[Reviews - 315]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Microsoft Word Chapter or Story | ePub eBook Chapter or Story | Printer Chapter or Story

Has been viewed 1444 times

- Text Size +




Chapter Forty ~ Eight - How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

“How can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?

How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart
And let me live again.”

~ Al Green


Buffy was glad to see Spike had finished up with Faith and was on his own again. She wanted to be alone with him more than anything right now, far away from ex-lovers and their stupid demands. He was standing idly by the makeshift table, munching his way through what remained of the food. Yet another Spike quirk; he ate. She’d never seen Angel do more than have a glass of wine but Spike had been known to put away 2 orders of spicy buffalo wings, half a dozen beers and an entire blooming onion in a single sitting. He seemed to love life and was enamoured with everything about it; food, music, literature. For a vampire he certainly knew how to live.

She crept up behind him and slipped her arms around his waist. He turned into her embrace with a smile.

“There you are, Love.”

“So how’d it go?” she asked casually.

She was hoping to gloss right over the talk she’d just had with Angel. She was not emotionally prepared for more shows of manly violence today. Between Riley, Spike and Angel Buffy was thoroughly exhausted. Faith was just the cherry on top. All she wanted now was a hot bath and a night in Spike’s arms.

“Not quite as painful as I expected, but still uncomfortable as hell.” He replied, rubbing the back of his neck with a rueful smile.“And you?” He asked evenly. “Saw Captain Forehead drag you outside. Didn’t look like a strategy meeting.”

Crap.

“It wasn’t.” She admitted.

“Do I need to stake him and kick the ashes or did you straighten him out?” He lit up a cigarette.

“You weren’t worried?” she was surprised. He and Angel always had a rivalry - especially where she was concerned.

“I hoped I had no reason to be.”

“You didn’t.” Buffy smiled with relief.

“So you weren’t tempted to let him take you away from all this then?” He gestured with a circular wave of his smoke and a small smile, leaning comfortably against the table.

“Ha.” she scoffed. “Not quite. I’ve learned from experience; you can’t revisit the past. And that wasn’t a past I wanted on repeat.”

“Does that make me the future then?” He gave her a cocky, sideways smirk.

“That makes you my past, present and future.” She moved closer, sliding her arms around his neck.

“So you’re sayin’ I’m your everything?” he bent down to kiss her.

“Looks like.” She kissed him back.

His face split into an enormous grin.

“I can live with that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Faith pushed the remains of her burger and fries away. The sight of Spike and Buffy in each other’s arms made her stomach ache. She wasn’t ready to accept this yet, and who could blame her? Too much had happened in such a short time. It irked her that everyone seemed to instantly accept them as a couple. What about the last six months? Didn’t it mean anything that she was with Spike that whole time?

More than anything it burned her to be so easily pushed aside, once again left - dropped like she didn’t matter. Those six months certainly mattered to her. It was the first time she felt like a real family with Dawn since ever. And he was so good with her, you could see that he genuinely loved the kid. He treated her like she was his own little sis. Her head hurt. It was all so fucking confusing! She struggled with it but she couldn’t get a straight line on the truth yet, she'd held out the ghost of a hope that revealing her feelings would make some kind of difference. But it didn't. It just put him in the awkward position of saying he didn't love her back. And then he dropped that deadly F-word: friends. He swore he cared about her but he wanted to go off on his own anyway. He promised it was never about Buffy and that they were a new thing. Faith didn’t want to believe him... but Spike had never lied to her. He never said he loved her, never said it was forever - she just wanted it to be.

Faith wanted the snug little family unit they had with Dawn as badly as she ever wanted anything in her life. A part of her wondered if it would have made any difference if she’d told him sooner. Would he have left her then? Would he have ended up with Buffy anyway? And was it Spike she loved or just the family they made with Dawn? Add an hour long debriefing from Wesley to those brain teasers and her head was just spinning. Buffy's dad was supposed to be her dad? Dawn was part of both Slayers? Buffy was from another fucking dimension? She had to snort at that one.

I coulda told you guys that awhile ago.

She chuckled at her own joke. But the Buffy from here was where now? Ugh. No wonder she had a headache. About the only concept she could really get behind was Apocalypse now. That she knew how to deal with.

Finally, just gimme somethin’ I can fight!

She was itching for a stake in her hand. All this tension for days with no release - no slaying, no fucking, no nothing. She was starting to go a little crazy. It had been weeks since Spike had really touched her. And their sex life slowed to a crawl months ago. Apparently that wasn’t a problem he had with Buffy, she’d seen that with her own eyes. An unwanted flash of the two of them in the graveyard hit her hard. She shoved her hurt away and turned her back on the cheery scene. Spike had his arm casually slung around Buffy, like she belonged to him. Faith couldn’t remember a time when she felt that way. She’d never belonged to anyone, never had the feeling of being one half of a whole.

It hurt her to see him with another girl so soon. Was she that easy to get over? It hurt even more that the girl was Buffy of all people. Tears pricked at the back of her eyes, but she swallowed them back. She had her suspicions that Spike loved the other Slayer all along. And it seemed unfair as hell that Buffy should end up with one more thing after all she was blessed with, especially when it was something Faith wanted so much... though right now Spike was starting to feel like just another guy who left and let her down.

“Ugh!” she growled.

