** More angst-free goodness coming your way. Gauranteed to give you a happy. enjoy :) **


Chapter Twenty Six ~ I’m Beginning to See the Light

“ I used to ramble through the park, shadow boxing in the dark –
Then you came and lit the spark that’s a four-alarm fire now.
I never cared much for moonlit skies; I never winked back at fireflies.
But now that the stars are in your eyes, I’m beginning to see the light.
I never made love by lantern shine; I never saw rainbows in my wine.
But now that your lips are burnin’ mine, I’m beginning to see the light.”

~ Bobby Darin



Buffy left the Magic Box feeling wound up and restless – ready for action, with none to be had.

“ No patrolling tonight?” She grumbled kicking at a loose bit of gravel in her path. “And just HOW am I supposed to sleep exactly?”

Maybe she’d get lucky and get attacked on the way home.

“ Yeah!”

She grinned happily thinking about it, picturing an entire pack of demons descending on her.

*Ooo! Or maybe a vampire gang?*

Her hands just itched for a stake. This was the longest she’d gone without a fight in four years, and she was feeling seriously deprived. She found it wasn’t a sensation she enjoyed. She hated not being the Slayer anymore. It made her feel stripped of her power and pushed aside. In a way she supposed she was. No matter that it was her own choice that got her here.

*Or A Buffy’s choice anyway.*

How the woman put up with it, she’d never know. Now here she was, having to fulfill that role, play the good girl. And she never was very good at making with the obedience. Being told not to do something only made her want to do it more.

*Ya think Giles would’ve figured that out by now.*

She chuckled to herself at that. Who was he kidding? She was ALWAYS gonna patrol tonight. You can’t keep a good Slayer down – and Faith or no Faith she had work to do. Vamps to kill, demons to slay…frustrations to work out. (Ahem) And she was developing a serious hate-on for Faith again. Not like it was a stretch. Even if this Faith hadn’t done all of those things, Buffy had no doubt that she was capable – of all that and more. She knew it was only a matter of time for this one to snap too.

*You can take the girl outta the psycho, but never the psycho outta the girl.*

It didn’t help her case any watching Faith hanging all over HER Spike. Buffy let out an unconscious little growl at that. She knew she was in another place, not her own – but nothing could stop the territorial feelings she had where her people were concerned.

She knew exactly what she wanted, and once she made up her mind about something; stand the hell back. Nothing was gonna get in her way. Not Riley, not Faith - not even a skanky Hell god with permanent brain fry. And no way some freaky magickal glitch was gonna steal her life from her either. “Retired” or not, she was still the fucking Slayer and she was gonna fight for what was hers.

And that included Dawn AND Spike, dammit. Seeing him with Faith like that was just about more than she could take. And it finally drove home the truth she’d been denying all this time.

*Years even.*

She wanted Spike. Buffy said it aloud, trying it on for size;

“ I want Spike.”

There, that wasn’t so bad. It felt kinda good actually. Try it again:

“ I want Spike. I do. I. Want. Spike.”

Plain as day. Here was the truth from her own mouth. And she’d spent all that time fighting this why? ‘Cause now that she said it, it felt good, right – freeing.

*Huh. So there really is something to that whole truth-will-set-you-free thing. Who knew?*

Buffy felt more relaxed than she had in years. Was it the thought of finally being with Spike? Or just the fact that she wasn’t being repress-o girl anymore? All that holding back required an awful lot of energy she’d discovered. She was almost giddy with relief. The ten-ton weight she’d been carrying around her neck was gone.

She was through lying to herself. No more trying to squeeze into a mold someone else made for her, no more whining, no more crying and best of all:

*No more Riley.*

Oh yeah. They were going to have a loooong talk when she got back. (if she got back?) And then it was bye bye, birdie. Nothing but sweet Spikey goodness from now on. Buffy headed towards Stevenson Hall, smiling.

It was still odd to be back in the dorms, but she was getting used to it again. At least here she knew AU Joyce was getting better and didn’t need her. It gave her hope that her own mother would recover as well. She unlocked the door to her room with a quiet click and looked around at the mess in front of her.

