Chapter 6: All falls down
Buffy stood nervously in front of her mother’s house. She knew what she would say, it’s what she always said, “Men don’t change Buffy and us women need to learn to stop trying to change them.”
The worst part of it was Buffy knew her mother was right. A part of her had always known she was right, you grow up with an abusive bastard and than you marry one, you come to the conclusion fairly easily that there is nothing that you can ever do to change a man.
But that didn’t stop Buffy from standing out on the front porch of her mothers’ house, bags all around her and sleeping baby at her feet. Frozen in place, too scared to move and too scared to leave.
Buffy jumped when the front door was flung open and lovely older woman came flying at her. “You’ve been standing out here for ages and I’ve just about had enough.” Her mother scolded as she kissed her lightly on the cheek and than bent down to see to the baby.
“You slept with him didn’t you.”
“Yes.”
“Good girl.”
Buffy shook her head at her mother’s antics. She had always loved Spike and Buffy knew that she had hidden motives in getting him to pick her up from the airport when her mothers’ sister lived right across the street from L.A X.
“Let’s take this little rendezvous to the backyard. I just made a pitcher of Pina Colada and I feel like a dip in the pool. Come along now sweetheart. I’ll get this beautiful little baby and you can grab the bags.” Joyce Summers grinned as she picked up her granddaughter and called back over her shoulder, “I’ll keep an eye on the baby you go upstairs and change into your suit.” Not waiting for an answer Joyce fled into the kitchen.
Buffy sighed as she struggled getting her bags up the stairs. Did her mother ever get tired? She was always so full of joy and was bursting at the seems with this lust for life. She wondered where she got all of her energy. She was twenty some-odd years younger and didn’t have that kind of zest for life. Truth be told she was sick of it already.
Getting to her room she cringed at the idea of a bathing suit. She still wasn’t as slim as she had once been and she’d be lying if she said it didn’t bother her. She would just have to come to terms with the thought that she would never be a size 2 again.
Pulling out a modest tankini she quickly slipped it on thanking God that she had thought to pack it. Grabbing her sunglasses and a bottle of SPF 50 for the baby she quickly trotted back downstairs.
“Well mother you haven’t changed much about the place.” Buffy remarked as she walked into the kitchen smiling when she saw her mother. She was in a tiny black bikini walking back and forth humming a lullaby as Emma frowned at her. Only her mother could pull off a bikini at the age of 50.
“Why change a good thing, darling? Now my drink is melting so let’s get outside and talk. I know you have so much to tell me. Grab the drinks dear and hurry I am just dying to know what its like to sleep with the one of worlds most wanted bachelors.”
“Mother!”
“What? I’m old not dead. Now grab those drinks will you.”
“Don’t forget Emma’s hat mom.”
“I know Elizabeth. I was a mother once too, you know?”
“Imagine that.”
“Smart ass.”
“Mother! Language. You’d think I raised you not the other way around.” Her only response was the screen door closing and her mother’s laughter and Buffy found herself smiling too. If one thing was for sure, life with that woman was never dull.
Grabbing the glasses in one hand and the pitcher in the other she hurried out to the backyard to see her mother placing Emma into a play pen and making sure she was in the shade of the covered patio before she went out on the deck and grabbed a few chairs.
Having a peek at Emma she quickly followed her mother, plopping down in a chair and setting the beverages on a glass table that was conveniently placed in between the chairs.
“Nice shiner.” Her mother remarked before pouring herself a glass.
“I fell.”
“Bull shit. I’m your mother don’t lie to me. You must have forgotten I had a husband who hit me too.”
“It’s not the same.”
“Pah! Same dance different circumstance. It is the same, whether you see it or not…well that’s your own choice.”
“He loves me.”
“Your world is going to be a much nicer place when you realize that he really doesn’t.” Joyce looked at her daughter, really looked at her and didn’t like what she saw. She knew that this was somehow her fault. Knew that Buffy had suffered through years of abuse because of her, because she wasn’t strong enough to stand up and say no…to stand up and get help. She knew that and that was something she would have to live with for the rest of her life but now there was something she could do about it and there was no way on Gods green earth that she would ever let her daughter or granddaughter suffer the monstrosities that she had to. She would die first.
“Just leave it alone mom.”
