Chapter 1

Buffy felt numb. Her mom had passed away not long ago. She felt no pain at all, just a numbness that crept over her like some sort of disease. She was terribly worried that something was wrong with her.

She sat on the couch staring into space. Her baby sister was upstairs crying endlessly. Dawn hadn't spoken a word to anyone since she had broken down, after seeing her mother's body in the morgue. Whenever Buffy went to check on her, Dawn would stare at her, let out a devastated cryand bury her face in her pillow. She refused to go to school and barely ate anything.

No matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't get Dawn out of the funk she was in. All the Scoobies had tried as well, but after hours of no response, they had trudged back down the stairs, hanging their heads in defeat.

The only person who hadn't tried was Spike.

He hadn't been around much lately and she suspected that the bleached blond was trying to keep a respectful distance. Buffy didn't want to deal with him right now, but Dawn was undeniably attached to him. She sighed and trudged up the stairs to her room. She changed into a pair of baggy shorts and a camisole top and then walked down the hall to the bathroom, where she brushed her teeth and splashed cold water on her face. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. Dark shadows surrounded her eyes and she realised that she hadn't slept in days.

As she walked back down the hall, she noticed that Dawn's sobs had subsided. She paused at her sister's door and then, carefully opened it. Her sister had fallen asleep, fully clothed, amongst a pile of photos, a frown still on her face. Tear tracks marred the smoothness of her cheeks.

Buffy stealthily gathered up the photographs and placed them in a neat pile on the nightstand. She then gently undressed Dawn and pulled a purple cotton nightdress over her head. Gathering her sister close, she got into bed. She held Dawn tightly as she began to whimper in her sleep. Buffy softly stroked her hair and, slowly, the noise subsided. The calming motion stopped, as Buffy succumbed to her own tiredness and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Buffy awoke early, after only a few hours. She moved quietly out of Dawn's bed and went into her own room to get dressed, in jeans and a t-shirt. She twisted her hair up into a loose bun, then set about the task of cleaning the house.While Buffy was working, Dawn came downstairs to watch TV, althoughshe still refused to eat or speak.

Buffy was getting increasingly worried about her. She had an idea of what could snap her sister out of it, but it would have to wait until nightfall.

She spent the rest of the day watching tv with Dawn, trying to engage her in conversation and looking at the clock, willing it to be later in the day. At last nightfall came. "Dawn, I'm going out for a little while," she called out, but there was no response. "Is that okay? Will you be all right here on your own?" Still no acknowledgment. Buffy sighed (something she was doing a lot lately) and left the house.

She walked briskly through the cemetery. For some strange reason, she was nervous about seeing Spikeagain. Ever since he'd declared his love for her, she'dfelt extremely awkward around him.

She often questioned why she had rejected him. He was funny (though she would never admit it to him), kind to her sister, wickedstrong, completely in love with her and drop-dead gorgeous. The problem wasn't that she didn't have any feelings for him. It was that she was worried about what her friends would think of her if she and Spike became an item.

She thought about this and, before she knew it, she was standing outside his crypt.

She opened the heavy stone door and walked in. "Spike, are you in here?" she called out into the gloomy darkness of the crypt. There was no reply. She walked further into the room, but didn't see any sign of him.

'Maybe he's downstairs,' she thought to herself. She climbed down the ladder leading to the underground section of his home. A few candles gave light to the large room. She looked around and didn't notice him until her eyes fell on the bed. He was asleep and, apparently, wearing nothing at all.

She walked slowly over to the bed. "Spike, wake up!" she called softly. He didn't stir. "Spike!" she tried again, with a bit more volume. He slept like... well, the dead.

She knelt on the edge of his bed and placed a hand on his arm. 'Ooh nice,' she thought at the feel of his hard muscles under her palm. She gently shook him. He moved suddenly. She jumped and lost her balance, tumbling onto the bed next to him.

'Uh oh. Not good,' she thought as she felt him wrap his arms around her, bury his face into her neck and nuzzle her. 'Okay, maybe not so bad after all...'

She felt a little thrill go through her. 'Don't be silly Buffy,' she thought as she looked down at his handsome face. He looked really cute when he was asleep. 'He's probably not even thinking about you.' She started to gently shift him off her. He was quite heavy and she found it hard to do so from her awkward position.

"Buffy!" he moaned and hugged her tighter.

She froze at the sound of her name and smiled in self-satisfaction. 'Hmm so he was thinking about me.'

