Chapter Six
Angel frowned as he held the refrigerator door open with one hand and perused the empty shelves.
“We’re out of everything,” he announced when Buffy walked into the kitchen. She glanced his way and shrugged.
“I guess we’ll have to eat out, then.”
“Well, we better hurry,” he sighed and squinted at his watch. “I need to pick Connor up in an hour.”
Buffy raised her eyebrows, questioningly, “Where’s Connor?”
“Babysitters,” Angel knit his brows, “Same place he’s been every single weekday for the past month.”
“Wait, what?”
“You really are clueless, Buffy,” her brother sighed and shook his head. “I work during the day, remember?”
Buffy thought about that for a moment, then let out a small “Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh,” he repeated after her, “Is something on your mind, Buff?”
She thought about Spike, then shook her head. “Nope. Nothing at all,” She picked up her car keys and spun them around on her index finger. “Dinner?”
Angel knew something was up, but just sighed and shrugged, “Okay.”
………
Spike looked around at the cozily lit restaurant, feeling a bit nostalgic as he settled into his chair across from Drusilla. He used to think that this was the most romantic place in the world and now all he felt was uncomfortable.
“So,” he started, breaking the sentence, “What have you been doing?”
Drusilla looked at him from above her menu and set it down in front of her, slowly. “Well,” She pursed her lips and her eyes swiveled to the top of her head as she thought, “After high school, I started at the community college.”
When she didn’t continue, he nodded. He remembered a time when he had set his sights on a university like Harvard or Yale. He had wanted to be great and she had just laughed at him, telling him that college didn’t really matter.
“Do you like it?” He prompted, feeling a little uneasy with all the not talking they were doing. She shrugged her shoulders and looked back down at the menu.
Spike took that moment to study her. She was just as beautiful as he had remembered: thick, dark hair hanging just past her breasts, delicate pale face smooth and flawless. He remembered the times they spent by the lake, laughing, kissing, making love. She had been his world.
Then he thought of Buffy. She was completely different: golden, smiling, seemingly unbreakable. He closed his eyes for a moment, remembering the way her shining hair had glistened under the moon and how it had skimmed the water as he tipped her head back.
He thought about Buffy’s hair as he had laid her down on the sand; it splayed out and spread around her like a halo. Suddenly, it was replaced by the dark black of Drusilla’s hair and his eyes snapped open. His heart pounded and something electric coursed through his blood in fright.
Drusilla was staring at him and he noticed that his hands were sweating and fisted in a tight ball. When he unclenched them, the crescent shape of his fingernails were imprinted on his palms and he looked away.
………
Buffy warily eyed the hostess as she led them through the restaurant to their seat. Angel was grinning like an idiot.
“I’ve always wanted to come here!” he exclaimed, excited, “I hear they have the best Filet Mignon money can buy.”
“Yeah,” she hissed under her breath as to not get the attention of the other diners. “What money, Angel? Who’s money? I’m working my ass off at the university this summer to pay off my Harvard loan! And you’re blowing whatever we have on food?”
“Relax, Buff,” he dismissed her, rolling his eyes, “I’m using my money. And I don’t know why you refuse to just go to Mom and Dad.”
“I don’t need them,” she said, stiffly. Her history with her parents were… less than ideal. The idea of going to them for money made her want to run for the bathroom and lock herself in a stall. There were just some things that could not be done. Asking her parents to pay Harvard’s tuition was one of them.
“Here you are,” the hostess smiled brightly, gesturing to the table next to her. Buffy tightly smiled a thank you and Angel started reaching into his pocket for his wallet.
“Angel, what are you doing!” she whispered harshly, grabbing his arm to stop him.
Angel blinked, “Huh?”
“You do not tip the hostess!” Buffy couldn’t believe Angel’s lack of restaurant-eating-etiquette-skills and sat into her chair.
“Oh,” He turned to give the hostess an apologetic smile and when Buffy wasn’t looking, slipped her a five dollar bill.
