Author's Chapter Notes:
sorry about the delayed update...I was in bed (literally) sick all day Saturday and then yeserday I couldn't seem to get the thunderstorms to stop when I was able to try to update :(
Chapter 37

“You’re still awake, pet?” Spike had briefly contemplated sleeping downstairs somewhere just so that he wouldn’t wake Buffy with his late entrance; but he had decided he would have worried about her too much to get even the tiniest hint of sleep. Apparently, though, waking her was not something he needed to fear.

“Yep; well kind of. As awake as I ever am lately.”

“Bit and I didn’t keep you up, did we?”

“No. But thank you for helping her with that; it was very informative.”

“So you heard it, huh?” he asked nervously looking around the room, but not at her.

“Not nearly as much as I would like to have—mostly just you convincing Dawn to let you help.”

“Not as much…You saying you want to know about that stuff?” he came into the room, shutting the door behind him and moved towards the bed.

“Well not in the same sense as Dawn. But yeah, I want to know. Unlike certain other vampires whose names shall not be mentioned,” Buffy had a feeling Spike still wouldn’t do well with Angel’s name being said, “I think I’d actually like to know about your life before you were a vampire.”

“Who says I remember any of it? Most vampires forget about their lives if at all possible—part of becoming a demon and all.”

“Well I guess you could have been telling Dawn stuff you’ve learned or vaguely remember, but, Spike?”

“What?”

“Since when are you ‘most vampires’?”

Spike couldn’t think of what to say; couldn’t think of much of anything at all, really. He’d been trying to get Buffy to see how he was different, sure, but to have her say it so simply…He didn’t know what to do.

“Are you ever going to sleep tonight? I mean if you want to just stand there, that’s fine and all, but you’re going to have to let me know. If you are going to just stand there, then I’m going to go to sleep, alright?”

“No, I’m going to sleep,” he finally said. “Just was thinking.” He sat in the chair by her bed and took off his boots before grabbing the t-shirt and pajama pants he’d bought just for sleeping at Buffy’s. Jeans weren’t all that comfortable for sleeping in and he didn’t think his normal sleep attire, or lack thereof, would be received too well. “I’ll be just a minute,” he left for the bathroom.

“I keep telling you I won’t peak,” she muttered, thinking he didn’t hear her.

‘Maybe you won’t peak, luv, but I’m not all that sure I can take you being in the room.’ Spike changed quickly, not wanting to keep Buffy awake longer than possible.




“You can’t sleep, pet?” He’d shut off the light and gone to bed over half an hour ago and even then Buffy had looked about ready to fall asleep. Yet she was still awake.

“You’re not asleep either.”

“Not the point; you feeling alright?” he turned over to look at her. (He’d been sleeping with his back to her after Buffy told him that it unnerved her to feel his eyes on her when she was trying to fall asleep.)

“Mhmm,” she answered even though she felt far from alright. “Promise not to get mad?” she asked suddenly-or at least it seemed sudden to him, she’d been working up to it all night.

“Yeah sure, but what about?”

Buffy smiled at his lack of hesitation. She moved closer to him, ignoring his look of anxiety, before answering, “This.” To say Spike was surprised when she kissed him, well it would have been one of the bigger understatements in history.

“What’re you doing?” he asked for some reason when, just a few seconds later, she pulled away from him.

“Thought it was kind of obvious.”

“Well yeah, that—Why?” he changed his question.

“Can’t I just want to?”

“Buffy you know—“

“Yeah, I know you do…and I’m not saying that I—Can’t it just be what it is?” she was still unnervingly close.

“Sure, soon as I know what it is.”

“I don’t—I just thought—“ she started to pull back, to turn away from him.

“Hey, I’m not—You know me, I always ask too many questions.” This time he kissed her; and it had so much relief flooding her senses that she finally let go of her anxiety; this was going to work.

But then she couldn’t hold back a slight wince in pain when Spike rolled them over and rested his lower body on hers. Stuff like that was supposed to feel good, not hurt, dammit! He started to stop them again but Buffy forced herself to relax again and wound her fingers in Spike’s hair to keep him right where she wanted him.

Spike wasn’t sure this was a good idea—well he really, really wanted it to be, but he wasn’t sure it actually was. He wasn’t sure Buffy was up to it; and the small wince that came from him putting the slightest hint of his weight on her, only confirmed his suspicions. Hell if he didn’t want this to go on for forever and a day, but he knew it couldn’t. Yes, he knew Buffy might have changed her mind in the morning and now might be his only chance ever to do this…but he couldn’t do it if it was going to be detrimental to her.

“Think it’s about time we get some sleep, luv,’ this time he was able to successfully move his mouth far enough off hers to speak.

“But—“ this wasn’t what he was supposed to do.

“Shh, we’ve got all the time in the world; but right now y—we need the rest.” He hated the way she was looking at him, but he knew it was what he had to do.

“You—It’s how I look isn’t it?” she asked, the slightest hint of tears evident in her eyes even in the dark.

“What?! No, it’s not that at all. Not at all,” he repeated. “We really do need to—“

“You mean I need to get some rest,” she tried not to sound angry but she knew it hadn’t worked.

“Yes, Buffy, that’s what I mean. But it’s not like this our only chance. Now come here,” Spike rolled onto his back next to her and opened his arms to her. He waited for several seconds, as she seemed to think about it before moving into his embrace. He was careful to keep both the arm that was behind her neck and holding her upper arm and the one crossed over his body, holding her own hand, as weightless and light as possible.

Buffy watched as Spike finally shut his eyes, probably hoping to prompt her into dong the same and continued to watch him for several more minutes before she too feel asleep; but not before one thought went through her mind, ‘And if it is our only chance?’



TBC...........





You must login (register) to review.