Chapter 1-
It was Christmas time in good ole Sunnydale, and Buffy was out shopping at the last minute. The slaying was light tonight, which was all right with her. She’d been slaying nonstop for the past few nights and just needed break from it all. Spike hadn’t been around lately and that was fine with the slayer. It was just too much complication in her life she’d rather not deal with, although she did wondered what he was up to.

With Giles, Tara and Willow out of the way, Buffy still needed to get gifts for Xander, Anya and her sister. She was thinking about getting something for Spike, but decided against it. She didn’t want him thinking there was more between them, than there already was.

There were quite a few last minute shoppers; Buffy realized as she window shopped. Some of them even had their children along with them. The parents wanted to shop, but the kids had other ideas. They pulled their parents down the commons in the direction of Santa Claus. The kids wanted to make sure that Santa knew what they wanted for Christmas.

Watching the children hurry down to see Santa had brought back memories from when she was a child and it made her a little misty eye. Buffy envied those kids. They didn’t have a care in the world. They relied on their parents for everything. Now it seemed like Buffy was the parent, a parent with the weight of the world on her shoulders. She sighed as she continued her shopping. Some day there would be a time where she didn’t have to worry about the citizen of Sunnydale.

As she walked by the Limited, Buffy spotted a sweater set her sister had been bugging her about for months, but the price was always too high. It was pink silk spaghetti strapped top and the sweater was pink and fuzzy. If she wasn’t buying this for her sister, she might think about getting it herself.

“Should I??” She asked to no one in particular as she looked at the price, which was marked down. “Dawn has been bugging me about it for months…why not. I could always borrow from her.”

A customer was inching close the item, and Buffy decided she couldn’t let that happen. She hurried inside at slayer speed, snatched up the set, and by the time the customer realized it, Buffy purchased it. She walked passed the customer with a smile on her face. The lady scoffed and continued pursing the store.

“One down, two to go…” Buffy whispered, stepping out of the store.

Xander and Anya were still left on her list, and she didn’t have any idea what to get them. Anya always wanted big expensive gifts at Christmas time, which Buffy could never afford. It didn’t matter what Buffy bought, Anya would always find fault with it. Xander didn’t really care much what Buffy got them, he would like it no matter what. It was the thought the counted.

Acrossed the way was a glass shop, and Buffy headed towards it. Prior to entering the store, she checked out window display. Immediately she spotted vase with white etching on it, in a shape of a rose. The price was reasonable and she knew that was the gift for Xander and Anya. She went inside to purchase it before anyone else had a chance to take it away.
Now that Buffy was finished with her shopping, she decided to go home. She had gifts to wrap, and tonight was the only night to do it, since everyone was out for the evening. When she stepped out of the store, she heard Santa ho-ho-hoing for the little kids.

Feeling like a little kid again, she headed off in the direction of Santa. As she arrived, the rest of the children and their parents were leaving. It was just Santa and Buffy.

“Ho-ho-ho, little girl…” The jolly old man said. “Come sit on Santa’s lap.” He patted his red suit.

Suddenly feeling shy, Buffy began to walk away.

“Oh don’t be shy little girl. Tell Santa what you want for Christmas.”

Buffy debated whether or not she should do this. When no one else was around, she hopped on Santa’s lap, feeling it like a little child.

“Tell Santa what you want for Christmas.” he said again.

That was a good question. What did Buffy want for Christmas??

“I don’t know. No one ever asks me what I want,” Buffy said, sadly.

“Have you been naughty or nice, little girl?”

Taking a deep breath, Buffy said in a child-like voice, “I’ve been a little bad.”

“What have you done?” Santa asked curiously.

What could Buffy say? She lied to her friends for months about being ripped from heaven, where she was happy and loved. She lied about turning to Spike for solace, and ended up getting more than she bargained for with him. She realized she had feelings for him, and turned him away. It hurt her more than she realized, although she’d never admit to those feelings.

Santa waited patiently for her to continue.

“I hurt someone I care for deeply…I pushed him away, Santa.”

The tears began to well up in Buffy’s eyes, but she quickly whipped them away.

“Aww, I’m sure he’s forgiven you by now, honey,” Santa replied sympathetically.

Looking away from Santa, she responded, “He hasn’t been around, so I wouldn’t know.”

“Go to him, and tell him how you feel, honey.” smiled Santa. “I think he’ll understand.”

“I’ve hurt him way to many times. I don’t think he’ll be as understanding as you think!”

Santa replied, “If he loves, he’ll understand.”

