"I can't believe I'm doing this!" Buffy giggled.

She took off her yellow bikini top and dropped it onto the pile of her clothes. "Is anybody looking?"

Spike laughed. "Everyone is naked here, luv, it's a nude beach. Although..." his eyes ran over her body, a lascivious grin on his face, "you are an extraordinarily beautiful creature."

"Stop." Buffy blushed. "Now you. Off with the speedos. Let's see that legendary tallywhacker!"

Spike grinned and took off his black speedos. "Ta da!" he said, fully naked. He put his hands on his hips and looked down at his penis. "What if it gets sunburnt?"

"We'll just have to make sure it's covered with lotion, I'll help." Buffy sat on her beach towel.

"Uh-uh. Don't start with that kind of stuff. This may be a nude beach, but public boffing is still illegal."

"Who said anything about boffing?" Buffy asked innocently, batting her eyelashes. "I just want to make sure a very special part of my husband's anatomy is protected from harmful UV rays."

"Uh-huh. I know that look in your eye." Spike smirked, sitting down on his towel. He leaned over and gave her a peck on the lips. "Don't get me excited, you little minx. I'm having a, pardon the pun, hard enough time just seeing you naked with out 'rising to the occasion'."

Buffy sighed, letting her eyes travel over his muscular body. "I'll try. Damn, you're fine..."

"Stop it." Spike shook a finger at her. He put his dark sunglasses on and laid on his back.

Buffy leaned back on her elbows. "It'd be soooo easy just to straddle you right now..."

"Stop." Spike smiled.

Buffy giggled. "Okay, I'll be good." They were silent for a minute, their bodies soaking up the sun's rays. "Lots of people here. I didn't know so many people liked running around buck naked."

There were thirty or so people frolicking on the beach in their birthday suits.

"This beach is pretty popular from what I hear," Spike said.

"Some people should really hit the gym before they come to a place like this..." Buffy shuddered at the sight of a flabby guy strutting cockily past them. "Makes you rethink the whole 'the human body is a beautiful thing' argument."

Spike chuckled. "Avert your eyes, pet."

"That guy's strutting around like John Travolta in 'Saturday Night Fever'. What mirror was he looking in when he thought, 'Hey, I'm dead sexy!'? Cause I'd like a funhouse mirror like that myself."

"Just relax, Buffy. Close your eyes, best not to ogle the other nudists."

"Yeah, I --" Buffy saw a much more pleasing sight -- a young Hawaiian guy, he was tall, broad shouldered, a big wall of a man. The rest of him was pretty nice, too.

"Hmmm?" Spike asked, looking over at her. He noticed where her attention was focused. "See something you like?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Huh?" She looked away from the hottie.

"I think I liked it better when you were ogling the fat guy." Spike felt a pang of jealousy.

"Oh, honey, he doesn't measure up to you... in any way." Buffy tried to kiss him.

Spike turned his face away petulantly. "How would you like it if I was starin' at some chit?"

"I wouldn't," Buffy said. "I'm sorry. He just walked into my line of vision."

"Sure he did." Spike smiled slightly.

He didn't like her checking out other guys, especially guys that were built like that one. But he was confident in his own appearance and abilities. He knew that he really had nothing to worry about.

"Aww, you're so cute when you're jealous! I don't get to see that much. Usually it's the other way around."

"Keep it up," Spike said playfully. "I just might have a headache later..."

"Headache or no headache, by tonight, you will be my slave." Buffy giggled, laying herself over his chest and kissing him.

"Hey, what did I say about boffing?"

"Oh, you're no fun." Buffy laid back down with a sigh.

"Really? Cause that's not what you were saying last night and this morning..."

She laughed. "Okay, you can be fun... a lot of fun. So will I get to strap into 'Mr. Spike's Wild Ride' later?"

"Hmmm, I'll think about it. Depends on how many burly local men you eye up while we're here. If you behave yourself, I'll let you on. Wet 'n wild."

"Stop talking like that... you're making me horny."

They chuckled and quieted again.

"You think our parents are serious?" Spike asked out of the blue.

"Eww, I don't want to think about it."

"Why not? They're middle-aged, pet, but they're not dead. When we're getting gray I'm sure we'll be just as randy as we are today. I was wondering if they really like each other or if they're just fucking. I didn't get the chance to grill my dad about it."

"Double Ewww!" Buffy scrunched up her face. "Please don't use the word 'fucking' when it comes to our parents."

"Well, what would you call what they were doing in that closest?"

"I'd call it gross." Buffy sighed. "I do like the thought of my mom finding someone to be happy with... And I love Giles, he's the best. But do they have to act like... like..."

"Us?" Spike asked with a grin.

Buffy chuckled. "Yeah, like us."

"Told ya. It's that Giles/Summers chemistry at work. That old black magic."

"What if they really do like each other? What if they get married? That would make us brother and sister -- our children will have extra fingers and two heads."

Spike laughed. "I think our spawn will turn out okay. What if we get a little bro or sis out of the deal?"

"Omigawd, don't even joke about that... that would be seriously weird." Buffy sat up to apply some suntan lotion to her body.

"Need some help there?" Spike asked.

Buffy smiled and handed him the bottle. "Do my back."

She laid on her stomach, resting her chin on her arms. Spike got on his knees and squeezed some lotion onto his palm. He touched his slippery hands to her back. Buffy tensed for a moment.

"It's cold," she giggled.

"It'll warm up soon enough," Spike said, covering her back with lotion. He brushed her hair away from her shoulders.

"Have I mentioned how much I love your hands?" Buffy moaned.

Spike's hands massaged her back.

"Uh-huh." He bent down and kissed the back of her neck softly.

