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Chapter Fourteen: If I Could Make Things Right

Previously: Miraculously, the group made it to Angel’s brownstone in New York in one piece. Buffy pretended that Tierre wasn’t affecting her as much as he really was, and she did a right fine job of it…until she found out that the rest of the group were driving off to a Wolfram and Hart hospital, leaving her and Tierre alone in the house. She managed to convince herself that Tierre wasn’t Spike and doesn’t mean anything to her. Meanwhile, Tierre got emotionally punched by the brownstone and his memories. Buffy’s earlier resolve not to get involve with him anymore vanished completely, and Tierre unexpectedly lets his guard down with her. Something happens between them…

***

Drusilla walked down the middle of the street. On her right was an entire lane crammed with people. She saw yuppies, mothers carrying grocery bags, and even kids with backpacks on their way home from school.

On her left, it was the same, except these people walked the same way she was headed. Everyone looked straight ahead, synchronously marching in perfect time, forming perfectly straight columns up and down the street.

Drusilla walked all alone, between the columns of oblivious strangers. She had the entire middle of the street all to herself. Not once did the people turn to look at her, or even acknowledge her in any way. To them, she didn’t exist. Her path was one unknown to these people.

She was all alone, drifting along, a faceless, nameless phantom. No one knew her, nor remembered her. Not even those whom she had committed vicious sins against. She was alone, and she would remain that way for all of eternity.

This was her hell. This was where she’d been damned. She would walk the shadows forever, going nowhere. There was no end to this march. No, she had cheated death once before, and now death was cheating her. There were few things more terrifying, or more painfully lonely, than gray immortality.

But this time something was different. She felt … purposeful. As if she had somewhere to be. As though she had someone to see.

And all of a sudden, he was there.

He stood in the middle, just like she did. Unnoticed. He looked at the people, pushing his spectacles back up the bridge of his nose every time they slid down. His blue eyes were huge behind them, holding a sadness only she understood.

She was filled with an instant fury towards these mindless people, they who refused to see him. How could they not see him? In the neat little rows and lines they walked in, with uniform movements and uniform mindsets, he stood apart.

He was radiant. A warm, golden glow seemed to emanate from him. The closer she got to him, the warmer she felt. She felt … alive, somehow. Alive in this grey hell. Had he done that? Had he given her back her lost soul?

“William!” she cried. But he couldn’t hear her, turning his back and walking away from her.

She started running after him. She couldn’t let him leave. No one should ever walk alone, least of all, one such as him!

And then everything changed. She was no longer running down a street, but through a graveyard, right in the middle of a bustling city. Vampires sat on sidewalks, leaned against headstones, stood on top of cars parked right next to freshly turned graves. Unlike the people, they all looked at her, eyes burning holes through her. But they didn’t move. They merely snarled and hissed.

She slowed to a walk. She knew that she was dead like them, but she felt as though they saw her as a meal. Wrapping her arms around herself, she looked around her desperately for William. This place wasn’t safe for him, with all these vampires.

“Love.”

It was nothing more than a whisper. Drusilla raised her head, feeling her hopes die and resurrect at the same time.

Spike. Her Spike. Black leather, pale hair, and the intense blue eyes that were so much like William’s. No matter what else changed in him, those eyes remained the same. They still blazed with his fire and passion. If one looked hard enough, one could see his heart in them.

He was just standing there, smoking. As she approached, he blew a stream of smoke into the air, then gave her that smirk brimming with confidence that William had never possessed.

And where William had glowed gold, Spike was aflame in crimson. Just as hot, just as brilliant. But it was crimson, not gold. It was the gold that had drawn her to William, but it was the crimson that kept her by Spike’s side.

She raised a hand tentatively, wanting to touch him, but half-afraid that he wouldn’t let her. Spike didn’t do anything. He just looked at her, emotion and understanding that she couldn’t grasp in his eyes.

“It’s you,” she whispered shakily “It’s been so long …”

“It felt like forever,” he replied.

She began to cry, tears streaming down her face. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried like this, couldn’t even remember the last time she cried.

Oh, wait … she did remember. It was that day she’d found out Spike was gone.

She cried, without restraint, like a little girl, hiccupping between sobs. If only her voice would work, she’d tell him how much she missed him… how he had broke her heart when he’d sacrificed himself in order to save the world, and, more importantly, saved his beloved Slayer.

