Author's Chapter Notes:
sorry that I'm late (again!) but I had puppy watching duty this morning and as it was pouring rain I couldn't leave her outside for a few minutes to sneak up here and upate...sorry!
Chapter 44

Buffy finally convinced Spike to go home around nine thirty that night. He’d been reluctant to go but Buffy finally convinced him that all she was going to do was go to sleep and it was past visiting hours anyway. So now he was gone.

And she was very far from asleep. She’d lied when she told Spike she was going to go to sleep, that she was already half way there. Truth be told she wasn’t sure she’d been much farther from asleep in the last several weeks. There was much too much on her mind.

Her mother had planned—even while she thought she was dying—to give custody of Dawn as well as the house to her and Spike. It was nothing short of amazing to Buffy. Not only that her mother trusted Spike that much—really after the past few weeks it wasn’t hard to see he would do a great job—but that she trusted her as well. She knew that in many ways she was not one of the more mature people in the world, but…

She was going to have to thank her mother…if she ever saw her again.

And besides the absolute stupidity that her friends had displayed earlier, that was what was taking up most of her thoughts. She did her best to appear tough and in control for Spike and Dawn’s benefit but really…she was scared. She’d only been alone for about an hour so far and already she was feeling incredibly lonely again. Lately it seemed that whenever she was by herself, she worried she wasn’t ever going to see anyone again.

Buffy was absolutely terrified that she was dying. And she didn’t have anyone to tell.



“You have an alarm set, pet?”

“What? Why?” Dawn asked in confusion.

“I’m going to the hospital—not all that sure I’ll be here in time to make sure you’re up.”

“Why?” she asked, her voice suddenly full of worry. “Did they call? Is something wrong with Buffy? What happened? Is she going to be okay?” her voice was frantic now.

“Shh, hey now, nothing’s wrong. I just have something I need to talk to your sister about,” he tried to assure her that nothing was wrong.

“You don’t…you don’t want to have anything in Mom’s will changed, do you?” she still sounded worried, but less so; Spike figured that had to be at least a somewhat good thing.

“No nothing ‘bout that. Just something I realized. Something between us. Nothing for you to worry about at all, I promise.”

“Alright—but if you’re lying, I’ll…do something to you!” she threatened in her scariest tone.

“I don’t doubt that you will. I also don’t think you actually think I’d lie to you. So really, Bit, just get yourself some sleep and make sure whether I’m here or not that you get yourself up in time for school.”

“I know the drill—I’ve done it before. Give Buffy a hug for me if she’s awake?”

“Sure thing,” he started to walk down the stairs, pausing just a few steps down when Dawn stuck her head out of her room to ask him a question.

“Is Mom doing okay?”

“Yeah, pet, she is. You can go talk to her if you want; sit with her.”

“Maybe…maybe tomorrow,” she said quietly. “It’s just…maybe tomorrow.”

“Alright; ‘sides, you need to get to bed now anyway,” he told her, hoping to not make her feel guilty about not wanting to see Joyce.

“I will. Just have to get my homework together and brush my teeth then I’m good. Do you have a key to lock up or do you need me to do it?”

“I’ve got all the doors locked,” Spike told her, pleased that she’d thought of such a thing. “Just going to lock the front door behind me—got Buffy’s key.”

“Okay; I’ll see you in the morning, Spike. Good night.”

“Night Dawn.”



“Spike?”

“You’re not asleep,” he said, stating the obvious.

“Would you rather I be?” she asked him.

“It’s not that,” he assured her, “I just thought that you would be—when I left, you said…”

“Yeah, so I kind of lied about that,” she admitted.

“Shouldn’t lie to me, Buffy. What’s wrong?” he asked with a great deal of concern.

“Nothing’s wrong—not really; and I didn’t exactly lie. I will be going to sleep soon…just haven’t yet.”

“Buffy, you just said you lied” he reminded her. “Why is it you can’t sleep?”

“I’ve just been thinking about a lot of stuff—my brain won’t shut up.”

“You really do need to get some sleep, though, kitten. I’m sure your brain will still have things to say in the morning.”

“You make it sound so easy; it’s hard t sleep in the hospital, Spike.”

“Scoot over, yeah?”

“What?”

“I’m not very well going to fit in that little spot right there,” he pointed to the two inch space on her side, “now am I?”

“You mean you’re staying?”

“Didn’t think I just popped over for a chat, did you?”

“Well—I don’t know what I thought, really.”

“Turns out I did some thinking of my own,” he explained. “I haven’t been doing enough for you Buffy. I’ve been spending too much time convincing everyone how fine you’re going to be…I haven’t really asked you how you are doing. I haven’t talked to you about all of this other than to assure you I’m going to figure it out. I still am going to figure it out, but, in the meantime, you shouldn’t have to go through all of this alone, Buffy.”

“You’ve been doing a lot, Spike.”

“Not enough though if you’ve got so much on your mind it’s keeping you up at night. Now,” he settled himself next to her on the hospital bed, “why don’t you tell me what’s on that mind of yours; what you’ve been thinking about.”

“You’re back,” one of the nurses interrupted as she came back into the room before Buffy had a chance to say anything.

“Well,” Spike tried to figure out how he was going to get around this—he hadn’t thought through this part yet.

“I’m required to tell you visiting hours are over—they begin again tomorrow morning, but of course you already know that. You know, perhaps you’d like,” she said as she came over and wrote down Buffy’s blood pressure, heart rate, and temperature, “to get a coffee around eight thirty tomorrow.”

“Wha—“

“I’ll see you in the morning, Ms. Summers,” she smiled, pulling the door nearly closed behind her.

“What was she talking about, luv?” Spike asked, truly confused.

“The doctor comes about eight thirty—I guess maybe that was her way of telling you how you could stay and not get caught? Maybe…I’m not really sure.”

“Well, I’m going to stick around till they throw me out. But I’ll probably have to go for a bit in the morning anyway—make sure the Bit gets off to school all right.”

“But if you get in trouble they might not let you—“

“Shh, you don’t worry about that now. Nothing’s going to keep me out of this hospital, luv. Nobody’s going to stop me from seeing you. Now—why don’t you tell me what it is you’ve been thinking about?”

“But what if you—“

“Don’t worry about that, it’s all going to be fine. All you need to worry about is telling me everything you need to get out. Think you can do that?”

“Spike—“

“Whatever it is, I can handle it; whatever it is, you just tell me.”

There was silence for over a minute and he was beginning to think she was not in fact going to say anything. “I’m scared Spike,” she finally admitted and began to unload all of her worries and fears relieved to finally have someone else to tell them to.


TBC…….


I am definitely working on getting you some new fics , btw....whether you believe me or not, I am....I promise :)





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