"You'd... better stop. Unless you want me to jump your sexy bones. It's all your fault -- you got me used to shagging after massages. And those lips... you know how it drives me crazy when you kiss my neck," Buffy said in a breathy voice.

Spike backed off, not wanting to get arrested for public indecency. Touching her was turning him on, too. Spike sat down and put some lotion liberally on his body. He didn't tan as much as he tended to burn. It would be a bleedin' tragedy if his dick got sunburned. Without lingering too long, he put some lotion on his member and scrotum.

"There," Spike said. "The crown jewels are taken care of."

"Hey," Buffy protested, sitting up, "I wanted to do that!"

"Sorry, luv. I don't trust you down there." Spike smirked. "You're always trying to take advantage of me."

"Oh, you poor defenseless creature. You know you love it." Buffy grinned, leaning over and planting a kiss on his lips.

She pulled back and rested on her elbows again. "Why do I have the sudden craving for a banana?" Her eyes darted to a certain section of his anatomy.

"Don't know. Feeling peckish, are you?"


"There's a refreshment bar not too far that way," Spike pointed behind them. "Want me to get you something?"

"You won't let me devour you, so I guess I'll have to eat something else." Buffy smiled. "I'll go myself, you stay and get nice and golden-bronzed for me."

Buffy grabbed her yellow beach robe and put it on. Laying out naked was one thing, she wasn't going to walk around like that. She bent over and kissed him again.

"You want something, baby?"

"Something cold would be nice."

"'Kay, I'll be right back." Buffy slipped on her sandals and left for the stand.

Spike laid back, putting his arms behind his head and enjoying the hot sun beating down on his body. He wasn't modest and he knew he looked good. But getting visibly excited in public while naked wasn't something he wanted to do. His Buffy was such a little vixen -- she liked public sex, and so did he, but not this public. Spike preferred doing it in the car, or behind something bulky, like they had done in the furniture store.

"Hi there," a female voice said.

Spike opened his eyes, and looked up at a gorgeous, very busty Hawaiian woman.

"Hello..." Spike sat up.

"My name's Lani, and that's my friend Ginger." She pointed over to an equally busty, smiling blonde woman, sitting on a towel about twenty feet away.

"Hi, I'm... Spike." He was a little off his game. Buffy was perfection as far as he was concerned, but these girls certainly were built and quite lovely.

Lani kneeled down next to his towel, brushing her waist length black hair over her shoulder. "Spike?" She giggled. "That's cute, I like it." Her eyes swept down his body for a moment before coming back to his eyes. "It suits you. We were wondering if you could help us out."

"With what?"

Lani held up a bottle of suntan lotion. "Could you do us?"

"Uh... well... there's two of you. Couldn't you 'do' each other?" Spike gulped.

"Oooh, I love your accent... very sexy. And Ginger and I have done each other before..." She grinned saucily. "We were hoping that maybe you could do us, too."

'Shit... is she saying that they've... Bloody hell... I don't need this.' Images of the two gorgeous girls kissing and doing other things to each other swirled around in his head.

"Sorry, luv. I don't think my wife would appreciate that," Spike said apologetically, holding up and wiggling his ring finger.

If he were single and wasn’t with Buffy, it would have been a totally different story. No man in his right mind would pass up a ménage with two good-looking women who were into pleasing each other as well as him. That’s a letter to Penthouse magazine waiting to happen.

“Wife, huh? Well... maybe she wouldn’t mind. It’s not like you’d be screwing us, right?”

Spike chuckled nervously. “Sorry. No can do.”

Ginger joined them, kneeling down beside her friend. “Hi.”

“Ummm... hi...” Spike said.

“He’s married,” Lani said with a sour expression.

“Really?” the blonde girl asked.

Spike nodded.

“Oh... that’s too bad.”

Spike was trying to figure out a way to get rid of them before Buffy came back. She’d get really pissed if she saw these two chatting him up.

“We’re here on our honeymoon. My wife, Buffy, should be back soon. Would you like to meet her?” He knew they wouldn’t.

“Um, no, that’s okay,” Lani said. “Your wife is really lucky...” she said, taking in the defined, oiled muscles of his body.

“Yes, I am,” Buffy said from behind them.

They looked up at her.

“Pet, uh, this is Lani and Ginger. They just came over to say hi.”

“Isn’t that nice?” Buffy smiled.

“We were just leaving...” Lani and Ginger got up and made their way quickly back to their towels.

Buffy sat down and handed Spike a drink with a bamboo umbrella stuck in the top.

“What did they want, pray tell?” Buffy sipped at her drink, willing the jealousy away.

“Lotion. They wanted me to put some lotion on their backs,” Spike said, waiting for Buffy’s tirade to start.

“Couldn’t Tweedle Slut and Tweedle Sluttier put lotion on each other’s backs?”

“Yeah, I asked that, too... not in those words, of course. They didn’t know I was here with someone.”

“Why did they think another towel was next to yours? And my bikini and beach bag are right here.”

“Okay, maybe they just didn’t know we were married or committed. I told them to leave. Don’t be upset, alright?”

“I’m not mad at you, baby.” Buffy kissed him tenderly. “I heard you talking about me -- that was very good.” She smiled. “I’ll give you a cookie later.”

“Good. I hate it when you’re pissed at me. What sort of cookie do I get? I like raw, Buffy-flavored cookie dough the best.”

“I was thinking more of a macadamia nut-chocolate chip cookie. But I like your idea much better.” She kissed him again.

Buffy looked down at her chest. “Why does every woman in the world have to have giant ta-ta's? I look like a 12-year-old girl next to them.”

“Pet, you’re perfect. I love your body. I wouldn’t change a thing.”

