Chapter 34
“Buffy,” Joyce knew she’d have to tread carefully, “What exactly are you and William?”
“I don’t know mom, I just don’t know.”
“Are you sure Buffy? I think that you do know—what you want at least—but you just won’t admit it to yourself.”
“But I don’t know what he wants, how do I know that he’s not scared now because I’m actually available. I mean before he could flirt with me all he wanted and nothing would come of it. But now…..what if he doesn’t really want me?”
“Buffy, I think maybe you two should have a talk. Why don’t you go tell Sam about her ‘doctor’s appointment’ and then call William, I’m sure he’s been waiting to hear from you.”
“I guess so….but can’t I wait to talk to him?”
“You’re going to have to have him there tomorrow, aren’t you?”
“Couldn’t you call him for me?”
“Buffy,” Joyce said as she took a few steps back from her daughter so as to properly look her in the eyes, “You are a grown woman. You need to talk to William. And you need to be honest with him, I think he’s earned that after all he’s done. I know you’re scared honey, but I honestly don’t think you have a single reason to be. Now,” she said in her best ‘mom voice,’ “Go tell Sam and then call William. And don’t tell him this over the phone, invite him over so you two can talk in person. I’ll keep Sam from bothering you two.”
“Thanks mom,” Buffy didn’t want to call William over, not really. But she knew she needed to.
*(*(*(*I*)*)*)*
Her conversation with Sam hadn’t taken long, she’d just explained to the girl that she had a doctor’s appointment the next morning and that her Daddy and William would be there too. Sam had thought that, that would be cool. But other than that she didn’t seem to care too much.
If only that would be the case with William…well, okay she did want him to care, would be devastated if he didn’t, but well…….well, hell she didn’t know what she meant.
She took the cordless phone outside and sat on their porch swing; Buffy found it easier to have ‘tough’ conversations when no one else was around to hear her.
She slowly dialed his number. “William? It’s Buffy.”
She must have sounded upset because the first thing he said was, “You alright?”
“Yeah; well given the situation I am. But I actually called to see if you could come over so we could talk. There are some things we need to clear up and something I need to tell you about. And I don’t want to sound pushy, but could you maybe come over soon? I think I’ve finally gotten up the nerve to say some things and I’d like you to come round before I talk myself out of it.”
“I’ll be there in just a bit, luv. I’m already at the door.”
”Thank you,” Buffy was glad he was so understanding.
“No problem, kitten. I’m going to hang up now so I can leave. Be there soon. Bye.”
“Bye,” Buffy said, really smiling for the first time.
*(*(*(*I*)*)*)*
True to his word, William returned not fifteen minutes later. Buffy stayed in her seat on the swing, knowing she’d probably kiss him if she got up to meet him—and that was not what needed to happen right now.
Wordlessly he walked up the stairs and sat next to her on the swing. They just sat their in silence for a few minutes, Buffy getting her nerve up.
“Angel wants a paternity test. Tomorrow.”
“I’m assuming I should be a part of this.”
Buffy took a deep breath, “That’s part of what I wanted to talk to you about. If, well, if you don’t want to have all the ramifications of being Sam’s father, then you don’t have to come. It’ll just prove that Angel isn’t her father, not….not that you are.”
“Why would you think I didn’t want to be known as her father, pet?”
”I don’t know. I didn’t really think it; I just wanted to make sure I gave you an out if you wanted it.”
“Well I don’t!” William said angrily, collecting himself when he saw Buffy flinch. “I didn’t mean it like that, kitten,” he pulled her into him with an arm around her shoulder. “Buffy, I want you to know that I love that girl to death and no matter what I’d always want to be a part of her life. Now that I know that I’m her father? You’d have to go to court to get me to abandon you two.”
“Both of us?” Buffy asked uncertainly.
“What you thought, I’d just leave you now?”
“Well, yeah, kinda.”
“Why would you ever think that?”
“Because before I was unattainable. And now…I’m not.”
“Sometimes Buffy, sometimes you’re insufferable.”
“Thanks, that helps the confidence ever so much.”
“I’m not…I’m, God, I don’t know what I’m trying to do. I just wish that some times you would believe in your self a little more.”
”It’s just so hard,” Buffy whispered.
“I know it is pet, but you need to realize how great you are. And that you deserve so much more than you think you do. But if you can only realize one thing, know that I’m not going to leave you. And I don’t care if you’re ready to hear this again or not, I love you.
