A/N I've been debating all day whether I wanted to post this story here or just on my LJ, but I (obviously) decided to go ahead and do it because I'm proud of it, so I hope you like it :-)



Chapter 1 – Getting to Know You


“Spike!”

Throwing his books into the backseat of his car, the man turned around to face the young woman who was jogging toward him.

“Yeah, Red?” Spike replied, looking at Willow in confusion as she caught up to him and immediately began fidgeting nervously as she looked at him.

He watched her closely as she wrung her hands together, shifting on her
feet. “Do you know my roommate, Buffy Summers?”

Spike raised an eyebrow. Of course he knew her. He’d be blind if he’d never
noticed the beautiful blonde. “Yeah, I know her…any particular reason why
you’re asking me?”

“Can you…well, you see…”

“Spit it out, Red,” Spike said with a smirk.

“I think she’s in trouble.”

Spike tilted his head, his smirk slowly fading as he looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean by ‘trouble’?”

“I promised I wouldn’t say anything…”

“So you don’t think she’s in trouble, you know it, since there’s something
that you shouldn’t be saying?”

Willow looked away feeling guilty. “Do you think you could…maybe…get to
know her?”

“Get to know her?” Spike repeated. “I’ve never even talked to her before.”

“Please,” Willow begged. “If she starts to trust you, maybe she can open up
and you can help her.”

“What do you suggest?”

“She’s going to be in the dorm tonight,” Willow said, already having a plan
formed. “I need you to stop by to ‘borrow a book’. I won’t be there right
away, and you and Buffy can talk. That’ll at least open the door.”

Spike seemed to think about it for a moment. “I’d feel better about this if
I knew what was going on.”

“I know…but I made a promise and I have to keep it. Trust me. It won’t be
too hard to figure out.”

Spike nodded. “Alright, Red, what time do you want me there?”

* * * * *

Spike knocked on the door of the dorm room later that night, nervously
running his hands along his jeans.

‘Bloody hell, you wanker,’ Spike thought. ‘You’re acting like you’ve never
been to a chit’s room before.’

The door was opened to reveal the woman that he had been lusting after for
over a year. She looked comfortable in a blue jeans and a long-sleeved
black shirt, her long honey blonde hair pulled into a high ponytail and her
face without a hint of make-up. Spike’s breath caught in his throat as she
looked at him in confusion.

“Spike?”

Spike quickly snapped out of his daze when she spoke his name.

“It is Spike, right?”

“Yeah,” he replied, finally finding his voice. “Uhh…yeah…is Willow here?”

“Umm…she went out. She should be back in about an hour.”

Spike made a show of looking around before meeting her eyes again. “Do you
mind if I wait? I’m supposed to borrow a book from her, and by the time I
make it back to the house, I’d just have to turn around and come back.”

Buffy seemed to hesitate, but her defenses finally melted when he flashed a
genuine smile. “Sure,” she said with a smile of her own, stepping out of
the way so he could enter.

“Thanks, pet,” he said with a grin.

Taking a seat on the desk chair, he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable by sitting on one of the beds, Spike watched her as she shut the door and walked passed him.

“You and Willow have a class together?” Buffy asked, sitting on her bed,
across from him, and curling a leg underneath her body.

“Psychology,” Spike said with a nod.

“Your major?” she asked.

“How’d you know?”

Buffy shrugged. “I guess you just have that look to you.”

Spike looked down at the black leather duster, jeans, shirt, and boots
before looking back at her with a smirk and raised his eyebrow.

Blushing with a sheepish smile on her face, Buffy shrugged. “I didn’t mean the
physical look,” she clarified. “Something about your eyes.”

It was Spike’s turn to blush, and he quickly dropped his gaze so she wouldn’t see, trying to maintain his ‘Big Bad’ image. Looking around the room, his eyes caught the picture on the desk of Buffy wrapped up in another man’s arms. He recognized the man and glowered at the picture for a moment before turning to look at the young woman.

“Boyfriend?” he asked, tilting his head toward the picture.

Buffy became noticeably tense as she looked away. “Yeah,” she said quietly,
biting her lower lip.

Spike narrowed his eyes, carefully studying her reaction. “I know him,”
he said softly, testing the waters. “He’s in the Zeta Kappa’s, am I right?”

Buffy swallowed before nodding.

“I think I’ve seen you at some of their parties,” he continued.

“You’re not in that house,” she said in confusion.

“No, I’m with the Sigma’s,” Spike replied.

Buffy nodded as Spike’s gaze studied her carefully. “Parker?”

He watched as Buffy jumped and her eyes snapped up to his. “Um…yeah…yeah,
Parker Abrams.”

Spike’s expression darkened when he realized that Willow said it wouldn’t be
too hard to figure out. “How long have you been together?” he asked.

“About a year,” she said quietly.

“Really? I haven’t seen you with him.”

“I’ve only been to a couple of parties,” Buffy replied. “I’m not big with the frat life.”

Spike highly doubted that. This girl seemed to breathe life into anything
she came close to, and that environment seemed exactly what she would be
involved with.

Watching her with interest as Buffy picked at an invisible thread on her comforter, it was obvious that she was uncomfortable with the conversation, and he took pity on her.

“What’s your major, luv?”

Buffy visibly relaxed as she looked into his eyes again. “Photography,” she
said with a smile, making it obvious how much she loved her choice.

“Paparazzi?” Spike asked with a smile as Buffy laughed, causing his heart to
swell at the sound.

“No,” she said with a shake of her head.

“Hmm.” Spike put his hand to his chin in a thoughtful pose. “Fashion?”

Buffy giggled again. “No.”

Snapping his fingers, Spike continued, “I’ve got it. Taking landscape
pictures for calendars.”

“You suck at this,” she teased.

“I know, you better tell me because my next guess is that you’re going to
dress up dogs in little outfits and take their pictures for greeting cards.”

Buffy laughed again. “I want to open my own studio,” she said with a smile.

Spike nodded. “I would have gotten around to that eventually,” he replied.

“Sure,” she said sarcastically.

Both sat in comfortable silence for a moment before he spoke again. “No
plans tonight?” he asked.

“I don’t think so,” she said softly, earning an odd look from Spike. “I-I just
mean, Parker might stop by later.”

The nervousness crept into her voice again, and Spike merely nodded, allowing
the subject to be dropped. He was about to speak again when the door opened
and a bubbly redhead walked in.

“Hey, Buff! Oh, Spike, I’m so sorry I’m late,” she said with seemingly
genuine regret. “I hope you didn’t wait long.”

“No,” Spike said, standing up. “Not long at all.”

“I’m sure Buffy was good company,” Willow said, exchanging a smile with her
friend.

“Yes, she was,” Spike agreed, giving Buffy a soft smile and letting it
broaden when she blushed and looked away.

Everyone turned as a knock sounded on the door. Willow, being closest,
opened it, and Spike could see her expression darken. “I didn’t know you
were coming by,” she said, not bothering to offer a greeting.

“I’m supposed to pick up Buffy.”

Spike turned to look at the blonde. Seeing that her face had visibly paled, he
took a step toward her, freezing when she backed away.

“I’m ready, Parker,” Buffy said, grabbing a coat and giving Spike a soft
smile as she walked toward the door.

Spike stepped closer to Willow, seeing Parker’s eyes fall on him.

“Abrams,” Spike said in a curt greeting.

Parker’s eyes fell on the bleached blonde and a glare overtook his face.
“Spike,” he replied with a slight nod before turning his gaze to Buffy.

“Let’s go.”

Buffy nodded, waving a quick good-bye before leaving the room.

Spike turned to Willow as the door closed behind them.

“Did you get to talk to her?” she asked worriedly.

“She tensed up whenever that wanker's name came up.”

Willow nodded in agreement.

“What has she told you, Red?” Spike asked in a tone that brooked no
argument.

“That he hit her once,” Willow said in a soft voice, obviously distressed at
betraying her friend’s confidence.

“And you don’t think she’s telling the truth?”

“I walked in when she was changing a week ago…her back was completely black and blue,” she said softly. “And she’s been wearing long sleeves a lot more and there’s…there’s been other times that I’ve noticed she’s not telling me everything.”

Spike’s eyes clouded over in anger and his fists and jaw clenched.

“She’s not going to allow anyone to help her…she doesn’t think she needs any
help.”

“I guess we’ll have to change her mind then, won’t we?”

Chapter 2 – Judgments


“What do you blokes know about Parker Abrams?” Spike asked later that night as he sat with his friends in the frat house’s living room.

Angel O’Shea tore his eyes away from the TV, watching his friend carefully. “Not exactly the brightest guy of the bunch. Why do you want to know?”

“I ran into him today,” Spike said. “He doesn’t exactly give the best vibe.”

“He’s never been real interested in talking to anyone,” Angel said. “Unless it’s women whose legs he can get between.”

“Ever heard of him being violent?” Spike broached the subject, taking a swallow of his beer.

This got the attention of the other men in the room. Riley Finn, Charles Gunn, and Angel all watched him carefully as Spike stared at the television.

“Violent?” Riley asked. “He’s gotten into a few fights, but I don’t know much about him.”

“Is there a particular reason you’re bringing this up?” Gunn asked.

Spike took a deep breath, silently editing some of the story before speaking. “Alright, I’ll be straight with you. A girl I know stopped me after class today and asked me to watch out for a friend of hers.”

“Why you?” Angel asked.

“Didn’t really get into that, she’s just worried about her friend,” Spike said with a shrug.

“I’m taking a wild guess that this friend is seeing Abrams,” Riley said.

Spike nodded, feeling his stomach clench at the idea that she was out with him right now, possibly in pain.

“Buffy Summers.”

Spike’s eyes snapped over to Angel as he said the name of the object of his thoughts. “How’d you-”

“She knows Faith,” Angel replied, mentioning his girlfriend.

Spike took a deep breath. “You didn’t hear it from me,” he said quietly. “And please don’t tell anyone. I think it’s only her roommate that knows anything, and I don’t want her mad at me for spreading it around.”

“Isn’t that the girl Spike has a thing for?” Gunn asked, looking around the room.

Glances were exchanged, but no one spoke up.

“And you’re telling me that this chick is in trouble, but you haven’t gone over to his place with guns blazing?” Gunn asked Spike.

“Believe me, the thought crossed my mind,” Spike replied. “But I don’t think she even knows if she wants to get out of the relationship, and if I do something to the wanker…what if he takes it out on her?”

* * * * *

Buffy quietly let herself into the dorm room, hoping that she wouldn’t wake up her sleeping friend. Quietly closing the door behind her, she slowly made her way across the room.

“Buffy?”

“It’s me, Wills,” she whispered, opening one of her drawers. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I was awake,” Willow replied, sitting up and switching on the lamp next to her bed. The room flooded with a soft light, and Willow studied the other girl.

Walking around the room, Buffy could feel Willow’s eyes on her with every step she took, but she refused to meet her gaze. She finished collecting her pajamas and toothbrush and crossed the room again.

“What?” she finally asked in a soft voice.

“You’re limping.”

Closing her eyes with one hand on the doorknob and the other gripping the clothes to her body, Buff was too scared to turn around and face her friend. Too scared that she would see the unspoken judgment glittering in Willow’s eyes. She knew that it had never been there before- all she had ever seen was support- but she knew that Willow wouldn’t be able to keep it up for long.

“I tripped,” Buffy murmured, wrenching open the door and quickly closing it behind her, crossing the hall to the bathroom.

Willow closed her eyes, feeling the pain for her best friend seep through her. She still remembered that first night that Buffy walked in after a fight with Parker. The bruise next to her eye, the cut on her lip, and the way she’d cradled her injured arm against her body, trying not to move her shoulder. That night was ingrained in Willow’s memory as one of the most horrifying things she had ever witnessed, and she had only witnessed the damage and the aftermath.

Buffy had lied.

She’d told Willow that she’d fallen down some stairs, and Willow let Buffy think that she had believed her. But she had been silent long enough. The situation, which never should have started to begin with, had now escalated to the point that Willow feared that her friend wouldn’t come back one night. That’s why she sought out Spike. He had an edge to him that made many people avoid him, but he also had compassion in his eyes, and that’s what Buffy needed right now…among other things.

* * * * *

Staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, Buffy looked at her reflection that cast so many things back at her. When she looked in the mirror, she didn’t see the woman she used to be. She saw the woman she was now- the fear on her face, the lifelessness in her eyes.

When Buffy went on a date with Parker the year before, she made the foolish mistake of sleeping with him, wanting him to like her. Her mistake was made even worse when he tried to blow her off the next morning, but she became more attached, clinging to him until a relationship was formed. Not a day went by that she didn’t wish she could go back and change her life.

She felt devoid of emotion.

The only sensation she knew was pain.

When Parker began beating her, Buffy immediately walked away, determined to never be in ‘that’ relationship. He had run after her, apologizing and saying what she now knew as clichés: ‘it will never happen again’; ‘I don’t know what got into me’; ‘I never meant to take it that far’.

And Buffy had taken him back. People could pass judgments about these situations anytime they wanted to. They could constantly say that ‘if they were in her position…’

It didn’t matter…they weren’t.

No one ever knows how they will react in that situation until they are pushed into it.

Tearing her gaze away from her reflection, Buffy didn’t want to think about Parker or herself. She felt deadened. She was hard and she wanted to stay that way. That was the only way she could survive. She couldn’t leave Parker- it was too far past the point of no return.

Buffy hadn’t felt a spark in her life since the abuse escalated six months ago. A spark that had been rekindled with a simple conversation with a man who she’d never spoken to before today.





Thank you so much to: braat44, Franchesca, TammyAsh666, melissa, Reciprocity, Bernardette, jenny, Kate, BuffyRat, Manda, Sevvy_O, gattaca, Caitie, shippy, tigerratty, Pipergirl, starhawk, Nyah Ambrose, BuffyandSpikeForever, Seraiza, Jenn, TJJ, Stephanie & willowmouse for reviewing!

Chapter 3 – ‘Accidental’ Interaction


Spike walked through the campus, exhaling his relief that yet another long, torturous week of school was behind him. Unlocking his car, he quickly threw his books in the backseat and was about to get in the driver’s seat when a flash of blonde hair caught his eye.

With a secretive smile, Spike locked his car and jogged toward the library where she disappeared. Slowing his pace, Spike walked through the door and subtly scanned the area. He frowned when he didn’t see Buffy but decided to take a casual stroll around the building.

The library was three floors. The main floor held the computer terminals and upstairs contained the periodicals.

‘She said that her major was photography,’ Spike thought. ‘She’ll probably be downstairs in the stacks.’

Heading for the stairs, Spike quickly descended, keeping a careful watch over the area. Walking deeper into the area, he was about to turn around and check the upper floors when he saw her sitting with her back supported by the shelves, thumbing through a book in her lap.

Walking toward her, Spike grabbed the closest book he could reach and continued down the aisle.

“Buffy,” he greeted, letting some surprise slip into his tone. “I didn’t expect to see you here,” he continued when she looked up at him with a stunned expression.

“Spike,” she said softly, climbing to her feet.

“How are you, luv?”

Looking at him curiously, Buffy briefly wondered if there was more concern in his voice or if she was just imagining it.

“I’m fine,” she said with a soft smile before walking passed him.

Spike watched her for a moment, feeling his jaw tighten when he noticed a slight limp in her walk.

“You’re hurt,” he said softly, causing her to stop a few feet away.

Buffy turned to face him, feeling her breath catch when he stepped closer to her. “I-I fell,” she said softly. “It’s no big deal.”

“You fell?” Spike repeated in a disbelieving tone.

Managing a slight nod, Buffy changed the subject. “What are you reading?” she asked, taking the book out of his hands. Spike noticed the suppressed smile on her lips when she turned her eyes back to his. “You’re checking out this book?”

“Yeah,” Spike said, slightly confused.

“You’re checking out ‘The Essentials of Obstetrics and Gynecology’?” Buffy asked with a grin.

Spike’s eyes widened, inwardly cursing himself for not looking at the book he grabbed. “Uh…yeah…health class,” he replied, nervously scratching the back of his head.

“Health class?” she asked skeptically with a bright smile threatening to emerge.

“Yeah,” Spike said, shoving the book back at the shelf, not caring where it ended up. “Um…not for me…my friend Xander asked me to pick it up.”

“Is that right?” Buffy asked with a smile.

“Yes,” Spike said defensively as he shoved his hands in his pockets. “You don’t believe me?”

Buffy bit her lip to keep from laughing. “Well, if your friend, Xander, needs it, wouldn’t it make sense to check it out instead of putting it back on the shelf?”

Spike was at a loss for words. “Um…well…you see…oh sod it! I saw you come in here and I wanted to talk to you.”

Buffy didn’t hide the surprise on her face, but Spike was pleasantly surprised at the light blush and soft smile that graced her features. “What did you want to talk to me about?” she asked.

“Nothing in particular,” Spike said in a low tone, feeling satisfaction flood through him when she seemed to respond to his casual flirting. “I had a good time yesterday.”

Clutching the book close to her chest, Buffy worried her bottom lip as she looked at the floor. “I did, too,” she whispered.

“How about we do it again sometime?” Spike asked, gently tilting her chin up to face him with one hand as the other extracted the book from her arms and tossed it to a nearby shelf, allowing him to get closer to her without making her feel threatened.

Buffy’s eyes widened before she began to vehemently shake her head. “I-I can’t.”

“I just want to get to know you, luv,” he whispered, letting his fingers caress her jaw and smiling when she closed her eyes at the gentle touch. It had been so long since Buffy felt anything from a man that could be considered tender, and she nearly had tears in her eyes at the simple gesture.

“I need to go,” she said softly, not wanting to pull away.

“Needing and wanting are two different things,” he said in a husky whisper.

Buffy reluctantly pulled herself away from the man. “I need to go,” she repeated, letting him know that it was the last thing she wanted.

Spike took a deep breath, deciding to up the stakes. “When can I see you again?”

He held his breath, waiting on her answer, knowing that he was taking a big risk and she might not feel anything other than friendship toward him.

“I don’t know,” she whispered.

Spike’s heart leapt, knowing that she was considering it and didn’t say ‘no’ straight out. The look in her eyes made him want to take her in his arms and never let go.

“Buffy,” he said in a gentle tone. “I want you to know, that if you ever need to talk…”

He trailed off, letting the unspoken words hang in the air. Buffy inhaled sharply as she nodded, turning away from him.

“I know about Parker,” Spike said, once again taking a risk.

Her shoulders went rigid at the mention of her boyfriend’s name. “You don’t know anything,” she said, her back still turned to him as a hint of anger tinged her voice.

Spike took a step toward her, his hands itching to reach out and comfort her, but he knew it was best to control his impulses for now. “I know you’re terrified every time his name is mentioned.”

Buffy turned toward him with tears shimmering in her eyes. “Spike…please, just stay out of it…please,” she said, knowing that she was begging but not caring.

“I can’t do that, pet.”

“You have to,” she said, her voice taking on a panicked quality as her nerves set her on edge.

“Why?” Spike asked with an edge in his tone.

“Because if you don’t, he’ll kill you.”

“I can take care of myself,” he insisted, not worried in the slightest that some pillock might feel threatened by him. Men who beat up women weren’t exactly known for being able to stand up to other men. ‘Let him try and come after me,’ Spike thought, his anger mounting as he thought of the ponce hurting Buffy. ‘I’ll bury him alive.’

“Please, Spike.”

“He won’t get near me, Buffy. I can handle myself and take care of him in the process. He won’t be in a position to hurt me, let alone kill me.”

“Then he’ll kill me.”



Thanks so much to: TammyAsh666, tiff, spuffette, melissa, Franchesca, SoulNyte, gypsy_jin, Jenn, Caitie, Alicia, Sevvy_O, Renee, BuffyandSpikeForever, gattaca, Seraiza, Nyah Ambrose, willowmouse, Laine, Crystal Pegasus, Jessica & BuffyRat for reviewing!