*This place is a disaster – no wonder I’m feelin’ all comfy.*

There had been no time to tidy up in the past two days (God, had it only been TWO?). They’d all been in full research mode since she got to this crazy place. Buffy stared at the debris strewn around her side of the room and sighed. She was so not in the mood to clean. (But when was she ever?) Mom never let her slack at home, but when left to her own devices chaos reigned. She settled for gathering all her dirty clothes into a laundry basket and hiding it in her closet and shoving the huge heap of schoolbooks under the bed.

*There all better.*

She smiled at her clever cleaning solution and flopped down on the now-uncluttered bed, feeling tense and twitchy. She needed to get out on rounds soon. If anyone asked she was just out walking and thinking things through. No one would doubt that after tonight’s meeting hopefully. God, when was the last time she’d had to cover up her patrolling? Junior year? She couldn’t believe she was back here again. Buffy sighed and got up to change her clothes. Her mind was buzzing with images of Faith and Spike together along with thoughts of Riley and his manly smothering. Then there were flashbacks from her nightmare just for extra fun. It was truly heinous.

“ Well, nothing like a little bloodshed to cure what ails you.”

She smiled with sinister humor and pocketed several stakes, grinning in anticipation as she headed out into the night

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike woke with a start, his breath catching in his throat. He gulped unnecessary air, feeling suddenly suffocated.

*Another bloody dream.*

About the Slay… about Buffy. Dammit why was it always BUFFY? For years now she’d haunted him. Seemed like everywhere he turned there she was – still! And she wasn’t even the actual Slayer anymore – but try getting his mouth to say that. He’d almost slipped up today, seeing her. And it was a damn good thing Faith liked being called ‘Slayer’ in bed – or he’d probably be dust by now. She didn’t like to share her toys – a mere hit of a ‘ Bu - ’ and he’d fit neatly into an ashtray.
Jealous little thing she was – and jealous of Buffy most of all. Privately Spike thought that havin’ the position as the one and only Slayer was the lone thing keepin’ her from goin’ ‘round the bend.

*Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred dollars.*

That and the Bit. Dawn helped keep her grounded, gave her something to live for, to fight for. Gave him something to keep going for too. She was one of the few people on this earth Spike had ever loved. Her and Buffy – and long ago his own family. But he never loved Faith. He picked up a smoke from the pack on the nightstand and lit it, thinking. At first he’d found her right attractive. Put him in mind of Dru in a way, ‘cept she had all that excellent rage and strength. Faith was so fierce, so wild; she was a white hat with a bad girl streak a mile wide. How could he resist? He thought he’d found his perfect match at last – as if Buffy was just a phase he was going through, a mad schoolboy crush he’d be soon to forget. Spike snorted taking a long, slow drag. How naive he’d been.

They’d cut a brutal swath through the demon population of Sunnydale in the beginning – bashing and shagging for all they were worth. It was a beautiful thing, the closest he’d felt to his old self since that buggering chip was implanted. And he was content for a while. He had his kills; he had a wild warrior woman in his bed. It seemed like enough at the time… But all too soon a sense of dreadful emptiness crept in, a sense of something missing. But what? He just couldn’t figure it out.

And then the dreams started. Vivid tableaus of he and Buffy fighting, fucking, loving each other. He hadn’t seen their like since he first realized he was in love with her. In bits and pieces they told him everything he did not want to know. That Faith was vacant, that this is all she was and all she could offer. An empty lay in an empty crypt. They showed him all the ways she wasn’t Buffy, and never would be. In the end Faith had only served to demonstrate to him what he really wanted, but could never have. What a priceless cosmic joke.

He sighed and ground out his cigarette fiercely. And there was Buffy still, a golden goddess dancing just out of his reach. Always enticing, always enchanting but never near enough to touch. And now she was happy, living the life she deserved. Away from all this bloodshed, from him and his kind – in the light where she belonged. Maybe Peaches’d known what he was on about for once. She met a normal guy, went to college – was about to get married, the whole nine. Even if it was to Finn.

*The useless cunt.*

He spat. And don’t think that little announcement didn’t give him a nasty turn. She was getting married. Then she’d graduate and leave, move to Nebraska or Idaho or somewhere, have fine fat babies and grow old. With someone else. It broke his heart into dry, jagged little pieces. He’d gone on a week-long bender. Faith never asked him why. He suspected on some level she already knew, but didn’t want to end their little charade. As long as he kept up the pretense… And sad bastard that he was, he did. ‘Cause Faith was better than nothing, right? Better than pining over Buffy full-time and tossing off in the exile of his loneliness.