“You’re just saying that.” Buffy pouted. “You wouldn’t like it if I had bigger boobs?”

“I like your breasts just the way they are.”

“I could get those implant dealies...”

“Don’t you dare,” Spike said sternly, his eyebrows dropping. “You change one thing about yourself and I‘ll...”

“And you’ll what?”

“I’ll... I don’t know how to finish that sentence... I really, sincerely do not want you to have any kind of work done. Please, luv.”

“You really like my tiny boobs?”

“They’re hardly tiny, Buffy... and I love them.” Spike’s eyes settled on her breasts. “They’re perky, beautiful, so firm and round..."

Buffy said with a devilish grin, "Prove how much you love 'em." She jiggled her tits.


"Use your imagination..." Buffy licked her lips suggestively.

Spike glanced around them. "Pet, not here. We could get arrested."

"Sheesh, Spike! When did you get so modest?"

"Modest? I'm sittin' here blowin' in the breeze at a nude beach. I wouldn't call that modest."

"True." She giggled. "Let's see, there has to be a more secluded area around here..." Buffy looked around.

"You didn't get enough since we've gotten to the island? This is the first time we've been out of the resort since we got here."

"Never enough... Oh, look!" Buffy pointed to a park area with lots of trees and shrubs. "We can have sex there. Come on!" Buffy got up and ran towards the park.

Spike sighed then smiled. His Buffy was a horny little thing. It was his fault really. If he hadn't corrupted her the way he had, and gotten her used to sex every day, anywhere/anytime, she'd still probably be sexually repressed and frustrated. Now he practically had to use a crowbar to pry her off of him. Not that he'd have it any other way.

Spike stood and nonchalantly followed Buffy into the park, where he proceeded to pin her against a tree and give her what she craved.

On day four of their honeymoon, Buffy and Spike scheduled an afternoon of scuba diving. Neither of them had ever tried it before and were anxious to experience it. Their scuba instructor gave them the basics and sent them down.

At first, everything went perfectly. It was a strange and wonderful world under the sea. Schools of fish swam by them and every color of the rainbow was represented. They kicked out behind them, moving gracefully through the water. Harmless sharks, rays and vividly colored fish of all types and sizes surrounded them.

All of a sudden, Spike put his hands over his mask, kicked his legs hard and headed for the surface. Buffy followed him, concerned that something was wrong. She broke the surface a few moments after he did.

The instructor was pulling him back onto the boat. Buffy took out her mouth piece.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" She spluttered, bobbing in the water.

"My eyes -- they're bloody killing me!" Spike said, distressed.

Buffy gasped when he turned toward her and took off his mask. He had two very black eyes.

"What? Why did you gasp like that?" Spike was scared by her reaction.

The instructor turned Spike back towards him. "I warned you about breathing through your nose too much. That or your mask was too tight."

"Why? What's wrong with me?"

"Take a look." The instructor pointed to one of the windows of the boat.

Spike looked at his reflection. "Bloody hell... It looks like I have two giant hickeys on my face! My eyes are bloodshot!"

Buffy climbed onto the boat then went over to her husband. "Oh... it... doesn't look... that bad, Spike."

"I look like something out of a Hammer horror film... Oh God..."

"Does it hurt a lot?" Buffy fretted over him.

"Yeah, it does... a bit," Spike said, trying to be tough.

Later that night...

Buffy had to drag Spike out of their suite to attend a big luau on the grounds of their resort. He didn't want to go anywhere with his bruised and bloodshot eyes. Buffy made him put on his sunglasses and go with her. She was looking forward to going to a luau too much to pass it up, and she didn't want to go without him.

Buffy and Spike sat at their table and they were made guests of honor when the people throwing the luau learned that they were newlyweds. A few colorful, fragrant leis were put around their necks, and they got to sit at the head of the table.

Spike was wearing blue jeans and a Hawaiian shirt that Buffy had bought for him. He hated it, but she wanted him to wear it. The things you do for love...

Buffy was wearing her yellow bikini with a flowered skirt tied around her waist. A big, purple orchid was tucked behind one ear.

Musicians were playing lilting island music, dancers dressed in traditional hula costumes entertained the guests.

"I look like a wanker... wearin' sunglasses at night," Spike groused.

"Oh, you look cool. Just like that song by Corey Feldman."

"Corey Hart, luv. Corey Feldman's an actor, he was in the ’Lost Boys’, remember? Although I think he does 'sing' now..."

"I don't know which his scarier. That you knew the guy's name who sang that song, or that Corey Feldman sings..."

"I'm a fount of musical knowledge."

Buffy tried a spoonful of poi. Her face froze, her eyes darted to the sides to see if anyone was looking. One of the servers was smiling brightly at her. Buffy smiled and forced herself to swallow the foul substance.

"Oh... yummm!" She turned quickly to Spike and whispered, "Oh, that stuff is disgusting! For the love of God, don't eat it! Not even licking it off your nude body would improve this!"

Spike chuckled. "I hear poi's an acquired taste, pet."

"Bleugh! God, I need something to get the taste out of my mouth. It tastes like feet!"

"Have some pineapple." Spike took a chunk off of his plate and popped it into her waiting mouth.

Buffy chewed, swishing the juice around in her mouth then swallowed. "Ahhh, that's better..." She shuddered. "Euughh!" She shoveled some more pineapple chunks into her mouth.

"Shhh, Buffy, they're eyeballin' you again."

Buffy put on a happy smile. "The food's so good!" she said for the servers' benefit.

"More poi?" one of them asked her.

"No! I mean... no, thank you. I'm saving my appetite for the pig."

"Smooth, luv," Spike said.

