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Author's Chapter Notes:
rated 13 for bad language. Takes place sometime in between "Lies My Parents Told Me" and Dirty Girls"
Chapter 1: I Believe In You



Spike had his back to Robin, after fighting off one of the many demons that littered the cemetery. He had a demon on the ground, punching him and sending neon green blood spurting on his clothes. He felt the sting as the blood penetrated an open wound on his knuckles, but quickly ignored it. He got lost in the fight he knew he would win.

He was mad at Buffy. After everything that happened at Robin’s “Sanctuary”, Buffy ordered Robin to go with him for patrol. Demons and Vampires were aligning themselves with the First, and she needed them to take them out. Buffy knew Robin had it out for him, and all it took was an “I got over it. I’m dealing. Trust me, everything will be fine.” from Robin, and she caved.

It didn’t bother him that she believed him. Well, yeah it kinda did, but he wasn’t afraid of the Principal. He just hated the git.

Spike was broken out of his thoughts, when he heard the demon’s strained voice.

“You’ll never be enough. The Slayer’s army is weak, and we-workers of the first-will triumph. Evil will always be around. The Good will fail, and die. You’ll never be enough.” He choked out the last bit with a cough.

Spike, who had stopped, punching the battered demon when he started talking, paused for another moment to take in what he had said. With a hard look in his eyes, Spike pulled a knife from the back of his waistband, and drove it into the demon’s gut. He yanked it out, after the last cry of death coming from the body.

Spike looked over to where Robin was fighting other demons. To his surprise, different ones from the one he just killed. He frowned, but didn’t think anything of it. He ran to Robin’s side, temporarily forgetting that he wanted to kill the guy where he stood, and took on one of the two demons as well.

Once killed, Spike fell to his knees on the ground as pain shot through him. He growled loudly, leaning over hoping to stop the pain.

Robin saw this as an easy way to attack. He was sick of Buffy telling him that Spike was a good man, and he was needed around for this war. It’s just a matter of time before he turns on us all. Hell he’s probably already aligned with the First. How can Buffy trust him, he’s just a monster. Robin picked up his stake and gripped it tightly in his hand,. He took three long strides toward Spike.

Spike all of a sudden had a new feeling coming over him. He gasped for air, as warmth coursed through him. I need to breathe. My heart’s beating. What the sodding hell?

It didn’t last long, he knew when he felt the horrendous pain of being stabbed in the back. He howled loudly again, and fell forward.

Finally. Robin thought. It’s over…he killed my mother…now I get to kill him. He thoughts stopped when he realized Spike wasn’t getting all dusty. He saw the blood pool onto the base of the tombstone of which Spike fell.

He heard Spike’s choked sobs, and watched as he spit up blood. Maybe I missed. No…he’d be up by now. That’s nothing but a surface scratch to a monster like him.

Spike knew what was coming…and even though all of this was too much to take in at one time…he had to make sure of one thing. He thought he’d have more time than this. What a bloody vengeful bastard.

Spike rolled over to his side a bit, so he could look at the man that stabbed him. “You have-*cough*-you have to tell her. Buffy-*cough* -to watch to tape.” He choked out, hoping not to sound weak, even though he knew he was.

He let his body collapse, onto the stone, and waited for the darkness to come. Again. God, I hate this part.

* * * * *

Buffy sat down on the couch. She had just given the girls a speech. Again. Willow was still gone, she was still mad at Giles, and the potentials were all scared. But she didn’t blame them she was too. She had her doubts about winning this war with the First, but kept them well hid.

Xander, Dawn and a few of the Potentials were in the kitchen, going over everything that happened with Spike, and how they were glad they didn’t have to worry about him going around killing anymore, while Giles had the rest of the girls downstairs going over basic training techniques.

Buffy dropped her head into her hands, breathing in deeply. She was so wrapped up she didn’t even hear Dawn and Xander enter the room.

