PART ONE
Buffy walked through the ever familiar Restfield Cemetery, making one last sweep before she decided to head in for the night, and telling herself she was most definitely not there in hopes of bumping into Spike. Nope, she was strictly there to kill evil vampires. Non-Spike like evil vampires.
Her head popped up when a twig snapped off to her left, and then she swiftly felt her resolve slip away when it turned out to be a cat, and not Spike like she was hoping. Two minutes into her patrol and she had already stopped lying to herself… she knew she wanted him. She had stopped blaming her attraction to him on her botched resurrection, as if her own emotions and feelings had somehow been altered by it. She knew in her heart that wasn’t true. Even with these revelations, however, she wasn’t ready to admit it to anyone but herself, and certainly not to him.
Despite how she felt about him, there was no way she could ever have an open relationship with Spike. For one thing, her friends still didn’t know she had even been sleeping with Spike, let alone falling for him. They would panic. Willow would probably try to talk her out of it using some crazy logic, and Xander – ha! Xander would probably just walk right up to him and stake him.
It just wasn’t something that was in the cards for her and Spike. The only thing she could do to mask her disappointment was to do what she did best – push him away; because if she could make him angry at her, then she wouldn’t feel as guilty because he would be the one pushing her away instead. She frowned to herself. Sometimes her crazy Buffy logic made her head hurt.
Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath, readying herself to turn around and go home where she could safely build up her resolve again. Hopping off of the headstone she had been sitting on, Buffy spun around to head back home and nearly ran into the very person she had literally just decided she wanted to avoid.
“Oh!”
Spike stepped back to avoid being plowed in to and clenched his jaw. “Well, well, well. Feeling better I’d wager, eh pet?”
“Spike…” Buffy said, shifting uncomfortably.
Spike suppressed a disappointed smirk and shook his head. “What are you doing out here?”
Buffy blinked away her surprise and straightened up. “My job…”
“I told you, you don’t need to patrol this one anymore, I’ve got it.”
Buffy flipped a piece of hair out of her eye and crossed her arms. This resolve thing was going to be easier on her tonight. He was already being annoying. “It’s my job, Spike, not yours. Besides, it was on my way home from work.”
Spike looked her up and down, noting the bright orange pants and not-so-faint smell of kitchen grease. “Buffy, luv, you don’t need that sorry excuse for a job. I told you before I can help you-“
Buffy shook her head. “No, Spike, you can’t. You don’t work. How could you possibly help me…”
“I can get money-“
“How? By scaring people into giving it to you? Pick pocketing from people? No Spike! I don’t want your dirty money,” she said looking back and forth between his piercing blue eyes. She swallowed hard and blinked. “And I don’t want you so just leave me alone.”
That last statement cut Spike deep and he clenched his jaw. As Buffy pushed by Spike he grabbed her arm and whirled her around to look at him. “You keep telling yourself that, luv,” he said and after a final squeeze of her arm he pushed her off and stalked away, his duster billowing behind him.
Buffy took a deep breath and fought the tremble of her bottom lip as she stared at Spikes retreating back. Pissed off and disappointed she straightened her back again and made her way toward home to get out of her ridiculous uniform and get into something more like herself.
x X x X x X x
“I think this was a good idea,” Buffy said with a hint of a smile as she sat in the back seat of Xander’s car.
Willow smiled and nodded from her seat up front as she looked over her shoulder at her friend. “Yeah. It hasn’t been just the three of us in a really long time,” she said with a hint of sadness.
“Right,” Buffy said. “It’ll be just like old times, only in a new place, you know? We need to branch away from Sunnydale a little bit, go someplace where we can make new memories.”
“Yeah,” Xander said as he turned off the highway into a new and unfamiliar-looking town. “We can’t go anywhere in Sunnydale anymore that doesn’t have some sort of memory attached to it. Like, oh that’s where Anya and I got this, or, that’s where Anya and I saw that… those spots are everywhere.”
Willow smiled sadly over at her friend. “Yeah. I keep feeling like everywhere I go I’m gonna run into Tara, whether it be the Espresso Pump or the Bronze or the Magic Box. There’s just something everywhere…”
In the back seat Buffy tried to think of someplace where she didn’t have a memory that involved Spike, but moments like their stint on the balcony at the Bronze and the alley behind the Doublemeat kept flashing through her mind.
“You’re so lucky right now, Buffy,” Willow said without looking back at her. “You don’t have any love life drama to mull over right now…”
The image of Spikes smiling face flashed through her mind right before the memory of the confrontation from the night before. “Yep, that’s me. Lucky Buffy…”
“Oh look, we’re here…” Willow pointed out as Xander pulled the car into the packed parking lot.
