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Author's Chapter Notes:
A huge tahnks goes out to the wonderfully magnificent and talented Gillypod for her fine Beta'ring. I kiss the ground you walk upon.
None of it is mine it all belongs to Joss and the Folks at ME
Chapter One
Every end has a beginning

Buffy sat with her back pressed up against the stone wall, the tip of Angelus’ sword pointed at her. She stared hopelessly into the cold eyes of the man who had once been the love of her young life.

A small internal chuckle echoed through her mind. ‘Ironic’, she thought, ‘I’ve felt like my back was against a wall for months, and now here I am; literally backed up against a wall with no way out.’

Angelus looked down upon her face, a sardonic grin played on his thinned lips as he drank in the vision of his slayer pressed against a stone wall, broken and defeated. He could taste her emotions, sadness, guilt heartbreak, defeat. Malevolent pride filled him; it was all because of him. He knew where to aim his barbs to inflict the most pain.

He let the sword he would use to kill the slayer dance before her eyes savoring in the torment. He was going to relish this moment, determined to torment her up to the last second of her worthless life.
“That’s everything ha…no weapons, no friends, and no hope. Take all that away and what’s left?” he sneered at her.

Closing her eyes, Buffy searched inside herself to find the strength to win this battle. His words echoed through her mind, she expected, as he did, that his words would cut and shatter her already fragile heart, instead she had a moment of clarity. A knowing breeze danced past her, and with it came the answer.
She was going to win this.

Because what Angelus didn’t know, or even begin to realize, was that she never had those things to begin with. When she walked into the mansion, she had already lost everything, and everyone important in her life.

She was the Chosen One.

“Me.”

Catching the blade between her palms, she shoved it back, hitting Angelus square in the nose sending him reeling. She leapt into the fight.

Inside the mansion, Spike was fighting a hysterical Drusilla. Thin pale arms were violently flaying about, grabbing, poking and ripping at whatever they could reach, which just happened to be Spike.
Spike passively defended himself from Drusilla’s frenzied attack as she as she clawed at him, slicing his skin with her razor sharp nails. Spike ignored the sting of her nails as they cut a path across his skin, the pain paled in comparison to the pain and heartache she had inflicted upon him the past few months. What tore at Spikes heartstrings was the words that spewed from her blackened lips. She tormented him with her devotion to Angelus, proving for the last time that she belonged to him, her Daddy only.
Images of Dru and the heartless glint in her eye as she teased him by showing off to whom she belonged; for whom she had waited for all those years while he had loved her and taken care of her filled his vision.

As Drusilla added salt to his open wounds, Anger replaced heartache he had, had enough. It was time to end this nightmare. Spike found the voice he had lost since he had been stuck, helpless in a wheelchair.

Pinning her to the wall Spike forcefully stopped her attack. “Dru”, he gritted through clenched teeth, trying to contain the anger that boiled in his veins. “Please, I don’t want to hurt you baby.”
Spikes words filtered through her muddy mind and she stopped struggling against him. Drusilla’s face softened as she looked into his eyes. This was the game they played she would hurt and punish until her dark knight would play no more, then he would lash out violently ending her playtime. She loved this game.

However, this time it was different, he was different. She could see what reflected in his eyes, his future. Going eerily quiet her fingers slowly reached out to caress the sharp contours of Spikes face, her fingers danced across his soft skin like they had done thousands of times before “Ashes, ashes we all fall down” she whispered.

Drusilla smiled her knowing smile at Spike her voice hauntingly soft as she spoke.
“She’s taken you all the way to her side, pet. My dark prince was lost in the dark, but now he stands in the sun.”
She pulled her hand back from him, accusation burning in her eyes. “Poor Willy, don’t you know the sun is harmful to us, it burns us to ashes”, she chastised.

Spike knitted his brows in confusion, “What Dru? You’re not making any sense, who’s taken what?”

She brought his attention to the direction of the slayer and Angelus.
Their fighting had come to a sudden stop, a portal swirling behind Angelus. Spike stood very still, staring wide-eyed at the scene playing out before them. He released his grip on Drusilla as he watched the slayer and Angelus.

“What’s happening?” Angel spoke as his soul returned.

“Shh…don’t worry about it, now close your eyes,” she whispered.

Her tears were falling freely now as she realized that Angelus was gone, leaving a confused Angel kneeling before her. Her mind didn’t spare her heart a moment’s happiness, as she understood Whistler’s final words. Her heart was the ultimate sacrifice to save the world.

Watching the scene play out Spike could almost taste the turmoil of emotions burning through Buffy’s veins as she confronted the man responsible for the heartache she had endured over the past few months.
What surprised him was that after everything that Angelus had done to her and those she loved, Spike could clearly see that Buffy still loved Angel with her whole heart.
He had always yearned for someone to love him with such intensity, to be loved as he loved. He was drawn deeper into their little drama.

As Angel stood to face Buffy, she let her fingers brush along the side of his face. Her mind etching every detail of him to her memory

Buffy’s tear stained lips touched Angels’ ever so gently. Her kiss conveyed her emotions, saying all that she wanted to say; ‘I love you’ and ‘I’m sorry.’