Buffy’s head shot up, as Dawn’s words shook her out of her jumbled thoughts. “What?”

“I asked if you’re okay. I know that that’s a dumb question, considering everything that’s happened, but-”

“I’m fine. Stressed out I guess. I’m fine. I just want Spike to back from patrol soon.” Buffy sighed out looking out the window.

“You mean: Spike and Robin, right?” Dawn asked, confused why, she would only mention Spike.

“Um, yeah…right.” was her distracted reply, as Buffy continued to search out the window.

“Wait, wait, wait. You sent Spike on patrol with Robin? Don’t you think that’s- oh I don’t know- dangerous!?” Xander practically yelled out the last word, trying to tell Buffy, without actually telling her, that she made a BIG boo-boo.

“Yeah, I mean…Robin tried to kill Spike. Aren’t you a little worried?” Dawn asked.

“No! Dawn…you’re forgetting the fact that Spike...is still a vampire! A bitter one at that, Buffy…Spike hates Robin. And it all stared with that date. Spike would jump at the chance to get him alone. Now since he’s all chip-less, he has nothing to hold him back. Not even you.” Xander said, in an angered tone. This is just what we need. Spike to get all ‘angry ex-boyfriend’.

“Xander! Spike is good now! He won’t hurt anyone…I know he won’t. I already went over this with Giles: He can be good…but not if we keep saying that he can’t! We have to give him that chance…the chance to make amends.” Buffy paused, and then continued in a softer tone. “I need him in this fight, Xander. And I’m not going to turn away from him. He has done so much good since he’s been here, and I trust him. I believe in him. Get over it. Get over this thing you have against Spike, cause he’s staying.” She spoke in a menacing voice. “So Xander, if you have a problem with that…you can leave. Nothing’s stopping you.” After she finished there was a long pause.

“Buffy…I just want to make sure that you’re making the right choices here. Don’t forget who he is.”

Buffy was about to replied, when the door burst open and Robin, walked through. “Hey how was patrol?” Buffy asked as she got up and pushed past Xander and Dawn to make her way to the front door. “Where’s Spike?”

Robin looked confused and guilty to Buffy as her heart started hammering in her chest. “Where. Is. He?” Tears collected in her eyes as the worst thought flashed through her mind. “You didn’t…please tell me you didn’t.”

Robin didn’t answer.

Buffy punched him hard, sending him stumbling into the door. “What happened?! If you don’t tell me I swear to God-”

Buffy was cut off by his soft words. “We were in the cemetery…fighting demons. Then something happened. He fell the ground, like he was in pain…and there was blood, but no dust. I don’t understand.” He said the last part even quieter to himself.

“What did you do? Wait…I think already know. You killed him. I told you…I don’t have time for your vendettas! He was one of the strongest people we have to fight this war, and you had to go and fuck it all up! I can’t believe you…you promised you wouldn’t do anything!” tears were running freely down Buffy’s face and she didn’t make a move to wipe them away. “Spike wasn’t just needed in this war. He was my friend…and I cared about him. He was important to me!” Buffy stopped her rant, and sniffled, wiping her tears away angrily.

“I’m sorry Buffy. He killed my mother…so I made him pay for what he did. He was a monster, Buffy! He was then and he still is now! They don’t change-”

“But he did! Don’t you get it?! Spike wasn’t like other vampires. Yeah, he killed people…a long time ago. But he changed…for me! Because that’s what I wanted! He had a kindness to him that he rarely ever showed to people, but it was there.” Buffy pause. She just told Robin things about Spike that she had been denying for so long. Then it hit her. “Wait…you-you there was no dust? You left him there!? This is not over.” Buffy finished in a deep and angry voice.

Buffy ran out the door forgetting about everything and everyone else and ran to the cemetery.

* * * * *

Buffy ran around the tombstones, in search of her ex-vampire lover. She called out his name in hopes that Spike was still alive.