After several attempts at trying to get away, she gave up.

"Spike!" she said loudly, "can you wake up?" She smacked him firmly on the arm. He whimpered and curled up on his side, releasing her. 'Okay, slightly better off now, but, still need to wake him up.'

She spotted a glass of water next to his bed. Pickingit up, shelooked at it thoughtfully for a moment, then threw the entire contents in his face.

"ARGH!"

He woke with a jolt and sat up spluttering. "Bloody hell woman! What did you have to go and do that for? 'specially as I was having such a nice dream about..." he looked up at her, "er... never mind."

She noticed that he was slightly disconcerted. She ignored it however.

"Spike I need your help."

He contemplated her for a moment "Alright. Let me just get my clothes on." And with that, he got up and began to get dressed.

Buffy quickly averted her eyes and cleared her throat. "Er... don't you want to know what I want your help with?" she asked.

" 'course, " he replied "Tell me on the way. I'd do anything for you, kitten. You know you got a willing slave."

At his words, she blushed deeply. "So. What kind of demon has got your knickers in a twist this time?" he asked.

"Actually, this is about Dawn," she informed him.

He stopped buckling his belt and looked up at her with concern " The niblet? What about her?"

"I'll explain on the way... I don't want to leave her alone any longer than necessary."

As they walked back to the Summers' residence, Spike silently contemplated why he, of all people, might be needed. He was finding it hard to keep to himself how thrilled he was that she actually trusted him enough to help with Dawn. He had learned though, the hard way, not to leave himself open and managed to appear nonchalant.

He listened as she told him about Dawn not responding to her and their situation with Social Services.

"I could lose her. I have guardianship of her, but if she doesn't go to school or ifit seems like I'm not looking after her, they'll take her away. And I can't let that happen. She's all that I really have left," Buffy said as she unlocked the door and went in, with Spike following behind.

"Why do you think she'll listen to me?" he asked as they made their way up the stairs.

Buffy pondered this remark. "Personally, I have no idea why she likes you, but I know that she thinks of you as... well, as one of her best friends." Buffy noticed Spike's face fall for a second, before he quickly recovered and she immediately found herself regretting what she had said.

"And... you're a fairly good friend to her." Again, before he could hide it, she saw a ghost of a smile.

"Have you tried her other friends?" he looked concerned. "I mean, are you sure I'm the right person for her to be talking to?"

"Spike! You and I both know that she hasn't got any other friends," she hissed angrily as they came to a stop outside Dawn's bedroom.

"Don't know why," he whispered back "My niblet is a bloody nice person; you'd think people would consider themselves lucky to hang out with her."

She took a deep breath. "It's because of me," she said sadly.

"That's ridiculous Slay-"

She cut him off. "I know it's because of my reputation. People have heard 'things' and they're worried that Dawn's the same... I once heard some lady warning her daughter not to talk to Dawn in case she got her into the 'bad crowd'... poor Dawnie. She doesn't deserve that. It's not her fault that I'm the Slayer."

"It's not your fault either, luv," he said softly.

She smiled weakly. "I used to wish for a normal life. It was what I wanted more than anything in the whole world."

"What changed?" he asked, interested.

"I got a taste of normal," she told him, "and you know what? Normal is overrated. I think some people need to be normal, to fit in, to be happy. But I know that I need more than that. I've come to realize that being the Slayer is who I am. I can't run from it. It's what makes me, me. I have to embrace it... does that make any sense? I guess it's hard to explain."

He looked down at her with awe. She was amazing. Never in his one hundred and twenty-one years had he felt such strong emotions for anyone. He ached to reach out and touch her. She was strong in so many ways, but also fragile. He wanted to comfort her and protect her from the cruelties of the world. He didn't want anyone to damage this amazing, incredible woman's spirit.

He cleared his throat. "Yeah luv, I think I know what you mean."

She gave him a sad smile. Now he felt heart-wrenching sorrow. Here was the most beautiful woman in the world, turning to him to try and comfort her devastated sister because of the death of their mother. Who was there to look after her? Her father had abandoned her and now her mother was gone too. She had to look after her younger sister. A responsibility she put above all else. He hated that she was in pain. He just wanted to take her in his arms and kiss the hurt away.

She glanced up at him and saw many emotions in his eyes but mostly, she saw love. She was amazed by the look of unquestionable devotion and admiration that shone from him. It made her knees weak and her pulse race. She couldn't bring herself to look away from his turbulent blue eyes.