Chapter 4 - Breaking


Buffy hurried back to the dorm, feeling more relaxed than she’d felt in
months. Seeing Spike at the library had awakened something inside of her
that she thought was long dead. She realized that some part of her was
alive. Some part wanted to live on, and that was something she hadn’t known
existed anymore.

The slight smile fell from her face and her heart dropped into her stomach when
she approached the dorm and saw Parker pacing outside her door. Taking a
deep, shaky breath, Buffy squared her shoulders and walked toward her
boyfriend, forcing a smile when she approached.

“Where’ve you been?” Parker growled when he saw her. His voice was low, but
she saw the anger flashing in his eyes, and it made her tense even more.

“The library,” Buffy said in a meek whisper.

“Come on,” Parker said, grabbing her arm in a bruising grip and leading her
toward the parking lot.

Trying to keep up with the pace he was setting, she didn’t want to anger
him anymore than he already was.

‘What have I done now?’ she thought miserably, before another thought flitted through her brain. ‘What haven’t I done?’

Wrenching the car door open, Parker practically threw her into the vehicle,
slamming the door and not caring that it hit Buffy’s shoulder. She gasped
in pain but stayed quiet when he sat in the driver’s seat. She realized
that he was being unusually quiet, and that was almost more terrifying than
him yelling at her.

Her lower lip trembled when they pulled in front of his fraternity house a
few minutes later. Quickly getting out of the car before he had a chance
to pull her out, Parker grabbed her wrist and yanked her into the building.

She squeezed her eyes shut as she was dragged into his room and thrown
against the door when it closed behind them.

She was trapped.

She was always trapped when he brought her here.

After all- the brothers stick together. Never mind that one was an abusive bastard. It didn’t matter since his father practically owned the damn house.

“Were you with Atherton?”

“Who?” Buffy asked quietly, the name only sounding vaguely familiar as it permeated through her terrified brain.

“Spike Atherton,” Parker said, practically spitting out the name.

Buffy’s eyes briefly darted around the room before shaking her head ‘no’. She could almost feel the blow before it landed as Parker backhanded her. Her cheek exploded in pain, her mouth opening to gasp in air as her eyes watered.

“Liar!” Parker screamed, shoving her head into the door. “Do you think he’s your knight in shining armor, Buffy? Do you think anyone could ever love a used up piece of trash like you?”

Holding her tears at bay as Parker’s lips crashed down to hers, he was practically smothering her with his ferocious intensity. Breaking away and leaving Buffy gasping for oxygen, his hands went to each side of her face, and she braced herself, waiting for him to shove her head into the door again. Instead, Parker’s forehead came down to hers, his hands gently caressing her face. “Do you think anyone could ever love you the way I love you?”

Buffy took a shaky breath. “No,” she whispered, trying to keep her gaze
away from his face. The empty chasm of his eyes was more terrifying than
any pain he could ever inflict on her.

“I love you, Buffy. You know that, right?” Parker asked with a desperate and
needy quality in his voice.

She nodded, feeling his lips press to hers again for a shorter kiss. “You can’t keep doing this, Parker,” she whispered. “Please stop doing this.”

“I will,” he said with so much honesty that hope blossomed in Buffy’s heart. “Tell me you love me.”

Breathing heavily, Buffy looked at the floor. “I love you,” she whispered, her stomach churning as she uttered the words. “But you have to trust me.”

The fist came out of nowhere, slamming into her stomach, causing her to gasp for air. “Why should I trust you, when you don’t give me any reason to, bitch!?”

“Parker,” Buffy whimpered, folding over on herself for protection. “You just said…you just…”

“I know what I said,” he hissed at her. “But when you think you can just go
spreading your legs for anyone, you’re going to pay the consequences.” To
emphasize his point, Parker hit her on her back. Her fading bruises
screamed in protest. Buffy struggled to stand, but the force of his attack
kept her cowering in front of him.

Parker rarely hit her face, today being one of the few exceptions. It was
only when he was more angry than usual that he did. Never wanting to draw
unwanted attention to himself, he kept his cruelty to her body restricted to
her torso and legs.

“I don’t,” Buffy was finally able to murmur, the pain shooting through her
body with each breath she took. Everything inside her was begging for
reprieve from the punishment she was receiving.

“I really hate it when you lie to me,” Parker muttered, his foot connecting
with her ribs, leaving them throbbing as she hurriedly covered her stomach
with her hands, trying to shield herself from any more damage.

“I’m not lying,” Buffy gasped. “I’ve never been with anyone but you, you
know that.”

Her voice was taking on a desperate quality when she felt Parker grab the
back of her neck, dragging her to the bedroom and throwing her onto the bed.
“Damn right you haven’t,” he hissed, unbuckling his belt. “And it’s going
to stay that way.”

Buffy felt tears come to her eyes, but not as a result of the pain. She was
ashamed of herself for not being strong enough to get out of this situation
when it started. Not being smart enough to fix her life when she had the
chance. She felt like all of her chances were behind her now. A part of
her feared that she would never know anything other than pain at Parker’s
hands. She vaguely felt her clothes being stripped away and retreated into
herself. She shut down her mind, allowing her body to respond to whatever
Parker requested of her. Her soul cried at the injustice of her life and
yet another piece of her spirit broke.





Thanks so much to: Caatje, spuffette, Sevvy_O, gypsy_jin, TammyAsh666, Crystal Pegasus, Seraiza, melissa, starhawk, Jenn, Franchesca, Caitie, Alicia, BuffyandSpikeForever, willowmouse, gattaca, pj, BuffyRat, Nyah Ambrose, Maddie Mae, Ash & stace for reviewing!

Chapter 5 – Excuses


Spike wandered through the stacks of the library, hoping to run into Buffy again. This had been the same time he’d found her the other day, and he couldn’t resist the temptation to possibly see her again.

He turned a corner and couldn’t suppress the smile that lit up his face when he ran directly into her. “Hello, luv,” he said brightly, grasping her shoulders to keep her from falling. “Fancy running into you again.”

“Spike, you shouldn’t be here,” Buffy whispered, looking at the ground.

Spike’s smile faded as he gently hooked a finger under her chin and tilted her head up to look at him. His eyes turned a stormy shade of blue as he looked at her, ghosting his fingertips over the bruise on her right cheek.

“What happened?” he asked in a hard voice.

“I think you know,” she replied.

“Buffy…tell me what happened.”

“He thought I was sleeping with you,” Buffy whispered, looking down in shame.

“Where is he?” Spike asked in menacing voice.

“Please, don’t get involved in this, Spike,” she said, her voice rising in alarm as she looked into his eyes.

“What else did he do?” he asked, looking her up and down for signs of any further damage.

“Spike, please…”

“He’s not going to get away with this, Buffy. Now tell me where he is.”

“No,” she replied in a strong voice.

“Buffy-”

“I said no,” she repeated, looking him in the eye. “It’s none of your business.”

“The hell it’s not,” Spike said, louder than he intended. He cringed when he saw her shudder and take a step away from him. Softening his tone, he took a tentative step toward her, gently reaching out to take one of her hands in his. “He can’t keep hurting you. You have to realize that this isn’t right.”

“I know it’s not right,” Buffy cried with tears streaming down her cheeks. “You think that I go through life in denial? Maybe a part of me does, but it’s still my life, and I have to accept whatever comes into it.”

“Says who?” Spike asked in quiet exasperation. “No one should have to accept this. Let me help you, Buffy.”

“It’s too dangerous,” she replied, shaking her head.

“It’s too dangerous for you to stay,” he countered with a raised eyebrow.

“He says he’ll change,” she whispered, avoiding his eyes. She knew it was a flimsy excuse, but it was all she had to hold onto.

“He won’t,” Spike said gently, trying not to make her appear foolish for buying into an obvious lie. “Let me take you to the police. You need to report him and keep him away from you.”

“So that he can what?” Buffy asked in exasperation. “Get out in twenty-four hours and track me down? He’ll just make it that much worse when he finds me again. Spike, don’t you realize here’s nothing you can do?” She felt fresh tears slip down her cheeks as she looked at the ground. “I’m getting what I deserve.”

“Now you listen to me,” Spike replied in a firm voice, tilting her chin up to look in her eyes. “You deserve someone who knows just how special you are. Someone who is secure enough with himself, that he doesn’t have to take out his aggression and anger on you, just because you happen to be there. Parker needs help…among other things.”

“Please, Spike,” Buffy pleaded as tears continued to fall.

“You’re not happy…how could you be?”

“Please don't make this harder,” she whispered.

“You don’t belong with him,” he continued, seeing that he might be getting through to her in some way. “You’re something…you’re better than this.”

“I-I need to go,” Buffy said, turning to walk away as she wiped the tears away.

Spike lightly grabbed her arm, turning her to face him again. “You gotta get away from him, pet, before it’s too late…before he really does kill you.”

“There’s no way…I can’t. I have to go, he’s expecting me.”

“There’s a party at my fraternity tonight,” Spike said in desperation, never letting go of her arm. “I want you to be there.”

“Spike…”

“Buffy. If you’re going to be with him tonight, I want to be able to keep an eye on you. You’re a smart girl, figure out how to get him there.”

“I’ll try,” she whispered.

“And Buffy?” Spike waited until she turned to fully look at him before continuing. “You really don’t deserve this.”

To emphasize his point, Spike pressed a gentle, chaste kiss against her lips, pulling away all too quickly for either of them. He expected her to walk away. To leave him with nothing but a memory of her sweet lips against his. Nothing could have shocked him more than when she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him against her body and practically attacking his
lips with hers.

Spike moaned, loosely gripping her body close to his and spinning them to gently press her against the nearby bookshelf. Buffy seemed to be taking everything she needed from the kiss as if Spike was healing her. Her tongue gently massaged his, her hands pulling him closer to her as their lips moved together with surprising force.

Breaking away breathlessly after a moment, Spike rested his forehead against hers. Buffy gasped for air, watching as he nervously licked his lips before meeting her eyes. “Promise me you’ll be there,” he whispered, brushing the hair away from her face.

“Why is it so important to you?” she asked softly, letting her hands wander along the strong muscles in his arms.

“Because I want you to know you’re not alone.”

She gave him a gentle smile, letting her fingertips run across his cheekbones before nodding. “If it’s that important to you, I’ll be there.”

Spike grinned, dipping his head lower for another kiss, knowing that his heart would be breaking in a few moments when he had to let her go. But for these few precious moments, she was his. For these few moments, and even longer, they belonged together…and they both knew it.





Thanks so much to: Ash, spuffette, Juanita, Caatje, Caitie, Laine, stace, Seraiza, Crystal Pegasus, Demonica Mills, melissa, Maddie Mae, Sevvy_O, gypsy_jin, Alicia, BuffyandSpikeForever, pj, Jenn, willowmouse, BuffyRat and Nyah Ambrose for reviewing!

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A/N A huge thank you to noaluvjames for the truly beautiful cover art for this story!! If anyone wants to see it, go to my LJ (address in my account info).

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Chapter 6 - Plotting


Spike never left the vicinity of the front door. The party was in full swing, and he was practically standing guard as he watched each student walk up the long path toward the frat house.

“Any sign of them?” Angel asked, walking up behind him.

“Not yet,” Spike replied through clenched teeth, his mind turning over every possible scenario that could have happened.

“But she promised?”

“She did.”

“Then she’ll be here,” Angel said, clapping his hand on Spike’s back.

“What if-”

“Don’t think about it.”

“It’s the only thing I can think about,” Spike said with a heavy sigh. “Everyone knows what to do if they come?”

Angel nodded before looking up and seeing Parker leading Buffy toward the house. “Showtime,” he said to Spike before walking away.

Spike watched Angel approach Faith and say a few words to her. He glanced out the door and resisted the urge to go beat the shit out of Parker before turning and walking up the stairs. stepping out of sight when he reached the second floor, he stood in the shadows, staying where he could see the foyer without being seen.

Buffy seemed understandably nervous as Parker led her into the house. Spike watched the other man whisper something in her ear, and he felt his blood run cold when he saw her instinctively flinch away from him.

“Buffy?”

Spike smiled as his plan was put in action.

Happily walking over to the blonde, Faith smiled when she noticed that Buffy was obviously confused since the brunette rarely spoke to her.

“Hey, B!”

“Hi,” Buffy replied with a nervous tremor in her voice as she looked at Parker.

“Thanks for letting me borrow that shirt the other day. I’m such a major klutz, spilling coffee all over myself.”

Buffy watched in confusion as Faith gave Parker a hard look before offering her hand. “I’m Faith Lehane.”

“Parker Abrams,” he replied with a friendly smile as he shook her hand, not noticing the contempt in her eyes as his gaze perused her curves.

“Glad to meet you. So listen, B, I’ve got the shirt upstairs if you want to get it back.”

“I-I don’t-”

“Hey, Abrams!”

Buffy turned in time to see two very large men walking up to her boyfriend.

“Angel. Riley,” Parker greeted with a nod.

“Wet t-shirt contest outside, come on,” Riley said, grabbing his arm.

Spike rolled his eyes when Parker willingly followed, waving at Buffy to go get her shirt from Faith.

‘Leave it to that pillock to choose random women over a woman like Buffy,’ Spike thought before shaking his head. ‘Why am I surprised? A man who beats a woman doesn’t have any morals left.’

“Come on, B. I think they just bought us about fifteen minutes,” Faith said, leading her up the stairs.

“Fifteen minutes? For what? You never borrowed a…”

Buffy trailed off when she saw Spike standing at the top of the stairs. Her eyes widened as she swallowed down her nerves.

“What’s going on?” she asked in a whisper, looking back and forth between Faith and Spike.

“I’ll let Blondie explain,” Faith said, turning to Spike. “Ten minutes.”

“I thought you said fifteen?” Spike replied.

“Do you really want to risk Parker suspecting something?” Spike sighed and shook his head as Faith continued. “I’ll be right here.”

Spike took Buffy’s hand and could feel the nerves coming off of her in waves as he led her toward his bedroom.

“Spike, what’s going on?” she asked as he shut the door.

“Relax, luv,” he said in a soothing voice, leading her over to a couch and sitting down next to her. “I just wanted some time alone with you.”

“A-alone?”

“Just to talk. I promise.”

“This is way too risky, Spike,” Buffy said, her eyes still darting around, even though they were alone. “If Parker finds us in here alone-”

“He won’t,” Spike replied, running a hand along her cheek and feeling a tiny amount of satisfaction when she didn’t flinch. “My friends are keeping him occupied.”

“Y-your friends?”

“I had to tell them.”

“You what?” Buffy asked, jumping up from the couch with tears in her eyes. “God, Spike! You do know that Parker’s going to find out, and he’s going to…”

Trailing off as she tried to swallow the enormous lump that had just lodged itself in her throat, she took a deep breath.

“Buffy…I wanted you to know that you have people around who can help you.”

“I already did,” she whispered tearfully.

“I know. You have Willow, but now you have a bunch of men who are willing to kick the shit out of Abrams if he lays a hand on you.”

“They don’t even know me.”

Spike stood up, hoping he wouldn’t be intimidating to her as he pulled her into his arms. He felt himself relax when she practically burrowed into him, clutching at the fabric of his shirt.

“They don’t have to know you, to want to protect you.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” she replied, her voice muffled against his chest.

“It’s not right, Buffy. What he’s doing isn’t right, and we all just want to help.”

Buffy released a shuddering breath before speaking again. “Who knows?”

“Riley, Angel, Faith, and Charles Gunn.”

“That’s too many people,” she said, pulling away from him, her eyes wide with panic. Spike could almost see her shutting down, not wanting to deal with anything.

“I trust them, Buffy,” he said softly, leaning down to look into her eyes. “If anything ever happens and you can’t find me, you can go to any of them, alright?”

“Why are you doing this?” she asked miserably.

Spike sighed, absentmindedly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Because I can’t stand the thought of him hurting you,” he said softly. “Because no one should be put in this situation and feel like they can’t get out of it. Because I want to be with you so bad that it chokes me.”

“Don’t,” Buffy said in a painful whisper, shaking her head back and forth. “I’m…I’m not worth it.”

Spike closed his eyes for a long moment, taking a deep breath. “I think you are,” he whispered, brushing his lips against hers before looking deep into her eyes. “I know you are,” he said with more resolve in his voice. “I’m going to get you away from him.”

“You can’t.”

“I’m going to get you away from him,” he repeated, never breaking eye contact with her.

Buffy’s chin trembled as she eagerly stepped into his embrace, letting the world slip away for a few precious moments.



Thanks so much to: spuffette, melissa, Manda, Alicia, TammyAsh666, VamptasticA, Franchesca, Caatje, Sevvy_O, Laine, stace, gypsy_jin, BuffyandSpikeForever, Caitie, Charlene, Brunettepet, pj, Demonica Mills, Maddie Mae, Nyah Ambrose, willowmouse, dreamgirl4eva, Crystal Pegasus & alexandrea for reviewing!!

Chapter 7 – Cracking


Sitting on Spike’s lap, Buffy moaned as his tongue stroked against hers, his arms wrapping around her waist to pull her closer to him.

The mood was immediately shattered when a knock sounded on the door. Spike felt his heart ache watching as Buffy practically leapt to the other side of the room, her hands wringing together nervously as her eyes shifted toward him.

“It’s alright, pet,” he said quietly before opening the door.

Faith walked in with an apologetic smile. “Sorry guys, but it’s time to make an appearance.”

She threw a white tank top at Buffy, who caught it and looked confused.

“For believability,” Faith said with a shrug. “Every girl has a white tank top, and Parker won’t be suspicious.”

Buffy took a deep breath before offering a smile to the other girl. “Thank you.”

“No problem, B. If you ever need anything, I’m here most of the time.”

Buffy looked around the room, making eye contact with Spike. “Here?”

“She’s Angel’s girlfriend,” Spike said, seeing the uncertainty in her gaze. “We better go.”

With a sad look on her face, Buffy walked toward the door, clutching the shirt in her white-knuckled hands. Spike stopped her before she passed by him, gently holding her arm as he waited for her to turn and look at him.

“I’ll be keeping an eye on him,” he said softly, relaxing when he saw the soft smile that briefly appeared on her lips.

“Don’t get too close,” she whispered, closing her eyes when Spike pulled her to him for a searing kiss.

Faith walked outside, leaving them both alone for another moment.

Reluctantly pulling away, Spike cupped her face in his hands, pressing his forehead to hers as they caught their breath. “If he does anything…if he so much as looks at you the wrong way, get away from him.”

“It’s not that easy,” Buffy whispered, idly playing with his shirt as she tried to make him understand.

Spike pressed another kiss to her lips, fighting the emotions that were coursing through him. “You’re not alone anymore, Buffy.”

With a tiny sniffle, she nodded, feeling a calming warmth pass through her when he placed his hand on the small of her back, guiding her out the door.

She felt as if she was leaving a sanctuary to go back into the depths of Hell.

* * * * *

Buffy and Faith walked down the stairs, with Spike promising he would follow in a few minutes. Following the dark-haired girl toward the back of the house, she was surprised when they veered off into a hallway.

“B, I just wanted you to know that you can trust Spike.”

“I know.”

“And if you ever need anything, we’re here to help…all of us.”

Swallowing the lump in her throat, she gave Faith a grateful smile. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t. We better get you back out there before he starts to wonder where you were.”

Walking out onto the back deck, Buffy saw Parker with a beer in his hand, ogling the half-dressed women. Not that she was surprised, but she couldn’t help the nagging thought that made her wonder- if she was ever free from Parker, what poor, unsuspecting girl would take her place?

“I was beginning to wonder about you,” Parker said as they approached.

“My fault, big guy,” Faith said, slapping him on the shoulder with enough force to make him flinch. “I couldn’t find the shirt.”

