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Author's Chapter Notes:
at bottom

and once again, a big thank you to Panta_rei for the beta'ing.
Chapter 16

It was several minutes before either of them spoke.

"That was..." Spike started, unable to find a word; knowing he was sounding incredibly cliché and sappy at the moment, but not caring.

"Great?" Buffy asked. "Fantastic?"

"Bloody brilliant's more like it." They lapsed back into comfortable silence, both just thinking.

Buffy was happy with the way the day was progressing. This was nice. No pressure, just some fun. It was fucking fun.

She laughed when she realized the double meaning of that but refused to tell Spike what it was about when he looked at her questioningly.

"Go out to dinner with me on Friday."

Well that stopped any and all of her laughter.

"No," she said simply, somberly.

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"I can't go to dinner with you on Friday," she explained.

"Fine, we'll go Saturday." He wasn't letting her out of this one easily. He wasn't giving up on her.

"Spike, I can't go out with you on Friday or Saturday or any other day." Buffy tried to be calm about it, but explaining this all to him, especially in the position they were in, wasn't very easy.

"Why not?" he pressed, not moving a muscle, knowing she'd try to run if he let her up just now.

"Because--could you at least sit up?" She couldn't do this with him that close to her.

And maybe he knew it.

"No."

"Spike--"

"I'm not getting up, Buffy. Not until you tell me why it is we can't go out. If I let you up now, you're going to run into your room and lock the door on me and I'll never find out why."

"I'd tell you," she argued.

"Yeah, after a few days when you’ve had a chance to think up an appropriate answer." He wasn't giving in--why couldn't she see that?

If she was acknowledging things, which she wasn't, she'd acknowledge just how true to form that was for her; how well he knew her.

"I would not do that!" She attempted to sound outraged even though that was what she'd been thinking of doing.

"Fine, then tell me your reason--since you have one--right now, then I'll let you up."

'Think Buffy, think! Come on, you're not a stupid girl, you can come up with a reason...and don’t tell him it's because you're a whore and this is all you deserve, he thinks it but doesn't want to hear it,' her mind warned her.

"I'm not in a place to be dating anyone right now," she intoned.

"Not in a place," he mocked. "Are you off your bird?

You'd fuck me six ways from Sunday given half the chance--have twice already, but you're not 'in a place to date anyone'?" He couldn't believe that was the reason she was giving him.

"Fine, then why don't we just not 'fuck' anymore." She said it with so much feeling that he stopped to really look at her. And, mentally, so did she. That wasn't what she'd meant to say...she didn't want to lose him completely, but...

What he'd said had hurt; it was what she'd spent all the time since that first night convincing herself--that he wanted her for the sex--but hearing that, which was basically the same thing, had hurt.

That wasn't what Spike wanted either. There was no way for him to convince her that she was worth it if they had no sort of relationship---well, not now that one had started anyway.

Before all this had gotten going, if he'd acted--or reacted--better that first night, then maybe he would have been able to start a normal relationship with her--maybe. There were, after all, still those phone calls to take into account.

But now that things had started, and especially after today, to end it; to end it in favor of a normal, dating relationship, would only be seen by Buffy as rejection.

And that would damage his case beyond repair, he feared.

"That's not what I mean, luv." He tried to gently explain it to her. "Just thought dinner would be nice. But if you're not okay with dating, then what we have is more than enough."

See? She knew all he wanted from her was the sex.

That last statement had just proved it.

Any other person would have known Buffy was twisting and turning things until they fit what she expected, what made her comfortable even as it hurt her, but she'd gone so far into her denial that she couldn't see it...even if she'd wanted to.

"Good. Now can I get up?" She needed to get away from him, at least for a little while. To stop herself from wanting more from him. It wasn't good to want things you couldn’t or shouldn't have.

"Of course, pet. Didn't mean for you to think I was holding you here--" she just gave him a pointed look—"Even though I literally was. Just wanted to get an answer from you before you scampered off."

"Well you have your answer," she told him unnecessarily.

"And you may get up."

Buffy turned her head away, refusing to look at him as he sat there on his knees, his pants still undone and around his knees, his shirt rumpled from where she'd pushed and pulled at it---but mostly she tried to ignore the evidence that he was more than willing, and ready, to partake in a little more of what they'd been doing earlier.

To his credit, Spike did attempt to button his pants back up, but it was hard with his semi-hard cock and the pants stuck around his knees.

Buffy made sure she was suitably dressed and collected the rest of her things before going into her own bedroom, locking the door behind her.

Spike just lay back on the sofa, his pants done up again, and listened to the lock click in place; everything else in the small house was silent.

He wished this would stop getting so complicated. He wasn't entirely sure that what he'd just done was smart--not the asking her to dinner, but rather the before.

He wanted to be able to show her that he really did care for her, wanted more from her, but...it was just so easy to get caught up in her. He needed...he needed to stay in control more next time--no, not that kind of in control, in control of himself and his actions.

Buffy might think she'd won this round--hell, she might even have won it, but he was winning the next time.

So far every time they'd been together had really been no more than...well, than fucking, but he needed to show her that there could be more to their couplings than that.

Now he just had to await the opportunity, which knowing Buffy--and he did, no matter what she thought--wouldn't be too far away.


TBC....... Please review (and thank you so, so much to allof you who have been reading and reviewing so far...the response to this story just amazes me more than I can tell you......thank you!)...and congratulations to Fibble :-)

oh, and good luck to everyone nominated at Love's Last Glimpse Awards

I've posted a few drabbles on my livejournal...I'll try to get you all the link to them on Tuesday in case anyone's interested.





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