She had wanted so much for the two of them to be together again. She loved him still. Always would, in fact. She had a soul now, her sanity was … nearly intact. She was almost the same woman that she had been before Darla and Angelus had willfully destroyed her life. And the one person she wanted to see her, to know her…

’Can you see me now, my Spike? It’s me. It’s really me. Can you ever forgive me? Can you ever love me again? Am I worthy?’

She wanted to say all these to him, but she couldn’t voice a single coherent word.

Suddenly, she found herself enfolded in strong, leather-clad arms. She was pressed against the familiar and comforting feel of his hard chest. His fingers sifted through her hair, strong and capable as always. “Hush, Love. It’s going to be all right,” he crooned.

It felt like coming home.

He pulled back and looked down at her, arms still around her, and smiled. Lips brushing feather-light over her left ear, he whispered, “Do you really have to ask?”

Oh. The answer to her unspoken questions. Her smile was wobbly, but genuine. She shook her head “No. But I’m going to find out, anyway.”

“No better time than the present.” He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around. Before she could say anything else, she felt him give her back a push …

… and she found herself standing inside a cave, staring out of its mouth. Outside, she could see a lovely beach, waves rolling lazily to the shore. There was no one else about. The whole place looked serene and familiar and she found herself longing to go out and enjoy the private haven. But she couldn’t.

“Why not?”

She wasn’t surprised at all when she looked to her left and saw him standing there, “I can’t. It’s the sun, you see. It’ll kill me.”

He grinned. “Not this sun. This sun exists for you.” He loped outside the cave, then stood still for a moment, waiting for her. He wore nothing more than dark blue surfer shorts. He was shirtless. Even his feet were bare. The wind ruffled his hair, and the blue of his eyes put the ocean behind him to shame.

He was beautiful. Where William had been confined to the gray, and Spike banished into the black night, he stood under the bright, hot sun, strong and defiant. He moved as though he were in his natural element, as though he had conquered the day itself. And perhaps he had. Or if he hadn’t yet, then he would.

“Come on, Drusilla,” he invited, holding out his hand to her, “Don’t be afraid.”

Afraid? She was terrified! Despite all her sins, all the lives that she’d taken without mercy, Drusilla shamefully knew she was afraid to die. And to go out into the sun was the most painful way to go.

But for him, she would do anything.

She slipped her hand into his, watching in fear and fascination as he pulled her out of the shadows … and into the bright light of day.

And a miracle happened. She didn’t burn! Her skin didn’t sizzle, there wasn’t even a single blister on her. Drusilla cried out jubilantly. It had been an eternity of darkness, but now she couldn’t recall ever feeling so warm, the darkness fading from memory.

She looked up at him and grinned madly, losing all her hard-earned composure and not giving a whit. He laughed and tugged playfully at her hair, and it was at that moment that she truly saw all of him.

No, he didn’t glow like William, and neither did he blaze like Spike. But there was a light inside him. It wasn’t something that could be seen, but it was something that was felt. And known. Something that must be acknowledged.

It was living, this light. Warm with golden gentleness, fierce with crimson passion. A perfect blending of the two to form an aura impossible to escape, which enfolded everything and everyone he touched and left them with his burning imprint forever.

She couldn’t see that light, but she was one of those who bore the remembrance of his touch, and so she knew its brightness was inside him.

But he didn’t see it. It saddened her, because it was tragic that he should not know. All the doors in his castle were locked, and there was only one key.

“I’ll race you!” he suddenly said, interrupting her thoughts, “I’ll race you, and if I win, you have to give it to me.”

“Give you what?”

But instead of answering, he took off for the beach, taunting her over his shoulder and calling her a turtle. She chased him, laughing, forgetting for a moment that they were on borrowed time.

Suddenly, she saw a hideous monster glide darkly under the sunlit waves…and her heart ballooned with fear.

“Nooo!!” she screamed “No! Tierre, get out of the water!”

But it was too late, and she watched helplessly as her beloved took a dive, cutting the water cleanly with sure, confident strokes.

Unaware of the monster that lurked beneath the crystal surface.


~*~*~*~


Drusilla’s eyes snapped wide open, and she sat up straight, letting out a pained gasp. Fear grabbed her by the throat when it slinked in her brain that she had no idea where she was. Trembling, she scanned her surroundings with wild eyes, seeing everything and registering nothing. Where was she? Was this place…real? Where was Tierre?