Buffy held up the tank top as if to prove the point. She saw a few men watching her over Parker’s shoulder, and she suddenly felt uneasy.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” one of the men spoke up. “I’m Angel O’Shea,” he said, knowing better than to offer his hand to the young woman. He knew she’d be uneasy with it, and there was no telling what Abrams would do if he saw her in close proximity with another man.

“And I’m Riley Finn,” the other man said, waving at her.

“Hi,” Buffy replied timidly.

It didn’t go unnoticed when Parker stepped closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist to practically stake his claim on her.

Out of the corner of her eye, Buffy saw Spike step out of the house, and his eyes immediately traveled to her. She avoided the look, not wanting to give anything away since Parker was so close, but she was inwardly grateful for his silent show of support. It put her at ease to know that he was watching out for her.

She turned when she saw Willow follow him out of the house and walk over to her.

“Hey, Buffy,” she said with a bright smile, completely ignoring her best friend’s boyfriend.

“Hey, Wills,” she replied, relaxing even more with the presence of her best friend.

Willow’s eyes immediately seemed to travel to Riley, offering him a timid smile.

“Hi,” he said with a bright smile, taking a step closer to the redhead. “I’m Riley.”

“Willow,” she introduced herself, a blush creeping into her cheeks as Riley shook her hand.

“You go to school here?”

“Yeah, I’m roommates with Buffy.”

“I’ve never seen you around.”

Buffy watched the looks that passed between the two and couldn’t help but notice the obvious mutual attraction.

“Would you like something to drink?” Riley asked, offering his arm.

“Great!” Willow replied with a wide smile.

Watching as her best friend walked away, a smile played on Buffy’s lips, hoping that Willow would get the happy ending that Buffy knew she wouldn’t have.

* * * * *

An hour later, Buffy found herself standing alone. She hadn’t seen Spike, although she could almost feel that he was close by. She didn’t know if it was wishful thinking, but the thought was settling her nerves, so she didn’t question it.

Willow and Riley were sitting next to the pool, laughing quietly together. Parker was standing with Charles Gunn, laughing at something. Even from this distance, Buffy could see the tight, forced smile on Gunn’s face.

She was amazed that Parker hadn’t kept her by his side, but she was grateful for the break.

Jumping when she felt a hand on her arm, Buffy looked up to see Spike, pulling her toward the shadows at the side of the house.

“Spike,” she whispered, looking around frantically. “What are you doing?”

“I needed to see you one more time tonight,” he whispered, letting the darkness surround them.

Pushing her gently against the side of the house, he was mildly surprised when her hands eagerly pulled him to her for a long, passionate kiss. Breaking away from each other, breathless, after a moment, Buffy looked into his eyes. The normally bright blue shade was a deep indigo in the faded light.

“This is too risky,” she whispered, contradicting her statement by pulling him to her for another kiss, letting her lips play over his for a few more moments before reluctantly breaking the contact.

“Meet me tomorrow,” Spike said softly, not ashamed that it sounded like he was begging.

“I-I don’t know if-”

“If it’s safe…will you meet me?”

Buffy nodded, looking at him curiously before Spike pressed another kiss to her lips that ended .

“Meet me at our spot in the library. I’ll take care of Parker.”

“What do you mean take care of him?”

“Relax, luv,” he whispered, running his hands up and down her arms in soothing motions. “I won’t be the one approaching him, so he won’t suspect anything. Do you trust me?”

“Always.”


Thanks so much to: spuffette, TammyAsh666, BuffyRat, alexandrea, Crystal Pegasus, Caitie, Alicia, willowmouse, Sevvy_O, BuffyandSpikeForever, Laine, gypsy_jin, Demonica Mills, dreamgirl4eva, Franchesca, Seraiza & Brunettepet for reviewing!

Chapter 8 – Fragmenting


Spike was nearly frantic when Buffy hadn’t shown up at the library. Gunn had volunteered to approach Parker with an offer to play basketball, wanting to keep him busy for a few hours and hopefully giving her a chance to get away from the pillock.

But she was an hour late.

Spike was pacing back and forth in the secluded area, periodically looking through the assorted aisles, hoping to catch a glimpse of her and becoming more worried by the minute.

After waiting another agonizing five minutes, he finally whipped out his cell phone and dialed her dorm room.

“Hello?”

Breathing a sigh of relief when he heard her soft voice, his hand traveled up to the bridge of his nose, trying to relieve the pressure that was forming. “It’s me, luv.”

“You shouldn’t be calling me,” she whispered.

“Is he there? If he’s there, just say it’s a wrong number.”

“No…he’s not here.”

“I thought you were going to meet me.”

“I was, but…Spike, it’s too risky.”

“Isn’t Abrams with Gunn?” he asked, resuming his pacing.

“Yeah,” she said softly. “I just couldn’t meet you. I’m sorry.”

“Is Willow there?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said skeptically. “Why?”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes. If the ponce shows up, we’ll just tell him I was talking over a class project with Willow.”

“Spike, no!”

“I have to see you, Buffy. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

* * * * *

Five minutes later, Spike was practically running through the hall of her dorm room. Knocking on the door, he was surprised to see Willow open it instead of Buffy.

“Where is she?” he asked, concern lacing his words.

The redhead didn’t say anything- she merely opened the door a little more, revealing Buffy curled up on her bed, clutching a stuffed pig to her chest.

Exchanging a worried look with Willow, Spike stepped into the room and slowly made his way over to the bed. “Buffy?” he whispered.

When she didn’t even acknowledge that he’d entered the room, Spike carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. Risking another glance at Willow, who was nervously wringing her hands together and biting her lip, he felt his stomach drop when he turned back to the small blonde.

“Look at me, luv,” he pleaded, hooking a finger under her chin and slowly tilting her head toward him. Making contact with her watery eyes, he felt his heart ache before his eyes hardened. His fingertips ghosted over the purple and blue bruise that ran underneath her right eye, quickly pulling his hand away when she flinched.

Without saying a word, Spike got up from the bed, with every intention of finding her so-called boyfriend, only stopping when he heard her quiet voice.

“Don’t.”

Turning back toward her with disbelief clearly written on his face, Spike walked back to the bed, crouching down to look at her. “He can’t keep doing this, Buffy.”

“You can’t go after him.”

“Buffy-”

“Spike, you knew about this when you met me,” she said softly. “It’s not going to help, if you go after him.”

“It’s not going to help if I don’t,” he replied with an edge to his voice.

Seeing the tears in her eyes, Spike looked at the ceiling for a moment, trying to control his emotions. “Why did he do it this time?”

“Apparently I didn’t stay close enough to him last night,” she muttered, unable to meet his gaze.

“How can I get you away from him?” he whispered, becoming more distressed at the idea that she wouldn’t, or couldn’t, willingly leave Parker behind.

“I told you…you can’t.”

Spike turned his head away from her for a moment, breathing deeply to control his emotions and seeing Willow slip out of the room with tears in her eyes.

“It’s a no-win situation, Spike,” she murmured in a choked voice. “You might as well give up on me now and save yourself the trouble.”

His eyes widened in disbelief before he slowly lay down on the bed. Buffy’s lips parted in confusion as he pulled her into his arms, gently stroking her hair until she closed her eyes in contentment, sending a small thrill through Spike that she trusted him enough to relax in his presence. “Not giving up on you, Buffy. I’m not leaving you to face him alone.”

Sniffling slightly, she looked at him with watery eyes. “You should probably go…if he shows up…”

“If he shows up, I’ll kill him,” Spike replied calmly, pulling her closer to him when she began trembling.

Laying together in contentment for a few minutes, Spike’s lips brushed along the top of her head, inhaling the sweet scent of her hair as he closed his eyes.

“Tell me what to do, Buffy.”

“I don’t know,” she whispered, her hand trailing along his stomach as if she was testing whether he was real or not.

“You could move into the house,” he said hopefully. “The guys wouldn’t mind, and there would always be someone there in case he shows up.”

“I can’t do that,” she mumbled, her voice muffled as she snuggled closer to him.

“Why do you feel like you need to stay with him?” he whispered softly, not wanting to be accusing her of something and shattering the fragile trust she seemed to have built toward him.

“Because if I leave, he won’t just hurt me…he’ll hurt the people that I love.”

“We could get him arrested, luv. We could-”

“What?” Buffy asked, sitting up to look at him, her golden hair spilling over her shoulder and falling on his chest. “We could have him sit in jail for a couple of nights before ‘Daddy’ gets him out on bail and he comes looking for me? We could send you and your friends to go beat him up and still end up with the same result?” Spike listened as her voice became more choked up. “We could see what he would do if I walk up to him and say, ‘Parker, I want to break up with you’? I can’t do it, Spike,” she said shaking her head as tears streamed down her face. “I can’t do it and…”

A sob tore from her throat, her head falling to his chest as tears began to fall from Spike’s eyes as well.

“…I feel like I’m cheating on you when I’m with him,” she continued in an almost inaudible whisper. “And that’s silly because…because I obviously don’t have you.”

“You have me,” he whispered with so much emotion, more tears began to fall from her eyes. “You’ve had me from the first moment I saw you. Don’t think for a second that you don’t.”

He listened to her cry for a few more minutes, unable to do anything but hold her close and try to soothe her. “I’m so sorry I dragged you into this,” she murmured, trying to calm herself down.

“You didn’t,” he said softly, kissing the top of her head. “It was my choice and I don’t regret it. Not for a single moment.”



Thanks so much to: Sevvy_O, TammyAsh666, Renee, Brunettepet, Caatje, gypsy_jin, Franchesca, Carrosparro, Jenn, Crystal Pegasus, Spikes Sweety, Amanda, Alicia, Demonica Mills, BuffyandSpikeForever, willowmouse, Lindsay, Laine, stace, PK, Seraiza, BuffyRat, dreamgirl4eva, Kez, Maddie Mae, Beverly & pj for reviewing!

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A/N Sorry about the lack of updates. It’s been a crazy week- my little boy turned 2 on Easter Sunday and that’s just barely scratching the surface of the craziness :-) but I think I’m getting back on track. Thanks so much for all the reviews!

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Chapter 9 - Splintering


Buffy breathed a sigh of relief when Spike’s lips met hers in a tender kiss. Letting her hands trail along his arms and slowly reach up to play with the soft hair at the nape of his neck.

Pulling away breathlessly, she pressed her forehead to his, snuggling closer to him and inadvertently squirming around as she sat on his lap, unknowingly causing a reaction in Spike as he shut his eyes and suppressed a groan of desire.

It had been two weeks since he’d last been able to see her, to hold her, and Spike thought he would go crazy wondering if she was alright. He talked regularly with Willow, who assured him that nothing had happened between Buffy and Parker lately, but Spike wanted nothing more than to be close to her and see for himself that she was okay.

Sitting in the library in a comfortable silence, he let his hands run up and down her arms, smiling at the content sigh that escaped her lips.

“I’ve missed you,” he murmured into her hair, leaving a tender kiss on the top of her head.

“Missed you, too,” she said, trying to ignore the conflicting emotions that were building up inside of her.

The fear of leaving Spike’s comforting embrace to return to the hell that was her life. The guilt that pained her when she realized that she was essentially being unfaithful to a man she cared about, every time her ‘boyfriend’ decided to spend time with her. And the sadness that welled up inside of her, knowing that her time with him was almost finished.

“What are you thinking about, luv?” Spike asked, trying to soothe the sudden tension in her back.

“Nothing important,” she said with a slight shrug of her shoulders, keeping her face carefully hidden from his probing eyes.

“You’re scared,” he whispered, holding her close to him and leaving soft kisses on top of her head.

“I’m more scared for you,” she said softly, biting her lip as he gently pushed her back to look at her.

“Don’t be,” he said, brushing the hair off her shoulders before cupping her face in his hands. “I don’t want you worrying about anything you don’t have to worry about.”

“Can’t help it,” she murmured, leaning forward and capturing his lips in a tender kiss before pulling away with tears in her eyes. “What if he finds out about us?”

“Buffy-”

“He’ll kill you, Spike,” she whispered with fear coating her voice. “And who knows what he would do to me.”

“He won’t find out. I can take care of myself, and he definitely won’t do anything to you.”

“Spike-”

“Do you trust me?” he asked, seeing her eyes widen in response.

“You know I do.”

"Then trust me."

Biting her lip as she contemplated what he was saying, Buffy slowly raised her eyes to his. “What do you want to do?”

* * * * *

Staring into his beer bottle as he sat at the small table in the bar, Spike seemed to be off in his own little world.

“Boy am I glad I decided to spend some time with my friend tonight,” Angel said, taking a long swallow of his own beer before leveling his eyes on the blonde. “I could be curled up in bed with my girlfriend right now, but no…she’s probably calmly waiting for me, and I choose to hang out with the one person in this town who wants to be alone tonight.”

Waiting for a reply, Angel finally sighed, picked up a handful of peanuts and threw them across the table, hitting Spike directly in the face and chest.

“Oi!” he yelled, immediately standing up and shaking off his duster. “What was that for, you git?”

“Got your attention, didn’t it?” Angel replied, sipping his beer and glancing around the bar as Spike sat down again. “You gonna tell me what’s with the long face, or do we have to sit here and play Twenty Questions?”

Seeing that Spike was zoned out again, Angel shook his head.

“Twenty Questions it is. Is it…bigger than a breadbox? No? Smaller than a breadbox? Ah hah! I got it. It’s a breadbox.”

Finally seeing Spike’s eyes raise to his, Angel offered him a smart-aleck smirk as the blonde glared at him.

“What are you on about?”

“Look,” Angel said, dropping the attitude and watching his friend. “I know what you’re thinking and you can’t do anything, Spike.”

“I have to get her away from him, Angel,” he said softly, shaking his head as he stared at the empty beer bottle in front of him.

“We’ll figure out something.”

“It’s getting worse,” Spike said with a sigh. “She’s trying to close herself off from me. She thinks she’s protecting me from him and…”

With a heavy sigh, Spike looked up at the clock before pushing his bottle away and standing up. “I’m meeting her in an hour. Still have some time to kill- another beer, mate?” he asked with a dejected expression, waiting until Angel shook his head before walking toward the bar.

Angel watched as his friend spoke briefly to the bartender, brushing off the advances of more than one woman. He sat back, marveling at the changes in the other man since the little blonde girl had come into his life. Spike was never someone to let his bed get cold on a regular basis, but ever since Buffy had entered the picture, Spike hadn’t so much as looked at another girl. It proved to Angel just how much his friend truly cared for the young woman. A woman that he and all of his friends had become increasingly protective over. If she was important to Spike, she was important to them.

And Angel knew that Spike would go to any lengths to protect the ones he loved.

* * * * *

Pacing through her room, Buffy wished Spike would hurry up and come over. He wasn’t supposed to be there for another hour, but Parker was at a party with the rest of the fraternity and she was eager to spend more time with Spike. She was grateful that Parker didn’t want her there with him that night.

‘Probably wants the free time to pick up some willing freshman girl,’ she thought.

The thought itself didn’t bother her. She didn’t love Parker- he could cheat on her as often as he wanted, but what would happen to those poor girls if Buffy could ever get away from him? Who would be his next victim?

It terrified her to think that the vicious cycle could start all over again.

“Don’t think about that, Buffy,” she muttered to herself. “Tonight is about you and Spike. He’ll figure out some way to get you away from him…you trust him.”

Running her hands through her hair as she tried to convince herself that it was safe to trust him, she squeezed her eyes shut.

It was getting worse.

She could feel herself slipping away from Spike. She didn’t want to, but she was.

“That can change tonight,” she whispered to herself with a nervous tremor in her voice.

Hearing the knock on the door, Buffy let a bright smile come over her face as she ran for it. “I was starting to get impatient…”

Trailing off as her smile faded, she felt a tremor of fear go through her when her stomach dropped.

“Parker,” she whispered, taking a nervous step away from the door as she looked into his cold eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“What’s the matter?” he asked in a voice that Buffy was all too familiar with. “Not happy to see me? Or were you expecting someone else?”






Thanks so much to: Amanda, spuffette, Spikes Sweety, TammyAsh666, Seraiza, kayla, Isabel, Amanda, Alicia, Brunettepet, Maddie Mae, Crystal Pegasus, melissa, Shady, Jenn, willowmouse, Laine, Sevvy_O, BuffyRat, gypsy_jin, beverly, lindsay, Caitie, Tango, phantomwriter, pj, and Reciprocity for reviewing!

Chapter 10 - Shattered


“Angel back yet?” Faith asked, walking into the living room of the fraternity house and looking around. She rolled her eyes and smiled as the room full of men playfully leered at her. She was used to the familiar antics of Angel’s friends, knowing that they were just being appreciative of her and had a funny way of showing it. “Yo! Everyone direct your attention about eight inches higher,” she said with a laugh before seeing Riley and Gunn walk out of the kitchen.

“Faith,” Gunn nodded in greeting while Riley gave her a wave. “Angel’s not back yet.”

“Okay. I’ll be in his room. You boys don’t have too much fun,” she replied, heading toward the stairs and leaving the guys to have their ‘boys night in’.

Everyone sat in the spacious room, talking and laughing for several minutes, occasionally throwing popcorn at the TV screen when Riley heard a soft thud. Frowning, he looked around the room, realizing it was coming from the kitchen. Motioning for Gunn to follow him, both men got up and walked through the house.

“Did you hear that?” Riley asked quietly, his brow furrowed as they walked into the kitchen.

“Sounded like it was coming from the back door.”

Slowly approaching, Riley’s frown deepened when he heard what sounded like a small whimper. Pulling open the door, both men felt their blood run cold as they saw the tiny blonde sitting on the back porch, blood slowly streaming down her body from multiple cuts along her face and arms. It streaked the porch, leaving the wood almost black as it dripped down her legs. Wearing nothing but a tattered, white satin pajama top that barely offered any coverage as she clutched at it, they noticed the white fabric becoming a strong shade of crimson before their eyes. Riley felt the bile rise in his throat when he saw that most of the collective blood flow was focused around her thighs. He didn’t want to think about the implications of that as he tried to get his brain to function.

“We need help in here!” Gunn shouted, running out of the room as Riley slowly crouched in front of the young girl.

“Buffy,” he whispered, hearing his housemates walk up behind them and seeing her cringe at the combination of the collective gasp that ran throughout the room and the fact that she was nearly naked in front of a bunch of men. “I’m going to pick you up and take you inside…okay?”

Trembling as her knuckles turned white with the force of holding the shirt together, Buffy nodded. She didn’t want to be around any man right now, but her subconscious knew that she was safe here, having run across the entire campus to get away from Parker. This house was her safe haven. Spike would be here.

Riley carefully picked her up, preparing himself for a surprise attack from the frightened girl and only slightly relieved when she didn’t do anything. He would almost prefer if she had fought him- at least then he would get some kind of reaction. Seeing Gunn reappear with a blanket, they covered Buffy as best they could before carrying her through the house and into the living room.

“Go get Faith,” Riley whispered, not wanting to startle Buffy anymore than she already was. Watching Gunn run toward the stairs, he felt her trembling worsen as he quickly made his way to the couch. Placing her gently on the cushions before turning to the group of men who were silently following him, he quickly looked around the room. “Graham, you and Lindsey go find Spike. He and Angel were going to get a few beers, so split up and hit their favorite spots. Just get him here.”

The two men quickly ran out the door with a few more volunteering and running out as well. Every man in the house was becoming increasingly protective over the young woman. Most of them hadn’t even met her, but they knew Spike and they knew what she meant to him.

“Buffy, can you talk to me?” Riley asked, leaning down to face her so he wouldn’t seem imposing.

Seeing her shy away from him, he quickly backed away.

“It’s okay,” he said in a soothing voice. “No one’s going to hurt you.”