*Ya waster.*

So here he was, stuck with a girl he didn’t love. Loving a girl he couldn’t have. Some days he just prayed for death. Couldn’t go on like this much longer. Seeing Buffy again like that made it plain. He’d felt his heart leap into his throat. It was all he could do not to grab her and kiss her the way he longed to, not to fall to his knees and beg her to run away with him. He’d willed his mouth shut, saying as little as possible. And then he’d practically used Faith as a human shield, keeping her between him and Buffy at all times. He could hardly stand to look at her. The sight of her hurt his heart. He was just grateful she didn’t come ‘round much anymore. She stayed away from the cemeteries these days. Had better things to do.

*Unlike me.*

“God enough! Enough!”

He’d had it with his own pathetic shite. Sitting here in the dark obsessing over Buffy. Again.

*Better watch it, Mate. You’re this far from becoming a bleedin’ bunny-boiler.*

His little catnap had done nothing to soothe his nerves. For some reason, the past two days the dreams had been worse than ever. He needed to get his undead arse out of this hellhole and get in a few good kills. That’d fix him right up. Nothing like a spot of violence to clear a man’s head. Spike got out of bed and pulled on clothes from the discarded pile on the floor. It was time he got out on his own anyway. He’d patrolled with Faith every night this week. If he spent any more time with the girl they’d be living together. He shuddered visibly at the thought.

Maybe it was time to cool it off a bit, put a little distance between them. Hell, maybe it was time to get out of Sunnydale for that matter. Take a nice long road trip – or go back to London, clear his head. He couldn’t hunt like he used to, but he’d make his way. He always did. This was sounding better and better. Get the hell outta Dodge, ease up with the little woman, get some space from Buffy.

“ Yeah. Bloody brilliant.”

Spike smiled genuinely for the first time all day. He headed up to the upper level of his crypt and out into the night, whistling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy walked alone through the midnight silence of Shady Glen cemetery, her brain on over-drive, trying to process the events of the past week.

*I mean, could things be any weirder?*

Hardly. She was trapped in an alternate Universe where her sister wasn’t her sister, her boyfriend was her fiancé and Faith seemed to be living what was rightfully Buffy’s life. There she was out on patrol

*(Or screwing Spike into the ground!!!)*

(Growl) Doing all the things she wanted to do. With the people she wanted to be doing them with. She knew he wasn’t her Spike, but that green eyed little monster was still there. It was probably better if she avoided contact with Faith while she was here. Wouldn’t want any unforeseen "accidents" to happen… Buffy grinned evilly at that.

She knew she should feel bad about Riley, but she just couldn’t bring herself to. It was over and she knew it, and all she could feel about that was profound relief. Other Buffy might want to marry the guy – Lord knows why. She only knew that this Buffy didn’t want that. Riley was a good man in his own way – but something was just plain missing. She didn’t know what it was exactly; it was just something she felt intuitively. What they had was good for awhile – but it wasn’t enough. She needed…

*What?*

Passion maybe. Somebody that made her feel alive. Someone that lit her up from the inside that she couldn’t wait to see. Someone that would know everything about her and love her, the very worst parts of her - not in spite of that, but because of it. Someone who could love her Slayerness – the light and dark of her. Who could celebrate it, revel in it with her. Because she was finally getting that. She had discovered recently that she loved her calling and loved that part of herself. Feeling strong and powerful, and being able to wield that power - well, it felt damn good. Spike was right (which was happening annoyingly often lately.) She loved it, and now she wanted someone who would love it too.

*And I have a good idea who that someone might be…*

Riley was not that someone. Never had that been illustrated more clearly than at dinner the other night. He was so, so glad that she was retired. He had every aspect of their quite little life planned down to the last detail. And none of it included slaying, or vampires; she could even see how he planned her friends right out of her life. He really didn’t want her to have anything to do with the supernatural world in any way. She couldn’t believe he would retire from the Initiative like that. But he was bound and determined she would have everything she deserved. And apparently he was the ONLY one who knew what that was.

It made her feel so suffocated. She didn’t know how other Buffy could stand it. She was just glad she was getting out of here soon.(Hopefully maybe?) Other Buffy would have to figure it out on her own. She was just going to keep her head down and try not to do anything crazy like -

“ Spike.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Damn. Why was she here? Why now? Just when he was startin’ to get his head on straight.