“Buffy Anne Summer I will not. Now you will listen to me. I have been quiet long enough! I spent my entire married life despising my husband because he hurt me and playing it off with the lie that he loved me. But you don’t hit the ones you love Buffy. It’s impossible you can’t do it!-”
“Mom, I-”
“Listen! You don’t even know how much I hate myself for not leaving your father sooner. For subjecting you to that but if you don’t leave now think about what it’s going to do to your daughter. Stop being a coward and get up and serve that bastard with divorce papers, press charges, request a restraining order!”
“Are you finished?”
“Not nearly-”
“Let me ask you this first then… why does every man I ever let in hurt me? The problem isn’t with them mom. It’s with me. It must be. Daddy, Angel, and I’m sure every man I am ever going to be with for the rest of my life. Something within me provokes them, makes them act that way. That’s the only logical explanation.” Buffy wouldn’t dare look at her mother, knowing what she’d see in her eyes and knowing that it would just make her break down further.
“You are wrong. You are flat out wrong. They are sick perverse individuals who get off on hitting women. That is the only logical explanation, Buffy. It’s nothing that you did and it’s nothing you could ever do. A man should never hit a woman Buffy. Never. Period. I know that now, I only wish I would have known it when it really mattered.
“I made a lot of mistakes in my life, Buffy. But my mistakes don’t have to be yours. You are a beautiful, intelligent, vibrant young woman and you deserve a hell of a lot better than anything Liam O’Connor could ever give to you.”
“Mom-” She was trying so hard not to let herself fall apart but all she could sit there and do was bawl behind her Gucci sunglasses and pray that there was truth to what her mother was telling her.
“He has no right to ever make you do anything you don’t want to do. He has no right to force you into anything. No one can tell you what to do Buffy. There is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing provoking, or ugly, or unlovable about you and there has been a man that has tried time and time again to prove that to you Buffy. But there is something I have grown to see that after an abusive relationship we come to believe that it’s normal, especially someone like you who grew up with it, and we grow to crave it. To need it, because it’s all we’ve ever known. Its like drugs, at times they feel so good and other times they make you feel like hell but they are always bad for you.
“I know that sometimes he can be so good and others he can hurt you real bad but it’s all abuse just the same and it is never ever okay.”
“So why can’t I stop, mom? Why can’t I tell him no? Why do I let him do those things to me? Why do I let him hurt me?” Buffy cried.
“Because you love him and you want to fix him but baby…he can’t be fixed. He will always be that way and when you come to accept that is when you’ll be able to walk away.”
Getting up while wiping tear track off her cheeks she excused herself and went back into the house, needing a minute to re-group herself.
She didn’t like the person she was quickly becoming or maybe it was the person she had always been. When you strip everything away from a person the only thing left is the person they are so terrified of seeing. She didn’t know what she was going to do about Angel. She didn’t know what she was going to do about Spike. All she knew at that point was she wanted out. A chance to start over…a new beginning.
And for the next week she was going to stay in California. She was going to give herself sometime to figure out what she wanted and what was best for her and her daughter…after that…well she was hoping that things might just fall into place.
“Sorry I put such a damper on the conversation out there. I didn’t mean to upset you, baby but I don’t like to see you hurt.” She jumped when she heard her mother’s voice not noticing that she had come in.
“No mom, don’t be. You spoke truth and I needed to hear it. Thank you,” She stood up and crossed the floor needing the arms of her mother, needing to feel her strength and the reassurance that everything would be okay.
“Enough of this serious talk! I want to know how William is in bed!”
She snorted at her mother’s change of subject and cringed at the idea of discussing details of her personal sex life with her mother. Thanking God when the door bell rang.
“I’ll get it. Why don’t you make us a couple Margaritas mama?” Buffy was out of the kitchen like a shot, tying her hair up in a bun as she padded barefoot to the front door. Swinging it open and wishing she hadn’t she frowned, “What are you doing here?”
“Well ‘ello cutie. I missed you too.”
Her frown deepened. He was grinning…why was he grinning? “And I repeat why are you here?”
“Thought I’d stop by and see your mum. How is she by the way? Mind if I come in, luv?” He asked as she tried to block him from coming inside.