Tierre. In danger.

“Ocean … no … there’s a m-monster! He doesn’t know! He’ll be eaten alive!”

She was put in manacles, iron bars banding her arms to her sides to prevent her from fighting, from jumping into the water after Tierre. But they wouldn’t stop her this time. The animals had sent her away before…the lions, and the crocodiles and the piranhas in the air and that beautiful, beautiful wild horse with the diamonds on her back. Tierre loved that horse, but Tierre was swimming in the ocean …

“Drusilla!” whap!

A kick to her face. To keep her away. You’ll drag him down, you will. It’s what you do. You couldn’t be in the light with him because the sun is a brutal lover and it will burn you to ashes, so you grab his ankle and bite his perfect neck and he tastes like wine and you couldn’t get enough and so you take him with you into your cold kingdom where everything is in shades of blood and purple but you’re not the one you’re not the one and you killed him, you stole him, drinking in his soul you naughty, wicked girl …

Do you plan to do it again?

You’re not the one, he needs the sun …

I won’t let you

He’ll break free, it ‘s what he does. You’ll hold him in your arms and he’ll break your arms, bone, muscle and sinew…

…Spike…William…Spike…William…

Spi…am?

No names then, I can handle that. You need no name as you stand there you glorious creature you and the air bleeds around you and the sky weeps and the earth trembles…oh, how it trembles! At your command … the earth … command it…

Earth …tierra…land…tierra

Tier…earth

Tierre.

“Drusilla!”

A face. An angel. And I love this one, too, but not like you love there’s no one like you for you are my devil, but then wasn’t the devil an angel, too?

Oh, yes … an angel with a dirty face.

“Drusilla! It’s me, Angel! Can you hear me? Talk to me!”

Talk to the angel, yes, you can do that, can’t you? Even if you don’t want to talk, they still whisper about you behind your back for you struck down a creature finer than you and you’ll pay for it they’ll make you pay for angels can be vindictive too…

“ … no good at this. Spike knew what to do…”

Spike.

“Get up, pet. Don’t you lose your mind on me.”

“I won’t.”

“Take his hand, luv.”

“I will.”


~*~*~*~


“Angel?”

Angel’s eyes widened, his hand stopping in mid-flight, a slap aborted. He looked down at Drusilla’s face, confused at the sudden return of focus in her eyes, “Drusilla?” he ventured cautiously, preparing himself just in case she started her gibberish about horses and angels again.

“Yes…” she blinked up at him. Her eyes were huge and confused. But they didn’t look wild anymore. They didn’t look … crazy, anymore.

“Are you sane again?”

Angel glared at Xander, who was peering with morbid curiosity at Drusilla over the vamp’s shoulder. Xander had already hopped out of the van, but he had just as quickly turned back when he heard Drusilla’s high-pitched wailing. Willow and Giles stood side by side, looking serious and worried. The Slayers stood close to each other, near the hospital doors, eyes glazed over with unveiled suspicion and hostility. They weren’t scared of Dru, but they didn’t want to be near her, either.

Angel knew he should be more considerate towards them, but right now, they only infuriated him. The last thing Dru needed was an audience. Xander’s immense tactlessness had hit her hard. She pulled her hair away from her face, and kept her head low, pushing her dress down to cover the long expanse of her exposed legs. As she tried to sit up, she realized that there was someone behind her, still holding her shoulders.

Seyhan ― always abrupt, bordering-on-condescending Seyhan ― was unusually gentle all of a sudden, “Are you all right?” he asked her with genuine concern.

Angel winced. He hadn’t thought to ask Dru that.

Drusilla’s answer was a weak nod.

“Here, let me try,” Xander pushed Angel aside, squeezing past the vampire to get close to Dru, which wasn’t easy, considering his bulk, “Hi, there, remember me? Do you still recognize me?” he said, pronouncing the words loudly and slowly, as if he were talking to a retarded child.

“Yes, of course I do,” Dru said, straight-faced “You’re the fat monkey-boy with the runaway mouth.”

Seyhan looked shocked, Angel couldn’t believe his ears, and Xander, for once, didn’t have a ready comeback. He gaped at Dru, mouth opening and closing like a gold fish that had been ejected from its bowl. Angel almost felt sorry for him. He had never before witnessed this side of Dru. His Childe had been an insane, bloodthirsty psychopath, but she had never been a bitch. That had been Darla’s forte.

