Chapter 22
After slipping through the backdoor, Buffy found herself wondering if she had entered the wrong house. The kitchen she was standing in looked familiar, but it was full of food. Food was warming on stove and baking in the oven. It was in dishes that cluttered the countertops.
God, who is this Tara person? Buffy thought suspiciously as she carefully peeled back the tinfoil lid on one of the casserole dishes. It’s no wonder William didn’t want me competing with the nanny. I wouldn’t stand a chance! She’s some kinda Suzy Homemaker freak!
Using her fingers, she picked at the corner of the cheesy entree. She didn’t know the name of what she was eating; she just knew it had noodles, vegetables, and plenty of cheese. She also knew that it tasted unbelievably good.
“Um, Buffy?”
While licking sauce from her fingers, she turned to where Tara had tiptoed into the room.
She doesn’t look very threatening…
Tara was pretty, but she didn’t seem to embrace the fact. Her hair was up in a messy bun, and she wasn’t wearing makeup. Her figure was swallowed up by a bulky oversized sweater.
“Are you ready to eat? Should I get the kids around the table?”
She just shook her head before asking, “This was made from scratch, wasn’t it?
“Yes, but--.”
“Where did all this food come from? You must’ve brought it into the house, because there’s no way any of it came from my refrigerator.”
“I made everything at my house for my family. We don’t have to—if you rather we eat something else, I can put it all away. I had it in my car and I didn’t want it going to waste.”
“Oh no, we’re totally eating it. And all of it,” Buffy announced with a snort. “If everything’s as good as this noodle–stuff, we may even have a fistfight over the leftovers.”
“That…that really won’t be necessary. If you want the leftovers, they’re yours.”
“Thanks. I have to admit, you’re quite the chief, Tara.”
She smiled as a blush colored her cheeks. She waited, stuck in an awkward moment, before pointing over her shoulder with her thumb. “Um, I should…the kids are in the living room. They’re playing and working on their second movie. I gave them a snack not too long ago. I’ll check on them now.”
“Can you wait a second? I was going to think up an excuse to keep you in the kitchen, but since lunch is ready and it looks as if you’ve even set the table, I’ll just come out and say that I was hoping we could talk. Do you mind?”
“No, not at all. I was hoping we’d be able to talk today too. We’ve avoided each other long enough.”
Her comment piqued Buffy’s interest, but she decided to let it slide. She motioned for Tara to join her at the kitchen table. “How long have we known each other?”
“A long time.”
“We’ve been through a lot, haven’t we? Play dates, dirty diapers…” She trailed off and silently hoped that Tara would volunteer some information. When she didn’t, Buffy sighed. “How long has it really been? It’s feels like we met years ago.”
“It should, we did meet six years ago.”
“After the shooting? You know, I’ve been thinking about that night a lot lately.”
“It was an important event in your life,” Tara responded with an understanding shrug. “It was a turning point for all of us.”
“But still… What if it had never happened? What if Angel hadn’t pulled the trigger?” she asked, deciding to take a gamble. “Could you imagine how different my life would be? I’d probably be Mrs. Riley Finn--.”
“How can you say that?”
“Well,” she began, surprised by Tara’s question. “He was my fiancé.”
“Even if you could change the past it wouldn’t change anything between you and William. You aren’t together just because of the shooting or because of me. You would’ve found each other no matter what. You and William are meant for each other.”
“You brought us together? Uh, what am I saying? We needed you to bring us together.”
“I honestly didn’t do that much. I distracted Riley a few times. William tried to bribe the entire nursing staff. If I hadn’t let him sneak into your hospital room, he would’ve found another way to you. He was so determined. It didn’t matter how many times you threw him out, he always came back. He went through all that trouble and usually he just sat next to your bed while you slept.”
She swallowed as Tara’s words sunk in. She didn’t know what to say without exposing her memory loss. She knew William would’ve expected her to come clean at that very moment, but she couldn’t do it. The timing didn’t seem right. “He told me again and again that he loved me, but I never believed him,” she began softly. “I gave him such a hard time. Once I actually gave him a chance though…God, I’ve fallen for him so quickly. He’s such an amazing man. You’re right. Everything you said is completely true. William wouldn’t have given up on me.”
