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Chapter Twenty One ~ No Such Thing
“ I wanna run through the halls of my high school.
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs.
I just found out there’s no such thing as the real world, Just a lie you’ve got to rise above.”
~ John Mayer
After she cried herself out, she calmed down a little. She felt horrible – confused, angry and desperate. How could this place be real? How could such things be happening? She needed information, she needed action. Sitting and waiting had never been her thing. She had to do something, anything. Buffy got up from the gym mat she’d been hunkered on and began pacing.
“ You have to tell me everything, Wil! I can’t take another surprise like that. I need to know about EVERYONE now.” Willow nodded, her eyes following Buffy back and forth across the training room.
“Okay, of course. What do you want to know?”
She stopped and looked at her, face a mask of fear.
“ What about my mom – is she… sick here? Oh my god is she DEAD?”
Her eyes went round and wide like a panicky horse. Willow rushed to her side.
“ No, Buffy – no! She’s fine.” She soothed. “ She was sick - a tumor. That’s why you didn’t end up at Northwestern. You wanted to be here for her. But she’s getting better now, Buffy. She’s okay. Everything’s okay.”
“ Is it?” She said doubtfully. “ ‘Cause I’m almost afraid to ask about Angel…”
Was he permanently Angelus here? Was he dead? Or worse yet, would she have to kill him again? The thought made her already tense stomach tighten into a clenched fist.
Willow chewed her bottom lip considering, wondering what she could say that wouldn’t upset her further.
“ Well… you broke up at the end of senior year. He wanted you to have a normal life…”
Buffy interrupted her;
“ That happened in my world too.” She frowned thoughtfully. “Maybe it was just destiny…”
“ Maybe it was then.” Willow said gently. “You took it really hard, but you finally got through it. Angel went off to L.A. to fight the good fight. I hear Wesley – that other Watcher guy, joined his team. There were times I thought you were gonna get back together… But it never happened. Then you met Riley. You could tell it hurt him, but Angel was happy for you – he wanted you to have a normal life so much.”
Buffy‘s smile was bittersweet.
“ Yeah, he did.”
*Too bad it doesn’t seem to be working out that way…like at all.*
“Tell me something else…Like; were there any other guys here?”
She pushed on, wanting to change the subject to something less painful. Willow thought for a moment.
“Oh! You almost hooked up with this complete Mr. Wrong in disguise. But you managed to stop it before it went too far. We found out later he was a total womanizing man-whore.”
*Uh oh. I know this one…*
“ Parker Abrams?”
Buffy asked sheepishly.
“Yeah, exactly. Did that happen there too?”
She turned towards the window unable to meet her friend’s eyes.
“ Well, sort of. Only I didn’t stop it before it was too late…”
Willow looked horrified and stood to face her.
“ Oh, Buffy – oh no! Did you? Did he? I mean did you guys…?”
Buffy blushed uncomfortably.
“ Um. Yeah. Soon to be followed by the inevitable guilt and repercussions of sleeping with a total womanizing-man whore.”
Willow rubbed her shoulder sympathetically.
“ Aw, Sweetie. I’m sorry. You seem okay though. Are you okay?”
Buffy shrugged.
“ Pretty much. I mean I met Riley afterwards and he was great. Is great, I mean.”
She covered quickly.
Riley was a touchy subject right now. Here they were engaged, but there? Lately it felt like they were drifting further and further apart everyday. And that was before Spike jumped into her (pants) problems.
“ Yeah, he really is.”
Willow smiled brightly.
*Time for another change of conversation here…*
“ Maybe we should go back in now? Try to figure this whole thing out?”
She moved toward the door. Willow nodded agreeably.
“ Yeah – if anyone will have some insight, it’s Giles.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“ I’m sorry, Buffy – I don’t have any insight into this at the moment. I’ve heard of alternate dimensions, alternate realities – some very well documented. But an alternate Universe falls into the realm of physics I’m afraid – and therefore outside my area of expertise.”
He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing in frustration.
“ Actually, Giles – it sorta falls into the area of meta-physics which kinda brings it back into ours. Here, I brought some books with me…”
Willow rummaged through her backpack and handed Giles several books. He shuffled through them, looking exceedingly skeptical.
“ Are we even certain that this is what’s happened here? ” He turned to Buffy “ You didn’t bump your head or...”
He trailed off when Buffy shot him a look of supreme annoyance.
“ No Giles. This is not ‘All My Children’. I don’t have amnesia - or an illegitimate love child with my former stepbrother. Sorry to disappoint.”