Xander’s face turned red, “I think you need to give her a second slap, Angel,” he said tightly, “That first one obviously knocked too much sense into her.” He squirmed his way back out, and practically dragged Willow and Giles away.

Angel turned back to Dru. “How are you…”

“I’m fine,” she said, cutting him off, “Let’s get this over with. I have to get back to Tierre.”

Angel met Seyhan’s eyes over the top of Dru’s head. Dru paid no attention. When Angel didn’t move fast enough for her, she began pushing against his chest, trying to push him out the van’s open door, as though she was trapped in a giant bottle and he was the cork she had to dislodge in order to get free.

“Okay, okay! Slow down, will you?” Grumbling in annoyance, Angel got out of the van. Drusilla nearly plowed him over in her hurry. Seyhan exited last, at a bit more decorous pace, and he raised his eyebrows at Angel.

“What was that? What happened to Drusilla?”

Angel shrugged. “I don’t know. It was like she was having a nightmare, and then she woke up …but not really.”

“Her eyes were open, but the nightmare remained.”

“It looked like it.”

“Will this keep on happening?”

“I can hear you both, you know,” Drusilla snapped, standing by the sliding doors, arms crossed. Her lips were set in a thin line of impatience, “And no, your majesty, I have no idea if it will keep on happening. I’ve been out of my bleeding mind for 140 years. I’ve only been sane somewhat for the past five, so forgive me if every now and then, I suffer a relapse.”

Angel blinked rapidly. Whoah.

Seyhan looked like he just got a tongue lashing from one of his teachers. Face flushed, he dutifully followed Drusilla through the sliding doors. Dru sailed through them proudly, Seyhan’s jacket billowing behind her. She wore it on her shoulders like it was a duchess’ mink coat, instead of a man’s garment that had been soiled and torn on one side in an earlier fight.

Angel got them all admitted as quickly as possible. He made sure that Dru was treated in a different room, separate from the Scoobies and the Slayers. Thinking that Seyhan would expect the same deferential treatment, he began to make the arrangements and then informed the Vashkan lord/scholar/keeper of dangerous things such as the Balancer, that he would have two doctors look over his wounds in a room with…

Seyhan took one look at the two doctors, and their poorly masked eagerness to look him over. He rejected them with an eye flick. Turning, he slipped inside Drusilla’s room, closing the door behind him with a decisive and final sound.

Angel looked at the doctors.

The doctors stared back at him.

The vampire sighed in resignation. “Royalty.”



~*~*~*~


Angel made his rotations like a tired, slightly disoriented physician in a rumpled tuxedo. The whole scene was surreal to him: A Wolfram and Hart hospital, filled with Slayers, Scoobies, two vampires and one testy Vashkan. He checked on each and every one, making sure that the doctors gave them the treatment they needed and nothing else. There were advantages to being the boss, every now and then. Although Angel’s four year reign couldn’t compete with Wolfram and Hart’s still largely unknown history of evil, no one under his employ openly defied him now. Not since Tierre.

His mind wandered back to Tierre and Buffy. Leaving the Slayer with the blond freak had been a tremendous risk. The Scoobies had been very vocal against it, muttering dire predictions even as they were driving away from the house. But they hadn’t had a choice. They needed to go to the hospital, and leaving Tierre behind on his own was not an option ( as a certain Vashkan lord had growled at everyone ). They couldn’t bring him to the hospital with them, either. It would be harder to watch over him there, and there were other normal patients to think about, in case Tierre decided to make a dramatic escape. Somebody had to watch him, and Buffy was the only one strong enough to take him on, if necessary.

Suddenly, a blur of black and red went by Angel. With a start, he realized it was Dru, with Seyhan and a doctor on her heels.

“But we’re not done yet!” the doctor was saying.

“No! You’re not done. I am.” Drusilla retorted. She looked around her, turning in little circles, trying to figure out which way to go. She saw Angel and rapidly closed in on him, “Which way to the nearest exit?” she demanded.

Angel gaped at her. For someone who was practically a vegetable less than an hour ago, she sure was perky now, “Uh … there are no near exits. Not counting the fire escapes.”

She peered over his shoulders, “Very well then. Show me the nearest fire escape.”

