“Spike!” Buffy screamed as she climbed through the large sash window on the front of the house; her usual way of entering his room.
“Jesus, Buffy. I’m sitting right here,” Spike said from his place on his bed.
“Right, sorry. Well?” She said with an expectant face.
“Well…?” He said coming to stand next to her.
Buffy threw her best friend a filthy look and proceeded to punch him in the arm with more strength than was necessary.
She ignored his look of righteous anger except from returning it with one of her own that showed she could hardly contain her excitement. When she started to bob up and down he knew the regular shriek would be inevitable. “Well? Did you get in?”
Spike waved a single piece of paper at her with a beam of his own. “I sure did.”
And then the shrieking. Which after seventeen years of Buffy he was more than expecting. Just like he was expecting her to jump on him.
He caught her of course, like he always did and twirled them as she giggled in his ear.
When she was returned to the ground she started jumping again and clapping her hands together.
“Ocho Rios Grand Beach and Spa here we come!”
Spike chuckled at his friend and wrapped her in his arms with his chin resting on top of her head.
The two had put in applications for work in the luxury hotel months before. And that morning they had received their acceptance letters. Spike was going to be a soccer trainer for children and adults. And since Buffy had left it so late deciding what she wanted to do there, she was going to be a life guard for the three months in Jamaica. Which was cool with her. She was a good swimmer and she’d top up her tan that way. Maybe if she had decided earlier and been a more organised she could have done something a little more suited to her. But being her unorganised, forgetful and ditzy self she hadn’t.
‘Maybe I’ll get to save Nick Carter. Or some high profile politician and I’ll get an award. Hmmm,’ she thought to herself. ‘I think being a life guard could definitely have it’s perks after all.’ Actually, a month and a half before she was dreading their time in Jamaica. She had been really excited, but then Spike’s declaration changed all of that.
It was his turn to host Friday movie night, a very old tradition. They were happily sitting on his bed munching popcorn when he turned Thelma and Louise off and said that he had something big to tell her. He then went on to say that he had been in love with her for as long as he could remember and, if she would let him, he wanted to spend the rest of his life making her happy.
Flashback
“I don’t know what to say Spike,” she said in earnest.
“Well, could you ever love me too?” He asked uncertainly.
Her eyes filled with tears of confusion and sorrow and she whispered no in a voice so quiet he was surprised he heard her. He watched in anguish as she fled through his window, her tears mixing with the rain of the April shower outside.
Spike’s heart broke that night.
The next morning, she woke up in her bed in Spike’s arms, a way that wasn’t unfamiliar.
He gazed down at her and smiled. “Morning, pet.” When she moved away from his and started to babble he interrupted her. “Hold that thought for just a minute, love. I’m not here to try and make you say anything or to renew any sentiments that you don’t need to hear again just yet. I’m here to tell you that I forgive you.” When he saw her confused expression he decided to elaborate. “Well, I know that I’ll never love anyone else. And I know that we are made for each other. But I know now that you’ll never love me, so I wanted to say that it’s okay that you’re throwing away what we could have.”
He gulped when he saw he face of fury. “Your turn.” Their arguments always were polite.
“Thankyoup! You forgive me? YOU forgive ME?” She screamed. “Have you completely lost your mind?! You’re insane! We have been best friends for seventeen years, Spike! You do not fall in love with a person after all that time and expect them to be okay with it, to expect them to see it coming. What did you think? That I was going to recite a sonnet and we’d live happily ever after with two kids and a dog? WE are not those people, Spike. That person is out there somewhere, waiting for you, but she is not me.” she took a breath. “Rant over, you can go.”
“Thanks.” His eyes narrowed and he found himself shouting. Good thing Joyce was out of town. “Okay, first off, don’t tell me I’m insane. If anyone’s crazy here it’s you! I know what we could have is special if only you’d let yourself feel it. We’re connected on so may levels, Buffy. Nobody understands me the way you do. Nobody gets you like me.”
“Maybe so Spike, but that’s what makes us such good friends. I’m sorry. I love you, but not I the way you want. I need you, but not the way you want. What we have now is special, why ruin it with a relationship that wouldn’t work and would be over in weeks? You can argue your point as much as you want, but this is something I won’t budge on.”
