Author's Chapter Notes:
Little bit more from Angel's point of view. Hope you enjoy!
Angel sat in the comfortable office looking at Cordy expectantly. He wanted her to tell him that he was cured, that he was better, he trying. Why didn’t he feel better about his daughter?

She sighed, "Angel I don't know what to tell you. You're not going to get better overnight"

"I've been making progress." Angel stated and he had, he had begun to accept that there had been nothing he could have done to protect the children and that as much as he might hate it he couldn't save everyone.

Cordy smiled at him "Yes you have, but there is something holding you back." She knew what it was but he needed to realize it by himself, she could make this easy for him but in the end it wouldn’t help and would make things harder.

"Buffy" He stated.

"And?" she pushed expectantly.

"And Katie, but I can't! I can still barely look at her photo how can I do this?" His internal anguish was reflected in his eyes and Cordy had to stop herself from looking away she had never empathized so much with a client before and it was making her a little uneasy.

"Everything should be done when you are ready. Too much too soon may cause more problems in the long run." She paused "However, if you are running from a meeting you don't want to face you will gain nothing and things will only escalate." She didn't know why but she felt unhappy at the idea of Angel reuniting with his wife, she knew that it was the only reason he was here.

"Fear faced is better than the alternative. Right?" Angel gazed out the window and Cordy waited silently. "I don't know if I can do it. The flashbacks, they make me crazy. I don't want to hurt either of them."

Staying silent she could see the emotions flashing across his face, thoughts going through his head that he didn't want to let out. He had been through so much and come so far, she didn't want to see him throw it all away, he invoked feelings in her that she refused to acknowledge, and if she sorted through them she would have to ask Angel to see a different therapist and that wouldn't do him any good at all.

"I need to talk to Buffy." Angel said finally an expression discomfort on his face, "I need to tell her what's been happening to me and I need to explain. Will she understand? God what if she hates me!"

"What else are you going to do? Ignore her for the rest of your life? She's your wife and Katie is your daughter and you will have to face this eventually. Are you ready?"

"I don't think I can wait much longer. It's been months and every day makes it that much worse."

Cordy smiled this is what he needs to do, needs to face there wasn't much else she could do for him until he worked through his issues with Buffy. Normally she would have suggested a joint session with both partners but with Buffy in California it wasn't a viable option.

"Yes. So when are you going to do it?" She asked, agreeing with him in principle.

"As soon as I can. Can't do it by phone, God I've told her I need her to leave me alone! She'd put the phone down on me! I'd put the phone down on me!" Thinking about it a little more, "I'll go to Sunnydale I haven't been back home since I left for College. Maybe it’s time to go home.”

“You haven’t been back since? That must have been hard, all those friends you left behind. Do you still see any of them?” Cordy was interested, they had only worked on his issues relating to his work and he had never mentioned that he had problems at home. This appeared to be a whole new issue.

Angel again turned his gaze out the window remembering his last summer at home and the brother he didn’t speak to. He realized that he still blamed Spike for the accident, for the loss of Darla.

“No, I feel out with my brother the summer before I went to college, never went back, never wanted to see him or that town ever again!”

“Your brother?” Another thing he hadn’t mentioned

“Yeah, Spike.”

“Spike? Don’t take this the wrong way but were your parent’s high when they named you both?”

Angel laughed suddenly “My mom was a bit of a hippy, believed that they should name us the first thing that came to mind when she first saw us. Dad always said I got the better end of the deal, but Spike…” His tone softened remembering happier times “Spike always said that Angel was a poofter name!”

Cordy laughed along with him, “Will he be there?”

“Don’t think so. He went to England with Dru for college and only ever came back for holidays. Dad’s British so we got dual passports. No last I heard from Dad he was his nut case of a wife”

“Well, at least you won’t have to face him as well when you get there. I want you to take twenty four hours to think about this, make sure that you are happy with this course of action. Make sure you are ready.” She couldn’t help but feel a little jealous that Buffy had someone that loved her so much. But she also worried.

Trauma was a big part of a person’s life and when something like what happened to Angel happens it changes the person, they are never the same again and lesser things have precipitated break ups. She was concerned that Buffy would have moved on, wouldn’t be able to accept this new version of Angel.

“I’ve made my decision. I haven’t been fair to Buffy, shutting her out of my life like I have. We are married and it’s about time I acted like it.” He meant exactly what he said, he loved his wife and he knew he had been unreasonable, he just hoped that he wasn’t too late, hasn’t done too much to damage the relationship irrevocability.

“Okay. If that is the way you feel then I agree you need to go.” She looks at him with concern in her eyes, “But please remember Angel, it’s been a long time, you have both been though a lot and none of it together. You’re not the same person you were before and it’s possible that she isn’t either.”

Angel looked at her thoughtfully. “It’s worth a shot though right? Even if she can’t forgive me, it’s worth trying?”

“Angel, it’s worth trying anything once. Just please don’t pin all your hopes on Buffy forgiving you right away, I don’t want to see you more hurt.”

“Thank you. I can explain how much you have helped me!”

“I’m just doing my job.”

“Have dinner with me?” Were did that come from? “Just to celebrate. I’m going to see my wife” He added quickly.

Before she could even think about it Cordy uttered “Okay.” What? Did I just say yes? Where the hell did that come from?





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