didn't have to do that, Angel."



"I wanted to."



"Come in, please," she held the door open and he walked through. She finally noticed how spruced he looked. Well, truth was, outside of work, he always dressed nicely. Always with pressed pants, a nice button down, sometimes a blazer to complete the ensemble. Each strand of hair perfectly placed. . . did he ever just roll out of bed and not care? Could he pull a Spike and just wear a pair of sweats? Could he not do his hair and be like Spike and let his hair run wild? Spike's hair had natural curl to it and when he didn't tame it, it just---Buffy took a deep breath and turned to Angel.



"You look beautiful," he told her.



She looked down at the simple black dress she wore. The same dress that Spike once told her she could stop traffic in. She placed her hand over her necklace and twirled it between her fingers.



"What's wrong?" He asked her.



"What?"



"You're frowning."



"Oh. I am?"



He nodded.



"Angel. I think we need to talk."

Special thanks to my reviewers--you guys rock!! special shout out to CordyKitten and Beth (which just to let you know, I will be using the lyrics you provided me with in the epilogue). I'm glad all of you have been enjoying it and have stuck with me no matter how annoyed you got with Buffy lol.

Chapter Sixteen

Buffy woke up with a smile on her face. She looked beside her and smiled even wider. She'd forgotten what it was like to have someone else in bed with her. Reaching out, she ran a hand down his soft hair and covered him up to his chin.

Eyes, blue ones, popped open. "Auntie Buffy," he said on a whine. Yep, that was Nate all right. Not a morning person. At all.

"You want some breakfast?" She asked him.

"Juice box," he said and sprang up, scooting himself off the
big bed and bounding down the hall.

She laughed and followed him. Finding the remnants of
dinner from the night before, Buffy slightly cringed. Settling

Nate down in the living room with milk instead of the
preferred juice and a pop tart until she could whip up a real breakfast for him, she wondered how Angel was that morning. She was sure he was fine. Even if she had, in essence, dumped him. He'd actually taken it quite well, and to her surprise, hadn't been all that stunned by it. He'd even asked point-blank if it had anything to do with Spike.

"Spike?" She'd asked, dumbfounded. Had he known?

"Yeah, you know, Nate's uncle. The guy that gives me death glares every time I come within a foot of you and Nate. The guy whose handshakes threaten to break my hand. The guy—"

"I'm aware of the guy," Buffy said, waving her hand at him to stop. She stood up and grabbed the bottle of wine from the counter and proceeded to pop the cork under Angel's amused and yet, hurt and watchful eyes.

"What's going on with you two Buffy?" He asked quietly.

"Why are you bringing him into this?" She'd asked, wondering how he came into everything that concerned. . . everything.

"I didn't," he said and she stared at him, bottle in hand. She knew then. She had. All the musings she thought she'd done in private, well, she hadn't.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, defeated. Shoulders slumped, bottle back on the counter she slid back into her chair, stared at her hands.

"You love him," Angel said softly, matter-of-factly.

She didn't say anything. She didn't think it was right to voice something to Angel before she could to Spike. She simply nodded, slowly. Still unsure about the when, the where, how—Spike had had time to come to the conclusion and accept it before telling her, Buffy. . . well, she was a novice. She'd gone from being the best friend to being the romantic lead in the span of a few hours. She knew she did want to be with him, she just wanted to take it slow and develop it before jumping into anything. Sensible Buffy. Her first task had been to break things off with Angel. It was pointless to try and forge something that wasn't there.

"You should tell him. He loves you too."

Buffy looked up at him, surprised again. Not only had she been transparent, but apparently so had Spike. Who else knew for Christ's sake?

"I'm going to go now Buffy," Angel stood, looking uncomfortable all of a sudden. He put his napkin down. "Walk me out?"

She sprang up, silently and walked him to the door, handing him his coat. He turned and smiled at her, pushing a stray hair away from her face. "See you at Nate's next appointment. Take care of yourself Buffy." And he walked out, leaving her shell shocked and uncertain. She'd tried calling the bar and spoken to Lorne. He told her he'd left early and then abruptly hung up. Needing to gather her own thoughts together, she decided to wait until morning before she made any decisions.