He looked at her. Really looked at her. Her usually smiling mouth was set firmly in that determined way she used with her mom. Her brow was kitted in resolve. The finality in her eyes was nothing new. But what really stood out to him was the plea that her saw in her green depths. It was a plea to let her win this one, to let them keep their bond.
And he gave in. He wanted to make her happy and if swallowing his pride and his love did that then he was more than willing.
The next couple of weeks were a little awkward but soon enough they settled back into their routine. Things were normal again.
End flashback
Spike told her to forget it ever happened and on the surface she did. But she couldn’t inside. Maybe Spike was okay with him loving her. But she wasn’t. It made the fact that she loved him too so much harder to live with. She would much rather to tell him how she felt. It would be easier for everyone. For their mothers who had been openly planning their marriage since before their children could walk. For their younger sisters who taunted them with cries of how they knew Buffy and Spike loved each other daily just to get under their skin. For him, for whom she only wanted happiness. And for her, who only wanted him.
But what happened when everything went wrong and they broke up and their lifelong friendship was lost? Would he skip town so she never saw him again? Would she skip town and run from that because it was too hard? Would their mothers and sisters hate her? Would he hate her too? The thought brought tears to her eyes.
No. It was easier to stay the way they were. To remain as friends. To remain safe and together. Even if it killed her inside.
Which it did. Because as lame as it sounded even inside her own head she knew Spike was her soul mate. And if their mothers hadn’t been best friends since 1974, maybe they could have been more. When they were lying on his bed the way they did every Friday movie night and he told her he had something he needed to say, she knew what it was just like she knew what she should have said back, but the fears she was now accustomed to stopped her.
They had didn’t have a friendship like anyone else at Sunnydale High. Their friendship couldn’t be forgotten in weeks after it was broken. They had a friendship that everyone else was jealous of. Buffy’s significant others always hated Spike and his hated her because they their lover‘s friend had seen places within them that they themselves could never imagine. And there was never a drought in dates. As the school’s soccer star Spike was adored by girls and boys alike. And the team worshiped Buffy as the successful captain of the cheerleading squad that never failed to win them tournaments and therefore the school adored Buffy too.
They were a perfect match. Sure, they had weirdly polite arguments some times, explosive loud arguments, but they never lasted more than three days before one would crawl through the other’s window with gifts of candy and movies and they would meet each other in pleads for forgiveness.
Buffy was disturbed from her thoughts by Spike’s voice.
“This summer is going to be the best,” he said. “We’ll go to Jamaica, earn some cash and have fun while doing it. And you know, if the life guard thing doesn’t work out, you could always try and pass the time as a children’s entertainer. That seal impression is really coming along.”
“Hey!” She exclaimed and once again punched him in the arm.
“Hey!” He exclaimed back while rubbing the newly tender spot on his arm. “Excuse me, Mike Tyson, but are you aware of the increasing amount of bruises I’m getting? I swear to God, you’re femininity is disappearing more every day,” he joked.
Buffy smiled in response. “Yeah, but you love me anyway.”
Her eyes widened to comic proportions when she realised her mistake. “Uhm, I mean, well you know …” The laughter in his eyes silenced her.
“Buffy. It’s okay,” he chuckled in his Spikeish way of chuckling. “I know you don’t love me. But I just want us to be friends because I know nothing else is going to happen. So stop walking on egg shells, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” she said and let herself drift back in to his arms, the place where she was the most safe and in the most danger all at the same time.
‘God, you are such a freak sometimes,’ she thought to herself.
~ ~ ~
Buffy and Spike were now one month into the three they had in Jamaica and they were loving every second.
They had settled into an east routine: Breakfast, work, lunch, fun, dinner, fun, sleep, repeat. It was a magical place. So magical in fact that even Spike was starting to get a tan from his daily soccer workouts.
He was taking the kids class on a gentle jog down the beach and thinking about Buffy, something he found himself doing more and more. The fact of the matter was that he was okay with it now. He was okay with her being unable to love him. It had taken him a while but he knew that he was the one who she would always love as a friend and to him that was just as treasured. He still wanted her, so much it made him scream sometimes, but he learned how to suppress it. He was in a good place in his life.
~ ~ ~
Buffy was sitting in the life guard tower thinking about Spike yet again. It was all she ever seemed to do these days. She had hoped that she would find a way of not loving him if she was given time, but she’d had two and a half months and she was more in love with him than ever.