“Spi-unh!” Buffy’s call was cut off when she tripped over a tombstone. “Ow.” She pushed herself up, and noticed that the stone was covered in blood. She pushed herself into a standing position and looked down at the familiarly leather clad body, lying face down. “Oh, God.” Buffy breathed out, the tears coming back.

She knelt by his side, and noted the stake in his back with rage. She reached over slowly, and pulled it out with a cringe at the sound. She pulled his cold body into her arms, and laid his head in her lap, stroking his hair. Sobs racked her body, as she traced his features.

“Buffy?” she heard a male voice call from a distance. But she didn’t answer. “Oh my God.” The voice was clearer now. Xander.

Buffy looked up at him with hard eyes. “Are you happy now?” she started in an eerily calm tone, despite the tears, and the waver in her voice. “You got what you always wanted…you-” Buffy cut herself off, not being able to get anymore words out past the lump in her throat.

They stayed like that for a while, before Xander helped carry his body home.

* * * * *

When the two got home with Spike, all the girls had gathered around. Buffy completely ignored their questions and went straight to the backyard, to bury his body.

Buffy sat on the couch, in the exactly same spot she sat when she came back from the dead, and Spike held her hands. Her wide eyes looked into nothing, as everything went through her head. Everybody was upstairs in scattered bedrooms, too afraid to go down there. Buffy snapped at Dawn just for asked if she wanted anything, and nobody when near her since.

“Buffy?” Robin stood in the doorway.

“Get. Out.”

“He told me to tell you something.”

“What?”

“He said something about watching a tape…he wanted you to watch the tape.”

“Thanks. Now get the fuck out of my house.” Robin obeyed without any questions asked.

Buffy sat in the silent room thinking about what tape Spike could possibly mean. “Andrew!” she yelled out.

Andrew came running down the stairs, fidgeting with his hands as he walked into the room. “Uh, yeah? I mean yes.”

“Where’s that tape? The videotape you were making; where is it?” Buffy asked without looking up at him.

“Um…In the basement. Spike said that he wanted it for something. But he-he didn’t say.”

“Thanks.” Buffy got up, going past Andrew and walked downstairs to the basement.

“You’re welcome.” Andrew called out after her.

* * * * *

Buffy took the camera in her hands, and pressed the play button.

As the screen turned on, she saw Spike was sitting on the cot, that she too was currently sitting on.

“Um, pet, as much as I hate to admit this: a lot of us will die in this battle. And I have this nagging feeling it’s gunna be me.” He said with a laugh. “But you…I know you’ll beat this. You’ll make it through. A lot has happened over the years between us. We’ve gone from enemies to lovers and back. But one thing will never change…my love for you. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, or where you are…I’ll always love you. And a part of me knows that you love me too…even if you won’t admit it. And if not…well, I’ll just keep that thought, and file it away in the part of my brain mark ‘dream’.”

Buffy chuckled lightly at his joke. “Even at the worst times, you always know how to make me laugh.”

Camera!Spike continued. “You told me once…that you believed in me. It really meant a lot. You knew I could be a good man, and you stood up to your friends to make them see it too.” Tears were starting to accumulate in his eyes. “You brought out someone in me that died a long time ago. Made me do things I wouldn’t normally do…I’d do anything for you, Buffy. Anything just to make sure you were happy.”

Tear fell down Buffy cheeks as she heard those words. Her heart melted, and broke at the same time, and it hurt more than she could bear.

“This is your war, luv. Don’t fight of the First’s terms. Do what you feel is right. Follow your heart, wherever it may lead you. Just-if it’s toward Peaches…walk the other way.”

Buffy smiled. She shook her head and closed her eyes, trying to memorize his voice. She opened them again to remember his face; although that was one thing she knew she’d never forget.

“I love you, Buffy. I’ll always be with you. And I believe in you.” With that Spike leaned forward and shut off the camera.

Buffy closed her eyes, and let the tears fall.





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