“You can’t go yet. We have to look at that wound on your shoulder. A couple of bags of human blood are not enough for a cure…” the doctor insisted, his argument blending in with Seyhan’s.

“Drusilla, don’t be stubborn. Come back and at least let us dress those wounds …”

“I don’t have time! “ Dru snapped.

“Well, make time. It’s either you come with us of your own free will, or I shall tie you to the bed myself!”

Dru drew herself up to her full height. She was still shorter than Seyhan, but she had no problem looking down her perfect nose at him, “Was that an order, your majesty?”

The hapless doctor paled at the thought of the oncoming fight. Angel suddenly remembered that in her distant past, Dru had been a lady, unlike Darla. He felt like hitting his head on a wall. There had been far too many creatures of nobility running around his life as of late.

“No, that was a promise. It’s your choice.”

Drusilla bristled, and Angel stepped in once again, “Dru, you can get the time to get treated. Tierre’s not going anywhere.”

“But I told him I’d only be gone for an hour!”

“He’s not a child. He can live with slight disappointments,” Seyhan muttered, “Unfortunately.”

“He said he’d talk to you when you come back from the hospital. And he will,” Angel started steering her towards the direction of the room she had been in, “Now come on. Let’s get you fixed.”


~*~*~*~


Once she agreed to be treated, Drusilla became the perfect patient. She was attended to and bandaged in less time than she thought.

“There, now. That didn’t take so long now, did it?” the doctor asked with a smile.

Drusilla’s face didn’t change in expression, “Do I at least get a cookie?”

The door to the room opened, and Angel strode in, pocketing his cell phone, “Elsa and Andrew are here. They’re going to the house. At least we won’t have to worry about Tierre and Buffy being alone.”

Seyhan, leaning against a wall, and watching Dru very closely, raised his eyebrows, “We won’t?”

“Has there been any news on the other Slayer’s mission?” Dru asked.

“You mean Faith? No, nothing yet.”

“Perhaps it’s time we followed them. They may need our help.”

“Don’t worry about it, Seyhan. This is just Faith’s style. When she’s on a mission, she never calls just to check in, or even give updates. She’ll call when the mission’s almost over, or if she needs help, which is almost never.”

“But what if she’s not calling because she couldn’t?”

That was a possibility Angel didn’t like to dwell on. Faith had always been independent, relying mostly on her own wits and skills than on the assistance of well-meaning friends. But on the few times that they had worked together, the former rogue Slayer had proven to be amazingly good at taking care of herself. Angel trusted that she could pull this off. He told Seyhan that, and reminded the Vashkan that Faith had his brother, Wesley, Rumus and other Slayers with her too.

Seyhan didn’t look convinced, “I still think we should consider the possibility.”

“Then talk to Giles.”

“Fine.” Seyhan left with only a backward glance for Dru. The doctor followed him quickly.

Dru picked at Seyhan’s jacket, which was draped across her lap, “I’m done here. May I leave now?”

“Not yet.” Angel replied.

Dru sighed sharply, “You said that …”

“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what you know.”

“Do you have any idea how impatient Tierre can get?”

“Oh, yes, I have more than just an idea. But I have a few questions for you, too, and until I’m satisfied, Tierre will just have to wait.”

Dru fumed. Angel ignored her annoyance and continued, “So … how did you and Tierre meet? How did you even know he existed in the first place?”

Dru smiled softly, that maddeningly secretive Mona Lisa smile, “Oh … but Angel, we both know Tierre has been around for more than a hundred years. Of course I knew he existed. I’ve always known.”

Angel locked his jaw. Okay, he’d been asking for it. He didn’t expect Dru to hold back on brutal honesty…this had been his primary purpose for this little chat, after all.

And no matter how honest she was, Dru wouldn’t be telling Angel anything he didn’t already know, or suspected.

He was frightened. Although he’d always suspected something was different about Spike, to have someone else, no, not just someone, but Drusilla, whose knowledge of both Tierre and Spike was so much more intimate than Angel’s, confirm this suspicion, turning theory into fact, and fact into inescapable reality … it made him realise that he wasn’t prepared for this. Not in the least.

He licked his suddenly dry lips. “He’s human, Dru. Not an immortal. He couldn’t have been around for a hundred years.”

Dru rolled her eyes, “We could dance around this topic all night, Daddy. But I don’t have the time, or the inclination to indulge you. So why don’t you just hit me with your best shot, as the cliché goes?” she folded Seyhan’s jacket neatly while she talked, “I have a schedule to keep.”