“Actually I don’t think that would be-”
“Well speak of the devil! If it isn’t William Giles! We were just talking about you!” Joyce ran up to the door and pushed her daughter to the side as she wrapped Spike in a hug and kissed his cheek. “My oh my have you grown up! Come in, come in I was just making some margaritas I know that you wouldn’t let a couple beautiful ladies drink alone, now would you.”
Buffy cringed as she saw her mother take off her sarong and smack Spikes ass with it as she followed him into the kitchen. Yeah…no more margaritas for mom.
“Of course not Mrs. Summers, now that would be rude of me.” He said and threw a wink back at Buffy as she rolled her eyes.
“Oh please William! I have asked you so many times to call me Joyce! Mrs. Summers makes me feel so old.” Buffy snorted and thought to herself, ‘rightfully so. You are old.’
Going back out onto the patio to check on Emma, Buffy wasn’t surprised when they followed her out there.
“Thank you so much for picking Buffy up for me. I hope it wasn’t too much trouble I don’t know what I would have done without you.” Her mother said sweetly as she batted her eyelashes at Spike and he gave her a devilish smirk. Buffy felt like vomiting, there was nothing like your mother flirting with your ex lover.
“Anything for you Joyce Buffy was a bit fickle at first but she warmed up quite nicely.” He said the hidden meaning blatant as he chuckled slightly at Buffy’s blush.
“Good to hear.”
Emma picked that moment to start fussing and Buffy was thankful for the distraction. Her mother and Spike had always loved each other and they had always shared a special bond, she had never had a problem with it till now.
“I think I’ll leave you two out here to talk, I really need to go feed Emma.” Getting up and heading back inside Buffy was relieved when she heard the conversation take a turn toward Spikes career.
~+~
“She’s beautiful.” Buffy looked up and was surprised to see Spike leaning against the doorway. “Sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“No, its okay. Thanks” She watched him carefully as he came to sit next to her.
“Can I hold her?” He asked quietly not daring to look into Buffy’s eyes. He was far from admitting it but waking up without her there was like a knife to his gut and truth be told he really hadn’t forgiven her for it yet.
“Sure.” Carefully she placed the sleeping baby in his arms marveling at the great care he took not to jostle her to much.
“Emma…right?” He said while looking down at said little girl with what Buffy could only describe as ‘awe’.
“Yeah.”
“She looks just like her mother.” He grinned. “Has your nose.”
“Unfortunately. She’ll never forgive me when she gets to high school.”
“I think your nose is downright adorable! It gives your face character. S’cute like a button.”
She giggled. “You would say that.”
The atmosphere around them changed in an instant as he looked at her with sad eyes. “Is it wrong if I say that I wish she were mine?”
On the verge of a heart attack she whispered quietly “Is it wrong if I sometimes wish that too?”
He leaned down and kissed Emma so sweetly on the forehead that for a moment she wished she could have been that baby. She wished she was the one in his arms, the one on the other end of that look of awe.
“I still can’t believe you’re a mum.” He said changing the subject.
“Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe myself but then there are times where it feels like we've been together forever. Being a mother is so fulfilling, so amazing, you’ll understand what I mean someday. To have someone so dependent on you and you alone, it’s very humbling. It makes me step back and appreciate my own mother.” She looked at him and made up her mind to broach the elephant in the room.
“Last night… I shouldn’t have…” she stuttered.
“Don’t. Please just… not now. Not when I am so thoroughly enjoying this moment with this precious little girl. Don’t ruin it.” He wouldn’t even look at her and she resisted the urge to jump up onto her feet and start yelling at him.
He was always so…so infuriating! Why couldn’t he just hate her! Why did he have to care? Why did he have to hold her daughter with such love and tenderness and stare at her like the sun and the moon rose and set with her? When Angel had never even dared to pick her up!
She had never been so jealous of a baby.
“I see you fuming over there, luv. I will fight with you in a moment but for now let me have this. Let me pretend for just a moment that she is mine and you are mine and this is our happy little life… That you stayed. Just let me pretend for a little while.”
And just like that all of her anger evaporated. She had nothing to say, so she sat perfectly still and let him.
[Reviews - 55]
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | 
Chapter or Story
Has been viewed 1511 times
- Text Size +
-
Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story |
Chapter or Story | Chapter or Story - Text Size +