~*~
“Spike!”
She was smiling at him. He stared at her stupidly, his still-groggy brain fighting to understand what was happening. “Buffy? What th’ hell’re you doin’ in LA?” And who’s this ponce?
“I’m…um…” She furrowed her brow, evidently trying to remember. “I’m living the life of a California teen!” she announced triumphantly.
The man whose arm she was hanging onto laughed. “An’ living it well, she is,” he said in a thick brogue.
Spike scowled at them both. The man—no, the boy—looked to be about his girl’s age, maybe a little older. Judging by the looks on their faces, they were well on their way to being falling down drunk.
The fact that he himself hadn’t exactly stayed sober that night didn’t penetrate his brain. All that did was pure fury—at that boy for letting Buffy get drunk, at Buffy for doing the drinking, and at himself for being so fucking stupid. She wasn’t just out drinking for the fun of it, and he knew it. She was the type to drink only when she was hurt.
And that was his fault.
Didn’t mean he couldn’t chew her out, though. He narrowed his eyes at the boy and growled, “Who the ass-shitting hell is this?”
If his language shocked her, she gave no sign. “Oh, this is Doyle! He’s my uncle.” She beamed at him.
God, her smile was gorgeous…and he was furious with her. Spike hardened his glare. “An’ do you an’ your uncle always come out to LA and drink illegally?”
“Oh, please,” she scoffed. “You’re one to talk. You smell.”
“What? I do not!”
She leaned forward and made a production out of sniffing him. “Yes, you do. You smell like whiskey.”
“And how would you know what whiskey smells like?”
She rolled her eyes and pointed at the bottle in Doyle’s hand. “Duh.”
He couldn’t have explained what happened then if he tried. All he knew was that he was close to his girl again, for the first time since they’d kissed—and the thought made all the blood rush from his head and go to other, less convenient places.
Almost against his will, he heard himself saying, “Buffy, can I talk to you for a second?”
She glanced from him to Doyle nervously, clearly hoping the boy would have some objection. Doyle, though, just shrugged. Good boy. Maybe Spike wouldn’t kill him after all…
He cocked his head towards the back room where he’d just been sleeping. “In here,” he suggested.
She gave him a look, one that he knew she’d perfected during the four years they’d known each other. The I-don’t-trust-you-for-a-second look. The one she’d used when he’d tried to trick her into ditching Angel at Homecoming that one time.
It couldn’t be a good sign.
He closed the door and turned to face her. She was leaning against the wall, an expectant look on her face…Spike felt his groin tightened further. Not now, mate. We’re here to lecture the girl, not to shag her.
Now, if only he could get the rest of him to believe that…
“So, are you going to be lecturing me now?”
He sighed and sat down on the wooden bench. “You’re half drunk, pet.”
She snorted. “Oh, please. Spike, I stole all of two mouthfuls of whiskey from Doyle’s bottle. That’s hardly enough to get me drunk.”
Two sips? “Bolloks. You’re not acting like yourself, Buffy.”
“I’m not acting like myself? What about you? You kissed me, Spike.”
Four words, and they cut him like a knife. “I didn’t—“
“Yes, you did.” She pushed away from the wall and took a step forward, looking more angry, more aggressive than he’d ever seen her. “You kissed me and then you ran away. I’ve been crying my fucking eyes out for more than twenty-four hours because of you!”
He wasn’t sure what amazed him more, the fact that she cursed or the fact that seeing her all mad and in his face only made him want her more. “Buffy, luv—“
“No!” Fiercely. Inches away from him, now. “I’m not finished! Why the hell did you run away, Spike? Am I that repulsive? Am I—did you just decide you hated me, or something? Oh, wait.” A bitter smile came across her lips. “I know why. Because I’m too young. Your best friend, sure, but you’re too much of a coward to deal with the fact that there’s ten years between us.”
Coward. Wasn’t it just like her to hit the nail brutally on the head? Spike gave salvaging the situation one last go. “You don’t—“
Her hand came out. “Don’t you dare,” she said through gritted teeth, “try to tell me that I don’t understand.”