Hearing a commotion behind him, he stepped aside when he saw Faith running down the stairs. She quickly made her way over to the couch and Riley was moderately relieved when Buffy relaxed as soon as she saw the other woman.

“Hey, B,” Faith said gently in a soft voice, swallowing hard when she saw some of the blood. “You’re safe now, okay?”

Getting a slight nod, Faith slowly wrapped her arms around the blonde’s shoulders, helping her stand.

“We’re going to go get you cleaned up, okay?”

Not getting a verbal response, she felt a little relieved when Buffy began to walk with her toward the stairs.

“Is someone getting Spike?” Faith whispered, turning toward Riley for a moment. Seeing him nod, she breathed a soft sigh of relief and helped Buffy up the stairs, wanting to get her cleaned up as quickly as possible.

* * * * *

Spike said goodnight to Willy, leaving some money on the bar as he stood up. Angel had left a few minutes before, wanting to find Faith. Not that Spike blamed his friend for ducking out as soon as he could- he was hardly good company tonight.

‘At least I get to go see Buffy now,’ he thought, looking at his watch.

Walking toward the door, he was practically run over by Lindsey, barely catching himself as he nearly flew backwards with the momentum behind the other man.

“Where’s the fire?” Spike asked, studying the other man after he’d steadied himself.

“It’s Buffy,” Lindsey said, slightly out of breath.

“Buffy?” Spike repeated, feeling as if his heart stopped. “What about Buffy?”

“She’s at the house. She’s…it’s not good, Spike.”

Feeling his entire world shifting beneath him, Spike quickly ran out of the bar with the other man right behind him.



Thanks so much: Franchesca, melissa, spuffette, Seraiza, TammyAsh666, Maddie Mae, Caatje, Brunettepet, Caitie, Alicia, Amanda, Charlene, Jenn, willowmouse, Kerrylee, gypsy_jin, jess, Kez, stace, jessiesaly, Spikes Sweety, Demonica Mills, ebontier, Laine, Anne, BuffyRat, jenny, Crystal Pegasus & pj for reviewing!

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A/N Long note alert :-) After such an angsty chapter, I thought I owed everyone another one, since there’s been so many wonderful reviews. As a side note- I’ve been told that this story has some vague similarities to a B/A story by an author named Tango. Since I’ve never read any B/A fics, I was unaware of this and was given the link. I read through a portion of the story and there was one chapter that is similar to one that I have in store, but other than that, I feel they each have their own unique spin on an abusive perspective. Her story is called Abused and I’ve tried to e-mail the author to see if she would like to read the chapter before I post it in a few days, but I haven’t gotten a response yet. I just wanted to say that any similarities in any part of my story are entirely unintentional and even though I have no interest in reading B/A, I know that there are some people who read both pairings and she is an impressive author if anyone is looking for a good writer in that fandom. Thanks to everyone for all of the lovely reviews- it might be a few days before the next update, because I really need to focus on Daughter of Prophecy for a couple of days, but I should have another update this weekend.

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Chapter 11 - Broken


Riley saw Spike run through the front door and immediately he began looking around in a panic. Catching him by the shoulders before he ran upstairs, Riley turned him around.

“It’s not good, Spike,” he said in a serious tone.

“What do you mean ‘not good’?” he asked through gritted teeth. “Where is she?”

“Up in Angel’s room,” Riley replied, tightening his hold when Spike tried to break away. “Spike! She’s banged up pretty bad. Angel got in a few minutes ago and he went to check on her and Faith…he said that you might want to wait until he comes out before you go in.”

Growling low in his throat, Spike squeezed his eyes shut, knowing that if Angel had seen Buffy, he would only say what was in her best interest. “Fine,” he muttered, more frustrated than he’d ever been in his life.

Slowly climbing the stairs, a thought occurred to Spike as he turned around and looked at Riley. “You better go check on her roommate, Finn.”

“Willow?”

“Yeah,” Spike said, his brows knit together as he nodded. “Something tells me Abrams is going to be looking for Buffy, and I don’t want Red to get caught in the crossfire.”

* * * * *

“How is she?” Spike asked a few minutes later, nervously pacing in front of Angel’s door and inhaling sharply on a cigarette.

Angel quietly shut the door behind him before leaning against the wall. “Not good,” he said solemnly. “She stayed in the bedroom the entire time I was in there, and I’ve only caught a glimpse of her…she was practically trying to crawl out the window to get away from me. She doesn’t want anyone in the room except Faith. Now that it’s sunk in and the pain is fresh, it looks like she thinks every man is a potential threat, not just Abrams.”

Spike’s hands were trembling as he took another long drag, desperately wishing he could hold her in his arms. “Should she go to the hospital?” he asked, blowing the smoke out of his nose.

“If she’s not showing improvement in a couple of hours, I’d say yes. But let’s wait and see what Faith thinks.”

Spike nodded, realizing that Angel was watching him closely. “What?”

“You’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?”

“Define stupid,” Spike muttered, crushing the cigarette under his heel, uncaring that he was smashing it into the hall floor.

“Spike,” Angel said quietly. “You’re the best friend I have, which is why I’m telling you this-”

“If you tell me not to go after Abrams, I’ll beat the shit out of you first.”

“Spike, I love that girl in there as if she was my sister. I would take out Abrams myself, if I could, but you have to think of all the possibilities.”

“Such as?” Spike asked skeptically.

“Buffy needs you here. She needs you in one piece, and I don’t think it would do her any good to be worrying about you.”

“I can handle myself, Peaches,” Spike replied in a deadly tone. “That little ponce might be able to intimidate women half his size, but he’s got another thing coming if he thinks he can get away with it.”

Angel opened his mouth to respond when the door opened behind him.

“Spike,” Faith said quietly. “She’s asking for you.”

Spike practically bolted to the door but was quickly shoved away by the smaller girl.

“Listen up, Blondie. B has had a traumatic night and she doesn’t need you to go barging into her room, scaring her anymore. Keep an eye on her. Pay attention to what she doesn’t feel comfortable with, and make sure she’s the one to approach you. Got it?”

Spike nodded as Faith stepped out of the way. He slowly walked through the small sitting room and knocked lightly on the door of the bedroom. His jaw clenched when the door opened and Buffy stood cowering in front of him. Wearing a pair of loose cotton pants that belonged to Faith and one of Angel’s oversized, button-down shirts, she looked so…weak. The light in the room was dim, but he could easily make out the damage on her face.

A deep gash ran along her left temple, framed by a dark bruise. Her lower lip was split on the right side and another cut ran underneath her right eye. A nasty looking bruise darkened the skin of her jaw and spread along her neck, making Spike wonder just how many injuries layered the clothed parts of her body. He could see a bruise beginning to form underneath her left eye and had to repress the urge to look away.

Staring at him with glassy eyes that showed no emotion, Buffy seemed to be looking right through him. Spike took a small step forward, cringing when she flew across the room and huddled near the wall.

“Buffy,” he whispered soothingly. “It’s me, luv. It’s Spike.” He saw her shoulders slump when she recognized his voice, but the look of terror was still in her eyes. “Faith said you asked for me,” he continued, making sure to stay frozen in place as he spoke. “I’ll leave if you want me to…is that what you want?” He saw a tiny, almost imperceptible, shake of her head and felt himself relax a little bit. “Is it okay if I come closer?”

An eternity seemed to pass before Buffy nodded, her arms wrapped firmly around her body. Spike hesitantly entered the room, leaving the door open, knowing that she would feel trapped if he closed it.

He looked around the room, seeing only a bed and a chair and decided his best option was going to be the chair. “I’m going to sit down, okay?”

Buffy nodded and Spike watched as she slowly got to her feet when he was seated in the chair.

“You know I’m not going to hurt you,” Spike whispered.

Taking a deep breath before crossing the room, Buffy didn’t hesitate as she sat on Spike’s lap and immediately curled into his body. Spike cradled her as if he was cradling a baby, rocking her back and forth and murmuring soothing sounds into her ear. He felt her slowly relax as the tears began.

“Buffy,” he whispered after a few minutes, waiting until she pulled back to look at him. “I want to take you to the hospital, luv.” She automatically tensed in his arms, and Spike caressed her back to relax her. “I think it’s for the best…you know that, right?”

“I don’t want to go,” she finally spoke, her voice coming out in a hoarse whisper as she desperately clutched at his shirt. “He’ll find me, Spike. He’ll…he’s going to try and hurt me again.”

“But he’s not going to get to you,” he reassured her, pulling her closer to him. “Did you take a shower yet?”

Buffy shook her head, pressing her body closer to his. “Faith just helped me clean up some of the blood,” she whispered. “She told me that I probably shouldn’t do anything, except change clothes.”

“Good,” Spike whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple. “We can take Angel and Faith with us. And Riley went to pick up Willow. What do you say?”

“You won’t leave me?” she asked, tucking her head under his chin and linking one of her hands with his.

“Not unless you want me to.”

“Even if they examine me?” she asked, a tremor of fear in her voice.

“I’ll stay as long as you need me.”

“How’s forever?” Buffy murmured. “Does forever work for you?”

“No,” Spike whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Forever’s not long enough.”





Thanks so much to: melissa, Caatje, Brunettepet, Seraiza, spuffette, PK, gypsy_jin, Amanda, Franchesca, alexandrea, TammyAsh666, spikeztruluv, Alicia, Amanda, stace, daisy, Caitie, willowmouse, jenny, Kerrylee, jessiesaly, Jessica, blondiebear & Lala for reviewing!!

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A/N Well, I was able to make some of your wishes come true in this chapter. So, anyone who e-mailed me or reviewed about…a certain occurrence, this chapter is for you :-)

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Chapter 12 – Never Leave Me


Walking out of the library, Willow frowned as she looked up when she ran into something solid. Letting her eyes adjust to the darkness, they immediately widened when she saw Parker standing in front of her.

“Where is she?” he growled, looking around before settling his eyes on Willow.

“I don’t know,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the so-called man. “What did you do to her this time?”

“Nothing she didn’t deserve,” he replied, looking around as if Buffy would materialize out of thin air at any moment.

“Maybe she’ll finally wise up and dump your sorry ass,” Willow said with a raised eyebrow, not showing how much he intimidated her as he closed the distance between them.

“What did you say?” Parker asked, his eyes narrowed.

“You heard me,” she countered, raising her chin defiantly.

“You little bitches are all the same,” Parker said in a low voice.

“What did you do to my friend?” Willow asked again, never taking a step back. She refused to be intimidated by this coward.

“I taught her a lesson.”

“Meaning?”

“What do you think it means?” he replied, nearing his breaking point.

“I know what it means,” Willow whispered, her jaw set in anger. “Guys who beat their girlfriends because they’re too weak to be real men deserve lessons, too.”

Not letting him have a chance to figure out what she meant, Willow kicked Parker in the groin, making sure that the pointed toe of her boot made direct contact with his crotch. Satisfied when he doubled over, screaming in agony, she allowed a brief smile to cross her face before running down the path. Feeling herself crashing into something solid for the second time, she looked up to see that she was in Riley’s arms.

“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly.

“I’m fine,” she whispered, breathing a sigh of relief that she was safe in his embrace.

“Is it Parker?” Riley asked, already walking around the redhead and pushing the door open.

“He’s a little incapacitated for the moment. Be careful,” she called after him, wringing her hands together as he took off at a run.

Standing still for a tense few moments, Willow was about to go after him when she saw him hurrying back to her.

“Come on,” he said softly, taking her hand and leading her toward the parking lot.

“What about-”

“We’ll have to finish with him later,” he said, pocketing his cell phone. “Angel called and said that we need to get to the hospital.”

“Hospital? Is Buffy okay?” she asked frantically.

“She’s…she needs support right now,” Riley said gently.

“B-but she’s gonna be okay, right?”

“Spike’s with her,” he replied softly, trying to avoid the question as best as he could.

* * * * *

Spike held Buffy’s hand as she flinched in pain, closing her eyes and unconsciously leaning toward him as they continued the pelvic exam. Leaning over her and running his hand over her forehead, Spike gave her a gentle smile, trying to silently let her know that she would be okay.

“Alright, Miss Summers,” the doctor said, sitting back and handing some things to the nurse. “We’re finished- you can get dressed now. I’ll come back in a minute and we can talk.”

Buffy nodded as the woman excused herself from the room. Sitting up and grimacing in pain, Spike let go of her hand and stepped toward the door.

“Where are you going?” she asked, her voice panicked as she stared at him wide-eyed.

“I was going to step outside while you got dressed, luv,” he said gently.

“Please don’t leave,” she whispered, biting her bottom lip as she looked at him. It had been hard enough to be alone for the few minutes that it took her to get into the gown- Buffy didn’t know if she could handle him walking out right now.

“I think you’ll be more comfortable-”

“Please,” she whispered, looking at him with a pleading gaze.

“Alright then,” he said softly, giving her a small smile, before turning around to give her a modicum of privacy.

Buffy tried to push any disturbing thoughts out of her mind. She knew Spike was a gentleman and didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, but another thought was making itself known.

‘Of course he wouldn’t want to look at you. You’re practically broken. He can do better than some charity case.’

Quickly dressing in the pants that Faith had given her, Buffy was grateful for the large shirt of Angel’s that seemed to swallow her figure, hiding the worst of the damage.

“All done,” she murmured, gingerly pushing herself back up to sit on the table as Spike turned around.

A soft smile graced his features as he looked at her. “Remind me to give you one of my shirts when we get home. You could get lost in that one.”

Buffy offered him a tiny smile, immediately relaxing when he walked over and held her hand. “Thank you for being here,” she whispered, feeling his finger hook under her chin and tilt her head up to look at him.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Hearing a soft knock on the door, both turned to see the tall brunette walk in. “Am I okay, Dr. Burkle?” Buffy asked softly, practically retreating into herself as she leaned into Spike.

“I think you’ll be fine,” the young woman began in a gentle voice. “Maybe we should discuss this in private.”

Spike was sure that he was going to have some broken bones in his hand as her hold tightened on it. “I want him here,” she whispered, looking at Spike to make sure he was okay with staying and relaxing slightly when she saw him smile at her reassuringly.

“If that’s what you want, Buffy,” she said softly, causing Spike’s blood to run cold at the informal mention of her name. He knew that this wouldn’t be good, considering the doctor was obviously trying to relax her.

“It is,” Buffy replied, leaning into Spike’s touch as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“You said that it was your boyfriend who did this to you?” Dr. Burkle asked, looking hesitantly at Spike.

“Yes,” she replied before seeing the other woman’s look. “But Spike’s not my boyfriend. He’s, um…he’s…”

“Her friend,” he said with a smile, feeling Buffy relax even more.

“How long has the abuse been going on?” Dr. Burkle asked softly.

Spike felt Buffy tense up at the unfamiliar term. “A while,” she murmured, unable to make eye contact with either person in the room.

“I’ve turned the results of the preliminary tests over to the police at your earlier request, but I think you may need to see a counselor, Buffy.”

“No,” she whispered, biting her lip and looking at Spike for support, shying away from him when she saw that he obviously agreed with the other woman.

“I know that it doesn’t feel very comfortable, but dealing with something as physically and psychologically damaging as rape-”

The doctor cut herself off when she visibly noticed the man in front of her tense up and look at Buffy.

“Rape?” he asked in disbelief.

“I’ll leave you two alone for a few minutes,” Dr. Burkle said, excusing herself from the room.

“He…”

“It’s not like that, Spike,” Buffy answered, feeling the need to defend herself. She felt filthy and used and seeing the judgment in his eyes made her want to sob in anguish. In her mind, the judgment was for her and not Parker.

“Then what’s it like, Buffy?” he asked, trying to keep the accusing tone out of his voice, since it wasn’t meant for her.

“It’s…th-that’s just…that’s the way it is.”

“What?” he asked, looking at her as if she’d lost her mind and immediately regretting it when he saw her shrink away from him.

“I-It’s supposed to be this way,” she answered timidly, wiping the tears away that were frantically spilling over. “It’s always been this way and I don’t…”

“Buffy,” Spike whispered, his heart breaking for the young woman as he wrapped his arms around her. “That’s not the way relationships work, luv. Not when…”

He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence as his voice became choked with emotion. Feeling her tears seep into his shirt, he held her closer to him, careful not to hurt her anymore.

Hearing the doctor walk in, Spike slowly pulled away, leaving a tender kiss on her forehead before taking a step back. “I’ll be back soon,” he whispered.

“Wh-where are you going?” Buffy asked, her terrified voice nearly sending him right back to her, but he knew that if he did that, he’d never leave.

“I’ll be back,” he said with a smile for her benefit. “I promise.”

“You’re going to find him, aren’t you?” she asked, looking after him with sad eyes- silently willing him to stay with her.

“I’m going to keep you safe.”

“I’m safer with you here,” she whispered, silently pleading with him to turn around.

“You’ll be safer after I take care of him.”

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A/N Aaah, Willow kicks Parker in the balls and Spike is confronting him in the next chapter. See? I listen to your reviews- it just takes me a while to get there (believably).

Thanks so much to: pj, Renee, melissa, Kar, Caitie, Reciprocity, Franchesca, Amanda, SpuffyLovingJess, stace, spufette, Anne, Mockerfab4, blondiebear, daisy, Caatje, gypsy_jin, Seraiza, Maddie Mae, Alicia, beverly, Crystal Pegasus, melissa, Spikes Sweety, BuffyRat, ForeversEnough, Amanda, Jenn & phantomwriter for reviewing!

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A/N The end of this chapter has some similarities to the story Abused that I mentioned in a previous chapter. As I mentioned, I tried e-mailing the author a few weeks ago, to see if she’d like to look it over, but I never got a response. The basic idea is the same and entirely unintentional.

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Chapter 13 – Balance the Scales


Knowing that the little rat wouldn’t leave town, Spike went to the Zeta Kappa fraternity house first. After grabbing a freshman and asking where Parker was, Spike quickly made his way to Stevenson, walking to Buffy’s room at the end of the hall and kicking open the door.

“Oh look,” Parker said in a condescending tone. “It’s the white knight, coming to-”

Spike immediately slammed his fist into the other man’s face, a maniacal smile crossing his face when he heard the satisfying crunch of his nose breaking.

“You son of a-”

He was silenced once more as Spike punched him again, never giving him a chance to fight back. Kicking his legs out from under him, he continued to pummel the other man. “What’s the matter, Abrams?” Spike asked, jerking him up by the collar and shaking him. “You can hand it out, but you can’t take it?” he asked, emphasizing his point by head-butting him, only feeling a moderate amount of satisfaction at the scream of pain. “Come on,” he said. “Take it like a man.”

Dropping Parker to the floor and kicking him in the gut, Spike could feel his strength slowly draining away as the red haze faded. Glancing to his left, he felt sickened when he saw the blood that covered the sheets of the bed. Buffy’s blood.

Attacking him with renewed force, Spike didn’t stop until his knuckles were bruised and bleeding.

“Stay the hell away from her, Abrams, or you’ll regret it,” Spike said in a menacing tone, breathing heavily from the exertion of beating the other man.

Pausing when he heard Parker’s annoying laughter, Spike looked at him with contempt in his eyes. Watching as Parker painfully got to his feet, falling down after several attempts, he raised an eyebrow at the other man.

“So she got to you, did she?” Parker asked.

Spike clenched his jaw, trying to regulate his breathing.

“Definitely a bunny in the sack, even if she is a little whiney.”

Spike’s bruised fists clenched in anticipation of wiping the smug look off Parker’s face.

“She’ll never love you the way she loves me.”

“She doesn’t love you,” Spike growled.

“Has she told you that?” Parker asked with smirk before a laugh erupted from him. “Has she told you how she whispers into my ear how much she loves me while I’m inside of her?”

Spike’s anger boiled over as he landed a hard hit to Parker’s face. Not stopping with just one punch, he continued pummeling him. “If you’re laughing,” he ground out between hits. “You’re not in enough pain.”

