** I would like to preface this with my sincere thanks for all those who have taken the time to read, review and nominate my little fic; Baby, you're the greatest! Somebody ( sombodies?) have some serious snuggles coming to them.

Here's the latest:

Best Saga, Best Naughty Fic and Best WIP at the Blood Ties Awards.

Wanna support the cause? Go to:

http://www.angelfire.com/ab8/bloodtiesawards/nom.html

*Buckets of Love and Gratitude to All* Rosie

Now on with the show...**




Chapter Thirty Four ~ Bad Girl


“Something’s missin’ and I don’t know why.
I always feel the need to hide my feelings from you.
Is it me or you that I’m afraid of?
I tell myself I’ll show you what I’m made of.
Can’t bring myself to let you go.

I don’t want to cause you any pain, but I love you just the same.
And you’ll always be my baby.
In my heart I know we’ve come apart,
And I don’t know where to start.
What can I do?

I don’t wanna feel blue…

Bad girl, drunk by six, kissin’ someone else’s lips.
Smoked too many cigarettes today.
I’m not happy when I act this way.
Bad girl, drunk by six, kissin’ some kind stranger’s lips.
Smoked too many cigarettes today.
I’m not happy this way…”

~ Madonna



He leaned casually against a lamppost outside the Espresso Station - it was their usual meeting place. Spike was dreading this. He’d never done it before, not really - there’d never been a need. Usually he was the dumpee, not the dumper. But he and Buffy had agreed – the sooner, the better. And she was planning to show Captain America the door… He smirked at the thought.

*God, I wish I could be there for that.*

Still, Faith was an alright girl, never did him any harm. He found himself nervous about hurting her.

*Bleedin’ Twonk.*

He sighed. It was making him nostalgic for his formerly evil days. He’d probably just eat her then and be done with it. But there was no help for it, he had to break it off the hard way. The payoff was he’d be free then. Free to be with Buffy every minute of every day for as long as he could have her. He’d miss the Niblet though.

That gave him a pang.

He sighed again and lit up a smoke, feeling like a condemned man waiting for the executioner to show. Finally Faith sauntered into view and he swallowed, hoping not to bollocks it up too badly.

“ Hey, Handsome – I’ve been missin’ ya.”

She embraced him warmly and kissed his neck. And he thought he couldn’t be any more uncomfortable… Spike disengaged himself gently.

*Best get this over with…*

“ We have to talk, Faith.”

She smiled broadly, missing his cues entirely.

“ ‘Bout time. I was beginnin’ ta think you were avoidin’ me, Baby.”

“Yeah. About that…” He scratched the back of his head nervously. “It’s just… I’ve been doin’ some thinkin’, Pet.”

“ Should I be worried?” She gave him a saucy smile.

He looked back at her grimly. Her smile faded.

“ So maybe I oughta be then.”

“ Pet...I don’t know quite how to say this…”

She frowned at him, fidgeting under his heavy gaze.

“ Just spit it out, Spike. Yer makin’ me all anxious.”

*Come on now, just say it you Git!*

“ Right.” He took a deep breath “ I think we should cool it off.”

“What?” Her tone was incredulous. “Cool what off? You mean us?”

“ Yes, I mean us.” He said evenly.

She looked stunned.

“ Why? I thought we had a good thing goin’ here.”

He kept his tone gentle, trying in vain to ease the blow.

“ We did. But we both know it’s not goin’ anywhere and never will.”

Suddenly he was faced with an extremely brassed-off Slayer, and he had a moment to wonder if she had any stakes at hand…

“ Where the hell is there to go, huh?” Her voiced rose angrily. “ What? You wanna get hitched all the sudden? Lookin’ to have a couple rug rats and settle down?” She crossed her arms and looked him up and down. ‘Cause I gotta say, those white picket fences might be bad for your health, Babe.”

He ignored the implied threat.

“ It’s not like that. I just want something more out of life. Been thinkin’ bout gettin’ out of here – seein’ the world again. Maybe gettin’ back to London.” And he had, it wasn’t a lie …exactly. He’d thought about it for the whole 15 minutes before he ran into Buffy. Spike shrugged off the unaccustomed guilt he was feeling and soldiered on. “ But I dunno what I’m gonna do yet.”

