This Has been viewed 3547 times
Chapter Notes: This is in Spike's POV
Damn, The Slayer could definitely not hold her liquor and he sure as hell was never taking her to a demon bar or kitten poker game ever again. I'd be up at least twenty tabbies by now if it wouldn't have been for her big mouth.
She was really leaning against me now, barely able to walk and slurring her words. Something about stupid demons that ran away and how her ass her from where it connected with the asphalt. Her ramblings were almost as bad as Dru on a good day.
Buffy stopped suddenly and clinging to my arm the way she was it almost caused me to stumble. She turned to look at me with more emotion in her eyes than I'd ever seen. It made my heart catch in my chest even if it didn't beat anymore.
“Why won't you fix my life? The very least you could do is kill me, then I'd be in Heaven again.” Tear fell down her face sparkling in the street light. Her bottom lip quivered and I could hear her heavy breaths catching in her chest.
Bloody hell! All I needed was the Slayer to have a break down on me. Even if I wanted to I could never kill her, couldn't do it then, can't do it now. I'd rather walk into the sun at high noon than ever witness her death again. Reaching up to her face, surprised that she let me, I brushed her tears away with the pads of my thumbs.
“Please Spike, kill me. I'm willing, you won't have any pain. It hurts to much to be here. Send me back to Heaven, please!” She clutched at the lapels of my jacket, tears rolled down her cheeks in rapid succession. She stared into my eyes, her own hazel eyes filled with more pain that I'd ever seen in my life. I curse the world and who ever up there decided this for her life and I cursed her as she turned her head and bared her neck to me.
The demon in me ached and whimpered for the taste of her blood, but the thought of taking her from this world and away from me clenched at my gut until I thought I would be ill.
“I can't Buffy, I'm sorry.” The words barely whispered from my lips in agony for her. I did the only thing I could think to do I pulled her close enfolding her into me before picking her up and cradling her against my chest wrapping my coat around her and enveloping her in darkness. I felt her sobs against my chest before I heard them. She had tried to hold them in, but couldn't any longer. Her tears soaked the front of my shirt and skin. I stood and held her on the street corner rocking her like a baby while she cried.
“Want me to take you home pet?” Who knew what they would do to me if I brought her back like this. But my heart refused to believe she'd want to go anywhere else.
“No take me back to your place, please, I can't go back there. I can't face then, no now, maybe not ever.” Her cries had subsided and she cuddled next to my chest making no motion for me to put her down, much to my delight.
As quickly as I could walk without jostling her I made way to my crypt, luckily only a few blocks away. Every part of me soared at having her close knowing I would not have these moments for long and knowing that I could spend eternity with the memory of her in my arms and go to dust a happy man.
Opening the crypt door with one hand I scanned quickly just to make sure that nothing was about and went in kicking the door shut behind me with a hardy clang. I set Buffy down on the huge sarcophagus . She pulled her knees up to her chin and just sat there dejected and rejected. Taking off my coat I laid it around her shoulders and loved the way she buried her self within the worn leather. Turning to walk away I was surprised when her hand shot out and gripped my arm, almost hard enough to bruise.
“Don't go.” The words were a whispered but in this room of stone they echoed. She was looking at me afraid, afraid that I would go away and leave her to get through this alone.
“Not going anywhere, luv. Just going to light some candles, try to cheer this place up a bit.” Her grip lessened and I reached into my pocket and pulled out my Zippo. In one swift movement I had it opened and lit showing her the flame and my intentions. She let go and I went through my nightly ritual of lighting the few dozen candles that were on every flat surface that could be found.
When my back was turned I heard her pulled the bottle of scotch that I'd stolen from the bar out and open it, then heard her take long swigs. She was so lost in the pain that it went down like water to a dying man. If she kept this up I would have a problem, I wouldn't just have a drunk and depressed Slayer on my hands, but an alcoholic one and and very sick one come morning. But who was I kidding that had been my life in the recent years. Get up, get drunk, fight with her, come home and repeat every day as needed.
My job finished I went over to her and pulled the bottle from her hands, noticing that a good forth of the brand new bottle was gone.
“Hey give that back!” She tried to go for the bottle and would have fallen to the ground if I wouldn't have put a hand out to steady her.
“What's in here is not the solution to your problems, Pet.” I set the bottle aside and hopped up to sit beside her.
“There's only one solution. Don't know why you don't want to. You've tried for years. I'm making it easy on you. All you have to do is bite and do what comes naturally.” Buffy leaned her head back swaying from the effects of the alcohol. Man the chit was miserable as a drunk.
“Already told you no, luv. Just because you keep bringing it doesn't mean it's going to change my mind.” I reached out a hand to steady her or should would have tipped backwards and had a nice hard fall to the floor. Course a nice hard fall just might be what she needed to knock some sense into her.
Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door. Who the bloody hell could it be. No one ever knocked on my door, they just kicked it in. Just in case it was some beastie trying to catch me unawares I hopped off and quietly pulled out a stashed machete from it's hiding spot in an old urn.
Right before I got to the door a thump, a thud and an audible “Ouch” sounded behind me. Turning I noticed that Buffy had indeed fallen off and landed backward on the floor. Luckily for both of us she was hidden. I didn't want the Slayer to get in a fight in her condition, it could get us both killed.