"Quiet, you. Behave or I'll force feed you an entire bowl of poi."

The dancers were pulling some of the guests up to dance with them. The women were given grass skirts and encouraged to hula. A pretty female dancer came over to Buffy and took her arm.

"Would you like to try?"

"Oh... no, I couldn't..." Buffy didn't want to embarrass herself.

"Go on, Buffy." Spike grinned. "I want to see you dance. Shake what the good Lord gave ya."

"Uh... oh, alright." Buffy went with the girl.

She was given a grass skirt. She put it on and experimentally swayed her hips. Spike sat back and smiled as she imitated the professional dancers next to her.

'Oh, I will definitely be buying her one of those skirts... She looks so bloody cute,' Spike thought.

Spike's smile turned into a frown when a male dancer (the big Hawaiian bloke they'd seen at the nude beach) walked behind Buffy and put his hands on her gyrating hips. The strapping young man was helping her get the rhythm of the song, but all Spike saw was the guy Buffy had been checking out putting his hands on Spike's wife. He wasn't pleased.

With every ounce of willpower he possessed, Spike kept himself seated. He didn't want to act like a jealous fool and disrupt the party or embarrass his wife. But there were limits to his patience and tolerance. Spike began a mental countdown. If the guy didn't take his hands of Buffy in ten seconds, Spike would take them off, at the wrist.

Just as Spike was approaching two and getting ready to stand up, the big bloke took his hands off Buffy's hips. Spike ground his teeth together. He'd been getting himself fired up for a fight -- he took some deep breaths. The guy probably could've kicked his ass and added several more bruises to Spike's face. He had to be 6'4" -- he was a wall of muscle. Spike worked on his body too, he was definitely nothing to sneeze at. But he wasn't an Arnold Schwarzenegger-type like this guy, nor would he want to be.

Buffy looked at Spike and noticed that he looked unhappy. She begged off more dancing and went back to the table.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Nothing," Spike said shortly. He didn't want to admit to being jealous, she'd laugh at him.

"Come on, sugar bear," Buffy teased, sitting down next him. "Tell me."

"He didn't have to touch you like that," Spike complained. "Puttin' his big sweaty paws on you..."

Buffy smiled. "His paws weren't sweaty."

"I'm not bloody amused." Spike crossed his arms.

"Not fun being jealous, is it?" she asked. "Now you know what I go through all the freakin' time."

"The chits who flirt with me don't put their hands on me!" Spike said, his brows creasing.

"He wasn't hitting on me, Spike. He was showing me how to move my hips."

"Yeah, likely story. You recognize him, don't you? You got a good enough eyeful before. He's that bloke from the beach."

Buffy looked at the dancer more closely. "Oh yeah! Wow, I didn't realize it was the same guy."

The dancer noticed her and waved with a smile. Buffy smiled and waved back.

Spike growled and stood up.

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked.

"Taking a walk. I don't want to cause a scene." Spike turned and walked away.

Buffy shook her head and sighed. It was flattering to see him get jealous -- usually she was the one burning up and ready to punch someone's lights out. But she didn't want him to be upset. She left the luau to find him.

'Damn those long legs of his...' Buffy walked quickly to track him down.

He'd disappeared rather quickly.

"Spike?" she called, walking down the tiki torch-lit path. "Where the hell did he go?"

"Why did you leave the party?" Spike asked. He was leaning against a tree in the darkness off the path.

"Shit!" Buffy spun towards him, putting a hand over her heart. "Lurk much? You scared the crap out of me!"

"I didn't say you had to leave," he said, ignoring her reaction.

Buffy's heart rate began returning to normal. She walked over to him. "I didn't want to stay if you weren't there."

"You were looking forward to it, go on back."

"Spike, he wasn't hitting on me. Please, baby, don't be upset. Are you mad at me?"

"No," Spike said, hanging his head. "Would you rather I looked like he does? All muscles?"

"I'm going to slap you upside the head! You can't think that I don't love the way you look? Aren't I always telling you how sexy and delish you are?"

"You seemed to like him, too."

"Grrr! Spike, yes, the guy is very big and muscular. But you remember how you were telling me how you love me just the way I am? That you'd be upset if I changed anything? That's how I feel about you. You are perfect. I love every single muscle, every inch of skin, every tiny little hair, every single atom of your body. Is that clear enough?"

"Prove it," Spike growled, pulling her roughly against him.

Buffy put her arms around him and kissed him feverishly. She loved it when his voice had that deep, growly quality. And she was turned on that he'd been jealous -- she shouldn't have been, but she was. Spike walked them backwards, further into the grove of trees they were standing near.

They worked on each other's clothes. Spike moved her skirts aside, Buffy unzipped his jeans. She hopped up, wrapping her legs around his waist. He moved her up against a palm tree.

"Yes! Oh, Spike!" Buffy closed her eyes and panted, feeling his hardness sliding under her slit.

Spike entered her swiftly and began pumping hard. Buffy moaned with each powerful thrust. Her back and ass banged against the tree over and over again. But she didn't mind; she needed him to give it to her hard.

There was a strange 'bonk'ing sound, after which Spike stopped moving within her. Buffy's eyes flew open.

"What was that noise? Is someone coming?" She looked at his face.

Spike wore a confused expression, his brows were knit.

"What's wrong?" Buffy asked.

Spike started to respond when his eyes rolled up, his knees gave way, sending them both toppling to the ground in a heap. Buffy yelled when they hit the ground.

"Spike! Spike, what's wrong!?"

She put her hands on his face, he was unconscious. A coconut laid next to them on the ground.

"Omigod! Did a coconut hit you? Spike?!"

It would have been funny if she wasn't so scared.

