I Don't Wanna Know


I don’t wanna know what happens after this night. I don’t wanna know whether she’ll leave me in my wake or sleep. I just want to hold her in my arms. Take this moment and spread it to eternity. I don’t wanna know what she thinks of me at this moment. If she loves me or still thinks me a friend. I don’t wanna know if she’ll ever love me or go back to hating me as before.

Thinking about the future scares me. Thinking about what happens when morning comes makes me want to run in fear of everything. To think such a demon could hold so much humanity inside without even knowing it.

All I know is that in this moment, I am fully, perfectly, complete. Effulgent. I laugh. Effulgent. Such a word isn’t worthy of her. While it was great for Ms. Cecily when I was a mere man, it isn’t even close to what Buffy is. She is greater than anything. Strong, sturdy, but gentle, tender, everything a Slayer, sister, and friend should be. Perfect in every way. I don’t ever want her to change.

As I lay here with her in my arms, running my fingers through her silken hair, staring deeply into her golden hazel orbs, I feel as though she could see right through me. Feel as if she could tell what was running through my head and be ok with everything.

And as I think about her, about how much I love her, and wouldn’t let her go till the end of the world, I know she feels the same. I don’t know how I do, but I just know.

I don’t wanna know what will happen in the morning. I don’t wanna know what will happen tomorrow or the next day. I am just content to lay next to her and know that she knows I love her with all my heart.





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