Everyone has a breaking point, a time when reason flees and instinct takes over. He’d reached one two nights before when he’d kissed her.
He’d reached another right now.
He stood up and slammed her against the wall in one fluid motion—not hard enough to bruise, but forceful enough so that she’d know he was angry. Pressing his hips into hers, letting her belly cradle his erection, he hissed, “Feel that, Buffy? That’s why I ran. That’s what’s wrong with this whole bloody thing. I see you every day, an’ every day I want you a little bit more. Do you get how wrong this is? How incredibly fucked up I am? ‘ve wanted you for so long, an’ that kiss…it shouldn’t have happened, luv. ‘ve had a taste ‘f you, ‘m bound to want more, and—“
She stopped his desperate rambling easily. The second her soft, dry palm touched his cheek, he halted. Smiling, she ran a thumb over his lips. He didn’t move—too captivated by the girl in front of him—too desperate to prolong the precious contact afforded by her body—to stop what he knew was wrong.
All he could see was her lips as they smiled slightly, her tongue as it moved to form the tempting words. “I want you too.”
He didn’t have time to wonder, didn’t have time to stop and take stock of what was happening. All he could do was stand still as she leaned up on tiptoe, her hand curled round his neck, and kissed him.
She was just a girl, and this was the area where it showed the most. She didn’t attack his lips, though by the desperate way her legs wrapped around him, she felt the same passion he did. Instead, her lips brushed against his, soft and firm and hot…
Unable to stop himself, he lowered his head and set her lips to his more firmly. Teeth nipped at her bottom lip, begging entrance; she moaned when she granted it.
His hands slid down, tightening on her waist, pressing her to him. As her tongue began an almost shy exploration of his mouth, he groaned, cock twitching, and pressed her body as tightly as he could against his own.
He needed this. He needed her.
Their lips tore apart and they both gasped. Spike immediately went to Buffy’s neck, kissing the soft skin he found there.
“Spike?” She said his name on a breathy moan, yet he heard the question in it.
He froze and eased upright, loosening his hold on her—though her legs stayed locked around his waist, and he didn’t try to prevent it. “Yeah, luv?” His voice was rough, scratchy.
“Are we—am I—oh, God,” she gasped, grinding her hips into his.
He couldn’t help but smile. “You were gonna say something?”
She shook her head, a dazed look on her beautiful face. “I don’t—I’m not—“
The dismay that went through him was almost physical. He lowered her to the ground, gently disentangling her legs from around him and easing his body away from hers. How could he have thought she’d actually want what he was offering? “’m sorry,” he muttered, looking away from her. Such youth, such innocence—he didn’t deserve it, and he knew it.
“No!” Soft fingers again reached out to his face. He didn’t want to, but he looked into her eyes—and in them saw pain that rivaled his own. “Don’t go away again,” she plead. “I need you here.”
There wasn’t a bloke on the face of the earth could resist her, not when she looked like that. But he knew that if they stayed where they were, bodies touching in intimate ways, then both their control would slip. “how ‘bout we sit down?” he suggested, praying that she’d realize what he was doing.
She nodded shyly. “OK.”
Together they walked over to the bench and sat down, both choosing to ignore that they were clinging to each others’ hands.
Spike took a deep breath. “Don’t rightly know where to start, pet.”
She smiled slightly. “How about here?”
That brought a chuckle from him. Even when they were both reeling from the pure number of emotions coursing through them, she still managed to keep a level head. “A’right, then…you wanna go first?”
“Um, no!”
Least she was as panicked as he was…”Kitten, ‘f you don’t wanna start…I don’t rightly know how to go ‘bout doing this.”
Her eyes were so green—Spike shook his head. Not thinking ‘bout her eyes. Thinkin’ about how she’s only sixteen. She’s young, mate, younger than you by a long ways.
“Then what are we going to do?” A whispered question, quiet and unsure.