The hostess walked away happily, and Angel sat down. He glared at Buffy from across the table, then noticed she wasn’t looking at him.
She had turned her head and caught the very surprised, very blue eyes of a guy that bore a very close resemblance to Spike. In fact, she thought focusing her eyes on him and squinting, it was Spike.
Before he had the accident.
………
About a few minutes after the waiter had taken their orders, Drusilla had finally found her voice and started talking. She had rambled through the who’s-who and who’s-where of their entire graduating class and Spike had just nodded and sipped at his wine the entire time. Then, she talked about really getting into cosmetology and how Oh my god, it’s just so fun!
Before he could realize that they really didn’t have anything in common anymore, he had noticed a familiar voice and had felt a familiar excited shiver run down his spine.
At that moment, he drowned out the sound of Drusilla’s voice and turned his head to meet the green eyes of Buffy Summers, sitting two tables down across from a tall, dark, and handsome man. Tall, dark, and poofy, his inner voice fumed and he ground down on his back teeth.
Her eyes held his for what seemed to be forever, then she quickly broke her stare and focused on the guy she was with.
Spike hadn’t known he could feel this much jealousy. Something inside him shouted and screamed and kicked and before he did something that he would regret, he forced his eyes back to Drusilla’s merrily talking face.
“… and it’s just so exciting, you know?” She paused and waited for him to nod before she started up again. “I never saw myself doing somebody’s hair before but then… I sort of realized that it’s just like science!”
“Uh huh,” he leaned back into his chair and sighed. He refused to look back at Buffy again, even when he felt the heat of her eyes on him. Bloody hell, this is going to be a long night…
………
“Sorry, what?” Buffy snapped out of the third stare-fest of the night and tore her eyes off of the Man-Who-Resembled-Spike and back onto Angel’s very annoyed face.
“Am I really that boring? Or am I mute? Because I swear I could hear myself speaking and you just seem to… and there she goes again,” Angel glared as Buffy seemed to drift off into her own little world. Yet again.
Buffy kept staring at Man-Who-Resembled-Spike, refusing to believe that it actually was Spike. They certainly looked similar, minus a few – or many – scar tissues. But it wasn’t the scars, or lack thereof, that made her refuse to see him as the man that had taken up permanent residence in her dreams and her heart. Rather, it was the fact that the very man was currently sitting across from whom she recognized as Drusilla.
And that surprises you how? The voice in Buffy’s mind asked sarcastically, and she frowned. The fact that he was with Drusilla should have confirmed that he was, indeed, Spike. In the flesh. All abrasions miraculously healed or removed or whatever the hell happened to him in his two months of absence. Of course he would have gone to Drusilla. She was the love of his life, after all. Buffy was… nothing, she decided, feeling close to tears.
She was angry. She was torn. She hated him now, she was sure. He had used her for his temporary, convenient pleasure, making her think that maybe she mattered just a little bit… but when the field was cleared of all obstacles, he ran straight to the finish line, where Drusilla was waiting. How could she not have expected this? Buffy held back the tears and looked into the placemat in front of her.
How could she have not seen this coming? Maybe she had calmed herself down each night, knowing that he would always be scarred and repulsive to other girls. Maybe that was what had kept her going to him. Because somehow, she knew that he wouldn’t run away. Maybe that made her more horrible than him. It made her manipulative.
Deep down, Buffy knew it wasn’t the case. But…
“Buffy!” Angel’s voice snapped her out of her thinking spell and she blinked up at him.
“Huh?”
“Welcome back, where the hell were you?” he asked, spinning his index finger around his head.
“Thinking,” she sighed, picking up her fork and playing with it.
“That much was obvious,” he rolled his eyes, “What were you thinking about?”
Buffy didn’t answer and Angel cleared his throat. Finally, she muttered, “Some guy.”
