Author's Chapter Notes:
WARNING, this chapter deals with violence, murder and mutilation, it’s not graphic, but if you don’t like that sort of thing don’t read this it! You have been warned!

For those of you who (like me) like Angel, he will have a big part in this story, not as big as Buffy and Spike, but he will be involved. Thanks for reading!
Cordy sat curled up in her large armchair a file open on her lap, and an unhappy expression on her face. She'd done her homework when Angel had first called her, getting a copy of the FBI's official file and copies of the newspaper reports, she had thought she was ready for the first session, being one of the top psychologists in the county and being on the FBI's books had meant that she had treated a number of agent who where repressing awful events, but as soon as Angel Giles had told her what had happened, she knew that very little could prepare her for helping him.

She sighs and settles deeper into the chair as she focuses on the newspaper report, in which very little information is provided, Elizabeth and Harry Walker, three year old twins, had been kidnapped from their home in the middle of the night two weeks earlier. The FBI had found their mutilated bodies in an abandoned warehouse along with one of their agents, who had been missing for the past two days.

Two days, she thought with a sigh, Angel had been trapped with a mad man and two babies, for two days. The report from the FBI was very much the same, they had taken a brief statement from Angel about the description of the kidnapper, but because the case was still open there were no details. All she really knew was that the Kidnapper had called Angel direct after finding out that he was dealing with the case and had invited him to meet him. As per procedure Angel had been fitted with a tracking device, but it had malfunctioned and because he hadn't made it to the planned meeting place, the FBI hadn't known where to look. Not until they received a call from an unknown informant, giving them the location of Angel and the two bodies. The children had been killed at least eight hours before the agents arrived at the scene, Angel had sat with the bodies, tied and unable to move, for hours until released.

The report was so mechanical, nothing like Angel's description of the incident, she could still see his eyes, burning with unshed tears, tears she knew he would have to let go before he could begin to heal.

Her mind flashed back to their last session, her heart hurt, she wanted to cry for him, the pain he felt as he spoke to her.

"He asked me questions" Angel stopped as if the effort to speak was more than he could manage "picked body parts, an ear or a... Or a thumb! He asked me to choose, told me if I didn't, then he would...he would slit their throats, Oh God..." He broke off staring out the window.

Cordy sat quietly, she knew it would come in it's own time, she needed to give him space.

"What should I have done?" he cried out, anguished, "I thought my tracker was working, I thought THEY would be there soon, that he would be caught...I wanted them to live, what's the loss of a thumb? Of an ear? I kept rationalizing, trying to get him to talk, not to hurt them, I was waiting for THEM! THEY came too late!" He was always emphasizing his words when he spoke about his backup, she had seen this before, once an agent was let down by the other members of his team, there was a serious lack of trust.

"You trusted that your backup would be there," she reiterated to him "you trusted that the system you had put in place would work."

"Yes! But it didn't, it malfunctioned, they lost me after the first mile, they didn't know where I was going. I chose, God I chose pieces....pieces of their bodies for him, I watched as he made them scream. I mutilated them! And then they died. I couldn't save them. I Killed them! I killed them and he walked out with... pieces of their bodies, pieces that should be buried with them. It's my fault!"

Cordy surprised herself by wiping the tears from her face, she's glad that she had managed to stay professional in the session, but still isn't sure why she's so upset by this case. In her training she had studied child abuse cases and interviewed the victims, she shouldn't be so upset, she's seen these things before, worse even, but there was something about Angel, something that she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

She needed to make a decision about this and how she's going to proceed with Angel's therapy, normally she's very harsh, she's well known for it and it came in hand when dealing with thick headed police and FBI agents, but she was having trouble using this tactic. He just seemed too lost, too broken and she couldn’t do it to him. It was going to take something more than normal to convince this man that he was the victim in this, that it wasn’t his fault.

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Angel wondered about the letter he had sent Buffy, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to see her, God, he would give anything to hold her again, but the thought of Katie, his own daughter, made him physically sick. All he could see when he looked at her was the bloody bodies of the blonde twins, he had tried, but his stomach would roll and he would become irrational, he was worried that he would hurt her and that would be unforgivable. He had already hit Buffy.

But how do you explain to your wife that you can’t stand the sight of your daughter? It wasn’t possible, his only hope was to get better and go to them, show them that he had changed, give his daughter a cuddle and hope that it wouldn’t be too late.

He had written the letter to convince Buffy not to come home, to wait for him. But was that too much to ask for, he questioned himself, if she told me that she couldn’t see me because she had some issues to work out, would I be okay with that? Would I accept it?

Sadly, he wasn’t sure that he would, he would be angry, bitter that she wouldn’t let him help, he wondered how long it would take for Buffy to get angry. Knowing her, he thought with a wry chuckle, not long at all. All he could do was hope that it wasn’t too late…





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