Hugging Santa, Buffy said, “Thank you. Surprisingly this little talk has helped me.”

“That’s what Santa’s here for.”

Buffy hopped off his lap, picked up her bags, and said, “Thanks again, Santa.”

He smiled jovially in response as she walked away. “Merry Christmas, little girl.”

TBC

Chapter 2-
After Buffy had wrapped the gifts, she placed them under the tree, and watched a movie while she had her dinner. A half hour into the movie, Buffy couldn’t stop thinking about what Santa had said to her.

“Could I be honest with him?” She asked herself.

Shaking her head at that thought, Buffy took the dishes into the kitchen, and pushed the idea out of her mind.

“Oh great,” Buffy said as she noticed the dirty dishes. “Couldn’t they do their own dishes before they left?” She asked, standing by the sink.

“Guess not,” She said, picking up a dirty dish. “Ewww” She groaned at the thought of doing these dishes. After she washed the dishes, she left them in the strainer to dry. Someone else could put them away in the morning.

She then headed upstairs to her bedroom, changed into her pj’s, and laid down in bed and fell fast asleep. Santa had invaded her dreams that night. He told her to trust in Spike’s love and be honest with him. The last thing Santa had said to Buffy was, “Communication is most important in any relationship. Now don’t for get that little girl.”

At that instant, Buffy woke up, realizing Santa was right. “He was right. Santa was right.” She pushed the blanket off of her, and rose out of bed. “I owe Spike a Christmas present.”

Spike loved her so much; he endured whatever punishment Buffy gave out, only because she couldn’t handle facing the truth. The truth was, Buffy always felt something deep down for Spike, but was too scared to admit to it, fearing he’d leave her like Angel did. She couldn’t open herself up for that much pain again. Spike was always patient and understanding. He knew where the pain came from. After all, he was with Dru for a century.

Rising out of bed, Buffy quickly dressed into her jeans and blouse she had on before, and headed off to Spike’s crypt. In her heart, she knew it was the right thing to do. This was what she really and truly wanted for Christmas.

When she arrived at the crypt, Buffy hadn’t sensed him anywhere near, but went in anyway. She couldn’t run now because this was something she needed to do, not only for him, but for herself as well.

Buffy called out to him several times, but there was no answer. She climbed down the latter to the lower level. The room was lit in a soft glow from the candle light. It had a romantic feeling to it. Spike couldn’t have known Buffy was going to visit him tonight, could he?

Looking around the bed chamber, Buffy noticed something lying on the bed. It was red, white and fury. Curiously, she moved closer to the bed to get a better look. She realized what it was. Things were starting to make a little sense now. She could have saved herself this moment of stupidity.

“How can I be so stupid?” She asked herself and turned to leave.

Spike came from the sewers just in time to see her go up the ladder. He looked at the suit he’d left on the bed and put two and two together.

“Ah, bloody hell!” He rolled his eyes. “Buffy, wait…”

Hurrying up the ladder, Spike stopped Buffy from leaving by grabbing her arm and pulling her close to his body.

“What?” She turned, looking at him, hurt and anger evident in her voice.

With her other hand, she reached for stashed stake in the back of her jeans. If he pissed her off to much, she may just end her torment right here by staking him.

“Where are you going, slayer?”

“Home! Not let me go.” She tried wrenching her arm away.

“Let me explain!”

“There’s no need to explain. Not let me go!” She finally wrenched her arm away and headed for the door.

“Give me 5 minutes to explain.”

Buffy stopped, whipping around, glaring at him. “Explain what? You lied to me.” She snapped out. First, Buffy didn’t care, and now she’s jealous.

“Women,” Spike ground out as he rolled his eyes. “Just let me explain and then you’ll understand my reasons.”

What the hell is her problem?

“Alright 5 minutes, and when your 5 minutes are up, I’m going home.” she crossed her arms of her chest, waiting.

Pacing back and forth Spike thought carefully as to what he was going to say to her.

“I needed a job…”

“You work…” she laughed sarcastically. “I find that hard to believe.”

Cocking his head to one side, Spike raised his scarred eyebrow at her. That look did it to her every time. She was putty in his hand and he knew it. “I didn’t want to tell you like this. I wanted to give you something special for Christmas.”

He got me something anyway? After everything I’ve done to him?

“OH hell, I’ll just show you why I needed the god damn job. It was to pay for this…” He pulled something out of his pocket, and handed it to her He was a little flustered since she found out his secret.

Buffy’s eyes went wide starring at the present. Only one thought had crossed her mind even that scared her more than telling him the truth.