“This isn’t exactly my area of expertise, but do you want to talk about it?” Angel asked. “We can order ice cream before our meal. Isn’t that what most girls do when they have guy problems?”
Buffy giggled a little despite herself and despite the lameness that was Angel. He smiled back at her and she sighed.
“It’s just… there was a guy for a little bit,” she said vaguely, “He used me and now he’s back with his ex. Cliché, overused story. Who knew it would happen to me?”
Angel smiled and leaned forward. “Who is he and when do I get to kill him?” he asked casually. Buffy laughed again and he reached forward to give her a reassuring squeeze on the cheek. “I’ve always got your back, Buff.”
“Yeah, that’s why I love you,” she said and without realizing, slid her eyes back to Spike and paled.
He was leaning across the table, kissing Drusilla.
………
Chapter Seven
He might as well have brutally pulled her heart out, threw it to the ground, and stepped on it with his heavy boots. She felt like somebody had gutted her, slap her, and if they hadn’t, she wished they had. Anything was better than the wrenching feeling inside her chest creeping into her stomach.
She tried to turn away but she was frozen, staring at Spike as he kissed Drusilla. It killed her. She watched as his eyes fluttered closed and his mouth opened against hers and suddenly, she couldn’t stay anymore.
“I… I need to use the bathroom,” she threw the napkin on her nap onto her seat and fled towards the back of the restaurant.
Angel turned his head, trying to see what she was running from. At first, he didn’t see anything obviously upsetting save the couple making out at their table, but then, the bleached blonde man disengaged from his girlfriend’s mouth, looked right at him, and pushed out of his seat. If looks could kill, Angel expected that he would be dust in his seat now, with the way the guy glared at him.
The bleached guy stalked away towards the back of the restaurant and after a moment, Angel got up from his seat, deciding to follow.
………
Spike had felt her eyes on him the entire time he was kissing Drusilla. He didn’t exactly know what brought him to do something like that, but he knew that it had something to do with the insane jealousy that had bubbled up in him when he heard Buffy laugh at whatever that hulky ponce had to say.
His gut had twisted and all he could think about was the emptiness he felt when he realized that she had never laughed like that with him. So he did the impulsive thing. He tried to hurt her back. How? By kissing the words right out of Drusilla’s mouth when it was open, apparently telling him something that he hadn’t quite caught.
Kissing Drusilla should have felt wonderful, but all he felt was completely sick to his stomach. His entire body screamed at him, telling him to stop it, but he didn’t. He saw Buffy look at him with what seemed to be shock and disgust and had to close his eyes because the sight of her like that killed him.
Well, you wanted to hurt the girl. Congratulations. I hope you’re happy, you bloody soddin’ wanker.
When he sat back, Drusilla was wide-eyed and finally silent. Spike saw Buffy’s back retreating and immediately, his heart lurched. The man she was sitting with had his head turned and was staring at him with what seemed a bit like hate and he just glared back.
Drusilla opened her mouth again and before she could utter a word, Spike got out of his seat and went to look for the only person that mattered at the moment.
They had some things that needed to be cleared up. Now.
………
Buffy looked at her reflection in the mirror of the ladies’ room. She was a mess. Her hair had fallen out of the casual ponytail that it was in and her eyes were red and puffy. Her makeup streaked down her face and she saw the shiny residue of her tears all over her cheeks.
She took a deep, shuddery breath and willed herself to stop crying.
………
Spike paced back and forth in front of the ladies room. He wasn’t sure if going in would be the best idea, but he could sense her in there and knew that if he didn’t go in, he’d never have another chance to talk. Finally, he counted to five, held his breath, and charged into the bathroom, colliding into a Buffy-shaped figure that was on her way out.
He grabbed her arms and pushed her back into the bathroom.
………
“What the hell?” Buffy cried out when she felt Spike’s fingers digging into her arm and nearly stumbled as she felt herself getting shoved backwards. She fought him off and fell backwards, hitting her back against a sink and tumbling to the ground. If the tears were in control a few seconds ago, they were back in full force now.