Xander smirked at that, but kept his peace while Willow ran interference. All the in-fighting made her anxious.
“ I know it’s not amnesia, Giles. She doesn’t exhibit any of the signs. She remembers things fine, she just remembers them differently. That’s what got me thinking about alternate Universes.”
Faith raised a curious eyebrow.
“ Like what kinda differences, B?”
Buffy and Willow exchanged a furtive glance. Certain things would upset Faith. A lot.
“ Well, like I’m not engaged to Riley there. Oh – plus I moved out of the dorms almost two months ago and back home.”
Dawn looked at her, slightly stunned.
“ Crazy. No wonder you were actin’ freaky earlier.”
She said sympathetically. Buffy felt an enormous pang just looking at her.
*She still feels like my sister.*
“ So what’re we supposed ta do about it?”
Faith asked flippantly.
“ Well, the first step will be research of course - ”
Giles started. She cut him off, rising from the table.
“ That’s all I needed to hear. I’m out. Lemme know when you got somethin’ for me ta kill. Best thing I can do right now is patrol.”
Dawn gathered her things, looking apologetic.
“ Sorry, Buffy. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”
She hugged her warmly before following dutifully behind her sister.
“ Later, B. Bye all. Gimme a call if you get any info.”
Buffy’s eyes followed Faith enviously out the door. She itched to join her, to REPLACE her. To lose herself in the immediacy of an all out fight, finding the answers she sought in fists and blood. But she was stripped of her right to it here - how she hated that. It made her feel soft and weak and powerless. Just another helpless human waiting to become a victim. Not a feeling she wanted to get used to. She took a deep breath to steady herself. She only had to do this for a few days, tops. …Right?
“ Goodnight, Faith.”
Giles said quietly.
The door closed with a jingle of the small brass bell.
Xander looked up from his comfortable sprawl at the research table.
“ Good to know you can count on Faith when the chips are down.”
Willow scowled at him.
“ Xander, you know she’s never been good at the research stuff.”
He moved his feet off the table and leaned forward.
“ Yeah, well she doesn’t even try, Wil. It’s like she thinks she’s above it all or something.”
“ Above US, you mean.”
Anya threw in her two cents and sat down next to her fiancé.
“ Exactly.”
He nodded patting her thigh. Willow frowned at them.
“ She’s doing a good job. We should cut her a break. Not everyone can be Buffy ya know.”
Xander looked across the table at the girl in question, considering her thoughtfully.
“ No. They really can’t.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hours later the doughnuts were gone and the coffee reservoirs depleted – but they’d learned little more than they started with. Willow sighed with frustration and closed her book.
“ This isn’t going anywhere, Giles. I think I need to get on the Internet and research.”
Giles removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose wearily.
“ Certainly. Perhaps we should call it a night then. Let me know what you find out tomorrow.”
Willow and Buffy began packing up their things. Buffy felt a surge of affectionate gratitude for her little homemade family.
*Thank god I have them here.*
“ Thanks, guys. I know this isn’t end-of-the-world stuff exactly.”
“ Of course, Buffster. What else would I do with my Friday night?”
Xander patted her arm affectionately, and then steered Anya out the door quickly before she could say anything HE might regret.
“ Call me when ya need me.”
He called over his shoulder on the way out the door. Buffy and Willow exchanged amused smiles. Willow shouldered her backpack and headed for the door.
“ Walkin’ home with me, Buff?”
“ Yeah. Just a sec, ‘ kay?”
There was something she had to do first. She found Giles behind the counter with a copy of Gryffindor’s Compendium flipping through the section on trans-dimensional journeys. He sighed tiredly and sipped at the tea in his favorite green porcelain mug.
“ Still nothing, I’m afraid. But we will keep trying.”
His voice was reassuring to Buffy’s ears.
“ It’s okay, Giles. I know we’ll figure it out.”
He smiled kindly at her, exhaustion written clearly in the deep lines of his face.
“ Giles…I…”
Buffy twisted her fingers together anxiously; this kind of thing didn’t come naturally to her. But with all that had happened, she didn’t want to miss out on another opportunity. If anything, this whole experience was showing her what she really had – and how easily it could all disappear.
“…I just wanted to say – thanks. Thank you for doing this for me. I know I’m not a Slayer here anymore - ”
“ Nonsense. You’ll always be a Slayer, Buffy. It’s who you are.”
She beamed at him, taking his compliment deeply to heart - then kissed his cheek sweetly.
“ I just want you to know that I appreciate it. You’re always so good to me.”