“So you shouldn’t give up on him.”
“I haven’t—wait, what do you mean?” She could no longer pretend that she knew what Tara was talking about. “Why would I give up on him? I love him. I love him so much I could,” she paused to lightly bite her lower lip before she could embarrass herself. “I love him that’s all. I have no reason to doubt him.”
“Sweetie, I’m so glad to hear you talk like this.” Tara reached across the table to give Buffy’s hand a comforting squeeze. “You had me terrified last week. Have you told him the truth?”
“No…no, I haven’t…?”
“But you will, won’t you? Thank God! He’ll be hurt when he finds out, but it will be better this way. Could you imagine what would’ve happened if he found out on accident? The betrayal would’ve killed him.”
“Tara, please,” she gasped. Her heart was racing. She had so many questions; she didn’t know where to begin. “I have no idea--.” She cut herself off abruptly when she saw William at the sliding door. He smiled at her through the glass and Buffy’s heart threatened to break.
How could I betray him?
“Hello, girls,” he said, greeting them cheerfully. “It smells fucking fantastic in here. Let’s get food on the table, shall we? I’m starving.”
“I’ll get the kids.” Tara gave Buffy’s hand one last squeeze. “Everything is ready to serve. It’s mostly kid-friendly, but you guys know the drill.”
“What’s the drill?” Buffy asked softly once Tara was out of the room.
“Bring me the kids’ plates and I’ll show you.”
She took a deep breath before joining him at the stove.
“Hold on to Jamie’s plate and I’ll take Sarah’s. Put Joy’s off to the side for now. It isn’t a complicated process. They get one spoonful of everything.”
“Even the peas?”
“Even the peas.”
“Does this apply to grown-ups? Do I have to tell you how much I hate peas?”
“We have to set a good example,” William chuckled. “If we eat a few nasty peas, the kids might follow suit.”
“Oh.”
“It doesn’t have to be a big serving, just a taste will do. You may be surprised by what they’ll nibble on if it sits in front of them long enough.” He went from dish to dish until Sarah’s plate had a little sampling of everything. “I must say, I never thought I’d catch you holding hands with our nanny. Can I take Jaime’s plate from you?”
She handed it over without saying a word.
“When I walked into the kitchen, you didn’t seem exactly thrilled to see me,” he continued. He kept his voice light and casual. “In fact, I smiled at you and I received a grimace in return.”
“I didn’t mean to grimace.”
“I was interrupting something. An intense moment, maybe?”
“Kind of.”
“Does she know? Did you tell her about your amnesia?”
“No, and—and I don’t want to tell her.”
“Did she upset you?” When Buffy failed to respond, he turned toward her. “I’ve seen you truly frightened only a handful of times, you’re spooked about something.”
“She surprised me,” she admitted quietly. “You weren’t supposed to notice.”
“What did she say?”
“I’d rather not… Can I get back to you? Is that okay?” Unable to resist, she pushed her way into his arms and hugged him tightly. “I don’t want to keep anything from you, but I have to figure some of this out on my own. Please, please tell me that you understand.”
“You can talk to me. I can help. I can—oh, sod it all.” He rolled his eyes and mumbled another curse before placing a kiss on the top of her head. “Don’t keep me in the dark for too long, alright? Next you’ll beg to keep the memory loss a secret as well?”
“You’re a very smart man.”
“You know, I could speak with her if you feel too uncomfortable--.”
“No! William, please, if you love me--.”
“That’s enough,” he interrupted. “I won’t hear another word of that. I’m not happy with your decision, and I won’t pretend to feel otherwise, but--.”
“William--.”
“But, I’ll give you twenty-four hours. By this time tomorrow, there will be no more secrets.”
“That…I guess that sounds fair.”
“Then it’s a deal. Now that that’s settled, bring me some more plates.”
“That’s it? You’re really okay with this?”
“I trust you. I trust your judgment. I might not always agree, but all I can do is give you my opinion and hope for the best.”
“Really?”