"I'll--I'll get help! It'll be okay!"

Buffy leapt off of him. Before she ran out of the grove she realized their state of undress. Her skirts were parted and gathered around her waist. His pants were undone, his still erect penis was hanging out. Buffy frantically fixed herself then attended to him; taking care not to get anything important caught in the zipper.

"You'll be okay, honey! I'll be right back!" Buffy ran to get help.

A few hours later...

"Your husband will be just fine, Mrs. Giles," Doctor Shaw assured Buffy. "He'll have a hell of a headache and a lump on top of his head, but no permanent damage was done. The skin wasn't broken."

"Oh, thank God..." Buffy let out a huge breath. A burst of nervous, hysterical laughter bubbled out of her. "A coconut... It's hard to believe one actually hit him while we were --" she looked sideways at the doctor, "we were walking through that grove of trees..."

"It's actually more common than you know. Your husband's very lucky. Believe it or not, falling coconuts are usually responsible for more deaths than shark attacks per year."

"Really? That's... That's incredible! I never would have guessed that..." Buffy swallowed hard. If she'd known that she would have been even more terrified.

Doctor Shaw smiled and patted Buffy's shoulder. "He'll be fine. He has a hard head."

Buffy laughed shakily. "Yeah, he does. My poor baby already has the black eyes from scuba diving, now this... Can I see him now?"

"Of course." Doctor Shaw gestured for her to enter the examination room.

Buffy went in and to Spike's bedside. "Spike, honey? Are you okay?"

Spike's eyes opened, he looked at her.

"You scared me so bad." Buffy stroked his face. "Don't worry. The doctor said you'll be fine."

She hated seeing him in a hospital bed again. It brought back horrible memories of his car accident and her complete helplessness to do anything for him.

He frowned. "Who are you? Do I know you?"

Buffy's eyes widened in panic. "Wh-what?"

'Does he have amnesia!!!??? That's a soap opera illness! No one gets that in real life!'

Spike's puzzled look changed into one of amusement, and he started chuckling. "Kidding, pet."

Buffy's mouth dropped open. "You... YOU JERK! YOU ASSHOLE! You scared the shit out of me!!" She slapped at his chest repeatedly, Spike put his arms up to protect his face. "That wasn't fucking funny!"

"Mrs. Giles!" Doctor Shaw scolded her from the doorway. "Please don't strike him! He has a slight concussion." The tall, auburn haired woman looked at Buffy disapprovingly.

"OH! I-I didn't..." Buffy said, embarrassed and shaking from nerves.

Doctor Shaw shook her head and left the room.

"I'm sorry, Buffy-pet... I thought it'd be funny since I got hit on the head."

"Hysterical. You have a really fucked up sense of humor, you know that? And thanks a lot, now the doctor thinks I'm a domestic abuser," Buffy said, scowling at him. Then her features softened, she couldn't stay mad at him, especially not after she'd been so worried. "Are you okay?"

"I feel like a complete git... I mean... who the fuck gets hit on the head by a coconut and loses consciousness? And while we were..."

Buffy played with a lock of his hair. "I was so scared..."

Spike took her hand and kissed it. "I'm alright, pet. My head feels like there's a midget pounding on it with a hammer from the inside, but I'll be right as rain. Are you alright? I can't imagine what you must've been thinking when I dropped."

"I didn't know what happened until I saw the coconut laying on the ground... I thought you were faking it for a second."

Buffy leaned over and kissed him.

Spike chuckled, "Now what else can befall me in the next week? Shark attack? Fall into a live volcano? Get my leg caught in an animal trap and have to chew off my own foot off to escape? The possibilities are endless... I'm turning into Inspector bloody Clouseau."

"I'm sorry the honeymoon's been so bad..." Buffy said.

"It hasn't been bad, luv. I've had a right wonderful time being here with you. I assumed the only injury I'd sustain would be a pulled groin muscle, though." Spike waggled his eyebrows then hissed in pain. "Ouch." He put a hand on his head. "Can't even give you a properly suggestive eyebrow waggle..."

"Aww, my poor baby." Buffy kissed his forehead. "Let's get you back to our room and into bed. I'll take care of you."

"Like the sounds of that." Spike grinned.

"Bed rest. No hanky-panky."

Spike pouted. "Spoil sport."

The rest of the night and most of the next day, Spike slept in their bed. Buffy watched over him and brought him whatever he needed. Occasionally she would curl up beside him and just hold him while he slept.

Buffy would have liked to have had dinner in the dining room downstairs, but there was no way she was leaving the room. She didn't want to go anywhere without him anyway. She was laying on the couch watching an old episode of 'Hawaii 5-O' and waiting for their dinner to arrive.

Spike entered the living area scratching at his head and stomach.

"Hey, what are you doing out of bed?" Buffy sat up.

"Tired of being in bed." Spike sat down next to her. "Unless we're together and havin' fun, I'd rather not spend the day there."

"Doctor Shaw said you needed to rest." Buffy stroked her fingers gently through his hair.

"And I did. I'm done resting." Spike looked at her. "I'm sorry this is putting a damper on everything, pet. I know you'd like to be out dancing or doing something fun tonight."

"Of course I'd rather be out enjoying all Maui has to offer. But you --" she leaned over and kissed his lips, "are my number one priority. I want to be wherever you are."

"You take such good care of me, luv." Spike smiled.

"You're my husband." Buffy giggled. "It still seems so weird to say that."

"It'll take some gettin' used to." Spike wrapped his arms around her waist and maneuvered her over him to straddle his lap.

"Uh-uh," Buffy said with a smile. "No monkey business. You need to recover." Even as she spoke she put her arms around his neck and rubbed herself against him.