* * * * *

Walking into his room, Spike looked around the small living room before turning toward the bedroom, seeing the soft glow of the lamp as he passed through the door.

“You alright?” he asked, seeing Buffy curled up on the bed. Still wearing Angel’s shirt and lying in the large bed, she looked even frailer than she did at the hospital. Glancing around the room, Spike was surprised that her friends left her alone until he came back. “Buffy?”

“Where did you go?” she asked, never making eye contact with him as he sat down on the bed and ran a soothing hand over her back.

“I took care of it.”

“You found him, didn’t you?”

“I did,” he replied, not seeing the point of lying to her.

“And?”

“Took him to the police. Actually, I took the bloodied mess that he resembled to the police.”

“You beat him up?” Buffy asked, rolling over to look at him.

“I did.”

“And then you took him to the police?”

“Yes, luv.”

“What if he has you arrested?” she asked in a panicked voice.

“He won’t,” Spike said reassuringly. “Not if he knows what’s good for him. But if you’re worried about what might happen, don’t worry,” he continued, trailing his hand along her back. “If he tries to have me taken in, there will be plenty of people around you at all times. Angel, Riley, Gunn…they’ll all watch after you at any time, if I’m not here.”

Relaxing her shoulders and taking his hands in hers, Buffy studied Spike’s bleeding knuckles with a concerned look on her face.

“You should get these cleaned up,” she whispered.

“Yeah,” he murmured with a nod. “I just had to check on you first,” he said with a smile before getting up and walking toward the bathroom. “I’ll be out in five minutes.”

Spike quickly cleaned and bandaged his hands before staring at his reflection in the mirror for a long moment. “She needs you to be her friend,” he muttered to himself. “So go out there.”

Taking a deep breath before opening the door, Spike was moderately surprised to see that all the light had been extinguished from the room. A faint silver and blue glow from the window cast everything in soft shades. Looking around the room for a moment, he frowned when he saw Buffy standing next to the bed, wearing one of his red shirts and nervously toying with the two buttons that were holding it together.

“What are you doing, luv?” he asked, slowly approaching her.

Unable to look at him, Buffy kept her eyes downcast as she answered. “Isn’t this the part where you and I…”

Frowning for a moment, Spike’s eyes widened when he realized what she was saying. “No,” he said, shaking his head and causing her to look up at him. “I’m not taking advantage of you, Buffy.”

He could see the tears shimmering in her eyes and longed to close the distance between them and hold her, but he was scared what her reaction might be.

“It’s not taking advantage if you want it,” she murmured.

“Yes, it is,” he replied quietly. “We’re not doing anything tonight, Buffy.”

“But I thought that…”

She trailed off as she choked on the words. Seeing the tears slipping down her cheeks, Spike hurried over to her, wrapping his arms around her as she cried. Feeling her relax after a moment, he pulled back slightly to look at her, surprised when her hands wrapped around his neck to pull him down to her.

Feeling Buffy’s soft lips against his, Spike didn’t know if he would have the willpower to stay strong if she kept kissing him. Subtly trying to pull away from her, he groaned when she took his hand in hers and placed it over her breast, encouraging him with every subtle move.

Breaking away and gasping for air, Spike quickly put some distance between them, seeing the hurt look that crossed her face. “We’re not doing this,” he whispered, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

Seeing her chin quiver, Spike quickly caught her arm before she ran out the door.

“Buffy, please talk to me.”

“I-I just…I thought that you wanted me,” she whispered as she tried to muffle another sob.

“I do,” he whispered, pulling her to him for a tender hug and letting one hand run through her hair. “But not tonight. Not like this. Buffy, we’ll do this when you’re ready…when I know that it’s what you want. When I know that you want to be with me and not when you think that I should have you.”

“But what if I do want you?” she whispered, clutching at his shirt and letting the tears fall as she buried her face in his chest. “I don’t know what else to do, Spike. I don’t know how to make this okay and I don’t know how to repay you for everything.”

“This isn’t about some debt you owe,” he murmured, pulling back to look into her eyes. “Parker, he…he has no idea how to treat a woman. When it happens for us, it will be because both of us want it to…alright?”

Buffy nodded, wiping the tears away as Spike worked the remaining buttons of the shirt, offering more privacy. Finishing his task, he noticed that her chin was quivering and quickly pulled her into his arms.

“Talk to me, Buffy.”

“It’s me, isn’t it?” she whispered tearfully.

Spike closed his eyes as the tears blurred his vision, tightening his hold on her. “No,” he said softly, shaking his head to emphasize the point. “It’s not you.”

“I just don’t understand,” she murmured. “You’re a guy. Aren’t guys supposed to…”

“Not all guys,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. “You need to get some rest, luv,” he whispered, noticing the sky brightening already.

“Stay with me?” she asked softly, looking up at him with a watery gaze filled with hope.

Seeing the hope in her eyes as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead, Spike nodded.

Leading her toward the bed, he pulled back the covers, letting her climb in first before taking off his boots and joining her.

“Do you always sleep fully-clothed?” Buffy asked, her hand trailing along his covered chest.

“Only when I’m alone with a beautiful woman,” he replied with a soft smile.

“Who you don’t want,” she murmured, feeling the need to fill in the blank.

“No,” he whispered, pulling her closer to him and closing his eyes. “Who I want so badly, I don’t trust myself around her.”




Thanks so much to: spuffette, daisy, PK, TammyAsh666, Franchesca, BrunettePet, Seraiza, Caatje, melissa, Amanda, Charlene, willowmouse, Jenn, Alicia, beverly, gypsy_jin, Caitie, pj, stace, Spikes Sweety, BuffyRat, Maddie Mae, Minerva, BuffyandSpikeForever & Lindsay for reviewing!

Chapter 14 – Pick up the Pieces


Feeling tremors racing through his body, Spike moaned in his sleep, unconsciously seeking out the source of pleasure and comfort. Slowly becoming more aware of his surroundings as he opened his eyes, he found himself gasping for air.

“Fucking hell,” he rasped, unsure of what was happening to him, his hand immediately coming up to briefly cover his face as his hips arched off the bed.

‘Wait,’ Spike thought, his eyes darting around the room. ‘Bed…room…oh God-’

“Buffy,” he whispered, trying to retain some semblance of control, even as the sound of his voice made her more bold with her movements. Almost terrified of looking downward, Spike gasped for air when he saw her positioned above him, her lips moving up and down over his solid shaft, creating a suction that he thought he could possibly die from.

‘Oh God, what do I do?’ he thought frantically, his eyes rolling back as he gritted his teeth, fighting every urge in his body to pump into her mouth and say to hell with the consequences. ‘If I ask her to stop, she’ll think I don’t like her, and if I don’t, she’ll think she has to do this because it’s what I want.’

Feeling her long hair trailing over his stomach as she moved, Spike’s hands automatically reached lower to gently twine through the soft golden curls, trying to be strong enough to stop her as she added more pressure with her hand, smiling against him when she felt Spike’s body trembling beneath her.

Pushing her hair away from her face, Spike realized that was the last thing he should have done. Seeing her mouth sliding down his cock before using her tongue on the way up caused his eyes to roll shut as another wave of pleasure shot through him. His body was shaking with the effort to stay moderately calm, but Spike knew he was fighting a losing battle.

He had never felt so weak and defenseless in his life. “Buffy,” he whispered, feeling a brief pause in her ministrations before she went back to what she was doing.

“Mmm?”

“Oh God,” Spike breathed out as the humming sensation spread through him. His hips arching of their own accord, his hands briefly tightened in her hair, his body eagerly seeking out the release that his mind was so desperately warring against. “Buffy, I’m gonna-”

He cut himself off, nearly groaning in pain and pleasure, he clenched his teeth to try and ward off his orgasm. Groaning when Buffy ignored him and let her lips slide even further down, driving him deeper into her mouth, causing another minor, uncontrollable thrust from Spike.

He was so close.

“Buffy…yeah, baby…I-I’m gonna come, pet…I’m…now…”

Practically exploding in pleasure, Spike gasped for breath as he pulsed into her welcoming mouth, shaking as he slowly came back down to reality and noticing her swallowing every bit of salty fluid.

Feeling remorse practically pour out of him, Spike took a steadying breath as Buffy crawled up his body and rested her head against his chest, wrapping one arm securely around his stomach and playing with the smooth muscles of his chest. Spike sighed, wrapping his arm around her body and holding her close.

“Was that okay?” she whispered, never looking at him. The insecurity was practically rolling off of her.

Closing his eyes to stop the tears that were burning to make themselves known, Spike nodded before taking a deep breath and kissing the top of her head. “Amazing, luv…you’re amazing.”

Feeling her relax against him, Spike held her tight, wishing he knew the right words to say. Wishing he could get around the lump in his throat long enough to say some soothing words to her.

“I’m going to get a shower,” she whispered, sitting up and kissing his cheek.

Spike gave her a gentle smile, feeling his heart clench as she slid out of bed and crossed the room before shutting the door to the bathroom. Safely alone with his thoughts, he finally let the tears spill over, covering his face with a shuddering breath as his shoulders shook with the force of his silent sobs.

‘There’s no telling how much damage you just caused because you’re too weak, you wanker,’ he thought miserably.

* * * * *

Closing the door of the bathroom behind her, Buffy leaned against it for a moment, staring at herself in the mirror in front of her. Seeing the fresh bruises and cuts, she gently probed the skin around her eyes as she stared at a woman she no longer recognized.

Slowly taking off Spike’s shirt and inspecting the damage to the rest of her body, Buffy felt her chin quivering as she looked at herself with disgust and revulsion, realizing that Parker’s body was the last thing that hers recognized. She began shaking with the realization, feeling filthy and used.

“No one will ever want you.”

The sound of Parker’s voice fluttered into her subconscious.

“No one will ever love you the way I love you.”

Wiping away the tears that fell from her eyes, Buffy sniffled as she continued to look at herself, unable to tear her gaze away from the hideous figure in the mirror. She couldn’t even see herself anymore. She couldn’t see the woman she really was- she only saw the woman that Parker had successfully turned her into.

No longer the cheerful, happy-go-lucky cheerleader of her high school days, now Buffy felt as if she’d aged fifty years in the last twelve months, and if her view of herself told her anything, she had.

Feeling the tears slipping down her cheeks, Buffy turned the faucet of the shower on, climbing in and uncaring that the temperature went from icy cold to scalding hot in the period of a few seconds. Curling up in the bottom of the tub, she finally let the tears fall free that she had been trying to hold onto since Spike had come back last night.

Hoping that the water would help burn and cleanse her of her feelings, Buffy let her body shake with sobs, covering her mouth so Spike wouldn’t hear her.

‘Of course Spike doesn’t want you,’ she thought in a voice that oddly sounded like Parker’s. Muffling her tears as she looked at herself, Buffy frantically clawed at her arms and legs, needing some form of release from the horrible thoughts that were swirling around inside of her. ‘Who could possibly want you the way you are now?’





Thanks so much to: spufette, blondiebear, TammyAsh666, Maddie Mae, daisy, Seraiza, missy, Charlene, gypsy_jin, Brunettepet, Caitie, Jessisaly, willowmouse, BuffyandSpikeForever, LINDSAY, stace, pj, Spikes Sweety, BuffyRat, Amanda, Jenn, phantomwriter & Nikilicious for reviewing!

Chapter 15 – Recovering


Pulling himself together after several long minutes, Spike shakily got to his feet and straightened up the room, needing to keep his mind occupied as he did everything in his power to not think about the enticing blonde in the shower.

‘Shower,’ Spike thought, suddenly realizing how long the water had been running.

Walking toward the door, he timidly knocked on it, listening closely for anything resembling an invitation to enter. His brows knit together as he knocked again, a little louder for her benefit.

“Buffy?” he called softly, pressing a hand to the door as he waited for her answer. Knocking again, Spike swallowed the lump in his throat as he continued to listen. “Buffy, open the door, pet.”

Trying the knob, he breathed a sigh of relief when it turned without resistance. Opening the door, a cloud of steam enveloped him, causing his eyes to narrow as he tried to focus in the foggy room. Walking over to the shower, he felt panic fill him when he noticed the air turn cooler. “Buffy?”

Pulling back the shower curtain, Spike thought his heart was going to stop as he saw her small form huddled at the back of the shower, shivering under the now icy spray. Quickly turning off the water, he felt his heart tighten in his chest as he took a moment to survey the damage. Seeing the long deep scratches and welts that were raised on her arms and legs, Spike felt the air leave his lungs in terror.

Grabbing a towel off the nearby rack, he stepped into the shower, crouching in front of the young woman.

“Talk to me, luv,” he whispered, drying her skin, careful not to irritate her healing wounds as he pulled her up into his arms. “What happened?”

“Don’t look at me,” she mumbled almost incoherently, her teeth chattering as Spike tried to warm her up.

“Buffy-”

“I don’t want you to see me,” she said in a whisper, trying to pull away from him. Easily restrained by Spike’s strong arms, Buffy felt the tears start all over again. “Please, Spike, don’t look at me,” she sobbed, feeling relieved and terrified when he pulled her into his arms.

“What happened, sweetheart?”

“Don’t,” she sobbed, pushing against his chest and sobbing when he held her close.

Pulling away slightly to gently cup her face in his hands, Spike stared at her with a mixture of concern and anxiety. “Don’t what?”

“I don’t deserve you,” she whispered, her teeth chattering as her body tried to reclaim some warmth. “I don’t deserve to have you as a friend or savior or…or anything else.”

Taking a deep breath, Spike quickly grabbed the burgundy robe off the back of the door and slipped it around her shoulders, running his hands up and down her covered arms to create some form of friction, trying to get her warm.

“You don’t deserve what he did to you,” he finally whispered, picking her up and walking back into the bedroom. Carefully putting her down on the soft mattress, Spike stripped himself of his shirt and lay down next to her, pulling her closer to him and wrapping the comforter around their bodies, hoping to use his body heat to get her warm as she shivered against him.

“You don’t know what I deserve,” she finally murmured softly.

“Yes, I do,” he whispered, pulling her closer to him and kissing the top of her head. “You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have someone who loves you and doesn’t threaten and take advantage of you at every turn. You deserve someone who is the exact opposite of him.”

“What’s wrong with me, Spike?” Buffy asked in a choked whisper as fresh tears started to fall.

“Nothing,” he said softly. “There is nothing wrong with you. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Then why am I being punished?” she asked in a barely audible voice.

Spike felt tears sting his eyes as he swallowed the lump in his throat. “Just bad luck, pet…but it’s over now. He’s not going to hurt you again.”

“Why do you even care?” she asked miserably, turning her watery eyes to look at him.

“Because I love you, Buffy,” Spike whispered.

He wasn’t prepared for the look of terror that crossed her face.

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head as she tried to get away from him, doing everything she could to sit up. “No!”

“Buffy! What’s wrong?” Spike asked, holding her around her waist and trying to get her to look at him.

“Don’t…no…don’t love me.”

“Why?” he asked gently, running his hands through her hair, trying to soothe her with his touch.

“Love hurts too much…I don’t want to hurt anymore,” she whispered as tears spilled down her cheeks. She clung to Spike’s arms, her eyes filled with fear. “Please don’t love me, Spike. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want you to hurt me. Please don’t hurt me,” she sobbed in desperation.

Understanding crossed Spike’s face as he realized the abuse must have started after Parker told her he loved her.

“Buffy,” he whispered, making sure she was looking in his eyes that were suddenly filling with tears. “I will never hurt you. Never. Love doesn’t equal pain, and if it takes me the rest of my life, I’m going to make you realize that. You deserve to be loved. I love you,” he said softly, pulling her into his strong embrace. “I love you so much and I won’t let anyone hurt you again.”

“I don’t deserve you,” she said tearfully. “I don’t…please let me go.”

“No,” he said softly with a forceful tone, causing Buffy’s eyes to snap back to his. “I’m not letting you go. I’m never letting you go,” he finished in a whisper, tucking a lock of damp hair behind her ear.

Her senses were assaulted by Parker’s voice saying those same words, but instead of the expected reaction of her muscles tensing, she found herself relaxing into his embrace, letting him hold her more securely to his body.

“I love you,” he whispered, feeling the tears that dripped onto his chest as he tightened his hold. “I can’t let you go…not now…not when we’re so close.”

Sniffling slightly, Buffy raised her eyes to his, offering him a soft smile of gratitude. “I want to say it,” she said softly. “I want to, but…I don’t know if it would mean anything. I don’t know if I’m capable of that.”

“You are,” he said with a gentle smile. “You just need to remember.”




Thanks so much to: PK, spuffette, Maddie Mae, Brunettepet, Seraiza, pj, Erin, Caatje, Franchesca, stace, beverly, Amanda, Reciprocity, Crystal Pegasus, daisy, Caitie, Spikes Sweety, lindsay, blondiebear, BuffyRat, Willowmouse, BuffyandSpikeForever & Sevvy_O for reviewing!

Chapter 16 - Mending


Slowly opening his eyes, Spike’s first instinct was to stretch his stiff muscles before he noticed the tiny blonde, protectively nestled in his arms. Smiling down at Buffy as he watched her sleep, he was relieved to see the peaceful look that had settled over her features.

Hearing a soft sigh as Buffy slowly moved, stretching one arm above her head and opening her eyes, he saw the brief confusion flicker in her gaze as she wondered where she was. Seeing Spike lying next to her, she easily relaxed. “Hi,” she said softly.

“Hi,” he replied with a smile. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah,” she murmured in a tired voice, reaching up to run her hands through her tangled hair and groaning when she encountered the knots where it had dried while she was asleep. “Oooh, not good,” she said with a smile that Spike eagerly returned.

“Looks fine to me, luv.”

“Of course it would,” she said with a soft giggle that was music to Spike’s ears. “Hair advice from the peroxide king.”

“Oi!” Spike cried indignantly, his brow furrowed in mock annoyance. “I think I look damn sexy.”

“You would,” she said with a smile, laughing when Spike immediately attacked her ribs before hissing in pain as one of her injuries decided to make itself known again.

“Oh, pet, I’m sorry,” he said, his voice thick with worry.

“Not your fault,” she said, grimacing as she braced her hand against her ribs, sitting up in the bed.

“I should have…I didn’t-”

“Can we do something tonight?” Buffy asked, turning toward him with a hopeful expression, desperately wanting to change the subject.

“What do you want to do?” Spike asked, relieved that she seemed okay. Folding his hands behind his head, he watched her as she got out of bed and began going through a bag that Willow and Riley had brought for her the night before.

“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug, turning around with a small bag and a brush in her hands, immediately working it through her hair. “Something fun.”

“You sure you feel up to it?” Seeing the chipper façade fade away, Spike immediately regretted the tactless comment. “I just meant…”

“I know,” she said with an understanding smile. “And I feel okay…but if you don’t want to or you have plans, I’ll understand.”

Spike frowned as she turned around, walking toward the bathroom.

“Hey,” he called after her, throwing the covers away and getting out of the bed. Seeing her stop in the doorway, he quickly approached and carefully wrapped his arms around her waist, leaving gentle kisses along her neck and shoulder, smiling as she shivered through the thick terrycloth. “I would love to do something,” he whispered. “How about a movie?”

“Okay,” Buffy said with a smile as she turned around. Watching as her smile slowly faded away, Spike frowned.

“Something wrong?” he asked, tilting his head in her direction.

Turning toward the mirror, Buffy grimaced when she saw the battered reflection that looked back at her. “Maybe we shouldn’t,” she murmured, biting her lip and running the brush through her hair.

“Why not?” Spike asked, watching over her shoulder as she briefly made eye contact with him before looking away.

“Look at me, Spike,” she whispered tearfully. “I’m not exactly…”

“You’re beautiful,” he said softly, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her neck. “But if you don’t want to go out, we can always stay in and rent a movie.”