He stood there before her, flexing his jaw, not sure what to say, not now when he finally had her right there before him. She was crying and he wasn’t sure what he should do. His jealousy stopped him from comforting her and made him take a step back.
“What do you want, Spike,” she spat his name out as if disgusted and scrambled to her feet, not bothering to stop the free flow of tears coming from her eyes. He swallowed for a second. When he didn’t answer, she shook her head and moved to leave again. Spike quickly caught her and pushed her against the sink.
“Who the fuck was that?” He growled and for the first time, her green eyes flared up and viciously burned a hole in his.
“What are you talking about? I don’t see you for two months and you’re questioning me?” She glared at him and he pressed her harder against the sink until the sharp edge dug into her back. She hissed at the pain, “You’re hurting me.”
“I think it’s obvious what I’ve been doing for the past two months, Buffy,” his voice was cold, controlled. Buffy didn’t know this side of Spike. He had hurt her before, but this deliberate coldness… it was real, raw, and so extremely painful.
“Looks like you got your wish, then,” she tried to push him off but he wouldn’t budge. His closeness was affecting her but the last thing she wanted was for him to know that.
“What’s that, love?”
“You wanted to be beautiful,” she made her voice hard and calculated, “And don’t you dare call me that.”
“Call you what, lamb? Pet? Goldilocks?” He brought his mouth to her ear, “Love?”
Buffy violently jerked against him and he stumbled backwards. Her back throbbed and she stepped away from the sink to rub it.
“I hate you,” She blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. Inside, she knew that loving him was something that she probably would never get over, but she was desperate to guard herself against him, emotionally. Something changed over Spike’s features. She couldn’t quite place what it was, but it passed after a few seconds and was replaced by a stone mask.
“That’s not what you said when we first met,” He leered at her.
She just stared at him and finally, she spoke, her voice even, “That was before I got to know you. Before I knew what type of person you were. Before I knew that the second that you gave yourself a makeover, you would go running back to your bitch of an ex-girlfriend. You think she cares about you? Where do you think she’s been while you were all alone moping for years in your own fucking room?”
She paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “You think she gives a damn about what you went through after that accident? Huh? And did you know that the entire time you were together, she was cheating on you?” Buffy gulped and shook her head. “I thought you were special. Really, I did. That’s why I let myself get involved, even when I knew you were just using my body the entire time. But I thought that changed, you know? I thought that maybe if I kept giving you whatever I had to offer, you’d finally see me. But, you know what? I’ve never been more wrong my entire life.”
Spike didn’t say anything and Buffy walked towards the door. She put her hand on the knob and pressed her forehead to the wood. For a moment, she just took deep breaths, and finally, she spoke, with her back towards him, “The next time she dumps you… don’t come running back to me.”
Spike’s voice stopped her from leaving, “What about you, Buffy? Who was that guy?”
“What guy?” Buffy realized what he was talking about and hardened. “Angel? He’s the best.”
With that, she walked out of the bathroom, leaving him alone in the ladies room, thinking over everything that she had said.
When he was standing there with his back against the tiles of the wall, he realized that he needed her. She had been the one on his mind the entire two months. She had been the one that he wanted to see, the one that had made him even want the surgery. When had things gone so wrong?
When you kissed Drusilla, he thought, disgusted with himself.
He had to go make things right. Spike pushed himself off the wall, opened the door, and walked right into Angel’s fist.
Spike fell backwards and stumbled backwards from the force of the blow. “Bloody! Hell!” He shouted, grabbing his nose.
Angel walked in, pissed as ever, and glared at him. “I don’t know who the hell you are, but if you ever hurt my sister again, make no mistake, I will kill you. Understood?”
“Wait,” Spike squinted at him with his hands still covering his face. “Sister? You’re her brother?”
All he got was a glare as Angel walked back out of the bathroom. That was when Spike knew that he had really screwed things up.
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