She looked out over the sea. It was beautiful. The palm trees along the white sand gave the beach that exotic look that could only be found in magazines. It was deserted to, which only added to it’s serenity. However that serenity soon vanished before her eyes as Spike and fifteen kids under the age of eleven stormed onto the beach. She climbed down to meet them.
She felt her heart tighten when she saw Spike’s face light up as his eyes landed on her.
“Just play around for a bit, guys,” he yelled and tossed them a ball.
He made his way over to her, eyes drinking her up. She had gotten a bronzed tan out here in the sun all day. The scarlet swimsuit that made up her uniform clung to her perfect curves. Her golden hair highlighted by the sun was shinier than he could remember. She was amazing.
Buffy was thinking much the same as Spike crossed the sand. His lean body was toned to perfection from all the extra workouts. His skin was the most beautiful shade of gold. His eyes that reflected the sea seemed to sparkle more.
“Hey, pet. How’s it going?”
“Amazing. I love it here.”
“I know. You tell me fifty times a day,” he teased.
They laughed together for a while until one of the kids ran over to tell Spike that they had to be back soon.
“I have to go. I’ll see you at the pool after work?”
“Erm, yeah. Can we take a walk here? After dinner?”
Spike simply smiled at her. They often took walks on that beach.
“Of course. I’ll see you later.”
“Okay.”
Spike winked at her and ran off with the laughing kids behind him. She watched them disappear down the beach one of the smaller boys on Spike’s back. ‘He really is good with them. He’ll make an amazing father.’
That was when it hit her. Really hit her. He was going to be someone’s father, someone’s husband. He was going to be someone’s everything. Someone else’s everything. She started to pace in the sand. All she wanted to do was tell him.
‘Maybe I was being stupid before. If we really tried it could work. But doesn’t everyone really try? And look at mom and dad - look at Spike’s mom and dad. Maybe love isn’t enough,’ she rambled internally. And then through it all a voice cut through her confused reflection. ‘But what if it is?’ Cordelia’s voice asked her. Her best friend and worse enemy had always said be open with Spike, well she was about to get what she wanted.
So was Buffy. She was going to get everything she could ever want. Their love would survive.
~ ~ ~
She wasn’t sure if she imagined it or not, but that night the stars seemed twinkle brighter that night as if in anticipation of things to come.
They had agreed to meet under the palms at eight o’clock. It was five to eight and Buffy still had no idea what she was going to say. She wiped her palms on her white halter dress and took a deep breath, toeing the sand with her bare feet. There was no need for shoes here. ‘Oh my God! What if he doesn’t love me any more? And he hasn’t said it again. What if he doesn’t love me?! What was I thinking? I can’t tell him. There’s no way I can just tell him.’ She decided there and then to smother her love once again with her fear. She would keep her confession to herself and give him something else. Something safe. An apology.
Her breath caught in her throat when she saw Spike coming across the beach. He was wearing loose shorts low on his hips and a white short sleeved shirt. Like her, he was bare foot. The moon lit his handsome face up as he approached her. It was full of love. She remembered him exactly like that years after.
“Hey,” she said her voice squeaky.
“Hey,” he said his voice calm and deep. When neither of them moved he suggested they start walking. They were half way down the beach when Buffy grabbed his arm to stop him. “I have something I need to tell you, Spike,” she whispered.
He looked at her in curiosity. “Go ahead.” There was an air of anxiety around him that night.
“Okay. Here goes. For as long as I can remember you’ve been there. Always. I could depend on you when nothing else made sense around me. And I was there for you. When my dad left you held me when I cried. You were seven, you hardly knew what was going on yourself, but you knew I needed you. You have never ever let me down. You have always fought for me, when I couldn’t defend myself you fought for me. And then, when you told me you loved me-”
“Love.”
“What?”
“No. You said loved. I love you.”
Her mouth opened of it’s own accord, she was not expecting that. That changed everything. ‘Confession back on then.’
“Erm, okay. Right well, you told me … that. And you disappointed me -”
“Buffy -”
“No, Spike! I need to get this out.” She angrily swiped the tears from her cheeks unseeing of the tears that stained his own.
“You disappointed me that day. I said I could never love you. And you just accepted it. You didn’t fight for me Spike. And if you had I would have found the strength to tell you I love you too.” She couldn’t go on. Her sobs racked her body.
