Title: Memories
Author: alidrusy
Genre: ficlet pov buffy
Timeline: post-Chosen.
It’s night, a light fog surrounds everything and it made my heart incapable of feeling
something. The moon lights the cemetery, and with an elegant somersault I pulverize a vampire. I relapse with grace on the ground, taking the dust away of my blond hair.
-My Goldilocks-
No, please, you cannot invade my mind again. Since you died I feel your presence in me every second, and it fills me with so much anguish that sometimes I am afraid it will mean the death of me. But I am the Slayer...I have the power, the strength to go, except within my soul. Now, I squeeze the stake in my hand, so violently that my knuckles grow pale. I repeat to myself to be strong and to go on living...even now, as I walk among the gravestones. Alone.
Alone, because I didn’t open my heart to you at the right moment.
Alone, because when there was the second opportunity, it was just too late.
Alone, because you are nothing but ash.
-Do you trust me?-
Yes, I trust you Spike...always had. I trusted you when you patrol with me, when Dawn was in the crypt with you, when you were the only one who listen to me and rekindled the life in me, when I felt dead inside you arrived made my heart alive again. I trusted in you until the end, I gave unto your hands the destiny of humanity and you were my
champion, you won. You made us win, you made us live...and I had no doubts in our success.
You made me live every time our looks crossed: hate, pain, frustration, love,
desire...all were embedded in your eyes, which reflected docile spring skies when we kissed or restless seas when I disappointed you.
I love you Spike. A lot, too much, so much it breaks my heart.
-You always hurt the ones you loved-
It’s true, I’ve made mistakes...my soul made you cry. I now know that I was the only insensitive monster without a soul between us...And now that I understand everything, you are nothing but ash.
Only ash,
damned ash,
scattered ash,
heroic ash...but always ash.
-Every night I save you-
I know it, Spike...even if there isn’t physical contact I know that between us there
is a thread that dead cannot break and will never wither, because our love is forever...I didn’t believe it in the past, but now when I sit alone in my room and I want to die just so I can be with you, I understand that you are there, you watch me, you save me and I don’t
know...maybe you even pray for me.
365 days have passed.
I feel the wind blow through my hair and I think of you,
I feel the rain wash my face and I imagine your tears made of stars,
and when it’s day and the rays of sunshine warm me, I know that this is the power of
your refulgent soul.
All this is you in harmony with the nature and with the world.
I’m still walking among the gravestones like a robot. I’m searching for you love, I want you, I would like to see your face one last time, even knowing that it’s truly the last time.
I would like to let you go in peace, I would like to scream that I love you, I really
love you...and I didn’t say it because I was too proud.
Without realizing my feet take me house, up the stairs, into my room. Everything is silent; everything is normal, too normal.
I let my head go down on the pillow and I close my eyes, you know they are too tired to cry. So I fall asleep.
~~~~
An entity materializes near the girl’s bed and reaches out a hand to caresses her head, even if she can’t detect that gesture full of love, because the entity is only evanescent.
Slowly, sweetly, without disturbing the dreams of the girl the entity leans down and gives a tender kiss on her lips...he, the supernatural entity, he is with her every night to
protect her and to guide her to safe dreams.
He who sacrificed his life for the humanity,
he who dared himself to love her,
he who changed his nature to be deserving of her,
he who for 365 days watched at her bedside.
He who loves her even in death.
Spike.
The End
Author's Chapter Notes:
This has been translated from Italian to English.