Author's Chapter Notes:
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry about not updating earlier, all the stuff that's supposed to happen on Wednesday didn't and I was sick...and it all led to me forgetting....but THANK YOU so much for all of the reviews :-)
Chapter 25: Past is past…..or is it?

Carefully pouring the bleach into the measuring cup, William nearly changed his mind, but stopped himself from doing so because he knew there really was no other way.

He was going to become Spike again, for better or for worse.

The bleach burned as he poured it over his scalp, reinforcing in him the pain that he’d endured under this moniker. But also reminding him of the toughness it brought to him—erasing the insecurities and unsure-ness of William—outwardly at least.

Several minutes later when he knew his hair was ready, that he was ready, William looked in the mirror and saw who was looking back at him.

Spike.

*(*(*(*I*)*)*)*

Buffy was scared.

She knew it was stupid, but she was scared of seeing William again after her thoughts and what Sam had said in the car a few days before. She still hadn’t decided how exactly she felt about him, nor had she decided if she was going to decide.

And she only had several more minutes before he arrived for the morning.

“Come on, Buffy. You can do this.”

She didn’t have a chance to reassure herself more because just at that second the doorbell rang and she could hear Sam yelling, “Mommy! William’s here!”

“Guess it’s time to figure out how well I’m going to deal with this.” Slowly, reluctantly she made her way downstairs, freezing when she saw William.

He looked…well, he looked different.

“William, your hair’s a different color,” Sam said indifferently, not sure how she felt about it yet.

“Yeah, poppet, decided I felt like a change. Do you like it?”

“I don’t know,” Sam said honestly, “it looks kind of funny. But not like a clown funny.”

“Okay.” So what if he wasn’t sure if he’d just been insulted by a six-year-old, it wasn’t like he needed her approval and this was necessary for him.

“Sam, honey, be nice,” Buffy chided as she made her way into the room.

“I was!” Sam whined, “William asked if I liked his hair, but I don’t know…it looks like that guy I saw on TV, but I like William’s better.”

“So, you do like it?” Okay, so maybe he did need her approval.

Looking at him observantly for at least 15 seconds, Sam finally decided, “Yep! I like it lots.”

“Thanks.” ‘Got to get used to this being Spike again thing.’

Buffy knew she should comment on his hair, but something was stopping her, something in the back of her mind.

“How about you pet, you like it too?”

“Yeah. I mean, it’s um, it’s nice…different, but nice.”

‘Well,’ he thought, ‘Might be easier to get back to being Spike if they were a little less, well unsure about this new look I’ve got going on.’

“Guess we should get tot the school work, huh?” Spike asked, wanting to get out of this somehow uncomfortable situation.

“Okay, can I do more writing today?” Sam asked.

“Sure, nibblet, we’ll let you do some writing. And maybe we’ll work on your numbers, too.”

*(*(*(*I*)*)*)*

The day passed fairly uneventfully, they ate lunch together (it was still a few more days before their cooking lesson, so Buffy made them all lunch) and Sam told her mother how she’d written a letter to her and to William. At which point Spike had begged Buffy to get Sam to tell her what she’d written in the letter to him so that she, Buffy, could tell him.

He said, after a bit of Buffy’s prying, that Sam told him the letter wasn’t done yet so he couldn’t read it.

”Well, if Sam says it’s a secret, then it’s a secret. Nothing I can do about that. And plus, we’re family, no way I can break that.”

“But, come on luv. I’m here every day and hey, I taught her how to write, that should count for something!” God, did he like being Spike again, gave him a bit more freedom.

“Nope!” Buffy said, laughing as he leaned over to tickle her. “Stop! No fair!”

“I’ll stop as soon as you tell her to tell me what it says.”

“Well, I’m not going to tell! So, tickle on.” Buffy just managed to get it out before he started tickling her again.

Not interrupting his attack on Buffy, William said to Sam, as if it were the only thing he were doing, “Sam, why don’t you go finish up those letters. I’ll be in there in just a minute to help you, if you need it.”

After nearly a minute, Spike decided to be fair and stopped tickling Buffy. “Still not going to tell me?”

“No! It’s Sam’s to tell you if she wants.”

“Well fine then, guess I’ll just have to come up with a way of getting it out of you.”

“You can think all you want, but I’m not going to tell you.” Deciding that now was as good of a time as any, Buffy asked William, “So what’s with the new look? And you’re acting a little different too, not necessarily bad different, just different.”

“Felt like I needed to get back to who I was a few years ago. Were some things I needed to do and this was the only way I could get them done.”

”’This’?” Buffy asked.

“Being Spike again.”

“Oh, so, um what exactly does, ‘being Spike again’ mean?”

“Not that much, just bit of a different look and a bit of a different attitude. Just helps me do some things. Sort of a state of mind, I guess.”

“It wasn’t…it wasn’t because of me was it, I mean it was…” Buffy wasn’t sure what she was asking, but she still wanted to ask it.

“It was just some stuff I needed to do and this was the only way I could do it,” Spike said vaguely. “Nothing you need to worry about,” so, he knew it was a lie, but he wasn’t quite up to telling her just yet.

“So, should I call you William or should I call you Spike?”

“You can call me whatever you like, kitten,” he said flirtatiously.

Knowing that if this conversation went on for too much longer, she’d have to start examining those feelings again, Buffy told William that he might should go check on how Sam was doing.


*(*(*(*I*)*)*)*

At Sam’s request and Buffy’s approval, William stayed late that night to watch a movie with the two of them after dinner while Angel was still working late at the office.

But unlike Buffy had hoped, William stayed even after Sam had gone to bed, just talking with her. It should have been one of those nights that she would remember forever, but all it really did was make her worry that she was never going to get a chance to figure out these feelings of hers.

Finally she, politely, got him to go home, knowing that he’d just be back once again in the morning.

*(*(*(*I*)*)*)*

When William got there early the next morning, he noticed that Buffy was still in her pajamas. “Up late, pet?’

“Oh, I was just waiting up for Angel.” Okay, so actually she’d been thinking about William…or Spike. And how she felt about him, but the Angel cover story worked as well.

“He come home late?”

“Not at all. Guess he just had a lot of work again. Wish he would have called though.”

“He didn’t call?”

“Nope, but it’s happened before so I’m sure he just got busy and forgot. Sometimes he gets so into his work that by the time he gets around to thinking about calling me, it’s too late and he doesn’t want to wake me up.” Buffy explained, only somewhat convincingly. “I’m sure he’ll be home any minute.”

“Possibly, but you know, Buffy, Angel’s been spending a lot of nights at the office—the whole night too. Aren’t you worried that he’s maybe cheating on you?”

“Well see, the thing is, he’s got a ‘disorder’ you know, he has ‘problems’ in the bedroom? That and a low sperm count. So while sometimes I think he’s taking Viagra or something to sleep with some other woman, the majority of the time I can’t really make myself care all that much because I know he can’t get her pregnant.”

“But he got you pregnant…I mean Sam.”

“Yeah,” she began.

“Hey, babe, I’m home. Sorry I had to be gone overnight again, but you know this case is big and I need to make sure I get everything done, perfectly.”…………………

TBC…………….



and I'm going to take a page out of Panta's book, well sort of...the more reviews I get for this chapter and teh new ones, will help decide how soon I post my new stories. :-)





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