TBC

Chapter 3-

Spike had begun pacing back and forth once again, anxiously waiting for her to speak. Other than his mother, he’d never done anything like this, not even for Drusilla. When she didn’t say anything for the longest moment, he began to wish he’d never done anything like this before.

“What’s this for?” she asked snidely, waving it in his face.

It startled him for a moment and he didn’t answer her question when she asked it. She repeated the question once again for him.

“What’s this for Spike?”

“What does it look like?” he practically growled as his eyes went amber and then back to blue.

Buffy stepped eased her way closer to the door, but didn’t leave yet. She was shocked that Spike would give her this type of gift. She wasn’t ready for that kind of step in their relationship, when the only thing she was ready for was admitting how she truly felt. She wished now, she would have home. This was too much, too soon.

Spike was so upset with her at that moment, he felt like returning the gift. Obviously this was the wrong time to eve give it to her. She wasn’t ready for it, he thought ruefully.

When she didn’t answer him, he said, “Just give back to me, and I’ll return it.”

Not knowing what to really do, Buffy handed the box back to him, and he looked it over as he shook his head. It was a beautiful plain platinum sliver promise ring, but she had believed it was an engagement ring. If only she really knew the real meaning behind it.

The ring represented anew. He wanted a clean break from their old relationship and to start fresh with a new relationship based on faith, love, trust, and communication. Right now, he didn’t believe she was capable of allowing herself to feel something more for him.

“It’s called Heart of Platinum.” He snapped the box shut and placed it into his pocket.

“What does that mean?” She asked, slowly.

“Just leave. I’m not in any kind of mood to deal with you tonight.” He turned and headed back down the latter and Buffy followed a few moments later.

“Wait,” she stepped down off the latter.

Grabbing his duster off the bed, Spike began leaving through the sewers, but stopped when she called out to him. He never once turned around to face her.

“What!” Hurt evident in his voice.

The thoughts were swimming in her head, but the words wouldn’t come out her mouth. She was afraid to say them now, because then it would mean that this would be real. In all honesty, she wasn’t prepared for any of this, especially falling in love with him. If only she could tell him the truth, things might be different.

Something was bothering him since Buffy had her “talk with Santa” earlier in the day. How could she be honest with “Santa” and not with him?? He had to ask?

“Tell me something, how could you tell “Santa” those things and not be able to be honest with me?”

He still had no turned around.

“I…I…” She drifted off momentarily, anger evident in her face. “Well, how was I supposed to know it was you?”

Even Buffy knew that was lame, but it was said now and there was nothing she could do about it now.

“Typical!” Spike scoffed as he turned around. “Why can’t you just be honest with me?” He asked gesturing to his self.

Spike’s voice was soft and gentle and Buffy moved closer, but he held up his hand, halting her.

“Spike, I…I…” Buffy stopped when Spike interrupted her.

“Look, you don’t have to say anymore.”

He didn’t even give her a chance to say anymore as he turned on his heels, and headed off into the sewers. Buffy hurried after him, but with the many tunnels like mazes, he was long gone. She couldn’t sense him any longer. Tears were welding up in her eyes. She’d failed to tell him those three little words.

“I love you…” She said in a half whisper.

Why do the words come to her now? She wondered.

“Why?”

Buffy stood there for several moments. Her heart was breaking into tiny pieces and she knew she could have prevented that, but she didn’t and now she lost the man she loved. She walked back to her home feeling lonelier than she ever felt.

*******
It was Christmas night and both Buffy and Dawn were getting worried, but only Dawn who was vocal about her worries. She decided she wanted to wait to open presents, hoping that Spike would drop by later, everyone but Xander agreed. Willow and Tara went into the kitchen make a special dinner. While the witches were in the kitchen, Xander, Anya, Giles and Dawn were watching a Christmas movie. Buffy leaned against the door, watching on. She was all dressed up with no one really to impress. She sighed a little too loudly, alerting Giles that something was wrong.

He glanced over at her and noticed the sadness evident on her face and he could tell she had something on her mind. He rose from the sofa and headed over to her.

“A penny for your thoughts…” He asked soothingly as he placed a hand on her shoulder.

Looking up at her watcher, Buffy smiled and replied, “Just a little restless is all.”

Giles assumed that she was thinking that this was the first Christmas without Joyce.

“I understand completely, Buffy,” He held close her like she was his own daughter.

Buffy stiffed a bit in his arms when she thought he knew about her and Spike.

“You do?” She asked strangely.