“Well, yes. I can’t force you. I could try, but who wants to fight? I said my piece. We came to a decent agreement. Now, if you don’t keep your part of the bargain, then we might have a problem.”
“I don’t want problems and I don’t want to fight,” she insisted breathlessly.
“Good. I’m glad,” he said, giving her a wink that was followed by a hard kiss. “How about getting me those plates?”
She headed back to the table just as Sarah charged into the room.
“Mommy!”
“Hey, baby,” she said, sweeping the little girl into her arms. Seconds later, Jamie collided with Buffy’s legs.
“I got you!” he declared with a wild giggle.
“I see that.”
“No, I do!”
Buffy laughed as Sarah threw her arms around her neck. “Okay, I think I’ve been thoroughly captured.”
“Come here, you.” William untangled Jamie from Buffy’s lower-half and hoisted him in the air. “Let’s save some of your precious mummy for the rest of us.”
“Nooo! She’s mine! You can’t have her!”
“That’s what you think,” William responded as he allowed Jamie to stand in his chair. “Since your noodle suit is dirty, you’ll be wrapped in an apron--.”
“Like a present?”
“Yes, mate, exactly like a present. You’d better sit still like a good little gift, or we’ll be forced to return you like a pair of bad socks.”
Buffy continued to hold Sarah against her hip and together they watched as William struggled to tie a grown-up-sized apron around Jamie’s tiny squirming body.
“What do you think of all this?” she whispered into Sarah’s ear. “Aren’t boys silly?”
“Boys are messy. My brother’s very very messy.”
Buffy laughed again before slipping Sarah into her usual seat next to William’s chair. She quickly tied a little pink bib around her neck.
“Don’t look so smug, Summers. You won’t get the easy kid next time.”
“You need some help?”
“See if you can get this blasted thing knotted while he dances about like an idiot.”
“Jamie,” Buffy began. “Please stand still.”
“I can’t, mom! I’ve got aaants in my paaants!”
“Doesn’t that explain everything? Love, he’s all yours.”
They shared amused glances until Tara hurried into the kitchen with Joy. “Sorry that took longer than expected. Did we miss anything?”
Buffy tried not to stare, but she kept an eye on Tara as she moved around the kitchen effortlessly. She knew exactly what to do and where everything was located. And she did it all with Joy gurgling in her arms.
Show off, she thought although she knew she was being ridiculous.
“Mom! When can I sit down?!”
“Hush,” Buffy said gently. “You’re done. You can sit right now.”
“Help me sit!”
“Can you say please?”
“Help me sit down now. Please!”
“That’s a little better. Legs up,” she said, holding him securely by the waist. After lowering him down, she smoothed his unruly hair. “How are the ants in your pants now, Jamie?”
“They’re hungry!”
“Then should we give them all your food?”
“Um, um—let’s give ‘em all the peas!”
“I completely agree. That’s a wonderful idea, sweetie.”
“Daddy! Mom and Jamie are doing it again! They’re skeeving the peas!”
“Skeeving? That sounds serious and, well, really gross actually.” Buffy caught William’s eye and mouthed, ‘What the hell does that mean?’ once Tara had her back turned.
“You’re absolutely right, Sarah. Mom and Jamie shouldn’t be scheming against peas. It’s rude, isn’t it?”
“Mmmm, peas are yummy. I like the peas.”
“Me too, kitten.”
“When we gonna eat?” Jamie demanded as William put his plate on the table. “Can’t we—what about dessert? Can I have dessert now?”
“Can’t I help with something?” Buffy asked. “I’m sorry; I don’t mean to just stand here.”
“Maybe you can grab the sippy cups,” William answered as he made his third trip from the table to the kitchen counters. “I’ve got everything else covered.”
“Sit, Buffy.” Tara appeared with the cups in her hands.
“What about Joy? Why is she on the other side of the table? Why’d you move her highchair?”
“I’ll take care of her during lunch.”
“Oh.”
“Don’t look so disappointed, Buffy,” Tara laughed. “You won’t be left out. You can have first dibs on the next dirty diaper. You can have dish duty if you really want to lend us a hand.”
“Yay,” Buffy responded, not appreciating Tara’s teasing.