“Spike, it's Willow. Open up.” The knock sounded again along with a groan from Buffy. Chances are at the moment that her head was spinning like a Tilt-A-Whirl. Hopefully she would stay quiet and hidden until I could get rid of the witch.
“What do you want Red?” I opened the door glad that she made no move to enter inside.
“Have you seen Buffy, she's been gone all night? She was working at the Magic Box this afternoon, Giles and Anya said she just left and no one has heard or seen her since.” I had to hand it to them, really. There was nothing else in the world the damned Scoobies wanted more than to keep Buffy on a leash like a pet. Well she wasn't a pet, she was a beautiful creature that didn't need the lot of them messing up her life.
“Can't say as I have. Maybe she decided that she'd had enough of the lot of you and skipped down. Can't say as I blame her for the hell you've put her through.” I saw the flash of anger in her eyes momentarily darkening them black. The bloody bitch was so tripped out with magic that she couldn't even tell the difference anymore.
“What do you mean. Everything we've done was for Buffy?” Willow was becoming increasingly agitated, but I couldn't help it. The need to rile these people up was just to great. A little putting in her place wouldn't hurt the bint on bit.
“Yeah, bringing her back from the dead and making her account for every moment of her life is just peachy. Have you ever once considered that she was happy where she was, and that she doesn't need the lot of her to live her life for her.” My hand gripped the machete's handle so tight that I thought it would break.
“Yeah cause you can really be happy in hell Spike. We have no idea the things that happened to her there. Her behavior lately just shows how bad things were for her wherever she was. We are her friends and we know it's been rough on her, we are just trying to make it ok.” Luckily for me Willow's mind was clouded in worry for her friend because I could feel the magic in the air just waiting for her to call.
“That's right Red, you don't know where she was. She could have been somewhere safe as houses and happy, but no, you had to go and bollocks it up for her. You researched all the stuff with bringing her back, but you never researched where the damn thing had taken her did you. Seem to forget Red, if Buffy would have been in another dimension there would have been no body to bury, she would have been just gone. Quit trying to make her live the life that you want for her and try to make her live the life she wants. Course, though that would take you actually helping her figure out what she wants, and that's not what you want. Leave her be Red, she'll come home when she's good and ready.” I slammed the door in her face. Hopefully I had given her enough to think of and she would go away without demanding that I help her look for the Slayer that laid flat on her back giggling like a little girl.
“You were a meanie to her.” She pointed a finger at me twirling it and giggling even more. Would the crazy bint find one mood and stick with it. Her emotions were staring to make my demon crawl.
“Yeah well had to get rid of her didn't I, sides, not like it wasn't the truth.” I offered her a hand to help her up, then thought better and just picked her up. I didn't need to fall on my ass, that would just give her something more to giggle about.
“Where are we going?” She laughed a joyous sound even if she was drunk out of her mind.
“Taking you downstairs pet so you can sleep this off.” Thankful that I'd left the cover for the lower level off I went to the edge and jumped straight down. Upon impact with the ground I turned to see if Buffy was okay. Indeed she was not. Her face had gone from flush with alcohol to pasty and perspiring. She was also starting to look a little green around the gills. I was without a toilet and the Slayer was going to be sick. This was all I needed to end a perfectly screwed up night.
Hurrying I laid her down on my unmade bed and made for a trash can. At least this way it wouldn't go on the floor and I could dump it in the sewer later. She just laid there her eyes wide as the world spun away from her. For her own sake I hoped she wouldn't really remember anything from this night. Even though the thought of her not remembering wanting my comfort would tear me up inside. It would be better for all if the alcohol erased her memory. I didn't know how I would explain her waking up in my bed, but I would think of an excuse or a downright lie later.
Buffy took one look at the trashcan I was holding and lost the rest of her resolve. You would think as many blood baths as I had seen in a century the sight of someone tossing their cookies wouldn't be a big deal and maybe it wouldn't have been except for the smell that assuaged my senses and made my own stomach reel.
When she was done she flopped back on the bed a hand over her stomach and asleep. Taking the can I moved it into a far corner and threw some dirt over the top. I really didn't need to smell that all night. Walking to her side I carefully took off her jacket and laid it aside before moving her legs into the bed and pulling the covers over her. The sight of her in my bed was more than I could handle and my dead heart did indeed clench. Knowing that she would probably stake my hide in the morning I went to the other side of the bed taking my t-shirt off and throwing it over the headboard I slipped into the covers beside her and pulled her close to my body loving the way her heat felt against me.
I laid there awake running my fingers through her hair and encapsulating every second to my memory. During her sleep she turned and cradled her body into mine making me instantly hard and aching for her. With deep breaths I combated every instinct to just take her and be done with it. To love her, claim her, kill her and make her mine forever. But in the end I did nothing but hold her through out the night falling asleep myself just before dawn.
The next afternoon I woke up and she was gone along with her jacket. Neither one of us had ever mentioned anything about that night so I don't know what she remembered and what she didn't. But that night I fell even more in love with her that I ever would have thought possible. It was on that day that I vowed that somehow I would give her what she needed, even if every instinct of my demon screamed no.