“You’re mother was a wonderful person,” Giles said, remembering Joyce fondly.

“Yeah, she was wonderful person.”

Thinking about Joyce made Buffy tear up and she stepped back from Giles and he whipped her tears away.

“Why don’t you go for a patrol? We’ll be here when you get back.”

It was just what Buffy was thinking and while she was there, she’d check Spike crypt.

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that,” She hugged Giles. “Tell everyone I’ll be back.”

“Will do,” He said, as he watched her grab a stake and flashlight from the table drawer by the door and headed out.

****
Patrolling relieved some of the tension, but Buffy still frustrated. She even let a few fledglings get away and she didn’t feel like going after them tonight, though she knew she should have.

Before leaving the cemetery, Buffy went headed for Spike’s crypt. When she arrived at the door, her senses were telling her he wasn’t there, but she still had to know.

“Hello,” She called out as she opened the door.

There was no answer, and she pulled out her flashlight, flipping it on. She quickly looked all around, and even down the sewers corridors, but still there wasn’t a trace of him. When she returned to the bed chamber, she spotted the Santa suit was missing, and wondered when he’d he had come back.

Determined to find him, Buffy decided to stop by some Willys. She wanted to make things right with him and headed off to look for Spike.

Willy hadn’t seen Spike in several days, so that was a dead end, although she felt better after kicking Willy’s butt. Buffy even went to Clem’s apartment as a last ditch effort, but he said he hadn’t seen Spike in a few days, but she suspected he was lying. He was really nervous and he wouldn’t look her in the eye. She wasn’t in the mood to scare him into telling the truth.

There was only one other place to look for him and that was at the mall. When she arrived, Buffy went to the spot in the mall where she’d last seen him, but there was another Santa on duty. The Santa said that Spike stopped by earlier to pick up his last check, but hadn’t seen him since.

Defeated, Buffy headed on home.

*****
Everyone one had eaten dinner and was just about the sit down in the family room to open gifts when Buffy had arrived. She removed her coat and quietly slipped in, sitting next to Tara.
“Is everything ok?” Tara asked considerately as she smiled wanly.

“No…no, not really, but I’ll be ok.” Tears had weld up in her eyes, but she dared not cry in front of everyone else.

Out of all Buffy’s friends, Tara was the only one that knew about Spike and Buffy. Even when Buffy had tried hiding her feelings, Tara knew that there was much more going on between them, but didn’t let on she knew. She wrapped her arm around Buffy, and smiled.

“It’ll be ok.”

Laying her head on her friends shoulder, Buffy watched as her little sister enjoyed Christmas. When Dawn got to Buffy presents, she ripped through it, and pulled out the sweater.

“Oh Buffy, you remember!” Dawn jumped up, and hugged Buffy. “Thank you! Thank you! I love it.”

Smiling, Buffy said, “You’ll have to let me borrow it sometime.”

“Yeah right!” Dawn scoffed as she sat back down on the floor. She was beginning to think Spike wouldn’t show up, but decided that she was going to make the best of it.

Giles handed Buffy a present, and she opened hers. He’d given her a gold locket with a picture with her mother’s picture on one side and a picture of Buffy and Dawn on the other.

“Oh thank you, Giles. It’s lovely.” She leaped up, hugging him. “It’s beautiful. Thank you!”

“It was my pleasure.”

Xander and Anya, Giles and Willow and Tara all liked their gift as well and Buffy loved all the gifts she was given.

“Thank you guys, I really liked everything,” Buffy said just as the door bell rang. “I’ll get that.” She headed into the foyer, looked out the window and to her surprise it was Santa. “Santa’s here.” She yelled into the other room as she opened the door with a big smile on her face.

“Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas,” said Santa as he walked inside, carrying a big red bag. “Santa’s brought you all gifts.” He said, entering in the family room.

All heads turned towards Santa as he stood in the middle of the room. Only Dawn and Buffy seemed to know who was under that big red suit. Buffy stepped back and gave Santa a once over, wondering how she never really noticed it was Spike the first time she’d seen him in the mall.

“Santa,” Dawn jumped up when she heard that familiar English accent. “What did you bring me?” She hugged him, excitedly. “I’m glad that you came back,” she whispered into his ear before stepping back.

“Me too, nibblet,” said Santa Spike as he looked over at Buffy, who still had a smile on her face.

He and Buffy stared at each other before Xander said, “OH come on. Quit goofing around, Santa. I want my present now!”