“You’ve become bossy. I don’t know if I like it.”

“I know I don’t care.”

Angel closed his eyes. He didn’t want to discuss Spike with Dru. Best just to ask her what mattered the most now. “Does he…does he…recall anything?” He cleared his throat. “Recognize any of us?” he added softly.

“That’s a long story. We have to get back.”

“We have time.”

“No, we don’t.” her gaze was steady and clear, “You left Tierre and the Slayer alone. That combination is …incendiary, to say the least.”

Angel pursed his lips. “Tell me something new,” he said dismissively, “You think I missed the way they’re looking at each other? Tierre is still just a guy, after all.”

“And Buffy?”

“She can handle herself.”

“I hope so.”

“What does that mean?”

Drusilla sighed. Loudly. “Tierre is very playful, Angel. Very curious. Sometimes, he toys with people, just to see what they’ll do.” Fingering Seyhan’s shirt, she added, “He can be cruel when playing, especially with people he dislikes.”

“I know that, Dru. But he won’t do that to Buffy.”

“Oh, no?”

“You and I both know who he really is. Deep inside, he recognizes Buffy.”

Drusilla weighed her next words, “And is that really a good thing?” she murmured, “Angel, Tierre knows about Buffy. He knows who she was to Spike … about their relationship… everything.”

“What?! You mean he remembers? Then what is all this about? Some kind of game to him? If he has his memories, if he remembers…”

“No, he saw,” Dru traced patterns on the cot, “It took me awhile to find him again. He disappeared after his debacle with you,” she said, looking up, “I almost killed myself when I found out he was part of Scarlet. I blamed you, Angel, for betraying him. For driving him into their arms.”

“Look, Dru, I know I messed up. I already got the memo. But that fight between Tierre and me…it had been unnatural. It wasn’t really me…”

“Excuses, Angel?”

“It’s not an… forget it. Just continue. So, apparently, you’ve been stalking him all this time…”

Dru raised an eyebrow at his word choice, but nodded anyway, “Right. But I had to keep my distance. Spike and I had crossed paths with Scarlet once before, when they had kidnapped me for my powers. I only escaped because Spike somehow broke in the estate, took a then teenaged Maria Scarletta as a hostage, and got me out.”

Angel stared at her in shock, “I guess they don’t like you very much.”

Dru shrugged daintily, “That was several years ago and Maria wasn’t hurt. Spike was too busy trying to get me out to do her any harm. Nearly all our vampire minions were dusted then,” Dru waved a dismissive hand, “But that’s irrelevant. By the time Tierre came in, there were other psychics in their group. Still, they would have recognized me so I had to bide my time and just observe him.”

Dru paused for a moment, and when she spoke again, her voice was so quiet Angel had to lean forward to catch it, “ When you tried to kill him, Angel, you made him doubt himself. Maybe he really was evil, because the ‘Champion’ hated him so much. His dilemma wasn’t noticeable to Scarlet. All they cared about were his skills, and he performed well enough for them.”

Angel didn’t flinch at the accusation, but neither did he speak up to deny it. He just stood there, still as death, waiting for Dru to explain what had happened to Tierre once he’d left. Once he’d been driven out.

Dru smiled her secret smile and continued. “But I knew Tierre better. I spied on him … stalked him whenever I could. It even took him a while to figure out he was being shadowed. Outside of Scarlet, there were still those who wanted Tierre dead. Add to that Scarlet’s original enemies who all wanted to take down Tierre because he was their newest weapon, and I knew this distraction, this self-doubt you created, could lead to Tierre’s death.”

Angel tightened his hands almost imperceptibly. What was one more sin to the multitude of others he’d committed? He waited for Dru to get to the point, not wanting to dwell on the thought of a vulnerable Tierre, consumed by shame.

Dru seemed to sense that Angel was coming to the end of his patience, and speeded up her explanation. “One night, Tierre was ambushed. He was away from the shield of Scarlet at the time and he was outnumbered. I stepped in and helped him out.”

“So the first time he saw you, you were in the process of saving his life.” Angel noted, “How convenient.”

“Your sarcasm is noted, but baseless,” Dru said dryly, “At the time, I had no other choice.”

“So let me guess: after that you got close, maybe proved your loyalty a few more times, Tierre fell for it. Fang, thrall and the proverbial sinker.”