“Really?” she asked with a hopeful expression.

“We can even ask the guys if they want to join us.”

Buffy gave him a brilliant smile as she relaxed against his chest. “That sounds good.”

“We’ll go pick something out when you’re ready,” he said, letting go of her and walking over to sit on the edge of the tub, enjoying the simple act of watching her go through a familiar routine. Once the bruises faded and the cuts healed, he knew that this would be one of his favorite times with her. Just enjoying the simple act of watching her go through something as normal as getting ready in the morning.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Buffy asked with a smile as she put on some moisturizer.

“Just admiring from afar, pet,” he said with a smirk.

“Not much to admire,” she muttered, looking through her make-up bag and pulling out a bottle of foundation, hoping to cover the worst of the bruising.

“Don’t say that,” Spike said, his brow furrowed as he tilted his head to watch her. “It fades. It will all fade, Buffy.”

“Maybe,” she whispered, glancing at her reflection and looking away in disgust.

“It will,” he insisted.

“What about the internal damage?” she murmured almost to herself, playing with the small cap on the bottle.

Spike swallowed as he clasped his hands in front of him. “Maybe you should see someone, Goldilocks,” he whispered, hoping she wouldn’t get defensive at the simple suggestion.

“Like a therapist?” she asked softly.

“Yeah,” Spike said, nodding slightly.

“You’re majoring in psych,” Buffy said, turning toward him with a forced smile. “Couldn’t I just tell you and have an evaluation?”

“You could,” he murmured with a nod. “But I’m not exactly qualified. I’m here to listen to anything you have to say, but I think you should talk to a professional, luv.”

Avoiding his eyes, Buffy ran her hand along the sink, looking for any kind of distraction. “Do I have to decide now?”

“No,” Spike said quickly, not wanting to push her. “Not now. It’s enough that you’re considering it.”

Offering him a soft smile before turning back to the mirror, Buffy let out a heavy sigh. “I hate black eyes,” she muttered, looking in the mirror.

“I would imagine you would,” Spike replied, watching her carefully and enjoying the fighter that seemed to emerge from the young woman. He realized he was catching a rare glimpse of the woman she used to be…the woman she should be.

“It’s just…you’re always aware when you have one.”

“I’m not sure I followed you round that bend, pet,” he replied, standing up and moving behind her so he was visible in the mirror, over her shoulder.

Buffy sighed, looking away from her reflection and turning around. “See this?” she asked, gesturing to the bruise on her jaw. “Yeah, it hurts, but it hurts when I talk. If it hurts too much, I just don’t have to talk for a while. You with me so far?”

“So far, so good.”

“Well, with a black eye, every time I blink, it hurts and I can’t just…stop blinking.”

Spike pulled her closer, careful not to hurt her as she snuggled into his chest.

“It won’t hurt for long,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head.

“Can I stay here?” she asked with a smile. “I forget all the pain when you’re holding me.”

“You think I’m going to let you go?” Spike asked, tightening his hold and smiling when he felt her soft giggle against his chest.



Thanks so much to: spufette, Sevvy_O, Blazing Fire, Beasleysmom, Seraiza, Maddie Mae, missy, Jennice, Brunettepet, TammyAsh666, Caitie, Amanda, willowmouse, Franchesca, stace, pj, phantomwriter, BuffyandSpikeForever, lindsay, Crystal Pegasus, gypsy_jin, BuffyRat & Caroline for reviewing!

Chapter 17 – Healing


Snuggling closer to Spike on one of the couches in the main room, Buffy jumped when the door opened as several guys walked in.

“It’s okay, luv,” Spike whispered, holding her close. “You’re safe with me. No one here is going to hurt you.”

Relaxing against him, she slowly nodded. “I know,” she murmured, keeping her voice low so the other couples wouldn’t overhear.

True to his word, Spike had organized a movie night, inviting Angel, Faith, Riley, and Willow to join them. Buffy had been trying her hardest not to jump at every little thing, but even with Spike’s arms wrapped firmly around her, she still couldn’t manage to settle down.

“You want to go upstairs?” Spike asked, keeping his tone light so that she knew it was in the most innocent of contexts. Looking at her in concern when he felt another shudder run through her body, he wrapped his arms more securely around her.

Glancing around the room, Buffy shook her head. “Not yet. I’m sorry I’m so jumpy.”

“Not a problem,” he replied with a gentle smile. “Anything you want, you just let me know.”

Feeling her settled comfortably against him, Spike let his lips brush across the top of her head, bringing his hands up to her shoulders and massaging the tension away. As her breathing evened out and she leaned more heavily against him, Spike smiled when he realized she was falling asleep against him. Never stopping his movements, he waited until he was sure she was asleep, not wanting to disturb her much needed rest.

* * * * *

Everything was black. She couldn’t find her way out. She couldn’t protect herself against the pain that was exploding through every fiber of her body. Only one thought was running through her mind- she had to get away.

Trying to throw the weight from her body, she struck out, feeling moderately satisfied when her fist connected with something, uncaring of what it might be. Pushing the body away, she tried to get to her feet before feeling an arm wrap around her waist.

“Buffy!”

“No,” she said, her brain unable to comprehend where she was or who was saying her name as the fear gripped her. “No, no, no, no…”

“Buffy!”

Opening her eyes, Buffy panted for air, trying to remember where she was. Recognizing the familiar walls and the bed, she looked around in panic. Remembering that she was downstairs watching a movie with Spike and her friends, she realized that she must have fallen asleep against him and he brought her up to his room.

“Spike?” she murmured, looking over and frowning when she saw him. One arm still securely around her waist and the other covering his eye, Buffy felt her chin trembling when she realized what happened. “I’m sorry,” she said in a choked whisper, hesitantly reaching out to him before jerking her arm back, her body shaking as she tried to get away.

“It’s alright, kitten,” he whispered, holding back the flinch of pain as he pulled his hand away, knowing that it would be swollen in the morning. “You were having a nightmare, it was an accident.”

Hearing a knock on the door, Buffy immediately cowered while Spike quickly got out of bed and walked through the small living room to open the door.

“Everything alright?” Angel asked, looking over Spike’s shoulder. “I heard screaming.”

“Mine or hers?” Spike asked with a smile, briefly touching the back of his hand to his eye before grimacing and pulling it away.

“Did she…?”

“She had a nightmare. I got caught in the crossfire. Everything’s alright now.”

Angel nodded before saying goodnight. Spike closed the door, leaning his head against it for a moment when he heard the soft noise behind him. Turning around, he smiled and opened his arms for Buffy when he saw her standing in the doorway. Quickly sprinting forward to be wrapped in his embrace, she clung to him, seeking out the comfort only he could offer.

His brows knit together as his eyes closed in concern, realizing the mistake he’d made a moment later.

“Bloody hell,” Spike muttered, refraining from reaching up to inspect his eye. “You were right about black eyes, Goldilocks. They fucking hurt.”

Seeing the crestfallen look on her face, he quickly kissed her forehead, firmly wrapping one arm around her waist and tilting her eyes up to his.

“Hey,” he said softly with a timid smile. “It’s alright.”

“I shouldn’t have…”

“Shouldn’t have…what? You had a nightmare, luv. There’s nothing wrong with that. Don’t worry about me- I’ve had much worse.”

Buffy sniffled as she nodded before calmly extracting herself from his arms and walking toward the bathroom.

“Buffy?”

Turning around at the sound of Spike’s voice, she slowly raised her eyes to his.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” she whispered with a nod, slipping into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her.

Leaning against the back of the door, her eyes slowly opened, seeing the mirror in front of her and barely recognizing the girl looking back at her.

Staring at herself for a long moment, Buffy couldn’t stop the hatred and revulsion that built up inside of her. She knew that Parker was the cause, but she couldn’t get away from the poison that he had infected her with. Closing her eyes against her reflection, she slowly turned and walked back into the bedroom.

Seeing her pale face and her eyes filled with pain, Spike jumped off the bed and made his way over to her.

“What’s wrong, luv?”

“Spike,” she whispered, avoiding his eyes as she tried to gain enough strength to say the words. “I think I should see someone.”

“A therapist?” he asked gently, feeling a weight lifted from his shoulders when Buffy nodded. “Alright then,” he said, tilting his head to give her a soft smile when she finally looked up at him. “I’ll call tomorrow morning and make you an appointment.”

“You know someone?” she asked nervously as she took a step away from him.

“Yeah,” Spike said softly, his head tilted in confusion. “What’s wrong?”

“Y-you’ve been planning this?”

Spike sighed, wishing that he could break through the barriers that Parker had surrounded her with and get her to trust him. He almost wished that she could be the Buffy she used to be, but then he remembered that this is the woman he had fallen in love with and he wouldn’t hesitate to help her. “I asked one of my professors if he could recommend someone.”

“Before yesterday?”

“Yeah,” he whispered, sitting down so he wouldn’t appear as intimidating to her. “I’ve been worried about you for a while…I figured it couldn’t hurt to find someone you can trust.”

“Oh,” she whispered, trying to nod as Spike grabbed her hand, tugging her forward to give her a soft kiss.

“Everything will be fine, sweetheart. I promise.”

Taking a deep breath and bravely straddling his lap, Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a tender kiss before pulling back to rest her head against his. “Promise?”

He let his hands run along her back, feeling her relax against his touch. “I promise.”




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Chapter 18 - Undoing the Damage



“How are you feeling, Buffy?”

Looking up at her therapist Dr. Holden Webster, Buffy felt her heart racing in her chest. “I don’t want to be here,” she said softly.

“That’s understandable. Most people don’t want to be here. Do you understand why you’re here?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said slowly. “Dr. Webster-”

“Call me Holden,” he said with a gentle smile. “I like all my patients to be comfortable with me. Or you can call me Webs. That was my nickname in high school.”

“I think I’ll stick with Holden,” she said with a nod.

“Good. Now tell me why you’re here.”

Pausing and catching her breath after a moment, she finally felt a moderate amount of strength to begin. “Because my boyfriend…ex…my ex-boyfriend was…hurting me.”

Knowing most of the information from reading her file, Holden merely nodded, encouraging her to talk.

“I-I wanted to leave and…I wasn’t strong enough,” she whispered.

“And he forced you to do things against your will?”

Feeling the tears spring to her eyes, Buffy grabbed the edges of the couch, trying to control her breathing. “Spike,” she whispered. “Can Spike please come in here?”

Holden nodded before getting up and walking out to the waiting room, returning a moment later with Spike, who immediately ran over to Buffy and tenderly cupped her face in his hands. “You alright?”

“I am now,” she said softly, her voice filled with relief.

Sitting down next to her, Spike pulled her close, holding her hand tightly in his and offering his silent support.

“Can you tell me about the first time, Buffy?” Holden asked. “Because if you don’t feel comfortable…”

Swallowing hard, Buffy grasped at the man who had turned into her lifeline, looking over at him and feeling relief at the support she saw in his gaze before turning back to Holden.

“W-we had a date and we went back to Par…his room. It was…nice…I guess would be the word,” she whispered, feeling ashamed as she avoided both men in the room.

“And after that?”

“I-I didn’t really know how it worked…I sought him out,” she said in a choked voice. “I asked him for another chance and he…it didn’t start right away,” she finished in a whisper.

“The abuse?”

Flinching at the term, Buffy nodded.

“How did it start?”

“We were…we were arguing and he…hit me.” She could feel the tension in everyone as she continued. “I left. I always told myself that I wouldn’t be that girl. That I wouldn’t put myself in that type of situation.”

“But he got you to give him a second chance.”

“Yeah,” Buffy murmured, fighting the tears in her eyes. “Everything was okay for a while and then it happened again. H-he didn’t just threaten me- he told me he’d hurt my mom or my friends if I didn’t do what he said.”

“And what was that?” Holden asked softly.

“Anything,” she whispered, closing her eyes. “I had to stay quiet about the…pain that he was causing me and I had to…”

Trying to keep her mind from shutting down against the horrible images, Buffy took a deep breath.

“…I had to…perform…whatever he wanted.”

Feeling Spike flinch as he sat next to her, Buffy practically jerked her hand out of his grasp. She could see him seeking her out again, but she was already retreating into herself, only believing that he wanted to pretend it was okay, when it really wasn’t.

‘He thinks you’re disgusting,’ she thought, turning away from him a little bit and running her hands through her hair.

“What are you thinking, Buffy?” Holden asked.

“It’s not important,” she whispered, letting her hands fist in her hair.

“Why?”

“Why…what?” she asked, suddenly unsure of this entire situation.

“Why do you think your thoughts aren’t important?”

“Because they’re not,” she said softly.

“Is that what Parker told you?”

Buffy looked down, nervously running her hands along her pants as she took a deep breath. “Parker told me a lot of things,” she murmured.

“Such as?”

“I…I can’t,” she choked out, feeling the sobs that ran through her, shaking her shoulders as she covered her face with her hands, trying to control her tears. Feeling Spike move closer, Buffy pushed all her thoughts aside and didn’t hesitate to lean into him when his strong arms encircled her small body, pulling her against him and stroking her hair as she cried.

Finally letting herself calm down, Buffy took several deep breaths to calm her nerves before sitting up and turning toward Holden. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

“Nothing to be sorry about,” he replied with an easy smile. “Are you okay?” Seeing her tentative nod, Holden continued, “Can you tell me about the other night.”

Nervously tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, Buffy tried to control the trembling that was running through her body. “I was in my room,” she began in a whisper, trying to find the strength to go on as the memories assaulted her from every direction. She shied away from Spike at the mention of Parker’s name, not even wanting to associate the two of them through simple words. “I…wasn’t doing anything. There was a knock on the door and...”

“Take your time, Buffy,” Holden said softly.

“H-he came back and…and I wasn’t expecting him…I didn’t know it was him,” she continued in a choked voice as tears clouded her vision. “He asked me…”

Taking a deep breath, Buffy closed her eyes for a moment, trying to keep her emotions under control.

“He figured out that I wasn’t waiting for him,” she whispered, the misery rolling off of her in waves.

“How did he figure this out?” Holden asked, knowing what she was talking about.

Shooting a nervous glance at Spike before looking at the doctor, Buffy took a deep breath. “Because I opened the door, thinking that he was someone else…and he knew.”

Spike felt as if his heart stopped when he caught the look she sent his way. The fearful gaze spoke volumes- wanting to hide the fact that she had been waiting for him and that was what made Parker so mad he had taken it out on her. Guilt shot through him at the idea that because of him, she had to suffer.

‘If I had just gone over there earlier…this never would have happened to her. It’s all my fault.’

Buffy could feel every muscle go on edge as Spike realized what she was saying. His body was so rigid, she felt the need to move away from him, sitting in the corner of the couch as he tried to come to terms with what he’d learned.

“And what happened after that, Buffy?”

Turning her attention back to the therapist, she took a deep breath. “He…he told me that I would remember who I belonged to. That no one would ever want me.”

Leaning back in his chair, Holden seemed to be contemplating something for a moment as he looked at his desk. “Do you consider what he did to you to be rape?”

Wrapping her arms around her body in an effort to ward off the chill that was spreading through her, she shrugged.

“Is that a yes?” he asked softly.

“I considered it to be normal,” she murmured.

“What do you mean?”

“He just…he always took what he wanted. Whether it was to take out his aggression or frustration or…or anything else. He was more violent the last time, but…but it really wasn’t out of the ordinary.”

“Did he use sex to control you?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered after a moment. “That was always for him. Never for me.”

“Never for you?”

Spike was watching her, surprise written all over his face.

“It just…it was never about me.”

* * * * *

Walking out into the waiting room, Buffy hugged her arms around her waist, thankful for Spike’s support but wondering if it was too much for him to absorb. Turning toward the door that led to the hallway, she jumped when she felt his arms encircle her waist. “You okay?” he whispered.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

Letting his lips brush over her shoulder, Buffy finally relaxed against his touch, hearing his comforting voice behind her, “Me too.”



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Chapter 19 – Feeling Broken


Walking into the house, Spike suppressed a sigh when Buffy immediately began walking up the stairs, obviously feeling uncomfortable and wanting to be alone for a while.

“How did it go?”

Turning to his right, he saw Angel and Faith watching Buffy with identical somber expressions. He knew that they probably matched his own.

“She’s working through a lot,” he murmured, turning his gaze back to the stairs and barely catching a glimpse of her as she rounded the corner. “It’s going to take some time, but she’s getting there.”

“Maybe you should go check on her,” Faith said, gesturing toward the stairs.

“I think she’d rather be alone,” Spike said softly.

“I think that’s just a cover. Trust me, when girls give off one vibe, they’re actually screaming at you to do the opposite. Go check on her, Spike.”

Wanting nothing more than to walk up there and take Buffy in his arms, he finally gave in. Making his way to the second floor, Spike turned the corner and relaxed a little bit when he saw his door was slightly ajar.

Walking through and closing it behind him, he passed through the small sitting room and into his bedroom. Seeing Buffy curled up on his bed and looking so tiny, he wanted nothing more than to take her into his arms and soothe away everything until she had no worries.

He saw her shoulders tense when he slowly sat down on the bed, letting the soft mattress shift under his weight. Not wanting to startle her, he gently ran his hand along her lower back, rubbing in small circles until he felt her muscles slowly give way under his touch. Hearing the breathy sigh escape her lips, he took it as a sign that he could move a little farther.

Laying down next to her, he let his hand put a little more pressure on her back, smiling at the nearly inaudible moan. Moving upward, he gently massaged the knots from her shoulders, feeling a moderate sense of satisfaction when she leaned more heavily against his touch.

Lowering his hands once again, he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him, careful to avoid letting her come in contact with his erection.

‘Can’t even touch her without getting hard,’ he thought, still trying to keep her relaxed as he traced small patterns along her stomach.

“Spike?”

Hearing her soft voice enter his subconscious, Spike’s movements stopped for a brief moment before he continued. Nuzzling her neck for a moment and gently kissing the line of her shoulder, he moved upward until he kissed the sensitive skin behind her ear.

“Yeah, luv?” he breathed, feeling a small shiver run through her.

Waiting for a moment, Spike frowned when she didn’t say anything. Slowly turning her over, he was surprised when he felt her soft lips on his. Feeling her body meld to his, he frantically tried to think of a reason why this was wrong. A moment later, his eyes rolled back when her hands ran up his arms to settle on the back of his neck while her lower body pushed against his.

‘That’s why,’ the warning voice in his head suddenly screamed at him.

Slowly pulling his lips away from hers, Spike moved his body away a little bit at a time until they were only connected by their hands.

“Did I do something wrong?” she asked, looking at him with pure fear in her eyes.

Feeling his chest constrict as he witnessed even more of the damage that Parker had caused, Spike shook his head. “No, sweetheart,” he whispered, cupping her face in his hand and letting his thumb gently brush along her cheek. “You did everything a little too right, and that’s why I needed to stop.”

Expecting to see a hint of a smile on her face, Spike was surprised when she bit her lip and avoided his gaze.

“What’s wrong, Buffy?”

“Am I too messed up?” she whispered, not raising her eyes to his.

Spike hooked a finger under her chin and restrained the anger that filled him when she turned her head so that he wouldn’t tilt her eyes toward his. Of course, the anger was, once again, directed at Parker.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “You just need some time. You’re healing and you’ll keep seeing the therapist, and eventually, you’ll feel as good as new.”

“No,” she replied, shaking her head. “I’ll never be as good as new.”

“Why?” Spike asked, silently willing her to look at him.

“Because I feel too broken,” she murmured, finally raising her eyes to his.

Seeing the tears that were shining in them, begging for release, Spike pulled her to him. Swallowing the lump in his throat after a moment, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, letting his hands gently run through her long hair, holding her close to him.

“You’re not broken,” he said softly, pulling back to look into her eyes again, slightly relieved that the tears seemed to have subsided for the moment.

