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Chapter 49

Buffy wasn't sleeping in his room every night, but she had last night so this morning he was being granted the extreme pleasure of waking up with her curled around him. Sleeping, in any sense of the word, with Drusilla or Harmony had never been anything like this.

It was like just being this near to her when he woke up, started his day off on a positive note. At least after the nights when she hadn't had one of her nightmares. But they were becoming so much fewer and farther between that they hardly cost either of them a thought.

He remembered how pained he'd been to find out that Buffy hadn't told him about her nightmares, not before that third night when she'd slept in his bed and, after being woken up by one, had to tell him. She had explained though that it had seemed like the less she paid any mind to them, the less they affected her. Spike had accepted her explanation but made her promise, also, that if she did ever have one and needed to talk about it, that she would come to him. And she had; and it seemed to be helping because since that first night, she said, they'd been severely decreasing in both severity and regularity.

He still just wanted to take her in his arms every time something hurt her and be able to make it all just go away; her pain hurt him and he was still blaming himself, at least partially, for everything that had happened. They were both moving forward though and healing and he figured that someday soon it wouldn't really matter which of them thought it was their fault.

Buffy was, like every other time of the day, beautiful when she slept. She looked like an angel, her face so peaceful and it was times like this when he remembered just how young she was. Hell, she was barely more than a teenager.

They, Buffy and he, had had a talk about that, too, though. He was a full fourteen years older than her and, as he had told her, worried that someday she would grow tired of him. Or that he'd want to 'settle down' and she wouldn't be ready for it. Buffy, in her own exceptional way, had assured him and set all his worries to rest. There was no way, she had explained, that she would have started anything with him, allowed him to live with her, if she wasn’t planning on it turning into something; it would not have been fair to him, she knew if she had started things up again without any thought to the future.

It was still a fear of his though; that Buffy would grow up and realize that she could do much better than him.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" Buffy was awake now and looking up at him quizzically.

"Nothing for you to worry about, pet," it was as close to a lie as he was willing to get; she really didn't need to worry about it.

"You sure?"

"Positive. So, what do you want for breakfast? Thought I could make you something nice today."

"You make me something nice every time you make me something. Which just so happens to be...oh, almost every day," Buffy answered after seeming to think about the last part.

"I like making breakfast for my girl; besides, let's me keep you in bed longer," Spike added, hoping to cover the first thing he'd said.

"Have I ever told you I like hearing you say that?" Buffy asked, not thinking that she ever had.

"Say what?"

"Calling me your girl...I'm figuring out who I am, you know," She said thoughtfully, "And I like 'your girl' being a part of that. Makes me...makes me feel safe I guess."

"I love you," Spike said before he could stop himself. "Hey, I'll just go make us some breakfast, yeah?" Spike asked when he saw that his admission had startled Buffy.

"Hey!" Buffy called, jumping up just seconds after he'd left the room. Buffy found William in the kitchen getting a carton of eggs out of the refrigerator.

"An omelet sound good to you, pet? I was thinking I could put in some of those vegetables left over from last--"

"Spike!" Buffy interrupted him but he still refused to turn around to look at her. "William," She pleaded quietly, "Please turn around."

"Can't," he insisted stubbornly.

"And why's that?"

"Shouldn't have said that," he explained.

Buffy ignored the stab of pain she felt in her heart upon hearing that; she needed to keep a cool head right now; getting upset was not going to help matters.

"Would you care to tell me why you shouldn't have?"

"Not really?"

"Will you anyway?" He didn't answer for a while and she couldn't help it, "Dammit, William! You're the older one here, supposed to be more mature and everything, aren't you? If you didn't mean it, just tell me. But don't leave me hanging here like this."

"Buffy," He said, finally turning around, but not moving any closer to her. "How could you ever think I didn't mean it?" The question was asked in what Buffy thought was astonishment.

"Well," She began sarcastically, "There was the whole changing the subject then literally running out of the room. Oh, and let's not forget that little 'I shouldn't have said it' bit."

"I got scared, alright?" He snapped, but softened both his face and his tone when he saw her flinch. "God, Buffy, I'm...I'm trying so hard to do all of this right and I wasn't going to say that yet; was going to wait. But then I just said it and...and I was scared it was going to fuck everything up. So, I thought if I left, came in here to make breakfast, that--if you wanted to--you could just forget I ever said anything and we could...we could still be...us."

"So that's if I didn't want you to have said it?"

"Yeah."

"And if I did?" She asked hopefully, shyly.

"Buffy?" He asked, but it sounded to her more like a warning. "If you're kidding around--"

"I'm not," She assured him. "I promise I'm not." He still didn't seem to fully believe her so she decided that, at this point, she could stand to live a little dangerously--to take a risk. Especially since it wasn't really that risky of a risk. "I love you, William."

He just continued to stare at her so she got nervous; and when she got nervous, she rambled. "You know, I think we need to get you a new last name or something because well, I always call Giles, Giles and he's married to my mom so that makes him like a step away from my dad--ha! step-dad, get it?" Buffy continued on even as Spike walked towards her, "Anyway, saying Giles--even if it as a last name only...Wait, that's Giles'...It's just weird for me and--"

"Buffy? Shut up," Spike said before he kissed her. It wasn’t by any means one of their great kisses; it was simple and sweet. But it achieved Spike's goal of getting Buffy to stop talking.

"I love you, too, Buffy."


TBC......

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