"'M recovered enough to make love to my wife." He kissed her neck. "Now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted by a coconut?"

"That evil coconut... I smashed it for you, honey. I bashed it good. I cracked it open and drank of its milk."

"You're loopy." Spike chuckled. "Have you been taking my painkillers?"

Buffy giggled and squirmed on his lap. Spike was in the process of lifting her t-shirt off when there was a knock on the door.

"Room service," a man's voice said.

Spike groaned. "Bloody hell... talk about timing..."

Buffy kissed his nose and climbed off of his lap. "I ordered a couple burgers and French fries. That okay with you?"

"Fine, yeah. Thanks, pet. Maybe if we don't answer he'll go away."

"I'm hungry. And you need sustenance, too."

"I'm lookin' at my sustenance." His eyes skimmed over her body, he was curling his tongue when Buffy shook her finger at him.

"Don't do that! No tongue curling. You know how hot that gets me, that's not playing fair. We're eating dinner and that's that, mister."

Spike sat back with a pouty, petulant look. "Fine. Personally, I'd choose sex over food any day -- unless it's sex using food."

"Hush! I don't want the room service guy to hear you."

"Once upon a time, I was 'the room service guy'. Remember, pet? Only I got quite a lovely, sumptuous feast in the bargain, too." He stuck his tongue out and waggled it.

"You're rotten... I'm warning you!" Buffy tried keeping a stern look on her face, but a smile kept creeping back up. "No tongue stuff!"

"I'll remind you that you said that later."

"Hello?" the man's voice called.

"Just a second!" Buffy said. She turned to Spike. "Now, shhh!"

Spike pressed his lips together and made a key-locking gesture with his hand.

"Yeah, we'll see how long that lasts..." Buffy jibed.

Forty-five minutes later...

They ate their burgers while watching reruns. Buffy was able to keep Spike's hands off of her throughout the meal and resist the temptation to leap on top of him. After they finished, Buffy snuggled against him.



"Don't... tell anyone back home about the... coconut thing. It's too bloody embarrassing. Xander would never let me live it down. It's bad enough that you know."

"I'll keep it a secret." Buffy smiled sinfully. "For a price..."

Spike raised an eyebrow and looked at her. "Price?"

"Mmmmhmmm. If you want me to keep my mouth shut, you'll have to be my love slave. Do whatever I want, whenever I want."

"Blackmail, Buffy? How could you?" Spike asked in mock-shock. "You're an evil, soulless thing."

Buffy put her hands on her head and pointed her index fingers up to make horns. "Yep. So what's it gonna be, baby? You become my sex slave or I blab that you got bonked on the head while we were bonking."

"I believe that's 'boinking'." Spike grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap again. "Alright! Have your wicked way with me, use my body for your own sinful, immoral purposes." He stuck his tongue out between his teeth.

"You just hate the thought of that, don't you?" Buffy kissed the side of his face.

"Oh yeah. Hate it... with a passion. What ghastly, scandalous act do you want me to perform on you first?"

"A few come to mind... they're all so good, I can't decide." Buffy put her arms up, Spike pulled her shirt off.

"Why don't you tell me what they are," he kissed and licked her chest, "and I'll tell you which I think I'd hate the most."

"You sure your head doesn't hurt too much?" Buffy asked seriously.


"Okay, then. Let's see... suck my tits, it helps me to think."

Spike smirked and wrapped his lips around one of her nipples.

"Mmmm, that's better," Buffy breathed, running her hands over his shoulders. "I could make you go down on me for hours, I know how you hate that... I could make you cover my body with whipped cream and lick it off. Then I'll tie you up and do the same thing to you."

Spike groaned and sucked harder on her nipple.

"Hmmm, you really seem to hate that one. Let's start with that. Bondage, hehehe. Carry me to the mini fridge, slave!"

Buffy giggled when Spike stood, holding her up. Her legs automatically went around his waist; it was pure habit by now, she didn't even have to think about doing it anymore. He strode over to the fridge and got out the two cans of Reddi Whip they'd had the foresight to buy and a bowl of cherries.

"Hold these, pet. I've got much more precious cargo to hang on to."

Buffy took the cans and bowl from him. Spike swaggered into the bedroom and set her down on the bed. She put the cans and bowl on the nightstand.

"Alright, slave..." she giggled. "Pleasure me."

The next day...

Buffy and Spike walked along the path holding hands.

Spike was wearing another god-awful Hawaiian shirt that Buffy bought for him. This one was beige with big green, yellow, purple and red leaves all over it. He swore she made him wear things just to see how far she could push her luck. This was the last straw -- the rest of the trip he was wearing what he wanted... unless she pouted. He couldn't take it when she did that. They had a word for what he was -- pussy-whipped. But what a fabulous pussy it was...

"Watchya thinkin'?" Buffy asked.

"'Bout how I hate this bloody shirt."

"Oh, stop. It looks great with your coloring. And it shows off your yummy man-cleavage. I think you're even getting a tan. Oooh, look! A waterfall!" Buffy skipped ahead towards the falls.

Spike smiled at her childlike zeal. Hopefully, they could make their last week here happier and more trouble-free than the first had been. He walked to catch up with her. The tumbling waterfall was framed by hillsides carpeted in exotic blooms surrounded by a gorgeous green rainforest. It literally looked like paradise.

Buffy stood next to a roaring waterfall that went up about forty feet. "Isn't it breathtaking?!"

Spike leaned closer. "What?" he asked loudly.

"Breathtaking! Isn't it breathtaking?" Buffy yelled to be heard over the falling water.

"That it is." Spike seized her around the waist and pulled her in for a kiss that burned with passion.