Buffy sighed. It was going to be another long night.
x X x X x X x
Forty-five minutes later and the threesome had finally managed to grab a few drinks and a small table on the upper level of the crowded club. They had been told it was a good place to go but they hadn’t expected it to be as crowded as it was. It wasn’t like there was a particular band playing that people would be coming to see either. It was just open mic night.
“Wow, this place is really jumpin’, huh?” Willow said, taking a sip of her frosty nectar drink.
“Yeah,” Buffy shouted across the table so Willow could hear. “Do you think it’s always like this?”
Willow opened her mouth to reply but the crowd up roared with applause and howls. Buffy, Willow, and Xander all looked at each other sharing similar looks of confusion. When a lone spotlight shone on a man standing at the lead microphone all heads turned to pay him attention, so Buffy, Wil, and Xander did too.
“Alright everyone, the msn you’ve all been waiting for is only a few short moments away. For those of you who aren’t familiar with our next performer, he was the winner of our Who’s Got Talent contest four months ago and he’s been back by popular demand every month since. However, instead of doing covers like he has done every time before, tonight he’ll be performing a couple of original songs with the help of our house band.”
Buffy and Willow looked at each other and shrugged before turning their bodies toward the stage. Buffy was suddenly overcome with this overwhelming feeling that pulled at her chest. An aching excitement that she only felt in the presence of one person in particular…
“Alright guys and gals, put your hands together for Spike!”
The crowd up roared again as the club went black. Buffy looked over her shoulder at Xander and Willow who seemed to be un-phased by everything around them, probably assuming the name was just common in the rock n roll world. They had no idea…
Guitar chords strummed through the club and people cheered again. Buffy was struggling to find air as anticipation began to overwhelm her.
The lights remained off as a warm, familiar voice came through the air…
Today I woke up
And you were gone
Buffy let loose a breath she was holding and gripped the edge of her seat. It was his voice…
The whole day wondering
What I did wrong
It’s like I’m falling from a
A mountain top
My heart keeps pounding
And it wont stop
The suspense was killing her; she needed to see his face to know this was real…
Can you see this
Hell I’m living
I’m not giving
Up
A burst of drums sounded and lights flashed above the stage before one spotlight finally landed on the singer.
“Great googly-moogly-“
“Oh my goddess-“
With her mouth dropped open Buffy turned her attention back to her secret semi-former lover on the stage before her.
Will
You
Crawl to me
Will
You
Fall with me
I’ll
Never crawl to you
I’ve
Done it all for you
Well don’t deny
The hand that feeds you needs you
Oh god I’d die to try to
Finally please you
Buffy blinked back tears as flashes of memories flooded her with the words coming from Spike.
There
Goes a piece of me
Will
I cease to be
I’ve
Never lied to you
Fought
Bled and died for you
As far as Buffy knew, Spike had no clue she or her friends were there, yet there he was going all out pouring his emotions out on stage. He gave it is all and Buffy wondered if it was just a compilation of powerful words, or if it was really about her and the way she’d treated him as she suspected.
Well don’t deny
The hand that takes you breaks you
Oh god I’d die to try to
Finally please you
Up on stage Spike trembled as he let go of his guitar, letting it hang loosely around his shoulder, and pulled the microphone closer to his mouth, singing softer.
There she goes
And I’m on the ground
I’m on the ground
I’m on the
There she goes
And I’m on the ground
I’m on the ground
I’m on the
A single tear rolled down Buffy’s cheek as the image of a battered and beaten Spike laying in the alley as she walked into the police station flooded her memory.
There she goes
And I’m on the ground
I’m on the ground
I’m on the
He backed away from the mic and gritted his teeth as he strummed his guitar.
Well don’t deny
The hand that feeds you needs you
Oh god I’d die to try to
Finally please you
All Buffy wanted to do was reach out and take him in her arms, friends’ opinions be damned.
Will
You
Crawl to me
I’ve
Never crawled to you
I’ve
Done it all for you…
The crowd applauded as Spike finished up his first solo set and Buffy looked back, teary eyed, at her friends who could do nothing but stare at her in awe.
Down on the first level, Spike exited stage left and quickly moved out of sight, leaning up against a cold concrete wall and resting his head, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Fuck.”
TBC
Deny by Eternal Love
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Author's Chapter Notes:
So this is me, editing and finally posting fics I wrote years ago. This one uses and is inspired by the song ‘Deny’ by Default. In the story the song is Spikes but in real life it belongs completely to the band Default and no copyright infringement is intended. If you’re interested in hearing it go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byEtd4duXOo . This story IS COMPLETE and will be posted in two parts. It’s not very long so please, rate and review and let me know what you think… good or bad. The reviews push me to add more.
Chapter End Notes:
*Crosses fingers* Let me know what you think...