Impact
“You’re afraid I’m gonna hurt you.”
Buffy’s jaw clenched as she released Spike’s lapels.
“Shut. Up.”
“That’s it, isn’t it? Look pet, I’ll be the first to admit that love is—”
“Spike,” Buffy started, “just don’t.” She turned her back on him, but she just stood there, fists clenched like she wanted to hit something—probably him—but she stood still all the same.
“Love can be pain,” he continued quietly, though his voice was strong and steady. “Speaking from first hand knowledge, not that you’re a stranger to that. And that’s the rub, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Buffy, stop living in denial, all right? Bloody Angel hurt you.”
“Angel didn’t…Angelus is not him.”
Spike strode over to her then, grabbed her arm and spun her around. Gripping her shoulders, he stared her down.
“I am not talking about sodding Angelus,” he said sternly, voice low and almost menacing. “I’m talking about Angel. I’m talking about Captain Cardboard. They walked away all on their own didn’t they?”
Buffy knocked his arms away, scowling.
“Yeah. Like Dru, huh?” she said lightly.
Spike scoffed. “Yeah, let’s try and make this about me, even though I’m not the one with the hang ups,” he said flippantly. He sighed, attempting to start over more calmly. “I know how I feel about you, and I’m not afraid of it. I’m not running away. I’m not traipsing off to parts unknown, no matter how hard you push, so just. Stop. Testing me. All right?” he finished, nostrils flared, breathing deeply from his impassioned statement.
“I can’t…” She trailed off, looking away, teary eyed. “I can’t love you, Spike.”
“Is that right?” he asked, voice trembling. She turned her head sharply, looking at him, anger and hurt on her face.
“You know I can’t.”
“Can’t, or don’t? Two different things, that. But let me guess, huh? It’s against the rules, is it? I don’t count? Don’t have a shiny, good soul? Is that it?”
Buffy just stood there looking at him, her expression somber.
“Well guess what, pet? I don’t give a piss about the rules, and neither should you. I’ve changed, Buffy. Why won’t you see that?” he pleaded.
“Spike—”
“I’ve changed. And I love you. That’s all there is to it.”
“But I don’t love you,” she said quietly.
“You can’t,” he said bitterly.
She looked away, wrapping her arms around herself.
Spike sighed, turning on his heel.
“Maybe not now. Maybe not tomorrow,” he said as we walked away, “but give it time, love.” He paused, turning partially to face her.
“In the meantime, I’ll give you some space, yeah? But no worries—I won’t be far. Whenever you’re ready to come out, well, you know where to find me.”
Buffy looked startled at his statement, but before she could respond in any way, he turned and left; left her alone in the dark, abandoned house.
She looked around the dark, unstable structure for a moment, and then released a shaky sigh.
She walked out, leaving the abandoned building behind her.
Note: This takes place before Buffy convinces herself that Spike can't love, or that it's only real to him, etc, which is why that argument doesn't play into this one shot.
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Author's Chapter Notes:
I realized I hadn't posted here in quite awhile, and came up with a couple of short one shots...
Chapter End Notes:
Yeah, two polar opposites, I know. At any rate, I hope it was worth the gander.