Chapter 3
Once William was out of sight, Buffy groaned softly.
“God, could I offend him any more? Could I really make him feel any worse?”
It was the last thing she wanted to do. Confronted with his trembling, she wanted to bring him close and apologize for every harsh word that she’d ever said, but, overwhelmed by an unfamiliar wave of tenderness, she couldn’t move or say that she was sorry, instead she was only able to mumble lamely about not having a home and family.
“…I honestly don’t know if I can handle being around you.”
William’s words haunted Buffy as she picked her outfit off the floor, guessing that it had slipped during their argument. As she dressed in the snug jeans and soft white sweater, she couldn’t believe how lonely and out of place she felt without William at her side.
Bet he doesn’t want to see me, but…
She bit her lip, heading out into the hallway.
***
Buffy could tell that she’d lived in the house. She had no doubt about it as she took in the home’s decorations. It was elegant—but not too girlie—and very cozy, decked out in all her favorite colors.
One quick glance in the living room was enough to take her breath away. A real Christmas tree was covered in lights and ornaments. There was a brick fireplace with five stockings hanging from its mantle. She felt the need to curl up on the couch with a blanket and good book, but she turned, seeing William’s bare back as he stood in front of the stove. Taking careful steps, she watched, mesmerized by his muscles.
Okay, so maybe the thought of me marrying him isn’t so crazy after all. I mean, I was attracted to him once—well, always…for as long as I can remember…
“So, you’re up and about. Did you get dressed?”
“Yeah,” Buffy answered, lifting her brow, not sure how William knew that she was in the kitchen.
“Hungry?”
“Yeah—yes, I’m starving actually.”
“Want some pizza? It’s the frozen junk, and it tastes like sodding cardboard, but the kids seem to gobble it up.”
“Well, if it’s for them…”
“I heated up two. It’s plain cheese. Come here, get some while it’s hot.”
Buffy blinked, accepting the heavy plastic red and green plate that he offered over his shoulder.
He won’t even look at me.
“Drinks are in the refrigerator. Help yourself.”
“Okay…what can I get you?”
“Whatever. Surprise me.”
“Uh, you want ice or just the can?”
“The can’ll do.”
Feeling strangely domestic, Buffy hugged two cold soda cans to her chest as she balanced the tiny slices of pizza with her other hand. Heading to the kitchen table where William was already sitting, she hesitated, not sure where to go.
“Sit across from me,” William mumbled, as if reading her mind. “Jamie sits next to you, Sarah’s next to me, and Joy’s always between us in her highchair.”
“I’ll have to remember that,” she said, giving him a drink before taking her assigned seat.
“Thank you.”
“Oh, you’re welcome.”
“It’s not that we’re anal about the setup or anything, it’s just that Jamie’s a complete and utter slob. He couldn’t hit his mouth even if his life depended on it; therefore, no one wants to sit in his crumby chair. And then our Sarah, she’d rather die than sit next to her brother. It’s the cooties, you know.”
“I see.”
He nodded, and they sat in silence, each eating very slowly.
“You were wrong about one thing.”
“Hmmm?”
“If you need money, you have it. I’ll give you money. Half of everything that I have is yours, Buffy.”
“Oh…but…”
“So, if you want to stay in a hotel, take your purse and don’t worry about the cost.”
“A hotel…”
“But I doubt you’ll find a room now, not with the holidays being so close and all. So,” he sighed, “you can have the bedroom and I’ll take the couch.”
“Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to kick you out of your own bed.”
“I’ll manage. And then after the twenty-fifth, I guess you’re free to go.”
Finished with her pizza, Buffy wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and cleared her throat. “Uh, what if I don’t want to go?”
“Why would you want to stay?”
“I…well…because…”
“You can stay for as long as you want.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s no problem.”
“William?”
“Yes?” His blue eyes cautiously met hers. “What, Buffy?”
“About the things that I said…that night, this morning--.”
“Don’t. It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does. I want to--.”
“Don’t waste your breath. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Don’t waste my breath? You don’t want to hear it? William, I’m trying to apologize!”
“I get that and I still don’t want to hear it, alright?”
“But—why not?”
“Because you don’t mean it.”
“I do too!”
“No.” He stacked their empty plates and went to the sink. “I know you, you don’t just change your mind. You spouted off a great deal and--.”
“And I’m sorry.”
“You’re not.”
“William—God, and you accused me of being pigheaded?!” She got to her feet and tried to get him to look at her as he rinsed the plates. “William, I am so sorry! I’m sorry about this whole thing!”
“Not as sorry as I am.”