He shook his head. “I don’t have all the answers, pet.”
“But you’ve done this before.”
He chucked bitterly. Such an innocent statement. “Fallen in love with m’ best friend? No, this is new for me.”
She pulled back with a gasp—too late, he realized the mistake he’d made. “Buffy, I don’t mean—“
“But you did.” She was staring at him, eyes wider than they’d been before. Silently, Spike cursed himself. The plan had been to just put it down to lust, ‘till his idiot mouth had betrayed him.
“No, I didn’t.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “So, you say you love me, but you really don’t?”
“What? No! That’s not it at all!”
“Then what is it?” He could see her anger, all over her; had been her friend long enough to tell that she was close to exploding, she was so mad. “I’m tired of the secrets, I’m tired of the lies, and I’m tired of the games. I just want the truth.”
The one thing she wanted, the one thing they both needed, an’ he couldn’t give it. Who the hell invented this system?
“’f I gave you the truth, it’d tear you apart. You’re not ready for it.”
Her eyes narrowed lethally. “Would you just make up your mind, already? Either I’m old enough to be treated like your equal or I’m not. You can’t kiss me and then talk to me like a child!”
Spike winced at how loud her voice was. “Would you keep it down? ‘m not exactly dyin’ to go to jail, y’know.”
“You’d only go to jail if we had sex. Which we haven’t.”
His poor, naïve girl. “Where d’you think this is leading, to unfulfilling walks in the moonlight? ‘m not that type an’ we both know it.”
He watched as her face became a little harder, a little—older. He beat himself for doing it to her, but she had to have her eyes opened. “Yeah, Spike, I know your type. Which is why I’m starting to think I should’ve just run away when I had the chance. I guess I was stupid to think I’d mean anything to you.”
“You’re stupid if you think you don’t,” he retorted, more harshly than he meant to. The second he said it he felt sorry—her face closed off, became a blank to him. “Luv, I didn’t mean it, I—“
“But you did.” Quieter now. “You meant every word of it, which is why I can’t do this.”
He felt his mouth go dry. And to think m’ goal in here was to talk her outta this whole rotten thing. “What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean. Spike, I’ve cried more in the past few days than I did in four years with Angel.”
Yet another reason he was going to hell. “Angel was a wanker.”
“And you’re not.” When he started to object she scowled at him. “I mean it, Spike. You’re not. You’re plenty of things, but if you were a—a wanker, then I wouldn’t be your friend.”
He was amused at hearing the phrase on her lips, but still…”Wanker or not, I can’t do this, pet. Neither of us can.”
She looked down at her hands; Spike’s gaze followed. Her hands were white-knuckled, betraying the stress she was under. “I know,” she whispered.
“Then—“
“I’m here for my cousin’s engagement,” she said quietly. “I’ve told you about Fred and Wesley, right?” At his murmur of affirmation, she continued, “It’s a pretty open party, tomorrow night at eight.”
What was she getting at? “And?”
“I have to go,” she said quietly. “But if what you said was true—then come. That way I’ll know if you’re still my friend, if you’re—something else…or if you’re nothing. Okay?”
He nodded, understanding perfectly what she was trying to do. “Okay.”
She sighed. “I guess…’bye, then.”
Before he had a chance to stop her—before he had a chance to do anything, really—she leaned over, kissed him softly on the lips, and left.
Not for the first time, he groaned, leaning back against the cold wall with a thump. Girl’s gonna be the death of me.
And after all that had happened, he still didn’t care.
~*~
A/N: *thud*
I thought getting 30 reviews would be a miracle. But I got 50. 50 reviews for one chapter! Thank you!!! I can't tell you how incredible that made me feel. I love you guys! And to prove how much, I went ahead and added a smutty bit to the next chapter...so pretty please review again? More reviews would make me a very happy, faster typing author....*looks at everyone hopefully*
Also, absenteye and I now have an awesome site called Peaceful Tears . Feel free to visit =D And thanks again for all the incredible reviews! *hugs*
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