“Tierre’s not stupid. He already knew who I was. Do you have any idea how many times he set me up just to test me?” Dru snapped. “But, in the end, I gained his trust. We kept our friendship from Scarlet; they wouldn’t have allowed it. He confided in me his doubts about himself, his fears that he didn’t know who he really was, and that he may never know.”

Dru crossed her arms, glaring at Angel as he stood there, without even a flicker of response to her words. He’d never understood Tierre’s softness. Compared to Spike, Angel probably mistook it for weakness. Fool, she thought, but realized there was nothing she could do about it. All that mattered now was that she made him understand what had happened to Tierre’s memories.

“I tried to help him. Together, we performed a spell…to unlock his hidden memories. Needless to say, he was terrified of what he would find out … that maybe he really is Spike. I promised him no matter what happened, I would never leave him. He may have been scared, but he did it anyway. He’s brave like that.”

Angel almost smiled at Drusilla’s tone, as if she was daring him to deny it. Not that he would. Spike had been impulsive, irritating and loud, but no one could have ever accused him of being a coward. Tierre, likewise, refused to let fear dictate his actions.

Satisfied no sarcastic remark was forthcoming from Angel, Dru continued. “But neither Tierre nor I have any expertise over such strong magicks. We botched the spell to bring back his memories. I didn’t even know just how badly we’d blundered until Tierre told me that he still didn’t remember anything. But then he told me he knows. Instead of returning his lost memories, the spell let him see Spike’s life. He saw everything: victories, failures, heartaches …everything that made Spike who he was. Including the people he killed, hated, loved…”

Dru paused for a moment, knowing exactly what question Angel wanted to ask … but that he never would. Feeling something strangely akin to pity at that moment, she answered his unasked question. “He saw Buffy, too. Just what kind of person she had been in the beginning, the warrior, sister, friend, lover … he saw how much Spike loved her … and how that love had led to the dark, twisted relationship that nearly destroyed them both in the end.”

“But that’s the same thing,” Angel insisted, chilled with the possibilities springing from Drusilla’s revelations, “Seeing is still the same thing as remembering. Tierre did get Spike’s memories.”

“No, it’s not. Yes, he has Spike’s memories, but he doesn’t consider them his own. They were passed to him second-hand. It’s like…like reading a history book, and knowing every major event, but never having experienced it for yourself. Or, perhaps this is closer, watching a home video of your fourth birthday party when you’re already 25. You see this person whom everybody says is you, blowing candles and playing with other kids, so you know you did those things during your birthday. But deep inside, you’re detached from the person on the screen, because it’s not you anymore. And you don’t remember that party, anyway. He’s gained the memories, but not the feelings that go along with them.”

Angel felt numb. “Nice analogy.”

“It was Tierre’s, actually,” Drusilla picked up Seyhan’s jacket. “I think he still believes that Spike was a different person. Shall we go?”

Angel’s hand snaked out and grabbed her arm in an iron grip. Drusilla gasped at the anger in her Sire’s eyes. So much for being unemotional. Unaffected. He’d been hiding it all inside while she’d talked.

“Why?” Angel demanded through clenched teeth, “You did that on purpose, put him through that spell. Why? So he’d see every abusive thing that ever took place between him and Buffy, and he’ll hate her? Is that it?”

“Oh, so you know about that?” Dru taunted.

Angel tightened his grip even more. Dru winced and had to stand on tiptoe. “Buffy told me… a little of what happened.”

“How noble of her,” Dru spat scornfully. She desperately tried to free herself, but couldn’t fight against Angel’s greater strength. Raising her chin, she looked him right in the eye and in a voice that could freeze water in an instant, she said, “Let go of me. You’ve delayed me long enough.” Her commanding tone would’ve done Selig proud.

But it didn’t cow Angel. “You still haven’t told me why.”

“Do you want to tear my arm off? Are you going to make up for when you tried to break Tierre’s arm and failed?”

Angel’s eyes fell on the bandage covering Dru’s shoulder. He felt sick when he saw red blooming through the sterile white of the gauze. He’d caused her wound to bleed again. He dropped her arm as if stung. “Shit. I’m … shit!”