“Would you like to say something before we dig in?”
“You mean like—should we pray?” She looked for William and silently pleaded for help. “I’d rather not…”
“It’s alright. I’ll say something.” Once William sat at the table, his feet tangled with Buffy’s. “I’ll say that I’m unbelievably grateful to be here with all of you. If you would’ve told me five-six years ago that I’d be here, celebrating Christmas with Buffy as my lovely wife, our three kids, and one of our best friends, I’d say you were completely off your rocker. But here we are. We’ve gotten this far and we’ll carry on. No matter what we come across, we’ll conquer our obstacles and we’ll cherish our good times. And I will be equally grateful next year and every year that follows. Now, well, I’m done. Eat, if you haven’t started to already.”
Tara said something in response to William’s words and the kids chattered as they continued to pick at their food, but Buffy wasn’t listening. “That was…thank you for saying all that.”
“It wasn’t too sentimental?” William asked. His voice was only a tad louder than a whisper. “Was it too Hallmark card?”
“No. It was perfect.”
“It could’ve been one hell of a sappy mess. Have I told you about my days as a poet?”
“Did this come before or after your affair with eye liner and black nail polish?”
“Of all things, you would remember that.” Buffy covered her mouth as she laughed and chewed at the same time. “Alright,” he continued. “Perhaps we should put this conversation on hold?”
“It isn’t suitable for the dinner table?”
“If you’re anything like your son, you shouldn’t be laughing while you eat. I love the kid dearly, but when he gets excited or overly tickled he can’t keep a thing in his mouth.”
“Hence the noodle suit and the apron.”
“Yes, but he spits, pet. Food flies across the table and usually it lands in some innocent person’s hair.”
“Oh my God.”
“Exactly.”
“But—that’s gross!”
“And we love and accept him, regardless of his flaws.”
Buffy looked over to the topic of their conversation and tried not to laugh again. “He never closes his mouth. William, he’s a cutie, but he talks so much! Is it,” she stopped to shield her mouth from any prying eyes, “Does he have ADD?”
“Not that I know of,” he answered with an amused smirk. “He’s a conversationalist, a chatterbox who doesn’t know when to quit, but it hasn’t been formally diagnosed.”
“Stop whispering!” Jaime chimed in as if on cue. “I can’t hear you! What are you saying?”
“Whispering at the table is kind of rude,” Tara added. “We’ve been feeling left out, haven’t we guys?”
“Yeah!” Jamie answered. Sarah nodded in agreement.
For a second time, Buffy bristled under Tara’s light teasing.
“We’ll whisper as often as we like,” William declared with a snort. “We’re married; therefore we’re entitled.”
“And how does that make sense exactly?”
“Speaking of other halves and significant others, Tara, when are we getting our annual Christmas telephone call from Red? Hopefully she’ll mind the bloody time zones this year.”
“Red?” Buffy asked. “Do you mean Willow?”
Hearing the name of Buffy’s best friend from high school, the kids squealed happily in unison.
“Can we call her?” Buffy asked. She couldn’t recall any current memories of Willow, but that didn’t bother her. She could confide in her friend. She could ask her questions. If Tara knew about Buffy’s alleged betrayal, Willow would have to know the details. “In fact, write down her number or point me in the direction of a phone book and I’ll do rest.”
“B-but Paris,” Tara began. “It’s nine hours ahead.”
“So it’ll be a little late, it’s never too late to spread some holiday cheer, right?”
“Please—you really should wait, Buffy. She’ll call when she wakes up, she always does.”
“And I’m guessing you agree with her?” Buffy asked with her eyes on William.
“I give Willow grief when she phones us at an ungodly hour. I’d never hear the end of it if we called her after midnight. She’ll call tonight, and if she doesn’t, we’ll give her a ring before bedtime. You have my word.”
Buffy took a brief pause, but found it difficult to swallow her disappointment. “I can wait. I have twenty-hours. Besides, how can I leave the table now? We haven’t had dessert.”
***
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Now I bet you're really shocked by two updates in a row. :D Hopefully I have another chapter for you next week too. Thank you for reading.