Buffy lamely struggled against him for half a second before kissing him back with just as much ardor. How could she resist in the presence of a beauteous force of nature... and the waterfall was pretty too, in a deserted park bursting with tropical blooms and their heady fragrances. She wouldn't even stop him if he... touched her like he was touching her right now.

Spike's hands had slid down to her ass. He kneaded her butt in his supple hands.

He whispered in her ear, "Want to do it behind the waterfall?"

"We'll get caught!" Buffy said anxiously.

Spike licked along the rim of her ear, then blew in it. Buffy's eyelids flapped.

"If you don't want to..." He started to pull away but Buffy grabbed two handfuls of his ass and pulled him back against her.

"Didn't say that. I'm a nympho, remember? But as a demure lady, I still have to put up the token protests. You're not supposed to give up so easily."

"My l'il hellcat," Spike said affectionately. "Always up for a little rough & tumble."

Buffy squeezed his ass then let go. She gave him an alluring smile and walked toward the side of the falls. Wonder of wonders, there was an area behind the water large enough for two people to frolic. Buffy looked around quickly to make sure no one was around and ran behind the waterfall.

Spike followed. When they were concealed from view, they went into each other's arms. Talking wasn't an option, it was much too loud here. Mist from the water covered their skin, dampening their clothes. Buffy unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off. Her hands ran over the planes of his chest. She could never tire of feeling his muscles under her hands. Said hands moved down to his jeans and unbuttoned them as well. Spike removed his shoes and pants and tossed them away from the water.

Buffy's shirt was off and her shorts undone in short order. Buffy lowered herself to the ground, pulling him on top of her. Spike licked the fine mist of water from her neck then moved on to her chest while they caressed each other. Their hands glided along their spouse's wet flesh. Even though they very well could be caught by a passing park ranger or tourist at any given moment, they kissed and stroked languorously; not wanting to rush.

Spike slipped his cock between her folds, sliding in slowly.

He said, "I love you," as he descended into her.

Buffy could tell he'd said something, she couldn't hear it, but she felt the love coming off of him in waves. She didn't need to hear the words to know. Spike pulled her right leg up slightly to give him a better maneuvering room. Buffy pointed her toes and ran her foot up and down the back of his thigh. He started pumping slowly into her.

Buffy mewled, not knowing how she could have ever survived without this, without him. Without connecting with him like this and expressing their love physically. God help her if anything ever happened to him again... Maybe they wouldn't be as lucky as they had been with his car accident next time...

Spike lifted his head and looked into her eyes questioningly. He had felt her body tense up when she thought about the accident and perhaps losing him again someday. Buffy raised her right hand and touched his face. Spike saw she still wanted to continue. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch as he resumed thrusting. Buffy ran her fingertips over his lips. He opened his mouth and sucked on her index finger while he pumped.

Spike lowered his body over hers again, locking onto her lips in a seeking kiss. Buffy wrapped herself around him, surging upwards to meet his hips. His thrusting increased in force. Buffy shuddered all over. She moaned loudly. Spike felt the vibrations in his body, the tightening of her walls all around him. He held on a minute longer -- pistoning his hips and drilling into her. He frigged her nubbin to extend her orgasm.

Buffy's head tilted back, her mouth opened in a drowned-out scream of pleasure. She clutched his arms. Spike buried himself inside of her, completely enveloped in her warmth, and exploded. His hips bucked uncontrollably, he sucked on her bottom lip then covered her mouth with his.

A few minutes later they were coming back around. They both had the same thought: 'I wish I could stay like this forever.' They prolonged the post-coital cuddle as long as they could, but all good things must come to an end. They smiled at each other, exchanged a few more tender kisses and caresses, then put their damp clothes back on their soaked bodies.

Spike checked to see if anyone was about. Seeing no one, he took Buffy's hand and led her away from the waterfall. They got a distance away from it and hugged.

"That was some yummy fun," Buffy cooed, stroking his neck. "The only thing missing was hearing your voice. I love that voice of yours."

"Mmmm, me too."

She giggled. "Yeah, I noticed."

"No." He smirked. "I meant that I missed hearing your voice, too. You think I'm that vain? That I love the sound of my own voice?"

"Vanity, thy name is Spike. You take almost as long getting ready to go out somewhere as I do," she teased him.

"Patently untrue," he sniffed. "Mine is a natural, effortless beauty."

Buffy laughed and kissed him. "You're right. Many a day, I envied how good you look just rolling out of bed. While I, on the other hand, after to apply several coats of makeup so as not to frighten small children."

"Bollocks." Spike snaked his arms around her waist and held her close. "You're beautiful, pet. The most beautiful girl in the world. You don't need any help lookin' good."

"Oooh, watch it... You're starting to get me horny again with all that smooth talkin‘. We might have to run back behind that waterfall and do a 'Blue Lagoon' again."

"Blue Lagoon?"

"Yeah, you know, that movie with Brooke Shields."

"I know the movie... such tripe."

"Hey! I love that movie! I always had a fantasy of being on a tropical island with a blond hottie, doing it in the sand and by waterfalls."

"Well, that's fine for you. You get to play Brooke. I have to play that poncey bugger Christopher Atkins."

"He was totally hot in that movie! That blond curly hair and that tight muscular body... mmmmmm." Buffy grinned. "What are the chances I can get you in a loin cloth?"

"I'd say your chances are quite good. Where would one find a loin cloth in this day and age? You can't just pop into Loin Cloths 'R' Us."

"If we can't find one, we'll make one." Buffy was salivating, picturing her buff hubby wearing nothing but a small piece of cloth over his extremely naughty bits. "Damn, I'm such a nympho."