So, now, here she was. She needed to speak with him, that much was obvious. And what she wanted—and needed to tell him? That she loved him too and she wanted to give them a chance. First things first. She had to call Willow and find out if it she could just watch Nate for a couple hours while she spoke to Spike.

"Hello?"

"Wills? Hi, it's me, Buffy."

"Hey Buffy how are you? What's up?"

"I uh, well, a lot actually."

"Oh? Do tell."

"Um, I would love to, but before I can really tell you much of
anything there's something I need to take care of. Do you think you could watch Nate for just a couple hours?"

"Are you all right? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. I just need to talk to Spike for a little bit. Alone."

"Awww…the Spike I hear so much about."

Apparently, she'd had been talking about him a lot.

"Yeah. Is that okay? Can you watch him?"

"Uh. . . yeah, it's just, well, my um, friend is here."

"Oh, that's no trouble at all. Unless you have plans?"

"No, we don't. I mean, I can watch him, you don't mind if she comes with me do you?"

"Not at all! Do you want me to bring him there? Would that be easier?"

"Actually, yeah, that'd be great. Thanks."

"No, thank YOU. We'll be over in a couple hours. I just need to make him a decent breakfast. The poor kid gets cereal and pop tarts during the week."

Willow laughed, "I understand. We'll be waiting."

"Thanks."


Two hours later Buffy finally had Nate fed, clothed, washed and ready to go. The kid was dangerous with maple syrup and Buffy found a bath was in order after breakfast. By the time she fought him to get dressed, Buffy was worn out and needed a nap herself. When she pulled up to Willow's, Nate
was fast asleep. Carefully she carried him to the door all the while lugging his diaper bag with her.
Willow opened the door with a big smile and then noticed Nate was sleeping and whispered a small "Hi."

"Hi. He fell asleep in the car on the way over. We had a busy morning. And it was just breakfast."

Willow giggled, "they can be that way sometimes."

"I'm seeing that," Buffy chuckled.

"Oh, is the little tyke—Buffy!"

Buffy recognized that familiar face and did a double take when she saw Tara standing just behind Willow. She wasn't quite sure what she should say or do at that point and decided to let Tara be her guide. The pieces had all fallen into
place now. Willow was the girlfriend that feared her business would be ruined if everyone knew she was gay. Buffy's heart went out to her. Someone as wonderful as Willow shouldn't have to worry about something like that.

"You know each other?" Willow asked as she ushered Buffy in.

"She waits on me at The Watering Hole," Tara explained, darting a glance at Buffy that could only be read as ‘please don't say anything'.

"Oh really? Geez, I really need to start eating there. You love the place, the elusive Spike owns it. I need to get out more."

Buffy giggled and settled Nate down on the extra crib Willow had set up. The woman had extra everything from the daycare and from all her days babysitting. Nate stirred just a little and then rolled over on his tummy.

Buffy pressed a kiss on his head with her hand. "Come down some night. Let me know when you guys want to come and I'll make reservations. I'll even wait on you." She told Willow as they left Nate in the extra room.

"That would be really nice. We could dress up, have a night out—" Willow stopped. "Because sometimes you need a girl's night," she said nervously, darting a glance at Tara.

Buffy saw the hurt look on Tara's face and decided to jump in no matter what she told herself about getting involved.

"Or sometimes you just need to go out with the one you love," she said as diplomatically as she could and stole a
cautious glance at Willow, who was doing a perfect impression of a guppy.

"It's okay Wills," Buffy assured her.

"How do you--?"

Buffy shrugged, "I'm intuitive that way." Unless it comes to my own life, she added to herself. "It's really no big deal."
Willow was blushing. "I just don't want anyone at work to know. . . I don't want to lose my business. I know some of those parents, some of them aren't as open minded as some. It's not that I want to live my life in the closet, but I just have to be careful. You understand?"

Buffy nodded vigorously, "I do, but at the same time, you have to do what's right for you."
Willow nodded, looking down. "I know."

"So if you wanted to take Tara out for dinner, no one has to be the wiser."

Willow grinned and took Tara's hand in hers, staring at the girl with complete love in her eyes. "Absolutely."

Tara beamed back at her and Buffy decided it was a good time to leave. "I'll be by in a couple hours. Thanks guys."

"Welcome Buffy. Take your time. If you uh, get held up just let us know. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink."
Buffy couldn't help but laugh at Willow's non subtlety and slipped out the door.