“ It’s my pleasure, really. It’s been wonderful to see you. Your absence has been… well; I’d say it’s been deeply felt. By all of us.”
“ I’ll just have to come around more often then.”
He smiled warmly at her, touched. He’d forgotten how dear she could be.
“ Goodnight, Giles.”
“ Goodnight.”
She grabbed her bag from the table and followed Willow out of the Magic Box, locking the door behind her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Willow and Buffy walked back to the campus in companionable silence, their brains working overtime trying to process all the events of the day. Willow’s mind whirred away at light-speed running calculations and cross-referencing them with teleportation spells and quantum theory.
*I wonder if I should try to get a hold of D. Adams’ “ Theories on Pan-Universal Travel”?*
And her brain was off and running again.
Buffy mulled over the events of the last 24 hours. She’d gained and lost an entire life literally overnight. Here she was in a different Universe now (!???) with a new life, no sister, no job, a new fiancé, but the same parents, the same friends and ________ her synapses blew. She just couldn’t comprehend it all. It was too much. She’d dealt with strange stuff before; giant demons, vampires, cults, and lately an actual Hell god, but nothing like this. Traveling to a different Universe? What the fuck?!
*Next thing you know they’ll be bringing me back from the dead.*
She thought irritably. Why were the Powers screwing with her? She did her job, she did it well. What else did they want with her? She’d already given up a normal life to be the Slayer. She’d lost Angel; her mother was sick, now they’d taken Dawn from her. All she had left were Giles, her friends and Spike.
*Whoa! Spike? How’d he make that list?*
And more importantly why didn’t Riley?
*It was just off the top of my head. It didn’t mean anything.*
I mean she was engaged wasn’t she? …Except she wasn’t. In her world Riley was nowhere near proposing. In fact, things weren’t going that great lately.
*Not since Spike started hanging around so much.*
She thought crossly. And there he was again. In her thoughts, in her life, in her dreams…
*I’m afflicted with Bubonic Spike.*
That made her smile. He was a pesty little plague wasn’t he? Always at her door, wanting to patrol, at Scooby meetings wanting to help. Everywhere she went, you would find him. He was kinda
*Stalkerish?*
No… dedicated. And last night left no doubt as to the reason why. He was in love with her.
*Spike is in love with me.*
She waited for the inevitable feeling of horror to set in.
…
…..
……… *Hey, where’s the horror? *
It wasn’t there. She only felt strangely comforted. Spike was out there somewhere loving her. And if he could, he would help her, or die trying. She knew that instinctively.
*Maybe I should try to find him here….?*
Not for anything funny – no sex. No sir. Just so he could help. Absolutely. She didn’t miss him or anything. She didn’t need him. He could be useful is all. Besides the chances that AU Spike loved her were
*Pretty good actually.*
All things being equal in Spike Land… Not that it mattered. Not that she cared one way or another. Nope. She just needed all the help she could get right now. Maybe she’d just go look him up later. Maybe tonight… She interrupted Willow’s musings.
“So how about Spike? Is he still around somewhere?”
She tried to sound casual. She was just politely curious of course. No harm in asking, right?
*Right!*
Her mind agreed all too eagerly.
“ Well yeah. Of course. Or not of course, I guess. Cause you don’t have Faith there so…Hmmm… Is he still with Harmony, Oo! Or Drusilla?”
Willow puzzled. Buffy frowned, curious at where this was heading.
“ Um, no – neither. He was with Harmony awhile back but he ditched her a little while ago for…nobody.”
Buffy cut her slip of the tongue off lamely. But Willow didn’t seem to notice.
“Huh. That’s interesting. Is your Spike good now? Or mostly good?”
Buffy shrugged, smiling.
“ Kinda, mostly. Yeah. The Initiative put a chip in his head and now- ”
Willow cut her off;
“He doesn’t hunt or kill anything except demons.”
Buffy nodded, not entirely surprised to find Spike the same in this world.
“ Right. Exactly.”
*I wonder if we ever got together here…*
She thought idly – her mind turning inexorably towards their last night together.
“ Only it wasn’t the chip that really changed him here.”
Willow continued.
“No?”
Buffy asked only mildly curious, her mind preoccupied with images of Spike as he knelt before her. Spike as he slid his fingers inside her. Spike when she held his hardened cock in her hands. She felt a hot flush creep up the back of her neck and spread to her face and chest.
Willow shook her head, smiling wonderingly. As if she still couldn’t believe it herself.
“ Uh-uh. It was Faith.”
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