Spike chuckled. "Thank God!"

"What's the male version of a nympho? Cause that's what you are."

"I believe it's a satyr."

"Aren't those the guys with the goat legs?"

"Yes, part man, part goat. Guess which parts are which." He wagged his eyebrows. "They were demi-gods."

"Mmmm, my hunky demi-god."

They smiled and kissed.

"I'd rather be part horse or bear -- something that can be preceded by the words 'hung like a'."

Buffy laughed. "C'mon, goatboy, we're soaked. We'd better go back to the resort and dry off."

"You do me, and I'll do you." Spike cupped her bottom.

"Sounds good to me."

They intertwined their fingers and made their way back to their suite.

"Yep. Here it is." Buffy was sitting up in bed reading a dictionary. "Satyr...1. One of a class of woodland deities; attendant to Bacchus; identified with Roman fauns. 2. Man with strong sexual desires."

Spike rolled onto his side. He kissed her hip and ran his hand up the inside of her thigh.

"That's me, alright. The second one, that is. Now that you've satisfied your intellectual curiosity, put the book away. Unless it has pictures of naked people engaged in sexual acts, it has no place in our bed."

Buffy closed the dictionary and put it on the nightstand. She slid back down to lay on her back and into Spike's arms.

"I need to get some dirty books like that. You always have new and interesting things to try. I never do." Buffy pouted.

"You're always a delight." Spike nibbled at her shoulder. "I'm the one who has to keep you interested. It's my job. One that I don't mind a bit."

"We could have sex in the same position, the same way every time and I'd still want you just as much."

"Oh! You mean I can stop coming up with new stuff? Phew! Good. It's missionary for us from now on."

Buffy looked appalled before she saw the smirk appear on his face. "I didn't say you had to stop thinking of acrobatic maneuvers and gravity defying positions." Her hand ran down his back and pinched his butt. "I just wish I could contribute, too."

"Well, if you really want to, there are books we could buy. We can look at them together, or you could keep them to yourself and surprise me."

"Oooh ! Let's go to a dirty book shop right now!" Buffy started getting out of bed. Spike pulled her back down.

"Later, pet. So impatient, my little cabbage."

"Eww, cabbage? That's not cute. I hate cabbage."

"It's good roughage." Spike licked a path from her shoulder up to her ear. "I'm feelin' peckish."

"We still going hiking in Haleakala Crater tomorrow?" Buffy moaned, shifting closer to him.

"I'm still up for it. It'll be fun. We should make the most of our time here, see all there is to see."

"At the moment, there's only one thing I want to see..." Buffy pushed him onto his back and licked a trail down his tight stomach.

"Mmmm, this is one of my very favorite sights to see." Spike breathed, watching his pretty, young wife take his cock into her moist mouth.

Buffy smiled around his shaft and sucked on him like a lollipop. "Mmmm!" she agreed.

She enjoyed the sights from her point-of-view, too: his pleasured expression, the way he pulsed and throbbed in her hands, his lovely muscles shifting and moving under the skin. She was adept at playing his body just as well as he could strum hers. If it weren't for her own desires to be touched and filled, she'd suck his cock for hours on end. There was also the wickedly sore jaw to consider...

Spike gently tugged her thigh towards him. Buffy moved her lower body into the position he wanted it in. Spike's fingers danced up her leg and into her drooling pussy. Buffy groaned and gobbled him avidly.

They brought each other to climax after climax; some ending in soft sighs, others in joyful yells, over and over that afternoon, like so many other afternoons before it.

The next afternoon...

"Spike, try to keep up!" Buffy stopped and looked down the slope at him.

"I'm tryin'! We're not in a bloody race, Buffy. There’s no prize if we walk the crater faster than anyone else. How can you walk so fast with those short little legs?"

"My legs are NOT short! They're long and coltish, like a baby deer's."

"Yeah, yeah." Spike caught up with her. "I'm trying to go slow. I don't want to have any more accidents. Maybe there's some kind of curse on me or something. I pissed someone off without realizin' it, and they cursed me with bad luck."

"Nothing bad has happened since the coconut incident. I think the rest of the trip will be smooth sailing." Buffy petted his head.

"Great. You know what you just did? You jinxed me. I'm going to fall off a cliff or some other horrible thing."

Buffy giggled and began walking again. "I never knew you were so superstitious! Are you afraid of black cats and stuff, too?"

"I didn't become superstitious until shit started happening to me." He furrowed his brow. "You know... Dru did dabble in witchcraft. Maybe she --"

"Oh, come on! You don't really believe in that stuff? And wouldn‘t she curse me instead? I‘m the one who handed her ass to her."

Spike walked after her. "I'm just tryin' to find an explanation for what's been happening."

"The explanation is simple -- shit happens. You got black eyes from scuba diving and hit on the noggin with a coconut whilst pleasuring your ultra-beautiful wife. That's it. Two occurrences of bad luck. That doesn’t make you cursed.”

“I s’pose,” Spike mumbled. “If I make it through today with no incidents, I’ll consider the option that someone, somewhere, isn’t sticking pins in a voodoo doll with blond, spiky hair.”

“The honeymoon hasn’t been all bad, has it, puppy-toes?”

“Course not. There’ve been many... Did you call me ‘puppy-toes’?”

“Yes. You like it?” Buffy giggled.

“That’s a new one. Why puppy-toes?”

“Cause you’re cute and soft like a puppy’s toes.”

“I’ll show you who’s soft!” Spike growled and chased after her.

Buffy squealed and ran. She scanned the area for a good shaggin’ spot.

Chapter End Notes:
Thanks to Scarlettduck for correcting my spelling of the name "Lani" :)

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