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Chapter Notes: I know it's confusing but I just thought this kind of dream suited Spike. Y'no, the random weird ones.
Spike allowed his tired eyes to close, welcoming the black abyss hidden behind his lids.
“William, are you coming or not?”
“Coming where, Nibblet?” Spike asked. Dawn grabbed his arm with both of hers and pulled him a few steps. Spike pulled back and stopped them.
“To your wedding, of course. Buffy will kill you if her bridesmaid and groom are late.” Dawn giggled, “Come on!”
“But what if I don’t want to go.” Spike asked, Dawn smiled.
“If you didn’t love my sister would you have asked her to marry you?” Dawn reasoned. Spike put his hand to his chin and thought for a moment. Realizing the answer, he grabbed Dawns hand.
“Lead the way.” Spike said.
“Here.” Dawn said. Spike looked around. Instead of the dark cemetery, he now stood in the shade of a huge oak. Buffy stood a few feet away in the light of the sun. She word a beautiful strapless red gown along with the playful smile. Buffy took a step closer to Spike and he followed suit.
“Spike. I just wanted to tell you that I am marrying you, not just because your sexy, but because you have a devilishly sexy bod that I want to jump on at this moment. But I have to wait until the honeymoon because Mom said that that’s not of-the-good. Even though your vampire-ness is of the not-good and has taken territory on the bad, evil area. I still love you. Buffy and Spike aren’t like Buffy and cooking because we are mixy. Miss-Cook-USA Buffy is like a Lack-of-Spike Buffy, and an In-Need-of-an-Orgasm Buffy. They suck… Major. I don’t suck… unless I’m with you.”
Spike was awestruck.
“Say your vows…” Xander whispered from Spike’s side. Spike didn’t know what to say to a woman he despised. Did he despise her? Maybe there was no despising of anybody.
“No words can describe my feeling for this beautiful woman. She is my everything. My morning, my night, my breath.“ Everyone laughed at his pun, “That sounded way less corny in my head… How can I explain? I know.”
Spike sang. Spike sang his un-breathing lungs out.
“Ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, ohm.
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.”
Spike stared into the eyes of the woman he loved. She was crying. Spike had brought the slayer to tears with no violence involved.
“Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.”
As Spike finished the song, the wedding guest clapped and applauded. He pulled his gaze away from his bride to bow and then looked back. She was beautiful.
“Effulgent…” Spike whispered.
“Can I add something to my vows?” Buffy asked, raising her hand and turning to the priest.
“I’m pregnant with twins, Spike.”
“Twins? Spike asked, lifting a hand to rub his scalp.
“What do you want to name them?” Buffy asked. She took a huge step towards Spike and awaited his answer.
“Bleedin’ hell… Spike cursed, trying to make sense of all this.
“And?” Buffy asked, her smiled widening to her ears.
“Bleedin’ Hell and…?” Buffy said, her smile fading a bit.
“Nicolas.” Spike said, his smile returning. Buffy frowned and scrunched her nose.
“That name sucks major. I got one! Rupert!”
Spike’s jaw dropped. The Watcher stood up from his place in the crowd and yelled.
“I second that.” Giles cheered, “Jolly good name.”
“Is there anyone that disagrees with this couple.” The Priest asked, amused.
“Yes. My Dark Prince cannot marry The Sunshine. She’ll burn him an turn him to ash. A rose is a rose, but my Spike would not be Spike if he was burned and charred to ashes. My taste buds would turn away in shame. Never a treat good enough to make them happy. Ashes to Ashes. Stupid sunshine, stupid effulgent ray of light… I hate your beams! I hate them!”
“Shut up, Ho-bag.” Buffy yelled, sticking out her tongue.
“Exchange the rings… yadda yadda yadda.” The Priest said. Spike slid his skull ring onto Buffy’s finger and she slipped the Gem of Amara onto his finger, “You may now kiss the bride.”
Spike and Buffy leaned down for a simple kiss and then broke apart at the claps coming from the audience.
“Look!” Buffy pointed up in the sky as it turned dark. Spike looked up. A giant illuminating beehive floated above them, “It’s the honeymoon.”
“That it is, Luv.” Spike said, pulling her flush against him, “What was it that your mum said we had to wait for the honeymoon?”
Buffy blushed a deep shade of red.
“Silly. Not yet… We can’t.”
“Why not, Slayer?”
“Cause I love Angel.” Buffy shrugged.
“Then why did you agree to marry me?” Spike asked.
“I didn’t.” Buffy said, a shy smile appeared on her lips.
“I did.” Spike heard from behind him. There stood another Buffy.
“That’s the Buffybot.” Buffy said. Spike looked back at the wedding-dress clad Buffybot and then back at the Slayer. The latter was gone.
“Hi Spike.” the Buffybot grinned, “Can you do me a favor, Dear Husband? Can you put this disk into my back CD slot?”
“Sure.” Spike said. She spun around and Spike put the CD in, he didn’t miss the label of the CD: WIFE.
Suddenly the Buffybot turned to face him. Her smile was gone, so was the tree. Spike was now in his crypt. But it wasn’t dusty and had pretty doilies all over. The Buffybot stood with a baby in one arm while the other was pushing a vacuum cleaner.
“You never do anything for me. You don’t love me. I’m tired of housework. Skrew you! Fine! Go play around with your young female acquaintances and leave me to rot in our house.” She said, shooing him off, “GO!”
“Fine…” Spike yelled angrily. He turned to leave.
“I was wrong!” The Buffybot cried, reaching out for Spike with an extra arm appearing out of her chest to grab Spike, “I love you! Don’t go, please. I’m worthy! Even if I am some stinking robot, I love you!”
Spike slid out of her grasp and walked out the front door of the crypt. But he couldn’t get too far because a giant pile of doilies separated him from where he wanted to be.
“Where you heading?”
Spike looked up at where the voice was coming from. Buffy was at the top of the Doily hill on a double bike. Spike shrugged and she motioned for him to come. Spike did.
“That’s exactly where I’m going… Sexy.”
“Are you the real one?” Spike asked her.
“Of course, Silly.”
“Will you marry me?”