*Fuck.*

Alright, alright calm down. Act casual. Just try to get through this without doing anything stupid like…

“ Buffy.”

Yes, exactly like that. Appealing as that idea seemed at the moment. God, she looked gorgeous in the moonlight. Her hair became the palest gold and her skin…

*Bloody berk. Get hold of yourself!*

“ What’re you doin’ about this late? Thought you gave it all up for lent or some such.”

He gestured broadly to include the cemetery, himself and the night in general. Buffy shrugged non-comittally.

“ Yeah. Well – I just needed to think. Had a lot on my mind.”

God, he looked good. If James Dean and Sid Vicious had a love child he would look exactly like Spike. She wasn’t at all prepared for the effect his physical presence had on her. She caught herself staring at his wide, expressive mouth…remembering.

*Get a grip, Summers! This is not your Spike.*

But he looked like her Spike…she moved unconsciously closer. Did he smell like him too? Would he taste the same…feel the same? She drew nearer.

The Slayer was giving him a very interesting look right now. If he didn’t know better he’d think… But that was bloody looney. She was well ensconced in her happy little life. Practically a newlywed for fuck’s sake. Probably just wishful thinking on his part.

*Yeah, right…wishful.*

Buffy stalked slowly closer. Thinking about her Spike, forgetting just when it was that he’d become that. Missing him more than ever now that his replica was standing here – right within her reach. Her hands ached to touch him. Her lips to taste him. She thought of what it was she’d wanted to do to him that night. To take him in her mouth right then and there. She licked her suddenly dry lips.

Spike’s eyes widened at the sight of her little pink tongue skating across lustrous cherry lips. Damn. He was getting the vibe off this girl - hard. The stare down she was giving him - all hunger, all desire. He’d been around long enough to recognize "The Look " when he saw it. But for the unlife of him he couldn’t figure why. Why was Buffy, the future Mrs. Riley Finn, makin’ with the bedroom eyes all the sudden? She was getting him hard with that look. He swallowed reflexively. If she came on any stronger he would quickly cease to CARE why…

“ Buffy – what…?”

He found himself backing away from the intensity of her hungry gaze.

Somewhere deep in his cerebral cortex a battle was being waged. Two primal instincts were colliding. One identified himself as prey for the deadly predator currently stalking him. The urge for flight was strong. The other told him MATE is here, now. The urge to stay was stronger…

She was so close now. He could feel the heat of her skin from here. He wanted to warm himself against the blaze of it. Her heartbeat sounded fast and hard, as if she’d been running. But what was she running to? It pulsed steadily in his ears, seeming to drown out all else. He was losing himself, drowning in the visceral reality of her. He was about to lose control, with no earthly idea how things had gotten to this point. If she touched him, it was all over.

“ A-Are you okay, Love?”

He gave it one last try. He wasn’t sure whether he should be relieved or disappointed when she stopped advancing on him, seeming to snap out of the trance she was in. She looked like she’d forgotten where she was for a moment.

“ Oh, Spike…yeah. I’m okay.”

Buffy blushed. What the hell was she doing? Stalking Spike like some kind of crazed sex-maniac! Poor guy, no wonder he looked freaked. What was the matter with her? He had a girlfriend here – and it wasn’t her.

*Faith.*

She thought sickly. And he was obviously in love with her. Buffy backed off a few steps, feeling self-conscious and ill.

“I-I’m sorry about that. I was just…thinking about someone. You reminded me of him and, I guess I just got lost in thought for a moment. I must’ve looked pretty zoned out, huh?”

She stammered, hoping he wouldn’t guess just what she’d been thinking about. That it hadn’t been totally obvious she was two seconds away from devouring him whole like a cocktail olive.

“ Uh yeah. Right. No worries.”

He rubbed the back of his neck fretfully. Thinking of someone? Who? That reminded her of him? Someone that made her …like that. Bloody hell.

“ Lucky bastard…”

He muttered under his breath, starting to pace. He felt entirely pent up. Lit up and let down. The energy was buzzing through his veins. He really needed a kill now.

“ What was that?”

Buffy asked, irritation flaring into her tone. Her desire for him automatically sublimating itself. Old habits die hard.