“Okay, maybe I’m not, but I never said that I was.” Buffy bit her lower lip, contemplating her next move carefully. “Can I at least tell you that I don’t hate you? That I’ve never hated you?”
William snorted and rolled his eyes. “You have a funny way of showing it.”
“If I hated you I wouldn’t have kissed you.”
“This morning?”
“No.”
“Oh that. You’re admitting that it happened? Our first kiss?”
“Oh that? It went from a ‘bloody revelation’ to ‘oh that’?”
“I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“You-you didn’t.”
“Nothing’s meant more to me than that kiss. It was the beginning of the end for me. I remember you denying that there was something between us, and, well, you can’t do that very well now. If you can’t feel it, you can see it. It’s in our kids, our wedding rings, this house…”
He paused and turned to face her. “I got you to fall for me once, I should be able to do it again, you think?”
“It…depends. If you can barely stand to look at me, we have a problem. Maybe if we tried to be friends--.”
“We’ve never been friends,” he said sternly. “We’ll never be friends.”
“Oh—okay then.”
“I’ll always want more, Buffy. God, I always want you.”
“Uh…”
“Always,” he whispered. “I can’t help it. I’m sure that isn’t something that you want to hear, but--.”
“William…William, come here.”
He gave her a suspicious look and remained still. “That wouldn’t be a good idea.”
“Why not?”
As if on cue the front door swung open.
“There’s one reason.”
“But--.”
“Jingle bells! Sarah smells! Mommy laid an egg!”
“What?! I don’t smell! Daddy, Jamie said…”
“And that’s a good enough reason for me,” William muttered before addressing the crowd. “Jamie, haven’t I told you not to sing that blasted song? Tara, I’m going up to take a shower, but can I speak with you first?”
“Sure, I need to talk to you myself,” she answered, handing Joy to Buffy with a smile. “She’s been fussy all morning. She missed you.”
“But,” Buffy croaked, “I can’t—William!”
“Tara, wait for me upstairs, love?” When she was gone, William cupped Buffy’s elbow and pulled her aside as the twins screeched in the background. “She’ll only be gone for a minute.”
“I—I haven’t even held a baby before!”
“It shows. Come on, hold her close, she doesn’t bite—much.”
“What?”
“I’m teasing. She has six teeth; she won’t hurt you. In fact, she loves to cuddle and smile--. ”
“But…the twins?”
“Feed them. Once you put pizza in front of them, you might be surprised how quiet they can get.”
“What-what about this one?”
“Her name is Joy.”
“I remember, but what should I do? I don’t—please don’t tell me that I’m still breast feeding!”
“You’re not,” he chuckled. “That only lasted ten months. She eats baby food mostly and that’s in the pantry. I suggest avoiding the vegetables. She loves chicken and that sort of stuff. Go for the strained peas and you have a bigger chance of getting your sweater dirty.”
“Oh, I don’t think I can--.”
“You can. A clean bib is on her chair waiting for you.”
“William, please…”
“Oh, suck it up. At least we have Tara today; we won’t tomorrow or on Christmas and I can’t do everything by myself. She usually doesn’t work on weekends anyway. Here, gimme my girl for a minute.”
“Be good for your mommy, bit,” he whispered, stroking the back of Joy’s head as he gently bounced her against his chest.
“William, honestly, I don’t think I can do this.”
“Yes, you can. Can’t she, my sweet Jo-Jo?”
“But--.”
“No buts,” he said, using the same tone that he’d used with Jamie earlier in the bedroom. “Buffy, I know you can do it. You’re one hell of a good mum. It’ll come naturally to you if you don’t fight it.”
“Okay. Fine,” Buffy sighed, taking Joy back into her arms, “but if I need help…”
“Just call, I’ll save you.”
***
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Author's Chapter Notes:
Again, I'm early because it's 10:26pm on Wednesday in my land, but oh well. :)
I've been reading all your comments/reviews. Thank you for taking some time to leave them, it means a lot. I've noticed that some believe that William's too hard on Buffy, and that might be true, but I believe that he's acting the way that he is because he is scared (that's why Buffy is acting the way that she is too). It's probably a given, but I just thought some of you might be wondering why they're both defensive at the moment. :)
Enjoy and review. I'll be back with more on Thursday.
I've been reading all your comments/reviews. Thank you for taking some time to leave them, it means a lot. I've noticed that some believe that William's too hard on Buffy, and that might be true, but I believe that he's acting the way that he is because he is scared (that's why Buffy is acting the way that she is too). It's probably a given, but I just thought some of you might be wondering why they're both defensive at the moment. :)
Enjoy and review. I'll be back with more on Thursday.