Arriving at the restaurant, Buffy's stomach chose that moment to be full of butterflies. Her throat suddenly felt dry and she was starting to ring her hands. Taking a deep breath, she made herself go inside. She stopped just in the doorway and looked around. She didn't see Spike anywhere, but that didn't mean anything. She went up to Andrew behind the bar.

"Hey, Andrew."

"Hi Buffy! How are you today?"

"I'm great, thanks. Is Spike here?"

Andrew broke out into a wide grin. "He's not. He's getting his poor heart mended."

"Excuse me?" Buffy asked, raising her eyebrows.

"Cordelia saw the error of her ways last night and took him home."

Buffy blinked, "excuse me?"

"Oh you know those two have had something going on for months now! Well, she finally saw the light last night and took him home to make him all better." Buffy swallowed, her throat drier than the Saharra. Her heart was thudding out of her chest and she suddenly felt as if she couldn't breathe.

"She took him home?" She chirped.

Andrew nodded vigorously. "Yep! I'm sure they're all better now."

Tears pricked her eyes and she stood there, still. She stared at a spot over the bar, fixated on it. Then, "I'm going to fucking kill him," came out her mouth.


Chapter Seventeen


"I warned Cordelia that you'd claw her eyes out for hurting him!" Andrew exclaimed. Then softened, "Buffy, it's okay. He's all right now. She's making amends now. That's all that matters."

All Buffy could do was stare at him speechless. She was still trying to wrap her mind around what Andrew was telling her, trying to make sense of it. Was it true? Had she been the butt of some cruel joke? How could Spike do that to her? No, he wouldn't—would he?

"Buffy there you are! Whew, thank God." Cordelia.

Buffy spun around and faced the woman that was ‘making amends' with HER Spike. "What the hell is going on? What happened to Spike last night?" Buffy demanded.

"He got drunk," Cordelia rolled her eyes, "or as he kept saying ‘pissed.'"

"I just told Buffy you took him home to make him all better.
She was not happy that you upset him Cordelia Chase!" Andrew butted in.

"Andrew, I love you to pieces, but shut up please," Buffy told him.

"Fine," Andrew pouted and scuttled off.


Buffy pointed at Cordelia, "you brought him home? Which home would that be exactly?"

Cordelia looked at her as if she'd grown three heads, "mine of course."

"You brought—what is going on?!"

"Would you stop screaming? You're going to scare everyone away."

"I don't care! I want to know what's going on Cordelia. What's all this stuff about you mending the heart you broke. . . Are you and. . . Are you and Spike. . . together?"

"As if! Not only would I never go out with him, but his heart belongs to another."

Buffy's lower lip trembled, "who?" She asked meekly.

"Don't you know?"

"I don't think I know much of anything anymore."

"Do you love him Buffy?"

"Yes," a tear trickled out.

Cordelia smiled broadly. "It's about friggen time!"

Buffy stared at her. "What?"

"How did it feel to know that he possibly could have been doing the deed with me last night? Be honest."

"It felt as if someone had reached in and ripped my heart out."

"Then you have an idea of what Spike felt like thinking you
and Angel did the deed last night. Which, did you?"

"Cordy!"

"I'm helping you here. Tell me."

Giving her a look, Buffy confessed. "No. I couldn't do it," she said in a small voice.

"Because?"

Buffy glared at her, "because I love him."

"And you didn't tell him that when he told you, did he?"

"Cordy, what are you? Dr. Phil?"

"For the record, I did tell him that springing it on you the way he did was way wrong. I've been pushing the boy for months to say something to you, and when does he decide to do it? Just before you decide to go ‘all the way' with Angel. Pity you didn't do it. I would have liked to know if I was missing something."

"You knew this whole time about Spike?" She needed to sit. Slumping into the bar stool, Buffy reached for a bottle. She didn't care what it was, she just needed to calm her up and down nerves.

"Of course I knew. I've known since High School. Pretty much everyone knew since then except for you two."

"Why didn't you give me a heads up at least?"

"Not for me to do. It had to be Spike."

Buffy swigged down something hard and strong. "Blech. You're right."

"I know," Cordy said on a sigh. "And I only took him home to my place last night—where he spent the night on the couch FULLY dressed—because I was hoping you'd come to your senses if you thought he and I were. . . intimate."

