Missing
“I love you”
God, how could I have been so bloody stupid, actually thinking that it may have been real, that maybe, she had felt something genuine for me…
The stupid bloody ponce I am, actually thinking she meant it when she said it, even if it wasn’t love, I thought I had actually meant something to her…obviously not.
I thought that maybe she had trusted me, felt something for me, she told me I gave her the strength she needed, that she was going to win the fight because of me…but she didn’t have feelings behind those words did she?
She never really was there with me.
She was just using me, again…using me so she could win her bloody battle, never actually saying the stuff she said for me or because she felt something for me, it was just so she could keep me out of the way with false hopes and promises that she knew would never be fulfilled.
She has always been my heart, my soul and my home. My home was wherever she was. I would’ve followed her to the end of the world and back just to be near her but not anymore.
I always had this idea, that one day, I would go back to her, but not now, she’s with the immortal now, and I’m not going back to her…I’m not going home again.
but I won’t be home again.
Maybe someday you’ll have woke up,
And, barely conscious, you’ll say to no one:
"isn’t something missing?”
Does she even realize I’m gone?
All those tears I cried for her when she died, all of that time wasted, thinking of all the ways I could’ve…all the ways I should’ve saved her and she probably didn’t even grieve for me, probably glad to have me out of her life for good.
I didn’t want her life to stop because I was gone, but some sign to show me that she had actually cared would have been nice.
I really was beneath her wasn’t I?
She never did care about me…she never trusted me…just used me then tossed me aside for someone else.
You won’t cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me?
And now ‘The Immortal’?
I died so she could have a semi-normal life at least, but of all the people she could be with, she had to choose him, another soulless, evil creature, but she doesn’t seem ashamed to be with him…maybe it was just me?
Who am I kidding? There is no maybe about it, it was just me, she was ashamed to be with me it wasn’t just the fact that I didn’t have a soul, otherwise she would have changed her mind…it was just me.
you won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?
God, I would have given anything for her to love me, just to feel something for me; I gave up everything I had for her.
I gave up my sire, I gave up killing people, I turned my back on evil, just like I said I would and I gave up my life for her, but it didn’t matter at all…she doesn’t care, she never did care.
Does anyone of them even notice that I’m gone? Dawn? Willow? Giles? Xander?
Stupid question, of course they wouldn’t notice that I was gone, they were probably glad to see me go.
Please, please forgive me,
but I won’t be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out:
"isn’t something missing?
Isn’t someone missing me? "
My entire life, I have always tried to fit in, be loved, be needed and wanted…I’m never going to have that am I? My entire un-life, 100 years plus and I have never been loved, and now, I never will be.
God, why does this have to hurt so much? Why won’t she ever love me? Its this stupid soul, all it does it burn, it taunts me, it tells me why she never will love me, it makes sure I know I am not and never will be good enough for her.
It tells me that I will never be the kind of man that would never hurt her; the kind of man that she could trust…could never be just a man.
knowing you don’t care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
and wake without you there,
isn’t something missing?
Isn’t something...
I still love her, I always will love her, stupid bloody wanker I am, can’t get her out of my mind, I told peaches that I was moving on…I can’t.
I knew I couldn’t when I said it, but the thought was nice; to forget her, to get her out of my head, out of my heart, just forget she ever existed. Say goodbye to her and all the pain she put me through.
Bloody hell, nothing has changed. She is still my everything, she is still my reason for living, still the soul that makes me want to be a better man, I still go to sleep every night, just so I can see her face.
I dream of her, whispering sweet nothings into my ear, telling me how much she loves me, how much she misses me, how she can’t live without me by her side and everything is absolutely perfect…then I wake up.
Do you know how much it hurts, to have the women you love with you and loving you in return and then waking up to find she’s not there?
She doesn’t care though, she never did, I’m still all alone, no one misses me, no one notices that I’m gone…its just me.
Always just me.
you won’t try for me, not now.
Though I’d die to know you love me,
I’m all alone.
Isn’t someone missing me?