He reached out to hold her by the shoulders. Looking her in the eye he said;

“ Look, Faith – it’s not you. It’s me. Just something I’m goin’ through. I need some time to m’self to get my head on straight.”

She laughed bitterly and wrenched herself from his grasp.

“ It’s not you it’s me?! Is that the best you could come up with?” She was practically yelling now. “Damn! That’s like the oldest line in the book. Right after ‘I’ll call ya sometime’.”

“ You’d rather I lie to you?” He asked, incredulous.

“ Don’t do me any favors, Asshole.” She spat back.

He braved a look in her stormy black eyes.

“ For what it’s worth – I’m sorry.” He said earnestly.

She looked him over with utter contempt.

“Yeah. You really are.”

And with that she walked away, hips switching with irritation.

*Well, that went swimmingly.*

But at least it was over. He was free to be with Buffy without worrying about Faith. And even if a little sneakin’ around was fun – it didn’t sit well with his inner William. He always was a monogamous sort. And even if he wasn’t, he simply couldn’t imagine touching Faith now. Not after being with Buffy. So even if she left… he pushed the thought away. He’d made his bed. Time to lie in it.

*Speaking of which…*

There was someone he wanted to be lying there with, wasn’t there? Spike smiled contentedly and headed for home, visions of Buffy filling his head. There were some preparations he wanted to make before his date tonight.

He wanted everything to be perfect.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Faith stalked back towards town angrily. She couldn’t believe that guy – feeding her a line of bullshit like that. God! And she actually thought he cared about her.

“Stupid, stupid…” she muttered to herself.

She shoulda known better. Shoulda known not to get involved, not to trust. That shit never worked out. To think she was actually startin’ to fall for him.

*Starting?*

Okay, maybe more than starting... And again – shouldn’t she know better?

*It never pays to go past bouncy.*

She oughta get that on a t-shirt or tattoo it on her fuckin’ arm so she never forgot it again.

The thing was – this was like outta nowhere. She thought they were doing great until tonight. Then he goes and drops this bomb on her. I mean how was she supposed to react?

*I’m just never gonna understand guys.*

What’d he want anyway? She never asked him for nothin’, never made any demands. They had a good time, right? Why wasn’t that good enough?

*Because I’m not good enough. I’m NEVER good enough.*

She viciously suppressed the impulse to cry, hating him all the more for making her feel that way. She never cried. She was tough. She was strong. And Momma always said;

“Big girls don’t cry.”

Not ever. Not when they were scared or hungry or alone. Not when the power went off unexpectedly and you were by yourself in the dark. Not when the latest in a series of “Uncles” was telling you to “hold still and be quiet, this’ll only take a minute.”

Trickles started down her face and she swiped at them roughly. Faith wanted to bolt; she wanted to outrun this pain – these useless tears. She wanted to find a vamp and beat him to death with her bare hands. But most of all, in deep, dark places she barely knew were there, she wanted to be held while she cried.

She wanted to feel safe and loved and okay – just for a little while.

There was only one man left that she felt that way with.

She took off towards the Magic Box running.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Faith entered the back way, through the training room - like she usually did. She was about to open the door to look for Giles when a fragment of conversation caught her attention…

Willow’s voice carried through the door;

“ They created Dawn from Faith – because she was the Slayer on duty at the time. But Buffy, you were in self-induced retirement – no one ‘deactivated’ you.”

Faith cracked the door open just a sliver to hear better.

Giles broke in;

“ If that’s even possible to do. As far as we know death is the only thing that…” He cleared his throat. “Well, you see what I mean.” After an awkward pause he continued;
“She is made from your essence, from both of you. In this reality she is tied to you and to Faith.”

*What?!*

“It was always intended for the two of you to be her protectors.”

Willow took over for Giles then;

“ They just didn’t get to finish the spell because of Glory’s interruption. So Buffy here never received her piece of the fabricated memories.”

Giles finished for her;

“ Nor did anyone else, so Dawn has been Faith’s sister alone. If it weren’t for your sudden appearance, none of us would be the wiser.”

Willow spoke again, quietly – so Faith had to strain to hear her;

“But really Dawn is sister to both of you.”