"I came to my senses before that thank you. I was ready to kill him!"

"You still can. For me. Drunk Spike. . . " She shuddered. "Let me just say that you need never worry about him being unfaithful. All I heard last night was how ‘bloody' wonderful you were and that kiss you shared—you did share a kiss didn't you?"

Buffy nodded, smiling. No, beaming.

"I have to say Buffy, I'm envious. I wish I had a guy that loved me as much as Spike loves you."

"You will, Cordy. Where is he now?"

"His home now. I sent him away. He's got a massive hangover and he doesn't plan on coming in today so if you wanted to drop by on your day off and nurse him back to health, I think he'd like that."

"He's not mad at me?" Buffy asked sheepishly.

"Mad? No. Scared? Yes. He's so afraid that you slept with Angel last night. I think his hangover will be relieved ten tons by knowing you didn't."

Buffy placed the bottle back on the counter and hugged Cordy. "Thanks for the help Cordy. And thank you for taking care of Spike."

"Yeah, it won't be happening again."
Buffy smiled and started for the door. "Hopefully not."

Making her way to Spike's apartment door, Buffy hesitated with her hand over the door. That would not help his head. Or his mood. Spike with a hungover was not pretty. She tried the door and it opened. She frowned. She'd have to talk to him about that.

"Spike?" She called out, trying not to be too loud.

No answer.

"Spike?"

"Buffy?"

"Yeah, it's me."

Suddenly Spike appeared before her in navy blue
sweatpants and no shirt. He looked a mess, but a cute mess.
HER mess. His hair was spiked in all different directions, he
looked exhausted and in pain. She couldn't stop herself from
going up to him and wrapping her arms around him.

"Buffy?" He asked softly.

She pulled back and ran a hand through his hair. She finally met his eyes and found him staring at her blankly. "What's going on? Am I dreaming?"

She shook her head. "Nope. I've come to take care of you."

He grimaced, "you heard."

She nodded.

He pushed her away then. "No. Don't you have things to do with Angel? Post morning bliss and all—"

"I didn't do it Spike. I didn't have sex with Angel."

He blinked. "Y—you didn't?"

She shook her head.

"Why?" He whispered.

"Because I love somebody else and I don't want to just have sex, I want to make love," she told him, using his words.

He shook his head as if he were in a fog. "Are you saying that--?"

"Yes."

"And you're not with—"

"No."

"And you're with--?"

"Yes. If you still want me."

"Want you? Are you kidding me? I've never wanted anything more." He grabbed her and pulled her against him, smothering her in a kiss that left her breathless. He pulled back and regarded her quizzically. "Why do you taste like whiskey?"

Buffy started to laugh.


Chapter Eighteen

Spike turned over on his side and immediately reached for Buffy. Only to find the spot she had been occupying in his bed empty. He shot up in bed.

"Buffy?" He called out. He hadn't dreamt that she had been there, had she? She had really come to him and said—well, in so many words—that she loved him, right? "Buffy!" He called out again, this time louder.

"Coming!" He heard her call back.

He grinned to himself, "not yet, but you will soon," he murmured and started to get out of bed.

"Nope, stay there. How's your head?" She came into the room carrying a tray of what appeared to be tea, coffee and Tylenol. He grinned at her and sat up against the headboard.

"Good kitten, I'm feeling much better. Got a little nervous when I woke up and you weren't here. Thought maybe I imagined the whole thing," he took his cup and looked up at her over the mug. He was nervous, waiting for a reply, a confirmation that she was still with him.

She smiled at him. "You didn't imagine it. I just had to call Willow and see if she could keep Nate just a little while longer. You slept forever."

He put his mug down and moved the tray out of his way, pulling Buffy to him. "Kiss. Lot of kissing time to make up." He curled his tongue behind his front teeth, "among other things."

Buffy rolled her eyes, "is this what Anya had to put up with?"

"You're kidding right?"
"Good point. She's just as bad."

"Tell me honestly pet. Were you jealous?"

"Of Anya?"

Spike nodded.

She cocked her head to the side thoughtfully. "Not at first. I was jealous in the way that maybe she'd take my best friend away from me."

"Never," he told her and began to nuzzle her neck.

"Then I was okay until I let her get to me and made me put distance between us—well, you know that part. Then I was really jealous when you told me how soon you had sex with her."