Dru backed away, watching as Angel plowed his fingers through his hair. Her shoulder throbbed angrily, in tune with her wounded pride. “The spell was botched, but it wasn’t my fault! I didn’t do it on purpose! I wanted Tierre to know himself just as much as he did. He needed it! His self-doubt was killing him. He hesitated when he shouldn’t have, second-guessed too much … I didn’t want to lose him because of it.”

“So it was for Tierre’s own good, huh? It had nothing to do with getting your lover back?”

Dru’s spine stiffened, “Is that too much to ask?”

Angel gave a short bark of laughter, “Tell me you’re not that stupid,” he said derisively, “What did you think would happen if he remembered? He’d go look for Buffy that’s what! Oh, but wait … you already have a soul! And no way could Spike ever abandon you, not when you need him so much. And especially not since, compared to me, who tried to kill him, you saved his life on your first meeting. And you went through all that trouble to help him gain his memories. Surely, after everything you’ve done, Spike will fall in love with you all over again. Wow, Dru, congratulations. You’re still every bit as selfish and manipulative as ever. Too bad you can never do anything right when you have to do things alone.”

Angel saw the slap coming, but he made no move to get out of the way. He didn’t know why. Guilt, maybe? The glaring hypocrisy of his words? Or maybe because he knew … knew that he was wrong about Dru.

Unlike Buffy, Dru didn’t apologize for slapping him. “Look who’s talking,” she said icily. “For someone who claims his love for the Slayer is true, you sure keep a lot of secrets from her.”

“I’m just protecting her. I wasn’t sure about him then.”

“I don’t care.” Dru said stubbornly, “You have no right to condemn me for what I feel! You have no idea what it’s been like for me these past five years!”

“Because you wouldn’t tell me anything!”

“Why, would you have understood? Spike would have! He would have understood without me having to tell him anything. He would have cared without judgment, would have done anything to make it right! That’s just one of the ways he shows his love. He knew me like no one else has or ever will. And I just wanted him back.

And I don’t give a bloody damn if you think it was selfish of me, because I did it for Spike, not you! He went through living hell, for her. All I wanted … was to make things right for him. So he would know that he’s worth it. That’s all.

But of course you’re right. As usual, I buggered things up. It’s what I do. I’m useless when I’m alone.”

Angel stood there, stunned, not sure of what to say. He’d unlocked a flood of emotions from Dru, a flood that he didn’t know how to deal with. He’d underestimated her, misjudged her so badly. She wasn’t selfish, at all. She was just…sad. Lonely. She just missed her love and wanted to make things right again. And Angel didn’t doubt her at all. One look at her was enough. No one was that good an actress. Not even Dru.

Dru was trembling. She held Seyhan’s jacket to her like a child holding on to a teddy bear to ward off the monster hiding in the closet, “I have to go,” she said softly.

“Wait, Dru…”

“I need to do this. Alone or not. Something dark is building, and …Tierre’s in danger. I have to talk to him.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know. I hope I will. But this is similar to the feeling I got that time when Tierre tried to kill himself.”

“Twice. Shortly after Maria’s death,” Angel recalled grimly.

“Didn’t you save him the first time?”

“I wouldn’t say that. I just got him to the hospital in time. To a Scarlet hospital, no less.”

“You’ve got balls, Dad.” Dru managed a weak smile.

“No. I was just desperate,” Angel smiled back at her, “You, though, you were better at it. After you saved him that second time, he never tried to kill himself again. Suicide missions don’t count.”

“I told him that if he died, Maria’s death would be meaningless. That he’d be letting her killers win. I told him to live for vengeance if it was the only thing he had left,” Dru studiously avoided looking at Angel, “And he told me to bugger off.”

“Kids today don’t listen anymore,” Angel said, trying to joke.

Drusilla moved to open the door. Angel put a hand on hers, “One more thing, Dru…”

“Now what?”

“I just…if you don’t mind…I wanna know what happened to you. Everything. Maybe…if I understood, I could help the both of you better. Get it?”

“You want to help me?”

Angel didn’t bother to repeat himself. He just raised an eyebrow.

“But…why? Shouldn’t you be more worried about apocalyptic Balancers?”

Angel shrugged sheepishly, “I want to make things right, too.”

Drusilla studied him for a few nerve-wracking seconds. And then she said, “Can we talk in the car?”

“Sure.”

As they made their way out of the hospital, Angel thought to himself, with a sense of trepidation, I wonder what Tierre really thinks about all of us. Especially about Buffy.


TBC





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