*What the HELL?!*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Faith couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

Dawn was made from both of them? TIED to both of them? And now she’d have to what – share her freakin’ sister with Buffy?

She slipped out the back door again, feeling the need to get away and think, her earlier longing to talk to Giles all but erased by this sudden revelation. She headed out towards Restfield Cemetery, her natural instinct to patrol guiding her.

*What the fuck was goin’ on today?!*

First Spike dumps her – and she never even saw it coming. It was like a lightening bolt from outta the blue. I mean, they weren’t ready to shack up and nobody was makin’ wedding plans but they were happy right? At least she thought they were.

They had fun together, fought well together. It was gettin’ so that the demons were afraid to show their faces in this town. The only ones they seemed to fight lately were the newbies. Plus - the sex was rockin’. Good enough that it made her wanna stick around after the first time.

*And that NEVER happened.*

She never came out and said she loved him – ‘cause hell, she’d never said that to anyone ‘cept Dawn before. But he had to know right? Didn’t he?

*Shit.*

Maybe he didn’t. Faith thought back over what he’d said to her today.

*“We both know it’s not going anywhere and never will.”
“I just want something more out of life.”*

Crap. He didn’t know. Of course he didn’t. Because she never told him. And here she was blaming him and feeling all sorry for herself when she was the bad guy here. She’d been holdin’ out on him all this time, never realizing that he wanted the same thing she did all along.

Spike just wanted to be loved. Wanted something real. Just like everybody else.

*Kinda sweet actually.*

Well, she’d just have to go talk to him and straighten this out. She’d just tell him the truth; that she loved him, and had for a long time. That she wanted it to be real between them.

*God, he probably thinks he’s nothing but a fuck to me.*

That thought actually hurt her, ‘cause she cared about him so much. How the hell had she gone so long without telling him that? Her thoughts turned then to what she had told him. Just tonight.

*Fuck.*

She called him an asshole, told him off. Shit, she all but openly threatened him with a staking.

*Fuck. FUCK.*

She really needed to talk to him now. For the first time in longer than she could remember Faith had to apologize. And mean it.

*Shit. Better find him before he goes and leaves town.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy could hardly believe the things she’d been told. It seemed like whenever she got her bearings in this crazy place something new would come along and yank the rug out from beneath her feet.

*Connected to Faith?! … Jesus!*

She jumped up from her chair, pacing out her aggravation.

“ But, Giles, how is that even possible?! I mean Faith and I aren’t even related – so how could Dawn be sister to both of us? This doesn’t even make any SENSE!”

She threw up her hands in frustration. His voice was steady, seeking to calm her.

“ I realize that, Buffy. We were just as shocked as you are. But it seems they’d been planning this for months – researching your lives very carefully. Faith doesn’t know who her
father is-”

She cut him off.

“ I know, I know.” She flapped her hand dismissively, tired of Faith’s sob story.

*As if that excuses ANYTHING…*
“And her mother was a drunk, blah blah blah - what does that have to do with anyth- No! ” her eyes flew wide in shock. “They weren’t…they couldn’t…”

Giles nodded gravely.

“ They didn’t have the chance to, but yes. They planned to make Faith and Dawn your half sisters, and Hank their father.”

Buffy’s voice escalated in fury, her face flushing.

“ What RIGHT do they have to mess with people’s lives like this?! Do you know what that would have done to my mother? Not to mention me…as if our family wasn’t torn apart enough...”

Willow rushed to comfort her.

“ But it didn’t happen. They didn’t complete the spell.” She rubbed her arms soothingly. “You’re missing the important thing here, Buffy. Dawn is still part of you – she’s your family now. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“ Yes…of course – but it’s so confusing!” She sat down and put her head in her hands, feeling overwhelmed. “And I’m getting seriously tired of feeling like a pawn in someone else’s game.”

Giles’ voice was gentle;

“ This must feel terribly unfair to you, Buffy – but you have to understand that the Monk’s only thought was to protect the Key from Glory – at any cost. Whatever it is, whatever it does must have dire consequences for humanity.”

Buffy looked up at him, despondent.

