** You'll be happy to know this chapter is completely Spaith free. (But I make no apologies for the Biley) Relax, it's relatively minor. Now, let the Riley bashing begin ...**



Chapter Twenty Three ~ Good Morning, Heartache

“ Good Morning, Heartache, you old gloomy sight.
Good Morning, Heartache.
Thought we said goodbye last night.
I turned and tossed until it seemed you had gone – but here you are with the dawn.
Wish I’d forget you – but you’re here to stay.
It seems I met you when my love went away.
Now every day I start by saying to you :
Good Morning, Heartache – what’s new?”

~ Billie Holiday



Riley looked up at her from his place on the bed. Various books and papers scattered around him as he studied. He smiled at her adoringly.

“ Hey, Beautiful. I missed you at lunch today.”

“ Yeah. Sorry about that - I had some stuff I had to take care of. School stuff.”

She covered ineptly. He didn’t seem to notice.

“ That’s alright, Honey. Glad you got some good things done. Besides, after this summer we’ll have our whole lives to spend together. I think I can spare you for a lunch or two.”

Buffy tried very hard to smile sincerely. Since when had smiling at her boyfriend become an issue? He was so kind and well meaning and…she just didn’t have the heart for it right now. She felt like life had given her the big smack down – like WWF style. She was totally drained emotionally and physically. Even dealing with an alternate Riley seemed like too much to bear at the moment.

She was relieved when he didn’t try to talk to her about anything. Or touch her beyond a soft kiss on the cheek. He seemed happy to just be in her presence. It made her feel wretchedly guilty. When did he get this far away from her? It seemed like not that long ago they were so close. Couldn’t wait to see each other, to be together. But lately they rarely spent time with each other. And when was the last time they had sex? Two weeks ago? Three?

She felt like it was all her fault. She’d been neglecting him lately, she knew it. Just pile on another whopping dose of guilt, thank you very much. And then there was the added pressure to not screw up other Buffy’s life. If AU Buffy was ready to get married who was she to ruin it for her? So when Riley offered to take her to dinner, she just couldn’t bring herself to say no.

She owed them both it seemed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An hour later they sat across from each other at a small table at Pannevino, the nicest Italian restaurant in Sunnydale. It was situated on a hillside overlooking the city, giving a lovely view of the twinkling lights below. Buffy wished she could appreciate it more, but the sumptuous surroundings just seemed ostentatious instead of elegant. That reaction was reinforced when she looked at the prices on the menu. You could easily spend $100 here on wine and appetizers alone.

“Um, Riley? Are you sure we can afford this?”

She asked cautiously.

“ Of course. Nothing’s too good for my girl.” He dismissed jovially. “ Besides I got a huge severance package from the Initiative.”

“ What do you mean?”

“ Well after we stopped Adam, they shifted the operation over to simply seek and destroy. Didn’t I tell you about this already?”

“Remind me.”

Riley shrugged.

“ They wanted to make me head of the entire unit. But with you retiring, I just couldn’t see continuing with that lifestyle.” He seemed to shudder visibly. “ And have I told you lately how glad I am that you’re done with all that?”

He took her hand and kissed it gently.

“ You deserve so much more than that, Buffy. You deserve an amazing life – and that’s exactly what I’m going to give you.”

Buffy plastered on a smile for his benefit, feeling the walls closing in around her. She tried to catch her breath while Riley ordered their dinner. Fifty dollars worth of pasta – soup and salad not included. She was deeply unimpressed. Buffy would’ve much rather gone to a little local place with great atmosphere and wonderful food – at half the price. Some over-priced chain with locations in Las Vegas, San Diego and LA had nothing on Paesano’s around the corner as far as she was concerned. But try telling Riley that. Try telling Riley anything for that matter. He did nothing but talk all night.

He told her all about their future – how they were moving to Iowa and in with his parents to save money after graduation. Then Riley would join his grandfather in the family business in Iowa City. They’d be happy and buy a house. Buffy would never have to work of course. She’d stay home and raise the kids and “make a nice home” for them. He ran on and on about every detail of their lives practically up to retirement. Buffy wondered if her alternate self was really and truly happy with this. ‘Cause she had only been doing it for all of one night and already she wanted to brain him with the empty wine bottle. Nothing permanent – just get him to shut up for five minutes.

Would dinner never end?!

Finally the check came. She gladly skipped the tempting looking cheesecake in favor of a quick exit. She made an excuse about homework to avoid spending the night and left him in his car with a quick peck on the lips. She’d never been so relieved to see the backend of a date in her life. The whole night felt like long, slow suffocation - and Riley was the pillow over her face. Damn could the man talk! And talk and talk and talk. She’d hardly gotten a dozen words in the entire evening. Though in a way, that was a relief. At least she hadn’t been forced to lie about anything. She’d just smiled and nodded her way through dinner. She was really beginning to feel sorry for other Buffy. Did the girl have any idea the life of stultifying boredom she was in for?