He pulled back, "I knew it!"

She gave him a withering look. "No you didn't."

He shrugged, "okay, I had an idea at least."

She smiled. "When did you know?"

"That I loved you?" He swept some hair away from her face and gazed at her adoringly. "Oh, I'd say I always knew on some level. I'd always put you up on some kind of pedestal, Buffy."

"You shouldn't do that. I'm human. And, I'm afraid of heights."

He grinned. "yeah, but up there I can see up your skirt."
She hit him on the chest playfully and he laughed, bringing her down for a kiss. "You saved me when I moved here. You were my first friend and you made me feel welcome and be welcomed. I never forgot that Buffy. And no, it wasn't just gratitude. You were always a bit of a mystery to me. When we were in high school, before your mum died—sorry pet—as close as we were, there was always a part of you that was held back. And it wasn't just from me, it was from everyone. I knew then that I wanted to be the one to know all your secrets, all the things that made you Buffy. I wanted the right to know everything and in that way, be YOUR everything, the way you were mine."
"That was beautiful, William," Buffy told him with a teary voice.
He smiled tenderly at her, "it's all true." And he leaned in and kissed her sweetly and gently, letting the passion between them build naturally.

She pulled back just as his hands started to wander up her shirt.

"Am I going too far?" He asked, trying to reign in his raging libido. He'd wanted her for so long it seemed and now that she was here, he just wanted. . . well, he just wanted to
make her his. Forever.

"No, well. . . I want to, I do. I just. . . Nate. I do have to see him at some point. I left him at Willow's for what was supposed to be a couple hours. Now it's turned into four. I really need to get him."

"I understand pet."

"Do you?"

"Bloody Hell woman! Of course I do. I'll come with you."

"You don't have to—"

"Hey now, none of that. We're a family, remember?"

She smiled. "I remember."

"Come on, let's go get the little guy."

Buffy filled Spike in on Tara and Willow on the way over and made him swear not to let on that he knew anything and to keep his big mouth shut. She laughed when he pouted at that. A second later, he reached over and took her hand in his and kissed the back of it, staring at her adoringly. She grinned back at him, feeling her heart thudding in her chest. She wasn't used to so much attention. She also wasn't used to feeling so much love coming from anyone before. It made her feel whole, something Buffy had never felt before. This time, she had the flash of them. She saw siblings for Nate, a big family with Thanksgiving dinner and tons of Christmas presents under a large tree.
Nate was thrilled to see them and after giving Buffy a big hug, he reached his little body over to Spike's for his hug from him. Spike automatically took the tot in his arms and beamed at him as Nate said "Spike, Spike."

"I don't think I ever actually heard him say my name before." If Buffy wasn't mistaken, Spike looked almost teary. "I think I need to buy him something now. Whaddya say Nate? How bout a shiny new bike?"

Buffy, Willow and Tara giggled. "He doesn't ride a bike yet, Spike," Buffy informed him.

"Well, I could get him one of those toy car things. Teach him
how to ride it around the yard."

Buffy shook her head and smiled at the girls. "He's got him wrapped. The kids going to have a car by the time he's ten."

"Hey, I heard that!"


The three of them spent the day together, having lunch, going to the park-swinging on swings, going down the slide,
and as promised, buying Nate a toy car. By the time dinner was over, Buffy was wiped.

"Pet, why don't you take a hot bath and relax. I'll put Nate down."

"Are you—"

He shot her a look.

"Right. Sorry. I have to get used to it."

"You better. When we have a house full of kids, I don't expect you to have to do everything," he told her absently as he cleaned up Nate's tray. Buffy stopped on her way to the bedroom and turned around to see a nervous Spike, apparently having just realized what he let slip.

She smiled, "I should hope not." And when she saw him visibly relax and beam at her, she walked away.

