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Author's Chapter Notes:
Here's part one of the alternate ending! There should only be 1 or 2 more chapters after this and the ending will be fairly happy.
Chapter Three


The words didn’t fully register in his mind. He just stared at her, wide-eyed and surprised.

“You – “ he croaked and swallowed fast, “You what?”

“I’m in – I love you.”

She wanted to tell him everything. When she started loving him, what she loved about him, why she loved him, everything about her love for him. It was expanding like a bubble and just waiting to burst out. She wanted to tell him about how she had been loving him for years and how she had been heartbroken when he got with Drusilla.

But all she could do at the moment was sit and wait out his incredulous stare. When it finally hit him, he blinked a few times before finally speaking.

“No,” Spike got up from the coach and backed away from her. “No, Buffy. You don’t love me… you can’t love me. Goddammit, I’m getting married tomorrow! Why are you saying this to me?”

Spike couldn’t believe her. He couldn’t believe himself. He was confused and conflicted. He was amazed and outraged. He was excited and scared and just so fucking crazed. So, naturally, he blew up. And he couldn’t do a thing about it.

“Spike, I’m sorr-“

“You’re sorry!? Bloody – No, Buffy. You don’t come up to me the day before I get married and tell me you love me. What am I supposed to do? What do you want me to do? Fuck, and you’re my best friend… you – you’re not supposed to love me!” He was holding out his hands now, a gesture telling her to stay away. She hadn’t expected him to go completely crazy. In fact, she had no idea what she was expecting.

But he was not handling the news the way she wanted him to and it was breaking her heart. She stood up as well and Spike took another step back, as if she was about to attack him.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, looking at the floor. “I’m going. I wish you two the best of luck.”

She fled the room before he could open his mouth and stop her.

…………

He stared at the door that had swung shut after she disappeared behind it. Everything around him seem to be crumbling and the dam he had built to contain his feelings for her was starting to collapse. The familiar longing and desire for her flooded back and he bit his lip in his effort to send them away. Far away.

“No,” he whispered to himself and squeezed his eyes shut. “No, you love Drusilla. You will marry her tomorrow and be happy. Have a beautiful sodding life with Dru and Dru-niblets.”

Everything in him told him to stay in his apartment, go to sleep, and wake up the next day to the exciting wedding festivities. It would be the day for celebration, joy, commitment, Drusilla, and the start of a brand new, beautiful life.

And then, everything in him told him to go after the woman who had just left. His best friend. Somehow, he felt that after her declaration, things between them would never be the way they were. No matter what he did.

He didn’t know what love was anymore. Was it the happy, satisfied feeling he had with Drusilla? When he was excited every moment and always wondering how she would surprise him?

Or was it the inconsistencies between comfortable smiles and burning desire he felt with Buffy? Buffy, who knew him inside and out, who he could no longer surprise because she knew him better than he knew himself, as she so often put it. Buffy, the person he knew would always be there to support him, Buffy, the woman who took care of him and cherished him in sickness and in health, Buffy, who was the one thing in his life he always could depend on.

Buffy, who he could grow old with and still love.

In his heart, he knew who he wanted, but in his head… he didn’t know a thing.

So he kept staring at the door, hoping that an answer would fly in and hit him in the head.

…………

The second Buffy made it back to her apartment, she picked up the phone and called Willow. The thin shirt she had on was drenched in rain, sticking to her like second skin and she shivered, swallowing back the tears. Where was her coat?

"Hello?" her friend's tired voice rasped from the other line. Buffy closed her eyes and held her breath for a moment.

"Willow… I'm leaving," she finally said, choking on her own words. The tears she'd been trying to hold back streamed down her face and she shook.

"What!" Willow jolted awake and screamed into the phone, "When you say 'leaving,' you mean… like you're taking a little vacation, right? A vacation that'll last for a few hours and then you'll be back to make it to Spike's wedding, right? A - "

"No, I'm going back to Sunnydale. I'm not coming back, Wills."

There was a silence over the other line.

"This is about Spike, isn't it?" her friend said softly. When Buffy didn't reply, Willow sighed, "Did you ever tell him how you felt?"

There was a pregnant pause, then Buffy let out a small, "Yeah."

"And… he didn't take it very well, did he?"

… "No. Wills, I'm sorry. I'm leaving right now. Tell Spike… I'm sorry I couldn't make it to his wedding, okay?"

She hung up before Willow could say anything else.

After a long moment of staring at the phone, she finally picked it up again and called a taxi.

…………
…………
…………

The next morning, Spike made his decision. He wasn’t sure what would happen that afternoon, how to tell Drusilla that it wouldn’t work, what anybody would think of him, but at the moment, he really didn’t care.

He grabbed the coat that Buffy had left on the coach and went running out of his door. He had to see her. Had to see her and apologize and let her know how he felt.

Everything would be better once he saw her again. The moment he was out of his apartment, something inside him fluttered. Excitement. Happiness. Fulfillment.

He had to see her now.

…………

"Buffy!" he shouted, running down the hall until he reached her apartment. He knocked on the door one, two, three hundred times, but nobody answered.

"Come on, Buffy, open the bloody door, will you?" he growled, pounding even harder.

"Shut the hell up!" a voice shouted from the apartment across the hall.

"Oh, fuck you!" he shouted back, then whipped out the extra key Buffy had given him from his pocket.

"Love, if you don't open this door, I'll open it," he called, just as loudly as before, "Like it or not, I'm coming in. And we're going to talk."

When there was still no response, he let out a frustrated sigh, unlocked the door himself, and pushed his way into her apartment.

The sight he was greeted with made him stumble back and widen his eyes.





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