Both stayed quiet for several long minutes, simply enjoying the simple act of being so close to the other.

Spike felt a smile pull on his lips when her hand began rubbing circles on his stomach, much the same way his had been minutes before. He watched her eyes as she studied the black t-shirt he was wearing. He could see the soft smile that was threatening to form as her fingertips traced the line of his abdomen, through the thin material.

The ticklish sensations almost had him laughing, but the softness in her eyes kept him grounded as he watched her.

Her hand slowly moved downward, running along the flat expanse of his stomach. Her face seemed to take on a more serious expression that had Spike arching an eyebrow.

Feeling her hand travel even lower after a moment, he sharply inhaled when her fingertips brush along his belt buckle. Knowing that he wouldn’t be in control much longer, Spike intervened.

“Don’t,” he whispered, shaking his head and catching her hand in his, intertwining their fingers together.

Seeing the crestfallen look on her face and the slight quivering of her chin, he felt like an ass but knew that he would have to be firm to make her realize that he wasn’t after her for one thing.

“Buffy, I’m not here with you to see what I can get out of you,” he said softly.

“All the more reason to give it to you, right?” she murmured, avoiding his gaze.

“No,” he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead and relaxing when she looked into his eyes again. Shaking his head to re-emphasize his point. “No.”

“I’m sorry,” she said in a choked voice. “I shouldn’t just keep assuming that you want to be with me-”

Cutting her off with a passionate kiss, Spike let his lips claim hers, not wanting to hear anymore of the doubts that Parker had put into her mind. Breaking away breathlessly after a moment, he shook his head.

“I want to be with you,” he murmured against her lips, rolling them so he could have a little more control. “God, do I want to be with you, but we need to wait until this is right.”

“When is that?”

“When it’s what we both want,” he replied. “And not because it’s what you think I need from you.”





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Chapter 20 – Painful Reminders


Letting the sun wash over her face as she walked out of the building, Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. She had just turned in her last paper that she had to make up from missing class and she relished the fact that she had no more deadlines to look forward to for awhile. Looking around the open area, she let a disappointed look cross her features when she didn’t see Spike. He had told her that he would try to meet her, but she knew his Psych exam was probably going to take a little bit longer.

Beginning her walk back to the frat house, Buffy shifted her bag from one shoulder to the other, trying not to wince as the weight of the backpack cut into her shoulder. It had been a few weeks since the attack with no mention of Parker and even though the cuts and bruises had faded, but no matter how much she healed, the results were still there, lying just beneath the surface.

The swelling and the worst of the bruising were gone, leaving her feeling a little more refreshed but she still felt broken.

She still felt so…vulnerable.

Even as the thought crossed her mind, Buffy barely had time to register what was happening as her shoulder was practically jerked out of its socket. Gasping as she was blindly pulled into the shadows of two of the college buildings, her eyes widened in terror when she looked into her ex-boyfriend’s crazed eyes.

Too scared to scream, she vaguely realized she wouldn’t be able to, even if she wanted to. Her breath was caught in her throat, trapping any other sound that might have escaped.

“You thought you would get away?” he hissed, his hand wrapped around her neck, holding her in place, letting the brick wall press against her back, biting into it.

Buffy closed her eyes, willing this to be a dream, even as her hands reached up, trying to claw at his hand and force him to release her.

“Did you think you could just shack up with him and get away with it?” Parker continued, letting his lips come within mere centimeters of her own. “I warned you, baby,” he said in a menacing whisper. “I could snap your neck right here. Leave you for someone else to stumble across, but I’m not going to…I think it would be more fun if I kill your new boy-toy first.”

Hearing the whimper that escaped from the woman he was sure he was in love with, Parker loosened his hold, just enough for her to take in some air.

“Have you missed me, baby?” he whispered, holding her body in place with his own as his other hand reached up to squeeze her breast, gently at first before increasing the pressure, causing a sob to escape her lips as she tried to get away from him.

“Don’t,” she whispered, her voice laced with pain as she tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over.

“Come on,” he said in a rough voice, stepping back and holding her upper arm in a punishing grip as he began to pull her along. “We’re going to have some fun.”

A strangled sound ripped from her throat as she struggled against him, fighting against the panic that was trying to make itself known.

“No,” she said, gritting her teeth and desperately trying to pull away from him as she fought the tears in her eyes.

“Buffy?”

Turning around at the sound of the familiar voice, Buffy saw Spike and Angel walking toward her, each with a confused expression on their faces until they got a good look at who was holding her.

Spike never realized that he could actually see red if provoked, but the sight of Buffy being dragged against her will by her abusive ex-boyfriend was enough to have him looking for blood.

Closing the distance between them, Parker barely had a chance to blink as Spike’s fist slammed into his jaw.

Attacking him with renewed force, he never let Parker get in a hit as he continued to pummel the other man. Vaguely realizing that someone was attempting to pull him away, Spike whirled around, prepared to lash out at whoever was behind him. Seeing Angel’s face, his brows knit together before Angel’s gaze directed him toward Buffy.

Spike’s eyes widened as he watched her backing away, visibly trembling as she turned and pushed her way through the crowd that was forming to watch the fight.

“Buffy,” he whispered. Running after her and easily catching up to her, Spike wrapped his arm around her waist, redirecting her movements until she was firmly pulled against his chest. His other hand immediately cupped the back of her head, holding her to him in a desperate attempt to calm her.

“It’s alright, sweetheart,” he murmured, closing his eyes as he tried to soothe her, holding his tears back as she continued shaking. “He’s not going to hurt you.”

“And what about you?” she asked, her voice quavering as she tried to pull away from him.

“What?” he asked in disbelief, unable to let her go, leading her away from the crowd.

“Y-you were…uncontrollable,” she whispered, fighting the tears in her eyes. “Just like him.”

Gritting his teeth at the mention of him being anything like Parker, Spike closed his eyes for a moment, understanding what she was saying.

“But I’d never hurt you, pet,” he murmured, pulling back to cup her face in his hands.

Finally raising her watery eyes to his, Buffy breathed a sigh of relief, letting go of the tension she was holding onto. “I know,” she whispered. “I just…it all happened so fast and it…I guess it was just too much for me.”

“I know,” Spike replied in a soothing voice, reluctantly pulling away when he heard the commotion behind him. Turning around and protectively keeping Buffy behind him, he glared as Parker tried to break free of the hold Angel had on him.

He could feel Buffy flinch when the other man called her name. Preparing to step forward, Spike stopped when he felt her grab his arm in a gentle hold, keeping him in place. “Don’t,” she whispered in his ear, restraining him from moving any farther.

“Why…”

Spike trailed off as Buffy walked toward Parker. Seeing Angel take a firm grip on the smaller man’s arms, Spike took a step forward in case Parker decided to try something stupid.

“I knew you’d come to your senses,” Parker said with a smile, still struggling to get free.

“Yes,” Buffy said with more conviction than she’d felt in years. “I have.”

Before anyone could react, the small blonde pulled her leg back- kicking him as hard as she could in the groin, smiling at the scream of pain that erupted from Parker as all of the men standing around involuntarily winced.

Grateful that she had Spike behind her for support and Angel holding Parker back, Buffy felt more brazen as she took another step toward him. “I have come to my senses,” she said in a low voice. “And since you obviously don’t understand the word ‘no’, I’m going to say this in a way that even you can understand…fuck off.”

Watching in admiration and shock as Buffy slammed her fist into Parker’s nose, Spike smiled when Angel dropped him to the ground, leaving the pathetic excuse for a man to whimper as one hand clutched his nose and the other grabbed his injured groin. Stepping behind her, Spike eagerly wrapped his arms around Buffy, never feeling happier than that moment.

Taking her injured hand in his, Spike tenderly kissed the soon-to-be bruised knuckles. “Ready to go home?” he asked softly.

“Yeah,” she murmured, allowing herself to be led away from the scene when she heard Parker’s voice call out to her.

Slowly turning around, she leveled him with a glare so full of contempt she saw him shudder.

“This isn’t over,” he growled.

“Maybe not,” Buffy replied with a disinterested shrug. “But we are.”





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Chapter 21 – Trust is Enough


“Who are you talking to?” Buffy asked, toweling off her wet hair as she walked into the bedroom, seeing Spike hang up the phone.

“No one,” he said quickly, trying to avoid her eyes and at the same time, keep his eyes off the exposed skin that was barely covered by the terrycloth wrapped around her body.

“Oh,” she said softly, biting her lip as a wave of insecurity seemed to wash over her. “Okay,” she murmured, grabbing her clothes before turning back toward the bathroom.

“What’s wrong, pet?”

“Nothing,” she replied, her voice a little too enthusiastic for Spike’s comfort level.

“Buffy.” Spike tilted his head to study her rigid posture before continuing, “Talk to me.”

Tossing the clothes on the bathroom counter, Buffy slowly turned to face him, clutching at the towel with one hand as the other tugged at the bottom of it, wanting more coverage as she took a deep breath. “I’m better now,” she said softly, slowly raising her eyes to his and seeing the confusion in them. “I know my being here has probably been a huge inconvenience, so I can leave whenever you need me to.”

“Where did this come from?” Spike asked, standing up to walk over to her and trying to smother the panic that was rising up in him.

“Spike, I’m intruding on your life,” she said, trying to force a smile on her face as she gestured around the room. “I mean, look at you. You can’t even make a phone call in privacy without worrying about me overhearing something.”

“Is that what this is about?” he asked, coming to stand in front of her. “The phone call?”

“It’s about everything,” she murmured, trying to make him understand where she was coming from. “I just think it’s time I give you some space.”

“Don’t want space, pet. I want you.”

“I want you, too,” she whispered, feeling more confident when his hands came up to rest on her bare shoulders, pulling her against his chest. As desire seemed to race through her, Buffy nearly jumped back, shocked at the unusual feeling. Looking into his eyes, she let a purely feminine smile play on her face.

Abandoning her hold on the towel, she could see Spike’s eyes darken with lust when it slipped down, exposing another inch to his gaze. Letting her hands trail along his chest, traveling lower until she was pulling at his shirt, his hands slowly came up to cover hers.

“Buffy, we don’t have to do this,” he said softly, shocked that he had the willpower to even say the words as she stepped back and let the towel fall to the floor.

“I know,” she said with a soft smile, closing the distance between them once again. “But what if I want to do this?”

“I-I don’t want you to think…”

He trailed off, suddenly feeling nervous, closing his eyes when one of her hands briefly ran along his cheek in a soothing motion, slowly relaxing beneath her touch.

“I trust you, William,” she whispered, pulling his shirt over his head. “I trust you,” she repeated, knowing that he needed the reassurance.

Gently pushing him toward the bed, Buffy could feel his eyes on her as he sat down, pulling her with him to straddle his lap. Biting her bottom lip as she ran her hands over his exposed muscles, she felt her breath catch in her throat when his hands gently brushed along the expanse of her back, immediately relaxing her. She’d never felt anything like this with Parker. His sexual motto was always want, take, have, but Spike was different. He didn’t shove her down on the bed and touch her anywhere he pleased. He gave her what she needed, allowing her to set the pace.

Pushing herself up to her knees, Buffy maintained eye contact with Spike as she reached for his belt, slowly divesting him of the last remainder between them until they were both naked. Giggling when Spike grabbed her butt and lifted her, moving back on the bed, she could see the relief on his face as she relaxed beneath his touch.

Their lips met in a tender kiss, causing Buffy to practically melt into his touch as his tongue gently caressed hers. Letting their lips brush together until they were each completely relaxed, Buffy moved to change their positions, unused to being in such a controlling position.

“Don’t,” Spike murmured, gently biting her neck and smiling when she gasped as his hand gently palmed her breast.

“But don’t you want…”

Trailing off when her breath caught in her throat as Spike gently rolled one of her nipples, she watched as he slowly pulled back to look at her.

“If you want to move, I don’t mind, pet, but I want you to have all the control you want.”

Smiling at the thoughtful gesture, Buffy brushed her lips against his in a tender caress before pulling back to look into his eyes. “I love you,” she whispered.

The shock in his eyes nearly had her giggling as a smile slowly crossed his face. “I love you, too,” he said softly, his voice shaking with emotion. Buffy noticed the trembling in his body and gave him a gentle smile as she ran a soothing hand along his cheek, slipping her other hand between their bodies and positioning him at her entrance.

“W-we don’t have to-”

“Shh,” Buffy whispered, placing a finger over his lips. “I know we don’t…but I’m ready. Are you?”

“God, yes,” Spike murmured, closing his eyes as his lips met hers in a frantic kiss.

Not giving him time to think or react, she thrust her hips against his with a sharp intake of breath. Seeing the look of awe and wonder on his face, Buffy smiled, relaxing against the feel of his body. Neither moved as she adjusted to him, feeling her inner muscles reflexively tighten around him, unused to the new feeling of making love for the first time.

Moving together with a slow pace, Spike pressed his forehead to Buffy’s shoulder, trying not to lose control as they rocked together, his hands loosely holding her back. “I’ve wanted you for so long,” he whispered in a choked voice, feeling her hand tenderly stroking the back of his neck as she met each of his thrusts.

Pulling back after a few minutes, Spike crushed his lips to hers in a desperate kiss, needing to make sure that this was real, that the woman he loved was really here with him and it wasn’t some elaborate dream.

Feeling her inner muscles clamp around him, Spike saw the shock and surprise drift over her face. “Let it go, baby,” he murmured, realizing that she’d never felt this before. Speeding up her thrusts, Buffy let her head fall to his shoulder, gently biting down on his skin, letting it muffle her scream of pleasure. Spike quickly followed her over the edge, seeing her sit up as she continued to move above him, claiming her lips in a desperate kiss. Letting their tongues stroke together for a moment before breaking away for air, Spike pressed his forehead against hers. “I love you so much,” he whispered, smiling as she collapsed on him.

“That was amazing,” she said breathlessly.

“I’ll second that,” he said with a grin, kissing the top of her head as he tried to catch his breath. Enjoying the simple feel of laying together, still intimately joined, Spike let his hands run through her hair. “It was a private investigator,” he said after a moment, earning a look of confusion from Buffy.

“What was?”

“That’s who I was talking to,” Spike continued, brushing the hair off her forehead as she turned to prop her chin on his chest. “I called him about a week ago to see if he could come up with anything on Abrams for the trial.”

“And?” Buffy asked in a shaky voice, holding onto him with a forceful grip as she waited.

“He wants to meet with me and discuss it.”

“I want to go,” she said, sitting up a little bit as she looked into his eyes.

“You sure?”

“Yes,” she replied with conviction in her voice.

“Alright, sweetheart,” he murmured, brushing a kiss to her forehead.





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Chapter 22 – Needing to Know…


Walking toward the outdoor café, Spike kept his arm firmly wrapped around Buffy’s waist as he scanned the area. Offering a brief nod to the middle-aged man sitting at one of the tables, Spike led her toward him.

“William,” the man greeted, standing up with a warm smile directed at Buffy as he shook Spike’s hand. “And you must be Miss Summers,” he continued in a warm British accent.

“Buffy,” she replied, accepting his outstretched hand and blushing when he kissed the top of it before releasing her.

“Buffy, this is Rupert Giles,” Spike said, holding out a chair and waiting for her to sit down. “He’s a family friend.”

“And you found something on Parker, Mr. Giles?” she asked, looking at him with a nervous expression.

“Call me Giles. And yes…I found something.”

“What is it?” Spike asked, sitting across from the older man, never breaking contact with Buffy.

“It seems that Buffy wasn’t the only woman who has been subjected to Mr. Abrams’ darker side.”

“There were others,” she said softly, already feeling sympathy for the women who had been at Parker’s mercy.

“One,” Giles said quietly. “A young woman named Darla Mason.”

“How did she get away from him?”

Giles sat back in his chair, taking off his glasses and slowly cleaning them with a soft cloth as he avoided the question, briefly looking up and meeting Spike’s eyes.

“She didn’t,” Spike said in a quiet tone, reading into the other man’s body language and understanding what he was reluctant to say.

“She…but she had to,” Buffy insisted. “I was with him long enough…I-I know what he’s like and how protective he is over his ‘possessions’, so there’s no way that he would let another woman out of his sight.”

“Buffy,” Spike said in a soft voice, gently touching her arm without taking his eyes off Giles.

Seeing the look that the two men were exchanging, Buffy felt her chin quivering as she closed her eyes. “She didn’t get away…did she?”

“No,” Giles replied in a quiet tone, sitting up a little straighter in his chair. “The official word is that her death was ruled as an accident.”

“He killed her,” Buffy whispered, looking at the table as she tried to wrap her mind around the fact that it could have been her.

“Everything that I’ve seen points to a definitive ‘yes’.”

“How?”

“Officially, it was a car accident,” he said, flipping through the notes that were in front of him. “Blunt trauma to the head, several bruises and lacerations.”

“So he killed her and purposely got into a car wreck to make it look like it was an accident?” Spike asked.

“Apparently,” Giles replied, looking back and forth between the couple.

Spike glanced over at Buffy, noticing her pale face as she fought the tears that were building in her eyes. “You okay?” he whispered, pulling her closer to him.

“Yeah,” she murmured, blinking back the tears. “And the case is closed now?” she asked, unable to look at the men as her emotions raged beneath the surface.

“Yes,” Giles said in a gentle voice, sympathizing with the young woman.

Spike sighed. “So he wasn’t convicted of anything, and if he’s convicted of the charges this time, he’s going to be out in a few months to start the cycle all over again.”

“No, he’s not,” Buffy said in a firm voice, turning to look at Spike.

“Not much you can do, pet,” he said, brushing the hair off her shoulder as he looked at her, sympathizing with what she must be going through.

“I’m not letting him hurt anyone else,” she said in a strong voice. “He’s not going to start this again with someone else.”

“There’s nothing you can do, Buffy.”

“I can get a confession,” she replied, turning toward Spike and seeing the shock on his face before the realization set in.

“No,” he growled, shaking his head before Buffy could continue.

“It’s the only way, Spike. He talks to me.”

“You go back to him and he’ll beat the shit out of you!” Spike replied, his voice rising as he became more frantic, seeing the determination in her eyes.

“And if I don’t, he’ll do it to someone else. Some other poor, unsuspecting girl who might not have someone to get her away from him. She might not be strong enough to get out on her own, and she’ll have to suffer because I was too scared to do something about it.”

“If I may make a suggestion,” Giles said, cutting off Spike before he could protest. “I have several contacts at the police department. Perhaps if we get a few officers to offer a certain amount of undercover protection, we could record this Abrams bloke and see if he really does open up to Buffy.”

“It’s too dangerous,” Spike said, shaking his head as he looked between Buffy and Giles.

“I’ll leave you two alone for a moment,” Giles said, getting up and walking away from the table.

“What if it’s in a public place?” Buffy asked, never taking her eyes off of Spike as she tried to make him understand that she had to do this. “What if you and Giles stay out of sight and listen to the conversation and we have Giles’ contacts somewhere close? You could be there, you could hear everything without being seen.”

“It’s too dangerous,” he whispered, turning toward Buffy and cupping her face in his hands. “I can’t risk something happening to you.”

“I can’t sit back and risk it, Spike,” she whispered, letting her hand run soothing circles along his leg. “What happens when he gets out of jail, if he even goes, and comes looking for you? Or me? What happens if he’s able to grab me and you aren’t close enough to help? Please understand,” she murmured, looking into his eyes. “Please. I have to do this…you know I do.”

Closing his eyes in submission, Spike sighed as he gritted his teeth. “If anything happens to you…”

“It won’t,” she insisted, running her hand along his cheek, causing him to look at her again.

Pulling her to him for a frantic kiss, Spike desperately held onto her, unwilling to let her go as their lips practically melted together.

Sitting back after a moment, he looked into her eyes, swallowing his fear as he nodded. “If Giles can get some officers there…”

“I’ll be fine,” she whispered, doing what she could to reassure him. “I promise.”