Mostly it said ‘Goodbye’.

Then without a moments’ pause, Buffy plunged the sword through Angel’s heart, effectively closing the portal and sending him to hell.

An ear-shattering scream filled the deathly quiet that had fallen over the mansion. Drusilla, her voice lost to everything but the cry of grief, lunged for the slayer.

Spike watched stunned as the slayer welcomed death at the hands of his black beauty. Why he did what he did next he’ll never fully understand, perhaps it was the pain at the death of his grandsire along with the anger at Dru’s betrayal of his love that made him push the raging vampiress away from Buffy.
With Drusilla, lying in a heap on the floor Spike bellowed out his frustration and hurt at her. Drusilla turned her face up to look at him, dirt, tears and blood staining her once beautiful features.

He snatched up a piece of broken crate to use as a weapon. His grip tightened around it with every second that passed.

Seething, Spike stared into the cold black orbs that were her eyes, searching for any recognition of the love he had shared with her for over a century.

Drusilla giggled manically, staring at the makeshift stake desperately clutched in his hands as she scrambled to find her feet.
Her laughter faded as a moment of clarity passed over her features. Her long thin fingers reached out to caress his soft face one last time. “My sweet William”, her voice was aberrantly calm as she spoke to him. “I always knew you were never meant for me, not for forever.” Her hand reached for his, the one clutching the stake, she wrapped her fingers around his, holding his fist in hers. Both knew what was about to happen.

She welcomed it.

“I’m sorry, Dru,” he whispered in her ear as the piece of wood pushed it’s way into her dead heart.

Memories, buried deep from a lifetime ago rushed forward, blinding him. All he could see for that split second were the eyes of his mother staring back at him as he drove a makeshift stake deep into her undead heart.

Drusilla’s ashes gently falling into an untidy pile on the flagged floor, snapped him back to the present.

Buffy and Spike stood facing each other, silent. Two mortal enemies united in torment over the death of their lovers.
Moments or hours passed, neither knew, neither cared.

Spike threw his head back, a primal roar pouring from his lips. The sound echoed off the thick stone walls reverberating through Buffy as she watched the vampire vent his grief.

Turning to look at her with a storm of emotions in his eyes, he grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the garage where the Desoto waited. She allowed herself to be dragged behind him; too numb to think.

He ushered her into the passenger seat, cursing as he slammed the door. She watched him as he went around the car to flop into the driver’s seat.

Her tear stained face searched his. She needed to say something. She needed to tell him to stop, to say that she was not going anywhere with him. She was getting out of this car right NOW!

However, tears had swallowed her voice. Therefore, she sat silent beside him, drowning in the emotions burning through her veins.

Sitting in the silence of Spikes car, Buffy never knew so many thoughts could scream through her mind in an instant.
Her mother’s angry words echoed in her mind ‘you walk out of this house right now, don’t ever think of coming back.’ Xanders’ pep talk as she went into the mansion to face the biggest fight of her life, the sight of Willows’ broken body lying in the hospital bed.
The look of disappointment behind the swelling and bruising in Giles’ eyes as Xander helped him out of the mansion.

Worst of all was the look in Angels’ eyes as she had sunk the sword into his heart.

Her body trembled in response to all the pain she had inflicted on those she proclaimed to love. Her heart was irrevocably broken. Her strength and courage was all but gone. In that moment of insight, she knew she could never go back to her life, to her family, to her friends.

She had caused them too much pain.

Sucking in a shaky breath she somehow managed to find her voice, if only for a moment.

“I need to go home and get some things.”
The engine roared to life. His only reply was a firm nod.

~*~*~*~*~

They had been driving for four days. Each stop was a welcomed distraction of nothing in an otherwise uneventful trip to nowhere. Or was it somewhere? Perhaps it was anywhere but where they were.

With mourning silence as their only companion, they lost themselves in the memories of what had happened.
Buffy and Spike were looking for an explanation for the madness that was Sunnydale. Both of them were desperately trying to find some reason behind their heartache something small that would make it better for just a moment.
Neither of them finding it in the darkness that had swallowed them.

So there they sat, alone together, waiting for the moment when the realization of what they had done would fully hit. Waiting for that split second in time when their worlds imploded. Waiting for when the guilt ate them whole and spat out what was left.

Shadows, a constant reminder of what they had done.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

“No need pet”, he answered, his eyes never leaving the road.

She pulled her gaze from the passing highway and turned to him. “No. I have to say it…I’m sorry,” her voice cracking as she managed to utter the only words she had spoken in nearly a week.

He turned to look at her. The eyes staring back at him were drowning in emotion. He saw the guilt she had believed was hers for what had happened between them. His gruff reply, so clear in his head, died before it even reached his lips.

Silently she begged him to respond to her plea, to say something, anything to ease her pain.

Part of him blamed her for unleashing the monster that started this train wreck. However, deep in his heart, somewhere past the hurt, the anger, and the grief, he knew she was not solely to blame.

“Its okay” he answered. Spike knew that even if she didn’t believe the words right now, she needed to hear them.

He turned his attention back to the road effectively ending their conversation.





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