And what about her? Was this who her Riley really was? Had she been blind all this time? Never noticing how controlling he was? How wrapped up in himself and his own ideas about everything? Is this the life she was in for if she stayed on this path? The thought made her shudder. But how could she tell? AU Buffy made decisions she thought she wouldn’t make…

Buffy shook her head as she unlocked her door. Thank God this wasn’t her real life, she wasn’t the one stuck here. …Or was she? It had been a whole day already and she showed no signs of exiting this crazy place so far. Giles and Willow had vague ideas but no solutions. She couldn’t help wondering if this was going to be a permanent placement. Buffy sighed heavily and flopped down on her bed. Kicking off her strappy high heels she lay back pondering.

She was absolutely exhausted, quickly becoming too tired to think anymore. Didn’t look like she’d need any Tylenol PM tonight.

*Thank God - look what happened last time!*

Although, it would be nice if she woke up back in her own world tomorrow… But that would be just too easy wouldn’t it? And these things never had easy solutions. Sometimes it seemed like she spent the entire school year fighting evil beasties and thwarting apocali. The only time things ever seemed to slow down was during the summer.

*Ugh! Enough thinking. Sleep now.*

She was almost past the point of coherent thought. Buffy had just enough energy left to locate her yummy sushi pajamas and brush her teeth before bed. She did a quick run through of her evening beauty rituals and crawled into the comfort of her bed with profound gratitude.

All she wanted now was eight full hours of lovely, dreamless sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eros and Aphrodite stood solemnly at the foot of Buffy’s bed. What a day it had been – the things he’d seen! They had followed the Slayer from morning till night. He was amazed at his mother’s abilities – he’d learned much today at her side.

“ What next, Mother?”

The goddess looked thoughtfully at the sleeping girl in front of her.

“ She’s vulnerable right now, open to suggestion. This is a fine time for dream work, I’d say.”

“ Another dream? But I sent her one already – a glimpse.” He hung his head sadly. “ It failed.”

“ Not a glimpse of what could be – but a look into her future is what’s warranted. Let her see where this path will take her. ” Aphrodite frowned, thunder gathering on her clear brow. “ Let her see where her damnable stubbornness leads.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy moaned low in her throat and rolled over in her sleep. A series of images ran through her brain; there was Tara with half her mind gone, Glory torturing Spike, Giles oozing blood from an awful wound, Dawn kidnapped…and all their running in vain.

“ No!…”

She called out futilely – but the images didn’t stop.

A tower teetered in the distance, a rickety skeleton of found materials that reached bleakly into the sky. Her sense of dread and fear was overpowering – but she could do nothing. It played out like a horror movie in front of her, one she couldn’t walk out on.

The battle waged, she fought and bled – struggling with Glory up and down the unsteady structure only to end it on the ground. She beat the god down into submission, punishing her with a deadly war hammer. Triumph! She was defeated at long last! It would all be alright…it was alright. Tears of relief slipped down her sleeping cheeks. Glory was beaten, the war was over – it was over and Dawn was…

*No!*

A man was with her, a sinister figure in black with a knife in his hand.

*Spike! Thank God, Spike…*

It would be okay, Spike was with her and he promised - he promised ‘til the end of the world’…

But it wasn’t okay. Spike was losing this fight. She watched him plummet through the black night, duster flapping in the wind as he fell to the deadly cement beneath them.

She cried her terror into her pillow. Was he dead? Shattered and ruined on the ground below? Was this the final thing that ended him? It couldn’t be, she couldn’t lose him, not now… But he wasn’t moving, and she couldn’t see – couldn’t will her dream self closer to look in on him. She was stuck on the tower with Dawn and the man in black.

Muffled sobs filled the night in her otherwise silent dorm room.

The shining blade was raised and poised with care at her sister’s abdomen. With artistry he began to carve into the girl in front of him.

“ Shallow cuts…” he said quietly. “ Shallow cuts… let the blood flow free.”

And then she was there, her physical self. Dawn cried out to her;

“ Buffy!”

It could still turn out right – all might yet be well. The man in black followed Spike to the ground, screaming. Buffy took the briefest second to enjoy the deep sense of satisfaction his death brought her. It was alright, Dawn was safe – they made it. She helped the bleeding girl away from the precarious edge she’d been bound to. It was all going to be fine… She had Dawn and Spike just had to be okay. She couldn’t lose him now. She WOULDN'T.

She sighed and turned over, tugging her blanket with her.

