Chapter 40
“I know when people are in ac—normal comas that the doctors always tell you to try to talk to them; the doctors say they can hear you. I don’t know if you can hear me right now or not—I don’t even know if I’m supposed to be hoping you’ll wake up right now or if I’m supposed to know that they’ll send you all back and stuff when it’s time.
“I guess there’s a lot I don’t know right now…like how I’m going to do this, going into the hospital I mean. I know—in that part of me that I try really, really hard to ignore most of the time—that I have to go. I know I’m not getting better, know that I need whatever a hospital can do for me, but…I’m scared, Mom…really, really scared. At least when I was here I could pretend for Dawn that I was feeling better or that I knew it was all going to be okay—with you, with me, with everything really.
“When I could stay here, I could pretend. But now…now I have to go into the hospital and I don’t know what to do anymore—without you around to help—to let Dawn know it’s all going to be okay…Because I have to hope that it is, you know…even if it’s not.
“I probably shouldn’t say this because it’s probably some sort of bad luck to think things much less say them, but…I love you so much, Mom, really I do…and if…if something happens to me—or I guess doesn’t happen the way things are going—or to you before…if I don’t get to see you again I just want you to know that I love you more than I would ever be able to figure out how to say. I’m sorry for all the stress and everything that me being the Slayer put you through; I’m sorry for all the times I was hard to deal with, all the times I was trouble; and I’m sorry, most of all, that I might not have done enough before so that you…so that you’d already know all of this,” Buffy ignored the tears sliding down her face as she leaned down to place a kiss to her mother’s cheek before hugging her as best she could given their positions. “I’ll take care of Dawn if—I just want you to know that I’ll take care of Dawn no matter what,” she added quietly before sitting up and waiting for Spike to come back.
“Ever thought of getting a mobile phone, pet? All this yelling at the ceiling and talisman rubbing is getting kind of old.”
“For your information, Spike,” Anya began haughtily, “cellular phones do not work in Arashmahar and even if they did, I would not lower myself to something so…human.”
“Forgetting you are human?” He sincerely hoped she hadn’t gone and made herself a demon again; her kind of demon meant killing people for sure and he didn’t want to have another thing to deal with.
“I like to forget,” she admitted quietly and Spike saw that there was more to all of it than just owning a phone so he could get in touch with her more easily.
“Soon as all this business with the Slayer and Joyce is done with and everyone’s home and healthy again, you can go back up to wherever-mahar and forget all about your little stint as a human. Long as you don’t start killing people again that is.”
“Arashmahar,” she corrected him. “And it is Xander, Willow, and Rupert that I wish to forget my relationship with—not everyone else. Besides, the only normal run of the mill human in this house is Joyce—and once she comes back from wherever she is, I’m not sure even that will be true anymore.
“Now,” her voice changed quickly back from friendly to business-like, “why is it you summoned me?”
“Wouldn’t exactly call it summoning—but we were wondering if you could check on Joyce ever little bit. We’re taking Buffy to the hospital so Dawn and I’ll be there for a good little bit and I don’t think Niblet’d deal to well with it if her mum was here all alone,” he explained.
“Do you just think I have no life?”
“Anya,” he began, using the most placating tone he could muster, “would you please cancel—or postpone—whatever direly important appointments or activities you have scheduled to check on the Slayer’s mum for me today?”
“I think I can rearrange things enough—you go on with Buffy and Dawn and I will be back shortly,” again, she was gone in a poof of smoke. She really was a strange bird.
This time, when he went upstairs for Buffy, Spike knocked on the door, politely making sure his entrance would be welcome.
“Come in,” she called quietly.
“You ready to go, pet? I could give you a few more minutes if--” he trailed off slowly.
“No, I’m—Let’s go,” Buffy couldn’t quite bring herself to say she was ‘ready’; especially because she most certainly was not. “How’s Dawn doing? She okay with leaving Mom here? I was thinking I could call--”
“Already got it taken care of, luv. Anya’s going to be coming in just a bit—going to watch after your mum.”
“Oh. Thanks for getting that dealt with—figuring it out and all.”
“Bit helped a lot—girl’s good with the yelling; surprised you didn’t hear her.”
“I think I’ve learned to tune it out when it’s not actually anything dire.”
“So that’s what you do,” Spike said thoughtfully. “Might have to work on that one myself.”
“It’s honed skill, buddy.”
“I’m sure it is. Now, enough with the trying to distract me; let’s go.” As Spike picked Buffy up and carried her out of the room, he sent a silent prayer up for Joyce—his second prayer of the day and on of less than a handful made over the last one hundred plus years. He knew he wasn’t anyone God or whoever was controlling all of this needed to be listening to, but maybe, just maybe, it would be the subject of his prayers—Buffy and Joyce—that would get the attention.
Maybe who or whatever was up there would see that two women who were able to get a vampire to love them enough to be praying for them—and to mean it as well…Maybe they’d see that Buffy and Joyce were two women that they definitely needed to let stick around for a good time to come. He knew he sure as hell needed them to. And Dawn needed it, too.
Actually, the whole world needed it, they just didn’t know it the way he and his Niblet did.
“Alright, Bit, you got the doors all set?” he waited for Dawn’s confirmation that the car doors were In fact open as he’d requested. “Guess we’re off then.”
TBC…..(Next week's update might be a bit late if I'm not back in town quite yet...)
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Author's Chapter Notes:
so, life still won't settle down and let me write much--but I'm getting a little bit done so some day you'll get new stories from me ;-) (Also, still not reading emails/reviews because other books are distracting me and I haven't finished the HP stuff yet-which was my basis for when to read again--so if you emailled me....I'll read it soon, really...I just have not yet)