And I love our daughter. I’m not sure just yet how we’re going to go about this, but, Buffy, I want to be with you—you and Sam, I want us to be a family.”
“I don’t know how much of that I can do, not sure if I’m ready for being a family with anyone else just yet—but I do want to be with you, too.”
“And I don’t know what you want to do about telling Sam anything, but I’ll leave that to you. You’re the parent here.”
“You are too.”
“Someday I will be, luv.”
“No, you are now. Sam might not know it, but you’re one of her parents, in all actuality you have been for a long time,” Buffy said emphatically. “Even before all of this happened, you took better care of her and loved her more than Angel did.
I just need to wait ‘til things are more settled to tell her. It’s going to be kind of a big thing.”
“It’s okay, pet. I can wait as long as you need. But I’m not going anywhere, whether Sam knows it or not, I’m going to be her dad.”
“Wouldn’t want it any other way.”
They both sat their, smiles on their faces, taking in all that they’d just decided. “So,” William said, “Think I can take you out to dinner sometime?”
“Sure, just let me know when.”
“Can I take you and Sam out to lunch tomorrow after the appointment?”
“Somebody’s eager.”
“Buffy, I’ve been around the two of your for months, I’m completely in love with you—it’s time we had a date, or two.”
“Past time, but I did have that whole marriage thing to get out of the way,” Buffy joked.
“What time is this thing tomorrow?”
“10:30. Down at the hospital.”
“Good, I’ll be here at quarter ‘til.”
”Um, why?”
“I’m giving you two a ride is why. It’ll save on gas and we’re going the same place afterward, so it only makes sense.”
“Alright,” Buffy decided, knowing she’d have to start somewhere, “We’ll be ready at quarter to ten tomorrow. Do you want to stay for a while? See Sam maybe?”
“Maybe I’ll stop in and see how she’s doing, but I think that after this, just you know all of this that’s been happening, I need to stop and just kind of think about it for a while. Figure out what exactly I want out of this, well not so much what I want—already know that—but I need to figure out how I’m going to get you to see that I really care about you and that we’ll be happy. I’m going to be able to convince you that we’re right. And I’m really not making any sense here am I?”
“Not really.”
“Yeah, kind of figured I wasn’t. I think that after I see Sam, just say hi, I need to go home and figure out how I’m going to go about all of this. I’m terrified that I’m going to mess up, mess this up.”
“You won’t,” Buffy assured him.
”Hope not, but I do need to think about a few things—if only to make myself feel better.”
“Then you do that and I’ll see you tomorrow. Is it alright if I stay out here while you talk to Sam?”
“Of course, I’ll say bye before I leave.”
”Thanks,” Buffy didn’t pay much attention as he made his way into the house, barely heard him explain to her mother what he was doing, she was too lost in her own thoughts.
‘He really does love me. And Sam. And I think I just might love him,’ she thought.
Now all she had to do was decide when and how to tell him.
TBC……….
and Please Review...it'll help with me remembering to post that ficlet tomorro...I'd hate to get no reviews and forget in all the craziness to post it...just kidding, well kind of...the reviews really will help me remember to post :)
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Two things:
1) LC is up for fic of the week on Spuffy Archives (Under the fic of the week poll at SpuffyFantasy.net). Not telling you to vote for me, but it's the first time I've been up for something like that and after I didn't win at VK, I just htought I'd share with everyone since it's put me iin a good mood.
2) I have a Christmas ficlet that will be posted tomorrow if I get lots of reviews ;) Either way, Happy Holidays (whichever you celebrate) to everyone and I'll see you next week.
oh, and I'm trying to have a new fic done so that as soon as this one's finished being posted (which is getting closer) I'll have a new one for you...
1) LC is up for fic of the week on Spuffy Archives (Under the fic of the week poll at SpuffyFantasy.net). Not telling you to vote for me, but it's the first time I've been up for something like that and after I didn't win at VK, I just htought I'd share with everyone since it's put me iin a good mood.
2) I have a Christmas ficlet that will be posted tomorrow if I get lots of reviews ;) Either way, Happy Holidays (whichever you celebrate) to everyone and I'll see you next week.
oh, and I'm trying to have a new fic done so that as soon as this one's finished being posted (which is getting closer) I'll have a new one for you...