A chocked laugh came from his throat as he fell to his knees before her, wrapping his arms around her waist. His laughter turned to sobs and she felt her heart break a little.
“I’m sorry. I love you, Buffy. More than anything I love you. Please Buffy. Let me love you. Let me try again,” he sobbed into her stomach. She dropped to her knees next to him in the sand. Gazing into his eyes with love and amusement in her emerald depths.
“You’re a stupid boy, Spike. But I guess you’re my stupid boy because I love you and I’m not afraid anymore. I’ll be here to hold you when you cry and fight when you can’t.”
She reached over and brushed the tears from his face.
And then he did something that really surprised her. He fell back onto his back and laughed. It was the loudest happiest laugh she had ever heard from him. She took the hands that he reached out to her and felt herself pulled down on top of him, hysterical laughter consuming her too as they rolled in the sand together like they did when they were kids on Sunnydale beach.
Their laughter subsided, eventually.
“Where do we go from here?” She asked from her position beneath Spike.
“I think I have some idea,” he whispered leaning down to capture her lips in a soft kiss that was all about their torrent of emotions. He poured everything into that kiss; his love, happiness, promises. What started off as a gentle kiss quickly escalated to one that only years of concealed love can bring.
“Are we really doing this?” He asked her panting with desire.
“No going back now,” she sniggered until he once again silenced her with his kiss.
~ ~ ~
Buffy woke on the beach warm and comfy. And naked. The sun was beginning to rise. Spike’s arm was draped around her waist and he was snoring softly against her shoulder.
She was happy. Loved. In terrible need of a bathroom.
She tried to ignore it but it was no use. And there was no way she was peeing outside. She turned in her lover’s arms and smiled when she saw him. He looked exactly like he had on his fifth birthday. Adorable.
“Spike?” She began to shake him. “Spike? Wake up.”
His eyes fluttered and he was awake.
“Hey,” she whispered.
“I love you,” he greeted.
“I love you. But I have to pee.”
“How romantic,” he grumbled good naturedly with a roll of his eyes.
They set about gathering the clothes which had been thrown around the beach the night before.
When they were fully dressed they ran back to the resort hand in hand, giggling all the way.
~ ~ ~
Let's dance in style, lets dance for a while
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?
Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders we're getting in tune
The music's played by the mad men
Forever young, I want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever? Forever young
Later that night when they were both done with work they met back on the beach.
They had taken a stroll along the water, made out against a palm tree, done some things that made Buffy blush against a palm tree, and they were sitting by the water, Buffy leaning against Spike’s chest.
“I want to stay exactly like this forever,” she sighed. “I want to stay seventeen right here on this beach with you until the day I die.”
“ Well, I don’t. I’ll have to move pretty soon because I think you’ve been left without a cheerleading work out a little long pet. You’re starting to get like a dead weight,” he joked.
“Funny.”
She savoured the feeling of his chuckle rumbling against her back.
“Spike?”
“Yes?”
“Why do you love me?”
“Well, after seeing you in that uniform…”
The punch she threw at his arm made him sober. ‘She’s still Mike Tyson under the big hair and pretty eyes after all,’ Spike mused.
“I’m serious. You could have anyone. But you chose me. Don’t you want more?”
“Well, you could have anyone too. But you chose me. Why did you do that?”
“Because I love you.”
“Right. And I love you. I love how you make me laugh, how wrinkle your nose when you’re confused about something. I love how you can punch harder than any guy I know and I love how you make me feel when I’m with you. How you know what I’m thinking without asking and how you know everything about me.”
Buffy twisted in his lap so that she was facing him, letting him see the tears in her eyes.
“I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness, and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand, with perfect clarity, exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.”
Maybe they would face problems tomorrow, or the day after. But it didn’t matter then. They had each other. They would fight for each other, love each other.
When she would jump, he would catch her, and he’d twirl them before putting her back down.
They would be best friends, until eighty years later when their three kids, twelve grand kids and eight great grandkids gathered in Ocho Rios to remember them.
To remember their love.
Their love that blazed.
Their love that survived.
The end.
Awrghhhhh :) Just something fluffy for you. Reviews please?
Lots of love x
Quotes from Touched and Forever Young lyrics taken from Forever Young by the amazing Youth Group (L)
Author's Chapter Notes:
Something short and fluffy for you guys :)