“ Nothing.”

He continued to pace, ready to go on the hunt himself now.

“ It didn’t sound like nothing, Spike.”

She put her hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow at him expectantly. He sighed.

*Bloody bint never could let things go.*

“ It’s just that, you didn’t seem lost in thought exactly.”

His tone was careful. Hers was not.

“ Oh? And what did I seem like then?”

She wanted to pursue this? Fine. He faced her squarely.

“ You seemed like you were on the bloody prowl, Slayer.”

Her mouth formed an incredulous O.

“ Whatever, Spike. What would you know about it?”

She was starting to piss him off now.

“ What would I know? A hundred twenty years is what I know. I’ve seen every look there is – trust me. And I know the look you were just giving me.”

She scoffed openly.

“ Yeah? And what look is that?”

He circled her, leaning in intimately. Giving her back a taste of predatory stalking.

“ You looked at me like you wanted to devour my soul. Like you wanted to shag me into the sodding ground.”

His voice was a low rumble in her ear, making her shiver. She tried to sound convincing when she dismissed him this time.

“ You’re dreaming.”

He stood back, his arms crossed righteously.

“ Not this bloody time I’m not.”

He seemed so self-assured…wait - did he just admit to dreaming about her?

“ W-what does that mean?”

She stammered out, momentarily confused. Spike realized his slip and covered by interrogating her.

“ And who’s this fella you were thinkin’ about? The one that turns you into a bleedin’ cat in heat?”

He accused.

“ Not that it’s any of your business, but I was thinking of Riley.”

She tried to sound breezy and confident.

“ Finn? You were thinking of soldier boy?”

He laughed out loud.

“ What? I was!”

Buffy looked indignant. This only made him laugh harder.

“ You’re telling me I remind you of Captain Cardboard now?”

Damn. She’d forgotten that part.

“ Oh - that is … I mean. No.”

She chewed her thumbnail anxiously. Dead give away - he had her now. And he had a sneaking little suspicion about something…or was it just the tiniest bit of hope?

“ So which is it then, Princess? That you were thinking of Riley? Or you were thinking of someone else?” He leaned in close to whisper seductively in her ear;“ Or is it really that you were thinking of me?’

She was working up a really excellent retort when Spike abruptly fell to the ground.

Under the attack of an enormous vampire.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The thing was huge – had to be six foot six if it was an inch. Buffy just stood and goggled for a minute, taken completely off guard. Very un-Slayer like.

*Nice moves, Slick.*

She chastised herself, reaching at last for the stake tucked into her waistband. She moved to strike, but Spike was on top of it, vamped out and beating it down with all he was worth. A feral growl issued from his throat.

*Is it wrong to think that is WAY hot?*

He looked gorgeous right now, primal – full of power. It made her girly parts throb and tingle just watching him fight. She always did appreciate a man with skills. Spike was in full kill mode - giving an extremely dismayed vamp the thrashing of its unlife. It clearly thought they were easy targets, a nice quick meal.

*Moron.*

She thought, amused. Any vamp who didn’t have the presence of mind to recognize a master vampire and a Slayer deserves whatever it gets.

*Observe, Darwinism at work.*

She tossed Spike the stake at an opportune moment and watched him dust it with casual grace. She almost wanted to applaud, it was so artfully done. But she managed to contain herself. Spike got up from the kneeling position he was in, slapping the vamp dust from his hands.

He stood there grinning. The joy of the kill written all over his face. It was a look she recognized - a look she loved. She couldn’t help but smile back. He turned to her, all cock-sure swagger and self-satisfaction saying;

“ Now, Love – where were we?”

That’s when she kissed him.




** I cannot tell you the supreme delight I have taken in leading you all astray this whole time. For the record, not once did I actually SAY that Spike was in love with Faith. Go on, go check - I'll wait...See? Willow makes an assumption and you just went with it. I led you down the primrose path with sleight-of-hand and misdirection. I know, so very evil. *GRIN* You went right along so willingly too... Mwahahahahaha! All part of my sinister plot to give you a twisty and satisfying read. I must be stopped. Or at least spanked. ;p More sweet spuffy lovin' to come ( and some deeply graphic smut - oh, don't act like you don't love it.) Stay tuned true believers... xoxoxox Rosie**





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