Rolling his eyes, Santa Spike fished into the bag and brought out a small box and handed it to Dawn. She ripped through the wrapping of the small box and opened the lid to reveal the most beautiful pair of pearl earrings.

“Oh the earrings are so beautiful. Thank you Santa,” she kissed him on the cheek.

Rushing up the stairs, Dawn headed into the bathroom to try the earrings on, and hurried right back downstairs to show off her new present.

“Santa, you shouldn’t have,” Buffy replied a few moments later.

“But…But…” Dawn trailed off.

“They are to grown up for you,” retorted the slayer, “not to mention to expensive for a little girl.”

Dawn crossed her arms over her chest, pouting. She really loved the pearls and more importantly they were from Spike, which meant more to her than Buffy realized.

“Buffy, you never let me have nice things like that,” Dawn pouted as she began to remove the earrings.

Santa Spike stopped Dawn from taking the earrings out them. “Keep them in.”

“We appreciate the generous gift, but they are going back,” Buffy said sternly.

“Bloody hell, woman, let her have the pearls,” Spike said, irritated.

Everyone looked at Buffy questioningly. She thought it over for a few moments and answered all the prying eyes, “Oh all right. You can have the earrings.”

“Oh thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

Dawn excitedly hugged her sister.

“You’re welcome, Dawn.” Buffy smiled.

Then Santa Spike handed a gift to Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara and even Giles. Santa had given Xander a shirt, Anya money, which she was more ecstatic than anyone else’s gift, Willow and Tara an ancient magic book, and Giles antique relic. Everyone thanked Santa Spike.

“Now the best gift for last.” Santa Spike pulled Buffy into the foyer, and then closed the French doors. He removed the Santa suit. He was wearing nice black slacks and white dress suit. Buffy smiled as she quickly checked him out. He looks very scrumptious, Buffy thought.

“I like this look on you,” said Buffy, still smiling.

“Thank ya, love!”

Spike removed a small box from pocked and handed it over to Buffy. It was wrapped in fine Christmas paper and a little bow placed atop it. “You still want it, it’s yours.”

“Of course, I still want it.” She ripped the paper off and flipped the box open. The promise ring was still as beautiful as it was the first time she’d seen it.

“I want to start new with us, Buffy. I even want people to know about us. I want our relationship to mean something. Is that possible?”

“Spike, I came to you that night to tell you how I felt. I was scared to say it. Scared most of that you’d leave me...”

“Like Angel?? He’s bloody idiot, love. He’s kicking himself everyday for leaving you, but there’s a big difference between him and I, I’m always gonna be here for you no matter! I’d never leave you.”

He held her hands in his.

“Truthfully, all I really wanted was you for Christmas,” She said seriously, “but jewelry is just as good.” She laughed as he placed the ring on her right finger.

“I promise to always love you and never leave you!”

“And I promise to always be honest with you. I will always love you no matter what!”

Raising his scarred eyebrow, Spike leaned in, saying, “Say that again. I didn’t quite hear that.”

“I love you!”

Buffy was so nervous saying those three little words, but it felt good, it felt right.

Hearing Buffy say ‘I love you’ was music to his ears, but it was a little strange coming from her. He was going to make sure she said it and often.

A few moments later, Spike said, jokingly, “Finally.” He laughed. “Seriously, love, I’m glad that you finally said it. Feels good dun it?”

“Very!” She snaked her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her.

They hadn’t noticed Dawn had opened the French doors and that they had an audience until Dawn yelled out, “KISS HIM!”

Buffy and Spike were a little embarrassed, but obliged Dawn, and kissed each other. It was real. It was passionate, and filled with love.

Dawn had always suspected that there was something between Buffy and Spike, but didn’t let on that she knew. Giles, Xander, and Willow were totally surprised.

“I knew it all along,” Anya gloated.

“You did not,” Dawn said. “I did!”

“It doesn’t matter, does it?” Tara said.

“How long?” Xander and Giles demanded irritated. “And why didn’t we know about this?” Giles asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Tara said once again. “It’s not our place to say what’s right or wrong. Let them be happy…They are in love” She closed the French doors just as Giles and Xander began protesting. Willow was still in shock and Tara helped her to the sofa. Anya and Dawn were discussing the times they suspected Buffy and Spike were together.
*********
Spike and Buffy stopped when she needed to breathe.

“Let’s go upstairs,” she said, catching her breath.

Without further word, Spike gathered her in his arms, rushed upstairs with Buffy giggling all the way.

It was going to be a new year for Buffy and Spike and they weren’t going to let anyone or anything come between them.

THE END