"If you ever need me, for anything, maybe it won't seem like much, but if I can help, you know I will. I know you might not believe it, or believe that I love you, but I do, and I'm here if you need me." Spike said, his voice breaking slightly. She managed to tear her gaze away and stare down at the floor.

"I promise," she mumbled, embarrassed by his request. "Oh, and Spike?"

"Yeah Slayer?"

"Thank you."

He gave her a small nod. "If you need me, I'll be downstairs," she said quietly, before turning and leaving.

He stood facing Dawn's bedroom door.

'You can do this. Buffy's counting on you.' He took a deep breath, rapped once on the door, and softly slipped into Dawn's room.

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, shoulders hunched, staring off into space. Spike walked over and sat down next to her. Without turning to look at him, she leaned over and rested her head on his shoulder. He kissed the top of her head, wrapped an arm round her thin shoulders and said "Platelet, talk to me? Your sister is very worried about you."

Dawn started to sob into his shoulder.

"Dawn,I know it hurts. I've seen many people I love die in my life time and it never really gets easier."

She buried her face into his chest. He tightened his arm around her and rocked her slowly. "Buffy told me you haven't been eating?"

"Oh Spike! I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I feel like if I stop looking at pictures, I'll forget her and I don't want her to go un-remembered!"

"Everyone goes through this, pet. Eventually, all the things that need to be remembered find their place in your heart. So a person is never really gone. Your mum will always be with you."

"But... she was all I had."

"Nonsense. What about Buffy? And me? And the Scoobies? And..."

She interrupted him. "The gang only put up with me because I'm Buffy's sister. Buffy only puts up with me because it's her job to protect 'the Key'."

"Don't be silly Dawn! Buffy loves you and, even if that were true, you'd still have me." Heput both his arms around her and awkwardly hugged her."I love you."

"Really? Do you mean that?"

" 'course I do. If you weren't around, I'd have to play poker by myself and tell myself stories."

She gave a small smile. He did the same, glad that he was able to cheer her up, even a little bit. Then his expression changed back to serious.

"I know you miss your mum. So do I. She was a brilliant woman. Always there when I needed to talk. But you need to start moving on Dawn. I know that loss feels different for different people. You have to remember that you're not the only one in pain. You're sister is hurtin' a lot more than she's letting on."

"She is?" Dawn considered this. "But she acts like nothing has changed. Like it's just a normal thing."

"Buffy is a very special person. She was given all these powers and the most important job there is, to protect the world. She grew up fast, but she still leaned on your mum. Joyce supported her and helped her in any way that she could. Now Buffy has to find a way to earn money and look after you when she's never had to look after anyone, other than herself. You're growing up and soon you'll be thinking about how you're going to go out and make your mark on the world. Buffy's responsibilities prevent her from doingthat. She must be finding it hard and rather overwhelming to be without Joyce. You need to look after each other."

"Oh! I never thought of it that way," Dawn said thoughtfully. "Poor Buffy. We should help her if we can."

"Your sis also told me that she's been able to obtain full guardianship of you, on the condition that you both have monthly interviews and, every couple of weeks, a social worker comes to check that the house is in order."

"Why are you telling me this?" she asked.

"Well, you see 'bit. If the social worker decides to make a surprise visit and notices that you haven't been eating properly, Buffy may not be seen fit to take care of you, and I don't want my poker partner taken away now, do I?"

"Okay Spike. I'll start eating again... we have to find a way to make things easier for Buffy... I can't... I can't lose her too," she said, determined. He placed a light kiss on her forehead.

"And we will, sweet bit!" He passed her a tissue from her nightstand.

Dawn wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and blew her nose. She stood up, a resolute look on her face andoffered her hand to Spike, to help him up. Without letting go, she led him downstairs.

"Buffy?" she called out.

"Dawnie?" Buffy came out of the kitchen. "You're talking again!" she said as she hurried over and wrapped her sister in a big hug.

Spike stood to the side, watching the scene with an inner satisfaction

"Spike." Buffy released her sister. "Thank you."

She gave him a light kiss on the cheek.

"Wow!" Dawn said, with a mischievous smile on her face. Buffy looked at the vampire, who had a slightly dazed expression on his face.

"I'm gonna order some pizza, and Dawnie, you wanna watch a few movies?" Buffy paused and then said, "Spike? You're welcome to join us, if you want."

He snapped out of his daze, and cleared his throat. "I'd, uh, love to."





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