It was time for a smoke and a break from her brain. If she didn’t watch herself she’d end up a bitter old drunk like Lydia. She watched her mother turn herself inside out with whiskey and disappointment, wasting her youth and beauty along the way. She gave herself liver cancer in the end and died before she even saw 40. Faith learned it was best not to hold on to pain too tightly, it ended up devouring you. She patted her jacket pocket checking for the pack of Lucky Strikes she always carried. They never failed her, thank God.

She had a feeling her chain smoking days were just beginning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angel couldn't quite process the things Buffy had said to him tonight. How could it end like this? Years ago he’d watched her being Chosen and had fallen for her body and soul. She was so beautiful and so brave, staying strong through every test and trial. She made him want to be a better man and inspired him to become the hero he was. She was the most amazing woman he had ever known.

Even in the darkest times he kept the faith and believed that somehow, someday they'd end up together. It felt like fate, like destiny. It hurt that they had to be apart but his love for her remained constant; she was his touchstone and always at the center of his heart. All these years he believed they had the perfect love, something real and pure that would last forever. But Buffy didn't seem to feel the same and Angel wasn't dealing well with having all of his illusions shattered.

If it was only an illusion it was one of his most cherished. It gave him something worth fighting for. But what now? If he wasn't Buffy's hero, then who was he? And if he wasn't fighting for a future with her then what the hell was he fighting for? For all his bravado and stirring speeches it couldn’t be solely for redemption. Even Angel couldn’t sustain himself on the act of atonement alone.

It seemed impossible that she could be choosing Spike. It was insane. How could she believe Spike was better for her than he was?! At least Riley had been human. He was a fighter like himself and seemed to be on the right side of things. Though he was definitely questioning that evaluation after today. But with Spike you never knew. He changed sides when it suited him, played teams against each other, manipulated everyone and above all always looked out for number one. He might say he was a good guy today but tomorrow could just as easily find him playing villain. Why couldn't Buffy see that?!

Angel sat down heavily on the concrete stoop. He hadn’t gone inside again. That room seemed too warm, too bright, too full of people he had no interest in talking to. He couldn't just leave but he didn't want to be here anymore. So he stayed outside in the welcoming cool of the evening, grateful for the solitude and quiet. It had been an hour now and he still had no desire to go in.

It was starting to sink in that he’d truly lost her. It struck him suddenly just how forlorn he felt, the lonesome feeling seemed to creep into his bones. Losing Buffy, even if it was only the illusion of her, made him feel more truly alone than he had in years. There was no one to share his future with...

So what am I fighting for?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t until Faith stepped into the shadows that she saw Angel, sitting on the cement steps of the warehouse across the alley. He was parked at the bottom step, back against the rail, glowering resentfully at the bright picture inside. At least she wasn’t alone, Angel looked even more miserable than she was. She always suspected he carried a torch for Buffy - engagement or no. Now she could see it written all over him, poor bastard. She knew just how he felt.

“Mind if I smoke?”

He shook his head but said nothing. She leaned companionably against the rail and lit her cigarette.
They sat in silence, neither at all pleased with their present condition. Standing outside the doorway they watched Spike and Buffy surrounded by chattering friends, hands linked. The situation was all too familiar to both of them; once again on the outside looking in.

“Will ya look at that?” Faith puffed an irritable cloud of smoke. “Might as well be a goddamned engagement party.”

Angel snorted.

“Like it means anything.” He retorted.

“Like it’ll last.” Faith’s mouth curled up at one corner, and she turned to face him. “You sure we can’t beat on ‘em until they come to their senses?” And then her smirk hit full on.

“No.” Angel’s smirk matched her own. He surprised her by grabbing the cigarette from her hand & taking a long, slow pull.

“Look who’s all bad ass now.”

He shrugged, standing up to pace the alley.

“Used to be.”

She turned toward him, really looking him over for the first time.

“Oh, I dunno…” She leaned in flirtily, grabbing her cigarette back. “I think you’ve still got a little bad boy in ya.”

“Yeah?” He found himself smiling.

She knew she was flirting. She wasn’t even trying. But why not? Misery loved company. Faith thought she could just do with a little company right now. He had a vibe, this guy. All darkness and power barely held in check. Like if she undid his latches right the tiger might come out of the cage. He intrigued her. The bad boys always did. Faith gave him her sauciest smile and tossed her long, dark hair off her shoulder.

“Definitely.”

Angel couldn’t help but smile back. He liked this girl, always had. There was something about her swagger even in the face of her misery and Gods bless her for making him smile in the midst of his own. She made him feel reckless and cocky at the same time. He found he liked it.

He reached for her cigarette again, this time she touched his hand when she passed it over. He was shocked by her heat. He’d forgotten how warm Slayers were, as if their metabolism was perpetually set on full burn. Buffy had kept him at arms length tonight, nowhere near her warmth. He pushed the painful memory away, focusing instead on the feisty presence in front of him.

“Want your own?” She quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Rather share.”

“Would you now?” It was more a suggestive statement than a question.

He found he liked the suggestion and took a step closer. Why not? There was nothing left to lose.

“Yeah.”

When she stepped closer still and reached for the remaining stub of cigarette, he acted on impulse and pulled her in sharply. His old instincts were kicking in again, the ones he used to follow without question. They told him this was a girl he could get lost in, a girl he could forget everything with for awhile. That was exactly what he wanted.

Angel was surprised when she was the one to kiss him.





You must login (register) to review.