* * * * *

Biting her lip when Spike shut the door behind her, effectively closing them in his room, Buffy took a deep breath to calm her nerves. He hadn’t said a word on the way back to the house, and she was beginning to feel a little unnerved with him.

“Okay,” she finally said, spinning around to face him. “Give it to me.”

“What?” he asked in confusion.

“I’m ready. Lecture, yell, throw things. Whatever you want to do, just get it out of your system already.”

With a heavy sigh, Spike closed the distance between them, gently cupping her cheek in one hand and tenderly smoothing away the lines in her forehead with his thumb. “There’s nothing to get out of my system,” he said softly. “I just worry about you.”

“I understand that,” Buffy murmured. “But it’s time that I take care of myself. I can’t hide out here and expect you to protect me for the rest of my life.”

“But I would,” he whispered, looking into her eyes. “I’ll protect you as long as it takes.”

“I know,” she said with a gentle smile. “But I’m tired of being the victim. I’m tired of feeling like I can’t…”

Trailing off, Buffy looked down, taking a deep breath.

“What is it, luv?”

“You never knew me,” she whispered, looking up with a soft smile, tears filling her eyes as she watched a confused expression cross his face.

“What do you mean?” he asked in confusion.

“This isn’t me,” she continued, pulling away from him and pacing the room. “I’m not some scared, helpless little girl. I’m stronger than that. I forgot that I was, but…but I’m remembering…who I was…who I am. I don’t need protection, Spike.”

Finally turning back to him, she could see the fear in his eyes before he spoke. “And what about me?” he asked, taking a hesitant step toward her. “Do you need me?”

“More than anything,” Buffy whispered, wrapping her arms around his waist and eagerly stepping into his embrace. “I just don’t need you to protect me. Not anymore. And I need to know that you don’t want someone to protect. I need to know that you want me and not a victim.”

Spike breathed a sigh of relief, letting his lips brush across the top of her head. “I love you. You,” he reiterated, needing to make her understand and smiling when he felt her relax.

“I love you, too.”

* * * * *

“You sure you’re ready for this?” Spike asked, holding her hand tightly in his.

Closing her eyes for a moment to get her emotions under control, Buffy nodded. “Yeah…I’m ready.”

Picking up her cell phone, Buffy stared at it for a moment, feeling her mouth go dry at the thought of the call she was about to make.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be here,” she said softly, unable to meet Spike’s gaze when she felt his eyes practically burning through her.

“Why’s that, pet?” he asked with a slight edge to his voice.

Turning to face him, Buffy tightened her mouth before speaking. “Because I can’t very well pretend that I want to get back together with my abusive ex-boyfriend if the man I love is sitting in the same room. It’s for believability, Spike. What did you expect? That I really want to go back to him?”

“Course not,” he muttered, looking at the floor. “I just thought you’d want some support.”

Walking toward the bed, Buffy smiled as she looked down at Spike before straddling his waist and wrapping her arms around his neck. “I do,” she whispered, gently leaving a kiss on his forehead before pulling back to look at him. “But I know I have your support, and I think this is something that I should do by myself.”

“Can I listen outside the door?” he asked with a smile, tilting his head to look at her.

“As if you wouldn’t have, anyway,” she said with a giggle. “I just know I can’t pretend to even want to go back to him…”

“I know,” Spike whispered, gently putting pressure on the back of her neck until her lips met his in a gentle kiss. Buffy gasped when his tongue slowly traced along her bottom lip, begging entrance that she was all too willing to give. Massaging her tongue with his, Buffy clutched at his shoulders, feeling lightheaded as he pulled away to leave another tender kiss on her forehead.

Giggling when he stood up with her in his arms, Buffy squealed when she found herself flat on her back, lying on the bed. “Spike, what are you-”

Cutting herself off when he immediately jumped on her and began tickling her ribs, Buffy screamed as she wiggled beneath him, doing what she could to get away as her laughter took over.

“Uncle!” she cried after a moment, laughing so hard her stomach was hurting as she tried to move away from his hands.

“Not the right answer, luv,” Spike replied with a devilish grin.

“What’s the right answer?” she asked breathlessly, squirming to get away.

“I think you know.”

Hooking her hands behind his neck, Buffy eagerly pulled him down to her, claiming his lips and effectively putting an end to his tickling as he pulled away to catch his breath. “That better?” she asked with a soft smile.

“You know it, baby,” he said with a seductive smirk.

“Alright,” she muttered, struggling to sit up as she pushed on his chest. “I need to get this over with.”

Spike sighed, standing up and pulling her with him. “I’ll be right outside,” he said, closing his eyes when she wrapped her arms around his waist.

“Thank you for being here,” she murmured, her voice muffled against his chest.

Tightening his hold on the woman he loved, Spike pressed another kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll always be here.”

Pulling away and offering him a smile, Buffy let her hand gently caress his cheek. “I know.”

Watching as he turned and walked out the door, she suddenly felt a distinct loneliness settle in as she turned back to look at the cell phone.

“You have to do this,” she muttered, closing her eyes to gather her strength. “You have to.”

With a shuddering breath, Buffy dialed the number that was etched in her mind, feeling her hands trembling as she put the phone to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Parker,” she greeted, trying to keep her tone warm and unassuming.

“Buffy?”

“Yeah,” she said softly. “It’s me.”

“Why are you calling?”

Buffy could almost hear him cracking his knuckles as she rolled her shoulders, trying to soothe away the tension.

“Maybe you’re right,” she said, easily keeping the right amount of apprehension in her voice. “Maybe I do belong with you.”

“He broke up with you, didn’t he?” Parker asked in a smug voice.

Glancing at the door and gathering strength from the man who actually loved her, Buffy closed her eyes. “Yeah,” she muttered. “He said that I couldn’t forget about you and that it was obvious I still wanted to be with you.”

“I knew it,” he said, the smile evident in his tone.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy closed her eyes before continuing, “Can we meet? Just to talk. Maybe work things out?”

“I seem to remember you pressing charges against me,” Parker replied. “Not to mention telling me it was over…among other things.”

“I was angry. I just…want to see you,” she said, trying to keep the strain out of her voice.

“Alright, come over tonight. My place.”

“Um…I can’t tonight. I, uh, I have a lot of homework to catch up on. What about tomorrow afternoon…in the park?”

Holding her breath as she waited for an answer, Buffy nearly breathed a heavy sigh of relief when she heard him agree.

“Tomorrow at two,” Parker said. “Don’t be late.”

Hanging up the phone, Buffy fell back on the bed, feeling exhausted after the short conversation. Hearing the door open, she relaxed, immediately soothed by Spike’s presence as he sat down on the bed and pulled her into his arms.

“You can do this, Goldilocks.”

“I know,” she murmured, clinging to him and closing her eyes. “But that doesn’t make it any easier to get through it.”





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Chapter 23 – Brand New Girl


“Are you sure you feel up to this?” Giles asked, studying Buffy as she nervously tugged on the oversized shirt she was wearing, hiding the microphone that was taped to her stomach.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “I’ll just feel better when this is all over.”

“I understand,” he replied with a warm smile before leading her over to two men, dressed in khakis and button-down shirts. “Buffy Summers, this is Wesley Wyndham-Pryce and Robin Wood. They will make sure to keep you in their sights while you’re talking to Abrams.”

“Miss Summers,” one of the men greeted with a nod. “Call me Wes.”

“And I’m Robin,” the other man said with a friendly smile, shaking her hand.

“Now, Miss Summers-”

“Buffy,” she interrupted. “Call me Buffy.”

“Very well, Buffy,” Wes said with a smile. “You know what to do?”

Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself as she looked between the two officers before nodding. “Yeah…I got it.”

“Good,” he said, checking his watch. “Mr. Giles and Mr. Atherton will be in a car parked over there,” he continued, gesturing to the SUV with heavily tinted windows. “Robin and I will be following you at an unobtrusive distance, but we shall remain close enough to intervene, if necessary.”

“Alright,” she said with a nod, feeling Spike’s arms wrap around her waist.

“I’m off, luv. Want to get out of the way before the wanker shows up.”

“Okay,” Buffy whispered, biting her lip and nervously wringing her hands together as she nodded, relaxing when Spike’s lips caressed hers.

“I’ll be here for everything,” he promised. “If he even tries to lay a hand on you, I’ll be here.”

* * * * *

“You’re early,” Parker said, walking toward her and openly eyeing her up and down.

“So are you,” she replied with a tentative smile.

“You wanted to talk?” he continued, closing the distance between them, nearly causing Buffy to shudder at his close proximity.

“Y-yeah…I do.”

“I want the charges dropped, Buffy,” he said in a low voice. “Now.”

“It wasn’t my idea,” she replied, going over the planned conversation in her head. “The police, they talked me into it, and I was hurt and…and angry. I know you would never intentionally hurt me, Parker,” she choked out, making it sound surprisingly believable.

“That’s right, baby,” he murmured, running his hand along her cheek, never noticing or caring when Buffy flinched away from his touch.

Pulling back when he dipped his head for a kiss, she took a calming breath. Seeing Robin sitting on a bench over Parker’s shoulder and pretending to read a newspaper, she reminded herself that she wasn’t alone in this. “There’s something that I need you to do for me, Parker. Before we get back together.”

“What’s that?” he asked, slightly put off that she had backed away before he could kiss her.

“I want to know about you. I know some things, but I need to know about your past.”

“My life’s an open book, Buff. You know that.”

“Who was before me?” she asked, restraining the urge to run away from him. “Who did you love before me?”

“This is important to you?” he asked, tilting his head to study her through narrowed eyes.

“It is.”

“Her name was Darla,” Parker started with a heavy sigh. “I knew her in high school. Pretty, little blonde cheerleader. Resembled you actually.”

Buffy shivered at the comparison. Obviously Parker was trying to recapture what he had with her…or recapture the thrill he had when he beat her.

“What happened to her?” she asked, her eyes widening when his gaze snapped to hers. “I-I just mean…if you loved her, why aren’t you with her?”

“She was in an accident,” he said vaguely.

“Like the accident with me?” Buffy asked, knowing that if he related it to her, she might get more information out of him.

“I never meant to hurt you, Buffy.”

“I know,” she said through gritted teeth, keeping her calm exterior firmly in place. “What happened to her, Parker?”

Gently taking his hand in hers, Buffy’s skin crawled at his touch, but she needed him relaxed.

“She didn’t listen to me.”

“Like me?”

“Sort of,” Parker said with a shrug. “You know what happened to her wouldn’t happen to you, right?”

“I know,” she said with a reassuringly fake smile. “What happened to her, Parker?”

“We got into a fight…I don’t remember much after that.”

“Did you kill her?”

Buffy nearly shrank back when his eyes narrowed on hers, her own eyes widening when he grabbed her arms in a firm grim, jerking her closer to him. She was sure if she listened hard enough, she would be able to hear Giles restraining Spike from jumping out of the SUV.

“Why are you asking this?” Parker growled, shaking her once for good measure.

“Because we need a clean slate,” Buffy said softly, surprising herself with the calm edge to her voice. “We need to start fresh, and if we’re going to do that, I need to know everything about you…even the bad things. Please tell me the truth.”

Loosening his hold slightly, Parker studied Buffy for a long moment before nodding. “I lost my temper…the argument escalated and I hit her.”

“Did you know it would kill her?”

“It was an iron lamp…I had an idea,” he said with no remorse in his voice.

Buffy shuddered at the cold tone and the murderous glint in his eyes. Feeling rage flood through her for this poor girl who hadn’t been able to get away and the fact that it could have been her, she ignored the fact that Parker still had her by the shoulders.

“So, you’re just openly admitting to being a murderer? To killing this woman in cold blood, is that it?” she asked, not expecting a reaction.

“Yeah. What about it?” Parker countered, narrowing his eyes on her as he tightened his hold, obviously fed up with her insolence.

“Get your hands off me,” Buffy said through clenched teeth.

“You like my hands on you,” he replied with a smile.

“I never liked anything of yours on me. Now get the hell away.”

Before Parker could comprehend what was happening, Wesley and Robin had him in handcuffs, reading him his rights as he looked at Buffy in shock.

“You set this up?” he asked in disbelief. “This couldn’t have been your idea. The girl I know never could have pulled this off.”

“Good thing I’m not the girl you know, then,” she said with a raised eyebrow, leaning into Spike when she felt his arms wrap around her waist.

“You alright, baby?” he murmured into her ear.

“Fine,” she replied, seeing the shock on Parker’s face turn to contempt as his eyes narrowed on hers. Buffy let a smile play on her lips.

“You arranged this? You played me?” he asked in a low voice that used to fill her with terror before she met Spike.

“And the Oscar goes to…”

“You bitch!”

Buffy’s eyes widened when Spike’s fist slammed into Parker’s nose as the officers subtly looked the other way, before he leaned in close to the other man’s ear.

“You honestly thought I would give her up?” Spike asked in a menacing whisper, so low that even Parker struggled to hear him. “Beating her into submission to keep her with you? And you couldn’t even hold onto her that way. How does it feel, Abrams? How does it feel to know that the woman you supposedly love never even had an orgasm before I came along?”

“Shut…up,” Parker growled.

“You think about that when you’re sharing your jail cell with someone who wants to make you the bitch.”

Stepping away, Spike watched with smug satisfaction as Parker was dragged away before turning to Buffy.

“Let’s go home, baby,” he whispered, gently kissing her lips.

Sighing in contentment as she leaned heavily against him, Buffy nodded. “That’s the best idea I’ve heard in a while.”





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Chapter 24 – Ever After…


6 Months Later


“How did it go?” Angel asked as Buffy and Spike walked into the house.

“Guilty on all counts,” Spike said with a smile, pulling Buffy closer to him and nuzzling her neck. “Thanks to the star witness, here.”

“So Abrams gets to go on an extended vacation to the pen?” Faith asked, cuddling up to her boyfriend.

“That’s basically it,” Buffy said softly before turning to Spike. “I’m going to go upstairs.”

Watching her walk up the stairs, he sighed before turning to his friends. “I better go check on her. It’s been a long day.”

“Probably a good idea,” Angel replied sympathetically.

Loosening his tie as he made his way to the second floor, Spike cracked his neck, trying to soothe the tension from his body. He knew that whatever he was feeling, Buffy’s emotions were multiplied.

Opening the door to his room, Spike walked toward his bedroom, seeing her sitting on the edge of their bed, staring blankly at the wall. “Penny for your thoughts, pet.”

“Is it bad that I feel bad?” she asked, never raising her eyes to his.

“About what?” he asked, sitting down next to her and taking her hand in his.

“I know it’s what he deserves. I know that after what he did to his other girlfriend, it’s for the best that he can’t hurt anyone again, but…”

“You wish it could have been different,” Spike stated in a quiet tone, gently brushing the hair off her shoulders as Buffy nodded.

“A man just lost his entire future because he needs help.”

“And maybe he’ll get that now,” he said softly. “This is the best thing that could have happened, Buffy. You know that.”

“I know,” she whispered, finally turning her watery eyes to Spike. “I just wish I could have done something before everything got so out of hand.”

“I know, baby,” he murmured, gently cupping her cheek and running his thumb along her skin, relaxing when she leaned into his touch. “But it still wouldn’t have changed the fact that he killed a woman. I know you wish you could have helped him, and it’s only normal. It’s because you’re human. Because you’re a remarkable woman. There was nothing you could have done, Buffy.”

“It could have been me, Spike,” she whispered, shivering at the thought and letting him pull her close. “By all accounts, it should have been me.”

“But it wasn’t,” he said, reassuring her as his hand ran along her back in smooth circles.

“Because of you,” she murmured, looking up at him. “You got me away…kept me safe.”

“You got yourself out of it,” he said in a soft whisper, brushing his lips across hers. “I just gave you a place to stay.”

“You gave me more than that, Spike,” she said, looking up at him with wide eyes. “You gave me the strength to go on, when I thought I couldn’t.”

“And I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” he said with a gentle smile. “I love you, Goldilocks.”

“Show me,” she said softly, pushing the coat off his shoulders and slowly working on the buttons of his shirt.

Not one to question a request from the woman he loved, Spike eagerly stood up, pulling her with him and crushing his lips to hers while unzipping her dress. Feeling the fabric fall away from her body to pool on the floor, his hands ran along her silky skin.

Breaking away from her lips to kiss down the column of her throat, Spike suppressed a groan of desire when he felt her hands move to his belt, unbuckling and removing it with painful slowness.

“Need you,” he whispered against her lips, kicking off the rest of his clothes as he gently pushed her down on the bed, removing her panties with effortless ease, acquired after months of practice.

“Need you, too,” she murmured, eagerly locking her hands behind his neck and dragging him toward her, arching her body beneath his as she craved his touch.

Gasping when he thrust into her, Buffy clutched at his shoulders, feeling the sense of completion that only came when he was inside of her. Rocking his hips against hers, Spike pulled back to watch the play of emotions that crossed her face.

Meeting his gaze, Buffy tried to control the tremors that were racing through her, crying out as her body arched against his.

Gently brushing the hair out of her eyes, Spike tenderly kissed her forehead, speeding up his thrusts as he held onto her. The steady rhythm of their movements was slowly building a fire inside both of them, causing their bodies to tense as they became more frantic.

Meeting her lips in a soft kiss, Spike pulled back to look into her eyes. “I love you, Buffy,” he whispered.

“I know,” she replied with a gasp as he filled her again. “I love you, too.”

Seeing the tears in her eyes, his head tilted as he studied her for a moment. “You okay?” he asked, his voice laced with concern as his movements slowed down.

Pulling him more forcefully toward her, Buffy nodded. “Fine,” she said with a smile, arching her hips against his, encouraging him to speed up his thrusts.

After a few minutes, Spike could feel her body trembling, seeking her release. Reaching around her back, he pulled her more forcefully to him, plunging into her more powerfully. Gritting his teeth as her inner muscles clenched around him, he let his head fall to her shoulder, spilling himself inside of her welcoming body as she bit down on his shoulder, keeping her screams of pleasure muffled against his skin.

Feeling the tension practically roll out of him as he collapsed, Spike rolled to the side, pulling Buffy with him and trying to catch his breath as she lay on his chest.

“Never figured you for a biter, luv,” he said with a smile, lazily running his hand along her back.

“What can I say?” she replied with a giggle. “You’re mine.”

“Marking your territory?” Spike asked with a chuckle. Feeling her nod of agreement, a slow smile spread across his face. “Well, in that case…”

Buffy squealed when she suddenly found herself flipped over on the bed before Spike attacked her neck with playful nips. Finding the spot that he knew she loved, he let his teeth gently bite her skin before pulling away with a look of satisfaction. “Mine.”

“Yours,” she murmured, running her hand along his cheek with a soft smile. “And you’re mine.”

“Your everything?”

“My everything,” she whispered in agreement, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him closer to her. “My friend, lover, hero, and protector, all rolled up in one deliciously sexy package.”

“Is that right?” he asked with a smirk.

“Yeah, well…if I’m gonna have to look at you naked, it helps that you’re hot.”

Spike arched an eyebrow as Buffy giggled, letting her hands trail along his chest until he smiled.

“Don’t worry, honey,” she said with a sweet smile. “I’ll love you forever…even when you go bald.”

“Hey! Who says I’m going bald?”

“Oh, come on,” Buffy replied, trying to keep from laughing. “You can’t believe that you can use all that peroxide and not expect some bad side effects.”

Spike seemed to contemplate her for a moment before shrugging. “Well…as long as I still have you.”

“Don’t worry, Captain Peroxide,” she said with a smile, affectionately running her hand through his disheveled hair. “I’m here for the long haul.”

Closing her eyes as Spike pulled her closer to him, she breathed a sigh of relief when she heard his whispered reply.

“Me, too.”




~THE END~


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