"And he slammed the door in your face?" Willow said as she sat in
shock at the kitchen counter watching as Buffy made herself a late
night snack. "Whoa,"



"It wasn't a slam but more like a firm shutting of the door." Buffy
said with a small frown.



"Oh," Willow said with a giggle. Buffy looked to her stunned that she
found humor in it.



"You think this is funny?"



"No...no. Well, uhm...it's just that for so long you were kind of
bitch slapping Spike around, and he was taking it cause, you know he
loves you. Now, he's getting a back bone." Willow replied with a
twinkle in her eyes and smile on her face. "It's kind of," Then she
took note of the look on Buffy's face. "So not funny. Bad
Spike...bad, bad Spike."



"No, you're right." Buffy said as she slumped down on the stool
beside her friend. "I've treated Spike so badly, I can't blame him
for getting feed up with it."



"I don't think that was his point Buffy."



"What do you mean?"



"He made a pretty simple request from what you've told me. He just
wanted you to admit you have feeling for him."



"But I don't know if I do or not. I'm not sure of how I feel."



"Hey again I say, this is your 'NON' judgy best friend here. Need I
remind you of the Parker incident?" Buffy frowned at the name she had
tried desperately to forget. "We both know you won't sleep with a guy
without having some feelings there, some emotions. And from what
you've told me you and Spike weren't a one time thing, and did you
really do it on tombstones?" Willow interjected still not believing
what she had been told. Buffy just arched her eyebrows and nodded
which soon turned into a look of hurt and shock.



"Oh God, I'm Parker. I've been treating Spike the same way Parker
treated me."



"Well yeah pretty much, except Spike doesn't have great friends to
stop him from going back," Willow said with a proud smile. "Oh and
Parker didn't have feelings for you, but 'you' do have feelings for
Spike, right?" Willow said being the voice of reason. Buffy slowly
looked to her and then stood and walked out the back door. "Glad to
be of help." Willow said as she smiled at the door and then stood to
head upstairs.


~~~~
"Bloody Hell!!" Spike roared as he yanked the door open, his face
instantly slipped back into his human facade. Spike didn't speak but
waited. Buffy fidgeted nervously under his gaze, even when Spike was
angry with her his eye never showed anything but love for her, and
she could see it, she always could. She opened her mouth to speak but
then quickly shut it again. Spike tilted his head to the side as he
observed her. Buffy moved closer to him and reached up and gently
stroked his face. Spike opened his mouth to speak now, but Buffy
quickly covered his mouth with her hand, silencing him.



"No words they seem to get in the way with us. No words just for
tonight." Buffy whispered smiling slightly. She moved again, closer,
so close Spike could feel the heat streaming from her body, her warm
breath against his bare chest. With just her closeness his body
reacted, despite his brain's commands. He could feel himself growing
beneath his black silk boxer, and a growl emanating in his chest. He
took a step back and he wasn't sure if it were to escape or to move
them to a more private scene. Buffy moved instep with him, matching
his every movement, in perfect sync. Once they were standing
completely within the doorway, Buffy pushed the door shut behind her.
In the back ground music could be heard playing softly from Spike
entertainment center. It was an enchanting tune, soothing so much so
Buffy found herself swaying to it, and before long she was completely
in spike's arm with her head against his chest, as they both swayed
to the music.



(you think i'd leave your side baby

you know me better than that

you think i'd leave you down when you're down on your knees

i wouldn't do that

i'll tell you you're right when you want

and if only you could see into me

ha ah ah ah ah ah



oh when you're cold

i'll be there

hold you tight to me



when you're on the outside baby and you can`t get in

i will show you you're so much better than you know

when you're lost and you're alone and you can't get back again

i will find you darling and i will bring you home)



Tears now flowed from Buffy eyes for she knew these were Spike's
words. The very words he had been saying...screaming to her everyday
since she got back, and even before. She looked up at Spike and his
loving concerned eyes stared back, all his earlier anger completely
gone. He reached out and gently wiped at her tears, and then
entangled his hand in her hair, pulling her closer into a kiss. The
kiss was sweet, it was gentle and slow nothing like their usual
kisses, which were fevered and fueled by their lust, and sometimes
blood was drawn in the fury. Buffy gripped at his forearms
desperately, pushing closer to him. Spike moved his hands to her
coat, never leaving her mouth. He glided the coat from her shoulder,
and Buffy chucked it to the floor. Spike then moved to her blouse,
which was just a halter-top, and Spike was pleased by how simple it
was to discard and even more please to feel nothing but hot soft
flesh beneath. Another growl hummed from him.



(and if you want to cry

i am here to dry your eyes

and in no time

you'll be fine



you think i'd leave your side baby

you know me better than that

you think id leave you down when you're down on your knees

i wouldn't do that

i'll tell you you're right when you want

and if only you could see into me

ha ah ah ah ah ah



oh when you're cold

i'll be there

hold you tight to me

when you're low

i'll be there

by your side baby)



Within seconds they both stood completely naked and still wrapped in
each other's arm's, still swaying to the music. Both lovingly raked
their fingers over the other's body, while dousing each other with
kisses. Spike danced them to the fireplace, where he had sat by
earlier thinking of Buffy while gazing into the roaring flames. He
stopped their dancing and laid Buffy down against the plush pillows
he had lain there earlier. He hovered above her admiring her beauty,
loving the way the light from the flames danced across her
skin. "Damn you're beautiful." He said in a soft whisper and Buffy
blushed and reveled in the way her was worshipping her with his eyes.
She reached up for him, pulling him down to her. Spike rested on one
elbow, not wanted to crush her with his weight though he knew she
could take it, and usually did. Not now, not tonight, maybe not ever
again he thought. Tonight there were no words, only showing. Tonight
he would make love to her, it would be slow and tender not like
before, where he had ravage her and in some instances force himself
onto her and into her very cruelly. It had been what she wanted, what
she needed, but not now. Spike moved in between her thighs and Buffy
gripped his shoulders, bracing herself for what she knew was coming...



(oh when you're cold

i'll be there

hold you tight to me

oh when you're low

i'll be there

by your side baby)