She went rummaging through her closet and drawers as soon as she entered the bedroom and shut the door behind her. She made sure to first flip on the faucet to the tub. She didn't want the fact that she was tired to stop her from being with Spike. If she did that, they'd never be together. She was a ‘mom' now, she was always going to be tired. But, taking a bath was a brilliant idea and just the idea rejuvenated her. Fishing around, she finally found a black silk nightie that was cut mid thigh and had lace all around its edges. She found a matching silk robe and a black thong. Rushing into the bathroom, she poured half a bottle of bubble bath in the tub and proceeded to find every bottle she could that smelt pretty and would make her skin the softest in the world.
She wasn't sure how long she was in there, but at some point Spike had called to her in the bathroom and let her know Nate was asleep. Lathering up with lotion and running a brush through her hair, she took a deep breath and made her way out of the bathroom. She gasped when she saw what Spike had been busy doing aside from getting Nate to sleep. He had lit the room with candles and put fresh flowers—no doubt picked from the neighboor's yard in a vase next to the
bed, and, for added measure, sprinkled the bed with petals.

Spike stood before her in black silk pajama bottoms. His jaw was on the floor.

"Spike it's beautiful in here."

" This? Luv, have you seen you? You're bloody perfect."

She felt a blush coming on. She stared at his naked chest, trying to look him in the eye. "You're pretty."

"Hey!"

"Right, not pretty. Handsome. Sexy. Better?"
He reached out and pulled her against him, letting her feel how better it was. He smothered her in a kiss that turned her knees to jelly and sent her body ablaze.

"I want to make love to you. Do you want to? I mean, are you too tired because if you are, I can just hold you—"

"Spike, I NEVER wear this. And I wouldn't wear it just because. I wore it for you. Because I want to."

He nodded and leaned in again. This time as he kissed her,
he scooped her in his arms and brought her to the bed, laying her down upon it. She gazed up at him, watched how the candles light lit up his skin in a kind of golden color. He looked like a God. She realized she must have spoken the though out loud because the sheer force of the adoration and love
shining in his eyes made her want to melt into the bed.

"Say it Buffy," he requested softly.

"I love you."

"Again."

"I love you."

"And you're mine? Forever?"

"Forever yours."

"And I'm forever yours."

She smiled broadly and pulled him down to her so that his body was flush against hers.

"I want to feel your skin," he muttered and began to move the robe off her shoulders, kissing each part of her skin became exposed. Running her hands through his hair, she took delight in his curls springing free. Sitting up, she helped him in discarding her nighty and Spike reverently ran his hand all over her silken body, taking delight in the goose bumps left in the wake of his hands. "So beautiful. Gorgeous. I love you, every part of you."

She started to feel a tad uncomfortable when he started for her panties.

"What is it?" He asked hoarsely.

"No one's ever. It's just that. . . "

He grinned, "don't worry, kitten. Make it good for you I will." And with that, he slid her thong down, leaning in and kissing her sex as he discarded her thong somewhere on the floor. He opened her legs for him, gliding his hands along her thighs, teasing her with his fingers. He flicked his tongue against her sweet spot and she gasped at the feeling. It felt so good!

"So tasty, pet," he groaned. "Like a sweet peach."

"More."

He chuckled and slowly slid a finger inside her as he ran his tongue up and down her slit before settling on the spot she wanted him to settle on so bad. As his tongue worked its magic and left her a trembling, quivering ball of satisfaction and need for MORE, she found herself becoming increasingly more and more jealous of Anya. When she came the second time in his mouth, she pulled lightly on his hair, wanting his body against hers, wanting him inside her, over her, all around her. As he kissed her and she could taste herself on his lips, she reached between them and lightly grasped his engorged manhood, guiding it to her entrance. He gazed at her, his eyes nearly black with lust and need as he slid inside. His eyes closed and he grunted before lavishing her face with kisses and nuzzling her neck.

"You fit inside me so perfectly," she whispered as she started to move under him, causing him to grunt and then groan.

"Was there ever any doubt we were made for each other,
luv?" He whispered back and began to thrust inside her.

She shook her head, feeling that familiar tingling feeling start in her belly. Spike leaned in and kissed the breath out of her as he moved.

"I love you," he gasped.

"I love you," she gasped back and soon they were crying out softly their release. Spike fell against her, wrapping her in his arms and pulling her against him as they lay, side by side, limbs entwined. He brushed her hair away from her face and gazed at her, a soft smile playing across his lips.

"You complete me," he told her.

She kissed him and then started to erupt in laughter.

"What's so funny?" He asked.

"Nothing if you're Dr. Evil and I'm Mini Me. ‘You complete me.'"

Spike started to laugh and then when she moved against him JUST RIGHT, he growled and toppled her, effectively stopping all laughter for at least an hour.