“God, Giles. I just don’t know what to think anymore. Every time I turn around it seems like there’s a new and nasty surprise for me. First I get thrown into ‘Alterna-World’ where I have no sister and I’m suddenly retired, then I get ugly death dreams and now I find I’m sharing Dawn with Faith…of all people! My head is just spinning right now.”

Willow gave her a comforting squeeze.

“ I know, Sweetie, I know. But it’ll be alright – we’ll figure it out- untangle this mess somehow.”

“ Everyone keeps saying that! And every time someone says ‘it’ll be alright’ it just gets worse. I can’t even think right now.” She rose from the table, feeling ready to break down. There was only one place she wanted to be right now. “ I just need to go and think things through.”

“ Should I walk you-”

Buffy cut her off

“ No!” She softened her tone “ Thanks, Wil. But I just wanna be alone right now.”

“ Of Course, whatever you need. Just call me later and let me know you’re okay.”

Buffy gave her a forced smile.

“ Promise.”

And with that she snatched up her purse and jacket and dashed out the door.

Willow watched her friend’s hasty retreat, feeling helpless.

“ I really thought she’d take it better, Giles.” She said, watching Buffy through the front window.

She turned to look at him.

“ I mean, I thought she’d be happy! She missed Dawn so much…”

He studied the closed door thoughtfully.

“ As did I…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy practically ran back to Spike’s crypt, seeking comfort instinctively from him.

He was so wrapped up in his pre-date preparations that she managed to take him by surprise. He’d put sleek satin sheets on the bed and adorned the room in candles. Fresh cut flowers were scattered about – topped off by a center piece of a dozen long stem roses of the sweetest blush pink. Her very favorite.

*How does he know this stuff?*

She’d swear he could read her mind sometimes. She was deeply moved by his effort to create a special night for her. No one had ever done that before – not like this.

It made her want to cry even more.

He turned to see her trembling lip and tear-filled eyes.

“ Buffy…Baby, what is it?”

He immediately feared the worst.

Was she leaving him now? Tonight?

He enveloped her in his strong arms and she let go, finally feeling safe.

“ Oh, Spike things are so screwed up right now!” she sobbed.

He patted her back gently

“ Tell me, Love – what can I do?”

She clung to him tightly.

“ Just hold me - please.”

He gave her a reassuring squeeze.

“ All night if you like.”

She smiled a little then and snuggled into his chest.

“ Thank you. This is just what I needed.”

He kissed the top of her head softly.

“ My pleasure. Now why don’t you sit down and tell old Spike all about it, eh?”

She pulled away reluctantly and let him lead her to the bed.

He held her hands and looked at her intently, internally bracing himself for the worst.

“ Is it bad, Buffy? Do you have to go now?”

She looked at him in surprise – that thought hadn’t even occurred to her.

“ God! No, Baby – I’m so sorry to worry you.”

He sighed in relief, the knot in his gut beginning to untangle itself.

“ It’s about Dawn.”

And the knot twisted itself up again.

“ Is she alright?” He asked anxiously.

“ I’m sorry – I’m handling this amazingly badly – She’s fine. Everyone is fine. I just got some crazy news today and it’s freakin’ me out a little – or a lot actually.”

He raised an inquiring eyebrow at her, waiting for her to elaborate.

“ Giles and Willow found out some stuff – about me and Dawn.”

“ Yeah?” He prompted.

“ I don’t know if you know this – but Dawn - her human self, was made from the Slayer’s essence. In my world she was made from me, and in this one, Faith.”

“ Which is why you thought she wasn’t really your Little Sis here.”

She nodded.

“ Right. Only it turns out that Dawn was made from the essence of all the active Slayers at the time…”

“ Meaning you and Faith.” He shook his head wonderingly. “ Christ, Love – no wonder you’re feelin’ a bit wonky.”

“ Yeah, just a little bit.”

He pulled her into his arms then, rubbing her back gently.

“ It’ll be alright, Baby.”

She sighed and settled into his embrace, relaxing for the first time since she left him that afternoon.

“ Why is it that when you say it, I actually believe it?”



** Can you believe I actually made you feel compassion for Faith? Bad, bad Rosie. And you all thought this was gonna be straight fluff ;p My oh my, whatever will happen next? Stay tuned for our next episode, True Believers - it's a doozy. More next week... *Luvs* Rosie xoxoxox **





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