~~~~

Spike rested himself on his elbows, staring down into Buffy's
face. "I love you." He said in a near whisper. Buffy smiled and
stroked his cheek. Spike watched her, waiting for her response. When
it dawned on Buffy what he wanted she became ridged.



"Spike, I..." She hesitated not able to bring herself to say aloud
what she felt in her heart.



"Say it, the world won't end if you do. Nothing will change between
us." Buffy eyed him skeptically at those words. "What you afraid I
will stalk you 'more'?" Spike asked jokingly. "Just say it, Buffy."



"I can't, I don't know how I feel, yet."



"I want to hear you say it. Say the words." Spike said as he leaned
back some.



"I can't, I'm just not ready." Buffy said and Spike sat up in
frustration.



"Oh, so you're not ready to say you love me, but you're ready to give
yourself to me. To let me take you anywhere and anyway I want to? You
don't know how you feel about me, but you come and sleep with me
nearly every night? There are names for women like that Luv,
Trollops, whores, sluts." Spike hissed and Buffy instantly sat up,
clutching her arms to her chest. Buffy moved to get her clothes.
Spike quickly yanked her to him. "Where you going luv? I didn't say I
wouldn't indulge you."



"Let go." Buffy hissed as tears began to roll down her cheek.



"But I haven't given you the touch yet, I mean that is why you came
here isn't it? That's why you always come, got that itch that needs
scratching." Buffy didn't speak she just locked her jaws and stared
down at the floor. "What the hell are you so afraid of? Huh? What!"
His grip on her wrists tightened and his eye glazed with a tint of
yellow. Brutally Spike released Buffy and she stumbled back, he
yanked up her clothes and threw them at her. "Get dressed and get
out! I tire of this game we play, I quit." Buffy eyed him and then
slowly picked up her garments and dressed. "Angel had the right idea,
leaving you alone." Spike grumbled and Buffy looked at him wide eyed.



"You're saying you're leaving?" Buffy croaked out. Spike sat silent
for a second and then looked to the doe eye girl before him, with a
smile on his lips he shook his head.



"No, I'll never leave you. No matter how infuriating you are, no
matter how much of a bitch you may act towards me. I will never leave
you. Sad isn't it? You've made me even more pathetic then you made
Angel." With that Spike left the room and Buffy heard a door slam
shut, and she stood there contemplating everything. After what seemed
forever she left, and she knew that nothing would ever be the same
between them again.

Song by Sade: (By your Side)





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