Epilogue

Epilogue

"Did you know this would happen one day?" Buffy asked Spike as he twirled her around the dance floor.

All of this time
Guess I must have been blind
Not to see you and me
We're picture perfect
Now baby we've been friends
For such a long, long time
We've been through lessons and we've been through cries
But lately have you seen
The way my tongue gets tied
Can't hardly speak when I look into your eyes
It's because of the way I'm feelin'
It's somethin' I never dreamed
And our love has a different meaning
It took so long to reveal but now I know that

He grinned at his bride and kissed her quickly. "Yeah, actually. When I started to figure out how much I loved you, I saw us together. Like a movie in my head you know? I saw us with a family. Did you ever think it would?"
She smiled, "I had the same kind of vision."
"Well, whaddya know?" And he leaned in to kiss his bride once more.

All of this time, guess I must have been blind
Not to see you and me we're picture perfect I'll be yours, be mine
We're picture perfect
Forever picture perfect


I showed some friends of mine
My favorite photograph
You know the one of you and me from way back
And when I told them all
That you were not my guy
They couldn't see it, couldn't understand why
Everyone thinks it's so romantic
They say we're two of a kind
And the more that I think about it
The more that I realize what I've been missing

Buffy glanced over to see Angel and Cordy talking and laughing. "I'm glad I was able play matchmaker as much as she was," Buffy told Spike gesturing towards the couple. "Plus, the girl was incredibly helpful as my maid of honor. She was my wedding planner practically."
He smiled fondly at the couple, "you know I don't mind him so much now."
Buffy rolled her eyes, "gee, I wonder why."
Spike chuckled, "because I got the girl."
"You always had the girl. The girl was just being dumb."
His eyes took on a tender glow and he held her tighter against him. "Seems Willow and Tara are happy too."
"They are. Willow wants to get married next year."
Spike shook his head. "You just get the scoop all the time, don't you?"


All of this time, guess I must have been blind
Not to see you and me we're picture perfect
I'll be yours, be mine
We're picture perfect
Forever picture perfect

My heart keeps tellin' me
Make up your mind about whatcha mean
You've been holding back for too long
You know it makes good sense
Best of lovers are the best of friends

"Did I tell you that I saw Anya the other day?" Spike told her.
Buffy froze. "Oh?"
"Nothing bad sweetheart. She asked me how everything was. I told her that you and I were getting married today. She said, and I quote ‘it's about friggen time!'."
Buffy's eyes widened. "Really?"
Spike nodded. "She's getting married. She met some bloke when she decided not to come to my restaurant anymore. His name is Xander Harris and he's an architect. She seems pretty happy."
"I'm happy for her. But I'm happier for me."
"Me too."

I guess we should have known all along
Everyone thinks it's so romantic
They say we're two of a kind
And the more that I think about it
The more that I realize what I've been missing

It was at that moment that Nate decided to sprint across the room and tug on Buffy's dress. "Auntie!" He called to her and held up his arms.
Spike and Buff started to laugh and Spike leaned over and tossed the toddler up and placed him on his hip as he brought Buffy back into his arms with one arm. Nate giggled and leaned over to receive a kiss from Buffy. He then wrapped his arms around Spike's neck and they continued their dance.
"Remember that family you saw?" Buffy asked Spike softly.
He smiled dreamily and nodded. "It's right here ain't it."
"Part of it is," she took his hand and placed it over her belly. "The rest is in here."
Spike's face change from one of shock, with his jaw dropping, to sheer and ecstatic joy as he let out a whoop and hugged Spike and Buffy to him.


Faith smiled down upon the heart-warming scene and looked over at her Joyce who hugged her.
"Good job," Joyce told her.
"Thanks. I always knew I had it in me."
Joyce grinned, "they just needed a little ‘faith' huh?"
"With one part fate and one part family."
Joyce and Faith grinned at each other before turning back to watch the happy couple—plus one—celebrate their wedding day.


All of this time, guess I must have been blind
Not to see you and me we're picture perfect
I'll be yours, be mine
We're picture perfect
Forever picture perfect


** Thank you to all my reviewers!! You guys were great and it was so much fun to share this with you. I hope this story was fun for you to read as it was for me to write! :)
**Lyrics by Angela Via (thank you Beth)