The night crackled with blue-white energy and blinding light behind them. The world screamed as the walls between dimensions came crashing down. Lightning cut the night as the earth trembled and split. A deadly, medieval looking dragon winged through the air from a fissure in the shattered sky above them.

It was too late. The ritual had begun.

She watched helplessly as the Universe literally unraveled around her.

Buffy moaned in her sleep and twisted fretfully in her nest of blankets.

She saw, but could not stop the coming apocalypse. She felt her twin self’s resolve – saw her kiss Dawn goodbye. She turned to face the rising sun with a look of determined grace. Buffy screamed in horror as she watched herself dive into the chaotic mass of ultra-violet energy in the sky.

Her body became a lightning rod, absorbing the thunderbolts that once attacked the fabric of reality. She trembled and shook with the force of it, spasmed as if in the midst of electroshock – then at last was still. The dimensional gates closed, shrinking in on themselves to nothing as her lifeless body fell to the ground.

Buffy wept in her sleep, helpless to do more.

The sun rose fully in the sky, gently lighting her dead form. She saw the tears on her friend’s faces, on her sister’s. And at last she saw Spike, crouching near her and somehow more broken from her death than his own fall from impossible heights. Sobs wracked his body as he broke down and cried out the loss of her. She heard him weeping her name…

“ Buffy…Buffy…God, no…”

The scene changed to full daylight – a pretty, grassy place full of flowers. A lovely weeping willow tree hung over a rock maybe? What was that? In the dappled shade she could almost see… the branches parted to show her a speckled gray slab of marble. She recognized the shape of a headstone immediately. The inscription at last became clear;

Buffy Anne Summers

1981 to 2001

Beloved Sister
Devoted Friend

She saved the world a lot.


She sat bolt upright in her bed heart lodged in her throat with her strangled scream, tears running unchecked down her face. That was the worst nightmare she’d ever had. But it was more than a nightmare – she felt the weight of foresight settle on her shoulders.

“ No.”

But she could not deny the reality of the images that filled her mind. They were too visceral, too painful.

*Prophecy.*

She buried her face in her hands and cried.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy waited until the sun peeped through the blinds to call Giles. She’d spent the rest of the night wide-eyed with misery caught somewhere between tears and terror. Was this really what was going to happen? Was this unavoidably her destiny? She thought back to the prophetic dreams she’d had of the Master. She’d dreamed her death then too, and look how THAT turned out.

She put on a brave front for Giles, but even over the phone he could sense her distress. Thank God he was an early riser – he was already drinking his morning tea when her call came. Buffy hadn’t wanted him to go to so much trouble but he insisted on coming to get her. In retrospect she was glad, the last thing she wanted in the world was to be alone right now. Giles’ fatherly presence would bring her comfort and some much-needed stability. But she found herself thinking of someone else she wanted more. Some one she could be herself with, someone who would see through all of her defenses to the weepy chicken within. He might tease her a little, but just so she’d smile. He had that funny way of disarming her and putting her at ease at the same time.

*God, Spike where are you?*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She had just enough time for a quick shower and fresh clothes before Giles came knocking. Buffy felt slightly calmer, but the vivid images from her dream haunted her. Pain, chaos, destruction, death… Spike in broken pieces on the ground. Dawn’s blood running in gory rivulets down her body. The dreary gray finality of her own gravestone. Buffy shuddered involuntarily, feeling suddenly sick and shivery. Her Watcher’s brow furrowed with concern.

“ Buffy, are you quite alright?”

“No.”

She replied miserably.

“ Tell me what I can do for you.”

He sat on the bed beside her and gently stroked her back, soothing her. She’d given him a brief sketch of her dream on the phone. But what was worrying him now was the pale cast of her complexion and the sick fear that showed plainly in her eyes. He frowned with worry. The poor girl had been through so much already.

*Far too much for one so young.*

Buffy shook her head in the negative.

“ I don’t know, Giles. I don’t know what anyone can do…” She paused and chewed her thumbnail fretfully. “ What if there’s nothing to be done and I…” she swallowed.

And this time it would be the real deal, a permanent time out in the pine penalty box. Game over and no extra plays. She’d seen her own headstone fer chrissakes! Buffy shivered again and pulled her soft pink cardigan more tightly around her shoulders. Giles patted her soothingly.

“ We mustn’t jump to conclusions, Buffy. We don’t know what your dream meant. It -”

She cut him off.

“ I do. I know exactly what it meant.”

She rose from the bed to stare out the window desolately.

“ It means I’m going to die.”




** Oooo! Was that angst-a-licious or what? More to come by Friday ... I'd like to promise it sooner, but I'm still in recovery from the SD Comic Con last weekend. My mind's all a-whirl... Joss says Hi by the way...xoxoxox Rosie **





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